Posted 6:38 PM by Gene

The early departure of DaimlerChrysler Chief Executive Juergen Schrempp was not abrupt but long planned, German weekly magazines reported.

How do you say SPIN in German?

Then again, maybe it WAS long-planned -- by JUERGEN.

Posted 4:13 PM by Gene

And speaking of RUPERT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!, He's pretty good at JUXTAPOSITION TOO: this cartoon --



-- appeared online with THIS story:

Pakistan cracks down on extremist madrassas

T'ain't funny, McGee.

Posted 3:58 PM by Gene

Now LANCE ARMSTRONG is suing RUPERT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

No WONDER the Son!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! quit!

Posted 3:33 PM by Gene

In what should be an ENDURING MONUMENT to the UTTERLY SENSELESS SENSIBILITY of NEWS HACKS, tomorrow's (or rather today-tomorrow's) InkyDinkyDooDoo runs a sports story with a hed whose size is worthy of the death of a prominent local figure, or perhaps a multiple murder --

T.O.'s Agent is Mostly Talk

-- DIRECTLY ABOVE a PLUG, FLOGGED ABOVE THE FRONT-PAGE MASTHEAD, for our star multimillionaire sports scribbler and attitudinizer (and, if he's lucky, our next KEYBOARD THROWER) and his new soapbox on ESPN2. [It must be GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOD when THE PAPER OF RE-CORD ENDORSES IT.) We've no doubt the hacks in THE TOWER OF BABBLE think "juxtaposition" is a word TONY RIDDER uses to justify LAYOFFS, and we've equally no doubt that if T. O.'S AGENT IS MOSTLY TALK, NEWS HACKS ARE ALL TALK -- and often SOMETHING WORSE THAN IT.

P. S. Did MICKEYMOUSE BOB hire that dishwater OM-BUDS-MAN because he knew he'd be buying a new SOAPBOX? (By the way, ombuddy's written ONE column SINCE JOINING THEM.)

Posted 1:36 PM by Gene

And in more CI-NE-MA news:

Martin Murray wanted to build something straight out of the 1950s. So he cleared 30 acres of rural pasture off Interstate 45 about 20 miles south of Dallas and built his Galaxy Drive-In like a museum to a mostly extinct industry. Cars squeeze between poles tethered with speaker boxes and campy, vintage commercials rescued from Hitchcock-era reels roll before the main feature.

"I wanted to take people back to a simpler time," Murray said. "You hit 1958 once you enter our driveway."

Okay Martin, but could you try to make it 1958 once your eyeballs hit the screen?

Posted 1:17 PM by Gene

OH oh, the B.O. slump accelerates!

Who knows? Maybe it will put a few of these high-tech HEDDA HOPPERS out of business.

Posted 1:02 PM by Gene

Speaking of gossip, this piece proves that NEWS HACKS are paying altogether too much mind to NICK DORKEN and his shills, who may think they're presenting strychnine-laced candy treats to the world when they merely specialize in inedible sourballs.

Posted 8:42 AM by Gene

The candidates are: Salzburg, Austria; Jaca, Spain; Pyeongchang, South Korea; Sochi, Russia; Sofia, Bulgaria; Almaty, Kazakhstan, and Borjomi, Georgia.

Okay, who goes broke THIS time?

Posted 7:50 AM by Gene

This is what the con-SER-va-tive smugly calls CREATIVE DESTRUCTION: merging and merging and merging and merging retail-store chains until you have DICK "THE TEXAS MAFIOSO" ARMEY's dream of a one-company state. We suspect people dislike malls and big chains in at least a small way because so many of their favorites have disappeared for no better reason than to excite a CEO's hubris, and with each successive chain disappearing comes one less reason for the surviving retailers to know or care about their customers, except in ways that insult them or invade their privacy.

Posted 7:44 AM by Gene

W.C. Fields, John Barrymore, Errol Flynn...Hollywood just doesn't make characters like it used to.

Posted 7:35 AM by Gene

Sighhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh, ST. WARREN may offer a place in His Heaven to THE MOST OVERRATED BLOGGER. Gossip columning, like sports typing, is striking a pose while cultivating the same sources you pretend to rake over the coals for the sake of exciting the readership. We've no doubt THE MOST OVERRATED BLOGGER would be the perfect gossip columnist, at least until her fellow gossips start picking her apart for not being gossipy enough. We further wonder if a woman whose blog would be a BLANK without her SHTICK can WRITE.

