Posted 7:46 PM by Gene

As juxtaposed on Yahoo! News's front page:

Study: Football Hits Similar to Car Crashes

BCS Won't Consider Football Playoff System

There must be a connection.

Posted 7:02 PM by Gene

Speaking of the Clunker Brothers, remember how DaimlerCorp aimed that ad campaign for Dodge penises -- er, SUVs at the URBAN AUDIENCE (wink wink)?

Well guess what? DaimlerCorp's in trouble again, for discriminating against -- the URBAN AUDIENCE (wink wink)!

Posted 6:47 PM by Gene

Looks like the senior Clunker Brother wants to bring back...



...the 1950 Chevy pickup!

Posted 5:18 PM by Gene

Congressman Ralph Hall's switching parties is not a little unlike Roy Disney switching sides after he helped turned his company into a soulless monster.

Posted 3:16 PM by Gene

And speaking of SOUTH PARK CONSERVATIVES (which is to say, speaking of slobs), DOES PETE DESERVE TO BE IN THE HALL?!?!?

I say, once a slob, ALWAYS a slob.

Posted 2:53 PM by Gene

This past week Andy's guest host has been Danny, and he does the sort of thing that PROF and his other co-productions do: 1-and-2-and-this-stat-and-that-stat and -- a kind of David S. "As In Sominex" Broder with extra adjectives. The guy no doubt pulls down 20 million hits a second on his regular site. As Vir-GIN-ia said, "Without newspapers, most bloggers have nothing to write about." And as I said, WITH newspapers....

BRING BACK SOUTH PARK CONSERVATIVES!!!!!

Posted 1:28 PM by Gene

Poll: Fourth of Public Doubt Beef Safety

Translation: News hacks aren't working hard enough.

Posted 1:23 PM by Gene

"I CAN ASSURE YOU IT’S NOT SADDAM WHO’S THREATENING TO BOMB AIRPLANES, IT’S AL-QAIDA. WE’VE NOT PAID ATTENTION TO AL-QAIDA. WE’VE SPENT $160 BILLION, LOST OVER 400 SERVICEMEN, AND WOUNDED AND PERMANENTLY MAIMED OVER 2,000 PEOPLE BECAUSE WE PICKED THE WRONG TARGET!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

SEND IN KOFI ANNAN!

Posted 12:55 PM by Gene

Dubya's new trick is to raise and lower the budget at the same time.

Posted 6:22 PM by Gene

OH-oh, Vir-GIN-ia risks EXCOMMUNICATION:

[W]ithout newspapers, most bloggers have nothing to write about.

WITH newspapers....

Posted 6:13 PM by Gene

U.S. denies troops defiled Baghdad mosque

The next Iraqi Museum non-story for news hacks to chew on for months?

Posted 6:06 PM by Gene

We may have to call President DAMN! "Shoeleather."

Why? BECAUSE HE'S ALWAYS EATING IT.

Posted 5:08 PM by Gene

Innocent until proven guilty -- or until we get our $50 million in the TOSTITOS BOWL.

Posted 5:06 PM by Gene

Why couldn't one of Bill's BUGS strike when Kinsley.com's movie-ad-blurb copywriter is typing

3,451 WORDS

for his latest rave?

Posted 2:27 PM by Gene

No, we're using the relief planes to smuggle in THE MOSSAD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Posted 2:20 PM by Gene

One of the longest running cliches among NEWS HACKS is that ONCE UPON A TIME rock-music ad-blurb copywriting was MAGICAL. I suspect if a half-dozen typical specimens from this golden age could be exhumed the result could hardly be less pleasing if they were corpses. That said, is there any form of ad-blurb copywriting that DOESN'T REEK?

Posted 11:31 AM by Gene

Now another cry from the left field stands: WE WANT McCLELLAN! WE WANT McCLELLAN!

We're gonna getta lotta lecturing before this one's through.

Posted 11:02 AM by Gene

Now the cheerleading builds to a deafening fever pitch:

WE WANT KOOK! WE WANT KOOK!

Posted 10:18 AM by Gene

Everyone seems agreed now that the Times exaggerated on the big payment to Wacko, but whether it did or not is moot as our media are so bribe- and kickback-prone, and so overwhelming is the culture of news-hack backscratching, the best bribes don't even require money.

