Posted 7:47 PM by Gene

Wal-Mart proclaims: Today, America; TOMORROW, 26 UNIVERSES BWAHAHAHAHA!

Posted 7:45 PM by Gene

It will be interesting to see whether the Saudis leave the holy cockroaches alone to kill everybody, or whether they mount a SUPERMAN raid and kill everybody.

Posted 4:51 PM by Gene

For all Rummy's faults, I think I'll join in the chorus too:

YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY!!!!!!!!!!

Posted 4:48 PM by Gene

I can think of a lot of reasons for making fun of Gene Simmons -- like his makeup, his music, and the fact that he's still wearing his makeup and still doing his music when he's well past being eligible for membership in AARP.

But NEWS HACKS must always FURROW THEIR BROWS and ENFORCE THEIR SPEECH CODE. Gene may have said a foolish thing (or rather, a thing foolishly), but he shouldn't pay with his life for it, CURLEYS.

Posted 4:42 PM by Gene

Here's a new word for you:

FOLLOWERBOARD: A golf leaderboard without big names.

Posted 4:38 PM by Gene

Some bank CEO in Ireland has resigned because he looked up the wrong things on his computer, so why am I thinking, 1. He quit because what he surfed wasn't PC, or 2. This isn't the real cause?

Posted 1:29 PM by Gene

I’ve always felt the way Jerry Levin put it — and I give him credit for this quote — content may be king, but distribution is the power behind the throne. And you need them both.

So it's time to whack the public with my scepter!

Posted 1:19 PM by Gene

In 1,248 words, the NBA is BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOORING.

Though I guess we can trash-talk now that THE OTHER GUY has the RIGHTS.

Posted 12:59 PM by Gene

A media-biz superhero owns a casino in a sleazy LALA suburb named Gardena, and one of the local political poops who shook the superhero's hand (and got a nice something in return, no doubt) says with VALENTI-like awe that while an "ideal" town would not have the casino or the superhero, "ideals...don't pay the bills."

That's something JOHN "OMERTA" CARROLL and his fellow idealists learned a LONG time ago.

Posted 11:00 AM by Gene

To his credit, one of CURLEY'S (Nyuk! Nyuk! Nyuk!) Stooges noticed we do NOT have a monopoly on EEEEEEEEEEEEVIL in Iraq.

Posted 10:56 AM by Gene

Duuuuuuuuuuh, Idunno.

Posted 10:52 AM by Gene

More non-terrorism non-kills Saudis.

If we could combine the denial of the Saudis with the denials of Reuters we could wipe out most of the bad things in history.

Posted 8:29 AM by Gene

When Republicans Specterize, the news hacks call it -- COURAGE. When Democrats do the same thing, they call it -- POLITICS.

Posted 5:19 PM by Gene

Bad news for the Big Four of Dumb: all those young men who vanished from the TV audience may still be missing.

Perhaps they're listening to ErrAmerica. (Pffh-hh-hh!)

Posted 5:09 PM by Gene

Lord Koppel began a SWEEPS MONTH with a gimmick; he ends the month with a gimmick.

I think the soldiers will manage to rest in peace despite the best efforts to wake them up for purposes known only to the Second Coming of Murrow.

Posted 3:50 PM by Gene

That fewer people read newspapers is bad. That fewer people read centrally-controlled elitist marketing-driven status-quo atrociously-written knee-jerk newspapers is good.

Posted 3:23 PM by Gene

2000 words surrounding a simple admission:

When hip-hop audio beds, sirens, and whistles shake the rafters at an NBA arena, it just feels like an admission that it's impossible to fill arenas with a mere basketball game.

But that's why NBA teams charge $10,000 a ticket! The fans have to feel they get something.

Posted 11:20 AM by Gene

I'm waiting for the next line of con-SER-vative attack: RUPERT!!!!!!!!!! produced his PC COMEDY to show up what kind of MORONS LIBERALS are.

The only thing this waste of celluloid will prove is that the LEMMINGS in the POPCORN EMPORIA are the MORONS -- a proof established LONG AGO.

