Eugene David
...The One-Minute Pundit

Monday, June 30, 2008


Jonathan Karp is as clueless as the industry he seeks to "reform." Indeed forgive our suspicion that he wrote this treatise after an evening reading (or trying to read) the fool Jo-NAH, his face turning beet red and his head swelling to three times normal as he beheld this NAZI EXTREME -- oh, never mind. Discounting this obvious inspiration for his dyspepsia we can see Jonathan has no more an idea about books than anybody else. Publish "works that will last," croons he. Isn't that what the literary end of the business is doing, churning out endless MAs from literature schools -- and isn't that why so much of "literate" fiction is knee-jerkingly ridiculed as dead and dessicated? The biz has always had its hacks, and it has always produced popular trash. Does anyone here remember The Story of Mankind? Heck, does anyone here remember Harold Robbins? That trash now dominates the book biz is in no small part a function of how its excellences have receded into their own little crawl space, and folks as small-minded and platitude-prone as Mr. Karp and his book buddies will only see that their space becomes more confining.

Jonathan Karp is a publisher who understands the value of innovation. In 2002, while an editor at Random House, he came up with the idea of commissioning a sequel to Mario Puzo's The Godfather epic. A national contest was held to select a writer. The winner -- Mark Winegardner, a little-known but critically acclaimed novelist -- came out with the well-received The Godfather Returns in 2004.


Very innovative, Jonathan. (And two-and-a-half stars and no. 38,369 on Amazon.com.)

(Via the "smart" CuteLittlePinkPaper.com)


NEWSWEEK Poll: How Smart Are Americans?

Judging from all the people who still subscribe to ZEITGEIST, we're tempted to say NOT VERY.


It's Happening! Manhattan Office Vacancy Grows

You don't say! I wonder what could have brought THAT on?


The newspaper of the future should be a convener of people

No no no no NO, Romy -- newspapers will always be adjourners of people.


Remember that stupid Popeye TV cartoon where everyone calls The Sailorman "Uuuuuuuugly! Uuuuuuuugly!"?



Here is the very definition.

And it's being demolished because, natch, STARCHITECTURE isn't built to last, just to please architecture cri-TICS.

[T]his disaster was created by the best and the brightest. The client was Harvard, or more specifically the Faculty of Arts and Sciences.

NUF SAID.

(Via Marty Peretz)

Sunday, June 29, 2008


And while you were at it, Ehud, why didn't you pay a RANSOM?

“There will be much sadness in Israel, much humiliation considering the celebrations that will be held on the other side.”

TRANSLATION: Hey history! History books! You got a place for little ol' ME?


From ONE part of Col.'s empire:

...on AMC — apparently, the new HBO....

From ANOTHER part of Col.'s empire:


In the scene, actor Jeremy Fiske, who plays John in the movie, walks down the sidewalk behind Szantyr and spends an inordinate amount of time looking at her backside. Or, as Szantyr put it: "He notices my backside and kind of like goes gaga at it. That's my big part in this movie. My butt."

Please, PLEASE Col. -- DEFAULT!

Saturday, June 28, 2008


Well, there is a very thin silver lining to this very dark cloud:

From coast to coast, American teenagers appear to be driving less this summer. Police officers who keep watch on weekend cruising zones say fewer youths are spending their time driving around in circles, with more of them hanging out in parking lots, malls or movie theaters.


If "vast and impersonal forces" are raising the price of oil why has it gone up so much in the last six months, especially when this "peak oil" business was surely known for years and years?

And what is the practical difference between speculation and "market psychology"? I don't see any; they work for the same purpose of creating panics, and both have the same malevolent streak.

And yes, maybe we are looking for a scapegoat, and yes, it's a cheap and easy thing, but somebody's trading, and somebody's selling, and somebody's buying or not buying, and these vast impersonal forces ultimately comprise FLESH-AND-BLOOD PEOPLE. One may as well say vast impersonal forces brought on Communism and Hitler.

Meantime our economy's tanking and nobody seems to be doing a damned thing about it, except posturing.

I wish some high-powered pundits would stop thinking they can EXPLAIN things.

"It's most important for Congress to stop blaming everyone for oil prices -- from big oil to OPEC to speculators, and really get down to the fundamentals of the market, which is about dramatically reducing demand in the U.S. and the world for oil, increasing supply, driving alternatives into the market," said Robbie Diamond, director of the think tank Securing America's Energy Future.


WHEN?!?!?


Correction: June 28, 2008
Because of an editing error, an article on Friday about cast albums of current Broadway musicals misidentified an award won by “Passing Strange.” It won the Tony for best book of a musical — not for best original score, which went to “In the Heights.”


Would anyone notice this mistake in a panegyric few have read for cast albums hardly anyone outside Branson East will ever listen to?


A once tennis star makes stoopid remarks about some females of the species, which the ASSPress chose NOT to disseminate, and then apologized for the remarks ASSPress readers are now scratching their heads about.

Earl Butz lives!


A rare critical show-biz article -- and from SI, yet! -- that hints THE CONSPIRACY is pouring its money down a 3-D rathole. When we see something like this:

The Motion Picture Association of America claims that 2007 was a good year for the cinema business, with U.S. box office revenue up 5 percent to $9.6 billion. But that’s unsupportable spin. The jump can be almost entirely attributed to a bump in ticket prices. The number of tickets sold in the U.S. stayed flat from 2006 to 2007, at 1.5 billion. (In 1950, while TV was taking off, U.S. theaters sold 3 billion tickets a year—and the population was half what it is today.) Meanwhile, 379 screens were added between 2006 and 2007. Do the math and movies are doing worse than ever in theaters. [Emphasis added]

...you know the writer needs a reeducation camp. Send him to the ASSPress's Stupid Twins, DAVID "300" BAUDER and DAVID "NON" GERMAIN; they'll know what to do. He does hedge his connections by hinting the movies themselves aren't the problem, just all those "crummy seats" and not serving alcohol. [!] But when he concludes by saying that 3-D is "a temporary cure for a situation that will only get worse over time", perhaps movies AREN'T better than ever.

