THE NEWS HACK'S CREED:
I know more than you.
I make lots more money than you.
I'm smarter than you.
I'm sexier than you.
I appear on TV all the time.
I work ten minutes a day.
I rule the universe.
I'm going to live forever.
You are an idiot.
THE NEWS HACK'S CREED, No. 2:
A lie isn't a lie when it tells THE TRUTH.
THE NEWS HACK'S CREED, No. 3:
I've come to realize that the looseness of the journalistic life, the seeming laxity of the newsroom, is an illusion. Yes, there's informality and there's humor, but beneath the surface lies something deadly serious. It is a code. Sometimes the code is not even written down, but it is deeply believed in. And, when violated, it is enforced with tribal ferocity.
--JOHN "OMERTA" CARROLL.
THE NEWS HACK'S CREED, No. 4:
News isn't news when we don't report it.
PERMALINKS:
THE NEWS HACKS' DICTIONARY
THE EUGENE DAVID GLOSSARY
AMERICA'S MOST UNINTENTIONALLY FUNNY WEB SITE!
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Wednesday, April 07, 2004
A never-ending frustration to me: Google News and Yahoo! News cite stories as from "2 hours ago" when they might be two days old. I wish there were a way of dating first links on each story so bloggers wouldn't have to comment on stale news.
NOTE TO MY THREE POOR SURFERS: I reserve the right to make spelling and grammatical changes in any entry. Just now I noticed that in an entry from yesterday I spelled "leach" "leech." I further reserve the right to correct errors of fact. One thing I promise not to correct, however, is errors of me.
Here is a time when we are NOT served well by the sieg-heil monopoly of the news biz. NEWS HACKS clearly want us to fail in Iraq so they can ELECT A DEMOCRATIC PRESIDENT WHO'LL PROTECT THEIR GREEDY BUSINESS INTERESTS AND MOLDY STATUS-QUO CULTURAL PREJUDICES. The problem is THERE IS NO CREDIBLE BIG-NAME NEWS ORGANIZATION WITH A CONSERVATIVE TILT. (And YES, I DEFINITELY include RUPERT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!, a despicable panem-et-circenses man if ever there was one.) And we certainly can't rely on BIG-NAME BLOGGERS for reasons like PROF'S DISAPPEARANCE and the fact that much of their work involves REWRITING NEWS HACKS AND SPREADING RUMORS. WHAT CAN WE DO?
And speaking of TENNESSEAN, THE WORLD'S GREATEST BLOGGER should be commenting on this! Instead, he's been DOWN FOR TEN HOURS! WHATSOEVER SHALL THE WORLD OF BLOGGING DO?!?!?
Here is an exceptionally upsetting story:
Man charged with fatally kicking dog like a football
SUMNER and his minions have made untold gazillions with "humor" like this, and I am angry at this total jerk -- and at SUMNER, who no doubt provided some of the hilarity that inspired this total JERK.
P. S. In a world without NEWS HACKS, this wouldn't be noticed, but I hear that "CAREFULLY TAUGHT" crowd about to drum it into our dear little ears for DAYS: the dog's owners were black. THE CRETIN WAS WHITE. THIS ISN'T ABOUT RACE, YOU SEVEN-DIGIT TYPING MANIACS, IT'S ABOUT CRUELTY TO ANIMALS.
Man charged with fatally kicking dog like a football
SUMNER and his minions have made untold gazillions with "humor" like this, and I am angry at this total jerk -- and at SUMNER, who no doubt provided some of the hilarity that inspired this total JERK.
P. S. In a world without NEWS HACKS, this wouldn't be noticed, but I hear that "CAREFULLY TAUGHT" crowd about to drum it into our dear little ears for DAYS: the dog's owners were black. THE CRETIN WAS WHITE. THIS ISN'T ABOUT RACE, YOU SEVEN-DIGIT TYPING MANIACS, IT'S ABOUT CRUELTY TO ANIMALS.
Secretary Evans Compares Kerry to Jimmy 'Malaise' Carter
That means he'll be AMERICA'S NEXT GREATEST EX-PRESIDENT!
That means he'll be AMERICA'S NEXT GREATEST EX-PRESIDENT!
One's first inclination is to think this just another cheesy move like eliminating in-flight meals, but it's a wonder the whole airline industry doesn't get rid of paper tickets. I'm sure the hard-core bonus-mileage crowd thinks them a nuisance and not even necessary. I would not be unhappy if we got rid of currency; I do most of my grocery shopping by credit card anyway.
Reut's going to charge for business-news content. That sound you hear is a barn door closing. Reuters is only eighth among the business-news sites, and such reporting has grown so generic (and bad) no one has a competitive edge; not even the nose-in-the-air Wall Street Journals, which may rope off content but can't rope in subscribers. Practically speaking this means we get no Lollipop Lou-style interviews, which CNN does better anyway. Thankfully Reut has no plans to charge us for reading about GUERILLAS and MILITANTS.
Wow!!!!! Dip's gonna HOLD THE LINE ON SPENDING!!!!!
Within the rate of inflation.
I hear the IFs, ANDs and BUTS marching in a LONG parade....
Within the rate of inflation.
I hear the IFs, ANDs and BUTS marching in a LONG parade....
