Posted 6:54 PM by Gene

And speaking of professional college football, here is the definition of humiliating: a team squanders a 31-point lead and loses in something called the INSIGHT BOWL (formerly the INSIGHT.COM BOWL), and the losers (Minnesota's Golden Gophers) vamoose their coach -- a year after signing him to a wealthy contract extension.

Professional college football sometimes gets what it deserves.

The firing came on New Year's Eve to avoid having Mason's contract roll over to another season. Mason earns his base salary of $1,987,344 and a 90-day notice's worth of supplemental income ($229,500), plus $1.4 million in already-earned deferred compensation.

On Nov. 30, men's basketball coach Dan Monson was fired, costing the University $1.3 million in a buyout.

I would say the Gophers should learn from their experience, but this being HYER EHDYUKAYSHUN it is highly unlikely anyone will learn anything.

The YOUNUHVERSEHTEE's president's name, by the way, is Bruininks -- if it matters.

(Via ASSPress)

Posted 5:27 PM by Gene

Here's why the networks cut away from the marching bands during football games and fill in halftimes with their gassing heads: the bands play too much of Led Zeppelin and "Snakes on a Plane" and "more [and more and more and more] rock music." At best the arrangements are kitsch, and that assumes a best. (Though this is hardly a golden age of band music; college bands exist because professional college football and John Philip Sousa arrived together.) Maybe the old fight songs are hokey, but hell, Louis Elbel wrote "The Victors" in 1898, and the Wolverines still play it, because it's still pretty good, and they'll still play even when snakes are extinct.

Posted 5:25 PM by Gene

Poll: Americans See Gloom, Doom in 2007

Sounds like good news to me!

Was ever there any proof news hacks do too much polling?

Posted 3:24 PM by Gene

NEWS HACKS BREAK OUT IN A BROAD GRIN:



3,000!!!!!!!!!!

YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY!!!!! DING DING DING DING DING DING DING DING DING DING WHIRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!!

ANOTHER "GRIM" "MILESTONE" HA HA HA HA HA!!!!! BE SURE TO LAUGH WHEN YOU SAY IT!

Posted 3:01 PM by Gene

Elsewhere re the movement to cause mass mental retardation, the Big V, which used to be a newspaper and had a reason for using "words" like "competish", gives us reason for hope:

In addition to adding more low-cost unscripted fare, nets may start slashing entire genres. Original movies continue to struggle, while concert specials may become extinct -- especially following a year in which even big names like Madonna couldn't attract eyeballs.

Plus there may be a "writers'" strike, which may seem an oddity as the last TV show to be written may have been forty years ago.

Posted 2:53 PM by Gene

If BoxOfficeMojo is to be believed, THE CONSPIRACY enjoyed a slightly up year (and after inflation two percent is slightly, however THE NEW! IMPROVED!! PAUL DRECK!!! and the press agents at USAOKAY!!!!! spin it; on that basis it's still down from three of the past four years). No doubt next year the movie S&M phreaks will be back, ready to engage again and again in the intellectual equivalent of head-butting without a helmet, but we forlornly hope for the time that even they can see something is amiss in the popcorn restaurants where they worship, even if the ad-blurbists never will.

Posted 2:50 PM by Gene

David "300" Bauder (that's a joke, son) drones and drones about the "succession" at 60 Minutes as though he spoke of the succession of kings, which, in a certain unflattering way, he is.

Posted 11:42 AM by Gene

Hmmm...you don't suppose this says something:

President Bush sent his regrets; he was cutting cedar and riding his bike on his ranch in Texas. Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid and his deputy, Richard Durbin, couldn't make it, either; they were on a trip to visit Incan ruins. Incoming House Speaker Nancy Pelosi took a pass, too -- as did nearly 500 of the 535 members of Congress.

A 6-to-3 majority of the Supreme Court, including Ford's appointee, John Paul Stevens, ruled against attending. All the nation's governors were invited; few, if any, came. Apparently only two Cabinet members -- Attorney General Alberto Gonzales and Commerce Secretary Carlos Gutierrez -- accepted the invite....

The American people quickly outdid their representatives in respect for the departed president, as several hundred citizens lined up for a late-night public viewing of the casket. But the populace, too, was slow to rally. Capitol police erected barriers to contain thousands, but by mid-afternoon yesterday, only 20 people were in line -- providing a luxurious person-to-portable-toilet ratio of 1:1.

Well, it is the New Year's, and Gerry was a modest man.

Posted 11:15 AM by Gene

And speaking of FOR SALE, a SUPERDUPERMEGAGIGABLOGGER carefully likened MITT to Ronny Reagan, and earns the undying admiration of the governor -- and maybe a chance for said SUPERDUPERMEGAGIGABLOGGER to claim he's a CLOSE FRIEND OF THE PRESIDENT'S!

We quote again:

The Internet is a new world of media, fertile and endlessly receptive to communication needs of all kinds. It could very well become so overwhelmed by commercial and political stratagems, so cluttered and so untrustworthy that it winds up utterly useless for honest communication.

That possibility is not, as Herbert Hoover put it, ''inconceivable.'' It has already happened with local radio -- and it has happened with the postal service, which has become primarily a conduit for junk mail.

The Internet can still be saved. But it won't save itself.

Yep, we're getting there.

Posted 11:09 AM by Gene

We try not to link to SUPERDUPERMEGAGIGABLOGGERS as they have become flag-waving Johnny-One-Notes, but Jo-NAH is all aflutter because the PROFESSOR (or rather a LINK from a LINK from the PROFESSOR) thinks G000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000GLE can no longer be trusted.

We stopped trusting G000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000GLE not long after it took over PYRA LABS.

And unlike the PROFESSOR (or Jo-NAH), we've attempted to read BOTH LINKS. The first writer (the creator of Firefox) is annoyed with G000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000GLE's promotional "tips", which only seem to show up with certain searches; the second writer likens them to the disasters surrounding "Don't be evil"; the PROFESSOR takes that second story seriously, and Jo-NAH reads the PROFESSOR and takes him very seriously. Sometimes the Web is nothing more than a glorified Yente the Matchmaker -- another reason I try to stay away from SUPERDUPERMEGAGIGABLOGGERS.

Posted 11:05 AM by Gene

One could make an argument that Saddam's execution was an excuse to justify the war -- which is why its haste seemed a little unseemly. One could further make the argument that at this stage of the game it's almost irrelevant, given how Iran and Syria seem to rule the proceedings.

Posted 10:31 AM by Gene

And before we forget it's time for our NEUHARTHISM OF THE YEAR AWARD, and this year it goes to two men whose rag not only publishes more spin and blurbs than any other weekly rag, but who plopped a cherry on their whipped-cream accomplishment by putting ANNIE LEIBOVITZ on a domestic cover when everywhere else we were LOSING AFGHANISTAN!!!!! -- in short, a NEUHARTHISM OF THE YEAR AWARD to the LATE MR. MARK and his successor JONBOY!

Hey Late Mr. Mark! How does it feel to be ignored?

Posted 10:07 AM by Gene

AMERICA'S LEA -- NEWSRAG plays another trick: it puts Gerry on our cover (the usual if-only-all-Republicans bit, conveniently ignoring The Palsy Pardon, no doubt) -- and Saddam on everyone else's. Incompetent presidents come every year. Saddams come every decade.

Indeed AMERICA'S L -- you get the gag, is richer and fuller than we'd have guessed: the hacks' favorite historian Mike got another posthumous interview (we may be getting these by the truckload over the next few days), saying If Only was "a larger figure than you might have thought", conveniently forgetting "Jack and the Beanstalk", and that "historians will treat Ford kindly" because he was "bipartisan" -- which after the hacks get through with it is another @#$%&* code word for HE AGREED WITH US.

And now we have to wait until Friday because that fool "No, My First Name Ain't Casey, But I Run the Publishing Equivalent of the '62 Mets" Stengel moved his rag's closing date. Don't these clowns realize how we crave for our weekly dose of CW?

Posted 4:46 PM by Gene

PINCH has a new girlfriend!

Posted 1:55 PM by Gene

A "legendary" Chicago jazz "landmark" closes, and Al Reut mourns (albeit superficially; news hacks' tastes are more akin to Josh "ER" Tyrangiel's). To be sure, jazz needs no help in interring itself, and the giants who've undoubtedly graced this landmark for ages are proof it could have closed years ago, and no one outside the "jazz community" would have noticed.

Indeed, when "a Chicago-based avant-garde jazz musician and winner of a 1999 MacArthur Fellowship 'genius' award fears what the scene would be like without it", we know. We KNOW. It would be EXACTLY the same as before.

