THE NEWS HACK'S CREED:
I know more than you.
I make lots more money than you.
I'm smarter than you.
I'm sexier than you.
I appear on TV all the time.
I work ten minutes a day.
I rule the universe.
I'm going to live forever.
You are an idiot.
THE NEWS HACK'S CREED, No. 2:
A lie isn't a lie when it tells THE TRUTH.
THE NEWS HACK'S CREED, No. 3:
I've come to realize that the looseness of the journalistic life, the seeming laxity of the newsroom, is an illusion. Yes, there's informality and there's humor, but beneath the surface lies something deadly serious. It is a code. Sometimes the code is not even written down, but it is deeply believed in. And, when violated, it is enforced with tribal ferocity.
--JOHN "OMERTA" CARROLL.
THE NEWS HACK'S CREED, No. 4:
News isn't news when we don't report it.
PERMALINKS:
THE NEWS HACKS' DICTIONARY
THE EUGENE DAVID GLOSSARY
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Does anyone here remember "The Typewriter"? It was a cute Leroy Anderson number where a typewritist clattered in time to the music. We'd guess it proved an inspiration to untold news hacks when they got down; just put "The Typewriter" on the phonograph, and...clatter away! Of course no one outside North Korea uses typewriters anymore -- we suspect there they use quills -- but typing on a keyboard you can still get the tactile response of clickclickclick. It's facial exercises for the hands. Thus the anonymous author(s) of this typing may have had a sudden urge to do the finger muscles good and revisit the old technology. It certainly doesn't say anything -- most typewriter nostalgia doesn't -- but it is a way to soothe your nerves, even as you jangle the reader's. Certainly the subscribers of Bugmeister Bill's favorite rag wouldn't notice; they don't read the thing, they just fling it on their desks to intimidate underlings. So hacks of The Econowiz -- type away!