Posted 9:05 AM by Gene

JACK, THE MAN WHO MADE MOVIES STINK, WANTS TO QUIT?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!? Your life's just BEGUN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Anyway, his would-be successors have been drooling for the chance for years. Boy could we put one over on the public now! And what a standing-room list: Slick, Billy "The Broadcaster's Lackey" Tauzin, Ed "V-Chip" Markey, can't count out Mary "Copyright Forever and a Day" Bono -- heck, can't count out Trent Lott, who passed the Disney Protection Act under cover of darkness (although that's probably a nonstarter because he's REPUBLICAN -- then again, with "one-party rule" maybe it'll start after all). Sen. Foghorn Leghorn's NG because he's almost as old as Methusa -- JACK, and we don't want a cartoon character as our lobbyist (even if one already is). Shouldn't dismiss high-profile frauds like Mickey Mouse Michael though. That could be his retirement job. His most natural successor (and we definitely shouldn't count him out) is Ken Auletta, who knows all about expensive suits, Morton's, and sucking up. He's at the top of my list. Although Claudia "The Cheerleader" Eller would make a natural spokesperson for bad movies. Don't forget the Spy Brothers Carter and Anderson. They'd party without END.

Are there any available candidates already in the Mafia?