THE NEWS HACK'S CREED:
I know more than you.
I make lots more money than you.
I'm smarter than you.
I'm sexier than you.
I appear on TV all the time.
I work ten minutes a day.
I rule the universe.
I'm going to live forever.
You are an idiot.
THE NEWS HACK'S CREED, No. 2:
A lie isn't a lie when it tells THE TRUTH.
THE NEWS HACK'S CREED, No. 3:
I've come to realize that the looseness of the journalistic life, the seeming laxity of the newsroom, is an illusion. Yes, there's informality and there's humor, but beneath the surface lies something deadly serious. It is a code. Sometimes the code is not even written down, but it is deeply believed in. And, when violated, it is enforced with tribal ferocity.
--JOHN "OMERTA" CARROLL.
THE NEWS HACK'S CREED, No. 4:
News isn't news when we don't report it.
PERMALINKS:
THE NEWS HACKS' DICTIONARY
THE EUGENE DAVID GLOSSARY
AMERICA'S MOST UNINTENTIONALLY FUNNY WEB SITE!
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Saturday, March 07, 2009
TWENTY-FIVE MILLION AMERICANS LISTENED TO RUSH LAST WEEK!!!!!!!!!!
Your head IS made of wood, isn't it, Charlie.
Yes but when Mark Steyn gets near me I do a good imitation of the hole in his head.
Who got it from a Web site called Small Dead Animals, who got it from SEN. FOGHORN MATTHEWS'S COMEDY SHOW?!?!?, who got it from HOWIE HAIRSHIRT, who got it from that JABBERING WHATISIT THE PUBLISHER OF TALKERS, who got it from -- this is starting to resemble Yente the Matchmaker!
And now we know where that jackass Farhi got his inspiration: from grumbling fellow typists at The Daily Kaplan! TWO WRONGS DON'T MAKE A -- CORRECT.
OR:
"It's very hard to come up with an exact answer. It really reveals the embarrassing state of radio ratings."
Which enabled you to say with absolute certainty to Howie: TWENTY-FIVE MILLION AMERICANS LISTENED TO RUSH LAST WEEK!!!!!!!!!!
SHUT UP, ALL OF YOU!
(Apologies to Edgar and Charlie -- we're not trying to identify them with any political persuasion.)
Today outside my favorite pawn shop on South Street Ted Mack Productions was taping some sort of Web video or what have you, with two cameras! and a boom mike! and somebody dressed as the Lone Ranger and somebody dressed as Tonto. And instantly I thought, when anyone can do "entertainment", no one can.
The Lone Ranger was smoking too; maybe he was playing the Marlboro Man.
The Lone Ranger was smoking too; maybe he was playing the Marlboro Man.
Keeping in mind this is the fool typist Farhi, and keeping in mind such fool typists tend to write stories like this for cheap ideological purposes, and that any story disqualifies itself for the presence of the omnipotent talking-head publisher of TALKERS, the fact remains no one knows the size of PILLHEAD's audience, and that Arbitron is unwilling or unable to figure it out puts a big black mark on the usefulness of ratings in general and radio ratings in particular -- which in turn puts an even bigger blacker mark on the likes of CHEAP CHANNEL and SUMNER RADIO and PINK SHEET BROADCASTING for relying on them so hard and fast in the first place.
That any number from PILLHEAD's mouth is an out-and-out fabrication is just as sure as with any number from Hubert -- Stren?
That any number from PILLHEAD's mouth is an out-and-out fabrication is just as sure as with any number from Hubert -- Stren?
In a waste of money known as corporate advertising appearing on TNR.com, "AT&T" (or rather, whatever company it was that now must call itself "AT&T") insists it's "bringing home over 5,000 American jobs." (I can't post the ad because the "A" put it in the @#$%^& Adobe Player format).
Okay, "A" -- does that include all the customer service types in INJA? Didn't think so.
"A" also two-left-footedly admits we're in a depression. Great corporate advertising, guys!
Okay, "A" -- does that include all the customer service types in INJA? Didn't think so.
"A" also two-left-footedly admits we're in a depression. Great corporate advertising, guys!
Somebody's finally wise to THE EDWARD R. MURROW OF COMEDY:
Stewart, on the other hand, is the King of SWPL America. He takes quotes and events out of context, flips them around and presents them in such a way as to flatter his fans' very large sense of self-superiority. In other words, Frank Rich loves him. But honestly, that gag is getting old. It's also easy to do when you have a large crowd on your side. Let's see Stewart go to pits in Chicago and try to embarrass them.
Next time though, guy, ditch the made-up acronyms.
By the way, which is longer -- Wikipedia's article on The Daily Show or the one on the battle of Gettysburg?
By about 200 words -- IDIOTS!!!!!
(First link via BusinessInsider.com -- and we must confess Henry Blodget isn't all that funny either)
Stewart, on the other hand, is the King of SWPL America. He takes quotes and events out of context, flips them around and presents them in such a way as to flatter his fans' very large sense of self-superiority. In other words, Frank Rich loves him. But honestly, that gag is getting old. It's also easy to do when you have a large crowd on your side. Let's see Stewart go to pits in Chicago and try to embarrass them.
Next time though, guy, ditch the made-up acronyms.
By the way, which is longer -- Wikipedia's article on The Daily Show or the one on the battle of Gettysburg?
By about 200 words -- IDIOTS!!!!!
(First link via BusinessInsider.com -- and we must confess Henry Blodget isn't all that funny either)
When something happens to a saint we love, the first thing we hacks do is to deny the saint is responsible. Thus as ST. WARRENDOM has lost zillions we've blamed it all on the fiends of Wall Street. Now that the NPCPCAA has sicced FSU with a big penalty we're blaming it for LEGENDARY BOWDEN missing HIS inevitability as the WINNINGEST FOOTBALL COACH. Here, too many hacks show they were born yesterday. You look at the faces of so many professional KOLLEDGE coaches and you know they've been up to something; they haven't earned their CEO status and their millions by being choirboys. We'd guess Bobby knows every trick in the book* from A to F...Z. He is no doubt culpable. Why should he stand haughtily above professional KOLLEDGE sports' puny regs because he has a number? But here, as in finance, we expect sports hacks to know nothing; one of their breed, recently unemployed by the Rocky Mountain News, insisted Scripps was as sound as Kaplan, Inc. So they know nothing about numbers EITHER.