Posted 11:03 AM by Gene

STERNO is mad because THE PAPER OF RECORD self-interestedly tried to paint bloggers as idiots, and further tried to put the kibosh on the medium as dying. Any mode of communication will have its fruitcakes (i.e., newspapering?), but blogging is definitely not the flavor of the month. On the other hand, there is no denying that for most bloggers (yes, most), it's a fad they can't keep up with, and they just flat out can't WRITE, and after one or two stumbling posts about a non-existent personal life they fade away. And most of blogging IS personal. Very few have the stamina to keep it up day after day after day (and I don't flatter myself in writing this). And a troublesomely few pundits have any real power, which is why STERNO can afford to get mad.

This said, bloggers can scarcely do worse than THE PAPER OF RECORD has done lately, and surely no worse than CURLEY'S (Nyuk! Nyuk! Nyuk!) STOOGES when they extrude PIECES OF CRAP like THIS.

Posted 11:00 AM by Gene

How many stories had to die, how many things we needed to know about will linger in ignorance, because THIS PIECE OF CRAP made a wire service?

Posted 8:29 AM by Gene

Multiply this idiot scribbling by 10,000 (the number of times like idiot scribblings appear in our daily rags each DAY) and you wonder why papers can't be written in a foreign language.

NOTE: The author is some clown who once described the beloved Eagles' loss in a playoffs as a TRAGEDY. He still can't write, but on his salary, why does he have to?

Posted 7:47 AM by Gene

More irritating industry self-obsession: a 1,806-WORD piece on a thoroughly despicable megalomaniacal QUEEN in KING BRIAN'S COURT whose career effectively ended on 9/11 (sniff sniff).

I can hear the KING on his THRONE now: "LET THEM EAT SEVERANCE PAY!!!!!"

Posted 7:36 AM by Gene

Elsewhere in ArtsJournal.com (oiiiiiiiiii): I think we know where this fan fiction is going: the same place millions of blogs will go -- to eventual erasure.

Posted 7:29 AM by Gene

HOWELL LIVES! Some ad-blurb copywriters so desperately want to believe they're living in a golden age to out-gold all golden ages that they'll abandon even the most fundamental rules of writing sense to say it -- not that they start out with any. Here one of THE PAPER OF RECORD's top typists devotes 3,010 WORDS to his windmill-tilting belief that diversity, rock, and four-letter words have made Broadway musical scores BETTER THAN EVER.

Unfortunately, you can't hum a PAPER OF RECORD article, though I suspect STEPHEN has tried.

Posted 7:06 AM by Gene

Geeks will be GEEKS:

Slow Going for Linux in Iraq

Posted 6:52 AM by Gene

RUPERT!!!!!!!!!!'S NEW PC COMEDY ISN'T PC!! A RUPERT!!!!!!!!!! HENCHMAN SAYS SO!!!!!

SHUT UP and dream about your fortune.

Posted 6:41 AM by Gene

Kerry Outlines Foreign Policy, Attacking Bush

That sounds like a pretty good foreign policy to me.

But WAIT! There's MORE from KERRY FOR PRESIDENT!!!!! (aka THE PAPER OF RECORD):

Madeleine K. Albright, Samuel R. Berger, William J. Perry...Gen. John M. Shalikashvili, Richard C. Holbrooke....

It's the CLINTON, er, DIPPITY-DO FOREIGN POLICY TEAM! CLINTON WITHOUT THE CLINTON!

And Secretary of State Joe Biden!

That does have a kind of, ring to it...like a bell made of glass.

Posted 6:27 AM by Gene

RUPERT!!!!!!!!!! PRODUCES A PC COMEDY!!!!!!!!!!

Posted 6:25 AM by Gene

Three kids decapitated ho-hum....

Posted 5:59 PM by Gene

I wonder how much of the humanitarian aid Dear Immortal Leader shook out of that military -- er, train catastrophe wound up financing a few hackers.

Posted 5:53 PM by Gene

Former Rite Aid CEO Grass gets 8-year prison term for accounting scandal

Or to put it another way, Marty's doing no more time than the combined average tenure of all his company's counter clerks who give such FABULOUS service.

Posted 5:41 PM by Gene

Along with its brilliant PR ploy to get people to watch SUPER BORE ADS, USA Okay (aka THE PAPER OF RECORD LITE) pioneered the tradition of paying excessive attention to THE UPFRONTS, that combination carnival and sweepstakes where ad bigwigs make advance commitments to waste billions of their companies' money so they can tell a good story back at the office about which stars they met. By reducing television to ad commitments NEWS HACKS did the impossible: they reduced the quality of television.