Friday, June 27, 2008


A former client of Hahvahd Mutual Fund bemoans the widening gap between rich and poor -- and suggests a brilliant solution...in the last graf:

The United States once led the world in the rate at which its citizens finished college; it now falls in the middle of the OECD pack. It could lead again if Americans made a decision to fund higher education the way they chose to fund universal public high-school education early in the last century.

Couldn't your Fund do just as good a job by merely redistributing some of its wealth? Or must the turnips forever redistribute it to YOU?

(Via Arts & Letters Daily)


Senator Chuck Hagel declined to endorse his party's likely presidential nominee, John McCain, and said he would consider serving as secretary of defense in a Barack Obama administration.

How 'bout secretary of ETHANOL?


Who Will Fill Bill Gates' Shoes?

Judging from some of the names he tosses out, it might still be the Bugmeister.


First thing we do, let's jail all the lawyers!

What would Bill Shakes have said about Wall Street?


McCain calls Carter a 'lousy president'

Boobs should not have said that, however true it is.


Loath though we are to say a pundit has something right, Brooksy has something right:

Liberals have a way to address...inequalities — the creation of a Denmark-style welfare state. Conservatives have offered almost nothing.

This is because liberals are busy puffing up outfits like DONTAFSCME and con-SER-va-tives are busy puffing up the hyperrich. Do even the authors of Grand New Party think this can change?


I would not hold my breath that the third world is going soft on nukes, for other parts of the third world are getting harder.

"The United States has no illusions about the regime in Pyongyang," Bush said.

BUT....

On Thursday, North Korean officials turned over to China a 60-page declaration, written in English, that details several rounds of plutonium production at the Yongbyon plant dating back to 1986. [Emphasis added]

YASSIR ARAFAT LIVES!

Thursday, June 26, 2008


“IF DAVE OBEY WANTS TO BE THE CHAIRMAN OF THIS COMMITTEE, HE CAN GET 35 ADDITIONAL DEMOCRATS ELECTED SO HE CAN TAKE THE CHAIR!” Lewis said later. “UNTIL THEN, WE’RE RUNNING THE COMMITTEE!!! AND WE’RE SETTING THE AGENDA!!!!!”

Oops:

“IF JERRY LEWIS WANTS TO BE THE CHAIRMAN OF THIS COMMITTEE, HE CAN GET 35 ADDITIONAL REPUBLICANS ELECTED SO HE CAN TAKE THE CHAIR!” Obey said later. “UNTIL THEN, WE’RE RUNNING THE COMMITTEE!!! AND WE’RE SETTING THE AGENDA!!!!!” [Word changes and agenda-setting overemphasis added]

Trying for SINGLE DIGITS, guys?


The same Wall Street casino that's trying to start a depression thinks it can make money starting a depression. It's all one; they get a vicarious thrill either way. Indeed one guesses the vicarious thrill at starting a depression is greater than running the Dow up 75,000 points because they think they won't get hurt.

"Crude oil is unlikely to face a major correction without a major bottom in the dollar or large cut in global demand," said Thomas Hartmann, an analyst at Altavest Worldwide Trading. "Inflation appears on track to get 'out of control' before the situation improves."

Thanks again, Dwights!


One thing our next president might do is to start a crash course in alternate fuels. Ninety-five percent of the money will be wasted, but we can't go on financing dictatorships forever.


The world’s biggest maker of consumer goods has urged Barack Obama and John McCain not to talk the US into a “worse recession” during the presidential election by being too gloomy over the state of the economy.

AG Lafley, chairman and chief executive of Procter & Gamble, told the Financial Times he was concerned by the “woe is me and ain’t it awful” rhetoric adopted by Hillary Clinton and Mr Obama during their fierce battle for the Democrat nomination.

“In my business we don’t need excessive negativism,” said Mr Lafley. “You know we are in a business where psychology matters – even in the staples business – and in the economy psychology matters. It could go negative on the economy, that could be a problem . . . We will talk ourselves into a worse recession.”


Hey Laff, we got an idea -- lay off a few thousand workers, then increase prices, then spend the resulting billions on JUNK TELEVISION telling us how hunky dory things are!


---- Original Message ----

From: Bill Gates
Sent: Wednesday, January 15, 2003 10:05 AM
To: Jim Allchin
Cc: Chris Jones (WINDOWS); Bharat Shah (NT); Joe Peterson; Will Poole; Brian Valentine; Anoop Gupta (RESEARCH)
Subject: Windows Usability Systematic degradation flame

I am quite disappointed at how Windows Usability has been going backwards and the program management groups don't drive usability issues.

Let me give you my experience from yesterday.

I decided to download (Moviemaker) and buy the Digital Plus pack ... so I went to Microsoft.com. They have a download place so I went there.

The first 5 times I used the site it timed out while trying to bring up the download page. Then after an 8 second delay I got it to come up.

This site is so slow it is unusable.

It wasn't in the top 5 so I expanded the other 45.

These 45 names are totally confusing. These names make stuff like: C:\Documents and Settings\billg\My Documents\My Pictures seem clear.

They are not filtered by the system ... and so many of the things are strange.

I tried scoping to Media stuff. Still no moviemaker. I typed in movie. Nothing. I typed in movie maker. Nothing.

So I gave up and sent mail to Amir saying - where is this Moviemaker download? Does it exist?

So they told me that using the download page to download something was not something they anticipated.

They told me to go to the main page search button and type movie maker (not moviemaker!).

I tried that. The site was pathetically slow but after 6 seconds of waiting up it came.

I thought for sure now I would see a button to just go do the download.

In fact it is more like a puzzle that you get to solve. It told me to go to Windows Update and do a bunch of incantations.

This struck me as completely odd. Why should I have to go somewhere else and do a scan to download moviemaker?

So I went to Windows update. Windows Update decides I need to download a bunch of controls. (Not) just once but multiple times where I get to see weird dialog boxes.

Doesn't Windows update know some key to talk to Windows?

Then I did the scan. This took quite some time and I was told it was critical for me to download 17megs of stuff.

