Posted 8:59 PM by Gene

INSULTING FRENCH PHOTO CAPTION OF THE DAY!!!!!!!!!!

I had hoped to be finished for the night, but Agence France Presse acts on LITTLE much as GENERAL JR. acts on STERNO!!!!!, so....

A British hooligan in the streets of Belgium. The typical Briton is polite, witty and phlegmatic, but lacks a certain style and has a dental hygiene issue while having an occasional drinking problem (AFP/EPA/File)

This caption may be INSULTING!!!!!!!!!!!! and UNBELIEVABLE!!!!!!!!!!!!!, but it also contains the kernel of truth. That LITTLE may hate the French doesn't mean we could not respond in kind to their arrogance, their rudeness, their venality, their willingness to climb in bed with villains, but occasionally even the INSULTING!!!!!!!!!! stereotype from an ENEMY has the faint whiff of verisimilitude.

Which gets me to thinking what kind of music SUPERDUPERMEGAGIGABLOGGERS love -- pretentious album rock and AH'M PRAAYOUD T' BEEEEEE A CAAAAAAYN...AMERICAAAAAAYN!

P. S.

If any doubt existed of Greenwood’s “forever imprint” on America, it was dispelled in 2003—the 20 year anniversary of its release—when “God Bless The USA” was voted online by Americans as the “most recognizable patriotic song” in the nation. The song that Lee Greenwood wrote bested competition that included “God Bless America” and the “National Anthem” as a modern national anthem of the common man. [Emphasis added.]

"God Bless America" is a third-rate song with club-footed lyrics that became beloved only because the beloved Kate Smith sang it; "the 'National Anthem'" (as this semi-literate publicist calls it) is a barroom ballad about a man named Jose that no one knows how to sing. That doesn't make your song the BEE'S KNEES, Lee.

Posted 8:40 PM by Gene

The day I hear Lambert, Hendricks and Ross on foreground muzak is the day our nation goes to hell. People who can stuff their ears with Billy Joel or Ms. Elton John or the latest [C]RAP GENIUS are unworthy of them. No, let their inspiration be something for us initiates to know, and for the unlettered word to have to find out.

Posted 1:52 PM by Gene

"What we do in the entertainment business is not just go to the Hollywood parties and schmooze, but also understand what real entertainment is."

I disagree slightly, MICKEYMOUSE NIXON: what you do in the entertainment business is not just go to the Hollywood parties and schmooze, but also whack your customers on the head like mules.

Posted 9:41 AM by Gene

ABC breaks off negotiations with BCS

Who rigs the game now?

Posted 9:39 AM by Gene

I'm of two minds about this: it is probably not called for to be sending out Bible verses in government e-mails; on the other hand, the Air Force Academy has turned HYPER PC after its myriad scandals, and the last thing we expect from ANY government agency is COMMON SENSE.

Posted 9:37 AM by Gene

Ellen Goodwomyn once again redefines THE LAST THING ONE WANTS TO READ.

Posted 9:30 AM by Gene

Between SNIDELY WHIPLASH's fundraising and MSSSSSSSSSSSS. PELOSI's demagoguery, there doesn't seem much of a choice.

Posted 8:58 AM by Gene

However conscientious its scribblers may be, if there's one word to describe the secular PAPER OF RE-CORD reporting on Billy Graham, it's "disconnect." He and his flock may as well be from a distant galaxy -- likewise the other way, I'm sure.

I think little of the "Rev." Graham -- a compromiser, friend of Tricky Dick, toady to BREZHNEV -- but THE PAPER OF RE-CORD will think little of him for one reason: HIS FOLLOWERS BELIEVE IN A DIFFERENT GOD.

Posted 8:56 AM by Gene

Someone was making up for the lack of riots after the finals.

I was about to add, "Isn't it fun to have the NBA, MICKEYMOUSE NIXON?" but he'd probably lie.

Posted 5:45 PM by Gene

Maloney on Medved

For a second I thought it read "Baloney on Medved."

Posted 5:40 PM by Gene

Finally -- a just end to the long, weird story of THE BODY HOARDER.

Posted 5:38 PM by Gene

I don't know; while in jail this guy'd better cut a DEAL -- or a RECORD.

Posted 5:20 PM by Gene

Gannett to Buy HomeTown Communications

It's been doing it for YEARS.

