Posted 6:03 PM by Gene

I must mention this as a big music and CD buff: Entering the Tower Records on South Street on the first day of its going-out-of-business sale I could see in a flash why. Its selection was no better than a record club's. Then I looked at random for a price -- The Essential Leonard Cohen was selling for $25.99. Minus 10% it's $23.39 -- before tax. Just one problem: Collectors' Choice Music is having a sale until January 1 on some items in the Sony/BMG "Essential" series -- at three for $39.95. That's $13.30 each. Shipping hardly matters as it would be no different from sales tax. So you're still getting gouged.

Great American had better hope a lot of people who don't know beans show up in the early days; they can't move much at these prices. Here's what I suspect happens: a lot of the inventory goes back to the distributors before it can really come down. That leaves a sad scene for the final weeks -- one-record rock and [C]RAP acts, flea-market fodder, albums that wouldn't sell at any price. I am hoping something stays around for the last act, but I can't imagine much. Also I haven't checked EDDIE's gift to the world at Broad and Chestnut, which does have a better selection, but here again I'm not expecting much.

It will be interesting to see what becomes of the real estate. Eddie's store has a prime location; Borders could expand from diagonally across the street. (I hope it doesn't house a RENDELI.) The one on South is another matter. It was a theater before. A similar big boxy place down the street that once housed a Mickey D's (and was also a theater, housing the despicable Let My People Come) has been idle for months. I'd bet some of the Towers will be vacant for quite a while, alas. They certainly won't be filled with record stores. One will be replaced with a Container Store.

What happened to Tower was almost inevitable. Enough of it was beyond its control: downloading, the big boxes, the Web's price cutting and, let us not underestimate this, the GENIUS of today's music (that NEVER gets mentioned). Some of it, though, wasn't: its expansion mania and its reputation for exorbitant prices. Still the fellow for Trans World may have had a point when he said "the highest bid may not be the best bid."

Posted 2:02 PM by Gene

One thing that those much-vaunted Bloomy terminals finance are fatuous profiles of rich cretins who make rotten movies. Couldn't they put the moolah elsewhere?

Then again, if I paid $16 million a year renting one I might want some of my money back.

A NEUHARTHISM OF THE WEEK AWARD to SETH! All that training at Little Malcolm's has gone to good use!

Posted 1:53 PM by Gene

FLASH!!!!! from the ASSociated Press!!!!!

Doubts Cast on Korean Reconciliation Bid

Posted 1:33 PM by Gene

Another Os-CAR® nominee!

Any why not? It'll give the effete snobs of Hollywood a good cry. We are sure it's as politically predictable a film as has come down the pike since -- well, since THE KNIGHTING OF ST. EDWARD OF MURROW. (Harry Belafonte's in the cast so it has the PC seal of approval.) We expect PRESIDENT BABS to come out of her latest retirement tour and warble a few sobs. The sad thing is this show of Hollywood sieg heil does an injustice to Robert Kennedy. For one thing it no doubt simplifies him into a liberal saint; we suspect by modern standards he was not that liberal. Also, he had a down side; he too liked bedding with starlets in excess, and he was politically ruthless to the point of self-parody; for a time he was the Democrats' Joe McCarthy. And yet, the man had youth, and promise, and the Kennedy vigor, and he was killed by a terrorist in his prime -- and there's another thing we expect the knee-jerks to tap dance over: the origins of his ASSASSIN.

Let us remember Robert Kennedy, and put the WHINER BROTHERS out of our memories.

P. S. This comes from UNITED ARTISTS, the same studio that gave us the de-mented DE-LOVELY. At least this one doesn't have any tunes -- we think.

Posted 11:37 AM by Gene

In the beginning the shopping mall tried to be civilized. But as the golf-obsessing CEOs and bean counters took over it became a mausoleum that somehow sucked all the life out of our downtowns and independent retailers. That mall proprietors are having trouble makes us smile. They smiled when they ruined urban America. We can make exception for this one mall in the Twin Cities, which sounds as though it was once a good place.

Posted 11:28 AM by Gene

Russian war critic writer murdered

Belly Kisser?

Posted 11:19 AM by Gene

HUNGRY CRITTERS ATTACK NYC SHIPS, PIERS

This, we must allow, is excellent news. We have come a long way from when cities and industries dumped their wastes right into rivers, when, we read here, New York Harbor "could change color daily" and portions of it caught fire, and you could smell it for miles. Now, it says here, "A recent study in Hudson River Park found that all the species of fish that had existed there in the early 1800s had returned." If tiny creatures bore holes in wooden piers it is a small price to pay for a cleaner environment.