Posted 1:21 PM by Gene

Saddam hasn't been buried and LALA gets in one last elbow poke in the side:

One famous photograph shows Hussein shaking hands with Donald H. Rumsfeld in 1983, who served as an informal envoy to Baghdad at a time when the United States was aiding Iraq in its eight-year war with Iran.

For his country, now convulsed in CIVIL WAR.... [Greatly pondering should-we-or-should-we-not-use-this-term truth-telling overemphasis added]

Hey Dave! Save yourself the trouble and just BURN your fortune!

Posted 12:56 PM by Gene

How often do the news hacks chortle chortle about what hypocrites their readers -- er, ordinary people are about TV? How they say they hate what's on the tube but watch it anyway? Given that no network show draws more than fifteen percent of America's households, and that the networks combined get no more than 40% of the audience on any given night, this might not be hypocrisy. TV, like the movies, increasingly centers around a small but idiotically dedicated core of fans who will (and do) watch anything, and with the Web those disgusted with the medium have an (imperfect) alternative. That the dimwits at Nielsen can allege every year that how more people are watching more than ever means nothing; many may use their TVs as nightlights or babysitters, but they may not be watching, and meantime the majority is unmoved.

Posted 11:19 AM by Gene

Dahlia no doubt had to get into a Frank-Rich-like stroke-imitating mood to write this, but really, all these AWFUL desecrations of the Bill of Rights mean nothing to me. The inept prosecution of No. 20? The NSA "TAPPING!!!!!" our phones? Jose Padilla being ABUSED!!!!!!!!!!? This is why when people talk about First Amendment OUTRAGES you can hear a giant audible CLICK. They're isolated things, they don't affect the public, those affected are usually guilty of something, they'll be superseded by other OUTRAGES, and in time they'll go away.

No, when people want to ruin the Bill of Rights, they generally do it more stealthily and sneakily -- like the bureaucrat behind the desk, or RUPERT AND SLIME.

Wishing you and yours a happy, and freer, New Year.

And hoping you and your fellow hacks can cure that unstoppable St. Vitus's dance of the fingers.

Posted 10:04 AM by Gene

Hey Lenny! Luuuuuuve that picture of Teddy! Makes him look twenty years younger! Almost like Dick Vermeil! What did you do, retouch it? And do you have a new scheme in mind -- use the most flattering picture for Dem op-eds, and the least for Republicans?

As for the accompanying piece, it was something about Iraqi refugees, how we've produced 20 million of them and blahblahblah. We doubt if Fatso could remember what was in it, or the staffers who wrote it.

Posted 10:14 PM by Gene

As the great mystic sages would say, GOOD RIDDANCE TO BAD RUBBISH.

Posted 9:09 PM by Gene

Well! It appears all may not be so lovey dovey between the Dems and Muslims. There comes a time when the stench of moral opprobrium becomes so strong even a politican has to back off.

"To praise an organization because they haven't been indicted is like somebody saying, 'I'm not a crook.'”

Some things may not be accountable to mere laws.

As for the FBI, we can see it bending over backwards to be PC. On the other hand, outfits like SUPERHOOPER's may be full of its best leads.

Posted 5:42 PM by Gene

We may wonder how much of themselves youth are revealing online, for if one could steel himself up to read even 500 of these excruciatingly boring private exposures one would think they're all alike. Indeed how do the predators tell one girl from another? Mass anonymous chatting would seem its own protection. That said this generation of teens does have a predilection for stupid idle boasting.

Posted 5:30 PM by Gene

We do not know the point of running the story of some louse who sold his step-daughter's beagle to a bar owner to get drunk -- or rather "quenching his thirst for beer," as Al Reut must euphemize it. (The bar owner showed humanity: he returned the dog to the girl). The 2.5 rating among 689 Web surfers shows they might not get the point either. Why waste so much bandwidth on this maudlin discomforting junk?

Posted 5:28 PM by Gene

Surprise: MJ's getting divorced. It's a marvel it took so long.

How could anyone share a house with the greatest athuhlete of all time?

Posted 5:20 PM by Gene

The Saint of Live-Action Road Runner Cartoons makes good on His threat:

Lucas: Filming `Indiana Jones 4' in 2007

"It's going to be fantastic. It's going to be the best one yet," the 62-year-old filmmaker said during a break from preparing for his duties as grand marshal of Monday's Rose Parade.

Do I hear the sound of thousands of AD-BLURBISTS cutting and pasting away for their reviews?

P. S. A great gushing fount of movie wisdom orates as if Moses on the Mount:

I have lost all faith in Lucas, and I trust Spielberg less than I used to.

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Posted 5:09 PM by Gene

Gerry's palsy-walsy with Tricky would seem to undercut the only justification for calling the 38th president a man for the ages.

Posted 5:06 PM by Gene

Saddam's been incarcerated for three years. What's the big hurry to execute him?

The hurry's even faster: the prime minister has signed his death warrant.

10 p. m. ET, says another part of SLIME's Empire.

For all we know he's dead already.

Posted 5:03 PM by Gene

Another pretentious news-hack tsk-tsk about another pop-cult-driven stupid-teen fad.

Such articles are getting to be the most excruciating of pills because they delineate the two-hands system of media where the one hand doesn't know what the other's doing -- and tries its darnedest not to know. And when something stupid happens, news hacks wring their hands even as their cousins in show-biz make money hand-over-fist -- as if the former are trying to justify the latter.

I HATE BIGMEDIA!

Posted 9:28 AM by Gene

The SWORN ARCHENEMY of the BLOGGERS OF THE MILLENNIUM SWEARS:

[O]ne thing is clear: A newspaper company abandoned its employees and readers, for profit, not principle.

McClatchy leaves Minnesota's newspapers weakened and in the hands of companies with no local ties.

And with its departure, McClatchy is taking away important resources that a newspaper chain provides, resources that help each newspaper in the chain serve readers.

Wait a second, Nick: you guys were for local ownership when you thought that was good. You were especially for it when cookie-cutter companies like GanNETt threatened to gobble up the whole biz. Now you're suddenly against it. Make up your mind!

And to you, BLOGGERS, as we said before, we hope the NEW management is every bit as intransigent as the OLD.

(Via the usual Romy)

Posted 6:47 AM by Gene

Another group of taxpayer-connected ah-TISTES scribbles up another list, which makes one wonder what the difference is with some jobs between working and not working.

Posted 6:33 AM by Gene

Smell that? Someone's trying to sell you something

Yep, and we can smell USAOKAY!!!!! a mile off. Peeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee-U!

Posted 6:25 AM by Gene

With the unspeakable African famines the West seems capable of answering only in two modes: a condescending sympathy or a misplaced generosity. Neither have helped the untold dead, or the maimed survivors. It is hard to believe that a League of Nations program has helped anywhere; that apparently is the case in Ethiopia. But the only inevitability is the cycle of famine repeating endlessly -- until the continent's nations learn how to live for themselves.

Posted 9:13 PM by Gene

Take off the sunglasses and the spell is broken.

I cannot believe I posted this, but this might be the first halfway decent picture of YOU-KNOW-WHO's girlfriend.

Posted 8:24 PM by Gene

The persecutor -- PROSECUTOR in the Dukies' "RAPE" case is going before an "independent review panel", the first inkling a huge civil suit against Durham may be in order.

Posted 6:07 PM by Gene

AND IN MORE URGENT NEED-TO-KNOW ASSPRESS NEWS, THE DONALD AND ROSIE STILL ♥ EACH OTHER!

Will the mudslinging ever stop?

Not as long as you news hacks give them an OPEN LINE.

Posted 5:02 PM by Gene

So Second Life may be another media balloon full of hot air?

Who'd have thought?

(Via InfoWorld)

Posted 2:20 PM by Gene

The WaPost and Woodstein threaten us with MORE PC nostalgia from Gerry!

(Via the usual Romy)

Posted 2:00 PM by Gene

And the WaPosties open up a torrent of useless nostalgia: his press agent -- er, spokesman recalls how "Ford headed off a bitter postwar campaign of recrimination about 'Who lost Vietnam?'", meaning either he or Woodstein isn't telling the truth; and Mr. Viagra proves that the only thing more loyal than a dog is a former vice-presidential candidate.

Posted 1:44 PM by Gene

“If Lincoln were alive today, he’d roll over in his grave.”

The more I am forced to remember Gerry with an affection reserved for puppies the more the word CHUCKLEHEAD comes to mind.

Posted 12:02 PM by Gene

I am so TICKLED to think WE spend $250,000 per annum to finance an OUR FAVORITE OLD MOVIES LIST! (And of course the movies are getting -- BETTER.)

Multiply this by thousands such stunts and GOD KNOWS how much money our GUVMENT wastes.

And I am NOT going to call the Librarian of Congress a blithering idiot, but something has sprung a leak:

"The registry should not be seen as 'the Kennedy Center Honors,' 'the Academy Awards' or even 'America's Most Beloved Films'...."

