THE NEWS HACK'S CREED:
I know more than you.
I make lots more money than you.
I'm smarter than you.
I'm sexier than you.
I appear on TV all the time.
I work ten minutes a day.
I rule the universe.
I'm going to live forever.
You are an idiot.
THE NEWS HACK'S CREED, No. 2:
A lie isn't a lie when it tells THE TRUTH.
THE NEWS HACK'S CREED, No. 3:
I've come to realize that the looseness of the journalistic life, the seeming laxity of the newsroom, is an illusion. Yes, there's informality and there's humor, but beneath the surface lies something deadly serious. It is a code. Sometimes the code is not even written down, but it is deeply believed in. And, when violated, it is enforced with tribal ferocity.
--JOHN "OMERTA" CARROLL.
THE NEWS HACK'S CREED, No. 4:
News isn't news when we don't report it.
PERMALINKS:
THE NEWS HACKS' DICTIONARY
THE EUGENE DAVID GLOSSARY
AMERICA'S MOST UNINTENTIONALLY FUNNY WEB SITE!
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Thursday, March 31, 2011
Since when have colleges become so controversial? They used to embody humankind at its most elevated; now, they're just another institution to be wary of.
Here is America's eulogy, written by a professor who has unfortunately chosen to use a pseudonym, doubly unfortunate as this professor has administered the republic such a bracing tonic.
Here is America's eulogy, written by a professor who has unfortunately chosen to use a pseudonym, doubly unfortunate as this professor has administered the republic such a bracing tonic.
The Peabody Awards — the television awards for people still mad The Wire never won any freakin' Emmys....
We know SUPERADAM!!!!!'s interns really don't mean it, but interns can tell the truth however bass-ackwardly.
And it's official -- after some extremely clever PR the news hacks get a chance to be insufferable for many years more.
P. S. on 4/1/2011 at 8:42 a. m. Three years -- it says here. Assuming it isn't eight a decade after the last episode all the electronic drooling over this masterpiece will be an unreadable embarrassment. It is NOW.
We know SUPERADAM!!!!!'s interns really don't mean it, but interns can tell the truth however bass-ackwardly.
And it's official -- after some extremely clever PR the news hacks get a chance to be insufferable for many years more.
P. S. on 4/1/2011 at 8:42 a. m. Three years -- it says here. Assuming it isn't eight a decade after the last episode all the electronic drooling over this masterpiece will be an unreadable embarrassment. It is NOW.
Back again with -- ARCHDaily!
Wait! Isn't the mast of a ship supposed to be in the middle or something like that? Why is it thrust all the way through the ship? And why does a submarine need a mast?
Or an big ice cube on top?
Who designed this gym? Peeping Tom?
Proof STARCHITECTS can turn a depressing old academic factory into a depressing NEW academic factory!
The world's biggest award-winning cheese grater!
Wait! Isn't the mast of a ship supposed to be in the middle or something like that? Why is it thrust all the way through the ship? And why does a submarine need a mast?
Or an big ice cube on top?
Who designed this gym? Peeping Tom?
Proof STARCHITECTS can turn a depressing old academic factory into a depressing NEW academic factory!
The world's biggest award-winning cheese grater!
Great: Just what cable subscribers have clamored for -- another weather channel!
At launch, WeatherNation TV, which is headquartered in Denver Colorado, will offer a weather news format 24 hours a day that will not be interrupted by documentary, entertainment or reality programming, Norton says.
Until it decides to compete a bit more heartily with you-know-who.
At launch, WeatherNation TV, which is headquartered in Denver Colorado, will offer a weather news format 24 hours a day that will not be interrupted by documentary, entertainment or reality programming, Norton says.
Until it decides to compete a bit more heartily with you-know-who.
We have no trouble with the Feds going undercover on the Web to nab producers of counterfeit goods. But we can hear JACK VALENTI II screaming, and then the Feds will get overzealous and persecute mere downloaders. We've no doubt that's what will happen here.
Wednesday, March 30, 2011
The other day at work we came across a brochure from the big scientific supply firm VWR and were startled to see this microscope. Not by the microscope -- by the name. Alas unlike in the fifties creepy crawlers aren't the only things best suited for a microscope.
The Japanese have much to mourn about, but they should see the cherry blossoms as a sign of renewal. And Japan will renew.
P. S. The same news service financed by million-dollar BloomyBoxes that told us the mythical company of How to Succeed in Hogwarts is World Wide "Widget" today tells us the Imperial Hotel in Tokyo was designed by Frank Lloyd Wright. Well -- it used to be. Money and news quality may be mutually exclusive.
P. S. The same news service financed by million-dollar BloomyBoxes that told us the mythical company of How to Succeed in Hogwarts is World Wide "Widget" today tells us the Imperial Hotel in Tokyo was designed by Frank Lloyd Wright. Well -- it used to be. Money and news quality may be mutually exclusive.
We have said before the idea of the BUGMEISTERS making TVs is something of a laugh riot. The unspoken secret of the consumer electronics biz is that many firms have been making such mundane goods as receivers harder to use; they have conflicting buttons and confusing on-screen menus and need firmware updates. Home theatre threatens to make the worst of both worlds converge. It used to be simplicity in hi-fi was an excuse for price gouging. Now is the time for a little simplicity.
Sokol, possible Buffett heir, quits Berkshire
There can only be one GOD.
Here's betting if there's anything to this story other than a resignation the news hacks, charter members of His Church, won't say a word.
Apparently though it had to do with insider trading, which, as con-SER-va-tives always bleat, is NOT a crime.
There can only be one GOD.
Here's betting if there's anything to this story other than a resignation the news hacks, charter members of His Church, won't say a word.
Apparently though it had to do with insider trading, which, as con-SER-va-tives always bleat, is NOT a crime.
Speaking of delusions, the other day we mentioned duels. If all the high-tech megalomaniacs used memoirs as guns there'd be no scores left to settle -- and we wish we could say other than that it might not be a bad thing.
Silicon Valley companies are swooping in and scooping up potential employees in a frenzy of hiring not seen since the Internet bubble of a decade ago.
The tech industry is beginning to resemble an economic Nirvana, as established companies and start-ups alike hire aggressively and court prospective recruits. The competition is so fierce, many employers are dangling goodies such as iPads, nifty cubicles, shuttle service and meals to harvest top talent in engineering, social-media, website and product design, data crunching and analysis, and management.
A surge in tech hires in California could portend an upturn for the larger U.S. economy, says Jesse Harriott, chief knowledge officer at online job site Monster.com.
And this time it'll stick!
Ask SLIME!
The tech industry is beginning to resemble an economic Nirvana, as established companies and start-ups alike hire aggressively and court prospective recruits. The competition is so fierce, many employers are dangling goodies such as iPads, nifty cubicles, shuttle service and meals to harvest top talent in engineering, social-media, website and product design, data crunching and analysis, and management.
A surge in tech hires in California could portend an upturn for the larger U.S. economy, says Jesse Harriott, chief knowledge officer at online job site Monster.com.
And this time it'll stick!
Ask SLIME!
Alongside time spent studying outside of class, alcohol consumption is the most significant predictor of a student's grade point average. It has more impact than working, watching television, online social networking -- even attending class.
So it stands to reason our KOLLEDGES should encourage drinking, as it leads to lower grades, which leads to more make-up classes, which leads to a longer time spent in KOLLEDGE, which means -- MORE MONEY!
So it stands to reason our KOLLEDGES should encourage drinking, as it leads to lower grades, which leads to more make-up classes, which leads to a longer time spent in KOLLEDGE, which means -- MORE MONEY!
Since when is FDR's story a comedy?
Oh, Billy's in his "serious-ac-TOR mode". That's another term for slumming.
(Via POLITICO.COM!!!!!, where most of the stories are comedies)
Oh, Billy's in his "serious-ac-TOR mode". That's another term for slumming.
(Via POLITICO.COM!!!!!, where most of the stories are comedies)
The NPCPCAA's boss proposes bigger baby steps, meaning more TOSTITOS BOWL scandals, more OHIO STATE scandals, more under-the-table scandals of all kinds. Mark, just pay the guys! You compromise your "ideals" in every other way as it is.
RICHLY DESERVED: A special on PAPA did poorly in the ratings; THE WORLD'S GREATEST NETWORK'S latest and greatest did poorly in the ratings -- who says all news is bad?
Gray-DOHN flatters himself:
"How to explain Taylor to younger readers," muses Carter. "For comparison's sake, there is really no one on today's screens who comes close. Try to imagine a star who combines the talent of a Meryl Streep with the beauty of Nicole Kidman, the sensuality of a Penélope Cruz, and the notoriety of a Lindsay Lohan (although in a much higher-class way, and without the public displays of private parts and vomiting). Magnify that a hundredfold, and you're still only halfway to Elizabeth Taylor."
Which is why every new starlet on his cover combines the talent of...oh, never mind.
"How to explain Taylor to younger readers," muses Carter. "For comparison's sake, there is really no one on today's screens who comes close. Try to imagine a star who combines the talent of a Meryl Streep with the beauty of Nicole Kidman, the sensuality of a Penélope Cruz, and the notoriety of a Lindsay Lohan (although in a much higher-class way, and without the public displays of private parts and vomiting). Magnify that a hundredfold, and you're still only halfway to Elizabeth Taylor."
Which is why every new starlet on his cover combines the talent of...oh, never mind.
