Posted 7:18 PM by Gene

Mad mullahs -- VOTE FOR ME!

The ruling Social Democrats are behind in opinion polls going into the Sept. 18 vote due to widespread unhappiness over tightening of the social welfare system....

Hey mullahs! I repeat -- VOTE FOR ME!

Posted 6:55 PM by Gene

How most interesting: BoxOfficeMojo.com has a category of leading box-office titles -- called "R-RATED YOUTH."

SAAAAAAAAAAAAAMY GLIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIICKMAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAN!!!!!

Posted 4:04 PM by Gene

A major chemical production facility, suspected to have been built by insurgents, was uncovered by US forces during a raid this week in northern Iraq, the US military said.

Shhhhhhhhhhhhhh, this is not news.

THIS IS.

Posted 2:50 PM by Gene

More proof that in electronics you don't get what you pay for:

When it comes to performance among flat-panel makers, paying more doesn't necessarily mean a better picture, said Eric Haruki, an analyst for research firm IDC.

More than 90 percent of the world's LCD panels are supplied by five companies, so top-tier brands and generics often share the same components, according to Haruki.

But isn't owning a NAME worth a premium?

Posted 1:54 PM by Gene

The man whose COMMON SENSE gave us LEGACY CLINTON is back, making a twentieth fortune on gas wells in Fort Worth.

You planning to screw up America AGAIN, Jug Ears?

Posted 12:28 PM by Gene

OH oh, I think we have ourselves another BIG WEEKEND where people are KNOCKING DOWN DOORS TO SEE MOVIES!

Or are they headed the other way?

Posted 10:56 AM by Gene

Microsoft browser update scheduled for '06 release

You've been WARNED.

Posted 10:49 AM by Gene

MONTY PYTHON'S BLAZING SADDLES is such an INSPIRING WORK TO PERFORM a few of its STARS have been REGULARLY SKIPPING PERFORMANCES -- and the VIRUS has SPREAD TO OTHER MASTERWORKS!

With all that GENIUS on BROADWAY we can't blame them.

Posted 10:07 AM by Gene

What is with MR. MARK? This guy has a TWXSTER fixation. His NEUHARTHISM OF THE WEEK AWARD WINNER JOHNNIE has just typed 1,414 words about how some would-be Machiavellis are vying for executive positions at THE UNIVERSE'S GREATEST MEDIA COMPANY. I thought it was THE ROOT OF ALL EVIL, MR. MARK! In any case this keyboard abuse can be translated as follows: TIME WARNER WILL NEVER SEE $90 A SHARE AGAIN, NO MATTER HOW MANY COMPANIES IT BECOMES, AND NO MATTER HOW ICONIC ITS TV SHOWS.

Posted 9:57 AM by Gene

Very clever of you, GanNETt: in addition to making your Free Press THE HOME OF THE FLYING KEYBOARD®, you're turning it into a FAN RAG.

Or as the new producer of Nightline said, "demographics" is "broadcast-news shorthand for young people who like gross-out reality specials," and the same holds true with these PILES OF SCRAP PAPER.

Posted 7:44 PM by Gene

The good thing about today's mammoth disgorging of 9/11 transcripts is that for a few days anyhow it will be difficult to call the event a "DISASTER."

We should remember those who organized this "TRAGEDY" did it because they thought us weak and soft. That we thereafter dispatched so many evil men to their ugly virgins does not negate the shrewdness of the holy cockroaches' thinking. There is still a decadence deep within our life. We see it in sexy priests; we see it in the ho-hum murder of children and the cheapness of life in the streets; we see it in the celebration of larceny in business and politics; we see it in the casual acceptance of dreck in culture. We see it in the very thought that 9/11 HAPPENED to us. We may have dispatched holy cockroaches, but have we dispatched the marshmallow at our core that inspired the Devil to think he could get away with this?

Posted 2:43 PM by Gene

Bill Clinton: Hillary May Not Run for President

How does he know?

Posted 2:39 PM by Gene

Indicted lobbyist Jack A. Abramoff has had a lot of unflattering headlines in his past.

That rates A BIG THUMBS UP in the BELTWAY!

Posted 12:27 PM by Gene

Concert tickets for major acts are costly, but $100,000 to see the Rolling Stones? That's the price to join Gov. Arnold Schwarzenegger in a luxury box at the Stones' Aug. 21 show at Boston's Fenway Park. The event will cap a multistate fundraising swing that begins next week for Schwarzenegger's Nov. 8 special election.

Schwarzenegger will host a private reception for 40 guests who give $10,000 each to his campaign account. Guests contributing $100,000 apiece will be invited to watch the concert with Schwarzenegger in a luxury box.

The concert event was arranged after mortgage lender Ameriquest....

Ameriquest? Isn't that the SLEAZY COMPANY whose CEO is about to become an AMBASSADOR for FUNDRAISING WELL-DONE?

