THE NEWS HACK'S CREED:
I know more than you.
I make lots more money than you.
I'm smarter than you.
I'm sexier than you.
I appear on TV all the time.
I work ten minutes a day.
I rule the universe.
I'm going to live forever.
You are an idiot.
THE NEWS HACK'S CREED, No. 2:
A lie isn't a lie when it tells THE TRUTH.
THE NEWS HACK'S CREED, No. 3:
I've come to realize that the looseness of the journalistic life, the seeming laxity of the newsroom, is an illusion. Yes, there's informality and there's humor, but beneath the surface lies something deadly serious. It is a code. Sometimes the code is not even written down, but it is deeply believed in. And, when violated, it is enforced with tribal ferocity.
--JOHN "OMERTA" CARROLL.
THE NEWS HACK'S CREED, No. 4:
News isn't news when we don't report it.
PERMALINKS:
THE NEWS HACKS' DICTIONARY
THE EUGENE DAVID GLOSSARY
AMERICA'S MOST UNINTENTIONALLY FUNNY WEB SITE!
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Saturday, January 29, 2005
Lately -- I suppose to prove He is human -- THE LORD GOD PINCH has run some, well, QUIRKY stories in His rag. Several weeks ago He plugged an electronics Web site that sells things that I'd guess The LORD has been requesting to soothe His off hours when He isn't the source of all wisdom, things from Japanese electronics firms that they don't sell here, perhaps for a reason: things like $2,349 headphones "made with Japan's finest Hokkaido cherry tree (Asada) and high quality leather from Great Britain's royal leather goods manufacturing company - Connolly Luxury Goods Limited" (and not the most expensive they sell -- these are); $950 tube car stereos; $4,599 phonograph cartridges; and $11,799 speaker cables. Today He's run a story about an alleged new fad: big-rig tractors as SUVs. He also used the word "glitz" in a squib in His paper (not on His Web site) about Davos. I think I liked it better when His was the paper of record, and not THE PAPER OF RE-CORD.
Saudi Oil Minister Says $50 Oil No Threat to Growth
Obviously we're planning to build a few more mosques where a few more IMAMS can preach of LOVE AND THE BROTHERHOOD OF MAN.
Obviously we're planning to build a few more mosques where a few more IMAMS can preach of LOVE AND THE BROTHERHOOD OF MAN.
Another 1,322 WORDS to tell us, possibly for the 13,220TH TIME, that JOHNNY WAS A PRIVATE MAN, and possibly for the 132,200TH TIME that HE KNEW LOTS OF PEOPLE WITH FAMOUS NAMES.
Honest, this sort of thing makes us yearn for another SCREED about IRAQ, or maybe another AD from JIM "FUDD" ULMER.
JOHNNY'S DEAD. May we finally let him REST IN PEACE?
Honest, this sort of thing makes us yearn for another SCREED about IRAQ, or maybe another AD from JIM "FUDD" ULMER.
JOHNNY'S DEAD. May we finally let him REST IN PEACE?
Complaints about U2's bungled pre-sale for its 2005 world tour continued to pour in Friday, with ticket brokers and scalpers offering tickets to the shows --including the Chicago dates -- for more than 20 times face value.
The band Friday apologized to fans who paid $40 to U2's official Web site, U2.com, for pre-sale privileges beginning Tuesday only to be left without coveted $49.50 general-admission floor tickets nearest the stage, or no tickets at all. Dozens of prime U2 tickets ended up in the hands of third-party profiteers. By Friday, tickets to U2 shows around the country, including the ones May 7 and May 9 at the United Center with top-end prices of $95 to $165, were being sold on eBay for more than $1,000 each.
Bungle? THIS IS A TRIUMPH OF FREE EN-TER-PRISE!!!!!
On U2.com, the band blamed "new technology" for sabotaging its first Internet pre-sale, saying the system failed because "everyone tries to do the same thing at once."
And a triumph for GEEKS!!!!!
The band Friday apologized to fans who paid $40 to U2's official Web site, U2.com, for pre-sale privileges beginning Tuesday only to be left without coveted $49.50 general-admission floor tickets nearest the stage, or no tickets at all. Dozens of prime U2 tickets ended up in the hands of third-party profiteers. By Friday, tickets to U2 shows around the country, including the ones May 7 and May 9 at the United Center with top-end prices of $95 to $165, were being sold on eBay for more than $1,000 each.
Bungle? THIS IS A TRIUMPH OF FREE EN-TER-PRISE!!!!!
On U2.com, the band blamed "new technology" for sabotaging its first Internet pre-sale, saying the system failed because "everyone tries to do the same thing at once."
And a triumph for GEEKS!!!!!
Wunderkind used to mean prodigies like Mozart. Then it came to mean geniuses like HERR DOKTOR SONDHEIM. Now it means twenty-something Johnny-One-Notes for whom USAOKAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!! organizes promotional campaigns (see the home-page tease).
NEWS HACKS CANNOT BE TRUSTED WITH THE ENGLISH LANGUAGE. Why can't they write in another language -- like Esperanto?
NEWS HACKS CANNOT BE TRUSTED WITH THE ENGLISH LANGUAGE. Why can't they write in another language -- like Esperanto?
Friday, January 28, 2005
LOONIEST OF LOONEY-LEFT PERFESSERS -- or possibly the kind of man who HELPED MENTOR THE STAFF AT THE WALL STREET JOURNALS LIBERAL EDITION?
Sorry Glenn, when it comes to the JOURNALS I'm afraid TWO can play THAT game. No thank you, James Taranto.
Another sign NEWS HACKS have no sense:
LEGENDARY investor Warren Buffett had nothing but praise Friday for Procter & Gamble Co.'s $57 billion deal to buy Gillette, which helped him make about $645 million -- in one day.
What if He had owned P&G INSTEAD?
LEGENDARY investor Warren Buffett had nothing but praise Friday for Procter & Gamble Co.'s $57 billion deal to buy Gillette, which helped him make about $645 million -- in one day.
What if He had owned P&G INSTEAD?
WOWWWWWWWWWW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Disney management is so distraught over damaging revelations in a book on CEO Michael Eisner that the public relations head offered to resign, The Post has learned.
The leader of the WHORVIS COMMUNICATIONS OF BIG BIZ -- RESIGNING? PERHAPS ESPNCORP isn't as INSUPERABLE as we THOUGHT.
Once more, DICK "GUNS CAUSED COLUMBINE" CORLISS: YOU STILL THINK MICKEYMOUSE NIXON IS GREAT?
Disney management is so distraught over damaging revelations in a book on CEO Michael Eisner that the public relations head offered to resign, The Post has learned.