Posted 5:13 PM by Gene

I went to Playbill.com to search for another risible hed only to encounter the sad news that the jazzman turned Broadway songwriter Cy Coleman has died. His best work was in the sixties, with Little Me (a sort-of cult show with a small charming score and Neil Simon's first musical book -- and Sid Caesar) and Sweet Charity, which had melodies plaintive and boisterous (and another Neil Simon book -- and Gwen Verdon). After those he imitated himself and others, with cutesy-pie stuff like I Love My Wife (typically seventies show about wife swapping) and the vastly overpraised City of Angels and The Will Rogers Follies, each two hours of musical filler. He'll inevitably be best known for the ultimate gimmick tune, "Witchcraft" -- a gimmick in that Blue and Elvis duetted on it. He was hardly the most inspired of musickers, but those early scores are quite entertaining, and will likely outlive anything from our shrivelled time.

Posted 5:09 PM by Gene

I notice occasionally Toenail.com trots out a serif font for heds, which suggests even they may be getting wise that their SANS-SERIF font is suitable for DerSturmer.com.

Posted 5:06 PM by Gene

Can you imagine Michael Moore or Ted Rall in their seventies?

Posted 2:09 PM by Gene

FLASH! AL HUNT GOO$E$TEP$ TO THE BLOOMY!!!!!

Now if he could get JOHN FUND TO JOIN HIM we could call it THE BLOOMIES!

Posted 1:42 PM by Gene

People tell the TRUTH to LARRY KING?!?!?!?!?

I wouldn't expect MICKEYMOUSE NIXON to tell the truth to ST. PETER.

Posted 11:58 AM by Gene

Old NEWS HACKS never die -- they just become perfessers and write stupid op-ed pieces.

Okay Ken, let TOM run for president. One problem -- you describe a STEALTH candidate. At some point he'd have to stand for something more than THE GREATEST GENERATION and his good looks. What party would he join? (We can guess.) What political philosophy would he espouse? (We can guess.) Sorry Ken, we have ENOUGH empty suits in government.

Posted 11:52 AM by Gene

I guess this is the next NEWS HACK fight -- against CHRISSSSSSSSSSTIAN ANTI-PORN CRUSADERS. (STERNO goes PSYCHO just thinking about these CULTURAL JIHADISTS.) The problem is we're not talking HOWARD'S EENIE-WEENIE-PEENIE JOKES. I don't want to think how VILE some Web porn is. Why can't we fight it?

Posted 9:40 AM by Gene

THIS WWWHHHAR IS TEARRRRING US APART!! THAT'S WHY KARL RRROVE MADE THAT TAPE -- TO JUSTIFY IT!!! HE PUT OSAMA ON THE CIA PAYROLL TO WIN BUSH THE ELECTION!!!!!

I was going to joke about senile dementia, but I decided not to. It's no joke. WWWWHHHALTER isn't very funny either.

Posted 6:59 AM by Gene

NEUHARTHISM OF THE YEAR-- WITH FOUR REPORTERS!!!!!

USAOKAY!!!!! devoted ITS vast resources to SMOKING OUT OSAMA TOO.

KENNY'S excuse: "Part of USA Today's tradition is reporting light stories on the lighter side of life."

KENNY, next time PAT KINGSLEY writes you a press release, use HER BYLINE!!!!!

Posted 6:47 AM by Gene

God knows what OSAMAs are out there, so HOLIER-THAN-THOU MORTIMER ZUCK regales his readers with this exceptionally upsetting story. WHAT PURPOSE DOES MORT ZUCK SERVE BY RUNNING THIS? WHY DO WE HAVE TO KNOW EVERY DEVASTATING PRIVATE TRAGEDY THAT COMES DOWN THE BLOCK? DOES IT REALLY HELP YOUR INFLATED CIRCULATION, ZUCK?????

YOU SENT THREE REPORTERS ON THIS, ZUCK -- THREE MORE THAN YOU NO DOUBT SENT ON OSAMA BEFORE HE DESTROYED THE WTC AND KILLED 2,700 PEOPLE.

ZUCK'S EXCUSE: "Well, um, uh, such stories create COMPASSION for the VICTIMS of these HORRIBLE CRIMES."

Um, ZUCK, have you ever heard of COMPASSION FATIGUE?

ZUCK'S MORE LIKELY EXCUSE: "Haven't seen the paper." (Operative 12:00:01 a.m. Sunday to 11:59:59 Saturday.)

