Posted 7:13 PM by Gene

Let us not deny it: Internet television is the future. I wouldn't bank on it soon as TV's bound to look lousy on a monitor for a while, but it won't always, especially as HD settles in. The money questions should be settled rather quickly. Question: How will the BRIAN ROBBERS and KING RICHARDS bust their way in and screw the public?

Posted 4:57 PM by Gene

We didn't put enough troops in Iraq, but Max knows who runs his party, and judging from the downer tone (remember his "speech" introducing the NEXT PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES?) it isn't clear he'd be unhappy with a precipitate withdrawal, and all the good things that would mean for Democrats and NEWS HACKS.

Max, PUT UP OR SHUT UP. We suspect it is time for the LATTER.

Posted 4:38 PM by Gene

The Pope spoke. Will Muslims listen?

Posted 1:02 PM by Gene

It is a wonder Toenail.com hasn't commissioned some typical devil's-advocate fakery saying there IS no malaise in show-biz -- it's BETTER THAN EVER! That malaise sounds like mayonnaise and has a powerful rep from JIMMAH does not negate its usefulness. Aside from the fact that we're FED THAT BETTER-THAN-EVER LINE ALL THE TIME, there are several reasons why show-biz stinks. Last night, for instance, I could not keep a certain song from playing and replaying in my head -- "Moonlight Becomes You," the work of two HACKS named Johnny Burke and Edward Chester Babcock (Jimmy Van Heusen to you), as done definitively by Glenn Miller, with an all-too-little known baritone called Skip Martin (who had a really thick Italian name and performed with Chico Marx -- yes, Chico Marx had a big band), and the Modernaires with their odd lead falsetto. When Miller, who's chastised way too often for his sweet work, had a superb ballad, you could tell in the arrangement he knew it. We might not put this on exactly the same plane as Schubert or Chopin, but we suspect either genius would have found inspiration in Burke's lyric, as certainly Van Heusen did. (And let us not forget Burke had to write it this way because Der Bingle, who introduced the tune in Road to Morocco, didn't like singing "I love you," three little words that don't appear until towards the end.) We would wager the only difference between this immortal tune and a high-art specimen is that this one was "commercial."

Indeed now we think of the elegy Joseph Epstein wrote for Commentary which contains this stirring note:

In "Writing for the Movies," published in the February 1962 issue of Commentary...[the screenwriter Daniel Fuchs] asked if it was really fitting, in the name of highbrow snobbery, "to pass by so indifferently the work of [Hollywood directors and producers like] Ford, Stevens, Wilder, Mankiewicz, Huston, Zinneman, William Wellman, Howard Hawks, Sam Wood, Clarence Brown, Victor Fleming, William Van Dyke, King Vidor, Raoul Walsh, Henry Hathaway, Henry King, Chaplin, Lubitsch, Goldwyn, Selznick, Milestone, Capra, Wyler, Cukor, Kazan?” The accomplishments of these men, he argued, had had a world-wide effect, and their achievement was of a magnitude equal to that of the best American architects and inventors. "Generations to come, looking back over the years, are bound to find that the best, most solid creative effort of our decades was spent in the movies, and it’s time someone came clean and said so."

Yes, we know why David Thomson closed his book on the biz' prospects with a chapter titled "That's All, Folks." At least no one can take our huge achievements away from us, and we always have songs like "Moonlight Becomes You" to remind us of when we could be proud of our national culture -- and Burke and Van Heusen worked in the movies too.

P. S. It appears the BEEEEEEEEEEEEE-OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOH is going to have another justly deserved down weekend, despite the best hopes of those who root for Cindy Sheehan and SLEAZY MOVIES at the same time.

P. P. S. And shucks Size XXXXL for the Size SSSSS guy, looks as if all those tens of millions of movie goers never materialized, unless of course they were GHOSTS, and they paid in UNSEEN DOLLARS.

Posted 12:00 PM by Gene

Isn't Robert "Over the" Hilburn the last person who should talk of retreads?

Of course not. When we have the computer and the money we can do as we please. And if people stop reading, we can always say it's THE DO-NOT-CALL LAW.

Posted 11:21 AM by Gene

We take the subway.

Posted 11:18 AM by Gene

Is it possible THE PAPER OF RE-CORD has TOO MANY DRAMA AD-BLURB COPYWRITERS?

How about it, MIA PUBLIC EDI-TOR?

Posted 11:05 AM by Gene

Really Jake, we wish you'd make these impolite noises in PRIVATE.

Posted 11:03 AM by Gene

In other NORTS SPEWS:

The National Collegiate Athletic Association created some wiggle room yesterday in its recent decision to ban American Indian imagery, announcing that it would give latitude to universities whose "namesake" tribe supports the mascot.

A newly formed staff committee charged with reviewing appeals to the Aug. 5 ruling will take into account the university's relationship with the tribe as a "primary factor," according to a statement released yesterday by the NCAA.

DIMWITS.

Posted 9:27 AM by Gene

A "highly-touted product" of St. JoePa is on indefinite suspension for making nasty phone calls.

Between this and Jim "The Used Car Dealer" Calhoun's hoopsters I think we're in for a golden age of juvenile sports delinquency -- and we haven't even started play yet!

And that follows a couple of guys shooting ARROWS through the wall of an apartment.

"You're freshmen, sophomores, you sometimes act like jerks. But when you get to be a fourth-year guy, a fifth-year guy, and you're still acting like a jerk, then I've got problems with it."

But that's the thing about professional college sport -- you're SUPPOSED to be the BIGGEST JERK YOU CAN!

And here's a Nebraska defensive end arrested for drunk driving!

That's what we should do EVERY day: enter "player arrested" in Google News.

Posted 8:58 AM by Gene

When Sony and Bertelsmann merged their recorded-SOUND operations they laid off 2,000. Judging from this press release we post in full they may not have laid off enough:

Bow Wow's Everybody's Most 'Wanted'!

Hip-Hop Heartthrob's Latest Album RETURNS To The Top 10!

Bow Wow Conquers Nation's Airwaves with Two Smash Singles
'Let Me Hold You' (Featuring Omarion) & 'Like You' (Featuring Ciara)

NEW YORK, Aug. 19 /PRNewswire/ -- The multi-platinum hip-hop heartthrob Bow Wow is living up to his status as a bona fide superstar as his sizzling new album, Wanted (available as a traditional CD or as a DualDisc) returns to the Top 10 on the Billboard 200 bestselling albums chart while his latest pair of singles, "Let Me Hold You" (featuring Omarion), and "Like You" (featuring Ciara), continue to light up the nation's airwaves reaching tens of millions of listeners coast-to-coast. Both Bow Wow's current singles are riding high on the nation's Hot 100 with "Let Me Hold You" holding steady at #4 and "Like You" bulleting its way up to #12.

Though only 18, Bow Wow's already a veteran rapper with a string of multi-platinum successes behind him. Wanted, his eagerly-awaited fourth album, debuted at #3 on the Billboard 200 best-selling albums chart and has already sold more than 328,000 copies. With sales of more than 50,000 copies this week alone, Wanted has returned to the Top 10 and is the nation's #2 Rap Album and #3 R&B Album. Bow Wow's latest has generated two smash singles to-date: "Let Me Hold You" (featuring Omarion) and "Like You" (featuring Ciara).

Produced by superstar hit maker Jermaine Dupri, "Let Me Hold You," a collaboration with fellow hip-hop heartthrob Omarion, has been the #1 record on the Urban Mainstream Monitor and the #1 record on the Top 40 Rhythm chart for the past four weeks.

The artist's new single, "Like You" (featuring Ciara), also produced by hit maker Jermaine Dupri, is extending the building buzz on Bow Wow as the Heart Throb Tour continues to sell out venues across the country (full itinerary following).

Bow Wow's provocative video for "Like You" has been the #1 downloaded clip on Launch.com and is AOL's #1 video worldwide, with more than 1.4 million plays to-date.

