Posted 4:22 PM by Gene

"I won't meddle any more than Arthur Sulzberger does."

But when the Lord God Pinch meddles we call it P-Ulitzer Prize-winning. When SLIME meddles we call it EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEVIL.

I don't like defending that barbarian but faced with a collective news-hack nervous breakdown one has no choice. Hell I'm almost starting to admire him.

Posted 4:15 PM by Gene

Somebody ALWAYS has to throw a partisan tantrum.

Posted 3:55 PM by Gene

Consumer-products firms have grown so big and bloated in the cause of financing junk television that now the MORONS in Cincinnati are talking about divestitures -- like Duracell, a freebie which came with the razor unit that was supposed to make our profit zoom a zillion percent, and Folgers, the most heavily overadvertised coffee brand ever. Perhaps there is a limit to how much we can be told to buy, and how much we can endure all the excuses to finance junk media.

Posted 3:47 PM by Gene

It figures: all that sunshine over earmarks merely caused a billion weeds to grow.

Posted 1:50 PM by Gene

Oh shut up, MR. BRIDGE TO NOWHERE:

The committee's former chairman, Alaska Republican Don Young, noted that he had sought $375 billion in the last six-year transportation bill, but Congress had to settle for about $90 billion less because of opposition from the Bush administration [sic]

"I don't do this often when I say 'I told you so,'" said Young, suggesting that Congress pass a tax to help rebuild bridges so that people don't face a "potential death threat."

"Yes, fund this problem with a tax," he said. "May the sky not fall on me."

Except with dollar bills.

Posted 11:27 AM by Gene

As the NBA grapples with a betting scandal, tennis must now confront a potential gambling scam of its own. Officials on Friday were investigating suspicious betting patterns on a match involving top-seeded Nikolay Davydenko of Russia, who retired with an injury against a low-ranked opponent at an ATP tournament in Poland.

Betting? TENNIS?!? Some people have too much money on their hands.

Then again, it was a Russian player, and Russians seem to be coming up with too many ways of making money, most of them illegal.

Posted 11:10 AM by Gene

Today the entire news biz woke up in the shape of a pretzel when it learned an Oakland editor was murdered by a worker at a place called Your Black M----M Bakery.

This is truly devastating. We thought I---M was a Religion of Peace!

Late Black M----m patriarch Yusuf Bey founded the bakery four decades ago. He built the organization on ideals of black empowerment, respect and self-reliance. In recent years, the group has been tied to homicides, racism, sexual assaults on young girls and vandalism. [Self-censorship in the name of the Religion of Peace added]

Sounds like the group does one hell of a lot of preaching!

(Via a rare Saturday Romy, and we can bet he's contorted too)

Posted 11:04 AM by Gene

The lifestyles of the rich and weird:

Shock rocker Marilyn Manson is being sued by a bandmate for using their earnings to buy Nazi paraphernalia, African masks made of human skin, the full skeleton of a 4-year-old Chinese girl – and ex Dita Von Teese's $150,000 engagement ring.

I like that -- AND!

Posted 6:15 PM by Gene

When there's a disaster, the companies homeowners count on to protect them from financial ruin routinely pay less than what policies promise.

Insurers often pay 30-60 percent of the cost of rebuilding a damaged home -- even when carriers assure homeowners they're fully covered, thousands of complaints with state insurance departments and civil court cases show....

The insurance companies routinely refuse to pay market prices for homes and replacement contents, they use computer programs to cut payouts, they change policy coverage with no clear explanation, they ignore or alter engineering reports, and they sometimes ask their adjusters to lie to customers, court records and interviews with former employees and state regulators show.

You don't suppose that's why ST. WARREN...naaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah.

``It's despicable not to make good-faith offers to everybody,'' says Robert Hunter, who was Texas insurance commissioner from 1993 to 1995 and is now insurance director at the Washington-based Consumer Federation of America.

``Money managers have taken over this whole industry,'' Hunter says.

ST. WARREN has taken over the industry.

