THE NEWS HACK'S CREED:
I know more than you.
I make lots more money than you.
I'm smarter than you.
I'm sexier than you.
I appear on TV all the time.
I work ten minutes a day.
I rule the universe.
I'm going to live forever.
You are an idiot.
THE NEWS HACK'S CREED, No. 2:
A lie isn't a lie when it tells THE TRUTH.
THE NEWS HACK'S CREED, No. 3:
I've come to realize that the looseness of the journalistic life, the seeming laxity of the newsroom, is an illusion. Yes, there's informality and there's humor, but beneath the surface lies something deadly serious. It is a code. Sometimes the code is not even written down, but it is deeply believed in. And, when violated, it is enforced with tribal ferocity.
--JOHN "OMERTA" CARROLL.
THE NEWS HACK'S CREED, No. 4:
News isn't news when we don't report it.
PERMALINKS:
THE NEWS HACKS' DICTIONARY
THE EUGENE DAVID GLOSSARY
AMERICA'S MOST UNINTENTIONALLY FUNNY WEB SITE!
Blogroll Me!
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Tuesday, December 30, 2008
Two days ago we posited that somebody was about to be fired.
Well, two days later, somebody still hasn't been fired, but six coaches have been fired elsewhere, leading us to believe it's the air inside Jerry Jones's head.
Well, two days later, somebody still hasn't been fired, but six coaches have been fired elsewhere, leading us to believe it's the air inside Jerry Jones's head.
We don't want to be too hard on our mayor -- he seems like a reasonably capable guy, and furthermore he is our boss -- but shutting down libraries may have cost more than he could have saved.
But see? HP is an international company.
(Via Slashdot -- and given this just appeared a few hours ago we might say, with Slashdot, you're often the last to know)
(Via Slashdot -- and given this just appeared a few hours ago we might say, with Slashdot, you're often the last to know)
Awwwwww, poor One's "disappointed."
His muse Mr. Lincoln seems to have failed him -- and not, we suspect, for the first time.
His muse Mr. Lincoln seems to have failed him -- and not, we suspect, for the first time.
And in other news of overpaid, overexposed typists whom PVT. ZELL should have laid off, we realize it is a waste of bandwidth to dwell on Mogul's Friend's successive outbursts, but the man will just not stop making an ass of himself. His current solution for the Os-CAR®S is twofold: 1. To get the A-CA-DE-MY® to honor as many of the hundreds of GREAT FILMS that it can, and 2. For the IN-DUS-TRY to give big wide platforms for terrific films with zero crowd-pleasing appeal. So irrelevant has this buffoon become that nearly thirty hours after his post it's gathered no comments. For once the sadomasochists who call themselves movee buffs have shown good judgment. With any luck PVT. will find a financial excuse for this bozo to daydream somewhere else -- say, at Northwestern University, where he can be a PERFESSER OF OS-CAR®, or at ROLLING STONE, where he can form a tag team of toadying with PETER TRAVERS.
It was painful to hear yet again of the Columbia catastrophe, but you can't have space exploration without heroes -- nor space accidents without bureaucracies.
Here when you think Blago has defined the term schmuck, he redefines it.
And his choice sounds like the definitive hack.
Would the Dems get so exercised if this choice mattered?
And his choice sounds like the definitive hack.
Would the Dems get so exercised if this choice mattered?
Monday, December 29, 2008
"Senator McConnell — Idiot of the Highest Order" [Kathryn Jean Lopez]
Yes, he must be doing something good.
12/29 05:38 PM
Or maybe he's doing the same thing as DEMOCRATS in a different key.
Yes, he must be doing something good.
12/29 05:38 PM
Or maybe he's doing the same thing as DEMOCRATS in a different key.
Whoever Stole the Huge Statue Out of Bernie Madoff’s Backyard Is Awesome
Or maybe not; it's that much fractionally less money due the creditors.
Or maybe not; it's that much fractionally less money due the creditors.
If "50,000 stores could close without any effect on consumer choice", and "200,000 stores may close in 2009, compared with a record 160,000 in 2008", what does that say for retailing's future?
Maybe if it hadn't opened so many unneeded stores in the first place while neglecting underserved customers thanks to long held prejudices it would have a better future.
Maybe if it hadn't opened so many unneeded stores in the first place while neglecting underserved customers thanks to long held prejudices it would have a better future.
Hollywood's happy, even without a record year
Hollywood's happy? DAVID "NON" GERMAIN's happy. He's happy because the people who feed him the useless self-serving quotes are happy, and by God if they're happy he's happy. Should even an ASSPress reporter be happy?
Wait until next year when you have another chance to use the word "RECORD" indiscriminately. Until then, another NEUHARTHISM OF THE MONTH AWARD to NON!
Hollywood's happy? DAVID "NON" GERMAIN's happy. He's happy because the people who feed him the useless self-serving quotes are happy, and by God if they're happy he's happy. Should even an ASSPress reporter be happy?
Wait until next year when you have another chance to use the word "RECORD" indiscriminately. Until then, another NEUHARTHISM OF THE MONTH AWARD to NON!
Sunday, December 28, 2008
Fifty years after Fidel Castro led a band of rebels to victory over a U.S.-backed dictator, his revolution goes on, Cuba firmly in its grip, in what some view as a triumph and others a tragedy. [Home page squib]
Well JEEZ, al Reut, if we can't make up our minds why bother reporting at all? Not that you're always such eunuchs -- I mean, you decided long ago that "militants" aren't such bad guys even if they kill thousands. What's the matter with you? The operation still hurt?
Well JEEZ, al Reut, if we can't make up our minds why bother reporting at all? Not that you're always such eunuchs -- I mean, you decided long ago that "militants" aren't such bad guys even if they kill thousands. What's the matter with you? The operation still hurt?
WFMU.org's blog has introduced us to a very interesting site that specializes in downloads of schlock videos its proprietor summarily assumes are PD -- mostly seventies programmers (and mostly R-RATED -- and no age check!) and a few made-for-TV movies, all out of circulation for some time, and with luck never to be circulated again. We'd make nothing of it but for two points: 1. SAMMY GLICK...MAN has lost the piracy war, and this stands is its most prominent tombstone this side of BitTorrent; and 2. The next time SAMMY GLICK...MAN boasts about JACK'S SECRET-RECIPE ALPHABET SOUP someone should ask him who lobbied for LEHMAN BROTHERS.
P. S. We've a hunch three of Alexa.com's Top 50 are frequented rather heavily by under-17s. The only good thing is that biz has run even more afoul of piracy.
P. P. S. And speaking of Cowboys, here's another biz that isn't wholly undeserving of it.
P. S. We've a hunch three of Alexa.com's Top 50 are frequented rather heavily by under-17s. The only good thing is that biz has run even more afoul of piracy.
P. P. S. And speaking of Cowboys, here's another biz that isn't wholly undeserving of it.
Five fatal stabbings every week despite Labour’s knife-crime ‘crackdown’
There's an easy answer to this, of course -- ban knives!
We shouldn't be flippant at this but a certain kind of LIBERAL believes he can solve social problems by going after the symptoms of the underlying illness, while the con-SER-va-tive believes he can solve social problems by having people make more money.
There's an easy answer to this, of course -- ban knives!
We shouldn't be flippant at this but a certain kind of LIBERAL believes he can solve social problems by going after the symptoms of the underlying illness, while the con-SER-va-tive believes he can solve social problems by having people make more money.
PREDICTION: Somebody's going to be FIIIIIIIIIIIIII-red tomorrow!
This could be a funnier story than PlaxPlex! Question: Which does more self-inflicted damage: PlaxPlex' guns or Jerry Jones's MOUTH?
This could be a funnier story than PlaxPlex! Question: Which does more self-inflicted damage: PlaxPlex' guns or Jerry Jones's MOUTH?
SHUCKS, MICKEYMOUSE NIXON is ending his interview show Conversations with Myself, blaming the low ratings on not wanting to do the show more than once a month.
With MICKEYMOUSE NIXONS it NEVER has anything to do with YOU.
With MICKEYMOUSE NIXONS it NEVER has anything to do with YOU.
I did not post yesterday in no small part thanks to IT&T, which slowed my connection enough I couldn't download anything. I've given up on the Indians and will switch tomorrow to Verizon, as if that will do any good.
A publisher finally canceled what proved to be a Holocaust "memoir". Even if the book biz could learn from its mistakes it never would, being one of those industries that never makes them.
And here's a candidate for returning some of OUR money, and the mortgage holders': WAMU'S AD AGENCY. (Linked in story below)
Meet John D. Parsons -- WaMu's Employee of the Decade!
He's the one on the left. No, he might be the one on the right.
That the Israelis finally managed a self-defense against Hamas does not negate how the world and Arabs will feel about them: "a superpower with feet of clay, technologically powerful but spiritually weak and quickly cowed by international condemnation." Ultimately self-defense must trump feelings. And if the Israelis killed somewhat more than we might have liked let us remember Hamas would kill 10,000 times as many Israelis as the Israelis killed Arabs, and be done with it.
