Eugene David ...The One-Minute Pundit |
THE NEWS HACK'S CREED: I know more than you. I make lots more money than you. I'm smarter than you. I'm sexier than you. I appear on TV all the time. I work ten minutes a day. I rule the universe. I'm going to live forever. You are an idiot. THE NEWS HACK'S CREED, No. 2: A lie isn't a lie when it tells THE TRUTH. THE NEWS HACK'S CREED, No. 3: I've come to realize that the looseness of the journalistic life, the seeming laxity of the newsroom, is an illusion. Yes, there's informality and there's humor, but beneath the surface lies something deadly serious. It is a code. Sometimes the code is not even written down, but it is deeply believed in. And, when violated, it is enforced with tribal ferocity. --JOHN "OMERTA" CARROLL. THE NEWS HACK'S CREED, No. 4: News isn't news when we don't report it. PERMALINKS: THE NEWS HACKS' DICTIONARY THE EUGENE DAVID GLOSSARY AMERICA'S MOST UNINTENTIONALLY FUNNY WEB SITE! Blogroll Me! |
Monday, May 31, 2004
Posted
5:59 PM
by Gene
Posted
4:53 PM
by Gene
P. S. This waste of petroleum products was manufactured by -- EVA-TONE! Now THAT'S nostalgia! (Or tone-deafness.) P. P. S. When I played it on Windows Media Player I found it was LISTED! Someone had, uh, time on his hands. (Now there's a song -- "Time on my hands, you in my arms" -- especially the way Lee Wiley could croon it. Not Charlie Daniels, alas.)
Posted
12:50 PM
by Gene
Posted
8:28 AM
by Gene
Posted
8:28 AM
by Gene
All I know is, beware any pedagogue who calls himself "DOCTOR."
Posted
8:12 AM
by Gene
Unless of course we give 'em a dose of SIX SIGMA.
Posted
8:10 AM
by Gene
Janet Cooke was misleading too. Sunday, May 30, 2004
Posted
5:01 PM
by Gene
Posted
4:54 PM
by Gene
In a statement read on Saudi state-run TV, the Interior Ministry said one of the four attackers was captured, but the others escaped despite a strong security presence around the residential complex where they had holed up with hostages. A manhunt was under way for the three, one of whom was wounded by security forces, the statement said. Do you suppose...NAH.
Posted
3:55 PM
by Gene
Posted
2:38 PM
by Gene
Of course when Legacy zigzagged a zillion miles to seduce...never mind.
Posted
2:35 PM
by Gene
Posted
2:27 PM
by Gene
![]() It used to be if you were a movie star it was because people liked your looks. This being THE PAPER OF RECORD, of course, it must stick this ugly visage on its Web site, and in the paper, to prove -- to prove what? That ac-TING is an AAHHHT? That people prefer ugly faces? Or is THE PAPER OF RECORD running another 5,000-word pop-culture thumbsucker just to prove its bad tastes are better than anyone else's?
Posted
1:15 PM
by Gene
AP: Oversight of Energy Leases Loose I'd prefer "Oversight of Energy Looses Lease." Or leases lease or looses loose or... This will happen when you expectorate 20 MILLION WORDS A DAY. P. S. I had to change the link to a Google News search because CURLEY (Nyuk! Nyuk! Nyuk!) CHANGED THE HED, and to prove I wasn't making this up.
Posted
1:01 PM
by Gene
Personally, I think DUBYA did it. PINCH! Let's put THE GLIBERAL on his trail!
Posted
12:48 PM
by Gene
Posted
9:14 AM
by Gene
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9:01 AM
by Gene
Posted
8:52 AM
by Gene
One very slight glimmer of hope: Without careful definition, the association could easily fade into irrelevance. PLEASE do.
Posted
8:46 AM
by Gene
(Sorry to repeat myself. MR. MARK does.)
Posted
8:43 AM
by Gene
Posted
8:40 AM
by Gene
Posted
8:38 AM
by Gene
A Pakistani, three Filipinos, and a 10-year-old Egyptian boy whose father worked there, were among the 11 dead, according to various sources. The boy's father gave an emotional statement to the Arab media. "What is his guilt? That's not only my child, this is an innocent child going to school," the father said. "What is this? Terrorism, Islam, whatever. Those are not Muslims." Why is this a minority view in the Arab world? Saturday, May 29, 2004
Posted
7:45 PM
by Gene
Posted
4:51 PM
by Gene
YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY!!!!!!!!!!
Posted
4:48 PM
by Gene
But NEWS HACKS must always FURROW THEIR BROWS and ENFORCE THEIR SPEECH CODE. Gene may have said a foolish thing (or rather, a thing foolishly), but he shouldn't pay with his life for it, CURLEYS.
Posted
4:42 PM
by Gene
FOLLOWERBOARD: A golf leaderboard without big names.
Posted
4:38 PM
by Gene
Posted
1:29 PM
by Gene
So it's time to whack the public with my scepter!
Posted
1:19 PM
by Gene
Though I guess we can trash-talk now that THE OTHER GUY has the RIGHTS.
Posted
12:59 PM
by Gene
That's something JOHN "OMERTA" CARROLL and his fellow idealists learned a LONG time ago.
Posted
11:00 AM
by Gene
Posted
10:56 AM
by Gene
Posted
10:52 AM
by Gene
If we could combine the denial of the Saudis with the denials of Reuters we could wipe out most of the bad things in history.
Posted
8:29 AM
by Gene
Friday, May 28, 2004
Posted
5:19 PM
by Gene
Perhaps they're listening to ErrAmerica. (Pffh-hh-hh!)
