Posted 8:39 PM by Gene

SLIME and the DOLANS end their war, for now -- but not before the DOLANS fire a little spitball:

“In the absence of any meaningful action from the FCC, Cablevision has agreed to pay Fox an unfair price for multiple channels of its programming including many in which our customers have little or no interest....”

...meaning CABLE is now a dictionary definition of CLUELESS.

(Via HENRY HONEST!!!!!)

Posted 7:26 PM by Gene

The Goon, ANOTHER COMIC; BAAAAAAAAZ LUHHHHHHRMAN ATTEMPTING THE GREAT GATSBY; THE GREATEST MUPPETS MOVIE OF ALL TIME (nothing against the Muppets, but how great can they be without Jim Henson -- and WITH UB IGER?); THE GREEN HORNET; something called The Grey ("The survivors of a plane crash are stranded in a remote location." Lost?); something called The Guardians ("Santa Claus, Easter Bunny, Jack Frost and the Tooth Fairy join forces to rid the world of a boogey-man villain." Does this sound like a remake of a remake of a remake of a....); THE HANGOVER 2; THE HOBBIT PART 1!!!!!!!!!!; THE HOBBIT PART 2!!!!!!!!!!....

We'll NEVER stop doing this! More tomorrow.

Posted 7:20 PM by Gene

Finally, after arrests in the Yemeni bomb plot, something other than you-know-what is the top story on The Daily Broccoli -- from the ASSPress.

Here's betting Broc has fewer typists on THIS.

Posted 6:34 PM by Gene

A FEW IDLE OBSERVATIONS:

At a local Rong-Aid, America's Most Mismanaged Drug-Store Chain, a poster boasting of its luxury boxes at IGGLES games (and twenty-two other NFL teams', no doubt): "IT'S MORE THAN FOOTBALL!!!!!" Maybe that's the problem.

At the next-door Wawa, where we weekly sample Barron'S, the rag that put bull in the language, we found a disciple of GEKKO KUDLOW's named Hennessy, who smiled, "[T]he perception is companies are losing money and everyone is losing their job, when in fact companies are profitable and 90% of the nation is employed!!!!!" (Profitable overemphasis added.) This was right after a statement by a fellow wheeler-dealer named Paulsen who used a favorite Wall Street Casino euphemism, gassing the word "SECULAR" for our nation's long-term unemployment problem when he clearly meant CHRONIC. This is why many take the Wall Street Casino for kindling, and look in vain for a match. Needless to say Alan ABelSon's rag thinks the Dow will go to 200,000,000. Needless to say our unemployment rate won't budge.

Nearby a poster touted a two-night stand for some FRINGE entertainment about phone sex. Given we found it on South Street this, we imagine, is FEMINIST PR0N. Feminist pr0n is pr0n with an unhappy ending; it's pr0n with a message, it's pr0n for EMPOWERMENT. In short, it's a pill that needs the pill. This one is sponsored by some sort of "501 (c) (3)" organization for prostitutes, meaning somewhere it's on the FRINGE for His Omnipotence. We well recall "PR0N STARS FOR KERRY", and though it long vanished into memory's rathole the rodent droppings remain. (Although another of its sponsors is an outfit with the droll name OhMiBod -- a maker of musical vibrators.)

At a store specializing in om, where two comely ladies do an eternal yoga dance on a CRT, we spotted the Mova Earth Globe, a small political orb that rotates with invisible power, albeit not on a tilted axis (that would be neat). We stopped to see which cities were on it. Philadelphia wasn't. Columbus was. Somebody never visited Planet Earth.

At the Quonset Hut, two posters, one boasting of a new work to be performed by (or despite) our Orchestra: an "Internet Symphony No. 1" ('Eroica')." (!!!!!) We imagine 200 simultaneous wrong numbers by fax machines. (This "premiered" on YouTube.) On another we learned a certain Keillor, the Mark Twain of NPNTR, and THE Mark Twain of our time until four or five other Mark Twains came along, is lectur -- appearing at the Hut a week from Monday. We would not want to be inside Mark's brain the Wednesday prior; we'd be rotisseried to death.

Posted 3:49 PM by Gene

Though many of HENRY HONEST!!!!!'s commenters are morons (not surprising; many of his articles are moronic) we found two that do not qualify. Henry ran a chart documenting how so many of the "college-educated" (17 million, to be "precise") are stuck in menial work, which occasioned these comments which would definitely not qualify their sources as morons:

1. It also highlights the mismatch between the American worker with the skills needed for tomorrow's jobs.

Wait...I thought menial, low-paying jobs were the jobs of tomorrow??

How many times do we have to hear the lies about "not having the skills". Aren't these stats enough to tell you that even college "skilled" people are stuck doing unskilled work?

HINT: Even skilled jobs are going to emerging markets.

I think "toddd" has gotten at the heart of RENDELLISM!

But more touching:

2. The individual stories of these 17 million people may be enlightening.

My college-educated neighbor -- a bartender -- purchased his condo cash, works 4 days a week, and refuses management positions whenever offered.

