Posted 7:53 PM by Gene

Evidence Is Cited Linking Koreans to Libya Uranium

So maybe Dubya isn't THAT insane.

Posted 3:40 PM by Gene

I got BAD NEWS, Prof: a STAR REPORTER for THE PAPER OF RECORD has a BLOG -- he is apparently the ONLY PAPER OF RECORD correspondent to do so -- and judging from his latest piece...

DONALD RUMSFELD HAS PRESIDED OVER THE MOST FOOLISH CONFLICT SINCE THE WAR OF JENKINS' EAR IN THE 18TH CENTURY!!!!!

...it hasn't changed him or it ONE BIT.

Posted 3:40 PM by Gene

I guess today I'm going to get ONE HIT. The good news is it's been a long time since I've gotten ONE HIT in a day. The bad news is I've gotten ONE HIT. ANYONE OUT THERE?

Posted 3:25 PM by Gene

Speaking of J'ACCUSE, I see the NEWS HACKS have been ALL OVER BILL COSBY.

MORE POWER TO YOU, BILL.

Posted 3:25 PM by Gene

Pee-TAH would turn THIS into a J'ACCUSE except that, well....

Posted 3:25 PM by Gene

Our GREATEST EX-PRESIDENT wins the Nobel, our GREATEST DOCUMENTARIAN wins the Palme d'Or. Hoooooooooooooooooo-hum.

Posted 8:57 AM by Gene

WHORVIS COMMUNICATIONS says it will INCREASE OIL PRODUCTION.

Yeah. WHORVIS COMMUNICATIONS also said TERRORISM IS WRONG.

Posted 8:52 AM by Gene

Child killed in Rafah as Israeli incursion continues

Very sad -- but it is also very sad that people die in suicide bombings -- unless you're a NEWS HACK, and then it's just POLITICAL.

CURLEY'S (Nyuk! Nyuk! Nyuk!) Stooges and THE PAPER OF RECORD LITE: a DEADLY combination to the BRAIN.

And how do you know THEPAPEROFRECORDLITE.COM is not fully honest? BY ITS FULL-SCREEN POPUPS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Posted 8:48 AM by Gene

OHHHHHHHHHHHHH, WOOOOOOOOOOOOOE IS MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE, IT IS SOOOOOOOOOO DIFFICULT TO BLOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOG.

Of course it is, the way your co-productions do it -- with 5,000-WORD POSTS.

Posted 8:43 AM by Gene

It's ABOUT TIME Dubya opened his mouth. He must say for once and for all that WE CAN'T HAVE NEWS HACKS RUNNING OUR FOREIGN POLICY.

Posted 8:41 AM by Gene

You do drugs, you bomb trains.

One wonders how many druggies have contributed to how many bombing deaths. The Devil salutes you!

Posted 8:38 AM by Gene

Blame "the Scaife family foundations, the Bradley and Olin Foundations and Howard and Roberta Ahmanson's Fieldstead & Company" for the EEEEEEEEEEEEEEVIL REACTIONARY HOMOPHOBIA SWEEPING THROUGH AMERICA'S CHURCHES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

PAPER OF RECORD, you've got the Ford Foundation and George Soros. SHUT UP.

Posted 8:31 AM by Gene

Arab leaders stand UNITED IN OUTRAGE OVER THE TORTURE SCANDAL!!!!! PFFH-HH-HH!!!!!

One question; if NEWS HACKS ran the ARAB WORLD would they be BRUTAL DICTATORS, just like the current crop of rulers? Don't answer.

Posted 8:29 AM by Gene

Cities fall over one another to stage political conventions for the same reason they fall over one another to stage the Olympics: to "make money."

The Olympics long ago outlived their usefulness. Conventions longer so. Again, why do we need them?

Posted 5:43 PM by Gene

You want anger producing? Here's the CHINESE STATE NEWS AGENCY XINHUA relating a Wall Street Journals report that our former trusted ally in Iraq Mr. Chalabi PASSED SECRETS to IRAN. XINHUA! THE CHINESE STATE NEWS AGENCY! We know where this will end up in the luxury news suites of these here U. S. of A.

PINCH! LENNY! WHY CAN'T YOU REPORT WHAT CHINESE COMMIES CAN?!?!?

Posted 5:18 PM by Gene

Disney Board, States Talk CEO Succession, Directors

MICKEYMOUSE NIXON IS MORTAL?!?!?

Posted 5:17 PM by Gene

America Online, long the company's biggest and most obvious problem, has been "stabilized," according to Parsons. Parsons noted that "to my frustration" AOL continues to get criticized widely in the media.

You want frustration, King Richard? SUBSCRIBE TO AOL.

Posted 5:01 PM by Gene

Now that DIPPITY-DO's hinthinting he might not accept the nomination at the convention so he can play with his dough, isn't it time to put the conventions out to the pasture they deserve?