This is after I was told we were doing delta patches to things but instead just to get 6 things that are labeled in the SCARIEST possible way I had to download 17meg.

So I did the download. That part was fast. Then it wanted to do an install. This took 6 minutes and the machine was so slow I couldn't use it for anything else during this time.

What the heck is going on during those 6 minutes? That is crazy. This is after the download was finished.

Then it told me to reboot my machine. Why should I do that? I reboot every night -- why should I reboot at that time?

So I did the reboot because it INSISTED on it. Of course that meant completely getting rid of all my Outlook state.

So I got back up and running and went to Windows Update again. I forgot why I was in Windows Update at all since all I wanted was to get Moviemaker.

So I went back to Microsoft.com and looked at the instructions. I have to click on a folder called WindowsXP. Why should I do that? Windows Update knows I am on Windows XP.

What does it mean to have to click on that folder? So I get a bunch of confusing stuff but sure enough one of them is Moviemaker.

So I do the download. The download is fast but the Install takes many minutes. Amazing how slow this thing is.

At some point I get told I need to go get Windows Media Series 9 to download.

So I decide I will go do that. This time I get dialogs saying things like "Open" or "Save". No guidance in the instructions which to do. I have no clue which to do.

The download is fast and the install takes 7 minutes for this thing.

So now I think I am going to have Moviemaker. I go to my add/remove programs place to make sure it is there.

It is not there.

What is there? The following garbage is there. Microsoft Autoupdate Exclusive test package, Microsoft Autoupdate Reboot test package, Microsoft Autoupdate testpackage1. Microsoft AUtoupdate testpackage2, Microsoft Autoupdate Test package3.

Someone decided to trash the one part of Windows that was usable? The file system is no longer usable. The registry is not usable. This program listing was one sane place but now it is all crapped up.

But that is just the start of the crap. Later I have listed things like Windows XP Hotfix see Q329048 for more information. What is Q329048? Why are these series of patches listed here? Some of the patches just things like Q810655 instead of saying see Q329048 for more information.

What an absolute mess.

Moviemaker is just not there at all.

So I give up on Moviemaker and decide to download the Digital Plus Package.

I get told I need to go enter a bunch of information about myself.

I enter it all in and because it decides I have mistyped something I have to try again. Of course it has cleared out most of what I typed.

I try (typing) the right stuff in 5 times and it just keeps clearing things out for me to type them in again.

So after more than an hour of craziness and making my programs list garbage and being scared and seeing that Microsoft.com is a terrible website I haven't run Moviemaker and I haven't got the plus package.

The lack of attention to usability represented by these experiences blows my mind. I thought we had reached a low with Windows Network places or the messages I get when I try to use 802.11. (don't you just love that root certificate message?)

When I really get to use the stuff I am sure I will have more feedback.


Bugmeister's last will and testament.

(Via Gizmodo via Slashdot)


Supreme Court: There is a right to own guns

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


U.S. to Take North Korea Off Terror List

Does this count as another Dubya flipflop?


One suspects the wonks are making too much of those they must call "Obamacons", in the idiot manner of "metrosexuals". True Gen. Fogbound isn't a conservative, and we'd argue Hole-in-the-Bagel isn't a Republican. Moreover most of these people aren't going to vote for The Messiah. The fact is after fourteen years the GOP is rubble and ashes. Now we await another eyeball-rolling time of a one-party democratic state, which will inevitably end in corruption and ennui, as did the Republicans'.

(Via the TWXSTERS)

Wednesday, June 25, 2008


I finally got around to seeing that fake VIRAL video, and while it's nice to know PEPSICO and its ULTRA-PC CEO have time enough on their hands to dream up some stupid stunts I find it troubling. Not the stunt itself, which is clearly minor-league compared to, say, Mr. Middle-Finger of yore; but if Indira or whatever her name is can harmlessly lie the true believers of THE TANTRUM TWINS and all their parasites can harmfully lie. This is just another glorified example of yentaism, the relentless spreading of half-truths of which the Web has become the most successful exponent in history, which has already proved the undoing of too many, and could if bad enough prove the undoing of us all.


AP NEWSALERT!!!!!

WASHINGTON (AP) -- President Bush says Friday's election in Zimbabwe appears to "be a sham" [sic]

Even HE knows?


If sanctions won't work...

Robert Mugabe to be stripped of knighthood

...this will!


George Carlin hosted the very first episode of SNL on Oct. 11, 1975. NBC will honor him by airing that premiere episode this weekend while HBO plans on playing specials of more than 30 years of his comedy shows starting this week....

According to a transcript of the show available here, Mr. Carlin "wanted to wear a t-shirt, but the network wanted him to wear a suit. As a compromise, Carlin wore a vest and jacket over his t-shirt, and hosted the show while reportedly stoned out of his mind."


A very apt honor.

Tuesday, June 24, 2008


Here THE CONSPIRACY had this wonderful gold mine called the DVD, and through its unique alchemy -- such as doing the WKRP on The Fugitive -- has not only turned the gold to tin it may have taught the customers to stop shelling out money for TV shows altogether. Between the seclusion of un-PC cartoons and former rock superstars and other pea-brained musicians throwing tantrums there are already enough reasons for the fans to resent the biz -- as if its continuing excretion of genius isn't enough.

One-and-a-half-stars on Amazon.com, and it's been out two weeks. NUF SAID.


Audit: Dems, liberals passed over for Justice jobs

1. Democrats would do the SAME THING. 2. When Democrats do the same thing news hacks won't try to win the P-Ulitzer over it. 3. Both parties and their respective apologists STINK.

Monday, June 23, 2008


AP NEWSALERT!!!!!

UNITED NATIONS (AP) -- UN Security council condemns Zimbabwe's government over `campaign of violence' [sic]

Now maybe you can go and -- pass sanctions on yourself.


New Sanctions for Zimbabwe Likely as Opposition Quits

And will they as effective as sanctions on...oh, never mind.


Big Dig's largest contractor files for Chapter 11

An apt reward for a job well done.


TNT, Acura Start with Blank Slate

And if they use all that money and air time right they could turn it in to the televised equivalent of the Los Angeles River.