Posted 10:56 AM by Gene

If it's BAD it's in AD...AGE: We should have noticed this yesterday. A struggling company is prone to gimmicks and buzzwords. Burger King has traditionally been badly managed, with a rep worse than Mickey D's, and after several ownership changes and a recent IPO its CEO is out there making a game ass of himself using connect-the-dots phrases like "currency exchange" and "stakeholder management" and belching that its "controversial advertising has put it in the top 10 among all brands in recall and likability for 39 of the last 48 weeks and given it more than double the buzz of McDonald's, according to Googlefight.com" (whatever that is). That this guy's making an ass of himself is obvious because his last quarter's results weren't so hot, and we'd guess he'll probably be out of a job within two years, when some other Walter Mitty CEO can try to hoodwink the public with gimmicks and buzzwords.

Posted 10:20 AM by Gene

FOX!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!News wants to be loved.

Well for starters, RUPERT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! could jump off a cliff.

Posted 10:15 AM by Gene

El Pollo Loco introduced amnesty for illegal immigrants -- and now they're inundating his country!

Mostly "Africans", which may well mean Africans, but it no doubt also includes M----ms. This will happen when you vote in a panic to stick the middle finger at the world.

Posted 10:07 AM by Gene

Little Gussie, he who supposedly drank a thimbleful of Busch beer when he was a day old, stages a "promotion."

It is amazing the soccer -- futball fans could wake up long enough from their sport's boredom to get mad, but hey, I'd be mad too, if I could remember who won the World Cup.

Posted 9:53 AM by Gene

This Page Six squib lodged in our head soon after we saw it:

TOM Wolfe says a jarring scene he recently witnessed in Tennessee convinced him that writers who live in New York and on the Left Coast are out of touch with the rest of the country. In the upcoming book, "Telling True Stories," the "Bonfire of the Vanities" novelist says he watched in amazement at a NASCAR race last month as a National Rifle Association honcho got a rousing standing ovation, and was followed by a minister who "asked the Lord to look out for these brave drivers and these loyal fans . . . in the name of Thy Only Son, Christ Jesus." Writes Wolfe: "Anyone who introduced an event that way in San Francisco or New York would risk arrest for a hate crime. New York writers really must cross the Hudson River, and writers in Los Angeles really must go as far as the San Joaquin Valley. Most of the meaning of America lies in between the coasts, I'm afraid."

Given this is the last century's most copious inventor of catch phrases there is still a truth to it. We can (and do) sneer at NASCAR and the NRA and can agree with it. Any time we skim PAPERofRE-CORD.com we think of it. When we read the ad-blurbists we think of it. Certain knee-jerk liberals view others' beliefs as hate crimes. This avoids hyperbole by being true. The media types among their number, happily, have a weapon at their disposal: they can commit hate crimes on US.

Posted 5:44 PM by Gene

Analysis: Hastert learned from wrestling

How to hammerlock his brain?

Posted 5:27 PM by Gene

And speaking of MORONS:

Winslet is always an actor to watch

News hacks HATE the English language. They have reason -- we'd guess most of them flunked it in high-school and college. What is wrong with "actress"? This comes from the same school of illiterates that gave us the DISINTERESTED North Korea and the con-SER-va-tive buffoons who MUST use DEMOCRAT as an ADJECTIVE. It is bad enough when the hacks spit on the truth; worse is when they spit on the truth and piddle on the language.

I sent two e-mails of complaint to USAOKAY!!!!!, which were trashed in 26 milliseconds.

Posted 5:20 PM by Gene

From the ASSPress publicity machine:

Sienna Miller, who disparaged Pittsburgh in a magazine interview, apologized on Friday, saying her remarks were taken out of context and that she found the city and residents gracious.

The 24-year-old British actress, in town shooting the screen adaptation of Michael Chabon's novel "The Mysteries of Pittsburgh," called the city a name that sounds like Pittsburgh, but contains an expletive. Her comments appear in the latest edition of Rolling Stone, which hit newsstands Friday.

The nice thing about ASSPress publicity is that we get to know people we've never heard of before -- like Bilal, for instance. (Whatever happened to him?) Another nice thing is that it can scold people for saying something that contains at least a kernel of truth, though we suspect Sienna is just another movie airhead, like all the biz' girls.

Posted 5:11 PM by Gene

Internet Bubble II is now at full speed. The sales -- ANALYSTS can say all they want about "monetarization", but these "assets" are as frothy (that was a favorite word of the Wizard of Oz') and insubstantial as their predecessors. Perhaps G000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000GLE can avoid gravity, but gravity was a fate even Bill's Bugdom couldn't avoid.

So -- are Larry and Sergey morons?

