THE NEWS HACK'S CREED:
I know more than you.
I make lots more money than you.
I'm smarter than you.
I'm sexier than you.
I appear on TV all the time.
I work ten minutes a day.
I rule the universe.
I'm going to live forever.
You are an idiot.
THE NEWS HACK'S CREED, No. 2:
A lie isn't a lie when it tells THE TRUTH.
THE NEWS HACK'S CREED, No. 3:
I've come to realize that the looseness of the journalistic life, the seeming laxity of the newsroom, is an illusion. Yes, there's informality and there's humor, but beneath the surface lies something deadly serious. It is a code. Sometimes the code is not even written down, but it is deeply believed in. And, when violated, it is enforced with tribal ferocity.
--JOHN "OMERTA" CARROLL.
THE NEWS HACK'S CREED, No. 4:
News isn't news when we don't report it.
PERMALINKS:
THE NEWS HACKS' DICTIONARY
THE EUGENE DAVID GLOSSARY
AMERICA'S MOST UNINTENTIONALLY FUNNY WEB SITE!
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Saturday, June 05, 2004
Does Your Vote Matter?
In a word, NO -- and neither the conservative "reform" of SPENDSPENDSPEND nor the liberal "reform" of strangling politics with regulations is the answer. Our politics are so corrupt there may be none.
And Timmy's Terrible Tantrum gives a reason why -- with such PAID PARTISANS dominating politics there's no reason to vote; you already know their lies by heart.
In a word, NO -- and neither the conservative "reform" of SPENDSPENDSPEND nor the liberal "reform" of strangling politics with regulations is the answer. Our politics are so corrupt there may be none.
And Timmy's Terrible Tantrum gives a reason why -- with such PAID PARTISANS dominating politics there's no reason to vote; you already know their lies by heart.
And how will HOLLYWOOD honor him? As always -- with SILENCE.
And what will the newsWEAKlies do for Ronald Reagan? Nothing. He died at the right time -- just late enough so they don't have to engage in the despicable business of honoring him.
Post’s Prowar Editorial Writers Moving to Support John Kerry
Well GOLLY GEE! How would ANYONE have KNOWN?!?!?
Well GOLLY GEE! How would ANYONE have KNOWN?!?!?
I am probably the ONLY person in America who will admit he was getting SICK and TIRED of hearing SMARTY JONES THIS SMARTY JONES THAT, so I am gloating a little now.
And it happened in the final furlong, as the last several times. Maybe it is time to fix the Triple Crown. Or maybe not.
And it happened in the final furlong, as the last several times. Maybe it is time to fix the Triple Crown. Or maybe not.
Well (or as he would have said, wehell) I did see him in person, once -- at a very noisy campaign rally at Millersville University in '84. I was about fifteen or twenty feet away from the podium, and left the place with half my hearing gone. He was about what he looked like on television, but his face had an orange sheen, as did his hair. I don't remember the speech -- such speeches aren't meant to be remembered -- but SEN. SPECTOR was there (he knew a good reelection when he saw one), and Mrs. DIPPITY-DO's first husband was there (I shouldn't make fun; Sen. Heinz died in a truly needless accident along with several children), and a few in the crowd tried to get the oily Sam Donaldson's attention (he wouldn't budge), and it was an exciting event -- one at a time.
I wish I could talk more about Ronald Reagan the actor, but I've only seen a few of his features, most notably the deathless She's Working Her Way Through College, which has a special place in my brain as it was adapted (not well, but entertainingly enough) from the dated campus comedy The Male Animal -- a collaboration of the actor and director Elliott Nugent and my writing inspiration James Thurber (I played the reactionary trustee in a college production) -- and it contained the first known caricature of him with that pointy hair. And some lousy songs. (By Vernon Duke.) One other reason to note it is that Reagan's co-star Gene Nelson (whose name looms large in DER KULT OF HERR DOKTOR SONDHEIM) did a showy gymnastic routine, which inspired a young truck driver named Elvis Presley. (They did two of his bad movies together.) I always thought Reagan would be perfect playing one of my heroes, Oscar Hammerstein II, in the film biography which refuses to materialize. They had that same craggy handsome sincerity, that same wholesome earnestness; and if their politics were worlds apart (Hammerstein was a notorious Eleanor Roosevelt liberal -- as was Reagan early on) boiled down to the minimum, they were very much alike. That's why he succeeded; that's why he deserved to.
When I posted earlier on how the news hacks would react to the passing of a man who was, after all, their adversary, I really took their word that it would be "weeks or months," as they said, and not so suddenly. (As if this were unexpected.) Nonetheless we should keep an eye on the IndyMedias and their friends in the "mainstream" of news hackery and carve every one of their calumnies in the stone of memory.
Sadly, the colleges are on their summer breaks, so we won't have cheering celebrations of their own wisdom. But the faculties will still be there, ready to eructate as usual.
P. S. An admission: I voted for John Anderson in 1980, a vote I am NOT proud of.
Sadly, the colleges are on their summer breaks, so we won't have cheering celebrations of their own wisdom. But the faculties will still be there, ready to eructate as usual.
