THE NEWS HACK'S CREED:
I know more than you.
I make lots more money than you.
I'm smarter than you.
I'm sexier than you.
I appear on TV all the time.
I work ten minutes a day.
I rule the universe.
I'm going to live forever.
You are an idiot.
THE NEWS HACK'S CREED, No. 2:
A lie isn't a lie when it tells THE TRUTH.
THE NEWS HACK'S CREED, No. 3:
I've come to realize that the looseness of the journalistic life, the seeming laxity of the newsroom, is an illusion. Yes, there's informality and there's humor, but beneath the surface lies something deadly serious. It is a code. Sometimes the code is not even written down, but it is deeply believed in. And, when violated, it is enforced with tribal ferocity.
--JOHN "OMERTA" CARROLL.
THE NEWS HACK'S CREED, No. 4:
News isn't news when we don't report it.
PERMALINKS:
THE NEWS HACKS' DICTIONARY
THE EUGENE DAVID GLOSSARY
AMERICA'S MOST UNINTENTIONALLY FUNNY WEB SITE!
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Saturday, October 25, 2003
Evangelicals Sway White House on Human Rights Issues Abroad
I smell a conspiracy of poor, stupid, easily-led people!
I smell a conspiracy of poor, stupid, easily-led people!
Now BLUNDER instructs people through a poll that we're spending too much on Iraq.
This is why we can't trust polls. It's the chicken-and-the-egg quandary -- only with polls, the chickens do the polling.
This is why we can't trust polls. It's the chicken-and-the-egg quandary -- only with polls, the chickens do the polling.
QUAGMIRE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! SPREADS -- TO THE CHAIRMAN OF THE SENATE INTELLIGENCE COMMITTEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
What kind of intelligence did Abe Lincoln have?
What kind of intelligence did Abe Lincoln have?
Well, I've started using Amazon's "Search Inside the Book," and already it's proved its usefulness. Just now, in honor of the new Fuhrer of moviedom, I looked up JACK's full name, in quotes -- and it came up with a movie called Mars. And then I looked up Mr. GUMBO himself in quotes and got an instructional video: Inspiring Drummers Series -- Takin' Care of Business! This may work better than anyone thought!
A man named Kunst wants Sen. Rodham to run.
I could say something, but I won't. (Except this IS a NewsMax.)
I could say something, but I won't. (Except this IS a NewsMax.)
BILLY TAUZIN GOES FROM THE NAB TO THE MPAA!!!!! (So says the NEW YORK POST!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!)
He was second on my list of candidates after Slick -- and Ken Auletta. Congratulations, NAB! You can now shaft the public legally.
P. S. He just bought a ranch in Tex-AS. Either way, he's ready for big-time bribery.
And of course, he'll be serving up THAT DELICIOUS TAUZIN ALPHABET GUMBO! (From JACK's SECRET recipe!)
He was second on my list of candidates after Slick -- and Ken Auletta. Congratulations, NAB! You can now shaft the public legally.
P. S. He just bought a ranch in Tex-AS. Either way, he's ready for big-time bribery.
And of course, he'll be serving up THAT DELICIOUS TAUZIN ALPHABET GUMBO! (From JACK's SECRET recipe!)
Just say the words "Black Hawk Down" to a news hack, and he/she/it screams, QUAGMIRE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (Especially if he/she/it works for Reuters.)
The state that brought us Huey Long and Edwin Edwards now brings us The Case of the Missing School Funds.
When someone first spoke of "rearranging the rubble," THIS is what someone had in mind.
Friday, October 24, 2003
"How can I tell stories that connect emotionally with readers and move them to action?"
Sorry Lee Kravitz, with your every cover story a show-biz puff piece the only action you inspire in Parade readers is throwing your rag in the recycle bin.
Sorry Lee Kravitz, with your every cover story a show-biz puff piece the only action you inspire in Parade readers is throwing your rag in the recycle bin.
The Philadelphia Daily News, once part of the fitness phreak Bernarr MacFadden's publishing empire and a genuinely colorful paper, now has no reason to live, being the butt end of a local KnightRidder monopoly and battered by a free Metro tabloid. So it flails at its customers, running a regular Thursday PR department on hiphop (gotta reach those YOUNG, URBAN, DUMB readers who don't touch newspapers) and now with front-page show-biz ads. "YOU NAME IT, SCARY MOVIE 3 MAKES FUN OF IT!!!!!" pounds the News on its big expensive table. (Except EisnerCorp, RICHARD MICKEYMOUSE NIXON, Harvey Whiner, or The Philadelphia Daily News.) That this paper is strictly from Squaresville, all its show-biz hyperventilating notwithstanding, is also on the cover. It's endorsing John Street for reelection.