My ex-girlfriend, who went to Syracuse on a sports scholarship, is happy as a waitress and enjoys the flexibility. She used to own a successful gift shop, but felt the 16-hours per day didn't warrant the extra income.

My highschool buddy finished college, and now has a job as a school-bus driver in New York State. He's happy, and prefers to spend more time with his kids and coach after-school sports while he referees hockey on the side.

College ain't just about money.

Posted 3:11 PM by Gene

Not long ago the widow of a saint who bequeathed the world untold trillions of mediocre hamburgers for time immemorial and Willard Scott to sell them donated a heavenly $200 million to NPNTR to forever raise the standard of Its superlative broadcasting. Which summons the question: given still another mea culpa from its ombudspoop, what happened to all that money? It should have kept NPNTR in cutting-edge investigative reporting of Republicans until there were no more cows to come home (they having been used up by MICKEY D's). Yet NPNTR and Its affiliates continue to torment their listeners with pledge weeks. Yes, what happened to the burger money, ombudspoop? Spend it all on Big Macs?

Well, to spend whatever's left of it, here's "Music to Gulp Angus Burgers By"!

(Second link via the usual Romy)

Posted 2:54 PM by Gene

Why we do not need SUPERDUPERMEGAGIGABLOGGERS:

Today is the day of the Stewart-Colbert rallies in D.C., and the inside-the-beltway pundit types are discombobulated. Besides the fact that many of them have no sense of humor, they are still smarting from Colbert’s on-target skewering during the Bush years at the WH Correspondent’s dinner (covered on the blogs, ignored in the media.) Don’t think for a second that the self-important media has forgiven or forgotten. It will shape today’s coverage.

As in:



Yes, the self-important media have not forgotten...their self-importance!

(Direct link substituted above for a TinyURL so you can get the full flavor of another heavily ironic with-it in-with-the-in-crowd uncritical RAVE)

Posted 2:08 PM by Gene

And here is a reason Nick Dorken invents His numbers, and why His HOTTEST stuff guarantees He must invent them.

Posted 12:25 PM by Gene

Speaking of KAPLAN, INC., we see THREE LAW FIRMS have filed CLASS-ACTION SUITS against it for being a LEADER in...JERNALISM!

Posted 11:46 AM by Gene

Looks as though the boys in Virginia have their priorities too!

Posted 11:35 AM by Gene

And in light of his JERNALISTIC HEROISM, a SPECIAL NEUHARTHISM OF THE YEAR AWARD TO BROCCOLI!!!!!

Posted 11:32 AM by Gene

And plainly we should not have mocked the story, but it reeked at first of amateurism; nonetheless we know Richard Reid and that Christmas guy were capable of catastrophic amateurism.

Now what can we do about Yemen?

I know, BROCCOLI -- LET'S HAVE A SUMNER -- er, SANITY RALLY THERE!

Posted 11:22 AM by Gene

Despite a threat of terrorism, however amateur, Broccoli knows HIS priorities.

And yes, I would say there IS a liberal gene, and someone in ST. WARRENDOM is engaged in GENETIC ENGINEERING.

Posted 5:14 PM by Gene

A REMAKE of something called The Crow; something called The Danish Girl with "[Nicole] Kidman star[ring] as Danish painter Einar Wegener who became the first post-op transsexual" (why not NICOLAS CAGE?); THE DARK KNIGHT RISES AKA BATMAN 3!!!!!!!!!!; something called The Days Before "starring Robert Downey Jr. and Reese Witherspoon. Aliens are destroying our planet by going back in time. They travel back each day to destroy each yesterday. One man beats them to a yesterday to warn people of impending disaster" (could we go back in time to warn people of this movie?); something called The Debt, "AN ENGLISH REMAKE OF AN ISRAELI FILM"; something called The Dictator with SACHA BARON COHEN!!!!! starring in "duel roles" (then he could kill off both); something called The Dilemma, "a comedy that looks at the fallout from infidelity" (RON HOWARD would find infidelity funny, being slightly divorced from reality); THE EXPENDABLES 2; The Flash, from "THE POPULAR DC COMIC"....

Enough! More tomorrow!

Posted 12:08 PM by Gene

Much as we hate to credit SIDSWEEK with any thinking, of course campaigning pols will drive around in jalopies. They'll be riding in taxpayer-financed limos long after.

Posted 12:03 PM by Gene

Most likely this is the color-code crew's equivalent of a recycled toner cartridge. But we must ever be vigilant, though we be less than vigilant thanks to our self-inflicted blinders and straitjackets.

Posted 11:17 AM by Gene

MORE NEW TECHNOLOGY!!!!!

Ncell, a subsidiary of Swedish telecom company TeliaSonera, announced Friday that they have set up seven 3G base stations in the Everest region, allowing climbers and trekkers to access wireless Internet and make video calls, for example over Skype.

TRANSLATION: Same old traffic jams on Everest.

Posted 11:14 AM by Gene

We will concede the French were probably telling the truth after that ELVIS impersonator made his statement; nonetheless words like "VICHY" and "COLLABORATOR" force us to not completely believe them.