P. S. Being cited frequently in THE PAPER OF RE-CORD MAGAZINE may not be qualifying.

Posted 7:18 AM by Gene

There he goes again:

BOSTON GLOBE SAYS YOU LACK HIGHER BRAIN FUNCTIONS [John Podhoretz]
Check out this delightful sentiment from Boston Globe movie critic Ty Burr: "'Stealth' is a pretty fair military-hardware action movie until you start thinking about it -- at which point it turns incredibly sour in your mouth. I can therefore recommend it to any and all audiences lacking higher brain functions. Sea cucumbers, perhaps. Ones waving American flags."
Posted at 06:36 AM

We're willing to say most MOVIE AD-BLURB COPYWRITERS like Teeny Tiny Ty lack higher brain functions, but we're also willing to say we have our doubts about YOU, John, after you raved that PURPLE-HEART WEARING CON-SER-VA-TIVE PC COMEDY -- ON A CURVE.

Posted 7:27 PM by Gene

What will make these mu-ni-CI-pal knuckleheads realize the BIG-BOX RETAILERS can be their FRIENDS?

But then this is FRISCO, where luring more people living in BIG BOXES is the order of the day.

Posted 7:23 PM by Gene

I do believe HIZZONER the MAYOR of CHI-CA-GO is ANOTHER STEP CLOSER to that INDICTMENT.

Posted 7:21 PM by Gene

More bad news for the RUPE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!: He has to pay up to CAMERON.

What will be the push that brings His TOWER OF FLEA-BITTEN ASSETS TUMBLING?

Posted 7:12 PM by Gene

More and more are taking up the cause of term limits for the NINE FINGERS: in the latest Atlantic Monthly two writers blasting the FINGERS endorse it. But term limits are not enough, not with hermetically-sealed jurists -- or as Stuart Taylor Jr. puts it,

How many [of the current unretired NINE FINGERS] have ever held elected office? How may have previously served at the highest levels of the executive brnach of government? How many have argued big-time commercial lawsuits within the past thirty-five years? How many have ever been either criminal defense lawyers or trial prosecutors? How many have ever presided over even a single criminal or civil trial? The answers are zero, zero, zero, one and one, respectively.

He argues it was "starkly different fifty years ago," but then DC wasn't so much like a block of reinforced concrete either. I repeat, for all the denials, what the NINE FINGERS do is ultimately POLITICAL, and what better way to open up their workplace to the real world than through ELECTIONS?

Posted 10:06 AM by Gene

Remember ALL THOSE HOPEFUL STORIES about how ERRAMERICA was ZOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOMING IN THE RATINGS?

I think Al O'Franken will only get O'ANGRIER.

Posted 8:36 AM by Gene

RUPERT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!'S SON!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! QUITS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

This is almost as bad as Henry VIII's problem -- only he was JUST a KING.

Posted 5:55 PM by Gene

Big Foot will remain just a tall tale, for a while at least, after DNA hair samples thought to be from the mythic creature turned out to be bison hair.

Aw, we can dream, can't we?

Posted 5:43 PM by Gene

THE CONSPIRACY AGREES: no more GARBAGE in a CAN!

Now it can DIGITIZE IT!

Posted 5:27 PM by Gene

Here's one for you: VIDEO ADWARE.

That will come soon after VIDEO SPAM.

If you think computing's bad NOW....

Google found "video spam" (in quotes) 589 times, "video adware" (in quotes) 509 times. We're kidding ourselves to believe this isn't the future.

Posted 5:21 PM by Gene

China has launched a campaign to counter U.S. criticism of its growing economic and military power, employing a top American lobbying firm to convey Beijing’s views to Congress....

The hiring of Patton Boggs – which has also represented Saudi Arabia, Kuwait and Pakistan....

NUF SAID.

Posted 5:13 PM by Gene

SEN. FATSO GLUB-GLUB "COUCHES CAREFULLY"?????

I don't know with THAT bulk.

Posted 5:05 PM by Gene

This press release of Federated Department Stores's divestitures documents all too well that too many department stores in too many malls chase the same too few suburban customers. Meantime the company would never DARE build new downtown stores because of NI...the EXPENSE.