Posted 5:26 PM by Gene

Lowe's announced today it plans to turn the Oct. 15 night race at Lowe's Motor Speedway into the most "family-friendly race" in NASCAR history.

The first component of the plan is the announcement that "The SpongeBob SquarePants Movie" will be the title sponsor for the 300-mile Busch race nationally televised on TNT Friday, Oct. 15 at 8 p.m. ET.

NASCAR's carried MARKETING TOO FAR.

Posted 5:03 PM by Gene

There seem to be two types of wonks among bloggers: the VOLOKHEADS, who must (as I've said too often before) post 5,000 words on every topic, and who think by BLOVIATING they're THINKING; and (for lack of a better term) the MICROWONKS, who carve out little niches by MICROREPORTING and MICROANALYZING EVERYTHING in their niche until it gets a rash from all the scratching. I've already posted an example of the MICROWONK in that verbose Atlanta Braves fan who was rewarded by GoogleBlogger (although arguably he was a VOLOKHEAD as much as anything); now THE PAPER OF RECORD rewards an 18-year-old MICROWONK who specializes in lots of little uninteresting stories on the cable-TV-news biz. I would say whoops your fifteen minutes are up but most likely he's already accomplished enough in the art of flattery to get a network presidency when he's 25, which means another JEFF "ZUCKS" ZUCKER we'll have to put up with. The woods are CRAWLING with AIN'T IT COOL NEWS!

Cleverly THE PAPER OF RECORD does not mention what his parents do for a living, assuming he didn't emerge full-blown from the womb onto the Web like too many bloggers, but I'll bet they're already high mucky-mucks in broadcasting. (Neither would I be surprised if THE PAPER OF RECORD is in their CVs.) Jeff Zucker? LOOK OUT, BOB WRIGHT!

Posted 11:41 AM by Gene

Another reason I luuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuhve NEWSMAX!!!!!:

POW CONGRESSMAN: HANOI USED KERRY SPEECH, GORE COMMENTS 'TRAITOROUS'!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

And GUESS who the POW CONGRESSMAN is: SAM JOHNSON, one of the most FAR RIGHT members of the HOUSE.

I luuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuhve NEWSMAX!!!!!

Posted 11:21 AM by Gene

And speaking thereof, a brief, flickering spark of sense in the black void of talk radio:

The challenge, [Al Franken] says, is to make the points he wants without repeating himself day after day. When it is pointed out that one of the tenets of the "big lie" approach to propaganda is repetition, he says, "So would that work with truth? The Big Truth? I hadn't thought of that. Maybe it is better if I repeat the same things over and over.

"It's just that, sometimes, the truth is a little more complicated."

No it's not -- not when people in the biz REPEAT THEMSELVES.

Posted 11:07 AM by Gene

Well I wrote off P. R. MEL, so maybe it's too soon to write off ErrAmerica. One thing's clear: a healthy dose of PR can overcome ANYTHING.

Okay HACKS, let's repeat THIS mantra.

On the other hand, doesn't Arbitron use diaries? How accurate is that? I guess we'll REALLY hear about it.

Posted 9:39 AM by Gene

We have to play mind games with holy cockroaches whether we like it or NOT.

It won't make the warnings any less dubious or tedious, though.

Posted 8:35 AM by Gene

I don't know what R. Emmett's been drinking lately, but we can smell his breath on Spectator.org. Maybe he wants not to be knee-jerk predictable, but to call JACK! a hero, to give BUTTMAN INSTITUTE a platform for antiwar talk, to say outsourcing is a racial code word, to excuse RUPERT!!!!!!!!!! for producing a PC movie about climate change, and now to let some scribbler who does not capitalize his name (original!) blast Bill Cosby reeks of something.

And yes, Bill can be a bit more than a nuisance, but just because black youth wore ugly clothes before is no excuse.

Posted 8:24 AM by Gene

KERRY FOR PRESIDENT!!!!! (aka THE PAPER OF RECORD!!!!!) says "THE ANNOUNCEMENT APPEARED INTENDED IN PART TO DISTRACT ATTENTION FROM MR. BUSH'S SAGGING POLL NUMBERS AND PROBLEMS IN IRAQ!!!!!!!!!!"

If you ran the government, PINCH, you WOULDN'T tell us -- so that when we got kaboomed you could blame it on REPUBLICANS.