MORE FREE-ENTERPRISE TYPES PRACTICING SHAKE-DOWN SOCIALISM.
YES yes yes, the company's in Chapter XI, but I don't care; the business frauds' favorite philosopher is Karl Marx. "FROM EACH ACCORDING TO HIS ABILITY, TO EACH ACCORDING TO HIS NEED."
YES yes yes, the company's in Chapter XI, but I don't care; the business frauds' favorite philosopher is Karl Marx. "FROM EACH ACCORDING TO HIS ABILITY, TO EACH ACCORDING TO HIS NEED."
IRAQ IS FALLING APART!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
And this MUST be true because a con-SER-vative columnist is saying it!
And this MUST be true because a con-SER-vative columnist is saying it!
ONE OF THE GREAT CALAMITIES IN HUMAN HISTORY!!!!! THE CITIZENS OF INGLEWOOD TURNED DOWN A WAL-MART!!!!!
NATIONAL REVIEW MUST DO A SECOND COVER STORY CONDEMNING THIS COMMUNIST INFILTRATION!!!!!!!!!!
NATIONAL REVIEW MUST DO A SECOND COVER STORY CONDEMNING THIS COMMUNIST INFILTRATION!!!!!!!!!!
The same INTERNATIONAL COMMUNITY that is SCREAMING that we turn Iraq over to super-Islamists because of OUR UNJUST WAR kept the most DEAFENING SILENCE during the Rwandan genocide. We need not wonder why the Rwandans are "bewildered and angry."
And no, MR. SECRETARY-GENERAL NOBEL, PLATITUDES DON'T HELP.
P. S. "Richard Clarke, then a top National Security Council aide, was the loudest voice against intervention - at one point complaining to Madeline Albright that the evacuation of U.N. troops was proceeding too slowly." (Caveat: This IS THE NEW YORK POST!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!)
And no, MR. SECRETARY-GENERAL NOBEL, PLATITUDES DON'T HELP.
P. S. "Richard Clarke, then a top National Security Council aide, was the loudest voice against intervention - at one point complaining to Madeline Albright that the evacuation of U.N. troops was proceeding too slowly." (Caveat: This IS THE NEW YORK POST!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!)
Here's the next quack nostrum that must come under attack: re-educa...er, sensitivity training.
Note the defendant: CONcast. Here in the proverbial nutshell is why business is corrupt -- a company that's ultra-PC in its HR practices while out-Larrying Kudlow shaking down ratepayers (the ESPNCorp deal) and taxpayers (its proposed Taj Mahal HQ in Philly) . This tyranny should stick its coaxial tail between its legs.
Note the defendant: CONcast. Here in the proverbial nutshell is why business is corrupt -- a company that's ultra-PC in its HR practices while out-Larrying Kudlow shaking down ratepayers (the ESPNCorp deal) and taxpayers (its proposed Taj Mahal HQ in Philly) . This tyranny should stick its coaxial tail between its legs.
Tuesday, April 06, 2004
lgf: sunbathing in the van allen belt
After ZEYAD have you thought of doing that?
After ZEYAD have you thought of doing that?
JOKE OF THE DAY: I got a PLEA from TWX Internet Service BEGGING ME to RETURN. Whom are they kidding? This marketing's so low-IQ it's off the bell curve. Switching back to AOL from DSL would be like abandoning a car for a horseless buggy (and I mean HORSEless), and I don't care if People is "solidly reported." (NEWS HACKS have said the same thing about USA OKAY, and it's true because most of the stories read like CEMENT BLOCKS.) And if I piggyback I'm wasting $15 a month on BLOATWARE that'll probably hiccup my connection. At least in the old days the outfit handed out reusable floppies; now it's CDs, ZILLIONS of CDs, which travel to mass graves in landfills and leach chemicals. PLUS mine came in a big wasteful BOX whose birth helped kill a few trees. NO THANK YOU, KING RICHARD, YOU GOT YOUR BONUS.
One other thing, KNEE-JERK FREE-ENTERPRISE CONSERVATIVES: the PEOPLE should get to decide where Wal-Mart locates. The pluses outweigh the minuses, but even David Brooks has noticed the minuses, and they're real. LET THE PEOPLE DECIDE.
''It meant a lot to him to be a defender of his country, but also the defender of the right of the Iraqi people to choose their government and how they want to live.''
And contrary to what BIGMEDIA says, it means a lot to US too.
And contrary to what BIGMEDIA says, it means a lot to US too.
"The story of the house that doesn't burn down is not much of a story in the news. The story of the house that does burn down is news."
This is very true, Amb. Bremer, but the house that burns down makes a lot of smoke, which wafts all over newspapers and TV, and which can fog a lot of minds.
This is very true, Amb. Bremer, but the house that burns down makes a lot of smoke, which wafts all over newspapers and TV, and which can fog a lot of minds.
ANDY S., fresh from his TRIUMPH with ZEYAD, links to Jonah's review of some egghead's book, the kind of easily refutable (or ignorable or burnable) straw-man twaddle that gets little read but much talked about because THE PUNDITS MUST GATHER THE FORCES. It's tiresome to know what you think and always have the PUNDITS remind you.
Workers asked to train foreign replacements
I see Republicans smirking.