Posted 6:42 AM by Gene

The Evil Sorceress of PR, a monster who writes whole swaths of publications like USAOKAY!!!!! and PEOPLE (and the LALATIMES), is getting BAD PUBLICITY.

REWRITE!!!!! Pffh-hh-hh!

Posted 6:37 AM by Gene

The Spanish bury their heads in the sand over terrorism -- and unearth them long enough to yell racial slurs.

CLUCKCLUCKCLUCKCLUCKCLUCKCLUCKCLUCKCLUCKCLUCKCLUCKCLUCKCLUCK
CLUCKCLUCKCLUCKCLUCKCLUCKCLUCKCLUCKCLUCKCLUCKCLUCKCLUCKCLUCK!!!!!

Posted 7:04 PM by Gene

Small Screen DVDs Generate Big Profits

Old Movies, New Profits

TRANSLATION: The movie studios can now price-gouge the way the record labels do.

Posted 5:10 PM by Gene

Despite the best tantrums, Arlen O'Specter tam-o'-shanters his way to a chairmanship.

Time to put on that SHORT INVISIBLE LEASH.

Posted 5:00 PM by Gene

STERNO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! YOUR HERO ZONNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN'S RUNNING SIRIUS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Either he knows something we don't or he don't know nothing.

OR: They hired HOWARD'S BABYSITTER.

Posted 4:51 PM by Gene

I am afraid it is not much of a leap, o rare PUBLIC EDITOR of the TRIB, from art in subway tunnels to STEALING MANHOLE COVERS.

Posted 4:46 PM by Gene

The man who took the Newport Cigarettes "swish" and turned it upside down and inspired zillion-dollar contracts to middle-school kids and ghetto youth into killing one another over sneakers, Phil Knight (namesake of Bobby), is stepping aside as CEO. He is being succeeded, fittingly enough, by a man who ran Johnson's Wax, which nearly sponsored a TV show about cross-dressing.

Posted 2:28 PM by Gene

SAMMY! SAMMY GLICKMAN!! Want to increase movie attendance? RUN MORE ADS!!!!!

Posted 1:53 PM by Gene

It poured on the christening of Slick's anonymously-funded mobile home on stilts.

Hope it doesn't float away.

Posted 11:02 AM by Gene

The time has come to retire Nightline and LORD KOPPEL OF ESPNDOM (see second item). Twenty-five years ago the concept of late-night themed news and instant interviews was bold, but cable and the Web superceded the grand idea, and increasingly a very fine reporter compromised himself with guest hosts and prerecording and clever editing; in time he became the PC sage of his business, belching platitudes from a haze atop his home-built Olympus. Let the LORD live out his dotage on his ten-million acre spread, where he can pine over the days when HE, not JON STEWART, was THE SECOND COMING OF MURROW.

Posted 9:50 AM by Gene

Perhaps political diversity makes censorship unworkable. But to throw up our hands and trust in "the off-switch" is to cede society to BIG MEDIA. There has to be a compromise, and it HAS to work. God knows our culture doesn't.

Posted 9:06 AM by Gene

Two things about SAMMY GLICKMAN'S CRACKDOWN:

Piracy of movies is wrong.

Why SAMMY's crusade will go nowhere: You get what you pay for.

Posted 8:13 AM by Gene

LOOK AT ME!!!!! I'M ON CNN!!!!! OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!

For the umpteenth time, here is why STERNO is not a credible spokespoop for HIS biz:

1. He's worked for BIG MEDIA all his life;

2. He worked for "TIME INC.", where practically everybody is an ORGANIZATION MAN;

3. He worked for the SISTER FIRM of an ENTERTAINMENT COMPANY, which means it was TO HIS BENEFIT TO OVERPRAISE, AND SUCK UP;

4. He WORKS for SI, who runs VANITY FAIR and GQ, which toady to show biz even more than PEOPLE;

5. He has never stopped saying we're in THE MEGA-PLATINUM AGE OF SHOW-BIZ, partly because he said that as the EDITOR OF EWWWWWWWWWWWWW!! for a dozen years;

6. A BIG-MEDIA TYPE with a BLOG is STILL A BIG-MEDIA TYPE.

7. He's a FANATIC!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! of HOWARD, and my dictionary defines "fanatic" as "one having excessive zeal for and irrational attachment to a cause or position."

8. I've never seen him on TV, but given the smirky OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO coming from his mouth I'd bet he's SUPER-GLIB, and that alone should open him to suspicion. God knows how much training he got at the mythical TIME INC.!!!!!!!!!!