Posted 6:41 AM by Gene

"IF YOU DON'T LIKE IT FIND ANOTHER CABLE COMPANY!"

Oh we will, your eternal royal excellency King Brian. Where?

Posted 6:37 AM by Gene

Another one of those "the-truth-in-ten-words" stories from news hacks:

'Was it just rubbish?' some have asked of the works of art destroyed in this week's warehouse fire.

Given the nature of the art involved, the best answer is "almost certainly."

But just in case:

The Chapman brothers' Hell was arguably the greatest of these. It was definitely one of the ones you would have given an even chance of surviving - in art history at least. It was, I think, the best of all this generation's art, with the exception of Damien Hirst's vitrines - in fact, it was about the only work that built on Hirst, using his tanks in a way he never would, to make a picture. It was a pungent and individual fantasy, a convincing landscape of atrocity: funny, horrible and worthy of comparison with the visions of hell it quoted by Botticelli and Dante and Rodin and Francis Ford Coppola.

Now I have the answer: CERTAINLY.

Posted 6:31 AM by Gene

Another hole in the leaky bowl for JACK'S ALPHABET SOUP!

The chef feigns anger! He should be laughing cynically, as always. This was surely his intention -- to get around the Feds and let kids see whatever they want to.

Posted 6:15 AM by Gene

Next cause for NEWS HACKS: euthanasia.

Caveat: it's the loony NINTH CIRCUIT, a division of THE PAPER OF RECORD.

Posted 6:11 AM by Gene

If the holy cockroaches win their war, they will have a PC British government to thank for refusing to arrest them, current reports notwithstanding.

Posted 7:07 PM by Gene

AW SHUCKS, THERE GOES THE MONEY.

But now his campaign -- er, the NEWS HACKS can say he has PRINCIPLE. (Pffh-hh-hh!)

Posted 5:28 PM by Gene

What happened to school dress codes?

Posted 5:16 PM by Gene

Hmmm, some Arabs are building a skyscraper! Take THAT, New York!

Maybe this will bring PRIDE back to the Arab lands pffh-hh-hh!

And when they get to the height of, oh, the WTC does the whole populace go BWAAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!?

What do we do for the topping-off ceremony? A banner of OSAMA?

P. S. It's designed by Skidmore, Owings and Merrill, which couldn't come up with suitable buildings for GROUND ZERO.

Posted 5:13 PM by Gene

Finally -- a Wal-Mart in inner-city Chicago.

If the Bentonville gang is serious we should get at least one Wal-Mart in EVERY UNDER-RETAILED CITY IN AMERICA (which means practically EVERY CITY IN AMERICA).

Posted 4:59 PM by Gene

Surprise, surprise. Terry's guilty too.

May a million 120-year-old Gore Vidals seduce you where you're going.

Posted 3:43 PM by Gene

HED OF THE WEEK:

BECAUSE GAY PEOPLE NEED CRAPPY MUSIC, TOO!

Posted 1:48 PM by Gene

I've got a theme song for Romenesko's letters page!

BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!! BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!

Posted 1:42 PM by Gene

Kissinger tape: Nixon too drunk to take call

I HIC! am NOT HIC! a CROOK! HIC!!

Ben "Stone Face" Stein must be gulping down Alka-Seltzers.

Posted 11:18 AM by Gene

Why do I think of Mickey as the MAD SCIENTIST OF BLOGGERS, deviser of wild schemes and speculations, most of which never pan out?

Posted 7:02 AM by Gene

Another NEWS HACK takes a ten-word observation and turns it into 2,000 pounds of drivel:

Roland Emmerich is a director of monumentally cringe-worthy movies....

Why read further after that? When will NEWS HACKS realize truth doesn't often take thousands of words?

Posted 6:47 AM by Gene

We won't hear the end of this puff piece from PROF today. BLOGS change the WORLD!!!!!

Of course it helps if you've been a NEWS HACK and have UMPTEEN ZILLION CONNECTIONS.

Posted 6:44 AM by Gene

It is irksome to think how much of newspaper content (and how much of newspaper sycophancy) relies on PRESS PASSES.

Posted 6:32 AM by Gene

Yeah but Dubya, don't drug prices still go up even after a discount?

The pols will never learn, will they. They already know EVERYTHING.