More brilliance from the Kinsley Memorial Web Site:

  • technology

    Victoria's Circuit

    Harnessing the untapped power of breast motion.


  • A reason The Lord may win: Stuck between a real liberal who fakes and a so-so conservative who fakes, people may choose the real liberal, thinking He's the real thing.


    And speaking of innovation, GE BANCORP's putting the GAMES on a downloading platform. BUT:

    Users must have Microsoft Windows Vista to use the service, which runs on the operating system's Media Center. According to Microsoft, about 100 million people have Vista.

    What about those of us who don't want it?


    If only we (and not Slashdot's dweebs) had found this first: a eulogy for BuckyBall:

    Fuller’s schemes often had the hallucinatory quality associated with science fiction (or mental hospitals). [!!!!!]

    AND:

    In 1994, Stewart Brand, the founding editor of the “Whole Earth Catalog” and an early, self-described dome “propagandist,” called geodesics a “massive, total failure”:
    Domes leaked, always. The angles between the facets could never be sealed successfully. If you gave up and tried to shingle the whole damn thing—dangerous process, ugly result—the nearly horizontal shingles on top still took in water. The inside was basically one big room, impossible to subdivide, with too much space wasted up high. The shape made it a whispering gallery that broadcast private sounds to everyone.
    NUF SAID.


    More confirmation of polls' uselessness:

    The most reputable company in America: Google, which toppled Microsoft from the top perch in the 2007 Harris Interactive Reputation Quotient study released today -- and sent it tumbling all the way down to No. 10.

    1. Just because everybody uses something that makes it good? 2. Why NOW?

    "Google is the perfect example showing reputation does not correlate with ad spending," said Robert Fronk, senior VP-senior consultant, reputation strategy, at Harris Interactive.

    Well, in a certain way, they got that right.


    I'm sorry too, Romy, that TV news hacks can't expose more miscreants, but the sad fact is such stories have the taint of exploding pickups and superscripts, and they also have the taint of bias (as we will readily assume the hacks will only go after conservative miscreants) -- but because you hacks have to tell your truth is one reason we can't trust you, and because we can't trust you you've pulled the rug out from under your own most necessary endeavors.


    To Crown a Copyright Czar

    ...is to crown the public, and it won't stop Chinese or Russians or Bulgarians from pilfering our product as usual.


    George Carlin, one of the comedians who made it possible for standup to use dirty words in inverse proportion to its laughs, has died. RIP.

    Interesting: The TWXSTERS do a St. Timothy on the domestic home page, but turn to International -- where is it?

    I think the International page has the right idea.

    Sunday, June 22, 2008


    An astonishing admission from a con-SER-va-tive source:

    Wall Street aristocrats and heroes can easily morph into con men.

    Also they can be "bunglers" who are "abjectly stupid about shareholders’ and customers’ money". Gekko Kudlow must call for a boycott of City Journal!


    Wonks are making a big thing about The Lord and his campaign-financing flip-flop. Sorry, when push comes to shove, the hacks will shove us as usual.


    Miami, all day and all night

    Great beaches, nightlife, culture and eats make for a hot, hip and happening vacation in Miami.


    Hasn't the nightlife been a little dark there lately?


    “Forty years ago, publishers had a pretty high standard for who should write books,” the historian Michael Beschloss, who is based in Washington, said in a telephone interview. “There were fewer books published. You had better possess some literary ability.”

    Who needs literary ability to write a memoir?

    Saturday, June 21, 2008


    Amid rising deficit, next president may be unable to fulfill campaign promises, fiscal experts say. [Home-page subhed]

    The last thing we expect -- no, the last thing we want is a president fulfilling his campaign promises.


    Americans are renting apartments and houses at the highest level since President Bush started a campaign to expand homeownership in 2002. [Home-page subhed]

    Yep, sounds like Dubya.


    It is official: America's periodical publishers are willing themselves out of business. This week B. S. DEFENDER's Frankenstein monster, having approached a suitably arbitrary milestone of a thousand (too many) issues in print, expectorated a "listicle" of a thousand new show-biz CLASSICS! from the last twenty-five years. A look at the list of the hundred CLASSIC movies quickly reveals it's comprised mostly of the biggest hits and critically acclaimed sops. But a table-pounder at HSX was crushed to learn that the It's a Wonderful Life of the nineties was NOT THERE. Perhaps the TWXSTERS were attempting a sly hidden commentary on the whole thing, like a Soviet dissident smuggling papers through the Iron Curtain. We doubt it; if there's anything PEOPLE WARNER is NOT it's subtle.

    Friday, June 20, 2008




    Our warm and fuzzy story and video of the day.

    A heartfelt thank you, Chron.com. Now I know why the good Lord made puppies and kittens.


    Romy again:

    Thomson: Wall Street Journal is still a business newspaper

    As we will find out the next time it covers News Corp.


    And hard-core RICHIE RICHES:

    [SOCIAL SECURITY] IS REALLY A WELFARE PROGRAM MERGED WITH A PONZI SCHEME TO MASK ITS REDISTRIBUTIVE EFFECTS!!!!! [Redistributive overemphasis added]

    So let's dismantle SocSec and redistribute the wealth YOUR way. Does any hyperpartisan NOT believe in redistributing wealth?


    And yet elsewhere in the Big Double-A-Scribble, the Commish of Prima-Donna Roundball proposes to address rigging!

    How? We can guess -- by making his sport so superfantastic people won't even think of it!


    Intent on overturning BART's ban on drinking in stations and on trains, BART board Director Lynette Sweet put on a demonstration Thursday to show off a travel coffee mug outfitted with a "dead man's trigger" engineered to keep the beverage from spilling even if the person holding it keels over and dies.

    Moments later she was in search of paper towels and a mop.

    The first word out of her mouth can't be printed in a family newspaper.


    As an occasionally-sticky-shoed regular on an el I can say, NUF SAID.


    Are instrument playing robots likely to replace human musicians? "Definitely not," says Prof Wolfe. "Who would go to a robot concert? For us, the robot is a complementary part of our research into how to play music badly or well, and what makes the difference."