Tuesday, March 29, 2011
It's not just the TOSTITOS Bowl. How could it not be with CEOs to flatter, and politicians to brown-nose, and Babbitts run amok?
And sorry, it should be called the TOSTITOS Bowl, after its SPONSOR. If I were PEPSICO I might be in hiding the next few days.
P. S. "TOSTITOS BOWL".
Notice anything...strange about this cover? We don't know where to begin, except to say Terry got us to think about it with his star-struck swooning. Maybe we should start by explaining Time once ran theater reviews from distinguished writers like T. E. Kalem and William A. Henry III (and the rag pretty well stopped covering theatre when the latter died at the ungodly age of 44). Newsweek ran theater reviews too, even if it was Jack...Dill? So here's the strange thing: Can you imagine a newsrag putting a Broadway show on the front cover? Even one as supremely good as How to Succeed in Hogwarts? Or Anyone But Muslims? There must have been a reason. The reason was The Music Man. It was a smash hit -- and not just any smash hit; it opened in a season that produced West Side Story, from an industry that created My Fair Lady not too long before, that went on to create Gypsy and The Sound of Music not long after. Now what else can you tell me about this cover? Well, there are three people on it, not counting American Gothic. Robert Preston, yes -- he was the star; it made his career after too many B westerns. Meredith Willson's there too -- he wrote it at the instigation of Frank Loesser, putative creator of Hogwarts. Oh yes, one other person. Now you might be able to identify her as Marian Paroo, the heroine. Sorry, wrong -- that's Barbara Cook. Terry had to remind me of a post from some time ago noting how he and Peter G. Davis couldn't agree on Kristin Chenoweth, a difference that renders all critical judgment suspect. How many outside theatah have heard of Kristin? Probably not very many. All right, how many heard of Barbara Cook in her prime? Hard to tell -- although Capitol made The Music Man into "one of the biggest cast album sellers of all time". We will say people who love The Music Man and the sound of Barbara Cook's voice in her prime don't have to make excuses. And as we've said before, there's a reason today's chief issuer of cast albums is called GHOSTLIGHT.
So what am I getting at? Plainly given Terry's swoon and that FANGIRL's and all the typists swooning over ABM lots of people within two miles of Branson East are excited about these two masterworks. There was a time when more people cared. I've already mentioned seven distinguished drama critics. Anyone hear of The Saturday Review of Literature? It ran an eighth distinguished critic, Henry Hewes. If I looked hard enough I could find half-a-dozen more. How many today? Don't mention Ben Brantley; he's not fit to shine George S. Kaufman's shoes. Popular magazines like Life and Look ran theatrical pictorials. Ed Sullivan had Broadway stars on his show -- he was (lest we forget) a Broadway columnist. Dorothy Kilgallen brought Broadway to What's My Line? New York's radio and TV stations had reviewers, and though they made Gene Shalit look good at least it was theater. There were theater magazines. Plays were regularly published in book form. People like Goddard Lieberson made cast albums of straight plays. A Broadway production of Hamlet was televised nationwide on closed-circuit in movie houses. Broadway hits regularly became film hits; the Pink Panther series (just one example) was based on A Shot in the Dark. Now we have Hogwarts and Anyone But Muslims. Half the commenters in the chat room of a popular Branson East site are twelve years old and half the avatars are Liza Minnelli and buff males. Puh-leeease. This is the very definition of irrelevance.
And the two miles around Branson East have shown their good judgment before. I'd hoped to save this for later but we're approaching the tenth anniversary of THE GREATEST MUSICAL EVER. I remember how supremely annoyed I felt at the nonstop plugging of this retread from a vulgarian. Can anything be that good? The first indication something was rotten in the state of New York came the day after the opening when Ben called the jokes "HOARY". The second indication came when its co-producers THE WHINER BROTHERS paid a hack from The Cute Little Pink Paper who'd raved the thing to type a puff piece for the cover of their late unlamented collaboration with TINA!!!!! A year after the hoary jokes it died. The Paper of Re-CORD promised fifteen! Oh yes, it continued for five more; but when THE BOYS quit the joke ended. Mel will spend his last days wondering why Osama had to attack him but then Osama didn't write the jokes. And he wasn't the casting director. The next Max Bialystock was from the West End and played it like Shylock. BOOM! The hit hit the fan. Mel could only bring his YOUNG FRANKENSTEIN!!!!! to life by bringing back THE BOYS, and in time they came to despise each other. Then in 2005 the film version detonated and that was all she wrote. Mel laid the joke to rest when he put on a two-hour Carol Burnett sketch in a barn (the same barn now hosting SPIDER-MAN -- TURN OUT THE LIGHTS!) and he and Bob "ELVIS!" Sillerman refused to disclose the grosses -- a sure sign they thought they'd close early, which they did. Fool me once.... So the two miles within Branson East have had these infatuations, and decades of outstanding theatre have taught us not to believe one adjective. Further note: Two days after THE GREATEST MUSICAL EVER opened Michael Vick placed first in the NFL draft. NUF SAID.
Incidentally, why do I call it Branson East? Do I need explain? There are many differences between Branson and Branson East, not the least the location and the parking, and the latter's ever-present thrill of being mugged, HONORARY MAYOR MIKE notwithstanding. But Branson has over 50 theatres. So does Branson East. Branson has lots of hotels. So does Branson East. Branson has fine dining. So does Branson East. Branson has Silver Dollar City; Branson East has The Lion King and Wicked. Branson has tons of country has-beens; Branson East does gimmick casting. Branson has Christian tours; Branson East has the cult of Sondheim. Branson's entertainments are at their heart Audio-Animatronics. So are Branson East's. There is no difference between whoever's imitating Boxcar Willie this week and anyone with the notion he can lure Carol Channing from retirement.
Not to prolong the agony, but two more points: As Hogwarts is essentially a rebuild of the Promises, Promises theme park that everyone razzed because it jerked a late-sixties property back six years to be HIP, why did people rave this though it's been set as a period piece? There's a certain cowardice here. Never has Corporate America been more widely reviled, and Branson East answers it with an ultrabusy hammering of roustabouts that Brooks Atkinson (I believe) dismissed in 1961 as "a pencil moustache on the face of business." This too shows not just BE's irrelevance, but its impotence. THE GREATEST MUSICAL EVER had a canker in its soul as it took the safe, easy way into the crowd's wallets: it was set in 1959 and concerned a Nazi musical, a trope tired even in '68. Had it been set in 2001 and the subject an anti-Semitic RAP CONCERT it would never have opened. And the least Fodor's can do is get its facts straight -- it's World Wide Wickets, not Widget. In an age of Verizons and Altrias that joke's senescent too.
P. S. on 4/6/2010 at 10:55 a. m. I temporarily pulled this because I thought I was too harsh on that Branson East chat board. People in the biz work it, and their comments are almost always incisive; a few came down on Hogwarts hard. (I did not realize Ben basically panned it, perhaps to make up for a stupid rave of ABM. With Terry it was the opposite, leading me to believe his pan of ABM was politically motivated -- he technically works for the Wall Street Journals CONSERVATIVE Edition, and he's conformed his opinions to its editorial slant before. Whatever the case two cri-TICS have consigned themselves to irrelevance. I haven't read the comments for ABM.) Nonetheless a lot of the people -- and the comments -- are as can be expected.
P. P. S. on 4/10/2011 at 4:15 p. m. We should have quoted it from the get-go but here's a lyric from Hogwarts -- "Been a Long Day", as originally sung by Claudette Sutherland:
Hey!
There's a yummy Friday special at Stouffer's:
It's a dollar-ninety vegetable plate.
And on the bottom of the ad -- not bad!
"Service for two: three-fifty-eight.
To make a bargain, make a date!"
We wonder: 1. if they're using that lyric (probably) and 2. if so how many of the Harry Potter brigade giggle uncontrollably and incomprehensibly. We'd like to join one of the Branson East chat boards just to find out.
Also the song "Paris Original" revolves around a $39 dress.
P. P. P. S. When the same BERT LAHRSON who RAVED!!!!! THE GREATEST MUSICAL EVER THUMBS ABM DOWN it STINKS.
P. P. P. P. S. on 6/15/2011 at 7:30 p. m. The politics behind ABM's raves is underlined by this annoyance. I HATE POLITICS! Also TINA!!!!!'s COVER is not the same as it's just another of Her vapid fads and as She didn't review the masterpiece and She didn't directly put it on the cover -- just a Photoshop allusion with that whatisit from Mass -- and She wouldn't have done even that cover without the electricity of a fad. I HATE OVERRATED RAG EDITORS!
Incidentally, we just joined that Branson East chat board. If we post our avatar will be Lawrence Welk.
Cloud computing is another topic to inspire migraines. We suppose this will be quite useful for the downloaders who are surgically attached to their iPhones and iPads and will listen to anything; but we are not sanguine about our media not being zapped despite the cloud's supposed near infinite capacity for backup. Moreover we have too much music downloaded or ripped for this to be cheap, and besides, we like having the hard copies, and we like having direct control. Stand in a cloud and all you see is water vapor; we prefer our media as something more substantial.
We have not commented on Libya because for all their deceptive surface lightning speed events are moving with the alacrity of molasses, and as this rebellion has shown the winner one moment may be a loser in two weeks. We are worried about how the boom-booms seem to be ascending in Egypt, but we suspected this would happen in that vacuum left by a strongman, and a fool will say who'll take over in Libya, for a country with a 42-year autocrat has no room for a plan B. In the end we can only hope we won't be too incompetent, a hope the current posturer in the White House does not inspire, and that we won't unleash another Iran as JIMMAH did -- or worse, Irans.