*We should have said, "every trick of the trade", professional KOLLEDGE sports having nothing to do with books.
*We should have said, "every trick of the trade", professional KOLLEDGE sports having nothing to do with books.
Joe is utterly FLABBERGASTED that GE BANCORP is in trouble. We've called it GE BANCORP since we started this blog because we always suspected its treachery; how could it not be treacherous as an asset shuffler, a leader in show-biz -- and having had LEGENDARY WELCH for a CEO? News orgs reported faintly before on what it was up to, notably in insurance -- but they reported it very faintly because news hacks haven't a clue what they're doing. Plus they won't mock a company in THEIR BIZ. That luxury is over, and now we can all look upon LEGENDARY and news hacks alike as FRAUDS. We, however, are NOT surprised.
And now that GE BANCORP's in trouble it's the company's few remaining working stiffs who'll get hurt, the kind we news hacks haven't had to hold our noses to in decades.
And now that GE BANCORP's in trouble it's the company's few remaining working stiffs who'll get hurt, the kind we news hacks haven't had to hold our noses to in decades.
Friday, March 06, 2009
Rush: Kennedy won't live to see reform
How do you know, PILLHEAD? Did an angel whisper it in your ear? And did you have trouble hearing at the time?
I want con-SER-va-tives to tell me this is part of The One's PLOT.
OR:
UPDATE: DCCC Executive Director Brian Wolff fires back: “RUSH LIMBAUGH’S REPREHENSIBLE REMARK THAT, ' BEFORE IT'S ALL OVER, IT'LL BE CALLED THE TED KENNEDY MEMORIAL HEALTH CARE BILL' IS TRULY OUTRAGEOUS! LEADER LIMBAUGH MINIMIZES THE STRUGGLE OF HARDWORKING AMERICANS WITHOUT ACCESS TO AFFORDABLE HEALTH CARE AND DEMONIZES A PATRIOTIC SENATOR WHO HAS SPENT HIS LIFE FIGHTING SO THAT EVERY PERSON HAS THE OPPORTUNITY TO LIVE THE AMERICAN DREAM!! LEADER LIMBAUGH CROSSED THE LINE!!!!! NATIONAL REPUBLICANS MUST STAND UP TO THEIR LEADER, RUSH LIMBAUGH, AND TELL HIM THAT ENOUGH IS ENOUGH!!!!!!!!!!” (Democratic overemphasis added)
TRANSLATION: We've done the same thing. SHUT UP, MUTUAL DIMWITS.
(Revised 3/7/2009 at 1:20 p. m. to add self-righteousness)
How do you know, PILLHEAD? Did an angel whisper it in your ear? And did you have trouble hearing at the time?
I want con-SER-va-tives to tell me this is part of The One's PLOT.
OR:
UPDATE: DCCC Executive Director Brian Wolff fires back: “RUSH LIMBAUGH’S REPREHENSIBLE REMARK THAT, ' BEFORE IT'S ALL OVER, IT'LL BE CALLED THE TED KENNEDY MEMORIAL HEALTH CARE BILL' IS TRULY OUTRAGEOUS! LEADER LIMBAUGH MINIMIZES THE STRUGGLE OF HARDWORKING AMERICANS WITHOUT ACCESS TO AFFORDABLE HEALTH CARE AND DEMONIZES A PATRIOTIC SENATOR WHO HAS SPENT HIS LIFE FIGHTING SO THAT EVERY PERSON HAS THE OPPORTUNITY TO LIVE THE AMERICAN DREAM!! LEADER LIMBAUGH CROSSED THE LINE!!!!! NATIONAL REPUBLICANS MUST STAND UP TO THEIR LEADER, RUSH LIMBAUGH, AND TELL HIM THAT ENOUGH IS ENOUGH!!!!!!!!!!” (Democratic overemphasis added)
TRANSLATION: We've done the same thing. SHUT UP, MUTUAL DIMWITS.
(Revised 3/7/2009 at 1:20 p. m. to add self-righteousness)
How the crappy jjjjawwwnn-RAHHHH called sci-fi became con-SERRRRR-va-tive and landed lovers like Jo-NAH: It became a Christian ALLEGORY.
I can do allegories too: WFB is the Father, Jo-NAH is the Son, and conservatives have given up the ghost. And didn't City Journal run that piece of junk about MS. TRAVERS'S favorite TV show being con-SER-va-tive? Yes, I believe it did.
I can do allegories too: WFB is the Father, Jo-NAH is the Son, and conservatives have given up the ghost. And didn't City Journal run that piece of junk about MS. TRAVERS'S favorite TV show being con-SER-va-tive? Yes, I believe it did.
FLASH!
Pelosi's Patience Wears Thin
Who knew she had any?
...a long-overdue omnibus spending bill that had become a growing embarrassment for party leaders and President Barack Obama.
Spending -- an embarrassment?
Pelosi's Patience Wears Thin
Who knew she had any?
...a long-overdue omnibus spending bill that had become a growing embarrassment for party leaders and President Barack Obama.
Spending -- an embarrassment?
Yesterday Chron.com inaugurated a database for Texas state jobholders and their salaries -- all 175,000 of them. This is a perfectly reasonable thing; these are, after all, public workers. I'm a mu-ni-CIP-al worker and if someone wanted to look me up he'd find my title and could extrapolate my salary; we're all in a city directory. I'm not sure how useful such lists are but it is a small way of holding the taxpayer-paid to account. This came to mind as I was reading the MORON (just using his word) Mogul's Friend. I'd love to know his salary. I'm guessing it's at least $200,000 given he's now at the heart of what Pvt. Zell considers a PROFIT CENTER -- foisting rave reviews and advertorials and all kinds of show-biz insults on the public. We should know news hacks' salaries. Most public workers merely do a job; news hacks have the power of the word, a power that can hugely distort our nation and ruin people. They should be held accountable. Why not publish their salaries? We'd then know how many gaseous PUNDITS make seven digits for God knows what reason, and how much they underpay the few public servants really doing a job. Their bosses will shake their heads and say what a wonderful idea it is -- in theory, as they don't want to embarrass the seven-digits; and then we'd never hear a sound of it again.