There's something ODIFEROUS going on here -- and it's another BLACK MARK on CURLEY'S (Nyuk! Nyuk! Nyuk!) STOOGES that they're treating this as a CUTE PUBLICITY STUNT -- and they apparently CRIBBED from THE CHRONICLE'S STORY to DO SO.

Posted 12:13 PM by Gene

A few more POLITICALLY CORRECT FILM REVIEWS and we'll not only say THE CORNER IS THE MOST FOOLISH BLOG, NRO IS THE MOST FOOLISH WEB SITE.

HOW DID BILL BUCKLEY'S THREE-YEAR-OLDS GET TO BE SO IRRITATING?

Posted 10:56 AM by Gene

You're getting WARM, Intel!

Posted 10:49 AM by Gene

Get out your clothespin and your rotten vegetables: VAUDEVILLE IS BACK!

Posted 10:22 AM by Gene

"'Why should I believe this global warming hocus-pocus?'"

FOR THE SAME REASON YOU SHOULD BELIEVE NAPOLEON DIED OF ARSENIC POISONING, "TOO MANY ENEMAS" AND STOMACH CANCER.

Posted 10:12 AM by Gene

Just what we need: ANOTHER megatyrant hoarding media properties.

Posted 9:24 AM by Gene

FLASH!

Exhibitor Relations President Paul Dergarabedian admitted his figures were optimistic.

That's why the NEWS HACKS LOVE you, PAUL DRECK!

Posted 8:31 AM by Gene

We must confess that if we had choose among this sexy priest or, say, the one who impersonated Marilyn -- MANSON a few years back, or the fellow who went around the French Quarter looking to SCORE, we've no doubt who we'd want guiding US to the hottest hot spots. You could say it's strange that Catholics can't be served by someone with a HEALTHY sex life. But then we wouldn't have to ponder this if certain priests were doing their jobs and not trying to be WHITE JAMES BROWNS.

Posted 8:08 AM by Gene

1,524 WORDS.

Now what do you suppose these 1,524 words could be about? Iraq? No. The budget? No That new pork-barrel highway spending bill? No. Health care? Education? Mass transit? Employment? NO. I'm having the foggiest time figuring out what all these words could be about!

Wait a second -- it's coming to me -- something about money, and, and tea...tea -- OH! I've got it -- T. O.! Or rather
T. O.
Now I like a good laugh as much as anybody, and certainly in this age we need distractions, as LORD KNOWS SHOW-BIZ isn't providing them. But somehow laughter and CONSCIENTIOUS NEWS REPORTING are NOT compatible. I would wager the InkyDinkyDooDoo and the Nooz have spilled more foul-smelling ink about this salary dispute than they have about health care, education, mass transit -- and it's getting so I'm further willing to bet COMBINED. TONY and his boys at THE TOWER OF BABBLE may be FATTENING THEIR WALLETS, but they sure are SKINNYING OUR BRAINS.

Posted 6:52 AM by Gene

Bad news: Survey says (sighhhhhhhh) Texans are starting to HATE the oil companies!

This is rather like kids starting to hate Halloween.

TRICK OR TREAT!

Posted 6:25 AM by Gene

Shucks, the forces of right withdraw their anti-Sou -- ROBERTS ad, but not after having said in typical BELTWAY fashion, "We pulled one on the people! HA HA HA!"

And why not? Think how many saw the ad -- and how many HEARD OF IT.

Do I smell WILLIE HORTON? PEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE-U!!!!!

Posted 8:26 PM by Gene

Nearly half the vendors who participated in the United Nations' oil-for-food program in Iraq engaged in some illicit payments to the Saddam Hussein regime, investigators have found.

IS THAT ALL?

Posted 6:04 PM by Gene

Bill Gerstenmaier, the space agency official leading the investigation into the foam loss, said the shuttle's fuel tanks will need modifications, which eliminates any chance of launching in September. The next available launch window would be November, then that would be it until next year because of strict lighting requirements needed to photograph any flyaway foam or shuttle damage.

Think of SOMETHING ELSE!

Posted 5:34 PM by Gene

CURLEY'S (Nyuk! Nyuk! Nyuk!) STOOGES spend some of their time surfing the Web, playing solitaire, reading a book -- and oh, TYPING:

Lucille Ball is America's most beloved dead star. The company that developed the "Q score" that broadcasters and advertisers quietly consult to measure a personality's popularity has done a survey that tests the reputation of performers who have gone on to that big soundstage in the sky.

The redheaded sitcom star of the 1950s and '60s, who died in 1989, has topped past "Dead Q" lists as her comedies seemingly live forever on television, said Steve Levitt, president of Marketing Evaluations, Inc., which conducts the tests.

"What is there not to like about Lucy?" he said.

I can think of a few things.

Posted 5:23 PM by Gene

Sighhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh, a Broadway composer gets the thea-TAH crowd riled for saying things I've said since I started this blog -- to wit, the Broadway musical is dead, it's a tourist trap, it's devoid of inspiration, melody, EXCELLENCE. We need a professional to tell us that?