Bow Wow's singles are Sony BMG's two top-selling ringtones this week: #1: "Let Me Hold You" (more than 700,000 sold) and #2: "Like You" (more than 200,000 sold).

A recent New York in-store appearance celebrating the release of Wanted was the scene of pure pandemonium with thousands of delirious and frenzied fans lining up for hours for their chance to meet Bow Wow in person. New York's Mayor Michael Bloomberg was reportedly "met with a mob of screaming teenage girls on his way to work...." (New York Daily News (Wednesday, July 13, 2005). [We didn't know you were so sexy, Mr. Honorary Mayor Mike!]

The fan-driven hysteria at the Bow Wow in-store provided a fitting prelude to the hip-hop icon's SRO "Scream Tour IV Presents: The Heart Throb Tour," which opened in Trenton, New Jersey on July 20.

For the Scream Tour IV, Bow Wow has joined forces with fellow superstar Omarion for a series of historic North American concerts. Other acts on the Scream Tour IV include Bobby Valentino, Pretty Ricky, Marques Houston, and B5.

2005 is shaping up to be a very big year for Bow Wow. In addition to the release of his new album and the Scream IV tour, Bow Wow will light up the big screen this fall with a starring role in the feature film, "Roll Bounce," a teenage skater-dramedy set in the late 1970s. A Fox Searchlight release, "Roll Bounce" is slated to open nationwide on September 23, 2005.

Bow Wow first burst on the scene back in 2000 -- under the wing of super producer Jermaine Dupri -- with his debut album, Beware of Dog, which went on to sell more than three million copies while solidifying his status as an authentic hip-hop heartthrob.

Bow Wow took his brand of rap to the next level with 2001's Doggy Bag, hitting the road in support of his multi-platinum sophomore CD with the sold-out "Scream Tour II," wowing fans all over the country with hits like "Take Ya Home" and "Thank You."

Bow Wow's undeniable star power led to starring roles in the box office triumph "Like Mike" (one of the 50 Top-Grossing films of 2002) and the subsequent hits "All About The Benjamins" (2002) and "Johnson Family Vacation" (2004).

With his third album, 2003's Unleashed, Bow Wow became more directly involved with writing and producing his music, creating a collection directly from the heart, conveying a more personal overview of life from Bow Wow's perspective.

He is the youngest musician to open the Grammy Awards, is the first "kid" to be included in Vanity Fair's prestigious annual music issue (October 2001), and entered the "The Guinness Book of World Records" as the youngest solo rapper to hit #1 on the U.S. charts.

Having recently turned 18, with several hit singles, platinum-plus albums, sold-out tours, starring roles in hit films, and a place in "The Guinness Book of World Records" already on his resume, Bow Wow continues to prove that he's the 100% real deal with the indisputable goods: a bona fide teen superstar blessed with burgeoning talent, tenacity, and a deep connection to his audience.

Bow Wow's Scream IV: Heart Throb Tour

07/20/05 Trenton, NJ Sovereign Bank Arena
07/21/05 Bridgeport, CT Arena at Harbor Yard
07/23/05 Hampton, VA Hampton Coliseum, Arena
07/24/05 Baltimore, MD 1st Mariner Arena
07/27/05 Cleveland, OH CSU Arena
07/28/05 Columbus, OH Value City Arena
07/29/05 Detroit, MI Cobo Arena
07/30/05 Champaign, IL University Of Illinois Assembly Hall, Arena
07/31/05 St. Louis, MO Savvis Center
08/04/05 Los Angeles, CA Gibson Amphitheatre
08/06/05 Oakland, CA Oakland-Alameda Co. Coliseum
08/08/05 Denver, CO Coors Amphitheatre
08/10/05 Kansas City, MO American Royal Center/ Kemper Arena
08/12/05 Houston, TX Toyota Center
08/13/05 New Orleans, LA New Orleans Cultural Center, Hall
08/14/05 Dallas, TX Nokia Arena
08/17/05 Greenville, SC Bi-Lo Center
08/18/05 Nashville, TN Gaylord Arena
08/19/05 Birmingham, AL BJCC Arena
08/20/05 Memphis, TN FedEx Arena
08/21/05 Atlanta, GA Philips Arena
08/24/05 New York, NY Madison Square Garden
08/25/05 Philadelphia, PA Wachovia Center
08/26/05 Washington, DC MCI Center
08/27/05 Greensboro, NC Greensboro Coliseum Complex, Special Events
Center
09/01/05 Jacksonville, FL Memorial Coliseum
09/02/05 Tampa, FL St Pete Times - Forum
09/04/05 Miami, FL Miami Arena

Good luck! (Pffh-hh-hh!)

Posted 8:45 AM by Gene

The hole in Chuck Hagel's bagel gets wider:

"The better course of action would have been to immediately invite her in the ranch."

So that the President could say to her, "I'm sorry your son had to die in defense of ISRAEL."

You know Ron, I wouldn't work TOO hard in selling this brave fighter, because then it might come out she doesn't like JEWS, and we might not benefit from that.

OR:

Sen. Chuck Hagel (R-Neb.), a man known for frank talk, offered a blunt description of the state of his party, which broke camp here Friday after nominating President Bush for a second term. "The Republican Party," he said, "has come loose of its moorings."

Hagel was not referring to Bush's leadership or his prospects for reelection but instead to the impact of a presidency that has seen the party embrace the largest deficits in U.S. history and a foreign policy that has put the United States at odds with many of its closest allies and heightened suspicion of institutions such as the United Nations.

Hagel expects recrimination and worse if Bush loses to John F. Kerry, but he predicts that, win or lose, the GOP faces a period of introspection and debate over its future and blahblahblahblahBLAHBLAHBLAHBLAHBLAHBLAHBLAHBLAH....

WHY MUST SOME CHEAP PARTY HACKS USE NEWS HACKS AS HEARING AIDS WHEN THEY WANT TO HEAR THEMSELVES?

OR:

Hagel, Nelson pump Ethanol

Posted 7:18 PM by Gene

"While some of the tales of woe emanating from the Court are enough to bring tears to the eyes, it is true that only Supreme Court justices and schoolchildren are expected to and do take the entire summer off."

There's a difference?

Posted 7:02 PM by Gene

COGNITIVE DISSONANCE AT KNIGHTRIDDER:

Newspaper circulation reached 4.8 million last month, down 4.1 percent from the year before.

AT McCLATCHY:

Circulation revenue, meanwhile, was down 2.9 percent in July compared to July 2004, reflecting a 2.2 percent drop in paid daily circulation and a 4.1 percent drop in paid Sunday circulation.

AT THE HOUSTON CHRONICLE:

In the most recent Audit Bureau of Circulations FAS-FAX, the paper reported a daily circulation of 537,744 for the six months ended March 31, down 3.9% from the same period in 2004, and a Sunday circulation of 720,711, down 2.6% from last year.

IN DENVER:

Denver's two daily newspapers are bulking up declining paid circulation by aggressive use of auditing rules that let them count readers who pay less than half-price for the papers -- or sometimes nothing at all.

It's being done, advertising and newspaper industry experts say, to justify advertising rates that show no signs of coming down -- despite a 36 percent drop in the combined daily circulation of The Denver Post and Rocky Mountain News since the two papers combined business operations in 2001.

REPEAT AFTER ME:

IT'S THE DO-NOT-CALL LAW!!!!!

Posted 6:08 PM by Gene

King Richard having considered public office, it was inevitable that such comedians as Robin Williams and Steve Jobs might do likewise; but perhaps even the people who take instant polls may have -- SENSE:

Posted 5:50 PM by Gene

Forget Waldo. Where's Tony Blair?

Forget Tony Blair. WHERE'S THE PUBLIC EDI-TOR?

Posted 4:50 PM by Gene

Another glibertarian writes by banging on his keyboard with his rear end. (Mark Gauvreau -- wasn't he a lineman or something with the Jets, and he always threw tantrums or something? Yes, too many head butts.) We rather doubt "Give Peace a Chance" was con-SER-va-tive, or the hundreds of other contemporary protest songs were con-SER-va-tive, or Jimi Hendrix playing "The Star-Spangled Banner" was con-SER-va-tive, but certain glibertarians must claim their his kind invented the greatest thing since sliced bread, even if it was a spoiled Wonder.