On the other side, I see big labor demagoguing.
I see Republicans smirking.
On the other side, I see big labor demagoguing.
I remember when the Times (in one of those headlines con-SER-vatives love to make raucous fun of) blamed Crest Whitening Strips for bleaching country music. But it was true: with CHEAP CHANNEL running so many country stations and LOWSY being a wholly-owned subsidiary of P&G, NO WAY would he play the rich-red-meat songs that are such a GREAT part of country.
If LOWSY and P&G keep it up country songwriters may have to stop brushing their teeth.
If LOWSY and P&G keep it up country songwriters may have to stop brushing their teeth.
L'Affaire Zeyad seems not to have knocked down the self-estimation of THE BIG FOUR one iota. If anything it's probably convinced them they are more INDISPENSABLE than ever; they now know they can pass off any rumor at a moment's notice and "EVERYBODY" WILL BELIEVE THEM. But it is only time before some INDISPENSABLE blogger goes from distributing a mere flatulent error by the millions to causing an instacalamity, and then who will THE BOYS blame it on? NANOTECHNOLOGY HATERS? YASSIR? THE FCC? HOMOPHOBES? Everyone, of course, but THEMSELVES.
These bozos are lucky LITTLE HOWIE KURTZ doesn't know what a computer is.
THE IPOs proceed apace.
These bozos are lucky LITTLE HOWIE KURTZ doesn't know what a computer is.
THE IPOs proceed apace.
Monday, April 05, 2004
"D'oh."
little has not corrected himself, and probably never will.
ANDY S. AND STERNO GOT SNOOKERED TOO. I am ANGRY and intend to write more about this FIASCO tomorrow.
little has not corrected himself, and probably never will.
ANDY S. AND STERNO GOT SNOOKERED TOO. I am ANGRY and intend to write more about this FIASCO tomorrow.
Speaking of which, THE WORLD WAS MADE WHOLE AGAIN TODAY.
One way to judge the NOB -- the P-Ulitzers is by the arts awards. This year's bunch means nothing to me (although the nonfiction winners are surely competent enough), just as the rest of the awards mean nothing to me, except that TRIB played big and fast and won politicking. And rather than mention MR. DURANTY again, I'll say this: when the archival wheeze Of Thee I Sing became the first musical to win the P-Ulitzer, guess who didn't win? The man who wrote the music for its gorgeous score -- the only thing about it worth awarding! (Ira's lyrics excepted.)
One way to judge the NOB -- the P-Ulitzers is by the arts awards. This year's bunch means nothing to me (although the nonfiction winners are surely competent enough), just as the rest of the awards mean nothing to me, except that TRIB played big and fast and won politicking. And rather than mention MR. DURANTY again, I'll say this: when the archival wheeze Of Thee I Sing became the first musical to win the P-Ulitzer, guess who didn't win? The man who wrote the music for its gorgeous score -- the only thing about it worth awarding! (Ira's lyrics excepted.)
Given the number of stories you've missed (I'm thinking of the ROBERTS-BARONS' takeover of the universe, which you have YET to MENTION) and your many false alarms (remember when HILLARY RAN FOR PRESIDENT? or DIPPITY-DO's BIMBO ERUPTION?) I'd advise a little patience. Just because somebody's typing in a blackout to sounds of boom does NOT make it news.
But who needs patience when you get 18 BILLION QUINTAZILLION HITS A MICROSECOND?
And need I say my confidence doesn't go WAY UP when the man who screamed ARAFAT SERAIT MORT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! acts as your megaphone? And I know what else is happening: thanks to you and lgf this story is going around in a VAST CIRCULAR REFERENCE with NO MEANS OF CONFIRMATION. IF THIS IS WHAT THE BRAVE NEW WORLD OF NEWS BY BLOG IS I'LL STICK WITH NEWS HACKS.
But who needs patience when you get 18 BILLION QUINTAZILLION HITS A MICROSECOND?
And need I say my confidence doesn't go WAY UP when the man who screamed ARAFAT SERAIT MORT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! acts as your megaphone? And I know what else is happening: thanks to you and lgf this story is going around in a VAST CIRCULAR REFERENCE with NO MEANS OF CONFIRMATION. IF THIS IS WHAT THE BRAVE NEW WORLD OF NEWS BY BLOG IS I'LL STICK WITH NEWS HACKS.
More genius from Manhattan's Tower of BABBLE: A. O. with B. O. likens Jim Carrey and Kate Winslet to Grant and Hepburn and cites a PERFESSER (and Kinsley.com) in doing so.
Who said you ever LEFT, Howell?
Who said you ever LEFT, Howell?
Candidate list for UT president narrowed to 16
YOU aren't on the LIST, PROF?
You'd be good at admissions and fundraising.
YOU aren't on the LIST, PROF?
You'd be good at admissions and fundraising.
Heart attack rate dives after public smoking ban
More BAD news for knee-jerk FREE-ENTERPRISE conservatives!
More BAD news for knee-jerk FREE-ENTERPRISE conservatives!
France Questions 13 in Raids Over Casablanca Bombs
Round up all the usual suspects.
(And make sure to release them when it's politically convenient.)
Round up all the usual suspects.
(And make sure to release them when it's politically convenient.)