    Yeah, who needs robots when we have KENNY G?

    Booooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!


    Although we don't think even Kenny is capable of such an A-1 CLAM as that one at the end.

    (Via the usual Slashdot)


    And in rickety old Londontown:

    £1bn deal for biggest 2012 venue faces collapse
    Developer for Olympic Village is struggling to raise capital because of the credit crunch, and taxpayer could pick up bill


    But isnt that the Olympic Spirit?


    On CNN's site, perhaps.

    Thursday, June 19, 2008


    1939: Beau Geste vs. Dark Victory vs. Destry Rides Again vs. Goodbye, Mr. Chips vs. Gunga Din vs. Mr. Smith Goes to Washington vs. Ninotchka vs. Of Mice and Men vs. Stagecoach vs. Wuthering Heights vs. Young Mr. Lincoln...vs. The Wizard of Oz...vs. Gone with the Wind....

    2008: The Love Guru vs. Get Smart.

    P. S. (S as in self-serving)


    Bottom Line: Unfunny juvenilia that makes one appreciate the subtlety and nuances of Judd Apatow's films.

    Wait a second! We thought Judd was the MACK SENNETT of our day!

    Maybe he is.


    "An arrest binge" indeed.

    We're no friends of the Gekkoites but did Dubya do this strictly for show? And how many of these frauds will get innocent verdicts?


    Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice said Wednesday that the cost the United States has paid so far in its effort to rid North Korea of nuclear weapons is much smaller than the concessions made by Pyongyang.

    Dubya's got to work on that.


    This alleged contest among adolescent girls in Massachusetts to get pregnant bespeaks a shattering lack of imagination, not to mention sense and brains. If these girls had wanted to be excited there were many other ways to do it. That nothing is taboo in our time except CHILD PORN takes away a lot of the virtue of innocence and a lot of the incentive to have any sense.

    By the way, TWXSTERS, with your never-ending gloating over Slutsville you should be the LAST people to use the word WORSE.

    Wednesday, June 18, 2008


    A WINNER OF THE BAD-SEX-IN-FICTION AWARD GETS MAD:

    TELEVISED news can't hold a candle to newspapers, according to Tom Wolfe. "As newspapers are declining rapidly . . . I would just point out, all news today comes from newspapers. All of it," the "Bonfire of the Vanities" author told Charlie Rose the other night. "Television has never initiated a successful story in its life. When they have a big story, it's always wrong." He cited as an example Dan Rather's bogus story about George W. Bush's National Guard service and declared, "Idiots!"

    NEVER!!!!!

    (First link via MediaBistro)


    "I refuse to be lectured on national security by people who are responsible for the most disastrous set of foreign policy decisions in the recent history of the United States," Obama said in opening remarks that in part referred to the Iraq war.

    TRANSLATION: Let's get Elvis -- and after we get Elvis let's BRING THE SOLDIERS HOME!!!!!


    THE LAST WORD, WE PROMISE:


    Morgan Stanley suspended a credit trader and disclosed a $120 million ``negative adjustment'' related to erroneous valuations of his positions, Chief Financial Officer Colm Kelleher said.

    We frown at the leeches of Wall Street because they can so easily cook the books. They too are afflicted with hubris. With such shenanigans becoming a more frequent thing we wonder when one of their parasitic squad causes a depression. Given the ease with which they cooked the housing market we would best be advised to give the notion serious consideration, however dubious it is.


    I must explain my first post of the day. BIGMEDIA and its superefficient megaphone the Web turn humans into corporations. We love corporate America so much we can't help similarly loving people who are corporations. That was why I got so mad at St. Timothy's sendoff -- the man had the power of millions and of his millions, and it is not clear that he always used it for the commonweal. Perhaps that too harshly colored my reaction to THE GOLFING MACHINE. But he starts out with 100-percent intensity; either he grits his teeth or pumps his fist. And he ascends from there. We have seldom seen him smile; we are sure he's never said a word for Bartlett's. Lately he got peeved because he lost in a tournament. The man's datebook is full of engagements with CEOs who similarly get peeved at sand traps. It is impossible to think his COURAGEOUS achievement at the Open wasn't hubris, a way of showing off to his constituents in the corner offices. He must surely have the most high-powered medical help; didn't they say anything? Or do they occupy the corner offices too? Moreover he played against the greatest of underdogs; judging from the fan reaction his latest win was hardly that welcome an occasion. Perhaps in this ultracynical age we must turn all great achievers into louts. Imagine how we'd react to Gen. Washington and his false teeth and tantrums -- Politico would have a FIELD DAY. Or Honest Abe with his slovenly manner and reputedly high-pitched voice. But FDR was the most mediagenic of leaders, and aside from a certain kind of con-SER-va-tive his rep hasn't suffered. (JFK's has, but in no small measure as people look for excuses for his assassination.) In the lack of evidence otherwise it's hard to believe great leaders couldn't summon the guts not to wilt in the bright lights.

    Which raises another question: were athletes always ciphers? Think of the Babe, who ate to excess and drank to excess and womanized to excess, but he smiled, and he liked the fans, and he seemed human. So bad PR alone can't explain why we hold public figures in low regard. Yes we hope TGM can fully resume his career, but let us not connive ourselves into thinking it's for anyone's good but his own.

    P. S.


    The news will silence those who doubted how badly Woods was hurt, some even questioning whether the world No 1 was exaggerating his pain for the gallery.

    In an interview with German television before this week’s BMW International, Retief Goosen questioned whether Woods really was in serious trouble.

    The South African said: “It just seemed that when he hit a bad shot he was in pain and on his good shots he wasn’t. I believe if he was really injured he would not have played.”

    Goosen has since insisted he was speaking light-heartedly and his manager Guy Kinnings said that he would be among the first to wish Woods a speedy recovery.


    Maybe he isn't THAT beloved.


    We ask again: Was it "COURAGE" or was it HUBRIS?

    We remember an interview with a golf magazine in which Lee Trevino jealously predicted TGM's back would give out from all his hard swinging. Who'd have figured his back was in his knees?