Friday, December 26, 2008
Another of the earth-shattering dispatches for which THE UNIVERSE'S LEADING NEWS ORGANIZATION was founded 142 years ago:
Obamas visit aquatic park, eat shave ice on outing
Obamas visit aquatic park, eat shave ice on outing
Lately The Hollywood Reporter ran an interesting roundtable with prominent film composers. Musicians rank with stuntmen as among the few Hollywoodians really serious about their craft; they're also among the fewer with any sense of the biz' history. Reading this one gets two impressions -- that, however good they try to be (we have no way of knowing, believing MOVIES ARE BETTER THAN EVER!!!!!), film scoring has taken a nosedive since the golden age (that we can believe); and the bean-counting hacks have largely supplanted music with SFX, and the SFX are getting louder, and all you have at your command is a pencil, which you must "keep moving" (to quote Howard Shore), if only to fill in the lulls between explosions.
I'm sure we all feel very bad about this one:
Signs of the New Economy: 'The Private Jet Market Stinks'
Signs of the New Economy: 'The Private Jet Market Stinks'
Speaking of GCI at $7.49, here is one of those inimitable USAOKAY!!!!! automatic typings whose sole purpose it to make the print front page look busy. It is an answer to a question no one but a USAOKAY!!!!! editor would ask, and only under the hot breath of a would be Neuharth: Was 2008 an HISTORIC year? Any hack with tired poor red blood coursing through his veins would say yes as any year's historic with HIM reporting it. That such stories are by definition asinine, that they are the ne plus ultra of asinine, would not occur to the hack trying to justify his job as the industry falls out from under him. So he writes useless stories that shovel ever more spadefuls of dirt from beneath his feet -- and help the former accent on NET!!!!! sell for $7.49.
Reviving theaters is a central tenet of the RENDELLIST notion that the AHTS can restore a city economy, when it has proved all too obvious that no zillions in convention center/stadium/arts center building can help; and old theaters were located in downtowns because downtowns were once vital, and because entertainment was vital too -- and neither theaters nor entertainment are vital anymore, whatever table pounders like SUPERNIKKI!!!!! belch. That said, it is heartening that an urban palace like the Oakland Fox has survived long enough to be fully renovated, and even if it spends much of its time emceeing dust particles, at least it's there.
Another pressing question from America's First Amendment defenders:
Obama: Full-on geek or just 'nerd-adjacent?'
NYT at $5.75, GCI at $7.54, MNI at $0.65....
Obama: Full-on geek or just 'nerd-adjacent?'
NYT at $5.75, GCI at $7.54, MNI at $0.65....
Thursday, December 25, 2008
Charming statistic from a supporter of The One's "infrastructure" dreams:
(Studies estimate that somewhere between 50 and 70 percent of the total time spent on the average American construction site is wasted.)
Really, just giving the money away to each of us would be more useful.
(Studies estimate that somewhere between 50 and 70 percent of the total time spent on the average American construction site is wasted.)
Really, just giving the money away to each of us would be more useful.
TRANSLATION: Chances are better that we'll get "a bureaucratic nightmare like the Homeland Security Department" for investments than that you'd lose money with BERNIE.
And we can call it the Homeland Securities Department.
And we can call it the Homeland Securities Department.
Claudia, whose last name we make fun of because she is one of USAOKAY!!!!!'s top flacks, has a home-page recommendation:
The Curious Case of Benjamin Button is worth seeing just for the superb makeup.
Which would probably make that the first such in movee history, but then ad-blurbists never praise movees for good reasons.
Needless to say we didn't follow the link.
The Curious Case of Benjamin Button is worth seeing just for the superb makeup.
Which would probably make that the first such in movee history, but then ad-blurbists never praise movees for good reasons.
Needless to say we didn't follow the link.
We must confess Eartha Kitt never appealed to us -- she uncomfortably straddled the border with camp -- but we more than understand why she appealed to others, and we definitely understand why there are no Eartha Kitts anymore, BRITNEYS notwithstanding.
Curious footnote: She co-starred with the unlikely Eddie Bracken in a flop musical adaptation of the great Don Marquis's* "archy" verse called Shinbone Alley, written by Mel Brooks before he became a GENIUS. (Some Llord Lloud Wubbish fan must have typed this.)
*Pronounced mar-KWIS. Lloud Wubbish fans can pronounce it mar-KEE.
Curious footnote: She co-starred with the unlikely Eddie Bracken in a flop musical adaptation of the great Don Marquis's* "archy" verse called Shinbone Alley, written by Mel Brooks before he became a GENIUS. (Some Llord Lloud Wubbish fan must have typed this.)
*Pronounced mar-KWIS. Lloud Wubbish fans can pronounce it mar-KEE.
An AmSpec contributor comes up with the perfect line about what passes for political debate these days:
...a bad caricature of Fox News versus a bad caricature of NPR's "All Things Considered."
...a bad caricature of Fox News versus a bad caricature of NPR's "All Things Considered."
Harold Pinter, the British Norm Mailer of playdom, better known to the public for his tantrums on America's EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEVIL than anything else, has died. RIP.
His Paper of Re-CORD obit was co-authored by a man who died three years ago, and it says little of America's EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEVIL.
His Paper of Re-CORD obit was co-authored by a man who died three years ago, and it says little of America's EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEVIL.
And now for our annual Yahoo! news-photo links that will be disappear in thirty days without a trace:
A Christmas tree near the Bird's Nest in Beijing (Bird's Nest? What was that?);
The U. S. Capitol Christmas Tree;
The Christmas tree at Notre Dame Cathedral;
A Christmas tree in Lisbon;
A Christmas tree on "the hangar deck of the USS Iwo Jima, docked in Manama, Bahrain";
A Christmas tree in an Istanbul shopping mall;
A Christmas tree and a Santa at the entrance to Jerusalem's Old City;
"A statue of St. George decorated like a Christmas tree in downtown Tbilisi, Georgia";
A Christmas tree at Sydney's Taronga Zoo;
A Christmas tree in Hamburg;
A Christmas tree in Taipei;
A Christmas tree in Vienna (it's there someplace);
A Christmas tree in Monterrey;
A Christmas tree in Milan;
A Christmas tree in Lima;
A Christmas tree in Managua;
A Christmas tree at the Swiss federal palace in Bern;
A Christmas tree in Bethlehem;
A Christmas -- well, it's a "giant Christmas pudding", concocted by Roger and Valerie Holley at their home in Yeovil, England;
A Christmas tree in Honolulu;
A Christmas tree in Havana (!);
A Christmas tree in Dili, East Timor;
A Christmas tree in Sao Paulo;
A whole bunch of Christmas trees in Puchheim, Germany;
A Christmas "tree" of sugar candy sticks in a Bangkok hotel;
And finally, a Christmas tree in a Christian school in Baghdad.
MERRY CHRISTMAS!
A Christmas tree near the Bird's Nest in Beijing (Bird's Nest? What was that?);
The U. S. Capitol Christmas Tree;
The Christmas tree at Notre Dame Cathedral;
A Christmas tree in Lisbon;
A Christmas tree on "the hangar deck of the USS Iwo Jima, docked in Manama, Bahrain";
A Christmas tree in an Istanbul shopping mall;
A Christmas tree and a Santa at the entrance to Jerusalem's Old City;
"A statue of St. George decorated like a Christmas tree in downtown Tbilisi, Georgia";
A Christmas tree at Sydney's Taronga Zoo;
A Christmas tree in Hamburg;
A Christmas tree in Taipei;
A Christmas tree in Vienna (it's there someplace);
A Christmas tree in Monterrey;
A Christmas tree in Milan;
A Christmas tree in Lima;
A Christmas tree in Managua;
A Christmas tree at the Swiss federal palace in Bern;
A Christmas tree in Bethlehem;
A Christmas -- well, it's a "giant Christmas pudding", concocted by Roger and Valerie Holley at their home in Yeovil, England;
A Christmas tree in Honolulu;
A Christmas tree in Havana (!);
A Christmas tree in Dili, East Timor;
A Christmas tree in Sao Paulo;
A whole bunch of Christmas trees in Puchheim, Germany;
A Christmas "tree" of sugar candy sticks in a Bangkok hotel;
And finally, a Christmas tree in a Christian school in Baghdad.
MERRY CHRISTMAS!
Wednesday, December 24, 2008
No one has to tell me $MA$ stinks, but it stinks precisely because it's $MA$, and has no relation to its putative reason -- something too many churches have raised a white flag over.
And it's not just liberal magazines and their Web sites.
And it's not just liberal magazines and their Web sites.
Celebrity press first with Obama photos
Perhaps if the hacks can think of The One as a Celebrity President...and maybe People and Us should have seats in the White House press corps.
Perhaps if the hacks can think of The One as a Celebrity President...and maybe People and Us should have seats in the White House press corps.
How apt that Frank DiGiacomo's story on the "LEGENDARY" Star Wars Holiday Special and Christopher Caldwell's history of the weak revolt against Brutalism appeared practically at the same time. Here are pernicious artifacts of the seventies in all their vain ignominy -- the "windowless façades, [the] human-repelling scale, [the] masses of dirty concrete and their self-conscious wish to shock", a cheesy glitzy variety show prompted by the "unfathomable" success of a "gee-whiz" space epic, the Brutalists and Luke Spielberg defining the age in tinsel and dreck, both embarrassments in innumerable ways, the former ripped by Tom Wolfe, the latter hidden away by its license-holding CONTROL PHREAK. And each has its eulogy -- first from Caldwell:
Modernist architecture does not give us new ways of seeing. It is an impoverishment, in fact. It ignores a varied cultural vocabulary accumulated over the centuries, because that vocabulary might endanger Modernism's political purpose. As a project, it resembles Kemal Atatürk's purging of the Turkish language to eliminate words with Persian, Arabic, or European roots.And this one from DiGiacomo, from, a writer who worked on the Luke Spielberg bomb:
“I think in a bigger sense, it’s nice to know thatStar Wars does have feet of clay,” he says. “Ultimately, when all is said and done, it’s an outer-space movie. It’s not sacred. And what has amused me the most is that somehow people think the special discredits the image of this sacred text.”In short, architecture and movees have their deadly-obsessive adherents, with feet of clay and brains the match, who inflict visual pollution of all kinds, and whose cultural despotism the Republic can never rid, except perhaps through the passage of time, which can't come soon enough.