9. The reason stories like MS. BOOB's are annoying is NOT because of the stories, it's because FIVE BIG MEDIA COMPANIES WITH HALF-A-MILLION OUTLETS POUND THEM TO DEATH -- AND THE WEB ACTS AS A MILLION-WATT AMPLIFIER.

10. He will NOT listen to REASON because he's a BIG MEDIA TYPE -- and further because he can claim he's a VICTIM of 9-11, and has SUFFERED IMMENSELY, and therefore compounding the problem.

That is IT for STERNO. He makes a DENTIST'S DRILL SOOTHING.

Posted 6:46 AM by Gene

A story in full:

Former U-S [sic] President Bill Clinton's library will be officially dedicated today in Little Rock, Arkansas.

Among those who will attend the event will be Robin Williams and Kevin Spacey, as well as former presidents Jimmy Carter and George Bush Senior.

The Clinton library features a full-scale replica of the Oval Office, and a display on the Whitewater and Monica Lewinsky scandals.

Yep, it's all about COMEDY.

Posted 6:27 PM by Gene

LITTLE AND POWER LINE FIND SARIN IN IRAQ!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
No they don't.

Posted 6:21 PM by Gene

Democratic Party leaders said Wednesday they want to know why Sen. John Kerry ended his presidential campaign with more than $15 million in the bank, money that could have helped Democratic candidates across the country.

Maybe he promised it to Te-RRRRRRRRRRRRRAIT-TZA.

Posted 5:01 PM by Gene

A sheaf of EXCITING FORWARD-LOOKING NEWS in the THEA-TAH:

Re-Makin' Whoopi: Revising Characters and Scenes After 20 Years, Goldberg Opens on Bway Nov. 17

...a show that first opened in 1984!

Nathan Lane and Matthew Broderick Odd Couple Aiming at August 2005 Broadway Opening

...a show that first opened in 1965!!

AND, last but NOT LEAST:

Hal Holbrook's Mark Twain Tonight to Return to Broadway in 2005

...a show that first opened in 1959!! WOW!!!!!

And no, we have not forgotten the 71-year-old Kennedy Center honoree CHITA RIVERA!

Posted 3:20 PM by Gene

Remember that British egghead medical review that ran a "study" claiming WE (or somebody) killed 2,000,000 Iraqis (or whatever the number was)? WELL, some "ALTERNATIVE" RAG (peeeeeeeeeee-U!) runs a story with this little sentence:

With both the liberal Brookings Institution and the anti-war Human Rights Watch apparently dismissing the Lancet study as incredible, most observers felt no need to read the study itself.

But the story goes on for another 300 paragraphs, presumably to prove the liberal Brookings Institution and the anti-war Human Rights Watch somehow WRONG. But in the face of such a definitive judgment we can only conclude yet another hack loves the taste of FOOT-IN-MOUTH.

THANKS, Romy, for another SCINTILLATING LINK!!!!!

Posted 1:52 PM by Gene

Nashville Rapper Sought For Vibe Award Stabbing

Another [C]RAPPER makes a brilliant career move.

Does he [C]RAP with a cowboy hat and a southern accent?

Posted 10:28 AM by Gene

Even if SNIDELY WHIPLASH is found INNOCENT does not mean he will be found HONEST.

Posted 10:11 AM by Gene

Sighhhhhhhhhhhhhh, I wouldn't be surprised if ESPNCorp and the TAGLIAFOOL DID write their apologies IN ADVANCE.

Posted 9:31 AM by Gene

An excellent question for Condo -- from GEORGE WILL, for once:

If you had been secretary in 1991, would you have advocated regime change -- driving on to Baghdad?

Posted 9:16 AM by Gene

Nearly 800,000 Bowflex machines recalled

TRANSLATION: Nearly 800,000 coat hangers recalled.

Posted 9:02 AM by Gene

And today, in loving tribute, we shall call STERNO THE REED IRVINE OF NEWHOUSE.

Posted 8:52 AM by Gene

The professional crank Reed Irvine, who helped invent such words as "ombudsman" and Brent Bozell, has died, and it is quite fitting that the MMMMMMMMMM-SSSSSSSSSS-MMMMMMMMMM don't have ONE WORD ON IT.

Ben Bradlee's kicking up his heels.

Posted 8:48 AM by Gene

One of America's most liberal newspapers warns of...