Posted
5:09 PM
by Gene
I think the soldiers will manage to rest in peace despite the best efforts to wake them up for purposes known only to the Second Coming of Murrow.
Posted
3:50 PM
by Gene
Posted
3:23 PM
by Gene
When hip-hop audio beds, sirens, and whistles shake the rafters at an NBA arena, it just feels like an admission that it's impossible to fill arenas with a mere basketball game. But that's why NBA teams charge $10,000 a ticket! The fans have to feel they get something.
Posted
11:20 AM
by Gene
The only thing this waste of celluloid will prove is that the LEMMINGS in the POPCORN EMPORIA are the MORONS -- a proof established LONG AGO.
Posted
11:03 AM
by Gene
This said, bloggers can scarcely do worse than THE PAPER OF RECORD has done lately, and surely no worse than CURLEY'S (Nyuk! Nyuk! Nyuk!) STOOGES when they extrude PIECES OF CRAP like THIS.
Posted
11:00 AM
by Gene
Posted
8:29 AM
by Gene
NOTE: The author is some clown who once described the beloved Eagles' loss in a playoffs as a TRAGEDY. He still can't write, but on his salary, why does he have to?
Posted
7:47 AM
by Gene
I can hear the KING on his THRONE now: "LET THEM EAT SEVERANCE PAY!!!!!"
Posted
7:36 AM
by Gene
Posted
7:29 AM
by Gene
Unfortunately, you can't hum a PAPER OF RECORD article, though I suspect STEPHEN has tried.
Posted
6:52 AM
by Gene
SHUT UP and dream about your fortune.
Posted
6:41 AM
by Gene
That sounds like a pretty good foreign policy to me. But WAIT! There's MORE from KERRY FOR PRESIDENT!!!!! (aka THE PAPER OF RECORD): Madeleine K. Albright, Samuel R. Berger, William J. Perry...Gen. John M. Shalikashvili, Richard C. Holbrooke.... It's the CLINTON, er, DIPPITY-DO FOREIGN POLICY TEAM! CLINTON WITHOUT THE CLINTON! And Secretary of State Joe Biden! That does have a kind of, ring to it...like a bell made of glass. Thursday, May 27, 2004
Posted
5:59 PM
by Gene
Posted
5:53 PM
by Gene
Or to put it another way, Marty's doing no more time than the combined average tenure of all his company's counter clerks who give such FABULOUS service.
Posted
5:41 PM
by Gene
Posted
5:26 PM
by Gene
The first component of the plan is the announcement that "The SpongeBob SquarePants Movie" will be the title sponsor for the 300-mile Busch race nationally televised on TNT Friday, Oct. 15 at 8 p.m. ET. NASCAR's carried MARKETING TOO FAR.
Posted
5:03 PM
by Gene
Cleverly THE PAPER OF RECORD does not mention what his parents do for a living, assuming he didn't emerge full-blown from the womb onto the Web like too many bloggers, but I'll bet they're already high mucky-mucks in broadcasting. (Neither would I be surprised if THE PAPER OF RECORD is in their CVs.) Jeff Zucker? LOOK OUT, BOB WRIGHT!
Posted
11:41 AM
by Gene
POW CONGRESSMAN: HANOI USED KERRY SPEECH, GORE COMMENTS 'TRAITOROUS'!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! And GUESS who the POW CONGRESSMAN is: SAM JOHNSON, one of the most FAR RIGHT members of the HOUSE. I luuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuhve NEWSMAX!!!!!
Posted
11:21 AM
by Gene
The challenge, [Al Franken] says, is to make the points he wants without repeating himself day after day. When it is pointed out that one of the tenets of the "big lie" approach to propaganda is repetition, he says, "So would that work with truth? The Big Truth? I hadn't thought of that. Maybe it is better if I repeat the same things over and over. "It's just that, sometimes, the truth is a little more complicated." No it's not -- not when people in the biz REPEAT THEMSELVES.
Posted
11:07 AM
by Gene
Okay HACKS, let's repeat THIS mantra. On the other hand, doesn't Arbitron use diaries? How accurate is that? I guess we'll REALLY hear about it.
Posted
9:39 AM
by Gene
It won't make the warnings any less dubious or tedious, though.
Posted
8:35 AM
by Gene
And yes, Bill can be a bit more than a nuisance, but just because black youth wore ugly clothes before is no excuse.
Posted
8:24 AM
by Gene
If you ran the government, PINCH, you WOULDN'T tell us -- so that when we got kaboomed you could blame it on REPUBLICANS.
Posted
6:41 AM
by Gene
Oh we will, your eternal royal excellency King Brian. Where?
Posted
6:37 AM
by Gene
'Was it just rubbish?' some have asked of the works of art destroyed in this week's warehouse fire. Given the nature of the art involved, the best answer is "almost certainly." But just in case: The Chapman brothers' Hell was arguably the greatest of these. It was definitely one of the ones you would have given an even chance of surviving - in art history at least. It was, I think, the best of all this generation's art, with the exception of Damien Hirst's vitrines - in fact, it was about the only work that built on Hirst, using his tanks in a way he never would, to make a picture. It was a pungent and individual fantasy, a convincing landscape of atrocity: funny, horrible and worthy of comparison with the visions of hell it quoted by Botticelli and Dante and Rodin and Francis Ford Coppola. Now I have the answer: CERTAINLY.
Posted
6:31 AM
by Gene
The chef feigns anger! He should be laughing cynically, as always. This was surely his intention -- to get around the Feds and let kids see whatever they want to.