Posted 5:02 PM by Gene

These two have made $100 gazillion but you still have to like this picture.

Posted 2:07 PM by Gene

The Jeopardy!!!!!!!!!! fans are EX-ERCISED:

"I knew Ken Jennings, and you, sir, are no Ken Jennings," writes one fan. "I’ll be making myself scarce until someone knocks the current champ off."

I know you GEEKS, and you GEEKS, sir, need to
GET A LIFE!!!!!!!!!!

Posted 1:52 PM by Gene

Foul-Mouthed Parrot Banished By Embarrassed Keepers

They should have taught it to be a STAND-UP COMIC.

Posted 1:50 PM by Gene

What's the difference between an "energy bill" and a Congressman WADING IN CASH?

Posted 1:48 PM by Gene

Goodenow stepping down as head of NHL players' union

...for a job WELL DONE.

Posted 11:54 AM by Gene

Can the liberal version of ex-conservative Brock be trusted?

YES -- when he says what you want to hear.

Posted 11:51 AM by Gene

Though USAOKAY!!!!! again sucks its thumb raw over media ratings, The Economist put it best:

Safe in their liberal strongholds of New York and Los Angeles, it is easy for media executives to underestimate the strength of public feeling against indecency on TV. “Look at the top shows,” says one, such as “CSI”, which is “all about murder, and ‘Desperate Housewives', full of sex.” But that misses the point. For the sake of children, a large part of the public wants something done. If media firms do not cater to this demand, Congress probably will.

Posted 9:23 AM by Gene

LORD SPRINGER signed at the right time:

Sony swings to loss, slashes 2006 earnings estimates

Posted 8:35 AM by Gene

Well, I found out what EUROSUN is -- IT'S AN ADWARE COMPANY.

And NO, idiots, I NEVER signed up for your INTRUSIONS!!!!!

Now I have to go through my @#$%&* computer and find out where the @#$%&* it's BURIED.

P. S. I found TWO LISTINGS of it in my office computer's REGISTRY, in Search Assistant. Perhaps I put them there in searches; so how did these @#$%&* ADS get on my COMPUTER?

P. P. S. I mustn't be the only one angered by these ads -- according to ExTREmeTracKeR (or however they spell it), my last ten search-engine hits were "Eurosunsa." Somebody must put these FRAUDS out of business.

Posted 6:58 AM by Gene

Another IMMORTAL graces the performing STAGE:

Ask any of the 17,500 headbangers who attended this first of two shows at PNC. Ozzy howled like a wounded dog, he was out of tune with his band, and he could hardly keep time with the music. When he tried to incite the house to clap along, his tempo was so off that he looked like a disabled athlete failing at jumping jacks.

Pardon -- another immortal prepares for a concert life at the age of 110.

Posted 6:41 AM by Gene

It is not too soon to think of what BOOBS McKEATING will do when he becomes president. Will he mug for the cameras? Will he hold so many press conferences that people hold him in contempt two months out? Will he do liberal things to please the HACKS? Will he take cover in the White House's darkest recess at the first sign of trouble? What friends will he please with a good stroking of largesse? And will JONAH become his press secretary? The country awaits you, BOOBS McKEATING.

Posted 6:33 AM by Gene

In our state Mafia -- er, LEGISLATURE -- payback time!

You gotta love these guys. They obviously believe in the saying, "Any publicity is good publicity."

Posted 6:26 AM by Gene

Juergen Shemp...Shrimp...Schrrrrempp is leaving DaimlerCorp!

The news boosted DaimlerChrysler's stock -- the laggard so far this year among European peers -- more than 10 percent. They [SIC] traded at 39.40 euros at 0930 GMT, up 8.5 percent. Schrempp's leaving added some 3.7 billion euros to the firm's market value.

How typical -- a company's worth more without its CEO than with it. Why do companies need CEOs?

Posted 7:40 PM by Gene

The Disneyland in Midtown is having what Jesse must call a "BOFFO" summer, but then, as in Disneyland, hardly anything there's real.

P. S. Suzanne Somers had 77 percent attendance TOO.

Posted 7:33 PM by Gene

I'd say the people who devised these devices weren't very -- peaceful.

Posted 7:19 PM by Gene

BOOBS McKEATING may be RUNNING FOR PRESIDENT!

Give this guy a PURPLE HEART!