Posted 6:12 PM by Gene

I mean there must be news someplace. After all, when Massachusetts fires its chief medical examiner and two other top officials for gross malfeasance something must be going on somewhere. Right?

Posted 5:40 PM by Gene

ASSPress self-serving raise-the-white-flag Mea Culpa of the Week:

Poll: Too Much Celeb Scandal Coverage

Well it's that or too much "RADICAL REPUBLICAN!!!!!!!!!!" coverage. I suspect we see the former because of fear over the latter. What's the difference?

Remember the name: MATTHEW LEE. He's going FAR at ASSPress!

P. S. Is B. S. DEFENDER auditioning as the next PERFESSER THOMPSON?

Posted 5:34 PM by Gene

Now on my Yahoo! Mail home page:

Yahoo! News: Top Stories

Minn. bridge toll far less than feared (AP)

Stocks fall sharply amid credit fears (AP)

NO COMMENT.

Posted 3:49 PM by Gene

This should please GEK and company -- the Feds may rescue FREE EN-TER-PRISE from its housing mistake!

A bailout is communistic except when you're getting bailed out.

Posted 2:53 PM by Gene

Serious movie standards aren't necessarily required in an entertainment like "Underdog." Still, as with most movies, it's frustrating to watch Hollywood undercut the intelligence of its target audience.

You mean with a negative IQ?

Posted 2:43 PM by Gene

GEKKO, who no doubt holds MISCHIEVIOUS NEWS HACKS to blame for the housing bust, and who certainly believes Dick "Nine Digits" Grasso was vastly underpaid -- that might appear on his tombstone -- insists

IT AIN'T 1929!!!!!!!!!!

[overemphasis added]

The 10 largest [home] builders together had revenues of $98.8 billion last year, up from only $9.3 billion in 1992.

Okay Gek -- what year is it?

Posted 2:10 PM by Gene

A Submarine? A Diving Capsule? What Was It Doing in NYC River?

That might depend upon the occupants' ethnic background.

Posted 1:32 PM by Gene

Heck JFK Lincoln shows his leadership and Pakistan's foreign minister says he's "very irresponsible."

Count on the Paks to say the right thing for the wrong reasons.

Posted 1:27 PM by Gene

The latest crying jag from the hacks over SLIME:

Slate | Fortune
Daniel Gross figures it's not unreasonable to assume that Rupert Murdoch was forced to pay somewhere between $760 million and $1.22 billion more for Dow Jones just because of his reputation.

Or maybe He didn't want to get into a bidding war, which He might have faced had He bid between $760 million and $1.22 billion less.

Posted 12:03 PM by Gene

SHUCKS, we tell the truth -- and still we lose revenues. Isn't it tough always being right, Lenny?

Who are readers? Who are shareholders? (Except ST. WARREN, who doesn't seem to mind so long as you're doing The Lord's work.)

Posted 11:50 AM by Gene

Sen. Overcomb wants DEMOCRATS to "AVOID" SLIME!!!!!!!!!!

Unless He pays well!

(Via IWantMedia)

Posted 8:09 AM by Gene

In Branson East the money people prepare another ceremonial bonfire with their greenbacks, to send smoke signals to the gods so that KERNGERSHWIN FRANKENSTEIN's latest masterwork will be the Big B's greatest hit. But there seems to be a drawback: KERNGERSHWIN is getting a HUGE percentage of the receipts, as befits a genius. And so...

"Basically, you're investing so that Mel Brooks can make a lot of money."

But isn't that what GENIUS is all about?

PLUS there's this good news:

Initially, there weren't going to be many investors. Brooks and [Robert F. "ELVIS!"] Sillerman, who created the entertainment company SFX, were going to finance the show pretty much on their own.

But in the last few weeks, Sillerman's quietly been trying to unload some of his investment, sources say. He's told people in the theater that he's surprised at how expensive the production has become.

But at least two potential backers who've crunched the numbers have taken a pass, theater sources say.

They probably came across the clause in the papers called "Death or Insanity of Investors" and realized the insanity part kicks in when you invest in "Young Frankenstein."