But DAMMIT, Dr. Billington, that's what it's become. The "Registry" was willed into being by one of the millionaire Thumbs-Up Twins wanting to flatter himself. And it doesn't even preserve anything -- only THE CONSPIRACY can do that, and outside of George Feltenstein's outstanding work it's still largely ignoring its past.

And since you mention them the Kennedy Center HHonors are a joke to hang a fundraiser on. Here's the list of honorees from 1978: Marian Anderson, Fred Astaire, George Balanchine, Richard Rodgers and Arthur Rubinstein. Okay, a touch of glitz, but every name is a distinguished artist of the highest caliber. Now it's all show-biz types and some second-rank classical musician the TV audience has never heard of. (Hey Mabel! See this guy with the curly hair? Don't he look like Larry the Stooge -- only uglier?) The latest fundraiser became a PR disaster when some simp named Simpson couldn't sing a song (by an HHonoree whose chief distinctions are her whiny voice and her BOOBS). Non-singers notwithstanding this sort of thing has become an embarrassment and a press release. Stop it. We know you won't.

(Via MediaBistro)

Posted 10:53 AM by Gene

Smells like holiday spirit
Researchers say levels of cinnamon and vanilla pouring into Puget Sound are spiking.» Why?

STARBUCKS!!!!!

Posted 9:36 AM by Gene

I guess with all these single-digit-visit days it's time for me to say:

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAANYBODY OUT THERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRE?????

Posted 9:10 AM by Gene

Yesterday demonstrated how even words like "brave" can be besmudged by trendy uses, but it is clear the Ethiopians did a brave thing by taking on Somalia's hyper-Islamic "courts." Whether the holy cockroaches are now engaged in one of those sneaky tactical retreats is sheer guessing (we suspect it), but at least one nation has shown the only way to treat human sludge is to FLUSH IT OUT.

Posted 8:49 AM by Gene

OOOOOoooooh, the LORD GOD STEVE got a little more than He was entitled to!

It's almost enough to shake your faith in OVERPRICED INCOMPATIBLE HARDWARE.

Posted 8:43 AM by Gene

Somebody calls Hairshirt Howie an "old-fart media guy." So what happens? ROMY finds him -- and it turns out we get a new-fart media guy.

Posted 8:09 AM by Gene

Half of Woodstein (got 2 go disco) says Gerry took the right side on Iraq.

Why am I starting to think all this "niceness" biz is code for Gerry's humongous mental squoosh?



Aren't you feeling nostalgic NOW?

P. S. The guy on the left is rehearsing as Prof. Harold Hill; the guy on the right is rehearsing for K Street -- or maybe Chevy Chase's place on WEEKEND UPDATE.

P. P. S. (LAST TWO GRAFS)

In the end, though, it was Vietnam and the legacy of the retreat he presided over that troubled Ford. After Saigon fell in 1975 and the United States evacuated from Vietnam, Ford was often labeled the only American president to lose a war. The label always rankled.

"Well," he said, "I was mad as hell, to be honest with you, but I never publicly admitted it."

Alas, NICE GUY, you deserved it.

Yes the more I hear this NICE GUY routine the more I'm convinced Gerry was a bad president. Why can't you hacks quit while you're ahead?

P. P. P. S. MORALS BENNETT'S MAD.

Posted 8:06 AM by Gene

I wonder if the hacks are feeling so mellow about Gerald Ford ("Have You Never Been Mellow" -- wasn't that a big hit in '75?) because it was their megaplatinum age -- of the genius of disco, the greater genius of film (Scorsese, Altman), a time when we stopped a war and ditched a prez...

It's enough to make you daydream of the napalm girl, and helicopters taking off from rooftops.

Posted 6:40 AM by Gene

MOVIEGOING IS BAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAACK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! UP NINE MILLION FROM LAST YEAR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

OR ABOUT THIRTY MILLION LESS THAN SAW THE PIRATE FLICK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

OR TO USE THE CONSPIRACY'S FIGURES, WE WERE UP 0.643 PERCENT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! BOFFO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

A NEUHARTHISM OF THE MONTH AWARD TO SCOTT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Posted 6:36 AM by Gene

Not wanting to insult an icon, and therefore being extremely selective in his choice of words, a Paper of Re-CORD scribbler nonetheless manages to say very discreetly what is quite obvious: Hugh Hefner's huge advance to civilization printed a lot of crap.

Posted 5:19 PM by Gene

TRANSLATION: The numbers on housing may be as reliable as the numbers on the movies -- more so as most movies don't include a fully-furnished kitchen.

Posted 5:10 PM by Gene

And we weren't going to mention it, but wasn't Chevy Chase the EDWARD R. MURROW OF COMEDY of his day? And didn't he reach far more viewers? And what happened to him? At least he had a movie career. ED only had a one-shot at the Os-CARS®.

Chevy does say Ford (!) was "very sweet", and whatever their foibles you have to like a guy like that.

Posted 5:00 PM by Gene

Interesting: CNN.com has "PASSING OF A PRESIDENT" in big big type, and a big big photo in a big big box, but go to the "International" edition and you have to...look for it.

And what's up with Stale.com? Back when Ronald Reagan died it ran stories like "THIS MOST EVIL PRESIDENT" and "DEATH IS TOO KIND FOR REAGAN", or whatever it is they ran, paid for by Citigroup and Toyota and JCPenney and AmEx and other big name sponsors, most of whom have been conspicuously absent since; indeed Bugmeister Bill sold Stale.com not long after. Not even something to break the mood from Chris Hitchens? Oh well, I can see why St. Warren's boys are reluctant.

Posted 1:41 PM by Gene

In 1,306 ELOQUENT WORDS Ron of MediaBistro declares he wants a sci-fi ad blurbist in the Paper of Re-CORD Book Review.

Don't we have enough names above the titles?

Posted 12:10 PM by Gene

Beijing to spend $9 bln on public transport

Which, if we know the Chinese, will make it harder to get around than ever.

Posted 11:06 AM by Gene

We are now being told Gerald Ford had "integrity." No one can doubt he was an honorable man. The problem is too much of our recent past has involved men of integrity with no brains, or men of brains with no integrity. Why is it too much to ask that our leaders have both?

Posted 8:52 AM by Gene

The only good thing about Gerald Ford's death is that it knocks SEX MACHINE's state funeral down a peg -- we think. We suspect Dubya is still pondering what to do.

Speaking of:

"One of the things I've learned on the Google [SIC] is to pull up maps. It's very interesting to see -- I've forgotten the name of the program -- but you get the satellite, and you can -- like, I kinda like to look at the ranch. It reminds me of where I wanna be sometimes."

Just think, Dubya: in two years, that's exactly where you'll be -- if you haven't become the Saudis' U. S. ambassador, that is.

(Via MediaBistro)

Posted 8:48 AM by Gene

Already there are the excuses, on both sides. AmSpec praises Gerald Ford for vetoing a lot of bills. Much good that did. Over at AMERICA'S LEADI -- NEWSRAG some hack congratulates Ford for having been liberal. This demonstrates there can be more than one way to be full of it.

Posted 8:17 AM by Gene

Gerald Ford fell up. He fell up from football herodom to the law to the Navy to the House to the vice-presidency to the White House. His only bad luck was when he became president. And then he fell down. He decided to make amends for all his good luck by Writing Himself into the History Books and into a kind of Fairy-Tale Land where he could Live Forever. If The Pardon now seems not so important it was still a kind of moral evasion -- and its outcome was hardly a salve as it brought us JIMMAH and HIS long national nightmare. Having Written Himself into the History Books he all but ignored Southeast Asia and stagflation. After saying something stupid about the Poles during a debate he retired for a long life of golf and profitable speechmaking. Gerald Ford was a good and decent man, but America needed more, and he was not up to it.

Posted 7:53 PM by Gene

Some typist (the "special" byline is a giveaway it's no good) marvels at the movies' multitasking -- unfortunately, even Special must admit it's for a reason:

"We've run out of new content," says Howard Suber, a longtime professor of story structure at UCLA's School of Theater, Film and Television and author of "The Power of Film."

"It's hard to think of any subject, any kind of story, where somebody could say, 'No film has ever talked about what this film talks about.' That leaves, if there are aspirations to be an artistic filmmaker, experiments with style."

Somehow "same old same old" would merely prove the point.

(Via the exasperating ArtsJournal)

Posted 7:47 PM by Gene

The gap between New England's slow-growing population and the nation's growth rate widened over the past year, with the United States adding people at a rate five times faster than the region.

We know -- all those New England senators discourage sex!

Posted 7:30 PM by Gene

The Internet is a new world of media, fertile and endlessly receptive to communication needs of all kinds. It could very well become so overwhelmed by commercial and political stratagems, so cluttered and so untrustworthy that it winds up utterly useless for honest communication.

