THE NEWS HACK'S CREED:
I know more than you.
I make lots more money than you.
I'm smarter than you.
I'm sexier than you.
I appear on TV all the time.
I work ten minutes a day.
I rule the universe.
I'm going to live forever.
You are an idiot.
THE NEWS HACK'S CREED, No. 2:
A lie isn't a lie when it tells THE TRUTH.
THE NEWS HACK'S CREED, No. 3:
I've come to realize that the looseness of the journalistic life, the seeming laxity of the newsroom, is an illusion. Yes, there's informality and there's humor, but beneath the surface lies something deadly serious. It is a code. Sometimes the code is not even written down, but it is deeply believed in. And, when violated, it is enforced with tribal ferocity.
--JOHN "OMERTA" CARROLL.
THE NEWS HACK'S CREED, No. 4:
News isn't news when we don't report it.
PERMALINKS:
THE NEWS HACKS' DICTIONARY
THE EUGENE DAVID GLOSSARY
AMERICA'S MOST UNINTENTIONALLY FUNNY WEB SITE!
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Friday, September 07, 2007
Too hot for takeoff
A Southwest Airlines passenger is asked to fasten her seatbelt — and lengthen her skirt. » Too revealing?
I'm not clicking on the story because I don't want to endure a five-minute ad. More to the point, I don't want to endure more news hack CW, especially from Jerry "Sieg Heil!" Yang. I think I've consumed enough news to guess: evil old reactionary Southwest engages in tub-thumping prudery with a passenger. Perhaps. But I know enough of news hack CW to think the problem isn't with evil Southwests and skirts -- it's with cities like mine, with a murder everyday and an accompanying yawn for each one. When the news hacks create instant martyrs most likely they're not martyrs; what's more, they're likely ignoring the blossoming evil under their laptops.
Which brings up the Madeleine case. Assuming the Portuguese authorities know what they're doing (we wouldn't), that they'd consider her mother a suspect points to how easily crooks and frauds can gain sympathy with news hacks. The notion of a cute three-year-old girl gone missing is beyond pain, but as recent events showed, the notion of a mother killing her child is not beyond the pale.
A Southwest Airlines passenger is asked to fasten her seatbelt — and lengthen her skirt. » Too revealing?
I'm not clicking on the story because I don't want to endure a five-minute ad. More to the point, I don't want to endure more news hack CW, especially from Jerry "Sieg Heil!" Yang. I think I've consumed enough news to guess: evil old reactionary Southwest engages in tub-thumping prudery with a passenger. Perhaps. But I know enough of news hack CW to think the problem isn't with evil Southwests and skirts -- it's with cities like mine, with a murder everyday and an accompanying yawn for each one. When the news hacks create instant martyrs most likely they're not martyrs; what's more, they're likely ignoring the blossoming evil under their laptops.
Which brings up the Madeleine case. Assuming the Portuguese authorities know what they're doing (we wouldn't), that they'd consider her mother a suspect points to how easily crooks and frauds can gain sympathy with news hacks. The notion of a cute three-year-old girl gone missing is beyond pain, but as recent events showed, the notion of a mother killing her child is not beyond the pale.
Today at my local neighborhood CVS I wanted a bag of chips but to get to them I had to try to maneuver around four six-foot-high stacks of their trademark Dirty Plastic Bins®, which I don't think sprouted there to encourage dieting.
Which reminds me of how CVS hires: it drills a hole in prospective employees' heads, then aims a flashlight inside. If nothing's there, you're hired.
Which reminds me of how CVS hires: it drills a hole in prospective employees' heads, then aims a flashlight inside. If nothing's there, you're hired.
AP NEWS ALERT!!!!!!!!!!
CAIRO, Egypt (AP) -- Osama bin Laden says Americans should convert to Islam if they want the war in Iraq to end, according to a transcript of a new videotape posted by ABC News.
He ain't nothin' but a HOUNNNNNNNNNNNNNNND DAWG....
CAIRO, Egypt (AP) -- Osama bin Laden says Americans should convert to Islam if they want the war in Iraq to end, according to a transcript of a new videotape posted by ABC News.
He ain't nothin' but a HOUNNNNNNNNNNNNNNND DAWG....
TRANSLATION: One of the BABBITTCORPS that builtbuiltbuilt in the business equivalent of a psychosis will file for bankruptcy.
Then TWO, then THREE....
Then TWO, then THREE....
You know Gloria, you could have made this tiresome quote parade about the mainstreaming of porn blahblahblah more useful if you'd included PERFESSER THOMPSON.
(Via ArtsJournal, which we'd bet has linked to more articles citing the PERFESSER than any other Web site)
(Via ArtsJournal, which we'd bet has linked to more articles citing the PERFESSER than any other Web site)
We only wish more people would come to our site for us and not because we post Budweiser logos and pictures of typewriters.
The toy biz is seeking a taxpayer-financed lab after its dalliance with lead paint, which will not make people forget it's in this fix because it's a wholly-owned subsid of CHINA.
(Via Brandweek)
(Via Brandweek)
As Mr. Quarter of a Century reminds us there'll always be a Paper of RE-CORD, even when there's no longer a newspaper industry, which can't be soon enough.
A Hemingway of the supermarket checkout line blows another fuse.
Really Rosie, you should seek help for your publicity addiction.
(Via MediaBistro)
Really Rosie, you should seek help for your publicity addiction.
(Via MediaBistro)
The TWXSTERS think they can stave off senility by launching a Bugs Bunny Web site.
Good luck!
...social networking, product integration....
Yep, the same old same old.
Good luck!
...social networking, product integration....
Yep, the same old same old.
PINCH plans how to beat ST. WARREN at His own game: He's found His own inner Kaplan -- by starting PAPER OF RE-CORD UNIVERSITY!
Now remember, PINCH -- no Fs! That's racistsexisthomophobic, you know.
Now remember, PINCH -- no Fs! That's racistsexisthomophobic, you know.
