Posted 6:22 PM by Gene

Well how apt! Embezzlers fall afoul of embezzlement!

Posted 5:59 PM by Gene

This is Memorial Day, and I must discuss the new WWII memorial on the Mall. Yes, it is torpid -- the staid archway, the dull topless columns -- but it was done by people who lived in an age that could not express the big things well in public, who were limited to a drab imitation of a drab imitation of the past, who saw in the few commemorations of their own awful time the self-effacing gesture, the trendy self-condemnation, the instant cliche. We must count ourselves lucky, though; had the job been given over to the kind of ARTISTES THE PAPER OF RECORD calls GENIUSES we'd have a scrapyard of TILTED ARCS. I am second to no one in admiring the boys' huge victory over evil, but that does not mean their rapidly fading generation didn't deserve better.

Posted 4:53 PM by Gene

WELL, after several months I finally got around to humming along to Reader's Digest Music's promo CD for a set called "American Pie", and boy these clowns are terminally from Squaresville. Some deservedly anonymous baritone in a Wink Martindale mode (don't mean to insult you, Wink) oozes how the songs (the usual overplayed junk from the seventies) epitomize a time when "life was good [high inflation, high unemployment, energy shortages], the future looked bright [Vietnam, Watergate, Dick and Gerry in the White House, Jimmah trailing] and our spirits were high [and those who did dope]." He then introduces a song by Jim Croce -- who loved the era so much he went out and promptly got killed in a plane crash. From the whole demeanor these idiots are selling another a-Lawrence a-Welk anthology, more eeeeasy-listening strings to folks (to paraphrase Jerry Herman) somewhere between SocSec and death, COMPLETELY unaware these masterworks have been anthologized until the royalty checks cried uncle and the foreground Muzak screamed in pain. It's a wonder RDA hasn't melted down by now, printing the world's worst magazine and selling music for no one; but if this CD is any indication they'll keep on trying until the Roman numerals XI blaze in the sky above Pleasantville.

P. S. This waste of petroleum products was manufactured by -- EVA-TONE! Now THAT'S nostalgia! (Or tone-deafness.)

P. P. S. When I played it on Windows Media Player I found it was LISTED! Someone had, uh, time on his hands. (Now there's a song -- "Time on my hands, you in my arms" -- especially the way Lee Wiley could croon it. Not Charlie Daniels, alas.)

Posted 12:50 PM by Gene

And the irony is that the NEWS HACKS, who always make the BIGGEST STINK about protests like this, HAVEN'T BEEN IN A CHURCH IN YEARS, and probably then only to report something.

Posted 8:28 AM by Gene

You know it's GOTTA be THE REUT when its scribbler calls a terrorist attack DARING.

Posted 8:28 AM by Gene

"SCHOLARS" convinced LENNY that BUSH is HISTORY'S GREATEST LIAR (as if he needs convincing). So why couldn't "SCHOLARS" convince him they're doing the right thing with GRADE-SCHOOLERS?

All I know is, beware any pedagogue who calls himself "DOCTOR."

Posted 8:18 AM by Gene

My heart is so warmed: blacks can write slut-lit too.

HOWELL LIVES!!!!!

Posted 8:12 AM by Gene

I've got an idea, Little Jeffrey: rename your theme parks for GE! Then you'll see your attendance REALLY slump, then you can unload the "high-cost, low-profit business."

Unless of course we give 'em a dose of SIX SIGMA.

Posted 8:10 AM by Gene

KERRY FOR PRESIDENT!!!!!!!!!! (aka THE PAPER OF RECORD, SECOND DIVISION) SAYS BUSH'S ADS ARE MISLEADING!!!!!!!!!!

Janet Cooke was misleading too.

Posted 5:01 PM by Gene

A story like THIS makes the eyes roll because you KNOW if these network-news MORONS were doing less SYNERGY they'd be doing more QUAGMIRE and CAMPAIGNING -- and the "critics" make it quite clear that's PRECISELY what these prime-time publicists SHOULD do. Face it, the video press kits are just another way to be DISHONEST.

Posted 4:54 PM by Gene

Hmmm....

In a statement read on Saudi state-run TV, the Interior Ministry said one of the four attackers was captured, but the others escaped despite a strong security presence around the residential complex where they had holed up with hostages.

A manhunt was under way for the three, one of whom was wounded by security forces, the statement said.

Do you suppose...NAH.

Posted 3:55 PM by Gene

Google hits for the term "think outside the box" without quotation marks: 2,970,000.

Posted 2:38 PM by Gene

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOH!!!!! KERRY FOR PRESIDENT!!!!! (CURLEY'S [Nyuk! Nyuk! Nyuk!] STOOGES division) accuses DUBYA of CAMPAIGNING on AIR FORCE ONE on THE TAXPAYER'S DIME!!!!!!!!!!

Of course when Legacy zigzagged a zillion miles to seduce...never mind.

Posted 2:35 PM by Gene

PROF, I'm thinking, but for a fluke of fate, YOU could have inspired BURNING MAN.

Posted 2:27 PM by Gene

It used to be if you were a movie star it was because people liked your looks. This being THE PAPER OF RECORD, of course, it must stick this ugly visage on its Web site, and in the paper, to prove -- to prove what? That ac-TING is an AAHHHT? That people prefer ugly faces? Or is THE PAPER OF RECORD running another 5,000-word pop-culture thumbsucker just to prove its bad tastes are better than anyone else's?

Posted 1:15 PM by Gene

And when they're not hoping and praying for our defeat in Iraq, CURLEY'S (Nyuk! Nyuk! Nyuk!) STOOGES play WORD GAMES:

AP: Oversight of Energy Leases Loose

I'd prefer "Oversight of Energy Looses Lease." Or leases lease or looses loose or...

This will happen when you expectorate 20 MILLION WORDS A DAY.

P. S. I had to change the link to a Google News search because CURLEY (Nyuk! Nyuk! Nyuk!) CHANGED THE HED, and to prove I wasn't making this up.

Posted 1:01 PM by Gene

PEE-TAH! I smell a J'ACCUSE!!!!!

Personally, I think DUBYA did it. PINCH! Let's put THE GLIBERAL on his trail!

Posted 12:48 PM by Gene

Another of CURLEY'S (Nyuk! Nyuk! Nyuk!) UNBIASED STOOGES gloats, "APRIL-MAY GI IRAQ DEATH TOLL TOPS 200!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Before we pop the bubbly, TOM, I notice (knock on wood) we've had very few casualties of late, and your APRIL-MAY routine is a way of trying to SPIN THAT NEWS. No wonder self-serving wonks like Tom Rosenstiel lament the lack of luxury-news-suite diversity even as your product acquires the color and texture of a dense fog.

Posted 9:14 AM by Gene

I wish I could say something about Archibald Cox, but all that comes to mind is he was involved in the ULTIMATE insider baseball.

Posted 9:05 AM by Gene

Is it possible that going to a movie was once a civilized experience?

Posted 9:01 AM by Gene

People make fun of MODO, but THE GLIBERAL increasingly writes as though he has five hands and three brains, all steaming full bore toward their mutual destruction.

Posted 8:52 AM by Gene

THE PAPER OF RECORD auditions candidates for JACK'S luscious job. AWWWW c'MON guys -- don't you want glamour AND immortality? JACK HAS BOTH.

One very slight glimmer of hope:

Without careful definition, the association could easily fade into irrelevance.

PLEASE do.

Posted 8:46 AM by Gene

There was probably a week-long debate at BLUNDER'S hermetically-sealed HQ in Manhattan about whether to put another TORTURE SCANDAL!!!!!! story on the cover -- but as MR. MARK no doubt said: "Look, we can't put this on the cover every @#$%&* week; people will think we're working for the Democrats (which I'm proud to). No, let's seduce 'em with an innocuous service feature -- then we rape 'em with our POLITICS."

(Sorry to repeat myself. MR. MARK does.)

Posted 8:43 AM by Gene

There was probably a week-long debate at BLUNDER'S hermetically-sealed HQ in Manhattan about whether to put another TORTURE SCANDAL!!!!!! story on the cover -- but as MR. MARK no doubt said: "Look, we can't put this on the cover every @#$%&* week; people will think we're working for the Democrats (which I'm proud to). No, let's seduce 'em with an innocuous service feature -- then we rape 'em with our POLITICS."

Posted 8:40 AM by Gene

MR. MARK has decided on another service feature this week (about wi-fi -- maybe it can rebound to us), but NO EXCLAMATION POINTS! Markie! You're not doing your job! You're supposed to SPIN and SELL with your cover! (Although we trust you do it inside.)

Posted 8:38 AM by Gene

The latter, though at least they didn't kill everybody.

A Pakistani, three Filipinos, and a 10-year-old Egyptian boy whose father worked there, were among the 11 dead, according to various sources.

The boy's father gave an emotional statement to the Arab media.

"What is his guilt? That's not only my child, this is an innocent child going to school," the father said. "What is this? Terrorism, Islam, whatever. Those are not Muslims."

Why is this a minority view in the Arab world?

Posted 7:47 PM by Gene

Wal-Mart proclaims: Today, America; TOMORROW, 26 UNIVERSES BWAHAHAHAHA!

Posted 7:45 PM by Gene

It will be interesting to see whether the Saudis leave the holy cockroaches alone to kill everybody, or whether they mount a SUPERMAN raid and kill everybody.

Posted 4:51 PM by Gene

For all Rummy's faults, I think I'll join in the chorus too:

YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY!!!!!!!!!!

Posted 4:48 PM by Gene

I can think of a lot of reasons for making fun of Gene Simmons -- like his makeup, his music, and the fact that he's still wearing his makeup and still doing his music when he's well past being eligible for membership in AARP.

But NEWS HACKS must always FURROW THEIR BROWS and ENFORCE THEIR SPEECH CODE. Gene may have said a foolish thing (or rather, a thing foolishly), but he shouldn't pay with his life for it, CURLEYS.