An answer to the EDWARD R. MURROW OF COMEDY and his latest attempt to win the P-ULITZER PRIZE for WITTY PUNDITING:
Many of the most sweeping criticisms also come from folks who are the furthest from the action. A number of the loudest critics, from the Audit to The Washington Post's Howard Kurtz to any number of bloggers to "The Daily Show," which this week thrashed CNBC, with the help of the Times' Joe Nocera, to (for comic relief) Ben Affleck, who recently blamed Newsweek for the mess because it was nice to Henry Paulson, should ask themselves the following question: What were you up to when the disaster was building? Why didn't you ring the alarm bell? Their answer is usually, well, it wasn't my job or no one would listen to me. These turn out to be not unlike excuses proffered by many financial journalists -- to wit, I was covering my beat, which didn't extend into every toxic nook and cranny of finance. (OK, not Affleck, Kurtz or Jon Stewart: Their answer is that they were busy making lots of money in show biz.)
Unfortunately he goes on to excuse financial news hacks with terms like opacity and complexity and blahblahblah, which did not stop some of the bizhacks from praising the heads of opaque, complex companies, like LEGENDARY WELCH, or JOHN THAIN.
Which doesn't make EDDIE or HOWIE HAIRSHIRT any LESS prigs.
(Via MediaBistro)
Many of the most sweeping criticisms also come from folks who are the furthest from the action. A number of the loudest critics, from the Audit to The Washington Post's Howard Kurtz to any number of bloggers to "The Daily Show," which this week thrashed CNBC, with the help of the Times' Joe Nocera, to (for comic relief) Ben Affleck, who recently blamed Newsweek for the mess because it was nice to Henry Paulson, should ask themselves the following question: What were you up to when the disaster was building? Why didn't you ring the alarm bell? Their answer is usually, well, it wasn't my job or no one would listen to me. These turn out to be not unlike excuses proffered by many financial journalists -- to wit, I was covering my beat, which didn't extend into every toxic nook and cranny of finance. (OK, not Affleck, Kurtz or Jon Stewart: Their answer is that they were busy making lots of money in show biz.)
Unfortunately he goes on to excuse financial news hacks with terms like opacity and complexity and blahblahblah, which did not stop some of the bizhacks from praising the heads of opaque, complex companies, like LEGENDARY WELCH, or JOHN THAIN.
Which doesn't make EDDIE or HOWIE HAIRSHIRT any LESS prigs.
(Via MediaBistro)
The unemployment rate shoots up -- and so does the stock market! Can't wait when it's ten percent!
In more heartwarming news of this never-ending show-biz AGE of GENIUS, THR informs us WWE is remaking Missing in Action (!) (with UA, which is also redoing The Three Stooges and RoboCop), and SLIME is making a movee of the comic strip "Marmaduke" (let's just hope He doesn't have the dog die in the end, as in His other masterwork -- or maybe He should, if only to prevent a sequel).
Don't you want to just pinch yourself to live in an age of movee greatness?
Don't you want to just pinch yourself to live in an age of movee greatness?
Now that ST. WARREN'S BANK has cut ITS dividend, we may ask, does anyone in America know how to bank?
[O]perating months for January and February were “strong.”
BofA, Wells Fargo: No Equity After Accounting for Bad Loans
Sure, ST., sure.
[O]perating months for January and February were “strong.”
BofA, Wells Fargo: No Equity After Accounting for Bad Loans
Sure, ST., sure.
Thursday, March 05, 2009
With some businesses you wonder that anyone gets into them -- like horse racing. A firm called Magna Entertainment Corp., which owns Pimlico among other tracks, "has lost $638 million since 2002." There's been talk of the Preakness being moved from there. When we think horse racing we think broken-down men with cigars. We hope some semblance of the races can stay on, if only to remind us of what gambling was like before it became an industry, and because horses are such good and noble creatures, even when racing.
(Photo added 3/6/2009 at 9:50 a. m.; Magna owns a track outside Berkeley)
ABC Puts Its Money on Two Wall Street Comedy Pilots
Maybe it should put its money in AIG. It might be funnier.
Maybe it should put its money in AIG. It might be funnier.
A CLASSIC NEAR-JUXTAPOSITION FROM ESPNCORP NETWORK NEWS.COM:
WATCH: The Unhappiest Place to Live of All
Well, if you're unhappy, Portland, Oregonians, go two doors down to --
The Funniest 911 Calls You'll Ever Hear
WATCH: The Unhappiest Place to Live of All
Well, if you're unhappy, Portland, Oregonians, go two doors down to --
The Funniest 911 Calls You'll Ever Hear
Shucks, The One will have to get another honorary doctor.
What is the point of the Surgeon General's office, aside from righteously adding unpleasant words to our conversations -- like condom?
What is the point of the Surgeon General's office, aside from righteously adding unpleasant words to our conversations -- like condom?
I am annoyed to realize most of my referrals today have come from a post of eighteen months ago -- and NOT about Sophia Loren. Oh well, I think she was (and is) profoundly beautiful too, and one good photo deserves another:
Soon I may be an outpost of the Sophia Loren Fan Club --- which I wouldn't entirely mind, despite not being read.
P. S. at 8:15 p. m. I now learn my post of that picture was on page one of the Google and Google Images searches for Sophia Loren. Thank you -- and for once I will not call you G000,000,000,000,000GLE. Now again if only people would not pay so much attention to my beauty!
And if only Sophia Loren were 21!
Soon I may be an outpost of the Sophia Loren Fan Club --- which I wouldn't entirely mind, despite not being read.
P. S. at 8:15 p. m. I now learn my post of that picture was on page one of the Google and Google Images searches for Sophia Loren. Thank you -- and for once I will not call you G000,000,000,000,000GLE. Now again if only people would not pay so much attention to my beauty!
And if only Sophia Loren were 21!
AP Interview: Gorbachev criticizes Putin's party
We will not call this the height of courage as Gorby waited long enough -- and he chose the right time -- but better late than never, we say.