Why is this former White House flack smiling? He just got 500 grand for his ghosted "memoirs."
What's Ari going to say for 500 grand? "I was smug and secretive"? That's 100 grand a word. Oh well, that's book-biz.
Ka-CHINGCHINGCHINGCHINGCHINGCHINGCHINGCHINGCHINGCHINGCHINGCHINGCHING
CHINGCHINGCHINGCHINGCHINGCHINGCHINGCHINGCHINGCHINGCHINGCHINGCHING
CHINGCHINGCHINGCHINGCHINGCHINGCHINGCHINGCHINGCHINGCHINGCHINGCHING
CHINGCHINGCHINGCHINGCHINGCHINGCHING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
And a bonus point to FT for pulling a Big C on this one. $25 BILLION!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
WOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
CHINGCHINGCHINGCHINGCHINGCHINGCHINGCHINGCHINGCHINGCHINGCHINGCHING
CHINGCHINGCHINGCHINGCHINGCHINGCHINGCHINGCHINGCHINGCHINGCHINGCHING
CHINGCHINGCHINGCHINGCHINGCHINGCHING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
And a bonus point to FT for pulling a Big C on this one. $25 BILLION!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
WOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Uncle Thomasina. BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
Can we trust one word these scribblers write about ANYTHING?!?!?
Can we trust one word these scribblers write about ANYTHING?!?!?
And speaking of trendy, USA Okay does its SUPERSALE for the Oscar® movie season, meaning one more reason we cannot trust ONE WORD these toadies scribble about show-biz.
The front-page teaser head is right, though: Hollywood attacks history. It often does.
The front-page teaser head is right, though: Hollywood attacks history. It often does.
EMI Music, whose artists range from the Rolling Stones to Coldplay....
And also ol' Blue, Maria Callas, The Beatles, Nat "King" Cole, The Beach Boys, but hey, this is good enough.
More confirmation that news hacks are musical illiterates.
And also ol' Blue, Maria Callas, The Beatles, Nat "King" Cole, The Beach Boys, but hey, this is good enough.
More confirmation that news hacks are musical illiterates.
Thursday, October 23, 2003
OH oh, Dubya's "deputy assistant secretary of commerce for technology policy" praises outsourcing.
Where's your job headed?
Where's your job headed?
Does that walking red silhouette in a hat from the company with the logo like the Greek flag give YOU the creeps?
The ASS Dr. William H. Cosby Jr., having peddled Jell-O and Coke and other healthy foods for years, gets out his ghost (who must now feel like the one in Hamlet) and fears for all the rotten things he's stuffed in his mouth. Not to worry, Dr. I figure if you've outlived your sense of humor this long you still have some time left.
The pork barrel to end all pork barrels is in TROUBLE!
Meaning the @%#$&*s will pass something at the LAST MINUTE -- for the SENIORS.
Meaning the @%#$&*s will pass something at the LAST MINUTE -- for the SENIORS.
Spam pushes many to stop using e-mail
With five hundred porno solicitations in my Hotmail box every day, I KNOW THE FEELING.
With five hundred porno solicitations in my Hotmail box every day, I KNOW THE FEELING.
DUUHHHHHHHHHHHHHH, I was depressed.
Had the stunt gone some other way, you wouldn't be depressed, BUD.
And speaking of unaccountable media, these two stories point out why nothing less than a blast of radiation from a distant galaxy can change the way news hacks do things. Both stories prove that above all else they have ATTITUDE. "There's a shooting, there's a killing [in Iraq] -- those are all valid stories!!!" screams some polling nitwit at Gallup. "As somebody said the other day [maybe it was YOU talking to yourself?], if the power comes back on and stays on, that's not a story, that's something returning to normal!!!!!" In other words, to paraphrase a cliche, while the rest of the forest grows tallier and healthier, you MUST report on the tree struck by lightning. So all we see are flames. As to OSAMA, the anti-Americanism and anti-semitism are palpable. But the folks in CATARRH know what a dollar sign is, though it be The Mark of the Great Satan. "WE DON'T WANT TO BE THE FANATICS' CHANNEL!!!!!!!!!!" screeches the producer of Osama's Greatest Hits, hoping he can get his sponsors back. Knowing ASWIA that shouldn't prove too difficult. I suggest calling Daimler Corp.
ASWIA commissioned a SURVEY which says "MEDIA ADVERTISING DOES THE WORST JOB OF ANY MARKETING DISCIPLINE IN PROVING RETURN ON INVESTMENT AND NETWORK TV IS THE WORST OF THOSE MEDIA."