Posted 9:24 AM by Gene

Christmas May Not Be Necessary

NOW he tells us.

Posted 6:54 AM by Gene

reposnded

Either PROF INC.'s spellcheck wasn't on or he was using BUZZ INC.'s.

Posted 6:46 AM by Gene

"A victory for Dean is a defeat for us. We must do all we can to hype his opponents or we go down in flames. And Wesley is the man!"

And all the while they're thinking, sighhhhhhhhhhhhh, if only Rep. Cowface Flipflop could be president.

Posted 6:38 AM by Gene

FUMBLERS, BUMBLERS and INCOMPETENTS DO IT AGAIN:

Air France's groundings were a mistake
Report: Passenger matching suspected terrorist name was a child

AND THEY'LL KEEP ON DOING IT AGAIN UNTIL THEY GET IT RIGHT!!!!!

Posted 6:31 AM by Gene

Now the NEWS HACKS are trying to dump on President DAMN! by portraying him as -- a POLLUTER.

I smell a plot.

Posted 6:28 AM by Gene

RUPERT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! and some clowns at the former French water works are planning a dirty-music channel.

Go for it! It's only our money.

OR:

"It was not our intention to cause offense to Muslims; as Mr. Hooper says, Islam is a religion of peace. Therefore we are withdrawing the video from our rotation, and offer our deepest apologies."

Posted 6:20 AM by Gene

What's wrong with buying votes? Nothing, in the sordid twisted world of the Buttman Institute; after all, as this wonk says, when Republicans do it it can "save" us money! (Not that they've been saving us much money lately.) So it's a little disappointing to hear this glibertarian conclude that bribery might be illegal. They may have to reprogram you, guy. Better repeat The Glibertarian's Creed: IF IT MAKES MONEY, IT'S LEGAL.

Posted 2:19 PM by Gene

Here's why when people think of Philadelphia, if they ever think of Philadelphia, they conjure a fifth-rate ghetto populated by Frank Rizzos gorging themselves on cheesesteaks and Tastykakes: I've been trying to watch the Mummers Parade -- you know, the fat drunks with the parasols and the sequins, who play "Oh Dem Golden Slippers" in the string bands -- and I've given up. The "parade" consists of people standing around waiting for a signal to march, and there's a LOT of standing around; I'd rather be a panhandler. It starts at dawn and it ends at 9 p.m., the people still standing. Given that such logistical nightmares as the Tournament of Roses Parade and Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade run like clockwork in around three to four hours, there's no excuse for this. But that's Philly, the City with Attitude.

Posted 1:23 PM by Gene

Reuters has another tantrum:

Mad Cow-Hit U.S. Wants World to Buy Its Beef NOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Posted 1:20 PM by Gene

British Airways Cancels Flight to D.C.

Now who'll NewsMax blame for this one?

Posted 1:08 PM by Gene

GoogleBlogger has a hangover today.

Posted 1:07 PM by Gene

Some top Dems get U.S. campaign cash
5 Democratic candidates, LaRouche split $15 million

What's the difference between a Democratic presidential candidate and Lyndon LaRouche?

I know teach! Lyndon LaRouche went to JAIL!

Posted 12:52 PM by Gene

British spies warned of U.S. plans to invade Arab states

And knowing the incompetent Nixon, if he'd done it we'd be ruled by the Saudis today -- and Israel probably wouldn't exist.

Posted 12:47 PM by Gene

U.S. Prepares for Risky Iraq Troop Rotation

OOOOOOOOOH!!!!! Does "risky" mean something will -- go wrong? Does that mean another dose of -- QUAGMIRE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!?

Of course this is another non-story, but the news hacks will grasp at any straws.

Posted 9:07 AM by Gene

I tried to think of something profound to say for my first entry of the new year, but I figured people wouldn't read it anyway.

Posted 4:12 PM by Gene

The evil twins of radio are about to send messages to your car stereo's display that could drive you to distraction.

Doesn't RDS mean "Radio Does Stink"?

Posted 4:08 PM by Gene

I was about to write a glib one-liner about this story but then reading of a victim of Cruetzfelt-Jacob disease put a halt to that. This disease has too much in common with Alzheimer's. One other thing: if this AP writer is to be believed, most "cases are either caused by inheriting a genetic mutation or acquired through medical procedures that used contaminated equipment or tissues" [emphasis added]. There are better reasons not to eat meat, I suspect.

