Posted 5:04 PM by Gene

AH-nult makes HISSSSSSSSSSSS-TORRRRRRRRRRRRRRY!!!!!

"The fact is that if we do not do something to stop carbon emissions in this world, we are going to see a diminution of the quality of life and, eventually, all life," declared Senate President Pro Tem Don Perata, D-Oakland, at a celebratory press conference.

What cares the party of ABORTION about life?

Schwarzenegger had insisted on creating an escape clause that would allow for a delay in the deadlines in case of a natural or economic disaster. He got that.

I guess that makes him a moderate-to-liberal Democrat.

Posted 4:56 PM by Gene

Greed is BAD...unless you serve on the board of PAPER OF RE-CORD COMPANY, in which case it's -- mitigated.

(Via the indescribable Romy)

Posted 1:51 PM by Gene

Dubya must have had his first or second talk with his EHDYUKAYSHUN SEHKRUHTEHREE, because she likened her Every Child a Dilbert Act to Ivory Soap.

Any ideas whether it's useful in washing out MAHDAM SEHKRUTEHREE's mouth?

Posted 1:44 PM by Gene

Woodstein gets ready to throw a tantrum:

Bernstein takes the brunt of the criticism in the uncorrected galleys for the 288-page book. Shepard calls one chapter, "Bernstein Unchaperoned," and quotes from the divorce records of his breakup with Nora Ephron, as well as a 14-page letter he wrote to her about the depiction of the husband in her semi-autobiographical "Heartburn" movie. [Excuse me, there may have been a book before that. What does GREG know? --ED] But she also explores Woodward's three marriages, his failures in the infamous Janet Cooke episode at the Post, and the problematic nature of his reliance on anonymous sources.

Yes sir, we can call them -- LEGENDARY!

(Via the usual Romy)

Posted 1:40 PM by Gene

The alliance between Google and Apple may make the prospect of outdueling Microsoft’s empire better than ever. [Home-page blurb]

Just one problem: the zillions of computers with Bill's Bugs.

Posted 1:38 PM by Gene

YOOHOO!!!!! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAANYBODY OUT THERE?!?!?

Posted 11:39 AM by Gene

Soldiers found mass graves believed to hold the remains of up to 300 people allegedly killed by communist guerrillas in the 1980s during a purge of suspected spies in the Philippines' remote east, officials said Thursday.

Another 300 who were sacrificed to the god that failed.

Posted 11:31 AM by Gene

Hosni the Thug has a state funeral for his Nobel-Prize-winning author, presumably to keep the rabble (and the U. S.) quiet.

Posted 11:27 AM by Gene

"YOU ARE FREE TO SAY WHAT YOU LIKE ABOUT US, IN THE SAME WAY WE ARE FREE TO SAY WHAT WE LIKE ABOUT YOU!!!!!!!!!!" [Overemphasis added]

LET THEM EAT FOREIGN NEWS!

(Via [oh well] The Corner)

Posted 11:19 AM by Gene

U.N. must act urgently on Darfur

As urgently as it's acted on Iran?

Let us know when you get to Darfur!

Posted 10:10 AM by Gene

DID YOU JUST LOSE A BELOVED FAMILY MEMBER IN A PLANE CRASH? WE CAN GET WHAT'S COMING TO YOU! CALL 1-800-SHYSTER TODAY!

Posted 9:42 AM by Gene

The hacks are making much that Bob Schieffer intends to spend his twilight years as a country-music powerhouse. We could suggest a few songs that would be good templates for a retiring news anchorpoop, but we'll leave it to others to suggest them.

(Via the no-doubt-tone-deaf Romy)

Posted 9:34 AM by Gene

How many annoying political TV ads does it take to burn $40 million in union dollars?

Posted 9:19 AM by Gene

Hey! I think I smell a new scam to separate taxpayers from their money: $20 MILLION NON-PROFIT-HOSPITAL CEOS!

LEGENDARY! LEGENDARY WELCH! They need you in the hospital executive suite! STAT!

Posted 8:30 AM by Gene

Speaking of idiots, the Hollywood Stenographer did an EIGHTEEN-PART special section on NASCAR, proof a toady's work is never done.

Posted 8:17 AM by Gene

Dick said he would like to see the current ratings system replaced by one that gives more detailed information about what a film contains so that parents -- and parents alone -- can determine what their children see.

Here we thought this guy had something to say, and he proves just another Hollywood ass. Isn't that what JACK'S PROFOUNDLY HELPFUL ALPHABET SOUP does? And what if somebody doesn't like the rating then?

These idiots should stick to excreting toxic waste.

And every day he's in his job, SAMMY GLICKMAN offers more evidence of senile dementia.

(Via MediaBistro)

Posted 8:15 AM by Gene

Which is more important: continuing medical education or protecting your pork-producing privileges?

Posted 8:14 AM by Gene

"Both magazines share a common challenge," says Walter Isaacson, former managing editor of Time magazine and now chief executive of the Aspen Institute think tank. "It's not a question of one beating the other but both being smart enough to reinvent themselves for the 21st century."

Old newsrag editors never die, they just spout their CW somewhere else.

(Via MediaBistro)

Posted 8:11 AM by Gene

An odd career move:

Coke North American President Resigns
Donald Knauss To Become Chairman-CEO of Clorox

Posted 6:51 AM by Gene

The latest fad with con-SER-va-tives is trashing Teddy Roosevelt because he reminds them of BOOBS McKEATING.

C'mon guys, your idea of a great president would be a cross of U. S. Grant and Silent Cal -- with a good dose of TRICKY DICK thrown in.

Posted 6:48 AM by Gene

I've got a better idea: let's preserve the Ohio presidential ballots in the John Kerry Presidential Library.

Pffffffffffffffffffffffffffft!

Posted 6:40 AM by Gene

Meantime the actor with no discernable face and whose last name rhymes with an insurance company's is making what a hack must call "a comeback", which tells us in this SUPERDUPERMEGAPLATINUM AGE OF ENTERTAINMENT there's nothing to come back from.

Posted 6:38 AM by Gene

Forty-four assistant principals are so inept that no city school wants to hire them - but they'll all have jobs when classes begin next week, Schools Chancellor Joel Klein bemoaned yesterday.

Klein said he must waste "millions of dollars creating jobs we don't need" - money that could be used to hire 80 teachers - because the assistant principals' jobs are protected by their union contract and state law.

Sounds like government to me. Maybe we can get Dubya to finance a few more.

Posted 6:32 AM by Gene

Glenn Ford has died. Among other things he was lucky enough (lucky is an understatement) to star in two movies with Rita Hayworth. I think I can see why.

“Noel Coward once told me, ‘You will know you’re old when you cease to be amazed.’ Well, I can still be amazed,” Ford said in a 1981 interview with The Associated Press.

This man must have been something to have known Noël Coward. But then he knew and worked in Hollywood when it was still worth knowing and working in, and we envy a man like that.

Yet another small piece of the old show-biz disappears, leading us closer to its oblivion.

Posted 5:37 PM by Gene

The good news: Verizon has dropped that tax-replacing service "fee."

The bad news: It'll become craftier in making it up.

Posted 5:02 PM by Gene

While the outlook appears stark, diplomats involved in negotiations with Iran are convinced that a deal is still possible between Washington and Tehran that could settle all outstanding issues stretching back to the Iranian revolution in 1979 which swept the Islamic regime into power.

What does this mean, RUPERT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!? Do this mean we can let bygones be bygone and just hop into bed with Nukeman? Does this mean we throw all sorts of high-tech at them? Does this mean we're happy the country has an Islamic dictatorship? Does this mean we send half of Foggy Bottom over to celebrate the anniversary of the hostage taking? Does this mean Jimmah is our ambassador? And who are these diplomats? Are these the same invented straw men Your toadies always knock down in DA POST and THE WEEKLY STANDARD?

Four posts with RUPERT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!'s name in one day is not good for the sanity.

Posted 2:37 PM by Gene

In more news from our favorite celebrity flack Rog:

Paris Hilton’s debut album — which was first unveiled here last winter — has been rejected by pop fans. Paris sold just 76,000 copies in her first week, which means it’s over. Considering how much time and money were put into this ridiculous project at Warner Music Group, when “real” acts are waiting their turn, well … don’t get me started …

Don't get her boyfriend (and your boss) RUPERT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! started!

Posted 1:21 PM by Gene

A LIBERAL NRA?

Make no mistake: this will appear in THE PAPER OF RE-CORD soon -- and then disappear. We'd like to see a LIBERAL NRA amass the war chest the real one has. This "if-you-can't-beat-them-co-opt-them" approach further underlines the liberal rot. Moreover it shows that on some positions, with some groups, true opposition is untenable.

That said, the NRA is pretty skunky smelling too; it played a big part in turning our politics into a national tantrum in a whorehouse.

Posted 12:36 PM by Gene

Family income up, but not pay

Ranks of uninsured Americans grow to 46.6M

LEGENDARY WELCH! Is that you laughing?

Posted 11:21 AM by Gene

The first word that comes to mind to describe a mother who'd drive her sons to "tagging" sessions is MORON.

Just the first.

Figures: she had an arrest record.

Posted 10:57 AM by Gene

"This is such senseless stuff. These universities have to wake up and realize these are children when they are 18. They are not adults. There has to be some responsibility there. As a parent you kind of turn your kids over to the university, trusting that they will be OK and that they will be protected somewhat."