FedEx not advertising in the Super Bore, FedEx Bowl tickets going for "less than $10" -- are CEOs taking themselves too seriously?
SEC Chair Defends His Restraint
Yeah but Chris, did you have to straitjacket yourself into your chair?
Yeah but Chris, did you have to straitjacket yourself into your chair?
Tuesday, December 23, 2008
This would seem counterintuitive: BMW's raising prices (slightly) because its sales have tanked.
Oh well, its customers can afford it.
We think.
Oh well, its customers can afford it.
We think.
A neat juxtaposition on Politico.com:
Paparazzo snaps shirtless Obama
...which is right above:
The top ten media blunders of 2008
Add number eleven: Spending more time on the Shirtless Hulk than on his governing philosophy -- which is also less time than we spent on his prospective DOG.
Paparazzo snaps shirtless Obama
...which is right above:
The top ten media blunders of 2008
Add number eleven: Spending more time on the Shirtless Hulk than on his governing philosophy -- which is also less time than we spent on his prospective DOG.
Whenever we'd see Elaine Garzarelli on TV we'd think, this lady looks and sounds like a stand-up comic.
Which just goes to show most stock "analysts" earn their real money from moonlighting.
“Garzarelli is advising investors to buy some of the most beaten-down stocks, including those of giant financial institutions such as Lehman Brothers, Bear Stearns, and Merrill Lynch. What would cause her to turn bearish? Not much. ‘Our indicators are extremely bullish.’”
In the words of Fred and Ira, madame, who's got the last laugh now?
Pffffffffffffffffffffffft!
(Via Seeking Alpha)
And in another...Understatement of the Day:
After 50 years, Cuba's economy still isn't self-sufficient
After 50 years, Cuba's economy still isn't self-sufficient
OH oh, yesterday NewsMAX!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! praised The Daily Kaplan for its fairness -- and today ROMY finds out, which means half the SEVENTY-FIVE-CENTS-A-SHARE news biz is fuming, and he's thinking, why couldn't Ben Bradlee clone himself?
We're not sure what quite to think of The Lord Goddess's OPRAH's latest problem in self-improvement. It doesn't sound like James Frey making things up for literary history, and "living" in a concentration camp can warp a man's memory as well as his mind. But the one thing to know about the Lord Goddess, the one thing that gives the claims of falsehood credibility: She spells everything with an $.
JOSSIP has said about the three race-baiting stooges what most news hacks have not said in their whole careers -- which has nothing to do with, say, MNI at SEVENTY-FIVE CENTS.
Meanwhile, con-SER-va-tives are surely annoyed because Walmart has to PAY UP because it cheated its help.
How did they expect to grow the economy?
How did they expect to grow the economy?
BANEhead Boehner gets some economists together...BUT:
...critics say eight years of the Bush administration’s economic policies have damaged the Republican Party’s credibility to contest the claims of big government.
That's putting it -- MILDLY.
...critics say eight years of the Bush administration’s economic policies have damaged the Republican Party’s credibility to contest the claims of big government.
That's putting it -- MILDLY.
GASP! The One is asking all those Pentagon warmongers to stay!
MoveOn.org MUST stage a protest rally!
MoveOn.org MUST stage a protest rally!
Blogging and YouTube are proof enough the long-tail theory is BUNK.
Mr Anderson named by Time magazine as one of the world’s 100 most influential people....
NUF SAID.
Mr Anderson named by Time magazine as one of the world’s 100 most influential people....
NUF SAID.
Monday, December 22, 2008
ROLL THE EYES: USAOKAY!!!!! has just played another trick on its readers. More churches now use more drums than ever! And worship is more informal and enthusiastic! But go down to the TWELFTH GRAF of a fourteen-graf story and you find both priests and congregants are older than they were a decade ago, meaning either 1. the young have learned to live without church or 2. maybe all that hand-clapping and shouting and drum-beating isn't drawing customers. (No mention of total church attendance, by the way.) This is precisely the kind of story (like OKAY!!!!!'s endless show-biz-RECORD fables) that graphs would tell better -- and more honestly.
When USAOKAY!!!!! makes a trend, do a full-nelson on your wallet.
When USAOKAY!!!!! makes a trend, do a full-nelson on your wallet.
Elsewhere CuteLittlePinkPaper.com boasts of Hillary's former communications director's (and current cable bobblehead's) "tastes" in music, which makes us a little relieved she didn't win.
It wasn't long ago when people got in a tizz because Toyota was about to beat our seniormost Clunker Brother as the world's biggest automaker. You have to wonder if all those excess SUVs helped bring the whole market down. Call this The Revenge of GM.
China Cuts Key Rates for Fifth Time in Three Months
Gadzooks! Even the World's Economic Engine isn't immune.
And here some people thought the Chinese charity buying our debt would save us.
Gadzooks! Even the World's Economic Engine isn't immune.
And here some people thought the Chinese charity buying our debt would save us.
Kendra Turns Conservative Since Engagement
Jo-NAH! Time for one of your pop-cult extrusions!
And "she doesn't flash anymore." Presumably she got rid of the bulb on her nose. (Sorry.)
And all we know of her is she's another Barbie Doll of the Moment. (Judging from the photo I'm afraid I mean that a bit literally.) Oh well, PEOPLE WARNER does have a way with "news".
Jo-NAH! Time for one of your pop-cult extrusions!
And "she doesn't flash anymore." Presumably she got rid of the bulb on her nose. (Sorry.)
And all we know of her is she's another Barbie Doll of the Moment. (Judging from the photo I'm afraid I mean that a bit literally.) Oh well, PEOPLE WARNER does have a way with "news".
Only in the movies, they say. Too bad. We could all use a little fantasy right about now.
Who says? Fantasy lives in USAOKAY!!!!! and the heart of its NEUHARTHISM OF THE WEEK AWARD WINNER CRAIG!
GCI AT $7.71 -- NEARLY $83 OFF ITS HIGH.
Who says? Fantasy lives in USAOKAY!!!!! and the heart of its NEUHARTHISM OF THE WEEK AWARD WINNER CRAIG!
GCI AT $7.71 -- NEARLY $83 OFF ITS HIGH.
Sunday, December 21, 2008
We're not con-SER-va-tives when it comes to mass transit, but this story shows what could happen to some of The One's stimulus money: it could go into salaries.
An idealist channels Ike:
MJ: It's fascinating that Eisenhower was a critic of the military system. He's seen as such a Republican "man's man," for lack of a better phrase.
EJ: It's no wonder members of the Eisenhower family, namely John Eisenhower, his son, and Susan Eisenhower, his granddaughter, have felt compelled to leave the Republican Party in recent years. That's not so much a statement on the GOP as it is on the American political system per se. Eisenhower would be significantly to the left of today's Democrats.
Does that mean he's still one of our greatest presidents? Or does that depend on which party you're in?
MJ: It's fascinating that Eisenhower was a critic of the military system. He's seen as such a Republican "man's man," for lack of a better phrase.
EJ: It's no wonder members of the Eisenhower family, namely John Eisenhower, his son, and Susan Eisenhower, his granddaughter, have felt compelled to leave the Republican Party in recent years. That's not so much a statement on the GOP as it is on the American political system per se. Eisenhower would be significantly to the left of today's Democrats.
Does that mean he's still one of our greatest presidents? Or does that depend on which party you're in?
GORDON BROWN IS HITLER!!!!!
So the head of the British Vicarage and Tea-Time Club says.
I wonder -- who would Hitler be like?
So the head of the British Vicarage and Tea-Time Club says.
I wonder -- who would Hitler be like?
Well, The Paper of Re-CORD does have much happier tidings to report: Seymour Philip Whatshisname has become THE GREATEST CHARACTER ACTOR OF ALL -- OUR TIME!!!!!
Please Pinchians, stick to bias.
P. S. It's worse: The Pinchians copied their CW from THE WEEKLY STANDARD!
TRANSLATION: The outgoing "administration" having proved it can waste money on bankers, the incoming administration intends to waste at least as much money on spending projects for the sake of spending, regardless of what Larry Summers says.
[The "stimulus" package] would most likely grow as it made its way through Congress, although Mr. Obama has secured Democratic leaders’ agreement to ban spending on pork-barrel projects.
PFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
[The "stimulus" package] would most likely grow as it made its way through Congress, although Mr. Obama has secured Democratic leaders’ agreement to ban spending on pork-barrel projects.
PFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Somebody at ASSPress must be in a bad mood because he didn't quote Paul Dreck today.
It should give the movie excreters pause when the biz' two alleged biggest names can't come up with enough for one. Dreck would say, "Well it's timing and snowstorms and no big tentpole this year and people are still going to the movies and...." I'd like to think even the hard core is starting to get some sense into its heads that movies won't get better, and believing ad-blurbists won't make them so.