Posted 4:01 PM by Gene

STOP THE PRESSES!!!!!

Statement of Mark Geragos, Attorney for Michael Jackson

LOS ANGELES, Dec. 31 /PRNewswire/ -- The following is a statement by Mark
Geragos, Attorney for Michael Jackson:

We not only welcome an investigation by the Attorney General of
California, but will ask that the entire case from its inception be
investigated by that office. The deliberate disregard of the findings of the
Los Angeles Department of Children & Family Services investigation -- and
closure of this case as totally unfounded by that agency -- seriously hurts
the credibility of the Santa Barbara County Sheriff.

I'm glad somebody said that.

P. S. This links on the front page of PRNewswire between "Independence Blue Cross and Holy Redeemer Health System Announce Agreement on New Contract" and "Modest Increase in Nation's Alienation Index, According to Harris Poll."

Sure they didn't mean "aliens"?

Posted 3:42 PM by Gene

AP: Neil Bush Makes 1 - Day Stock Windfall

Translation: we're gonna stick this story in your faces, and don't tell us about Hillary.

Posted 3:34 PM by Gene

LAUGH OF THE WEEK, from KEN FELATTA:

You are not writing for the people you profile but for your general readers.

Pffh-hh-hh-hh-ha ha ha ha ha HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!!!!!!!!!!

I'd like to see YOU blog, Ken. "I'm having lunch at a table at the Four Seasons with Sum, Rupe and Barry...."

Posted 3:16 PM by Gene

ARAFAT SERAIT MORT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ALERT, or, Why Blogging May Not Cure Cancer: Last night the Freepers wasted mammoth bandwidth as NORAD safely escorted an Air France flight to LALA. Three hours after the laughs started littlegreenfundraiser called attention to it on his site and got almost 200 posts. I know we all have the occasional jitters over Gov's alert, and that's understandable, but again the Web demonstrates at its worst it's good at stoking panics, or (as one of the Freepers put it last night) leading the masses in a "wild goose chase." No GLENN, the Web isn't ready to eradicate diseases yet.

Posted 1:25 PM by Gene

The inanities of American culture, from the breathless coverage of the Trista and Ryan nuptials to the round-the-clock discussion of the Michael Jackson case, need to be satirically exposed more often, perhaps with the same kind of deadly aim that filmmaker Michael Moore takes on capitalism.

If you like suicide I say, RIGHT ON!

Posted 1:13 PM by Gene

ANOTHER pearl of wisdom in a three-foot-diameter oyster shell:

So tasteful. So subdued. So . . . Cyndi Lauper at 50?

Posted 11:53 AM by Gene

They document their own affliction: the need to write

So that explains blogging.

Posted 11:38 AM by Gene

We'll never hear the end of a story that has "baddog" in the URL.

Posted 11:33 AM by Gene

When Steve Spurrier began his association with the Washington Redskins, he said he would walk away after three seasons if his teams had not been successful.

I guess the plank gets much shorter when you're batting .375 in football.

Posted 11:26 AM by Gene

Was it really the US that 'got him'?

Does it really matter unless we're looking for a new variety of QUAGMIRE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!?

Posted 10:59 AM by Gene

Circus clowns have predicted Dan Rather would get tossed since before he pulled that dead-air gag during the U. S. Open. Sorry, they'll have to drag him out of the Viacon Network Evening Newsroom FEET FIRST.

Posted 10:12 AM by Gene

Whooooooooops! Looks as though SYNERGY has hit a SNAG.

Shucks. No Law and Order Channel. NO WOODY WOODPECKER CHANNEL. What shall we do?

Posted 9:47 AM by Gene

Christopher Shays is verrrrrrrrry afraid of terrorists. But then Christopher Shays was verrrrrrrrry afraid of impeaching Bill Clinton. Christopher Shays is scaaaaaaaaaared.

OR:

Some Connecticut communities were hoping Shay's comments would be a boon to their own festivities.