Posted
6:15 AM
by Gene
Caveat: it's the loony NINTH CIRCUIT, a division of THE PAPER OF RECORD.
Posted
6:11 AM
by Gene
Wednesday, May 26, 2004
Posted
7:07 PM
by Gene
But now his campaign -- er, the NEWS HACKS can say he has PRINCIPLE. (Pffh-hh-hh!)
Posted
5:16 PM
by Gene
![]() Hmmm, some Arabs are building a skyscraper! Take THAT, New York! Maybe this will bring PRIDE back to the Arab lands pffh-hh-hh! And when they get to the height of, oh, the WTC does the whole populace go BWAAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!? What do we do for the topping-off ceremony? A banner of OSAMA? P. S. It's designed by Skidmore, Owings and Merrill, which couldn't come up with suitable buildings for GROUND ZERO.
Posted
5:13 PM
by Gene
If the Bentonville gang is serious we should get at least one Wal-Mart in EVERY UNDER-RETAILED CITY IN AMERICA (which means practically EVERY CITY IN AMERICA).
Posted
4:59 PM
by Gene
May a million 120-year-old Gore Vidals seduce you where you're going.
Posted
1:48 PM
by Gene
BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!! BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!
Posted
1:42 PM
by Gene
I HIC! am NOT HIC! a CROOK! HIC!! Ben "Stone Face" Stein must be gulping down Alka-Seltzers.
Posted
11:18 AM
by Gene
Posted
7:02 AM
by Gene
Roland Emmerich is a director of monumentally cringe-worthy movies.... Why read further after that? When will NEWS HACKS realize truth doesn't often take thousands of words?
Posted
6:47 AM
by Gene
Of course it helps if you've been a NEWS HACK and have UMPTEEN ZILLION CONNECTIONS.
Posted
6:44 AM
by Gene
Posted
6:32 AM
by Gene
The pols will never learn, will they. They already know EVERYTHING.
Posted
6:27 AM
by Gene
Now you can start by reviving THE TORTURE SCANDAL. Tuesday, May 25, 2004
Posted
5:46 PM
by Gene
COUGH! GAG!! WHEEZE!!! Get that DUST out of here!!!!!
Posted
5:32 PM
by Gene
Does SUPERMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! know what he's doing?
Posted
5:28 PM
by Gene
City says it will use persuasion, not jail The more things change.... (Or should that be, "The more FRISCANS give change"?)
Posted
5:20 PM
by Gene
I guess it's too much to expect either side to shut up, isn't it.
Posted
5:07 PM
by Gene
You boycott ESPNCorp, you boycott -- PEE-TAH!!!!! Seems counterproductive to me. If this story makes THE BIGGIES it'll be around ALMOST AS LONG AS THE TORTURE SCANDAL. P. S. A Google News search found eight matches, SIX ON CHEAP CHANNEL STATIONS. (I guess this is penance for Dixie Chicks.)
Posted
5:01 PM
by Gene
[ERIC BURNS:] Cal, "USA Today," largest circulation of any paper in the country, not a liberal fashion by any means. What does it mean that the founder of this paper has turned on the administration? CAL THOMAS, SYNDICATED COLUMNIST: Nothing. He's no Walter Cronkite and this is not Vietnam. To make an over-the-top comment like Al Neuharth did that this is worse than ever, ignores Vietnam and the experience, which was a far worse war with far more casualties. Being an opinion writer is like being a perpetual adolescent. You can have opinions on everything and take responsibility for nothing. His opinions don't mean anything. They don't have all the facts. BURNS: There are some shows on all-news cable in which the opinions do matter though, don't you think? THOMAS: Oh yes, on ours, of course, and including the one I just I gave.
Posted
4:59 PM
by Gene
![]() I know more than you. I make lots more money than you. I'm smarter than you. I'm sexier than you. I appear on TV all the time. I work ten minutes a day. I rule the universe. I'm going to live forever. You are an idiot.
Posted
4:53 PM
by Gene
Youth is a quality not unlike health: it's found in greater abundance among the young, but we all need access to it. And bad writing is in SUPREME abundance among NEWS HACKS.
Posted
2:17 PM
by Gene
Posted
11:54 AM
by Gene
I know the answer: he "pushes the envelope" with Norman Thomas's grandson and EXCLAMATION POINTS. One other thing: on your salary and with your megalomania YOU DON'T LISTEN EITHER. Thanks to Romenesko for the juxtaposition.
Posted
10:30 AM
by Gene
If some radio prankster were to ask listeners to leave excrement at CHEAP CHANNEL'S HQ in San Anton' there wouldn't be enough excrement for the job.
Posted
8:27 AM
by Gene
Haven't we mentioned the fox and the henhouse often enough?
Posted
6:41 AM
by Gene
Looks like the producers did the CURLEY (Nyuk! Nyuk! Nyuk!) SHUFFLE! Monday, May 24, 2004
Posted
5:36 PM
by Gene
Who says censorship is bad? By the way, is FMQB.com the AIN'T IT COOL NEWS of RADIO? Every time IWantMedia links there it's always something D-U-M DUMB. (Not your fault, IWantMedia.)
Posted
5:23 PM
by Gene
Posted
5:15 PM
by Gene
To be replaced by -- hinthint? ARE YOU TRYING TO FIRE SOMEBODY? FURTHER CAVEAT: He said it on FOX!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!News.
Posted
5:11 PM
by Gene
Posted
5:08 PM
by Gene
Cometa Networks Closes Its Doors Starting Tomorrow EARTH-SHATTERING!!!!! Hey guy! You may be as bad as Romenesko! (Where this posted.)