P. S. at 3:25 p. m. Oops! David "NON" Germain had a change of heart; neither rain nor heat nor slush nor SNOWSTORMS will keep movies from being BETTER THAN EVER! A NEUHARTHISM OF THE MONTH AWARD TO NON!
It should give the movie excreters pause when the biz' two alleged biggest names can't come up with enough for one. Dreck would say, "Well it's timing and snowstorms and no big tentpole this year and people are still going to the movies and...." I'd like to think even the hard core is starting to get some sense into its heads that movies won't get better, and believing ad-blurbists won't make them so.
P. S. at 3:25 p. m. Oops! David "NON" Germain had a change of heart; neither rain nor heat nor slush nor SNOWSTORMS will keep movies from being BETTER THAN EVER! A NEUHARTHISM OF THE MONTH AWARD TO NON!
Speaking of air fresheners, good news for the Internet's inventor: The global depr -- DEEP RECESSION has shut down a stinky Russian paper mill, "a feat that ecologists, trying to preserve Lake Baikal from pollution, had been unable to accomplish."
Breathe deep, Al! The air will smell pretty clean for a while!
Breathe deep, Al! The air will smell pretty clean for a while!
Sometimes it's hard to believe the people who write the editorials for The Daily Kaplan share the same newspaper with everyone else. Of course Slick's multinational bank account smells. But pardon us for thinking whenever there's a Democratic money smell there's always an accompanying pungent masking odor of the news hacks' GLADE.
Saturday, December 20, 2008
And we would tell these toadies at Kaplan Interactive that, as we've said before, the Wall Street Casino has virtually priced its parent's media division at ZERO -- and that INCLUDES its non-educational Web sites -- and just because something appears on the Web doesn't make it any good...although with some sites it goes without saying.
It further goes without saying any Web site Jonny Hairshirt praises is by definition no good.
It further goes without saying any Web site Jonny Hairshirt praises is by definition no good.
Oh hell, if we can post that gaseous preener JonBoy we can post that photo. We've seen much worse elsewhere.
JonBoy thinks he can avoid a huge circulation decline by aping that other rag's gimmicks like its Most Influential 100 (or whatever they call it). Unfortunately that other rag already put a campaign poster on its cover, but we can never remind ourselves too many times The One IS a great president.
Oh, he hasn't taken the oath of office yet? ZEIT! Down to a million-six you go!
It is a fact, too, that one day Obama's power will fade, as will that wielded by the others on our list.
Well I'll be a monkey's uncle! But Zeitgeist's (and that other rag's) ability to toady to the flavor of the month will never fade -- which is why it, and its partners in crime, cannot go out of business fast enough.
Oh, he hasn't taken the oath of office yet? ZEIT! Down to a million-six you go!
It is a fact, too, that one day Obama's power will fade, as will that wielded by the others on our list.
Well I'll be a monkey's uncle! But Zeitgeist's (and that other rag's) ability to toady to the flavor of the month will never fade -- which is why it, and its partners in crime, cannot go out of business fast enough.
One of the great guilty pleasures of DailyMail.co.uk is to look at all these would-be female stars we've never heard of before (and never will again) being caught in uncomfortable -- positions. While part of us would like to post the picture of this immortal entertainer part of us also doesn't want to be affixed to the more notorious avenues, so we'll skip it. That said, we suspect her behind is cuter than her act.
And speaking of Masters of the Universe, did anyone notice when Bernie came out of hiding the other day his faint Mona Lisa smile?
Over at City Journal some Walt has a seizure over the Republic Windows action, largely because the union behind it is LEFTIST.
Unfortunately con-SER-va-tives seem to believe that our slow-moving ecomomic debacle came from the stars. Or to put it another way, the Lehmans and Madoffs have done THEIR job.
Unfortunately con-SER-va-tives seem to believe that our slow-moving ecomomic debacle came from the stars. Or to put it another way, the Lehmans and Madoffs have done THEIR job.
The ASSPress gives out a nice little $mas gift to Vivendi and Electronic Arts -- who rather need it. (Of course we don't need it, but we is never the point with news.) These guitar games are little more than a variation on the old player piano, which had to be fed rolls; instead of gathering themselves around the machine for a sing along the would-be geniuses prod their instruments before a monitor, and feed the games progressively expensive downloads. Yes the games are a lot sexier than a player piano but it's the same old platform. And its half-uncle karaoke has never lost its rep as a kind of bar joke, an electronic voice box for people who can't sing. The games have too much money behind them to be fads but we wonder whether people will still sing along in five years. That the ASSPressian must breathlessly intone that one of the games goes for a thousand above list through Amazon.com answers the question.
So would the share prices of ATVI, ERTS -- and VIAB.
So would the share prices of ATVI, ERTS -- and VIAB.
On its second day of mourning for a GREAT AMERICAN, a question: Why doesn't Kaplan, Inc. link to its media properties on its HOME PAGE?
P. S.
Can Kaplan, Inc.'s media division make the same claim?
I wonder too if St. Warren could fill us in on how much of that is GOVERNMENT?
P. S.
Can Kaplan, Inc.'s media division make the same claim?
I wonder too if St. Warren could fill us in on how much of that is GOVERNMENT?
The Picower Foundation, whose founder once invested with Ivan Boesky....
Some people will never learn.
Some people will never learn.
Everybody says what a great guy Clint is -- the greatest director of all time, and the greatest actor too; who'd have known the star of those hammer-on-anvil detective films would be such a progressive? But only among the news hacks can earning $13,000 a screen at six popcorn ahthouses for the first weekend on your latest smash be considered good news. Clearly ordinary people don't think Clint a greater talent than, say, Michelangelo; but among the people who make and admire terrific films with zero crowd-pleasing appeal he is -- GOD.
But then BERNIE was GOD too -- and look where that got him AND his church.
P. S. on 12/21 at 5:45 p. m. Scratched out because BoxOffice.com's listings for "limited releases" are confusing -- and wrong. Better to attend a seance with PAUL DRECK.
But then BERNIE was GOD too -- and look where that got him AND his church.
P. S. on 12/21 at 5:45 p. m. Scratched out because BoxOffice.com's listings for "limited releases" are confusing -- and wrong. Better to attend a seance with PAUL DRECK.
Friday, December 19, 2008
Tufts University....
And if the SEC isn't out nabbing the bad guys maybe that's because its employees are preoccupied with other things.
And if the SEC isn't out nabbing the bad guys maybe that's because its employees are preoccupied with other things.
And another Hollywood excretion does what it's supposed to:
The familiar Carrey routine may have suited a young man, but he's 46 now, and standing next to the 28-year-old Deschanel, he looks every minute of it. Moreover, the movie places his character, Carl, within a group of friends in which everyone is no more than 35, implying that Carl is supposed to be in his early 30s. A 46-year-old man doesn't normally register as Methuselah, but present him as though he were 32 and give him a 28-year-old girlfriend (who looks 23), and things get awkward.
On top of that, have him act in a way that, in real life, would probably scare women, not seduce them, and a funny (as in strange) thing starts to happen in the audience: Arm hair stands up. Skin tingles and crawls. People sink into their seats. They feel their facial muscles tightening. They are wincing. Wincing and cringing.
The familiar Carrey routine may have suited a young man, but he's 46 now, and standing next to the 28-year-old Deschanel, he looks every minute of it. Moreover, the movie places his character, Carl, within a group of friends in which everyone is no more than 35, implying that Carl is supposed to be in his early 30s. A 46-year-old man doesn't normally register as Methuselah, but present him as though he were 32 and give him a 28-year-old girlfriend (who looks 23), and things get awkward.
On top of that, have him act in a way that, in real life, would probably scare women, not seduce them, and a funny (as in strange) thing starts to happen in the audience: Arm hair stands up. Skin tingles and crawls. People sink into their seats. They feel their facial muscles tightening. They are wincing. Wincing and cringing.
ZEITGEIST is worried: the recession threatens compulsive shoppers.
Hey JonBoy! Maybe you could get a few of those pirates like the one in YOUR EXCLUSIVE to point some guns their way!
Hey JonBoy! Maybe you could get a few of those pirates like the one in YOUR EXCLUSIVE to point some guns their way!
Burglars hit Paris Hilton's home, take $2 million in jewelry
ROGER AILES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
ROGER AILES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
MOGUL'S FRIEND DOES IT AGAIN:
...a terrific film with zero crowd-pleasing appeal....
Hey MOG! Have your friends at VIACON put THAT one on the ads.
This utter IDIOT does not realize that the movie-excretion biz makes movies for people like the AD-BLURBISTS and him -- and that's one reason the industry's dying despite its bloom of health.
...a terrific film with zero crowd-pleasing appeal....
Hey MOG! Have your friends at VIACON put THAT one on the ads.
This utter IDIOT does not realize that the movie-excretion biz makes movies for people like the AD-BLURBISTS and him -- and that's one reason the industry's dying despite its bloom of health.
Well, maybe the Three-Headed Dog is serious about Chrysler; it's handed over a stake to labor and creditors, plus it's eliminated its marketing fiefdom. But we must yet see if imminent death has concentrated the automakers' minds enough.
And in a stirring review from the other bible of entertainment, we learn that here in our home town of Philthydelphia someone has concocted an OUTSTANDING musical about the Cherry Sisters, which would seem like an oxymoron but always remember there are lots of oxymorons in show-biz -- and it has this Bartlett's-immortal line: "I'm a Cherry with a cherry/I will be no man's wife", which makes us think somewhere W. C. Fields is regretting his line.
