Posted 6:33 PM by Gene

I would have prefered not to mention this TOENAIL.COM scribble except that it is EXHIBIT A in how NEWS HACKS view personal immorality -- not through the lens of right-and-wrong, but using a heavy forced IRONY that could rehabilitate a Hitler or Stalin. We must not say this model is a druggie or an airhead, no, we must compare her to GARBO, and use the word CHIC at least five times.

GENE KELLY'S going to get a WORKOUT in these precincts.

Posted 5:05 PM by Gene

"If you bring them home now, who’s going to be responsible for all the atrocities that are fixing to happen over there? Cindy Sheehan?"

Yes. As Her overtime mouth demonstrates, She has all the answers -- and a few extra questions too.

P. S. CURLEY'S (Nyuk! Nyuk! Nyuk!) STOOGES have Goebbelized around the 100,000 number, because the D. C. "police chief" (who couldn't keep his own car from being stolen) said it was okay to say that.

"The car was taken, and there was nothing of real value in it. Cars are getting stolen every day," as he said.

P.P.S.



The DIMWITS at the REUT were FOOLISH enough to run this overhead shot. We would not be foolish enough ourselves to guess, and it would certainly depend on when this shot was taken, but we would say it is more than the 2,000 the Freepers bruited -- and less than the 100,000 the GOEBBELSES "REPORTED".

P. S. At 8:00 P. M. ST. WARREN SAYS BETWEEN 150,000 AND 200,000!!!!!

How did you make out in the GULF, REVERED ONE?

Posted 3:16 PM by Gene

How long before THE LORD GOD PINCH'S FORGOTTEN OP-ED COLYUMNISTS demand ONE-DAY SPONSORED PASSES?

Posted 2:50 PM by Gene

OH oh, somebody's about to get banned on Democratic Underground:

Sorry to be killjoy, and I know virtually no one on DU is going to agree with my opinion here, but this is another International ANSWER rally that is probably a net negative to the anti-Iraq war cause.

Too many topics addressed aside from the Iraq war, too much anti-Israel sentiment, too many pro-Palestinian speakers, too many pro-Fidel Castro speakers, too much radicalism on display, too much America is the cause of all evil in the world wailing, etc...

This is just not going to appeal to average Americans. I'm watching a speaker now railing about the US in the Philippines. I mean, come on - what has this got to do with the war in Iraq? The US troop presence in the Philippines is marginal and for the most part assists the PI government with crushing Islamists Abu-Sayaf terrorists and wiping out the remants of the communist rebels. Americans are just not going to be against that, and quite frankly, neither are the majority of Filipino's outside college campuses.

So long as International ANSWER is the primary force behind these things, these protests will achieve next to nothing.

Posted 2:45 PM by Gene

Jessica Lange's agent will have HELL TO PAY.

For one thing, she no longer looks like



THIS.

(Stolen from Free Republic.)

Posted 1:48 PM by Gene

Peter Lawford's son has written a book.

One of his father's last assignments was as a spokesman for Rodeway Inns. Nuf said.

Posted 12:05 PM by Gene

Now I know she's looney: ST. CINDY just criticized Her "FRIENDS IN THE MEDIA"!!!!!

Hey YOUR HOLINESS, THEY'RE WHY YOU'RE A HOUSEHOLD NAME!

One of John Sweeney's functionaries makes me think organized labor can't disintegrate fast enough. And I'm nominally a union member.

From a simple PR perspective this is a non-starter. How do you persuade people by screaming? (And a tiny C-SPAN audience to boot.) How do you sell people that the cure for humanity's ills is a national outbreak of self-flagellation? No, what ST. CINDY did was a triumph of the first order, because She kept the looneys and the commies and the anti-Semites at bay by being a GRIEVING MOTHER FRONT-WOMAN. They should have quit while they were behind.

AND TERRORIST SYMPATHIZERS.

Posted 11:41 AM by Gene

Even tiny towns want to be RENDELLIZED. It is horrible to imagine what our part of the country will be like fifty years hence -- one big depressing office park, one long strip of overpriced housing and retail ticky-tacky, one endless traffic jam from Boston to Washington and beyond, with big doughnut holes where the poor people can be quarantined. In some ways it's already there.

Posted 11:31 AM by Gene

Eulogy for a special-ed student:

"Maybe I thought, 'I didn't shoot high enough for Lynndie England,'" said Denne, who works for the Mineral County school system. "Maybe I thought, 'We should have taught her how to think.'"

Given how most schools are, and how most STUDENTS are, that seems unlikely.

Posted 11:21 AM by Gene

Can we actually expect a real-estate investment trust to know anything about retailing?

Posted 10:32 AM by Gene

In this, a sudden GOLDEN AGE OF JERNALISM, another KnightRidder rag cuts jobs.

If you're doing such a great job why fire people?

P. S. at 5:55 P. M. After reading CURLEY'S GOEBBELSES alakazam that 100,000 number I decided to add A LITTLE ILLUSTRATION HERE to indicate my SYMPATHY, and will do so from now on with ANY story announcing NEWS HACK JOB LOSSES.

Posted 9:46 AM by Gene

The scheduled speakers include actress Jessica Lange; former U.S. Attorney General Ramsey Clark; Rep. Cynthia McKinney (D-GA); Cindy Sheehan, mother of soldier killed in Iraq; Rev. Jesse Jackson, and others.

Let's see: an expert on agriculture and big fake gorillas; Saddam's attorney general; an honorary Aryan; ST. CINDY (AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAMEN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!), and JE$$E. This is going to be SOME TANTRUM!

Posted 9:38 AM by Gene

Poland heads into general elections this weekend, with two center-right parties set to quash the governing ex-communists and touch off a struggle over economic policy in the EU's biggest new member....

But it remains unclear if pro-market economic liberals devoted to reducing state bureaucracy or a socially conservative party determined to preserve welfare-state protections will emerge with the upper hand.

POLAND has those TOO?

Posted 9:35 AM by Gene

Iran is seeking to revive its carpet industry by weaving the world's biggest rug, weighing in at 35 tonnes.

Which, with any luck, will fly magically into the air and land STRAIGHT DOWN on the MAD MULLAHS.

Posted 9:21 AM by Gene

Bush skips Texas to avoid hampering Rita response

The best decision he's made in a LONG time.

Posted 9:13 AM by Gene

Also in DA POST!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!:

America's money-losing airlines exist only for "political vanity" and suck up more wasted cash than any other carriers in the world, says the head of British Airways.

In a blistering attack on American aviation policies, Sir Rod Eddington called them "stupid" because the tactics block open-sky rules around the world and wreck fair competition....

Sir Rod is a director of News Corporation, which owns The Post.

I don't think that had ANYTHING with this getting into DA POST!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!, do you? NAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Posted 9:11 AM by Gene

Sen. Hillary Rodham Clinton yesterday dealt a crushing blow to the International Freedom Center planned for Ground Zero, saying she wants the project canned for failing to listen to the 9/11 families.

HILLARY'S RUNNING FOR PRESIDENT!

Posted 8:45 PM by Gene

Dave Obey has his Reuters press office accuse Republicans of not saying where they'll spend all that Great Society II money.

And what did YOUR daddy do in the War on Poverty?