It also contains this flat-out laugh line: "An outstanding 73% of respondents said advertising and marketing functions at their companies are held to the same or higher level of accountability as other corporate functions." And you can see it EVERY DAY ON TELEVISION.
WHY MUST YOU IDIOTS SET RECORDS SPENDING ON THIS ABOMINABLE MEDIUM UNTIL THE END OF TIME?
It also contains this flat-out laugh line: "An outstanding 73% of respondents said advertising and marketing functions at their companies are held to the same or higher level of accountability as other corporate functions." And you can see it EVERY DAY ON TELEVISION.
WHY MUST YOU IDIOTS SET RECORDS SPENDING ON THIS ABOMINABLE MEDIUM UNTIL THE END OF TIME?
This is funny: Two big cable bullies battle over who's to "blame" for rising rates. I thought that's what you lived and died for!
[I]f you can make a record that sounds every bit as polished as an expensive studio recording, press copies and produce an eye-catching sleeve with the aid of graphics programmes, what do you need a major record company for?
Because so far nobody has invented a program (or programmie) that lets you push a button and make network-TV interviews or publish press releases or rave ad blurbs in ten thousand papers.
Because so far nobody has invented a program (or programmie) that lets you push a button and make network-TV interviews or publish press releases or rave ad blurbs in ten thousand papers.
An independent panel appointed to investigate the bombing of the United Nations headquarters in Baghdad in August said on Wednesday in a scathing report that security breaches, inadequate security analysis and poor management left the organization vulnerable to attack.
"The U.N. security management system failed in its mission to provide adequate security to U.N. staff in Iraq," said the authors, a seven-member committee named by Secretary General Kofi Annan and led by Martti Ahtisaari, a former president of Finland.
THE U. S. WAS SUPPOSED TO PROTECT US! IT WAS THEIR IDEA!!
"The U.N. security management system failed in its mission to provide adequate security to U.N. staff in Iraq," said the authors, a seven-member committee named by Secretary General Kofi Annan and led by Martti Ahtisaari, a former president of Finland.
THE U. S. WAS SUPPOSED TO PROTECT US! IT WAS THEIR IDEA!!
As Hollywood's "screener" video crisis entered its fourth week Wednesday....
Read these words, then read of Bill "MENSA MAN" Carter and his thirteenth paragraph, and then read of the Times correspondent who sold her services at a PR fest, and you must conclude, SHOW-BIZ REPORTERS SHOULD BE BANNED.
Read these words, then read of Bill "MENSA MAN" Carter and his thirteenth paragraph, and then read of the Times correspondent who sold her services at a PR fest, and you must conclude, SHOW-BIZ REPORTERS SHOULD BE BANNED.
Prober recommends revoking '32 Pulitzer
I wouldn't hold my breath; then again, JAYSON may help make it possible.
I wouldn't hold my breath; then again, JAYSON may help make it possible.
Oh, wonderful. We spend gazillions on the Orbiting Tin Can, and now there's talk of abandoning ship because of "deteriorating conditions." As with the Orbiting Jalopy, let's abandon the Tin Can and start fresh.
At this time when knee-jerk conservatives are getting tantrum-throwing mad at what the Viacon Network is doing to their patron saint Ronald Reagan, we should remember that twenty years ago today holy cockroaches attacked our Marine barracks in Lebanon. And what did this president do? He said, "Wehell, I take full responsibility," and then did nothing. Soon came more kidnappings (remember those?), and then progressively larger bombings of U. S. targets, culminating in 9/11. Ronald Reagan did good things, but his failure to stop terrorism is a black mark on his record.
Wednesday, October 22, 2003
Prof says, "Tired of the left and right? Visit the Centrist Coalition!" Another INSTASPIKE! So I go -- and what do I see?
Centrist Arnold Schwarzenegger defeated centrist Gray Davis in California yesterday
I guess they call this the muddled middle.
Centrist Arnold Schwarzenegger defeated centrist Gray Davis in California yesterday
I guess they call this the muddled middle.
TWX should buy the rights -- and DICK CORLISS exec produce.
Unless DICK MICKEYMOUSE NIXON beats them to it.
Unless DICK MICKEYMOUSE NIXON beats them to it.
Buzz TWXster does a LONNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNG drone on No-Spin Spin Zone and "passionate" news. The problem is, we might be going back to Yellow Kid days, where every newspaper was Ann Coulter or Michael Moore in print and truth was an accident. Just as "objective" news created the disaster of Indochina, partisan news created the disaster of Hearst's War. We lose either way. This new generation of hyperpundits is simply telling us what to think -- differently.
DAFFY DIARIES OF DISASTER FOR KOOKY COUPLE!!!!!!!!!!
WALTER WINCHELL OBVIOUSLY DOESN'T KNOW THIS IS SATIRE!!!!!!!!!!