Posted
5:05 PM
by Gene
PROF! You just defined GLIBERTARIAN!
Posted
5:02 PM
by Gene
Posted
4:53 PM
by Gene
Deutsche Bank Study Cites Wasted Brand Spending CONSUMERS LARGELY UNMOVED BY PRESIDENTIAL CAMPAIGN ADS 92% Say Ads Have Not Altered Their Voting Preferences Hmmm, I wonder what these two stories have in common? Beats me.
Posted
4:49 PM
by Gene
Posted
9:50 AM
by Gene
Posted
9:39 AM
by Gene
How bad is it? Even HOWIE THE HAIR SHIRT ADMITS THE BIZ IS BIASED. If this MEA CULPA doesn't FURTHER prove the AVERAGE NEWS HACK is ONE PART JAYSON, ONE PART WALTER DURANTY AND ONE PART GRAYDON, I don't know WHAT DOES.
Posted
6:40 AM
by Gene
Posted
6:30 AM
by Gene
Posted
6:27 AM
by Gene
And how many are lies?
Posted
6:23 AM
by Gene
They May Protest Too Much
Posted
6:16 AM
by Gene
![]() Sox complete three-game Jays sweep So now DIP can win BALL GAMES! Can he win one for ol' Hahvahd or BC? Sunday, May 23, 2004
Posted
6:40 PM
by Gene
Pope John Paul today called for regulations to ensure that media was truthful.... I've said "Hell freezes over" ENOUGH. Nothing against the Pope, by the way.
Posted
6:39 PM
by Gene
Posted
6:27 PM
by Gene
Posted
6:25 PM
by Gene
Posted
6:22 PM
by Gene
Posted
6:20 PM
by Gene
THERE'S CHAMPAGNE FLOWING IN AMERICA'S LUXURY NEWS SUITES TONIGHT!!!!!
Posted
5:54 PM
by Gene
Guess I'd better update the NEWS HACKS' DICTIONARY again. Rashomon time again at America's hermetically sealed spin factories. RUPERT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!'s already stuck His (meaning RUPERT!!!!!!!!!!!!'s) fangs into this masterwork because His (meaning RUPERT!!!!!!!!!!!!'s) company didn't produce it.
Posted
4:35 PM
by Gene
Posted
4:12 PM
by Gene
At least 300,000 people were murdered by security forces and buried in mass graves during the dictator's 23-year rule, U.S. officials say, and human rights workers put the number closer to 500,000. "We cannot compare the situation now with how it was before," Nouri Jaber al-Nouri, inspector general of the Interior Ministry, said recently. "Iraqis used to fear everything. ... But now, despite all that is happening, we feel safe." Of course, what is any news hack's campaigning without a but, BUT...I have never been angrier at news hacks than I am now. I don't not trust them ONE IOTA to tell the truth, I only expect them to lie, to spin, to sell, and to make BIG BUCKS for themselves; the industry is one part JAYSON and one part GRAYDON. This generation of NEWS HACKS must be the most petty and corrupt in the whole sleazy sordid history of their business -- and that's why I'm so frustrated in blogging.
Posted
4:12 PM
by Gene
Posted
12:22 PM
by Gene
Or are you mad that MARK STOLE YOUR SYNERGY and will do ANYTHING to forget about it?(!) (But then you'd do ANYTHING anyway!)
Posted
12:10 PM
by Gene
And I can prove the moon's made of cheese!
Posted
9:19 AM
by Gene
Oops! (!)
Posted
9:14 AM
by Gene
Posted
9:06 AM
by Gene
Posted
8:53 AM
by Gene
Posted
8:46 AM
by Gene
Unless, of course Dubya loses, and the AP will be campaigning -- I mean, reporting the election news impartially!
Posted
8:43 AM
by Gene
Posted
8:37 AM
by Gene
Stop dancing and see a shrink!
Posted
8:18 AM
by Gene
![]() If we could get a camera into JOHN "OMERTA" CARROLL'S super-expensive office when he "edits" stuff like this we could see a giddy celebration of terpsichore to rival Fred Astaire!!!!! He's dancing and he can't be bothered now!!!!! A few more such happy stories and he'll be DANCING ON THE WALLS AND THE CEILING -- if he isn't already!!!!! And with FOUR FORMERS AND A RETIRED! Telephone call for Mr. Astaire! Paging Mr. Astaire!
Posted
8:18 AM
by Gene
I wonder if some French architect won some sort of Palme d'Or for this. (Sorry! I'm not taking any chances with TECHNORATI!!!!!)
Posted
7:44 AM
by Gene
![]() Our NEWS HACK OF THE YEAR award goes to -- MARK WHITAKER! Mention the word DRUDGE to him and he fulminates about all the EEEEEEEEEEEEVIL he's brought to the business; he was responsible for JANET COOKE, JAYSON, JACK KELLEY, THE HITLER DIARIES, CONSERVATIVES -- so what does this IMMORTAL GENIUS OF THE LUXURY NEWS SUITE DO? HE STEALS A SHTICK FROM THE HAT HIMSELF -- HE BRINGS BACK THE EXCLAMATION POINT!!!!! The man wants to SHOW THE WORLD he can sell with the best of them -- AND TAKE THAT, TWXSTERS!!!!! Now that's he's used the EXCLAMATION POINT TO SELL, he can USE IT TO SPIN -- as in cover ads like "JOHN KERRY -- A LEGEND FOR THE AGES!!!!!" or "IRAQ: AMERICA IS FINISHED!!!!!!!!!!" Think of all the things we can SELL with EXCLAMATION POINTS!!!!!!!!!! YOU'LL SINGLEHANDEDLY REVIVE THE NEWS BIZ!!!!! (The only wonder is he didn't use it with OUR MAN IN IRAQ, but SUPERB INNOVATIONS LIKE THIS REQUIRE EXTENSIVE FOCUS-GROUP TESTING!!!!! Besides, IT'S TACKY ENOUGH DOING IT ONCE!!!!!) ST. WARREN OF BUFFETT SHOULD GIVE YOU HALF HIS FORTUNE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! WHO'S GRAYDON CARTER -- NEXT TO YOU!!!!!!!!!! Saturday, May 22, 2004
Posted
7:53 PM
by Gene
So maybe Dubya isn't THAT insane.