Posted 4:42 PM by Gene

Here's a new word for you:

FOLLOWERBOARD: A golf leaderboard without big names.

Posted 4:38 PM by Gene

Some bank CEO in Ireland has resigned because he looked up the wrong things on his computer, so why am I thinking, 1. He quit because what he surfed wasn't PC, or 2. This isn't the real cause?

Posted 1:29 PM by Gene

I’ve always felt the way Jerry Levin put it — and I give him credit for this quote — content may be king, but distribution is the power behind the throne. And you need them both.

So it's time to whack the public with my scepter!

Posted 1:19 PM by Gene

In 1,248 words, the NBA is BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOORING.

Though I guess we can trash-talk now that THE OTHER GUY has the RIGHTS.

Posted 12:59 PM by Gene

A media-biz superhero owns a casino in a sleazy LALA suburb named Gardena, and one of the local political poops who shook the superhero's hand (and got a nice something in return, no doubt) says with VALENTI-like awe that while an "ideal" town would not have the casino or the superhero, "ideals...don't pay the bills."

That's something JOHN "OMERTA" CARROLL and his fellow idealists learned a LONG time ago.

Posted 11:00 AM by Gene

To his credit, one of CURLEY'S (Nyuk! Nyuk! Nyuk!) Stooges noticed we do NOT have a monopoly on EEEEEEEEEEEEVIL in Iraq.

Posted 10:56 AM by Gene

Duuuuuuuuuuh, Idunno.

Posted 10:52 AM by Gene

More non-terrorism non-kills Saudis.

If we could combine the denial of the Saudis with the denials of Reuters we could wipe out most of the bad things in history.

Posted 8:29 AM by Gene

When Republicans Specterize, the news hacks call it -- COURAGE. When Democrats do the same thing, they call it -- POLITICS.

Posted 5:19 PM by Gene

Bad news for the Big Four of Dumb: all those young men who vanished from the TV audience may still be missing.

Perhaps they're listening to ErrAmerica. (Pffh-hh-hh!)

Posted 5:09 PM by Gene

Lord Koppel began a SWEEPS MONTH with a gimmick; he ends the month with a gimmick.

I think the soldiers will manage to rest in peace despite the best efforts to wake them up for purposes known only to the Second Coming of Murrow.

Posted 3:50 PM by Gene

That fewer people read newspapers is bad. That fewer people read centrally-controlled elitist marketing-driven status-quo atrociously-written knee-jerk newspapers is good.

Posted 3:23 PM by Gene

2000 words surrounding a simple admission:

When hip-hop audio beds, sirens, and whistles shake the rafters at an NBA arena, it just feels like an admission that it's impossible to fill arenas with a mere basketball game.

But that's why NBA teams charge $10,000 a ticket! The fans have to feel they get something.

Posted 11:20 AM by Gene

I'm waiting for the next line of con-SER-vative attack: RUPERT!!!!!!!!!! produced his PC COMEDY to show up what kind of MORONS LIBERALS are.

The only thing this waste of celluloid will prove is that the LEMMINGS in the POPCORN EMPORIA are the MORONS -- a proof established LONG AGO.

Posted 11:03 AM by Gene

STERNO is mad because THE PAPER OF RECORD self-interestedly tried to paint bloggers as idiots, and further tried to put the kibosh on the medium as dying. Any mode of communication will have its fruitcakes (i.e., newspapering?), but blogging is definitely not the flavor of the month. On the other hand, there is no denying that for most bloggers (yes, most), it's a fad they can't keep up with, and they just flat out can't WRITE, and after one or two stumbling posts about a non-existent personal life they fade away. And most of blogging IS personal. Very few have the stamina to keep it up day after day after day (and I don't flatter myself in writing this). And a troublesomely few pundits have any real power, which is why STERNO can afford to get mad.

This said, bloggers can scarcely do worse than THE PAPER OF RECORD has done lately, and surely no worse than CURLEY'S (Nyuk! Nyuk! Nyuk!) STOOGES when they extrude PIECES OF CRAP like THIS.

Posted 11:00 AM by Gene

How many stories had to die, how many things we needed to know about will linger in ignorance, because THIS PIECE OF CRAP made a wire service?

Posted 8:29 AM by Gene

Multiply this idiot scribbling by 10,000 (the number of times like idiot scribblings appear in our daily rags each DAY) and you wonder why papers can't be written in a foreign language.

NOTE: The author is some clown who once described the beloved Eagles' loss in a playoffs as a TRAGEDY. He still can't write, but on his salary, why does he have to?

Posted 7:47 AM by Gene

More irritating industry self-obsession: a 1,806-WORD piece on a thoroughly despicable megalomaniacal QUEEN in KING BRIAN'S COURT whose career effectively ended on 9/11 (sniff sniff).

I can hear the KING on his THRONE now: "LET THEM EAT SEVERANCE PAY!!!!!"

Posted 7:36 AM by Gene

Elsewhere in ArtsJournal.com (oiiiiiiiiii): I think we know where this fan fiction is going: the same place millions of blogs will go -- to eventual erasure.

Posted 7:29 AM by Gene

HOWELL LIVES! Some ad-blurb copywriters so desperately want to believe they're living in a golden age to out-gold all golden ages that they'll abandon even the most fundamental rules of writing sense to say it -- not that they start out with any. Here one of THE PAPER OF RECORD's top typists devotes 3,010 WORDS to his windmill-tilting belief that diversity, rock, and four-letter words have made Broadway musical scores BETTER THAN EVER.

Unfortunately, you can't hum a PAPER OF RECORD article, though I suspect STEPHEN has tried.

Posted 7:06 AM by Gene

Geeks will be GEEKS:

Slow Going for Linux in Iraq

Posted 6:52 AM by Gene

RUPERT!!!!!!!!!!'S NEW PC COMEDY ISN'T PC!! A RUPERT!!!!!!!!!! HENCHMAN SAYS SO!!!!!

SHUT UP and dream about your fortune.

Posted 6:41 AM by Gene

Kerry Outlines Foreign Policy, Attacking Bush

That sounds like a pretty good foreign policy to me.

But WAIT! There's MORE from KERRY FOR PRESIDENT!!!!! (aka THE PAPER OF RECORD):

Madeleine K. Albright, Samuel R. Berger, William J. Perry...Gen. John M. Shalikashvili, Richard C. Holbrooke....

It's the CLINTON, er, DIPPITY-DO FOREIGN POLICY TEAM! CLINTON WITHOUT THE CLINTON!

And Secretary of State Joe Biden!

That does have a kind of, ring to it...like a bell made of glass.

Posted 6:27 AM by Gene

RUPERT!!!!!!!!!! PRODUCES A PC COMEDY!!!!!!!!!!

Posted 6:25 AM by Gene

Three kids decapitated ho-hum....

Posted 5:59 PM by Gene

I wonder how much of the humanitarian aid Dear Immortal Leader shook out of that military -- er, train catastrophe wound up financing a few hackers.

Posted 5:53 PM by Gene

Former Rite Aid CEO Grass gets 8-year prison term for accounting scandal

Or to put it another way, Marty's doing no more time than the combined average tenure of all his company's counter clerks who give such FABULOUS service.

Posted 5:41 PM by Gene

Along with its brilliant PR ploy to get people to watch SUPER BORE ADS, USA Okay (aka THE PAPER OF RECORD LITE) pioneered the tradition of paying excessive attention to THE UPFRONTS, that combination carnival and sweepstakes where ad bigwigs make advance commitments to waste billions of their companies' money so they can tell a good story back at the office about which stars they met. By reducing television to ad commitments NEWS HACKS did the impossible: they reduced the quality of television.

Posted 5:26 PM by Gene

Lowe's announced today it plans to turn the Oct. 15 night race at Lowe's Motor Speedway into the most "family-friendly race" in NASCAR history.

The first component of the plan is the announcement that "The SpongeBob SquarePants Movie" will be the title sponsor for the 300-mile Busch race nationally televised on TNT Friday, Oct. 15 at 8 p.m. ET.

NASCAR's carried MARKETING TOO FAR.

Posted 5:03 PM by Gene

There seem to be two types of wonks among bloggers: the VOLOKHEADS, who must (as I've said too often before) post 5,000 words on every topic, and who think by BLOVIATING they're THINKING; and (for lack of a better term) the MICROWONKS, who carve out little niches by MICROREPORTING and MICROANALYZING EVERYTHING in their niche until it gets a rash from all the scratching. I've already posted an example of the MICROWONK in that verbose Atlanta Braves fan who was rewarded by GoogleBlogger (although arguably he was a VOLOKHEAD as much as anything); now THE PAPER OF RECORD rewards an 18-year-old MICROWONK who specializes in lots of little uninteresting stories on the cable-TV-news biz. I would say whoops your fifteen minutes are up but most likely he's already accomplished enough in the art of flattery to get a network presidency when he's 25, which means another JEFF "ZUCKS" ZUCKER we'll have to put up with. The woods are CRAWLING with AIN'T IT COOL NEWS!

Cleverly THE PAPER OF RECORD does not mention what his parents do for a living, assuming he didn't emerge full-blown from the womb onto the Web like too many bloggers, but I'll bet they're already high mucky-mucks in broadcasting. (Neither would I be surprised if THE PAPER OF RECORD is in their CVs.) Jeff Zucker? LOOK OUT, BOB WRIGHT!

Posted 11:41 AM by Gene

Another reason I luuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuhve NEWSMAX!!!!!:

POW CONGRESSMAN: HANOI USED KERRY SPEECH, GORE COMMENTS 'TRAITOROUS'!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

And GUESS who the POW CONGRESSMAN is: SAM JOHNSON, one of the most FAR RIGHT members of the HOUSE.

I luuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuhve NEWSMAX!!!!!