The leader of the WHORVIS COMMUNICATIONS OF BIG BIZ -- RESIGNING? PERHAPS ESPNCORP isn't as INSUPERABLE as we THOUGHT.
Once more, DICK "GUNS CAUSED COLUMBINE" CORLISS: YOU STILL THINK MICKEYMOUSE NIXON IS GREAT?
This says it all:
The likelihood that blogs will vanquish mainstream media recalls the prediction Michael Crichton made in his 1993 essay "Mediasaurus." Crichton wrote that the New York Times and one commercial TV network would vanish within a decade and would be replaced by artificial-intelligence agents, skimming information and the news from news databases and composing front pages or broadcasts tailored to the interests and needs of individuals. Like Shamberg's guerrilla revolution, Crichton's infotopia failed to arrive as promised. In 2002, Crichton good-naturedly claimed that his vision will still come true; it's just running a little late.
Is HUBRIS in the air?
The likelihood that blogs will vanquish mainstream media recalls the prediction Michael Crichton made in his 1993 essay "Mediasaurus." Crichton wrote that the New York Times and one commercial TV network would vanish within a decade and would be replaced by artificial-intelligence agents, skimming information and the news from news databases and composing front pages or broadcasts tailored to the interests and needs of individuals. Like Shamberg's guerrilla revolution, Crichton's infotopia failed to arrive as promised. In 2002, Crichton good-naturedly claimed that his vision will still come true; it's just running a little late.
Is HUBRIS in the air?
Why is it whenever I read stories like this the old Soviet national anthem rings in my head? With Pee-TAH conducting?
P. S. I guess this means the Bentonville folks aren't con-SER-va-tive anymore. (With all that China dealing weren't they commies in the first place?)
P. S. I guess this means the Bentonville folks aren't con-SER-va-tive anymore. (With all that China dealing weren't they commies in the first place?)
Stories we stopped reading after ONE WORD:
The topic of Terrell Owens, his leg injury and whether he'll play in the Super Bowl has been debated not only by a plethora of journalists, but also doctors and medical ETHICISTS.
The topic of Terrell Owens, his leg injury and whether he'll play in the Super Bowl has been debated not only by a plethora of journalists, but also doctors and medical ETHICISTS.
A BIG VICTORY FOR GEEKS! (And we know it's a big victory for geeks because it appears in SLASHDOT!) "MGM" (United Artists with another name) will have to pay millions to consumers because ITS WIDESCREEN DVD MOVIES WEREN'T WIDESCREEN!!!!!
LETTERBOX DEVOTEES, REJOICE!!!!!
LETTERBOX DEVOTEES, REJOICE!!!!!
FOR decades, voting in Iraq meant taking part in a national exercise of state-enforced adulation, as 99 per cent of the electorate would dutifully turn out to tick the box beside the name Saddam Hussein.
Yesterday the contrast could not have been starker, as the campaign for Sunday’s elections picked up pace and voters were presented with a dizzying selection of dozens of candidates and parties.
So WHY do so many NEWS HACKS try to convince us THE FORMER WAS BETTER?
Yesterday the contrast could not have been starker, as the campaign for Sunday’s elections picked up pace and voters were presented with a dizzying selection of dozens of candidates and parties.
So WHY do so many NEWS HACKS try to convince us THE FORMER WAS BETTER?
The scribblers will be crying and hugging for solace in their luxury news suites today (provided the hugging does not violate sexual harassment codes): the head of the pro-abor, er, pro-ch, er, ONE OF THE GREATEST HUMAN RIGHTS ORGANIZATIONS IN HISTORY has RESIGNED, perhaps taking a BRAVE AND NOBLE CAUSE with her.
Fortunately, there will be other courageous leaders -- and THERE'LL ALWAYS BE US.
Fortunately, there will be other courageous leaders -- and THERE'LL ALWAYS BE US.
Another big stupid one-company-state merger down the pike: MICKEY D'S and COKE. They do so much business with each other NOW they're virtually one company ANYWAY.
Better still, a THREE-WAY MERGER: Mickey D's AND Coke AND HEINZ!!!!! The late Dick "The Mafioso" Armey would be pleased.
Better still, a THREE-WAY MERGER: Mickey D's AND Coke AND HEINZ!!!!! The late Dick "The Mafioso" Armey would be pleased.
"Who cares what the Academy voters think?"
You do, moron -- you spent 1,341 WORDS CARING.
[P]oliticizing The Passion or attempting to turn those associated with it into conservative heroes is likely to make future religious films less, not more, likely.
But this is precisely what fools like R. EMMETT DID, and that's precisely what THE GREATEST MASTERPIECE OF ALL TIME was -- a CON-SER-VA-TIVE MOVIE.
You do, moron -- you spent 1,341 WORDS CARING.
[P]oliticizing The Passion or attempting to turn those associated with it into conservative heroes is likely to make future religious films less, not more, likely.
But this is precisely what fools like R. EMMETT DID, and that's precisely what THE GREATEST MASTERPIECE OF ALL TIME was -- a CON-SER-VA-TIVE MOVIE.
NEWS HACKS spend ZILLIONS OF COLUMN INCHES engaged in WILLFUL IGNORANCE of their OWN, promoting SUPERAIRHEADS like TARA among other THINGS, and THIS is THE INEVITABLE RESULT:
I assure you that Uwe Boll's "Alone in the Dark," opening in theaters across the nation today, is no better than whatever you might pick up while wearing a blindfold at Blockbuster, even if you happen to reach into a trash can.
Of course by SAMMY GLICKMAN's STANDARDS that's A GOOD MOVIE.
(Caveat: This is JACK of THE NOO YAWK DAILY NOOZ, who recently got in a LATHER because he was "SNUBBED" at an AWARDS SHOW.)
I assure you that Uwe Boll's "Alone in the Dark," opening in theaters across the nation today, is no better than whatever you might pick up while wearing a blindfold at Blockbuster, even if you happen to reach into a trash can.
Of course by SAMMY GLICKMAN's STANDARDS that's A GOOD MOVIE.
(Caveat: This is JACK of THE NOO YAWK DAILY NOOZ, who recently got in a LATHER because he was "SNUBBED" at an AWARDS SHOW.)
HOW ABOUT THEM FLYERS!
HOW ABOUT THEM BRUINS!
If you live in a SUPER BORE TOWN, think of life without the NHL, and then ponder if YOU PAY TOO MUCH ATTENTION TO SPORTS.
HOW ABOUT THEM BRUINS!
If you live in a SUPER BORE TOWN, think of life without the NHL, and then ponder if YOU PAY TOO MUCH ATTENTION TO SPORTS.