Posted 5:05 PM by Gene

Now HUMAN EVENTS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! is banging that Judge Sou -- ROBERTS worked for Playboy Enterprises.

Think we were a little too CUTE there, President Rove?

Posted 4:58 PM by Gene

THE CONSPIRACY IS ADDING MORE BOTULISM TO ITS FIG-LEAF ALPHABET SOUP!

WHEN WILL WE FACE IT SQUARELY IN THE EYE THAT JACK'S SECRET RECIPE IS AT THE HEART OF WHY OUR CULTURE STINKS?

Posted 3:23 PM by Gene

Hi! We're on our way to an Amway convention. Yeah. We're selling GUNS.

Posted 3:18 PM by Gene

An autocrat at ESPNCorp is about to leave the company to become a second MICKEYMOUSE NIXON.

Good luck! But don't be surprised if when you've been told to take a hike people hate YOUR guts too.

Posted 3:07 PM by Gene

Envoys: Iran Faces Sept. Deadline on Nukes

September 2029?

Posted 3:02 PM by Gene

When one social club gets together with another social club of a different -- calling, what do you suppose they talk about? Halvah?

Posted 2:15 PM by Gene

ANN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! makes an offhand remark about STAR TREK fans -- and causes CIVIL WAR at THE CORNER!

STAR TREK FANS, CORNER DWELLERS -- GET A LIFE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Posted 1:14 PM by Gene

Congratulations, GENERAL JR.! We've waited a LONG TIME for this! And we suspect you and the GENERAL will be exchanging endless pointers on how to make BIG, BIG BUCKS -- WHILE THUMBING YOUR NOSES AT THE PUBLIC!

And congratulations to YOU, 'DREW, for getting the identity of MGM MIRAGE right -- or as PINCH would have you call it, "METRO-GOLDWYN-MAYER"! That's what they pay you the BIG, BIG BUCKS for! Right, 'Drew?

Posted 12:57 PM by Gene

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, FIDEL -- and THE LEFT wishes you MANY, MANY MORE OF THEM!

Posted 11:18 AM by Gene

Were cell phones invented just so people could annoy other people?

Posted 10:42 AM by Gene

It is AMAZING that USAOKAY!!!!! hasn't been BURNED by its reliance on the NEUHARTHISM. Monday the pile of scrap paper runs a puff piece about some go-getting businessman -- and today it runs a sheepish correction because half of it turned out to be lies.

LIVE BY THE BLURB....

P. S. FIGURES: his company's a PENNY STOCK.

Posted 9:59 AM by Gene

In writing about The Year the Yankees Lost the Pennant Jonathan Yardley astonishingly forgets the men who made the Damn Yankees score so sweet: Richard Adler and Jerry Ross. Frank Loesser discovered them and they wrote brash pop tunes for the likes of Ernie Ford and the Treniers before they hit the big time with The Pajama Game. Damn Yankees followed, and tragically nothing else. Ross's story is very sad: for years he went back and forth to some Jewish Y theater program on unheated subway cars, and he got very sick in the lungs; an exploratory operation failed, and he died at all of 29. (The PBS bio incorrectly says leukemia.) In the current CD issue of the Damn Yankees cast album is a picture of the songwriters looking understandably grim; look carefully and you can see the scar just below Ross's throat. Adler went on to write a few flop musicals and launched a profitable jingle business. No, do not forget Adler and Ross: they wrote two glorious shows.

(Revised 4/10/09; slight grammatical blunder)

Posted 9:48 AM by Gene

If we're going to have POLITICAL ADS about the NINE FINGERS, let's have the ELECTIONS to go along WITH THEM.

Posted 9:46 AM by Gene

Jagger: 'Sweet Neo Con' tune not aimed at Bush

I believe it; that geezer probably thinks a neo-con's another drug.

We'll NEVER hear the end of it when THE CORNER finds out.

Posted 9:42 AM by Gene

The MONITOR replaces one ad-blurb copywriter for another, who makes us yell for all time: WE DON'T NEED AD-BLURB COPYWRITERS REGARDLESS OF THEIR EMPLOYERS.

Posted 8:47 AM by Gene

Yesterday, the cliche of the week among MEDIA TYRANTS was SYNERGY. Now it's SEARCH ENGINE.

Why do we hope RUPERT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!'s latest fad pulls a TV GUIDE on Him?

Posted 8:44 AM by Gene

A NEUHARTHISM OF THE MONTH AWARD for JOHN, who proves a NEWS HACK can be no more without his EUPHEMISMS than his WEASEL WORDS, and whose EUPHEMISM especially SMELLS when he SELLS.

And what makes these SALES PITCHES ESPECIALLY EXASPERATING is that WE CAN DO NOTHING ABOUT THEM. Stopping the news business is like plugging a leaky dike: patch a hole in one place and the OFFENSE will come from SOMEWHERE ELSE.