Posted 6:27 AM by Gene

I'm glad to read THE PAPER OF RECORD promises to be more vigilantly PC than before. We wouldn't expect anything less, PINCH.

Now you can start by reviving THE TORTURE SCANDAL.

Posted 6:24 AM by Gene

I guess we're going orange again, whatever that means.

Posted 5:46 PM by Gene

One of Dow 36,000's henchmen moves Andy S.'s SOUTH PARK REPUBLICAN out of the dusty attic and polishes it with a new name: PURPLE AMERICAN.

COUGH! GAG!! WHEEZE!!! Get that DUST out of here!!!!!

Posted 5:33 PM by Gene

U. S. confirms sarin in Iraq ho-hummmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm....

Posted 5:32 PM by Gene

Since December, Murdoch has donated $5,000 to the National Republican Congressional Committee, $2,000 each to the senatorial campaigns of Charles Schumer of New York (a liberal Democrat), Bill Jones of California, Arlen Specter of Pennsylvania, and Jack Ryan of Illinois, and $5,000 to News America Holdings Inc., a political action committee of Murdoch's Fox Corp.

Does SUPERMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! know what he's doing?

Posted 5:28 PM by Gene

New panhandling law -- S.F. to take it easy
City says it will use persuasion, not jail

The more things change.... (Or should that be, "The more FRISCANS give change"?)

Posted 5:20 PM by Gene

Pollsters and pundits have no more idea who'll win in November than think tank wonks know how many people belong to al-Qaeda.

I guess it's too much to expect either side to shut up, isn't it.

Posted 5:07 PM by Gene

Looks like MY FAVORITE CHEAP CHANNEL STATION is dispensing junk again.

You boycott ESPNCorp, you boycott -- PEE-TAH!!!!! Seems counterproductive to me.

If this story makes THE BIGGIES it'll be around ALMOST AS LONG AS THE TORTURE SCANDAL.

P. S. A Google News search found eight matches, SIX ON CHEAP CHANNEL STATIONS. (I guess this is penance for Dixie Chicks.)

Posted 5:01 PM by Gene

MORONIC LINE OF THE WEEK, from CAL THOMAS:

[ERIC BURNS:] Cal, "USA Today," largest circulation of any paper in the country, not a liberal fashion by any means. What does it mean that the founder of this paper has turned on the administration?

CAL THOMAS, SYNDICATED COLUMNIST: Nothing. He's no Walter Cronkite and this is not Vietnam. To make an over-the-top comment like Al Neuharth did that this is worse than ever, ignores Vietnam and the experience, which was a far worse war with far more casualties. Being an opinion writer is like being a perpetual adolescent. You can have opinions on everything and take responsibility for nothing. His opinions don't mean anything. They don't have all the facts.

BURNS: There are some shows on all-news cable in which the opinions do matter though, don't you think?

THOMAS: Oh yes, on ours, of course, and including the one I just I gave.

Posted 4:59 PM by Gene

THE NEWS HACK'S CREED, AGAIN:


I know more than you.

I make lots more money than you.

I'm smarter than you.

I'm sexier than you.

I appear on TV all the time.

I work ten minutes a day.

I rule the universe.

I'm going to live forever.

You are an idiot.

Posted 4:53 PM by Gene

Among the many supremely wearying things about news hacks is their occasional internecine fights over why rock ad-blurb copywriting stinks. Certainly it does not help when one of the brethren writes, in THE PAPER OF RECORD no less,

Youth is a quality not unlike health: it's found in greater abundance among the young, but we all need access to it.

And bad writing is in SUPREME abundance among NEWS HACKS.

Posted 2:17 PM by Gene

Look little, I know you're upset you lost your cat, but next time, think before you quote.

Posted 11:54 AM by Gene

It would have been far more instructive to get this woman, who apparently lost out on many news jobs because she admitted in interviews she was a Republican, to ask, "What do you do, MARK WHITAKER?!?!?"

I know the answer: he "pushes the envelope" with Norman Thomas's grandson and EXCLAMATION POINTS.

One other thing: on your salary and with your megalomania YOU DON'T LISTEN EITHER.

Thanks to Romenesko for the juxtaposition.

Posted 10:30 AM by Gene

LOWSY MAYS is at it again.

If some radio prankster were to ask listeners to leave excrement at CHEAP CHANNEL'S HQ in San Anton' there wouldn't be enough excrement for the job.