Posted 11:21 AM by Gene

And speaking thereof, a brief, flickering spark of sense in the black void of talk radio:

The challenge, [Al Franken] says, is to make the points he wants without repeating himself day after day. When it is pointed out that one of the tenets of the "big lie" approach to propaganda is repetition, he says, "So would that work with truth? The Big Truth? I hadn't thought of that. Maybe it is better if I repeat the same things over and over.

"It's just that, sometimes, the truth is a little more complicated."

No it's not -- not when people in the biz REPEAT THEMSELVES.

Posted 11:07 AM by Gene

Well I wrote off P. R. MEL, so maybe it's too soon to write off ErrAmerica. One thing's clear: a healthy dose of PR can overcome ANYTHING.

Okay HACKS, let's repeat THIS mantra.

On the other hand, doesn't Arbitron use diaries? How accurate is that? I guess we'll REALLY hear about it.

Posted 9:39 AM by Gene

We have to play mind games with holy cockroaches whether we like it or NOT.

It won't make the warnings any less dubious or tedious, though.

Posted 8:35 AM by Gene

I don't know what R. Emmett's been drinking lately, but we can smell his breath on Spectator.org. Maybe he wants not to be knee-jerk predictable, but to call JACK! a hero, to give BUTTMAN INSTITUTE a platform for antiwar talk, to say outsourcing is a racial code word, to excuse RUPERT!!!!!!!!!! for producing a PC movie about climate change, and now to let some scribbler who does not capitalize his name (original!) blast Bill Cosby reeks of something.

And yes, Bill can be a bit more than a nuisance, but just because black youth wore ugly clothes before is no excuse.

Posted 8:24 AM by Gene

KERRY FOR PRESIDENT!!!!! (aka THE PAPER OF RECORD!!!!!) says "THE ANNOUNCEMENT APPEARED INTENDED IN PART TO DISTRACT ATTENTION FROM MR. BUSH'S SAGGING POLL NUMBERS AND PROBLEMS IN IRAQ!!!!!!!!!!"

If you ran the government, PINCH, you WOULDN'T tell us -- so that when we got kaboomed you could blame it on REPUBLICANS.

Posted 6:41 AM by Gene

"IF YOU DON'T LIKE IT FIND ANOTHER CABLE COMPANY!"

Oh we will, your eternal royal excellency King Brian. Where?

Posted 6:37 AM by Gene

Another one of those "the-truth-in-ten-words" stories from news hacks:

'Was it just rubbish?' some have asked of the works of art destroyed in this week's warehouse fire.

Given the nature of the art involved, the best answer is "almost certainly."

But just in case:

The Chapman brothers' Hell was arguably the greatest of these. It was definitely one of the ones you would have given an even chance of surviving - in art history at least. It was, I think, the best of all this generation's art, with the exception of Damien Hirst's vitrines - in fact, it was about the only work that built on Hirst, using his tanks in a way he never would, to make a picture. It was a pungent and individual fantasy, a convincing landscape of atrocity: funny, horrible and worthy of comparison with the visions of hell it quoted by Botticelli and Dante and Rodin and Francis Ford Coppola.

Now I have the answer: CERTAINLY.

Posted 6:31 AM by Gene

Another hole in the leaky bowl for JACK'S ALPHABET SOUP!

The chef feigns anger! He should be laughing cynically, as always. This was surely his intention -- to get around the Feds and let kids see whatever they want to.

Posted 6:15 AM by Gene

Next cause for NEWS HACKS: euthanasia.

Caveat: it's the loony NINTH CIRCUIT, a division of THE PAPER OF RECORD.

Posted 6:11 AM by Gene

If the holy cockroaches win their war, they will have a PC British government to thank for refusing to arrest them, current reports notwithstanding.

Posted 7:07 PM by Gene

AW SHUCKS, THERE GOES THE MONEY.

But now his campaign -- er, the NEWS HACKS can say he has PRINCIPLE. (Pffh-hh-hh!)

Posted 5:28 PM by Gene

What happened to school dress codes?

Posted 5:16 PM by Gene

Hmmm, some Arabs are building a skyscraper! Take THAT, New York!

Maybe this will bring PRIDE back to the Arab lands pffh-hh-hh!

And when they get to the height of, oh, the WTC does the whole populace go BWAAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!?

What do we do for the topping-off ceremony? A banner of OSAMA?

P. S. It's designed by Skidmore, Owings and Merrill, which couldn't come up with suitable buildings for GROUND ZERO.

Posted 5:13 PM by Gene

Finally -- a Wal-Mart in inner-city Chicago.

If the Bentonville gang is serious we should get at least one Wal-Mart in EVERY UNDER-RETAILED CITY IN AMERICA (which means practically EVERY CITY IN AMERICA).

Posted 4:59 PM by Gene

Surprise, surprise. Terry's guilty too.

May a million 120-year-old Gore Vidals seduce you where you're going.

Posted 3:43 PM by Gene

HED OF THE WEEK:

BECAUSE GAY PEOPLE NEED CRAPPY MUSIC, TOO!

Posted 1:48 PM by Gene

I've got a theme song for Romenesko's letters page!

BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!! BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!

Posted 1:42 PM by Gene

Kissinger tape: Nixon too drunk to take call

I HIC! am NOT HIC! a CROOK! HIC!!

Ben "Stone Face" Stein must be gulping down Alka-Seltzers.

Posted 11:18 AM by Gene

Why do I think of Mickey as the MAD SCIENTIST OF BLOGGERS, deviser of wild schemes and speculations, most of which never pan out?

Posted 7:02 AM by Gene

Another NEWS HACK takes a ten-word observation and turns it into 2,000 pounds of drivel:

Roland Emmerich is a director of monumentally cringe-worthy movies....

Why read further after that? When will NEWS HACKS realize truth doesn't often take thousands of words?

Posted 6:47 AM by Gene

We won't hear the end of this puff piece from PROF today. BLOGS change the WORLD!!!!!

Of course it helps if you've been a NEWS HACK and have UMPTEEN ZILLION CONNECTIONS.

Posted 6:44 AM by Gene

It is irksome to think how much of newspaper content (and how much of newspaper sycophancy) relies on PRESS PASSES.

Posted 6:32 AM by Gene

Yeah but Dubya, don't drug prices still go up even after a discount?

The pols will never learn, will they. They already know EVERYTHING.

Posted 6:27 AM by Gene

I'm glad to read THE PAPER OF RECORD promises to be more vigilantly PC than before. We wouldn't expect anything less, PINCH.

Now you can start by reviving THE TORTURE SCANDAL.

Posted 6:24 AM by Gene

I guess we're going orange again, whatever that means.

Posted 5:46 PM by Gene

One of Dow 36,000's henchmen moves Andy S.'s SOUTH PARK REPUBLICAN out of the dusty attic and polishes it with a new name: PURPLE AMERICAN.

COUGH! GAG!! WHEEZE!!! Get that DUST out of here!!!!!

Posted 5:33 PM by Gene

U. S. confirms sarin in Iraq ho-hummmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm....

Posted 5:32 PM by Gene

Since December, Murdoch has donated $5,000 to the National Republican Congressional Committee, $2,000 each to the senatorial campaigns of Charles Schumer of New York (a liberal Democrat), Bill Jones of California, Arlen Specter of Pennsylvania, and Jack Ryan of Illinois, and $5,000 to News America Holdings Inc., a political action committee of Murdoch's Fox Corp.

Does SUPERMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! know what he's doing?

Posted 5:28 PM by Gene

New panhandling law -- S.F. to take it easy
City says it will use persuasion, not jail

The more things change.... (Or should that be, "The more FRISCANS give change"?)

Posted 5:20 PM by Gene

Pollsters and pundits have no more idea who'll win in November than think tank wonks know how many people belong to al-Qaeda.

I guess it's too much to expect either side to shut up, isn't it.

Posted 5:07 PM by Gene

Looks like MY FAVORITE CHEAP CHANNEL STATION is dispensing junk again.

You boycott ESPNCorp, you boycott -- PEE-TAH!!!!! Seems counterproductive to me.

If this story makes THE BIGGIES it'll be around ALMOST AS LONG AS THE TORTURE SCANDAL.

P. S. A Google News search found eight matches, SIX ON CHEAP CHANNEL STATIONS. (I guess this is penance for Dixie Chicks.)

Posted 5:01 PM by Gene

MORONIC LINE OF THE WEEK, from CAL THOMAS:

[ERIC BURNS:] Cal, "USA Today," largest circulation of any paper in the country, not a liberal fashion by any means. What does it mean that the founder of this paper has turned on the administration?

CAL THOMAS, SYNDICATED COLUMNIST: Nothing. He's no Walter Cronkite and this is not Vietnam. To make an over-the-top comment like Al Neuharth did that this is worse than ever, ignores Vietnam and the experience, which was a far worse war with far more casualties. Being an opinion writer is like being a perpetual adolescent. You can have opinions on everything and take responsibility for nothing. His opinions don't mean anything. They don't have all the facts.

BURNS: There are some shows on all-news cable in which the opinions do matter though, don't you think?

THOMAS: Oh yes, on ours, of course, and including the one I just I gave.

Posted 4:59 PM by Gene

THE NEWS HACK'S CREED, AGAIN:


I know more than you.

I make lots more money than you.

I'm smarter than you.

I'm sexier than you.

I appear on TV all the time.

I work ten minutes a day.

I rule the universe.

I'm going to live forever.

You are an idiot.

Posted 4:53 PM by Gene

Among the many supremely wearying things about news hacks is their occasional internecine fights over why rock ad-blurb copywriting stinks. Certainly it does not help when one of the brethren writes, in THE PAPER OF RECORD no less,

Youth is a quality not unlike health: it's found in greater abundance among the young, but we all need access to it.

And bad writing is in SUPREME abundance among NEWS HACKS.

Posted 2:17 PM by Gene

Look little, I know you're upset you lost your cat, but next time, think before you quote.

Posted 11:54 AM by Gene

It would have been far more instructive to get this woman, who apparently lost out on many news jobs because she admitted in interviews she was a Republican, to ask, "What do you do, MARK WHITAKER?!?!?"