We will not call this the height of courage as Gorby waited long enough -- and he chose the right time -- but better late than never, we say.
Electronic Medical Records: Will They Really Cut Costs?
How about -- enough so in his second term The One will launch a new cabinet-level agency to control their costs!
Or maybe he can appoint another CZAR!
How about -- enough so in his second term The One will launch a new cabinet-level agency to control their costs!
Or maybe he can appoint another CZAR!
EM'S UP TO SOMETHING: First he treats us to an incredibly long and BOOOOOORING story about the continuing litigation of Marshall v. Marshall -- you know, the late star of Skyscraper and her late zillionaire "husband" and his son, the whole tiresome lot -- and what it says we're not sure of, and we don't intend to return to it to find out; and then some typist named Fisher, Hunter, Swimmer, whatever, crowns another con-SER-va-tive movie.
AN HONORARY NEUHARTHISM OF THE MONTH AWARD FOR LONG, BORING TONE-DEAFNESS TO EM!
AN HONORARY NEUHARTHISM OF THE MONTH AWARD FOR LONG, BORING TONE-DEAFNESS TO EM!
Further on the economy we see THE EDWARD R. MURROW OF COMEDY has launched a NEW AND VAST REFORM MOVEMENT, this time against BAD FINANCIAL PUNDITRY.
Which is another way of saying EDDIE probably ignored the topic himself until it was too smelly to ignore -- and now that He doesn't have Dubya to kick around anymore I guess He needs new TARGETS.
Oh -- people who work in SUMNER-RUN EMPIRES....
(Via the usual Romy, who takes Eddie VERY seriously)
Which is another way of saying EDDIE probably ignored the topic himself until it was too smelly to ignore -- and now that He doesn't have Dubya to kick around anymore I guess He needs new TARGETS.
Oh -- people who work in SUMNER-RUN EMPIRES....
(Via the usual Romy, who takes Eddie VERY seriously)
Recovery Indicators Are Being Ignored
We might ignore them from YOU -- SEN. GOLDILOCKS!
(Via NRO, where the economy has yet to enter a recession)
We might ignore them from YOU -- SEN. GOLDILOCKS!
(Via NRO, where the economy has yet to enter a recession)
Merrill "McTrough" McPeak, one of the OutoutoutoutOUT OF IRAQ! gang, proposes a no-fly zone over Sudan. Fine. But why won't you countenance a no-terrorists zone in Iraq, McTrough?
Two years ago we thought CHEAP CHANNEL would inflict every neighborhood with LED billboards. Well wouldn't you know, businesses didn't need its help -- they put up winking blinking talking singing LED signs everywhere, thinking they could INCREASE SALES! -- when all they do is make the environs into one bigger eyesore, and ultimately get the expensive nuisances removed. LADY BIRD! Where ARE you?
FLASH! THE ONE'S HAIR IS TURNING GRAY!!!!!
WHO NEEDS NEWS HACKS?
“Presidents age two years for every year that they’re in office,” said Dr. Michael F. Roizen, co-founder of RealAge, a Web site that tells you how much older your body really is because of all that smoking and drinking you have been doing.
Haven't all those Web ads helped?
WHO NEEDS NEWS HACKS?
WHO NEEDS NEWS HACKS?
“Presidents age two years for every year that they’re in office,” said Dr. Michael F. Roizen, co-founder of RealAge, a Web site that tells you how much older your body really is because of all that smoking and drinking you have been doing.
Haven't all those Web ads helped?
WHO NEEDS NEWS HACKS?
Further from the Biz, let's see con-SER-va-tives carry this one in for a touchdown: It blames The One for the market tanking!
Professional investors tend to be more conservative, so it's perhaps no surprise they're concerned. "The basic agenda of Obama's Administration is going to be more leftist and less centrist than I had anticipated," says John Merrill, chief investment officer at Tanglewood Wealth Management in Houston.
WwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwWELL!
Professional investors tend to be more conservative, so it's perhaps no surprise they're concerned. "The basic agenda of Obama's Administration is going to be more leftist and less centrist than I had anticipated," says John Merrill, chief investment officer at Tanglewood Wealth Management in Houston.
WwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwWELL!
Where Bewkes Is Taking Time Warner
With luck, the same place Steve Ross, Gerry Levin, Steve Case and Dick Parsons took it.
With luck, the same place Steve Ross, Gerry Levin, Steve Case and Dick Parsons took it.
GENIUS: Having just made a purchase that was supposed to do wonders for the beer biz, INBEV Anheuser-Busch has slashed its dividend so it can pay off the debt it incurred making the purchase that was supposed to do wonders for the beer biz.
Wednesday, March 04, 2009
DAYDREAMING: A Fool predicts G000,000,000,000,000GLE will buy Twitter.
The way it bought five percent of AOL, we hope.
(Via Seeking Alpha)
The way it bought five percent of AOL, we hope.
(Via Seeking Alpha)
DRIP, DRIP, DRIP:
Moisture plagues 'impermeable' gallery
And guess which impermeable STARCHITECT designed it?
No wonder he's had to lay off staff. Oh wait, it's never the BOSS.
(First link via the usual AhtsJournal)
TRANSLATION: Information is free -- and so is PROVIDING IT.
How does this serve democracy, O Huff? O SUPERDUPERMEGAGIGABLOGGERS?
(Via the usual Romy)
How does this serve democracy, O Huff? O SUPERDUPERMEGAGIGABLOGGERS?
(Via the usual Romy)
James C., a PILLHEAD without the fat, the cigar, the pills and (most of) the zillions:
“It’s great for us, great for him, great for the press.”
And LOUSY FOR THE REST OF US -- but idiots like YOU AND YOUR FRIEND wouldn't want it ANY OTHER WAY.
Before the end of the month THE NEW CW will have spent more time and resources on this STUNT than on LEGITIMATE REPORTING.
“It’s great for us, great for him, great for the press.”
And LOUSY FOR THE REST OF US -- but idiots like YOU AND YOUR FRIEND wouldn't want it ANY OTHER WAY.
Before the end of the month THE NEW CW will have spent more time and resources on this STUNT than on LEGITIMATE REPORTING.