Posted
3:40 PM
by Gene
DONALD RUMSFELD HAS PRESIDED OVER THE MOST FOOLISH CONFLICT SINCE THE WAR OF JENKINS' EAR IN THE 18TH CENTURY!!!!! ...it hasn't changed him or it ONE BIT.
Posted
3:40 PM
by Gene
Posted
3:25 PM
by Gene
MORE POWER TO YOU, BILL.
Posted
3:25 PM
by Gene
Posted
8:57 AM
by Gene
Yeah. WHORVIS COMMUNICATIONS also said TERRORISM IS WRONG.
Posted
8:52 AM
by Gene
Very sad -- but it is also very sad that people die in suicide bombings -- unless you're a NEWS HACK, and then it's just POLITICAL. CURLEY'S (Nyuk! Nyuk! Nyuk!) Stooges and THE PAPER OF RECORD LITE: a DEADLY combination to the BRAIN. And how do you know THEPAPEROFRECORDLITE.COM is not fully honest? BY ITS FULL-SCREEN POPUPS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Posted
8:48 AM
by Gene
Of course it is, the way your co-productions do it -- with 5,000-WORD POSTS.
Posted
8:43 AM
by Gene
Posted
8:41 AM
by Gene
One wonders how many druggies have contributed to how many bombing deaths. The Devil salutes you!
Posted
8:38 AM
by Gene
PAPER OF RECORD, you've got the Ford Foundation and George Soros. SHUT UP.
Posted
8:31 AM
by Gene
One question; if NEWS HACKS ran the ARAB WORLD would they be BRUTAL DICTATORS, just like the current crop of rulers? Don't answer.
Posted
8:29 AM
by Gene
The Olympics long ago outlived their usefulness. Conventions longer so. Again, why do we need them? Friday, May 21, 2004
Posted
5:43 PM
by Gene
PINCH! LENNY! WHY CAN'T YOU REPORT WHAT CHINESE COMMIES CAN?!?!?
Posted
5:18 PM
by Gene
MICKEYMOUSE NIXON IS MORTAL?!?!?
Posted
5:17 PM
by Gene
You want frustration, King Richard? SUBSCRIBE TO AOL.
Posted
5:01 PM
by Gene
Posted
2:57 PM
by Gene
Six of one....
Posted
2:39 PM
by Gene
And every city, town, village and hamlet whose inhabitants can surf THEPAPEROFRECORDLITE.COM. This whole sordid biz reminds me of two infamous political ads: one of the great secrets of presidential campaigning is that THE LBJ DAISY AD AIRED ONCE AND NEVER AGAIN, and THE WILLIE HORTON AD ONLY AIRED ON TV NEWS SHOWS -- it got its start on the vile McLAUGHLIN GROUP. Press releases like these are merely a BACKDOOR WAY OF CAMPAIGNING and serve to demonstrate the NEWS HACKS' IMMEASURABLY HIGH CONTEMPT FOR THEIR PUBLIC AND THEIR TOTAL MORAL INCONTINENCE.
Posted
1:43 PM
by Gene
At first I wanted to dismiss PROF's snit over THE SUPERPATRIOTIC JONATHAN ALTER figuring, news hacks will lie. But this is the exact same thing, only worse. CONSCIENCE wants to say something, he wants to say it in cute language, and then he wants to deny he said it. IN SO MANY WORDS this IMBECILE called for NEWS HACKS (he said "editorialists" to cover his tracks) to ADVOCATE our WITHDRAWAL FROM IRAQ, and said "THE FIRST" NEWS HACK to CALL FOR IT would be "BRAVE" -- like "WALTER CRONKITE." (Pardon -- HHHWWWALTER CRRRONKITE.) He may be mad NAZIS like RUSH and ABE are now flailing his words about like so much dead horse meat, but THERE THEY ARE. CONSCIENCE is especially ticked because ABE "falsely" claims he addressed it to "'ALL' American journalists'." So who were you addressing it to, CONSCIENCE -- the planet Jupiter? Does this UTTER MORON REALLY think we're so STUPID to believe there's any wall between the editorial page and the news section, other than the thinnest sheet of onion-skin? Fine little touch, too: CONSCIENCE doesn't link to the original article -- because THE ARTICLE'S NOW BEHIND HIS MAGAZINE'S WALL. (There is a link in a margin, but it has a little icon indicating it's no longer available to the rubes.) Nice way to have your cake and eat it too! P. S. Is the CBS EVENING NEWS an EDITORIAL?
Posted
1:12 PM
by Gene
I HATE NEWS HACKS!!!!!
Posted
10:52 AM
by Gene
Air America shows include the O'Franken Factor, with comedian Al O'Franken.... This is what you O'GET when you O'COPY and PASTE from O'REUTERS without PARENTAL O'SUPERVISION, Carl O'LIMBURGER.