Posted 4:24 PM by Gene

Whatever his background, the Pope has shown more concern over anti-Semitism with one synagogue visit than most liberals and leftists have shown in one YEAR.

Posted 1:36 PM by Gene

Yet another story confirms what a people-pleasin' paper the LALATimes is, and how, as OMERTA Himself said, the problem lay solely with THE DO-NOT-CALL LAW.

One question, Mert: since when have telemarketers called HOTELS?

Posted 1:02 PM by Gene

I do not know enough about "intelligent design" to make an informed judgment -- this being science, it's usually one dogma against another -- but I do know the NEWS HACKS made up their minds long ago, on the day they CREATED THEMSELVES IN THEIR OWN PERFECT IMAGE.

Posted 12:52 PM by Gene

And for ONCE a conservative doesn't PRAISE THE DUMP:

THE CHARACTER of American movies has changed a great deal over the years. To take but one striking example: During the course of earlier wars, Hollywood churned out patriotic films depicting the valor of our troops, the menace of our enemies or simply the pluck of those who kept the home fires burning. In our current war, Hollywood is utterly silent, except for the occasional indictment of America.

There are many reasons for this evolution, some having to do with money and markets, some with broader shifts in the culture. But one overlooked reason is this: The men who make the movies have changed. Today's films are created mostly by crazed cult members, political fanatics and rich, pouty hedonists. They used to be created by men like Merian C. Cooper.

Posted 12:44 PM by Gene

CIVIL WAR AT THE HOLLYWOOD TOXIC WASTE DUMP! Who can do a better job getting people to see ROTTEN MOVIES?

As wondrous as the product is, most HOME THEATERS don't have WEEK-OLD POPCORN and SODA on the FLOOR.

And of course, this being the Hollywood Stenographer, P. R. Mel and P. R. Mike are the problem.

Posted 12:37 PM by Gene

Useless News once again delivers its annual endorsement of educational social climbing.

If ever there was a reason for putting newsrags out of business, it's this.

Posted 12:30 PM by Gene

The Big C's BACK:

Aug. 2 was a lackluster day in the trading of high-flying tech stock Syneron Medical. It barely budged, dropping a mere 9 cents to $40.85. After-hours action also looked blasé until 5:33 P.M. EST, when "freedompartner" posted this on Yahoo!: "Cramer said buy ELOS before earnings: Just finished taping the show. He loves ELOS." The message referred to market pundit James Cramer and his wildly successful CNBC show, Mad Money.

Syneron began moving higher and trading picked up. That night on Mad Money, which CNBC tapes from 4:30 P.M. to 5:30 P.M. EST and broadcasts from 6:00 P.M. to 7:00 P.M. EST, Cramer indeed touted Syneron's laser products' ability to smooth away cellulite. "I am sticking the proverbial neck out" and telling you to buy ELOS now before earnings, he exclaimed. The stock spiked to $45.46 in after-hours trading on volume of 300,000 shares.

What happened? Apparently someone called Mad Money during taping for the Q&A segment, heard the tout while on hold and disseminated the information on the Web before the show aired, against CNBC's admonition.

A taped recording warns callers that they will hear the show and must agree to not disclose or trade on information discussed prior to that information being mentioned during the during the 6 P.M. airing. "This is extremely important," counsels the recording, "and if you cannot abide by this rule, please hang up now."

Transgressors can, of course, ignore the instructions, remain on the line and spread Cramer's picks. Should that happen, says a CNBC spokesperson, that person "would be banned from participating in all future programs, and the network will consider appropriate legal action based on the specific facts involved."

As it happens, viewers who bought ELOS got burned two days later. Syneron's earnings disappointed, and the stock fell back to its earlier level. On Thursday, it was trading at $36.83.

Posted 12:27 PM by Gene

Call to close down London-based Arabic radio station

Shucks, no more top-10 beheadings.

Posted 12:20 PM by Gene

We are somehow surprised that SHAKESPEARE'S SUPERIOR became addicted to sleeping aids; we would have thought the problem would be meds to KEEP HIM AWAKE.

Posted 12:16 PM by Gene

Oh before the door hits you Jules, here's another reason to IMPEACH BUSH:

Gunmen kill Sunnis who pushed democracy
3 executed in Mosul after hanging posters urging people to vote

Posted 12:12 PM by Gene

Are corporations fundamentally psychopathic organizations that attract similarly disposed people?

It's taken someone at Fast Company this long to find out?

Posted 12:08 PM by Gene

Sneaky people are exploiting journalism's "both sides" rule

Like ROMY, who uses it as an excuse to attack conservatives while feeling self-righteously NON-PARTISAN.

How many days did it take people to wake you up during BLATHERGATE, Rom?

Posted 12:05 PM by Gene

Abdullah sees elected leaders within 15 years

The Saudis proceed with a collective experiment in holding their breaths.

Posted 11:51 AM by Gene

We are sorry Jules Witcover must retire from his paper before taking care of this unnecessary and calamitous war. But the history of the news biz is full of powerful sages turned threadbare with the march of time. We need look no further than Jules's own Sun, home of the Menck, once a mighty social critic, now almost universally regarded as little more than a comedian and a crank. Walter Lippmann, Drew Pearson, Westbrook Pegler, household names -- what happened to them? We are somehow not surprised that Jules started his Sun career under an editor named Jack Lemmon; the news biz is about nothing so much as comedy, and getting the last laugh on the reader. Alas, posterity has its ways. Goodbye Jules. Watch the door on the way out.

Posted 11:37 AM by Gene

We must only be astonished KnightRidder would call student-teacher sex "always" wrong. From an industry willing to make excuses for anything up to and including child porn this is incredible. Indeed the only things that are always wrong in this business are the Republican party, conservatism, Christianity and Judaism. We cannot imagine TONY's hacks or anybody's hacks being -- JUDGMENTAL. But here's a reason this biz is healthier than ever: it has moved so far from its consumers' values that when a paper dare say student-teacher sex is always wrong it is as if a great big electric light has suddenly popped on over its head, radiating sun-like with a fierce zapping sound. So we are glad our Daily Nooz finds student-teacher sex always wrong, even if this common sense prevails more only a millisecond, as it must with NEWS HACKS.

Posted 11:30 AM by Gene

Google needs to be more evil

How apt this advice comes from TIME WARNER.

Posted 7:18 PM by Gene

I've long dreamed of a show-business encyclopedia; failing that, we can hope for a Wikipedia. The Web is surfeited with information and information hobbyists, but it's so disjointed and hard to use as to make searches fruitless, as with so much Internet research. Browsing today I came across a site that claims to list America's first 100 licensed radio stations (who actually broadcast first may never be known), led by three of Westinghouse's. They're still on. (Remember Westinghouse? Founded by the inventor of the air brake, and once a rival to GE Bancorp? Now the stations are run by the sleazeballs of VIACON, and the trademark is shared among British Nuclear Fuels, a lighting distributor and a company making cheap HDTVs.) Many stations vanished by the mid-twenties, like A. C. Gilbert's WCJ in New Haven -- yes, the maker of the Erector set. Already the newspapers were thinking of their afterlife: nine on the list had publisher parents, like the current WWJ and WSB. There's KYW, born in Chicago, moved to Philadelphia, then to Cleveland, then back to Philadelphia. The Detroit Police Department owned KOP (!). Department stores owned them, Bamberger's (who?) most famously with WOR, long one of our blah-blah-blahiest outlets; John Wanamaker's of Philadelphia had station WOO (like Wanamaker's, long gone), while its soon-to-be-vanished competitor Strawbridge and Clothier ran WFI, which shared a frequency with another retailer's station WLIT (Lit Brothers); the two merged to form WFIL, predecessor of the TV station that gave us Dick Clark and IF IT BLEEDS, IT LEADS; the nearby Gimbel's owned WIP, later the second station nationally (it says) for the FRED FLINTSTONES of SPORT. Oddly enough, RCA, that powerhouse of radio and the G000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000GLE of the Twenties, is on the list but once, with the short-lived WDY in north Jersey. Some brothers named Warner started a station in Oakland, now KDIA -- not those brothers, who entered the biz three years later in Los Angeles with KFWB. (Just think; if they'd had Ken Fellata by their side they could have owned every broadcaster in America!) Outfits named Doron Brothers and William B. Duck ran stations, suggesting something dubious in the medium even then. The YMCA owned one (we can imagine what it would broadcast now). There were broadcasters named Portable Wireless Telephone Company in Stockton and the Radio Telephone Shop in Frisco; cellular was INEVITABLE. A list of our oldest continuous stations is no less interesting, not least for the startling fact that one of the oldest 100 is WDAS (originally WIAD), today a noxious mix of faux-black power and CHEAP CHANNEL P&G-PLEASIN' BABBITTRY. We'll give the last word to Buffalo: perhaps the first station to get a "temporary" federal license was owned, aptly enough, by two newspapers, one the Express, and Mark Twain would have appreciated its prophetic call letters: WPU.