Posted 10:01 AM by Gene

Please, PLEASE Kendrick, I'M the good guy in this election! I'll do anything Democrats want me to do! Think of the country! Think of the party! Think of ME! PLEEEEEEASE, KENDRICK!!!!!

Posted 9:09 AM by Gene

Russian poll: Medvedev almost as popular as Putin

The puppet's almost as popular as the puppet-master!

Posted 8:36 AM by Gene

Today, at Comedy Central News Network -- er, Romy:

MORE THAN 1,000 APPLY FOR STEWART/COLBERT RALLY PRESS CREDENTIALS!!!!!

> "'THE DAILY SHOW' STOCK HAS BALLOONED OVER THE LAST DECADE!!!!!'"

> JON FRIEDMAN: "HE'D BE AN IDEAL CHOICE TO SUCCEED COURIC!!!!!!!!!!" [Romy link; historic overemphasis added]

And two doors meekly down:

Claim: Boston Globe worth no more than $120 million [Romy link]

And, um, uh, er....

"I'm being very generous" with that figure, media appraiser Kevin Kamen tells Jeff Bercovici. "I would say it's worth, realistically, $75 million." (He says the extra $45 million is based on the assumption that a buyer must have a notion of how to make money from it beyond "Let's buy this thing and see what happens.") The Times Co. bought the paper for $1.1 billion in 1993. [Emphasis added]

We hate to harp on this but what began as another SUMNER practical joke has bloated into a national media nervous breakdown, a jackhammering beseechment in the form of an all-too-earnest agnostic's prayer that the forces of right overcome the EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEVIL of the incoming NAZIS. For that reason these four stories are related.

LET'S BUY THIS THING AND SEE WHAT HAPPENS! Pfffffffffffffffffffffft!

Posted 8:28 AM by Gene

NEW TECHNOLOGY!!!!!

In a White House First, Gibbs To Call on Twitter in Press Briefing

TRANSLATION: Same old answers.

(Via MediaBistro)

Posted 5:43 PM by Gene

Something called The 28th Amendment (which "follows a young U.S. president who uncovers a hidden conspiracy in the upper echelons of the government." Which party?); Something called The Adjustment Bureau, based on A PHILIP K. DICK STORY (AAAAAAAAAAAAMEN!!!!!); THE ADVENTURES OF TINTIN: SECRETS OF THE UNICORN; THE ADVENTURES OF TINTIN 2 (!!!!!); something called The Age of Adaline, which "stars Katherine Heigl as a woman, born at the turn of 20th century, who stops aging after an accident." (Is this ANOTHER industry satire?); something called The Art of Making Money (ANOTHER INDUSTRY SATIRE?!?!?); The Associate, BASED ON A JOHN GRISHAM NOVEL; MARVEL'S THE AVENGERS!!!!!; something called The Best Exotic Marigold Hotel, starring "Dev Patel, Julie Christie, Judi Dench, Tom Wilkinson and Peter O’Toole", a "romantic comedy" that "follows four elderly Brits who decide to spend their twilight years in India. John Madden will helm the film for Fox Searchlight." (Os-CARRRRRRRRRRRR®!!!!!!!!!!); A MOVEE VERSION OF THE BIG VALLEY; something called The Big Year, starring "Owen Wilson, Jack Black and Steve Martin", and BASED ON A BIRD-WATCHING BOOK; A "RE-IMAGINING" OF THE BLACK HOLE (Is UB IGER forcing them to use that term?); THE BOURNE LEGACY; something called The Boys, based on "A COMIC SERIES"; a biopic called The Butler, based on the memoirs of one "who worked for eight U. S. presidents" (okay, who are the bad guys?); something based on a British TV series called The Champions, "star[ring] Tom Cruise as one of many super-powered government agents"; something called The Chancellor Manuscript, based on "a story about D.C. power brokers who are blackmailed into changing U.S. foreign policy" (WHICH -- oh, never mind); something called The Change-Up, in which "[Jason] Bateman plays a responsible family man who switches bodies with his man-child best friend played by [Ryan] Reynolds." (Didn't they do this before, oh, sixty times, starting in 1909?)....

We're resuming TOMORROW.

Posted 2:33 PM by Gene

Noo Yawk's school system is about to close schools named for Clara Barton, Roberto Clemente, John Philip Sousa, Norman Thomas, Christopher Columbus, Paul Robeson, Frederick Douglass, John F. Kennedy, Jane Addams, John Dewey, Groevr Cleveland and John Adams, among others, meaning sadly there's more achievement in any one of the names than in all of the schools.

Posted 2:27 PM by Gene

Shhh, don't tell DUDE, but the bottom may be falling out His coveted alternative-energy biz.

P. S. at 2:28 p. m. Out of respect for the office we will refer to Him as President DUDE.

Posted 2:09 PM by Gene

In one terse sentence Mayor Bing of Detroit says why RENDELLISM and its obsessions with convention centers, stadiums, movie studios, condos, "GAMING" and EDS 'N' MEDS won't work -- in Detroit or anywhere else:

"They didn't touch the people who live here."