Inventor of telephone answering machine dies at 92
I know this story could inspire jokes -- MANY jokes -- but as the dead can't defend themselves, I say merely, let him RIP.
I know this story could inspire jokes -- MANY jokes -- but as the dead can't defend themselves, I say merely, let him RIP.
You know, Little Malcolm, you knee-jerk FREE-ENTERPRISE types can carry your cost-benefit analyses just a LITTLE too far. I mean, you're always so fond of saying if we didn't limit smoking, lots of GEEZERS would die off sooner, meaning we'd spend less on Social Security and health care, and...
Somehow the word "screw" comes to mind more than once here -- combined in the present instance with "you."
Somehow the word "screw" comes to mind more than once here -- combined in the present instance with "you."
...a small body of music that changed the course of rock history blahblahblah....
Someone agrees. Sort of.
Someone agrees. Sort of.
AARP mag editors don't like "senior citizen," "boomer" terms [Romenesko link]
Okay, how about "geezer" and "whining self-obsessed crybabies with too much money to spend?" How about THAT?
Although the first one's rather wordy.
Okay, how about "geezer" and "whining self-obsessed crybabies with too much money to spend?" How about THAT?
Although the first one's rather wordy.
The day after ESPNCorp synergist George "MY BUSINESS IS MY BUSINESS" Will thoughtfully proclaims baseball BETTER THAN EVER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! and ZELIG EINSTEIN, why, if his fellow synergists don't put GEORGE -- STEINBRENNER -- ON TRIAL. THIS IS AN INJUSTICE!
What is going on at NR? Just as MONSIGNOR LAPIN and his fellow lunatic fringe were put back into their holding cell after their nervous breakdown over you-know-who, now comes ANOTHER bunch of psychos from out of the Buttman-Dow 36,000-KUDLOW ward proclaiming PEOPLE WHO HATE WAL-MART ARE COMMIES! Did P. R. MEL put CRAZY JUICE in your drinking fountains? Or does BILL "ROLL OVER BEETHOVEN" BUCKLEY give you champagne in perpetuity?
A DOUBLE WHAMMY: I was about to link to this "story":
Who got whacked this week on 'The Sopranos'
...and ask, what important stories got whacked off the MESS'S home page so that we could learn who got whacked on some overrated TV show?, and when I was about to copy the link, BILL pops up with an ERROR MESSAGE saying he had to CLOSE DOWN MY IE WINDOW! DOUBLE IDIOTS!!
Who got whacked this week on 'The Sopranos'
...and ask, what important stories got whacked off the MESS'S home page so that we could learn who got whacked on some overrated TV show?, and when I was about to copy the link, BILL pops up with an ERROR MESSAGE saying he had to CLOSE DOWN MY IE WINDOW! DOUBLE IDIOTS!!
And speaking of MR. CHEESE, I smell NEWSMAX!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! trying to inspire another MUTINY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Look, whether you like it or not, the President is also the Commander-in-Chief -- and that sort of thing used to trump politics. If we get soldiers believing they should only obey orders from a member of one party that's an open invitation to tyranny, and a banana-republic government.
Look, whether you like it or not, the President is also the Commander-in-Chief -- and that sort of thing used to trump politics. If we get soldiers believing they should only obey orders from a member of one party that's an open invitation to tyranny, and a banana-republic government.
Fire Guts Clinton's Boyhood Home
I SMELL THE VAST RIGHT-WING CONSPIRACY -- AND CARL LIMBURGER STRUCK THE MATCH!
He'd smell anyway.
I SMELL THE VAST RIGHT-WING CONSPIRACY -- AND CARL LIMBURGER STRUCK THE MATCH!
He'd smell anyway.
And now I am starting to think the unthinkable: that the time may be approaching for the great John Simon, now in his late seventies, to retire. When Larry Gelbart's immortal masterpiece opened in '76 he gave it a scathing review in The New Leader -- with George C. Scott. Now he calls it funny (sort of). Have the intervening years made the work better -- or merely drained Mr. Simon's bile? It is bad enough when a conventional ad-blurbist deposits his adjectives on the printed page; it is another thing with Mr. Simon, who has written some of the most trenchant theater and film reviews, but seems seldom to do so now.
New York's movie ad-blurbist may be entering David "The Devil and the Dow and Miss Jones Made Me Do It!" Denby territory -- that is, off the deep end.
But then a lot of the copywriters wound up there LONG ago.
But then a lot of the copywriters wound up there LONG ago.
And speaking of stupid:
Rice's Testimony May Be Audition
A strong showing before the Sept. 11 panel could land her a Cabinet post in a second Bush term.
It isn't enough for NEWS HACKS to state the obvious; they must RESTATE it until it becomes obvious to THEM -- which means they must restate it FOREVER.
Rice's Testimony May Be Audition
A strong showing before the Sept. 11 panel could land her a Cabinet post in a second Bush term.
It isn't enough for NEWS HACKS to state the obvious; they must RESTATE it until it becomes obvious to THEM -- which means they must restate it FOREVER.
Short attention span linked to TV
WHY must NEWS HACKS "report" things that common sense tells us must be so, and that a little thinking would tell us are NOT NEWS?