Elections won't work in China because the masses aren't wealthy or well-educated enough to understand the issues, Chinese officials often argue. Elections are at odds with 5,000 years of Chinese history and, anyway, the country already has a democracy with socialist characteristics, they say.
So why in IRAQ and not THERE?
So why in IRAQ and not THERE?
Another merger on the way to a one-company state.
And we know what P&G will do: price gouge even more and spend the layoff savings on JUNK TELEVISION.
HALLELUJAH ST. WARREN!!!!!
And we know what P&G will do: price gouge even more and spend the layoff savings on JUNK TELEVISION.
HALLELUJAH ST. WARREN!!!!!
Thursday, January 27, 2005
And also in the luxury news suites the SCRIBBLERS are FUMING because a BLACK FEMALE SECRETARY OF STATE DARES TO BE "BOLD."
No, the bigots are typists now. Thank you, Marian Anderson, for helping get them out of the LAWS.
No, the bigots are typists now. Thank you, Marian Anderson, for helping get them out of the LAWS.
She's being honored for being AFRICAN-AMERICAN.
She should be honored for being one of the greatest musicians America ever knew.
Who would want to make a bet that in America's luxury news suites a cry is going up -- WHO?!?!?!?!?
Keep telling us about IMMORTAL AIRHEADS like TARA and PARIS and then you'll REALLY BE STUPID.
It's hard to me not to think of Jim Lileks as a SUPERDUPERMEGAGIGABLOGGER, and worthy of all the scorn attendant thereto, but then someone like this has the guts to call THE SECOND GREATEST TV SHOW OF ALL TIME BAD, and he ends his latest edition with this:
Ol’ Buncombe Bob [Reynolds] was quite the character....If there’d been TV during the early days of WW2, the morning talk shows would have had him on all the time. “As President Roosevelt seeks to deepen US involvement in the European crisis, many members of his own party are speaking out against what they see as a dangerous escalation. We welcome, once again, Senator Bob Reynolds.”
A voice of conscience! Speaking his mind. A maverick, you might say, and that obviously makes him a truth teller. (coff) (Sorry, it's these cigars.)
It hardly gets much better.
Ol’ Buncombe Bob [Reynolds] was quite the character....If there’d been TV during the early days of WW2, the morning talk shows would have had him on all the time. “As President Roosevelt seeks to deepen US involvement in the European crisis, many members of his own party are speaking out against what they see as a dangerous escalation. We welcome, once again, Senator Bob Reynolds.”
A voice of conscience! Speaking his mind. A maverick, you might say, and that obviously makes him a truth teller. (coff) (Sorry, it's these cigars.)
It hardly gets much better.
TODAY SUGARY CEREALS AND JUNK FOOD TO KIDS, TOMORROW -- ANYTHING!!!!!
The way the EIGHTYSOMETHINGS in BAGGY PANTS and SHORT SKIRTS at THE AMERICAN SOCIETY OF WILLFULLY IGNORANT ADVERTISERS pitch to us, that's a good idea.
The way the EIGHTYSOMETHINGS in BAGGY PANTS and SHORT SKIRTS at THE AMERICAN SOCIETY OF WILLFULLY IGNORANT ADVERTISERS pitch to us, that's a good idea.
THE AP -- er, SEN. FATSO GLUBGLUB DEMANDS WE PULL OUT OF IRAQ -- YESTERDAY!!!!!
Here's a deal: we'll withdraw from Iraq if you voluntarily agree to go to jail. Here's another deal: AP, we'll withdraw from Iraq if you go out of business. Fair enough?
Here's a deal: we'll withdraw from Iraq if you voluntarily agree to go to jail. Here's another deal: AP, we'll withdraw from Iraq if you go out of business. Fair enough?
The Bush administration has more than doubled its spending on outside contracts with public relations firms during the past four years, according to an analysis of federal procurement data by congressional Democrats.
And how much free PR did you get from YOUR friends?
And how much free PR did you get from YOUR friends?
How much good do we do ooohing and aaahing prodigies? Many of them end up nervous wrecks. It is all well and good to praise the prolificity of a 13-year-old, and we can hope he's written good music, but production minus inspiration is mere factory work. We should also remember Red Skelton (creator of G000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000GLEBLOGGER's mascot, FREDDIE THE FREELOADER) was allegedly a prolific composer too.
As predicted Dow Jones is turning Marketwatch into a fully-automated headline service.
Several years from now (assuming NEWS HACKS have any GUTS left) we'll see the headlines: DOW JONES SELLS MARKETWATCH, DOW JONES TAKES BIG WRITEOFF ON MARKETWATCH, ANOTHER DOW JONES SHAREHOLDER BOONDOGGLE.
Several years from now (assuming NEWS HACKS have any GUTS left) we'll see the headlines: DOW JONES SELLS MARKETWATCH, DOW JONES TAKES BIG WRITEOFF ON MARKETWATCH, ANOTHER DOW JONES SHAREHOLDER BOONDOGGLE.
We will spare Phyllis a NEUHARTHISM OF THE WEEK award as we've already given out TWO of them, but she's clearly playing hanky-panky with her readers by accentuating ZONNNNNNNNNNNNN's positive (WE'RE GOING TO BE GOING GANGBUSTERS SELLING ADS!!!!!, which should make many subscribers happy) and eli-MI-nating the negative (the company's losses went up). Yes, I can see why NEWS HACKS are SUCH NICE PEOPLE.
Wednesday, January 26, 2005
The LOONEY LEFT LIAR DAVID "WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!!!" BROCK nearly SOILED HIS DIAPERS at CHUCK KRAUTHAMMER'S APPEARANCE OF AN APPEARANCE OF A CONFLICT OF INTEREST. To be sure, Chuck was in his ETERNAL PUNDIT MODE when he ORATED this:
"It was a revolutionary speech. ... To speak, essentially, about the abolition of tyranny, which has been a constant in human history for thousands of years, can only be spoken of as radical."
To be sure also, Chuck has it in him to be a pompous ass, as he has been commenting on POPULAR CULTYURE, especially with his FAVORITE picture, PATRIOTIC GORE. But the looney left's MO now is to throw a tantrum, any KIND of tantrum, as SEN. OSSIFIED KLEAGLE and company did, and there is no such thing to them anymore as DIGNITY. Because WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!!! looks so much the worse here, however, does not mean CHUCK looks THAT MUCH BETTER.
"It was a revolutionary speech. ... To speak, essentially, about the abolition of tyranny, which has been a constant in human history for thousands of years, can only be spoken of as radical."