Posted 8:30 AM by Gene

Today, ABOVE THE INKYDINKYDOODOO'S MASTHEAD, it's

T.O. MUST GO

Notwithstanding the slight (and from a distance, indecipherable) qualifier that PHIL SHERIDAN said it, the InkyDinkyDooDoo has worn out our patience. We recognize a sports section that has turned out more ESPN loudmouths than any other is a PROFIT CENTER. We KNOW TONY spent countless hours in his negotiations with GanNETt hashing over THE FLYING KEYBOARD's worth. That said, these are little more than battles among megalomaniacs, and we are now every bit as intolerant of these FRED FLINTSTONES as of JIMMY and BOB, and yes, overplaying these childish tantrums will in the end hurt circulation as much as the epidemic BIAS and BAD WRITING.

Posted 6:27 AM by Gene

"Reports of large numbers of positive tests currently unreported are totally false. Reports of big-name players having the reporting of their test results delayed are totally false."

I think we have an IMAGE problem.

Posted 5:26 PM by Gene

I just noticed this. If TOILETBOWL could report on a flushed-down Koran that didn't exist, why SHOULDN'T it interview a CELEBRITY who doesn't exist?

Sorry, MR. MARK, I DON'T share your sense of HUMOR.

Posted 5:11 PM by Gene

ANOTHER NEUHARTHISM OF THE WEEK AWARD WINNER, and we can understand why its author chose to remain anonymous. But here's the good news, KING RICHARD: even as You put out cinematic dog leavings You do create some solid-gold-bar MARKETING.

THAT should get CARL ICAHN EXCITED.

Posted 5:03 PM by Gene

We should all wish Jack well, but two things bother us: first, he says put a sand trap here, put a slope here, and he makes $2.5 million. That's what his job is. Second, he's part of the idiotic housing bubble because CHEVY CHASES will pay the big bucks so they can have lunch with the guy, so they can hector their subordinates mercilessly for months while turning hundreds of square miles of farmland into ticky-tacky with water-depleting golf courses in their midsts. We do wish The Golden Bear well -- we know he came close to bankruptcy at one point -- but really, reading PLUGS like this we wish he'd claimed his fame in, say, BASKETBALL, where he'd only have his ATTITUDE.

And a NEUHARTHISM OF THE WEEK AWARD to JERRY.

Posted 4:54 PM by Gene

It never ceases to annoy me that most of my hits come from G000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000gleBlogger's tool bar -- or by accident. Several weeks ago the keyword of choice was "Eurosun," when some adware company was annoying Web surfers. The last few days it's been the name of some loony-left activist who blew a fuse before the Texas White House. Does anybody visit my site because of me? I don't know that I deserve it, but one thing in my favor is that I will not take up your increasingly short time with two-thousand-word thumbsuckers.

Posted 1:34 PM by Gene

ArtsJournal.com HAD to link to this typing from NATION.COM. We too roll our eyes over sport's fake patriotism, but "What's My Name, Fool?" may not be the best title given the parent rag's staff; nor may a rag that wants us to lose in Iraq be the best place for it. Besides, when I clicked on the article among the first words that struck me were:

NOAM CHOMSKY

G'bye!

Posted 1:07 PM by Gene

We can be sure all the mea culpas from the Hollywood Toxic Landfill are just that, for as this story makes too clear the biz intends to continue to make movies for kids, fantasy movies for kids, the same old recycled Dungeons and Dragons for kids, the same old loft-those-dirty-diapers-high-on-a-TENTPOLE movies for kids. The hell with quality, or adults, or AUDIENCES; we're in the DAY-CARE BUSINESS.

Posted 12:21 PM by Gene

A controversial judicial nominee to the state's juvenile court withdrew his name from consideration Wednesday, just before the Gov.'s Council was set to vote on his nomination.

Gov. Mitt Romney notified the council Wednesday morning in a two-sentence letter that Springfield attorney Henry Rigali had requested that his nomination be withdrawn. The council, which must approve all judicial appointments, was scheduled to convene at 11 a.m.

Romney had come under fire for his nomination of Rigali, with some lawyers saying the governor bypassed his own pledge not to appoint any judges not approved by the Judicial Nominating Commission within the last 18 months.

A taste of when you become PRESIDENT?

Posted 12:11 PM by Gene

That FRED FLINTSTONE of FRISCO and two of his bosses are FIRED.

Don't worry Felipe, there'll be MORE TANTRUMS where THEY came from.

Posted 12:07 PM by Gene

And at the OTHER END of the AMERICAN SOCIETY OF WILLFULLY IGNORANT ADVERTISERS:

Viewership for the evening newscasts is concentrated in the older demographic groups. While most advertisers covet younger viewers, there are still many marketers that seek to reach older shoppers.