Posted 6:29 PM by Gene

JUDGE ROBERTS RIPPED SEN. O'SPECTER!

Still going to hold fair hearings, O'Arlen?

Posted 5:55 PM by Gene

Does the baseball cheating begin in the Little League?

Between the Gen. Patton parents and ESPNCORP, you have to wonder.

Posted 5:53 PM by Gene

Roberts Wary of Rankling the Press in 1983

Is there a LINDA GREENHOUSE in your future?

Posted 5:46 PM by Gene

Whoopee, the POP-UP BLOGGERS OF THE MILLENNIUM have started a "NEWS" "SERVICE", which means they're looking for a BIG BUYOUT from RUPERT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! too.

Thanks for telling us, Brobdingnagian for the Lilliputians.

Posted 5:39 PM by Gene

Two homeless men were attacked with baseball bats and one of them critically injured, allegedly by teens inspired by videos of homeless people brawling that have sold hundreds of thousands of copies over the Internet.

Give these kids a job at VIACON!

Posted 5:32 PM by Gene

ROMY'S FACE TURNED BEET-RED AND HIS HEAD GREW THREE TIMES NORMAL:

NATIONAL REVIEW INSISTS SCHUMER ILLLUSTRATION ISN'T ANTISEMITIC!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Okay, fine. So Romy, explain to us why so many of your fellow liberals have such an intense dislike for ISRAEL and JEWS?

Posted 5:22 PM by Gene

I wonder if tanning looks so good anymore. Somehow when I think well-tanned bods I think airheads, or middle-aged boy toys. Anyone who thinks out-in-the-sun is sexy should consider the back of Tom Kite's neck. Give me the fair miss with the fair skin any day.

Posted 5:11 PM by Gene

I'm sure the victims' families will be comforted:

BTK serial killer Dennis Rader was sentenced Thursday to life in prison, with no chance of ever going free....

It was the longest possible sentence Judge Gregory Waller could deliver. Kansas had no death penalty at the time the killings were committed.

Oafish NINE FINGERS like FINGER STEVENS DEFINITELY have this in mind when complaining of the death penalty.

Well, at least the guy had RELIGION:

BTK took body to church, says investigator

Posted 5:04 PM by Gene

One of the STUPIDEST, SHIFTIEST practices in American retailing is the RONG-AID 2-FOR-1. But two for the price of one, right? Right. But buy one and you BUY IT for THE PRICE OF TWO! You can't get one item at the two-for-one price; you have to buy two whether you want two or not. You can tell it's a RONG-AID two-fer when the little black box with indecipherable message appears on the promotional tag below the item in the aisle. Go up to the counter with one item and the clerk has to void it, adding to long lines and the retailer's costs. This annoying two-fer explains RONG-AID's IDIOTIC slogan, "With us, it's personal."

WITH ME IT'S PERSONAL TOO.

Posted 3:46 PM by Gene

A well-known Microsoft Web logger is downplaying the proposed use of a new name for RSS (Really Simple Syndication) in the next version of Internet Explorer following several days of intense discussion about the notion of rebranding RSS in the Web log community.

Here's one for your boss: ICBS -- INCREDIBLY COMPLICATED AND BUGGY SYNDICATION.

Posted 2:22 PM by Gene

ERRRRRRRR....

The survey also found that teens who say they watch three or more R-rated movies in a typical month — about 43 percent — are seven times likelier to smoke cigarettes and six times likelier to try alcohol than teens who do not watch R-rated movies.

The correlation between R-rated movie watching and the risk of substance-abuse remains even after controlling for age, the report said. This was the first time the annual survey asked about R-rated movies.

"There's no question the correlation is very strong and it obviously wants further study," Califano said.

JACK FIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIITHIAN!!!!! SAMMY GLIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIICKMAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAN!!!!!

Posted 2:14 PM by Gene

KING RICHARD -- FOR GOVERNOR?!?!?

A chicken in every pot and $1,000-A-MONTH CABLE IN EVERY LIVING ROOM!

BRIAN ROBBER for PRESIDENT!

Posted 1:27 PM by Gene

I wonder if the giggle factor is starting to creep into the hacks' Gaza coverage. After all, the Israelis look "bad," and that's certainly pleasant. But the hacks are always screaming peace at the top of their lungs. And they occupy a prominent zone in the ideological-pretzel-land of liberalism. Is it too much to ask the Einsteins of the news suites keep their prejudices to themselves for once?

Posted 11:46 AM by Gene

One has the hunch the see-no-evil-hear-no-evil-speak-no-evil crowd in government doesn't want to know about Islamists in our prisons. This is the same crowd that didn't want to know about terrorists on our soil.

"Nothing I have suggests there is a widespread Al Qaeda recruitment movement within the prison system, but all you need is three or four to conduct an attack," said Gary Winuk, chief deputy director of the Governor's Office of Homeland Security.

Exactly -- which is why three or four are too many.

Posted 11:12 AM by Gene

And on this, the first anniversary of G000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000GLE's FAIRY TALE:

[Aswath] Damodaran is baffled that anyone would pay close to $300 per share for Google. To justify paying this much, he says, you will need compounded revenue growth of about 40% a year, which would generate revenues of $135 billion and operating income of almost $30 billion in ten years. [Emphasis added. --ED,] "If you believe this can happen, the stock is a good buy," he says. "Is it possible? Sure. Is it likely? I don't think so."

On Wall Street, they BELIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEVE.

Posted 10:40 AM by Gene

Back to clicking on Next Blog after a long absence, I discover the blogosphere's worse than ever -- abandoned blogs, placeholders, an occasional deep thought from someone who suddenly gives up, a PRON site (I love that spelling), and more than one blogger who insists on PLAYING WITH MY COMPUTER and may well be spreading SPYWARE -- or worse. I think I see why the geniuses at MOUNTAIN VIEW added that "FLAG?" button. It may get a workout.

I also think the time has come for me to update my blog's appearance, which I may do this weekend. I am also thinking again about going to a different blog host as there is clearly a taint to G000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000GLEBLOGGER.

Posted 10:13 AM by Gene

I think there's room on that field for several thousand more reporters. Don't you?

Posted 10:09 AM by Gene

Saudi Arabia says forces killed al-Qaida leader

Good news, even though our FRIENDS did it.

Posted 9:38 AM by Gene

Let's see if the Palestinians have half the guts to live in peace with the Israelis as the Israelis have the guts to turn their own people out of their settlements.

Posted 8:59 AM by Gene

OH oh, are the OVERGROWN ADOLESCENTS in MOUNTAIN VIEW starting to unload their CASH COW?????

Posted 8:08 AM by Gene

Well look who's being snippy -- THE PAPER OF RE-CORD!