And speaking of Best Of, the TWXSTERS have compiled another list -- of the "Fifty Worst Cars of All Time", and Number Two is the Model T, because it
conferred to Americans the notion of automobility as something akin to natural law, a right endowed by our Creator. A century later, the consequences of putting every living soul on gas-powered wheels are piling up, from the air over our cities to the sand under our soldiers' boots.
Of course never mind that People Inc. owes its continued existence to the automobile. How many hundreds of thousands of pages of CAR ads have its rags run over the years? I guess somebody's bitter that the auto biz has learned to live a little more without People Inc.
And it figures also on the list is this beauty: the Scripps-Booth Bi-Autogo, developed by "an heir of the Scripps publishing fortune and a self-taught — or untaught — auto engineer." NO COMMENT.
conferred to Americans the notion of automobility as something akin to natural law, a right endowed by our Creator. A century later, the consequences of putting every living soul on gas-powered wheels are piling up, from the air over our cities to the sand under our soldiers' boots.
Of course never mind that People Inc. owes its continued existence to the automobile. How many hundreds of thousands of pages of CAR ads have its rags run over the years? I guess somebody's bitter that the auto biz has learned to live a little more without People Inc.
And it figures also on the list is this beauty: the Scripps-Booth Bi-Autogo, developed by "an heir of the Scripps publishing fortune and a self-taught — or untaught — auto engineer." NO COMMENT.
Sorry to cite from SLIME's rag so much, but Keith discloses MORT ZUCK is about to launch The Best of Useless News -- which means now there are two domestic newsrags left, but then it's been obvious for some time there should be ZERO.
This is an achievement: not only did Sydney's $300 MILLION FROZEN ZONE invite a comedy team, but it inspired Dubya and South Korea's leader to have what is termed "an argument"!
Yep, that $300 MILLION bought a lot!
(I changed the link so as not to channel SLIME TOO much.)
Yep, that $300 MILLION bought a lot!
(I changed the link so as not to channel SLIME TOO much.)
Thursday, September 06, 2007
TRANSLATION: ESPNCorp is in a race with professional sports leagues to see who can price gouge the more, and ESPNCorp's starting to lose.
Ten of Disney's 12 biggest institutional shareholders have reduced their stakes, filings from June show.
In the words of one of our leading salary earners Mr. Ebert, a solid TWO THUMBS® UP!
Ten of Disney's 12 biggest institutional shareholders have reduced their stakes, filings from June show.
In the words of one of our leading salary earners Mr. Ebert, a solid TWO THUMBS® UP!
I don't think these people got these containers of hydrogen peroxide because they liked their color.
Local Papers Get GRIM!!!!! Details on 'Non-Combat' Deaths [Overemphasis added]
You smiling again, Greg?
You smiling again, Greg?
USAOKAY!!!!! conducts an interview with the ERIC SEVAREID OF COMEDY -- IN CHARACTER.
A NEUHARTHISM OF THE MONTH AWARD TO CAROL!
We see ERIC's being published by Saddam -- er, Hachette Book Group. I wonder why this fearless NO-SPIN SPIN SPIN SPIN SPIN SPIN SPIN SPIN SPIN ZONE PARODY didn't open his mouth?
(Via IWantMedia)
A NEUHARTHISM OF THE MONTH AWARD TO CAROL!
We see ERIC's being published by Saddam -- er, Hachette Book Group. I wonder why this fearless NO-SPIN SPIN SPIN SPIN SPIN SPIN SPIN SPIN SPIN ZONE PARODY didn't open his mouth?
(Via IWantMedia)
$300 MILLION on security, and a crew from some Aussie TV comedy show gets through two checkpoints.
T'AIN'T FUNNY, McGEE.
Foreign Minister Alexander Downer said the stunt proved security was working.
Is there an Australian slang term for IMBECILE?
T'AIN'T FUNNY, McGEE.
Foreign Minister Alexander Downer said the stunt proved security was working.
Is there an Australian slang term for IMBECILE?
That the WaPost commissioned this second thought on the new dirty trickster of the left suggests even liberals may have an occasional qualm about their nobility -- but just occasional.
(Via the usual Romy)
(Via the usual Romy)
Another of Little Malc's mottoes:
The hardest task in the world is to think.
--Ralph Waldo Emerson
Nah, that's too easy.
The hardest task in the world is to think.
--Ralph Waldo Emerson
Nah, that's too easy.
The stoopid Glibertarians have another "argument":
Taxpayer bill for failed video game legislation crosses $1 million
Two can play that game, Ben. How much does your tech biz' idiot geekishness waste us every day? How much money do videogame phreaks cost themselves with their rabid devotion to the art? How much money does your grand technology sap from the republic because so much of it's made in China and Japip? That $1 million's a bargain, Ben.
Taxpayer bill for failed video game legislation crosses $1 million
Two can play that game, Ben. How much does your tech biz' idiot geekishness waste us every day? How much money do videogame phreaks cost themselves with their rabid devotion to the art? How much money does your grand technology sap from the republic because so much of it's made in China and Japip? That $1 million's a bargain, Ben.
Fanciers of the Lord God Steve's iPhone are rumbling because they paid too much!
We wonder if this includes our beloved mare, who, as six-shooters blazed all over North and West Philly, bravely stood in line for hours, all so he could say -- "I HAVE AN IPHONE!"...and get taunted for it.
That's okay; he can always charge the difference.
We wonder if this includes our beloved mare, who, as six-shooters blazed all over North and West Philly, bravely stood in line for hours, all so he could say -- "I HAVE AN IPHONE!"...and get taunted for it.
That's okay; he can always charge the difference.
IN the battle of the billionaires, Stephen Schwarzman calls Henry Kravis "a one-trick pony," while Kravis considers Schwarzman "the poster boy for greed," Vanity Fair reports.
Hey guys, just remember, you both have it in for the little guy, and shake hands.
Hey guys, just remember, you both have it in for the little guy, and shake hands.
A Denver writer opens his papers for two weeks to discover a deep, shocking secret: the newspaper funny pages AREN'T FUNNY!!!!!