The Plato's Retreats of academe decided long ago in loco parentis is squaresville.

Posted 10:32 AM by Gene

And here's a beneficiary: a four-hour Today show!

Hey Jeff Zucks! Hey Little Jeffy! Why don't you make it 24 hours a day and call it The Today Network? Then you'll really boost your profits!

(Via the inevitable Romy)

Posted 10:30 AM by Gene

Excellent news for movie and TV buffs:

Study: Product Placement to Surge 25% in '06

You deserve it!

Posted 9:24 AM by Gene

Three former football players at New Mexico State University have sued the institution and its head coach, charging that they were driven from the team because they were Muslim. University officials say the accusations were disproved by an internal investigation last fall and that the players were kicked off the squad because they performed poorly and behaved badly.

We're of two very annoyed minds about this. The Christianity of professional college football is the Christianity of Babbitt and Dubya. On the other hand a certain Muslim (think SUPERHOOPER) screams every time he can't get his way.

Whatever happened to the idea of the Brotherhood of Man?

Posted 9:02 AM by Gene

And another of TownHall.com's colyumnists -- Newt's ex-spokesmouth -- is on the RAMPAGE:

The West is being run, more or less, by the most incompetent generation of middle-aged white men since the 6th century -- when they let the Roman Empire collapse without providing for an alternative (other than the Dark Ages.)

BRING BACK NEWT!

Posted 8:59 AM by Gene

News is a business transaction: there's always a seller and a buyer.

Posted 8:38 AM by Gene

The first Arab to win the Nobel Prize in Literature is dead -- and a lot of good it did him:

Despite millions readers [SIC] in the Arab world, Mr Mahfouz's books are still unavailable in many Middle Eastern countries because of his support for the Camp David peace treaty that Anwar Sadat, the late Egyptian President, signed with Israel in 1978 - a peace move viewed with fury by many in the Arab world at the time.

He was also stabbed by a holy cockroach. Perhaps the worst infamy, however, is that RUPERT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! does not mention him by name on His home page.

Which comes first, the Arabs living in peace with Israel -- or Hell freezing over?

Posted 8:36 AM by Gene

Our team's coming back -- because of wasteful pork-barrel spe...BACON!!!!!

OINK OINK!

Posted 8:28 AM by Gene

The sound of heavy drooling from the capital of the universe: MetLife is putting a huge apartment complex on the Lower East Side up for sale. It says $5 billion: but when you have

the most active developer in New York City, the Related Companies; one of the largest landlords, Glenwood Management; Tishman Speyer, which controls Rockefeller Center; two publicly traded real estate companies, Archstone and Vornado; the international bank UBS; and the Blackstone investment firm, as well as the Rudin, Durst and LeFrak real estate families

in the bidding -- $20 billion! $50 billion! $100 BILLION! THE SKY'S THE LIMIT!! Then we can Rendellize it full bore with $100 MILLION CONDOS and....

Why do we think the winner will end up a loser?

Posted 6:43 AM by Gene

Credulousness at AmSpec:

One afternoon the New York Post ran six full pages about Kann's [SIC] private life. "PERV'S LAIR. INSIDE JONBENET SUSPECT'S SEEDY BANGKOK DEN OF SIN," trumpeted the Daily News. "SEX CHANGE SHOCKER" came next. (The word "shock" is the key to tabloid reporting, with "Britney Baby Shocker" the ideal headline. One new publication is dispensing with pretense altogether and naming itself "Shock!") Now I realize you can't expect much from the News and Post but unfortunately both are coupled to rather sensible editorial pages -- and remember, the alternative is reading the New York Times.

1. That depends on your definition of "sensible." 2. I guess a "sensible" editorial page can't overcome the senselessness of RUPERT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!'s hacks. Maybe we're not so credulous.

Posted 6:35 AM by Gene

Shucks, here we were used to Mr. Mark and his unstinting jernalistic excellence, and now WaPo comes along and kicks him upstairs!

[H]e is expected to stay with Newsweek, possibly working on some broader strategic job....

Translation: they give him a cozy office and a fatter salary, and he attends meetings all day. Hardly different from his current job except he's not the editor of AMERICA'S NO. 1 -- 2 NEWSRAG.

Now we have to think of a nickname for his successor. We'll find one!

P. S. And sooner than we thought: his successor is one of REV. PETERS's boys, meaning he'll put the fire of the lef -- TRUTH into the rag! We're looking forward to your slant -- TAKE on the news!

I know -- Jonny the Boy Wonder!

Posted 5:52 PM by Gene

The worst words a RealTOR® can hear when building 500,000 condos:

"IT HAS SUDDENLY BECOME A BUYERS' MARKET!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" [Overemphasis added]

And what story on the Cooling of Condo-mania is complete without RealTORs® complaining that the NEWS BIZ forced them to build 500,000 condos?

Posted 5:27 PM by Gene

$400 for top-of-the-line Vista -- and $259 for an upgrade!

That's BRILLIANT marketing, Bugmeister!

#50 in Amazon.com, and the upgrade's #45 -- people are roaring to buy this! (Pffffft!) But explain this, Bug:

Discontinued by manufacturer: Yes

Posted 5:09 PM by Gene

Larry "Gekko" Kudlow says the Feds should have gone the supply-side route. At first blush it seems sensible especially given the way Dub and our Congress BURNED money "helping" the Gulf Coast. But "a zero capital gains tax" and letting "any new businesses started up in New Orleans...be tax-free for 5-10 years" is spending tax money too. Possibly it might have worked, but the epochal devastation might have put paid to any economic schemes. And most likely, given Lousiana's corruption before, that tax largesse would have seen the inside of politicians' pockets first.

Katrina, as much as 9/11, seared our nation's rudderlessness into our psyches, and it will take more than harebrained schemes by anybody to put us right.

Posted 8:38 AM by Gene

The World's Friendliest Oil Company may have played tricks with oil markets!



Let's everybody SMILE!

Posted 8:26 AM by Gene

Some Nooz flack wastes our time with his list of Branson East musicals opening.

We can be sure of this: 1. Several of the shows will be willed to success because Branson East's cash flow depends on them (Mary Poppins, Les Miz); 2. Several of the shows will be willed to success because they're self-evident IMMORTALITIES (A Chorus Line, the genius of HERR DOKTOR SONDHEIM); and 3. Several of the shows will be willed to success because the critics already have the raves in their hard drives (that sex musical). That there's not one worthy work among these masterpieces is obvious (Quick! Sing us an F-bomb!), but that won't prevent the BENs from selling them, or Branson East from deluding itself it's not a tourist trap.

Posted 8:24 AM by Gene

Another fight over who'll get to succeed the Lord God Sumner.

If these imbeciles spent as much time making good entertainment as they spend in ego battles we'd have the MEGAPLATINUM AGE the hacks always say we live in.

Posted 6:54 AM by Gene

Cuban mountains calm Ernesto's fury [Home-page hed]

See! Fidel's good for something!

Posted 6:49 AM by Gene

A year after Hurricane Katrina devastated Mississippi and Louisiana, President Bush and Democratic leaders are converging on the Gulf Coast this week to commemorate the losses while continuing the political argument over the federal response to the country's largest natural disaster.

TRANSLATION: They're still pointing fingers and still doing nothing.

Posted 6:45 AM by Gene

And in more exaggeration from the much devalued British Empire:

Collapse of JonBenet murder case stuns US [Home-page hed]

This is like that stupid hed Stale.com ran the other day. I wasn't stunned. I suspect even many who followed the story closely weren't stunned. Not only do British news hacks not have to be bribed, they don't have to be bribed to be stupid.

Posted 6:42 AM by Gene

I want KLo or Hugh or Jo-NAH or Em or Ninny Medved or the Bloggers of the Millennium or SAM LITTLE or other knee-jerk conservatives to tell me after reading this article about the EEEEEEEEEEEEEVIL of Abu Ghraib we just closed (and the countless Iraqi citizens Saddam hanged in the ninth graf) that RUPERT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! is a CONSERVATIVE.

Posted 7:16 PM by Gene

JOKE OF THE DAY:

Tom Cruise's production company, ousted last week in an unusually public dispute with Paramount Pictures, has signed a two-year financing deal with an investment partnership headed by Washington Redskins owner Daniel Snyder.

PREDICTION: Snyder has money troubles with both. How can he finance a candle burning at both ends? By the way Dan, Couch Jumper isn't 22 anymore.

I like the name too -- First & Goal. After a few flubs it may have to be called Fourth & Long.

P. S. We forgot: he controls Six Flags, another money maker. He was going to be the next Walt Disney. We're waiting, Uncle Walt.

Posted 4:55 PM by Gene

All that melodrama and the authorities apparently won't press charges against the guy who said "Me! Me!" (Note though "a TV station" said, it, and that means a video police blotter, and we know how trustworthy they are.)

Now (presumably) back to square one, where this seemed destined for all along.

Posted 4:49 PM by Gene

Now it's teen suicides.

Is there nothing RUPERT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!'s site can't be linked to?

(Via USAOKAY!!!!!.com)

Posted 2:49 PM by Gene

Ehud says he's "responsible", and stays in office.

Hey if all I had to do was use a word, I'd do that too!