That is evidenced by a list of the top five advertisers on the three newscasts as compiled by TNS Media Intelligence, a unit of Taylor Nelson Sofres. Almost all are drug makers like AstraZeneca, Bayer, Johnson & Johnson, Merck, Pfizer and Sanofi-Aventis. Other major advertisers on the evening news programs include automakers and sellers of packaged foods.

TRANSLATION: Companies that don't know what they're doing are financing shows for viewers who don't know what they're watching.

Posted 12:05 PM by Gene

HOW MANY IDIOTIC BUZZWORDS CAN YOU SPOT IN THESE PARAGRAPHS?

The company’s plan is still fluid, to say the least. With very few rules but lots of discussion on how to reintroduce Coke to Generations X, Y and Next, Coke and the designers are charged with creating an “iconic experience” for fashionable club-goers with collectible packaging, videos and music. How the videos and music will be distributed is still up in the air, but one thing is clear: There will be very little direct branding.

Coke gave the studios carte blanche to design creative interpretations of “optimism” within their respective countries. The project included creating graphics for new contour-bottle-shaped aluminum cans (some designs change under a black light) along with a three- to five-minute unbranded short film extending the interpretation using new music from trendsetting bands. The company is working to get the bottles distributed in red-hot nightclubs that cater to influentials.

TRANSLATION: COKE'S FINANCING EVEN MORE CRAPPY TELEVISION -- DIFFERENTLY.

Posted 10:23 AM by Gene

Fresh from THE GREATEST ARTISTIC TRIUMPH since BEETHOVEN PREMIERED HIS NINTH SYMPHONY:

Rapper 50 Cent's two-bit crew gunned, slugged and talked their way into handcuffs in the hours after the heavily muscled superstar took center stage at Madison Square Garden, police said yesterday.

Two of 50 Cent's closest confidants in his notorious G-Unit group were busted on gun charges after Monday's show where they had shouted "F--- the police!" before walking off stage, police said.

The only people stupider than these thugs are typists like Jim Farter -- FARBER. (Sorry.)

Posted 9:06 AM by Gene

Who wastes more money financing JUNK TELEVISION: Goodyear Tire and Rubber -- or THE ARMY?

Posted 9:03 AM by Gene

Now look what ya done, NPCAA! Ya got JEB involved!

Let's go on the WARPATH against PC!

Posted 8:57 AM by Gene

I beat ROMY on two posts today!

Who needs Romy?

Posted 6:54 AM by Gene

THE FLYING KEYBOARD was worth $262 MILLION?????

With THAT kind of ASSET I'd have taken it PUBLIC!

Posted 6:51 AM by Gene

HA HA HA! THE FIGHT OF THE CENTURY: RICK "CLINTON'S BOY" KAPLAN AND HHHWWWALTER "I HAD CANCER LIKE PETER'S" CRRRONKITE JR.!!!!! GO AFTER EACH OTHER!!!!! ANNIHILATE EACH OTHER!!!!! LEAVE NOTHING BUT THE BAD TASTES IN OUR MOUTHS!!!!!

Posted 6:45 AM by Gene

Meantime all is not well at THE GREATEST LITERARY ACHIEVEMENT KNOWN TO MAN -- PERSON. One would have thought this MAMMOTH CONFERENCE of THE GREATEST ENTERTAINERS in HISTORY -- OF ALL TIME would have inspired words worthy of inferiors such as SHAKESPEARE, or even superiors like DYLAN. Instead, though we do speak of HAMLET (whatever that was), we further speak of GLOOM and EXHAUSTION. Possibly because these IMMORTALS spoke of GUNS -- and as all the many UNIVERSES know, THE LORD GOD PINCH HATES GUNS.

Posted 6:35 AM by Gene

GREAT: THE PAPER OF RE-CORD is starting a MONTHLY SPORTS MAGAZINE. Augusta, here we come!

And it's administering an ethics test. Here's betting the whole staff aces THIS one.

Posted 7:37 PM by Gene

Could anyone believe there'd be a WINNER in this case?

Posted 5:26 PM by Gene

"In fact, I'll tell you how stupid it was. They put stickies on the faces of Mohammed Atta on the chart that the military intelligence unit had completed and they said you can't talk to Atta because he's here on a green card."

Sighhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh, that DOES qualify as STUPID.

Posted 5:21 PM by Gene

A WEB EXCLUSIVE -- and with all that EXCELLENCE about to break into CELL PHONES, a NEUHARTHISM OF THE WEEK AWARD to JOHNNIE!

It's a wonder TOILETBOWL doesn't go for the jugular. As I've said before PAT KINGSLEY writes just about the WHOLE RAG. Why not go for that EXTRA FLUSH on the WEB SITE?

Posted 5:18 PM by Gene

Domino's Pizza Extends Official Pizza of NASCAR Affiliation

So let's ZOOM out and get one!

Posted 5:01 PM by Gene

In more INSPIRING NEWS of the THEA-TAH:

"Dr. Sex is the cleanest show about sex in the history of musical comedy," according to the producers.

Not fun.