Posted by his FRIENDS at THE CORNER, who are no doubt egging him on.

Posted 7:03 PM by Gene

Back to SQUARE ONE with the SHUTTLE.

Guys, THINK OF SOMETHING ELSE!

Posted 5:59 PM by Gene

If The Second Greatest Editor of All Time was so great why did he hire MICHAEL KINSLEY?

Posted 5:56 PM by Gene

The Sun King stays!

Posted 5:52 PM by Gene

I suspect more than one person may say, if the taxicab biz wants to improve its vehicles, it could do one thing...



Bring back the CHECKER.

Posted 5:35 PM by Gene

Elsewhere in Toenail.com A MAN WHO WAS BARRED FROM THE SECURITIES TRADE tries to find a problem with Judge Roberts's finances, which means the guy's a lock, and which also means we should remember this guy WAS barred from the securities trade.

Posted 5:23 PM by Gene

Toenail.com is in one of those cranky moods again, as befits the home of the humorless G.B. But these things will happen when you're pretend iconoclastic. Dan sums up what seems to be the CONWIZ about ELIOT NESS'S payola crusade -- ho-hum it's low-level corruption, but the marketplace works, and besides, as THE LORD GOD ZONNNNNNNNNNN tells us, every radio has an on-off switch. To think it was only yesterday that Rog (perhaps he didn't have his daily vibes with THE RUPE!!!!!!!!!!! yet) told us payola sicced JLo on us and her "fingernail-on-blackboard" music. Just because a public official has a liking for red lights doesn't mean his crusade is invalid. And just because there are all manner of stocking fees in supermarkets doesn't make it right; God knows how much competition it squelches, and how many billions more we have to pay for groceries. (And most paid searches, DAN, are clearly identifiable as such, unlike SONY's shenanigans.) If payola is low-level corruption, it's been around long enough to distort the radio and music biz, and give lots of no-talents an undeserved light of day. As to ZONNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN's wisdom, I won't repeat the line I've oft-repeated about TELEVISION, but I will say lots of listeners have been taking your advice, ZONNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN, which is one reason you don't co-run VIACON anymore.

Posted 1:17 PM by Gene

All right, JPOD, we're willing to agree that EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEVIL is RESIDENT in HOLLYWOOD, but where were you when TIME WARNER pulled that PR STUNT for what you banged on the WEEKLY STANDARD keyboard as THE GREATEST COMEDY OF THE DECADE -- THE LEGEND OF BOOBS McKEATING?

Want a bet you still don't want to know about it?

When these hacks have an ENTHUSIASM they WILL NOT SHUT UP.

Posted 12:58 PM by Gene

The latest onanistic revel among the hacks is this CONTROVERSIAL movie about "the world's dirtiest joke." We understand Rog's enthusiasm; he WORKS for a dirty joke. We are further willing to wager that any joke that takes up to two hours to tell, and especially any joke told by the likes of "Phyllis Diller, Pat Cooper, Larry Storch, Chuck McCann, Shelley Berman, Robin Williams, Drew Carey, Chris Rock," THE EDWARD R. MURROW OF COMEDY, "Paul Reiser and Joe Franklin [SIC]," and ESPECIALLY any joke told by the long-time Ed Sullivan impersonator GILBERT GOTTFRIED, is DEFINITELY NOT FUNNY.

Posted 11:03 AM by Gene

Speaking of Chicago, I'd be more worried that platinum toothpick would be tilted by THE WIND.

Posted 11:01 AM by Gene

One of TV GUIDE'S STAR ALUMNI BELCHES in the TRIB:

The latest overhaul of TV Guide is emblematic of what Jarvis calls "one size fits all" media being overtaken. "It's really indicative of where our culture has gone. We all go where we want to go," Jarvis said by phone. "The whole notion of a TV Guide, which was so right for its time ... is the exact best indication of how far past that we've gone."

STERNO, THE AMBASSADOR WOULD HAVE INVENTED TIVO IF HE COULD HAVE.

Posted 10:48 AM by Gene

Republican Gov. George Pataki, who is weighing a possible 2008 bid for the White House, has told a group of supporters that he won't seek a fourth term next year, according to close associates of the governor.

Hope you like your new job as an ex-governor and superlobbyist!