Posted 8:27 AM by Gene

Military Reporters Group Supports Media's Coverage of Iraqi Abuse

Haven't we mentioned the fox and the henhouse often enough?

Posted 6:41 AM by Gene

DANCE FEVER RETURNS!!!!!

Looks like the producers did the CURLEY (Nyuk! Nyuk! Nyuk!) SHUFFLE!

Posted 5:36 PM by Gene

ST. HOWARD of STERNO says ZONNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN'S LEAVING!

Who says censorship is bad?

By the way, is FMQB.com the AIN'T IT COOL NEWS of RADIO? Every time IWantMedia links there it's always something D-U-M DUMB. (Not your fault, IWantMedia.)

Posted 5:23 PM by Gene

Great! Terry Teachout's writing a bio of Satchmo! Go for it! But don't stray too far from your blog.

Posted 5:15 PM by Gene

FLASH FROM NEWSMAX!!!!!!!!!!! LEGENDARY WELCH SAYS VICE-PRESIDENT INSIDE MAY STEP DOWN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

To be replaced by -- hinthint?

ARE YOU TRYING TO FIRE SOMEBODY?

FURTHER CAVEAT: He said it on FOX!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!News.

Posted 5:11 PM by Gene

Oh well, no one reads my blog, but at least I have fun doing it!

Posted 5:08 PM by Gene

WOW! A BLOGGER BREAKS NEWS!!!!!

Cometa Networks Closes Its Doors Starting Tomorrow

EARTH-SHATTERING!!!!!

Hey guy! You may be as bad as Romenesko! (Where this posted.)

Posted 5:05 PM by Gene

Though, the war and the Second Amendment aside, my views are probably closer to those of the press than the general public....

PROF! You just defined GLIBERTARIAN!

Posted 5:02 PM by Gene

Okay, we'll concede that the Fumblers, Bumblers and Incompetents didn't know what they were doing (as always). Nonetheless, his CV merited suspicion, and can we always be free from mistakes when people elect to hang out with bad guys?

Posted 4:53 PM by Gene

TV ADVERTISING DOESN'T WORK FOR MATURE PACKAGE GOODS
Deutsche Bank Study Cites Wasted Brand Spending

CONSUMERS LARGELY UNMOVED BY PRESIDENTIAL CAMPAIGN ADS
92% Say Ads Have Not Altered Their Voting Preferences

Hmmm, I wonder what these two stories have in common? Beats me.

Posted 4:49 PM by Gene

Why does Kinsley.com bother with this? You can tell Bill's heart is not into it. If a Democrat were a rotten president and a Republican who'd be a good guy without being Sen. McPAIN were the candidates, Bill would tear the REPUBLICAN apart. Really guy, you're doing it for show, and after THE REPORT show doesn't pay at the betting window.

Posted 9:50 AM by Gene

And based on this survey WHY IS IT A BAD THING FOR THE YOUNG TO AVOID THE MEDIA POLICE STATE?

Posted 9:39 AM by Gene

Hey IDIOTS! Want to improve your MORALE? Do these things: 1. Report on THE TORTURE SCANDAL for the next six months to the exclusion of everything else; 2. Campaign for DIPPITY-DO!!!!! until the last vote is cast; 3. Sell MORE SHOW-BIZ PROPERTIES with EXCLAMATION POINTS; and 4. Do it all in language stultifying, condescending and coy.

How bad is it? Even HOWIE THE HAIR SHIRT ADMITS THE BIZ IS BIASED.

If this MEA CULPA doesn't FURTHER prove the AVERAGE NEWS HACK is ONE PART JAYSON, ONE PART WALTER DURANTY AND ONE PART GRAYDON, I don't know WHAT DOES.

Posted 6:54 AM by Gene

Question: Do better grades make worse students?

Posted 6:51 AM by Gene

Speaking of which, THE CROSSFIRE comes to GOOGLE.

Posted 6:40 AM by Gene

True, Michael Moore is a liar, but I wouldn't get that exercised, Fred; after all, you STAR on The McLaughlin Group, which begat THE CROSSFIRE, which begat the O'Frankens and Anns and MICHAEL MOORES.

Posted 6:30 AM by Gene

Meantime ST. WARREN OF BUFFETT and LENNY continue to ignore THE REAL OUTRAGES IN THEIR OWN BACKYARD -- possibly because VERY FEW WAPOSTIES LIVE IN D.C.?