Posted 6:30 PM by Gene

As the anti-war movement arrives in Washington this weekend, many Democrats are leaving.

Pffh-hh-hh-hh-hh-hh-hh-hh-hh!

Nationally known Democratic war critics, including Howard Dean, chairman of the Democratic National Committee, and Sens. Hillary Rodham Clinton of New York, Russell Feingold of Wisconsin and John Kerry of Massachusetts, won't attend what sponsors say will be a big anti-war rally Saturday in Washington....

Hh hh hh hh hh ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA...

Spokesmen for the Democrats who are skipping the anti-war event all said they had schedule conflicts.

HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Maybe they know something we don't -- like ST. CINDY'S LOVE OF THE JOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOS, for starters. And OCCUPIED NEW ORLEANS!

Posted 5:51 PM by Gene

Now that THE GODDESS is back to waving her lucky finger and anointing critically-acclaimed unreadable tearjerkers, the hash-sloppers in the book biz are giddy with joy. Methinks they may be a little too giddy. I'd bet Her Holiness will probably not increase book sales, and if so only at the margins. Consider these alleged best sellers. Only a handful sold more than a million copies, and they were the usual gang of idiocies. The question which Her Holiness left unanswered is, why should I buy a novel? What could compel ME to slog through four hundred pages just so I can feel better? We forget that too much of book buying is a WOMAN THING, and that inevitably slants our culture away from pointed and biting and memorable stuff toward the simpering and the slosh. Perhaps if THE SENIOR CLUNKER BROTHER'S MARKETING DEPARTMENT gave ME a "FREE" CAR I might trudge through what is called fiction. I certainly wouldn't do it voluntarily.

Posted 5:42 PM by Gene

Georgia Gov. Sonny Perdue asked the state's schools to take two "early snow days" and cancel classes Monday and Tuesday to help conserve gasoline as Hurricane Rita threatens the nation's fuel supply line.

Any relation to the CHICKEN people?

Posted 5:30 PM by Gene

This has been the greatest month in the HISTORY of jernalism, thanks to a not-so-great month for millions of people, and STILL this guy kvetches because his fellow scribblers LOST JOBS.

All we have to do, buddy, is read you clowns congratulating yourselves, then spinning and selling as usual, and you'll forgive us if WE DO NOT FEEL THE LEAST BIT SORRY FOR YOU.

Posted 5:22 PM by Gene

Honk For Peace And S&M

THEY GO TOGETHER?

Posted 5:17 PM by Gene

Here's a prediction: knowing how THE LORD GOD PINCH is, He may try to fix His experiment -- by PUTTING MORE STUFF BEHIND HIS WALL. I'm thinking next would be arts and culture -- just like the LALATIMES. Making the whole site paid is NOT OUT OF THE QUESTION. Pinch is like the LEGENDARY Roberto Goizueta, the man who invented New Coke with a cigarette in his mouth: His motto is, if it ain't broke, fix it -- again and again and again.

P. S. We note the number-one e-mailed story -- it's STILL the one about a DOG FLU VIRUS -- is NUMBER TWENTY-TWO FOR THE MONTH. This suggests people are hardly e-mailing the number-one story. Which means if people aren't e-mailing the NUMBER-ONE STORY, perhaps the latest NUMBER TWENTY-TWO is SLIGHTLY MORE POPULAR THAN MY BLOG!

Posted 5:09 PM by Gene

Thousands marched through the streets of Colombia's capital and another city on Thursday, protesting a planned trade agreement with the United States which they fear would worsen unemployment in Colombia.

Don't worry, if we can work it out, it'll merely worsen unemployment HERE.

Posted 4:59 PM by Gene

Little Malcolm gets to hug himself because he puts out another of his guesswork "400" lists, and CNET gets a load of all the TECHIES on it. F'rinstance:

1. Bill Gates, $51 billion, Microsoft

NUF SAID.

3. Paul Allen, $22 billion, Microsoft and investments

Secretive zillionaire renowned for his bad choices.

4. Michael Dell, $18 billion, Dell

Country-club Republican who's outsourced half his company and gutted customer service.

5. Larry Ellison, $ 17 billion, Oracle

Screams a lot.

11. Steve Ballmer, $14 billion, Microsoft

Screams a lot.

16. Sergey Brin, $11 billion, Google
16. Larry Page, $11 billion, Google

The J. Edgar Hoovers of high-tech, with a touch of the Dalai Lama to make them seem human.

And further down the list:

67. Steve Jobs, $3.3 billion, Apple Computer, Pixar

The ultimate CONTROL PHREAK who sells overpriced gadgets that won't work with other gadgets.

93. Jerry Yang, $2.5 billion, Yahoo

SIEG HEIL!

258. Barry Diller, $1.3 billion, InterActiveCorp

Walked on water while running show-biz, now a techie just like anybody.

384. Steve Case, $900 million, America Online

HE'S STILL ON THE LIST?

One thing is clear: future generations won't have the slightest clue who most these people are, except perhaps in the negative. Edison invented things. Most of these clowns wrote code.

P. S. Does anyone know who was the biggest businessman in Beethoven's time? Does anyone CARE?

Posted 3:28 PM by Gene

It is official: news hacks will tolerate zero casualties in any military conflict. ZERO CASUALTIES. The moment we get ONE they'll talk LBJ and "credibility gap."

I'll have to think up a political equivalent of the NEUHARTHISM OF THE WEEK AWARD. John Ritter (wasn't he a comedian?) would win with FLYING COLORS -- MOSTLY YELLOW.

Posted 3:22 PM by Gene

SEN. RODHAM FLIPS, SEN. RODHAM FLOPS.

Caveat: it's NEWSMAX!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Posted 3:07 PM by Gene

Another talk-radio FLINTSTONE, only he's BLACK. So what?

Another HACK mistakes TALK for THINKING.

Posted 12:10 PM by Gene

"Times select" is the dumbest move the old white guys at the NYT could make. In fact, this is the appropriate point for you folks to make jokes about shooting yourself in the foot. It shows that the people in charge have absolutely no idea of the character of the media they manage. I, for example, have removed NYT as my home page and have fully replaced them with a blog called instapundit.com.

NOW YA DONE IT!

Posted 11:54 AM by Gene

DUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUH:

"What if there's a bomb in my bag?"

What if that's not a hypothetical question?

Posted 11:37 AM by Gene

We wonder why boxing just doesn't go out of business altogether. As we noted before it was once America's most popular sport. Now it's in a funk resembling the worst of tennis's, with no discernable personalities in a profession once rife with them. If boxing's sole purpose is to encourage accidental death it is not worth preserving.

Posted 11:27 AM by Gene

Although Saudi Arabia provided limited help to the United States in the initial phases of the war, Saud had recommended a coup to oust Saddam — not the dismantling of the Iraqi government.

Perhaps a coup might have worked -- or it might have engendered the kind of "fragmentation" the Saudi foreign minister claims to see. In any event if we had tried a coup we'd have been subjected thereafter to dozens of SPECIAL REPORTS.

Posted 10:41 AM by Gene

When a network TV correspondent makes noises that indicate a possible break with the corporate media establishment, I think of something that Mark Twain said: "It's easy to quit smoking. I've done it hundreds of times."