I know the answer: he "pushes the envelope" with Norman Thomas's grandson and EXCLAMATION POINTS.

One other thing: on your salary and with your megalomania YOU DON'T LISTEN EITHER.

Thanks to Romenesko for the juxtaposition.

Posted 10:30 AM by Gene

LOWSY MAYS is at it again.

If some radio prankster were to ask listeners to leave excrement at CHEAP CHANNEL'S HQ in San Anton' there wouldn't be enough excrement for the job.

Posted 8:27 AM by Gene

Military Reporters Group Supports Media's Coverage of Iraqi Abuse

Haven't we mentioned the fox and the henhouse often enough?

Posted 6:41 AM by Gene

DANCE FEVER RETURNS!!!!!

Looks like the producers did the CURLEY (Nyuk! Nyuk! Nyuk!) SHUFFLE!

Posted 5:36 PM by Gene

ST. HOWARD of STERNO says ZONNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN'S LEAVING!

Who says censorship is bad?

By the way, is FMQB.com the AIN'T IT COOL NEWS of RADIO? Every time IWantMedia links there it's always something D-U-M DUMB. (Not your fault, IWantMedia.)

Posted 5:23 PM by Gene

Great! Terry Teachout's writing a bio of Satchmo! Go for it! But don't stray too far from your blog.

Posted 5:15 PM by Gene

FLASH FROM NEWSMAX!!!!!!!!!!! LEGENDARY WELCH SAYS VICE-PRESIDENT INSIDE MAY STEP DOWN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

To be replaced by -- hinthint?

ARE YOU TRYING TO FIRE SOMEBODY?

FURTHER CAVEAT: He said it on FOX!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!News.

Posted 5:11 PM by Gene

Oh well, no one reads my blog, but at least I have fun doing it!

Posted 5:08 PM by Gene

WOW! A BLOGGER BREAKS NEWS!!!!!

Cometa Networks Closes Its Doors Starting Tomorrow

EARTH-SHATTERING!!!!!

Hey guy! You may be as bad as Romenesko! (Where this posted.)

Posted 5:05 PM by Gene

Though, the war and the Second Amendment aside, my views are probably closer to those of the press than the general public....

PROF! You just defined GLIBERTARIAN!

Posted 5:02 PM by Gene

Okay, we'll concede that the Fumblers, Bumblers and Incompetents didn't know what they were doing (as always). Nonetheless, his CV merited suspicion, and can we always be free from mistakes when people elect to hang out with bad guys?

Posted 4:53 PM by Gene

TV ADVERTISING DOESN'T WORK FOR MATURE PACKAGE GOODS
Deutsche Bank Study Cites Wasted Brand Spending

CONSUMERS LARGELY UNMOVED BY PRESIDENTIAL CAMPAIGN ADS
92% Say Ads Have Not Altered Their Voting Preferences

Hmmm, I wonder what these two stories have in common? Beats me.

Posted 4:49 PM by Gene

Why does Kinsley.com bother with this? You can tell Bill's heart is not into it. If a Democrat were a rotten president and a Republican who'd be a good guy without being Sen. McPAIN were the candidates, Bill would tear the REPUBLICAN apart. Really guy, you're doing it for show, and after THE REPORT show doesn't pay at the betting window.

Posted 9:50 AM by Gene

And based on this survey WHY IS IT A BAD THING FOR THE YOUNG TO AVOID THE MEDIA POLICE STATE?

Posted 9:39 AM by Gene

Hey IDIOTS! Want to improve your MORALE? Do these things: 1. Report on THE TORTURE SCANDAL for the next six months to the exclusion of everything else; 2. Campaign for DIPPITY-DO!!!!! until the last vote is cast; 3. Sell MORE SHOW-BIZ PROPERTIES with EXCLAMATION POINTS; and 4. Do it all in language stultifying, condescending and coy.

How bad is it? Even HOWIE THE HAIR SHIRT ADMITS THE BIZ IS BIASED.

If this MEA CULPA doesn't FURTHER prove the AVERAGE NEWS HACK is ONE PART JAYSON, ONE PART WALTER DURANTY AND ONE PART GRAYDON, I don't know WHAT DOES.

Posted 6:54 AM by Gene

Question: Do better grades make worse students?

Posted 6:51 AM by Gene

Speaking of which, THE CROSSFIRE comes to GOOGLE.

Posted 6:40 AM by Gene

True, Michael Moore is a liar, but I wouldn't get that exercised, Fred; after all, you STAR on The McLaughlin Group, which begat THE CROSSFIRE, which begat the O'Frankens and Anns and MICHAEL MOORES.

Posted 6:30 AM by Gene

Meantime ST. WARREN OF BUFFETT and LENNY continue to ignore THE REAL OUTRAGES IN THEIR OWN BACKYARD -- possibly because VERY FEW WAPOSTIES LIVE IN D.C.?

Posted 6:27 AM by Gene

Here I thought THE SMOKING GUN would reap a NEW ROUND OF PROPAGANDA, er TRUTH, TWENTY-FOUR HOURS A DAY of PERFIDY -- but if the NEWS HACKS' WEB SITES have any meaning THEY HAVEN'T PLAYED IT UP YET! Wasn't this -- A VIDEO -- AND AREN'T VIDEOS TRUE? Doesn't A PICTURE TELL A THOUSAND WORDS?????

And how many are lies?

Posted 6:23 AM by Gene

This headline is dedicated to YOU, JOHN "OMERTA" CARROLL:

They May Protest Too Much

Posted 6:16 AM by Gene

I wish I could take a screenshot and download it, but this paraphrase of Boston.com will have to do:


Sox complete three-game Jays sweep

So now DIP can win BALL GAMES! Can he win one for ol' Hahvahd or BC?

Posted 6:40 PM by Gene

No sooner do I post about STERNO than I find this through the terrifically useful IWantMedia.com:

Pope John Paul today called for regulations to ensure that media was truthful....

I've said "Hell freezes over" ENOUGH.

Nothing against the Pope, by the way.

Posted 6:39 PM by Gene

You know, STERNO, if you'd stop listening to HOWARD and merely wrote for YOURSELF I might PRAISE you.

Posted 6:27 PM by Gene

Most people who have trouble sleeping count sleep, or drink warm milk, or take a sleeping pill. All NEWS HACKS have to do is recall stories like this.

Posted 6:25 PM by Gene

If only we could take MICROSOFT'S HAIRY ARM and punch some of these NEWS HACKS in the NOSE.

Posted 6:22 PM by Gene

Why is it that the only thing that can bring CONSERVATIVES and LIBERALS together is an UNCRITICAL LOVE for THIS?

Posted 6:20 PM by Gene

YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY!!!!!!!!! MY LAI!!!!!!!!!!

THERE'S CHAMPAGNE FLOWING IN AMERICA'S LUXURY NEWS SUITES TONIGHT!!!!!

Posted 5:54 PM by Gene

Why does God have to defend Itself?

Guess I'd better update the NEWS HACKS' DICTIONARY again.

Rashomon time again at America's hermetically sealed spin factories. RUPERT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!'s already stuck His (meaning RUPERT!!!!!!!!!!!!'s) fangs into this masterwork because His (meaning RUPERT!!!!!!!!!!!!'s) company didn't produce it.

Posted 4:35 PM by Gene

Sorry Rick, I'll bet this election is decided by the usual SCARED soccer moms.

Posted 4:12 PM by Gene

I reluctantly post away even though I know it won't get any hits: one of Curley's (Nyuk! Nyuk! Nyuk!) Stooges lets a little unintended thinking get through:

At least 300,000 people were murdered by security forces and buried in mass graves during the dictator's 23-year rule, U.S. officials say, and human rights workers put the number closer to 500,000.

"We cannot compare the situation now with how it was before," Nouri Jaber al-Nouri, inspector general of the Interior Ministry, said recently. "Iraqis used to fear everything. ... But now, despite all that is happening, we feel safe."

Of course, what is any news hack's campaigning without a but, BUT...I have never been angrier at news hacks than I am now. I don't not trust them ONE IOTA to tell the truth, I only expect them to lie, to spin, to sell, and to make BIG BUCKS for themselves; the industry is one part JAYSON and one part GRAYDON. This generation of NEWS HACKS must be the most petty and corrupt in the whole sleazy sordid history of their business -- and that's why I'm so frustrated in blogging.

Posted 4:12 PM by Gene

I'm thinking of abandoning my blog altogether. What's the use of getting mad for two hits? If someone paid attention it might be worthwhile, but why get agitated over things beyond your control if your only audience is yourself? I will probably not post again until tomorrow.

Posted 12:22 PM by Gene

Can anyone tell me why TWXSTER newsrag is celebrating the sixtieth anniversary of D-Day except to divert from the fact it'll probably celebrate THE SIXTIETH ANNIVERSARY OF THE TORTURE SCANDAL, or maybe to make another WISECRACK at DUBYA?(!)

Or are you mad that MARK STOLE YOUR SYNERGY and will do ANYTHING to forget about it?(!) (But then you'd do ANYTHING anyway!)

Posted 12:10 PM by Gene

See! SEE! The Israelis ARE NAZIS! A CABINET MEMBER proves it!

And I can prove the moon's made of cheese!

Posted 9:19 AM by Gene

Sorry, it's one thing to be denied the presidency because you're a Catholic, it's another thing to make people mad because you're PC ON ABORTION.

Oops! (!)

Posted 9:14 AM by Gene

Hey PAPEROFRECORDLITE.COM! You may think you invented A GREAT THING with those FULL SCREEN POPUPS -- with SOUND! But as they SPREAD people will not mention your name in HOLY WHISPERINGS, PAPEROFRECORDLITE.COM!

Posted 9:06 AM by Gene

Look at it this way, Flyers -- with a strike all next year you won't have to defend a title!