But think of the ego boost you get when you bankroll the GREATEST AHT FOHM EVAH KNOWN -- on BRANSON EAST -- even in a MENTAL HOSPITAL!

Posted 5:27 PM by Gene

If these infernal hacks did as much real reporting as they're intent on uncovering every last reason to bolt the JOURNALS' barn door after the horse has galloped off with SLIME in the saddle....

And if these infernal hacks did as much real reporting as they're intent on uncovering every last reason to bolt the JOURNALS' barn door after the horse has galloped off with SLIME in the saddle might some of their colleagues still have the JOBS they're always complaining these FORCES OF EVIL will eliminate?

Sorry to be so long-winded but so are the hacks.

(Via the usual ROMY, who still needs his meds)

Posted 5:23 PM by Gene

We suspect the Dems would have better luck impeaching Dubya than getting AG Cipher to quit.

So why don't they try it? After all, they're meeting this weekend with KOS.

Pfffffffffffffffffffffffft!

Posted 3:09 PM by Gene

SKNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNX is in mourning because his kind of Republican is retiring.

Look, we want civility in Congress (or rather decency; civility conjures up visions of Sen. Ossified Kleagle and Sen. Mickey Mouse Protection Act doing something...indecent), and we respect Rep. LaHood, but he worked at the feet of Bob Michel, who was willing to lose rather than risk a fight.

Is ANYONE in this biz more predictable than SKNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNX?

Posted 2:17 PM by Gene

Sen. Overcomb wants Democrats to "AVOID" SLIME!!!!!!!!!!

TRANSLATION: He's mad He's given to HILLARY.

Posted 10:42 AM by Gene

Microsoft To Offer Free, Ad-Supported Version Of Works

This can't be good news for the Bugmeister, as it validates the notion that people pay too much for His software, and He's going up against the Mountain View boys with arguably an inferior product. But Bug's hooked on those Office revenues, so He'll probably not go much further -- though He may have to.

Posted 9:24 AM by Gene

Sean Penn Praised by Venezuela's Chavez

Obviously a brilliant career move.

Posted 9:18 AM by Gene

The good news:

At least 170 subscribers to the Wall Street Journal have canceled their orders since word emerged that Rupert Murdoch's News Corp. will soon take over the newspaper.

The BAD news:

The paper does have 1.7 million print subscribers left.

Posted 9:13 AM by Gene

CHINA'S REVENGE: How many products have had to be recalled because manufacturers were too lazy or greedy to make them here? And the People's Republic gets the ultimate revenge -- through our health.

Posted 8:56 AM by Gene

TRANSLATION: 1. The Big C challenges SLIME to a battle of sycophants. 2. Any network that's so pleasing to CEOs isn't worth watching.

(Via MediaBistro)

Posted 8:46 AM by Gene

PROGRESS:

Lucille Ball and Desi Arnaz had one down the street from Oakridge. Zeppo Marx, the brother of Groucho, Harpo and Chico, owned one in Northridge. So did actor William Holden and actress Janet Gaynor. Studio mogul Harry Warner had a working ranch in Woodland Hills that is now Warner Center.

As development spread across the Valley floor, the Hollywood ranchos disappeared one by one....

"The Oakie house is one of the last vestiges of the San Fernando Valley's personal connection to the movie industry," said City Councilman Greig Smith, who represents the Chatsworth and Northridge areas. "James Cagney's ranch is gone. Lucy and Desi's is gone. Roy Rogers and Dale Evans' is gone."

And what's left is sprawl, and ticky-tacky, and no-names.

Posted 8:33 AM by Gene

Thankfully, it wasn't worse. We'd guess a lot of the cars simply fell flat atop the roadbed. We'd further guess the fault lay more in the original construction than anything else, although a symphony of jackhammers and the long hard haul of heavy trucks couldn't have helped.

I see the bridge also fell on several railroad cars. Think if they'd been filled with chemicals, or inflammables, or gas. Yes, it could have been a lot worse.