That possibility is not, as Herbert Hoover put it, ''inconceivable.'' It has already happened with local radio -- and it has happened with the postal service, which has become primarily a conduit for junk mail.

The Internet can still be saved. But it won't save itself.

Do I hear the cancer curers fuming again?

(Via Romy, of all places)

Posted 7:23 PM by Gene

A state funeral gathers -- Dubya MOURNS, and REV. AL PREACHES.

This will be VERY serious before it's out. Will the Big Four preempt their programming?

And would the Sex Machine recognize himself?

Posted 7:21 PM by Gene

The BLOGGERS OF THE MILLENNIUM are CHORTLING: The Clatch just sold the STRIB at a $670 MILLION LOSS (before inflation).

Let's hope the new owners are as intransigent as the old.

Posted 3:39 PM by Gene

NIKKI!!!!!!!!!!, who's getting to be a higher-toned version of PAUL DRECK!!!!!!!!!!, says Singin' in the Rain is appealing to more than "African-Americans, gays and upscale whites" -- although we wonder.

NIKKI!!!!!!!!!! also says it drew like gangbusters at "NEW YORK'S ZEIGFIELD"!!!!! [SIC]

(First link via ShowBizData; rewritten at 7:25 p.m. because I stupidly misinterpreted the ShowBizData piece)

Posted 3:18 PM by Gene

Fidel has "a digestive problem."

Maybe eating all his enemies finally got to him.

Posted 9:52 AM by Gene

James Brown’s widow said Monday she was denied access to the home she shared with the singer and their 5-year-old son, claiming the gate was padlocked at the request of Brown’s lawyer and accountant.

Is there not something apt about this?

Posted 9:45 AM by Gene

A nation that can't govern itself -- and what nation in sub-Saharan Africa can? -- will have catastrophes like this, the second such in eight months.

Does anyone care even in Africa?

Posted 9:41 AM by Gene

Citigroup Inc., the world's biggest bank, is losing investment-banking business in Japan after the top two executives at partner Nikko Cordial Corp. resigned over charges of falsified earnings statements.

Eh, don't worry about it -- you can still prop your feet up so you won't have to see the SELIGBALL in your luxury boxes at CITISTADIUM, or whatever you're calling it. And so long as you can prop your feet in front of your face, you can say it's WORKING.

Posted 9:18 AM by Gene

ANOTHER BRANSON EAST DELUSION:

The art of writing for the musical theatre is dying, they've been lamenting since round about 1905. Line up The Light in the Piazza, Dirty Rotten Scoundrels, Grey Gardens and Spring Awakening — four remarkably different musicals — on your iPod. Enough said?

1905 -- let's see: George M. Cohan, Victor Herbert, Irving Berlin, Jerome Kern, Vincent Youmans, Rodgers and Hart, the Gershwins, Cole Porter, Harold Arlen, Rodgers and Hammerstein and company put a lot more sheet music on pianos than the geniuses who wrote these masterworks will put in iPods.

NUF SAID.

Posted 9:09 AM by Gene

Elsewhere in our favorite bizrag:

Housing prices were pushed up in part by get-rich-quick speculation. Now real estate has lost its grip on the public's imagination. Says Richard J. DeKaser, chief economist of National City Corp. in Cleveland: "We're looking at several years of weak home prices. It'll return to the time when no one is talking about real estate." Oh, well. You can still take a flier on Google Inc.

Say what?

Posted 8:56 AM by Gene

And isn't this unexpected: during the holidays we get all sorts of reports about how people shopped and shopped, then after the holidays we get reports saying people didn't shop. Like CLOCKWORK.

"It's possible that consumers may have responded to the anticipated large crowds and taken pains to avoid crowded malls altogether," says Bill Martin, co-founder of ShopperTrak.

You don't suppose...?

Posted 6:44 AM by Gene

Meantime "a donkey flies" at GE BANCORP AND REALTY NETWORK -- they're airing a prime-time documentary, something we might see more of had "Dr." Stanton not expended so much energy selling THE SELLING OF THE PENTAGON.

Posted 6:39 AM by Gene

"Dr." Frank Stanton, a market researcher turned Bill Paley's sidekick at CBS, who was instrumental in keeping up the fiction he ran "The Tiffany Network", and whose chief distinction was promising during the quiz-show scandals he'd get rid of canned laugh tracks because they weren't honest, and who then reversed himself, has died. RIP.

Posted 6:34 AM by Gene

U. S. DEATHS IN IRAQ EXCEED 9-11 COUNT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
(Unbiased, nonpartisan overemphasis added)

And how's your POLITICAL PRISONER there, CURLEY (Nyuk! Nyuk!)? You know, the one who was merely doing his duty taking pictures, and whose motives are as pure as the driven snow? Say CURLEY, remember the time you said your business is run by CONSERVATIVES? And listen CURLEY, do you think if we had a dollar for all the times any ASSPressian has said he's UNBIASED we could possibly raise enough money to keep every last reporter who's been FIRED the last couple of years ON THE JOB?

Just a thought, CURLEY.

Posted 12:17 PM by Gene

Sometimes when a prominent figure dies you're stumped for words, or facts, and I try not to write from ignorance, though I seldom succeed. I didn't post on, say, Red Auerbach because what could you say? He won a lot of games, he smoked cigars, and people liked him. The same with James Brown. He was an R&B man when it was still a lot of honking, and he sang about sex, and he wiggled a lot, and he frequently made an ass of himself, and got in trouble with the law, all so he could be called "legendary" by the tone-deaf. You couldn't help noticing though that he smiled all the time, and whatever made him smile (we'll skip that), he seemed happy. His fans seemed happy in return. Let's just say a lot of people liked him, and be done with it.

Posted 10:30 AM by Gene

Something called AlJazeera.com, which, we are assured, has NO relation to the place where Dave Marash and David Frost work, poses this timely and important question:

"WHAT ABOUT ZIONISTS' NUKES???????????????????????????" [Overemphasis added]

Now calm down, calm down, and remember, this is Christmas, and for one day this year it would do your blood pressure good to SHUT UP.

Posted 10:27 AM by Gene

"Would you rather have tax dollars spent on some [disabled] guy sitting at home? We're not looking for handouts, damn it."

I'd rather not have tax dollars building empires for friends of Congressman Total Crap, damn it.

Posted 9:19 AM by Gene

And now for the usual annual posting of Yahoo! News Christmas tree photos which come down in thirty days (I HATE that), and what's more they've made them smaller since the last time:



A Christmas tree in Frankfurt;



Christmas trees in "Tokyo's Odaiba bay area";



A, er, Christmas tree in Detroit (the man's name, Reuters tells us, is Joe T. Sanders);



THE OFFICIAL PEOPLE WARNER CHRISTMAS TREE in Jakarta, made of "1,390 Looney Tunes dolls" (Reuters and Yahoo! cut off the caption after the word "Looney");



A Christmas tree in Dubai (it's a wonder they just don't build a building that looks like a Christmas tree);



A Christmas tree in Beirut;



A Christmas tree in Vilnius, Lithuania;



A Christmas tree in Kabul;



Another Christmas tree in Jakarta, in a church, "made out of 6000 used cans";



A Christmas tree at St. Peter's Basilica;



A Christmas tree in Malaga, Spain;



A Christmas tree in "Kenai National Wildlife Refuge, near Soldotna, Alaska" (the AP tells us these are Jeff Selinger and "his son Zack, 7");



A "Living Christmas tree" in Seoul;



A Christmas tree in Stavropol, Russia;



A Christmas tree at the Colosseum;



A Christmas tree (Reuters insists) at Washington's Botanical Gardens;



A Christmas tree in Trafalgar Square;



A Christmas tree at the San Francisco Zoo;



A Christmas tree at the Church of the Nativity in Bethlehem;



A Christmas tree in Chongqing, China, made of "thousands of Coca-Cola cans" (my teeth can appreciate that);



A Christmas tree "in the middle of Galeries Lafayette department store in Paris";



A chocolate Christmas tree in Bangkok, with 35,000 M&Ms (why not Reese's Pieces?);



A Christmas tree surounded by beuatiful architecture at Potsdamer Platz in Berlin (he said);



And finally, a Christmas tree in Basra.

MERRY CHRISTMAS!

Posted 7:33 PM by Gene

Speaking of, Kurt "The Rich Spy" Andersen got a bunch of "creative" types together to try to "rebrand" $MA$. Their solution: call it "x.mas".

Don't these morons realize emphasizing the x like that summons up visions of porn?

(Via ArtsJournal, which is occasionally also clueless)

Posted 7:29 PM by Gene

Did anyone dream of a white Christmas before Irving Berlin dreamed of it?