Posted 6:46 AM by Gene

Here is why the Web is less a technological marvel than one unending ad hominem attack: somebody named Arthur Silber gets mad at Buzz T. Newhouse for supporting the war. To boost his case he snidely mentions that Buzz worked for "TV Guide, People and Entertainment Weekly." This gets Buzz mad ("incredibly long-winded, humorless, overblown blahblahblah," neglecting that Buzz' own posts need Weight Watchers). When bloggers fight each other with "HE TOOK MY BIKE! WAAAAAAAAAH!!!!!" we may as well send our computers to the landfill.

Posted 8:54 PM by Gene

Michael Jackson Is Said to Get $1 Million for CBS Interview

Ka-CHINGCHINGCHINGCHINGCHINGCHINGCHINGCHINGCHINGCHINGCHINGCHING
CHINGCHINGCHINGCHINGCHINGCHINGCHINGCHINGCHINGCHINGCHINGCHING
CHINGCHINGCHINGCHINGCHINGCHINGCHINGCHINGCHINGCHINGCHINGCHING
CHINGCHINGCHINGCHINGCHINGCHINGCHINGCHINGCHINGCHINGCHINGCHING
CHINGCHINGCHINGCHINGCHINGCHINGCHINGCHINGCHINGCHINGCHINGCHING!!!!!!!!!!!

Posted 6:07 PM by Gene

I have a nomination for Time Magazine's ''Person of the Year'' award. Surely, one of the most extraordinary success stories of the century, much less the year, is Oprah Winfrey.

Hey Je$$e, 1. you're a little late, and 2. the Queen of Mawkish Sleaze has her own rag -- and she's Person of the Year every month.

Posted 5:28 PM by Gene

Jordanian schools will get new textbooks in the 2004-2005 school year that will differentiate between "terrorism and legitimate resistance."

I think we can guess the definition: terrorism is a Jew killing you. Legitimate resistance is you killing a Jew.

With UNESCO in on this we can be pretty sure that's what Jordanian schoolkids will learn.

Posted 5:11 PM by Gene

Great, just what we need, another mutual publicity stunt, this one involving "insults."

Girls, COMBINED the two of you aren't worth an insult.

Posted 4:52 PM by Gene

More evidence Iraq is coming back: its boxers are training for the GE Bancorp -- er, OLYMPIC games (I can't keep away from them).

Posted 3:28 PM by Gene

What I said almost a month ago about the studio system, Sam Goldwyn Jr. says today. And if movies are BETTER THAN EVER, why is he complaining about the writing?

Posted 12:11 PM by Gene

Another example of a 6,000 word article encapsulating a fifty-word nugget of truth:

Still, not everyone is a convert to the idea of megachurches. While some admit they are a way to get people back into the pews, others believe they are diluting religious doctrine, offering more flash than substance.

Some even doubt they are meeting people's deepest spiritual needs. They see them as little more than a fad.

I suppose we should be happy that people can find God when and where they can, but given the great glories of religious culture, why do we have to take screaming and geetars lying down?

Posted 11:51 AM by Gene

Wacko may see nothing wrong with sleeping with boys, but I guess his ex-spokesman does.

Posted 11:31 AM by Gene

ATTENTION! ATTENTION!! BE ON THE LOOKOUT FOR A WORLD ALMANAC!!!

Posted 11:27 AM by Gene

"IF YOU HAVE SOMETHING TO SAY THAT'S INTERESTING, you will eventually be heard." WRONG. If you write 100,000 words a day and have BIGMEDIA connections and blogroll and get 100 billion hits a day, you will be heard. Otherwise, forget it.

Maybe I would be better off if I sent e-mails to Michael Wolff and put up cute pictures of wolf pups and said I agreed with "Glenn."

P. S. I wouldn't be surprised if that was a form response.

Posted 10:42 AM by Gene

Looks like President DAMN! will land the "why-did-I-get-tattooed?" vote.

Posted 8:28 AM by Gene

Shake hands with Bashar Assad!

And wash them for a week.

Posted 6:51 AM by Gene

Journalism has produced surprisingly few good memoirs....

Why surprisingly? All news hacks ever read is themselves.

Posted 6:28 AM by Gene

I just found a little squib from BozellNews in FrontPage Magazine (a double caveat) that GE Bancorp stopped sponsoring Paul Harvey's show after SUPERHOOPER complained. With his arch, orotund manner and constant plugs Paul Harvey is an extreme irritant; that said, LITTLE JEFFREY's a WIMP, and he runs a PC company that sponsors everything -- except when the SUPERHOOPERS complain (and he runs a network that shows anything and everything too, and likewise.)