WALTER!!!!!!!!!! PULL THAT HAT OVER YOUR HEAD!!!!!!!!!!
WALTER WINCHELL OBVIOUSLY DOESN'T KNOW THIS IS SATIRE!!!!!!!!!!
WALTER!!!!!!!!!! PULL THAT HAT OVER YOUR HEAD!!!!!!!!!!
A member of ASWIA sells penises -- and a Dilbertette of corporate lying says its RESEARCH company says THE BIBLE BELT says it was okay.
Wanna bet the head of Daimler's American operations doesn't know about it -- or if he does, doesn't care? (OR: VEEE didn't knohh veee uset VORCED LABURRR!!! [This content has evidently vanished from Daimler's Web site.])
WANNA BET THEY'D LIKE TO SPONSOR THE OSAMA CHANNEL?
Or as this Dilbertette of corporate lying has said, “Both Dodge and Disney are all about connecting with families!!!!!” How true. They connect with ultraviolent movies and you connect by selling penises.
Oh I forgot to say, they're aiming this at the -- URBAN audience (wink wink), meaning, we think blacks are stupid and uncultured. But then, Hitler didn't like Jesse Owens either.
Wanna bet the head of Daimler's American operations doesn't know about it -- or if he does, doesn't care? (OR: VEEE didn't knohh veee uset VORCED LABURRR!!! [This content has evidently vanished from Daimler's Web site.])
WANNA BET THEY'D LIKE TO SPONSOR THE OSAMA CHANNEL?
Or as this Dilbertette of corporate lying has said, “Both Dodge and Disney are all about connecting with families!!!!!” How true. They connect with ultraviolent movies and you connect by selling penises.
Oh I forgot to say, they're aiming this at the -- URBAN audience (wink wink), meaning, we think blacks are stupid and uncultured. But then, Hitler didn't like Jesse Owens either.
Bill Carter, who the late unlamented Spy magazine tells us was once dubbed a "MENSA MAN" for all-too-obvious reasons, scratches his head at the sudden decline in TV viewing among young stupid males, and along about the thirteenth paragraph he finally mentions the Q word -- and I don't mean QUAGMIRE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!:
One possible factor is more basic, Mr. Sternberg [some know-it-all for a media-buying firm, ewwwwwwwww] said — the quality of the new shows. "I've always noticed that we never hear anybody talking about the programming." [Could it be we never hear anybody talking about the programming because the producers and the executives and the ad-agency types and the media buyers and their clients and sycophants like BILL CARTER never talk about it? Just a thought.] He noted that the networks, which still tend to drive the overall viewing figures, have suffered though a grim start to their new prime-time season. "What has anybody put on that's going to appeal to young men?" Mr. Sternberg asked.
Maybe those young men aren't so stupid. Maybe the TV audience isn't so stupid. Maybe the "ZUCKS" ZUCKERS and the MEDIA BUYERS and the AD AGENCY EXECS and the AD VICE-PRESIDENTS ARE STUPID -- for spending 21st-century dollars on this horse-and-buggy medium, and getting what you usually get from horses.
P. S. OR: "We just want conversations [emphasis added], and my editors want the same when I'm trying to sell YOUR [emphasis added] story to them."
One possible factor is more basic, Mr. Sternberg [some know-it-all for a media-buying firm, ewwwwwwwww] said — the quality of the new shows. "I've always noticed that we never hear anybody talking about the programming." [Could it be we never hear anybody talking about the programming because the producers and the executives and the ad-agency types and the media buyers and their clients and sycophants like BILL CARTER never talk about it? Just a thought.] He noted that the networks, which still tend to drive the overall viewing figures, have suffered though a grim start to their new prime-time season. "What has anybody put on that's going to appeal to young men?" Mr. Sternberg asked.
Maybe those young men aren't so stupid. Maybe the TV audience isn't so stupid. Maybe the "ZUCKS" ZUCKERS and the MEDIA BUYERS and the AD AGENCY EXECS and the AD VICE-PRESIDENTS ARE STUPID -- for spending 21st-century dollars on this horse-and-buggy medium, and getting what you usually get from horses.
P. S. OR: "We just want conversations [emphasis added], and my editors want the same when I'm trying to sell YOUR [emphasis added] story to them."
Another insightful news hack spots a trend -- in COMIC STRIPS!
As I've said before, the ordinary comic strip is unfunny because it's older than the hills. The new, improved comic strip is unfunny because it has ATTITUDE. The truth is, ALL COMIC STRIPS ARE UNFUNNY.
As I've said before, the ordinary comic strip is unfunny because it's older than the hills. The new, improved comic strip is unfunny because it has ATTITUDE. The truth is, ALL COMIC STRIPS ARE UNFUNNY.