When ROMY says the NEWS MEDIA are BIASED TO THE RIGHT....

Posted 10:36 AM by Gene

TIME WARNER MAGAZINES MAY HAVE PLAYED TWX WITH ITS CIRCULATIONS!

We have always wondered how so many people can beat their heads against those paper walls EVERY WEEK.

Posted 7:00 AM by Gene

SCHUMER & HILLARY [Jonah Goldberg ]
They're both voting know.
Posted at 06:26 AM

Things will happen when you type in your sleep.

Posted 6:53 AM by Gene

Gasoline, Oil Drop as Weakened Rita May Skirt Texas Refineries

Shucks, we were hoping for some more EXCELLENT REPORTING.

Posted 6:44 AM by Gene

This weekend MOVIE AD-BLURB COPYWRITERS SAY, IT'S 1939 AGAIN!!!!!!!!!!

Don't remind us. 1939 was the start of World War II. It was also the year of the Hitler-Stalin Pact. There's an apt comparison. The ad-blurb copywriters signed their own compact with the Devil long ago -- to praise as much as possible, to blurb as much as possible, to be the worst kind of effete snobs as much as possible, to be politically tone-deaf and knee-jerk as much as possible, to think in unison as much as possible. When the copywriters gush over this sudden rush of GENIUS I do not believe them -- as they are GENIUSES THEMSELVES.

Posted 6:25 AM by Gene

Oprah plays Goddess again.

Here come more critically acclaimed soggy best-sellers.

Posted 5:44 PM by Gene

A New Deadly, Contagious Dog Flu Virus Is Detected in 7 States

This is currently the most widely e-mailed story from PAPEROFRE-CORD.COM.

I suspect it would not have made the Top 25 BEFORE.

Oh well, that's what happens when LIBERALS GET GREEDY.

JOKE OF THE DAY:

NYTNS has approximately 650 clients worldwide, although many are not affected by the ramifications of the new paid wall. Those not affected include clients that publish NYTNS content in languages other than English, and English-language clients that buy a version of the news service that doesn't include Times columns.

In short, it may now be possible to read PAPER OF RE-CORD colyumnists using G000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000GLE's translator function, which means THEY'LL REALLY SOUND STUPID.

Posted 5:28 PM by Gene

MY PROBLEM WITH MANY OF THE MRC'S COMPLAINTS IS THAT IT REGULARLY EXAGGERATES THE IMPACT OF WHATEVER IT DISAGREES WITH! IF A PRESIDENT CLINTON OR A PRESIDENT CARTER WERE IN THE EXACT SAME SITUATION AS THIS PRESIDENT, THE MRC WOULDN'T PEEP ABOUT THIS SCRIPT!!! IT IS A MUCH MORE BIASED ORGANIZATION THAN ANY INSTITUTION IN THE MSM!!!!!

We have no love lost for PATRIOTIC GORE and his COHORTS either. Say what you will, however, they did not PULL MEMOS OUT OF A HAT nor JUSTIFY SUPERSCRIPTS.

VIACON EVENING NEWS has a LONG WAY TO GO before it admits it is NOT THE FOUNT OF WISDOM.

Posted 5:02 PM by Gene

I suspect this cute little creature would look cuter if it weren't in high-grade Tupperware.

Posted 4:57 PM by Gene

Theoretically, Kerkorian could buy every single one of GM's shares for $17.4 billion, take the $32.9 billion in cash, stocks and proceeds from selling GMAC Mortgage, and walk away with $15.5 billion -- an acceptable profit no matter what happened to the rest of the automaker.

You wonder why the hacks haven't pulled the LEGENDARY routine on Kirk Kevorkian -- KERKORIAN.

Maybe it's that name -- and the face like something that came out of the swamp.

Posted 1:44 PM by Gene

Bush's words on Iraq echo LBJ in 1967

Molly "Silver Keyboard in Her Mouth" Ivins is right! The press IS biased for Dubya.

Posted 1:39 PM by Gene

A marriage made in Heaven: Mother Jones and American Conservative.

Sorta like ST. CINDY and DAVID DUKE, n'est-ce pas?

Michael Schwartz, Professor of Sociology at the State University of New York at Stony Brook has written extensively on popular protest and insurgency, and on American business and government dynamics. His work on Iraq has appeared on the internet at numerous sites, including Tomdispatch, Asia Times ,MotherJones.com, and ZNet; and in print at Contexts, Against the Current, and Z Magazine. His books include Radical Politics and Social Structure, The Power Structure of American Business (with Beth Mintz), and Social Policy and the Conservative Agenda (edited, with Clarence Lo). His email address is Ms42@optonline.net@optonline.net.

TRANSLATION: PUUUUUUUUU, did YOU do THAT?

Posted 1:22 PM by Gene

13-5! Jeez, you think we'd be more united in our demagoguery.

Posted 12:29 PM by Gene

Hillary, McCain to Meet with Cindy Sheehan

INTRODUCING THE 2008 "UNITY" TICKET!

Caveat: this IS NEWSMAX!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Posted 10:54 AM by Gene

Another city becomes a one-newspaper affair (as if any city with a Joint Operating Agreement isn't already), and sad though it is, more sadness will happen so long as the biz' leading night-lights like ROMY flicker in ANGER at the OVERWHELMING BIAS FROM THE RIGHT.

Thanks for misrepresenting the article in your link, Romy.

Posted 10:45 AM by Gene

Hmmm, even as a Texas refinery half-owned by the Saudis doubles its production capacity (I guess those desert types know nothing of hurricanes) comes this nugget from the Saudi foreign minister:

The prince also said Saudi Arabia would join the World Trade Organization, which would allow a private company to own a refinery in the kingdom outright, without partnering with a Saudi company.

In the up-is-down, right-is-left world of the Saudis that counts as progress.

Posted 10:11 AM by Gene

Just one problem, KING RICHARD: AOL is only about, oh, $300 billion or so from where it used to be.

Posted 10:03 AM by Gene

Newspapers brace for fewer holiday retail and movie ads

BRING IT ON!

Possible solution to the movie-ad crunch: more raves from the AD-BLURB COPYWRITERS.

Posted 8:52 AM by Gene

Lord Stringer starts what he presumes to be a housecleaning:

Sony to Cut 10,000 Jobs, Expects First Loss in Decade

The consumer electronics graveyard is littered with famous names. Sony is NOT immortal.

P. S.

In a statement aimed squarely at Apple, Sony said it would look to "regain its position of leadership in portable audio"...

...starting with the MiniDisc. Pffh-hh-hh!

Posted 8:22 AM by Gene

Shucks, Spike Jones's former announcer will have only five or six celebrity plugs to do this year. But don't sweat it, pal. Save your ANGER for ONE BIG HIT PIECE ON DUB -- on MALFEASANCE IN GOVERNMENT.

Posted 6:43 AM by Gene

For every famous alleged alumnus you have, Mickey D -- and I'm not sure I'd be THAT proud of Jay "What? Me Funny?" Leno, or the LEGENDARY Carl "DUI" Lewis, or the High-Priced Spread -- you have thousands who will never amount to anything, because your jobs ARE dead-end.

I think ANGRY REPORTING has been pushed back yet another day.