Posted 10:29 AM by Gene

Don't you like politics? The Democrats have the abortionists, the Republicans the NRA. Doesn't that just warm the cockles of your -- heart?

Posted 8:52 AM by Gene

When Little Malcolm jumps up and down in his high chair about how difficult it is to find decent blogs, we know what he'll do: putting the bowl of cereal on his head (to give him brainpower), he'll storm up lists of the same blogs we've heard about for the last three years. Indeed these lists are of no useful purpose except to acclimate people who've NEVER heard of blogs -- indeed, who've never heard of COMPUTERS.

Some of the comments, however, are ACCIDENTALLY truthful: "Of course, most blogs are mind-numbingly dull." We needed YOU to tell us THAT, Matt. Or consider these other morsels of wisdom about our favorites (pffh-hh-hh):

STERNO: "Posts can be rambling." (We'll ignore this could be said of most of the SUPERDUPERMEGAGIGABLOGGERS.)

TV NEWSER: "Sometimes reads like the sources are mostly press releases."

GAWKER: "May not play so well if New York is not the center of your universe."

And so on. And so on and so on. And so on and so on and so on. Which reminds us, AGAIN, of something Peter Carlson wrote several years ago:

...[T]here are many reasons for the rise of The List. The top five reasons are:

1) Lists are the easiest way to organize information without actually thinking.

2) Magazine editors are too lazy to think of anything more creative.

3) Magazine editors figure their readers are too lazy to read anything but lists.

4) Magazine readers really are too lazy to read anything but lists.

5) David Letterman's Top Ten lists have warped everybody's mind.

Most magazine lists are, needless to say, totally stupid.

Posted 8:15 AM by Gene

The AMERICAN SOCIETY OF WILLFULLY IGNORANT ADVERTISERS is trapped. On the one hand, much as its members love showing off their Hollywood connections and talking down to the public, they know people CAN'T STAND ADVERTISING, and many INCREASINGLY CONNECT IT to THE PROGRAMS THEY SUBSIDIZE, though for the life of them they don't understand why. On the other hand, they're so used to burning money peddling their wares it's an addiction. Now companies like Unilever are using Internet campaigns. The problem with those is that word of mouth can be stronger -- ask THE CONSPIRACY. Moreover the campaigns don't appear to be any different from the TV two-by-fours; it's still Kerry enthusiasts waving their noses over their inferiors. Worse, these HIP EIGHTY-SOMETHINGS have a way of flaunting their Depends. ASK TEXAS PACIFIC GROUP. In the end, advertising is still advertising, no matter how brightly packaged it is, or how shiny the ribbon, and people may still be content not to stand it.

Posted 8:11 AM by Gene

Jerry Lewis to Receive TV Academy Award

Why not the Nobel Peace Prize?

Posted 5:25 PM by Gene

OH boy:

Representative Christopher Cox, President Bush's nominee to head the Securities and Exchange Commission, told a Senate committee today that he would seek to build on the record of William H. Donaldson, the S.E.C. chairman who resigned after business groups complained that he was too heavy-handed....

"My top priority will be the vigorous enforcement of our nation's securities laws," said Mr. Cox, 52.

LARRY KUDLOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

This has NOTHING to do with the LAST post.

Posted 4:59 PM by Gene

Another corporate eighty-something lets it all hang out.

These bozos may think they're mining a golden vein of publicity, but as Carl's Jr. learned, too often like the Treasure of the Sierra Madre the gold just -- blows away.

Or just BLOWS.

P. S. At least three other witticisms were deleted from the page where AdAge found this photo, suggesting it was a busy day in MIAMI today.

P. P. S. Some launch, DIMWITS.

Posted 3:12 PM by Gene

Slashdot -- AGAIN:

IT: Nerdcore Rap In The Press
Posted by Zonk on Tuesday July 26, @01:47PM
from the nerdcore-makes-a-good-comic-too dept.
hammeredpeon writes "MC Plus+ and others talk about their nerdcore rap skills with Wired magazine." From the article: "While gangsta rap is seen as celebrating the violence and aggression that claimed two of its brightest stars, 'geeksta' rap is a hip-hop genre celebrating coding skills and school grades. Also dubbed 'nerdcore,' this branch of hip-hop is for geeks, by geeks. Geeksta rappers adopt the same combative verbal-assault stylings of their forerunners, but bust rhymes about elite script compiling and dope machine code. The term was first coined in 2000 by nerdy New York rapper MC Frontalot in a track of the same name. Nerdcore now refers to artists waxing lyrical about topics as disparate as engineering and Lord of the Rings."