Posted 1:51 PM by Gene

We'll know what Zynga, the inventor of FarmVille, is worth if and when it goes public. In the meantime, it would behoove BloomyBizWeek not to constantly repeat its old DONALD GAG.

(Via something called TekGoblin via SLASHDOT!!!!!)

Posted 1:20 PM by Gene

So Sonia isn't so smart. We say Larry isn't so honest. It takes one to know one.

Posted 12:09 PM by Gene

Speaking of Heaven, not long ago someone -- we wish we could remember who -- referred to iPad apps by bigmedia firms as being another form of CD-ROMs. This confirms it.

Evidently more than one person.

(Via GigaOm via I Want Media)

Posted 12:07 PM by Gene

TRANSLATION: This is Mitch's election to LOSE.

Posted 11:49 AM by Gene

Somebody alert the Casino: Heaven is becoming a retailer?!?

Hiring up, gross margin down, pricing Its iPad "aggressively" -- when does Heaven become mortal, like other retailers?

Posted 10:56 AM by Gene

And the worst part of His Omnipotence's gig on Person to Person -- pardon, SEE IT NOW is that He laid a monumentally huge egg. Part of the reason Om overexposes Himself is that the hacks always screamed when Dubya holed himself up, owing to his politics; but the irony is, as this writer says, Om has had so few press conferences yet seems inescapable. But the hacks have hardly complained (except perhaps at the White House Day Care Center) because He is, after all, their president, the One they chose and coronated. We would not expect a God who owes His job to bigmedia to have dignity, and His Omnipotence has exceeded on that score beyond all expectations.

P. S. If ED MURROW can call His Om "DUDE" we should call Him that -- yes, and "BARRY" too!

Posted 9:48 AM by Gene

If the sleazy zeitgeist of our time holds firm we can expect AH-Nult to have third, fourth and fifth acts, although largely as a comedy "star".

Or a lobbyist, six of one.

Posted 9:00 AM by Gene

But the annual academic scorecard was less flattering to many of the sport's top-tier programs. Seven of the top 10 — including No. 1 Auburn, No. 2 Oregon and No. 3 Boise State — and 16 of the top 25 in the current Bowl Championship Series standings fell beneath the sport's four-year average. Oklahoma and Arizona graduated fewer than half of their players.

The numbers also were low in the other marquee college sport, men's basketball, where three of last season's eight NCAA regional finalists and more than one in five programs overall had four-year rates beneath 50%.

It's the same old story with the same new stats: If we count badminton and tennis and lots of other less-than-full time sports of course their participants graduate; and the high-end schools will boost the average because their students may be trying to get an education; and we also suspect Title IX and the destruction of men's sports may slant the numbers; but these two BIG younuhversuhtee moneymakers will NEVER change.

To be sure we should keep two things in mind: 1. How many regular students graduate at these schools? and 2. How much do the younuhversuhtees grease their athletes' skids?

Posted 8:54 AM by Gene

EXCLUSIVE: Sports Scandal at Lombardi! Actors Confess to "Football for Dummies"

Count us...not surprised.

Posted 8:48 AM by Gene

We said it before, we'll say it again: twenty years from now the news-hack swooning over ED and ERIC will be as mysterious and unexplainable -- and as risible -- as the girls' swooning over Rudy Vallée.

(Via the usual Romy)

Posted 6:26 PM by Gene

Abby, WHY do you have to beg BEN to spend our dollars on your S&P targets? You KNOW he's listening to the Casino dealers!

(Via Seeking Alpha)

Posted 6:20 PM by Gene

But the best reason to root against the Rangers? Their team name. It's an insult to the Greatest of All Men. There is only one Texas Ranger, people. His name is Chuck Norris, and he doesn't need any help to win the World Series. He doesn't have to court the goddess baseball. She courts him.

This is worthy of Jo-NAH except Dubya once owned them.

Posted 6:16 PM by Gene

Which reminds us: the other day we mentioned these three super-rich candidates who are spending bazillions on their campaigns and are down in the polls. Today Politico.com deems fit to disclose the Dems are spending more than the GOP in this Congressional election.

WHAT'S THE POINT OF FINANCING SO MUCH JUNK TELEVISION?

Posted 6:14 PM by Gene

15-SECOND ADS mean only one thing: more clutter, more ads that don't work, and MORE COMPANIES SPENDING MORE MONEY ON JUNK TELEVISION.

Posted 6:05 PM by Gene

HEY EDDIE!!!!! INVENTOR OF RENDELLISM!!!!! The Democrats' message was all too clear and concise: Hyperliberalism at the Speed of Light!

Hey NANCY! That would make a GREAT CAMPAIGN SLOGAN!

Posted 5:54 PM by Gene

And with horror movees we can now definitively say of SUPERNIKKI!!!!! what Mary McCarthy said of Lillian Hellman: Every word she types is a lie, including "and" and "the".