Posted 8:14 PM by Gene

Our "leaders" will dream up an instant answer to a calamity like this: spending trillions more on "infrastructure" -- much of which will be burned on defective schemes like the Big Dig, or whatever our leaders' friends can get their grubby hands on.

Posted 5:41 PM by Gene

Here's one we would never have guessed -- professional college sports franchises accepting bribes from student-loan factories?

You could knock me over with a two-mile-per-hour gust of wind.

Posted 5:33 PM by Gene

It is bad enough that the hacks enforce a national speech code on the public, but worse is the one they enforce on themselves, where a man can face banishment from the profession for life for saying something stupid. We do not defend this hack's attempt at the "honest" banter so prevalent among sport's FRED FLINTSTONES (although we think we get what we think he wanted to say, that Mr. Dog Executioner would have been treated more leniently if he'd raped a woman, which may not be entirely unsound thinking; then again we wouldn't expect a hack to phrase his way out of a thimble), but this biz can't go on defending its much vaunted First Amendment rights when it's so intent on constructing impenetrable walls around them.

Posted 3:27 PM by Gene

TRANSLATION: Biznews is "sexy" because it allows news hacks a new kind of excuse to look for work.

(Via the usual Romy -- and when does Poynter.org put up a want-ad section just for the JOURNALSISTS?)

Posted 3:08 PM by Gene

Here comes the cavalry! THE FEDS CHARGE TO THE RESCUE!!!!!

1. The same liberals who'd pooh-pooh the FCC for its censorship seem mighty at home when an FCC commissioner suggests targeting SLIME. 2. What does the FCC have to do with newsprint? Dow Jones owns no broadcast properties that we know of. Maybe the antitrust guys -- but how much is He buying?

We're not Glibertarians, but SLIME overpaying should be regulation enough.

Posted 2:19 PM by Gene

THE CHASE* continues -- in LALALAND:

A Bonds lookalike escorted by a man dressed as Bonds’ incarcerated trainer, Greg Anderson, made quite the entrance to their third-row seats behind home plate right when Bonds was coming up to bat in the first. Scott Keighley, a 47-year-old general contractor, carried an extra-large makeshift syringe that security confiscated.

His son, 22-year-old Scott Jr., sported a full gray Giants’ road uniform and wore brown makeup on his face and over a swim cap to appear as a black man — and posed for many photos. He waited outside the Giants’ clubhouse postgame. They had a 3-foot asterisk taken away at the gate.

Posted 1:39 PM by Gene

JFK Lincoln might send soldiers to Pakistan because he might speak to Fidel, Nukeman, etc.

Actually this is a brilliant strategy: he can engage in "police action" while going after terrorists while speaking to terrorists. Whether this is brilliant policy remains to be seen.

Despite resembling children presidential candidates should be neither seen nor heard.

P. S. at 8:52 p. m. Anonymous reminds us why he should have stuck with fiction -- and really, he's still quite good at it.

Posted 12:20 PM by Gene

Laser printers are hazardous as cigarettes?

When do they get a Surgeon General's warning?

Better still, when can someone create a panic that will make it harder to print things?

Posted 12:11 PM by Gene

I’ll get the predictable ridicule for praising Rush today.

We COULD say something about MS. TRAVERS but we figured we've said enough.

Posted 11:53 AM by Gene

If a M----m Dunkin' Donuts franchisee doesn't want to sell pork products, fine. No one should force him. The problem is such things have a way of becoming PC litmus tests, and when that happens they screw everyone up, including pork lovers.

Posted 11:47 AM by Gene

No! NO! It CAN'T be! Folks don't want a $5 cup of COFFEE?

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHH!!!!!

Posted 11:42 AM by Gene

The bad news: PEOPLE WARNER's profits were up due to more price gouging at its cable unit.

The good news: PEOPLE WARNER and PEOPLE WARNER CABLE are down three to four percent. Apparently they didn't gouge enough.

Posted 11:38 AM by Gene

Romney: Remake Homeland Security Dept.

If we abolished it would that make any difference?