Posted 8:53 AM by Gene

And George "MY BUSINESS IS MY BUSINESS" Will! Time to strike up a chorus of "We're in the Money"!!!!!

Posted 8:46 AM by Gene

More good news: GENERAL leaves to CHANGE THE WORLD! (Only, of course, it's NOT NEWS, just more SPECULATION from CURLEY'S [Nyuk! Nyuk! Nyuk!] UNBYLINED STOOGES! Hey, but daydreaming's part of the job!)

Unless, of course Dubya loses, and the AP will be campaigning -- I mean, reporting the election news impartially!

Posted 8:43 AM by Gene

Hey Prof! Has your colleague MICKEY been typing too much?????!

Posted 8:37 AM by Gene

JOHN! JOHN "OMERTA" CARROLL! BAAAAAAAAAAD NEWS!!!!!

Stop dancing and see a shrink!

Posted 8:18 AM by Gene

If we could get a camera into JOHN "OMERTA" CARROLL'S super-expensive office when he "edits" stuff like this we could see a giddy celebration of terpsichore to rival Fred Astaire!!!!! He's dancing and he can't be bothered now!!!!! A few more such happy stories and he'll be DANCING ON THE WALLS AND THE CEILING -- if he isn't already!!!!!

And with FOUR FORMERS AND A RETIRED! Telephone call for Mr. Astaire! Paging Mr. Astaire!

Posted 8:18 AM by Gene

In honor of this TREMENDOUS ACHIEVEMENT, and this TREMENDOUS ACHIEVER, we will use EXCLAMATION POINTS ON ALL OUR BLURBS -- I mean, POSTS TODAY!!!!! What BETTER WAY TO START THAN WITH:

I wonder if some French architect won some sort of Palme d'Or for this.

(Sorry! I'm not taking any chances with TECHNORATI!!!!!)

Posted 7:44 AM by Gene

Our NEWS HACK OF THE YEAR award goes to -- MARK WHITAKER! Mention the word DRUDGE to him and he fulminates about all the EEEEEEEEEEEEVIL he's brought to the business; he was responsible for JANET COOKE, JAYSON, JACK KELLEY, THE HITLER DIARIES, CONSERVATIVES -- so what does this IMMORTAL GENIUS OF THE LUXURY NEWS SUITE DO? HE STEALS A SHTICK FROM THE HAT HIMSELF -- HE BRINGS BACK THE EXCLAMATION POINT!!!!! The man wants to SHOW THE WORLD he can sell with the best of them -- AND TAKE THAT, TWXSTERS!!!!! Now that's he's used the EXCLAMATION POINT TO SELL, he can USE IT TO SPIN -- as in cover ads like "JOHN KERRY -- A LEGEND FOR THE AGES!!!!!" or "IRAQ: AMERICA IS FINISHED!!!!!!!!!!" Think of all the things we can SELL with EXCLAMATION POINTS!!!!!!!!!! YOU'LL SINGLEHANDEDLY REVIVE THE NEWS BIZ!!!!! (The only wonder is he didn't use it with OUR MAN IN IRAQ, but SUPERB INNOVATIONS LIKE THIS REQUIRE EXTENSIVE FOCUS-GROUP TESTING!!!!! Besides, IT'S TACKY ENOUGH DOING IT ONCE!!!!!) ST. WARREN OF BUFFETT SHOULD GIVE YOU HALF HIS FORTUNE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

WHO'S GRAYDON CARTER -- NEXT TO YOU!!!!!!!!!!

Posted 7:53 PM by Gene

Evidence Is Cited Linking Koreans to Libya Uranium

So maybe Dubya isn't THAT insane.

Posted 3:40 PM by Gene

I got BAD NEWS, Prof: a STAR REPORTER for THE PAPER OF RECORD has a BLOG -- he is apparently the ONLY PAPER OF RECORD correspondent to do so -- and judging from his latest piece...

DONALD RUMSFELD HAS PRESIDED OVER THE MOST FOOLISH CONFLICT SINCE THE WAR OF JENKINS' EAR IN THE 18TH CENTURY!!!!!

...it hasn't changed him or it ONE BIT.

Posted 3:40 PM by Gene

I guess today I'm going to get ONE HIT. The good news is it's been a long time since I've gotten ONE HIT in a day. The bad news is I've gotten ONE HIT. ANYONE OUT THERE?

Posted 3:25 PM by Gene

Speaking of J'ACCUSE, I see the NEWS HACKS have been ALL OVER BILL COSBY.

MORE POWER TO YOU, BILL.

Posted 3:25 PM by Gene

Pee-TAH would turn THIS into a J'ACCUSE except that, well....

Posted 3:25 PM by Gene

Our GREATEST EX-PRESIDENT wins the Nobel, our GREATEST DOCUMENTARIAN wins the Palme d'Or. Hoooooooooooooooooo-hum.

Posted 8:57 AM by Gene

WHORVIS COMMUNICATIONS says it will INCREASE OIL PRODUCTION.

Yeah. WHORVIS COMMUNICATIONS also said TERRORISM IS WRONG.

Posted 8:52 AM by Gene

Child killed in Rafah as Israeli incursion continues

Very sad -- but it is also very sad that people die in suicide bombings -- unless you're a NEWS HACK, and then it's just POLITICAL.

CURLEY'S (Nyuk! Nyuk! Nyuk!) Stooges and THE PAPER OF RECORD LITE: a DEADLY combination to the BRAIN.

And how do you know THEPAPEROFRECORDLITE.COM is not fully honest? BY ITS FULL-SCREEN POPUPS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Posted 8:48 AM by Gene

OHHHHHHHHHHHHH, WOOOOOOOOOOOOOE IS MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE, IT IS SOOOOOOOOOO DIFFICULT TO BLOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOG.

Of course it is, the way your co-productions do it -- with 5,000-WORD POSTS.

Posted 8:43 AM by Gene

It's ABOUT TIME Dubya opened his mouth. He must say for once and for all that WE CAN'T HAVE NEWS HACKS RUNNING OUR FOREIGN POLICY.

Posted 8:41 AM by Gene

You do drugs, you bomb trains.

One wonders how many druggies have contributed to how many bombing deaths. The Devil salutes you!

Posted 8:38 AM by Gene

Blame "the Scaife family foundations, the Bradley and Olin Foundations and Howard and Roberta Ahmanson's Fieldstead & Company" for the EEEEEEEEEEEEEEVIL REACTIONARY HOMOPHOBIA SWEEPING THROUGH AMERICA'S CHURCHES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

PAPER OF RECORD, you've got the Ford Foundation and George Soros. SHUT UP.

Posted 8:31 AM by Gene

Arab leaders stand UNITED IN OUTRAGE OVER THE TORTURE SCANDAL!!!!! PFFH-HH-HH!!!!!

One question; if NEWS HACKS ran the ARAB WORLD would they be BRUTAL DICTATORS, just like the current crop of rulers? Don't answer.

Posted 8:29 AM by Gene

Cities fall over one another to stage political conventions for the same reason they fall over one another to stage the Olympics: to "make money."

The Olympics long ago outlived their usefulness. Conventions longer so. Again, why do we need them?

Posted 5:43 PM by Gene

You want anger producing? Here's the CHINESE STATE NEWS AGENCY XINHUA relating a Wall Street Journals report that our former trusted ally in Iraq Mr. Chalabi PASSED SECRETS to IRAN. XINHUA! THE CHINESE STATE NEWS AGENCY! We know where this will end up in the luxury news suites of these here U. S. of A.

PINCH! LENNY! WHY CAN'T YOU REPORT WHAT CHINESE COMMIES CAN?!?!?

Posted 5:18 PM by Gene

Disney Board, States Talk CEO Succession, Directors

MICKEYMOUSE NIXON IS MORTAL?!?!?

Posted 5:17 PM by Gene

America Online, long the company's biggest and most obvious problem, has been "stabilized," according to Parsons. Parsons noted that "to my frustration" AOL continues to get criticized widely in the media.

You want frustration, King Richard? SUBSCRIBE TO AOL.

Posted 5:01 PM by Gene

Now that DIPPITY-DO's hinthinting he might not accept the nomination at the convention so he can play with his dough, isn't it time to put the conventions out to the pasture they deserve?

Posted 2:57 PM by Gene

Which is worse: The Gliberal hoping the TORTURE SCANDAL is ANOTHER WATERGATE, or NewsMAX!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! telling us The Gliberal hopes the TORTURE SCANDAL is ANOTHER WATERGATE?

Six of one....

Posted 2:39 PM by Gene

The cities where MoveOn.org will be airing the ad: Atlanta; Boston; Chicago; Detroit; Jacksonville, Fla.; Las Vegas; Los Angeles; New York; Phoenix; Raleigh, N.C.; San Diego; Seattle; Tampa; and Washington....

And every city, town, village and hamlet whose inhabitants can surf THEPAPEROFRECORDLITE.COM.

This whole sordid biz reminds me of two infamous political ads: one of the great secrets of presidential campaigning is that THE LBJ DAISY AD AIRED ONCE AND NEVER AGAIN, and THE WILLIE HORTON AD ONLY AIRED ON TV NEWS SHOWS -- it got its start on the vile McLAUGHLIN GROUP. Press releases like these are merely a BACKDOOR WAY OF CAMPAIGNING and serve to demonstrate the NEWS HACKS' IMMEASURABLY HIGH CONTEMPT FOR THEIR PUBLIC AND THEIR TOTAL MORAL INCONTINENCE.

Posted 1:43 PM by Gene

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOoooooooooooooooh, THE CONSCIENCE OF THE INDUSTRY is MAD because -- PEOPLE READ HIM!