Posted 2:57 PM by Gene

Which is worse: The Gliberal hoping the TORTURE SCANDAL is ANOTHER WATERGATE, or NewsMAX!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! telling us The Gliberal hopes the TORTURE SCANDAL is ANOTHER WATERGATE?

Six of one....

Posted 2:39 PM by Gene

The cities where MoveOn.org will be airing the ad: Atlanta; Boston; Chicago; Detroit; Jacksonville, Fla.; Las Vegas; Los Angeles; New York; Phoenix; Raleigh, N.C.; San Diego; Seattle; Tampa; and Washington....

And every city, town, village and hamlet whose inhabitants can surf THEPAPEROFRECORDLITE.COM.

This whole sordid biz reminds me of two infamous political ads: one of the great secrets of presidential campaigning is that THE LBJ DAISY AD AIRED ONCE AND NEVER AGAIN, and THE WILLIE HORTON AD ONLY AIRED ON TV NEWS SHOWS -- it got its start on the vile McLAUGHLIN GROUP. Press releases like these are merely a BACKDOOR WAY OF CAMPAIGNING and serve to demonstrate the NEWS HACKS' IMMEASURABLY HIGH CONTEMPT FOR THEIR PUBLIC AND THEIR TOTAL MORAL INCONTINENCE.

Posted 1:43 PM by Gene

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOoooooooooooooooh, THE CONSCIENCE OF THE INDUSTRY is MAD because -- PEOPLE READ HIM!

At first I wanted to dismiss PROF's snit over THE SUPERPATRIOTIC JONATHAN ALTER figuring, news hacks will lie. But this is the exact same thing, only worse. CONSCIENCE wants to say something, he wants to say it in cute language, and then he wants to deny he said it. IN SO MANY WORDS this IMBECILE called for NEWS HACKS (he said "editorialists" to cover his tracks) to ADVOCATE our WITHDRAWAL FROM IRAQ, and said "THE FIRST" NEWS HACK to CALL FOR IT would be "BRAVE" -- like "WALTER CRONKITE." (Pardon -- HHHWWWALTER CRRRONKITE.) He may be mad NAZIS like RUSH and ABE are now flailing his words about like so much dead horse meat, but THERE THEY ARE. CONSCIENCE is especially ticked because ABE "falsely" claims he addressed it to "'ALL' American journalists'." So who were you addressing it to, CONSCIENCE -- the planet Jupiter? Does this UTTER MORON REALLY think we're so STUPID to believe there's any wall between the editorial page and the news section, other than the thinnest sheet of onion-skin?

Fine little touch, too: CONSCIENCE doesn't link to the original article -- because THE ARTICLE'S NOW BEHIND HIS MAGAZINE'S WALL. (There is a link in a margin, but it has a little icon indicating it's no longer available to the rubes.) Nice way to have your cake and eat it too!

P. S. Is the CBS EVENING NEWS an EDITORIAL?

Posted 1:12 PM by Gene

While engaged with the rest of show biz (news division) in a single-minded effort to get us out of Iraq the consequences be damned, THE PAPER OF RECORD LITE shows its warm fuzzies by wasting 453 words explaining the ZILLIONS OF HILARIOUS IN-JOKES in SHREK 2.

I HATE NEWS HACKS!!!!!

Posted 10:52 AM by Gene

O'NewsMAX!!!!!!!!!! makes an O'BLUNDER:

Air America shows include the O'Franken Factor, with comedian Al O'Franken....

This is what you O'GET when you O'COPY and PASTE from O'REUTERS without PARENTAL O'SUPERVISION, Carl O'LIMBURGER.

Posted 10:30 AM by Gene

Having Adam Clymer police campaign ads...

No, NO. I'm ALREADY above my cliche quotient.

Posted 10:02 AM by Gene

Another surpassing Forbes.com pop-up truism:

"Judge of your natural character by what you do in your dreams."
-Ralph Waldo Emerson

What if you have nightmares every night?

Posted 9:55 AM by Gene

Oh well, while the three hours are ticking away we can flatter ourselves by touting another phony beeeeee-OOOOOOO record.

Posted 9:29 AM by Gene

Iraqi police have arrested four people in the killing of American Nicholas Berg and believe a nephew of Saddam Hussein was involved in Berg's beheading, an Iraqi security official said Friday.

AW JEEZ, now we can't talk about the TORTURE SCANDAL for the next three hours.

Posted 9:09 AM by Gene

I'd say Ted FATSO GLUB GLUB wouldn't apologize until Hell freezes over but such a prospect for him may be unlikely anyway.

Posted 6:46 AM by Gene

And while the masters of propaganda and marketing tell us why a genuinely despicable man is "irreplaceable," they do their best to ignore the simmering outrage at the League of Nations for the very good reason that KOFI is a "HERO."

Posted 6:42 AM by Gene

Jack Valenti Conducts Business As Usual

CURLEY'S (Nyuk! Nyuk! Nyuk!) STOOGES conduct business as usual.