Posted 6:07 PM by Gene

Nothing gratifies us more than when a highly expected movie comes apart at the seams, and Carl Hiaasen's discovery's is doing just that. We puzzle why; don't dumb blind teens make up the bulk of the popcorn-restaurant clientele? and aren't they "into" fantasy to the exclusion of everything else except godawful horror excretions? Okay, maybe the third in the line of SPIDER-MANS stretching to infinity will do its BILLION or TRILLION or whatever, but this is surely bad news for our superiors who think they can lure a crowd with their stupid CGI fantasies -- and bad news for the movie biz is good news for us.

Elsewhere the NEW! IMPROVED!! PAUL DRECK!!!!! is bathing his tonsils in Chloraseptic in preparation for the 10,000 phone calls he'll make boasting about how the biz CAME BACK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! But it appears it will have "come back" by about three to four percent, and all because of ONE TENTPOLE. Also, this year has seen five pieces of doodoo break $200 million, and sixteen do over $100 million, compared to EIGHT and NINETEEN in the ANNUS HORRIBILIS of 2005 -- and down a collective $700 MILLION PLUS. (In 2003 it was SIX and TWENTY-NINE; in 2004 it was SIX and TWENTY-FOUR.) PAUL DRECK will scream, "THERE WAS A BROADER LINE-UP!!!!!" Yeah, from A to B. Still, we smile.

Posted 1:24 PM by Gene

AP NEWS ALERT!!!!!

ADDIS ABABA, Ethiopia (AP) -- Ethiopian prime minister says his country is at war with Islamists in Somalia.

Isn't the whole world (Pakistan and Saudi Arabia excepted)?

Posted 1:20 PM by Gene

Meantime Spanish doctors are zooming to Cuba to prolong the life of the LEFT's favorite dictator, proof that tyranny and senselessness come in different flavors.

Posted 1:16 PM by Gene

See? See? The Chilean coup WAS justified!

"If the experience was to repeat itself, I wish I had a greater wisdom."

Not to worry; according to con-SER-vatives you had PLENTY of wisdom.

Posted 10:35 AM by Gene

How often need we be reminded "friends" like Pakistan are de facto enemies?

Posted 10:05 AM by Gene

TV IS BETTER THAN EVER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

A NEUHARTHISM OF THE MONTH AWARD TO MARISA!

Posted 9:35 AM by Gene

You too are a knight, Sir Bono

Tony's giving 'em away!

Like Geldof, who received the award 20 years ago, Bono, 46, will not be entitled to call himself sir, even under his real name of Paul Hewson.

Aw shucks, now he'll have to content himself with LORD.

Posted 9:13 AM by Gene

$50 BILLION for HYER EHDYUKAYSHUN LOANS, $40 BILLION for ELUHMEANTURRY SKOOLS --

E'REWAY INHAY EETHAY ONEYMAY!

Posted 9:08 AM by Gene

I love Lenny. First he elects Sen. Webb; now he elects Abe and Hillary the front-runners -- and the primaries are over a year away!

Hey Lenny -- after a few more elections you won't need voters!

Posted 10:24 PM by Gene

Sen. Hein-TZZZZ' staffer army writes what it imagines to be a clever turn of phrase:

There's something much worse than being accused of "flip-flopping": refusing to flip when it's obvious that your course of action is a flop.

Hey Sen. Hein-TZZZZ, you're flippant, you flippantly flip-flopped -- and your campaign flopped. How's that for flip-flopping?

Posted 2:41 PM by Gene

Which leads us to OUR PRESS RELEASE OF THE MONTH, cut and pasted in full:

USA Network has entered into an exclusive agreement with Virgin Records, a division of EMI Music, to provide music from the label's artists for use across all of USA's marketing platforms including on-air promotion, cross-channel advertising, digital and mobile. In a first for television, the groundbreaking deal marks the first time a network has made such an exclusive pact with a record label. Additionally, a Virgin Records micro-site will be available on USA's website, usanetwork.com, which will provide artist and promotional information on the Virgin label music being heard on the network. The announcement was made today by Chris McCumber, USA's senior vice president, marketing & brand strategy.

The concept and structure of the agreement was developed by the USA marketing team, together with music media producer and strategic architect Spencer Proffer who is partnered with renowned music manager Doc McGhee in McGhee-Proffer Media. "With a rich roster depth of talented recording artists across all musical genres, Virgin is an ideal sonic partner for our 'Characters Welcome' brand initiatives," said McCumber. "We're thrilled to be working with Spencer Proffer again and are truly excited about collaborating with the Virgin team."

"USA's captivating and innovative programming is a perfect fit for Virgin's immensely talented and diverse roster, ranging from Joss Stone to Dem Franchize Boyz from Korn to KT Tunstall, and to the next generation of stars like Red Jumpsuit Apparatus, Johnta Austin and The Summer Obsession," added Jeff Kempler, Virgin Records Executive Vice President. "This unique relationship furthers our commitment to deliver a dynamic multi-format approach to turning music fans on to our artists' new releases."

Virgin will be the first provider of music behind network promotions for all USA programming. The #1 cable network, USA is also cable television's leading provider of original series and feature movies, sports and entertainment events, off-net television series and blockbuster films. The USA line-up includes the returning original series' MONK, DEAD ZONE and THE 4400, as well as the new series PSYCH, premiering July 7. USA is also home to ratings blockbuster, WWE's MONDAY NIGHT RAW and the country music talent competition NASHVILLE STAR, as well as the off-net home for the critically acclaimed LAW AND ORDER franchise's, SVU and CRIMINAL INTENT and the hit series, HOUSE. The net is also home to the annual WESTMINSTER DOG SHOW, the US OPEN tennis championship and numerous PGA tournaments and events.

The music will be identified in a variety of methods including chyron titles featuring the name of the artist, song, album and label. USA will also work with Virgin Records to create a specific on-air spot identifying the label as supplying the music heard on the network and driving viewers to the USA website for more information, where there will be further links to the Virgin records site. USA also plans to create in-show, on-air graphics to promote the online site.

A noted music producer/songwriter with many platinum records to his credit, Proffer has also been involved as a producer as well as music director in several award-winning film, television and Broadway projects. In the television arena, Spencer worked closely with former Showtime Networks programming president Jerry Offsay for seven years, overseeing and implementing music strategies. Additionally, he spearheaded creative and music supervision for all Showtime programming as well as for other television networks. Proffer's history with USA includes co-writing and producing the theme song and video for USA's KOJAK series and the key marketing music for USA's FRANKENSTEIN remake.

USA NETWORK is cable television's leading provider of original series and feature movies, sports and entertainment events, off-net television shows, and blockbuster theatrical films. The #1 basic cable network across the board in 1Q06, USA Network is seen in 90 million U.S. homes. The USA Network Web site is located at www.usanetwork.com. Characters Welcome.

USA Network is a program service of NBC Universal Cable a division of NBC Universal, one of the world's leading media and entertainment companies in the development, production, and marketing of entertainment, news, and information to a global audience.

About Virgin Records

Virgin Records is a division of EMI Music, the world's largest independent record company. Among the artists on the Virgin roster are Bubba Sparxxx, Dem Franchize Boyz, Jermaine Dupri, Gorillaz, Ben Harper, Janet Jackson, Korn, Lenny Kravitz, Stacy Orrico, Joss Stone, and The Rolling Stones. Virgin's U.S. headquarters are located in New York.

LITTLE JEFFY! Do you know where your money is going?

Posted 2:28 PM by Gene

Seeing a practical joke of a banner ad like this (Thanks, BoxOfficeMojo!) gives us a clue why FHM shut down in the U. S. and why the laddie mags have seen better days. What intelligent young male likes being hazed -- and in such a stupid and condescending manner? Maybe the advertising and marketing idiots at outfits like the U. S. Army and every auto company like it, but thank God for them their CEOs don't read MAXIM.

Speaking of GOODTHINGS ENTERTAINMENT, did you know its movie studio has AN OFFICIAL CAR? AN OFFICIAL BANK? AN OFFICIAL SOFT DRINK? AN OFFICIAL BOTTLED WATER? AN OFFICIAL JUICE? OFFICIAL IMAGING PRODUCTS? AN OFFICIAL CREDIT CARD? And AN OFFICIAL SPORTS DRINK? All this means is the CEOs at deaf-dumb-and-blind outfits like MorganChase and Coke and Nestlé and MasterCard spend half their time in Universal City SCHMOOZING.