Posted 6:27 AM by Gene

Here I thought THE SMOKING GUN would reap a NEW ROUND OF PROPAGANDA, er TRUTH, TWENTY-FOUR HOURS A DAY of PERFIDY -- but if the NEWS HACKS' WEB SITES have any meaning THEY HAVEN'T PLAYED IT UP YET! Wasn't this -- A VIDEO -- AND AREN'T VIDEOS TRUE? Doesn't A PICTURE TELL A THOUSAND WORDS?????

And how many are lies?

Posted 6:23 AM by Gene

This headline is dedicated to YOU, JOHN "OMERTA" CARROLL:

They May Protest Too Much

Posted 6:16 AM by Gene

I wish I could take a screenshot and download it, but this paraphrase of Boston.com will have to do:


Sox complete three-game Jays sweep

So now DIP can win BALL GAMES! Can he win one for ol' Hahvahd or BC?

Posted 6:40 PM by Gene

No sooner do I post about STERNO than I find this through the terrifically useful IWantMedia.com:

Pope John Paul today called for regulations to ensure that media was truthful....

I've said "Hell freezes over" ENOUGH.

Nothing against the Pope, by the way.

Posted 6:39 PM by Gene

You know, STERNO, if you'd stop listening to HOWARD and merely wrote for YOURSELF I might PRAISE you.

Posted 6:27 PM by Gene

Most people who have trouble sleeping count sleep, or drink warm milk, or take a sleeping pill. All NEWS HACKS have to do is recall stories like this.

Posted 6:25 PM by Gene

If only we could take MICROSOFT'S HAIRY ARM and punch some of these NEWS HACKS in the NOSE.

Posted 6:22 PM by Gene

Why is it that the only thing that can bring CONSERVATIVES and LIBERALS together is an UNCRITICAL LOVE for THIS?

Posted 6:20 PM by Gene

YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY!!!!!!!!! MY LAI!!!!!!!!!!

THERE'S CHAMPAGNE FLOWING IN AMERICA'S LUXURY NEWS SUITES TONIGHT!!!!!

Posted 5:54 PM by Gene

Why does God have to defend Itself?

Guess I'd better update the NEWS HACKS' DICTIONARY again.

Rashomon time again at America's hermetically sealed spin factories. RUPERT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!'s already stuck His (meaning RUPERT!!!!!!!!!!!!'s) fangs into this masterwork because His (meaning RUPERT!!!!!!!!!!!!'s) company didn't produce it.

Posted 4:35 PM by Gene

Sorry Rick, I'll bet this election is decided by the usual SCARED soccer moms.

Posted 4:12 PM by Gene

I reluctantly post away even though I know it won't get any hits: one of Curley's (Nyuk! Nyuk! Nyuk!) Stooges lets a little unintended thinking get through:

At least 300,000 people were murdered by security forces and buried in mass graves during the dictator's 23-year rule, U.S. officials say, and human rights workers put the number closer to 500,000.

"We cannot compare the situation now with how it was before," Nouri Jaber al-Nouri, inspector general of the Interior Ministry, said recently. "Iraqis used to fear everything. ... But now, despite all that is happening, we feel safe."

Of course, what is any news hack's campaigning without a but, BUT...I have never been angrier at news hacks than I am now. I don't not trust them ONE IOTA to tell the truth, I only expect them to lie, to spin, to sell, and to make BIG BUCKS for themselves; the industry is one part JAYSON and one part GRAYDON. This generation of NEWS HACKS must be the most petty and corrupt in the whole sleazy sordid history of their business -- and that's why I'm so frustrated in blogging.

Posted 4:12 PM by Gene

I'm thinking of abandoning my blog altogether. What's the use of getting mad for two hits? If someone paid attention it might be worthwhile, but why get agitated over things beyond your control if your only audience is yourself? I will probably not post again until tomorrow.

Posted 12:22 PM by Gene

Can anyone tell me why TWXSTER newsrag is celebrating the sixtieth anniversary of D-Day except to divert from the fact it'll probably celebrate THE SIXTIETH ANNIVERSARY OF THE TORTURE SCANDAL, or maybe to make another WISECRACK at DUBYA?(!)

Or are you mad that MARK STOLE YOUR SYNERGY and will do ANYTHING to forget about it?(!) (But then you'd do ANYTHING anyway!)