Posted 5:38 PM by Gene

TAKEN 2; A "RE-IMAGINING" OF TARZAN (so we don't have to call them REMAKES any more!); A LIVE-ACTION REMAKE OF TEENAGE MUTANT NINJA TURTLES; TERMINATOR 5; TEXAS CHAINSAW MASSACRE 3D; THOR; ANOTHER TOM & JERRY MOVIE; A MOVIE BASED ON ESPNCORP'S TOMORROWLAND THEME-PARK ATTRACTION; A REMAKE OF TOTAL RECALL; something called Tower Heist; a movie set in the TRUMP TOWER; TRANSFORMERS 3: THE DARK OF THE MOON!!!!!; something called Trespass, which given it stars Nicolas Cage and Nicole Kidman might be a challenge to see who'll cause it to bomb; TRON LEGACY; THE COEN BROTHERS' REMAKE OF TRUE GRIT!!!!!; something called Turkeys (a good name for most of these flicks)....

And because HSX.com thinks definite articles should be alphabetized we have to start all over again tomorrow!

Posted 11:48 AM by Gene

WOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! HERE'S CLASSIC GEKKO KUDLOWISM IF EVER WE SAW IT!

And the best part is -- GUVMENT DID IT!!!!!

Don't let 'em talk these markets down, GEKKO!

(Oh well -- down over $8 today.)

Posted 11:40 AM by Gene

Look what you did, Ben: Why did you have to open your mouth and say maybe you won't donate so much of OUR money to the Wall Street Casino?

Posted 10:12 AM by Gene

Now that the National Geographic Society's just another bigmedia organization there's no need for the Grosvenors, who held it as their personal property more or less for over a century; but this ownership helped make its flagship the Geographic unique in that gentle WASPish antediluvian way, and with the Geographic no longer unique there's no reason to be nominated to...to subscribe to it.

(Via I Want Media)

Posted 9:46 AM by Gene

Well, okay, this AHT is by permission, and the AHTISTS seem to have "reformed", but we wish we knew why The Paper of Re-CORD has this graffiti fixation, and why every time we behold it we wish Pinch would do to His Times what SLIME did to HIS.

Posted 9:39 AM by Gene

THE LORD GOD STEVE's delaying His NEW IPHONE?!?!?

Why doesn't He summon His cherubim at FOXCONN to quintuple shifts?!?!?

(Via Seeking Alpha)

Posted 9:30 AM by Gene

The comforting thing about our giving the store away to China is that eventually it will be able to throw electronic tantrums using its own technology, if it isn't doing so now -- though God knows we've helped.

Posted 9:20 AM by Gene

We can safely say that neither Oracle, nor HP, nor SAP has ever heard of the Golden Rule.

Well, they know this golden rule: He with the most gold rules.

Posted 9:13 AM by Gene

His Omnipotence finally discovers...his fellow God!

It is exasperating that only conservatives seem to care. This is the DECLARATION OF INDEPENDENCE, dammit!

Posted 9:10 AM by Gene

Our favorite ad copywriter Bruce (and YUM! BRANDS', too!) sells another stirring American innovation: tubeless toilet paper!

What hath Mr. Whipple wrought? (Well, Kimberly-Clark, anyway.)

Posted 9:08 AM by Gene

It would appear Lisa will maintain her hereditary seat in the Senate after all, meaning the Tea Party's talk of revolution may be premature.

Posted 8:56 AM by Gene

The Rich and Undeservedly Famous, They Are Different from You and Me: Charlie Sheen pays $7,000 to locate his wallet and cell phone.

Posted 8:35 AM by Gene

ANOTHER VARIANT OF RENDELLISM:

"ISN'T THIS A GOOD THING?!?!?" Mathewson said, referring to the notion that bustling, noisy downtowns signal economic success. [Noisy overemphasis added]

WHAT?!? CAN'T HEAR YOU!!!!!

Posted 7:58 PM by Gene

Well all right, we'll definitely give Frisco the benefit of this doubt.

Posted 7:33 PM by Gene

Fifty of our nukes reportedly went "offline" on Saturday, and con-SER-va-tives are in a tizz. This cuts both ways. Having fifty warheads offline means we'd better make sure all our nukes are always ready. But then one could argue if we had fewer nukes we'd have fewer warheads to expensively make ready. The sad truth is we'll need nukes so long as others have theirs, and NUKEMAN gets HIS. Best keep them ready.

Posted 7:27 PM by Gene

Kevin Drum says he's "eviscerating" five current political platitudes but comes back with five of his own (namely, our side will win, eventually), although we'd agree with the fifth -- put SARAH!!!!! out there and His Omnipotence will walk on water another term for sure. Of course Kevin hasn't the foggiest idea what the voters are really thinking -- no one does, certainly not the pollsters who prestidigitate national opinions from small samples. We will know slightly better on election day, and even then, we merely start a long, hard, tedious, infuriating slog through another presidential campaign.

