Posted 1:20 PM by Gene

One way we could measure the worth of our cultural artifacts is by playing word associations -- four or five words that could accurately describe a property, and whose good or bad connotations can decide whether you want to see it. For instance:

comedy museum exhibits alive

These anodyne words describe the bad new "family" comedy that seems to be doing undeservedly well at the popcorn restaurants. Add a word...

comedy museum exhibits alive Van Dyke

...and you get Mary Poppins and a harmless nostalgia trip. On the other hand:

Iwo Jima Japanese perspective

...gets you THE GREATEST DIRECTOR EVER. Add "CRITICALLY-ACCLAIMED" and you know why it's apparently bombing at the B. O., as did its PC twin. The same with

CBS Murrow McCarthy truth

or

Bush truth censorship Dixie Chicks

Who wants to see a movie like that? (And sadly, in both cases, the knockout word is TRUTH.) Or take this comparison:

Bogie Ingrid Sam

You don't need to be told what film that is. On the other hand:

Casablanca Soderburgh Clooney freedom

and you're talking a fifth-rate remake that talks a blue streak.

And then there's that Branson East triumph Oklahoma!:

sex musical

Those words suggest godawful shows like Oh, Calcutta! and Let My People Come, unsexy and clinical.

sex musical rock

This is no better; it summons the memories of "legendary" disasters like Via Galactica and Marlowe.

sex musical rock youth

This may be better as it would seem to conjure the wilderness of Woodstock, lots of naked bodies on the floor -- but then the cri-TICS barge in, and...

sex musical rock youth poignant

That last word popped up in the hosannahs, leading one to believe this is a BORE.

We suggest this may also work against Singin' in the Rain:

Motown musical

Fine -- but this isn't a Motown musical; there's no Motown in it, only some third-hand copying. If this were a Motown musical it might do okay. So we get:

Broadway R&B musical

Well, didn't Ray do R&B? Unfortunately he didn't do Broadway, and we don't have Ray, and then you read the press releases, and you get:

Broadway R&B musical American Idol

or

Broadway R&B musical black experience

and you get the suggestion this is something to be endured, not enjoyed. By contrast:

Fred Ginger

Did those movies have to be sold? Okay:

Fred Ginger Irving Berlin

or

Fred Ginger Gershwin

just so you know exactly what masterpiece you're watching.

I know this whole expostulation sounds idiotic, but I suggest lots of things can be summed up in very few words, almost without them; and that a few words can define our junk entertainment says how junky our entertainments have become, and how wise we are to them.