P. S. An admission: I voted for John Anderson in 1980, a vote I am NOT proud of.
Ronald Reagan achieved much, and much that will endure. First on the list was his forceful shove that brought down European Communism and abated nuclear conflict. He put America back on its feet after the woeful mismanagement of four incompetents. Following a dreadful recession (in part to correct Nixon's catastrophic economic tinkering and the inflation that followed) his presidency launched the twenty-year expansion that, if it has relied too much on firings and LEGENDARY WELCHES, and nerds with buttons, at least gave most people an increased sense of well-being. He made it possible for America to use its military strength again without apology, releasing us from the paralysis of Vietnam and halting Communism's spread to our south as well. All this said, he did bad things too: he allowed free-lancing rogues to play scoundrelly patriot games with our foreign policy in his last disengaged years; he let budget deficits soar (which did or didn't matter depending on your party and the time frame) and government bloat, and he signed the S&L Robbery Act, one of the worst pieces of -- legislation in the post-war era. Nor did he stop the social rot from advancing ever further in society; despite his putative opposition, abortions remained as fashionable a means of population control as ever, and our creative culture stinks in no small measure because he never said anything. (Or worse; he made RUPERT!!!!!!!!!!!!!! an American citizen.) Most to his discredit, despite taking what he called "responsibility" for the massacre of our Marines in Lebanon he did nothing to stop the spread of terrorism, a black mark, unignorable and unbleachable. But the screaming meemies (and one suspects they will try to keep their gloating fairly quiet, except on the campuses) cannot wrest his accomplishments from him. He certainly wasn't our best president -- the knee-jerk conservatives will bloviate that case in the next few days -- but in the important ways he was a darn sight better than what we had for a long time, or what we have now, and he came at exactly the right time. Truth to tell, we could use his calm optimism in spades about now.
One very good thing: at least neither he nor his family have to suffer further from the awfulness of Alzheimer's. He is now in a place where there is no Alzheimer's, a place with nothing but peace.
Another of PROF's co-productions has the brilliant idea of letting every person run his own radio station.
Like having every person running his own newspaper -- BLOG. Where's the audience in it?
Why do the BLOGGERS who get UMPTEEN GAZILLION HITS harrumph the loudest about schemes like this? Are they gloating -- or guilty?
Like having every person running his own newspaper -- BLOG. Where's the audience in it?
Why do the BLOGGERS who get UMPTEEN GAZILLION HITS harrumph the loudest about schemes like this? Are they gloating -- or guilty?
Going unnoticed midst all the self-congratulatory blather of RECORD B. O. this week is that the numbers nine and ten movies are together playing in about 800 houses. The popcorn restaurants are now one giant theme park.
Another NIKKI FINKE blasts the moguls.
Problem is, there will always be media moguls. There were moguls in the theater and vaudeville. Thomas Edison was the first electronic entertainment mogul. He was followed by Carl Laemmle, the anti-mogul who became a mogul. He was followed by the immigrants, who in turn were followed by the current generation of slime. Already KING BRIAN has assumed his own cushy velvet throne. Nick Denton wants to be Mr. Webmogul. No, there will always be media moguls, and their product will always be BAD.
Or as IMDB.com says of Laemmle:
[H]is output consisted mostly of low-budget westerns and melodramas, churned out in a process designed to resemble a factory.
The more things change....
Problem is, there will always be media moguls. There were moguls in the theater and vaudeville. Thomas Edison was the first electronic entertainment mogul. He was followed by Carl Laemmle, the anti-mogul who became a mogul. He was followed by the immigrants, who in turn were followed by the current generation of slime. Already KING BRIAN has assumed his own cushy velvet throne. Nick Denton wants to be Mr. Webmogul. No, there will always be media moguls, and their product will always be BAD.
Or as IMDB.com says of Laemmle:
[H]is output consisted mostly of low-budget westerns and melodramas, churned out in a process designed to resemble a factory.
The more things change....
LOWSY MAYS isn't the only broadcaster with contempt for his audience. But then I stopped listening to the radio long ago -- and so have many others.
Astonishing that this appears in a RUPERT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! site, and RUPERT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! has done his share in advancing excellence in the arts.
Astonishing that this appears in a RUPERT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! site, and RUPERT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! has done his share in advancing excellence in the arts.
J'ACCUSE! CATHOLIC UNIVERSITY IS A HOTBED OF BIGOTS!
In truth, even Curley's (Nyuk! Nyuk! Nyuk!) Stooge admits the school has adequate reasons for turning the petitioner down. Besides, how many conservative student groups have been denied charter for their groups without a CURLEY megaphone at their side? I smell a rat.
In truth, even Curley's (Nyuk! Nyuk! Nyuk!) Stooge admits the school has adequate reasons for turning the petitioner down. Besides, how many conservative student groups have been denied charter for their groups without a CURLEY megaphone at their side? I smell a rat.
What will the news hacks do when Ronald Reagan dies? They must already be conflicted: surely he was an EEEEEEEEEEEEEEVIL man, but if they do the full-tilt Indymedia routine (as they must dearly want to in the back of their hollowed hearts) it might, well, it might hurt circulation. So we'll probably say a lot of things we don't mean, trying to mitigate the bitter taste of the medicine about what an awful president Reagan was with the sugar that he suffered from an awful disease, and he led a fine life. No, Ronald Reagan need not apologize. The news hacks, just by doing their non-job, will be all apology.
One thing's clear: he'll get congratulations from many college campuses -- and from Ted Rall and Michael Moore.
One thing's clear: he'll get congratulations from many college campuses -- and from Ted Rall and Michael Moore.
Poll: Half of French feel no moral debt
Half their grandparents were collaborators.
I wonder: Would Reuters have become the official news agency of Nazi Europe?
Half their grandparents were collaborators.
I wonder: Would Reuters have become the official news agency of Nazi Europe?
Friday, June 04, 2004
Fatwa urges Saudis, expats to inform on terror suspects
Pffh-hh-hh-hh hh ha ha ha ha ha ha HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!!!!!
Pffh-hh-hh-hh hh ha ha ha ha ha ha HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!!!!!
The latest Potter flick is deeper, darker
You KNOW the ad-blurb copywriters don't know their rear ends from a hole in the ground when they make a movie sound like COFFEE.
You KNOW the ad-blurb copywriters don't know their rear ends from a hole in the ground when they make a movie sound like COFFEE.
"Toxic dust" found on computer processors and monitors contains chemicals linked to reproductive and neurological disorders, according to a new study by several environmental groups....
"This will be a great surprise to everyone who uses a computer," said Ted Smith, director of the Toxics Coalition.
YEAH.
SO WHY DOESN'T IT KILL BUGS?????
"This will be a great surprise to everyone who uses a computer," said Ted Smith, director of the Toxics Coalition.