A DANGER OF GROUPTHINK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

THEIR groupthink. (Ours is okay, especially when we write editorials.)

Posted 8:31 AM by Gene

A couple of Variety flacks scratch their heads over why most movies last a third of a weekend, and one of them comes up with this brilliant observation:

"Why do 50 million people watch The Apprentice? Because they all think it's an amazing show?....You don't want to be the one clueless person who didn't see Spider-Man."

And there's the problem -- in VARIETYWORLD, a person who doesn't see Spider-Man IS CLUELESS.

He concludes with this equally brilliant observation:

"Joseph Levine said, 'If the budget is big enough and the advertising is right, you can fool everybody.' And that's really what they've always been trying to do."

Yes you have.

Posted 6:57 AM by Gene

Did you know Christopher Buckley wrote a novel that "combined elements of the O.J. trial and the Clinton marriage"? Did you know it won "the ninth annual Thurber Prize"? WOOOOOOOWWWWWWWWW!!!!!

I think POWER may be trying to -- branch out. Really, the SUPERDUPERMEGAGIGABLOGGERS should stick to what they know best: nothing.

P. S. I once saw this satirical genius on C-SPAN delivering a speech. From his demeanor he must have FORTIFIED himself for it. I guess that's what comes from being BILL BUCKLEY'S -- SON, bzumbzumbzumbzum.

Posted 6:41 AM by Gene

SUMNER's latest money-making scheme: an all-black Honeymooners movie.

Here's predicting the ad-blurb copywriters call it a SITCOM.

YOU'RE GOING TO THE MOON, SUMNER!

P. S. THE PAPER OF RE-CORD does not disclose who made the film (that requires a few mouse clicks), so SUMNER may ALREADY be hedging his bet. (Or rather his BET -- as in BOOGIE EVERYNIGHT TELEVISION.)

Posted 6:26 AM by Gene

Another feather in R. Kelly's cap: Gary Sheffield's wife.

I BELIEVE YOU SHOULD FLYYYYYY-YYYYYY-YYYYYY-YYYYYY-YYYYYY-YYYYYY-YYYYYY-YYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Posted 6:23 AM by Gene

Kmart Holding Corporation and Sears, Roebuck and Co. Agree To Merge

TRANSLATION: Misery loves companies.

Posted 7:01 PM by Gene

Sure that color's becoming?

Posted 6:55 PM by Gene

As Yasser must surely know by now, YOU CAN'T TAKE IT WITH YOU.

Still he seems to have left his wife quite a -- HERITAGE.

Does the Koran say anything about Swiss bank accounts?

Posted 6:45 PM by Gene

Meantime, the League of Vastly-Overpaid Sphere-Throwing Fully-Tattooed ATTITUDE PHREAKS worries about important things -- like IPODS.

Posted 6:25 PM by Gene

ESPNCORP APOLOGIZED.

Leaving aside the sheer megatonnage of STUPIDITY in running such a stunt days after THE CASTOR OIL AFFAIR, who could have figured this would be more than a cheesy promo in a forgettable game, of interest solely to the teams' respective fans? But then came SUMNER and MS. BOOB. And this isn't just the boonies talking, or the mere matter of a towel. Given the NFL's reaction Broadcasting and Cable says in a handful of words this may be the push that shoves the MNF package out of ESPNCorp. LAST NIGHT'S RATINGS DID NOT HELP. Well, goodbye and get lost.

And THANKS AGAIN, G000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000GLEBLOGGER, for BEING DOWN NEARLY AN HOUR when I WANTED TO POST THIS.

P. S. Then again Commish Tagliafool just got a neat deal from SUM and MR. MOONER, so he may not feel like criticizing TOO much.

P. P. S. "I think ABC Sports should be absolutely, positively ashamed of itself for the opening to Monday Night Football," says Peter King of SI.

(Oh well, those girls merely pose.)

Posted 5:27 PM by Gene

News Corp. Chairman Rupert Murdoch on Tuesday said he can live with Liberty Media Corp. being a large shareholder of the media conglomerate if Liberty Chairman John Malone signs a pact preventing his company from raising its stake.

THE HITLER-STALIN PACT, REDUX.

Posted 5:09 PM by Gene

Dubya seems to think of education as his legacy. With no disrespect to the president, we argue IGNORAMUSES are more likely to be OURS.