And speaking of investigations, guess who's been subpoenaed by the SEC? KING RICHARD -- AND STEVE "FORMER HEAD" CASE!
The Bible's lasted two millenia -- because it was on paper. Shakespeare's survived for four centuries -- because he was on paper. How long will our blogs survive before they meet the first bean counter or incompatible software?
MUST cut and paste:
That's Liza with a Z . . . as in ZAP! BAM! POW!
Life was no "Cabaret" for the estranged husband of Liza Minnelli, who is accusing her in a $10 million lawsuit of repeatedly and drunkenly pummeling him during their short, bizarre marriage - leaving him with lingering injuries.
"Liza! Stop it! Stop it!" producer and Shirley Temple memorabilia collector David Gest says he shouted during one alleged beating.
Some allegations in the stunning lawsuit, filed yesterday in Manhattan Supreme Court:
Drunk on vodka, Minnelli threw a lamp at Gest in a London hotel suite before pummeling his face.
Another vodka-fueled whupping came in their E. 69th St. apartment, when she beat Gest "with her hands about the head until he ran into the other room."
Minnelli also turned against her production manager, Steve Benanav, nearly strangling him.
Who needs reality TV when we have -- A MINI-SERIES!
That's Liza with a Z . . . as in ZAP! BAM! POW!
Life was no "Cabaret" for the estranged husband of Liza Minnelli, who is accusing her in a $10 million lawsuit of repeatedly and drunkenly pummeling him during their short, bizarre marriage - leaving him with lingering injuries.
"Liza! Stop it! Stop it!" producer and Shirley Temple memorabilia collector David Gest says he shouted during one alleged beating.
Some allegations in the stunning lawsuit, filed yesterday in Manhattan Supreme Court:
Drunk on vodka, Minnelli threw a lamp at Gest in a London hotel suite before pummeling his face.
Another vodka-fueled whupping came in their E. 69th St. apartment, when she beat Gest "with her hands about the head until he ran into the other room."
Minnelli also turned against her production manager, Steve Benanav, nearly strangling him.
Who needs reality TV when we have -- A MINI-SERIES!
I think we can do that, Mo. Your parliament approves a piece of paper, and the mullahs still build their bombs to zap the EVIL ZIONISTS. That's a deal!
JACK backs down from his BAN -- a little.
I wouldn't even post on this boring insider baseball story on the most self-obsessed types this side of NEWS HACKS except that for the first time in memory two of the hacks say his CONSPIRACY owns most of the "INDEPENDENTS" -- an OUTRAGEOUS faux pas, punishable by being assigned to the copy desk.
I wouldn't even post on this boring insider baseball story on the most self-obsessed types this side of NEWS HACKS except that for the first time in memory two of the hacks say his CONSPIRACY owns most of the "INDEPENDENTS" -- an OUTRAGEOUS faux pas, punishable by being assigned to the copy desk.
Tuesday, October 21, 2003
May we conclude L'Affaire Gregg by saying everyone's tainted here -- Gregg for his inexcusable tangent, RICHARD MICKEYMOUSE NIXON for firing him, ESPCN for its opportunistic PC, NEWS HACKS for defending film violence because it's trendy and for halting their war on Jews because they could get in bed with show-biz types -- AGAIN, select bloggers like Vir-GIN-ia for being glibertarian, Prof's co-production for wanting to sell a screenplay and beating his breast while doing it, little green fundraiser for calling out the reserves, Tony Sitkorn for practicing synergy with his middle finger, and practically everyone for so thoroughly obscuring facts and truth new media come out just as bad as old? A plague o' ALL your houses.
Buzz TWXster says when media types have blogs but don't answer e-mails, and ordinary people send comments to bloggers who don't answer e-mails, it's interactivity. Sorry, TWXster. I call it shooting over each other's heads. And I say that having a policy that I will never post comments on my site, a policy which I can't fully defend (not that I'll ever worry about people even reading me).
And yes, TWXster, I doubt if any seven-digit media type actually ever answers a plebeian's e-mail, but it sure would be nice -- occasionally.
And TWXster, I confess I like the Times' old typefaces a little better myself -- but who reads newspapers anymore?
And yes, TWXster, I doubt if any seven-digit media type actually ever answers a plebeian's e-mail, but it sure would be nice -- occasionally.
And TWXster, I confess I like the Times' old typefaces a little better myself -- but who reads newspapers anymore?
Honestly, I don't know how these poor NBC spokesmen keep track of all of their series cancellations and gate changes. It's like ["Zucks"] Zucker's running an airline or something.
Herb Kelleher should sue!!!!!