Posted 10:41 AM by Gene

Sen. Dennis Day is not running for president.

I guess Jack Benny wouldn't lend him the money.

Posted 10:07 AM by Gene

Will Rogers had it right. "A politician," he said, "is just like a pickpocket."

No he didn't. What pickpocket would drag his pockets behind him in an armored car?

Posted 9:52 AM by Gene

Woman admits having sex parties for teen boys
Colorado mother wanted to be ‘cool mom,’ admits supplying drugs, alcohol

Will someone tell me why the ne plus ultra of modern life is to be "COOL"?

Posted 9:27 AM by Gene

Well, the fake Purple Heart disappeared -- NO THANKS TO YOU, SEN. BOOBS McKEATING.

P. S. A TIME WARNER COMPANY.

P. P. S. No mention on THE MOVIE'S OFFICIAL WEB SITE, nor ever will be.

Posted 8:45 AM by Gene

Romney vetoes law on pill, takes aim at Roe v. Wade

Yep, I think he's running for president.

Posted 6:51 AM by Gene

The Junior Chamber of Venality passed one of its patented Sense of the House resolutions, proving once again its senselessness.

Posted 6:48 AM by Gene

NBC president of entertainment Kevin Reilly compares the network's struggles last season to a colonic.

We might compare your whole NETWORK to a colonic.

Posted 6:26 AM by Gene

This is the end of TV Guide. Without listings it's nothing. It wasn't always so; hard to believe it had a decent rep -- under THE AMBASSADOR. Then RUPERT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! overpaid and dumbed it down -- just as network TV ratings started falling through the floor. Now He and the partners He palmed a stake off on are stuck with a soon-to-be empty bag. TiVo rendered TV Guide obsolete -- and you don't need a big thick rag to inform you of 500 channels and nothing on.

P. S. Interesting: the rag was a victim of CIRCULATION INFLATION.

Posted 8:11 PM by Gene

HED OF THE WEEK:

Eisner's Disney Names Battsek Miramax President

Since when has Roy Disney run EISNER? We thought BOB settled that!

Posted 6:53 PM by Gene

Looks like LIVE 8 helped in NIGER!

Thanks again, BOB!

Posted 5:44 PM by Gene

We've all known for a long time that contemporary pop music stinks. We hear "hits" on the radio and wonder, "How can this be?"

It's not just PAYOLA, Rog -- but it HELPS.

Posted 5:39 PM by Gene

And in other news from the NURSING HOME AND PORK FACTORY on the HILL:

[W]hile tutoring Roberts on the finer points of Senate relations, the 62-year-old Thompson will have to squirrel away some time to memorize lines. NBC says the attorney-turned-actor is expected to continue his usual duties on "Law & Order," where he plays craggy, baritone-voiced Dist. Atty. Arthur Branch. The legal drama begins production on its 16th season Friday in New York....

As "Law & Order" creator and executive producer Dick Wolf wrote in an e-mail: "With his new presidential assignment, Fred has become the personification of life imitating art imitating life."

TRANSLATION: This man looks into a mirror and sees nothing.

Posted 5:29 PM by Gene

HEY SEN. BOOBS McKEATING! ANY PUBLICITY'S GOOD PUBLICITY -- FOR YOU! RIGHT?

Betcha THIS doesn't pop up on THE MOVIE'S OFFICIAL WEB SITE.

"I challenge the producer of that movie to go to Walter Reed Hospital and walk through the ward and see if he still wants to print out a fake Purple Heart."

I challenge SEN. BOOBS McKEATING TO DO LIKEWISE.

P. S. I wonder how many people at the OFFICIAL WEB SITE and ITS PARENT FIRM got DEFERMENTS.

Posted 5:21 PM by Gene

I say, let Steve Wynn take all these bad musicals to Vegas -- if it'll get them out of BROADWAY.

Posted 5:18 PM by Gene

Ho-hum, Airhead's photog is guilty. Does that make her prettier?