Posted
10:30 AM
by Gene
No, NO. I'm ALREADY above my cliche quotient.
Posted
10:02 AM
by Gene
"Judge of your natural character by what you do in your dreams." -Ralph Waldo Emerson What if you have nightmares every night?
Posted
9:55 AM
by Gene
Posted
9:29 AM
by Gene
AW JEEZ, now we can't talk about the TORTURE SCANDAL for the next three hours.
Posted
9:09 AM
by Gene
Posted
6:46 AM
by Gene
Posted
6:42 AM
by Gene
CURLEY'S (Nyuk! Nyuk! Nyuk!) STOOGES conduct business as usual. Thursday, May 20, 2004
Posted
6:56 PM
by Gene
What's black and white and red all over? Not original -- but you can aim it at the Gen X crowd that doesn't read papers. I can do better, though. Let's try: The New York Times. For great minds that think alike. You DO have a pretty lofty demographic. How about: The New York Times. We think so you don't have to. And you KNOW how many people read your paper while traveling somewhere. So how about a picture of Osama and: When I'm on the run I read The Times! How about it, PINCH? You'd make a FORTUNE!
Posted
5:11 PM
by Gene
Today's Doonesbury: You lookin' at me? No, we haven't looked at the comics in YEARS.
Posted
4:58 PM
by Gene
Posted
3:05 PM
by Gene
WHAT HATH BILL WROUGHT?????
Posted
2:41 PM
by Gene
![]() THE PUBLIC IS INCOMPETENT!!!!! FLY AWAY, PUBLIC! QUADRUPLE NEWS HACKS. OR: Prof. Kennedy, who like Mr. Remnick has won a Pulitzer Prize, likened the editor's indictment of the public the night before to Jimmy Carter's infamous "malaise" address. He paraphrased the former president: "I'm a good leader, but you're not cooperating by being good, attentive citizens." "It's absolutely fatal to democratic theory to believe the public is incompetent," said Mr. Kennedy. "To whom else can we turn?" To WHOM can we turn?
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10:19 AM
by Gene
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9:22 AM
by Gene
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9:05 AM
by Gene
"The Memorial Day strip was completed and turned in before Mr. Berg was killed," Stanford said. "And, for that matter, before [the 'Nightline'] memorial program was announced." Pffh hh hh hh hh ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha HA HA HA HA HA HA HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!!!!!
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9:03 AM
by Gene
WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!!! I WANNA GO HOME!!!!! WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!!!
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8:51 AM
by Gene
Just one problem: they're -- AFRICAN AND ASIAN. Better PRAY, St. Warren. Oh, forgot. You ARE a god.
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6:43 AM
by Gene
IMBECILES.
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6:34 AM
by Gene
"These people marched and were hit in the face with rocks to get an education, and now we've got these knuckleheads walking around," he declared. "The lower economic people are not holding up their end in this deal. These people are not parenting. They are buying things for kids - $500 sneakers for what? And won't spend $200 for 'Hooked on Phonics.' "I can't even talk the way these people talk: 'Why you ain't,' 'Where you is' ... You can't be a doctor with that kind of crap coming out of your mouth!" Turning to criminal justice, he said, "These are not political criminals. These are people going around stealing Coca-Cola. People getting shot in the back of the head over a piece of pound cake and then we run out and we are outraged, saying, 'The cops shouldn't have shot him.' What the hell was he doing with the pound cake in his hand?" Cosby's blunt appraisal left Howard University President H. Patrick Swygert and NAACP President Kweisi Mfume looking "stone-faced," The Washington Post reports. As well they should be. They're among the knuckleheads. And no thanks to ST. WARREN for reporting this; after it ran the lords of the luxury news suite were no doubt instituting NEW ETHICAL STANDARDS to insure such an act would NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Posted
6:26 AM
by Gene
OR: The letter's signers, all Democrats, include at least three House members with strong antiabortion voting records. So that means forty-five, er.... Or as I said in an earlier post: [T]he HACKS have decided with so many scandals coloring their past they have no moral ground to stand on, so they can piddle wherever they please. Why do PINCH and LENNY and JOHN "HOWELL" CARROLL want us to tune out? Wednesday, May 19, 2004
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5:35 PM
by Gene
PFFH-hh-hh hh hh hh ha ha ha ha ha HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!!!!!
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5:10 PM
by Gene
Yeah. And I'd consider St. Warren of Buffett's offer to buy my blog for TEN BILLION DOLLARS. What's the diff between CURLEY'S (Nyuk! Nyuk! Nyuk!) STOOGES and DIPPITY-DO's CAMPAIGN? (You'll need several days to think about it.)
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5:05 PM
by Gene
How long can NEWS HACKS keep the story GOING and bury ANY EVIDENCE AGAINST THE INSURGENTS?
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5:02 PM
by Gene
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1:47 PM
by Gene
Knock THAT one outta da park!
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1:32 PM
by Gene
And thanks to THE COMMISSION for turning into a division of Ringling Bros. and Barnum & Bailey.
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1:18 PM
by Gene
I think the chances for an NHL strike just went up. I can hear it now: WHO CARES?
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1:13 PM
by Gene
Peace requires PEACE and QUIET from EL POLLO LOCO.
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8:30 AM
by Gene
Sicko stabbing spree A knife-wielding lunatic went on a bloody rampage in a bustling midtown shopping area yesterday afternoon, stabbing three strangers before being shot by a hero cop, police said. One critically wounded victim, a 21-year-old Queens man on a date with his girlfriend, was fighting for his life at Bellevue last night. N.Y. makes cut for Games Amid champagne, smiles and applause, Mayor Bloomberg and Gov. Pataki celebrated New York's selection yesterday as one of the five finalist cities in the competition to host the 2012 Summer Olympic Games.