Dr. Sex was developed at BMI Lehman Engel Musical Theatre Workshop; Stages 2002, Theater Building Chicago; and the ASCAP/Disney Workshop....

DEFINITELY not fun.

Posted 3:24 PM by Gene

Why is it Europeans think the war in Iraq unjustified but war on the soccer field is?

Posted 3:12 PM by Gene

Meantime, back in the Boom-Boom Room:

"[LAURENCE'S] FAITHFUL PARROTING OF THE GOVERNMENT LINE WAS CRUCIAL IN LAUNCHING A HALF-CENTURY OF SILENCE ABOUT THE DEADLY LINGERING EFFECTS OF THE BOMB!! IT IS TIME FOR THE PULITZER BOARD TO STRIP HIROSHIMA'S APOLOGIST AND HIS NEWSPAPER OF THIS UNDESERVED PRIZE!!!!!"

Here's a deal: your guy gets his award stripped -- and so does WALTER DURANTY.

Wanna bet the MORONS of the P-Ulitzer board take the bait?

Posted 11:41 AM by Gene

UN nuclear watchdog holds talks on Iran

YOU AIN'T NOTHIN' BUT A WATCHDOG....

Posted 11:32 AM by Gene

If Yahoo! has surpassed G000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000GLE in search capacity why isn't Yahoo! at $300 a share?

Posted 11:15 AM by Gene

Radio will not get better with high-tech ratings. If anything it's likely to get worse because then the CHEAP CHANNELS and VIACONS can program their CRAP with pinpoint precision -- and that will REALLY turn the medium into a CRAPPER.

Posted 11:11 AM by Gene

What a dreadful thing to happen. Well, if she could persevere through the long years of her husband's paralysis, maybe lung cancer won't be so hard.

Posted 8:14 AM by Gene

Well thank God that's over. Now can we think of SOMETHING ELSE?

Posted 6:26 PM by Gene

Lefties will laugh: we're increasing our forces in Iraq to reduce our forces -- again. In truth we should have increased them in the beginning -- but couldn't because of Rummy's blind hubris.

Posted 4:52 PM by Gene

We are doomed to this oh-woe-are-we claptrap from the Hollywood Sewage Plant until hell freezes over, or the usual spate of underserving hits. The plant operators are totally unserious about improving their PRODUCT because they're the same MEGALOMANIACS as before. So long as they have such a high opinion for themselves we can see their self-flagellation as the direct analogue of the NEWS HACK's, who does it only to slant and spin and sell as always. These people have incentives to produce CRAP, incentives they will never give away, not so long as THEY REMAIN OUR SUPERIORS.

Posted 2:58 PM by Gene

Another would-be member of the EBAY community:

A renowned map dealer accused of stealing centuries-old artifacts from Yale University is scheduled to be in court Tuesday in a case that investigators hope will lead them to several antique maps that recently disappeared from other libraries....

[Edward Forbes (!)] Smiley [the Third!], 49 was arrested on larceny charges June 8 after a librarian at Yale's Beinecke Rare Book and Manuscript Library found a razor blade on the floor. Police confronted Smiley, who had been reviewing rare books, and asked whether the blade was his.

"Yes it is," he nervously replied, according to a police report. "I must have dropped it. I have a cold."

Trying to unblock your nose?

Posted 12:47 PM by Gene

The former head of the United Nations oil-for-food program, Benon Sevan, was accused on Monday by a U.N.-established panel of getting nearly $150,000 in a bribe for an oil deal.

Who's next?

The panel, headed by former U.S. Federal Reserve Chairman Paul Volcker, recommended U.N. Secretary-General Kofi Annan waive immunity for "purposes of a criminal investigation" of Sevan and another U.N. official, named in a separate complaint.

WHO'S NEXT?

Posted 12:15 PM by Gene

And in more LITERARY NEWS:

Kevin Trudeau has no medical training. He's a convicted felon. And he has been banned from hawking products and services on TV that federal regulators charge have no merit.

But the former used-car salesman's book — Natural Cures "They" Don't Want You to Know About — has vaulted to the top of most best-seller lists.

Convicted felon, banned by the feds, used-car salesman -- WHO NEEDS AN MFA?

Posted 11:11 AM by Gene

WSJ: Carville is lucky Novak didn't punch him in the nose

It's a wonder at the JOURNALS ALL the hacks don't BREATHE CROOKEDLY.

Posted 11:04 AM by Gene

Hmmm....

Time For Sony To Call The TV Repairman

Since 2000, consumers have rapidly shifted to flat-panel models, but Sony was slow to see the trend. Although the company started working on LCD and plasma screens in the 1970s, in the '80s and '90s its managers were focused on building up the movie business and were wary of investing in new factories. [Emphasis added.]

Natch, the company's now in trouble in TVs. So what's Lord Stringer's answer sure to be? You guessed it -- SYNERGY!

And let us not forget THE RECORDED-SOUND BUSINESS TOO!