Posted 6:56 PM by Gene

An answer to PROF's vandalism contest: I've come up with a couple of slogans for THE PAPER OF RECORD, PINCH. Seems to me you could use a few more friends in your audience. Here's one for starters:

What's black and white and red all over?

Not original -- but you can aim it at the Gen X crowd that doesn't read papers. I can do better, though. Let's try:

The New York Times. For great minds that think alike.

You DO have a pretty lofty demographic. How about:

The New York Times. We think so you don't have to.

And you KNOW how many people read your paper while traveling somewhere. So how about a picture of Osama and:

When I'm on the run I read The Times!

How about it, PINCH? You'd make a FORTUNE!

Posted 5:33 PM by Gene

Scientists: Chicago is sinking

Mostly since Mike Royko died.

Posted 5:11 PM by Gene

There goes Kinsley.com again:

Today's Doonesbury: You lookin' at me?

No, we haven't looked at the comics in YEARS.

Posted 4:58 PM by Gene

I'm wondering if the worst of the TORTURE SCANDAL is behind us. Perhaps the news hacks have finally got it into their reinforced-concrete skulls that a big part of their audience (the WRONG part, but let that pass) is MAD. Maybe the happy execution of that CIA agent or whatever he was put water in the gas tank. Most likely the scribblers are just bored of talking to themselves. Time for a NEW manufactured story.

Posted 3:05 PM by Gene

Press releases at the speed of light from halfway around the globe!

WHAT HATH BILL WROUGHT?????

Posted 2:41 PM by Gene

EUSTACE TILLEY THE FIFTH SAYS:



THE PUBLIC IS INCOMPETENT!!!!! FLY AWAY, PUBLIC!

QUADRUPLE NEWS HACKS.

OR:

Prof. Kennedy, who like Mr. Remnick has won a Pulitzer Prize, likened the editor's indictment of the public the night before to Jimmy Carter's infamous "malaise" address. He paraphrased the former president: "I'm a good leader, but you're not cooperating by being good, attentive citizens."

"It's absolutely fatal to democratic theory to believe the public is incompetent," said Mr. Kennedy. "To whom else can we turn?"

To WHOM can we turn?

Posted 10:19 AM by Gene

What I said yesterday about the WTC families, STERNO says TODAY. I used thirty-eight words; STERNO uses 194. I get two hits; STERNO gets umpteen zillion. As I said before, the one advantage of getting two hits is that nobody can call you overrated. Now why can't I get more hits?

Posted 9:22 AM by Gene

Not only is ST. WARREN always RIGHT, he also STANDS UP FOR THE LITTLE GUY. (Second item; this ALTERNATIVE RAG [p-U] thinks it more important to swipe after the gnats from the Washington Times.)

Posted 9:05 AM by Gene

For the SECOND TIME THIS YEAR, G. B. is FUNNY:

"The Memorial Day strip was completed and turned in before Mr. Berg was killed," Stanford said. "And, for that matter, before [the 'Nightline'] memorial program was announced."

Pffh hh hh hh hh ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha HA HA HA HA HA HA HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!!!!!

Posted 9:03 AM by Gene

LITTLE TIMMY THROWS A TANTRUM!!!!!

WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!!! I WANNA GO HOME!!!!! WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!!!

Posted 8:51 AM by Gene

Here's another one for you, ST. WARREN: let's go after the HOMOPHOBES in the British Vicarage and Tea Time Club!!!!!

Just one problem: they're -- AFRICAN AND ASIAN.

Better PRAY, St. Warren. Oh, forgot. You ARE a god.

Posted 6:43 AM by Gene

More evidence the TRUTH-TELLERS have gleefully thrown in the towel on ethics and will doodoo anywhere: THIS STORY is third on the list of "Latest headlines" on USAOkay.com, putting it on a par with our $2.4 trillion federal budget, which thankfully was first.

IMBECILES.

Posted 6:34 AM by Gene

Bill Cosby awakens from a long, deep sleep:

"These people marched and were hit in the face with rocks to get an education, and now we've got these knuckleheads walking around," he declared. "The lower economic people are not holding up their end in this deal. These people are not parenting. They are buying things for kids - $500 sneakers for what? And won't spend $200 for 'Hooked on Phonics.'

"I can't even talk the way these people talk: 'Why you ain't,' 'Where you is' ... You can't be a doctor with that kind of crap coming out of your mouth!"

Turning to criminal justice, he said, "These are not political criminals. These are people going around stealing Coca-Cola. People getting shot in the back of the head over a piece of pound cake and then we run out and we are outraged, saying, 'The cops shouldn't have shot him.' What the hell was he doing with the pound cake in his hand?"

Cosby's blunt appraisal left Howard University President H. Patrick Swygert and NAACP President Kweisi Mfume looking "stone-faced," The Washington Post reports.