REWRITE: God knows how often hacks essentially redo other papers' stories -- as with this one about a lecher who got teen cheerleaders drunk in his house, very craftily rewritten (or, given our earlier post, Farhied) by this StinkyInky Tabloid Edition writer. We must confess we'd have paid no mind to it except this guy throws screaming whining sieg-heil left-wing tantrums on a "blog" on the Tabloid Edition's site, which means he'd probably whine about such shenanigans if he were someone else. That the rewriter is a left-wing Neanderthal is only one reason we complain -- we needn't mention this publisher just declared bankruptcy. If its MO is to very lazily have its "talent" rewrite other papers' stories it should fold outright. That the Tabloid Edition is now officially just a sideways version of the StinkyInky also says that most newspapers don't compete regardless of their organization charts.
He is MORE POPULAR THAN EVER, Americans are HOPEFUL about his leadership, and OPPOSITION REPUBLICANS ARE GETTING DRUBBED IN PUBLIC OPINION!!!!!!!!!! (the new Wall Street Journal/NBC News poll suggests.) (Hallelujah overemphasis and parentheses added)
SLIME'S GOT THE PROGRAM! He bought TWO newspapers with The Wall Street Journals, and now He intends to milk them!
Which should prevent further goodwill writedowns from His overpaying.
(Via The Oval, which reminds us -- GCI at $2.27, NWSA at $5.53)
SLIME'S GOT THE PROGRAM! He bought TWO newspapers with The Wall Street Journals, and now He intends to milk them!
Which should prevent further goodwill writedowns from His overpaying.
(Via The Oval, which reminds us -- GCI at $2.27, NWSA at $5.53)
And speaking of platitudes:
S.&P. Cuts Bank of America’s Rating Again
Again? They did it before? We didn't know.
This means something?
(Via Seeking Alpha)
S.&P. Cuts Bank of America’s Rating Again
Again? They did it before? We didn't know.
This means something?
(Via Seeking Alpha)
This is grandstanding. It is also yet another manifestation of the WORRRRRULLDDD COMMUNITY's impotence regarding Darfur. When in doubt platitudinize, in word or deed. No, the true priorities of the COMMUNITY will emerge with Durban II.
Sudan does not recognize the court's jurisdiction and refuses to arrest suspects.
So there!
Sudan does not recognize the court's jurisdiction and refuses to arrest suspects.
So there!
And in a further indication that news hacks and bloggers may not be totally relevant, The Daily Kaplan posts two pictures of PILLHEAD on its home page. Haven't we had enough of the greatest PR stunt since Hyman -- Stein went satradio?
Anyway, R.I.P., Mr. Harvey.
And now for....Page Two!
What makes you think you're worthy of Page ONE, Mr. Farhi?
This is another way the hacks irritate me -- by being exceedingly cute with their writing, thinking they're being humorous. I suppose anyone who types for public consumption is guilty of it now and then but some writers do it far more than others, and too many of those have jobs.
And now for....Page Two!
What makes you think you're worthy of Page ONE, Mr. Farhi?
This is another way the hacks irritate me -- by being exceedingly cute with their writing, thinking they're being humorous. I suppose anyone who types for public consumption is guilty of it now and then but some writers do it far more than others, and too many of those have jobs.
Tuesday, March 03, 2009
If it's Tuesday it must be Big Double-A-Scribble Time:
1. The folks who celebrate People as the greatest magazine ever get enthusiastic over a feature in its sister rag's Web site -- you know, InStyle, the rag that's even dorkier than People -- that lets women try on celebs' hair styles. The TWXSTERS should extend this to men; I wonder how I'd look with Moe Howard's wig.
2. These folks get equally excited that The Big G has rolled out retro cereal boxes at Target -- without the retro prices, no doubt. I suspect a FIVE-LETTER WORD is missing from the boxes too.
1. The folks who celebrate People as the greatest magazine ever get enthusiastic over a feature in its sister rag's Web site -- you know, InStyle, the rag that's even dorkier than People -- that lets women try on celebs' hair styles. The TWXSTERS should extend this to men; I wonder how I'd look with Moe Howard's wig.
2. These folks get equally excited that The Big G has rolled out retro cereal boxes at Target -- without the retro prices, no doubt. I suspect a FIVE-LETTER WORD is missing from the boxes too.
But isn't Limbaugh putting Republicans in a tough spot, where they must either distance themselves and risk alienating conservatives, or embrace him and risk alienating moderates? "No," says Larson, "I think a good politician should be able to say, 'Yes I agree with Rush,' or, 'No, I don't.' … Only if you're unsure of your own positions" should it be a problem. "Ronald Reagan was never unsure of his own positions," he adds.
Which is why so many craven Republicans luuuuuuuuuuhve PILLHEAD!
Which is why so many craven Republicans luuuuuuuuuuhve PILLHEAD!
Our favorite press agent Rog sighs:
It’s kind of crazy to see “West Side Story” the night after “Guys and Dolls.” It makes you wonder why no one writes real songs anymore. It’s a lost art.
Which will not prevent the hacks from demanding their free passes, and taking advantage of said free passes to write fatuous raves, and which will not prevent us from laughing over the likes of GanNETt's junk..."paper" -- and we'd guess the whole cri-TIC-al staff of USAOKAY!!!!!'s got theirs. Best of luck come double-one time!
Or Rog, for that matter -- but heck he is a press agent.
It’s kind of crazy to see “West Side Story” the night after “Guys and Dolls.” It makes you wonder why no one writes real songs anymore. It’s a lost art.
Which will not prevent the hacks from demanding their free passes, and taking advantage of said free passes to write fatuous raves, and which will not prevent us from laughing over the likes of GanNETt's junk..."paper" -- and we'd guess the whole cri-TIC-al staff of USAOKAY!!!!!'s got theirs. Best of luck come double-one time!
Or Rog, for that matter -- but heck he is a press agent.
In our latest post from Arch...Daily:
A Swiss-cheese factory!
Caveat: This is from the same "preactice" that gave us the Dresden HDTV, so maybe they just have too much time on their hands.
Although this apartment building in the Netherlands isn't too bad.
A Swiss-cheese factory!
Caveat: This is from the same "preactice" that gave us the Dresden HDTV, so maybe they just have too much time on their hands.