Posted 5:15 PM by Gene

SALT 2; something called Salvation Boulevard ("Pierce Brosnan, Ed Harris and Jim Gaffigan star in the comedic-thriller set in the world of mega-Churches. A former dead-head finds a life as a born-again Christian but run afoul of fundamentalists within the organization." Repeat after me: POOR, UNEDUCATED, EASY TO COMMAND....); SCHOOL OF ROCK 2: AMERICA ROCKS; KING JIM OF THE WORLD MAKES ANOTHER 3D!!!!!!!!!!; SCREAM 4; something called Shadow of the Colossus, BASED ON A VIDEO GAME; SHERLOCK HOLMES 2; a REMAKE of something called Short Circuit; a SEQUEL of something called Silent Hill; LEGENDARY SCORSESE'S THREATENED SINATRA BIOPIC; a glorified TV ADAPTATION called SKANK ROBBERS (people in glass houses....); something called Sleeper, "BASED ON A DC COMIC"; a REMAKE of something called Snabba Cash; MILEY!!!!! in something called So Undercover ("She goes undercover in a college sorority to protect a coed who has been targeted for murder." Couldn't her career go undercover too?); something called Something Borrowed (let's see -- something old, something borrowed, something blue. Yes, we got that right!); SPIDER-MAN 3D!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!; A THREATENED FILM VERSION OF SPRING AWAKENING; A REMAKE OF STRAW DOGS; STRETCH ARMSTRONG -- yep, BASED ON ANOTHER TOY; SUPERMAN: THE MAN OF STEEL (but it's gotta be before 2013 when the rights expire! Do I hear the clock ticking?); SWEET VALLEY HIGH; something called Swingles ("[starring] Cameron Diaz as a woman who hangs out with a guy because their best friends are now in love. The two can�t [SIC] stand each other, but agree to act as each other�s [SIC] wing-man/woman. Inevitably, the two begin falling for each other, but deny their feelings." TRANSLATION: Care to make this a millionth-and-first time?)....

Tomorrow -- a letter that has something in common with this one!

Posted 12:58 PM by Gene

"I'M PROUD OF THE FACT THAT WE SPEND MORE THAN THE CHAMBER!!!!!!!!!!" [Proud overemphasis added.]

Some people will do anything to lose an election.

Posted 10:39 AM by Gene

Speaking of I Want Media, a strange and delicious juxtaposition:

Posted 10:32 AM by Gene

NO NO NO NO NO NO NO, THE LORD GOD STEVE WILL NOT BUY SONY. That's the equivalent of introducing a snake into the Garden of Eden. Besides, is He prepared to make $10,000 37" LCDs?

(Via I Want Media)

Posted 9:25 AM by Gene

Before we get teary-eyed over ST. WARREN nearing retirement (but not, we can reassure ourselves, ever leaving this mortal coil), we must remember SUMNER has had oodles and oodles of successors, and they were all pretty hot stuff too.

Posted 9:20 AM by Gene

Already the recriminations begin:

Will This Be the Lowest-Rated World Series Ever?

We know two men, however, for whom this is unimportant. One is SLIME. The other is ZELIG.

Posted 9:15 AM by Gene

Bad news for Dems: Rain in the forecast for 2010 Election Day

Mother Nature votes Republican?

Posted 9:13 AM by Gene

BULLETIN U.S. home prices down 0.2% in August: Case-Shiller

DOW 700 GIGAMEGAHYPERSUPER...oh, never mind.

Posted 9:01 AM by Gene

Speaking of the Bloomy, how often lately have the geniuses of Corporate America treated us to outcomes like this:

• Bristol-Myers Profit Beats Estimates After Cost Cuts; Revenue Falls Short

Posted 8:41 AM by Gene

President Barack Obama will meet in India next month with a group of U.S. chief executive officers including Jeffrey Immelt of General Electric Co. and Jim McNerney of Boeing Co., as the administration seeks to boost exports.

Yes, I think these two SONS O' LEGENDARY should be very able to export more jobs. But haven't we run out?

Posted 10:05 PM by Gene

And another Kaplan Inc.'er raises the white flag:

Whatever connotations it once had, the word moderate has now come to mean liberal or even left-wing in American politics.

One wonders if that's because Charles Murray called her out.

Posted 9:46 PM by Gene

The Paper of Re-CORD granted leave to Christopher Caldwell to write a book review that not only affirms Charles Murray's Daily Kaplan piece, but has this extra-added exasperating nugget:

Of the 20 richest ZIP codes in America, according to the Center for Responsive Politics, 19 gave the bulk of their money to Democrats in the last election, in most cases the vast bulk — 86 percent in 10024 on the Upper West Side. Meanwhile, only 22 percent of non-high-school educated white males are happy with the direction the country is going in.

He also says in so many words that Democrats are reactionaries of the left (no surprise to us) and that Republicans are hopelessly inept managing government (no surprise to us after Dubya) -- another instance of that THING WITH TWO HEADS.

(Via WeeklyStandard.com)

Posted 9:21 PM by Gene

This enervating story should teach us that whatever their differences, when it comes to greed our political parties form The Thing with Two Heads.