Posted 5:09 PM by Gene

More hard core GEEKDOM:

Chris_Yates [SIC] writes "mobiBlu is claiming to produce the world's smallest mp3 player, the DAH-1500 cube. The player is 24x24x24 millimeters (about the size of the tip of your finger or various small items), weighs 18 grams, uses OLED technology, and comes in a variety of colors. The 1GB version is currently selling for $130 at Wal-Mart. Buy one today, so you can lose it within a week!"

GO FOR IT!

Posted 5:01 PM by Gene

The GREATEST B. O. EXPERT this side of PAUL DRECK says the BIZ is making money HAND OVER FIST. Well if the biz is making money HAND OVER FIST why did PAUL DRECK boast of down weekends for four months? Those zillions of unsold copies of Shrek 2 were "built into the business model"? Tell that to shareholders of DWA. I'm not sure we should take the BIZ' presto-changeo at face value; neither am I sure we should trust a man who saluted MICKEYMOUSE NIXON. Then again, would you trust any numbers from the show-biz MAFIA -- however they leaked them to our new greatest expert on B.O.?

I'd believe in this "death-spiral" shtick except that something has always pulled this rank pile of bad beef out of the fire -- first radio (which gave it an enormous promotional opportunity), then TV, then cable, then the VCR, then the DVD. We can only hope it works this time; but if DVD sales are flattening, doesn't that mean THE CONSPIRACY is safe -- for now?

Posted 9:28 AM by Gene

OoooooooooOOOOOOOOOOooooooooooh:

Supreme Court nominee Judge John Roberts will be targeted by an 11th-hour dirty-tricks campaign designed to derail his Senate confirmation, Weekly Standard editor Bill Kristol predicted on Sunday....

"[A] week before the confirmation begins, there will be some dirty trick, some personal attack, [that] will appear in the New York Times," Kristol predicted.

Okay PINCH, tell us -- WHAT IS IT?????

I know one thing: NEWSMAX!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! inflicted a dirty trick on us -- AN NC.EUROSUNSA.COM AD.

Posted 8:25 AM by Gene

Howie the Speed-Demon Hack types:

Sen. Rick Santorum has accused the Philadelphia Inquirer of having "outed" one of his staffers.

The Pennsylvania Republican made the charge on Fox's "O'Reilly Factor" last week after the Inquirer published a story headlined: "A Top Santorum Aide Is Gay."

Why on earth would the Inquirer run such a piece?

Because they don't like him?

Posted 5:43 PM by Gene

In more news of the LITERARY BIZ:

A man who authorities say could be the nation’s most prolific child molester was crafting a lengthy memoir about his sexual exploits with boys when he was arrested, police said.

Authorities also said they have cracked “99 percent” of the detailed code that Dean Schwartzmiller used in notebooks he kept, apparently to chronicle crimes both real and imagined.

Schwartzmiller was arrested earlier this month after investigators said they discovered notebooks with 36,700 handwritten entries of boys’ names, descriptions of their anatomy and codes for suspected sex acts.

Somehow I don't THINK Judith Regan would want to touch THAT.

P. S.

James Kevan, a defense attorney in Idaho, remembers Schwartzmiller. He coached football with him. The boys were about 11 or 12. Schwartzmiller went by the alias "Doc Lewis," because he supposedly was a psychiatrist or psychologist.

He was "charismatic," Kevan recalled. "Everybody took him at his word."

There was one telling incident. On the bus to a football game in Boise, Schwartzmiller announced it was time for a "jockstrap check."

This would be good for a laugh if it weren't sick. Or maybe it's just good for a sick laugh.

Posted 2:41 PM by Gene

I wish I'd seen this three days ago, but Rog luuuuuuuuuuuuuuves Lennon -- and its principal begetter:

I can't get over the irony of Clear Channel Entertainment producing a John Lennon musical. Clear Channel, destroyer of radio, masticator of the concert business, would have been Lennon's archenemy had he lived.

Don't worry Rog, CHEAP CHANNEL got masticated in its own right.

Posted 2:35 PM by Gene

GOD, what a striking visage you have Jonah! What a devilishly handsome face! What a rakish grin! Time to observe my beauty in the mirror again.

Wh-wh-what's THAT? I'm MORPHING into something! What IS it? No! No!!



NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Posted 2:26 PM by Gene

Sorry Andy, your standards drilled a hole through China long ago, and are deep into outer space.