As for military intervention, we're agnostic. His Omnipotence's indifference at first could pass for prudence, but this oaf couldn't care for foreign policy if the world depended on it (pffh-hh-hh!), and he only acted because his indifference metastasized into bad PR. The how hardly matters; Papa after all wouldn't act until he got the League of Nations in first; likewise Dubya. These were fig leaves but they did predestine the day when others would have to approve our military actions first, as Om seems altogether too eager to do.
As for military intervention, we're agnostic. His Omnipotence's indifference at first could pass for prudence, but this oaf couldn't care for foreign policy if the world depended on it (pffh-hh-hh!), and he only acted because his indifference metastasized into bad PR. The how hardly matters; Papa after all wouldn't act until he got the League of Nations in first; likewise Dubya. These were fig leaves but they did predestine the day when others would have to approve our military actions first, as Om seems altogether too eager to do.
Speaking of stupid, pointless things, we expect Sen. Redlight to be stupid and pointless, and by extension the Democratic Party, the Republican Party, and all of our governing class.
Corporations Are Spending Their Record Profits on Stupid, Pointless Things [Home-page link]
No doubt true -- but in typical Grate.com fashion this link leads to a story that has nothing to do with stupid, pointless things, just a rehash on how corporate America isn't spending its profits on rehiring people. Because it's misleading this link is a stupid, pointless thing, and it underlines how too much of the Web is full of stupid, pointless things.
No doubt true -- but in typical Grate.com fashion this link leads to a story that has nothing to do with stupid, pointless things, just a rehash on how corporate America isn't spending its profits on rehiring people. Because it's misleading this link is a stupid, pointless thing, and it underlines how too much of the Web is full of stupid, pointless things.
Monday, March 28, 2011
MOGUL'S FRIEND gets down on hands and knees and everything else to worship his mentor Mr. Thumbs®-Up for predicting all sorts of movie marvels back in 1987 -- HIGH-DEF! MOVIES ON DEMAND!! -- only he seems to have left out one thing, which a COMMENTER had to remind us of:
He didn't predict how awful most Hollywood films would be.
He didn't predict how awful most Hollywood films would be.
ONNNNNNWARD KOOOOCHIANNNNNNNNNN SOOOOOOOOL-DIERRRRRRRRRRRS KLUMPH! KLUMPH! KLUMPH! KLUMPH! Even this TownHall.com writer must concede in his own way that con-SER-va-tives made a tactical error by focusing on KILLING UNIONS. All they had to do was highlight their excesses, especially in education. But no, they wanted to kill unions for exactly the same reason liberals want to kill FOX!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!NEWS. And things were on their side; anti-union sentiment surely helped the Tea Party and the GOP in the House. This is why the NO-COMPROMISE attitude ultimately fails. There is no crime in getting half a loaf.
The good news:
Global recorded music sales fall almost $1.5bn amid increased piracy
The bad news: The usual suspects are probably listening to more junk music through downloads.
(Via the usual AHTSJournal)
Global recorded music sales fall almost $1.5bn amid increased piracy
The bad news: The usual suspects are probably listening to more junk music through downloads.
(Via the usual AHTSJournal)
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOH! HEEEEEEEEE'S SOOOO KEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEYUUUUUUUUUUUUUUTE!!!!!
We well remember how the old Broadway had theater critics. Brooks Atkinson (respected enough to have a house named for him), Walter Kerr (ditto), Harold Clurman, Stanley Kauffmann, John Simon -- they were read, and believed. We forget that although now regarded as glorified gag writers Robert Benchley and Dorothy Parker wrote reviews; they could be tough. We imagine Branson has "shoppers". ("Broadway! The Star-Spangled Celebration is simply FANTASTIC!") As that crooked street in Midtown Manhattan increasingly apes THE REAL THING, so its revuers increasingly APE Branson shoppers. Certainly the tourist traps aren't worthy to be taken seriously. When do NOO YAWK's rags take the hint and stop running "theater" advertorials?
We well remember how the old Broadway had theater critics. Brooks Atkinson (respected enough to have a house named for him), Walter Kerr (ditto), Harold Clurman, Stanley Kauffmann, John Simon -- they were read, and believed. We forget that although now regarded as glorified gag writers Robert Benchley and Dorothy Parker wrote reviews; they could be tough. We imagine Branson has "shoppers". ("Broadway! The Star-Spangled Celebration is simply FANTASTIC!") As that crooked street in Midtown Manhattan increasingly apes THE REAL THING, so its revuers increasingly APE Branson shoppers. Certainly the tourist traps aren't worthy to be taken seriously. When do NOO YAWK's rags take the hint and stop running "theater" advertorials?
When GEORGE SOROS!!!!! spends money to build concentration camps for His enemies, He may as well spend it on the right. When the KOCHES!!!!! spend money to make unions illegal and so the rich won't pay any taxes, They may as well spend it on the left. We are TOLD these morons are business GENIUSES, so when it comes to politics why do They not have brain cells enough to realize They engage in reverse psychology?
We mourn today because our impoverished TV networks have busted their moth-eaten wallets "covering" disasters, but what really makes us laugh -- CRY is all the money Cable Nuisance Network's spent just to further besmirch its rep with wall-to-wall small talk. Tragic, isn't it?
Sunday, March 27, 2011
If it's Sunday it must be Big Double-A-Scribble Time:
1. This is a reason FACEBOOK!!!!!!!!!! is worth 250 MEGAQUADRAGIGAZILLIONS -- because of its potential to ANNOY PEOPLE WITH "PERSONALIZED" ADVERTISING!!!!! It won't work. The more Mark and Co. prod people with ads the more likely the crowd will vanish to other social networking sites. But you know they'll be under pressure to turn the site into one long AD to justify the idiot valuations, so they'll go at it full bore.
And we'd guess this crowd is the exact same crowd that got riled up when GROUPON's CEO boasted of his SUPER BOWL ducats -- that may explain the sudden precipitous drop in its business in February. Then again people may just be tiring of such sites due to "deal overload". Here's hoping it's permanent if only to spite those drooling idiots of the Wall Street Casino, but we wonder.
2. MillerCoors "beating" INBEV-Anheuser Busch is something of a pyrrhic victory. It hasn't taken away substantial market share, just bragging rights over the number two brand (and guess-who's still number one). It's also for bragging rights in mediocre mass beers. They can't even boast on the patriotism angle as both companies are run by foreigners; the old AB was a little more outward about it. How much beer can advertisers force people to guzzle?
3. How many of us over a certain age will remember Bill Cosby for shilling NEW COKE? That, we'd argue, killed his career. He was already overexposing himself through thousands of campaigns. Of course one could know his career was over by that most unimpeachable of signals -- when he first made the cover of what used to be the flagship of "Time, Inc." (The second time was after the horrible murder of his son.)
1. This is a reason FACEBOOK!!!!!!!!!! is worth 250 MEGAQUADRAGIGAZILLIONS -- because of its potential to ANNOY PEOPLE WITH "PERSONALIZED" ADVERTISING!!!!! It won't work. The more Mark and Co. prod people with ads the more likely the crowd will vanish to other social networking sites. But you know they'll be under pressure to turn the site into one long AD to justify the idiot valuations, so they'll go at it full bore.
And we'd guess this crowd is the exact same crowd that got riled up when GROUPON's CEO boasted of his SUPER BOWL ducats -- that may explain the sudden precipitous drop in its business in February. Then again people may just be tiring of such sites due to "deal overload". Here's hoping it's permanent if only to spite those drooling idiots of the Wall Street Casino, but we wonder.
2. MillerCoors "beating" INBEV-Anheuser Busch is something of a pyrrhic victory. It hasn't taken away substantial market share, just bragging rights over the number two brand (and guess-who's still number one). It's also for bragging rights in mediocre mass beers. They can't even boast on the patriotism angle as both companies are run by foreigners; the old AB was a little more outward about it. How much beer can advertisers force people to guzzle?
3. How many of us over a certain age will remember Bill Cosby for shilling NEW COKE? That, we'd argue, killed his career. He was already overexposing himself through thousands of campaigns. Of course one could know his career was over by that most unimpeachable of signals -- when he first made the cover of what used to be the flagship of "Time, Inc." (The second time was after the horrible murder of his son.)
There goes The Bracketologist's bracket!
15-28 in free throws!
Hmmm, no number-one seeds left! That's okay, we'll just triple our promos.
15-28 in free throws!
Hmmm, no number-one seeds left! That's okay, we'll just triple our promos.
HARDY HAR HAR! A blurb like this wouldn't ordinarily merit our attention -- news hacks write in clichés! Who knew? -- but somehow EJ's on the top of this list, and he THINKS in clichés. Writing clichés and thinking clichés are not possible one without the other, and they're part of the scourge of awful writing that makes us hate news hacks and their outlets, and we believe in GIGO strongly enough to think it hurts our society.
Speaking of incompetents, the zillionaires at G000,000,000,000,000,000GLE have come up with a new plan to bollix up Blogger posts! It's called:
http://www.blogger.com/img/blank.gif
...and it seems to happen when posting from the new! IMPROVED!! FIREFOX 4!!!
What hath gods wrought?
http://www.blogger.com/img/blank.gif
...and it seems to happen when posting from the new! IMPROVED!! FIREFOX 4!!!