To be sure also, Chuck has it in him to be a pompous ass, as he has been commenting on POPULAR CULTYURE, especially with his FAVORITE picture, PATRIOTIC GORE. But the looney left's MO now is to throw a tantrum, any KIND of tantrum, as SEN. OSSIFIED KLEAGLE and company did, and there is no such thing to them anymore as DIGNITY. Because WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!!! looks so much the worse here, however, does not mean CHUCK looks THAT MUCH BETTER.
The platinum-selling label behind artists Ashanti and Ja Rule was part of a deadly criminal enterprise that protected its multistate crack and heroin operation with calculated street assassinations, federal authorities charged Wednesday.
Label head Irv “Gotti” Lorenzo and his brother Christopher surrendered to the FBI on money-laundering charges Wednesday as federal prosecutors unsealed an indictment seeking to confiscate Irv Gotti’s real-estate and business holdings.
I'd say all concerned have made A BRILLIANT CAREER MOVE.
Label head Irv “Gotti” Lorenzo and his brother Christopher surrendered to the FBI on money-laundering charges Wednesday as federal prosecutors unsealed an indictment seeking to confiscate Irv Gotti’s real-estate and business holdings.
I'd say all concerned have made A BRILLIANT CAREER MOVE.
"We like 30 percent advertising-revenue growth," Forman said, referring to nytimes.com's performance last year. "And charging for the site just across the board would certainly have a negative impact on that."
So why do you want to charge?
So why do you want to charge?
Los Angeles Sheriff Lee Baca said authorities were speaking with the driver of the vehicle and believe it was intentionally parked on the tracks.
"It didn't appear that the vehicle had stalled," Baca said. "It appears that it was deliberately placed there."
Was this a psycho or will we have to deal with FOREIGN NAMES again?
UPDATE: A PSYCHO.
I would say the man will get his death wish but with such as the NINE FINGERS IN THE WIND, who knows?
"It didn't appear that the vehicle had stalled," Baca said. "It appears that it was deliberately placed there."
Was this a psycho or will we have to deal with FOREIGN NAMES again?
UPDATE: A PSYCHO.
I would say the man will get his death wish but with such as the NINE FINGERS IN THE WIND, who knows?
JOKE OF THE DAY: An AH-TISTE for the IMAGINEERING GOODTHINGS PEOPLE BEMOANS THE STATE OF THE AHT!!!!!
"THE WHOLE CULTURE IS IN THE CRAPHOUSE!! IT’S NOT JUST TRUE IN THE MOVIES, IT’S ALSO TRUE IN THE THEATRE!!! BROADWAY, AND NOW LONDON IS THE SAME, SPECIAL EFFECTS ARE IN GREAT DEMAND!!!! IT’S NOT A GOOD TIME CULTURALLY!!!!!"
And where did you make YOUR last picture, MR. HUFFMAN?
P. S. You're lucky THE NOSE didn't whisper back, "You have gorgeous breasts too."
"THE WHOLE CULTURE IS IN THE CRAPHOUSE!! IT’S NOT JUST TRUE IN THE MOVIES, IT’S ALSO TRUE IN THE THEATRE!!! BROADWAY, AND NOW LONDON IS THE SAME, SPECIAL EFFECTS ARE IN GREAT DEMAND!!!! IT’S NOT A GOOD TIME CULTURALLY!!!!!"
And where did you make YOUR last picture, MR. HUFFMAN?
P. S. You're lucky THE NOSE didn't whisper back, "You have gorgeous breasts too."
ArtsJournal.com links to two stories that strangely connect to each other: it seems the GENIUS AWARDS dry most of the winners' minimal creative juices up, and STEPHEN "THE GREATEST WORK OF AMERICAN POP CULTURE IN THE PAST QUARTER CENNNNNNNNNN-TU-RYYYYYYYYYY" HOLDEN is "fatigued" because there are so many awards shows -- and so much GENIUS to award!
The solution is simple: give an award to the GENIUS AWARDS and the SHOW-BIZ AWARDS just for SHUTTING UP.
The solution is simple: give an award to the GENIUS AWARDS and the SHOW-BIZ AWARDS just for SHUTTING UP.
SEN. O'SPECTER's found AN EVEN LOWER ROAD!
You take the high road, and Arlen'll take the LOW ROAD -- and he'll be in CHINA by mornin'!
You take the high road, and Arlen'll take the LOW ROAD -- and he'll be in CHINA by mornin'!
Hillary in the middle on values issues
But we KNOW she'll zigzag so much she'll bring back the phrase "woman driver."
But we KNOW she'll zigzag so much she'll bring back the phrase "woman driver."
We can't give you a NEUHARTHISM OF THE WEEK AWARD -- we already did that with A VERY WORTHY SCRIBBLER -- but we can certainly give you a NEUHARTHISM OF THE REST OF THE WEEK AWARD for helping your good friends at ANHEUSER BUSCH!
As JOHNNY's sidekick used to say, THIS BUD®'S FOR YOU!
As JOHNNY's sidekick used to say, THIS BUD®'S FOR YOU!
A speculator has trouble selling JOHNNY's house despite being a devout believer in Meg "Mug" Whitman's credo: "All people are basically good -- TARGETS."
Terry Teachout, you're looking righter every day.
P. S.
Pruett says there's a market for celebrity homes, but his favorite example — the childhood house of rapper Eminem — is more a cautionary tale than inspiration.
A pair of investors bought the cramped tract home in Warren, Mich., from Eminem's uncle and tried several times to auction it on EBay. The bids raced up to $10 million [pffh-hh-hh], but they weren't from serious buyers [chuckle chuckle chuckle]. Two years later, the house is still unsold. [HARDY HAR HAR!!!!!]
You don't suppose this is one reason Mug's Kingdom has gone from $118 to $80 in a month, do you?
Terry Teachout, you're looking righter every day.
P. S.
Pruett says there's a market for celebrity homes, but his favorite example — the childhood house of rapper Eminem — is more a cautionary tale than inspiration.
A pair of investors bought the cramped tract home in Warren, Mich., from Eminem's uncle and tried several times to auction it on EBay. The bids raced up to $10 million [pffh-hh-hh], but they weren't from serious buyers [chuckle chuckle chuckle]. Two years later, the house is still unsold. [HARDY HAR HAR!!!!!]
You don't suppose this is one reason Mug's Kingdom has gone from $118 to $80 in a month, do you?
Tuesday, January 25, 2005
A Kofi-appointed commission talked to Kofi twice about Kofigate.
Sounds like justice will be done, don't it?
Sounds like justice will be done, don't it?