Posted 6:33 PM by Gene

RIPD, based on A COMIC BOOK; RAMBO V; something called Rango, ANOTHER CGI ANIMATION; something called Real Steel, "set in a future where 2,000 lb [sic] robots engage in boxing matches. A savvy promoter takes one of his fighters to the championships match" (just what we need, a glorified remake of ROLLERBALL); something from ESPNCORP called Reboot Ralph, "about a low-bit video game character from the early 1980s who ends up in the high-bit world of modern videogames [SIC]" (Hey UB! Why not just license PAC-MAN?); a REMAKE of RED DAWN; A GOTHIC RED RIDING HOOD; something called Red Sonja, from ANOTHER COMIC BOOK; THE CHRONICLES OF RIDDICK 2; Rio, a "lovable" animated macaw from SLIME; ANOTHER PLANET OF THE APES SEQUEL; THE THREATENED REMAKE OF ROBOCOP; Rock of Ages, a jukebox musical based on A STOOPID BRANSON EAST THEME PARK; ROGER RABBIT 2; something called Rollercoaster Tycoon, based on A VIDEO GAME; A FILLUM VERSION OF THE WORLD'S GREATEST NETWORK'S ROME; ANOTHER VERSION OF ROMEO AND JULIET (which HSX helpfully lists as "Romance/Comedy"); RUNAWAYS, from A MARVEL COMIC....

Our next letter stands for what Hollywood keeps excreting!

Posted 12:19 PM by Gene

Has SLIME just published another "book"?

Posted 11:49 AM by Gene

Here we thought SUPERADAM! was growing up last week but evidently he's campaigning for another twenty elephants -- uh, National Magazine Awards again. Look SUPER, you don't have to tell us SARAH!!!!! is screwy, but after you're through you think why does she cause mass bigmedia psychosis? (It appears John is also stroking HONORARY MAYOR MIKE's repeatedly stroked ego. Will You run for president, dammit?) Plus he gives us six pages and 4,566 WORDS on the unrequited love of SID and TINA!!!!! -- something we summed up in one line. Where's OUR National Magazine Award?

By the way, ASME, are you sure the award should really be a symbol of POLITICAL EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEVIL?

Posted 11:22 AM by Gene

Okay, Paper of Re-CORD, stop giggling. We are sure we can't fully trust any Beltway outfit, nor any outfit founded by Patriotic Gore; but we are just as sure we can't trust your friends either. And face it, for all the news hacks' promotional talk, most TV ratings haven't been going up, and that may be more than the Web or TiVo or busy "lifestyles."

As we've said too often before, when news hacks are right they still seem wrong as any expectation of truth is squooshed under tons of excess baggage.

(Via MediaBistro)

Posted 10:12 AM by Gene

Clint Eastwood "Not a Fan" of President Obama

Does that make him a con-SER-va-tive again?

The first two times we clicked on the link we got a page-not-found error. How apt.

Posted 9:58 AM by Gene

RI Dem: Obama can 'shove it' for not endorsing him

We were about to remark, let's hear you say that when you line up at the public trough! But then we realized, 1. His Omnipotence is detached, and 2. Lincoln "Caspar Milquetoast" Chafee is a Democrat.

Posted 9:43 AM by Gene

BP's new chief executive said its rivals and the media had helped cause a climate of fear during the summer when the oil giant's blown-out Gulf of Mexico well caused the worst ever oil spill in the United States.

TRANSLATION: EXXONMOBIL, er, CHEVRON, er, THE THREE NETWORKS, er, CNN, er, EVERY BIG NEWSPAPER IN AMERICA CAUSED THE DISASTER!

Posted 9:33 AM by Gene

“I’ve never seen this before, so the only caveat I’d put in terms of the House is how much impact this $200 billion are going to mean,” he hedged.

Don't tell me the Chinese are backing the GOP?

Or does the Wall Street Casino have THAT much money, wacky uncle Joe?

Posted 9:26 AM by Gene

Prof: 'Stewart's cultural influence surpasses Beck's' [The usual Romy link]

THE IDIOT HOWIE HAIRSHIRT STILL WORKS AT THE DAILY KAPLAN!



A SPECIAL NEUHARTHISM OF THE MONTH AWARD TO PAUL "THE REPUBLIC WILL FOREVER MOURN THE LOSS OF JACK VALENTI" FARHI!

Posted 9:13 AM by Gene

CHRISTIANE!!!!! got Her job by being friends with MR. AND MRS. UB IGER, which should prove once and for all network news is irrelevant.

And as long as UB has His job CHRISTIANE!!!!! has Hers.

(Via the usual media Web sites)

Posted 8:38 AM by Gene

The G-20 supports the Wall Street Casino too!

Posted 8:30 AM by Gene

1. The Paper of Re-CORD plugs another cutesy-pie Web site that doesn't deserve it (and this one appears to be liberal, sighhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh). 2. A big shareholder in PAPEROFRECORDCO is selling holdings.

Remember -- no relation.