When The New York Times and Forest City Ratner Companies open their grand new office building on Eighth Avenue, it won't have a Taco Bell, McDonald's, Wendy's, or Nathan's, because they are specifically forbidden under terms of a land deal with the state. But a Starbucks or Cosi would be just fine.

The lease, which is on file with the Securities and Exchange Commission, also bars renting space in the 52-story building for "a school or classroom or juvenile or adult day care or drop-in center." It forbids "medical uses, including without limitation, hospital, medical, or dental offices, agencies, or clinics." It gives the New York Times Company "the sole and absolute discretion" to reject United Nations or foreign-government offices, including any "considered controversial" or that are potentially the focus of demonstrations. It bans any "employment agency (other than executive-search firms) or job training center" and auction houses, "provided, however, the foregoing shall not apply to high-end auction houses specializing in art and historical artifacts." Discount stores are forbidden. And the deal bars "a welfare or social-services office, homeless shelter or homeless assistance center, court or court-related facility."

In fact, any government office is excluded from the building if it would attract people who arrive "without appointment."

We're disappointed the PAPER would not wish to rub elbows with a homeless shelter, given its devotion to THOREAUS, but we can appreciate THE LORD GOD PINCH's love of EXECUTIVES, not to mention ART and HISTORICAL ARTIFACTS, His PAPER being one.

Posted 7:00 AM by Gene

And as we once again take up the sword in battle against an unjust and eeeeeeeeeevil -- as we once again REPORT THE NEWS, let us post the STATEMENT OF PRINCIPLES of the AMERICAN SOCIETY OF NEWSPAPER EDITORS:

PREAMBLE. The First Amendment, protecting freedom of expression from abridgment by any law, guarantees to the people through their press a constitutional right, and thereby places on newspaper people a particular responsibility. Thus journalism demands of its practitioners not only industry and knowledge but also the pursuit of a standard of integrity proportionate to the journalist's singular obligation. To this end the American Society of Newspaper Editors sets forth this Statement of Principles as a standard encouraging the highest ethical and professional performance. [Pffh-hh-hh!]

ARTICLE I - Responsibility. The primary purpose of gathering and distributing news and opinion is to serve the general welfare by informing the people and enabling them to make judgments on the issues of the time. Newspapermen and women who abuse the power of their professional role for selfish motives or unworthy purposes are faithless to that public trust. The American press was made free not just to inform or just to serve as a forum for debate but also to bring an independent scrutiny to bear on the forces of power in the society, including the conduct of official power at all levels of government. [Ha ha ha!]

ARTICLE II - Freedom of the Press. Freedom of the press belongs to the people. It must be defended against encroachment or assault from any quarter, public or private. Journalists must be constantly alert to see that the public's business is conducted in public. They must be vigilant against all who would exploit the press for selfish purposes. [Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!!]

ARTICLE III - Independence. Journalists must avoid impropriety and the appearance of impropriety as well as any conflict of interest or the appearance of conflict. They should neither accept anything nor pursue any activity that might compromise or seem to compromise their integrity. [HA HA HA HA HA!!!]

ARTICLE IV - Truth and Accuracy. Good faith with the reader is the foundation of good journalism. Every effort must be made to assure that the news content is accurate, free from bias and in context, and that all sides are presented fairly. Editorials, analytical articles and commentary should be held to the same standards of accuracy with respect to facts as news reports. Significant errors of fact, as well as errors of omission, should be corrected promptly and prominently. [HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!!!!]

ARTICLE V - Impartiality. To be impartial does not require the press to be unquestioning or to refrain from editorial expression. Sound practice, however, demands a clear distinction for the reader between news reports and opinion. Articles that contain opinion or personal interpretation should be clearly identified. [HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!!!!!]

ARTICLE VI - Fair Play. Journalists should respect the rights of people involved in the news, observe the common standards of decency and stand accountable to the public for the fairness and accuracy of their news reports. Persons publicly accused should be given the earliest opportunity to respond. Pledges of confidentiality to news sources must be honored at all costs, and therefore should not be given lightly. Unless there is clear and pressing need to maintain confidences, sources of information should be identified. [HA HA HA HA HA HA HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!!!!!!!!!!]

These principles are intended to preserve, protect and strengthen the bond of trust and respect between American journalists and the American people, a bond that is essential to sustain the grant of freedom entrusted to both by the nation's founders.

MAKE ME LAUGH!

Posted 6:47 AM by Gene

In the ten years it took RICHARD RODGERS' GRANDSON to write the masterwork theater producers tend to admire more than hum, his GRANDFATHER and LORENZ HART could have written FORTY SHOWS. If it ever comes out this property will be a smash, not because it's any good -- it will probably be third-rate whimsy, or Camelot without melody -- but because of the abiding loyalty theaterfolk have that transcends mere considerations of quality (witness the raves for the GRANDSON's show and the SPELLING-BEE show), and besides, we need to fill up the rides in the theme park.

Posted 6:28 AM by Gene

The scribblers will do the public-is-hypocritical routine, but they also have a way of turning up the angst on eating, and there must be no small suspicion they're sympathetic to the tax-fast-food-out-of-business movement. Besides, people who aren't Popeye don't want spinach for lunch and dinner EVERY day.

Posted 6:25 AM by Gene

News hacks do what they do best: take their own side. The problem is it will be more difficult this time than THE LAST, because we haven't gotten to the 500-dead-a-day rate yet, and also because quite a few more people will watch the six- and seven-digit pontificators in the luxury news suites, and scorn them.

And are you sure we should have identified them as liberal? We're only supposed to mention folks' politics when they're CONSERVATIVE.

Posted 7:58 PM by Gene

The record industry learns no matter how hard it promotes no-talents, there is a limit to credulity.

Posted 7:56 PM by Gene

Does anyone here remember LIVE 8? No? Does anyone here remember AFRICAN HUNGER?

Didn't think so.

Posted 5:06 PM by Gene

A buzzard in the ADWARE BIZ is thinking of CLEANING UP ITS ACT.

What will WALTER "SPYWARE" WINCHELL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! do?

Posted 5:02 PM by Gene

The shrinks might be on solider ground re video games if they weren't perenially thinking up diseases and excuses.

Posted 4:56 PM by Gene

Asians oversell horsepower

Hasn't the horsepower already bolted the barn?

Posted 4:50 PM by Gene

Roberts Gets 'Well Qualified' From ABA

Better luck next time, SEN. BABS.

P. S. I guess it would have found him "exceptionally well-qualified" but the guy worked for REAGAN.

Posted 4:46 PM by Gene

The NPCPCAA buys a third-rate college basketball tournament no one watches so it can rule the world.

I'm beginning to see why TARK the JARK came so close to winning with the NINE FINGERS.

Posted 3:39 PM by Gene

ONE! TWO! THREE! FOUR! WE DON'T WANT YOUR RECRUITING ANY MORE!!!!!

But there's a LITTLE PROBLEM:

No public schools have actually prohibited military recruiters, because they would risk losing federal aid....

That would be the EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEVIL SOLOMON AMENDMENT, which the NINE FINGERS will soon moisten over. Nothing like a little law to put the monkey wrench in your NOBLE PROTESTING.

Posted 1:22 PM by Gene

To those of you skimming past me for three seconds because you clicked on "Next Blog," do you think you could spare a few additional seconds and read me -- and possibly even bookmark me? That would help my mood a little.

Posted 12:56 PM by Gene

Which would be better for the news biz: the current om-BUDS-man scam, where powerless ne'er-do-wells, patsies and recovering alcoholics wring their hands five or six times and go off to die, or a CUSTOMER SERVICE DESK, manned in east Asia, where clerks could ooze "Oh I'm very sorry" and offer refunds, then type their service codes into a computer for a report that winds up in an executive's circular file?

How 'bout it, guys?

Posted 10:47 AM by Gene

"I hate to sound like one of Mr. Jackson's records, constantly repeating the same refrain, but I recommend that we not approve this letter. . . . Frankly, I find the obsequious attitude of some members of the White House staff toward Mr. Jackson's attendants, and the fawning posture they would have the president of the United States adopt, more than a little embarrassing."