I see About Last Night has been flooded with visitors and besmirched by cranks. I don't post comments either in part because I'm afraid what people would say (and also in part because I'm afraid I wouldn't get any comments); but one of the downsides to the Web is its herd mentality, a mentality exacerbated by the general youth and geekiness of its audience, and by being smack in the middle of POPU-LAR CULTYURE, which makes everything into GEEEEEEENIUS. Mr. Teachout's remarks were measured, and they have the additional merit of being true. That people would scream about this (and it isn't worth screaming about) either says that they've been conditioned by watching too much television, a medium they really must wean themselves from, or that too many people read People -- or NEWSPAPERS.
P. S. I posted my remarks about Johnny ten minutes before Mr. Teachout (although he was probably first), and I think I avoided his trap, but as I said, he had those grace notes, and I wish I could write like him at his best. He also added this neat line: "For [British obituary writers], the statute of limitations on candor expires when the death certificate is signed."
P. S. I posted my remarks about Johnny ten minutes before Mr. Teachout (although he was probably first), and I think I avoided his trap, but as I said, he had those grace notes, and I wish I could write like him at his best. He also added this neat line: "For [British obituary writers], the statute of limitations on candor expires when the death certificate is signed."
More than 20 years after the AIDS epidemic arrived in the United States, a significant proportion of African Americans embrace the theory that government scientists created the disease to control or wipe out their communities, according to a study released today by Rand Corp. and Oregon State University.
And what have you NEWS HACKS and your FRIENDS in SHOW-BIZ and ACADEME done to COUNTER THAT?
And what have you NEWS HACKS and your FRIENDS in SHOW-BIZ and ACADEME done to COUNTER THAT?
Surprise: Fumblers, Bumblers and Incompetents report the Boston terror alert was "a false alarm."
Now let's hold our breaths (and our noses) for the next one.
Now let's hold our breaths (and our noses) for the next one.
Ted Turner awakens from the dead to belch that RUPERT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!'S news org is Hitler.
Sorry what happened to your stock. Now go back to posterity and hide there.
Sorry what happened to your stock. Now go back to posterity and hide there.
The bad news is: lazy galoots intend not to repair a subway line for years because of a fire. The GOOD NEWS: A CONSTITUTIONALLY PROTECTED BAG MAN SET IT.
THE PAPER OF RE-CORD must ALREADY be preparing a PUFF PIECE on the BRAVE BAG MAN. (Maybe they can get STEPHEN FREARS TO MAKE HIS LIFE'S STORY!! CALLING JIM "FUDD" ULMER!!!!!)
THE PAPER OF RE-CORD must ALREADY be preparing a PUFF PIECE on the BRAVE BAG MAN. (Maybe they can get STEPHEN FREARS TO MAKE HIS LIFE'S STORY!! CALLING JIM "FUDD" ULMER!!!!!)
FLASH! PAUL CRAIG ROBERTS HAS TURNED LIBERAL!!!!!
There's ANOTHER word for the NEWS HACKS' DICTIONARY: CONSCIENCE.
There's ANOTHER word for the NEWS HACKS' DICTIONARY: CONSCIENCE.
Well, I got only three of the five BEST PICTURE OSCAR® NOMINEES right, but no matter: we ALL know who'll win -- MAR-TIN, as a reward for TAXI DRI -- A BRILLIANT CAREER.
Do I hear the BOTTOM falling out of this AU-GUST CEREMONY'S RATINGS?
P. S. The FREEPERS!!!!!!!!!! seem to be taking the BETRAYAL of THE GREATEST ACHIEVEMENT IN WORLD HISTORY in stride, with one correctly pointing out:
Academy voters (disproportionately older, Jewish, and liberal) snubbed the film because they sincerely believe The Passion is anti-Semetic, and they don't want to promote anti-Semetism.
As opposed to Free Republic, which is sometimes an emetic and promotes emetism. (I say that as A MEMBER.)
I would comment on what STERNO said about the masterwork's nomination for BEST MAKE-UP, but before then he put down 10,000 WORDS ABOUT THE FCC, and on those days he resembles a street guy covered with placards, or an agent for Lyndon LaRouche, or both.
Do I hear the BOTTOM falling out of this AU-GUST CEREMONY'S RATINGS?
P. S. The FREEPERS!!!!!!!!!! seem to be taking the BETRAYAL of THE GREATEST ACHIEVEMENT IN WORLD HISTORY in stride, with one correctly pointing out:
Academy voters (disproportionately older, Jewish, and liberal) snubbed the film because they sincerely believe The Passion is anti-Semetic, and they don't want to promote anti-Semetism.
As opposed to Free Republic, which is sometimes an emetic and promotes emetism. (I say that as A MEMBER.)
I would comment on what STERNO said about the masterwork's nomination for BEST MAKE-UP, but before then he put down 10,000 WORDS ABOUT THE FCC, and on those days he resembles a street guy covered with placards, or an agent for Lyndon LaRouche, or both.
Hey STERNO, before you take credit for THIS TOO, remember THIS:
The [FCC] issued $7.9 million in fines in 2004, up from $48,000 for similar penalties four years earlier.
And I repeat, STERNO, as the LALATimes reported, the new chairman may not be what YOU want.
The [FCC] issued $7.9 million in fines in 2004, up from $48,000 for similar penalties four years earlier.
And I repeat, STERNO, as the LALATimes reported, the new chairman may not be what YOU want.
GOODY! The SCREEN AC-TORS GUILD voted to RE-OPEN NEGOTIATIONS ON ITS CONTRACT -- SETTING UP A POSSIBLE WALKOUT!
STRIKE! STRIKE! STRIKE! PRETTY PLEASE, STRIKE! It would be good for our national mental health! WE WANNNNA STRIKE! WE WANNNNA STRIKE!
STRIKE! STRIKE! STRIKE! PRETTY PLEASE, STRIKE! It would be good for our national mental health! WE WANNNNA STRIKE! WE WANNNNA STRIKE!
'Rolling Stone' reverses, will accept Bible ad
...after RUPERT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! said, "We'll give ya first crack at some PR -- I mean, interviews on our -- "ENVELOPE PUSHIN'" on FX!
And SIEG-HEILING JANN WENNER said, "IT'S A DEAL!"
...after RUPERT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! said, "We'll give ya first crack at some PR -- I mean, interviews on our -- "ENVELOPE PUSHIN'" on FX!
And SIEG-HEILING JANN WENNER said, "IT'S A DEAL!"
Hip-Hop radio station HOT 97 has sparked outrage across the city by airing a twisted song that shockingly mocks the 200,000 victims of the South Asian tsunami.
AND IT'S NOT OWNED BY CHEAP CHANNEL OR VIACON!!!!!
Hey SALES -- ANALYSTS! Put a STRONG BUY on EMMIS COMMUNICATIONS!
AND IT'S NOT OWNED BY CHEAP CHANNEL OR VIACON!!!!!