Posted 2:28 PM by Gene

This clown named LAFley who shreds billions of OUR dollars on junk television and half of his time boasting in Hollywood and who got his PR guys to proclaim him the SAVIOR of P&G is NOT going to bow to ANY consumer's "wants and needs."

GET IT?

Posted 2:23 PM by Gene

I read this and I think, I guess I should be content I get ten hits a day. But it still hurts.

(Via the usual self-refreshing Romy)

Posted 11:29 AM by Gene

Jack Shafer THINKS again:

The Bloomberg Lesson
How a fledgling news organization got big while others shrank.

Well maybe all those $80 million terminals helped.

Posted 11:26 AM by Gene

Hey RUPERT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Are You trying to compete with NRO and AmSpec to see who can run the DUMBEST con-SER-va-tive Web site?

And do You mean to tell us You didn't produce this?

Posted 9:24 AM by Gene

FRIVOLOUS FRIDAY [Kathryn Jean Lopez]

If you were going to put together an NRO soundtrack, what would you include. [SIC]

Oh, this is TOO GOOD!!!!! I don't have enough CENTURIES to think it up. The first choice must be "Roll Over, Beethoven." Next is the theme from a certain highly accurate show-biz publicist's favorite THE GAY COWBOYS. Next is a few lashes from WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAP!!!!! The Jesus Slasher Movie. Then some impolite noises from SOUTH PARK, and...I give up.

Posted 9:16 AM by Gene

1. RUPERT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!'s being SUED because He allegedly bought MySpace too low! 2. BizWeek implies it could be worth $20 BILLION!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!, just as it said THE DONALD was worth $200 BILLION, or whatever number it made up.

We note LEGENDARY WELCH's plaything still works there after a brief break. We wonder if he has a RUPERT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! hagiography in his future.

Posted 8:58 AM by Gene

RAH! RAH! RAH! SIS! BOOM! BAH! DEMOCRATS! DEMOCRATS! RAH! RAH! RAH!

YaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY TEAM!!!!!

I guess this means we're running MORE show-biz plugs than normal today.

Posted 8:30 AM by Gene

Vaughn issues an apology for an "archivist", but the institutional prejudice, we're sure, remains safe.

(Via MediaBistro)

Posted 8:28 AM by Gene

TONIGHT'S THE NIGHT [Jonah Goldberg]

Battlestar Galactica season premiere. Two hours of BSG goodness. I hope you've been watching your webisodes!

Posted at 8:19 AM

Now we think we know where MS. TRAVERS gets her inspiration.

Posted 6:51 AM by Gene

One of the natives is -- restless:

More evidence that Hastert and other Republicans don't get it (courtesy links from [name of spyware-spreading frequently-wrong show-biz-publicity Web site deleted]):

Baltimore Sun article on Hastert: "When the base finds out who's feeding this monster, they're not going to be happy. The people who want to see this thing blow up are ABC News and a lot of Democratic operatives, people funded by George Soros." - This comes off as just so much whining. You had an aspiring pedophile in your midst, and you expect your political opponents and the media not to hammer you? The only points the Republicans ought to be pressing is that they are shocked this individual could do such a thing; that they want him fully investigated; they want the page program fully evaluated; and they want any criminal behavior prosecuted to the fullest extent of the law. In other words, they need to exhibit a large dose of humility.

Newt Gingrich, who reportedly told a South Carolina audience that Democratic sex scandals have been far worse: "What we don't have to do is allow our friends on the left to lecture us on morality. There's a certain stench of hypocrisy." - There is plenty of evidence of hypocrisy to heap upon both parties, so this is another example of GOP whining. "He did it too, and worse" playground-type fingerpointing won't resonate with a public (electorate) disgusted by Foley's actions. And since when are Democrats a measuring stick for behavioral standards?

Vice President Dick Cheney in the Washington Examiner: “I’m a huge Denny Hastert fan — I think he’s a great speaker. And it makes no sense at all for him to think about stepping down.” - I really like and respect the vice president [that's your opinion], but he is misidentifying greatness in leadership here.

Finally a con-SER-va-tive grows up.

Posted 6:38 AM by Gene

How apt that this week has seen two cultural reconstructions: President Babs's first concert of her latest farewell tour and the opening of the Chorus Line revival. America can only do reconstructions anymore; when it needs new and fresh it hauls out sixty-something divas, and relics from the seventies, and applies a fresh coating of paint and rouge, and hopes it can deceive itself into thinking it's new. It's like spraying a new-car smell in a 1953 Packard. Revivals can hardly work when so much of our culture has given up the ghost, having been so active in routing it.