CONFIRM HIM! CONFIRM HIM YESTERDAY!!!!!

Posted 10:27 AM by Gene

Serving dinner with movies may be the greatest idea since -- putting movies and food on AIRPLANES.

Posted 10:25 AM by Gene

CONCAST WINS ANOTHER CUSTOMER SERVICE AWARD!

Posted 9:55 AM by Gene

Another brilliant innovation -- spray-on salad dressing:

How much salad dressing to use has become a big issue among the health-conscious, a fact that likely drove Unilever to the spray innovation, said Matt Patsky, portfolio manager with Winslow Management Co.

He suggested that Unilever sees a chance to sell consumers as much as 1/3 less salad dressing for the same price. "The food industry is all about selling us less for more and coming up with innovative ways of making us think it’s worth it," Mr. Patsky said.

So why not just use 1/3 less salad dressing?

Posted 9:01 AM by Gene

How many multi-millionaire news hacks can you fit on the head of a pin?

Posted 8:23 AM by Gene

Even ROMY has to admit:

Sales Lag for Book on Deep Throat

At Politics and Prose, a well-known independent bookstore in Washington, sales were "not very good, compared to expectations," said Mark LaFramboise, who ordered 400 copies of the book for the store. As of last week, Politics and Prose had sold "60-something," he said.

"I expected it to be a blockbuster," he said. "I was wrong."

What would you know at a store with POLITICS in its name?

Posted 8:18 AM by Gene

CNN broke into regular programming -- with a WORM!

But security software company McAfee Inc. and Microsoft said that they did not see any heightened activity from Zotob on Tuesday.

Who says the media are self-conscious?

Posted 6:49 AM by Gene

STERNO will be at it ALL DAY with THIS:

Complaints to FCC down sharply in ’05

Okay, OKAY, it's because PATRIOTIC GORE and REV. WILDMAN turned off their FAX MACHINES. But if the FCC still got 157,650 complaints maybe that means a lot of LITTLE PEOPLE are complaining. That can't be good for your digestion, STERNO.

Posted 6:44 AM by Gene

Also in OUR FAVORITE CUTE LITTLE PINK PAPER, Bret Easton Ellis is BACK:

"I had gotten up, and my knees were shaking …. The room was now filled with despair, torrents of it. I knew even then, half-drunk on vodka, sobering up at a rapid pace, that Kimball would not be able to help anyone and that more crime scenes would be darkened with blood. Fear kept bolting me upright. I suddenly realized that I was straining not to defecate. I had to grip the desk for support. Kimball stood uneasily beside me. I was of no use at that point."

Unfortunately, he never left.

Posted 6:38 AM by Gene

Who needs smoke-filled rooms when you have THE PAPER OF RE-CORD'S EDITORIAL BOARD?

Imagine that: a SMOKE-FREE smoke-filled room!

GET OUT THE FOG MACHINE! Never mind.

Posted 6:28 AM by Gene

State Dept. Says It Warned About bin Laden in 1996



HIM?!?!?

Posted 6:23 AM by Gene

We know it's frustrasting, guys: you want to mount this concerted righteous holy offensive against Judge Sou -- ROBERTS, but you're reluctant to go into full Bork mode because if you do then you remind people of what makes Democrats great, and we can't afford that going into another round of elections next year, and then some other NINE FINGER might retire, and we don't ENTIRELY want to look like obstructionists, and so....

When you're down and out, remember, you have the Charmin news factories, and the Hollywood Toxic Waste Dump, and the MADMEN of MADAVE, and the scrambled-egghead assembly lines, so lift up your heads and -- SCREAM.

Posted 9:22 PM by Gene

The Goliathan blogger for Davids is upset because a movie he likes (I'm assuming therefore it's a con-SER-va-tive movie) is not getting the B. O. it "deserves." Usually however there's a reason when a studio sits on something for three years. If Little-Guy Hugh's "tens of millions" do come out to see it that will make for the biggest hit since Gone With the Wind, meaning Hugh's fingers were too busy, or his brain wasn't busy enough.

Posted 7:01 PM by Gene

GUESS-WHO STRIKES AGAIN:

Putin takes supersonic flight in long-range bomber plane

Everybody wants to be DUBYA.

Posted 7:00 PM by Gene

HIGH-TECH STRIKES AGAIN:

Officials: Inmates used cell phones to coordinate riots

Posted 6:00 PM by Gene

I do not feel sorry for Connecticut. Connecticut inherited in International Paper a company that fled New York City because of -- well, a BAD WORD. Connecticut has MANY corporate headquarters that so left the Big Apple -- like GE BANCORP. Let it find succor in THOSE dubious tax revenues. As for Memphis, one hopes for all the tax largesse it's wasting on IP the company finds another sucke -- WONDERFUL TOWN in a few years.

Posted 5:45 PM by Gene

I may have to repeat this every time I get an obvious run from the "Next Blog" button, but to wit: To those of you skimming past me for three seconds because you clicked on it do you think you could spare a few additional seconds and read me -- and possibly even bookmark me? That would help my mood a little.

Posted 5:30 PM by Gene

Elsewhere in the THEA-TAH, Terry Teachout has devoted 1,021 words defending his rave of that spelling-bee musical. It might not occur to him that if he has to be so defensive -- so exceedingly defensive the masterwork may not be the second coming of My Fair Lady. Not long ago we noted he and another fine critic had opposite-extreme opinions about Kristin Chenoweth, but we could readily excuse that as a fluke. Having nothing but the most vigorous contempt for the ad-blurb copywriting brigade we are not so sure, now. Their business too often is to sell, and when they can't sell, to be superior apologetically. Mr. Teachout has no reason to apologize, but if he applied a keener skepticism to such works, he'd avoid the copywriter's trap of falling in love at first sight, and might not have to write another 1,021 words defending another show.

Posted 4:57 PM by Gene

Finally! The LORD GOD PINCH learns what a -- BLOGGER IS:

Naked, pink-flesh figures were propped up on the wall behind him. They wore the masks of the famous: Ronald Reagan; President Bush and the first lady, Laura Bush; Vice President Dick Cheney; the presidential adviser Karl Rove; and the conservative commentators Rush Limbaugh and Ann Coulter. Some had penises, some didn't. You could hear people asking whose was bigger. Why did Mr. Limbaugh and Mr. Rove have breasts instead? And what about Ms. Coulter? Like the versatile Greek prophet Tiresias, she had been granted breasts and a penis, but she bested him, she had both at once.

Mr. Papa is a tornado of a writer. So it was refreshing when he began the show with memories of his adolescence. We're all under some kind of blight as adolescents. His blight was Ronald Reagan, the man who "hounded my life for eight years." In the Rude Pundit's world, Mr. Reagan was the cruel patriarch who set the world on its downward spiral of greed and aggression.

What followed was a set of free-form riffs, separated by blackouts. If you have qualms, prepare to feel them now. I felt fine most of the time, and so it seemed did the rest of the audience. I feel less fine trying to describe the show, because obscenities I am not allowed to quote here burst from almost all his sentences. [COURAGEOUS! -- ED.]

Take the Rude Pundit's fantasy of what John Kerry should have said in the presidential debate when Mr. Bush accused him of being a liberal. Mr. Papa hijacks the Republican language of warrior-strength and makes it grotesque. How do we liberals show we're strong, he asks, and answers firmly: "We have to rape Republicans. We have to show them this is what liberals are." Savvy candidates like Senator Hillary Rodham Clinton will benefit, he adds: "Then Hillary can say: 'I am not a liberal. Liberals are people who rape Republicans. I have never raped a Republican.'"....

I still enjoyed the show. It's just that I enjoy his blog more. As a new fan, I also liked the fact that several members of the Listserv I belong to sent me links to their favorite Rude Pundit columns and discussions of his work that read like short, smart reviews. Those are the kinds of shrewd, passionate fans mainstream theaters would kill to attract. [EMPHASIS ADDED.] They'll have to take a lot more risks first.