A Senate seat is a f*@king valuable thing, you don't just give it away for nothing. [HOME PAGE ONLY]
Leon, you make us pine for the day when intellectuals used big words.
Leon, you make us pine for the day when intellectuals used big words.
In more inspiring news of the sweeping originality of show-biz, some hacks are making a BUCK ROGERS TENTPOLE (and being "a darker take" should definitely excuse it), and GSN has ordered up 40 SONY-produced episodes of THE NEWLYWED GAME, which makes us extremely eager to note that a media-industry maven is predicting A THREE-YEAR ADVERTISING DEPRESSION -- and while we would say the longer the better except these folks can take it out on us, we will not entirely abstain from the notion.
(Third link via IWantMedia)
(Third link via IWantMedia)
And as the entire Kaplan empire mourns, rare wisdom from Ben Brantley, surveying the wreckage of a dud of a revival of Pal Joey:
Frankness dates fast.
Frankness dates fast.
The Daily Kaplan loses its most famous source, and it expects us to mourn.
There is no honor among reporters.
P. S. The glory days ended with JANET COOKE.
Kaplan Inc. down over 13 yesterday.
There is no honor among reporters.
P. S. The glory days ended with JANET COOKE.
Kaplan Inc. down over 13 yesterday.
Thursday, December 18, 2008
Somebody tell Seeking Alpha that maybe Smashing Pumpkins is quitting albums because albums stink, and albums stink because music stinks, and music stinks because MOST OF THE ACTS STINK.
Somebody also tell Seeking Alpha (and the off-limits Pali Research, whoever that is) that because digital singles sales are up 25 percent and album sales up down 22 percent does not mean music sales are up three percent -- the very clever implication here.
Amazing too that it's taken fifty years for music "lovers" to realize most pop-album tracks are filler.
Somebody also tell Seeking Alpha (and the off-limits Pali Research, whoever that is) that because digital singles sales are up 25 percent and album sales up down 22 percent does not mean music sales are up three percent -- the very clever implication here.
Amazing too that it's taken fifty years for music "lovers" to realize most pop-album tracks are filler.
Does Being Jewish Make You a Flight Risk?
Whew! For a second I thought we were speaking of you-know-who.
Whew! For a second I thought we were speaking of you-know-who.
These lists of Bernie's victims are starting to resemble the lists of passengers aboard the Titanic.
THE IRS! (Well, sort of.)
THE IRS! (Well, sort of.)
There were benefits to missing the sparsely viewed Second Coming of Seligism in October -- like missing an F-bomb.
Daddy, what's a Phillie?
Daddy, what's a Phillie?
When does one of the Big Boys get implicated with Bernie?
And don't forget, this is insider trading, the sort of thing Bernie supposedly did so well while forming his Ponzi scheme.
And don't forget, this is insider trading, the sort of thing Bernie supposedly did so well while forming his Ponzi scheme.
We wandered into B. S. DEFENDER by unfortunate accident, and we see he's perfected the art of consulting by saying nothing.
We have resisted talking of Caroline because nothing we could say wouldn't be tiresome or beyond the point, but we see she lunched with REV. AL!!!!!, meaning Camelot may have quotas.
It is one thing to ask for "adult supervision" of our politics, but if the last several decades are proof the nurseries have been in charge. Let us hope this changes, but we less-than-eagerly await the first Democratic colic.
Playing Bridge
With the next White House and Congress poised to push through an ambitious infrastructure-spending plan, what should conservatives be ready to do?
Complain to no effect, as usual.
With the next White House and Congress poised to push through an ambitious infrastructure-spending plan, what should conservatives be ready to do?
Complain to no effect, as usual.
Nestlé's Purina unit is financing a SLIME FILM, so we can say His outfit went to the DOGS to make a DOG.
AP NEWSALERT!!!!!
CHICAGO (AP) -- Obama says "there needs to be a shift in ethics on Wall Street."
And most likely his worshipers in the press didn't even ask about THAT.
CHICAGO (AP) -- Obama says "there needs to be a shift in ethics on Wall Street."
And most likely his worshipers in the press didn't even ask about THAT.
The Saudis gave to the Slickster. Who knew?
The only practical effect of this disclosure is that when Slick ever meets THE FIXER he can say he has more money.
The only practical effect of this disclosure is that when Slick ever meets THE FIXER he can say he has more money.
This is the fad of the future for Wall Street: reverse stock splits. We get reverse stock splits with badly managed or obsolete companies. There seem to be more of those. Sirius, Unisys and Rite Aid are pretty poor stuff, and one must wonder if reverse splits will help them. Figuratively they're on the pink sheets whatever their price.
Wednesday, December 17, 2008
You know, we might not have had this "credit vertigo" if the Wall Street Casino had kept its feet on the ground.
The One's forces have announced the program for his accession: Aretha Franklin will sing, and John Williams will premiere some stentorian piece of musical buncombe, and Rick Warren will premiere his act as the new Billy Graham. Itzhak Perlman and Yo-Yo Ma will be there, and so will a poet. Well, it could have been worse.
Why should GOODTHINGS ENTERTAINMENT's The Morning Plug boast of its EXCLUSIVE AD for a dying newsrag's cover publicity stunt when ROG announced it eight days ago?
And if this isn't a little scary:
"There will be a lot more Madoffs discovered," says Edward Seidle, founder of Benchmark Financial Services, which specializes in investigations of pension fraud and money management abuses. "It will no longer be impolite to ask for the documents, sit down, and figure out whether the manager is for real."
(Via Bloomy)
"There will be a lot more Madoffs discovered," says Edward Seidle, founder of Benchmark Financial Services, which specializes in investigations of pension fraud and money management abuses. "It will no longer be impolite to ask for the documents, sit down, and figure out whether the manager is for real."
(Via Bloomy)
Eric Roth, author of the movie masterwork Forrest Gump!
These Hollywood bozos always like to think they're better than their RETARDED clients who'll swallow their anything whole -- but how many times have they been well-publicized victims of financial scams?
Sorry Eric -- STUPID IS AS STUPID DOES.
These Hollywood bozos always like to think they're better than their RETARDED clients who'll swallow their anything whole -- but how many times have they been well-publicized victims of financial scams?
Sorry Eric -- STUPID IS AS STUPID DOES.
At General Electric’s annual investor outlook meeting, held in the same studio where GE unit NBC [sic] films [sic] the show Saturday Night Live....
NO COMMENT.
NO COMMENT.
Tuesday, December 16, 2008
How about a bailout of the ART MARKET?
And here's an apt eulogy:
One of the emotions that has driven its boom is the narcissistic belief of the rich in the greatness of the age in which they are living. They thought they were buying masterpieces. But like the Dutch merchants and their tulips, the obsession of the new rich with contemporary art is likely to be remembered as the epitome of the vanity and folly of the age. The bulbs are still in the ground but the spades are poised.
(Via Arts & Letters Daily)
And here's an apt eulogy:
One of the emotions that has driven its boom is the narcissistic belief of the rich in the greatness of the age in which they are living. They thought they were buying masterpieces. But like the Dutch merchants and their tulips, the obsession of the new rich with contemporary art is likely to be remembered as the epitome of the vanity and folly of the age. The bulbs are still in the ground but the spades are poised.
(Via Arts & Letters Daily)
Soembody alert Ms. "He's-Not-Scum-He's-A-Republican" -- MORE good news!
Breaking: Major sustainable-food foundation collapses
The Fair Food Foundation crumbles under weight of the Madoff Ponzi scheme [Emphasis added]
This is what happens to -- DEMOCRATS!!!!!
Mark my words -- within a week one of the con-SER-va-tive sites will run a totally fatuous essay explaining why this scum's financial collapse was a VICTORY.
Breaking: Major sustainable-food foundation collapses
The Fair Food Foundation crumbles under weight of the Madoff Ponzi scheme [Emphasis added]
This is what happens to -- DEMOCRATS!!!!!
Mark my words -- within a week one of the con-SER-va-tive sites will run a totally fatuous essay explaining why this scum's financial collapse was a VICTORY.
Coming just behind OJ's long-overdue imprisonment, these two stories prove that the murderer may run, but it is ever more difficult for him to hide.
And count on the ASSPress to provide a deep head-scratching of its own:
What [John Walsh's crusade] also did, said Mount Holyoke College sociologist and criminologist Richard Moran, is make children and adults alike exponentially more afraid.
"He ended up really producing a generation of cautious and afraid kids who view all adults and strangers as a threat to them and it made parents extremely paranoid about the safety of their children," Moran said.
Assuming you're right, PERFESSER (and we decreasingly assume that in a man with a degree behind his name -- like the people who invented CDOs and SIVs and who declared BERNIE safe), what would YOU do in THIS day and age?
And count on the ASSPress to provide a deep head-scratching of its own:
What [John Walsh's crusade] also did, said Mount Holyoke College sociologist and criminologist Richard Moran, is make children and adults alike exponentially more afraid.
"He ended up really producing a generation of cautious and afraid kids who view all adults and strangers as a threat to them and it made parents extremely paranoid about the safety of their children," Moran said.
Assuming you're right, PERFESSER (and we decreasingly assume that in a man with a degree behind his name -- like the people who invented CDOs and SIVs and who declared BERNIE safe), what would YOU do in THIS day and age?