As well they should be. They're among the knuckleheads.

And no thanks to ST. WARREN for reporting this; after it ran the lords of the luxury news suite were no doubt instituting NEW ETHICAL STANDARDS to insure such an act would NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.

Posted 6:26 AM by Gene

ST. WARREN SAYS THE BISHOPS ARE BIGOTS!!!!!!!!!!

OR:

The letter's signers, all Democrats, include at least three House members with strong antiabortion voting records.

So that means forty-five, er....

Or as I said in an earlier post:

[T]he HACKS have decided with so many scandals coloring their past they have no moral ground to stand on, so they can piddle wherever they please.

Why do PINCH and LENNY and JOHN "HOWELL" CARROLL want us to tune out?

Posted 5:35 PM by Gene

Sexually explicit Internet spam must now carry a warning label. A Federal Trade Commission rule went into effect Wednesday requiring that unsolicited commercial e-mail that contains sexually oriented material include the words "SEXUALLY EXPLICIT" in the subject line.

PFFH-hh-hh hh hh hh ha ha ha ha ha HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!!!!!

Posted 5:10 PM by Gene

Kerry would consider anti-abortion judges

Yeah. And I'd consider St. Warren of Buffett's offer to buy my blog for TEN BILLION DOLLARS.

What's the diff between CURLEY'S (Nyuk! Nyuk! Nyuk!) STOOGES and DIPPITY-DO's CAMPAIGN? (You'll need several days to think about it.)

Posted 5:05 PM by Gene

THE OSAMA CHANNEL said it was a WEDDING.

How long can NEWS HACKS keep the story GOING and bury ANY EVIDENCE AGAINST THE INSURGENTS?

Posted 5:02 PM by Gene

It's becoming harder to distinguish Americans' growing indifference to human life from Al Qaeda's death wish -- and sorry, as the lawyers say, ignorance is not a defense.

Posted 1:47 PM by Gene

OoooooOOOOOOOoooooh! GRAYDON's former cute little pink rag likens him to CONRAD!! OooooooooooOOOOOOOOOOOooooooooooh!!!

Knock THAT one outta da park!

Posted 1:45 PM by Gene

WHAT ARE THESE INFERNAL PRESTIDIGITATORS UP TO NOW?

Posted 1:32 PM by Gene

What happened on 9/11 was worse than unspeakable, but you victims' relatives do yourselves no favor when you behave like ASSES.

And thanks to THE COMMISSION for turning into a division of Ringling Bros. and Barnum & Bailey.

Posted 1:25 PM by Gene

INSIDER BASEBALL CONTINUES!

KNOCK IT OUTTA DA PARK, GRAY!

Posted 1:18 PM by Gene

Now that pro hockey has fallen in public esteem to somewhere between kayaking and bowling (sorry kayakers), why can't the same thing happen to other sports?

I think the chances for an NHL strike just went up. I can hear it now: WHO CARES?

Posted 1:13 PM by Gene

"PEACE REQUIRES A CEASE-FIRE!!!!! PEACE REQUIRES IMMEDIATE DIALOGUE!!!!! PEACE REQUIRES RESPECT FOR THE 'ROAD MAP' AND THE ROLE OF THE QUARTET!!!!! PEACE REQUIRES CLUCKCLUCKCLUCKCLUCKCLUCKCLUCKLCLUCK!!!!!!!!!!"

Peace requires PEACE and QUIET from EL POLLO LOCO.

Posted 8:34 AM by Gene

Looks like we're Clintonizing to North Korea again.

Thanks, ruff-tuff Dubya!

Posted 8:30 AM by Gene

One of these things is not like the other:

Sicko stabbing spree
A knife-wielding lunatic went on a bloody rampage in a bustling midtown shopping area yesterday afternoon, stabbing three strangers before being shot by a hero cop, police said. One critically wounded victim, a 21-year-old Queens man on a date with his girlfriend, was fighting for his life at Bellevue last night.

N.Y. makes cut for Games
Amid champagne, smiles and applause, Mayor Bloomberg and Gov. Pataki celebrated New York's selection yesterday as one of the five finalist cities in the competition to host the 2012 Summer Olympic Games.

Posted 8:05 AM by Gene

For the sake of decency, for the sake of our sanity, we must view American Muslims as just like us. But the community's business leaders do not help themselves with shenanigans like these:

Even some members of Congress have objected to BioPort's anthrax role. That criticism reflects ignorance, says retired admiral William Crowe, who served as chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff in the Reagan administration and the first George Bush administration and now is on BioPort's board of directors. BioPort recruited Crowe, a friend of [CEO Fuad] El-Hibri's father. Crowe received 8% of BioPort's stock to serve on its board, largely because of his expertise about the key customer, the Defense Department. But Crowe's presence also mitigates the attention on El-Hibri.