Posted 11:36 AM by Gene

And The Great Alaskan Boar (aka TUBES) MUST see a good geriatric doctor.

Posted 11:34 AM by Gene

TODAY IN MEDIA BISTRO:

Dow Jones Deal Gives Murdoch a Coveted Prize (NYT)
Rupert Murdoch finally won his long-coveted prize yesterday, gaining enough support from the deeply divided Bancroft family to buy Dow Jones & Company, publisher of The Wall Street Journal and one of the world's most respected news sources, for $5 billion. Dow Jones said early today that the companies had signed a definitive merger agreement after the boards of both companies voted last night. WSJ Publisher's Note: Readers should expect what they have always expected from the Journal, writes Gordon Crovitz. In an era when reliable, accurate and knowledgeable business news and information is more valuable than ever, the highest standards are good journalism and good business. NYO: Murdoch's triumphal night. NYO: It's not easy to get an interview with Rupert Murdoch. But if you do, it's easy to get a great one. E&P: Union at Dow Jones slams Murdoch victory. NYT: In the end, News Corp's capture of Dow Jones can be boiled down to one simple fact: Murdoch wanted it more, writes David Carr. E&P: Response from around the media to Murdoch's victory. HuffPo: News Corp's willingness to pay a large premium for Dow Jones is an acknowledgment that what the Journal does is important. But it is also a confirmation that resources need to be leveraged across mediums, writes analyst Lauren Fine Rich. MSNBC: Murdoch will tarnish a journalistic jewel, writes David Sweet. AJR: There has been a sense of inevitability about the dénouement of the Bancroft Family Soap Opera, writes Rem Rieder. NYP: Dow Jones' union is watching the clock. LAT: Deal extends Murdoch's global reach. LAT: Dow deal is a sign of dynasties' decline. NYT: Guessing Murdoch's strategy for the Journal. Guardian: Is Times of London editor Robert Thomson headed to the Journal? Marketwatch: Murdoch has a chance to prove critics wrong, writes Jon Friedman. NY Sun Editorial: Certainly [Murdoch's] success is something that all Americans, even his competitors, will hope for. Slate: Having bagged his trophy, how long will it take Rupert to bugger it, asks Jack Shafer. HuffPo: Murdoch's win is bad for journalism and bad for democracy, writes Josh Silver. BusinessWeek: Rupert's a 20th century newspaper guy — but this is the 21st century, writes Jon Fine. USAT: Media companies are noticing the sexiness of business news, writes David Lieberman. Times of London: News Corp. and Dow Jones have agreed on who will sit on a special committee to guard "journalistic and editorial integrity." Radar: "Annotated Murdoch" portrait takes pulse of staff on deal.

Please, PLEASE -- you guys MUST see a SHRINK.

Posted 5:39 PM by Gene

The bad news: Whole Foods's profit fell.

The good news: more effete snobs are ready to pay more for overpriced groceries than ever.

Posted 5:35 PM by Gene

MS. TRAVERS says LARRY!!!!! asked "silly questions" of VEEP BIGOIL.

That LARRY!!!!! asks silly questions we need not comment on. But perhaps one question wasn't that silly: "Wouldn't you like to be liked?" To us that's a pungent question, even if LARRY!!!!! asked it. The problem is too many politicians want desperately to be liked, and turn even more into creatures they aren't. Tricky Dick wanted desperately to be liked. Slick wanted to be liked. On the other extreme is VEEP BIGOIL, who doesn't seem to give a damn whether people like him or not, just so long as he can be MR. FIXER and do his favors for his friends. We are not well served by either sort of politico.

Posted 5:29 PM by Gene

Video reopens debate over Beslan attack

Which Belly Kisser and his thugs will close.

It is highly likely a government (in a previous edition) that could make an exploding nuke reactor can make an exploding hostage crisis. No one ever said the Russians do things -- lightly.

Posted 5:28 PM by Gene

The Orbiting Jalopy has a leak.

For God's sake what is the point of these hi-mom expeditions?