We are edified to hear someone is encouraging HIS HOLINESS PINCH and His crew to rape Republicans, and that His minion so devoutly approves. I suspect if THE PAPER OF RE-CORD had a PUBLIC EDI-TOR he might have to see a doctor about his hearing.

Posted 1:50 PM by Gene

Geez, in Chicago as well, they're showing intolerance to THOREAUS!

Don't they realize it isn't begging, it's DISCOVERING YOURSELF?

Posted 1:38 PM by Gene

BLAHBLAHBLAHBLAHBLAHBLAHBLAHBLAHBLAH....

Within a week of setting up "Camp Casey" she had already given more than 100 media interviews....

BLAHBLAHBLAHBLAHBLAHBLAHBLAHBLAHBLAH....

She admits that he does not agree with the "level of intensity" she has devoted to peace in the past year.

Yep, I think I can see the reason for the divorce.

Posted 1:26 PM by Gene

Spain's defense minister says he has not yet ruled out hostile fire as the possible cause of a helicopter crash in Afghanistan that killed 17 Spanish soldiers.

More CLUCKCLUCKCLUCKING home to the mother coop?

Posted 1:06 PM by Gene

The nice thing about the Web is that it lets more people not know what they're talking about than ever.

Posted 11:29 AM by Gene

Spend 13 percent more on junk television AND outsource to INJA and people may NOT think so highly of you.

Posted 11:26 AM by Gene

To those of you skimming past me for three seconds because you clicked on "Next Blog," do you think you could spare a few additional seconds and read me -- and possibly even bookmark me? That would help my mood a little.

Posted 11:08 AM by Gene

Perhaps we're just old-fashioned fuddy-duddies, but perhaps it's a little past the time when that SEXY PRIEST'S SEXY GIRLFRIEND should be wearing SHORT-SHORTS in PUBLIC.

Posted 11:03 AM by Gene

Maybe it is GAS PRICES and the DVD, but maybe also not THAT many people are masochistic enough to pay $90 plus PARKING and CONCESSIONS to get YELLED AT, even if it be by SHAKESPEARE. CW toadying hacks like Ron play down quality concerns because they know we can make THE SAME ARGUMENTS AGAINST THEM.

Posted 10:59 AM by Gene

This is why Romy and his friends get me exercised: they see EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEVIL on the right, but when THE IDENTICAL THING HAPPENS ON THE LEFT THEY IGNORE IT. And because ROMY is the apex of KNEE-JERK LOCKSTEP NEWS HACK THINKING we can be SURE he and his friends represent what goes on at EVERY LAST DISSEMBLING PAPER IN AMERICA.

Posted 10:22 AM by Gene

Goldman Lists Wash Post, NYT Co., Gannett As Possible Buyers for DJ

It's BAD, BAD and BAD. The only company that might perform a public service in acquiring the Journals is GanNETt, as I've a hunch it would be the most likely to abandon the papers' IDIOTIC practice of charging online.

Posted 9:47 AM by Gene

In an ideal world newspapers should strive to be non-partisan; but would this "controversial" sponsorship have caused such a stink in ST. WARREN'S HEAVEN if ROMY'S GANG hadn't complained?

There are times NEWS HACKS don't like this country a whole lot -- except when they EARN TOO MUCH and CHEAT ON THEIR TAXES.

Posted 6:50 AM by Gene

Another manufactured story. Stealing gasoline is wrong. But even if drive offs account for, say, $500 million in lost revenues for convenience stores this year, ExxonMobil (DilbertSpell) had annual revenues of over $292 BILLION in 2004. Most people can be trusted not to cheat the gas refiners, even if in their way they cheat on them.

Posted 6:44 AM by Gene

Memo Cited 'Abortion Tragedy'
Roberts Backed Service for Fetuses

That should DEFINITELY disqualify him!

Right, Sen. BABS?

Posted 6:40 AM by Gene

The plane might have run out of fuel after flying for nearly three hours on autopilot, air force officials said, asking not to be named in line with Greek practice.

If planes can fly on autopilot why can't they be made to land on autopilot in an emergency?

There are no doubt elaborate excuses, and a relatively minor fix.

Posted 6:24 PM by Gene

He's here! He's THERE! He's EVERYWHERE!

Roberts supported school prayer efforts, papers show

THAT should disqualify him! BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

Let's see you try it, SEN. RED-LIGHT SCHUMER.

Posted 4:55 PM by Gene

And from the state with a PROUD STAR of an R MOVIE, BOOBS McKEATING:

Chocolate bars are out, but granola bars are in. Soda, even diet, is banned, but fruit juices are allowed.

Arizona Superintendent of Public Instruction Tom Horne has released his proposal for what should and shouldn't be sold to kids in schools and is asking parents to weigh in.

The proposal would cause a radical shift in what students can buy at school snack bars and vending machines. Baked potato chips, 100 percent juice and low-fat cookies would replace fried chips, sports drinks and cupcakes.

Even foods that are allowed would have limits on portion size.

The recommendations come after the Arizona Legislature this year approved a law banning junk-food sales during the school day in elementary and middle schools, beginning in July 2006. High schools are exempt.

Knowing how DEFINITIVE SCIENCE IS we expect to hear five years from now how the movement to "healthify" school food has backfired, because kids and their ignorant or cowed parents have gotten around it, and perhaps also because (I would not be surpised to learn) they're undernourished by the new regimen, however healthy it is. After all, if the nutritionists can renovate the long-sarcosanct food pyramid they, like any scientist, can do anything.

Posted 4:47 PM by Gene

FLASH! from TOENAIL.COM:

Hollywood Economist: Onscreen Nudity Drops
Alex Chadwick talks with Edward J. Epstein about the decline of sexual nudity in films over the last few decades. Epstein says film studios are being pressured by the DVD and television markets to offer less salacious films. Listen to the segment.

We may assume our HONORARY PAUL DRECK, being also an honorary ad-blurb copywriter (as most of the thumbsucker-writers of SHOW BIZ are) thinks this a BAD thing; government, censorship blahblahblah. (We have no intention to listen to the segment.) While the number of HEROIC R movies leads us to doubt this is true, clearly THE CONSPIRACY is a world champion in the COWERING department -- think Louis B. Mayer and the fascists -- and if this is true it's still a good thing. The biz got along for decades without skin, and now the biz can't get along, among other reasons, with it. One would like to think the days of our MEDIA BETTERS pushing us around like so much offal are finished, but so long as TYRANTS want to assemble EMPIRES, we know better. If on the other hand the BIZ is fighting a rearguard action, it may well be, oh, forty years too late.

Posted 2:01 PM by Gene

Let us not put too fine a face on it: these conservatives want JUDICIAL ACTIVISM.

I don't like the NINE FINGERS either. I don't like how they invent rights out of thin air, and justify things the Founding Fathers wouldn't have heard of by citing their "consciences." But just as Earl Warren social-engineered to his heart's content, so would certain conservatives, and we've been screwed up ENOUGH. Time to interpret the Constitution for what it MEANS, not for what we think or hope or pray it means.

Posted 1:40 PM by Gene

Every once in a while on my way in to work I see a blind woman clutching her seeing-eye dog, a Labrador retriever, by the leash, and invariably my first thought when I see it is, "Good dog."

Posted 10:53 AM by Gene

The next time NEWS HACKS get out the Kleenex and ostentatiously blow their noses and wipe their eyes over our atom bombings of Japan, we should remember -- the Rape of Nanjing CAME FIRST.

And I don't THINK we employed SEX SLAVES either.

Posted 10:48 AM by Gene

J'ACCUSE: Atlanta's businessmen are coming out against -- THE HOMELESS!

Only in America is it a THOUGHTCRIME to oppose public urination, people who don't bathe for six months, and the constant roar of "Haveanychangesir".