Posted 2:07 PM by Gene

WHY must something like this appear in a CONSERVATIVE Web site, where it can be mocked or ignored simply because the Web site is CONSERVATIVE?

Posted 1:15 PM by Gene

OH oh, the geeks are wise to ALIENWARE!

Take THAT, Mike "Fore!" Dell!

Posted 10:47 AM by Gene

It is nice to know that, in honoring the UNPRECEDENTED GENIUS that is the SUPERDUPERMEGAPLATINUM AGE OF TELEVISION, the Emmy organizers still managed to be DENSE.

Posted 10:36 AM by Gene

"But we should not forget that so many of our soldiers and Marines are performing not only honorably, but heroically, in very difficult circumstances," he added. "Their contributions should not be tarnished by the acts of a very, very few."

If only we hacks could return to the golden age of Vietnam, and not have to run such a graf at ALL.

Posted 8:52 AM by Gene

Noo Yawk doesn't want advertisers putting up "illegal" billboards.

Why? It wants the money!

Posted 8:41 AM by Gene

Dressed in a tuxedo, his face finally showing the passage of time....

Do you find something slightly distasteful in this line? I do. For years the hacks kept calling Dick Clark a teenager, even when it was obvious he looked his age, albeit with better hair and skin tone. Now that he's making a painfully slow recovery from his stroke, NOW we admit to it. Maybe if we'd shown a little sense earlier we wouldn't have had to make this offensive statement. But to think news hacks have any sense is to think the sun rises from the west.

Posted 8:27 AM by Gene

Hezbollah leader Sheik Hassan Nasrallah said yesterday that he would not have ordered the July 12 seizure of two Israeli soldiers had he known it would provoke a war that leveled Shi'ite villages and neighborhoods throughout Lebanon.

We thought your side won!

Posted 8:21 AM by Gene

Here's another word ruined from overuse: gravitas. Once it described a deep philospoher, or an especially weighty professor. Now it describes a perky face reading off a TelePrompTer. If we had to define news hacks by their gravitas they'd be -- airheads.

(Via the inevitable Romy)

Posted 7:28 PM by Gene

What has gotten into our national psyche that we can't rebuild New Orleans, or lower Manhattan? Part of it is the inept leadership, starting at the very top; Dubya's the sort who spends much of his time in hiding, literally and figuratively. But so much of it is the feeling that we can't, we shouldn't, we won't. It is a total negation of the spirit that made America history's mightiest republic. We're doomed if we can't recapture it. And we'd better do it now.

Posted 2:34 PM by Gene

Meantime we learned those two freed FOX!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!News reporters converted to Islam at gunpoint, which they might not have had to do if they'd worked for AP, or Al Reut.

And no, just because they work for an allegedly "con-SER-va-tive" news operation means nothing.

P. S. at 7:40 p.m.: I think I should explain myself to those of you coming across me via Real Clear Politics (thank you AGAIN, RCP!): First off, I hope you read me, and find me amusing. Second, it's a tradition with me (or rather a very bad habit) to use rows of exclamation points after the names of conservative outfits that have an exaggerated sense of power, or with anything related to Rupert Murdoch, who is with his empire what Khrushchev was with his shoe. I know I have a weird way with my words, but I'd rather be weird than bland. And I meant to say that I wonder if even a conservative news organization can't be subjugated by PC politics just as easily as AP or Al Reut; and we should remember at heart Rupert is no conservative.

Again, I hope you read me, and come back at least a couple of times.

Posted 2:31 PM by Gene

Romy is ON CALL today! Why? Because The Paper of Re-cord has run a head-scratching piece about why KnightRidder had to disappear. How could such a great newspaper company, with 85 P-ULITZERS and possibly hundreds of thousands of other awards, just -- vanish? Well, as is typical with stories like this, it's always somebody else's fault: the greedy shareholders, shortsighted advertisers, beancounters from Podunk. It's never, EVER the fault of the people who actually make the product. They won 85 P-ULITZERS, didn't they?

SO WHAT?

P. S.

While Mr. Sherman’s firm has been shedding some of its newspaper stocks, largely at the direction of dissatisfied clients, about 10 percent of his portfolio remains invested in newspapers. (As of June 30 his firm owned 13 percent of the common stock of The New York Times Company.)

PIIIIIIIIIIIIIINNNNNNNNNNNNNNNCH!!!!!

Posted 10:25 AM by Gene

The ASSociated Press is VERY selective of its sponsors!

That's okay -- midriffs set us on fire too!

Posted 10:21 AM by Gene

As a public service, we post in full "The Week Ahead 28 August – 3 September 2006, Committee meetings and political groups week – Brussels", the goings on of Europe's Parliament, from the EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE-U's Web site:

Preparing for the plenary. Parliament’s political groups will devote most of the week to preparing for the Strasbourg plenary session of 4-7 September. The main points on the agenda will include a vote on a report on EU – China relations, as well as debates on the events of the summer.

Lebanon. The Foreign Affairs Committee will hold a special meeting to debate the Middle East crisis with representatives of the Council and the Commission. (Tuesday)

Congo. Development Commissioner Louis Michel will take part in a discussion with MEPs in the Development Committee on the observation mission for July’s elections in the Democratic Republic of Congo. (Monday)

Human Rights. A public hearing organised by Parliament’s Sub-Committee on Human Rights will discuss the concept of ‘transitional justice’ and the alternatives to impunity for past human rights violations in societies moving towards democracy. The meeting will analyse various approaches which have been taken in Africa, Latin America and the Arab world. (Monday)

Pre-session press briefing. Any changes to the plenary agenda made by the Conference of Presidents will be announced at the regular pre-session press conference at 11am on Friday 1 September in Brussels.

Polish Prime Minister. EP President Josep Borrell will hold a meeting with Jaroslaw Kaczynski, the Prime Minister of Poland. (Wednesday)

Just to let people know The World's Most PC Deliberative Body (well, outside the Cornell University Faculty Senate) keeps up with world affairs.

Posted 10:05 AM by Gene

And how many times has G000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000GLEBLOGGER refused to open when you wanted to post?

Somebody tell Larry and Sergey (if they know what Blogger is): November 1 will be the one-year anniversary of "Maintenance on Saturday" on the Dashboard. Are you zillionaire clowns keeping it up because it was an especially good fix? Or an especially bad one?

And November 14 (a Tuesday) is the one-year anniversary of "Maintenance on Monday, November 14." Are you morons trying to turn these into national monuments?

Posted 10:03 AM by Gene

How many times have news hacks run stories on the definition of a celebrity? And how many times have readers said "who cares?" And how many times have the hacks insisted on wasting our time with such stories anyway?

Posted 8:50 AM by Gene

Oops:

Most Democratic candidates in competitive congressional races are opposed to setting a timetable for pulling U.S. troops out of Iraq, rejecting pressure from liberal activists to demand a quick end to the three-year-old military conflict.

You guys running as Republicans? What would Speaker Babs think?

Posted 8:43 AM by Gene

Another famous USAOKAY!!!!!.com home-page juxtaposition:

N.D. town short on police cars Man leads officers on a destructive chase and crashes his van into 10 cruisers

NASCAR
Kenseth rolls to victory

Posted 8:37 AM by Gene

Mr. Mark comes back from vacation -- and he puts this Pluto dust-up on the cover? Come on, Markie -- we want to be told want to think, and what to buy! We want to be told Democrats and show-biz are the root of all wisdom, and Republicans are the root of all evil! Whatsa matta, Markie? You publish on the wrong day of the week?

And the TWXSTERS aren't any better today -- they're navel-gazing about stars. Are we thinking of expanding our outreach?

Well one of the TWXSTERS got in the spirit -- he rootrootroots for Ms. Babs. We want a DEMOCRATIC CONGRESS!!!!! Can you help? Do birds fly?

(Certainly we help with this story: you'd almost have to guess Babs has a 3 lifetime rating from the ACU, and a 95 for 2005 from the ADA. I smell THE NEXT HENRY LUCE! [Pe-eeew!])

Posted 5:38 PM by Gene

I'm sure I shouldn't be so critical; after all I (like tens of millions of other no-talents) have worked on a book for far longer than I've been gainfully employed. And at times like these I think, for what purpose? I forever dream of being wealthy beyond avarice, but even if the psychotic dream passed, for what purpose?

Part of the fun of being a hit writer would be to know the cream of society. Who do we have now? Today, for instance, I think of a very catchy tune called "Drop That Name" from Bells Are Ringing (starring Judy Holliday, who was all of 43 when she died), and just beholding the verse you know what any ambitious writer with an itch for social climbing is up against (I quote from the fine cast album):

Man: Don't be flustered miss. Do as they all do -- just drop a name!

(He and members of the chorus start dropping names:)

Ed...
...Murrow!
Noel...
...Coward!
Humphrey...
...Bogart!
Bennett...
...Cerf!
Somerset...
...Maugham!
Jennifer...
...Jones!

Lalala la, lala!

Just the first six names and the sensitive soul is done for. The whole song has forty-five names. And it makes one madder at the pee-wee age we live in to think that the songwriters, Styne, Comden and Green, probably knew nearly all the names! One other thing: I have reason to believe (I think it's in the piano-vocal score) that when Humphrey Bogart died not long after the show's open his name got replaced with Sammy Davis's, so the rot already set in. Can anyone think of one name, one name from today that could stand squarely and proudly in the company of those first six?