Herb Kelleher should sue!!!!!
White House threatens veto of Iraq aid bill over loans
As well it should. If we shaft the Iraqis we shaft ourselves.
I know people are annoyed at the prospect of more foreign aid. God knows enough of it's wasted, on ingrates like Egypt. But we damaged some of Iraq to make the Iraqis free. Why should we put a lien on their freedom?
As well it should. If we shaft the Iraqis we shaft ourselves.
I know people are annoyed at the prospect of more foreign aid. God knows enough of it's wasted, on ingrates like Egypt. But we damaged some of Iraq to make the Iraqis free. Why should we put a lien on their freedom?
Another way news hacks harden us and coarsen us: by treating reporting as a social assignment. There is so much of connection building and networking to this story it should have run as a RESUME.
Or as the intrepid reporter once said:
TALK, DON'T PITCH, SAYS REPORTER
"Conversations, not pitches work best for me," said Laura Holson, west coast correspondent for The New York Times, told more than 350+ PR pros.
Laura Holson, NY Times West Coast correspondent, says pitching is too predatory.
"Pitching is too predatory [sic], we just want conversations [emphasis added], and my editors want the same when I'm trying to sell YOUR [emphasis added] story to them," she told the Business Wire-sponsored workshop March 27, 2001 at the Santa Monica Flying Museum.
In another world she'd be reprimanded.
Or as the intrepid reporter once said:
TALK, DON'T PITCH, SAYS REPORTER
"Conversations, not pitches work best for me," said Laura Holson, west coast correspondent for The New York Times, told more than 350+ PR pros.
Laura Holson, NY Times West Coast correspondent, says pitching is too predatory.
"Pitching is too predatory [sic], we just want conversations [emphasis added], and my editors want the same when I'm trying to sell YOUR [emphasis added] story to them," she told the Business Wire-sponsored workshop March 27, 2001 at the Santa Monica Flying Museum.
In another world she'd be reprimanded.
Perhaps all is not well in the Land of the Perpetual Financing of Crappy Television: McDonald's is helping its store owners rebuild. Given the condition of some of its restaurants I'd say not a moment too soon -- or maybe a moment too late.
Another way news hacks harden us and coarsen us: how many times must they inform us of tragedies like this? But what are we supposed to do about them? Bring the victims back to life? The cumulative weight of all these stories breeds the doctor's cynicism: one patient is like the next, one disease is like the next. C'est la vie. How can we change this infernal business?
If I didn't know better I'd say this looks like some sort of audition for The Mikado.
More crisis reporting from OKAY. With their total shtick news hacks have completely demoralized America. People figure, you can't fight city hall, or the newspapers, so they just wave them off. This means when a problem comes along we might be able to solve we act like the French: we shrug our shoulders and whimper "c'est la vie." This is how crusading newshackery hurts us.
SORRY, SOB, YOUR ACT DOESN'T WORK ANYMORE.
Monday, October 20, 2003
As if more evidence is needed that POP CULTURE IS BETTER THAN EVER!!!!!, JACK's Conspiracy (for the most part) is replacing the pop-music tracks on DVDs of TV series because it can't afford the licensing fees. Maybe if people could have written decent original soundtracks we wouldn't be on the spot with The Sixties' Greatest Hits, or The Seventies' Greatest Hits, or The Eighties' Greatest Hits, or....
"Why should we feed the hand that bites us?"
I wish I could answer Bob "Chrysler" Lutz' line, but it's beyond my poor power of ridicule.
I wish I could answer Bob "Chrysler" Lutz' line, but it's beyond my poor power of ridicule.
Another NIXONCORP-employed zillionaire news hack breaks a vicious wind:
Richmond, Va.: Any thoughts on ESPN.com getting rid of Gregg Easterbrook's Tuesday Morning Quarterback column because of remarks he made in a column on another Web site? Seems like overkill to me.
Tony Kornheiser and Michael Wilbon: Tony is back and will finish up the show b/c Wilbon is still MIA. --Mary
I have no idea who Gregg Easterbrook is. I think there are far too many Web sites now including this Web site. I think you people who spend more than 1 hr a day looking at Web sites should be transformed into giant bugs and crows should fly over and eat you. Are you happy now? --Tony
Ditto, I'm sure.
Richmond, Va.: Any thoughts on ESPN.com getting rid of Gregg Easterbrook's Tuesday Morning Quarterback column because of remarks he made in a column on another Web site? Seems like overkill to me.
Tony Kornheiser and Michael Wilbon: Tony is back and will finish up the show b/c Wilbon is still MIA. --Mary
I have no idea who Gregg Easterbrook is. I think there are far too many Web sites now including this Web site. I think you people who spend more than 1 hr a day looking at Web sites should be transformed into giant bugs and crows should fly over and eat you. Are you happy now? --Tony
Ditto, I'm sure.