Posted 6:42 AM by Gene

We've ignored the story of the stupid and vain Kate Moss because we figured it another insider thing, good for voyeurism and little else, but forgive us for suspecting half the modeling world does drugs, partly to thumb its rotted noses at the plebes who happily can never wear those impossible clothes, partly due to the stimulation of knowing and dating high-grade thugs, and partly out of the profession's mind-numbing boredom -- although "mind-numbing" appears with most models to be an oxyMORON.

This story further proves that TOO MANY ADVERTISERS WILL SPONSOR ANYTHING OUT OF EGO.

P. S. Wisdom from one Jennifer Love Hewitt:

"I have to say that I think maybe they did her a favour, and maybe she'll actually get help. Coffee's one thing, but coke is another."

Posted 6:39 AM by Gene

[T]he capacity of us comfortable, affluent white Americans to put aside any lasting concern about those who are isolated by poverty or race from the mainstream of society is almost limitless.

Okay, why don't YOU contribute some of your massive salary to fighting poverty, SKNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNX?

I don't know, YOUR HOLINESS -- looks like the ST.'s trying to BEAT YOU at YOUR OWN GAME!

Posted 6:37 AM by Gene

Today ST. CINDY and her assistant cherubim (a very non-partisan group if ever we saw one) parade into Washington, some carrying signs, others carrying press credentials, with an ad in the background featuring the names of dead soldiers and a clip-out petition demanding our withdrawal. No suggestions for how to get out, no suggestions for Iraq, no suggestions for the terror fight, just pure unadulterated pride in their withered consciences and brains.

Well, okay, they do have a plan on their Web site, but 391 words on the and-after in a 1,820-word document suggests their bleeding hearts aren't in it, and their consciences and brains shrink to zero.

Posted 6:29 AM by Gene

Oh dear oh dear, MORE persecution:

New Vatican Rule Said to Bar Gays as New Priests

Perhaps we can get THE GLIBERAL to fulminate over this. You know -- Frank, er, Poor? I've forgotten his name, YOUR HOLINESS PINCH.

Posted 6:23 AM by Gene

Another fine eBay auction:

The helmet that Robby Gordon threw at Michael Waltrip was temporarily pulled off the online auction site eBay on Wednesday after bidding exceeded $10 million.

The site ended the auction because it was unable to verify the legitimacy of the bids and because Gordon didn't have the proper documentation showing that he planned to donate the proceeds of the sale to charity, eBay spokesman Hani Durzy said.

But it's been relisted -- and here's the good news:

The auction now has a letter proving that all proceeds will go to the Harrah's Fund, and bidding now requires proof of the ability to pay for the helmet.

We're so PROUD of you, Meg "Mug" Whitman!

By the way, proprietors of the greatest business organization since the virgin birth of St. Warren, do you think we can organize more such fundraisers? I hope so! THE AMERICAN SOCIETY OF WILLFULLY IGNORANT ADVERTISERS definitely hopes so!

P. S. The current bid is $50,100, with 63 hours left -- plenty of time for another farce!

Posted 9:20 PM by Gene

WwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwweeeeeeeeeeeeeeeLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL!!!!! There was NO WAY I was going to follow THIS STORY live on television. Needless to say we are extremely gratified at its happy conclusion -- as will many heart and stomach specialists be too, after the no-doubt GRATUITOUS OVERCOVERAGE. I was content to follow it on the FREEP. We can even say it PREDICTED THE OUTCOME.

Posted 7:55 PM by Gene

One thing I've masochistically downloaded to my hard drive is the notorious Winston commercial starring the Flintstones, and having seen it a million times (at double-speed -- thank you, Bugmeister Bill!) I must make a few points:

1. The commercial starts with the "camera" following Wilma mowing the lawn. I thought lawn mowing was a male thing. Did she ask Fred to mow it? Or did they have an argument? Or was someone afraid the lawn mower might run unattended?

2. Cut to Betty beating on a rug, which probably broke Bill and Joe's bank as the only thing they ever animated was their characters' mouths.

3. After the boys decide to be male chauvinist pigs Barney pulls a HUGE pack of Winstons BOTTOM UP from inside his shirt, which is SHORTER. How did they fit? More to the point, WHERE did they fit? And why would you want to smoke any cigarette buried THERE? And with the cigarettes conveniently protruding from the pack couldn't the Bedrock police have gotten him for indecent exposure? Which further raises the question: modern Stone-Age women wore skirts; why didn't modern Stone-Age men wear PANTS?*

4. Fred and Barney yap about the miracles of Winstons, lung and heart disease not included, then we cut to Wilma and Betty having stopped their tasks in three seconds flat (and Betty probably having jumped over a wall) to stare at the scene and each other quizzically (as stare they might with any husband who can banter, "Winston packs rich tobaccos specially selected...."), then we cut back to Fred and Barney smoking and yapping some more. They gab and gab so much it's a wonder they had time to light their ciggies, which they do in a half-second. (Bill and Joe probably drew that in in a hurry.) Barney demonstrates the superb flavor of his 300-millimeter Winston by



holding a thumb and forefinger to the "up-front" end, which happily did not occasion him stealing an ad-lib from a studio colleague: "Ooooooooooooooh, thahyt SMARRRRTS!" Fortunately the ciggie sems to have unlit itself. Good thing the Feds never learned of THAT.

5. In five seconds Wilma has abandoned her lawn mower and Betty her rug beater and both magically deposit a newly-discovered mop, wash basin and washboard at their husbands' feet, which proves you should never mess with grammar. (AS, Fred, not LIKE.) Fred holds his Winston so close to the mop it's a wonder he didn't set fire to it. Maybe it was wet.

6. Meantime, what happened to the mower? Perhaps the same fate as the cat who never stayed out for the night.

7. The download concludes with an end-of-show sponsor tag and a symphony of typical HB non sequiturs: "Camera" panning to the Flintstones' abode with Fred seated comfortably and staring blankly at his television as if hypnotized or about to laugh uncontrollably and a pack of Winstons staring out the window (with the ciggies protruding EXACTLY the same way as Barney's); cut to said pack of Winstons magically reversing field so Fred and Wilma could have at them (almost exactly as in the commercial, although Wilma's arm isn't so burly), the cigarettes coming out without the pack falling down; cut to scene where Wilma has taken Fred's place in the chair in five seconds and Fred lighting Winstons for both with one hand to save Bill and Joe money after animating Betty. Nobody seems to have noticed the table top that changed from rectangular to hexagonal or that it sprouted a magically appearing ashtray.

Then, as a Winston billboard flashes serenely in the foreground, almost all the lights in the neighborhood go out one-by-one in five seconds.

One other thing -- no laugh track!

*This might further inspire arguments about that masterpiece of non sequiturs the Flintmobile, whose axles weren't secured (how did they stay on the car?), whose steering wheel steered nothing, and that accelerated and braked with foot power. (How did modern Stone-Age families avoid big doctor bills?) But then people could really go nuts over other HB non sequiturs, such as why Yogi Bear wears a collar and tie. Don't ask. Bill and Joe never did.

(Augmented October 10 and 16, with several corrections.)