Posted 5:01 PM by Gene

HED OF THE WEEK, from PRNEWSWIRE:

Ohio Man Breaks National All-Time Record for Cash-In of Largest Collection of Pennies, With Final Count Reaching 1,048,013 Weighing in at 3.5 Tons and Valued at $10,480.13

His name wouldn't be Frank WIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIILDHORN, would it?

Sadly, no:

Coinstar, Inc. (Nasdaq: CSTR) announced today that 78-year-old Eugene J. Sukie, a retired glass plant worker/supervisor from Barberton, Ohio broke a national all-time record, along with the company's standing record for the most pennies collected and cashed-in at a Coinstar machine by a single customer. Sukie, who celebrates his 79th birthday later this month, and his wife...

...who promptly got a divorce....

BOOOOOOOOOOOOO!! BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!

Posted 4:56 PM by Gene

In more great news about the thea-TAH, Frank WIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIILDHORN is inflicting it with a show about SCOTT and ZELDA!

I've got a better title, WIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIILDMAN: The Beautiful and Damned.

Meantime THE PAPER OF RE-CORD says EVE's new show isn't as good as the old as she spends too much time staring at "her -- BELLY BUTTON."

EXCELSIOOOOOOOOOOOOOR!!!!!

Posted 4:48 PM by Gene

Ivory Coast Hate Broadcasts Have Ended, U.N. Says

So why can't it stop THE OSAMA CHANNEL?

Posted 4:46 PM by Gene

Actual hed from G000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000gle News:

Computer Screens Might Make You Blind
LinuxInsider.com

That and something they're closely related to.

Posted 2:33 PM by Gene

FLASH! THE OSAMA CHANNEL RESPECTS THE AUDIENCE'S FEELINGS!!!!!

Pffh-hh-hh hh hh hh hh ha ha ha ha ha ha HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!!!!!

Posted 1:38 PM by Gene

Could NHLitis slowly be spreading to FOOTBALL?

P. S. to MICKEYMOUSE NIXON and TEENY TINY BOBBY: Given how the ratings fizzled I'd guess salaciousness may not sell.

Posted 1:24 PM by Gene

THE TERRIBLE-TEMPERED MR. BANG WANTS BILL SAFIRE'S JOB!!!!!

1. Hey STERNO, do you REALLY want to be a token conservative?

2. What's wrong with BLOGGING?????

3. How many people want to read 700-word tantrums?

4. Whatsa matter, Nick Dorken ain't workin' out?

It's official: STERNO is the MR. MARK of BLOGGING.

Posted 1:19 PM by Gene

Please, pretty please, halt the violence -- in English.

Posted 1:10 PM by Gene

Dancin' on the ceiling at The OSAMA CHANNEL again!

Do they get an extra 72 virgins every time they celebrate?

Posted 11:02 AM by Gene

While many professors are phasing pop culture into their courses, it's not a novel idea, says Tim Massie, who teaches "Varieties of Religious Experience: The Church in Rome" at Marist College in Poughkeepsie, N.Y. "Look at Cecil B. DeMille's version of 'The Ten Commandments' with Charlton Heston. How many families had their kids sit around the TV, to watch not just the movie, but perhaps learn more about their faith?"

The approach goes back to the 1960s, says Paul Giurlanda, chair of religious studies at St. Mary's College in Moraga, Calif. "Except then it was Simon and Garfunkel," he says. "The drawback? It's easy to get youth culture wrong. I can remember several student retreats where 'hip' high school teachers at Catholic schools were playing 'Sounds of Silence' and not realizing that the students were so past that song. If you're going to ride this wave, you'd better be on top of it, and not a little bit behind it."

TRANSLATION: College will always be about HIP!, WITH-IT!!, NOW!!! and wrong.

Posted 6:45 AM by Gene

Washington's BASEBALL-MAD MAYOR goes Ka-CHING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Posted 6:40 AM by Gene

THE MIRACLE ABORTION PILL!!!!!!!!!! takes a life.

When do the hacks start complaining of RIGHTS?

Posted 6:33 AM by Gene

DUBYA DOUBLE-FOLLOWED MY ADVICE!

From now on to prevent spelling errors we'll call her "Condo."

Posted 6:28 AM by Gene

DUBYA FOLLOWED MY ADVICE!

If only. But SUPERDUPERMEGAGIGABLOGGERS would tout it all the way from here until the software preserving their brilliance is obsolete.