Posted 6:19 AM by Gene

A French newsman -- a FRENCH NEWSMAN -- complains: "Readers can't understand why the Americans won the war....The French press wasn't neutral....As soon as there were a couple of wounded, of dead, they were talking about Vietnam, Stalingrad.''

THAT'S an understatement, I'm sure.

He got fired, by the way -- something Ben Bradlee or Howie "Hair Shirt" Kurtz probably wouldn't complain about.

Posted 5:17 PM by Gene

Now Buzz has added ANOTHER 1,568 WORDS ABOUT "CONVERSATIONS."

Today in nine posts (I usually do between fifteen and twenty on a good day) I've written 372 words. BUZZ!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! When will you Forbes 400 bloggers realize WE DON'T HAVE ALL DAY FOR YOU???????????????

Posted 3:30 PM by Gene

Well! Movie tickets now cost over $10 in New York. I suspect ticket prices can only go much higher as attendance nationwide has taken a sizable hit this year -- down over four percent. Of course, as JACK! or any movie-ad-blurb copywriter will tell you, IT HAD NOTHING TO DO WITH QUALITY. Already they're using the recorded-music conspiracy's excuse: PIRACY. In short, the blind ostriches are burying their heads in the sand again.

Posted 2:29 PM by Gene

Now PROF links to a co-production who spends 1,131 words telling us Maureen Dowd can't write.

PROF! WHEN DOES CHRISTMAS BREAK END? WE'RE GETTING YOUR CABIN FEVER!!

Posted 11:24 AM by Gene

Things will happen on Christmas break: now PROF spends 802 words on pots.

Posted 11:13 AM by Gene

How Wal-Mart would run a union. In a way Wal-Mart does run these unions.

Posted 11:12 AM by Gene

As I said yesterday, we don't need pop-culture departments when we have The New York Times, and here's another example. No one would care for these firefly no-talents like Vin "Sky Masterson" Diesel except the news hacks must always gotta get (or rather, sell) their latest gimmick, and that gimmick is meta- (or is that andro-) ethnicity. Honest, it's as if Howell still runs this rag. (I wouldn't have paid mind to it but there's a picture of one of these temporary stars, and she reminds me of an inamorata from college, only she had black hair.)

Posted 9:03 AM by Gene

I hope I do not have to read ANOTHER word about Playboy for awhile, however well-intended.

Posted 8:22 AM by Gene

Even before there was a Paul Krugman or a Larry Kudlow I think we learned not to trust economists.

Posted 6:56 AM by Gene

This is why I could tear my hair out at getting three hits a day: a PROF co-production spends several hundred words saying what I've said for months: businessmen can't take media, but they dish it out on the rest of us. And in the post before that he spends several hundred words on Gov. Pataki's Lenny Bruce pardon when I used six. And BUZZ devotes over a thousand words to news bias. PROFESSOR!!!!!!!!! BUZZ!!!!!!!!!!!! WHY DO YOU THINK WE HAVE ALL DAY TO DO NOTHING BUT READ BLOGS?????????????

Posted 7:59 PM by Gene

Vice-President Cheney -- er, President DAMN! had secret energy meetings too!

I wonder if this is part of a plot. News hacks hear rumblings that President DAMN! is unelectable, toss all sorts of mud in his face, so...NAH. They're too unbiased.

Posted 7:09 PM by Gene

FLASH!!!!!!!!! Comment on a Free Republic thread about THE WORLD'S GREATEST TV NEWS ORGANIZATION!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!:

I don't know about y'all, but I have had my fill of FOX News. Hourly, their on-air personalities try to out-do each other on the Jackson coverage. Then--the on-air personalities jump to the Mad Cow videos. FOX has really gone into a dung-heap. Who produces these shows? Barnum and Bailey?

NO!!!!!!!!!!!!! SOUTH PARK CONSERVATIVES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Hey Andy S.! You haven't mentioned them lately! Have they gone on vacation with you? Or can we expect some guest-star SOUTH PARK CONSERVATIVES?

Posted 4:39 PM by Gene

One problem I have with blogging corporations like the Professor is that they spend too much time running posts about the provenance of unfunny jokes.