Posted 2:48 PM by Gene

Here we were going along gangbusters, GM up, SLIME getting His way, all things right with the world -- and then some SUBPRIME company no one ever heard of got shellacked because it couldn't meet its MARGIN CALLS (shades of '29?), and we're back where we were last week.

Why was the Dow at 14,000?

And we see AAPL's getting a thoroughly deserved comeuppance because it may not be making as many iPhones (or is that iPods?) as The Lord God Steve talked the sales -- ANALYSTS and news hacks into believing. Things will happen when you trust in fairy tales.

Posted 12:25 PM by Gene

GEKKO KUDLOW all but concedes The Great Alaskan Boar is corrupt, but why are so many con-SER-va-tives willing to clothespin their noses for a majority's sake?

Posted 11:55 AM by Gene

British teevee is acquiring a rep for truth comparable to Jayson Blair's or Stephen Glass's. Once this rot works into media it doesn't work out, so that the only solution is total avoidance, which isn't possible or desirable. But British teevee sure does deserve it.

Posted 9:48 AM by Gene

Get reaaady! Geeeeet REEEEEADYYYYY!!!!! THE WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOORLD IS COMING TO AN ENNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNND!!!!!!!!!!!

And if David Faber says it's so, it's so. Right?

Posted 9:40 AM by Gene

Lots of ugly speculative oil-fueled building in Moscow too!

Posted 9:21 AM by Gene

Non-profits sure can pay some more!

And this guy's even better because he's made budget cuts -- except to his own salary, of course.

Posted 8:14 AM by Gene

We'd hoped to drop the subject for all time yesterday as it seems like piling on otherwise, but you can tell the news hack's self-regard by the gusto he writes obits on his colleagues. Not only did these men cure cancer, they saved the universe. Thus David Halberstam acquired posthumous superhuman powers, and now Tom Snyder (whom we in our family always referred to as Tom Snide) has become the greatest interviewer ever. That these pieces are the funerary version of fanny-kissing is evident in that Snyder seems to have emerged full bore at NBC without his tryout in Philadelphia, which city does not seem to have been mentioned anywhere yesterday once. If the hacks won't tell the whole truth about themselves in their obits they can hardly be expected to tell the whole truth about anything.

Posted 8:12 AM by Gene

Another "classic", Michelangelo Antonioni, the director of L'Avventura, has died. Could it be these "classics" and the ad-blurbists' worship of them played a part in our current megaplatinum movie age?

Posted 5:26 PM by Gene

BATTLE OF THE MASHED-POTATO WADS: Somebody named N'Gai Croal breaks a 3,913-WORD wind against Mr. Thumbs-Up for despising videogames -- and then remembers who the EDITOR-IN-CHIEF is:

[I]t's the right of someone with the maturity of an honest and articulate four-year-old [Come on, N'Gai guy -- you meant Rog -- why didn't you have the guts to say it?] to forget the history of his own favored art form and close his mind to the potential of another. In the meantime, those of us who care about the possibilities inherent in this medium will have to rely upon ourselves and one another to keep doing the heavy lifting necessary to suss out where the art of videogames lies; to determine how the craft can enhance that art; and to continue the fight to push this young medium from squalling infancy into graceful adulthood. Let's get cracking.

These last words are worthy of the kind of folderol and fiddlededee JonBoy ends the masterworks in his rag with. Indeed he does such geniuses as the rag's PR vice-prez DEVIN one better by writing "suss out" -- boy if that isn't the MARK OF HIP! (Sort of like the Mark of Zorro on an unprotected stomach.) If we're not careful this N'Gai will be going places. Now if only we could suggest where.

(Via the usual brain-addling SLASHDOT, where the thousands of Darth Vader costume-wearers have placed this anenst TOM PAINE -- whoever he was. Maybe the inspiration to PHILIP K. DICK?)

Posted 5:14 PM by Gene

"If Walsh was a general," said ESPN analyst Beano Cook, "he would be able to overrun Europe with the army from Sweden."

Yes, Bill Walsh must have been something. Indeed it is a tragedy that true leadership seems limited to the gridiron. We could use a champion in the White House, for sure.