(Disclosure moment: I know Mr. Sicha socially in a New York media sort of way, and he has written for The New York Times in the past....)

Consider yourself -- disclosed.

(First link via MediaBistro; second link via I Want Media)

Posted 5:30 PM by Gene

PEE-WEE HERMAN: THE MOVIE; PIRATES OF THE CARIBBEAN: ON STRANGER TIDES (really?); A REMAKE OF POLTERGEIST; PRIDE AND PREDATOR; PRIDE AND PREJUDICE AND ZOMBIES; A REMAKE OF PRIVATE BENJAMIN ("Amy Talkington will update the story for contempoary times and focus on female enpowerment." AAAAAARRRRRRGGGGHH!!!!!); something called Project X ("a raunchy comedy about college guys partying shot camcorder style ala Cloverfield" -- don't we have whole marques devoted to such projects?); AN ESPNCORP TEEN COMEDY CALLED PROM (all right UB, who's the MILEY this time?!?!?); a "comedy" called Pumas STARRING JENNIFER ANISTON ("...as one-half of a best friend duo. They are older women who date younger men and deal with the stereotypes and double standards of modern society. They go on a French vacation where that challenges what they know of romance." You APPROVED this, SUMNER?); Puss in Boots, A SPINOFF OF SHREK....

With only three Qs we skip tomorrow to THE MOVEE BIZ' FAVORITE LETTER!

OR:

Attendance has fallen 2.2 percent this year.

Posted 1:52 PM by Gene

We did not know how to work Charles Murray's article on the Effete Snobs in, as it speaks for itself, but count on AHTSJournal to discover that Oscar Hammerstein II's grandson has a lesson for them, from the master himself:

"He was quoted as saying you learn much more from a flop than a hit because it's hard to learn anything when everyone is praising you to the skies on those opening nights when everything is going well."

Our ruling superiors have never known anything but success, anything but praise to the skies. That's how they can lord it over the rest of us and screw up America big-time.

I might add I think our whiz kids destroyed our manufacturing base to affirm their power, and I profoundly detest EDS-'n'-MEDS talk as it's cover for that and as the effete snobs are precisely the biggest beneficiaries; and Murray has his finger on the right hot button when he mentions, quite prominently, THE FIRST AND SECOND GREATEST POP-CULTURAL ACHIEVEMENTS OF THE LAST QUARTER CENTURY. I'd also add what I wrote three months beforehand: "These obsessions speak to the disconnect of the ruling class as much as a love for His Omnipotence -- and they know no political bounds." [Emphasis in the original]

One of these days I'm going to get Hammerstein's quote from Hugh Fordin's excellent biography about how playwrights like Tennessee Williams got on his nerves thanks to their trendy nihilism. Our ruling class was a long time being born.

P. S. If you want a better picture of Hammerstein -- this is surely from his last decade, when he took up the crew cut -- look at the cover of this lyric anthology and you may not wonder that he won for his second wife a beauty named Dorothy with a strong resemblance to Lynda Carter. I think of his face as an eternal reassurance; but it's clear he had sex appeal too.

(First link via, oh well, NRO)

Posted 10:49 AM by Gene

Well, with VAGRANT CITY in the championship SLIME and the Dolans have a chance to pursue their war for a long, long time.

P. S. We couldn't help noticing given the existential threat of BLUTOS in the air, but "our" version of the guys who robbed J. P. Morgan couldn't hit; yet we must remember, with any league run by a man named SELIG, the law of diminishing returns never kicks in -- unless you're a fan.

P. P. S. Some scribbler named Igel has found the problem -- and has devised a great way of solving it:

[E]ven though MLB and its partners, including television, cannot control which teams reach the World Series [!!!!!], they can control the message. Why they opt to let commentators and fans do it for them is anyone’s guess.

I've got an idea! Let's get Tim Mc-CAR-VER, Mike "ESPN" Lupica and MB2 to proclaim these two teams THE GREATEST WORLD SERIES COMBATANTS EVER!!!!!

Bono, go back to writing dreary songs.

P. P. P. S. on a no-name Dallas suburb (in the 35TH, 36TH and 37TH GRAFS):

Jim Runzheimer, an Arlington lawyer and longtime critic of City Hall subsidies of sports teams, said he can't deny there is a boost in civic pride with the World Series.

"But pride can only go so far," Runzheimer said, adding he hasn't seen any convincing studies showing that there is a net economic benefit to the millions invested in the Rangers' or Cowboys' stadiums.

"There's been no substantial decrease in the tax rate or substantial new development," he said. "It certainly didn't prevent a $10 million budget deficit."

And you can keep it!

Posted 10:37 AM by Gene

Three GOP candidates spend $243M

Ka-CHINNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNG!!!!!

But here’s the punch line: None of these candidates is ahead in the polls. Two of them — Whitman and McMahon — are actually behind.

Ka-CHINNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNGED!!!!!

P. S. We say the TURNIPS know this, and it's one reason the zillionaires are behind. If they can burn their money on television they can burn OUR money in Washington. They deserve to be behind.