Posted 10:49 AM by Gene

FLIP:

Britain is considering charging Islamist clerics with treason if they incite violence or praise suicide attacks as part of a security crackdown after last month's London bombings, a government official said on Monday....

FLOP:

But legal experts said treason was not the best approach and Blair's office played down talk of its use....

AND:

Opposition Liberal Democrat Lord Carlile, an independent reviewer of anti-terrorism laws, said treason charges were neither sensible nor practical....

"I don't think there's a lawyer alive and working who's ever appeared in any part of a treason case and I think we should tread in that historic territory very carefully," said Carlile.

He said other existing charges, including solicitation to murder and incitement to murder, would be more appropriate.

I agree. Trying to destroy a country is merely an act of MURDER.

Posted 10:44 AM by Gene

EASY LAUGHS in the wonderful world of ADVERTISING:

Consider the famous Oprah giveaway of 200 Pontiac G-6s. (It won a Cannes Media Lion.) The result was great press but lousy sales, which are 30% below expectations. What was missing was the story about why I should buy one if I didn't get one for free.

HA HA HA!

Do away with all those creativity-awards shows, such as Cannes and Clios. Nothing does more long-term damage to the industry than making creative folks think that they are making movies and not commercials. Consider the "Curse of the Clio;" it's widely known that a large number of Clio winners lost their accounts not too long after taking home their statuettes.

HARDY HAR HAR!!!!!

Posted 10:10 AM by Gene

Oooooooooooooooh: another crisis in HEAVEN! ST. WARREN'S MEDIA EMPIRE got hit because of -- THE DO-NOT-CALL LAW!!!!!

But PRAISE THE LORD:

Its education segment, which operates the Kaplan test-preparation service, saw revenue surge 25 percent to $345.8 million.

Do I smell GUV-MENT?

Posted 9:49 AM by Gene

STERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!! MAN THE RAMPARTS!!!!! THE FCC HAS HIRED -- A CHRRRRRRRRRRISSSSSSSSSSSSTIAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! THE JIHADISTS ARE BAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAACK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Posted 9:35 AM by Gene

ON THE OTHER HAND:

[M]ost people say the real editing of books is now done by agents, since agents offer authors stability, whereas publishers' editors are nomadic, moving from house to house.

Does it matter? Books still come out, and if writers these days moan about being edited too little, where once they moaned about being edited too much, well, writers will always moan. By common consent, two of the outstanding debut novels of recent years, Zadie Smith's White Teeth and Monica Ali's Brick Lane, were insufficiently edited - but that hasn't stopped them achieving commercial and critical success. And who wants to see the return of what Lawrence called the "censor-moron", cutting whatever he deems improper for us to read?

But think for a moment of another kind of culture, where nothing is edited. A culture where we're all so logorrheaic we haven't time for each other's words or books or blogs, where everything goes into the ether - and there's no sign that anyone reads it all. A culture that doesn't care about editing is a culture that doesn't care about writing. And that has to be bad.

Who cares when we can throw words like "MASTERPIECE" about like fairy dust?

Posted 9:09 AM by Gene

LI-TE-RAH-TEEYURE IS BETTER THAN EVER!!!!! When did a novel last capture the public's imagination? Not a piece of pablum or selling, but a good book? Unfortunately reading fiction has become another cult, a minority taste, like the theater, and thus when some flack talks about this GRAND RENAISSANCE OF WRITING it is hard to take him seriously, in part because so much of LI-TE-RAH-TEEYURE's recent history is LOGROLLING (as with this clown; several of the books he praises haven't officially come out yet), and even he notes we've had a half-dozen or so such renaissances in the last twenty years, all vanished without a trace. A good book requires time, and patience, and talent, and taste, and we don't have those things anymore.

Posted 8:10 AM by Gene

How apt that even as Peter Jennings was dying, our InkyDinkyDooDoo cretins banged the following ABOVE THE MASTHEAD with their FISTS:

T. O. TICKS OFF THE FANS

We neglected the FRED FLINTSTONES OF PRINT the other day only because so many are on TV. That said, when Jennings took over from Frank Reynolds people still took the news biz seriously. But about that time the SOBs saw a platform for MARKETING, and it's been MARKETING EVER SINCE. That we don't take the network anchormen as seriously is because we don't take the news as seriously, and we don't take the news as seriously because so much of it is ADVERTISING.

Posted 6:28 AM by Gene

We had a miserable hunch Peter Jennings would not come back to work. What astonishes us is that only a year ago the big three seemed an insuperable force, a rock of Gibraltar. Now here we are. Whatever one thinks of the nightly-news anchormen -- and we've been inclined to think not much -- we cannot deny these three were all conscientious and diligent even on their salaries, and Jennings overcame a pretty-boy rep to become one of the most respected men in the biz. This sadness marks the end of an era, an era when, whatever its manifold shortcomings, network news was watched, when we could get our daily information fix in quiet dignity and not at the O. K. Corral. Now it's just (as the WaPost slugged it today) "entertainment news," and another irrelevance. We're not necessarily better for it.