Nor does it help that on the crucial subject of religion many assume the fetal position in public:

Muslim executives were careful and measured when responding to most questions but became noticeably uneasy when asked how devout they were to Islam. A typical response: "I attend mosque when I have time," Khalafsaid. "My philosophy is to be good, to live with others and to be equal with others."

We've come to a fine mess when we view our fellow Americans with suspicion for their ethnic background; in this we have not gone far from the days when true-blue native-born types sneered at immigrants for their accents and complexions. In fairness, no previous ethnic group had members searching for WMDs. And no other ethnic group has a SUPERHOOPER.

Posted 6:55 AM by Gene

I wonder how the AD-BLURB COPYWRITERS will beat around the burning bush on THIS one. It sounds like an eternal masterwork (aren't they all?), but all NEWS HACKS have a little bit of SOB in them (they should; they're all SOBs), and they can read circulation figures too, SO....

Why is it the first thing when I saw this piece I thought, is it a RUPERT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!?

P. S. If the IDIOT "Dr." Dobson knows what he's doing -- surely he KNOWS what he's DOING -- he'll OPEN HIS MOUTH.

Posted 6:51 AM by Gene

Why should Jeff "ZUCKS" Zucker want to be President of the United States when he's already at least A DOZEN GODS?

Posted 6:33 AM by Gene

But don't you realize, Ralphie Boy, if you leave the race, THE PAPER OF RECORD will grant you IMMORTALITY?

Ralphie may be Arab but apparently he doesn't believe in 72 Helen Thomases.

Posted 6:26 AM by Gene

How often I must complain about news hacks needing three or four thousand words to write a twenty-word sentence. Here's another example:

Online matchmaking is clicking with seniors, who apparently stretch the truth about themselves as much as the younger crowd.

Why should I go on to read the story when this tease gives me all I need to know?

Posted 6:21 AM by Gene

Duuuhhh, I think I'll turn this here piece of wood into a CD holder, duuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.

Shouldn't the lady get some sort of prize from CHEAP CHANNEL? It SOUNDS like a shock-jock stunt.

Posted 5:30 PM by Gene

How irritating:

We’ve got one more year before George Lucas finishes up his “Star Wars” prequel trilogy with the as-yet-untitled Episode III, and he certainly has his work cut out for him. Not only does he have to resolve the ongoing storylines of “Phantom Menace” and “Attack of the Clones” in such a way as to lead directly into Episode IV, the original 1977 “Star Wars,” but he has to overcome two of the most soul-killingly dull storylines ever put on film.

You GET-A-LIFE GEEKS saw fit to make Lucas Spielberg a superzillionaire and inflict His SOUL-KILLINGLY DULL STORYLINES on ALL OF US. (Capitalization of "his" INTENDED.)

I found this on FARK.COM (figures).

Posted 5:26 PM by Gene

Hmmm, now the boys are working on Tony!

They're getting to be like Bill the Entomologist -- they want to rule 26 UNIVERSES BWAH HA HA HA HA!!!!!

And the source? The same BusinessWeek (as in DilbertSpell) that told us THE DONALD was worth UMPTEEN GAZILLONS.

Posted 5:14 PM by Gene

Kellogg's is moving its Keebler unit from Illinois to Battle Creek, but you won't see the Kellogg name on any Keebler packaging even though the company ought now to be called Kellogg's Cookies. (Pardon: Kellogg's Stale Cookies.) This hiding of corporate identities in consumer goods is fundamentally dishonest. In rare instances it's unavoidable; the people who make Hidden Valley dressings justifiably think it best not to tell people they work for...CLOROX. But it's almost as if these companies have something to be ashamed of -- and Kellogg's has something to be very ashamed of: selling $10 boxes of sugary cereals to kids and financing MOUNDS of JUNK TELEVISION.

Posted 4:56 PM by Gene

Barely half an hour before the South Tower of the World Trade Center collapsed at 9:59 a.m. on Sept. 11, 2001, none of the fire chiefs briefing the mayor and police commissioner at a meeting on a nearby street expressed concern that either 110-story building was in danger of falling, the staff of the 9/11 commission said in a report issued today.

No one will EVER think that AGAIN.

Posted 1:19 PM by Gene

Why not renominate Al to a LIFE term and hope he LIVES FOREVER?

Posted 1:14 PM by Gene

Did common sense vanish when the Sun canned Marimow?

Sorry Romy, common sense vanished from your biz a LONNNNNG time ago.

Posted 11:13 AM by Gene

The HONEST thing for NEWS ORGANIZATIONS to do is to run a SIMILAR AD for PRESIDENT DIPPITY-DO! At least that would confirm for all time that NEWS HACKS AREN'T in the TRUTH BUSINESS, they're in the RUB-YOUR-FACE-IN-OUR-POWER BUSINESS.

Posted 11:05 AM by Gene

Tony Randall has died, and now is a good time to recall what Mark Steyn said about Neil Simon:

[I]f you had Simon’s past, would you be so eager to move on?