Posted 5:08 PM by Gene

We hope the Chief Justice is well; we also hope the Nine Fingers don't pull the secrecy gag they did during the long dying of Chief Rehnquist.

Posted 2:08 PM by Gene

The bad thing isn't that Al Gore's son pleaded guilty to drug posession. The bad thing was that he did 100 in a hybrid.

Pfffffffffffffffffft!

Posted 2:04 PM by Gene

The definition of a frivolous lawsuit.

Posted 12:29 PM by Gene

BULLETIN DOW JONES SHARES FALL SHARPLY AS NEWS CORP. WARNS IT MAY ABANDON BID

Is the Messiah about to come?

Posted 12:09 PM by Gene

Yes, just what we need -- presidential candidates telling jokes...and not just the EDDIE of the WEST.

Isn't running for office comedy enough?

Posted 12:04 PM by Gene

AP NEWS ALERT!!!!!

CAMP DAVID, Md. (AP) -- British Prime Minister Gordon Brown tells President Bush he shares the U.S. view that there are "duties to discharge and responsibilities to keep" in Iraq.

Shucks, maybe the Brits aren't ready yet to blow a gasket.

Posted 9:57 AM by Gene

Admissions are currently running 1% ahead of last year's total.

Thanks again, Stenographer, for getting the last word in the LAST GRAF.

Posted 9:56 AM by Gene

Gordon Brown defines Iraq as 'battle of ideas'

We know: hiding under a desk or cutting and running.

Posted 9:47 AM by Gene

TRANSLATION: Nan is mad she was suckered by a fraudulent writer -- and MUST blame it on Oprah.

Oprah deserves it.

Posted 9:32 AM by Gene

Tom Snyder has died. We remember him as the archetypal brash local newsman who graduated to NBC to stick his finger in the eyes of millions. Indeed he seemed to spend his whole career boasting; yet as Disco Tom he told people his hyperkinetic personal life was none of their business, a reasonable thing to say but perhaps not so reasonable when it came to Disco Tom. He spent years insisting he should have done the Nightly News. His brashness proved his undoing, and in recent years he suffered from leukemia. He was hot once, as today's sensations are hot, and he and they will be remembered, if at all, for a pose and an attitude.

Which is why Romy called him "LEGENDARY."

Posted 9:24 AM by Gene

Alan Jay Lerner was notorious for biting his fingernails -- indeed he bit them so much he left a trail of bloodstained white cotton gloves he wore to hide all the biting.

Romy and all the other ninnies of the "news" biz are on their fifth pair now.

Posted 8:05 AM by Gene

Ingmar Bergman defines "classic" -- everyone knows he was a classic, and everyone knows he made classics, but alas we suspect hardly anyone has ever seen them (we haven't). Woodster the Perv saw them. Whether that is a recommendation or an insult we don't know. (We incline toward the latter.) The ad-blurbists may miss him while for the people who made that damned promotion this weekend into a "hit" he will not exist. (Indeed they may mistake him for Ingrid -- if they know who she was.) Such is the disconnect between art and commerce in entertainment, and such is the state of our fillum biz.

Posted 3:56 PM by Gene

Non-profits sure can pay!

Something useful from the Daily Babbitt, for once.

Posted 1:55 PM by Gene

A sudden RUSH of news from the ASSPress: 1. Somebody finally won the Tour de Dope, and we hope this time it's for real. 2. NEWT! predicts a Hill-JFK ticket, all that much better to run against. [!] 3. Ike Turner won't get his day (in St. Louis), although he seems magnanimous about the fact his wonderful rep as a lady's man may have had something to do with it.

And finally, the kind of breathless question only David "300" Bauder could ask:

Is Drew Carey Next Regis Philbin?

Posted 1:42 PM by Gene

One reason for Nukeman:

In Iran the government chooses the candidates, but the people are free to vote.

Posted 1:10 PM by Gene

The parent hospital of the country club known as the Betty Ford Center has dispensed drugs with some zeal, and we can't say we're surprised; nobody tells the members of a country club how to act.