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8:05 AM
by Gene
Even some members of Congress have objected to BioPort's anthrax role. That criticism reflects ignorance, says retired admiral William Crowe, who served as chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff in the Reagan administration and the first George Bush administration and now is on BioPort's board of directors. BioPort recruited Crowe, a friend of [CEO Fuad] El-Hibri's father. Crowe received 8% of BioPort's stock to serve on its board, largely because of his expertise about the key customer, the Defense Department. But Crowe's presence also mitigates the attention on El-Hibri. Nor does it help that on the crucial subject of religion many assume the fetal position in public: Muslim executives were careful and measured when responding to most questions but became noticeably uneasy when asked how devout they were to Islam. A typical response: "I attend mosque when I have time," Khalafsaid. "My philosophy is to be good, to live with others and to be equal with others." We've come to a fine mess when we view our fellow Americans with suspicion for their ethnic background; in this we have not gone far from the days when true-blue native-born types sneered at immigrants for their accents and complexions. In fairness, no previous ethnic group had members searching for WMDs. And no other ethnic group has a SUPERHOOPER.
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6:55 AM
by Gene
Why is it the first thing when I saw this piece I thought, is it a RUPERT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!? P. S. If the IDIOT "Dr." Dobson knows what he's doing -- surely he KNOWS what he's DOING -- he'll OPEN HIS MOUTH.
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6:51 AM
by Gene
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6:33 AM
by Gene
Ralphie may be Arab but apparently he doesn't believe in 72 Helen Thomases.
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6:26 AM
by Gene
Online matchmaking is clicking with seniors, who apparently stretch the truth about themselves as much as the younger crowd. Why should I go on to read the story when this tease gives me all I need to know?
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6:21 AM
by Gene
Shouldn't the lady get some sort of prize from CHEAP CHANNEL? It SOUNDS like a shock-jock stunt. Tuesday, May 18, 2004
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5:30 PM
by Gene
We’ve got one more year before George Lucas finishes up his “Star Wars” prequel trilogy with the as-yet-untitled Episode III, and he certainly has his work cut out for him. Not only does he have to resolve the ongoing storylines of “Phantom Menace” and “Attack of the Clones” in such a way as to lead directly into Episode IV, the original 1977 “Star Wars,” but he has to overcome two of the most soul-killingly dull storylines ever put on film. You GET-A-LIFE GEEKS saw fit to make Lucas Spielberg a superzillionaire and inflict His SOUL-KILLINGLY DULL STORYLINES on ALL OF US. (Capitalization of "his" INTENDED.) I found this on FARK.COM (figures).
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5:26 PM
by Gene
They're getting to be like Bill the Entomologist -- they want to rule 26 UNIVERSES BWAH HA HA HA HA!!!!! And the source? The same BusinessWeek (as in DilbertSpell) that told us THE DONALD was worth UMPTEEN GAZILLONS.
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5:14 PM
by Gene
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4:56 PM
by Gene
No one will EVER think that AGAIN.
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1:14 PM
by Gene
Sorry Romy, common sense vanished from your biz a LONNNNNG time ago.
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11:13 AM
by Gene
![]() The HONEST thing for NEWS ORGANIZATIONS to do is to run a SIMILAR AD for PRESIDENT DIPPITY-DO! At least that would confirm for all time that NEWS HACKS AREN'T in the TRUTH BUSINESS, they're in the RUB-YOUR-FACE-IN-OUR-POWER BUSINESS.
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11:05 AM
by Gene
[I]f you had Simon’s past, would you be so eager to move on? With each such loss show-biz becomes harder to take, because it's ever more obvious nothing is filling the void of what we've lost. P. S. More SUPER news hack accuracy: he was 83 and 84.
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10:42 AM
by Gene
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10:36 AM
by Gene
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9:14 AM
by Gene
THE NEW IRAQ CRISIS: DONALD RUMSFELD SHOULD GO!!!!! ![]() FOOD FIGHT!
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6:43 AM
by Gene
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6:28 AM
by Gene
WHY CAN'T SOMEONE OTHER THAN A CONSERVATIVE SAY THIS?
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6:26 AM
by Gene
Translation: If you put a zillion inside jokes in a movie A. O. will LOVE it.
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6:23 AM
by Gene
Geez, if we haven't found a new way to smile today -- like Polident for the brain. Monday, May 17, 2004
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6:01 PM
by Gene
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5:55 PM
by Gene
Really, why not 50 words for each anniversary year? Or a hundred in anticipation of the centennial? Then multiply it by NINE in honor of THE NINE FINGERS IN THE WIND.
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5:17 PM
by Gene
Kristin Chenoweth, who took a week off from "Wicked" to appear in "Candide," was the best of all possible Cunegondes, not excluding Barbara Cook, who created the role. Now here is Peter G. Davis in New York: No doubt Kristin Chenoweth as Cunegonde has her admirers, but her overmiked, terminally chirpy coloratura soprano mostly put me in mind of a factory whistle.... Two fine critics with two opposite-extreme opinions. WHICH IS RIGHT? If we can't get agreement from two superior writers like these, how can we trust the PREENING SELF-PUBLICIZING INCOMPETENTS who make up nearly ALL AD-BLURB COPYWRITERS? P. S. I cannot judge this matter for myself for I've never heard Kristin Chenoweth sing; but I fear the truth may lie more on Mr. Davis's side, first as Mr. Teachout can spout asinine loveydovey over favorites like THE GREATEST COMPOSER OF ALL TIME, HERR DOKTOR SONDHEIM (thankfully rarely), and second as Mr. Davis saw Candide in pre-Broadway tryouts in '56, and while nostalgia can penetrate a writer's thoughts beyond his knowledge, having heard the incomparable Miss Cook in five cast albums I find it impossible to believe she could be improved upon.