Posted 6:52 PM by Gene

STUTTGART, Germany Sep 21, 2005 — Workers at a U.S. Army airfield have uncovered a World War II-era grave containing the bodies of 34 people believed to be Jewish slave laborers used by the Nazis, German authorities said Wednesday.

Simon Wiesenthal's work will not be done until every last true-believing German Nazi has perished from the earth.

Posted 6:46 PM by Gene

A more recent CDR recruit, Jack Welch, the legendary former boss of General Electric, will chair thrice-yearly performance reviews.

Why should we pay hundreds of bucks for CW when we can get it for FREE?

I had thought about subscribing again to The Econowiz. NOT NOW.

Posted 6:22 PM by Gene

Lawyers in Ryan case clash over death penalty

If I'd nominated myself for the Nobel Good Intentions Prize I'd do the same thing.

Posted 5:37 PM by Gene

Elsewhere in SFGate:

"Junk Bonds"...."BALCO"...."steroids"...."Cheater, cheater"....

Give this man an ASTERISK!

Posted 5:31 PM by Gene

Free Wireless From Google?

Will it be anything like its FREE BLOGGING?

Posted 4:58 PM by Gene

Shucks, Elvis's Mamma Mia! is headed to a long-term engagement at HEARTBREAK HOTEL.

You weren't nothin' but a...DOG.

Posted 2:49 PM by Gene

THE AMC PACER COMES BACK!

Posted 1:40 PM by Gene

IS TIME WARNER GIVING DAN "SUPERSCRIPT" BLATHER A NEW JOB?

Posted 1:34 PM by Gene

Bad news, con-SER-va-tives:

FTC investigates gas price profiteering

I've a hunch it's highly unlikely it'll find anything; no doubt some con-SER-va-tives could use this as an excuse to complain about Dubya's new LBJ mode. But I want to hear one of the FREE-EN-TER-PRISE BOYS tell me with an unsmirking mouth why GOUGING IS GOOD.

Posted 1:31 PM by Gene

A chartered jet carrying 289 Gambian soccer fans pretended it needed to make an emergency landing so they could watch their team compete in the FIFA Under 17 World Championships, officials said Wednesday.

That's why they call it the THIRD WORLD -- and FUUTBALL.

Posted 11:45 AM by Gene

Another reason to suspect NEWS HACKS won't get ANGRY until the 2008 election: 1,026 WORDS from DA NOOZ masticating our favorite TV show.

Posted 9:35 AM by Gene

We hope VNU will pardon us for posting this in full:

NEW YORK -- Quaker Tropicana Gatorade, a division of PepsiCo, yesterday named Todd Magazine as president of Quaker U.S. Foods' business unit, effective immediately.

Magazine, 41, was most recently the Chicago-based division's vp-marketing, a title he has held since 2004. He is credited with developing the unit's strategic and brand-equity focus, as well as product development for such Quaker Foods brands as Quaker Oatmeal, Life Cereal, Cap'n Crunch and Aunt Jemima.

"Todd is a results-focused inspirational leader who is poised to lead this high-performance team," said QTG president and CEO John Compton. "With Todd as its chief marketing officer, Quaker Foods has delivered record results through strong product innovation, break-through promotions and talent development."

Magazine created a successful "breakfast bundling" retail effort and ad campaign, via Element79, Chicago, that married brands like Quaker and Tropicana to leverage recently revised USDA food guidelines.

Prior to helming marketing duties, Magazine was vp-new products for Gatorade from 2002 to 2004 where he spearheaded launches of products like Gatorade X-Factor and Gatorade Lemonade. He joined the company in 1999 as Quaker's president of ready-to-eat cereals.

The company said a replacement for Magazine will be announced at an unspecified later date.

--Sonia Reyes

Not to single out Mr. Magazine, but what do most corporate executives do for a living?

Posted 9:14 AM by Gene

As I've said before, I HATE being at the mercy of the CLEM KADIDDLEHOPPERS of MOUNTAIN VIEW for my hits, but now it appears their ALGORITHMS think I'm a SPAM BLOG, because I only get maybe three or four hits max whenever I post, and often I get none. Isn't being ZILLIONAIRES ENOUGH for you FREAKS of NATURE?

Posted 9:11 AM by Gene

One suspects while this may be a bad, it will be less of a bad, as it may strike in an area more competently governed.

Posted 9:09 AM by Gene

Britain Defends Using Force to Free Troops

It was that or pay a ransom. The Brits did the right thing.

Posted 8:58 AM by Gene

It figures: some new Arbitron doohickey calculates that radio ratings are SIGNIFICANTLY LOWER than were thought.

Years of broadcasting TWENTY SONGS and TWENTY-FIVE-MINUTE COMMERCIAL PODS may do that.

P. S. The biz has an excuse that these new Arbitron ratings show people are listening to more stations. One suspects that may be because the few radio listeners left are looking for stations that don't play TWENTY SONGS AND TWENTY-FIVE-MINUTE COMMERCIAL PODS.

Posted 8:46 AM by Gene

Next in the theme park called Broadway: "AN EXTREME SPORTS EVENT"!

BRING ON THE RIDES!

Posted 8:44 AM by Gene

I don't wanna to be LYNDON BAINES BUSH, but I GOTTA!

Posted 8:31 AM by Gene

Jack, can't we just say news hacks will ALWAYS use weasel words to prove their point, and be done with it?

Posted 6:47 AM by Gene

The Congressional Black Caucus Opposes Roberts Nomination

WwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwWELL!

Posted 6:43 AM by Gene

I think we can judge from this Cute Little Pink Paper illustration that when movie ad-blurb copywriters rave movies (and especially when the NOO YAWK kind does) they're talking to themselves.

Posted 6:34 AM by Gene

Our friends at TOENAIL.COM pull another one:

Today's Doonesbury: Present and unaccounted for.

Posted 6:14 PM by Gene

Does America need 850 MACY'S?

Posted 5:04 PM by Gene

Hinckley's Therapists Say He's Normal

Have they ever worked for WOODY ALLEN?

Posted 5:02 PM by Gene

Another reason THE PAPER OF RE-CORD can say it NEEDS THE MONEY:

New York Times [Company] to lay off 500

Please, sir, give me some -- MORE?

Posted 3:36 PM by Gene

I have often made fun of The New Yorker (yes, The New Yorker) as the world's most overrated magazine, but there was a time it wasn't, and the release of a new complete edition on eight DVD-ROMs is surely an astonishing thing. We suspect Harold Ross would have cringed at the title: "Eighty Years of the Nation's Greatest Magazine"; but surely that was David Remnick's idea, and David Remnick's the nation's greatest editor. Nonetheless it should make for fascinating leafing, or rather scrolling, and I'm claiming my copy.

Posted 3:08 PM by Gene

Bush Official Arrested in Corruption Probe

WATERGATE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

But seriously, it sounds like Republicans are getting too cute for their own good. Why don't they have to obey the law?

Posted 1:20 PM by Gene

ST. CINDY BECOMES A MARTYR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

PFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFT!!!!!

Posted 11:53 AM by Gene

DIMWITS:

It used to be you were a good company if your employees scored high on job satisfaction. Now that's not good enough--they have to be "engaged" with their jobs. Meaning: willing to go above and beyond what is expected.