And the hospital's named for Ike, and we detect a certain symbolism there too.

Posted 12:58 PM by Gene

Taliban: Hostages will die Monday

TRANSLATION: South Korea will pay up Monday.

Posted 12:38 PM by Gene

Little did we realize what a feast Ms. Rodham's jejune ponderings might prove to, say, stand-up comedians:

“Can you be a misanthrope and still love or enjoy some individuals?” Ms. Rodham wrote in an April 1967 letter. “How about a compassionate misanthrope?”

I guess we'll find out starting January 20, 2009, won't we, Hill.

“If people react to you in the role of answer bestower then quite possibly you are.”

And you ARE the answer bestower!

“God, I feel so divorced from Park Ridge, parents, home, the entire unreality of middle class America.”

I don't think we've had to worry about being middle-class for some time.

“Of course, I’m normal, if that is a permissible adjective for a Wellesley girl.”

But not for our next president, that's for sure.

“Random thinking usually becomes a process of self-analysis with my ego coming out on the short end.”

WHAT?

“You’ll probably think I’m retreating from the world back to the sunlight in an attempt to dream my child’s movie.”

So that's where she got that idea we're all a nation of children, or whatever that thought was. She was Oprah before Oprah!

The letters contain no possibly damaging revelations of the proverbial “youthful indiscretions,” and mention nothing glaringly outlandish or irresponsible.

Au contraire; they are a powerful argument for burning letters.

Posted 11:50 AM by Gene

ANOTHER B. O. TRIUMPH: THE GREATEST ANIMATED COMEDY OF ALL TIME did NEARLY $6 MILLION LESS on Saturday. I don't care what that idiot PAUL DRECK and his puppet "NON" GERMAIN say, this is people screaming from the popcorn restaurants, and it's nothing else.

YESYESYESYESYES, B. O. is UPUPUPUPUP, but the fact remains for all this financial weightlifting supplemented with a huge dose of marketing steroids THE CONSPIRACY still is maybe one or two percent higher than last year in attendance at best, meaning it's still making crap for a minority taste.

And now comes the tidal wave of imbecilic heds like "Mmmm! GROSSES!" and "D'oooooooooooough!", which is the moral equivalent of the rationale behind HELICOPTER REPORTING.

P. S. at 3:20 p.m. Now somebody named GENTILE is PAUL DRECK's stooge! He must be cultivating the WHOLE ASSPRESS! And a NEUHARTHISM OF THE WEEK AWARD for leading off with "Woo Hoo!", the kind of moronic enthusiasm that would get him FIRED if he reported on SOMETHING ELSE.

Posted 9:56 AM by Gene

Can't Little Malcolm cease his obsession with saving His empire with lists?

Posted 9:54 AM by Gene

Elsewhere in celebrity matrimonial news Steve Martin has wed a former New Yorker staffer, which means he finally made it.

Posted 9:51 AM by Gene

Some guests speculated Usher was furious after discovering his intended had concealed details of her past. Late last week, the National Enquirer reported that Foster was an ex-con whose drug-dealing ex-lover had been gunned down.

Others suggested the bride, who has three children from a pervious [SIC!] marriage, may have balked at signing a prenup.

Yes, this has the makings of a perfectly good career move.

Posted 9:48 AM by Gene

“Since Xmas vacation, I’ve gone through three and a half metamorphoses and am beginning to feel as though there is a smorgasbord of personalities spread before me,” Ms. Rodham wrote to Mr. Peavoy in April 1967. “So far, I’ve used alienated academic, involved pseudo-hippie, educational and social reformer and one-half of withdrawn simplicity.”

We do wish you'd decided though before running for president.

Posted 9:39 AM by Gene

I now know what the Coppock Curve is. I wish I didn't have to.

Posted 9:37 AM by Gene

Do You-Know-Who's rap sheet and her B.O. have a connection?

We would like to think so.

Posted 9:35 AM by Gene

Now chess may have a cheating problem.

Is anyone in public life honest?