P. S. I know that sounds crass and uncaring, but these folk aren't The Little Match Girl, they're mostly psychos and drunks and druggies whom we could help if we wanted to, whom we must help if we care for ourselves, but whom we DON'T HELP because some idiot William O. Douglases called them THOREAUS.

Posted 10:43 AM by Gene

Sen. YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGH of Illinois has opened his BIG FAT MOUTH AGAIN, but happily such things don't make a noise outside of the CONSERVATIVE MEDIA.

Posted 10:20 AM by Gene

And in further postings from IWantMedia.com, a big part of the blogger CW is that MMMMMMMMMMMSSSSSSSSSSMMMMMMMMMM is "disintegrating." I have an answer to that: the Edison movie trust, the Keith-Albee and Orpheum circuits merging, RCA, Loew's, Paramount nearly merging with Warners, ITT nearly buying ABC, HEARST, Gulf + Western, Transamerica, Coke buying Columbia Pictures, etc., etc., ETC. BIG MEDIA are ALWAYS DISINTEGRATING -- to create BIGGER MEDIA.

Posted 10:01 AM by Gene

And speaking of GORILLAS (and IWantMedia.com, sorry), some may ascribe what this SURVEY SAYS (sighhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh) about the declining popularity of American companies to Iraq, as does "Gfk NOP" (!). I say people may be discovering Coca-Cola, ESPNCORP, Mickey D's, TIME WARNER and BILL'S BUGGY BEHEMOTH are NOT very nice companies.

Posted 9:56 AM by Gene

People are starting to learn, somewhat after the fact, that G000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000GLE isn't warm and fuzzy anymore.

Posted 8:49 AM by Gene

The BAD news: CHEAP CHANNEL GREW its AUDIENCE.

The GOOD news: It SHRUNK its REVENUES!

Posted 8:29 AM by Gene

Tour de France superstar Lance Armstrong dismissed reports that might enter politics by running for governor of Texas.

Shortly after winning his record seventh Tour last month, the cyclist told Outside magazine that he might consider a run for governor of his home state after 2006.

But he downplayed the statement as "more or less a joke" in an interview with ABC television.

He wouldn't laugh when he had to choose PARTIES.

Come to think of it, in TEXAS, he might.

Posted 8:13 AM by Gene

As expected, more GEN-IUS in the THEA-TAH:

"Who is that man anyway, and what is he doing here?"

That man is YOKO'S HUSBAND, and he's there to MAKE HIS WIDOW MONEY -- something that now seems EXCEEDINGLY UNLIKELY.

Posted 8:08 AM by Gene

The WALL STREET JOURNALS' owners are sick of being patsies for MANAGEMENT! They're sick of BUYING things -- like TELERATE! and MARKETWATCH! They want to sell!

The big question: WHICH JOURNAL will SURVIVE? The Conservative Edition with its hard-core reinforced concrete GREED IS GOOD, or the Liberal Edition, which its squoosh of compassion and its slop of PC? Stay tuned!

Posted 8:06 AM by Gene

One of the great wonders of MODERN MEDICINE (and liberal politics) KILLS PEOPLE.

What will SCIENCE think up NEXT?

Posted 6:17 PM by Gene

Now we KNOW there's a bubble: MORONS ran up MICKEY D's because it's in REAL ESTATE -- and ran it down when they decided it ISN'T.

Who knew? We thought it was in SHOW BIZ and DIRTY RESTAURANTS.

Posted 5:13 PM by Gene

BLAHBLAHBLAHBLAHBLAHBLAHBLAHBLAHBLAH....

Past payola inquiries have been racially and politically targeted: In the 1950s they shut down upstart, black rock 'n' roll labels; the 1970s hearings targeted Philly soul. While Spitzer has been impeccably unbiased, the tone may change as the FCC brings the case to Washington -- and politicians seize the chance to grandstand against hip-hop.

And in every case it had absolutely NOTHING to do with corruption: it was just a conspiracy of THE MAN. Something tells me CARL is white; something also tells me that, in common with MOST rock music ad-blurb copywriters, he may not know what he's doing.

Posted 3:27 PM by Gene

McCain: Iran Military Option Must Be Kept

How many times will BOOBS McKEATING change his mind as president?

Posted 2:45 PM by Gene

Aside from a brief post the other day I haven't paid much attention to Curt Weldon or "Able Danger," in part because I've seen this Congresspoop in action many times before, and he has a way of letting his tongue get well in front of his brains. We may never know who's telling the truth here, and I'm not sure that in a summer co-starring CINDY SHEEHAN, I'm prepared to give a damn. I do know is the former is selling a book, and the latter is selling a bill of goods, and POD is spinspinspinning, much in the same way he REVIEWS FILMS.

Posted 2:17 PM by Gene

It's a wonder these TWO HACKS didn't get killed trampling over each other PLUGGING THIS MOVIE.

A BIG FAT PUBLIC-BE-DAMNED NEUHARTHISM OF THE WEEK AWARD TO BOTH.

P. S.

Technically, the movie looks more like television, with flat groupings of actors, high-key lighting and only a handful of sets.

The HOLLYWOOD STENOGRAPHER wrote this. When the HOLLYWOOD STENOGRAPHER writes this about a movie two BLITHERING HACKS almost fought each other tooth-and-nail to plug, it must REALLY stink. But there IS hope -- from THE CORNER.

One realizes this could be said of most movies -- but then most movies these days ARE television.

Posted 2:15 PM by Gene

Big Tobacco, in Court Again. But the Stock Is Still Up.

Shucks PINCH, we were hoping You could PUT IT OUT OF BUSINESS.

Posted 12:59 PM by Gene

ANOTHER TREMENDOUS WEEKEND FOR THE BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE-OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOH!

Who wants to see a movie?

Annoying plug P. S.:

[T]he comedy sequel "Deuce Bigalow: European Gigolo" (Columbia), starring Rob Schneider as a "man-whore," failed to find many clients, opening at No. 5 with $9.4 million....Schneider has predicted on radio host HOWARD STERN's syndicated show Thursday that the film would hit $20 million in its first weekend.

What about all those subscribers, ZONNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN?

Posted 9:25 AM by Gene

We confess we turned to FREEP.com to see what latest features GanNETt has added to its FANZINE for a certain SHAKESPEARE -- but somehow we found THIS:

The federal government said Friday it has launched two investigations -- one criminal and one civil -- into the finances of Collins & Aikman Corp., the bankrupt Michigan auto supplier assembled and later run by former Michigan congressman David Stockman....

Michigan's 20th largest public company, C&A is being investigated by federal prosecutors in New York who have been tough on white-collar crime.

The U.S. Attorney's Office in Manhattan has won convictions against business leaders such as Martha Stewart, Al Taubman and former WorldCom Chief Executive Officer Bernie Ebbers.

Remember David Stockman? The man who became a HERO with NEWS HACKS for telling what an EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEVIL man Ronald Reagan was with his DEFICIT SPENDING? Seems like our ex-Congresspoop did a little DEFICIT SPENDING of his OWN.

Posted 9:16 AM by Gene

Or maybe I can make it into TOILETBOWL.com's BLOG ROUNDUP by asking, "Hey MR. MARK! Would we have put LUNG CANCER on the cover if PETER JENNINGS hadn't died? But that's the point -- we DIDN'T put LUNG CANCER on the cover."

Posted 9:13 AM by Gene

We don't blame the Base Closure Commission for asking questions; we've no doubt once the Defense Department's finished closing bases and relocating operations it's already SPENT a lot of money.

Posted 9:08 AM by Gene

Or maybe I can make it into TOILETBOWL.com's BLOG ROUNDUP by asking, "Hey MR. MARK! YOU STEALING FROM USELESS NEWS? Don't you make ENOUGH money from KAPLAN?"

Posted 9:06 AM by Gene

Hey maybe I can make TOILETBOWL.com's BLOG ROUNDUP by asking, "HEY MR. MARK! WHAT'S WITH YOUR TIME WARNER FIXATION?"

I repeat -- "WHAT'S WITH YOUR TIME WARNER FIXATION?"