With each such loss show-biz becomes harder to take, because it's ever more obvious nothing is filling the void of what we've lost.

P. S. More SUPER news hack accuracy: he was 83 and 84.

Posted 10:42 AM by Gene

Fred Thompson? Tom Foley? DAN GLICKMAN? Come on guys, we can do better than this -- we're looking for THE DEVIL INCARNATE!

Posted 10:36 AM by Gene

It's all well and good to blast NEWS HACKS and ESPECIALLY THE PAPER OF RECORD for their grossly slanted coverage in Iraq, but here one word trumps it all: FORMER.

Posted 10:25 AM by Gene

Nigeria Leader Declares State of Emergency

Nigeria is a state of emergency.

Posted 10:23 AM by Gene

What IS the NYSE's purpose other than creating PR fiascos?

Posted 9:14 AM by Gene

THE MOBILE REGISTER is calling for Ted Kennedy to resign from the Senate, because of his comments over the war....

THE NEW IRAQ CRISIS: DONALD RUMSFELD SHOULD GO!!!!!



FOOD FIGHT!

Posted 6:43 AM by Gene

Because a cardinal rule of KNEE-JERK CONSERVATIVES is that they must ALWAYS say something GOOD about RUPERT!!!!!!!!!!!!, a CONSERVATIVE think-tank wonk has so contorted himself he now walks on two fingers and his nose.

Posted 6:28 AM by Gene

The bottom line is that the United States of America is fighting the world's news media as well as Islamic totalitarianism. Until we understand that, we have no chance of winning.

WHY CAN'T SOMEONE OTHER THAN A CONSERVATIVE SAY THIS?

Posted 6:26 AM by Gene

The New Son-in-Law's an Ogre, and Hollywood Is the Target

Translation: If you put a zillion inside jokes in a movie A. O. will LOVE it.

Posted 6:23 AM by Gene

OH WOE IS US, SAYS ST. WARREN, THE SITUATION IS UNMANAGEABLE!!!!!

Geez, if we haven't found a new way to smile today -- like Polident for the brain.

Posted 6:01 PM by Gene

Another thing I LOVE about THE NEW, IMPROVED PRE-IPO GOOGLEBLOGGER: when you paste in a link the Preview plays hide and seek!

Posted 5:55 PM by Gene

1,266 words on Brown v. Board of Education.

Really, why not 50 words for each anniversary year? Or a hundred in anticipation of the centennial? Then multiply it by NINE in honor of THE NINE FINGERS IN THE WIND.

Posted 5:17 PM by Gene

An unintended demonstration in why I have trouble with the critics (in this instance we'll call them critics and not AD-BLURB COPYWRITERS as usual for reasons that should become obvious): Here is Terry Teachout in The Wall Street Journals:

Kristin Chenoweth, who took a week off from "Wicked" to appear in "Candide," was the best of all possible Cunegondes, not excluding Barbara Cook, who created the role.

Now here is Peter G. Davis in New York:

No doubt Kristin Chenoweth as Cunegonde has her admirers, but her overmiked, terminally chirpy coloratura soprano mostly put me in mind of a factory whistle....

Two fine critics with two opposite-extreme opinions. WHICH IS RIGHT? If we can't get agreement from two superior writers like these, how can we trust the PREENING SELF-PUBLICIZING INCOMPETENTS who make up nearly ALL AD-BLURB COPYWRITERS?

P. S. I cannot judge this matter for myself for I've never heard Kristin Chenoweth sing; but I fear the truth may lie more on Mr. Davis's side, first as Mr. Teachout can spout asinine loveydovey over favorites like THE GREATEST COMPOSER OF ALL TIME, HERR DOKTOR SONDHEIM (thankfully rarely), and second as Mr. Davis saw Candide in pre-Broadway tryouts in '56, and while nostalgia can penetrate a writer's thoughts beyond his knowledge, having heard the incomparable Miss Cook in five cast albums I find it impossible to believe she could be improved upon.

Posted 5:10 PM by Gene

Socialism doesn't ALWAYS work.

Posted 5:04 PM by Gene

THE PAPER OF RECORD, EUROPEAN EDITION, spins a Foggy Bottom report so the U. S. can't speak with authority on human rights.

I think we could spin THE PAPER OF RECORD'S REPORT ON JAYSON so it can't speak with authority on ANYTHING.

Posted 4:55 PM by Gene

Kinsley.com goes

FLIP...

FLOP!!!

Posted 2:26 PM by Gene

Another FINE eBay auction:

7, 78 THEME SONGS record collection + Red Skeleton

P. S. A search indicates that eBay sells LOTS of red skeletons.

Posted 2:17 PM by Gene

Humble admission: I just corrected a two-month-old post in which I used "flout" where I meant "flaunt." I can't BELIEVE I did that.