(Via Romy, who seems a little surprised himself)
(Via Romy, who seems a little surprised himself)
Luciano Pavarotti was unquestionably the greatest tenor since Caruso -- greater; he didn't record into a tin horn. Even the non-opera buff had to admire that certain inimitable strength and style that made his perhaps the most beautiful and distinctive voice of all time. Had Pavarotti died in 1980 instead of last night his reputation would be secure and untouchable, if only with the maniacs. But his ten-universe-sized ego prompted him to go where no tenor should have, belting long past his prime, ripping up his voice and earning boos, playing in a farce of a movie "career", participating in the Three Tenors kibitzing contests, lending himself out as an "ambassador to opera" largely to admire his ample reflection in the media mirror (as here in Philadelphia, where he "organized" a putative opera competition, which launched no big careers but did launch his face everywhere), wearing his caddishness on his sleeve. But the man perfectly exemplified what opera too often is not about anymore, a certain grandeur, naked emotionalism, and raw power. How sad that he died in the midst of an alleged opera "renaissance" full of up-to-the-minute tunelessness and prefab singers. Sadder too because he was one of the last superstars in all classical music, which now must fend for itself with nothing but recordings, and the memories of a dying clique.
And in a new and immortal demonstration of the depthless philistinism of the hack brigade the blithering-idiot TWXSTERS first reported the news thus:
Famed opera tenor Luciano Pavarotti, who appeared on stage with singers as varied as opera star Dame Joan Sutherland, U2's Bono and Liza Minnelli, died Thursday after suffering from pancreatic cancer.
Yes, he was a celebrity, but he may have been a little more than that. It does remind us, though, that when LORD McCartney or WILLIAM SHAKESPEARE or Mr. Depends goes we'll have the psychical equivalent of a mass bludgeoning.
Wednesday, September 05, 2007
The very charming Japanese actress Miyoshi Umeki has died. She starred in R&H's Flower Drum Song, when it was still possible to do such things without being PC.
Christian Bale: Heartthrob or thespian?
It is a measure of the MESS's abuse of words that we haven't the foggiest idea what this hed is supposed to mean. We think it implies that a good actor can't be a sex symbol, or vice versa. The movie biz used to disprove this, although we can't judge from the alleged heartthrob's face, it inclining more toward the mere -- thespian.
It is a measure of the MESS's abuse of words that we haven't the foggiest idea what this hed is supposed to mean. We think it implies that a good actor can't be a sex symbol, or vice versa. The movie biz used to disprove this, although we can't judge from the alleged heartthrob's face, it inclining more toward the mere -- thespian.
Historically, there's little evidence that celebrity endorsements have done much to draw voters to political candidates. In fact, there is some consensus among political strategists that while mega-stars might generate an occasional burst of media attention, they are often not worth the downside that a close association with Hollywood can create.
But this isn't Hollywood, this is -- the Goddess OPRAH!
"My money isn't going to make any difference. My value to him -- my support of him -- is probably worth more than any other check that I could write."
Do I smell -- H-U-B-R-I-S?
But this isn't Hollywood, this is -- the Goddess OPRAH!
"My money isn't going to make any difference. My value to him -- my support of him -- is probably worth more than any other check that I could write."
Do I smell -- H-U-B-R-I-S?
A current Congressman and a former Congresswoman died today. Having dealt with the IRS regarding my mother's taxes for the last three months I've a question for the theologians: When a Congressman dies where does he go?
WOW! The Lord God Steve introduces His new improved iPods! His stock goes down three points!
You shouldn't do that too often, God!
Update at 5:42 p.m.: Down over seven points! Profit-taking! Pffh-hh-hh!
You shouldn't do that too often, God!
Update at 5:42 p.m.: Down over seven points! Profit-taking! Pffh-hh-hh!
Hot on the heels of KERNGERSHWIN's discount seats, Branson East's putting one of its leading rides on -- MTV!
It's a natural! Bobby Vinton...Andy Williams...Legally Blonde The Musical!
It's a natural! Bobby Vinton...Andy Williams...Legally Blonde The Musical!
Elsewhere in ArtsJournal:
Hugo Chavez Puts Up Millions More For Music Ed
Well! Isn't THAT good news! The first musically-inclined dictatorship! Pfffffffffffffffffffffffft!
Hugo Chavez Puts Up Millions More For Music Ed
Well! Isn't THAT good news! The first musically-inclined dictatorship! Pfffffffffffffffffffffffft!
The World's Most PC Broadcaster does something very un-PC:
BBC Cancels Climate Show: "Not Our Job To Save Planet" (ArtsJournal link)
Who said it isn't?
BBC Cancels Climate Show: "Not Our Job To Save Planet" (ArtsJournal link)
Who said it isn't?
Time Warner Chief Performs Without 'Stupendous Pay' (IWantMedia link)
So why has your stock performed so unstupendously since the merger, King Richard?
So why has your stock performed so unstupendously since the merger, King Richard?
Thwarted terror attacks in Germany, a thwarted terror attack in Denmark -- no, I don't think we have to worry about those.
In our favorite trade rag of the shoe biz, the big V:
1. Someone's starting an old-folks' channel. (Don't remind us.)
2. Congress is about to have a hearing on misogyny.
3. Slimy Reality Grease is playing to full houses despite the cri-TICS, meaning finally Branson East has become every bit as tacky as its namesake.
1. Someone's starting an old-folks' channel. (Don't remind us.)
2. Congress is about to have a hearing on misogyny.
3. Slimy Reality Grease is playing to full houses despite the cri-TICS, meaning finally Branson East has become every bit as tacky as its namesake.
When it comes to subjects like North Korea Dubya reminds us of what his alleged not-so-distant relative Harry Truman said of Henry Morgenthau: to expurgate it slightly, he doesn't know dog leavings from apple butter.
A SKNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNX "fan" asks a burning question:
How did WP's Broder go from being revered to reviled?