What hath gods wrought?
When it comes to celebrities and Israel, the headlines in recent years have highlighted stars who cut ties at the request of the Boycott, Divestment and Sanctions (BDS) movement, an international activist network that sees Israel as an oppressor and seeks its isolation in virtually every realm.
It has latched onto entertainers as a public way to ostracize Israelis and humiliate them overseas. (Critics note ruefully that, in addition to overlooking Palestinian transgressions, the same artists usually have nothing in particular to say about China, Russia or repressive Muslim regimes.)
Yep, however many times she married, Liz did good.
It has latched onto entertainers as a public way to ostracize Israelis and humiliate them overseas. (Critics note ruefully that, in addition to overlooking Palestinian transgressions, the same artists usually have nothing in particular to say about China, Russia or repressive Muslim regimes.)
Yep, however many times she married, Liz did good.
Newt Gingrich: Barack Obama leads with his foot
Don't talk, Newt! Your favorite food is filet of SOLE.
Don't talk, Newt! Your favorite food is filet of SOLE.
John Tammany -- Tamny makes a -- point:
The late great political economist Jude Wanniski used to say....
That Louis Farrakhan was a great man? Oh. Go on, John! Go on!
Well?
I think Tammy wants to say AT&T-T-Mobile will be a great merger because it can replicate the old Standard Oil in wireless, only he's too shrewd to say it, so he dispenses the usual free-en-ter-prise bull even the Aynists don't believe.
Well?
P. S.
How do you pronounce “Ayn”?
“Ayn” rhymes with “mine.”
For now, we'll pronounce it our way -- although we'd like to pronounce it both ways at the same time.
Did Ayn Rand have any children?
Miss Rand and her husband, Frank O’Connor, chose not to have any children.
On the contrary, she had millions of children -- and one of them is John Tammany, who, like many Aynists, is still very much a child.
The late great political economist Jude Wanniski used to say....
That Louis Farrakhan was a great man? Oh. Go on, John! Go on!
Well?
I think Tammy wants to say AT&T-T-Mobile will be a great merger because it can replicate the old Standard Oil in wireless, only he's too shrewd to say it, so he dispenses the usual free-en-ter-prise bull even the Aynists don't believe.
Well?
P. S.
How do you pronounce “Ayn”?
“Ayn” rhymes with “mine.”
For now, we'll pronounce it our way -- although we'd like to pronounce it both ways at the same time.
Did Ayn Rand have any children?
Miss Rand and her husband, Frank O’Connor, chose not to have any children.
On the contrary, she had millions of children -- and one of them is John Tammany, who, like many Aynists, is still very much a child.
Déjà vu over child deaths in Florida
For years, brutal child deaths have begat task forces, which produced reports – followed by still more child deaths.
This will happen with government. This will also happen when government is a replacement parent because too many parents have abdicated their duties -- and their senses.
For years, brutal child deaths have begat task forces, which produced reports – followed by still more child deaths.
This will happen with government. This will also happen when government is a replacement parent because too many parents have abdicated their duties -- and their senses.
Saturday, March 26, 2011
Speaking of bullhockey, the flip side of this SYNERGY-inspired POS from the House of JARVIS is the actresses who were punished for not doffing their clothes out of principle. The sons of the fraud JEFF also seem to have forgotten casting couches. We'll never hear those stories.
P. S. in the comments, from someone named "Anonymous" (an EWWWWWWWWWWW! staffer with a guilty conscience, or maybe JOHN "HOOEY" HUEY?):
This entire list is a joke, but then we all know EW has lousy tastes when it comes to making any kind of a list.
Unfortunately when it comes to making money PEOPLE WARNER MAGAZINES has THE BEST TASTES.
According to another comment JEFF's boys may have done some reader snark pruning, thanks to the overwhelming smell of SYNERGY.
I repeat a demand of two years ago: Shut down all your rags except PEOPLE, HOOEY HUEY, and spin it off in an IPO. You think I'm kidding? I'd bet PEOPLE would bring in more than the rag division's worth.
Well, all right -- they could throw in SI for free.
P. S. in the comments, from someone named "Anonymous" (an EWWWWWWWWWWW! staffer with a guilty conscience, or maybe JOHN "HOOEY" HUEY?):
This entire list is a joke, but then we all know EW has lousy tastes when it comes to making any kind of a list.
Unfortunately when it comes to making money PEOPLE WARNER MAGAZINES has THE BEST TASTES.
According to another comment JEFF's boys may have done some reader snark pruning, thanks to the overwhelming smell of SYNERGY.
I repeat a demand of two years ago: Shut down all your rags except PEOPLE, HOOEY HUEY, and spin it off in an IPO. You think I'm kidding? I'd bet PEOPLE would bring in more than the rag division's worth.
Well, all right -- they could throw in SI for free.
One should not go merely by a Reuters columnist, but we've had a housing depression going on four years. How can GEKKO KUDLOWS say with a straight face we have a booming economy?
I despair of getting total truth from the Web because it takes the news hack's propensity for bullhockey and intensely amplifies it. Thus we get THE MILLION-DOLLAR YOUTUBE SINGER!!!!!!!!!! (a fiction declaimed by DVFORBESLISTBLOG), and now SUMNER's boys insist LIZ is worth $1 BILLION!!!!!!!!!!, a factoid being spread by BloomyBIZWEEK, the rag that declared THE DONALD worth $100 ZILLION. How can we hope for truth when that base Web PR instinct teaches us not to believe anything?
P. S. The professional fabulists did an equally good job seven years ago slinging factoids about Bob Hope. How ironic DVFORBESLISTBLOG used to debunk such claims; now it makes them.
P. S. The professional fabulists did an equally good job seven years ago slinging factoids about Bob Hope. How ironic DVFORBESLISTBLOG used to debunk such claims; now it makes them.
For what it's worth, Gerry Ferraro would probably have made a better vice president than Alexander P. Throttlebottom. Unfortunately that would have meant electing a president who'd have been worse.
Friday, March 25, 2011
Irritating: When last Washington was majority white it was an honest working town (if ever a national capitol is honest or working). Today it means taxpayer leeches and government parasites are taking over, driving out the locals. With middle-class blacks leaving many cities this likely also means what's left of the black population is increasingly poor. It's happening in Boston, too, a city increasingly dominated by education leeches. Here is RENDELLISM in a nutshell: the super-rich and the super-poor in the same city, with nothing in common. We would not be surprised if in time the nation's capitol becomes almost as expensive as New York, and then it really will be time to THROW THE BUMS OUT.
The best laid plans of mice: One unintended consequence of paying the players we hadn't thought of -- bidding wars. If companies ever sponsor professional college teams...although we'd hope by that time their owners would have spun them off as for-profit companies. Whether they could compete with the NFL is another story.
The lobbying division is at work.
Well, the article does NOT mention GE BANCORP BANK's problems -- a demerit to The Paper of Re-CORD. But it does mention the many scads of employees Very Little Jeffy laid off for no better reason than that they worked in the wrong COUNTRY.
Well, the article does NOT mention GE BANCORP BANK's problems -- a demerit to The Paper of Re-CORD. But it does mention the many scads of employees Very Little Jeffy laid off for no better reason than that they worked in the wrong COUNTRY.
It's all nice and warm and fuzzy that North Philly has this nice big warm cozy community center -- you know, the one Happy Meals built -- and that maybe possibly someday the industrial eyesores on either side can be converted into apartments. Just one question: where will all the neighborhood people work?
Or as Very Little Jeffy would say, "THE PUBLIC BE DAMNED! WE HAVE OUR TAX BREAKS!!"
(Or more likely, "The public be gosh-darned, were just doing some imagineering.")
Or as Very Little Jeffy would say, "THE PUBLIC BE DAMNED! WE HAVE OUR TAX BREAKS!!"
(Or more likely, "The public be gosh-darned, were just doing some imagineering.")
In Death, Taylor Reveals James Dean's DARK SECRET!!!!! (Not-so-secret overemphasis added)
How many of us turn off a mental switch on anything like those last two words on Web sites? HENRY HONEST does this ALL the time with words like SHOCKING!!!!! So does SLIME in DA POST!!!!! So does MADAME AOL HUFF 'N' PUFF!!!!! So does NEWSER!!!!! James Dean's DARK SECRET!!!!!? A pastor molested him as a child. Given how much of Oprah and the Catholic sex-abuse debacle we've endured over the years who is genuinely mortified by such a thought -- especially since the guy died 56 years ago? Lay off the foot stomping, clods.
P. S. One might ask, then why should we care about the Rosenbergs? When were they executed? James Dean's secret surely created great internal anguish and contributed to his tragedy. The Rosenbergs' TREASON killed untold people and helped the Soviets enslave a good part of the world. Let James Dean rest in peace -- and the Rosenbergs burn in Hell.
How many of us turn off a mental switch on anything like those last two words on Web sites? HENRY HONEST does this ALL the time with words like SHOCKING!!!!! So does SLIME in DA POST!!!!! So does MADAME AOL HUFF 'N' PUFF!!!!! So does NEWSER!!!!! James Dean's DARK SECRET!!!!!? A pastor molested him as a child. Given how much of Oprah and the Catholic sex-abuse debacle we've endured over the years who is genuinely mortified by such a thought -- especially since the guy died 56 years ago? Lay off the foot stomping, clods.