    "My doctors assure me with the proper rehabilitation and training, the knee will be strong and there will be no long-term effects."??? [SIC!!!!!]

    We HOPE so.

    Tuesday, June 17, 2008




    And a few doors away on the home page comes this depressing story, for which a different link: Legs has died. She was beautiful, she could dance, she danced with Fred, she danced to "Dancing in the Dark" with Fred (we have not forgotten the "Broadway Melody" and Gene, let us say that, not at all), she was married to the fine singer named Tony Martin who was as impossibly attractive as she, and now we know we don't have sex symbols in the movies anymore, although that should be obvious to anyone who isn't an ad-blurbist, or an idiot 12-year-old.


    Judge OKs $11M settlement of V. Tech tragedy

    When will these Clark Kents stop misusing the word TRAGEDY?!?!?


    One of Col. Zell's LEFTENANTS (no pun intended) has fifteen great ideas to get people to read newspapers, meaning default isn't far off.

    Oh---check WGN-AMERICA. They have blown it up and rating impact has been immediate!

    They blew up WGN? I imagine it would be.

    Maybe it's time for Col. Zell to blame ROMY too.


    And that stories on this topic seem almost as numerous as tears for ST. TIMOTHY indicates that to our SUPERMEN of the press the notion the CLATCH just fired 1,400 is sheer FICTION.


    Blast in Baghdad kills 51

    Are Democrats smiling?


    In the latest PEOPLE WARNER news, the company is about to depart from behind a tree after having just created a new masterwork, and our favorite P. R. guy Rog isn't that impressed:

    Hathaway, who is fine, doesn’t have the mature sensuality of Barbara Feldon, and the couple feels out of balance.

    TRANSLATION: We've all been dumbed down quite a bit since the sixties, and frauds like PEOPLE WARNER are intent to finish the job.

    P. S. The TWXSTERS must be angry; Rog says they aimed it at "idiot 12-year-olds", which may be older and smarter than the targets.

    P. P. S. at 6:55 p.m. Meantime SUMNER has lifted His leg again. I am SICK of making bathroom references to media companies! (No way were we going to post this separately after the Legs news.)


    Even as our mental daze over the fathomless loss of a TOWERING FIGURE IN AMERICAN JERNALISM slowly wears off, by gum if we news hacks don't come up with a new instant cliché: THE GOLFING MACHINE had COURAGE. Yes, COURAGE. The COURAGE to play before admiring millions on a banged-up knee so He could PROVE something. And what did He prove? His IMMORTALITY. Never mind that in a certain way He may have been just showing off. News hacks love to misuse words. Courage to them is a friend making millions or one of their excessively like-minded demagogues sticking it to the right. Courage isn't the soldier in Iraq, the firefighter in the Bronx, the emergency workers staring down floods in the Midwest -- no; it is the friend of CEOs adding another scene to His HIGHLIGHT REEL.

    Talk of athuhletes having COURAGE should have died long before the Four Horsemen, and at least in their day it was understandable as they were mostly ordinary people, and there was no ESPN. Now it's just another excuse to try to pervert dictionaries. I HATE NEWS HACKS!!!!!

    P. S. And news hacks have further trouble distinguishing between COURAGE and HUBRIS.


    TRANSLATION: When banging the table about TAXES!!!!! a con-SER-va-tive may find it easy to tell an unintentional untruth, especially "(via Instapundit, via Kaus)".

    Monday, June 16, 2008


    It didn't take long for Vegas to turn unhip, did it!

    Don't commodities traders have other money to burn?


    FINALLY, THE LAST WORD:

    On days like this, I, too, hate the press.

    And on many other days besides.


    FLASH!

    Al Gore to endorse Obama


    This could win him the election! Pfffffffffffffft!


    OH oh, GE BANCORP may have to sell more than refrigerators!

    BRING BACK LEGENDARY WELCH!!!!! He wants it.

    The $284.6 billion market capitalization of GE — the only original component of the Dow Jones industrial average to remain in that indicator — is now just $15 billion above that of Microsoft (MSFT), the No. 3 U.S. company by market value. ExxonMobil (XOM) is No. 1.

    BUGDOM is NEXT!


    Jug Ears is back with a Web site. Jug Ears was a Web site before anyone invented the term, complete with sound bites and charts and me-me-me -- but then he didn't need a computer to be a loose-cannon "populist" crackpot.

    Why isn't that clown investing in commodities? Or is he?


    The bad news: Belly Kisser (thanks in no small part to his friends Dwight and Co.) is making money.

    The good news:


    Russia is currently struggling with 15% inflation, the highest rate among the so-called BRIC countries - Brazil, Russia, India, and China. Last week, the central bank raised interest rates in an attempt to curb surging inflation.

    While Russia exports many commodities, it is a net food importer and global food prices have risen steeply in recent months. Food prices account for more than 30% of the consumer price index basket in Russia.
    [HA! HA! HA!]

    "In the short run, it's manageable," Brandt said. "In the long term, it poses a considerable threat to Medvedev's
    [SIC] promises to steer Russia towards a more market-based system. Inflation is really hurting a lot of people who depend on the state."

    And isn't oil the state in Russia?


    Some missteps can't be avoided. In 1996, Dole's campaign was permanently damaged by the image of the then GOP nominee falling off a stage in Chico, Calif. It was a stumble that wasn't Dole's fault, but rather a sign of poor advance work. Reaching out to grasp a voter's hand, Dole leaned against an unsecured rail. The fall made it into a few articles, and then was replayed again and again on TV. Unfairly, it made Dole look feeble and undermined his case for experience—a reminder of why McCain should be careful about following in Dole's footsteps.

    Say, what can we do THIS time to elect our friend?


    Speaking of clever, somebody's come up with a few excuses as to why the partnership of Dwights and Putins is a good thing. Saying that high oil will cause people to lose weight is like saying a famine will cure obesity. And we now know higher mass-transit ridership means higher maintenance costs -- not neglecting their higher fuel bills.

    Do you donate money to the Carnegie Endowment, Dwight, as a penance?