Although this apartment building in the Netherlands isn't too bad.
You've noticed? I have: Big-food companies are raising their prices. Why? (Aside from financing junk television so the CEOs can schmooze and playing CIA boss with their packaging, that is.) Because they made stupid bets on FUTURES CONTRACTS!
They SAY.
(Via The Consumerist, about which more later)
They SAY.
(Via The Consumerist, about which more later)
If Democrats have any sense or brains (dubious propositions, given that both houses of Congress have none) there is no way they'll let The One's budget fly as is. It is now obvious its principal purpose is to hike the national debt while paying back his party's friends.
Mortgage “cram-down” legislation that stalled in Congress last week will likely be changed to add requirements for homeowners to exhaust all options before they could use bankruptcy to reduce their loan payments, House Majority Leader Steny Hoyer said.
TRANSLATION: Even Steny realizes that not all homeowners may act responsibly, and that Uncle Sucker may not have unlimited resources for them. Yes, even a Democrat realizes this.
TRANSLATION: Even Steny realizes that not all homeowners may act responsibly, and that Uncle Sucker may not have unlimited resources for them. Yes, even a Democrat realizes this.
General Electric Co. is reading the tea leaves of the troubled global economy and has found a new partner to help it weather the storm: government.
Well that's obvious -- it's a BANK, isn't it?
Well that's obvious -- it's a BANK, isn't it?
Steele managed to simultaneously reinforce the Democratic talking point that Rush is the real leader of the Republican Party and outrage the party's conservative base. This is pretty much the problem the GOP has faced since at least 2005: it vacillates between a mushy moderation that deflates its base and a tin-eared Bushian bellicosity that doesn't mean anything to swing voters. The results go by the names Barack Obama, Nancy Pelosi, and Harry Reid.
But they have to be mushy moderate to make up for the tin-eared Bushian bellicosity, and they have to be tin-eared Bushily bellicose to make up for the mushy moderation.
Don't you think, PILLHEAD? (No, of course you don't -- except of CHEAP CHANNEL.)
But they have to be mushy moderate to make up for the tin-eared Bushian bellicosity, and they have to be tin-eared Bushily bellicose to make up for the mushy moderation.
Don't you think, PILLHEAD? (No, of course you don't -- except of CHEAP CHANNEL.)
Somebody's brother says:
Have you noticed their coordinated effort to label Rush the leader of the Republican Party? Do you think it's accidental that James Carville so describes him? Do you think it's just coincidental that Obama called Rush out personally and that the entire flock of mainstream media sheep followed suit?
Could it be there's no Republican leader worthy of the name? Could it be Republicans have been so obsessively identified with big business and the hyperrich -- who aren't on anyone's popularity list anymore -- and con-SER-va-tives have been so obsessively devoted to their care and feeding, as to vacuum their ranks of leadership and thought? Could it be the opportunistic PILLHEAD stepped into the void to keep him and his CHEAP CHANNEL empire in the fore forever? Could it be we're sick and tired of all of you for your nonstop buck-passing?
Have you noticed their coordinated effort to label Rush the leader of the Republican Party? Do you think it's accidental that James Carville so describes him? Do you think it's just coincidental that Obama called Rush out personally and that the entire flock of mainstream media sheep followed suit?
Could it be there's no Republican leader worthy of the name? Could it be Republicans have been so obsessively identified with big business and the hyperrich -- who aren't on anyone's popularity list anymore -- and con-SER-va-tives have been so obsessively devoted to their care and feeding, as to vacuum their ranks of leadership and thought? Could it be the opportunistic PILLHEAD stepped into the void to keep him and his CHEAP CHANNEL empire in the fore forever? Could it be we're sick and tired of all of you for your nonstop buck-passing?
EXCELLENT NEWS!
MPAA budget takes $20 million hit
Move by member sudios [THR IS UPSET SIC!!!!!] will trim group's size, scope
This means no more direct links with the FBI! No more harassing people for using their computers! Maybe they'll have to outsource JACK'S SECRET POISONOUS-RECIPE ALPHABET SOUP -- or stop making it at all! And we can think of few deserving a pay cut more than SAMMY GLICK...MAN!!!!!
THIS MAKES OUR DAY!
MPAA budget takes $20 million hit
Move by member sudios [THR IS UPSET SIC!!!!!] will trim group's size, scope
This means no more direct links with the FBI! No more harassing people for using their computers! Maybe they'll have to outsource JACK'S SECRET POISONOUS-RECIPE ALPHABET SOUP -- or stop making it at all! And we can think of few deserving a pay cut more than SAMMY GLICK...MAN!!!!!
THIS MAKES OUR DAY!
Monday, March 02, 2009
Former Illinois Gov. Rod Blagojevich has landed a book deal, his publicist said today.
Is this the title?
Or is it this?
Is this the title?
Or is it this?
We'd say this to Ross, if we could: PILLHEAD and QUEEN OPRAH are alike in one very distinct way: ten years after they retire they will be as well remembered as Phil Donahue is today (?) -- and twenty years after they retire not a single living soul will have any idea what the fuss over them was all about.
And if you want a primer on yesterday's hot celebs -- think RUDY VALLÉE.
Steele Apologizes
Well that didn't take long -- and he didn't even have to appear on the show!
He knows who runs the REPUBLICAN PARTY AND THE CONSERVATIVE MOVEMENT!
Well that didn't take long -- and he didn't even have to appear on the show!
He knows who runs the REPUBLICAN PARTY AND THE CONSERVATIVE MOVEMENT!
MORE SCARY:
For the year, CC posted a $4 billion loss in part to a $5.2 billion impairment charge. Revenue declined 3 percent to $6.7 billion.
Radio revenue dropped 13 percent in fourth quarter to $788.8 million. About 43 percent of the division's decline occurred during the fourth quarter, sending full year revenue down 7 percent to $3.3 billion. [Emphasis added]
The good news is, it's CHEAP CHANNEL. The bad news is, it's the economy.
For the year, CC posted a $4 billion loss in part to a $5.2 billion impairment charge. Revenue declined 3 percent to $6.7 billion.