New York subways risky for drunks
A new study shows that nearly half of those who died accidentally in subways tested positive for alcohol consumption.
And our own internal survey suggests maybe ninety percent of those lived there.
A new study shows that nearly half of those who died accidentally in subways tested positive for alcohol consumption.
And our own internal survey suggests maybe ninety percent of those lived there.
"Our job is to hold him to account," Whitaker said, adding that he thinks "we're going to have to get tougher."
Newsweek's Jonathan Alter followed up: "We need the Sam Donaldsons of the world."
Which showy breast beating surely does not involve the story below it on Politico's home page:
ASNE proposes name change; remove 'newspapers'
Newsweek's Jonathan Alter followed up: "We need the Sam Donaldsons of the world."
Which showy breast beating surely does not involve the story below it on Politico's home page:
ASNE proposes name change; remove 'newspapers'
Johnson Controls Inc., one of the auto industry's biggest parts makers, handed in its 2009 outlook Tuesday. It was not pretty.
The company predicted only 9.3 million cars and light trucks will be sold in the United States next year. That's down from 16 million in 2007 and about half of the nearly 18 million cars sold in the go-go year 1999....
How bad will it get? If U.S. car sales drop to 9 million vehicles next year, it will be the first time -- with the exception of the World War II years -- the number of cars sent to the scrap yard will top the number of new cars sold.
Economists call it auto deflation.
I call it a depr -- DEEP RECESSION.
The company predicted only 9.3 million cars and light trucks will be sold in the United States next year. That's down from 16 million in 2007 and about half of the nearly 18 million cars sold in the go-go year 1999....
How bad will it get? If U.S. car sales drop to 9 million vehicles next year, it will be the first time -- with the exception of the World War II years -- the number of cars sent to the scrap yard will top the number of new cars sold.
Economists call it auto deflation.
I call it a depr -- DEEP RECESSION.
HARDY HAR HAR:
The arrest of New York money manager Bernard Madoff claims one of the most active supporters of criminal justice reform in the U.S.
The Manhattan-based JEHT Foundation (pronounced ‘Jet’) said yesterday that it stopped making grants and will close in January. In 2006 alone, it gave away $26.4 million, according to its most recent publicly available tax return.
“They are one of the best progressive foundations around,” said New York lawyer William Zabel, a partner with Schulte Roth & Zabel and a director of the foundation. “There are so many sad stories out there, but this is one of the worst.”
TRANSLATION: A victory for con-SER-va-tives, despite the defeat for con-SER-va-tism.
The arrest of New York money manager Bernard Madoff claims one of the most active supporters of criminal justice reform in the U.S.
The Manhattan-based JEHT Foundation (pronounced ‘Jet’) said yesterday that it stopped making grants and will close in January. In 2006 alone, it gave away $26.4 million, according to its most recent publicly available tax return.
“They are one of the best progressive foundations around,” said New York lawyer William Zabel, a partner with Schulte Roth & Zabel and a director of the foundation. “There are so many sad stories out there, but this is one of the worst.”
TRANSLATION: A victory for con-SER-va-tives, despite the defeat for con-SER-va-tism.
I'm a knee-jerk conservative, E. J., and I know what to do!
And I'm a knee-jerk liberal, Ramesh, and I know what to do!
But are you sure this constant pointless head-butting without a helmet is really a meeting of the minds?
Just so long as the readers feel our pain.
And I'm a knee-jerk liberal, Ramesh, and I know what to do!
But are you sure this constant pointless head-butting without a helmet is really a meeting of the minds?
Just so long as the readers feel our pain.
Repeat after me: Bernie was vermin...and a
DEMOCRAT!!!!!
One more like this and we'll have to find you a nickname.
DEMOCRAT!!!!!
One more like this and we'll have to find you a nickname.
Why is it when news hacks do think pieces on bad behavior they often sound like excuses?
Hope YOU didn't know anybody who invested in BERNIE, Andy.
Hope YOU didn't know anybody who invested in BERNIE, Andy.
Well here's some good news for us spoilsports:
"Mamma Mia!" Becomes Highest-Grossing Film Ever Released in the U.K.
"Mamma Mia!" Becomes Highest-Grossing Film Ever Released in the U.K.
As was widely trumpeted, Detroit's newspapers are scaling back drastically. The good news is they're innovating. (Pfffffffffffffft!) The newspaper biz is in dire shape and will likely get worse, and that is no good for even the most press-contemptuous of us (although in Detroit it's magnified by the genius of our auto makers). But it can't get better being just a Web service, nor by disseminating more of the drivel it dispenses now.
Madoff boasted to regulators about profits
From whom? For what?
Accused money manager also advised government on scam artists
He was the expert.
From whom? For what?
Accused money manager also advised government on scam artists
He was the expert.
No keyboards in the future?
A survey predicts that by 2012 keyboards will become "quaint relics."
Just like paper!
A survey predicts that by 2012 keyboards will become "quaint relics."
Just like paper!
Monday, December 15, 2008
Another unbiased, non-partisan news hack discloses his party affiliation.
I give Jay two years before boredom sets in, then it's on to a high profile job at a think tank. It's surely not back to a newsrag -- if such a creature still exists.
I give Jay two years before boredom sets in, then it's on to a high profile job at a think tank. It's surely not back to a newsrag -- if such a creature still exists.
In the three months since Lehman people have second guessed the thing until they've keeled over from exhaustion, but is it possible this depr -- DEEP RECESSION was going to happen anyway, and that Lehman is only an excuse for the Wall Street Casino's fatal flaws?
(Via Seeking Alpha)
(Via Seeking Alpha)
Which is funnier?
"National Lampoon" Inc. engaging in stock manipulation? or
The Golfing Machine perfunctorily apologizing to Wrong-Way for his caddy?
There's surely humor in both jokes. "National Lampoon" must be the eighth or ninth version of the one-hit wonder that has lasted this long only because someone thinks the declining proceeds of Animal House must be worth something, anything; its successive owners invented the term "penny stock" before anyone knew what it was. It's in the same league as porno stocks only the sex is simulated. As for TGM and Wrong-Way, it is quite obvious they despise each other, especially after that amusing tale at the U. S. Open; but then they have plenty to be despicable about, TGM being an efficient, soulless, RICH piece of automation (at least before it broke down); Wrong-Way for being an absolute ninny with no discernible sense of humor. Really those two guys deserve each other -- and golf deserves them...and golf deserves fewer sponsors for being the Madoff's favorite.
"National Lampoon" Inc. engaging in stock manipulation? or
The Golfing Machine perfunctorily apologizing to Wrong-Way for his caddy?
There's surely humor in both jokes. "National Lampoon" must be the eighth or ninth version of the one-hit wonder that has lasted this long only because someone thinks the declining proceeds of Animal House must be worth something, anything; its successive owners invented the term "penny stock" before anyone knew what it was. It's in the same league as porno stocks only the sex is simulated. As for TGM and Wrong-Way, it is quite obvious they despise each other, especially after that amusing tale at the U. S. Open; but then they have plenty to be despicable about, TGM being an efficient, soulless, RICH piece of automation (at least before it broke down); Wrong-Way for being an absolute ninny with no discernible sense of humor. Really those two guys deserve each other -- and golf deserves them...and golf deserves fewer sponsors for being the Madoff's favorite.
And now, as last posted two years ago, another of my chestnuts roasting on an open fire too long:
WHY ARE POP CHRISTMAS SONGS INTOLERABLE?
The standard explanations won't do -- that the Christmas season's one long shopping spree, and the platitudes of the songs are the platitudes of corrupt businessmen; that they're overexposed and inescapable, especially now with FOREGROUND MUZAK. Certainly the notion of America enveloped in DOOM and GLOOM and ENNUI won't do; Tom Lehrer and Stan Freberg wrote their very sour takes on Christmas in the late fifties, before our favorite assassination. No, the best explanation is that the songs are FLAT-OUT BAD. Christ was born to provide fodder for Lawrence Welk. Consider that none of the truly top Broadway songwriters ever wrote a hit Christmas tune -- save Irving Berlin; the holiday perfectly fit a lyrical style that at its worst echoes a rhyming dictionary ("Where the treetops glisten,/And children listen,/Stand beside her,/And guide her," etc., etc., etc.). The songs also brought out the most crass in the record industry as it entered its fat years in the fifties, a time when Mitch Miller thought it cute to have Ol' Blue sing a duet with a dog. You can't think of Meredith Willson's utterly corny "It's Beginning to Look a Lot Like Christmas" without the cute pizzicato strings and the cute flutes and the cute xylophone and Johnny Mathis with a two-second reverb and a clothespin on his larynx. (When Willson wrote his Christmas musical Here's Love twelve years later his depleted inspiration made him re-use it, proof that the holiday does not bring out the best in musicians.) Even the very few good Christmas tunes suffer from guilt by association. Arthur Fiedler turned Leroy Anderson's "Sleigh Ride" into an exciting, bracing mini-tone poem, but everywhere else Mitchell Parish's lyrics kick in, with their fakery of farmers and pumpkin pie and Currier and Ives, and it's back to the land of hack arrangements by Ralph Carmichael and the ooohing and aaahing of the angelic chorus. "The Christmas Song" (not great, but pretty good) marks the beginning of Nat "King" Cole's transformation from a jazzman of the first rank to an automatic molasses dispenser. Elvis, who frequently performed bad songs at half-mast, was the perfect pop Christmas singer, oozing the drivel out like a particularly unctuous undertaker soothing a dead body's relative, or a relative's dead body. And let us not forget the KIDDIE TUNES written for television though it didn't yet exist, sound-alike songs like "Frosty the Snowman" (you can hear the songwriters cutting a deal on the tune) and "Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer," whose title character originated at a now-defunct department-store chain (Montgomery Ward). One of the great mysteries of popular music is how Haven Gillespie and J. Fred Coots survived a piece of junk like "Santa Claus is Coming to Town" to write the immortal "You Go To My Head"; by rights their next tune should have been written by Bob Merrill. (Look up the tune in ASCAP's ACE directory and you find a veritable army of the tiresome acts that buried it: the Ames Brothers, Brenda Lee, Ray Conniff, Liberace, Guy Lombardo, the Mills Brothers -- and yes, I include Bruce.) While it is true that familiarity breeds contempt, the contempt starts early when those familiar notes in your brain are so contemptible.