Posted 12:10 PM by Gene

See! SEE! The Israelis ARE NAZIS! A CABINET MEMBER proves it!

And I can prove the moon's made of cheese!

Posted 9:19 AM by Gene

Sorry, it's one thing to be denied the presidency because you're a Catholic, it's another thing to make people mad because you're PC ON ABORTION.

Oops! (!)

Posted 9:14 AM by Gene

Hey PAPEROFRECORDLITE.COM! You may think you invented A GREAT THING with those FULL SCREEN POPUPS -- with SOUND! But as they SPREAD people will not mention your name in HOLY WHISPERINGS, PAPEROFRECORDLITE.COM!

Posted 9:06 AM by Gene

Look at it this way, Flyers -- with a strike all next year you won't have to defend a title!

Posted 8:53 AM by Gene

And George "MY BUSINESS IS MY BUSINESS" Will! Time to strike up a chorus of "We're in the Money"!!!!!

Posted 8:46 AM by Gene

More good news: GENERAL leaves to CHANGE THE WORLD! (Only, of course, it's NOT NEWS, just more SPECULATION from CURLEY'S [Nyuk! Nyuk! Nyuk!] UNBYLINED STOOGES! Hey, but daydreaming's part of the job!)

Unless, of course Dubya loses, and the AP will be campaigning -- I mean, reporting the election news impartially!

Posted 8:43 AM by Gene

Hey Prof! Has your colleague MICKEY been typing too much?????!

Posted 8:37 AM by Gene

JOHN! JOHN "OMERTA" CARROLL! BAAAAAAAAAAD NEWS!!!!!

Stop dancing and see a shrink!

Posted 8:18 AM by Gene

If we could get a camera into JOHN "OMERTA" CARROLL'S super-expensive office when he "edits" stuff like this we could see a giddy celebration of terpsichore to rival Fred Astaire!!!!! He's dancing and he can't be bothered now!!!!! A few more such happy stories and he'll be DANCING ON THE WALLS AND THE CEILING -- if he isn't already!!!!!

And with FOUR FORMERS AND A RETIRED! Telephone call for Mr. Astaire! Paging Mr. Astaire!

Posted 8:18 AM by Gene

In honor of this TREMENDOUS ACHIEVEMENT, and this TREMENDOUS ACHIEVER, we will use EXCLAMATION POINTS ON ALL OUR BLURBS -- I mean, POSTS TODAY!!!!! What BETTER WAY TO START THAN WITH:

I wonder if some French architect won some sort of Palme d'Or for this.

(Sorry! I'm not taking any chances with TECHNORATI!!!!!)

Posted 7:44 AM by Gene

Our NEWS HACK OF THE YEAR award goes to -- MARK WHITAKER! Mention the word DRUDGE to him and he fulminates about all the EEEEEEEEEEEEVIL he's brought to the business; he was responsible for JANET COOKE, JAYSON, JACK KELLEY, THE HITLER DIARIES, CONSERVATIVES -- so what does this IMMORTAL GENIUS OF THE LUXURY NEWS SUITE DO? HE STEALS A SHTICK FROM THE HAT HIMSELF -- HE BRINGS BACK THE EXCLAMATION POINT!!!!! The man wants to SHOW THE WORLD he can sell with the best of them -- AND TAKE THAT, TWXSTERS!!!!! Now that's he's used the EXCLAMATION POINT TO SELL, he can USE IT TO SPIN -- as in cover ads like "JOHN KERRY -- A LEGEND FOR THE AGES!!!!!" or "IRAQ: AMERICA IS FINISHED!!!!!!!!!!" Think of all the things we can SELL with EXCLAMATION POINTS!!!!!!!!!! YOU'LL SINGLEHANDEDLY REVIVE THE NEWS BIZ!!!!! (The only wonder is he didn't use it with OUR MAN IN IRAQ, but SUPERB INNOVATIONS LIKE THIS REQUIRE EXTENSIVE FOCUS-GROUP TESTING!!!!! Besides, IT'S TACKY ENOUGH DOING IT ONCE!!!!!) ST. WARREN OF BUFFETT SHOULD GIVE YOU HALF HIS FORTUNE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

WHO'S GRAYDON CARTER -- NEXT TO YOU!!!!!!!!!!