First off, maybe SKNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNX' rep wasn't justified to begin with. He won a P-Ulitzer. How? For what? Who knows? That and his high standing in ST. WARREN's op-ed section allowed him to be the Oracle on the Mount, with all the perks attendant thereto. Moreover SKNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNX favors not so much bi-partisanship or non-partisanship as a kind of marshmallow faux-centrism pleasing to liberals, and this plus his blazing writing style have earned him deserved brickbats. And as we've noted before his notion of an earlier Valhalla of gentle, quiet, civilized give-and-take is largely rooted in fantasy. We don't like the population explosion of political crybabies, but SKNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNX isn't the answer, and he never should have been.
P. S. And wouldn't you know, by relying on Romy we missed the true laugh-out-loud hilarity of this piece, starting with the masterful hed:
Why can't we all practice Broderism?
What? And sleep all day?
Our distraught SKNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNX fan further belches:
In the wilds of the blogosphere, Broderism propagates a false stereotype of a columnist slavishly locked into the status quo. Actually, Broder appears quite able to push the envelope — albeit in a civilized way. Thus, in a recent column, Broder, after interviewing Sen. Chuck Hagel (R-Neb.), suggested that the country would be better off in 2008 with a presidential third-party victory by New York Mayor Michael Bloomberg, with Hagel as his running mate.
Okay, let's say he's slavishly locked into the status quo before its time, and leave it at that.
How did WP's Broder go from being revered to reviled?
First off, maybe SKNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNX' rep wasn't justified to begin with. He won a P-Ulitzer. How? For what? Who knows? That and his high standing in ST. WARREN's op-ed section allowed him to be the Oracle on the Mount, with all the perks attendant thereto. Moreover SKNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNX favors not so much bi-partisanship or non-partisanship as a kind of marshmallow faux-centrism pleasing to liberals, and this plus his blazing writing style have earned him deserved brickbats. And as we've noted before his notion of an earlier Valhalla of gentle, quiet, civilized give-and-take is largely rooted in fantasy. We don't like the population explosion of political crybabies, but SKNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNX isn't the answer, and he never should have been.
P. S. And wouldn't you know, by relying on Romy we missed the true laugh-out-loud hilarity of this piece, starting with the masterful hed:
Why can't we all practice Broderism?
What? And sleep all day?
Our distraught SKNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNX fan further belches:
In the wilds of the blogosphere, Broderism propagates a false stereotype of a columnist slavishly locked into the status quo. Actually, Broder appears quite able to push the envelope — albeit in a civilized way. Thus, in a recent column, Broder, after interviewing Sen. Chuck Hagel (R-Neb.), suggested that the country would be better off in 2008 with a presidential third-party victory by New York Mayor Michael Bloomberg, with Hagel as his running mate.
Okay, let's say he's slavishly locked into the status quo before its time, and leave it at that.
Mayor Noggin may run for governor of Lousiana!
Who says the residents of Nawlans don't have a sense of humor? Maybe that's the problem.
Who says the residents of Nawlans don't have a sense of humor? Maybe that's the problem.
Tuesday, September 04, 2007
Opponents of hardline President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad have assumed leadership of two of Iran's top institutions, a shakeup that reflects Western economic pressure on Iran and could lead to a less confrontational foreign policy, particularly on the nuclear issue.
We'll believe that when Nukeman stops banging his shoe.
We'll believe that when Nukeman stops banging his shoe.
We'd like to wager a guess why Box Office Poison is. Could it be in some real ways she's the fillum's equivalent of Lucy Van Pelt?
Unfortunately we did not notice that another of MICKEYMOUSE NIXON's innovations is going down the sink: ESPN as a DRA-MA-TIC network.
Heck it's sired enough fiction weavers as announcers. Who needs drama?
(Via ShowBizData)
Heck it's sired enough fiction weavers as announcers. Who needs drama?
(Via ShowBizData)
We will not be foolish enough to say [C]RAP is dying, but our favorite PR man Rog gives us a -- kind of -- hopeful sign:
In the meantime, there's some question about what has happened to Diddy's non-profit charitable foundation, Daddy's House, which used to organize summer camps for poor kids.
According to the most recent federal tax filing, Combs only put $188,000 into Daddy's House in 2005. How times have changed. In 2004, he parked over $600,000 in the charity, and in 2003 it was over $2 million. Talk about signs of the times.
Signs of the times indeed.
In the meantime, there's some question about what has happened to Diddy's non-profit charitable foundation, Daddy's House, which used to organize summer camps for poor kids.
According to the most recent federal tax filing, Combs only put $188,000 into Daddy's House in 2005. How times have changed. In 2004, he parked over $600,000 in the charity, and in 2003 it was over $2 million. Talk about signs of the times.
Signs of the times indeed.
Remember the National Recovery Administration's line -- "We Do Our Part"? Well the American Society of Willfully Ignorant Advertisers has done its:
A new study, sure to fuel the growing debate about marketing to children, found that 98% of all food advertised to children between the ages of two and 11 was high in sugar, fat or sodium.
A new study, sure to fuel the growing debate about marketing to children, found that 98% of all food advertised to children between the ages of two and 11 was high in sugar, fat or sodium.
This is Romy's day:
Couric: My foes would attack me for wearing a white blouse
Possibly because you'd spent $200,000 on it?
Does anyone come up with better heds than Romy?
P. S. at 1:40 p.m.
"WE THINK WE HAVE A PROGRAM THAT IS EXTRAORDINARILY INFORMATIVE AND SERVES PEOPLE'S NEEDS AND IS TIME INCREDIBLY WELL SPENT!!" said executive producer Rick Kaplan, the former CNN and MSNBC president who was tapped to replace Hartman in March. "IT'S ALWAYS BEEN MY EXPERIENCE THAT A GREAT SHOW GETS POSITIVE AUDIENCE RESPONSE!!!!!" [Enthusiasm added]
For denture adhesive?
Couric: My foes would attack me for wearing a white blouse
Possibly because you'd spent $200,000 on it?
Does anyone come up with better heds than Romy?