Posted 5:34 PM by Gene

And today what will soon be called RENDELL UNIVERSITY (UGGGGGH!!!!!) is opening, and Center City SWARMS with arts students ready to achieve the double-advantage of bankrupting themselves now and in the future. There is something irksome about a great downtown being a mere campus. But for all the would-be Picassos everywhere, for all their slathering on canvases and all their video walls, what is really irksome is that twenty years of RU classes will be lucky to turn out a tenth of a Renoir.

Posted 4:06 PM by Gene

Every year the colleges open, every year we get stories on alcohol abuse.

Some things will never change.

Posted 1:08 PM by Gene

Whatever happened to barbers? As I had my hair cut by a fellow with tattoos I had to wonder. Barbers used to be guys named Geno or Rocco, who knew how to pat you on the back with a voice. "Hiya Charlie!" There was something reassuring in these beefy middle-aged guys calling everyone Charlie. They could talk sports without the current manner of being pretentious about it. They were sentimental guys too, in a good way. The place I frequent has relics of the former owner: opera posters and playbills, pictures of famous composers; he played the music all the time. Now it's what people must call "'XPN," commercial radio without commercials, but with an occasional quirky tune so that you'd never guess it had evil playlists. The faces have changed, too: now it's women and gays, and they're "unisex" too. How are we better without the camaraderie of a barbershop?

On the way home I passed (as I often do) the Curtis, its name a relic of a long defunct publishing empire, and it's no doubt a healthier-than-ever institution that's seen better days. No one struggles graduating from the Curtis. But no one changes the world either. That wasn't always so. Leonard Bernstein, after all, graduated from here (as did Samuel Barber and Gian Carlo Menotti, and a number of Bernstein contemporaries known mainly to the professional classical music buffs, like Vincent Persichetti and Lukas Foss). It had great teachers too, like Fritz Reiner, a bruising martinet -- and a brilliant conductor. Now it's the workmen of the trade, the cellists and trombonists who make their comfy union wages playing Brahms symphonies over and over ten hours a week, or the supporting singers at the Met, or maybe the star of a regional opera company. But has anyone from Curtis lit a spark in ages? And what does it say about our culture when an institution like this can be healthy and irrelevant at once?

Posted 1:08 PM by Gene

Police evacuated 450 passengers from a German train after the discovery of a fake bomb, weeks after suitcase bombs failed to explode on two other trains.

Another reason for Germans to get mad that taking the RIGHT side on Iraq didn't insulate their already thick behinds.

Posted 12:56 PM by Gene

Tiger endorses drug testing in golf!

When THE GOLFING MACHINE talks, CEOs listen.

Posted 12:45 PM by Gene

BRENTCORP reports:

Hitchens Gives the Finger to Maher's Audience for 'Frivolous' Jeering of Bush

Now, this being BRENTCORP, does that make him a hero or a villain? We say a hero -- it was just Chris's version of PATRIOTIC GORE.

(Via the usual KLO)

Posted 8:41 AM by Gene

The Spanish government said on Friday that it would send 800-1,000 soldiers to join the United Nations peacekeeping mission in Lebanon.

And at the first sound of gunfire they run home screaming?

Posted 8:19 AM by Gene

Meathead says The Second Coming of Christ should "come clean."

He who misuses public funds....

Posted 8:13 AM by Gene

The people who print more empty-calorie rags then anyone except the TWXSTERS and SI fold a couple, it says here due to "competition", but someone gives another reason:

In addition, industry observers felt both of the folded Hearst magazines were highly derivative of magazines already on the market.

Where would magazine publishers be without copying?

Posted 8:01 AM by Gene

In Rhode Island, one thing is likely: a Democrat will win the Senate seat.

Posted 7:57 AM by Gene

The West faces a crisis: how many wet noodles can it punish Iran with?

Posted 5:49 PM by Gene

OH oh, the Feds are going after phone companies looking for an excuse to hike their rates.

Don't businesspoops ever do anything that's morally and ethically right?

Posted 5:42 PM by Gene

This should help the news trade: more and more papers are outsourcing their customer-service jobs -- some overseas.

Yet ANOTHER reason not to buy newspapers.

Posted 5:15 PM by Gene

Larry "Greed is Good" Kudlow, a voice of CNBC (so those BANNER ADS remind us -- as if that's an honor), accuses the Feds of "SOVIET-STYLE CENTRAL PLANNING"!

And how's your friend Dick "$187.5 Million is Too Little [Larry Kudlow]" Grasso doing?

Posted 4:58 PM by Gene

Nagin criticizes World Trade Center rebuilding

TRANSLATION: I'm not responsible!

I would say some people ought to think before they talk but if they're public officials they may have nothing to think with.

Posted 2:06 PM by Gene

I HATE G000,000,000,000,000,000,000,
000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000GLE
BLOGGER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Posted 2:06 PM by Gene

Businessmen have engaged in a non-stop campaign to destroy our cities for decades, a trend that continues unabated. Why do businessmen think they excuse themselves for misbehavior when taking cowardly PC positions to the left of Howard Dean?

P. S. The Bon-Ton probably now does not have a single downtown department store in its chain -- and that's no accident; having lived in central Pennsylvania I know it always seems to close downtown stores when it acquires them. The good news is it's having trouble swallowing its latest acquisition.

Posted 1:23 PM by Gene

We must ask again: If RUPERT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! so vastly underpaid for MySpace why isn't His stock going up?

(Via IWantMedia.com)

Posted 12:27 PM by Gene

If modularization is the wave of the future in operating systems, does that mean BUGMEISTER BILL'S EMPIRE isn't?

Posted 12:11 PM by Gene

A mutiny in professional college football:

Will the new clock rules speed up the game? The first new clock rule states the clock will start when the ball is kicked, not when the receiving team touches it. The other rule states the game clock begins on a change of possession when the ball is ready for play.

The new changes are expected to shorten games about 10 to 24 plays a game, which could affect statistics, records and end-of-game situations. Which is why the changes have rankled plenty of coaches before the first second of the season's clock has ticked.

"I don't particularly like it because I think it's all geared to speed up the game for television. Television, I think, is dominating everything we do," Penn State coach Joe Paterno said.

Paterno's suggestion? Cut some commercials.

Pffh-hh-hh hh hh hh hh hh hh hh hh hh hh ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!!!!!

Posted 11:52 AM by Gene

Such exquisite timing, Jo-NAH! You gloat over how Wal-Mart "drives Democrats batty" -- just as it proves it can be PC with the best of them!

Please give us more such forward-looking columns!

Posted 11:45 AM by Gene

So -- it was Indians who were detained!

Thanks holy cockroaches for catching others in your crossfire!

Posted 11:24 AM by Gene

Who'd have ever associated the notorious word "malaise" with EBAY?

Now if only we could associate the word with G000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000GLE and its suddenly conniptious BLOGGER!

Posted 11:09 AM by Gene

In 1997, CNN's Peter Arnett was granted permission to interview bin Laden in Afghanistan and an Al Qaeda film crew simultaneously filmed the encounter.

Schuster said that it was not by chance that CNN gained the scoop, adding: "The first time he did full-scale interviews, bin Laden and his people were weighing up should he be on CNN, should he be on the BBC or should he be on CBS show 60 Minutes.

"They were savvy enough to say that the audience that they wanted to reach was CNN's international audience and its audience in the US."

Why not Lou Dobbs or Larry King?

Osama, what economic impact do you think your terrorist activities will have on the world?

Sammy, if you had one building you’d like to blow up, what would it be?

Come to think of it, we know why he chose Peter Arnett -- he was speaking to a sympathetic person.

Although Mike Wallace would have been every bit as good.

(Via IWantMedia.com)

Posted 9:52 AM by Gene

So Pete -- this year's going to be the same as '94, only Republicans will stay home and Democrats will RUSH to the polls to SWEEP Speaker Babs into power and Dubya into IMPEACHMENT!

We recall, Pete, that few hacks got the '94 election right; one reason the luxury news suites were in such a funeral mode was because they honestly didn't expect it. Now these same hacks are saying their friends will rout the GOP. Never trust the hacks when they talk CW, which is all the time.

Posted 9:50 AM by Gene

So -- PBS is selling ads on its Web site? Why not end the charade and sell time on the AIR?

Posted 9:46 AM by Gene

Sorry, but will Sen. George Allen please stop apologizing?

Sorry, but will LENNY and his WEBB FOR SENATE staff please stop running MACACA STORIES on A01?

Posted 9:34 AM by Gene

Another waste of our time:

As they did with CBS' Dan Rather for years, conservative Republicans see Couric as "liberal" and "biased," while Democrats, independents and liberal Republicans gave favorable opinions.

So what does this vaunted Pe-ew poll prove? It proves that liberals love the network news and conservatives hate it. We need a poll to prove this? And we need USAOKAY!!!!! to waste our time "reporting" it?

Posted 7:53 PM by Gene

Earlier today the Slashdottians got in high dudgeon when they learned Bugmeister Bill's Vista won't play HD discs. Now His empire says it will, which tells us the Bug knows a lot of people own computers -- and DVDs.