    Unfortunately, NO SNITCHERS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!, ghetto crime does have victims. That this boy is the blessed participant in a mentoring program should make us remember hundreds of others aren't.


    And in Branson East, a world irrelevant of its own account, the proprietors try to get Latinos to build theme parks in place of old folks, but giving seven awards to a touristy revival (including Best Scenic Design of a Musical, Best Sound Design of a Musical, Best Lighting Design of a Musical and Best Costume Design of a Musical) hints that it's going to be old folks in Branson East for a while.

    And that this revival won almost as many awards as the original is a cri de coeur for inspiration, something Latinos and young people and reggaetón-meisters may not have.


    As movie ad-blurbists ponder why their ranks are justifiably thinning, a eulogy for the medium they tried to sell:

    "Have you gone to an art house lately? Some screens are literally the size of the flat screens people have in their living rooms right now," Mr. Atkinson said, referring to the shrinking marketplace for independent [sic] films. "For those people who are searching for films made for adults, there's almost no reason to go to the theater anymore. It's reaching the point where there will be six big movies released a year, all made for a half-billion dollars, that everyone will see on a single day, and other than that, people will just stay home and watch Netflix. It's already happening."

    (Via ArtsJournal)


    russert coverage excessive

    Nuf said, and NUF SAID.

    Sunday, June 15, 2008


    Nuclear Ring Reportedly Had Advanced Weapon Design

    Glad to see our Pakistani "allies" are thinking of us again.

    Saturday, June 14, 2008


    Elsewhere in the Big Double-A Scribble:

    "A promotion that gets people to throw things at the TV -- unique," said Greg Wilson, creative director at Detroit agency Driven Communications.

    Now we understand why PEOPLE WARNER gave up on the WEATHER CHANNEL -- too many splotches on the screen.


    "Tiny Tim." Stay classy, Huffies.

    And did THEY know he would die so suddenly? Or are you upset that anyone would have DARED criticize the beloved St. Timothy, even beforehand?

    I am SICK of this veneration en masse, but those who harbor skeptical thoughts will gain their revenge when this revered force of truth becomes history's footnote, as he will.

    And here waft the first tendrils of RUMBLE RUMBLE RUMBLE, MUTINY MUTINY MUTINY.


    I am restoring my previously deleted post.

    P. S. And HERE and HERE and HERE and HERE.


    Meantime we noted this story in -- aptly enough -- the MESS:

    'Lucky' girl hit by lightning, then wins lottery


    We are happy for the young woman, nevertheless (and I hate to obsess over this) it reminds me of Third Coming: He was struck by some sort of political lightning, then won a lottery and became our Chief Scorekeeper. This is why I despise our ruling superiors -- they got where they are by luck, or conniving, and almost never from merit, and to the last person lack the saving grace of humility to realize how tenuous their happiness is.


    The Chief Scorekeeper. Here is another reason the death of the Third Coming of Christ rankles. We had this Chief Scorekeeper who arbitrarily decided Hillary was finished. At the time people criticized Him for deciding the election. Now these same people, who are suck-ups at heart, have collapsed in a pile of grief. Our politics stinks because news hacks must anoint Chief Scorekeepers, and many others whose love of country and the people is in serious doubt. The nationwide paroxysm of anguish proves yet again our superiors have no connection with the peons, and have no reason to connect.

    And doesn't the term Chief Scorekeeper have the vague odor of the Mafia, and of desperados notching their guns?

    Happily the international press has come to a different conclusion -- it seems hardly to have reported on the earth-shattering loss at all.


    McCain & Powell? How about Obama & Powell?

    How about it, Colin? Why not this one chance to stick it to -- to serve your country.

    Friday, June 13, 2008


    After trying to read 16,000 comments on the Times' Web site praising Tim which caused my computer to freeze I decided to at least temporarily remove my post. Everyone says he had uncommon kindness and decency. Had I known the man I'd have done so too. It's just that I get so cranky when 5 million people say the same thing, and the Times calls him a "towering" figure as though he were John Peter Zenger or Joseph Pulitzer -- or Adolph Ochs, and this is the guy who unelected Hillary, and he was buddy-buddies with Drunken Slob until it got inconvenient, and he was a central part of a news culture that grows ever more dysfunctional, and it's hard for me to find kindness and decency in a system now the definition of unkind and indecent, a system so rank it would perfume the sweetest rose with a skunk smell. And I believe we should cut public figures no slack. Police officers and firefighters and soldiers put their lives on the line for low pay. All the broadcast news hack does is put his mouth on the line for millions, and his foot in his mouth for more, and such is the business's amnesia his cumulative faults vanish even as we're stuck with the ever-aggregating burden of their memory. So all right, Timmy was the salt of the earth, mea culpa, mea maxima culpa, but that doesn't mean we forget his business forever pours salt in our psychic wounds. And I hope this is the last I have to write about this.

    And yes, I believe Little Jeffy and Jeff Zucks will replace him with the Tantrum Twin because he too has a big booming voice.

    P. S. As might be expected The Wiki's Tim bio is far longer than the other preceding greats', a clear sign its Achilles heel is the now, and that will be its downfall.

    P. P. S. Sixteen months ago Anna died, and the jernalistic overkill is now just one more chain in the news biz' long line of embarrassed silences. Her Wiki bio is longer than Tim's. Someday the site will resemble the loose-leaf supplements in the Book of Knowledge. The VITAPHONE!


    Stunning news: Tim Russert has died of a heart attack (although not entirely unexpected with his type-A interviewing.) Are Little Jeffy and Jeff Zucks tone deaf enough to promote one of the TANTRUM TWINS to his post?

    (Via NYTimes.com via Marketwatch.com; link at 3:47 p.m.)

    P. S. One hates to talk in this manner but if I'm to judge from two Corner gasps (both from extremely profitable writers who pundit too much) this will occasion the type of uncontrolled self-parodying media mourning we last saw when the Second Coming of Christ died -- and Russert attended the funeral, which should remind us he was an insider, and part of the ruling crowd, and the ruling crowd may not always have our best interests in mind, to put it mildly.