Hey SALES -- ANALYSTS! Put a STRONG BUY on EMMIS COMMUNICATIONS!
Gosh almighty, looks like that Kennedy-Cuomo DREAM RACE won't happen after all.
Back to gazing upon distant HILLARIES.
Back to gazing upon distant HILLARIES.
HILLARY FOR PRESI -- er, THE PAPER OF RE-CORD INTONES:
Clinton Seeking Shared Ground Over Abortions
Blah blah blah blah moon, blah blah blah blah star, yah-ta-ta yah-ta-ta TALK TALK TALK...
Until we've successfully shucked this VALUES jive.
Clinton Seeking Shared Ground Over Abortions
Blah blah blah blah moon, blah blah blah blah star, yah-ta-ta yah-ta-ta TALK TALK TALK...
Until we've successfully shucked this VALUES jive.
Monday, January 24, 2005
A thumbnail of this photo depicting "Critter" and "Vampirezza" [note the SWASTIKA] appears next to a Yahoo! News story heded "Senate Democrats Ready Anti-War Speeches". This is bias every bit as bad as CURLEY'S (Nyuk! Nyuk! Nyuk!) STOOGES unleash on REPUBLICANS. Bad -- but also very telling.
Speaking of Web surfing:
Only 1 in 6 users of Internet search engines can tell the difference between unbiased search results and paid advertisements, a new survey finds.
DUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH....
Only 1 in 6 users of Internet search engines can tell the difference between unbiased search results and paid advertisements, a new survey finds.
DUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH....
I notice more and more ads actively interfere with Web surfing -- and I'm not talking pop-ups. MediaLife.com had a "ticker" ad for the TWXSTERS' CNN that caused the scroll bar to jerk as it ran. Now Bloomberg Lite has run an ad for SMITH BAHHHHHHHHNEY that does the same thing, only worse. Why do so many firms want to turn the Internet into a California freeway at rush hour?
I have little sympathy for many of those who've lost their jobs for griping online about work. From the moment two years ago I got my job I decided the last thing I'd do was mention it. Aside from the fact that it's part of my personal life and for me none of anybody's business, I have no reason to write about work; this blog was always to be about culture and politics and world affairs, and my fancy. People who use their blogs to kvetch about their bosses and co-workers should probably be in another line of employment -- and quite possibly on another planet.
There are reasons I linked to About Last Night, and Terry Teachout has provided another. It is now impossible to speak of Johnny Carson without entering the realm of cliche (Dubya not only entered the realm -- he RULES over it), but Mr. Teachout has managed not only to cut through the hyperbole and the blather, he provides his own inimitable grace notes. I cannot find anyone who writes about our culture with such eloquence and common sense, and if wanting to be part of the in-crowd very occasionally undercuts his judgment, I understand, as part of me wanted to be in the in-crowd last night. This man, ladies and gentlemen (or should I say, lady and gentleman, given my huge audience), can WRITE.
P. S. Mr. Teachout links to STERNO, and of course all he can manage is THE END OF ME-DIA. No, some people will always write in cliches, especially instant ones.
P. S. Mr. Teachout links to STERNO, and of course all he can manage is THE END OF ME-DIA. No, some people will always write in cliches, especially instant ones.
By the way, HEAVENLY FATHER, Your holy prose shouting that GOOD WORK of Yours to Heaven got me so hell-fire-and-brimstone riled I only now realized it lacks a DISTRIBUTOR! I know we should be spreading THE WORD far and wide but isn't this going a little too far? I mean, if You can spread THE WORD for what You allege to be a comedy (praise PINCH, one that might offend RED-COUNTRY SENSIBILITIES), can't we spread THE WORD for -- Sean Huze?
NYTer Chris Hedges says journalists have a moral contract with viewers and readers to be truthful, even when it means challenging conventional wisdom and ferreting out unpleasant facts.
Since when have NEWS HACKS done THAT? Moreover a holy kingdom of news that can EXCRETE THIS FLACKERY will NEVER challenge the CW and NEVER ferret out unpleasant facts, except for those unpleasant to intelligent and sensitive readers.
This priest at THE PAPER OF RE-CORD gets the LORD GOD PINCH's GOSPEL right, though:
"Balance does not mean giving everyone the same space"
Since when have NEWS HACKS done THAT? Moreover a holy kingdom of news that can EXCRETE THIS FLACKERY will NEVER challenge the CW and NEVER ferret out unpleasant facts, except for those unpleasant to intelligent and sensitive readers.
This priest at THE PAPER OF RE-CORD gets the LORD GOD PINCH's GOSPEL right, though:
"Balance does not mean giving everyone the same space"
The Iraqis got one of the top yayas and car-bombers!
If the Iraqis eradicated the yayas would that shut the news hacks up? Can toasters fly?
If the Iraqis eradicated the yayas would that shut the news hacks up? Can toasters fly?
The Conservative Michael Moore
Ohhhhhhhhhh, NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!
Hopeful sign:
Evan Coyne Maloney, 32, who dresses and looks like a college student, may very well be America's most promising conservative documentary filmmaker. Yet the Upper East Side resident hasn't completed a single film.
Meaning we may never hear from him outside DAVID HOROWITZ!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!' precincts.
Ohhhhhhhhhh, NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!
Hopeful sign:
Evan Coyne Maloney, 32, who dresses and looks like a college student, may very well be America's most promising conservative documentary filmmaker. Yet the Upper East Side resident hasn't completed a single film.
Meaning we may never hear from him outside DAVID HOROWITZ!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!' precincts.
Given all the shuffling RUPERT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!'s done through the years of his ASSETS it's a wonder the Feds are only NOW investigating accounting -- "ISSUES."
Maybe it was that piece of paper RONNY REAGAN signed.
Maybe it was that piece of paper RONNY REAGAN signed.
Another thing NEWS HACKS and SHOW-BIZ have in common is a devotion to euphemism. Among their favorite double-meaning words is INDEPENDENT, because it gives them a feeling of FREEDOM when they're walking in KLUMPH KLUMPH LOCKSTEP with their bosses or their rigor-mortis-rigid ideology.
The scientists have screwed up with their stem cells -- but count on NEWS HACKS to find a silver lining:
The finding is a setback to the Bush administration's controversial policy that provides federal funding only for research using embryonic stem cell lines that were created before August 2001.
How did ABORTION get to be a LITMUS TEST for the SCRIBBLERS?
The finding is a setback to the Bush administration's controversial policy that provides federal funding only for research using embryonic stem cell lines that were created before August 2001.
How did ABORTION get to be a LITMUS TEST for the SCRIBBLERS?