Posted 1:20 PM by Gene

One way we could measure the worth of our cultural artifacts is by playing word associations -- four or five words that could accurately describe a property, and whose good or bad connotations can decide whether you want to see it. For instance:

comedy museum exhibits alive

These anodyne words describe the bad new "family" comedy that seems to be doing undeservedly well at the popcorn restaurants. Add a word...

comedy museum exhibits alive Van Dyke

...and you get Mary Poppins and a harmless nostalgia trip. On the other hand:

Iwo Jima Japanese perspective

...gets you THE GREATEST DIRECTOR EVER. Add "CRITICALLY-ACCLAIMED" and you know why it's apparently bombing at the B. O., as did its PC twin. The same with

CBS Murrow McCarthy truth

or

Bush truth censorship Dixie Chicks

Who wants to see a movie like that? (And sadly, in both cases, the knockout word is TRUTH.) Or take this comparison:

Bogie Ingrid Sam

You don't need to be told what film that is. On the other hand:

Casablanca Soderburgh Clooney freedom

and you're talking a fifth-rate remake that talks a blue streak.

And then there's that Branson East triumph Oklahoma!:

sex musical

Those words suggest godawful shows like Oh, Calcutta! and Let My People Come, unsexy and clinical.

sex musical rock

This is no better; it summons the memories of "legendary" disasters like Via Galactica and Marlowe.

sex musical rock youth

This may be better as it would seem to conjure the wilderness of Woodstock, lots of naked bodies on the floor -- but then the cri-TICS barge in, and...

sex musical rock youth poignant

That last word popped up in the hosannahs, leading one to believe this is a BORE.

We suggest this may also work against Singin' in the Rain:

Motown musical

Fine -- but this isn't a Motown musical; there's no Motown in it, only some third-hand copying. If this were a Motown musical it might do okay. So we get:

Broadway R&B musical

Well, didn't Ray do R&B? Unfortunately he didn't do Broadway, and we don't have Ray, and then you read the press releases, and you get:

Broadway R&B musical American Idol

or

Broadway R&B musical black experience

and you get the suggestion this is something to be endured, not enjoyed. By contrast:

Fred Ginger

Did those movies have to be sold? Okay:

Fred Ginger Irving Berlin

or

Fred Ginger Gershwin

just so you know exactly what masterpiece you're watching.

I know this whole expostulation sounds idiotic, but I suggest lots of things can be summed up in very few words, almost without them; and that a few words can define our junk entertainment says how junky our entertainments have become, and how wise we are to them.

Posted 12:27 PM by Gene

In the vast impenetrable confines of the Congressional Senior Citizens' Home, where "80 is the new 60" (so the ASSPress says):

Dingell got an iPod Nano for his 80th birthday; now he can listen to the podcasts he has been recording.

TRANSLATION: Papa has a brand new way to love the sound of his voice.

Really though, somebody should get one for Sen. Ossified Kleagle. "Wow! My favorite color!" he'd exclaim. "White!"

Posted 12:19 PM by Gene

"No media, please!"

DIMWIT, YOU brought the case.

Posted 12:08 PM by Gene

OooooOOOOOoooooh, the League of Nations's Security Council is whapping Iran with its wet noodle!

San Giorgio or Ronzoni?

If Iran fails to comply with the resolution, the draft says the council will adopt "further appropriate measures" under Article 41.

Which means we can throw whole cauldrons of lukewarm wet noodles at them!

Posted 10:16 AM by Gene

Two Democrats have declared war on free trade. Which raises the question: to whom shall the 110th Congress toady: the succor-laden Big Laborites or the tap-dancers of Gucci Way?

Decisions, decisions.

Posted 10:13 AM by Gene

The ZELIGBALL Pleasure Palace on the Potomac has -- COST OVERRUNS, and the folks who own the money-printing team scheduled to occupy it have the GALL -- er, the CLASS -- to make them up.

And all the RICHIE-RICHES will be there every day, to enjoy the games they'll watch peripherally on the poor peoples' pay.

Posted 10:12 AM by Gene

Just because the victim was drunk justifies a Wild West shooting spree?

Posted 12:59 PM by Gene

How surprising: a rape prosecution for nothing.

And in how many newsrooms were the alleged guilty as charged?

Hey Dickie V!!!!! I think it's gonna take more than ST. K. and your BIG MOUTH to bring back THE DUKIES' GOOD NAME!!!!!

Posted 10:21 AM by Gene

And something called Times Watch puts up its dukes and delivers a banshee scream:

Times Watch Quotes of Note 2006

The Worst Quotes of the Year from The New York Times....

We Can't Bear Conservatives
"All manner of televised talkfests, including 'Today,' welcome [Ann] Coulter's pirate sensibilities back aboard whenever she has something to peddle, in part because seeing hate-speech pop out of a blonde who knows her way around a black cocktail dress makes for compelling viewing. Without the total package, Ms. Coulter would be just one more nut living in Mom's basement. You can accuse her of cynicism all you want, but the fact that she is one of the leading political writers of our age says something about the rest of us." -- Media reporter turned columnist David Carr, June 12.

Forgive us for thinking Tarzana is something of a cynic -- we see her as someday "reforming" -- but sorry, knee-jerk con-SER-va-tives, she does say something about the rest of us, as do the other zillionaire pundits who can only write in tantrums.

Posted 9:48 AM by Gene

Here's JIMMAH's kind of perfessers: They want him at Brandeis...and he won't have to DEBATE ANYBODY!

And one of the perfessers has

his own suggestion: Brandeis should choose Carter's book next year as the work that all incoming freshmen read over the summer and discuss it during orientation. Carter could visit to talk with them about it.

KLUMPH! KLUMPH! KLUMPH! KLUMPH!

Alas, the spirit of common sense remains fitfully alive -- even on a college campus:

Carter called his friend and former adviser, Stuart Eizenstat, a Brandeis trustee, to ask whether he should take up the offer. But Eizenstat advised Carter against accepting the invitation of an individual professor without knowing the professor's agenda.

Eizenstat proposed the debate to Reinharz instead, because it "would make this a real academic exercise," he told the Globe last week. "The president of the university is not in the business of inviting someone, even a former president, for a book tour."

Posted 9:44 AM by Gene

Elsewhere in NRO, someone whines, "BLOGGERS NEVER SET OUT TO REPLACE THE MSM!!!!!!!!!!"

Tell that to all the SUPERDUPERMEGAGIGABLOGGERS who CURED CANCER.

Posted 9:40 AM by Gene

Someone tries out for MS. TRAVERS'S POST:

The visual product belongs in near-entirety to director Steven Soderbergh, working pseudonymously as cinematographer and editor as well. His attention to period production detail drives the film, and has the wonkishly loving touch of a historical re-enactor. The celluloid is black and white. The sound recorded with hand-operated boom mikes — forcing loud, crisp line delivery and stage-style acting. Zoom lenses are out. The pre-1967 [SIC], morality-mandating Hays Code is back in.

What movie was he watching? CASABLANCA? And how did NRO get to be MOVIES CENTRAL?

Posted 9:27 AM by Gene

The Speaker-Elect plans a public-relations offensive. Few who put on such shows realize that with too many of us peons the accent is on the offensive. And will people really remember this when Democrats go back to being Democrats?

Posted 8:59 AM by Gene

I wonder if con-SER-va-tives are slowly, weakly, reluctantly coalescing around the notion that BOOBS McKEATING may be the least bad candidate.

Posted 8:43 AM by Gene

We rolled our eyes when we saw this. Who was the natural audience for this pulp pile -- murderers? Psychopaths? Ghouls? LEGENDARY WELCH? We don't know. This rag had neither a tether or a purpose -- which is why we always hear of so many rags going bust.

Posted 8:38 AM by Gene

This is idiotic. If one didn't know better one could say an esteemed me-di-CAL institution was trying to shake somebody down -- the taxpayers if at all possible. What is so special about this picture of someone getting cut up that is more special than the everyday life these tens of millions could have helped salve? How much will we taxpayers have to fork over? Who gets into trouble with the monumental debt first?

However morons try to clothe this in civic pride, this is a shameful act.

Posted 8:32 AM by Gene

Elsewhere The Paper of Re-CORD makes a STATEMENT by printing a redacted op-ed piece with THE BLACK BARS OF CENSORSHIP.

Here's another gag that will win plaudits. Never has this industry been better at posturing; never has it been worse at producing a decent product. The more it postures, the less it earns, but as George M. Cohan once said, "I'd rather be right."

(Via MediaBistro)

Posted 8:23 AM by Gene

Hollywood voids another masterwork -- and look who's in it:

Of the historical figures, Robin Williams’s Teddy Roosevelt is the noisiest. Once this statue steps off his equestrian roost, he behaves like a bossy, slogan-dispensing drill instructor, whipping Larry into moral shape. But beneath his bluster, the facsimile of the 26th president is an emotional basket case, who admits in a weak moment that he is a synthetic product manufactured in Poughkeepsie.

As for the landmark proper:

[I]ts cynical lack of concern for giving the characters human feelings is a grave drawback for a movie that wants to engage children.

Who says CGI is about people?