P. S. And speaking of manifold shortcomings, here's how the news stupidly broke in the insufferable CORNER:

ABC is reporting (via Drudge).

We'll venture a guess Peter Jennings never spread SPYWARE.

(Cretinous NRO link fixed 11/10/2007; see related post for that date)

Posted 7:27 PM by Gene

I often ridicule RUPERT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!, but has an American news organization ever infiltrated a terrorist group?

Most likely not; they're too busy infiltrating AD SHOOTING SESSIONS.

Posted 5:56 PM by Gene

And further on the subject of snobs, we see Yahoo! has launched a search function in beta for the Wall Street Journalses of this world. We understand why the likes of Consumer Reports and The New England Journal of Medicine want to stay on the French Riviera of the Web, but too often that desire rests in a kind of spite, and it's marginalized nearly all of them. What is more, however well-intended, having a separate search engine is sure to be a nuisance, as it means having to shuffle back and forth between indexes. There is a place for paid content on the Web, but the wide avenue of news is not it.

Posted 5:50 PM by Gene

We were going to comment yesterday on how the superior nose-in-the-air Barron's had a cover story citing a sudden decline in REITs, and sarcastically poo-poo that Alan Abelson's rickety soapbox has a rep as a contrary indicator. Then the LALATimes runs this story about a slight hissing sound in San Diego. One doesn't want to wish financial ruin on people, but let it be said people who flip houses like burgers may deserve a little grief.

Posted 2:58 PM by Gene

Congress May Take Action on MLB Drug Use

Ooooooooooooooh, I think we're going to have MORE POUTING!

Posted 12:45 PM by Gene

More proof that stripping, lap dancing, and so forth are just forms of free expression.

Free expression for criminals.

Posted 12:39 PM by Gene

And could it be one reason the Saudis can so helpfully provide terrorist information to international authorities is that so many Saudis are terrorists?

Posted 11:45 AM by Gene

And in more news of our UNPRECENTEDLY CLOSE RELATIONS with the world's leading POOL of OIL:

U.S missions say to close in Saudi over threat

Posted 10:18 AM by Gene

Saudi Arabia said on Sunday official ties with its ally the United States were now as good as they were before the Sept. 11 attacks but acknowledged some distrust among ordinary citizens of both countries.

TRANSLATION: OIL, OIL and MORE OIL.

Many Americans remain suspicious of Saudi Arabia, the birthplace of al Qaeda leader Osama bin Laden, which practices an austere version of Islam.

Isn't that supposed to read CONSERVATIVE?

Posted 8:43 AM by Gene

Justice Stevens has made a case against capital punishment, but if I know this LIBERAL (hallelujah!) NINE FINGER and if I know con-SER-va-tives, we are stuck between the rock of TEXAS, where you can get executed for stealing a pack of gum, and the hard place of no executions at all, meaning the Jeffrey Dahmers and John Wayne Gacys live on our dole. Which will it be, dolts?

Posted 4:48 AM by Gene

GE BANCORP NETWORK'S FLAILING!

We working our accountants overtime, Little Jeffy?

Posted 4:43 AM by Gene

On this day he discusses YOUR BABY'S BRAIN, Mr. Mark also has some ENERGY-SAVING NEWS:

Aside from the bright patch of solar modules on the roof, Premier Gardens looks like a community of conventional homes. But inside, it's clear why they save energy. "Spectrally selective" windows cut power bills by blocking solar heat in the summer and retaining indoor warmth in cold weather. Fluorescent bulbs throughout use two thirds the juice of incandescents. A suitcase-size tankless hot-water heater in the garage, powered by gas, saves energy by warming water only when the tap is turned on.

The rest of the energy savings comes from the solar units. Set flush with the roof tiles, the two-kilowatt photovoltaic panels unobtrusively turn the sun's rays into AC power with the help of an inverter in the garage. An LED readout shows the system's electrical output. Just looking at it can give owners a warm feeling.

TRANSLATION: Expensive to build, expensive to fix. Aren't there cheaper ways, Mr. Mark? Or are you interested in things YOU can afford?

Posted 4:30 AM by Gene

Once again, NEWS HACKS act as though THE WEB DOESN'T EXIST:

The angry mother of a fallen U.S. soldier staged a protest near President Bush's ranch Saturday, demanding an accounting from Bush of how he has conducted the war in Iraq.

Supported by more than 50 demonstrators who chanted, "W. killed her son!" Cindy Sheehan....

REPEAT AFTER ME:

Cindy Sheehan. Cindy Sheehan. Cindy Sheehan. Cindy Sheehan. Cindy Sheehan. Cindy Sheehan. Cindy Sheehan. Cindy Sheehan.

Or in the words of Oscar Hammerstein II, etcetera, etcetera, ETCETERA.