Radio revenue dropped 13 percent in fourth quarter to $788.8 million. About 43 percent of the division's decline occurred during the fourth quarter, sending full year revenue down 7 percent to $3.3 billion. [Emphasis added]
The good news is, it's CHEAP CHANNEL. The bad news is, it's the economy.
I RUN THE REPUBLICAN PARTY!!!!! I RUN THE CONSERVATIVE MOVEMENT!!!!! NO REPUBLICAN OR CONSERVATIVE CAN DO ANYTHING WITHOUT MY PERMISSION!!!!!!!!!!
We think THE DUHB's essay is starting to sink in, however imperfectly.
But if we're going to attack PILLHEAD let's NOT use words beloved of their mere polar opposites.
Conant, the RNC spokesman, didn’t say whether Steele would go on the show.
1. Yes; and 2. I'm sorry. See above.
We think THE DUHB's essay is starting to sink in, however imperfectly.
But if we're going to attack PILLHEAD let's NOT use words beloved of their mere polar opposites.
Conant, the RNC spokesman, didn’t say whether Steele would go on the show.
1. Yes; and 2. I'm sorry. See above.
We despair of getting hits for being us, but at least a few of those who do surf us have an unintentional sense of humor. Consider these two referrals from this morning, as provided by EXTREME TRACKING:
02 Mar, Mon, 09:46:51 Google Images: voluptuous women
02 Mar, Mon, 10:27:59 Google Images: ugly bikini
And yes, they both link to that picture of the very plump beauty contestant we posted last year. Oh well, one of these days people won't hit us up because of my looks.
02 Mar, Mon, 09:46:51 Google Images: voluptuous women
02 Mar, Mon, 10:27:59 Google Images: ugly bikini
And yes, they both link to that picture of the very plump beauty contestant we posted last year. Oh well, one of these days people won't hit us up because of my looks.
TRANSLATION: Plastic surgeons are trying to drum up business because THE DEPR -- ECONOMY has taken care of teenage girls wanting bigger busts.
We should give a NEUHARTHISM OF THE WEEK AWARD to RITA for running this press release but we figure she was just trying to be witty, so we'll leave it at that.
We should give a NEUHARTHISM OF THE WEEK AWARD to RITA for running this press release but we figure she was just trying to be witty, so we'll leave it at that.
As a regular feature of this little-read blog we will start posting pictures from the unironically-named ArchDaily.com. Today's highlight:
A super-duper high-def set in Dresden.
The preactice [SIC] is based in Spain....
Yes, and when you design HDTVs you should call yourself a preactice.
A super-duper high-def set in Dresden.
The preactice [SIC] is based in Spain....
Yes, and when you design HDTVs you should call yourself a preactice.
Don't listen to my whiny, sing-songy voice -- listen to my message!
Sure, Ronny, Sure.
P. S. WHY G000,000,000,000,000GLE DESERVES TO SELL FOR AT LEAST FIFTY TIMES GE BANCORP: I entered the opening of the ASSPress's story into its search:
Widely panned for his national TV address....
...and I got:
Did you mean: Widely banned for his national TV address
Well, I guess you could say that.
MULTIPLY THIS BY A MILLION:
The Environmental Protection Agency will soon begin testing the air around schools for toxic contaminants.
The $2.25 million program announced Monday will be the first to specifically target air contamination near schools. The EPA already operates a nationwide monitoring network that collects information on a variety of air pollutants....
But it is unclear what the agency can do about it if it finds that some pollutants are posing risks on school grounds. There are no federal standards for the 188 chemicals classified as air toxics. It can also be difficult to trace a pollution problem back to a specific source. [Last graf]
The Environmental Protection Agency will soon begin testing the air around schools for toxic contaminants.
The $2.25 million program announced Monday will be the first to specifically target air contamination near schools. The EPA already operates a nationwide monitoring network that collects information on a variety of air pollutants....
But it is unclear what the agency can do about it if it finds that some pollutants are posing risks on school grounds. There are no federal standards for the 188 chemicals classified as air toxics. It can also be difficult to trace a pollution problem back to a specific source. [Last graf]
Here's scary: International Paper at a 38-year low (at least).
We have been glib about Wall Street thus far because mostly the GEKKO KUDLOWS have been hurt -- we have no sympathy for St. Warren, however straight He tells it -- but each time the GEKKOS inflict more hurt on themselves some ants can get hurt too.
We have been glib about Wall Street thus far because mostly the GEKKO KUDLOWS have been hurt -- we have no sympathy for St. Warren, however straight He tells it -- but each time the GEKKOS inflict more hurt on themselves some ants can get hurt too.
And on the subject of vanished, if "narcostates" like Guinea-Bissau did it's hard to imagine even the inhabitants would miss them.
And pray tell, what is "the Community of Portuguese-Speaking Countries"?
And pray tell, what is "the Community of Portuguese-Speaking Countries"?
We hate to keep bringing up The New Meryl Streep but The Paper of Re-CORD once assured us this ac-TOR was great because she "vanished into her roles." Well, here's Ben reviewing the unanimously panned new Guys and Dolls theme park in Branson East:
As Sky the heartbreaker, Mr. Bierko (who starred in the 2000 revival of “The Music Man”) gives the smoothest performance, but it’s also bland. Like the others he sometimes seems to disappear while you’re watching him.
Next year -- an Os-CAR®! Or at least the Branson East Best Carnival Barker Award.
As Sky the heartbreaker, Mr. Bierko (who starred in the 2000 revival of “The Music Man”) gives the smoothest performance, but it’s also bland. Like the others he sometimes seems to disappear while you’re watching him.
Next year -- an Os-CAR®! Or at least the Branson East Best Carnival Barker Award.
Pelosi's list: Who's on her bad side?
You have that much space on your site?
She'd be a great blogger if she weren't co-president.
You have that much space on your site?
She'd be a great blogger if she weren't co-president.
Let us all feel SORRY for SUMNER:
"His media empire is a shadow of what it used to be," said Vogel, noting that the value of CBS and Viacom shares, like those of many other media companies, are a fraction of what they once were.
"This is what's putting pressure on him," Vogel said. "It's a nightmare at his stage in life that the values of his companies have evaporated."