P. S. at 1:40 p.m.
"WE THINK WE HAVE A PROGRAM THAT IS EXTRAORDINARILY INFORMATIVE AND SERVES PEOPLE'S NEEDS AND IS TIME INCREDIBLY WELL SPENT!!" said executive producer Rick Kaplan, the former CNN and MSNBC president who was tapped to replace Hartman in March. "IT'S ALWAYS BEEN MY EXPERIENCE THAT A GREAT SHOW GETS POSITIVE AUDIENCE RESPONSE!!!!!" [Enthusiasm added]
For denture adhesive?
If there's one reason America might avoid a depression it's that so many more people are doing so many more jobs that didn't exist fifty years ago -- like analyzing professional football. A nation that can devise such an abundance of make-work jobs has found the economic fountain of youth.
For the 4,496th time, I repeat: does anyone other than B. S. DEFENDER believe TV viewing is good for kids?
LUNACY: The Australians are spending $300 million turning Sydney into a frozen zone so Dubya and other high mucky-mucks who haven't spoken to an ordinary person in decades can lift the Opera House off its foundations with all their gas about global warming. Why do our "leaders" conjure up every excuse to bollix up the works for the peons?
Mr Howard has even appealed to would-be protesters in a video clip posted on the YouTube website not to stir up trouble during the summit.
I'm sure the would-be protesters will take that VERY seriously -- because it's on YouTube.
Mr Howard has even appealed to would-be protesters in a video clip posted on the YouTube website not to stir up trouble during the summit.
I'm sure the would-be protesters will take that VERY seriously -- because it's on YouTube.
Well, if TELLING the TRUTH doesn't work, there's always this for our free and fearless press:
Brothel ads begin running in Stephens Media's weekly paper
(I know, I know, I link too much to Romy, but after all, he's first with the most, which is always too much)
Brothel ads begin running in Stephens Media's weekly paper
(I know, I know, I link too much to Romy, but after all, he's first with the most, which is always too much)
America's free and fearless press discovers another hero on its way to double-digit circ declines:
Rogers is sitting on his apartment's balcony, feet stretched out, still sipping soda. It's been a very busy week. He's been on CNN, the "Today" show, National Public Radio. Repeatedly he gets asked whether he feels vindicated. The answer's always yes.
So does he have any secrets?
"Don't we all?"
Has he ever had sex in a public bathroom?
"HOW IS THAT RELEVANT?????????????????" [Outraged truth-telling overemphasis added]
So -- you news hacks have an excuse for playing political dirty tricks. Fine. But just don't anyone expect then to take your self-righteousness seriously anymore.
(Via the usual Romy -- who shouldn't talk)
Rogers is sitting on his apartment's balcony, feet stretched out, still sipping soda. It's been a very busy week. He's been on CNN, the "Today" show, National Public Radio. Repeatedly he gets asked whether he feels vindicated. The answer's always yes.
So does he have any secrets?
"Don't we all?"
Has he ever had sex in a public bathroom?
"HOW IS THAT RELEVANT?????????????????" [Outraged truth-telling overemphasis added]
So -- you news hacks have an excuse for playing political dirty tricks. Fine. But just don't anyone expect then to take your self-righteousness seriously anymore.
(Via the usual Romy -- who shouldn't talk)
Daily News exam finds math scores up when difficulty rating went down
Hmmmm, maybe that's why Dubya's Every Child a Dilbert Act is working?
Hmmmm, maybe that's why Dubya's Every Child a Dilbert Act is working?
Why America needs a free and fearless press:
Rock stars more likely to die prematurely
...said the study in the Journal of Epidemial Community Health.
Never heard of it before? Suppose that was the point? Why is everything marketing these days?
Rock stars more likely to die prematurely
...said the study in the Journal of Epidemial Community Health.
Never heard of it before? Suppose that was the point? Why is everything marketing these days?
Monday, September 03, 2007
Moe big news today in the leading trade mag of big-money ly...ADVERTISING:
1. Moon 'n' Stars's shareholders will be relieved to learn their company still wastes lots of money financing junk television! WHEW!
2. And shareholders of other companies will be relieved to learn the NFL is scoring triple- and quadruple-digit ad-sales increases because it's "TIVO-PROOF"! (Nevermind if it's ratings-are-declining-because-TV-stinks-proof.)
3. And we go into our political prognostication mode by predicting the winner of the 2008 presidential slog will be the candidate who can "connect" best with the electorate's -- feelings, whatever that means, which shows AdAge may not know more than, say, Politico.com.
1. Moon 'n' Stars's shareholders will be relieved to learn their company still wastes lots of money financing junk television! WHEW!
2. And shareholders of other companies will be relieved to learn the NFL is scoring triple- and quadruple-digit ad-sales increases because it's "TIVO-PROOF"! (Nevermind if it's ratings-are-declining-because-TV-stinks-proof.)
3. And we go into our political prognostication mode by predicting the winner of the 2008 presidential slog will be the candidate who can "connect" best with the electorate's -- feelings, whatever that means, which shows AdAge may not know more than, say, Politico.com.
AP NEWS ALERT!!!!!
AL-ASAD AIR BASE, Iraq (AP) -- President Bush tells American troops that he'll make his decision on U.S. combat force levels in Iraq based on U.S. commanders' assessments and not based on pressure from 'Washington politicians.'
Well! If that isn't unexpected!
AL-ASAD AIR BASE, Iraq (AP) -- President Bush tells American troops that he'll make his decision on U.S. combat force levels in Iraq based on U.S. commanders' assessments and not based on pressure from 'Washington politicians.'
Well! If that isn't unexpected!
Another challenging question has America's leading center of geekdom in a whirl:
Ask Slashdot: Why Are So Many Nerds Libertarians?
Ask Slashdot: Why Are So Many Nerds Libertarians?