• Madrid a hotbed of sin, says cardinal
Is that why Chris Columbus left for the new world? (That's what it linked to.)
Is that why Chris Columbus left for the new world? (That's what it linked to.)
This should salve the wounds in Western P. A.:
Pittsburgh Steelers head coach Bill Cowher might want to look over his shoulder - Snoop Dogg is after his job.
"My dream is to coach in the NFL, probably for the Steelers," the cornrowed rapper and actor revealed to Lowdown. "Put that out there for me."
The 33-year-old ex-Crip gangsta - born Calvin Broadus - doesn't completely lack for on-field experience: He coaches his 10-year-old son, Spanky's, football team and has recently teamed with Juba Entertainment (www.jubaentertainment.com) to organize the Snooper Bowl, a charity concert and football game in Jacksonville on Feb. 5 between Spanky's team and an all-star Florida team.
I see EIGHTYSOMETHINGS IN BAGGY PANTS AND SHORT SKIRTS DANCING.
Pittsburgh Steelers head coach Bill Cowher might want to look over his shoulder - Snoop Dogg is after his job.
"My dream is to coach in the NFL, probably for the Steelers," the cornrowed rapper and actor revealed to Lowdown. "Put that out there for me."
The 33-year-old ex-Crip gangsta - born Calvin Broadus - doesn't completely lack for on-field experience: He coaches his 10-year-old son, Spanky's, football team and has recently teamed with Juba Entertainment (www.jubaentertainment.com) to organize the Snooper Bowl, a charity concert and football game in Jacksonville on Feb. 5 between Spanky's team and an all-star Florida team.
I see EIGHTYSOMETHINGS IN BAGGY PANTS AND SHORT SKIRTS DANCING.
Sunday, January 23, 2005
NEUHARTHISM OF THE WEEK -- IN THE PAPER OF RE-CORD!!!!!
Remember the name: James "FUDD" Ulmer! GET THIS GUY A JOB FLACKING IN ARLINGTON!!!!!
Remember the name: James "FUDD" Ulmer! GET THIS GUY A JOB FLACKING IN ARLINGTON!!!!!
Well, they're at it again here in PHILTHYDELPHIA: the mindless noise-making (I have to live near a RENDELI), the I've-just-won-the-lottery screaming over a bunch of mercenaries and a zillionaire owner who would move with the slightest notice if the price were right. And please don't BLATHER about CIVIC PRIDE; I see the fruits of CIVIC PRIDE every time I take the El to work through RUINED NEIGHBORHOODS. Certainly I am resigned to all-night celebrations when the LORD JE -- I mean when the team wins the BORE; but there is one way to put the celebration to a halt -- with four words:
HOW ABOUT THEM FLYERS!!!!!!!!!!
I can recall when the city went into near-riot mode when they won the first of their two Stanley Cups. With the NHL on the brink of extinction we should know no team and no league can be forever; that championships can be forgotten; but that the basics will endure: that our government will still be mismanaged, and people will still find it in their hearts to murder other people.
And if this article is to be believed it's a truly PYRRHIC victory. We'll soon have 4.4 million square feet of empty office space in downtown west of Broad -- but we DO have great restaurants -- and the IGGLES!!!!! Idiots.
HOW ABOUT THEM FLYERS!!!!!!!!!!
I can recall when the city went into near-riot mode when they won the first of their two Stanley Cups. With the NHL on the brink of extinction we should know no team and no league can be forever; that championships can be forgotten; but that the basics will endure: that our government will still be mismanaged, and people will still find it in their hearts to murder other people.
And if this article is to be believed it's a truly PYRRHIC victory. We'll soon have 4.4 million square feet of empty office space in downtown west of Broad -- but we DO have great restaurants -- and the IGGLES!!!!! Idiots.
Which reminds me -- is the 18 1/2-minute GAP that worried NEWS HACKS for DECADES SO IMPORTANT NOW?
(Or as the AP must inimitably put it, an "1861/27-minute gap" -- which according to GOOGLE'S CALCULATOR is a 68.9259259-minute GAP! NAUGHTY!!)
(Or as the AP must inimitably put it, an "1861/27-minute gap" -- which according to GOOGLE'S CALCULATOR is a 68.9259259-minute GAP! NAUGHTY!!)
It has been a while since I've heard Kismet, as I did tonight in the absence of a working TV. I once got the brilliant idea the show should be a feature-length -- cartoon. It really isn't so absurd on the face of it; instead of having Vincente Minnelli grumble his way to a mediocrity M-G-M could have assigned Tex Avery. That beloved screwloose could have flung his imagination on the scenes involving -- THE GIRLS; picture an ANIMATED "Zubbediya"! Of course it might also have required Friz Freleng to provide some Tweety-and-Sylvester laughs (not that Avery was a slouch there); but it could have been one of the glories of film, and saved animated features from their descent into sticky sentiment, a move that, for all the box-office success of computer animation, has never really stopped.
Listening to Kismet one may forget it was panned by most of the print critics -- but it opened during a NEWSPAPER STRIKE, and meantime Tony Bennett made a hit of "Stranger in Paradise," so its short-term success was assured. Longer term it could only be boffo, as its music was adapted from the inspired melodist Aleksandr Borodin, a full-time organic chemist and medical professor but only a part-time composer, so careless in his work habits fellow musicians like Rimsky-Korsakov had to edit much of his work. (Today, of course, Dubya and the EDUCRATS and the DILBERT CEOs would encourage Borodin to be a SCIENTIST.) Somehow mating Borodin and a creaky old play set in an indeterminate Baghdad worked, and the show has been recorded many times since -- but not revived since 1978 (in an all-black version [?!?!?]). Perhaps it can't be revived; perhaps it would be politically incorrect; perhaps it would be tone-deaf given our low-grade war; perhaps we're sated by Vegas spectacles and too much sex on the screen. But think if Ziegfeld did it -- it opened in his long-ago-demolished theater!
Maybe it's just as well; listening to the great Alfred Drake close the affair with "Sands of Time" I had to reflect practically everyone involved in this is gone now, irreplaceable -- Drake, the ethereal Doretta Morrow, Richard Kiley, Henry Calvin, the adapters Robert Wright and George Forrest, the album's producer Goddard Lieberson -- but the sands of time can never cover up this masterpiece of a score; some ages are better at leaving trinkets behind for posterity.