The Gallup Organization has made engagement into a profit center. The pollster's engagement surveys and consulting fees represent 25% of its $240 million (estimated 2005) revenues, up from 1% five years ago. In the past three years Gallup has surveyed 4.5 million employees at 322 organizations, among them Qwest, Stryker and HCA.

Gallup's survey asks employees to respond on a scale of one to five to a dozen statements designed to measure their engagement, including: "I know what is expected of me at work." "I have a best friend at work." "In the last seven days, I have received recognition or praise for doing good work."

This same IDIOT company that's now OUTDILBERTING DILBERT engages in PUBLIC-OPINION MISCHIEF -- POLLS. Since this is obviously a gravy train for GEORGE'S CREW, why shouldn't we view all MISCHIEF -- POLLING THIS WAY?

Posted 11:48 AM by Gene

The more newspapers lay off or buy out or fire staffers, the less likely they are to be readable. This is the Catch-22 of the biz, but after DAN'S NERVOUS BREAKDOWN last night we're not sure it doesn't deserve it.

How skinny can KnightRidder make our DAILY NOOZ?

Posted 11:18 AM by Gene

It's official -- THE PAPER OF RE-CORD SHOT ITSELF IN THE FOOT.

Posted 10:23 AM by Gene

I LOVE ArtsJournal.com. It links to some typing by an ad-blurb copywriter saying that the Web is giving us a MEGAPLATINUM AGE OF ROCK -- three steps above a link of a Montana paper saying we're growing "numb" to music.

I don't know if we're growing numb to music but I am growing a bit antsy about these annoying juxtapositions.

Posted 9:22 AM by Gene

From The Dating Game to a serial killer -- somehow, we should not be surprised.

Posted 8:27 AM by Gene

North Korea hedges on nuclear deal

Arrest ties Pyongyang to counterfeit $100 bills

These things aren't connected, NOOOO.

Posted 8:23 AM by Gene

Dan Rather is MAD. He's mad because the MARKETPLACE and the RELIGIOUS RIGHT are keeping the NOBLE TRUTH-TELLERS from getting at the BOTTOM of STORIES, STORIES they can get ANGRY OVER, like HOW DUBYA GOOSED THE SYSTEM TO KEEP FROM SERVING IN...oh. We DID that story.

He was accompanied on his crying jag by a TWXSTER who does documentaries on strippers.

Posted 6:52 AM by Gene

Given the new fad for endorsing ANGRY REPORTING, we must ask: WHY DO LARRY KING AND "LOLLIPOP" LOU DOBBS STILL HAVE JOBS?

Posted 6:47 AM by Gene

And in MORE news of RENDELLS and their TAJ MAHALS, from INDIANAPOLIS:

There's still one key piece missing as officials prepare to break ground today on a $500 million stadium with a retractable roof: the money to pay for it.

Well that's easy: have some defensive linemen take the taxpayers by the ankles, turn them upside-down, shake them vigorously, and....

Posted 6:34 AM by Gene

Some folks are ignorant about economics but know some history. Others know some economics, but lack historical memory. Then there are politicians.

To these we may add pundits, a class unto themselves. We do NOT want a return of PRICE CONTROLS -- RIGHT, BEN STEIN? -- but neither can we be patient with con-SER-va-tives who smugly tout GREED AND GOUGING as the solution to our energy fix. No, there's more than enough ignorance to spread around here.

Posted 6:27 AM by Gene

Fed, After Katrina, Will Rely More on Anecdotes at Rate Meeting

So, for the first time in his life, the WIZARD of OZ FLOUNDERS?

Posted 6:24 AM by Gene

Actor Ron Silver says he has had fewer movie offers and dinner invitations since he parted political company with his Hollywood colleagues and spoke at the Republican National Convention last year.

We can never be sure when ac-TORS are tooting their horns, and we are all too aware how con-SER-va-tives have persecution complexes, but when a show-biz type pays for his political affiliation the biz is totally unconcerned for its character -- or its PRODUCT.

Posted 6:23 AM by Gene

If not Simon Wiesenthal, who?

Posted 6:28 PM by Gene

Another reason we may have trouble believing the NEWS BIZ' COMMITMENT TO ANGER:

When I went home to visit my family before the first game of the year, one of the first things I saw was an airport billboard that boasted, "We got Spurrier!" In the week leading up to his debut, the newspaper [I presume he means the one in Columbia -- LOVE this crystal-clear writing! --ED.] ran a series of front-page articles that examined everything from his quarterbacking drills to his habit of tossing his trademark visor when frustrated. (A good Spurrier throw, one article explained, can go "Frisbee-style from the out-of-bounds stripe on the sideline to the team bench.") The Sunday paper included a 104-page insert fronted by a gauzy Spurrier portrait and a single-word headline: "BELIEVE."

With those kinds of stunts the fans almost DESERVE a 1-2 team.

Posted 6:18 PM by Gene

In an article unfortunately available just to its subscribers, the Wilson Quarterly insists the Osama Channel is a boon for democracy.

So how come we only hear of it when it's celebrating another martyrdom operation?

Posted 5:55 PM by Gene

FLASH!

Specter backs U.S. Chief justice nominee Roberts

Posted 5:31 PM by Gene

To further obscure ST. CINDY's wisdom about JOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOS and OCCUPIED NEW ORLEANS, a REUT hack summons up his dried out tear ducts and boohoos over -- "a BEREAVED MOTHER."

Like, cry me a river.

Posted 5:16 PM by Gene

In 1988, an accounting firm estimated the Cards would generate $64.8 million annually in business for Tempe and $400,000 in annual sales tax. But in 2004, Tempe city officials estimated that home games have a $550,000 annual economic impact on the city.

RENDELLS! HONORARY MAYOR MIKES! BUILD MORE STADIUMS!!!!!

THEY'RE DOING IT IN MINNESOTA!!!!!

John Knight, a Minnetonka lawyer who co-founded a residents group to fight the Twins bill, said stadium supporters are on the wrong side of public opinion. His group, Citizens for a Stadium Tax Referendum, wants a public vote on any local tax used for a stadium.

"The people with a vested interest who want a stadium tax subsidy kind of remind me of a used car salesman - the longer they keep trying, they more they wear you down," Knight said. "Generally, when you go to buy a car, the longer you are at the dealer, the more likely it is you are going to get screwed."

RENDELLS! Send this man to REEDUCATION CAMP!!!!!

Hey! Maybe we can BUILD THAT TOO!

Posted 5:11 PM by Gene

DIMWIT:

"We're particularly sensitive," said [some SUMNER would-be whose last name is] Tassler, whose network boasts all three "CSIs" as well as the new "Close to Home," in which a boy sets the family house on fire with him, his little sister and his mom inside, in hopes the fire department will come and save them from Dad, who's kept them locked up there for a couple of years -- some of which time Mom has spent wearing a dog collar, leashed up in the basement.

"We look to programming practices [department], we look to our producers to be responsible. In future stories we're going to try to monitor things like that," she said.

Yeah. Sensitive like a gum full of Novocain.

Do I hear THE AMERICAN SOCIETY OF WILLFULLY IGNORANT ADVERTISERS CHEERING?