Now here is the sort of story that would send PINCH to the shrink if He weren't omnipotent: In Colorado Springs there's been an increase in murders, which shouldn't be a problem to a great crusading publisher as crime is a form of self-expression. But the police there blame it in part on [C]RAP -- which should certainly get a crusading billionaire publisher angry as popular culture is the fount of wisdom and the height of excellence, and anyone who would dare assail our popular culture is a PRUDE, a PHILISTINE, a CHRISTIAN, and the Lord God Pinch knows what other kinds of evils. So We sit in our new luxury executive offices, and fume, and think of how We can take it all with Us to the next realm, wherever that is.
Sometimes I wonder....
"The wild leaps of time and space, back and forth, the varied people and varied things that keep cropping up doubtless seem out of place. But that is the way it is. I write from a memory of the events that made the firmest impressions upon me, more or less in the order of their remembrance rather than the order of their happening. As you mature, the long exciting days and years of your youth pass before your eyes as in a montage; a montage of the events that were important in making the real you -- the now you. The now me is a composer, a song-writer. Unimportant as it may be, this little book goes on to tell what I was to experience to become that very thing. It is my answer to the question. Another writer's will be different."
Thank GOD for SEAN "DIDDY" COMBS!!!!! Right Hoagland Howard Carmichael?
I'd like to see Mariah Carey write a memoir. One-syllable words? She'd be lucky to get beyond one letter.
"The wild leaps of time and space, back and forth, the varied people and varied things that keep cropping up doubtless seem out of place. But that is the way it is. I write from a memory of the events that made the firmest impressions upon me, more or less in the order of their remembrance rather than the order of their happening. As you mature, the long exciting days and years of your youth pass before your eyes as in a montage; a montage of the events that were important in making the real you -- the now you. The now me is a composer, a song-writer. Unimportant as it may be, this little book goes on to tell what I was to experience to become that very thing. It is my answer to the question. Another writer's will be different."
Thank GOD for SEAN "DIDDY" COMBS!!!!! Right Hoagland Howard Carmichael?
I'd like to see Mariah Carey write a memoir. One-syllable words? She'd be lucky to get beyond one letter.
And speaking of CRITICALLY-ACCLAIMED, LALA accounts the perils and trepidations attendant thereto:
It's true that in recent weeks the cable networks have been filled with new, critically acclaimed series, including FX's legal thriller "Damages," Lifetime's home-front soap "Army Wives," USA's spy drama "Burn Notice" and TNT's crime show "Saving Grace." But no matter how they fared individually, as a group these big-ticket shows didn't generate any overall growth for cable. Among both young adults and total viewers, ad-supported cable networks were up a measly 1% this summer compared with last year.
Nowhere are the risks more evident than in the strange case of AMC's "Mad Men," a costly, meticulously detailed period drama about the advertising industry during the early 1960s. Critics rhapsodized about everything from the writing to the production design. The network gave "Mad Men" a huge PR push as its first major original series.
Yet the show's ratings have been mediocre at best. Among young adults, "Mad Men" was outperformed by, to cite one also-ran, VH1's "Scott Baio is 45 & Single." [!!!!!] And overall, AMC's prime-time numbers slipped 15% this summer, to about 1.1 million total viewers.
And this RENAISSANCE of CRITICALLY-ACCLAIMED programming will be bulldozed by the network reality shows for the mob before the TVs! But the mob obviously can't tell the difference, which means in all likelihood there isn't much of a difference, critical acclaim notwithstanding. Which may also explain why the mob keeps getting smaller.
It's true that in recent weeks the cable networks have been filled with new, critically acclaimed series, including FX's legal thriller "Damages," Lifetime's home-front soap "Army Wives," USA's spy drama "Burn Notice" and TNT's crime show "Saving Grace." But no matter how they fared individually, as a group these big-ticket shows didn't generate any overall growth for cable. Among both young adults and total viewers, ad-supported cable networks were up a measly 1% this summer compared with last year.
Nowhere are the risks more evident than in the strange case of AMC's "Mad Men," a costly, meticulously detailed period drama about the advertising industry during the early 1960s. Critics rhapsodized about everything from the writing to the production design. The network gave "Mad Men" a huge PR push as its first major original series.
Yet the show's ratings have been mediocre at best. Among young adults, "Mad Men" was outperformed by, to cite one also-ran, VH1's "Scott Baio is 45 & Single." [!!!!!] And overall, AMC's prime-time numbers slipped 15% this summer, to about 1.1 million total viewers.
And this RENAISSANCE of CRITICALLY-ACCLAIMED programming will be bulldozed by the network reality shows for the mob before the TVs! But the mob obviously can't tell the difference, which means in all likelihood there isn't much of a difference, critical acclaim notwithstanding. Which may also explain why the mob keeps getting smaller.
Sean "Diddy" Combs throws a party, and the ASSPress does an inspiring impersonation of a bobblehead:
"This party is up there with the top three that I've thrown," Combs said. "It's a party that has legendary status. It's hard to throw a party that lives up to its legend."
Mariah Carey, Busta Rhymes, Donna Karan, Ashley Olsen, Star Jones and Tommy Lee were among the guests.
Like, WOW! LEGENDARY!
Were we there? Or are we stenoing third-hand as we show-biz flacks always do?
"This party is up there with the top three that I've thrown," Combs said. "It's a party that has legendary status. It's hard to throw a party that lives up to its legend."
Mariah Carey, Busta Rhymes, Donna Karan, Ashley Olsen, Star Jones and Tommy Lee were among the guests.
Like, WOW! LEGENDARY!
Were we there? Or are we stenoing third-hand as we show-biz flacks always do?
In show-biz news from DA POST!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!, the author of an overrated Oprah-approved novel (or was it?) blasts the authors of an overrated musical with "millions of fans" (well, a few hundred thousands in Branson East, anyway). FUN! And do I hear worries that the fruits of THIS RECORD $4 BILLION SUMMER!!!!! may be eaten by dogs the rest of the year? We hope so!
Sunday, September 02, 2007
And one inevitable result of people running screaming from our cities is the profusion of parking lots known as Interstates.
California has deserts and earthquakes; Florida has swamps and hurricanes. We see no difference otherwise.