WHY must NEWS HACKS "report" things that common sense tells us must be so, and that a little thinking would tell us are NOT NEWS?
Another LARRY KUDLOW CLONE shows up at Big EM's to insist "outsourcing" is a "racial code word."
And IDIOT is a code word for GENIUS. So let me acclaim you a masterful IDIOT!
And IDIOT is a code word for GENIUS. So let me acclaim you a masterful IDIOT!
Group threatens to turn Spain into ‘inferno’
Shucks, I guess the only thing we can do now is -- CAVE, right, POLLO?
Shucks, I guess the only thing we can do now is -- CAVE, right, POLLO?
Sunday, April 04, 2004
Here's a story we've ignored: The Beeb has named a new boss -- a man sneered at as "ponographer-in-chief" at another British broadcaster and a nephew of Lord Lew Grade, producer of such masterworks as Raise the Titanic and known affectionately as Low Grade.
This does not augur well for the Beeb, but I doubt we'll hear from ANDY S. about it, as this moves it one step closer to his beloved goal: ownership by RUPERT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Although in a sense it's already there.
This does not augur well for the Beeb, but I doubt we'll hear from ANDY S. about it, as this moves it one step closer to his beloved goal: ownership by RUPERT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Although in a sense it's already there.
OH, THE WONDERS OF EBAY: In scanning the listings for old TV sets I came across these two ads.
Does anyone here recall CBS (before it got Tischized and Sumnerized) made TVs? Yes, CBS made TVs -- and radios and phonographs and tape recorders too (which appear all the time guess where). If you look carefully you'll see CBS engaged in some Ike-era synergy. That's Arthur Godfrey (I'm certain) below the two circles, and that's probably Jack Benny on the second set on the right (I don't know who the woman is). They both starred on CBS.
Here's a better picture from an ad (not from an eBay link, but eBay's good at getting your curiosity and pocktbook going): that's a CBS color television from 1954 ($1,100 retail). Such a BIG cabinet, such a SMALL picture. That's Ed Sullivan, of course. He starred on CBS too. The company apparently stopped making TVs in the late fifties and left consumer electronics altogether by 1970.
And speaking of TVs, here is one reason America left consumer electronics:
Does anyone here recall CBS (before it got Tischized and Sumnerized) made TVs? Yes, CBS made TVs -- and radios and phonographs and tape recorders too (which appear all the time guess where). If you look carefully you'll see CBS engaged in some Ike-era synergy. That's Arthur Godfrey (I'm certain) below the two circles, and that's probably Jack Benny on the second set on the right (I don't know who the woman is). They both starred on CBS.
Here's a better picture from an ad (not from an eBay link, but eBay's good at getting your curiosity and pocktbook going): that's a CBS color television from 1954 ($1,100 retail). Such a BIG cabinet, such a SMALL picture. That's Ed Sullivan, of course. He starred on CBS too. The company apparently stopped making TVs in the late fifties and left consumer electronics altogether by 1970.
And speaking of TVs, here is one reason America left consumer electronics:
Boston's Democratic Convention a Quagmire
QUAGMIRE!!!!!!!!!!!!!! is reserved for IRAQ -- and NEVER for DEMOCRATS!!
QUAGMIRE!!!!!!!!!!!!!! is reserved for IRAQ -- and NEVER for DEMOCRATS!!
Because ghetto carnage mostly stays in the ghetto, people can dismiss it with a wink and a nod and blame it all on loose morals, or poverty, or guns, or whatever excuse will keep us from the admonition that we are our brother's keeper.
This link from Topix one reason those automated news-gathering sites may be slightly less than useful:
Television
WWWR-AM Roanoke - 3 hours ago -
Buy a television at Dell. Up to 20% off select software and peripherals purchased online at the Dell Home Software & Peripherals site.
Television
WWWR-AM Roanoke - 3 hours ago -
Buy a television at Dell. Up to 20% off select software and peripherals purchased online at the Dell Home Software & Peripherals site.
King Richard's boys say, if MR. MARK could take his profits, why can't we take OURS?
I'll bet for weeks in the Puzzle Palace of Manhattan there've been fits of recrimination over why THEY DIDN'T PLUG THAT MOVIE. Careers have been ruined because people weren't SALESMAN ENOUGH. As I said, the reason arts coverage stinks is PAUL DRECK.
One other thing, Kingie: the idea of putting your cover story off limits is stoo-PID. I mean, you don't have to put everything on the site -- just a few stories. The TWXSTERS' much vaunted Web-site policy looks more and more like a fiasco every day.
I'll bet for weeks in the Puzzle Palace of Manhattan there've been fits of recrimination over why THEY DIDN'T PLUG THAT MOVIE. Careers have been ruined because people weren't SALESMAN ENOUGH. As I said, the reason arts coverage stinks is PAUL DRECK.
One other thing, Kingie: the idea of putting your cover story off limits is stoo-PID. I mean, you don't have to put everything on the site -- just a few stories. The TWXSTERS' much vaunted Web-site policy looks more and more like a fiasco every day.
You're close, Mr. Lebrecht, but I say you can really sum up the tres lousay quality of arts coverage in two words: PAUL DRECK.