And look who else is panning the movie -- the same rag that ran an all-but-paid full-throttle press release!

Posted 8:10 PM by Gene

I guess this is a publicity stunt too?

Posted 3:21 PM by Gene

GE BANCORP AND REALTY NETWORK develops a BRILLIANT use for its air: a SIX-DAY-A-WEEK POKER SERIES.

(Via Cheapie Marketwatch)

Posted 12:04 PM by Gene

ROSIE ♥ THE DONALD!

AND THE DONALD ♥ HER BACK!

And a former editor-in-chief of McCall's ♥ her too! (Via MediaBistro)

Posted 11:33 AM by Gene

We further puzzle as to why Adam Bellow wants to revive the pamphlet. Aside from paper's obsolescence, who wants to read a "60-to-80-page" blog?

Besides, Tom Paine died a long time ago.

Posted 11:00 AM by Gene

We scratch our heads: What's the difference between a fake press release and a press release?

(Via IWantMedia)

Posted 10:30 AM by Gene

I wish I knew who Mr. Teachout's girlfriend is. She must be a writer or editor or some Ph.D. with a pop-culture kick, and when I surf About Last Night I hardly ever pay attention to her. Today she quotes from a movie ad-blurbist (a mem-BAH of the New Yooohk Fillum C-ri-TICS CUHcle) who, in 1,954 generous, genuinely sorrowful words tells us why CASABLANCA II -- disappoints. When a Ph.D. or whomever speaks of a cri-TIC's generous spirit we can be sure said typist creates vast gaseous verbally-freighted clouds of movie cri-TIC hot air, and is thus not worth reading. I absolutely detest the movie ad-blurbists because so many of them have this unquenchable desire to praise in the sewer depths, and they hold their noses and marvel at each new passing slop of raw waste as a masterwork, and then they compound the offense with their unending bulltripe, adding to the sewage. Really, Our Girl in Chicago should hang out with a better crowd (aside from Mr. Teachout, that is).

Posted 10:24 AM by Gene

Gregg Easterbrook has an idea:

Follow a standard that for each dollar spent on self, family, and friends during the holidays, another dollar is given to the needy or to charity. Had a good year? More power to you! Celebrate with lots of presents--but give an equal amount to those who did not have a good year. Giving away as much as you spend would naturally reduce holiday excess, while making the parties and gift-giving that still happen more enjoyable, since they would come with a clear conscience. Families and groups of friends who subscribed to this idea would know they were not only indulging themselves--and nothing wrong with that--but helping others as well. It has always seemed to me that this idea could catch on if promoted from the pulpits of America as a formula for enjoying Christmas while keeping the day in spiritual perspective. All the plan needs is a catchy name. Two-For-One Christmas is the best I've been able to come up with. Please, couldn't some marketing whiz find what Malcolm Gladwell calls a "sticky" way to advance my idea?

This would take some of $ out of $MA$ and put it where it belongs.

Posted 10:07 AM by Gene

A profound truth teller from Roanoke calls THE NO-SPIN SPIN SPIN SPIN SPIN SPIN SPIN SPIN SPIN SPIN SPIN ZONE an anti-Semite (by indirection, of course) and is -- surprised at the REACTION.

NO-SPIN should shut up. Anyone looking for a job in TV should shut up. Why can't all pundits take one day off during the $MA$ season and deliver us a little of the peace and goodwill they're so voluminously lacking?

(Via the usual Romy, who may have had one too many cups of coffee himself)

Posted 9:09 AM by Gene

If this is such a ho-ho-ho holly-jolly season why do so many people feel like beating up on someone? How did Merry Christmas become all about buying gifts?

Posted 9:04 AM by Gene

“We’re still not going to put just anything out there,” said Jeff Gaspin, president of digital content for NBC Universal. “We still have to protect the brands.”

And what brands would those be?

(Via the always perplexing ArtsJournal)

Posted 8:54 PM by Gene

Ready To Demo: A $150 Laptop With A 'Complete Computing Experience'

What are they talking about? We get a complete computing experience and all we have to do is turn on XP.

I like having a computer that does all sorts of things it doesn't have to.

Pffffffffffffffffffffffffffft!!!!!

Posted 8:45 PM by Gene

An unfortunate woman put a baby through an airport X-ray machine (the baby emerged happily unharmed, though a little radiant), further proof Der Homeland and its tentacles are all about seeming to do something.

Posted 8:45 PM by Gene

Ah-TISTES of the UNDERWORLD are finding anything they [C]RAP can and will be used against them.

This is like prosecuting SHAKESPEARE! Only Shakespeare's rhymes were a little less "clumsy". (An ASSPress writer saying [C]RAP is CLUMSY? He should be [C]RAPPED out of the profession!)

Posted 6:34 PM by Gene

TRANSLATION: Willie's found another fool's gold mine.

Posted 6:32 PM by Gene

Finer says he had no control over when the study was published.

Oh no, we wouldn't do that. We're virgins.

Posted 6:14 PM by Gene

America's LEADING NEWS -- er, its Web site suggests THE DONALD pulled off THE GREATEST PUBLICITY STUNT EVER, but the story's meager "1" rating from readers suggests people might be having it with publicity stunts and those who "report" on them.

OR:

Posted By: Vic Perry (12/20/2006 12:29:45 AM)

Nothing funnier than Newsweek innocently asking the question, is it all just for the publicity?

Posted 5:58 PM by Gene

1. A SLIME factotum drones, "I have no clue what is offensive." How about If I Di...whooooOOOOOOOaaaaaaa.

2. A federal judge "questioned why the FCC wasn't taking as strict an approach to violence on television, which she said has been proven to adversely affect children."

BECAUSE BRENT'S IN THE ROOM!

Posted 5:52 PM by Gene

OOOOOoooooh, looks like the gang's getting mad at Mitt because he may or may not be a CONSERVATIVE!

What'll it be, Mitt?

Posted 10:09 AM by Gene

Surprise: The Goldmans are suing SLIME.

That was some sweeps stunt, SLIME.

(Via IWantMedia)

Posted 9:39 AM by Gene

A SI SAP SEZ:

Barbera, Tuesday's news reports said, died at home in Los Angeles of natural causes with his wife, Sheila, by his side.

If Snuffles the dog had been there, he no doubt would have floated heavenward with Barbera's spirit while Snagglepuss delivered the benediction:

"Exit, stage left, even."

This genuinely CRETINOUS writing points out how the idiot news biz is thoroughly afflicted with BOOMERITIS -- and this SI SAP ADMITS to it. (That's said to be a "disease" of the body; it's also a disease of the head.) "LEGEND!" "BELOVED!" "GIANT!" I really don't want to make a thing of this, but dammit the hacks are obsessive: back in '69 the New York Times Magazine ran a scathing 3,000-word criticism (link only; it's part of TimesReject) of these legendarily beloved giants -- this at the time Sesame Street premiered, a show Bill and Joe and their friends willed into being with their incompetence. We forget the legendarily beloved giants' output was so bad that after the assassinations of '68 there was quite a bit of pretentious hand-wringing about their influence, so much so that Bill and Joe put on something called The Banana Splits to mollify them, and arranged a huge PR campaign about its "revolutionaryness" -- the "revolutionary" live-action sequences (designed not by the legendarily beloved giants but by the KROFFTS) merely bookending more animated recyclables. This industry refuses to call a spade a spade; even LEONARD MALTIN blasted their TV work, and that says something.

And on top of this mass buncombe the hacks are getting into their Waffen SS mode praising CLINT's Os-CAR® nominee. THE GREATEST DIRECTOR EVER is a cynic: he has the American side of his thus-far money-losing duology of the war going first to get that out of the way -- then brings out a PC Japanese take in time to get the prostrated Academy-Award®-nominating raves of hacks not a one of whom ever served in any uniform, even as a security guard. The non-stop ad-blurbist groupthink is reason enough newspapers deserve their current misery -- but those mangy alley cats haven't gone through three lives yet.

P. S. Hed from a TRIB ad-blurbist's blog:

Joe Barbera, perfector of the endlessly repeated animated backdrop, dies

NUF SAID.

P. P. S. It appears the author of that Times Magazine piece went on to become some sort of ESPNCorp scribbler, but heck the truth comes in various shapes and sizes.

Posted 9:30 AM by Gene

News that this cleric or that spiritualist is begging for an end to the sectarian butchering is almost as wearying as the other news from Iraq. We would hope the various faiths would realize their God, whatever flavor He comes in, might be weary of all the killing Himself, except that there are others (principally Iranian and Saudi) who seem to think He looks best in a raiment of blood -- and unfortunately these folk are our enemies too.

Posted 9:16 AM by Gene

Here's a con-SER-va-tive's dream: the environs of Paramus, New Jersey, nothing but malls and traffic jams.