YEAH.
SO WHY DOESN'T IT KILL BUGS?????
Why we should NEVER trust the conventional wisdom:
Dave's "dark" period -- his stint on NBC and his first year or two on CBS --isn't quite as dark as it's cracked up to be. If you watch Late Night reruns on the Trio cable network, you'll find Dave peddling a pretty mild brand of antiestablishment comedy. (The show seemed naughtier because it ran after Johnny Carson's Tonight Show, the sine qua non of establishment television.)...[His CBS] show -- because of his heart surgery, his age, his new baby, whatever -- has become a syrupy facsimile of Leno's. Guests trot on to plug their latest projects. Mild comedy follows the monologue.
Worse, he has to get really sick to spike his ratings. It's taken TEN YEARS for SOMEONE to write an article like THIS?
Dave's "dark" period -- his stint on NBC and his first year or two on CBS --isn't quite as dark as it's cracked up to be. If you watch Late Night reruns on the Trio cable network, you'll find Dave peddling a pretty mild brand of antiestablishment comedy. (The show seemed naughtier because it ran after Johnny Carson's Tonight Show, the sine qua non of establishment television.)...[His CBS] show -- because of his heart surgery, his age, his new baby, whatever -- has become a syrupy facsimile of Leno's. Guests trot on to plug their latest projects. Mild comedy follows the monologue.
Worse, he has to get really sick to spike his ratings. It's taken TEN YEARS for SOMEONE to write an article like THIS?
Herr Doktor VOLOKH does it again: in 808 words (why not 8,808?) he says Kinsley.com's "Kerryisms" running gag isn't worth it -- something I said ten days ago in 61. Alas, I don't get eight hundred quintllion hexazillion hits a minute, nor am I one of the GREAT LEGAL THINKERS OF THE AGE.
Just as I thought the American Society of Willfully Ignorant Advertisers was showing the dullest glint of sense....
And a Mitsubishi Motors exec named Beavis (!) says, "Over 80% of our customers go online to research the price of a car."
WHY CAN'T YOU MORONS GO WHERE THE CUSTOMERS ARE? THE CUSTOMERS ARE ONLINE. WHY MUST YOU CONTINUE TO FINANCE JUNK TELEVISION?!?!?
And a Mitsubishi Motors exec named Beavis (!) says, "Over 80% of our customers go online to research the price of a car."
WHY CAN'T YOU MORONS GO WHERE THE CUSTOMERS ARE? THE CUSTOMERS ARE ONLINE. WHY MUST YOU CONTINUE TO FINANCE JUNK TELEVISION?!?!?
What news hacks don't spin...
But even a relatively inexpensive guerilla effort, because it's seen by a narrow local audience, only truly pays off if the message spreads virally -- via gossip, the Internet, tabloids or TV news -- and emerges as a story communicated nationally. That's the role of public relations and, subsequently, journalists, which are crucial to promulgating a message and hence, brand awareness. [Emphasis added.]
This in a story about "extreme" advertising. But a word here, and a word there, and couldn't this apply just as readily to politics and foreign affairs? That word guerilla isn't there for nothing. Neither are the "JOURNALISTS."
WHAT NEWS HACKS DON'T SPIN....
But even a relatively inexpensive guerilla effort, because it's seen by a narrow local audience, only truly pays off if the message spreads virally -- via gossip, the Internet, tabloids or TV news -- and emerges as a story communicated nationally. That's the role of public relations and, subsequently, journalists, which are crucial to promulgating a message and hence, brand awareness. [Emphasis added.]
This in a story about "extreme" advertising. But a word here, and a word there, and couldn't this apply just as readily to politics and foreign affairs? That word guerilla isn't there for nothing. Neither are the "JOURNALISTS."
WHAT NEWS HACKS DON'T SPIN....
Here's predicting SLICK's masterwork boasts of more spelling and grammatical errors than any book since This Side of Paradise.
For years now, we’ve grown accustomed to the personality flaws of the men who would be moguls — especially the degree to which Big Media boys tinker with their toys. For every Mel Karmazin, who would say, “The day I start looking at pilots is the day you should start selling your stock in the company,” there’s his boss, Sumner Redstone, who, at the behest of his then movie-producer girlfriend, made a crack-of-dawn call to a Paramount screenwriter and ranted, “You’re late with that f---ing rewrite.” For every Dick Parsons, who boasts to friends he can’t be bothered to watch his own television product, there’s Michael Eisner, who spent weeks trying to resolve a plot problem involving apparent incest between brother and sister animals for a straight-to-video sequel to The Lion King. And for every Jeffrey Immelt, who’d rather talk about General Electric’s medical equipment than its NBC subsidiary, there’s Jack Welch, the retired GE chairman, who became so embroiled in the network’s business that he’d start off conversations asking about the weight of his increasingly fat Veronica’s Closet sitcom star, Kirstie Alley.
If only this weren't Nikki Finke, and if only this weren't just another lap in a circular argument.
If only this weren't Nikki Finke, and if only this weren't just another lap in a circular argument.
FINALLY, the American Society of Willfully Ignorant Advertisers is wasting ever-so-slightly LESS on the networks, which means it will waste MORE somewhere else.
"I would have loved to cover D-Day," says CNN's Blitzer
CBS MarketWatch
"I wish I could have had access to General Eisenhower, leading up to the invasion," CNN newsman and history buff Wolf Blitzer tells Jon Friedman. "I would've asked him, 'Going in, you're expecting a 70 percent casualty rate? You could be right. You could be wrong. They could be sitting ducks.'" Parade mag's Lamar Graham on today's media covering D-Day: "The Germans would know we were coming because it would be on CNN."
Honestly Romy's so fast with his typing he doesn't know what he's posted. You sure THIS should be in here with YOUR bona fides?