Posted 7:37 PM by Gene

Israel just got two "nuclear-capable" subs from Germany, and some Democrats are not amused:

Winfried Nachtwei, national security spokesman for the Greens, said the decision was wrong because Germany had obtained no guarantee the submarines would not be used to carry nuclear weapons.

"This red line should not be crossed," Nachtwei was quoted as saying by the newspaper Taz.

Some Democrats crossed the red line a long time ago.

David Menashri, an Israeli expert on Iran, said Tehran is clearly determined to obtain nuclear weapons and "the purchase of additional Dolphin submarines by Israel is a small footnote in this context."

What also makes Tehran dangerous, Beaver said, is that it may not understand the consequences of carrying out a nuclear strike.

"They (Iran) have a belligerent leadership and that's why Israel is prudent in ensuring that it has that deterrent capability," Beaver said. "What they (the submarines) are is a very good insurance policy."

The problem is, 1. Either Iran does not understand the consequences of carrying out a nuclear strike, or 2. It does.

Either way, will Chamberlainism really help?

(Corrected 8/25 at 9:10 a.m. after I found out I was linked on REAL CLEAR POLITICS. [I called them "nuclear subs".] Thannnnnnnk YOU RCP!)

Posted 4:55 PM by Gene

If anyone who were to skim me (doubtful with twelve hits thus far today) were to think my last post harsh, I say, read this review of the newly reformulated The Fantasticks, which got its start when Maynard Ferguson was 32. Among the words Ben Brantley uses are "resuscitation", "embalmed", "corpse" and "formaldehyde" -- all in the first two grafs. That he ends his review by almost praising the show -- and that must owe exclusively to the music: if its book is a mishmash of college-level artsy-fartsy even its detractors must admit the score is an agreeable and even memorable one -- does not negate his central scorn. This is why I complain about Maynard Ferguson, and what passes for classical music, and fillum, and the thea-TAH; today's culture is not so much performed as preserved, or else it is a petered-out blast from the past, or else it is all grinding machinery and highest high-tech employed largely to hide the emptiness of its soul.

Posted 3:43 PM by Gene

Maynard Ferguson, who over a long career struggled to get the ugliest notes out of a trumpet he could, and played junk music in keeping with an era of disco hits, and (along with his former boss, that master of pretension Stan Kenton) helped launch a whole generation of high-school and college "jazz" bands playing Chuck Mangione, and who must be counted a reason the music became a corpse a long time ago, has died. RIP.

Posted 2:50 PM by Gene

In other news of our favorite retailer, Wal-Mart has its own branch of CHINA'S COMMUNIST PARTY!

I do know, guys -- I'd be girding for a TAKEOVER!

Posted 1:24 PM by Gene

OOPS:

Apple recalls laptop batteries

And we thought Mike "FORE!" Dell cornered the market.

They're a...SONY too!

Posted 1:20 PM by Gene

How HIGH-TECH: RUPERT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!'S possibly creating a magazine for His insanely valuable etc., etc. social-networking site.

Stock still hasn't gone up?

Posted 11:59 AM by Gene

People are "disappointed and even ANGRY" at Iran's secret offer?

I know -- we'll dump a whole BASKET of wet noodles on them!

Posted 11:42 AM by Gene

Con-SERRRRRRRR-va-tives! Time to GET MAD:

Last fall, University of Miami janitor Julio Ramos made $6.70 an hour cleaning the buildings on campus. Next week, thanks to a union contract he helped negotiate, he'll be making $9.15 an hour -- a nearly 40 percent pay hike.

''Without the union, we couldn't have done this,'' said Ramos, 48, who has worked for contractor Unicco Services at UM for five years.

Under the contract ratified by Ramos and other workers Wednesday, he will also get two weeks vacation, three personal days and healthcare coverage that costs him $13 an month.

We forget that before they became associated with politicking and glorified loafing on the job unions DID something. There's no reason to think unions couldn't come back -- if they'd campaign for employees and not for PRESIDENTS.

Posted 11:15 AM by Gene

A DEEP-THINKING ECONOMIST says the HOUSING BUST will send us into a "DEEP", "NASTY" RECESSION!!!!!

OR:

Roubini is a professor of economics at New York University and was a senior economist in the White House and the Treasury Department in the late 1990s.

SIGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH....

Posted 10:45 AM by Gene

Dick Schick -- for the moment we'll relent and call him Richard Schickel, but we can't forget the tricks he's played on his readers -- has published a biography (through RUPERT!!!!!!!!!!?) of Elia Kazan, and one sentence of Charlotte Allen's review struck us instantly:

It is not until Schickel reaches the 1940s, when Kazan had his first Broadway hit with The Skin of Our Teeth (1942), a Thornton Wilder opus about the history of the world that is almost as dated as Thunder Rock but was regarded as deep literature back then, and his first Hollywood success with A Tree Grows in Brooklyn (1945) that Schickel's book finally becomes anecdote-rich and engrossing.

This "history of the world" business is news to us, for heretofore we hadn't the foggiest idea what it was about, except that it's long been the favorite of certain grade-double-A eggheads, and is quite unreadable. What is it about, anyway? War, the Bible, Atlantic City? It unfolds like one long and relentlessly unfunny practical joke on the audience. And yet it was acclaimed a masterpiece, and inevitably won the P-Ulitzer prize (though the acclaim was not unanimous), and it had an extraordinary cast, with Fredric March, and Tallulah Bankhead, and E. G. Marshall, and Montgomery Clift (THAT must have been something), and even little Dickie Van Patten as a telegraph boy; and if it weren't for colleges doing it to death no one would remember it, or want to.

Posted 10:26 AM by Gene

The SHAKESPEARE of the AGE THUNDERS against CDs, leading the Guardian to observe (in the LAST GRAF, where such things often occur):

Referring to sound technology, Mike Howlett, who chairs the Music Producers Guild, said: "If there is a problem then it lies with the quality of the music; therefore Dylan seems to be confusing quality of performance with sound quality. The top end of digital equipment gives a highly accurate reproduction of the signal coming in, so it is neither helping nor hindering the sound." But he said the sound of analogue equipment gave "some interesting distortions", which lent music "a certain character".

TRANSLATION: Old music has character. Newly-recorded music does not.

(Via the usual ArtsJournal.com)

Posted 10:21 AM by Gene

We're surprised the hacks haven't done their usual gleeful dance of superiority in our faces with this one. We wouldn't get excited: big business has become a crossbreed of JE$$E and Kenny Boy, and we don't like Wal-Mart anyway.

Posted 9:53 AM by Gene

We suspect in the ever evolving history of space research the controversy over Pluto will be less substantial than a small asteroid, and perhaps as relevant.

(Via Yahoo! News)

Posted 8:44 AM by Gene

Mickey D's is like government: does it really matter who's in charge?

Figures: the guy resigned because he wasn't going to be CEO, which would have gone well with those three-month vacations at THE GAMES.

Maybe his successor can spend more time devising fake blogs -- er, fake blogs.

Posted 8:40 AM by Gene

Heaven forfend! Professional golfers take -- steroids?

I thought it was just their drivers. (And maybe their PUTTERS too.)

Posted 8:35 AM by Gene

How can a business that specializes in lying to the public ever tell "the truth"?

Posted 7:01 AM by Gene

About 20 Democratic members of Congress will hold a town hall meeting in Bay St. Louis on Monday to hear residents' complaints that insurance companies have bungled their claims for damages caused by Hurricane Katrina. [Emphasis added]

Presumably Republican members think Big Insurance did hunky-dory, which is why DEMOCRATS are holding what some news hacks may soon call a "hearing." Of course with the Dems' "concern" for Big Insurance comes other -- less desirable things.

Republicans for corruption; Democrats for defeatism. What a choice.

Posted 6:53 AM by Gene

Sen. Macaca apologizes -- on A01!

Now back to electing our man to the Senate -- LENNY!

Posted 6:35 AM by Gene

CVS, WALGREEN AND RONG-AID.

Just what America needs: three big, bloated, mismanaged, Medicare-leeching, unintentionally funny drug store chains.

Posted 6:32 AM by Gene

How would taking Ford private solve its problems? Yes, you wouldn't have news hacks and their not-too-distant cousins the sales -- ANALYSTS screaming BANKRUPTCY. But who'd provide the impetus to improve?

Posted 8:28 PM by Gene

They may not fight Nazis, but Frenchmen will fight a ban on public smoking.

Cough! Cough!

Posted 5:30 PM by Gene

Boy this sure didn't take long:

JonBenet suspect's family seeks movie, book deal

Posted 5:09 PM by Gene

Ex-NBA Player Gets 2 Months in Gun Case

Shucks, he should've gotten a recording contract.

Posted 5:03 PM by Gene

SEN. MACACA APOLOGIZES!

I don't know, Mac -- this puts it back on A01 -- and into the hands of JIM WEBB'S OPERATIVES!

Posted 1:52 PM by Gene

Jets running back Kevan Barlow apologized to 49ers coach Mike Nolan for comparing him to Adolf Hitler in a newspaper interview.

Either 1. The bar's getting lower for prospective Hitlers or 2. Someone's preparing an "autobiography."

Posted 1:06 PM by Gene

Roll the eyeballs: the TWXSTERS place house ads for their (get this) PG-13 TENTPOLE (the one with the superhero who got Kryptonited at the B. O.) on their Cartoon Network -- and the Advertising Industry Wet Noodle Punishment Board whaps them with a wet noodle for SELLING TO CHILDREN!