Posted 5:05 PM by Gene

BACK to the FUTURE!

Posted 3:24 PM by Gene

Perhaps there is hope when students at America's most politically correct university do not take the GREAT HUGO's visit there SITTING DOWN.

Posted 2:58 PM by Gene

Well we already know what P OF R CO. will do with the ZILLIONS it collects from SUCKERS -- BUY TV STATIONS!

Posted 2:01 PM by Gene

Remember this guy?



Robert Fisk? Robert -- who? You know, the guy who got beaten up in Afghanistan and claimed it was his own fault. Well I've got BAD NEWS, PAPER OF RE-CORD: somebody's formed a Web site...with HIS COMMENTARIES. It still doesn't seem to have prevented him from going into Web oblivion, a fate that awaits MOST OF THE PAPER OF RE-CORD'S COLUMNISTS.

P. S. THE PAPER OF RE-CORD admits in so many words its vaunted scribblers will get 200,000 readers MAX from the Web, as opposed to millions before. But I'm betting this is permanent because nobody refutes THE LORD GOD PINCH.

P. P. S. I wouldn't be surprised if the WaPost surpasses the PAPER OF RE-CORD in HITS before long.

Posted 1:36 PM by Gene

And in the typically shortsighted TCS, Michael Fumento, a writer who should know better, forgets the real impact of Chernobyl wasn't environmental, it was political -- it was the shove that helped bring the whole Soviet house of cards down. That the deaths from the accident were overplayed due to ANTI-NUCLEAR HYSTERIA!!!!! doesn't mean the concern wasn't warranted, especially in a closed state that had already had AN ANTHRAX DISASTER and conducted all manner of nuclear tests with total recklessness. No Mike, the hysteria was VERY MUCH warranted.

Posted 1:22 PM by Gene

Shucks, the TYCO GANG's been imprisoned for -- CAPITALISM.

Dow 36,000 mourns.

Posted 12:09 PM by Gene

Dave Geffen will NOT buy the LALATIMES, but if he did he'd buy a declining asset because he would do nothing about losing his readers to THE DO-NOT-CALL LAW.

Posted 12:07 PM by Gene

For once a conservative pundit says the Stealth Judge should have answered the questions.

Posted 11:24 AM by Gene

JONAH meets A GOD -- but ALAS, the experience is NOT SO HOLY:

So at this party at Rob Long's house, I met Harry Shearer of Simpsons fame . [SIC] We didn't chat much, but -- his politics notwithstanding -- he seemed like a good guy. I feel bad though because we'd been talking about Christopher Guest and I made a reference to A Mighty Wind which I think went right past him. I made some sort of joke about how I thought his skin would be better (recall in Mighty Wind Shearer is obsessive about his skin tone and whatnot). I think he thought I was being serious and he felt at his face. Before I could explain, we got interrupted.

Perhaps Jonah should consider becoming an ATHEIST. ATHEISTS have a LOBBYIST.

Posted 11:00 AM by Gene

Somebody from THE BUTTMAN INSTITUTE opens his MOUTH TOO WIDE:

"As a libertarian . . . I'm sympathetic to some of public broadcasting's biases, such as its tilt toward gay rights, freedom of expression and social tolerance and its deep skepticism toward the religious right."

What is a GLIBERTARIAN but a GREEDY LIBERAL?

Posted 10:13 AM by Gene

Having already boasted of his salary, ROMY makes us roll our eyeballs twice, first by linking to Howie Hairshirt's suggestion that these MILLIONAIRE HACKS spend more time covering POVERTY, second by linking to someone complain that the INFAMOUS NEW YORKER rag sponsored by TARGET was the DESTRUCTION OF THE MAGAZINE BIZ.

DRINK DECAF, ROM - and remember, YOU can afford MORE of it!

Posted 9:57 AM by Gene

LORD STRINGER HAS HIS WORK CUT OUT FOR HIM: His company issued a rock act on a copy-protected CD, so the act took to its Web site with instructions on how to disable the copy protection!

Do you ever get the feeling the ENTERTAINMENT CONSPIRACY does not know what it's doing?

Posted 9:48 AM by Gene

The minute the ENTERTAINMENT CONSPIRACY assumes control of PVRs is the moment lots of people STOP WATCHING TELEVISION.

Posted 8:51 AM by Gene

The latest anecdotal trend: people leaving their SUVs in their driveways.

Commuting as we do on the subway we cannot say we feel the least bit sorry for them.

Posted 8:34 AM by Gene

New York rag boasts how much its friends make, and ROMY links to the article to boast how much HE makes.

Yes, I think the time has come to make New Yorkers PARIAHS again.

P. S.

[M]ost of what you think you know about what your neighbor makes is little more than fantasy....Some of the numbers, inevitably, are guesses.

This is why we've come to ignore NewYorkMetro.com.

Posted 6:57 AM by Gene

With Traffic at a Crawl, Planners Talk of Tunnels

In LALA, in an earthquake zone. A BRILLIANT idea.

Sounds like something DUBYA should finance!

Posted 6:50 AM by Gene

Another new fad in the MARKETING BIZ: the "exclusive" record deal, which, like most such deals, will principally allow CEOs to boast "I KNOW (FILL IN THE BLANK WITH A SUITABLE JOHNNY- OR JOANIE-ONE-NOTE) AND YOU DON'T!!!!!" But already enough people are doing enough "exclusive" deals they may not seem so exclusive anymore.

Posted 6:43 AM by Gene

Now that the GLIBERAL is BEHIND THE WALL, here's something we won't have to hear him GLOAT ABOUT:

A wave of experimental vaccines against sexually transmitted diseases could revolutionize the prevention of such infections during the next few years, but there's a catch: The shots likely will work best when given to children as young as 11.

But there is hope for liberal pundits:

Already the injections have drawn moral opposition from some conservative groups, who fear such immunizations could give young teens a green light to have sex.

But no liberal groups, we may assume.

This is what is supposed to be PROGRESS.

Posted 7:35 PM by Gene

Book says Cold War KGB had major foothold in India

Why am I not surprised?

How times change, however. Now India has a major foothold in the U. S.

Posted 5:29 PM by Gene

There are millions of weblogs (blogs for short) online, but many never get read. One reason: blog overload makes it hard to find the good stuff.

Many weblogs never get read because most are hardly ever updated -- and most of the rest aren't any good.

Posted 5:12 PM by Gene

We agree the poverty in our rich midst is a shameful thing, but we would note our home-grown cardinals and bishops have talked about it for decades -- period.

Posted 5:05 PM by Gene

A GERMAN Bush-Gore?

Posted 4:59 PM by Gene

Oh well, I had to do it.

Posted 4:42 PM by Gene

I know this article's supposed to be cute, but it makes me wonder if -- no, WHEN -- the hacks will run porno movie reviews. We grumpily remember how the late zillionaire and MICKEYMOUSE NIXON-toady Gene Siskel screamed his case for the A rating, which led to NC-17, the whole purpose of which was to "destigmatize" legit porn, which sadly never quite happened. We ruefully recall how this pile of Charmin plugged the late Adelphia's efforts to run triple-X on its cable systems, a move inevitably met by hack applause and huzzahs, and if it hadn't been for those Christian RETARDS they COULD have done it. We can see how such typing might engender the same kind of awwwwwwwws in the LALA luxury news suite as that Russian cat circus. But it is clear the hacks aren't changing their MO -- WE'D RATHER BE RIGHT -- just INTENSIFYING it, and in so doing INTENSIFYING their utter DISMISSAL of their subscribing PEASANTS.