P. S. One might ask, then why should we care about the Rosenbergs? When were they executed? James Dean's secret surely created great internal anguish and contributed to his tragedy. The Rosenbergs' TREASON killed untold people and helped the Soviets enslave a good part of the world. Let James Dean rest in peace -- and the Rosenbergs burn in Hell.
Yes, this is The Weekly Standard, and stories like this are subject to mandatory litmus tests (because treason never affects liberals), but if anyone deserves to be burning in Hell it's Julius Rosenberg.
Terry Teachout at his best:
Making fun of Mormons in front of a Broadway crowd is like shooting trout in a demitasse cup. And while we're on the subject of imitation courage, let it be duly noted that if the title of this show were "The Quran," it wouldn't have opened....The boys have learned their lesson well: Never shoot at anybody who shoots back.
Let's stop kidding ourselves that Branson East has anything to do with anything except dilettante mayors faxing press releases to gullible hacks about its very minimal effect on the local economy.
We would not be surprised if this was the only negative review, these reviewing scribbling idiots always wanting to be in with the in-crowd; even if it isn't we're talking a tourist draw in a tourist trap.
Making fun of Mormons in front of a Broadway crowd is like shooting trout in a demitasse cup. And while we're on the subject of imitation courage, let it be duly noted that if the title of this show were "The Quran," it wouldn't have opened....The boys have learned their lesson well: Never shoot at anybody who shoots back.
Let's stop kidding ourselves that Branson East has anything to do with anything except dilettante mayors faxing press releases to gullible hacks about its very minimal effect on the local economy.
We would not be surprised if this was the only negative review, these reviewing scribbling idiots always wanting to be in with the in-crowd; even if it isn't we're talking a tourist draw in a tourist trap.
Thursday, March 24, 2011
ARCHDaily!
Sigggghhhhhhhhhh, STARCHITECTS are still making the wrong choices about urban planning. This St. Louis courtyard looks to be barren by day, defenseless by night. An expanse of sidewalk does not a city make.
More to come -- we've missed a LOT over the last week.
Sigggghhhhhhhhhh, STARCHITECTS are still making the wrong choices about urban planning. This St. Louis courtyard looks to be barren by day, defenseless by night. An expanse of sidewalk does not a city make.
More to come -- we've missed a LOT over the last week.
REGULAR OLD "WASHINGTON NATIONAL AIRPORT" WASN'T GOOD ENOUGH FOR THE NEO-STALINIST DINGBATS LIKE GROVER NORQUIST!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (Dingbatty overemphasis added)
We don't trust Grover Norquist. But we remember full well when the House debated the name change (we were in our too-much-time-on-our-hands-and-too-much-C-SPAN mode then) and the Democrats used all sorts of legalistic evasions to explain what they really felt -- that THEY HATED RONALD REAGAN. Well, maybe not HATED him, but profoundly disliked him. Ol' Jim "The Jew Hatin' Pugilist" Moran led the charge as though someone had landed a few too many punches to his common sense. He and his colleagues in comedy mentioned Mount Vernon so much you'd have thought they moved in before George. Yep, the ED ASNER coursed through these hacks only a short time after Reagan left office. So yes, Grover Norquist is dingbatty -- and Democrats are WEASELLY.
We don't trust Grover Norquist. But we remember full well when the House debated the name change (we were in our too-much-time-on-our-hands-and-too-much-C-SPAN mode then) and the Democrats used all sorts of legalistic evasions to explain what they really felt -- that THEY HATED RONALD REAGAN. Well, maybe not HATED him, but profoundly disliked him. Ol' Jim "The Jew Hatin' Pugilist" Moran led the charge as though someone had landed a few too many punches to his common sense. He and his colleagues in comedy mentioned Mount Vernon so much you'd have thought they moved in before George. Yep, the ED ASNER coursed through these hacks only a short time after Reagan left office. So yes, Grover Norquist is dingbatty -- and Democrats are WEASELLY.
How apt: she'll be buried at Forest Lawn.
P. S. at 7:38 p. m. It is, alas, ironic that Branson East is turning off its carny lights for a minute, seeing how she and Dick made such giant-sized asses of themselves in Private Lives. Oh well, such was their mystique, they were almost entitled.
P. S. at 7:38 p. m. It is, alas, ironic that Branson East is turning off its carny lights for a minute, seeing how she and Dick made such giant-sized asses of themselves in Private Lives. Oh well, such was their mystique, they were almost entitled.
It says what a GEKKO KUDLOW kind of a MARKET!!!!! this is when a company can be brought down by a little-known research firm publicizing itself on a not-that-familiar Web site.
The only thing missing from this story is Jim BOOM! BOOM! Cramer, but The Motley Fool will do.
The economics of the company's acquisition strategy is relatively simple: tax arbitrage (described later) and dramatic cost cuts (headcount reductions and offshoring to India).
LEGENDARY WELCH! That's a STRONG BUY!!!!!
Recent 52-Week High Exceeded in Shares of Ebix!!!!!!!!!! (EBIX!!!!!!!!!!) (EBIX EBIX overemphasis added)
The stock has performed well, fueled by retail investor interest, momentum publications like Investors' Business Daily and minimal scrutiny from analysts. (Emphasis added)
Buyer be...PROFIT!
The only thing missing from this story is Jim BOOM! BOOM! Cramer, but The Motley Fool will do.
The economics of the company's acquisition strategy is relatively simple: tax arbitrage (described later) and dramatic cost cuts (headcount reductions and offshoring to India).
LEGENDARY WELCH! That's a STRONG BUY!!!!!
Recent 52-Week High Exceeded in Shares of Ebix!!!!!!!!!! (EBIX!!!!!!!!!!) (EBIX EBIX overemphasis added)
The stock has performed well, fueled by retail investor interest, momentum publications like Investors' Business Daily and minimal scrutiny from analysts. (Emphasis added)
Buyer be...PROFIT!
Portugal Bailout Could Cost $99 to $114B
DOW 120 GIGAQUINTA -- isn't that gag tired now?
And stocks could go higher because it will cost less than cleaning up Japan!
DOW 120 GIGAQUINTA -- isn't that gag tired now?
And stocks could go higher because it will cost less than cleaning up Japan!
We're not sure why this clever hack from Illinois had to stage the political equivalent of teasing a child when the NEWS HACKS definitively proved IRA MAN's hearings were EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEVIL. Because one of the witnesses is an 81-year-old ex-cardinal (translation: an analog of that guy who runs the British Vicarage and Tea-Time Club) we can be sure this is a partisan score-settling joke.
Moreover Dick has to remind us of HONORARY MAYOR MIKE, and of "NATIONAL BROTHERHOOD WEEK", a song we suspect neither DICK nor HONORARY has ever heard.
(Sorry for the BRENT NEWS!)
Moreover Dick has to remind us of HONORARY MAYOR MIKE, and of "NATIONAL BROTHERHOOD WEEK", a song we suspect neither DICK nor HONORARY has ever heard.
(Sorry for the BRENT NEWS!)
Articles like this serve worse than no purpose. The author -- we'll call him John McWoeful -- has chosen the world-weary approach, as annoying as it is evasive. Also it's dishonest as he uses one profanity a thousand times, but another he must address with a euphemism -- FOR PC REASONS. You'd think a black writer who makes a big song-and-dance of being UNCONVENTIONAL!!!!! would realize vocabularies are choices too. While we wish Mark weren't PILLHEAD's ACCENT his post on how Jews have become persona non grata to news hacks gives us a clue into such non-thinking:
[T]here are circles of depravity: The relatively small number of people willing to decapitate a baby; the larger number of Palestinians happy to celebrate the decapitation of a baby; and the massed ranks of western media anxious to obscure the truth about the nature of the event. The comments below Miss Bagshawe’s column provide a glimpse of a fourth circle – the large numbers of westerners who, even when confronted with the reality of what happened, are nevertheless eager to rationalize it as a legitimate response to a legitimate grievance. [Link added]
So -- one type of depravity slowly melts into another. There's another thing: pop...SOUND types are among those most likely to spout the bromides of anti-Semitism to appeal to their base. So it's not just dirty words -- it's dirty thoughts. We'd be better off not hearing from John again for some time.
[T]here are circles of depravity: The relatively small number of people willing to decapitate a baby; the larger number of Palestinians happy to celebrate the decapitation of a baby; and the massed ranks of western media anxious to obscure the truth about the nature of the event. The comments below Miss Bagshawe’s column provide a glimpse of a fourth circle – the large numbers of westerners who, even when confronted with the reality of what happened, are nevertheless eager to rationalize it as a legitimate response to a legitimate grievance. [Link added]
So -- one type of depravity slowly melts into another. There's another thing: pop...SOUND types are among those most likely to spout the bromides of anti-Semitism to appeal to their base. So it's not just dirty words -- it's dirty thoughts. We'd be better off not hearing from John again for some time.
Wednesday, March 23, 2011
Broadcast ratings are down 11 percent
Don't tell me, let me guess -- BROADCAST AD REVENUES ARE UP 22 PERCENT!!!!!
Don't tell me, let me guess -- BROADCAST AD REVENUES ARE UP 22 PERCENT!!!!!
Federal Reserve Bank of Dallas President Richard W. Fisher said he sees “extraordinary speculative activity” in the U.S. after the central bank pumped record amounts of stimulus into the economy.
“There is an enormous amount of liquidity sloshing around,” the regional bank chief, who votes on monetary policy this year, said in a speech today in Berlin. “There is abundant liquidity in the machine we know as the United States economy.”