P. S. There are exceptions: something like "The Chipmunks' Christmas Song" is cheesy, but nostalgic fun. And I have a weakness for Sing Along's seminal renditions (can I type for Stale.com or what?) as The Gang knew perfectly just how corny it was, and didn't try to escape it. But when ACTS must add MELISMAS to the "traditional" songs they ensure they're unlistenable too.
P. P. S. at 1:38 today: I wasn't quite right about "the top Broadway songwriters"; I should have mentioned the superb Jule Styne, who alas with the equally superb Sammy Cahn wrote two top $MA$ nuisances, but the first came before Styne went to Broadway, and the second went to Ol' Blue, with no thought of it being a nuisance.
WHY ARE POP CHRISTMAS SONGS INTOLERABLE?
The standard explanations won't do -- that the Christmas season's one long shopping spree, and the platitudes of the songs are the platitudes of corrupt businessmen; that they're overexposed and inescapable, especially now with FOREGROUND MUZAK. Certainly the notion of America enveloped in DOOM and GLOOM and ENNUI won't do; Tom Lehrer and Stan Freberg wrote their very sour takes on Christmas in the late fifties, before our favorite assassination. No, the best explanation is that the songs are FLAT-OUT BAD. Christ was born to provide fodder for Lawrence Welk. Consider that none of the truly top Broadway songwriters ever wrote a hit Christmas tune -- save Irving Berlin; the holiday perfectly fit a lyrical style that at its worst echoes a rhyming dictionary ("Where the treetops glisten,/And children listen,/Stand beside her,/And guide her," etc., etc., etc.). The songs also brought out the most crass in the record industry as it entered its fat years in the fifties, a time when Mitch Miller thought it cute to have Ol' Blue sing a duet with a dog. You can't think of Meredith Willson's utterly corny "It's Beginning to Look a Lot Like Christmas" without the cute pizzicato strings and the cute flutes and the cute xylophone and Johnny Mathis with a two-second reverb and a clothespin on his larynx. (When Willson wrote his Christmas musical Here's Love twelve years later his depleted inspiration made him re-use it, proof that the holiday does not bring out the best in musicians.) Even the very few good Christmas tunes suffer from guilt by association. Arthur Fiedler turned Leroy Anderson's "Sleigh Ride" into an exciting, bracing mini-tone poem, but everywhere else Mitchell Parish's lyrics kick in, with their fakery of farmers and pumpkin pie and Currier and Ives, and it's back to the land of hack arrangements by Ralph Carmichael and the ooohing and aaahing of the angelic chorus. "The Christmas Song" (not great, but pretty good) marks the beginning of Nat "King" Cole's transformation from a jazzman of the first rank to an automatic molasses dispenser. Elvis, who frequently performed bad songs at half-mast, was the perfect pop Christmas singer, oozing the drivel out like a particularly unctuous undertaker soothing a dead body's relative, or a relative's dead body. And let us not forget the KIDDIE TUNES written for television though it didn't yet exist, sound-alike songs like "Frosty the Snowman" (you can hear the songwriters cutting a deal on the tune) and "Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer," whose title character originated at a now-defunct department-store chain (Montgomery Ward). One of the great mysteries of popular music is how Haven Gillespie and J. Fred Coots survived a piece of junk like "Santa Claus is Coming to Town" to write the immortal "You Go To My Head"; by rights their next tune should have been written by Bob Merrill. (Look up the tune in ASCAP's ACE directory and you find a veritable army of the tiresome acts that buried it: the Ames Brothers, Brenda Lee, Ray Conniff, Liberace, Guy Lombardo, the Mills Brothers -- and yes, I include Bruce.) While it is true that familiarity breeds contempt, the contempt starts early when those familiar notes in your brain are so contemptible.
P. S. There are exceptions: something like "The Chipmunks' Christmas Song" is cheesy, but nostalgic fun. And I have a weakness for Sing Along's seminal renditions (can I type for Stale.com or what?) as The Gang knew perfectly just how corny it was, and didn't try to escape it. But when ACTS must add MELISMAS to the "traditional" songs they ensure they're unlistenable too.
P. P. S. at 1:38 today: I wasn't quite right about "the top Broadway songwriters"; I should have mentioned the superb Jule Styne, who alas with the equally superb Sammy Cahn wrote two top $MA$ nuisances, but the first came before Styne went to Broadway, and the second went to Ol' Blue, with no thought of it being a nuisance.
If I get $100 million in compensation, the thinking goes, it is because 'I deserve it.' There is no discussion of the role of circumstance, luck or market failure. It is the type of thinking that has resulted in literally hundreds of billions of dollars being transferred away from organizational resources and into the personal bank accounts of CEOs, and is now bringing capitalism to its knees....
[T]o effect a real change in the outlook of America's execs, we'll need to instill in the next generation of business leaders a sense of social purpose and broader understanding of their role as custodians of society's economic resources, rather than the very limited Friedmanist view that the selfish pursuit of maximizing profits leads to the best of all possible worlds.
FORBESLIST.COM?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?
[T]o effect a real change in the outlook of America's execs, we'll need to instill in the next generation of business leaders a sense of social purpose and broader understanding of their role as custodians of society's economic resources, rather than the very limited Friedmanist view that the selfish pursuit of maximizing profits leads to the best of all possible worlds.
FORBESLIST.COM?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?
And this from the British Socialist Worker Online:
Bernard Madoff: a Wall Street crook
But aren't they all?
Bernard Madoff: a Wall Street crook
But aren't they all?
Walter Noel’s Fairfield Greenwich Group would have collected about $135 million in fees this year for peddling Bernard Madoff’s investing acumen to clients from South America, the Middle East and Asia.
TRANSLATON: The sucke...investors should get something back, however minuscule -- if the lawyers' fees don't get there first.
TRANSLATON: The sucke...investors should get something back, however minuscule -- if the lawyers' fees don't get there first.
More good news: We're holding our noses at Wall Street, and now finally we sense the reek from the gambl -- GAMING biz. If the depr -- deep recession does us any good it will be to shrink the industry and loosen its tentacles from our pockets.
The bad news: More people listen to radio than suspected.
The GOOD news: More people listen to less radio than suspected.
(Via ArtsJournal)
The GOOD news: More people listen to less radio than suspected.
(Via ArtsJournal)
Sunday, December 14, 2008
Reading this latest boneheaded LALA commentary on how to "fix" the Os-CAR®s (and we thought being boneheaded on the boneheaded Os-CAR®s was Mogul's Friend's property! Wrong as usual), we ask, Pvt. Zell, why didn't you declare CHAPTER 7?
We have NOT forgotten Sen. Laut. Indeed the sad thing about this story is that most of the victims were Jewish -- or perhaps we should say "Jewish", as so many Jews are religious in name only (I'm half-Jewish myself) -- and if they were not observant (I'd guess many of them leaned for) they still have enough of the old ethnic identification to stick with a fellow Jew. This disaster has done far more damage than a covey of perfessers screaming for disinvestment.
A former record producer shows off his advanced degrees by saying holiday music stinks in as many words as possible, and as vaguely as possible, meaning SLIME'S NEW! IMPROVED!! JOURNALS!!! may not be as good as the Romys say.
(Via ArtsJournal, which MUST link to these things)
(Via ArtsJournal, which MUST link to these things)
These last several days I've been overcome by another of those songs that will not leave my head. This one is called "My Heart Goes Crazy", and it has a strange CV: the GREAT Burke and Van Heusen wrote it for a 1946 Rank Organisation extravaganza called London Town; despite featuring the 13-year-old Petula Clark it bombed at the box office (nor did it do better stateside seven years later under that song's title); somebody sang it VERY flat. About two months after its release The Modernaires recorded it, with a surprisingly powerful orchestra led by Mitchell Ayres, who accompanied too much glop for Perry Como. Hardly anyone remembers The Modernaires now -- that was Glenn Miller's vocal group. After his death it might have had more success had Columbia's A&R folk hadn't stuck it with some...rank novelty tunes. We can be stupid and say these folks channeled the future Blue Eyes but he is there; then again Alec Wilder wrote that every one of Van Heusen's songs has the unmistakable sound of a pretty good jazz rhythm section. In short, it is a superb track, but because it's from 62 years ago no one would know. Compare it to that whatisit singing on the soundtrack album and you easily behold how a hit song can become tomorrow's archives. I can't stop thinking of it as the title tune to some sort of retro Jayne Mansfield - Frank Tashlin dumb-blonde farce that would have the moviegoers floating out on air, just my latest hopeless daydream.