At first I wanted to dismiss PROF's snit over THE SUPERPATRIOTIC JONATHAN ALTER figuring, news hacks will lie. But this is the exact same thing, only worse. CONSCIENCE wants to say something, he wants to say it in cute language, and then he wants to deny he said it. IN SO MANY WORDS this IMBECILE called for NEWS HACKS (he said "editorialists" to cover his tracks) to ADVOCATE our WITHDRAWAL FROM IRAQ, and said "THE FIRST" NEWS HACK to CALL FOR IT would be "BRAVE" -- like "WALTER CRONKITE." (Pardon -- HHHWWWALTER CRRRONKITE.) He may be mad NAZIS like RUSH and ABE are now flailing his words about like so much dead horse meat, but THERE THEY ARE. CONSCIENCE is especially ticked because ABE "falsely" claims he addressed it to "'ALL' American journalists'." So who were you addressing it to, CONSCIENCE -- the planet Jupiter? Does this UTTER MORON REALLY think we're so STUPID to believe there's any wall between the editorial page and the news section, other than the thinnest sheet of onion-skin?

Fine little touch, too: CONSCIENCE doesn't link to the original article -- because THE ARTICLE'S NOW BEHIND HIS MAGAZINE'S WALL. (There is a link in a margin, but it has a little icon indicating it's no longer available to the rubes.) Nice way to have your cake and eat it too!

P. S. Is the CBS EVENING NEWS an EDITORIAL?

Posted 1:12 PM by Gene

While engaged with the rest of show biz (news division) in a single-minded effort to get us out of Iraq the consequences be damned, THE PAPER OF RECORD LITE shows its warm fuzzies by wasting 453 words explaining the ZILLIONS OF HILARIOUS IN-JOKES in SHREK 2.

I HATE NEWS HACKS!!!!!

Posted 10:52 AM by Gene

O'NewsMAX!!!!!!!!!! makes an O'BLUNDER:

Air America shows include the O'Franken Factor, with comedian Al O'Franken....

This is what you O'GET when you O'COPY and PASTE from O'REUTERS without PARENTAL O'SUPERVISION, Carl O'LIMBURGER.

Posted 10:30 AM by Gene

Having Adam Clymer police campaign ads...

No, NO. I'm ALREADY above my cliche quotient.

Posted 10:02 AM by Gene

Another surpassing Forbes.com pop-up truism:

"Judge of your natural character by what you do in your dreams."
-Ralph Waldo Emerson

What if you have nightmares every night?

Posted 9:55 AM by Gene

Oh well, while the three hours are ticking away we can flatter ourselves by touting another phony beeeeee-OOOOOOO record.

Posted 9:29 AM by Gene

Iraqi police have arrested four people in the killing of American Nicholas Berg and believe a nephew of Saddam Hussein was involved in Berg's beheading, an Iraqi security official said Friday.

AW JEEZ, now we can't talk about the TORTURE SCANDAL for the next three hours.

Posted 9:09 AM by Gene

I'd say Ted FATSO GLUB GLUB wouldn't apologize until Hell freezes over but such a prospect for him may be unlikely anyway.

Posted 6:46 AM by Gene

And while the masters of propaganda and marketing tell us why a genuinely despicable man is "irreplaceable," they do their best to ignore the simmering outrage at the League of Nations for the very good reason that KOFI is a "HERO."

Posted 6:42 AM by Gene

Jack Valenti Conducts Business As Usual

CURLEY'S (Nyuk! Nyuk! Nyuk!) STOOGES conduct business as usual.

Posted 6:56 PM by Gene

An answer to PROF's vandalism contest: I've come up with a couple of slogans for THE PAPER OF RECORD, PINCH. Seems to me you could use a few more friends in your audience. Here's one for starters:

What's black and white and red all over?

Not original -- but you can aim it at the Gen X crowd that doesn't read papers. I can do better, though. Let's try:

The New York Times. For great minds that think alike.

You DO have a pretty lofty demographic. How about:

The New York Times. We think so you don't have to.

And you KNOW how many people read your paper while traveling somewhere. So how about a picture of Osama and:

When I'm on the run I read The Times!

How about it, PINCH? You'd make a FORTUNE!

Posted 5:33 PM by Gene

Scientists: Chicago is sinking

Mostly since Mike Royko died.

Posted 5:11 PM by Gene

There goes Kinsley.com again:

Today's Doonesbury: You lookin' at me?

No, we haven't looked at the comics in YEARS.

Posted 4:58 PM by Gene

I'm wondering if the worst of the TORTURE SCANDAL is behind us. Perhaps the news hacks have finally got it into their reinforced-concrete skulls that a big part of their audience (the WRONG part, but let that pass) is MAD. Maybe the happy execution of that CIA agent or whatever he was put water in the gas tank. Most likely the scribblers are just bored of talking to themselves. Time for a NEW manufactured story.

Posted 3:05 PM by Gene

Press releases at the speed of light from halfway around the globe!

WHAT HATH BILL WROUGHT?????

Posted 2:41 PM by Gene

EUSTACE TILLEY THE FIFTH SAYS:



THE PUBLIC IS INCOMPETENT!!!!! FLY AWAY, PUBLIC!

QUADRUPLE NEWS HACKS.

OR:

Prof. Kennedy, who like Mr. Remnick has won a Pulitzer Prize, likened the editor's indictment of the public the night before to Jimmy Carter's infamous "malaise" address. He paraphrased the former president: "I'm a good leader, but you're not cooperating by being good, attentive citizens."

"It's absolutely fatal to democratic theory to believe the public is incompetent," said Mr. Kennedy. "To whom else can we turn?"

To WHOM can we turn?

Posted 10:19 AM by Gene

What I said yesterday about the WTC families, STERNO says TODAY. I used thirty-eight words; STERNO uses 194. I get two hits; STERNO gets umpteen zillion. As I said before, the one advantage of getting two hits is that nobody can call you overrated. Now why can't I get more hits?

Posted 9:22 AM by Gene

Not only is ST. WARREN always RIGHT, he also STANDS UP FOR THE LITTLE GUY. (Second item; this ALTERNATIVE RAG [p-U] thinks it more important to swipe after the gnats from the Washington Times.)

Posted 9:05 AM by Gene

For the SECOND TIME THIS YEAR, G. B. is FUNNY:

"The Memorial Day strip was completed and turned in before Mr. Berg was killed," Stanford said. "And, for that matter, before [the 'Nightline'] memorial program was announced."

Pffh hh hh hh hh ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha HA HA HA HA HA HA HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!!!!!

Posted 9:03 AM by Gene

LITTLE TIMMY THROWS A TANTRUM!!!!!

WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!!! I WANNA GO HOME!!!!! WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!!!

Posted 8:51 AM by Gene

Here's another one for you, ST. WARREN: let's go after the HOMOPHOBES in the British Vicarage and Tea Time Club!!!!!

Just one problem: they're -- AFRICAN AND ASIAN.

Better PRAY, St. Warren. Oh, forgot. You ARE a god.

Posted 6:43 AM by Gene

More evidence the TRUTH-TELLERS have gleefully thrown in the towel on ethics and will doodoo anywhere: THIS STORY is third on the list of "Latest headlines" on USAOkay.com, putting it on a par with our $2.4 trillion federal budget, which thankfully was first.

IMBECILES.

Posted 6:34 AM by Gene

Bill Cosby awakens from a long, deep sleep:

"These people marched and were hit in the face with rocks to get an education, and now we've got these knuckleheads walking around," he declared. "The lower economic people are not holding up their end in this deal. These people are not parenting. They are buying things for kids - $500 sneakers for what? And won't spend $200 for 'Hooked on Phonics.'

"I can't even talk the way these people talk: 'Why you ain't,' 'Where you is' ... You can't be a doctor with that kind of crap coming out of your mouth!"

Turning to criminal justice, he said, "These are not political criminals. These are people going around stealing Coca-Cola. People getting shot in the back of the head over a piece of pound cake and then we run out and we are outraged, saying, 'The cops shouldn't have shot him.' What the hell was he doing with the pound cake in his hand?"

Cosby's blunt appraisal left Howard University President H. Patrick Swygert and NAACP President Kweisi Mfume looking "stone-faced," The Washington Post reports.

As well they should be. They're among the knuckleheads.

And no thanks to ST. WARREN for reporting this; after it ran the lords of the luxury news suite were no doubt instituting NEW ETHICAL STANDARDS to insure such an act would NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.

Posted 6:26 AM by Gene

ST. WARREN SAYS THE BISHOPS ARE BIGOTS!!!!!!!!!!

OR:

The letter's signers, all Democrats, include at least three House members with strong antiabortion voting records.

So that means forty-five, er....

Or as I said in an earlier post:

[T]he HACKS have decided with so many scandals coloring their past they have no moral ground to stand on, so they can piddle wherever they please.

Why do PINCH and LENNY and JOHN "HOWELL" CARROLL want us to tune out?

Posted 5:35 PM by Gene

Sexually explicit Internet spam must now carry a warning label. A Federal Trade Commission rule went into effect Wednesday requiring that unsolicited commercial e-mail that contains sexually oriented material include the words "SEXUALLY EXPLICIT" in the subject line.

PFFH-hh-hh hh hh hh ha ha ha ha ha HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!!!!!

Posted 5:10 PM by Gene

Kerry would consider anti-abortion judges

Yeah. And I'd consider St. Warren of Buffett's offer to buy my blog for TEN BILLION DOLLARS.

What's the diff between CURLEY'S (Nyuk! Nyuk! Nyuk!) STOOGES and DIPPITY-DO's CAMPAIGN? (You'll need several days to think about it.)

Posted 5:05 PM by Gene

THE OSAMA CHANNEL said it was a WEDDING.

How long can NEWS HACKS keep the story GOING and bury ANY EVIDENCE AGAINST THE INSURGENTS?

Posted 5:02 PM by Gene

It's becoming harder to distinguish Americans' growing indifference to human life from Al Qaeda's death wish -- and sorry, as the lawyers say, ignorance is not a defense.

Posted 1:47 PM by Gene

OoooooOOOOOOOoooooh! GRAYDON's former cute little pink rag likens him to CONRAD!! OooooooooooOOOOOOOOOOOooooooooooh!!!