    And let us not forget it was scarcely a month ago when Russert unelected Hillary.

    In other words, by tomorrow afternoon we'll be mad as hell again.

    P. P. S. "A TOWERING FIGURE IN AMERICAN JOURNALISM." A half hour and already it's entered the hagiography phase.

    ("TOWERING" has since given way on the Times' home page to "prominent", suggesting even our superiors may have an inkling this could go too far.)



    The Jack Valenti of Mortgages had lots of friends in high places, and despite the less than optimal outcome bribery for legislation never ends.


    Other participants in the V.I.P. program included former Secretary of Housing and Urban Development Alphonso Jackson, former Secretary of Health and Human Services Donna Shalala, and former U.N. ambassador and assistant Secretary of State Richard Holbrooke. Jackson was deputy H.U.D. secretary in the Bush administration when he received the loans in 2003. Shalala, who received two loans in 2002, had by then left the Clinton administration for her current position as president of the University of Miami. She is scheduled to receive a Presidential Medal of Freedom on June 19.

    And a reward richly deserved!

    (Via The Mess)


    Another EPOCHAL example of political oratory, from the Red-Light Man:

    Having tried charts, speeches and even all-nighters to protest what he sees as Republican obstructionism in the Senate, New York Democratic Sen. Charles Schumer took to quoting British songstress Amy Winehouse Thursday, hoping to drive home his message.

    “It’s sort of like that song,” said Schumer speaking to reporters Tuesday afternoon, "Democrats say, 'Let’s legislate,' and [Republicans] just say, 'No, no no.'”

    Winehouse — whose struggles with substance abuse caused a media firestorm — won six Grammy’s last year on the strength of her song “Rehab,” which containes the hook Schumer took such glee in repeating.

    “They need rehab, I guess,” said Schumer....


    I guess you need brains, Red-Light -- or maybe a dose of what makes Joe "Ask-Not" Biden such a great speaker.


    Col. Zell's lost his publisher at the Trib!

    That's a mighty fine replica of the Titanic you bought there, Col.! Who knew it had rats?

    And somebody at the Sun-Times must have been gloating; he repeated the second and third grafs -- for good measure!

    (Via MediaBistro)


    The very Zeitgeisty very CW rag that ran the fake Hitler diaries and the fake Koran in the toilet is hiring the fake Steve Jobs.

    Congratulations, JonBoy! You've won the lottery! Now can you use the proceeds to rehire the people who quit?


    When they are not taking the bribes that aren't bribes, our Congresspoops write vitally needed pieces of -- legislation, like this one proposing broadcasters and cable networks turn down the volume on commercials.

    We've got an idea, Anna -- give the broadcasters and cable magnates a HUGE tax break for doing it!


    Speaking of Romy:

    Media and Critics Split Over Sexism in Clinton Coverage


    Wait a second! Wasn't this a case of two really super-duper-duper good guys? And how the one super-duper-duper good guy was simply more electable than the other? Seeing how we had to defend our great perk of ruling the universe we HAD to treat the other super-duper-duper good guy unfairly. Hillary can respect that -- whatever her unelectability she's still a super-duper-duper good guy, just like us. And if the coverage was unfair, well, we admit even perfect people like us may have a latent streak of racismsexismhomophobismIslamophobism -- so whip us with a wet noodle!

    In short, when you think the hacks are full of it, they fill themselves with some more of it.


    Yahoo `Damaged Goods' After Yang Fails to Revive Microsoft Deal

    And how would it have differed from the Yahoo! before the deal?


    We have learned the sad story of a pop-mu-SIC cri-TIC forced to resign when his Hearstie overlords discovered his writing was full of ectoplasm. It must be a stupid writer who can have his column ghosted; even in this day when blogging beats all, who would not want a prominent spot in a dinosaur newspaper...for pay? We'd guess the man has excuses; he was doing "translations", for one thing -- his beat was Mexican music -- and besides he sounds like just another of the species of pop-mu-SIC cri-TIC who writes all too much and thinks all too little; imagine the exemplars of the breed, geniuses like Robert "Over the" Hilburn and Jim DeRogatis. Uncovering this fool will not stop the copying and transcribing of CW that goes on all the time in pop-mu-SIC criti-CISM, one news industry creature that should go extinct.

    (Revised 8:20 a.m. We thought ArtsJournal posted it first but Romy can never be denied.)


    We wonder that "Not-So-Smart" Alex Kozinski isn't a HERO among con-SER-va-tives. He should certainly be a HERO to MS. TRAVERS -- he is a SOUTH PARK CONSERVATIVE. "[I]ntellectual rigor, writing flourishes and an outlandish — some say boorish — personality" -- is this not THE GREATEST COMIC MASTERPIECE OF ALL TIME to the core? Now let us ponder if the LALA Times hadn't brought the proud judge's, er, fancy to the public eye. What if he had turned this into a Dreyfus case and let a pornographer go free because of his own, er, love of cows? Possibly even SOUTH PARK CONSERVATIVES would have fumed a little, but then they could have excused themselves by saying here is a great con-SER-va-tive jurist, continuing a proud tradition of patriotic American iconoclasm.

    In short, con-SER-va-tives would have confirmed Judge Not-So-Smart Alex is a pervert.


    My mother died on Saturday, and due to my total incompetence (my answering machine was busted, and though I bought a new one three weeks ago I hadn't installed it, as I only get solicitations and wrong numbers) I only found out on Wednesday, and I'd been busy making such little preparations for the burial I hadn't the inclination to post. Though I generally do not write personal entries I will have one for the weekend.

    Tuesday, June 10, 2008


    McCain Criticizes CEOs' Pay in Speech to Businesses

    Gekko Kudlow hangs his head in shame.


    I'm going to India next month and I want to give this message that all religions are equal.

    Alas the Pope may not want to acknowledge some religions are more equal than others.


    Which further inspires us: which candidate will be first with a tantrum on the campaign trail?

    And why are we betting it isn't Boobs McKeating?


    Operation Lets Muslim Women Reclaim Virginity

    Presumably so they won't get beaten by their loving relatives if they prematurely lost it.

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