Joey "The-Only-Thing-We-Have-to-Fear-Is-Ooops-I-Didn't-Write-That" Biden gets out his staffers and interns and tells them to say we need the League of Nations. (Only, you see, Joey being SMARTER THAN ANYBODY, he tells his interns and clerks to say we need a "HIGH COMMISSIONER.") Yeah Joey. We turn Iraq over to the League and we get Saddam II or Osama II or a 100-year civil war. If it'll keep the natives occupied Joey, I guess we can be for it. Whether it'll do anybody else any good is another story.
Ozzy accusing his MD of overprescribing is like a fish accusing God of making too much water.
Couldn't you have chosen a better time, Oz?
Couldn't you have chosen a better time, Oz?
Today appear two links on ArtsJournal.com re the often tenuous relations between "artists" and morals. First is the "revelation" that Nabokov may have cribbed Lolita from a novella by a German news hack who went on to be a drum-banger for Hitler. Leaving Hitler aside this would seem risible on the face of it: why plagiarize a novel about sex? But I guess some writers need the inspiration. The second is a Times piece on the endless debate over how Commie Shostakovich was. My notion: you do not get to write symphonies in a police state without a certain manner of squirm-making kowtowing, and with his Walter Mitty looks I don't think Shosty was Clark Kent.
News hacks gloat today. I HOPE the PROFs who tell us how WONDERFULLY things are going in Iraq know what they're talking about. As usual, the truth lies somewhere in an unfathomable range between them, and neither side will tell us the whole truth because they're both so full of themselves.
NEWS HACKS recycle all the time. Why is this one getting punished for it?
In fairness to the Chronicle, Mickey has ghosted books for Shirley Jones and Marty Ingels (eeeewwwwwwwwww!!!!!), Mickey Mantle, Tom Kite, Howahd Co-SELL, Bette Davis, Gene Tierney, and DAN BLATHER. A man with that record couldn't help recycling.
In fairness to the Chronicle, Mickey has ghosted books for Shirley Jones and Marty Ingels (eeeewwwwwwwwww!!!!!), Mickey Mantle, Tom Kite, Howahd Co-SELL, Bette Davis, Gene Tierney, and DAN BLATHER. A man with that record couldn't help recycling.
Okay, maybe CURLEY'S (Nyuk! Nyuk! Nyuk!) STOOGES didn't pull the trigger, but where there are news hacks, there will be, uh, ACTION.
Although I'd feel better if this hadn't come from the POST!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!, which so nobly served the cause of JUSTICE.
(I'd also feel better if RUPERT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! and Mortimer Zuck weren't engaged in an eight-year-old's FOOD FIGHT.)
Although I'd feel better if this hadn't come from the POST!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!, which so nobly served the cause of JUSTICE.
(I'd also feel better if RUPERT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! and Mortimer Zuck weren't engaged in an eight-year-old's FOOD FIGHT.)
...a small body of music that changed the course of rock history blahblahblah...
You know we're writing for POSTERITY when we call gheetar strummins A BODY, and when we refer to HISSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSTORRRRY.
This from the editor of Blogcritics.org, a favorite of PROF'S, which probably dispenses more blah than any other Web site.
You know we're writing for POSTERITY when we call gheetar strummins A BODY, and when we refer to HISSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSTORRRRY.
This from the editor of Blogcritics.org, a favorite of PROF'S, which probably dispenses more blah than any other Web site.
Ringleader of Madrid attacks among suicide bombers, interior minister says
So, we finally found someone more cowardly than EL POLLO LOCO.
So, we finally found someone more cowardly than EL POLLO LOCO.
Saturday, April 03, 2004
He Walks the Line (Front-page hed)
If we're going to quote Johnny Cash wouldn't "A Boy Named Sue" be more appropriate with that HAIR?
If we're going to quote Johnny Cash wouldn't "A Boy Named Sue" be more appropriate with that HAIR?
Friday, April 02, 2004
And a special tip of the benny to Broadband Reports.com. When I hooked on DSL it seemed the service would freeze up every thirty seconds. An urgent Google search revealed that my Ethernet card was essentially searching in vain for a nonexistent Web address. The suggested fix fixed it, and now I'm really surfing.
A correction from before: evidently BILL puts the Ethernet software in his OS. For once he did something RIGHT with my computer!
A correction from before: evidently BILL puts the Ethernet software in his OS. For once he did something RIGHT with my computer!
Apparently the athleet-stoodents in this year's Final Four skools are so DUM they can't even spell RAH.
But they can spell M-O-N-E...Y!
But they can spell M-O-N-E...Y!
You say AVENTIS and I say NOVARTIS!
You say NOVARTIS and I say AVENTIS!
AVENTIS! NOVARTIS! AVENTIS! NOVARTIS!
LET'S CALL THE WHOLE THING OFF!!!!!
And it figures -- they say them with FRENCH AND GERMAN ACCENTS.
You say NOVARTIS and I say AVENTIS!
AVENTIS! NOVARTIS! AVENTIS! NOVARTIS!
LET'S CALL THE WHOLE THING OFF!!!!!
And it figures -- they say them with FRENCH AND GERMAN ACCENTS.
Study: Web rivals TV for coveted eyeballs
So why are you @#$%&* ADVERTISING IDIOTS still financing so much JUNK TELEVISION?!?!?