Well, certainly in the machine we know as the WALL STREET CASINO!
“We have done our job,” Fisher said at a forum hosted by the American Academy in Berlin. “We are certainly at risk of doing too much now.”
You've already done too much.
“There is an enormous amount of liquidity sloshing around,” the regional bank chief, who votes on monetary policy this year, said in a speech today in Berlin. “There is abundant liquidity in the machine we know as the United States economy.”
Well, certainly in the machine we know as the WALL STREET CASINO!
“We have done our job,” Fisher said at a forum hosted by the American Academy in Berlin. “We are certainly at risk of doing too much now.”
You've already done too much.
We almost forgot -- last week we mentioned how MICKEY D®'s UK branch is staging a MONOPOLY® CONTEST!!!!! Well, we just got the RULES -- they're 11,165 WORDS LONG. Not as long as the last time here, but they give us hope ol' RONALD® can yet make a total ass of himself this summer.
As we have said before, take away its sugar daddies and SELIGISM is a shriveled thing, living on the cheers of the past. That the "sport" finds itself in serious money trouble makes us ask what kind of trouble it would be in without its sugar daddies.
Hey BUD! Call BEN! Maybe He can bail you out. Aren't you clowns ZILLIONAIRES?
Hey BUD! Call BEN! Maybe He can bail you out. Aren't you clowns ZILLIONAIRES?
We are coming to maniacally detest how news hacks dispense abject praise out of one side of their conniving mouths (witness that hack the over-the-hill novelist) and decide to blast the things they've praised from the other when they suddenly become outdated. How can these properties be filet mignon the first year and rancid tripe the next? Or is it possible these properties were always rancid tripe and the hacks have no taste buds?
Speaking of The Gang of 27, despite its fervent hopes the fact that success for TV pilots is ever so increasingly fleeting makes us hope the industry will continue to waste ever more money, though it wastes OUR money in the process.
King is the author, most recently, of Full Dark, No Stars.
What an apt bio for another show-biz publicist.
What an apt bio for another show-biz publicist.
"They're all just throwing a bunch of stuff against the wall and hoping some of it sticks," says Edward Atorino, a newspaper industry analyst at Benchmark Co.
I guess they're using a FAN -- but that always was the MO for SOB and USAOKAY!!!!!
I guess they're using a FAN -- but that always was the MO for SOB and USAOKAY!!!!!
Liz was the courtesan of the 20th century -- perhaps the last in a long line of raging show-biz beauties starting with Lillian Russell who could show off and get away with it. From the safe distance of fifty years we can forget she was once the most controversial woman of her day, what with her flaunting of sex and marriage and diamonds. (Hate to ask -- how does Debbie Reynolds feel today?) For her it was easy -- she had a face (and a bazoom) to die for; she could have launched a thousand ships. Even at thirteen she moved men to relive their puberty. Now show-biz females must manufacture controversy, in a way that provokes not drooling envy but headaches. That we've descended from Liz to her very nominal lookalike Lindsay pretty well says despite all the oohing and aahing adjectives of news hacks the golden age of show-biz ended a long time ago.
P. S. at 1:20 p. m.
Paul Newman Calls Elizabeth Taylor 'A Helluva Actress'
From the dead?
We knew Liz had mystical powers, but....
On Sunday April 10, Turner Classic Movies will present a 24-hour tribute to Elizabeth Taylor, with nine films, including the two for which she won the Best Actress Oscar, 1960's BUtterfield 8 and 1966's Who's Afraid of Virginia Woolf?
Some people will do anything for SYNERGY.
Our hypocritical super-PC sports-industrial government-money hogs and student bankrupters get in loco parentis at the point of a gun. Just as the Web has eviscerated the "news" biz, so the time is long overdue for it to weed out these pointless, shameless, worthless institutions.
The video was of that recent party at SUNY Albany. Methinks toward the end the Blutos very aptly describe themselves. More on the Blutoist festivities here.
Obama is keeping his peace prize
And he can keep it.
In THE MASTER's words, when those Scandinavian mental giants committed the deed it was "a foolish thing well done."
And he can keep it.
In THE MASTER's words, when those Scandinavian mental giants committed the deed it was "a foolish thing well done."
Tuesday, March 22, 2011
One thing that’s not in dispute is how much satellite radio has grown as a business since Stern [Stern who? They employ someone named Stern? We wouldn't know. Sure that isn't a pseudonym?] signed on with Sirius in 2004. At the time, the two operators had a combined subscriber base of around 3 million. Now they claim more than 20 million subscribers.
On March 3, 2000, a long time before 3 million, SIRI sold for $63.25.
NUF SAID.
On March 3, 2000, a long time before 3 million, SIRI sold for $63.25.
NUF SAID.
Keeping in mind this IS The Weekly Standard, and this IS FOX!!!!!!!!!!News, POPEYE is still playing tricks with Gitmo trials. Which raises the question -- if He and Chief Social Engineer Holder feel so strongly about letting terrorists have their RIGHTS why did POPEYE flex His muscles over Libya?
AP source: Chris Brown destroys dressing room (!)
Another CLASS ACT in POP-u-LAR "MU-SIC"!
One wonders, however -- does the source work for DA NOOZ and DA POST?
Another CLASS ACT in POP-u-LAR "MU-SIC"!
One wonders, however -- does the source work for DA NOOZ and DA POST?
TRANSLATION: AT&T bought itself customer service because it has a friend in the White House.
AT&T's Stephenson, in a conference call, sold the merger as filling out Obama's vision, since the merger would bring wireless service to virtually every US community.
Look guy, just say, we have our hack, we have our merger.
P. S. This hack will always be famous for one thing and one thing only: fainting.
AT&T's Stephenson, in a conference call, sold the merger as filling out Obama's vision, since the merger would bring wireless service to virtually every US community.
Look guy, just say, we have our hack, we have our merger.
P. S. This hack will always be famous for one thing and one thing only: fainting.
The good news: Pirates are decimating our movee biz in China!!!!!!!!!!
The bad news: The leadership allows it because it's a sedative for the people.
Someone had better tell JACK VALENTI II he can't possibly win this fight. "Legitimate" films would cost many times as much. A lot of that would go to overhead. Do we really want to improve the market for our only export biz besides Caterpillar and planes?
The bad news: The leadership allows it because it's a sedative for the people.
Someone had better tell JACK VALENTI II he can't possibly win this fight. "Legitimate" films would cost many times as much. A lot of that would go to overhead. Do we really want to improve the market for our only export biz besides Caterpillar and planes?
Monday, March 21, 2011
Warren Buffett said he’ll probably prolong his aversion to electronics makers such as Apple Inc. because their business prospects are harder to predict than companies such as Coca-Cola Co.
TRANSLATION: Missed that boat!
(Via Finviz)
TRANSLATION: Missed that boat!
(Via Finviz)
The Las Vegas district attorney who helped prosecute Paris Hilton and Bruno Mars on separate drug charges in 2010 was arrested and booked into jail on drug charges of his own over the weekend.
FURTHER NO COMMENT.
FURTHER NO COMMENT.
One can be sure every time the People's Republic of Bentonville wants to do more biz our guvment makes elaborate excuses over China's human-rights abuses. The Chinese seem to be abusing again. Aren't we overdue for some press releases from Bentonville and Foggy Bottom?
Assuming no if, and or but this confirms our belief that human ingenuity and the prospects of new technologies can get us out of virtually any pickle, provided we don't get ourselves into new and bigger pickles.
Sunday, March 20, 2011
If it's Sunday it must be Big Double-A-Scribble Time:
1. We try not to wish ill on people but given that an ad agency is in the middle of two big stinks makes us grin. First, Burger King: obviously the people there thought that if we insult our customers hard enough that will result in glowing profiles in AdAge and The Paper of Re-CORD! Alas "six quarters of declining sales" gave it the heave ho; its advertising was SO bad even a CRAINIAC couldn't defend it. Second is -- I'm tired of hearing about it too -- the MASS COUPON COMPANY. You'd think that CEO would have been happy enough screaming, "I WAS AT THE SUPER BOWL AND YOU WEREN'T!!!!!" But he seems to have been so embarrassed by his deluxe seating he's taken to blasting this agency. Ultimately the fault for bad ads rests with the executives who use them as an excuse to schmooze in Hollywood, and lord it over their inferiors.
2. The unspoken implication in this story about how Diet Pepsi fell behind Coke is that Indra, America's most PC CEO, was responsible. She could hardly have not been, after the Pepsi-logo laughs, the Tropicana redesign botch, the Gatorate goof -- but she will NOT lose HER job because she has so exceptionally insinuated herself into American business that it would seem un-PC to fire her.
1. We try not to wish ill on people but given that an ad agency is in the middle of two big stinks makes us grin. First, Burger King: obviously the people there thought that if we insult our customers hard enough that will result in glowing profiles in AdAge and The Paper of Re-CORD! Alas "six quarters of declining sales" gave it the heave ho; its advertising was SO bad even a CRAINIAC couldn't defend it. Second is -- I'm tired of hearing about it too -- the MASS COUPON COMPANY. You'd think that CEO would have been happy enough screaming, "I WAS AT THE SUPER BOWL AND YOU WEREN'T!!!!!" But he seems to have been so embarrassed by his deluxe seating he's taken to blasting this agency. Ultimately the fault for bad ads rests with the executives who use them as an excuse to schmooze in Hollywood, and lord it over their inferiors.