Oh, a nightmare! that in early middle age he will never again revel in putting America under his big greasy thumb with his junky entertainments.
Good for us! Until another thumb comes along.
(Via IWantMedia)
"His media empire is a shadow of what it used to be," said Vogel, noting that the value of CBS and Viacom shares, like those of many other media companies, are a fraction of what they once were.
"This is what's putting pressure on him," Vogel said. "It's a nightmare at his stage in life that the values of his companies have evaporated."
Oh, a nightmare! that in early middle age he will never again revel in putting America under his big greasy thumb with his junky entertainments.
Good for us! Until another thumb comes along.
(Via IWantMedia)
Sunday, March 01, 2009
Speaking of ads, does anyone here remember this catchy jingle?
Never borrow money needlessly,
But when you need to borrow, see HFC.
HSBC* borrowed money needlessly to buy HFC (well, Household International) which lent money needlessly to all sorts of people borrowing money needlessly on their houses (which many no doubt needlessly bought on ARMs). After the subsequent needlessly brilliant experience you may not wonder why it's all but shutting down HFC (er, Household International -- er, HSBC Finance Corporation).
And to top it off the company's ready "to buy discounted assets from weakened competitors". Some people will never learn.
P. S. It's still giving out credit cards, like the GM Card. We wonder how long that will last.
P. P. S. SHUCKS, IT WAS A STOCK SWAP. We figured they must have borrowed money needlessly to keep the thing going. And all those shares cost something. Right?
P. P. P. S. Just as well: HSBC Finance was popular with its customers.
*We still don't know what it means. We don't want to guess.
(Via Seeking Alpha, sort of)
Never borrow money needlessly,
But when you need to borrow, see HFC.
HSBC* borrowed money needlessly to buy HFC (well, Household International) which lent money needlessly to all sorts of people borrowing money needlessly on their houses (which many no doubt needlessly bought on ARMs). After the subsequent needlessly brilliant experience you may not wonder why it's all but shutting down HFC (er, Household International -- er, HSBC Finance Corporation).
And to top it off the company's ready "to buy discounted assets from weakened competitors". Some people will never learn.
P. S. It's still giving out credit cards, like the GM Card. We wonder how long that will last.
P. P. S. SHUCKS, IT WAS A STOCK SWAP. We figured they must have borrowed money needlessly to keep the thing going. And all those shares cost something. Right?
P. P. P. S. Just as well: HSBC Finance was popular with its customers.
*We still don't know what it means. We don't want to guess.
(Via Seeking Alpha, sort of)
If it's Sunday it must be BIG DOUBLE-A-SCRIBBLE TIME:
1. Who says banks can't market? Northern Trust did it. Everyone knows its name now. Problem is there are certain kinds of "marketing" banks now do too well: accepting government handouts, sponsoring CEO-pleasin' sports events, raising fees, lowering credit limits, being a pain where the sun don't shine -- and all sorts of cute puppies and reassuring words on TV will not help a business a great many people now HATE.
2. Advertisers intend to plaster more and more annoying ads on TV than ever, in every conceivable way. The plan is to render TiVo useless. Do that, advertisers, and you may render TV useless. Please!
1. Who says banks can't market? Northern Trust did it. Everyone knows its name now. Problem is there are certain kinds of "marketing" banks now do too well: accepting government handouts, sponsoring CEO-pleasin' sports events, raising fees, lowering credit limits, being a pain where the sun don't shine -- and all sorts of cute puppies and reassuring words on TV will not help a business a great many people now HATE.
2. Advertisers intend to plaster more and more annoying ads on TV than ever, in every conceivable way. The plan is to render TiVo useless. Do that, advertisers, and you may render TV useless. Please!
The president's helicopter's blueprints made their way to Tehran thanks to some file-sharing program (i.e., pirated music, PRON, and other righteous things), and this, to be sure, is at best inexcusable; but we must note, and it is difficult not to descend into cheap partisanship about it, the company where this breach happened employs FORMER GEN. McCLELLAN as an "advisor", although to be sure such dimwittery could just as easily have happened if the "advisor" was, say, FORMER VEEP BIG-OIL.
Bloggers Can't Fill the Gap Left by Shrinking Press Corps
Now we KNOW this isn't true. Isn't THE PROFESSOR always telling us THE PEEPUL will rise to take the place of the hacks? Isn't ROGER forever gassing about the virtues of CITIZEN JERNALISM? Isn't B. S. DEFENDER saying the hacks are a bunch of old fogies who can't tell Web 2.0 from Web 1.0?
Yes even HOWIE HAIRSHIRT must admit the press has suffered from its own "arrogance". But expecting the PEA-BRAINED SUPERDUPERMEGAGIGABLOGGERS to fill in more than one pea in the press pod is testimony to their own. We should not take the press's protestations too seriously; how much better informed were we when full-to-bursting staffs swigged Perrier in their luxury news suites? But whatever difference will not be made up with inch-tall Napoleons like SAM LITTLE spewing bile frenetically from his den.
Now we KNOW this isn't true. Isn't THE PROFESSOR always telling us THE PEEPUL will rise to take the place of the hacks? Isn't ROGER forever gassing about the virtues of CITIZEN JERNALISM? Isn't B. S. DEFENDER saying the hacks are a bunch of old fogies who can't tell Web 2.0 from Web 1.0?
Yes even HOWIE HAIRSHIRT must admit the press has suffered from its own "arrogance". But expecting the PEA-BRAINED SUPERDUPERMEGAGIGABLOGGERS to fill in more than one pea in the press pod is testimony to their own. We should not take the press's protestations too seriously; how much better informed were we when full-to-bursting staffs swigged Perrier in their luxury news suites? But whatever difference will not be made up with inch-tall Napoleons like SAM LITTLE spewing bile frenetically from his den.
Yesterday we posted on how the ASSPress couldn't make up its mind about what St. Warren said about the economy. Today Bloomberg offers what we're sure is a definitive statement:
• Buffett Says Economy Will Be `in Shambles' This Year, Promises Recovery
So! God has promised a recovery! He said so! What could be more definitive than that?
• Buffett Says Economy Will Be `in Shambles' This Year, Promises Recovery
So! God has promised a recovery! He said so! What could be more definitive than that?