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5:04 PM
by Gene
I think we could spin THE PAPER OF RECORD'S REPORT ON JAYSON so it can't speak with authority on ANYTHING.
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2:26 PM
by Gene
7, 78 THEME SONGS record collection + Red Skeleton P. S. A search indicates that eBay sells LOTS of red skeletons.
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2:17 PM
by Gene
As I said before, I reserve the right to correct mistakes of spelling, grammar and punctuation; but where I'm wrong for any other reason, that stays. Nonetheless I want to try NOT to embarrass myself.
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1:49 PM
by Gene
And if FREE REPUBLIC could get sued for misappropriating St. Warren of Buffett's intellectual property, WHY CAN'T YOU?
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1:41 PM
by Gene
And of course, the station was a CHEAP CHANNEL. Hey LOWSY! I can copy and paste links WITHOUT YOUR PERMISSION. Wanna sue GOOGLE?
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1:25 PM
by Gene
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1:07 PM
by Gene
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12:00 PM
by Gene
Summer temperatures in the Arctic have risen at an INCREDIBLE!!!!! rate over the past three years and large patches of what should be ice are now open water, a British polar explorer said on Monday. [Overemphasis added.] Golly, by the end of the century the Arctic Ocean will be -- OPEN WATER! That REALLY concerns ME! A suggestion to the Reut: when you feel the willies coming over you, just think of the heroism of MILITANTS.
Posted
11:11 AM
by Gene
That's a lot of empty seats we launched.
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10:07 AM
by Gene
And where, do you suppose, could all that money have been headed?
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10:02 AM
by Gene
Hmmm, is ErrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrAmerica liberal?
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9:53 AM
by Gene
Which means the VOLOKHEADS will be going NUTS.
Posted
8:27 AM
by Gene
Reviewing new literary magazines is like spanking mayflies. Most of them are small, defenseless and not long for this world. Where's the percentage in it? But also like mayflies -- or ephemerids, as these insects are charmingly called -- literary magazines play an ever more indispensable role in the publishing food chain. And recently, especially here on the West Coast, they're starting to swarm. This one paragraph hints why most writers can't write. Likening literary reviews to flying insects is not the most flattering trope, as many such insects (think garden-variety flies and mosquitoes) are strictly bad news, and they tend to congregate in unhealthy places. ONWARD AND UPWARD WITH LI-TER-RAT-TYOOR! (Thanks AGAIN, ArtsJournal.com.)
Posted
8:12 AM
by Gene
And if we include the ads for show-biz make that two words.
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6:48 AM
by Gene
Look, we know you NEWS HACKS don't give two hoots for your country, except on April 15, when you merely HOOT at it. But the Dubya Doctrine -- "Either you're for us or against us" -- applies as much to you as to anyone else, and in the final analysis, in ways that transcend war or patriotism, you SCRIBBLERS are AGAINST us.
Posted
6:28 AM
by Gene
If the NEWS HACKS do what they're KNOWN for DOING, this will be a TEN-FOOT-HIGH SPEED BUMP ON THE ROAD TO THE UNSCALABLE WALL.
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6:28 AM
by Gene
I think he has a better shot at just annoying people.
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6:23 AM
by Gene
You pays your money.... Sunday, May 16, 2004
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7:42 PM
by Gene
Action it is for a set of headphones SENNHEISER HD 280 brand new in unopen box, just arrived from GERMANY , an unwanted prezent .On the back of the box it ses EUROPEAN PRODUCT and Made in Ireland . After many specialists Sennheiser still one of the best makers in this area .I-m not such an crazy guy for headphones, i love speakers sound .The stupid my old friend Charlie live inside the package the receipt, 139.00 EURO.
Posted
7:42 PM
by Gene
![]() Hmmm, you don't suppose this face launched thousands of moviegoers out of their seats, do you?
Posted
3:06 PM
by Gene
I've come to realize that the looseness of the journalistic life, the seeming laxity of the newsroom, is an illusion. Yes, there's informality and there's humor, but beneath the surface lies something deadly serious. It is a code. Sometimes the code is not even written down, but it is deeply believed in. And, when violated, it is enforced with tribal ferocity. John, aside from your blithe unrealization that your words suggest the MAFIA or AL-QAEDA, we know ALL about you guys ENFORCING your CODE, and that's why you face BLOGGERS, and FOX!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!News, and NewsMax!!!!!!!!!!, and The No-Spin Spin Zone, and YOUR EVER SINKING REPUTATIONS, ETC., ETC., ETC.
Posted
3:01 PM
by Gene
"I will always take anyone's phone calls." OR: "But I will not, I categorically will not do it." Take out the BUT and EITHER can come first.
Posted
2:21 PM
by Gene
You help me Like a burglar helps Fort Knox. You help me Like a fox hunt helps the fox. Like molasses candy helps An aching tooth, Like a marijuana helps A wayward youth.... I can't remember the rest, but after reading LENNY'S BOYS screaming about how we MUST get out of IRAQ, and then hearing them cry crocodile tears (on PAGE D01) over THIRTEEN CHILDREN gunned down in D.C. thus far this year, forgive me if I've forgotten a few words.
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