Jenny is auditioning for MS. TRAVERS's place in the Web. She's even MORE excited today because the SCUM MADOFF donated to DEMOCRATS. That he was SCUM does NOT seem to enter into her equation. Red-Light Schumer's far, FAR worse. Why? Because he overlooked the SCUM for MONEY. Wait a second. Scum's only a criminal because he donated to DEMOCRATS. If he'd donated to that buffoon Mitch we'd stay smugly silent. Why should we get all hot-and-bothered over campaign donations?
Jenny, when was your last vacation?
Jenny, when was your last vacation?
Shucks, here's very bad news: Prince "$10 Million" Alwaleed has lost $4 billion. Geez, Princie, all you have to do is shut off your spigot and you get it back!
Or do you?
Who told you to invest in Citigroup, even with our largesse?
Or do you?
Who told you to invest in Citigroup, even with our largesse?
Oops! I think JonBoy's courage has evaporated! Maybe he got second thoughts on having launched that nuclear option. He's about to call this whistle blower who gave The Paper of Re-CORD a story a hero but then says, in the LAST SENTENCE:
Sometimes the thinnest of lines separates the criminal from the hero.
And sometimes the thinnest of lines separates fact from fiction -- as we know too well from Hitler's diaries, toilet-bound Korans and ZEITGEIST.
Hey Jonny! Work hard enough and you may not HAVE to cut the rate base!
Sometimes the thinnest of lines separates the criminal from the hero.
And sometimes the thinnest of lines separates fact from fiction -- as we know too well from Hitler's diaries, toilet-bound Korans and ZEITGEIST.
Hey Jonny! Work hard enough and you may not HAVE to cut the rate base!
Saturday, December 13, 2008
OH -- it seems we may hear a little about the scum Madoff from con-SER-va-tives: he gave to DEMOCRATS.
Unlike Republican donors who usually get headlines something like “GOP Donor Snared In Criminality,” Madoff, as Democratic donor, barely earned a media mention.
And we're sure if he gave to REPUBLICANS you'd sweep that eccentric uncle under the rug TOO.
Unlike Republican donors who usually get headlines something like “GOP Donor Snared In Criminality,” Madoff, as Democratic donor, barely earned a media mention.
And we're sure if he gave to REPUBLICANS you'd sweep that eccentric uncle under the rug TOO.
How to $ELL mutual funds:
Bold: The mutual fund industry is one of the most inefficient I have ever seen. Putnam Fund for Growth & Income, a large value fund, has been in the bottom 5% of all funds in its category for the past decade, yet still has almost $6 billion invested in it. If it were a horse, it would already be glue.
Glue? That horse is Secretariat!
Wiener: Can you spell L-O-A-D? As in a 5.75% front-end and a 25 bp 12b-1. Putnam funds are not bought--they are sold.
They take it in the front end and pull the investors out through the rear. Apt terminology.
Bold: The mutual fund industry is one of the most inefficient I have ever seen. Putnam Fund for Growth & Income, a large value fund, has been in the bottom 5% of all funds in its category for the past decade, yet still has almost $6 billion invested in it. If it were a horse, it would already be glue.
Glue? That horse is Secretariat!
Wiener: Can you spell L-O-A-D? As in a 5.75% front-end and a 25 bp 12b-1. Putnam funds are not bought--they are sold.
They take it in the front end and pull the investors out through the rear. Apt terminology.
And we can expect both kinds of useless partisanship to condone their favorite crimes. The liberal condones criminal acts in the name of a righteous cause; the conservative condones criminal acts in the name of profit. We heard little from liberals about the near-terrorist acts against Prop 8's supporters; conservatives have been conspicuously mute about Madoff. Both sides have their useful criminal idiots.
We laugh at all the musclebound know-it-all Richie Riches who "invested" zillions with the vermin Madoff, but the amusement should cease when we realize financial crimes are growing bigger and more brazen. What is to prevent some genius with a computer from swiping the net worth of America? Yes it took the scum Madoff years to insinuate himself into the wallets of the rich, and vacuum out their contents; but we may no longer have the luxury of the big-time scamsters being outwardly civil.
Investors in CHICKENLAND: $4 BILLION!
And our favorite PR guy Rog comes through again:
Madoff (which is pronounced "made-off," as in, made off with all our money)....
And our favorite PR guy Rog comes through again:
Madoff (which is pronounced "made-off," as in, made off with all our money)....
The numbers on those two political Os-CAR® nominees say once these things open wider, the audience will disappear. The modern political movie is but another form of media onanism -- and who really wants to see movie studios engage in self-abuse, especially when they get their jollies abusing us?
Norm Braman, a Florida car dealer and once-owner of the Philadelphia Eagles....
And a good chunk of Palm Beach, Florida (probably not including PILLHEAD, alas).
Plus the scum Madoff was a pioneer in social networking!
Two of his investors said that among his clients, Mr. Madoff was considered a money-management legend; they would joke that if Mr. Madoff was a fraud, he'd take down half the world with him.
He may yet.
P. S. The REFORMED Henry Blodget says lots of his sucke -- INVESTORS poured in the money because they thought he specialized in INSIDER TRADING, which would definitely make him a Republican hero.
OR:
For years and years I've heard people say that [Bernie's] investment performance was too good to be true. The returns were too steady -- like GE earnings under Welch -- and too high given the supposed strategy. (Emphasis added)
And LEGENDARY was LEGENDARY too!
(Links via Seeking Alpha)
And a good chunk of Palm Beach, Florida (probably not including PILLHEAD, alas).
Plus the scum Madoff was a pioneer in social networking!
Two of his investors said that among his clients, Mr. Madoff was considered a money-management legend; they would joke that if Mr. Madoff was a fraud, he'd take down half the world with him.
He may yet.
P. S. The REFORMED Henry Blodget says lots of his sucke -- INVESTORS poured in the money because they thought he specialized in INSIDER TRADING, which would definitely make him a Republican hero.
OR:
For years and years I've heard people say that [Bernie's] investment performance was too good to be true. The returns were too steady -- like GE earnings under Welch -- and too high given the supposed strategy. (Emphasis added)
And LEGENDARY was LEGENDARY too!
(Links via Seeking Alpha)
Friday, December 12, 2008
No "HIP" comedian emceeing the Os-CAR®S this year? Now the A-CA-DE-MY® is begging its viewers to STAY AWAY!
Or maybe they'll have him tell jokes just in case.
Or maybe they'll have him tell jokes just in case.
ANGER at NRO, and not from cat dander:
BUSH IS CAVING!! UNBELIEVABLE!!!!! (Unbelievable overemphasis added)
What's a press secretary supposed to say? "White House to Detroit -- Drop Dead?" I don't want a bailout but I don't want our domestic auto business to implode -- although with Dubya you know he's capable of the craven, expedient thing.
BUSH IS CAVING!! UNBELIEVABLE!!!!! (Unbelievable overemphasis added)
What's a press secretary supposed to say? "White House to Detroit -- Drop Dead?" I don't want a bailout but I don't want our domestic auto business to implode -- although with Dubya you know he's capable of the craven, expedient thing.
Here's good news: Video-game sales went up!
Video games and MICKEY D's will save America!
(Via Seeking Alpha)
Video games and MICKEY D's will save America!
(Via Seeking Alpha)
OOOOH, Eddie said some not-nice words about The One's handling of Mr. Naughty Word!
You know what presidents-elect do to senior Delaware senators, don't you?
You know what presidents-elect do to senior Delaware senators, don't you?
BULLETIN FROM CHEAPIE MARKETWATCH!
UAW CALLS ON FED, TREASURY TO SAVE AUTO INDUSTRY
TRANSLATION: SAVE OUR JOBS BANK!
UAW CALLS ON FED, TREASURY TO SAVE AUTO INDUSTRY
TRANSLATION: SAVE OUR JOBS BANK!
[T]he first step toward resolving the war in Afghanistan is to lay down the law in both Islamabad and Kabul. The message should be the same in both cases: The unsupervised splurge of American aid is over. The Pakistanis will have to stop giving tacit support and protection to terrorists, especially the Afghan Taliban. The Karzai government will have to end its corruption and close down the drug trade. There are plenty of other reforms necessary — the international humanitarian effort is a shabby, self-righteous mess; some of our NATO allies aren't carrying their share of the military burden — but the war will remain a bloody stalemate at best as long as jihadis come across the border from Pakistan and the drug trade flourishes....
Before he sends another U.S. soldier off to die or be maimed in Afghanistan, President-elect Obama needs to deliver the blunt message to the leaders of Pakistan and Afghanistan that we will no longer tolerate their complicity in the deaths of Americans and our allies, a slaughter that began on the morning of Sept. 11, 2001, and continues to this day.
You know ANONYMOUS, if you weren't the bomb-throwing tantrum-spewing mud-flinging type, we'd almost believe your on-site reporting.
Before he sends another U.S. soldier off to die or be maimed in Afghanistan, President-elect Obama needs to deliver the blunt message to the leaders of Pakistan and Afghanistan that we will no longer tolerate their complicity in the deaths of Americans and our allies, a slaughter that began on the morning of Sept. 11, 2001, and continues to this day.
You know ANONYMOUS, if you weren't the bomb-throwing tantrum-spewing mud-flinging type, we'd almost believe your on-site reporting.