Listening to Kismet one may forget it was panned by most of the print critics -- but it opened during a NEWSPAPER STRIKE, and meantime Tony Bennett made a hit of "Stranger in Paradise," so its short-term success was assured. Longer term it could only be boffo, as its music was adapted from the inspired melodist Aleksandr Borodin, a full-time organic chemist and medical professor but only a part-time composer, so careless in his work habits fellow musicians like Rimsky-Korsakov had to edit much of his work. (Today, of course, Dubya and the EDUCRATS and the DILBERT CEOs would encourage Borodin to be a SCIENTIST.) Somehow mating Borodin and a creaky old play set in an indeterminate Baghdad worked, and the show has been recorded many times since -- but not revived since 1978 (in an all-black version [?!?!?]). Perhaps it can't be revived; perhaps it would be politically incorrect; perhaps it would be tone-deaf given our low-grade war; perhaps we're sated by Vegas spectacles and too much sex on the screen. But think if Ziegfeld did it -- it opened in his long-ago-demolished theater!
Maybe it's just as well; listening to the great Alfred Drake close the affair with "Sands of Time" I had to reflect practically everyone involved in this is gone now, irreplaceable -- Drake, the ethereal Doretta Morrow, Richard Kiley, Henry Calvin, the adapters Robert Wright and George Forrest, the album's producer Goddard Lieberson -- but the sands of time can never cover up this masterpiece of a score; some ages are better at leaving trinkets behind for posterity.
Johnny Carson has died. You have to wonder if he was show-biz' version of The Man who Wasn't There. He was unparalleled at topical jokes, and especially in ad-libbing his way out of an unfunny situation -- but what was he besides? It will not do to utter the cliche that he was a "private man"; as with MJ there probably wasn't much to him besides his jokes; he was, after all, a former game-show host. He didn't have personality enough to succeed in acting, nor business acumen enough to break beyond late-night. Oh well, he made America laugh, and if his jokes and even much of his manner are already forgotten, that's still an accomplishment.
A disciple of HERR DOKTOR SONDHEIM whose musicals have all been successes d'estime (meaning the NEWS HACKS LOVE them and not one has been a hit) has written a show about SPELLING BEES, and this paragraph neatly sums it up:
"When I went to N.Y.U.'s graduate music theater writing program, Bill was my teacher," Ms. Sheinkin began. "He once said my lyrics were sub-English."
"No!" Mr. Finn thundered. "I said they were perverse!"
There might be a hint of a notion that musicals should be fun, but musicals can never be fun when they're written by professors of GRADUATE MUSIC THEATER WRITING PROGRAMS, and ESPECIALLY when they're SUCCESSES D'ESTIME.
"When I went to N.Y.U.'s graduate music theater writing program, Bill was my teacher," Ms. Sheinkin began. "He once said my lyrics were sub-English."
"No!" Mr. Finn thundered. "I said they were perverse!"
There might be a hint of a notion that musicals should be fun, but musicals can never be fun when they're written by professors of GRADUATE MUSIC THEATER WRITING PROGRAMS, and ESPECIALLY when they're SUCCESSES D'ESTIME.
And on a side of ST. WARREN'S HEAVEN opposite Mr. MARK's new saintly cubicle, Jonathan Yardley gets into a just ire of the sort we haven't seen from him in years about a blessed saint of the GODDESS OPRAH and his instruction manual on how to scribble and be anointed. If more Jonathan Yardleys deconstructed the heroes of the age like this there'd be no need to blast PAPERS OF RE-CORD -- and NO NEED FOR BLOGS.
The PUBLIC EDI-TOR RAISES a QUESTION -- it seems some people inside the BIZ have questioned a STORY about OUR CIRCULATION FIGURES, which leades him to MUSE:
Set aside the question of whether The Times should have stated its figures higher and more completely in the piece. (No, let's not set it aside: Caesar's wife should speak early and loudly.) There's another issue rolling around all these numbers - namely, numbers. Do you have any idea which of the figures I've cited, all of them accurate, are meaningful?
Neither do I.
This would be an astonishing admission if it came from someone other than THE PUBLIC EDI-TOR of THE PAPER OF RE-CORD. Why should we believe ANY statistics you print? After all, we learned yesterday of THE TREMENDOUS UPRISING OF BRAVE SOLDIERS AGAINST OUR WAR, and if you can spin a story with mere words, your heads (and the heads of ALL NEWS HACKS) must practically FLY OFF THEIR TORSOS when you use NUMBERS. Why then, MR. PUBLIC EDI-TOR, should we believe ANYTHING YOU SAY, WITH OR WITHOUT NUMBERS, especially when your GOD's objectives are to RULE AS MANY UNIVERSES AS HE CAN, and MAKE AS MUCH MONEY AS HE CAN?
Set aside the question of whether The Times should have stated its figures higher and more completely in the piece. (No, let's not set it aside: Caesar's wife should speak early and loudly.) There's another issue rolling around all these numbers - namely, numbers. Do you have any idea which of the figures I've cited, all of them accurate, are meaningful?
Neither do I.
This would be an astonishing admission if it came from someone other than THE PUBLIC EDI-TOR of THE PAPER OF RE-CORD. Why should we believe ANY statistics you print? After all, we learned yesterday of THE TREMENDOUS UPRISING OF BRAVE SOLDIERS AGAINST OUR WAR, and if you can spin a story with mere words, your heads (and the heads of ALL NEWS HACKS) must practically FLY OFF THEIR TORSOS when you use NUMBERS. Why then, MR. PUBLIC EDI-TOR, should we believe ANYTHING YOU SAY, WITH OR WITHOUT NUMBERS, especially when your GOD's objectives are to RULE AS MANY UNIVERSES AS HE CAN, and MAKE AS MUCH MONEY AS HE CAN?
Mr. Mark, ST. WARREN WILL DOUBLY BLESS YOU. Here we have nothing but ARTHOUSE PIC -- MASTERPIECES in contention for THE COVETED OSCAR®, and you, being the courageous JERNALIST that you are, decided to PUT THAT FACT ON THE COVER! This shows that our first allegiance is ALWAYS to OUR FELLOW JERNALISTS, for they believe as you do, not only does SHOW-BIZ know EVERYTHING (it being OUR SISTER BIZ -- we MUST NEVER FORGET THAT) but that WHATEVER a JERNALIST THINKS IS RIGHT, TRUE AND BEAUTIFUL ALWAYS IS! After ALL, these ARE MASTERPIECES, and who better to judge that fact than YOU JERNALISTS?
HALLELUJAH! to the GREATEST MAGAZINE EDITOR OF THE AGES -- ST. MARK!!!!! ST. WARREN's already cleared a place for you in Heaven.
And remember -- GET THOSE REPUBLICANS!!!!! (As you ALWAYS will.)
P. S. I recognize the guy on the right -- that's HOWARD HUGHES!!!!! -- but who are those other two? Maybe I'm just out of it. (Or maybe that's why we have PAT KINGSLEY as a CONTRIBUTING EDITOR.)