CBS MarketWatch
"I wish I could have had access to General Eisenhower, leading up to the invasion," CNN newsman and history buff Wolf Blitzer tells Jon Friedman. "I would've asked him, 'Going in, you're expecting a 70 percent casualty rate? You could be right. You could be wrong. They could be sitting ducks.'" Parade mag's Lamar Graham on today's media covering D-Day: "The Germans would know we were coming because it would be on CNN."
Honestly Romy's so fast with his typing he doesn't know what he's posted. You sure THIS should be in here with YOUR bona fides?
That preceding tantrum is one indication why newspapers, bad though they are now, will be UNREADABLE in ten years (assuming they haven't adopted the INNOVATIONS I described before): future truth tellers will have been raised almost entirely on the Web and the tub thumpers, meaning even the ASTROLOGY CHARTS become partisan.
Those EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEVIL Republicans take their revenge on the THEATAH!!!!!
OR:
[T]he Tonys show on CBS practically needs a shot of steroids to bulk up its audience.
Its ratings have been in steady decline....
Could that be because the THEATAH is BETTAH THAN EVAH? Nah.
OR:
[T]he Tonys show on CBS practically needs a shot of steroids to bulk up its audience.
Its ratings have been in steady decline....
Could that be because the THEATAH is BETTAH THAN EVAH? Nah.
The two-fisted tyrant of Virginia, MISTAH MAW-RAN, lands another self-inflicted blow below his belt.
Where would Congress be without fighters and comedians?
Where would Congress be without fighters and comedians?
Some of Harvard Mutual Fund's former customers are MAD because it has MR. SHAKEDOWNS in its ranks!
The Fund can pay for them. All it has to do is raise its FEES.
The Fund can pay for them. All it has to do is raise its FEES.
The megamillionaire endlessly-yapping supersmelly sock puppet of "news" says "the consensus" (whoever that is) says George was "the most effective [CIA] director in many years!!!!!"
I wonder what an INEFFECTIVE director would have been like.
I wonder what an INEFFECTIVE director would have been like.
THE SUPERBLOGGER WITH THE HARD-TO-READ SITE DOES IT AGAIN:
FLATULENT PUSBAG FOLLOW-UP: The ad I linked to yesterday was, in fact, a parody of MoveOn's Bush-hating ad contest. You can read about it here. My bad.
You bad, all right. You keep this up and you be very bad.
FLATULENT PUSBAG FOLLOW-UP: The ad I linked to yesterday was, in fact, a parody of MoveOn's Bush-hating ad contest. You can read about it here. My bad.
You bad, all right. You keep this up and you be very bad.
Thursday, June 03, 2004
Not long ago Newt's former spokesbelch gloated that his Republicans could be just as irresponsible as the Democrats.
Keeping in mind the elephantine grain of salt that this IS THE PAPER OF RECORD, more shenaningans like this and they'll lose in a LANDSLIDE.
Keeping in mind the elephantine grain of salt that this IS THE PAPER OF RECORD, more shenaningans like this and they'll lose in a LANDSLIDE.
The Big C adds a DOUBLE DOSE of COMEDY! First the SOUTH PARK REPUBLICAN and now -- REV!!!!!!!!!!
Who says the sitcom's dead?
Who says the sitcom's dead?
I can see why PROF linked to this: Cathy uses 1,300 words to intimate that most good (i.e., conservative) bloggers have blue eyes.
This is like the Lord creating the universe so He could invent the gnat.
This is like the Lord creating the universe so He could invent the gnat.
Oh what an awful thing to be GOD:
EMBATTLED Disney CEO Michael Eisner's much-anticipated memoir, "Camp," may be spiked permanently after an argument with the publisher, sources tell PAGE SIX.
Pffh-hh-hh!
"The manuscript [H]e turned in was really boring..."
Ha ha ha ha ha ha!!
"It was supposed to be more autobiographical, but it was just all about sending your kids to camp. And who wants their kids to turn out like Michael Eisner?"
HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!!!!!
[T]he buzz is that the Disney despot plans to step down at the end of the summer and that [H]e's handpicked former Viacom president Mel Karmazin as [H]is successor. The Post reported yesterday that Karmazin has been eyeing the job.
"Eisner trusts Mel," says one of our sources. "They've been talking about him taking over."
REMEMBER BRADLEY HAMMERMASTER!
P. S. I did not capitalize ZONNNNNNNNNNNNNNN's pronoun as he's looking for another Hell -- HEAVEN!!!!!
EMBATTLED Disney CEO Michael Eisner's much-anticipated memoir, "Camp," may be spiked permanently after an argument with the publisher, sources tell PAGE SIX.
Pffh-hh-hh!
"The manuscript [H]e turned in was really boring..."
Ha ha ha ha ha ha!!
"It was supposed to be more autobiographical, but it was just all about sending your kids to camp. And who wants their kids to turn out like Michael Eisner?"
HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!!!!!
[T]he buzz is that the Disney despot plans to step down at the end of the summer and that [H]e's handpicked former Viacom president Mel Karmazin as [H]is successor. The Post reported yesterday that Karmazin has been eyeing the job.
"Eisner trusts Mel," says one of our sources. "They've been talking about him taking over."
REMEMBER BRADLEY HAMMERMASTER!
P. S. I did not capitalize ZONNNNNNNNNNNNNNN's pronoun as he's looking for another Hell -- HEAVEN!!!!!
More EXCELLENCE in REPORTING from CURLEY'S (NYUK! NYUK! NYUK!) STOOGES!!!!!
Remember THIS the next time they yell QUAGMIRE! or campaign for DIPPITY-DO!
Bradley Hammermaster! That sounds like a name you should adopt, TOM!
Remember THIS the next time they yell QUAGMIRE! or campaign for DIPPITY-DO!
Bradley Hammermaster! That sounds like a name you should adopt, TOM!
This CLOWN should have resigned on 9/12.
Of course the NEWS HACKS will gloat because it allows them to fire up QUAGMIRE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! again; but I wouldn't gloat too hard when one of the brethren gives his age and birth date as "44. Jan. 5, 1953."