Not the first time for QUAGMIRE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! -- but strangely enough, in the pages of LUCE PICTURERAG.
I'd have thought John Dos Passos had more sense than this.
I'd have thought John Dos Passos had more sense than this.
How typical: EuroEisnerland has a bigger loss -- and the NIXONCORP operation claims some paper got the word illegally.
All I can say is, GOOD.
All I can say is, GOOD.
I'll give Prof more credit: he places the onus for L'Affaire Gregg from where it doesn't belong -- Gregg -- to where it does: RICHARD MICKEYMOUSE NIXON.
I can barely see, though, why Buzz TWXster wants people to shut up. This is one of those stories that seems to spin round and round and go nowhere, or turns into insider baseball and a total irrelevance. As if EisnerCorp and E(isnerCorp)S(uckup)PCN are a total irrelevance.
I can barely see, though, why Buzz TWXster wants people to shut up. This is one of those stories that seems to spin round and round and go nowhere, or turns into insider baseball and a total irrelevance. As if EisnerCorp and E(isnerCorp)S(uckup)PCN are a total irrelevance.
ASME BATTLES PRODUCT PLACEMENT IN PRINT
Editors Field Increased Complaints About Blurred Editorial-Advertising Line
The henhouse guards the fox's lair.
Or as MR. MARK puts it: "There's more confusion than ever." Yeah. And you're doing a lot of the confusing.
Editors Field Increased Complaints About Blurred Editorial-Advertising Line
The henhouse guards the fox's lair.
Or as MR. MARK puts it: "There's more confusion than ever." Yeah. And you're doing a lot of the confusing.
October 20, 2003 ........ Don't make me beg... Subscribe to Entertainment Weekly! [ad]
Buzz remembers who pays his pension!
Or as Peter Howell put it in his obituary for Ain't It Cool News's brain, "[T]he Internet...once held so much promise as a radical new information tool. Now it just seems like another extension of corporate America, the online voice for The Man."
Once a TWXster, ALWAYS a TWXster.
Buzz remembers who pays his pension!
Or as Peter Howell put it in his obituary for Ain't It Cool News's brain, "[T]he Internet...once held so much promise as a radical new information tool. Now it just seems like another extension of corporate America, the online voice for The Man."
Once a TWXster, ALWAYS a TWXster.
What a surprise. The founder of the terminally-stupid Ain't It Cool News site is now a producer for Sony. Obviously he aims to make movies even more stupid than his Web site. Here's proof that in this synergistic age you can't say good riddance to bad rubbish.
WE NEED THE NEW YORK TIMES TO TELL US MAXIM IS BAWDY?
Yep, I guess you do rearrange newsprint, don't you.
Yep, I guess you do rearrange newsprint, don't you.
Certainly, adults have every right to choose their living arrangements and expect social tolerance of their choices. But when the choices have a negative impact on dependents in their care, the government and other institutions have sound reasons to promote marriage as a social good.
So how do they do it, USA Okay?
Duhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh....
(By the way, shouldn't that have read "negatively impact"?)
So how do they do it, USA Okay?
Duhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh....
(By the way, shouldn't that have read "negatively impact"?)
Sony may cut 12 percent of its work force, the inevitable result of pushing overpriced goods and empire building in show-biz.
This story from BozellNews demonstrates why we should take knee-jerks of both political persuasions by the scruffs of their scrawny necks and bash their heads together. ON THE LEFT: do-gooders who want to teach our kids their PC on the environment. ON THE RIGHT: the Buttman and Dow-36,000 types who want to teach our kids their PC on the environment.
If JACK doesn't change his @#$%&* SCREENER position soon, NEWS HACKS should devote more time and resources to this than they did to Osama before 9/11. Go for it!
FISH FRIED!
FISH FRY
Great minds think alike, sighhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.
And these are supposed to be mortal enemies, sighhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.
FISH FRY
Great minds think alike, sighhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.
And these are supposed to be mortal enemies, sighhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.
Sunday, October 19, 2003
In a bit of deep thinking over an NFL game a CURLEY (Nyuk! Nyuk! Nyuk!) Stooge named Goldberg (Goldberg who?) philosophizes, "[S]tatistics are for losers."
Your fellow Stooges might ponder that the next time they boast about our casualties in Iraq.
Your fellow Stooges might ponder that the next time they boast about our casualties in Iraq.
Prof's co-production Mr. Need-a-Screenplay-I-Got-It basks in the glow of flattery over his "second scoop" in as many days: LALA's ad-blurb copywriters are canceling their awards ceremony (he says) over JACK's free-DVD fiasco.