Posted 3:09 PM by Gene

FLASH!

Sen. Susan Collins Announces Support For Judge Roberts

Posted 2:58 PM by Gene

JOKE OF THE WEEK: Republicans will look for eeny-weeny-teeny-tiny cuts that aren't pork so they can convince a few pundits they're not big spenders.

GOOD LUCK!

Posted 2:27 PM by Gene

AMERICA'S NEWS BREAKER BREAKS THE NEWS AGAIN!!!!!!!!!!

I’VE JUST RECEIVED A CREDIBLE TIP FROM AN LGF READER THAT AN AMERICA WEST FLIGHT OUT OF NEW YORK WAS FIRED UPON BY A SURFACE TO AIR MISSILE YESTERDAY, AND THAT THE PILOT AND PASSENGERS WITNESSED IT AND ARE NOW BEING QUESTIONED BY THE FAA AND FBI!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

THAT’S THE EXTENT OF THE INFORMATION I CURRENTLY HAVE, AND PLEASE NOTE: RIGHT NOW THIS IS COMPLETELY UNVERIFIED.

UPDATE AT 9/17/05 9:16:00 PM:
MICHELLE MALKIN HAS MORE!!!!! THERE WAS SOME KIND OF INCIDENT!!!!!!!!!!

I JUST GOT OFF THE PHONE WITH PHIL GEE, ASSOCIATE MANAGER OF MEDIA RELATIONS AT AMERICA WEST, WHO PROMPTLY RETURNED MY LATE EVENING CALL. HERE’S WHAT HE TOLD ME:

ON SEPT. 15 (THURSDAY), AMERICA WEST FLIGHT 17 TOOK OFF FROM JFK AIRPORT AT 6:05PM EDT. THE CAPTAIN "TOOK THE INITIATIVE," SAYS GEE, AND REPORTED AN "IRREGULARITY" TO AIR TRAFFIC CONTROL AS THE PLANE WAS ASCENDING. THE PLANE CONTINUED TO PHOENIX AND LANDED SAFELY AT 8:55PM MST. FBI AND OTHER AUTHORITIES MET AND INTERVIEWED ALL OF THE CREW AND PASSENGERS ON THE PLANE. THE INVESTIGATION IS CONTINUING.

GEE WOULD NOT SAY WHETHER THE PILOT OR OTHER CREW OR PASSENGERS REPORTED WITNESSING A MISSILE FIRING.

"NOTHING IS CONFIRMED," GEE SAID.

UPDATE AT 9/18/05 8:08:47 AM:

An aviation official tells Michelle the incident was a false alarm:

The sighting was reported near Colt’s Neck, NJ, which is a major route south out of NY. FAA set up a small temporary flight restriction around the area while checking radar files. Turned out to be nothing more than birds, and [a] big game of "telephone."

[All overemphasis and underemphasis mine.]

IF THIS HAD BEEN DAN BLATHER YOU'D HAVE BEEN ALL OVER HIM. YOU'RE JUST AS IRRESPONSIBLE AS HE. SHUT UP, LITTLE!

P. S. In honor of this AWARD-WINNING PIECE OF -- NEWS we shall from now on call this -- BLOG's proprietor

SAM LITTLE.

Posted 12:09 PM by Gene

Afghan Polls Close Without Much Violence

SHUCKS, when will people learn the best course is not through free elections, but to blow things up? That's what TOILETBOWL magazine's SOURCES say.

Rather tough when the world doesn't conform to your worldview, NEWS HACKS.

Posted 11:46 AM by Gene

Errr, I don't think a writer for a paper that relentlessly slants the news and whose circulation is in freefall is in the best position to mock GERALDO.

Posted 11:31 AM by Gene

News hacks can be very good at ignoring news when they don't care about it. They have two reasons: it doesn't fit their ideology, or they're ignorant. A for-instance of the latter: Sid Luft, Judy Garland's third husband and the producer of the star-crossed A Star is Born (Judy's version, NOT Barbra's), has died. They argued a lot, to put it politely, and Warners ripped their movie to shreds. But he got Judy back on her feet for awhile (it might be more accurate to say she got herself back on her feet), and she was still a tremendous entertainer even then.

Posted 11:24 AM by Gene

SHUCKS, on the day the TWXSTERS come close to declaring WE'VE LOST THE WAR, the Iraqis approve a draft of their new constitution.

What are we going to do, KING RICHARD?

Posted 11:22 AM by Gene

Having just lost money in a debit-card-operated dryer I can think of one advantage the cards have: people will be less inclined to ask for refunds when the machines screw up, therefore -- MORE PROFITS!

Posted 10:50 AM by Gene

The African leader some call a hero and others a destructive despot suggests people in his country aren't hungry, they just can't eat their favorite food.

President Robert Mugabe of Zimbabwe, said in an interview with The Associated Press....

Cleeeeeeeeeeeeeeee-VER!

Posted 9:54 AM by Gene

Er, sorry PROFESSOR, Tony's blast of the Beeb didn't come from him, it came from RUPERT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

P. S. He wants to take over the Beeb.

I know, I know, he's said to have said it, and there's no doubt what he says is true (even IF RUPERT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! wants to take over the Beeb), but if you're going to make a claim at least make it accurately, otherwise you're just as bad as THE NEWS HACKS.

Posted 9:46 AM by Gene

See, we're in a fix here. Certainly Rummy wasn't as competent as he thinks he is. But if we high-tail it now and leave Iraq to its own devices we may get Jihadland. and much as the hacks may want that, they would have blood on their hands for the consequences.

And to the first newsrag that opines -- REPORTS that we MUST get out of Iraq, your enemies will not lie down and DIE THIS TIME, much as you'd hope.

Posted 9:37 AM by Gene

Here's the next great boondoggle: rampant growth in hospitals to tend to all the BOOMER GEEZERS!

And guess who's paying for it! Yep, the same people who'll be spreading rampant corruption through Lousiana. These should be some fun decades!

Posted 9:33 AM by Gene

Bad news, conservatives: SKNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNX praises Judge Roberts!

Back to the drawing board!

Posted 9:28 AM by Gene

But one good thing did happen today: we were supposed to plug a former capo of the organized noise biz, who now works for Martha -- and we misspelled his name on the home page:

• Koppleman: Martha Stewart’s Right-Hand Man

Apparently MR. MARK isn't immortal after all. Neither is Charles KOPPELMAN.

Posted 9:24 AM by Gene

I guess too judging from the cover -- at least it wasn't "WHY DID AMERICA HAVE TO END THIS WAY?" -- after this week it's back to service features and PLENTY OF MOVIE PLUGS.

Posted 9:21 AM by Gene

When a Democratic governor does a great job, we call it resolve, courage, leadership. When a Republican governor does a halfway-decent job we call it "milking the federal bureaucracy." Yes, he was chairman of the party, but I guess that will have to count for praise from TOILETBOWL.COM.