Of course the NEWS HACKS will gloat because it allows them to fire up QUAGMIRE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! again; but I wouldn't gloat too hard when one of the brethren gives his age and birth date as "44. Jan. 5, 1953."
Another truism in twenty words or less:
It's not hard to find the allure in rating others' looks online. What's less obvious is why people choose to be rated.
It's not hard to find the allure in rating others' looks online. What's less obvious is why people choose to be rated.
Unbreakable Union of freeborn Republics...
FOX NEWS GAVE ITS VIEWERS *DEMONSTRABLY FALSE INFORMATION!!!!!*
Great Russia has welded forver to stand...
I NEVER, EVER EXPECTED TO FIND MYSELF UTTERING THE FOLLOWING: JAYSON BLAIR DOESN'T LOOK SO BAD RIGHT ABOUT NOW!!!!!
Created in struggle by will of the people...
WHY BE SURPRISED WHEN DEMAGOGUES RESORT TO DEMAGOGUERY? GET TOO CLOSE TO A SKUNK AND IT SPRAYS. AND YET THE ROGER AILES REFERENCE TO NICK BERG IS TOO DELICIOUSLY VILE TO BE LEFT UNREMARKED UPON -- VILE BECAUSE IT IS A SICK LIE, DELICIOUS BECAUSE IT SO PERFECTLY EXPRESSES THE DISHONESTY AND DEEP CYNICISM THAT IS FOX NEWS CHANNEL'S STOCK IN TRADE!!!!!
United and mighty, our Soviet land!
FOR THE LAST TIME -- A STINK IS A STINK WHETHER IT'S A KNEE-JERK RIGHT STINK OR A KNEE-JERK LEFT STINK -- AND ROMENESKO'S LETTERS PAGE IS JUST ANOTHER FIGHT OVER WHOSE POISON GAS WORKS BEST.
In the vict'ry of Communism's deathless ideal,
We see the future of our dear land.
And to her fluttering scarlet banner,
Selflessly true we always shall stand!
FOX NEWS GAVE ITS VIEWERS *DEMONSTRABLY FALSE INFORMATION!!!!!*
Great Russia has welded forver to stand...
I NEVER, EVER EXPECTED TO FIND MYSELF UTTERING THE FOLLOWING: JAYSON BLAIR DOESN'T LOOK SO BAD RIGHT ABOUT NOW!!!!!
Created in struggle by will of the people...
WHY BE SURPRISED WHEN DEMAGOGUES RESORT TO DEMAGOGUERY? GET TOO CLOSE TO A SKUNK AND IT SPRAYS. AND YET THE ROGER AILES REFERENCE TO NICK BERG IS TOO DELICIOUSLY VILE TO BE LEFT UNREMARKED UPON -- VILE BECAUSE IT IS A SICK LIE, DELICIOUS BECAUSE IT SO PERFECTLY EXPRESSES THE DISHONESTY AND DEEP CYNICISM THAT IS FOX NEWS CHANNEL'S STOCK IN TRADE!!!!!
United and mighty, our Soviet land!
FOR THE LAST TIME -- A STINK IS A STINK WHETHER IT'S A KNEE-JERK RIGHT STINK OR A KNEE-JERK LEFT STINK -- AND ROMENESKO'S LETTERS PAGE IS JUST ANOTHER FIGHT OVER WHOSE POISON GAS WORKS BEST.
In the vict'ry of Communism's deathless ideal,
We see the future of our dear land.
And to her fluttering scarlet banner,
Selflessly true we always shall stand!
Wednesday, June 02, 2004
The flip side of the polls rigged to elect presidents is JUNK POLLS like this. What do such polls accomplish other than to underline the desire of pollsters to tell us how to think -- a harmless trifle with baseball teams, but deadly when turned on our politics and foreign policy?
I wanted to send a message to Michael Medved about how his dear, DEAR GOD excited the masses, but this page on his Web site stopped me cold:
DISCLAIMER
Due to the amount of e-mail, faxes and letters we receive, it is unlikely that Michael Medved or a member of his staff will personally respond to any e-mails.
While we do read and appreciate each e-mail, time constraints prohibit us from giving a personalized response to each one.
Any e-mail regarding show material will be read and may be discussed on the air, but please do not expect a return e-mail.
If you understand this disclaimer, you may proceed to submit a message with the link below.
I Understand the Disclaimer
I understand why he did it: being BORN-AGAIN (or at least of that persuasion) Michael attracts crackpots like manure attracts flies. (He should know being something of a crackpot himself.) It is also refreshing that at least one Web site of a personality who trafficks with the public is honest enough to say in so many words it doesn't care what people think. Nonetheless it is discouraging. Why bother complaining about anything if people won't listen? Doesn't this friend of GOD realize this is why people can't stand our STATE MEDIA'S GUTS -- because THEY WON'T LISTEN?
DISCLAIMER
Due to the amount of e-mail, faxes and letters we receive, it is unlikely that Michael Medved or a member of his staff will personally respond to any e-mails.
While we do read and appreciate each e-mail, time constraints prohibit us from giving a personalized response to each one.
Any e-mail regarding show material will be read and may be discussed on the air, but please do not expect a return e-mail.
If you understand this disclaimer, you may proceed to submit a message with the link below.
I Understand the Disclaimer
I understand why he did it: being BORN-AGAIN (or at least of that persuasion) Michael attracts crackpots like manure attracts flies. (He should know being something of a crackpot himself.) It is also refreshing that at least one Web site of a personality who trafficks with the public is honest enough to say in so many words it doesn't care what people think. Nonetheless it is discouraging. Why bother complaining about anything if people won't listen? Doesn't this friend of GOD realize this is why people can't stand our STATE MEDIA'S GUTS -- because THEY WON'T LISTEN?
In his speech to the Constitutional Convention, Madison stated that a "gradual abridgement" of the right to elected representation "has been the mode in which Aristocracies have been built on the ruins of popular forms." How can the United States legitimately promote democratic rule abroad if we're backsliding from it at home? We reject allowing the seating of unelected House members, as did the Framers.