Knock THAT one outta da park!

Posted 1:45 PM by Gene

WHAT ARE THESE INFERNAL PRESTIDIGITATORS UP TO NOW?

Posted 1:32 PM by Gene

What happened on 9/11 was worse than unspeakable, but you victims' relatives do yourselves no favor when you behave like ASSES.

And thanks to THE COMMISSION for turning into a division of Ringling Bros. and Barnum & Bailey.

Posted 1:25 PM by Gene

INSIDER BASEBALL CONTINUES!

KNOCK IT OUTTA DA PARK, GRAY!

Posted 1:18 PM by Gene

Now that pro hockey has fallen in public esteem to somewhere between kayaking and bowling (sorry kayakers), why can't the same thing happen to other sports?

I think the chances for an NHL strike just went up. I can hear it now: WHO CARES?

Posted 1:13 PM by Gene

"PEACE REQUIRES A CEASE-FIRE!!!!! PEACE REQUIRES IMMEDIATE DIALOGUE!!!!! PEACE REQUIRES RESPECT FOR THE 'ROAD MAP' AND THE ROLE OF THE QUARTET!!!!! PEACE REQUIRES CLUCKCLUCKCLUCKCLUCKCLUCKCLUCKLCLUCK!!!!!!!!!!"

Peace requires PEACE and QUIET from EL POLLO LOCO.

Posted 8:34 AM by Gene

Looks like we're Clintonizing to North Korea again.

Thanks, ruff-tuff Dubya!

Posted 8:30 AM by Gene

One of these things is not like the other:

Sicko stabbing spree
A knife-wielding lunatic went on a bloody rampage in a bustling midtown shopping area yesterday afternoon, stabbing three strangers before being shot by a hero cop, police said. One critically wounded victim, a 21-year-old Queens man on a date with his girlfriend, was fighting for his life at Bellevue last night.

N.Y. makes cut for Games
Amid champagne, smiles and applause, Mayor Bloomberg and Gov. Pataki celebrated New York's selection yesterday as one of the five finalist cities in the competition to host the 2012 Summer Olympic Games.

Posted 8:05 AM by Gene

For the sake of decency, for the sake of our sanity, we must view American Muslims as just like us. But the community's business leaders do not help themselves with shenanigans like these:

Even some members of Congress have objected to BioPort's anthrax role. That criticism reflects ignorance, says retired admiral William Crowe, who served as chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff in the Reagan administration and the first George Bush administration and now is on BioPort's board of directors. BioPort recruited Crowe, a friend of [CEO Fuad] El-Hibri's father. Crowe received 8% of BioPort's stock to serve on its board, largely because of his expertise about the key customer, the Defense Department. But Crowe's presence also mitigates the attention on El-Hibri.

Nor does it help that on the crucial subject of religion many assume the fetal position in public:

Muslim executives were careful and measured when responding to most questions but became noticeably uneasy when asked how devout they were to Islam. A typical response: "I attend mosque when I have time," Khalafsaid. "My philosophy is to be good, to live with others and to be equal with others."

We've come to a fine mess when we view our fellow Americans with suspicion for their ethnic background; in this we have not gone far from the days when true-blue native-born types sneered at immigrants for their accents and complexions. In fairness, no previous ethnic group had members searching for WMDs. And no other ethnic group has a SUPERHOOPER.

Posted 6:55 AM by Gene

I wonder how the AD-BLURB COPYWRITERS will beat around the burning bush on THIS one. It sounds like an eternal masterwork (aren't they all?), but all NEWS HACKS have a little bit of SOB in them (they should; they're all SOBs), and they can read circulation figures too, SO....

Why is it the first thing when I saw this piece I thought, is it a RUPERT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!?

P. S. If the IDIOT "Dr." Dobson knows what he's doing -- surely he KNOWS what he's DOING -- he'll OPEN HIS MOUTH.

Posted 6:51 AM by Gene

Why should Jeff "ZUCKS" Zucker want to be President of the United States when he's already at least A DOZEN GODS?

Posted 6:33 AM by Gene

But don't you realize, Ralphie Boy, if you leave the race, THE PAPER OF RECORD will grant you IMMORTALITY?

Ralphie may be Arab but apparently he doesn't believe in 72 Helen Thomases.

Posted 6:26 AM by Gene

How often I must complain about news hacks needing three or four thousand words to write a twenty-word sentence. Here's another example:

Online matchmaking is clicking with seniors, who apparently stretch the truth about themselves as much as the younger crowd.

Why should I go on to read the story when this tease gives me all I need to know?

Posted 6:21 AM by Gene

Duuuhhh, I think I'll turn this here piece of wood into a CD holder, duuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.

Shouldn't the lady get some sort of prize from CHEAP CHANNEL? It SOUNDS like a shock-jock stunt.

Posted 5:30 PM by Gene

How irritating:

We’ve got one more year before George Lucas finishes up his “Star Wars” prequel trilogy with the as-yet-untitled Episode III, and he certainly has his work cut out for him. Not only does he have to resolve the ongoing storylines of “Phantom Menace” and “Attack of the Clones” in such a way as to lead directly into Episode IV, the original 1977 “Star Wars,” but he has to overcome two of the most soul-killingly dull storylines ever put on film.

You GET-A-LIFE GEEKS saw fit to make Lucas Spielberg a superzillionaire and inflict His SOUL-KILLINGLY DULL STORYLINES on ALL OF US. (Capitalization of "his" INTENDED.)

I found this on FARK.COM (figures).

Posted 5:26 PM by Gene

Hmmm, now the boys are working on Tony!

They're getting to be like Bill the Entomologist -- they want to rule 26 UNIVERSES BWAH HA HA HA HA!!!!!

And the source? The same BusinessWeek (as in DilbertSpell) that told us THE DONALD was worth UMPTEEN GAZILLONS.

Posted 5:14 PM by Gene

Kellogg's is moving its Keebler unit from Illinois to Battle Creek, but you won't see the Kellogg name on any Keebler packaging even though the company ought now to be called Kellogg's Cookies. (Pardon: Kellogg's Stale Cookies.) This hiding of corporate identities in consumer goods is fundamentally dishonest. In rare instances it's unavoidable; the people who make Hidden Valley dressings justifiably think it best not to tell people they work for...CLOROX. But it's almost as if these companies have something to be ashamed of -- and Kellogg's has something to be very ashamed of: selling $10 boxes of sugary cereals to kids and financing MOUNDS of JUNK TELEVISION.

Posted 4:56 PM by Gene

Barely half an hour before the South Tower of the World Trade Center collapsed at 9:59 a.m. on Sept. 11, 2001, none of the fire chiefs briefing the mayor and police commissioner at a meeting on a nearby street expressed concern that either 110-story building was in danger of falling, the staff of the 9/11 commission said in a report issued today.

No one will EVER think that AGAIN.

Posted 1:19 PM by Gene

Why not renominate Al to a LIFE term and hope he LIVES FOREVER?

Posted 1:14 PM by Gene

Did common sense vanish when the Sun canned Marimow?

Sorry Romy, common sense vanished from your biz a LONNNNNG time ago.

Posted 11:13 AM by Gene

The HONEST thing for NEWS ORGANIZATIONS to do is to run a SIMILAR AD for PRESIDENT DIPPITY-DO! At least that would confirm for all time that NEWS HACKS AREN'T in the TRUTH BUSINESS, they're in the RUB-YOUR-FACE-IN-OUR-POWER BUSINESS.

Posted 11:05 AM by Gene

Tony Randall has died, and now is a good time to recall what Mark Steyn said about Neil Simon:

[I]f you had Simon’s past, would you be so eager to move on?

With each such loss show-biz becomes harder to take, because it's ever more obvious nothing is filling the void of what we've lost.

P. S. More SUPER news hack accuracy: he was 83 and 84.

Posted 10:42 AM by Gene

Fred Thompson? Tom Foley? DAN GLICKMAN? Come on guys, we can do better than this -- we're looking for THE DEVIL INCARNATE!

Posted 10:36 AM by Gene

It's all well and good to blast NEWS HACKS and ESPECIALLY THE PAPER OF RECORD for their grossly slanted coverage in Iraq, but here one word trumps it all: FORMER.

Posted 10:25 AM by Gene

Nigeria Leader Declares State of Emergency

Nigeria is a state of emergency.

Posted 10:23 AM by Gene

What IS the NYSE's purpose other than creating PR fiascos?

Posted 9:14 AM by Gene

THE MOBILE REGISTER is calling for Ted Kennedy to resign from the Senate, because of his comments over the war....

THE NEW IRAQ CRISIS: DONALD RUMSFELD SHOULD GO!!!!!



FOOD FIGHT!

Posted 6:43 AM by Gene

Because a cardinal rule of KNEE-JERK CONSERVATIVES is that they must ALWAYS say something GOOD about RUPERT!!!!!!!!!!!!, a CONSERVATIVE think-tank wonk has so contorted himself he now walks on two fingers and his nose.

Posted 6:28 AM by Gene

The bottom line is that the United States of America is fighting the world's news media as well as Islamic totalitarianism. Until we understand that, we have no chance of winning.

WHY CAN'T SOMEONE OTHER THAN A CONSERVATIVE SAY THIS?

Posted 6:26 AM by Gene

The New Son-in-Law's an Ogre, and Hollywood Is the Target

Translation: If you put a zillion inside jokes in a movie A. O. will LOVE it.

Posted 6:23 AM by Gene

OH WOE IS US, SAYS ST. WARREN, THE SITUATION IS UNMANAGEABLE!!!!!

Geez, if we haven't found a new way to smile today -- like Polident for the brain.

Posted 6:01 PM by Gene

Another thing I LOVE about THE NEW, IMPROVED PRE-IPO GOOGLEBLOGGER: when you paste in a link the Preview plays hide and seek!

Posted 5:55 PM by Gene

1,266 words on Brown v. Board of Education.