California has deserts and earthquakes; Florida has swamps and hurricanes. We see no difference otherwise.
If this story is to be believed Baltimore has become one of those cities people have decided to give up on because it's unfixable.
Without going into all the wonderful things that caused such a disaster to happen, we must ask, what if it was your city?
Without going into all the wonderful things that caused such a disaster to happen, we must ask, what if it was your city?
Big news today in the leading trade mag of big-money ly...ADVERTISING:
1. AT&T's dropping its cell phone claims, limply acknowledging no wireless company can be trusted;
2. An astonishing number of members of the American Society of Willfully Ignorant Advertisers will not sponsor SUMNER's Lord of the Flies -- and maybe not even SUMNER Himself, but look for them to concoct excuses if it works; and
3. Wendy's is running HIP and annoying ads that may not be selling very well and won't prevent the company from being eaten up by an evil speculator -- who might then fire the ad agency. BRING BACK DAVE THOMAS!
1. AT&T's dropping its cell phone claims, limply acknowledging no wireless company can be trusted;
2. An astonishing number of members of the American Society of Willfully Ignorant Advertisers will not sponsor SUMNER's Lord of the Flies -- and maybe not even SUMNER Himself, but look for them to concoct excuses if it works; and
3. Wendy's is running HIP and annoying ads that may not be selling very well and won't prevent the company from being eaten up by an evil speculator -- who might then fire the ad agency. BRING BACK DAVE THOMAS!
Somebody's put out a Web comic book -- a GRAPHIC NOVEL about Katrina, and somebody named Zack calls it "powerful" (HIP!), so maybe it's not just newspapers that are irrelevant.
Question: Why didn't MR. MAUS think of it?
Question: Why didn't MR. MAUS think of it?
THE CONSPIRACY OUTSMARTS ITSELF: PAUL DRECK screams of records -- so what happens? Ars Technica says the biz makes so much money piracy isn't a problem.
SHUT UP, PAUL DRECK!!!!!
P. S.
"Look how important sequels were to summer of 2007. If we're counting on that for the fall and holiday season, we're going to be out of luck," said Paul Dergarabedian, president of Media By Numbers. "It's going to be about originality having to win out over franchise films."
We have another entry in the PAUL DRECK WATCH!
SHUT UP, PAUL DRECK!!!!!
P. S.
"Look how important sequels were to summer of 2007. If we're counting on that for the fall and holiday season, we're going to be out of luck," said Paul Dergarabedian, president of Media By Numbers. "It's going to be about originality having to win out over franchise films."
We have another entry in the PAUL DRECK WATCH!
Today I passed by a wedding -- odd day for a wedding -- and saw a thirty-foot-long stretch limo made from an SUV. I'd have called it a Gomermobile but Gomer Pyle wasn't that stupid. Nearby I saw a late-model Rolls-Royce with slit-like headlamps and bloated bumper. I guess the Beemer doesn't know how to make a Rolls. Can't anyone design a decent luxury car anymore?
I guess not, seeing as how most cars look alike.
I guess not, seeing as how most cars look alike.
When does SLIME start running such full bore press releases in the JOURNALS?
We'd guess though they wouldn't bother the righteous saints of newsdom as much as the chance He might run something CONSERVATIVE.
A NEUHARTHISM OF THE WEEK AWARD TO SARA!
We'd guess though they wouldn't bother the righteous saints of newsdom as much as the chance He might run something CONSERVATIVE.
A NEUHARTHISM OF THE WEEK AWARD TO SARA!
The former South Korean hostages have apologized to their nation, as well they might, for forcing their government to pay a ransom, and to bow in abject fear at the feet of terrorists.
In Merrie Olde Englande, where the state religion was the Empire, then the Beeb, then when that failed the Cult of the Drippy Goddess Di, a substantial minority believes religion may be harmful, something we can't fault them for after a good dose of it two years ago, but which may just as well be a reflection of the sappy vicars and their religion of nothing, which left the people unprepared for those I---m revival meetings.
Saturday, September 01, 2007
It would be just like the Taliban to boast that South Korea paid a ransom. It would be just like a government like South Korea to pay the ransom and then deny it.
With such pusillanimous dwarfdoms the holy cockroaches could waltz over us.
With such pusillanimous dwarfdoms the holy cockroaches could waltz over us.
Meantime a genuine idiocy in the Paper of Re-CORD's rag: an 8,363-WORD genuflection to some recorded...SOUND guru of the moment named Rubin. Of course its underlying theme is the usual one-note whine about the Web, which alas won't go platinum -- and which further highlights the typical motivation behind such tripe: that the recorded...SOUND biz isn't being ruined by lousy songs or crappy talent, no, it's been afflicted with a disease, very much like cancer, an unexplained thing that is sapping the biz of its sales; but as one might expect with an 8,363-WORD piece typed by someone who "writes regularly about the entertainment industry" there is not the tiniest hint the trade is at fault except for some of its business models, and who knew what a computer was twenty years ago? nor are the geniuses who excrete the sonic marvels of the age; no, the biz' "sudden" collapse (which may not be so sudden) is something that has happened, the way it's now the news industry's take that 9/11 happened, and these are all decent, good, kind people to whom such awful things just shouldn't be happening.
Will someone tell PINCH such grandiose navel staring will not stanch His losses? And will somebody tell the rag's editors long does not necessarily equal good?
Will someone tell PINCH such grandiose navel staring will not stanch His losses? And will somebody tell the rag's editors long does not necessarily equal good?
JonBoy peforms a cover juggling act: In our edition it's Sen. Law 'n' Order, presumably because he's been in show-biz, and that might make him a good president. In the Asian edition it's a story on some Bollywood producer that begins like this:
Ronnie Screwvala is the front runner in the race to become Bollywood's Jack Warner.... [Emphasis added]
That's the thing about newsrag editors: they spend all day flattering people. In the Europe and Latin American editions it's a story on the Sarko craze called "The End of Anti-Americanism", and we can see why it wouldn't appear here -- it never ended in The Newsrag of the Zeitgeist.