Hey distinguished Congresspoops, aren't most of your buddies appointed already anyway?
Hey distinguished Congresspoops, aren't most of your buddies appointed already anyway?
Now the Saudis are cracking down on "CHARITIES."
Why do I have a feeling they're only a tenth of the way of opening their society's can of worms?
Why do I have a feeling they're only a tenth of the way of opening their society's can of worms?
A PROFILE IN COURAGE loses her job.
THIS looks like a job for THE VAST LEFT-WING CONSPIRACY!!!!! Or a couple of news hacks.
THIS looks like a job for THE VAST LEFT-WING CONSPIRACY!!!!! Or a couple of news hacks.
"DR." DOBSON'S GOD SPEAKS!
"'F-- YOU! I DON'T MEAN F-- YOU; I MEAN "F-- YOU" IN GENERAL! I DON'T HAVE TO ANSWER ANY OF THESE QUESTIONS ANYMORE! I'M A HELL OF A LOT WEALTHIER THAN I ONCE WAS!!!!!"
PRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAISE DE LAWD!
"'F-- YOU! I DON'T MEAN F-- YOU; I MEAN "F-- YOU" IN GENERAL! I DON'T HAVE TO ANSWER ANY OF THESE QUESTIONS ANYMORE! I'M A HELL OF A LOT WEALTHIER THAN I ONCE WAS!!!!!"
PRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAISE DE LAWD!
JAPANESE ANIME COMPANIES IN DANGER OF EXTINCTION
Oh, NO! HOW WILL WE SEEK OUT PALE-SKINNED PERMANENT ADOLESCENTS WITH BIG HAIR, MICROSCOPIC PUG NOSES, ITTLE BITTY LIPS AND BEADY EYES?
Oh, NO! HOW WILL WE SEEK OUT PALE-SKINNED PERMANENT ADOLESCENTS WITH BIG HAIR, MICROSCOPIC PUG NOSES, ITTLE BITTY LIPS AND BEADY EYES?
And while looking up THE GLIBERAL in Google I found this 1,958-word hairball about the late Gov. Dean which I fear proves the only difference between old newspapers and old blog posts is that you can't train your dog on a BLOG.
No matter how hard you GLIBERALIZE it, you just can't keep JUDGMENTALISM out of a discussion of -- AHT.
YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY!!!!! OUR TEAM WINS!!!!!
If the REPUBLICAN had won CURLEY'S (Nyuk! Nyuk! Nyuk!) UNBIASED STOOGES would have kept STONE QUIET.
If the REPUBLICAN had won CURLEY'S (Nyuk! Nyuk! Nyuk!) UNBIASED STOOGES would have kept STONE QUIET.
"If it looks to us like society as whole wants to see less, then we as providers have to provide less."
PROVIDE LESS.
PROVIDE LESS.
And why is it that every time I read a puff piece on THE WIZARD OF STERN'S GREAT POWER I think, "Wishful thinking"?
Could it be because EVERY blarsted piece quotes AT LEAST TWO PERFESSERS OF POLITICAL "SCIENCE" AND THE PUBLISHER OF TALKERS MAGAZINE?
(Corrected 3/7/2009; I gave this overexposed self-appointed expert of talk radio the wrong title of "editor".)
Could it be because EVERY blarsted piece quotes AT LEAST TWO PERFESSERS OF POLITICAL "SCIENCE" AND THE PUBLISHER OF TALKERS MAGAZINE?
(Corrected 3/7/2009; I gave this overexposed self-appointed expert of talk radio the wrong title of "editor".)
Meantime, in the business section of the party's campaign broadsheet, one of our top show-biz sycophants tries to hunt down a job for ZONNNNNNNNNNNNNNN!!!!!
With the same success?
With the same success?
Fresh from successfully campaigning for RUMMY'S REMOVAL, the DEMOCRATIC NATIONAL COMMITTEE (aka THE PAPER OF RECORD) CAMPAIGNS IN THE SOUTH!!!!!
With the same success?
With the same success?
Tuesday, June 01, 2004
Does Viacom's Redstone Want a Time Warner Merger?
DO IT, SUM! Then we'll have -- SUPERQUAGMIRE!!!!!!!!!!
BTW ROG, I wouldn't talk about THE PAPER OF RECORD if I were YOU -- not after THE GREATEST ON-SCREEN DISPLAY OF PROSTITUTION IN HISTORY.
DO IT, SUM! Then we'll have -- SUPERQUAGMIRE!!!!!!!!!!
BTW ROG, I wouldn't talk about THE PAPER OF RECORD if I were YOU -- not after THE GREATEST ON-SCREEN DISPLAY OF PROSTITUTION IN HISTORY.
Anti-abortion groups agree to drop lawsuit over DNC protest rules
TRANSLATION: The FORCES OF JUSTICE wanted to nix the protests.
TRANSLATION: The FORCES OF JUSTICE wanted to nix the protests.
Romy sells -- AN ISLAMIC BOONDOCKS!
"HE BRINGS DIVERSITY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Sighhhhhhhhhhhhh, another news hack needs a talk with TOM ROSENSTIEL.
"HE BRINGS DIVERSITY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Sighhhhhhhhhhhhh, another news hack needs a talk with TOM ROSENSTIEL.
IN FEBRUARY, WE BROKE GROUND WITH -- THE BREAST!!
NOW VIACOM GOES FURTHER, WITH --
A TV LOVE-IN!!!!!
NOW VIACOM GOES FURTHER, WITH --
A TV LOVE-IN!!!!!
Years ago Gene "The Snail Darter" Roberts suggested giving the P-Ulitzer to Annie Hall. Gene! I think you're slooooooooowly getting your wish. Although I don't know what the PURISTS will make of it. After all, aren't the P-Ulitzers going SHOW-BIZ? And isn't the news biz SWORN to PRESERVE, PROTECT AND DEFEND THE SACRED TRUST OF NEWS?!?!? (Pffh-hh-hh!)