How much time do the MadAve cretins waste on PR like this? No one believes advertisers, no one believes they police themselves, no one believes JACK'S ALPHABET SOUP, and no one believes such stunts are even FIG LEAVES.

And in MORE proof this doesn't even qualify as a JOKE:

New York, NY – August 23, 2006 – The Children’s Advertising Review Unit (CARU) of the Council of Better Business Bureaus, Inc., has recommended Warner Brothers refrain from advertising “Superman Returns,” rated PG-13, during television children’s programming hours. [Emphasis added]

The tentpole has ALL BUT ENDED ITS THEATRICAL RUN. This is FLAGRANT POSING by the ADVERTISING FRAUDS.

Posted 12:35 PM by Gene

Reuters: 12 passengers arrested after plane diverted back to Amsterdam (MESS "breaking news" hed)

Buddhists?

P. S. I guess it wasn't THAT breaking-newsy.

Posted 12:30 PM by Gene

Medicare erroneously pays patients $50M

Is that all?

Posted 12:14 PM by Gene

A HUGE AND UNPREDICTABLE SURPRISE:

Study: TV ad barrage may make viewers tune out

And not just here -- elsewhere!

Bird flu? TV ADVERTISING!

Posted 10:38 AM by Gene

Honorary Mayor Mike runs for president!

Well, he did. (Via the Plank)

Posted 10:17 AM by Gene

Interesting: Sen. MACACA's JERNALIST sister wrote a book portraying him as an ass, and now that LENNY's siccing his CAMPAIGN ATTACK DOGS on him she's all but rewriting the book!

I like li-te-rah-teeyure!

Posted 10:04 AM by Gene

Keeping in mind this IS Patriotic Gore:

"Advertisers have to take responsibility for their ads," said Mr. Bozell. "I've been told by several network executives that advertisers make them do it [run the edgy content]."

Schmoozing and "edgy" go together -- especially on OUR MONEY.

Posted 9:59 AM by Gene

WHAT DO...Terrell Owens, Kwame Brown, Brad Wilkerson, Laveranues Coles, Jaromir Jagr, Larry Hughes, and countless other traded and underperforming athletes have in common?

OVERSTUFFED CLOSETS!

Posted 6:48 AM by Gene

SUMNER FIRES THE COUCH JUMPER!

He condones so much "unacceptable behavior" in His empire you have to wonder why He picked on poor TOM.

Posted 6:40 AM by Gene

How humiliating: Gov. Murk(owski), who practically defines the term hack pol, finished third in a three-way race.

Can he invent himself another job? Or will he have to rely on his daughter?

Posted 6:32 PM by Gene

A Lebanese student suspected of planting a train bomb that failed to explode had contacts in Hamburg, authorities said Tuesday, the latest link to the northern port city where three of the Sept. 11 suicide pilots prepared for their attacks.

The planned attack here stunned Germans who thought the country's vehement opposition to the Iraq war would insulate it from becoming a terror target almost five years after the attacks on Washington and New York.

Some people are insulated to the point of having concrete skulls.

Posted 5:21 PM by Gene

Massachusetts' legisla-TORS work overtime:

This week the House of Representatives passed a bill that would make the garter snake the state reptile, which would bring the number of statutorily designated emblems to 51.

Well, at least they didn't raise taxes. But they will -- perhaps to pay for all those state emblems.

Posted 5:07 PM by Gene

LEEEEEEEEENNNNNNNNNNNNNNYYYYYYYYYYYY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Republican Sen. Conrad Burns, whose re-election campaign is pressing for tighter immigration controls, referred to his house painter as "a nice little Guatemalan man" and suggested that worker as well as employees of a roofing company he hired might be in the country illegally.

"The other day, the little fella who does our maintenance work around the house, he's from Guatemala, and I said, 'Could I see your green card?'" Burns said at a June meeting recorded by Democrats. "And Hugo says, 'No.' I said, 'Oh gosh.'"

No doubt Conrad's an ass; but why must news hacks ALWAYS do their friends' BIDDING?

AOK ON A01 TOMORROW!

P. S. The nice thing about being the ASSociated Press is that when running campaign press releases you can ignore little things -- like, oh, what state Conrad represents. And what state would that happen to be, Mary? Oh, it appears in the NINTH GRAF? Well, not all of us are as smart as you CURLEY (Nyuk! Nyuk! Nyuk!) STOOGES.

Posted 5:01 PM by Gene

Hours after Iran delivers its secret proposal to the League of Nations we know not one thing about it. Indeed we suspect it will take more time to learn about their secrets than it has our secrets, which alone proves news hacks are better at posturing than reporting.

Posted 3:15 PM by Gene

Thank God for little things:

At least Allen is now too old to kiss girls on screen: that is a relief.

P. S. We do suspect, however -- and we just tripped over this ourselves, twenty minutes after posting it -- that Stanley has been reviewing movies too long -- longer even than Woodster the Perv's been making CI-NE-MA:

Allen plays Splendini (aka Sid Waterman), an American magician appearing in London. For one of his tricks, a person's disappearance in a box, he asks a member of the audience to come onstage. At one performance, that person is a young American girl, Sondra, who is a college student aspiring to journalism. In that magic box she meets the spirit of a recently deceased London journalist who gives her a tip on a hot story.

I forgot to mention that previously we have seen a small ship bearing the newly dead into the Unknown, with Death at the helm. That journalist is aboard and is galled because he had a hot tip for a story that he now can't finish. He slips back to earth to pass the tip on to a reporter. Why he chooses this girl, and why Splendini then accompanies Sondra on her pursuit of the story, are only two of the oddities that this film asks us not to question.

We can answer these oddities quickly: 1. The girl is Scarlett Johansson (a hottie of the moment) and Splendini's THE SEX MACHINE (or rather the JEWISHY NEBBISHY SEX MACHINE); and 2. Splendini accompanies Sondra to prove to the world he can still DO IT.

Any more questions, Stan?

(Corrected at 5:10 p.m., no thanks to my own stupidity.)

Posted 2:46 PM by Gene

Mayor Daley urged the City Council Tuesday to come to its senses and repeal a foie gras ban that has made Chicago an international laughingstock in restaurant circles.

An international laughingstock -- but think of all the geese it's saved!

PFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFT!

Posted 2:15 PM by Gene

DVRs help voters avoid campaign ads

Pffh-hh-hh hh hh hh hh hh hh hh hh ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!!!!!!!!!!

Posted 1:50 PM by Gene

Well! We just wanted to see what was on this AmSpec blog link, BUT:

Precondition Failed

We're sorry, but we could not fulfill your request for /node/957?PHPSESSID=649c6e99f08d5b95fb2e8ddecc01cc2d on this server.

We have established rules for access to this server, and any person or robot that violates these rules will be unable to access this site.

To resolve this problem, please try the following steps:

Ensure that your computer is free of viruses, Trojan horses, spyware or any other sort of malicious software.
If you are using any sort of personal firewall or browser privacy software, check to ensure that its settings do not cause your web browser to inadvertently violate any of the rules listed below.
If you are behind a Web proxy or corporate firewall, the proxy must conform to the HTTP specification with respect to proxy servers. Contact your network administrator if the trouble persists, or bypass the proxy and connect directly if possible.
Disable any download accelerators you may be using. They don't speed up your downloads anyway; in most cases, they actually run slower!
If all else fails, try using a different Web browser, such as Firefox.

If you still need assistance, please contact erik at mediamutiny.org.

More Information

For your reference, the conditions for access to this server are:

Robots:

MUST read and obey robots.txt.
MUST identify themselves properly; for example MUST NOT identify as Mozilla.
MUST NOT pretend to be a human.

Humans:

MUST NOT pretend to be a robot.
MUST NOT use a computer infected with viruses, Trojan horses or other malicious software.

Both:

MUST NOT harvest email addresses.
MUST NOT attempt to send spam.
MUST NOT attempt to compromise server security.
MUST NOT use excessive amounts of bandwidth or other server resources.

The precondition on the request for the URL /node/957?PHPSESSID=649c6e99f08d5b95fb2e8ddecc01cc2d evaluated to false.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------

Apache/1.3.36 Server at www.onthecommons.org Port 80

Some computers are PICKY!

Posted 1:13 PM by Gene

Congresspoops print out still MORE money for Katrina victims, and:

The White House is scrutinizing how federal aid is spent. [PFFH-HH-HH!!] "Should there be more requests, our job is to be sure it's based upon good data," says Donald Powell, federal coordinator of Gulf Coast rebuilding.

Some in Congress say enough is enough. "Not another dime should go," says Colorado Rep. Tom Tancredo, one of 11 Republicans who opposed the largest spending bill last year. Others want offsets in the budget. "Maybe we should stop funding Radio Free Europe," says Rep. Jeb Hensarling, R-Texas. [Or your EARMARKS? NAHHHHHHHHHHH.]

The flow of money has some worried about precedents. Sen. Judd Gregg, R-N.H., budget committee chairman, says when floods struck his state in May, "people were wondering why they didn't get the same amount as Katrina" victims did.

Thank you, Congressluts; you've trained the public like Pavlov's dogs to go WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!!!