So why are you @#$%&* ADVERTISING IDIOTS still financing so much JUNK TELEVISION?!?!?
I am somehow not surprised to learn that one of the men who died in the outrage in Fallujah was an ex-stunt man. Whatever you think of today's movies -- in my case, somewhere between zero and negative infinity -- you must acknowledge stunt men are probably the only honest men in the business, honest because they put their lives on the line for zillionaire sissies. They are also, by all accounts, pretty good guys. RIP.
Secretaries of State JESSE L. MARTIN and JERRY ORBACH.... (pffh-hh-hh!)
I guess everyone's a blogger these days.
But then GENERAL's cv only includes the military. Jerry's includes The Fantasticks and PROMISES, PROMISES! (Pffh-hh-hh!)
I guess everyone's a blogger these days.
But then GENERAL's cv only includes the military. Jerry's includes The Fantasticks and PROMISES, PROMISES! (Pffh-hh-hh!)
"REPUBLICAN VALUES IN THIS COUNTRY ARE BASED UPON A STRONG DEFENSE AND A STRONG INFRASTRUCTURE IN THIS COUNTRY!!!!!!!!!!"
Translation: "IN THIS COUNTRY REPUBLICAN VALUES IN THIS COUNTRY ARE BASED IN THIS COUNTRY ON PORK!!!!!!!!!! IN THIS COUNTRY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
And Dubya's gonna VETO this pork! OOOOOOOOOOOOOOH!! Why didn't you veto PRESCRIPTION PORK?
From now on we will term such idiotic "speechifying" LATOURETTE SYNDROME.
Translation: "IN THIS COUNTRY REPUBLICAN VALUES IN THIS COUNTRY ARE BASED IN THIS COUNTRY ON PORK!!!!!!!!!! IN THIS COUNTRY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
And Dubya's gonna VETO this pork! OOOOOOOOOOOOOOH!! Why didn't you veto PRESCRIPTION PORK?
From now on we will term such idiotic "speechifying" LATOURETTE SYNDROME.
St. Warren of Buff -- uhhh, DIPPITY-DO's fundraising pays BIG DIVIDENDS!
How much of that came from EL DINERO LOCO?
How much of that came from EL DINERO LOCO?
YESTERDAY'S IMMORTAL MASTERPIECE (all in the same review):
"BE WARNED -- A MAN MIGHT DIE LAUGHING AT SLY FOX!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
--The late [sic] Clive Barnes, late of the Times, writing on the overrated Larry Gelbart's adaptation of Jonson's Volpone, on December 15, 1976.
"All the way back to biblical times of yore, rape has been one of the most heinous offenses known to man. And it can be pretty rough on women, too."
A line from Sly Fox.
"A relic."
Ben Brantley [!!!!!] in his review of a revival of Sly Fox, on April 2, 2004.
P. S. I see the Times is now letting readers review the reviews. But why stop at the reviews? Let the readers review the stories! Let second-guessing prevail! Heck the Times can't do worse than the amateurs.
"BE WARNED -- A MAN MIGHT DIE LAUGHING AT SLY FOX!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
--The late [sic] Clive Barnes, late of the Times, writing on the overrated Larry Gelbart's adaptation of Jonson's Volpone, on December 15, 1976.
"All the way back to biblical times of yore, rape has been one of the most heinous offenses known to man. And it can be pretty rough on women, too."
A line from Sly Fox.
"A relic."
Ben Brantley [!!!!!] in his review of a revival of Sly Fox, on April 2, 2004.
P. S. I see the Times is now letting readers review the reviews. But why stop at the reviews? Let the readers review the stories! Let second-guessing prevail! Heck the Times can't do worse than the amateurs.
Thursday, April 01, 2004
I don't blame you for being upset, T, but there is consolation: your (or rather, COVAD's) DSL service is pretty good.
lgf admiringly links to this blog, and THIS (among other things) is what I'm up against:
If we were Affirmative, we might have written a neat little case outlining the critical and extremely urgent need for... oh, let’s say conjugal visits. (We perpetually horny high school dorks really seemed to like arguing that case waaaay beyond its effective shelf life.) We had card after card after card of evidence citing things like an Authoritative Study done at Florida State University that showed unequivocally how Conjugal Visits reduce the incidents of prison violence to negative numbers and cause prisoners to start lending libraries and donate their cigarette money to Battered Women’s Shelters. However, if we randomly ended up as the Negative team, and sat facing other dorks who claimed that conjugal visitation reduce [SIC] the incidents of prison violence to negative numbers and cause prisoners to start lending libraries and donate their cigarette money to Battered Women’s Shelters, then we would have to pull out card after card after card showing that an Important and Thorough Investigation carried out by The University of Florida proved conclusively that Conjugal Visitation had in fact no measurable effect at all, or, better, caused prisoners to murder guards by hanging them by their own entrails due to their aroused, inter-conjugal libidos.
I wish to God I could write 10,000 words on every topic, if that's what it takes to get noticed; but many topics deserve TWO WORDS, and more than a few NONE AT ALL. TOO MANY BIG-NAME BLOGGERS BLOVIATE.