Now could you write a 50,000-word feature praising the idea?
IMMORTAL WRITING ACHIEVEMENT OF THE WEEK:
I would argue that Mr. Sondheim's score for "Sweeney Todd" was by far the most distinguished music introduced by an American composer in 1979.
BRAVISSIMO, TONY!!!!! And I would argue Jimmy Carter was by far the most distinguished American president that year too.
P. S. A motivating factor behind this: getting THE PAPER OF RECORD to lobby the P-Ulitzer board to give the prize to a RAPPER.
Now could you write a 50,000-word feature praising the idea?
IMMORTAL WRITING ACHIEVEMENT OF THE WEEK:
I would argue that Mr. Sondheim's score for "Sweeney Todd" was by far the most distinguished music introduced by an American composer in 1979.
BRAVISSIMO, TONY!!!!! And I would argue Jimmy Carter was by far the most distinguished American president that year too.
P. S. A motivating factor behind this: getting THE PAPER OF RECORD to lobby the P-Ulitzer board to give the prize to a RAPPER.
Be careful when saying a politician needs a shrink. After all, back in '64 a group of psychiatrists deemed Barry Goldwater unfit for president. (Remember FACT Magazine?) The 20th century marked a great advance in the medicalizing of politics. By Al Gore's standard Teddy FATSO GLUB GLUB needs an army of shrinks. Do we really need shock treatment and psychiatric reeducation camps in America?
STERNO BREAKS THE NEWS FIRST!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (Well, HOWARD did.) HE SAYS THIS IS THE WORST DAY IN AMERICAN HISTORY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (Sort of.)
You're right, STERNO, ZONNNNNNNNNN IS an "incredible salesman," for what that's worth. But all he DID was sell, and he would do ANYTHING to sell. To him, as to LOWSY MAYS, broadcasting was ONLY a vehicle to sell -- which may explain the FREEFALLING RATINGS in network TV and radio. (AND VIACON'S STOCK PRICE.) In the end, though, he couldn't have been THAT great a salesman; he couldn't sell himself to SUMNER. Anyway, he'll get MICKEYMOUSE NIXON's job at ESPNCorp (although I wouldn't wager he'll last that long at THE WORLD'S LEADING PRODUCER OF FAMILY ENTERTAINMENT either).
You're right, STERNO, ZONNNNNNNNNN IS an "incredible salesman," for what that's worth. But all he DID was sell, and he would do ANYTHING to sell. To him, as to LOWSY MAYS, broadcasting was ONLY a vehicle to sell -- which may explain the FREEFALLING RATINGS in network TV and radio. (AND VIACON'S STOCK PRICE.) In the end, though, he couldn't have been THAT great a salesman; he couldn't sell himself to SUMNER. Anyway, he'll get MICKEYMOUSE NIXON's job at ESPNCorp (although I wouldn't wager he'll last that long at THE WORLD'S LEADING PRODUCER OF FAMILY ENTERTAINMENT either).
GASP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! THE END OF THE WORLD AT VIACON!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ZONNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN QUITS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
SUMNER WILL LIVE FOREVER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
SUMNER WILL LIVE FOREVER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
1. The guy somehow managed to be quite DUMB for someone who auditioned for THE DONALD, and 2. This must be an EXTREMELY important story because it appears only TWO DOWN in the "More Top Stories" heds from the Saudi story on CNN's front page.
P. S. I guess Julia's starring for the TWXSTERS. Her story is right below this one.
P. P. S. I guess Mrs. Slut is working for King Richard too because HER STORY is RIGHT BELOW JULIA'S. Three manufactured show-biz press releases in "More Top Stories." YOU BEEN WHACKING PEOPLE WITH YOUR SCEPTER, KING RICHARD?
P. S. I guess Julia's starring for the TWXSTERS. Her story is right below this one.
P. P. S. I guess Mrs. Slut is working for King Richard too because HER STORY is RIGHT BELOW JULIA'S. Three manufactured show-biz press releases in "More Top Stories." YOU BEEN WHACKING PEOPLE WITH YOUR SCEPTER, KING RICHARD?
WELL, they WERE allowed to escape. Now were they allowed to escape because they'd do harm, or because -- you know the rest.
Monday, May 31, 2004
This is Memorial Day, and I must discuss the new WWII memorial on the Mall. Yes, it is torpid -- the staid archway, the dull topless columns -- but it was done by people who lived in an age that could not express the big things well in public, who were limited to a drab imitation of a drab imitation of the past, who saw in the few commemorations of their own awful time the self-effacing gesture, the trendy self-condemnation, the instant cliche. We must count ourselves lucky, though; had the job been given over to the kind of ARTISTES THE PAPER OF RECORD calls GENIUSES we'd have a scrapyard of TILTED ARCS. I am second to no one in admiring the boys' huge victory over evil, but that does not mean their rapidly fading generation didn't deserve better.
WELL, after several months I finally got around to humming along to Reader's Digest Music's promo CD for a set called "American Pie", and boy these clowns are terminally from Squaresville. Some deservedly anonymous baritone in a Wink Martindale mode (don't mean to insult you, Wink) oozes how the songs (the usual overplayed junk from the seventies) epitomize a time when "life was good [high inflation, high unemployment, energy shortages], the future looked bright [Vietnam, Watergate, Dick and Gerry in the White House, Jimmah trailing] and our spirits were high [and those who did dope]." He then introduces a song by Jim Croce -- who loved the era so much he went out and promptly got killed in a plane crash. From the whole demeanor these idiots are selling another a-Lawrence a-Welk anthology, more eeeeasy-listening strings to folks (to paraphrase Jerry Herman) somewhere between SocSec and death, COMPLETELY unaware these masterworks have been anthologized until the royalty checks cried uncle and the foreground Muzak screamed in pain. It's a wonder RDA hasn't melted down by now, printing the world's worst magazine and selling music for no one; but if this CD is any indication they'll keep on trying until the Roman numerals XI blaze in the sky above Pleasantville.