Posted 4:30 PM by Gene

Three more things about Thompsonism:
1. I've a hunch a lot of the perfessers travel on studio- or network- or label-financed junkets, making them paid stooges for show-biz.
2. Perfessers are nothing if not ostentatiously political. These philistines no doubt are expanding their base by ingratiating themselves with j-schools to help them turn out ad-blurb copywriters; the day is slowly coming, I fear, when a pop-culture major may be as required to write ad blurbs as an Ivy League degree. The raves will go from annoying to intolerable.
3. The rich and unfunny irony is that these philistines work in an industry which always mocks Dubya as the height of STOOPID. Well, what could be more STOOPID than what these philistines engage in -- a circle jerk in words?

Posted 12:36 PM by Gene

We don't need pop-culture studies anyway. We have THE NEW YORK TIMES.

Posted 11:00 AM by Gene

FRENCH TIPPED OFF TERRORISTS!!!!!!!!!!

NEWSMAX shows yet again why a press dominated by hard-core knee-jerk conservative NEWS HACKS would be just as bad as a press dominated by hard-core knee-jerk liberal NEWS HACKS, if in a slightly different way. CLEARLY these idiots are saying that the French intentionally and malevolently let THE TERRORISTS know, almost personally, that they were targeted; and while I wouldn't put anything past the French, there's no evidence yet the premature news was the result of anything other than excessive zeal on someone's part. AND THERE'S NOTHING IN THE IDIOTS' OWN WASHINGTON TIMES-DERIVED STORY TO REFUTE THAT. This is the moral equivalent of WALTER WINCHELL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! getting on the phone with an EisnerCorp guy -- a cheap way of pumping your constituents.

HEY WALTER!!!!! BUY NEWSMAX!!!!! It would be THE DEAL OF THE CENTURY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Posted 10:31 AM by Gene

A puff piece for Thompsonism, the "study" of pop culture that's the latest form of intellectual masturbation sweeping academe, yet another way to stick it to the parents and the taxpayers, a means of making six digits writing six-syllable words praising junk, forming glorified fan clubs, and erasing the classics from the curriculum -- and in the end, wasting the student's time with gut courses and ensuring the poor sap (in several senses) has a tougher time finding A JOB. This isn't to say pop culture doesn't merit serious study; I've long dreamt of a show-business reference work like Encyclopedia Britannica, and while such a venture is a tacit admission that the glories of show-biz are largely in the past, we must understand where they came from, and use the knowledge to seek the future. But serious, tough study of show-biz is impossible when you're pulling a practical joke, and especially when you're competing with the corrupt lords of the professional college sports programs and the Charlie Keatings of the endowments and the mavens of political correctness to see who can commit the biggest affront to society.

P. S. Here is another reason why we don't need news hacks: a 1,332-word article containing this thirty-four-word nugget of wisdom, which on this subject is all we need to know:

"They're so concerned with the suggestion that to write about, say, The Simpsons means you're not really smart that it causes a lot of academics to overcompensate, unintentionally making parodies of their own work."

NUF SAID.

Posted 10:11 AM by Gene

For 2004, Bush Has Strength in the White Male Numbers

BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!! BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!

Posted 9:59 AM by Gene

1. Listings on eBay go way down around Christmas. 2. A Wall Street sales -- ANALYST says that if the total listings on eBay don't go way up soon he may have to do something DRASTIC -- like issue another buy recommendation. 3. Listings on eBay go way up.

Theh's somethin' SCWEWY goin' on awound heawh!

Posted 9:49 AM by Gene

After reviewing movies for a while, you begin to think you're the Bill Murray character in "Groundhog Day." You wake up on the first of January and realize you're going to see the same movies you've been seeing every year.

Very true Jack, but that doesn't prevent you from believing that MOVIES ARE BETTER THAN EVER -- or that we've just seen ONE OF THE GREATEST ACHIEVEMENTS IN FILM HISTORY!!!!!!!!!!

And that's the problem with you and the other ad-blurb copywriters -- you've been reviewing movies for a while.

Posted 9:40 AM by Gene

Not to worry, says the New York Times Boston Edition: President DAMN!'s foreign policy will be "solidly from the center wing of the Democratic Party."

Looks like I have to revise the NEWS HACKS' DICTIONARY again. Not to mention noting this turkey can't fly because it has so many wings.