Posted 10:05 AM by Gene

Israeli reservists, fresh from fighting in southern Lebanon, demanded yesterday that Israeli Prime Minister Ehud Olmert resign over what they describe as the debacle of the monthlong war with Hezbollah.

TICK...TICK...TICK....

Reservists told of insufficient provisions, of having no water in the summer heat and being forced to drink from canteens of dead Hezbollah guerrillas, shortages of combat equipment and indecisive orders.

TICK...TICK...TICK....

Posted 8:54 AM by Gene

If Michael Moore had concentrated on projects like this rather than being a knee-jerk hyperliberal and professional hypocrite, maybe we wouldn't put him in the same tub-thumping tub as, say, Ann Coulter.

Posted 8:32 AM by Gene

Abram Sauer writes about product placement for brandchannel.com. He lives in New York where a movie ticket costs US$ 10.75 [SIC].

The rag that told us THE DONALD was worth $200 BILLION or something and whose ghost slut turned LEGENDARY WELCH into a GOD unveils yet ANOTHER writer who MUST tell us GAWKER is a HITHITHIT without disclosing the details. Is it any wonder biznews reporting is as trustworthy as, oh, Kenny Boy?

And since we must mention something called brandchannel.com, here's "This Week's Lead Story":

Compelling reading, no doubt.

Posted 8:28 AM by Gene

George the Wonk, Chris Cuomo -- ESPNCorp Network News is turning into the Democratic Party!

Who'll be its nominee?

(Via the usual Romy)

Posted 8:23 AM by Gene

And speaking of ArtsJournal.com, it links to a story that tells us THE TWXSTERS ARE STARTING A FIFTH MOVIE BRAND!

Why would ANYONE want to be the GM OF MOVIES? Isn't FOUR clunkers enough?

Posted 8:19 AM by Gene

A writer ponders whether a jazz festival is really jazz:

As always, the festival was loaded with great Bay Area musicians: singer Claudia Villela, percussionist John Santos, trumpeters John Worley and Khalil Shaheed, trombonist Adam Theis, pianists Glen Pearson and Dahveed Behroozi, saxophonists Dayna Stevens and Dann Zinn, an explosive, rock-solid tenor player whose exchanges with trumpeter Julius Melendez made for some of Sunday afternoon's very best moments. (An admission: Zinn is my son's saxophone teacher.) [!]

Still, I didn't feel that pleasure-filled prickle of panic, which has sent me racing from stage to stage to sample the profusion of deep talent at past festivals. If you look at the lineups from recent years -- including the likes of Jason Moran, Greg Osby, Bobby Watson, Lizz Wright, Bobby Sanabria, Geri Allen, Mary Stallings, Babatunde Lea -- this year's came up short, jazz-wise.

For the thousandth time: maybe these are all GREAT performers, but I've never heard of any of them -- I suspect most in the Bay Area haven't heard of them -- and that's the problem for all the arts: great technical proficiency, perhaps, but not a single spark of the inspiration and uniqueness that make for enduring art. Anybody can play a trumpet; only one person could be Satchmo.

(Via ArtsJournal.com)

Posted 6:56 AM by Gene

Verizon Communications Inc. is imposing a new surcharge on high-speed Internet service just as customers were set to receive lower bills thanks to a decision last year to deregulate the service.

Who says the phone biz doesn't have the CABLE BIZ in it?

Posted 6:47 AM by Gene

The Republican Revolution is...

When Republicans took over the House in 1995, there were five earmarks in the Labor, Health and Human Services bill, amounting to $2.4 million. By FY 2005, the number of earmarks attached to this bill had soared to 3,014 or $1.18 billion.

But this year, the committee is proposing 1,811 earmarks.

...back?

Posted 6:33 AM by Gene

It is a measure of the news hacks' excellence that only now, as the NFL's commish steps toward his richly deserved sunset, only now, that the loudmouth Bryant Gumbel said something, only NOW do we run a lengthy piece on him and his "achievements."

More such COURAGE, hacks, and we won't need a news biz.

Posted 7:16 PM by Gene

A proud member of THE AMERICAN SOCIETY OF WILLFULLY IGNORANT ADVERTISERS shows its allegiance:

Cue the clydesdales: Anheuser-Busch is getting into the content business.

The country's largest brewer is launching its own in-house film and TV production company that will make humorous shorts and sitcom-type programs to be broadcast over the internet and to cellphones, according to four people familiar with the matter, and could branch into full-length films.

I'll say it again: the top priority of many consumer-products execs is to SCHMOOZE.

Bud, stick to brewing.

Posted 7:00 PM by Gene

PAT BUCHANAN WARNS OF 'STATE OF EMERGENCY'!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Yep, and all he has to do is step into a room.

(Sorry for the NewsMAX!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!)

Posted 6:54 PM by Gene

A big fat OH-oh for golf's future:

Interesting thing. I save recordings of choice golf and tennis tourneys, and, while I have saved a number of recordings of Pete Sampras's victories, I have saved very few of Tiger's because they're usually pretty dull.

Posted 5:11 PM by Gene

Little Miss Sunshine
America's obsession with JonBenet Ramsey.

I'm not obsessed. How many others share my non-obsession? Maybe you HACKS are obsessed because you think it a PROFIT CENTER.

Look before you generalize, STALE.COM.

Posted 5:09 PM by Gene

The arrest of bomb plotters in London has helped buoy President Bush's approval rating and the prospects for Republican congressional candidates in November.

All together, news hacks, liberals, DEMOCRATS: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!

Posted 5:05 PM by Gene

Unlike the Useless News-style rankings of colleges for their alleged excellence, rankings of party schools may be slightly more reliable, as they're based on -- experience.

Hooray for the Texas Longhorns, national football AND party champions!

Posted 3:09 PM by Gene

BREAKING NEWS: RAMSEY SUSPECT ALLOWED TO DRINK CHAMPAGNE WHEN HE BOARDED PLANE

BREAKING NEWS: RAMSEY SUSPECT'S ONBOARD DINNER INCLUDED PATÉ AND FRIED KING PRAWNS

BREAKING NEWS: RAMSEY SUSPECT HAS HAD CHAMPAGNE, A BEER AND GLASS OF WINE ON PLANE

Okay, which of the BIG THREE OF CABLE NEWS did this? Does it matter?

Posted 12:20 PM by Gene

Another day on the job for one of the WEB'S GREAT PIONEERS:

YES...! [Jonah Goldberg]
I saw the William Shatner Roast last night on Comedy Central. I thought there were moments of true, unbridled hilarity. I also thought it got too blue over time. The gay George Takei jokes just got stale after a while, for example. Alas, I'm back on dial-up today and I have a pile of work to do. So more to come later. I just didn't want 1,000 "Did you see the Shatner Roast ...?" emails to pile up while I wasn't on line.
Posted at 10:58 AM

With any justice it'll be 10,000 emails.

Posted 11:25 AM by Gene

OOPS:

AN URGENT investigation was launched last night after Israel accused Britain of indirectly supplying Hezbollah terrorists with military night-vision equipment that helped them to target Israeli soldiers in Lebanon.

TONY! Where are you hiding NOW?

When the export was agreed, Mike O’Brien, then Junior Minister at the Foreign Office, told the Commons: “The goods are for the use on the Iran-Afghanistan border against heroin smugglers.” He said there was “no risk of these goods being diverted for use by the Iranian military”.

So we really think we can make the Iranians heel by YAKYAKYAKKING, huh CHAMBERLAINS?

Posted 11:08 AM by Gene

THE OSAMA CHANNEL'S COMING!

Can we do AL REUT one better?

(Via IWantMedia.com)

Posted 10:01 AM by Gene

"I saw a video once ... that's about 5 to 7 minutes long and consists entirely of John Edwards fixing his hair in preparation for a recorded speech. He pushes it, has it sprayed for him, teases it, fluffs it, has it sprayed some more ... stares at it for a long while, fluffs it, primps it, smiles into the mirror," recounts js. "Not a man's man, nor a ladies' man. Or a man that I'd want running the world's most powerful country." Those who are curious can view the video here.

Would Marty endorse HIM?

(Sorry for the WONKETTE, but that's all Google had.)

Posted 9:44 AM by Gene

So! The bus-and-truck companies are running on empty!

There's an explanation -- and it doesn't require three pages or 2,374 words: the newer shows stink; the successes rely on overblown spectacle (hum a tune from WICKED); and even in Branson East there aren't stars anymore. Who wants to pay $150 for THAT?

(Via ArtsJournal.com)

Posted 8:44 AM by Gene

It is somehow fitting that the Romy entry below Mr. Rosenthal's deals with that whiny zillionaire jackass KORN. Give me those brave men who gave their lives to plant the flag on Iwo Jima (and the photog who risked his to snap the shot) over some crybaby megalomaniac who throws a keyboard when all the gods refuse to line up in a row and bow to him. People like the KORN seem so common they make me wonder if the war's sacrifice was worth it.

Posted 8:33 AM by Gene

Words cannot do: We meekly salute Joe Rosenthal, the man who took this immortal picture.

The Chronicle put the obit on A-1. That's EXACTLY where it belongs.

(Via Romy)

Posted 8:25 AM by Gene

When someone has "a contrarian view" (in this case, for $50-a-barrel oil) there must be a contrary view. It is also a danger sign when it appears in a CW avatar like BizWeek. That said, the reason we get "contrarian views" is that so many people in authority must take the non-contrarian view.