Aside from GOOD, I can only say this is no scoop; BLUNDER's super-PR guy reported the sage Robert Altman threatening to boycott the Oscars®. These clowns' hubris knows no bounds. To see them immolate themselves over pieces of gold-plated tin should prove highly amusing.
I stand corrected: gold-plated britannium.
Aside from GOOD, I can only say this is no scoop; BLUNDER's super-PR guy reported the sage Robert Altman threatening to boycott the Oscars®. These clowns' hubris knows no bounds. To see them immolate themselves over pieces of gold-plated tin should prove highly amusing.
I stand corrected: gold-plated britannium.
It's a given: The winner of AdAge's Magazine of the Year award is always BAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAD.
Kremlinology is a dubious school of thought, more so when applied to celebrities, especially so when practiced by CURLEY's (Nyuk! Nyuk! Nyuk!) Stooges.
Siggggggggggghhhhhhhhhhh, MORE hacks win the NO...the PULITZER.
These are serious charges. But more than thirty years have gone by, and thirty years have seen the news hack's image gone from crusading truth teller to millionaire pathological liar. Even if God came down from the heavens to prove every last word true, many people wouldn't believe them -- because of all the NEWS HACKS have done in the intervening years -- and because NEWS HACKS condemned several millions to death in Indochina in the name of their own infinite vanity.
"WE -- THE MEDIA...."
These are serious charges. But more than thirty years have gone by, and thirty years have seen the news hack's image gone from crusading truth teller to millionaire pathological liar. Even if God came down from the heavens to prove every last word true, many people wouldn't believe them -- because of all the NEWS HACKS have done in the intervening years -- and because NEWS HACKS condemned several millions to death in Indochina in the name of their own infinite vanity.
"WE -- THE MEDIA...."
Just thinking of the mechanical "revival" of the Rat Pack, and that huge mechanical contraption playing at Radio City, should be perfect for somebody writing an ARTS column -- but then halfway down, THE GLIBERAL yet again turns his face beet red and his head three times normal thinking of a man who probably never had anything to do with them, except he's a Republican, as was Sammy, as was Tricky Dick -- in short, the EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEVIL -- never mind.
GLIB! Call MR. MARK. You'd be the PERFECT columnist for BLUNDER. Forget it. You're the perfect columnist for the Times.
DID PRESIDENT MCCLELLAN SAY TALLY-HO AT WACO?
NOTE: This sources from The Washington Times and Insight, meaning BLUNDER didn't have to do any reporting on its own this week.
NOTE: This sources from The Washington Times and Insight, meaning BLUNDER didn't have to do any reporting on its own this week.
"I hope that [Limbaugh] gets over his addiction and dies from cancer of the testicles."
Well that's your opinion.
P. S. PEOPLE SHOULD NOT HAVE TO FORFEIT LIFE, LIBERTY AND PROPERTY FOR SAYING STUPID THINGS. Shame is enough.
Well that's your opinion.
P. S. PEOPLE SHOULD NOT HAVE TO FORFEIT LIFE, LIBERTY AND PROPERTY FOR SAYING STUPID THINGS. Shame is enough.
When MR. MARK runs a cover placeholder like this, you can be sure he's waiting a little too patiently for the next big media property to plug.
Despite the noble efforts of the Professor and Andy S., THE STORY appears dead in the water with news hacks, which means our POLICE STATE, er STATE, er OUR MEDIA rule strong as ever.
"WE -- THE MEDIA...."
I've been quoting this lunkhead, THIS LUNKHEAD EXECUTIVE EDITOR OF THE KNIGHT RIDDER SAN JOSE NEWSPAPER MONOPOLY, for days because her words are a sinister echo of the Constitution's preamble: "WE the PEOPLE," and maybe she didn't mean them that way, but they sure did come out that way, and what is inescapable, the media have thoroughly supplanted the people to become a law unto themselves.
In time, if I ever get the time, I may write a parody of the Constitution as rewritten by news hacks, and put it up as a permalink. These idiots are above all mortal punishments.
"WE -- THE MEDIA...."
I've been quoting this lunkhead, THIS LUNKHEAD EXECUTIVE EDITOR OF THE KNIGHT RIDDER SAN JOSE NEWSPAPER MONOPOLY, for days because her words are a sinister echo of the Constitution's preamble: "WE the PEOPLE," and maybe she didn't mean them that way, but they sure did come out that way, and what is inescapable, the media have thoroughly supplanted the people to become a law unto themselves.
In time, if I ever get the time, I may write a parody of the Constitution as rewritten by news hacks, and put it up as a permalink. These idiots are above all mortal punishments.