Posted 6:24 AM by Gene

A hip-hop music awards ceremony in Santa Monica erupted in chaos Monday night after rap pioneer Dr. Dre, awaiting a lifetime achievement award, apparently was punched in the face and his bodyguards set upon the attacker.

The second annual Vibe awards presentations were halted as police swarmed the hangar at Santa Monica Airport, where about 1,000 people were attending the show. Santa Monica police summoned reinforcements from neighboring law enforcement agencies.

In the chaos, a man was stabbed, police said. The victim, identified by police only as a 26-year-old Los Angeles resident, was in stable condition at a hospital.

Another [C]RAPPER makes a BRILLIANT career move.

AND SUMNER TAPED IT!!!!!

Posted 7:56 PM by Gene

Mr. Keillor was TRYING to be funny, something that would escape the deadly humorless typist-copyists at WorldNetDaily (one of whom was so incensed as to type "there" for "their"); on the other hand, with liberals continuing in their deep blue-country funk, there may be, in the back of this attempt at laughter, a bit of bigoted seriousness.

Posted 5:29 PM by Gene

Someone had better tell Interscope that the record business has changed.

Someone tells the record biz?

Posted 5:27 PM by Gene

The Pentagon has agreed to warn military bases worldwide that they should not directly sponsor Boy Scout troops, partially resolving claims that the government has improperly supported a group that requires members to believe in God.

Whatcha gonna do about THOSE values, Dubya?

Posted 5:24 PM by Gene

Take a bow, LAND OF FRUITS AND NUTS:

California Leads the Nation in Auto Theft Rates for 2003

Posted 5:12 PM by Gene

I can think of reasons to boo "Dr." Dobson, but my reasons wouldn't be Toenail.com's reasons, and Toenail.com's reasons wouldn't be good ones (not the least because they'd be cribbed from THE PAPER OF RE-CORD and the other folk who believe in POOR EASILY-LED CHRISTIANS).

Posted 4:55 PM by Gene

On my weekday sojourn to work I pass a ticket agency. Looking at the acts -- WWE RAW!!!!! NEMO ON ICE!!!!! -- I thought, has the NHL lockout (NHL? What's an NHL?) hurt other overpriced attractions? It must send a signal: who wants to spend $200 on no-talents or hoodlums with AAAAAAATTITUUUUUUUUUDE!!!!! (and sometimes both) ? Our local NBA mediocrity the 76ers is doing a dollars-off tray-liner stunt at Mickey D's -- and they STILL CHARGE TOO MUCH. If we can live without the goons why can't we live without the tattooed girlie-men of b-ball, or the whining rock nobodies, or the fake circuses and Ice Follies? Why must we waste our money on fifth-rate arena show biz?

Speaking thereof, the bus-and-truck company of Thoroughly Modern Millie now parked at the Academy of Music Gas-'n'-Go Truck Stop has painted a logo on its big rig. WOOOOOOOWWWWWWW!!!!! I'd bet one in a thousand can name the people who wrote its "songs." (No, Cahn and Van Heusen DON'T COUNT.)

Posted 2:43 PM by Gene

I've been continuing my search for an HDTV set -- I've narrowed it down to three models, all Sonys, and have ditched the thought of analog -- and was more than a little frazzled to learn that on certain Sony models some people insist they can see a faint vertical bar moving across the screen in HD; the company ended up putting out a service bulletin. But as one poster put it, "[I]t is pretty easy to drive yourself crazy looking for little defects."

Which brings me to REV. WILDMON. He could see a beautiful pastoral scene and if he thought he heard the F-word, he'd write to the FCC -- never mind if he was sitting outdoors. Or more to the point, if he'd served on D-Day he'd have brought a whole company before Ike for CURSING.

And as I said, one should not associate COMMON SENSE with REV. WILDMON.

Sorry, TWO WRONGS DON'T MAKE A RIGHT, STERNO. You're just on the other side of the same leaky S. S. MINNOW.

Posted 1:27 PM by Gene

Safire to Step Down as Times Columnist

There goes the token conservative.

Posted 9:49 AM by Gene

GENERAL'S QUIT. Who's the next appeaser?

Doesn't help though now that Yasser's gone.

P. S. So's the guy who looks like a corner butcher and runs the Education Department of Fossil Fuels. "Howya want that cut of gasoline, ma'am?"

P. P. S. Didn't GENERAL just win Dubya the election?

Posted 9:12 AM by Gene

All of Hollywood is tied in knots because movies are SO GOOD this year a feature-length cartoon may win the best-picture Oscar®!