Posted 6:54 AM by Gene

C'mon Lenny, C'MON, WEBB FOR SENATE, nothing on THE MACACA BOY on A01?!?!?!?!?

We're WAITING!!!!!

Posted 6:44 AM by Gene

Every time a black laments the "HIP" Stepin Fetchit culture I hang my head. We, the people, have no control over our culture; the RUPERTS and SUMNERS do. Even if we did, how much good would it avail when millions of multiple generations have lived (and died) this snazzy rotten life? No, let us rail against the off-rhyme minstrel show, always mindful nonetheless it will do not one iota of good.

Posted 9:32 PM by Gene

Already the hacks are burping of another Tiger Slam. As they said in Shakespeare's plays, it's all one to us. Stunts like the TWXSTERS' infernal Snake campaign teach us that publicity has an airy sound and a gaseous core, and building an achievement out of sports is just another word bubble. We don't care if Tiger achieves a real slam or a fake slam as the only people to win are Tiger and his CEO coterie and the sports flacks grasping at the hem of his Nike shirt.

Posted 6:31 PM by Gene

Joe Morals calls on Rummy to resign!

Isn't it a little late to go after the fruits-and-nuts vote?

Posted 2:39 PM by Gene

Okay, Ehud, negotiate for your soldiers' release -- and then, RESIGN.

Posted 2:25 PM by Gene

Using Nearly Nude Pictures, Child Sex Sites Test Laws

We may ask, when do our BIGMEDIA friends take care of THE LAST TABOO?

Posted 1:56 PM by Gene

Our own curiosity at a fever pitch, we had to go the official campaign site of Lenny Downie's stooge and see what kind of ideas he has. Well, he has ideas (pardon the length):

For more than two years, I’ve been proposing a formula that might lead to the end of our occupation of Iraq. The first step would be for this administration to say unequivocally that our country has no desire to occupy Iraq in the long term. It has not done so. And I am mindful of the many comments by those who pushed so hard for this war to the effect that we should set up a long term “McCarthurian” [SIC!!!!!] Regency in Baghdad. We should say clearly to the people of Iraq and the region that we have no plans for a long term presence in the country. This will take the moral high-ground away from the insurgency in the eyes of the Muslim World, and it will diffuse the concerns of some Iraqis that we plan to stay for good. This will also put the Iraqi government on notice that it must cooperate and bring order to its people. We should not build permanent bases in Iraq. Right now from all reports there are four permanent bases being built there without much discussion among the American public. We don’t need them. If we’re leaving, it sends the wrong message if we’re building them. In the short term, we could move the bulk of our troops home while positioning some units out of the country but within the region; strong possibilities from discussions that I have had with military leaders could be Jordan and Kuwait, until a fuller measure of stability takes hold in the region. And I believe that the Congress should make sure of this by banning any expenditures for permanent bases in Iraq.

The second step would be for us to begin immediate discussions with those countries that are culturally and historically invested in Iraq, and arguably aligned with us, to become overtly involved in the diplomatic solution. They could take responsibility at some level for future stability among Iraq’s competing factions. The countries that immediately come to mind are Jordan, Kuwait, Saudi Arabia, Bahrain, and those sorts of countries. I believe this is doable, but quite frankly it’s going to be more difficult in the wake of our failure to take similar steps during the early stages of the recent incidents [?] in Lebanon. You might recall that during those first days of that action, Egypt, Saudi Arabia, Jordan, Bahrain all condemned Hezbollah, as did the Beirut government, initially, for inciting the Israeli attacks. By not taking advantage of these gestures we lost a great opportunity to bring some long term stability in both countries.

TRANSLATION: Cut and walk, and hope the Arabs can keep the peace there. Sure, Jimmy, sure.

Posted 12:22 PM by Gene

A REALTOR® DILBERT SPEAKS:

"Buyers are saying, 'I can't wait five years. I could be dead,' " said Allan Domb of Allan Domb Real Estate, who has been contacted by developers about taking over their projects....

WHICH IS EXCELLENT NEWS FOR THOSE SEEKING OUT APARTMENTS:

Last year, Domb said, he had 55 high-end rentals available; this year, 13. And he says he's as much to blame as anyone else:

"Investors who had held on to condos and rented them out since the 1980s gave them to me to sell over the last three years."

WHICH ENABLED YOU TO BUILD $50 MILLION CONDOS NO ONE WANTED.

Posted 12:15 PM by Gene

Guess which overpublicized stunt lost a sixth of its audience from Friday to Saturday! Oh, you'll never guess.

Further good news: total B.O. was down about 10 percent from last year; and the stunt did less than even the critical prognosticator of Hollywood Elsewhere predicted. GOOD!

But we must not forget THE NEW EFFETE EDELSTEIN OF STALE.COM:

Who knows whether Snakes will have—forgive me—legs [NO WE WILL NOT, AFTER ALL THE IDIOT PUNS YOU HACKS GAVE US], but it's more than awesome enough to assure opening-weekend euphoria for those who were waiting for it already, and their positive word-of-mouth should draw plenty of people who weren't.

PFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFT!!!!!

P. S. at 9:23 p.m.: PAUL DRECK eructs another of the EGREGIOUS SOUND BITES that have made him -- famous:

"New Line did not set out to create this Internet buzz. [?!?!?] That's actually a marketer's dream, but when marketing translates into awareness but does not inspire people to get out from behind their computers and into the theater, that's a problem."

A problem which, of course, has NOTHING TO DO WITH THE MOVIE.

Posted 10:24 AM by Gene

We did it for IKE -- we did it for JIMMAH -- NOW:

HILLARY FOR PRESIDENT!!!!!!!!!!

Posted 10:20 AM by Gene

A RADIO DILBERT SPEAKS:

"I'm concerned that the homogenization across the L.A. dial is going to make it harder to attract young listeners. But if I just put on highly specialized channels, this company would die. There isn't much room for experimentation in modern radio."

WHY SHOULD YOU WORRY WHEN YOU BRING IN THE NUMBERS?

Posted 9:53 AM by Gene

Meantime, in Webb for Senate -- no page A01 story on MACACAS? Lenny ought to get REAL MAD -- almost as mad as his STAR REPORTER got about ISRAELIS! Well, maybe this is it:

WWII Interrogators End Silence [home-page hed]

Soldiers who interrogated Nazi POWs have finally admitted they could not find any clues as to where Sen. George Allen learned his racial prejudice.

Oh -- that's not it? Sorry. We won't look again -- until tomorrow.

Posted 9:49 AM by Gene

Shucks, Mr. Mark's on vacation? Where can we get our political dictation? Our show-biz advertising? How can he do this when PEOPLE NEWSRAG has just upped the ante? Oh well, have to wait until next week, I guess.

Posted 5:23 PM by Gene

[I]t is remarkable that not a single Google insider has bought a single share of the company in the 18 months since the IPO lock-ups expired, according to data compiled by Bloomberg from the Washington Service, which tracks insider sales. Philip Remek at Guzman & Co. in Coral Gables, Florida, is still the only equity analyst with a ``sell'' rating on Google; you could argue that he's not such a lone wolf, given the behavior of the company's owners.

So that's why it isn't $2 million a share -- yet?

Posted 5:16 PM by Gene

TRANSLATION: Everyone was responsible for what happened to New Orleans -- and in modern America, when everyone's responsible, no one's responsible.

Posted 1:56 PM by Gene

And speaking of movies:

The DSCC has launched a new site tittled Sankes on a Senate.

NRO's tradition of typos MARCHES ON!

Posted 1:41 PM by Gene

ER:

West Nile Cases Drop as Immunities Emerge, Experts Say

Posted 12:40 PM by Gene

All that mammoth publicity and the TWXSTERS' stunt does a mere SIX MILLION PLUS ON FRIDAY. (LEE predicted over $38 MILLION for the weekend.) This must be called a THOROUGHGOING DISASTER. No doubt the film will make money -- that is, if they didn't spend TOO MUCH on the hype -- but wasn't this a NATIONAL OBSESSION? Wasn't this the PHENOMENON EVERY WEB SURFER HAD ON HIS LIPS? Wasn't this the MIRACLE MILLIONS of ADOLESCENTS eagerly awaited for MONTHS? And did the TWXSTERS outsmart themselves by caving and letting the ad-blurbists in at the last second -- who then proceeded to give it MIGHTY FLATULENT RAVES, and stink out the FANS?

In short, it IS possible to PUBLICIZE TOO MUCH -- a lesson lost on our SUPERIORS the MEDIA CRETINS.

We're also in a good mood because with this flackery failing the BIZ may be entering a new double-digit SLUMP TIME -- we can hope.

P. S. One wonders if 9/11 might also be to blame; this is, in the end, an airplane disaster movie -- and the fans didn't seem too hot for the last one.

[E]ven within New Line, there were skeptics who viewed "Snakes on a Plane" as nothing but a simple programr [SIC] with a "stupid title."

You TWXSTERS should have quit while you were ahead.

P. P. S. One wonders too if THAT CATCHPHRASE did it. Perhaps people figured all this movie was about was a middle-finger-in-the-eye gimmick.

P. P. P. S. For once, USAOKAY!!!!! CALLED IT. (Via Hollywood Elsewhere)