Why don't we just pass a law forbidding retailing in cities? The Babbitts who invented malls had that idea anyway.

Posted 8:39 AM by Gene

Time has been widely ridiculed for seeming vague and wishy-washy. I'd agree that that the amorphous "You" doesn't really stand for anything. Time still comes out looking like a winner, though. It's getting a mountain of publicity, always a good thing in the media.

And Time media critic Jon Friedman says....

Posted 6:54 AM by Gene

THE PAPER OF RE-CORD may start a TABLOID!

I can see it now: "MR. PRESIDENT TO NEW YORK: PLEASE LIE DOWN."

Posted 5:23 PM by Gene

Bush to Expand Size of Military

NOW he tells us.

Posted 1:46 PM by Gene

People are in a lather because Digg.com has gone "popular."

I do not have the foggiest idea why people use news aggregators besides Google News. If people had a decent collection of bookmarks, including every big mainstream news Web site (and yes, that's where the news still comes from), they wouldn't need aggergators. And the Holy Grail of finding the needle of wisdom in the haystack of Web dross remains just that -- a Grail.

And judging from what I just saw the Digg.com audience's choices are ASININE.

Posted 11:26 AM by Gene

HAHVAHD MUTUAL FUND is in MOURNING because its SEX RAG is falling apart.

OR:

The last Harvard student to publish a book while a fulltime undergraduate was Kaavya Viswanathan ’08. Viswanathan’s book, “How Opal Mehta Got Kissed, Got Wild, and Got a Life,” was pulled from shelves by the publisher after plagiarism concerns were raised—initially reported by The Crimson.

Maybe they're too busy plagiarizing.

(Via the usual Romy, who must have a secret life, huh huh huh)

Posted 11:22 AM by Gene

The DONALD gives the DISGRACED Miss Whatever a "second chance", further reason SLIME and his KINFOLK should occasionally SHUT UP.

Posted 11:02 AM by Gene

America's AHchitects have awarded the IMMORTAL Vietnam Veterans Memorial with something, which means they can go on with impunity designing steel boxes and land-gobbling office parks and museums that look like cantaloupe slices.

(Via the usual AHTSJournal)

Posted 10:49 AM by Gene

Now USAOKAY!!!!! does the Thinker-pose routine with breast implants.

Face it, a lot of women want to look fake.

Posted 10:23 AM by Gene

Warning: do not go to this film

Here’s some advice from Los Angeles for the new year: do not, under any circumstances, go and see Brad Pitt’s new movie, Babel, when it reaches British cinemas on January 5. Babel is currently leading the Golden Globe nominations — thus making it a contender for Best Picture at the Oscars in February. There’s no sane reason for this, because Babel is so boring it made me want to hunt down the man responsible for the film’s windswept ethnic guitar soundtrack and smash the aforementioned windswept ethnic guitar over his head....

Which brings me to Borat. Ironically, this film — about the world’s perception of America, America’s perception of the world, and the unwillingness of otherwise well-meaning people to speak up against racism — was more intelligent (and stimulated more debate) than any of Pitt’s Tower of Babel nonsense. Not that I would give Borat the Oscar for that reason. No, it deserves to win because it was so funny that half the audience during my screening were on the floor blahblahblah....

Warning: Do not read any SLIME functionary who knocks A COMPETITOR'S MOVIE while SELLING HIS COMPANY'S OWN.

A NEUHARTHISM OF THE MONTH AWARD (U. K. DIVISION) TO CHRIS!

Posted 9:37 AM by Gene

A North Carolina woman was arrested on Friday night after complaining to Putnam County deputy about the quality of the crack cocaine she had purchased.

Eloise D. Reaves, 50, walked up to Deputy Jeffery Pedrick at about 11:30 p.m. while he was working a call at a convenience store located at the corner of state Road 20 and state Road 21 in the Hawthorne area of Putnam County.

According to police, Reaves told the deputy that a man in the parking lot had sold her bad crack. They said Reaves then took the crack from out of her mouth and placed it on the trunk of the deputy's patrol car.

To say this woman was on crack assumes there was something for the crack to work on.

(Via USAOKAY.com)

Posted 9:24 AM by Gene

There is no reason the high concept of EDGY can't justify one of the Reverse Robin Hoods sponsoring a porno project.

Posted 9:06 AM by Gene

We smile: SLIME's "confessional" may cost him a lot more than even shredded books.

Remember, SLIME, it wasn't La Caballista who gave it the green light.

(Via MediaBistro)

Posted 6:52 AM by Gene

Meantime E. J. insists that with their combined audience of what, 3 million? the ED MURROW and ERIC SEVAREID of COMEDY herald a SEA CHANGE from the FORCES OF REACTION.

And what is the difference between an eructing TV loudmouth and an eructing scribbling pundit?

Posted 6:40 AM by Gene

Florence King comes out for HHHWWWALTER CRRRONKITE JR.?!?!? She almost makes a case that buried inside the man is a truly intelligent soul tortured as if on a rack over untruth; but then he opens his mouth, just as THE NO-SPIN SPIN SPIN SPIN SPIN SPIN SPIN SPIN SPIN SPIN ZONE opens his, and we believe none of him or them.

Meantime SLIME says he'll be lucky if he gets $1.5 million, but SLIME is in no position to talk "obnoxious."

Posted 9:59 PM by Gene

We see the First Lady had thankfully successful surgery for skin cancer in November, and only now do the Rovers tell us, and when asked why it took them so long to tell they say, "Such things are for us to know and you to find out." Does Dubya live in a cloistered cell?

Posted 9:17 PM by Gene

"A writer and brand analyst [!!!!!] living in Brooklyn" seems to think violent porno is bad because it JUSTIFIES ABU GHRAIB. We will not guess what the fellow's facial skin color is when he conjures up Dubya in his dark recesses -- possibly somewhere near the Coca-Cola logo -- but implying that Hollywood's porn phreaks are some sort of Republicans suggests a writer not too firmly tethered by reality.

Posted 8:59 PM by Gene

News hacks have trouble running obits with partnerships. Either when the first partner dies they ignore the second, or if the first one died a long time ago, the second one gets all the credit. The former happened years ago with Fritz Loewe; the latter seems to have happened with Joseph Barbera. We're not sure either he or William Hanna deserves that much applause. The two produced MGM's Tom and Jerry cartoons, at their worst miniatures of sadism; when the studio abandoned cartoons they embraced television, with notorious results: cartoons as marketing machines for vastly overpriced boxes of sugared cereals (BROUGHT to YOU byyyyyyyyy KELLOGG'S!!), the raging copying (The Honeymooners as The Flintstones and The Flintstones as The Jetsons being only the most preposterous examples), the hyperactive backgrounds and non-existent "humor". Animating for their accountants they did hack work even with "special" projects (an Alice in Wonderland show with songs by Strouse and Adams, for one -- not to mention eight feature movies); they further pioneered in bringing the comic-book mentality to the tube with Jonny Quest, which resounds to this day in the dread humorlessness of superheroes in all media. And for all their frenetic production one can question whether Hanna and Barbera were good businessmen: forty years ago they had their own studio (they sold it in '66 to the forgotten Taft Broadcasting), and now it's just celluloid scraps within the TWXSTERS' vaults, and they've faded except for a misplaced nostalgia, and a guilt feeling.

Posted 5:16 PM by Gene

MORE CRUSADING TRUTH TELLING FROM THE ASSPRESS:

Online vote says Spears worst dog owner

P. S. from a Lakers game at the Staples Center:

When Brit's face popped up on the Jumbotron, according to a TMZ spy in attendance, the entire crowd booed loudly, making Britney so mad that she left even before halftime.

When TMZ.com can show better judgment than the ASSPress -- but that isn't saying much.

Posted 5:08 PM by Gene

AmSpec scratches its heads: Having starred in THE GREATEST COMEDY EVER, Three-Time-Bob Barr goes all the way and joins the GLIBERTARIAN PARTY.

Having previously joined the Black Helicopter Party makes this the PERFECT fit.

Posted 5:04 PM by Gene

A deadly admission of why television by elite committee is bound to fail -- near the end of a LALA story:

Who says that the audience always makes aesthetic quality the driving force behind its viewing habits? If that were the case, one would assume that NBC's game show "Deal or No Deal" would die from lack of attention (it's doing just fine, thanks). NBC Universal, in fact, even runs a website, http://www.brilliantbutcancelled.com, dedicated to acclaimed shows that couldn't cut the mustard with viewers. And who decides what's "good," anyway?

TV execs, media buyers and critics and columnists, like yours truly, are hardly a representative sample of Americans. [EMPHASIS ADDED]

HARDLY.

Posted 5:00 PM by Gene

Sen. Clinton Opposes Troop Surge in Iraq

HILLARY FOR...never mind.