2. The unspoken implication in this story about how Diet Pepsi fell behind Coke is that Indra, America's most PC CEO, was responsible. She could hardly have not been, after the Pepsi-logo laughs, the Tropicana redesign botch, the Gatorate goof -- but she will NOT lose HER job because she has so exceptionally insinuated herself into American business that it would seem un-PC to fire her.
We wonder in reading this if we weren't being unfair to Warren Christopher. Let us assume Christopher was the towering pillar of virtue Rich says he was. That still does not negate that the only way we ever saw him was through television and his highly peculiar manner. We think of this line by the Wall Street biggie Paul Singer: "We try to at all times at least assume that the world is not being properly run." If, as Henry Adams once said of Washington, "Presidents, Senators, Congressmen, and such things were swarming in every street", so too the aides, assistants and hangers-on who will flower over their virtues, real or imagined. We still cannot quite rid ourselves of the skunk smell from when that blithering hack Farhi called St. Jack of Valenti one for the ages. We cannot trust such eulogies because we must assume the world is not being properly run, and after those not properly running it have died they too will get such eulogies. And we must especially think the world is not being properly run from Foggy Bottom. We will leave Warren Christopher at peace, and say he deserved the encomium; but we hope JPOD will be careful the next time he lavishes posthumous praise on anybody.
We will concede telephone calls can be annoying. But doesn't typing without surcease have its own drawbacks? I don't own a cell phone and I don't chat; I wouldn't know. But I would just as soon not chat with people I barely know as talk to them. In the end we seem to be spending more time in idle banter, whatever the medium.
This sounds like one of those false-trend non-stories Prof. Shafer's always knocking -- and it comes from The Paper of Re-CORD, the chief source of such non-stories.
(Via NEWSER!, which knows all about idle chat)
This sounds like one of those false-trend non-stories Prof. Shafer's always knocking -- and it comes from The Paper of Re-CORD, the chief source of such non-stories.
(Via NEWSER!, which knows all about idle chat)
Saturday, March 19, 2011
The Daily Mail's site can be so stultifyingly stupid it is easy to ignore what it should run -- like this plug for a book on the brief, tragic life of the great Soviet cosmonaut Yuri Gagarin (left, above). His friend and colleague Vladimir Komarov (right, above) was sent on a mission in a spacecraft, the Soyuz I, he and others knew to be unsafe, but he also knew if he turned it down his place would be taken by Gagarin. There were other good reasons for people to keep their mouths shut -- like Siberia. So he went ahead anyway. Our spies overheard him screaming to his death. His burnt "remains" lay in state in an open casket. The catastrophic Apollo I fire three months earlier had no impact. That the Soviet regime had no regard for the lives of these epochal heroes shows that when Ronald Reagan spoke of the "evil empire" it was not to throw a tantrum.
The book, published by the UK house Bloomsbury, is scheduled out in the US on April 12 -- the fiftieth anniversary of Vostok I. It has two different covers.
(Originally posted 8:57 p. m.)
We do not know what to say about Warren Christopher except we remember him with those beady eyes and swivelling his robotic head back and forth as he talked and emitting a loud raspy buzzer-like EEEEEEEEEEEEEHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.... We know folks like this are supposed to be important but given the connivers at State -- like the current occupant but not, we will vow, Mr. Christopher -- we think all they do is talk. At worst their talking can kill our nationals and win Nobel Prizes. A lot of ordinary people who are NOT our superiors do important work, but they will never be slobbered over as was St. Tim of Russert.
We have not watched the NPCPCAA PROFIT CENTER but we can imagine the Battles of the Tattoos; in another world those college prexies would hold one hand over their eyes with the other holding their noses. We are plainly not talking education here, except the education of the streets, or better yet, the education in how to hopelessly wish yourself into the NBA. Perhaps they put on all those tattoos to be noticed. They're right. We notice.
We were extremely disappointed to learn that immortally famous HUNK!!!!! we'd never heard of before, whom some idiot hack worked over to get a better job, has split with an ac-TOR previously famous to us for her flat chest. If such a pair is the best Hollywood can do we may as well allow gay marriage.
As the nuclear reactor story began gaining attention, all focus was lost and the words "meltdown," "catastrophe" and "radiation" were tossed around in such a way that it seemed news agencies were willing it all to happen, a rapacious hunger to plant the seeds of Armageddon in viewers' heads, which of course would translate to ratings.
I have reluctantly come to the conclusion that I was wrong, and PILLHEAD was right.
I have reluctantly come to the conclusion that I was wrong, and PILLHEAD was right.
Friday, March 18, 2011
U.S. regulators accused International Business Machines Corp. of a decade-long campaign of bribery in Asia, saying employees handed over shopping bags stuffed with cash in South Korea and arranged junkets for government officials in China in exchange for millions of dollars in contracts.
We're an INTERNATIONAL company!
We're an INTERNATIONAL company!
Having just been to a MICKEY D®, we should alert our two readers that Its UK branch is about to launch Its MONOPOLY® GAME!!!!! Why is this important? Well, here's our last post on the US version. We're guessing our version commences in August. In the meantime, after you've clicked on our post link, think -- MACBETH.
Libya declares immediate cease-fire after U.N. resolution
I guess this means 1. They've won, or 2. They're consolidating their gains, and definitely 3. The CASINOS will go up FIVE ZILLION PERCENT.
I guess this means 1. They've won, or 2. They're consolidating their gains, and definitely 3. The CASINOS will go up FIVE ZILLION PERCENT.
No one in this typically highly-insiderish Politico piece on "the permanent campaign" asks if all this political advertising WORKS.
Well, it must -- it makes people permanently ANGRY.
Well, it must -- it makes people permanently ANGRY.
We're not broke. The rich simply aren't paying enough in taxes. Over to you, Al Franken. [From EM's home page]
TRANSLATION: The rich shouldn't have to pay their fair share. Over to you, GEKKO KUDLOW.
Six of EJ....
TRANSLATION: The rich shouldn't have to pay their fair share. Over to you, GEKKO KUDLOW.
Six of EJ....
Thursday, March 17, 2011
ARCHDaily!
This structure needs no introduction; it is one of the great design and engineering masterpieces of all time. Can you imagine how a STARCHITECT would redesign it?
Well, he might start with something like
THIS!
Speaking of hideous, can you imagine the poor people of Japan -- or anywhere -- enduring temporary housing like THIS? It's an argument for radiation poisoning.
What is with STARCHITECTS and HVAC systems?
This structure needs no introduction; it is one of the great design and engineering masterpieces of all time. Can you imagine how a STARCHITECT would redesign it?
Well, he might start with something like
THIS!
Speaking of hideous, can you imagine the poor people of Japan -- or anywhere -- enduring temporary housing like THIS? It's an argument for radiation poisoning.
What is with STARCHITECTS and HVAC systems?
The inimitable AHTSJournal:
The Difference Between Boastful Cities and Conceited Cities
A boastful city is Philthydelphia; a conceited city is NOO YAWK.
The Difference Between Boastful Cities and Conceited Cities
A boastful city is Philthydelphia; a conceited city is NOO YAWK.
BLOOMY SELLS IT!
Groupon Inc. has held talks with banks about an initial public offering that would value the online-coupon company at as much as $25 billion, according to two people with knowledge of the discussions.
The two-year-old startup’s IPO may happen this year and is unlikely to assign Groupon a valuation of less than $15 billion, according to the people, Bloomberg Businessweek reports in its March 21 edition. They asked not to be identified because the talks were
PRIVATE!!!!!
(Private overemphasis added)
Groupon Inc. has held talks with banks about an initial public offering that would value the online-coupon company at as much as $25 billion, according to two people with knowledge of the discussions.
The two-year-old startup’s IPO may happen this year and is unlikely to assign Groupon a valuation of less than $15 billion, according to the people, Bloomberg Businessweek reports in its March 21 edition. They asked not to be identified because the talks were
PRIVATE!!!!!
(Private overemphasis added)
Well we hacks must not tell the people what our president may not be up to other than bracket filling, but at least we have the courage and fortitude to run this ad from Ancestry.com.
A NEUHARTHISM OF THE MONTH AWARD TO CRISTIAN, RANDY AND THE ASSPRESS!
A NEUHARTHISM OF THE MONTH AWARD TO CRISTIAN, RANDY AND THE ASSPRESS!
STEVEDOM AT $500,000!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Oops, STEVEDOM AT $50,000!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
No no, I got it -- STEVEDOM AT $5,000!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Hey, who cares when your commissions are at stake?
Double oops -- WRONG LINK!
What's the difference between NEWS HACKS and sales -- ANALYSTS? They both SELL things, and they both MAKE THINGS UP.
P. S. Okay ELMER, that sales -- ANALYST "GUANO" is a TOTAL INCOMPETENT!!!!! But since when has Jeff been turning over His pages to religious cults? Didn't your sister rag once run something on Scientology?
Oops, STEVEDOM AT $50,000!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
No no, I got it -- STEVEDOM AT $5,000!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Hey, who cares when your commissions are at stake?
Double oops -- WRONG LINK!
What's the difference between NEWS HACKS and sales -- ANALYSTS? They both SELL things, and they both MAKE THINGS UP.
P. S. Okay ELMER, that sales -- ANALYST "GUANO" is a TOTAL INCOMPETENT!!!!! But since when has Jeff been turning over His pages to religious cults? Didn't your sister rag once run something on Scientology?