Really, why not 50 words for each anniversary year? Or a hundred in anticipation of the centennial? Then multiply it by NINE in honor of THE NINE FINGERS IN THE WIND.

Posted 5:17 PM by Gene

An unintended demonstration in why I have trouble with the critics (in this instance we'll call them critics and not AD-BLURB COPYWRITERS as usual for reasons that should become obvious): Here is Terry Teachout in The Wall Street Journals:

Kristin Chenoweth, who took a week off from "Wicked" to appear in "Candide," was the best of all possible Cunegondes, not excluding Barbara Cook, who created the role.

Now here is Peter G. Davis in New York:

No doubt Kristin Chenoweth as Cunegonde has her admirers, but her overmiked, terminally chirpy coloratura soprano mostly put me in mind of a factory whistle....

Two fine critics with two opposite-extreme opinions. WHICH IS RIGHT? If we can't get agreement from two superior writers like these, how can we trust the PREENING SELF-PUBLICIZING INCOMPETENTS who make up nearly ALL AD-BLURB COPYWRITERS?

P. S. I cannot judge this matter for myself for I've never heard Kristin Chenoweth sing; but I fear the truth may lie more on Mr. Davis's side, first as Mr. Teachout can spout asinine loveydovey over favorites like THE GREATEST COMPOSER OF ALL TIME, HERR DOKTOR SONDHEIM (thankfully rarely), and second as Mr. Davis saw Candide in pre-Broadway tryouts in '56, and while nostalgia can penetrate a writer's thoughts beyond his knowledge, having heard the incomparable Miss Cook in five cast albums I find it impossible to believe she could be improved upon.

Posted 5:10 PM by Gene

Socialism doesn't ALWAYS work.

Posted 5:04 PM by Gene

THE PAPER OF RECORD, EUROPEAN EDITION, spins a Foggy Bottom report so the U. S. can't speak with authority on human rights.

I think we could spin THE PAPER OF RECORD'S REPORT ON JAYSON so it can't speak with authority on ANYTHING.

Posted 4:55 PM by Gene

Kinsley.com goes

FLIP...

FLOP!!!

Posted 2:26 PM by Gene

Another FINE eBay auction:

7, 78 THEME SONGS record collection + Red Skeleton

P. S. A search indicates that eBay sells LOTS of red skeletons.

Posted 2:17 PM by Gene

Humble admission: I just corrected a two-month-old post in which I used "flout" where I meant "flaunt." I can't BELIEVE I did that.

As I said before, I reserve the right to correct mistakes of spelling, grammar and punctuation; but where I'm wrong for any other reason, that stays. Nonetheless I want to try NOT to embarrass myself.

Posted 1:49 PM by Gene

Hey CARL LIMBURGER and the NEWSMAX!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!.COM STAFF!!!!! Are you CONSERVATIVE? Or would you rather COPY and PASTE and call it NEWS?

And if FREE REPUBLIC could get sued for misappropriating St. Warren of Buffett's intellectual property, WHY CAN'T YOU?

Posted 1:41 PM by Gene

While flipping me this A-1 guano-creating bird of a press release some fleabag Ohio radio station caused my computer to freeze and it wouldn't unfreeze so I had to turn it off.

And of course, the station was a CHEAP CHANNEL.

Hey LOWSY! I can copy and paste links WITHOUT YOUR PERMISSION. Wanna sue GOOGLE?

Posted 1:25 PM by Gene

You can tell NEWS HACKS are in a GOOD mood when they sneer at something associated with RED COUNTRY using a code word for "Bush" or "Rumsfeld" (in this case, "SWAGGER"). But the fact is, Hummers are OSAMAMOBILES, and their owners are stuck with GAS-GUZZLING LEMONS.

Posted 1:07 PM by Gene

It may be true, Alessandra, that FOX!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!News is engaged in a disingenuous attempt to seem non-partisan (in part to placate NEWS HACKS like YOU); but it is also true that among NEWS HACKS CONSERVATIVE is a code word for NAZI; that a CONSERVATIVE is more apt to be described by the adjective defining his politics than a LIBERAL; and that the word CONSERVATIVE wouldn't stick out the like the proverbial sore thumb (or an ERROR in the NEWS PAGES) if your BUSINESS WEREN'T SO IDEOLOGICALLY MONOCHROMATIC.

Posted 12:00 PM by Gene

REUTERS is AFRAID:

Summer temperatures in the Arctic have risen at an INCREDIBLE!!!!! rate over the past three years and large patches of what should be ice are now open water, a British polar explorer said on Monday. [Overemphasis added.]

Golly, by the end of the century the Arctic Ocean will be -- OPEN WATER! That REALLY concerns ME!

A suggestion to the Reut: when you feel the willies coming over you, just think of the heroism of MILITANTS.

Posted 11:11 AM by Gene

Statistic of the day (though it be a typical Forbes "guestimate"): Brad's MASTERPIECE sold only about A FIFTH of all the available seats at all screenings!

That's a lot of empty seats we launched.

Posted 10:07 AM by Gene

£40m Heathrow robbery foiled

And where, do you suppose, could all that money have been headed?

Posted 10:02 AM by Gene

Workers in Chicago also say they were never enrolled in a health insurance plan that Air America promised, but had health insurance premiums deducted from their paychecks.

Hmmm, is ErrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrAmerica liberal?

Posted 9:53 AM by Gene

TODAY IS THE FIFTIETH ANNIVERSARY OF BROWN V. BOARD OF EDUCATION....

Which means the VOLOKHEADS will be going NUTS.

Posted 8:27 AM by Gene

A literary critic opines:

Reviewing new literary magazines is like spanking mayflies. Most of them are small, defenseless and not long for this world. Where's the percentage in it? But also like mayflies -- or ephemerids, as these insects are charmingly called -- literary magazines play an ever more indispensable role in the publishing food chain. And recently, especially here on the West Coast, they're starting to swarm.

This one paragraph hints why most writers can't write. Likening literary reviews to flying insects is not the most flattering trope, as many such insects (think garden-variety flies and mosquitoes) are strictly bad news, and they tend to congregate in unhealthy places.

ONWARD AND UPWARD WITH LI-TER-RAT-TYOOR!

(Thanks AGAIN, ArtsJournal.com.)

Posted 8:12 AM by Gene

Here's a guess: for every word USA Okay devotes to dictating foreign policy it devotes at least three-quarters of a word to advertising.

And if we include the ads for show-biz make that two words.

Posted 6:48 AM by Gene

Even as the PAPER OF RECORD BOSTON EDITION celebrates HISTORY, it squirms and successfully puts out of its collective pea brain the notion that it was being "anti-American."

Look, we know you NEWS HACKS don't give two hoots for your country, except on April 15, when you merely HOOT at it. But the Dubya Doctrine -- "Either you're for us or against us" -- applies as much to you as to anyone else, and in the final analysis, in ways that transcend war or patriotism, you SCRIBBLERS are AGAINST us.

Posted 6:28 AM by Gene

If we know what we're doing, this won't stop us.

If the NEWS HACKS do what they're KNOWN for DOING, this will be a TEN-FOOT-HIGH SPEED BUMP ON THE ROAD TO THE UNSCALABLE WALL.

Posted 6:28 AM by Gene

LITTLE JEFFREY WILL ANNOY PEOPLE INTO WATCHING HIS GAMES!!!!!

I think he has a better shot at just annoying people.

Posted 6:23 AM by Gene

Shucks, all would be nice and smooth on the Korean relations front except this JUG EARS would be extradited for TREASON -- and the GRAND ETERNAL ROYAL POOBAH OF THE NORTH KIDNAPPED him a WIFE.

You pays your money....

Posted 7:42 PM by Gene

When it was still relatively young eBay had lots of mirth-inducing typos. You don't see them much anymore -- they're not professional -- but here's one that summons the good old days:

Action it is for a set of headphones SENNHEISER HD 280 brand new in unopen box, just arrived from GERMANY , an unwanted prezent .On the back of the box it ses EUROPEAN PRODUCT and Made in Ireland . After many specialists Sennheiser still one of the best makers in this area .I-m not such an crazy guy for headphones, i love speakers sound .The stupid my old friend Charlie live inside the package the receipt, 139.00 EURO.

Posted 7:42 PM by Gene

Hmmm, you don't suppose this face launched thousands of moviegoers out of their seats, do you?

Posted 3:06 PM by Gene

The successor to HOWELL as THE GREATEST EDITOR OF OUR TIME gives the whole show away:

I've come to realize that the looseness of the journalistic life, the seeming laxity of the newsroom, is an illusion. Yes, there's informality and there's humor, but beneath the surface lies something deadly serious. It is a code. Sometimes the code is not even written down, but it is deeply believed in. And, when violated, it is enforced with tribal ferocity.

John, aside from your blithe unrealization that your words suggest the MAFIA or AL-QAEDA, we know ALL about you guys ENFORCING your CODE, and that's why you face BLOGGERS, and FOX!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!News, and NewsMax!!!!!!!!!!, and The No-Spin Spin Zone, and YOUR EVER SINKING REPUTATIONS, ETC., ETC., ETC.

Posted 3:01 PM by Gene

Which comes first?

"I will always take anyone's phone calls."

OR:

"But I will not, I categorically will not do it."

Take out the BUT and EITHER can come first.

Posted 2:21 PM by Gene

A song in Ervin Drake's underappreciated musical What Makes Sammy Run? popped up in my head today. Robert Alda as a hard-boiled editor sang it to Steve Lawrence as the young Sammy Glick:

You help me
Like a burglar helps Fort Knox.
You help me
Like a fox hunt helps the fox.
Like molasses candy helps
An aching tooth,
Like a marijuana helps
A wayward youth....

I can't remember the rest, but after reading LENNY'S BOYS screaming about how we MUST get out of IRAQ, and then hearing them cry crocodile tears (on PAGE D01) over THIRTEEN CHILDREN gunned down in D.C. thus far this year, forgive me if I've forgotten a few words.