As I said before, I reserve the right to correct mistakes of spelling, grammar and punctuation; but where I'm wrong for any other reason, that stays. Nonetheless I want to try NOT to embarrass myself.

Posted 1:49 PM by Gene

Hey CARL LIMBURGER and the NEWSMAX!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!.COM STAFF!!!!! Are you CONSERVATIVE? Or would you rather COPY and PASTE and call it NEWS?

And if FREE REPUBLIC could get sued for misappropriating St. Warren of Buffett's intellectual property, WHY CAN'T YOU?

Posted 1:41 PM by Gene

While flipping me this A-1 guano-creating bird of a press release some fleabag Ohio radio station caused my computer to freeze and it wouldn't unfreeze so I had to turn it off.

And of course, the station was a CHEAP CHANNEL.

Hey LOWSY! I can copy and paste links WITHOUT YOUR PERMISSION. Wanna sue GOOGLE?

Posted 1:25 PM by Gene

You can tell NEWS HACKS are in a GOOD mood when they sneer at something associated with RED COUNTRY using a code word for "Bush" or "Rumsfeld" (in this case, "SWAGGER"). But the fact is, Hummers are OSAMAMOBILES, and their owners are stuck with GAS-GUZZLING LEMONS.

Posted 1:07 PM by Gene

It may be true, Alessandra, that FOX!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!News is engaged in a disingenuous attempt to seem non-partisan (in part to placate NEWS HACKS like YOU); but it is also true that among NEWS HACKS CONSERVATIVE is a code word for NAZI; that a CONSERVATIVE is more apt to be described by the adjective defining his politics than a LIBERAL; and that the word CONSERVATIVE wouldn't stick out the like the proverbial sore thumb (or an ERROR in the NEWS PAGES) if your BUSINESS WEREN'T SO IDEOLOGICALLY MONOCHROMATIC.

Posted 12:00 PM by Gene

REUTERS is AFRAID:

Summer temperatures in the Arctic have risen at an INCREDIBLE!!!!! rate over the past three years and large patches of what should be ice are now open water, a British polar explorer said on Monday. [Overemphasis added.]

Golly, by the end of the century the Arctic Ocean will be -- OPEN WATER! That REALLY concerns ME!

A suggestion to the Reut: when you feel the willies coming over you, just think of the heroism of MILITANTS.

Posted 11:11 AM by Gene

Statistic of the day (though it be a typical Forbes "guestimate"): Brad's MASTERPIECE sold only about A FIFTH of all the available seats at all screenings!

That's a lot of empty seats we launched.

Posted 10:07 AM by Gene

£40m Heathrow robbery foiled

And where, do you suppose, could all that money have been headed?

Posted 10:02 AM by Gene

Workers in Chicago also say they were never enrolled in a health insurance plan that Air America promised, but had health insurance premiums deducted from their paychecks.

Hmmm, is ErrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrAmerica liberal?

Posted 9:53 AM by Gene

TODAY IS THE FIFTIETH ANNIVERSARY OF BROWN V. BOARD OF EDUCATION....

Which means the VOLOKHEADS will be going NUTS.

Posted 8:27 AM by Gene

A literary critic opines:

Reviewing new literary magazines is like spanking mayflies. Most of them are small, defenseless and not long for this world. Where's the percentage in it? But also like mayflies -- or ephemerids, as these insects are charmingly called -- literary magazines play an ever more indispensable role in the publishing food chain. And recently, especially here on the West Coast, they're starting to swarm.

This one paragraph hints why most writers can't write. Likening literary reviews to flying insects is not the most flattering trope, as many such insects (think garden-variety flies and mosquitoes) are strictly bad news, and they tend to congregate in unhealthy places.

ONWARD AND UPWARD WITH LI-TER-RAT-TYOOR!

(Thanks AGAIN, ArtsJournal.com.)

Posted 8:12 AM by Gene

Here's a guess: for every word USA Okay devotes to dictating foreign policy it devotes at least three-quarters of a word to advertising.

And if we include the ads for show-biz make that two words.

Posted 6:48 AM by Gene

Even as the PAPER OF RECORD BOSTON EDITION celebrates HISTORY, it squirms and successfully puts out of its collective pea brain the notion that it was being "anti-American."

Look, we know you NEWS HACKS don't give two hoots for your country, except on April 15, when you merely HOOT at it. But the Dubya Doctrine -- "Either you're for us or against us" -- applies as much to you as to anyone else, and in the final analysis, in ways that transcend war or patriotism, you SCRIBBLERS are AGAINST us.

Posted 6:28 AM by Gene

If we know what we're doing, this won't stop us.

If the NEWS HACKS do what they're KNOWN for DOING, this will be a TEN-FOOT-HIGH SPEED BUMP ON THE ROAD TO THE UNSCALABLE WALL.

Posted 6:28 AM by Gene

LITTLE JEFFREY WILL ANNOY PEOPLE INTO WATCHING HIS GAMES!!!!!