Honest Jo, we know you think you and your fellow typists are hoots, but I'd need more hands than there are stars in the universe to count the times you NRO clowns have made asses of yourselves -- and misspelled to boot.

Posted 1:26 PM by Gene

Another reason WE should ELECT the NINE FINGERS: Judge Roberts won't say one word in edgewise about abortion, and Dick Durbin knows it. This is why these Nine Fingers confirmation haggles have become so excruciating; they're like talking with the Kremlin when the Kremlin isn't talking. And all the Fingers do is political. Better to have judges run forthrightly on their RECORDS than engage in their nitpicking evasive dishonesty. Better for US to VOTE the Nine Fingers in office.

Posted 12:37 PM by Gene

Excellent news! Despite the POLITICALLY-CORRECT CON-SER-VA-TIVE COMEDY two highly publicized movies are bombing -- and we're back to a down streak for the B.O.! KEEP UP THE GOOD WORK!

Posted 11:47 AM by Gene

A-Myron A-Floren has a-died -- forgive us, but this is infinitely better than how the ignoramuses who are CURLEY'S (Nyuk! Nyuk! Nyuk!) STOOGES put it: "'Lawrence Welk Show' Accordion Player Dies." He was a big part of the team that made musical meat-loaf on Saturdays, and if it was not great cuisine, it was still a kind of comfort food for the ears, and now we're stuck with GENIUS, and the whole world doesn't seem as good now.

Posted 11:36 AM by Gene

Here is what passes for SPEED on the Web: Jonah links to a link from the Prof about how RUPERT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! is wasting money on a Web site -- five days after His POST!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! announced it -- and I linked to it!

There are days when I fear blogging is the moral equivalent of banging your head on a wall.

And I DON'T think Prof's wholly kidding either.

Posted 9:54 AM by Gene

If the case does go to trial, don't expect R. Kelly's career to go anywhere but up. "Even if he goes to jail, I think he'll survive," said Cory Robbins, president of Robbins Entertainment. "R. Kelly is such a rare talent as a songwriter, singer and producer. He really is one of the biggest talents of his generation."

Asking a member of the RECORDED, er, SOUND CONSPIRACY to comment on one of the BIGGEST EARACHES, er, STARS is like asking a MAFIA DON to comment on his hitmen's SHOOTING.

We were thinking of giving you a NEUHARTHISM OF THE WEEK AWARD, Monique, but we'll save it for YOUR BOSS.

Oh HECK, we'll GIVE IT TO YOU ANYWAY!

Posted 9:21 AM by Gene

OH oh, LITTLE JEFFY and his TAX-BREAK-HOARDING FRIENDS may launch a TRADE WAR!

Who says crime don't pay?

P. S.

General Electric, which runs its world operations from Fairfield, Connecticut, may save more than $8 billion over the next decade from the changes by avoiding U.S. taxes on the foreign profits of its financing businesses, according to an analysis by Democrats on the House Ways and Means Committee after Congress approved the new law.

SIGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH....

Posted 9:19 AM by Gene

PINCH HOPES FOR A CIVIL WAR IN IRAQ!

GO! GO PINCH!!! GO!!!!!

Posted 9:11 AM by Gene

One of these things...

Harvard Medical School's major teaching hospitals are considering adopting a sweeping disclosure policy that would establish detailed procedures for physicians to openly acknowledge medical errors and other bad results to their patients, and provide for training in apologizing.

...is NOT like the other....

CHRONIC CONDITION The Waste in Medicare Spending
Bad Practices Net Hospitals More Money
High Quality Often Loses Out In the 40-Year-Old Program

Posted 9:06 AM by Gene

Egypt Detains 70 in Deadly Resort Attacks

Does this mean lots of people were involved? Or does this mean Hosni's launched a show-offy fishing expedition?

Posted 8:53 AM by Gene

More than 1,200 city workers--most in jobs that are supposed to be free from political influence--belong to a select few groups that have supported Mayor Richard Daley, a Tribune investigation has found.

And most of those employees get their paychecks from City Hall departments targeted in a federal investigation of hiring.

Yep, I think hizzoner's chance at an indictment just went MORE up.

Posted 8:40 AM by Gene

Yes, it is very sad the London police shot the wrong man, but if I know NEWS HACKS this is all we'll hear about from now on, and the 56 who died to satisfy the holy cockroaches' tempers will be an obscure memory.