Ronnie Screwvala is the front runner in the race to become Bollywood's Jack Warner.... [Emphasis added]
That's the thing about newsrag editors: they spend all day flattering people. In the Europe and Latin American editions it's a story on the Sarko craze called "The End of Anti-Americanism", and we can see why it wouldn't appear here -- it never ended in The Newsrag of the Zeitgeist.
In more idle typing (is this National Idle Typing Day?) somebody named Robin makes some sort of point (we don't know what) about how stupid politicians worship stupid rockers, and why they supposedly deserve it, and tries to be oh-so-cute about it, but stalls out around the fourth graf like Jack Benny's Maxwell, nonetheless inspiring someone Terry Teachout calls "the divine Ms. Althouse" to type her own typing, inspiring at least ten people to comment about the typing on the typing, and....
Why did the Lord God invent words?
Why did the Lord God invent words?
I just found this too -- a quote from one of The Paper of Re-CORD's leading ad-blurbists A. O. with B. O., something we ignored three weeks ago, being already full of ad-blurbism:
Don't misunderstand me: I still get a kick out of Bonnie and Clyde, but it's accompanied by a twinge of unease, by the suspicion that, in some ways that matter and that have become too easy to dismiss, Bosley Crowther was right.
We think we know why A. O. uses initials: the A stands for a seven-letter compound word that ends in E. We will not guess what the O stands for.
Don't misunderstand me: I still get a kick out of Bonnie and Clyde, but it's accompanied by a twinge of unease, by the suspicion that, in some ways that matter and that have become too easy to dismiss, Bosley Crowther was right.
We think we know why A. O. uses initials: the A stands for a seven-letter compound word that ends in E. We will not guess what the O stands for.
While searching Google News to see who got linked more, Dick Cheney or PAUL DRECK (Dick Cheney, by a mile -- we're surprised), we found this touching story of this Connecticut town council that has boldly gone to the fore for truth and right. We wish we knew how many other American burgs have taken such courageous stands, and how many of them have crime sprees, or can't put the garbage out.
Once she was a sex symbol -- and a superstar! But Condi proved as incompetent and appeasing as any Bushite. How the mighty do fall.
Here's another one we hope never to have to hear from again -- but she no doubt already has her lobbying firm set up, and her millions for shafting the republic.
Here's another one we hope never to have to hear from again -- but she no doubt already has her lobbying firm set up, and her millions for shafting the republic.
Does anyone here remember "The Typewriter"? It was a cute Leroy Anderson number where a typewritist clattered in time to the music. We'd guess it proved an inspiration to untold news hacks when they got down; just put "The Typewriter" on the phonograph, and...clatter away! Of course no one outside North Korea uses typewriters anymore -- we suspect there they use quills -- but typing on a keyboard you can still get the tactile response of clickclickclick. It's facial exercises for the hands. Thus the anonymous author(s) of this typing may have had a sudden urge to do the finger muscles good and revisit the old technology. It certainly doesn't say anything -- most typewriter nostalgia doesn't -- but it is a way to soothe your nerves, even as you jangle the reader's. Certainly the subscribers of Bugmeister Bill's favorite rag wouldn't notice; they don't read the thing, they just fling it on their desks to intimidate underlings. So hacks of The Econowiz -- type away!
Speaking of Congress, it's about to launch into another of its publicity stunts re WWE.
This is why we can't take the Congress seriously: it gets "mad" all the time, and it vents its "anger" through constant publicity hearings, where the members get to do the Ossified Kleagle and telegenically feign outrage. All this feigned outrage makes real outrage harder to express -- and makes it that much harder to punish miscreants of all stripes.
This is why we can't take the Congress seriously: it gets "mad" all the time, and it vents its "anger" through constant publicity hearings, where the members get to do the Ossified Kleagle and telegenically feign outrage. All this feigned outrage makes real outrage harder to express -- and makes it that much harder to punish miscreants of all stripes.
We confess we're not fully comfortable with the sting of Foot Tapper. But he is not the first Congresspoop to get stung. Remember the Abscam heroes? No one told them to take money from "Arabs" -- just as no one told Foot Tapper to do a Fred Astaire routine in a men's room stall. So the solution to Congresspoops getting caught in stings is for government to cease them -- or for Congresspoops to cease acting above the law.
Maybe such things aren't always "fair" -- but occasionally these numskulls must know the wrath of an angry public.
Maybe such things aren't always "fair" -- but occasionally these numskulls must know the wrath of an angry public.
TRANSLATION: The Dems have a bigger bucket to bail out the Angelo Mozilos!
And don't think the Jack Valenti of Mortgages isn't thinking! He's given money to Mitt and Rudy -- and also to the ED RENDELL OF THE WEST! Way to go, Angie! A few more donations and you'll get your foot into the White House for sure!
And don't think the Jack Valenti of Mortgages isn't thinking! He's given money to Mitt and Rudy -- and also to the ED RENDELL OF THE WEST! Way to go, Angie! A few more donations and you'll get your foot into the White House for sure!
The operators of the great flying-sardine-can fleets have now teamed with THE CONSPIRACY to make the in-flight experience totally miserable for parents with children. SAMMY GLICKMAN may smile. When do we fight back?
“Parents have to be responsible for the actions of their kids — whether they shouldn’t look at the screen or look away,” said Eric Kleiman, director of product marketing for Continental Airlines.
And if we have a suicidal pilot who wants to relive 9/11, or a drunken slob who threatens to blow up a plane -- shucks, not our fault, folks!
Eric! You deserve a job in HOLLYWOOD!
“Parents have to be responsible for the actions of their kids — whether they shouldn’t look at the screen or look away,” said Eric Kleiman, director of product marketing for Continental Airlines.
And if we have a suicidal pilot who wants to relive 9/11, or a drunken slob who threatens to blow up a plane -- shucks, not our fault, folks!
Eric! You deserve a job in HOLLYWOOD!