I think he has a better shot at just annoying people.

Posted 6:23 AM by Gene

Shucks, all would be nice and smooth on the Korean relations front except this JUG EARS would be extradited for TREASON -- and the GRAND ETERNAL ROYAL POOBAH OF THE NORTH KIDNAPPED him a WIFE.

You pays your money....

Posted 7:42 PM by Gene

When it was still relatively young eBay had lots of mirth-inducing typos. You don't see them much anymore -- they're not professional -- but here's one that summons the good old days:

Action it is for a set of headphones SENNHEISER HD 280 brand new in unopen box, just arrived from GERMANY , an unwanted prezent .On the back of the box it ses EUROPEAN PRODUCT and Made in Ireland . After many specialists Sennheiser still one of the best makers in this area .I-m not such an crazy guy for headphones, i love speakers sound .The stupid my old friend Charlie live inside the package the receipt, 139.00 EURO.

Posted 7:42 PM by Gene

Hmmm, you don't suppose this face launched thousands of moviegoers out of their seats, do you?

Posted 3:06 PM by Gene

The successor to HOWELL as THE GREATEST EDITOR OF OUR TIME gives the whole show away:

I've come to realize that the looseness of the journalistic life, the seeming laxity of the newsroom, is an illusion. Yes, there's informality and there's humor, but beneath the surface lies something deadly serious. It is a code. Sometimes the code is not even written down, but it is deeply believed in. And, when violated, it is enforced with tribal ferocity.

John, aside from your blithe unrealization that your words suggest the MAFIA or AL-QAEDA, we know ALL about you guys ENFORCING your CODE, and that's why you face BLOGGERS, and FOX!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!News, and NewsMax!!!!!!!!!!, and The No-Spin Spin Zone, and YOUR EVER SINKING REPUTATIONS, ETC., ETC., ETC.

Posted 3:01 PM by Gene

Which comes first?

"I will always take anyone's phone calls."

OR:

"But I will not, I categorically will not do it."

Take out the BUT and EITHER can come first.

Posted 2:21 PM by Gene

A song in Ervin Drake's underappreciated musical What Makes Sammy Run? popped up in my head today. Robert Alda as a hard-boiled editor sang it to Steve Lawrence as the young Sammy Glick:

You help me
Like a burglar helps Fort Knox.
You help me
Like a fox hunt helps the fox.
Like molasses candy helps
An aching tooth,
Like a marijuana helps
A wayward youth....

I can't remember the rest, but after reading LENNY'S BOYS screaming about how we MUST get out of IRAQ, and then hearing them cry crocodile tears (on PAGE D01) over THIRTEEN CHILDREN gunned down in D.C. thus far this year, forgive me if I've forgotten a few words.

Posted 12:21 PM by Gene

Anti-Abortion Icon Among Six New Saints

The usual translation: BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!! BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!

Posted 12:21 PM by Gene

The first thing we do, let's TAX all the lawyers!

Posted 12:19 PM by Gene

Confusion over President Bush's proposal to create a guest-worker program for illegal immigrants has fueled a rush across the Southwest border that threatens to overwhelm the U.S. Border Patrol in some areas, agents say in intelligence reports.

The best laid plans of mice and presidents....

Posted 11:53 AM by Gene

ErrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrAMERICA!

Posted 11:51 AM by Gene

Between press releases for -- MILITANTS Reuters finds its softer side by running a press release for a very sexy lady.

PRESS RELEASES IS PRESS RELEASES.

Posted 8:44 AM by Gene

Now I think what we ought to do, NEWS HACKS, is count the deaths in Afghanistan together with the deaths in Iraq, that way we can really spin the country into wanting our soldiers out.

Posted 8:40 AM by Gene

I would say it's PC to tell our athletes not to wave their flags, but the U. S. is the ROOT OF ALL EVIL in Greece, and our pride and joy has a habit of SHOWBOATING, so it does seem prudent, even though other nations' athletes will still wave their flags.

LITTLE JEFF! Think we can fake it with CGI?

Posted 8:38 AM by Gene

Kuwait Approves Draft Law Giving Women the Vote

...in the CONSERVATIVE Gulf Arab state....

Dubya'll find a way!

Posted 8:30 AM by Gene

I can hear ol' MR. MARK saying:

Siggggggghhhhhhhhh, I guess a third of the audience (not that they read us -- not that they CAN read) are these HOLY-ROLLER fruitcakes, these BIBLE-BELT prudes, and I guess these days in order to get readers you've got to get [fill in your favorite blasphemous swear word here] RELIGION and -- sigggghhhhhhhhhhhhhh. At least they're NOVELISTS, so we can PROMOTE them, like MEL, and the Devil knows I'd rather promote than report, that way you can do a bad thing under the radar, and maybe if we get these BIBLE-BELT prudes we can serve 'em our SPIN, so....