If we were Affirmative, we might have written a neat little case outlining the critical and extremely urgent need for... oh, let’s say conjugal visits. (We perpetually horny high school dorks really seemed to like arguing that case waaaay beyond its effective shelf life.) We had card after card after card of evidence citing things like an Authoritative Study done at Florida State University that showed unequivocally how Conjugal Visits reduce the incidents of prison violence to negative numbers and cause prisoners to start lending libraries and donate their cigarette money to Battered Women’s Shelters. However, if we randomly ended up as the Negative team, and sat facing other dorks who claimed that conjugal visitation reduce [SIC] the incidents of prison violence to negative numbers and cause prisoners to start lending libraries and donate their cigarette money to Battered Women’s Shelters, then we would have to pull out card after card after card showing that an Important and Thorough Investigation carried out by The University of Florida proved conclusively that Conjugal Visitation had in fact no measurable effect at all, or, better, caused prisoners to murder guards by hanging them by their own entrails due to their aroused, inter-conjugal libidos.
I wish to God I could write 10,000 words on every topic, if that's what it takes to get noticed; but many topics deserve TWO WORDS, and more than a few NONE AT ALL. TOO MANY BIG-NAME BLOGGERS BLOVIATE.
I don't want to sound whiny, but is there anyone out there who'll pass the word on about me? I've just been perusing some of my old posts and they seem to hold up, and I'd put my best against any of the FORBES 400 bloggers'. Can't someone say a good kind word about me to someone in the know, who might then improve my hit counter? I would appreciate it.
Michael Fumento could have A BLOG if he'd UPDATE IT.
After 30 years of slam-dunk competitions—and after Michael Jordan killed the contest for all time in 1987 with two unfathomable dunks—elaborate breakaway dunking has all the spontaneity of a waltz.
Or, one could say, a Kinsley.com article. (1,190 words on SportsCenter doesn't sound so spontaneous to me.)
Or, one could say, a Kinsley.com article. (1,190 words on SportsCenter doesn't sound so spontaneous to me.)
CREDIBILITY QUESTIONS COULD BOOMERANG ON BUSH!!!!!!!!!!!!
TRANSLATION: When Dippity-DO! contradicts himself, we won't notice. When Dubya does, we WILL.
FURTHER TRANSLATION: Paid for by Kerry for President, Warren Buffett, Treasurer.
P. S. Hey Lenny! Your Webmeisters subjected me to TWO POP-UP ADS to get to your AGITPROP. I do NOT appreciate the ads -- or THE AD.
TRANSLATION: When Dippity-DO! contradicts himself, we won't notice. When Dubya does, we WILL.
FURTHER TRANSLATION: Paid for by Kerry for President, Warren Buffett, Treasurer.
P. S. Hey Lenny! Your Webmeisters subjected me to TWO POP-UP ADS to get to your AGITPROP. I do NOT appreciate the ads -- or THE AD.
Dow Jones jiggles its Industrial Average again.
With all that jiggling it's worse than Jell-O.
(Actually, the last change [I learn very abashedly] was in '99. Still, as USA OKAY points out, " [T]here's no guarantee the stocks they add will fare better than the ones they eliminate. In fact, the last four stocks added to the Dow are down an average of 31% since their closes before the announcement back in 1999, while the Dow itself is up 0.3%." The business of America is monkey business.)
With all that jiggling it's worse than Jell-O.
(Actually, the last change [I learn very abashedly] was in '99. Still, as USA OKAY points out, " [T]here's no guarantee the stocks they add will fare better than the ones they eliminate. In fact, the last four stocks added to the Dow are down an average of 31% since their closes before the announcement back in 1999, while the Dow itself is up 0.3%." The business of America is monkey business.)
I guess the Arabs know a good thing when they SEE IT!
Thanks again, MONSIGNOR LAPIN!
And here's a PALI talking:
"It was nothing special but was simply something that will increase hatred against the Jews," said Ala, a librarian.
Thanks AGAIN, MONSIGNOR LAPIN!!
Thanks again, MONSIGNOR LAPIN!
And here's a PALI talking:
"It was nothing special but was simply something that will increase hatred against the Jews," said Ala, a librarian.
Thanks AGAIN, MONSIGNOR LAPIN!!
"Rather than warning people that the river is polluted, why not take the pollution out?"
GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOD QUESTION!!!!!
GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOD QUESTION!!!!!
Here is why ANDY S. cannot be taken fully seriously: he cheers THE GREATEST TV CARTOON OF ALL TIME for taking on P. R. MEL. Another demonstration of THE MASTER's line, a line I repeat ad nauseum, a line this dimwit has never heard, or may not want to hear as it sometimes applies to him: "Sir, there is no setting the point of precedency between a louse and a flea."
ANDY also endorses a gas tax. Your blog should take care of THAT.
ANDY also endorses a gas tax. Your blog should take care of THAT.
This is next, knee-jerk FREE-ENTERPRISE conservatives: ONE NATIONAL PHARMACY CHAIN.
Gotta get those PRESCRIPTION COSTS up -- DOWN!
Gotta get those PRESCRIPTION COSTS up -- DOWN!
OOOOOooooh, we're torn, we're positively TORN, on whether to pull a big MOGADISHU on the public. The head says no -- our audiences are booming as it is -- but the heart says YES, ANYTHING TO GET US OUT OF IRAQ.