P. S. This waste of petroleum products was manufactured by -- EVA-TONE! Now THAT'S nostalgia! (Or tone-deafness.)
P. P. S. When I played it on Windows Media Player I found it was LISTED! Someone had, uh, time on his hands. (Now there's a song -- "Time on my hands, you in my arms" -- especially the way Lee Wiley could croon it. Not Charlie Daniels, alas.)
P. S. This waste of petroleum products was manufactured by -- EVA-TONE! Now THAT'S nostalgia! (Or tone-deafness.)
P. P. S. When I played it on Windows Media Player I found it was LISTED! Someone had, uh, time on his hands. (Now there's a song -- "Time on my hands, you in my arms" -- especially the way Lee Wiley could croon it. Not Charlie Daniels, alas.)
"SCHOLARS" convinced LENNY that BUSH is HISTORY'S GREATEST LIAR (as if he needs convincing). So why couldn't "SCHOLARS" convince him they're doing the right thing with GRADE-SCHOOLERS?
All I know is, beware any pedagogue who calls himself "DOCTOR."
All I know is, beware any pedagogue who calls himself "DOCTOR."
I've got an idea, Little Jeffrey: rename your theme parks for GE! Then you'll see your attendance REALLY slump, then you can unload the "high-cost, low-profit business."
Unless of course we give 'em a dose of SIX SIGMA.
Unless of course we give 'em a dose of SIX SIGMA.
KERRY FOR PRESIDENT!!!!!!!!!! (aka THE PAPER OF RECORD, SECOND DIVISION) SAYS BUSH'S ADS ARE MISLEADING!!!!!!!!!!
Janet Cooke was misleading too.
Janet Cooke was misleading too.
Sunday, May 30, 2004
Hmmm....
In a statement read on Saudi state-run TV, the Interior Ministry said one of the four attackers was captured, but the others escaped despite a strong security presence around the residential complex where they had holed up with hostages.
A manhunt was under way for the three, one of whom was wounded by security forces, the statement said.
Do you suppose...NAH.
In a statement read on Saudi state-run TV, the Interior Ministry said one of the four attackers was captured, but the others escaped despite a strong security presence around the residential complex where they had holed up with hostages.
A manhunt was under way for the three, one of whom was wounded by security forces, the statement said.
Do you suppose...NAH.
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOH!!!!! KERRY FOR PRESIDENT!!!!! (CURLEY'S [Nyuk! Nyuk! Nyuk!] STOOGES division) accuses DUBYA of CAMPAIGNING on AIR FORCE ONE on THE TAXPAYER'S DIME!!!!!!!!!!
Of course when Legacy zigzagged a zillion miles to seduce...never mind.
Of course when Legacy zigzagged a zillion miles to seduce...never mind.
And when they're not hoping and praying for our defeat in Iraq, CURLEY'S (Nyuk! Nyuk! Nyuk!) STOOGES play WORD GAMES:
AP: Oversight of Energy Leases Loose
I'd prefer "Oversight of Energy Looses Lease." Or leases lease or looses loose or...
This will happen when you expectorate 20 MILLION WORDS A DAY.
P. S. I had to change the link to a Google News search because CURLEY (Nyuk! Nyuk! Nyuk!) CHANGED THE HED, and to prove I wasn't making this up.
AP: Oversight of Energy Leases Loose
I'd prefer "Oversight of Energy Looses Lease." Or leases lease or looses loose or...
This will happen when you expectorate 20 MILLION WORDS A DAY.
P. S. I had to change the link to a Google News search because CURLEY (Nyuk! Nyuk! Nyuk!) CHANGED THE HED, and to prove I wasn't making this up.
PEE-TAH! I smell a J'ACCUSE!!!!!
Personally, I think DUBYA did it. PINCH! Let's put THE GLIBERAL on his trail!
Personally, I think DUBYA did it. PINCH! Let's put THE GLIBERAL on his trail!
Another of CURLEY'S (Nyuk! Nyuk! Nyuk!) UNBIASED STOOGES gloats, "APRIL-MAY GI IRAQ DEATH TOLL TOPS 200!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Before we pop the bubbly, TOM, I notice (knock on wood) we've had very few casualties of late, and your APRIL-MAY routine is a way of trying to SPIN THAT NEWS. No wonder self-serving wonks like Tom Rosenstiel lament the lack of luxury-news-suite diversity even as your product acquires the color and texture of a dense fog.
THE PAPER OF RECORD auditions candidates for JACK'S luscious job. AWWWW c'MON guys -- don't you want glamour AND immortality? JACK HAS BOTH.
One very slight glimmer of hope:
Without careful definition, the association could easily fade into irrelevance.
PLEASE do.
One very slight glimmer of hope:
Without careful definition, the association could easily fade into irrelevance.
PLEASE do.
MR. MARK has decided on another service feature this week (about wi-fi -- maybe it can rebound to us), but NO EXCLAMATION POINTS! Markie! You're not doing your job! You're supposed to SPIN and SELL with your cover! (Although we trust you do it inside.)
The latter, though at least they didn't kill everybody.
A Pakistani, three Filipinos, and a 10-year-old Egyptian boy whose father worked there, were among the 11 dead, according to various sources.
The boy's father gave an emotional statement to the Arab media.
"What is his guilt? That's not only my child, this is an innocent child going to school," the father said. "What is this? Terrorism, Islam, whatever. Those are not Muslims."
Why is this a minority view in the Arab world?
A Pakistani, three Filipinos, and a 10-year-old Egyptian boy whose father worked there, were among the 11 dead, according to various sources.
The boy's father gave an emotional statement to the Arab media.
"What is his guilt? That's not only my child, this is an innocent child going to school," the father said. "What is this? Terrorism, Islam, whatever. Those are not Muslims."
Why is this a minority view in the Arab world?