So what? A cartoon won last year.

Posted 8:38 AM by Gene

We're still going to stick with STERNO, but eventually we'll have to come up with a better nickname. Maybe we'll even call it EXCLUSIVE! How about --

THE TERRIBLE-TEMPERED MR. BANG!!!!!!!!!!

Posted 8:29 AM by Gene

Well, Prof, I've held my peace for almost three months because you were kind enough to link to me, and here you go and link to A 3,449-WORD EXPULSION on BASEBALL BLOGGING.

Well, I'll still hold my peace. Just don't expect me to hold my breath.

Posted 6:59 AM by Gene

TRANSLATION: We'll ALWAYS reform intelligence.

Posted 6:55 AM by Gene

Hmmm, looks like ARLEN O'SPECTER's going to have to get out the PIPES and play A PRETTY TUNE FOR THE BOYS!

Posted 6:43 AM by Gene

Most cars fail whiplash test

We should know; USAOKAY!!!!! fails the whiplash test.

Posted 6:39 AM by Gene

DAN BLATHER's getting a HIP NEW 'DO!!!!!

He already has the ATTITUDE.

Posted 6:30 AM by Gene

HOORAAAAAAAAAAAAY!!!!!

[C]onservative Christian values no longer play a meaningful role in European politics, except perhaps in Italy and Ireland.

And the Netherlands is paying the price.

Posted 6:28 AM by Gene

Dow Jones has "overpaid" for Marketwatch so it can plug the Wall Street Journals Online.

Good luck!

Posted 4:15 PM by Gene

Why the news hacks have yet to go into CONNIPTIONS over the THOUSANDS OF U. S. DEAD is beyond me, unless of course it's because it's AFTER THE ELECTION; but this awful sacrifice will be more than worth it if it keeps Iraq free, and holds terrorism at bay.

Posted 2:23 PM by Gene

STERNO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! TRIB CENSORED A C-WORD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO DO ABOUT THAT????????????????????????

Somebody ought to tell STERNO to drink decaf.

Posted 2:04 PM by Gene

Sighhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh, the People v. Larry Flynt of 2004.

Posted 1:53 PM by Gene

> BREAKING NEWS Iran agrees to suspend uranium enrichment program, its chief nuclear negotiator says. Details soon. (CNN home page)

OOOH, breaking, like they'll break their promise.

Posted 11:33 AM by Gene

This year, some anonymous hack tells us, is Popeye's 75th birthday, and that we think of him as a Paramount goody-goody with Jack Mercer's voice shows that for all these years, Popeye, we hardly know thee.

(And I only found this because I was busy determining if the Trib, which threw A RAGING SYNERGISM over CASTOR OIL [no relation to Olive Oyl, to be sure], CALLED HIM O. D. B. TOO. The answer is YES.)

Posted 10:43 AM by Gene

It's a statement of fact that ommmmmmmmmmmmmmmm, I'm pro-choice.

Sorry for the BOZELLNEWS!

Posted 9:48 AM by Gene

A magical lyrical day at MR. MARK'S:

Fish gotta swim, birds gotta fly and W's gotta cut taxes...

AND NEWS HACKS GOTTA LIE.

Posted 9:45 AM by Gene

• Clift: Can the Dems Reverse a 40-Year Slide?

Not when uberhacks like you scream, "KERRY'S GONNA WIN!!!!!!!!!!"

Posted 9:33 AM by Gene

How apt: the supereggheads of Hahvahd Mutual Fund who today prostrate themselves before the gods and goddesses of every quack loony-left political cult once made buddy-buddies with the Nazis.

Time to get out another song from Tom Lehrer, '47: "Gather round while I sing you of Wernher von Braun...."

Posted 8:51 AM by Gene

ANOTHER POST FOR ROMY: This story is why we can NEVER get honest coverage about show-biz, and especially about [C]RAP. HIS STAGE NAME WAS "OL' DIRTY BASTARD," YOU IDIOTS.

Even VIACON admits it.

THE PAPER OF RE-CORD, St. Warren's WAPOST -- what is with these cretins? And they're always screaming about how [C]RAP is TRUTH FOR THE AGES -- while standing AS FAR FROM THE TRUTH AS THEY CAN. FRAUDS.

Time to add another definition to THE NEWS HACKS' DICTIONARY, Bill.