Meantime, thanks in no small part to A CRITICALLY-ACCLAIMED PRESIDENT, the status quo obtains in the Middle East. How about another round of salary increases!
Meantime the status quo supposedly obtains over THE ONGOING CATASTROPHE!!!!!!!!!!, meaning 1. News hacks will do their jobs as usual not scrounging up information while continuing to play up the panic, and 2. The CASINOS should go up ten thousand percent.
Also the news hacks are ready to DO THEIR PART to rehabilitate Mad Mel. What has he done other than earn CRITICAL ACCLAIM?
Last month, Twitter CEO Dick Costolo scoffed at Twitter acquisition rumors, the driver behind the $10 billion value estimate, during a speech at the Mobile World Congress in Barcelona. Twitter co-founder Biz Stone is more blunt. In an interview last month, he said the $10 billion figure was "made up" in a published report by The Wall Street Journal.
Wednesday, March 16, 2011
6 banks repay bailouts; program nears break-even
The government expects losses on other programs, such as the auto maker bailouts. [Fifth and last graf]
Oh.
The government expects losses on other programs, such as the auto maker bailouts. [Fifth and last graf]
Oh.
3:18 PM Eni (E -3.1%) CEO Paolo Scaroni says his company's ties with Libya will be fine no matter what the outcome of the turmoil. The reason for halting oil production, says Scaroni, was due to shipping problems.
Hey MU! You're all right with US!
Hey MU! You're all right with US!
NOW! BARGAIN-HUNTING!
A detestable CASINO euphemism for PAYING TOO MUCH AND HOPING IT INCREASES.
A detestable CASINO euphemism for PAYING TOO MUCH AND HOPING IT INCREASES.
For the CASINO the CATASTROPHE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! is an excuse for AAPL at $300 BILLION PLUS, IBM at an ALL-TIME HIGH before inflation, NFLX at almost $250, and PCLN at $475.
OUR STATESMAN OF THE WEEK:
Investors on edge over the prospect of a Japanese nuclear meltdown took their cue from a European Union commissioner who proclaimed a “major disaster” may be on its way, before admitting his remarks were partly based on media reports.
Investors on edge over the prospect of a Japanese nuclear meltdown took their cue from a European Union commissioner who proclaimed a “major disaster” may be on its way, before admitting his remarks were partly based on media reports.
Despite the lustful coos from con-SER-va-tives THE DONALD will not run for president. Why? It would mean making His finances public. Also it would mean exposing all the games He's played using accountants -- and all His BANKRUPTCIES. People might also ask about His brief friendship with MUAMMAR. Fuggedaboutit, DONALD.
Your BEN DOLLARS at work:
Wholesale prices surged last month at their fastest pace in just over 1-1/2 years due to higher energy costs and the steepest rise in food prices in 36 years.
Excluding those volatile categories, inflation was tame.
Whew! We were worried there.
Wholesale prices surged last month at their fastest pace in just over 1-1/2 years due to higher energy costs and the steepest rise in food prices in 36 years.
Excluding those volatile categories, inflation was tame.
Whew! We were worried there.
One of the Gang of 27 mourns:
What had been a musical comedy with at least one toe dipped in real waters now seems to be an over-produced, overly Auto-Tuned variety show that exists merely to sell downloads of its covers — a modern version of Your Hit Parade.
Such tragedies will happen when we are invincible, and the projects we tout works of genius. But Gangs of 27 must have heroes to manufacture, and projects to advertorialize on.
TRANSLATION: Glee is a gay niche show with no-talents, for adolescent viewers who feel sorry for themselves.
GanNETt P. S. NEUHARTHDOM takes GUVMENT HANDOUTS!
Amid furloughs, layoffs and other cutbacks at its newspaper in Fort Myers, Fla., Gannett collected $105,000 from Lee County's economic development office to create 35 jobs by August 2012 at The News-Press, a local TV station has reported.
Needless to say the story has a happy ending -- for GanNETt:
But the jobs don't always last. That was the case in Tulsa, Okla., where GCI in late January announced plans to close a customer-service center there by the end of this month. Of 150 jobs there, 131 will be relocated to Gannett operations in Greenville, S.C.; Detroit, and Phoenix.
Tax-driven job creation also occurs even as companies eliminate jobs elsewhere in their business. For example, in November, according to Gannett Bloggers, the News-Press eliminated four jobs during a nationwide GCI layoff.
GO, SONS OF SOB! GO -- FAR AWAY!
What had been a musical comedy with at least one toe dipped in real waters now seems to be an over-produced, overly Auto-Tuned variety show that exists merely to sell downloads of its covers — a modern version of Your Hit Parade.
Such tragedies will happen when we are invincible, and the projects we tout works of genius. But Gangs of 27 must have heroes to manufacture, and projects to advertorialize on.
TRANSLATION: Glee is a gay niche show with no-talents, for adolescent viewers who feel sorry for themselves.
GanNETt P. S. NEUHARTHDOM takes GUVMENT HANDOUTS!
Amid furloughs, layoffs and other cutbacks at its newspaper in Fort Myers, Fla., Gannett collected $105,000 from Lee County's economic development office to create 35 jobs by August 2012 at The News-Press, a local TV station has reported.
Needless to say the story has a happy ending -- for GanNETt:
But the jobs don't always last. That was the case in Tulsa, Okla., where GCI in late January announced plans to close a customer-service center there by the end of this month. Of 150 jobs there, 131 will be relocated to Gannett operations in Greenville, S.C.; Detroit, and Phoenix.
Tax-driven job creation also occurs even as companies eliminate jobs elsewhere in their business. For example, in November, according to Gannett Bloggers, the News-Press eliminated four jobs during a nationwide GCI layoff.
GO, SONS OF SOB! GO -- FAR AWAY!
We are annoyed to learn I Want Media has become part of a mini media conglomerate. If Mr. Phillips knows what he's doing he'll keep the site as it is. How many Web sites have declined after they were bought by "big" companies with "big" ideas?
We are sorry to hear that BABS won't win an Os-CAR® for being SUPERANGRY. Art offers alleged reasons for turning her down but the fact is he and HERR DOKTOR SONDHEIM are OSSIFIED. It's hard to think otherwise given their combined age of over 174 but their chronological age is tripled by being in a biz that is itself among the walking dead, and whose denizens read The Paper of Re-CORD so thoroughly they've assumed its cheap philosophizing too. That Art is so thoroughly opaque in his reasoning marks him as one of its charter subscribers. Whatever happened to "Let's do a show!"? We know what happened -- we see it on BRANSON EAST. Luckily for him Jule Styne died in 1994; otherwise the combined age of the creators would be 280.
Of course there could be a good reason, which Art scoured the Merriam-Webster Third New International to obscure: Not that Gypsy's a de facto gay musical (about a heterosexual female STRIPPER!), nor that it would thus be a de facto AHTHOUSE film; no, as Art admits, there's already been one bad movie version. A second with a sixty-eight-year-old lead who'd need makeup by Industrial Light and Magic would positively STINK. And maybe Art's simply much too savvy to let that one out.
(Via the usual AHTSJournal)
Of course there could be a good reason, which Art scoured the Merriam-Webster Third New International to obscure: Not that Gypsy's a de facto gay musical (about a heterosexual female STRIPPER!), nor that it would thus be a de facto AHTHOUSE film; no, as Art admits, there's already been one bad movie version. A second with a sixty-eight-year-old lead who'd need makeup by Industrial Light and Magic would positively STINK. And maybe Art's simply much too savvy to let that one out.
(Via the usual AHTSJournal)
Tuesday, March 15, 2011
Sorry to bring up a headache pain at this late date, but recently the proprietors of that never-dull site Cartoon Brew had a debate over whether Bill and Joe won too many Os-CARS®. (Seven says YES.) In the course of this one of the proprietors said one of the stupidest Os-CAR® animation moments was awarding the above FILLUM, and a few comments came close to positing that Cartoon Brew has some of the DUMBEST commenters this side of HENRY HONEST:
Moro Rogers says:
02/27/11 4:13pm
I thought that crunch bird thing was pretty funny.=p
Chris Powell says:
02/27/11 4:22pm
I gotta agree. just watched it.
Tom Pope says:
02/27/11 8:46pm
The Crunch Bird is awesome. Lighten up.
Fortunately cooler -- and saner -- heads prevailed:
michael sporn says:
02/28/11 12:43pm
Having an animated Woody Woodpecker or Mickey Mouse hand out an Oscar [®] is a sure way of saying animation is a category for kids films. Unfortunately, the animated films nominated tend not to be for children.
THE CRUNCH BIRD was a piece of garbage, but the Oscar [®] enabled Ted Petok to raise the money to do a CRUNCH BIRD feature. It was 90 mins of garbage and never got released. I got to see it on the editor’s movieola.
tgentry says:
02/28/11 1:06pm
I thought the crunch bird was pretty lame. I knew what the punchline was going to be half way through, and I had to bide my time until… yep there it is. Bad animation, bad voice acting, bad joke....
Steve Segal says:
02/28/11 5:11pm
...I heard from someone at the AMPAS [®] that The Crunchbird won because voters saw none of the films and blindly selected the only US film on the list, shortly thereafter the rules were changed to allow voting in that category only to members who attend special screenings.... [Emphasis added]
Under the circumstances we may say that not only do most moVEE cri-TICS speak from the CRUNCH BIRD SEAT, so do the viewers.
P. S. Did you know Tex Avery never won an Os-CAR®? Figures.