P. S. Even the President's fans may be only so credulous:



The show's nadir comes with an ill-advised comic routine between Streisand and a George W. Bush impersonator, culminating with a duet on "Happy Days are Here Again." More than a few audience members made their displeasure with the mockery known.

Hey, for $750 they deserve the real thing. Then again, maybe they don't.

P. S. And speaking of stale:

Broadway isn't used to this: Every new season in recent memory has delivered at least one show (sometimes two or three) that's captured New Yorkers' imaginations - and plenty of their spending money.

"Jersey Boys," "Mamma Mia!" "Wicked," "Hairspray," "Chicago," "Rent," "The Producers," "Movin' Out," "Avenue Q," "Spamalot" - all burst out of the musical theater ghetto and lured to Broadway vast numbers of people who were not traditional theatergoers.

In so doing, these shows put the musical theater back into the mainstream of American entertainment culture: "The Producers" became the basis of a classic "Curb Your Enthusiasm" episode; cast recordings of "Mamma Mia!" and "Wicked" made the Billboard charts [which charts?]; "Avenue Q" led a parade of Broadway shows to Las Vegas [and drew so many puppet fans it closed]. [Overemphasis added]

But this year it's different because -- maybe classics aren't what they used to be?

Posted 5:57 PM by Gene

MySpace worth $15 BILLION -- G000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000GLE worth $600 BILLION-PLUS....

Yep, we're in another bubble!

Count on Gung-Ho Rich not to mention that inconvenient market-cap fact; Larry and Sergey's empire would be worth just slightly less than GE BANCORP and BILL'S BUGGY EMPIRE combined. Why does this make sense?

Some days Little Malcolm and his Boys are FULL OF IT.

Posted 5:34 PM by Gene

From our experience mu-ni-CI-pal officials throw huge tantrums like this before the big tax giveaway.

We suspect the NFL and tax increases will hit LALALAND sooner than people think.

Posted 5:29 PM by Gene

Does the TWEE MICKEY D'S open in NON-TWEE NEIGHBORHOODS?

I wonder.

Posted 5:27 PM by Gene

Looking at PEOPLE WARNER PUBLISHING's flagship in my local A&P I asked myself, did these killings prove profitable?

For some idiot news outfits and for tourism the answer I fear is yes.

Posted 5:26 PM by Gene

The one difference between blogging and [C]RAPPING is that most bloggers don't slant-rhyme.

Posted 3:19 PM by Gene

Ms. Travers, who seems to think WALTER "THE SPYWARE COWBOY" WINCHELL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! is truthful, has linked to an allegation. We'll believe it when we see it.

At what point does the public hold its ears and yell "SHUT UP!!!!!"?

P. S. Michael Crowley, who is close to being a male left-wing Ms. Travers, writes this:

A key part of Hastert's press conference was his announcement of a new toll-free page program tip line. Naturally, marble mouth read the number wrong and reversed two of the digits. Well done....

Just the usual House oratory.

Posted 2:48 PM by Gene

Wwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwell!!!!!

Mark Foley's press is so bad, even the Scientologists want nothing to do with him. Following speculation that the disgraced ex-congressman was receiving treatment for alcoholism at a Scientology-run rehab center in Clearwater, Florida, the Church's Flag Service Organization has removed a photo of Foley from its website.

Got that book ready?

Posted 2:24 PM by Gene

CIVIL WAR AT TRIB! LALA's publisher defied his bosses' cuts -- and he's being FIRED!!!!!

Maybe Aaron "The Brain" Sorkin should devote his Einsteinian being to this melodrama! It would be the most CRITICALLY-ACCLAIMED show EVER!

Posted 2:17 PM by Gene

Pelosi Emphasizes Economic Proposals

1. Why not? That way she doesn't have to speak about TERRORISM. 2. I'll ask again: Why must the Dems be the moral equivalent of SPAIN'S CHICKEN MAN?!?!?

Posted 1:53 PM by Gene

Official: Hastert to Take Responsibility

And leave it.

Posted 1:28 PM by Gene

One of the guys who raised his fist in the air at the Olympics has died, which would ordinarily mean the entire news industry would go into a blubbery heap except he was Australian and hardly anyone knows who he was.

Somehow, no matter how well-meaning the act -- and a lot of people who came after weren't so well-meaning -- we couldn't help thinking of Allan Sherman and his song:

Just the pigeons up above
Seem to know the right location.
They all found the statue of...
THE REBEL.

Posted 1:24 PM by Gene

Another question, Horny Mark: Who's writing it?

Our prediction: his ghost trashes the GOP -- and especially for its "homophobia." We're waiting to get ours reserved on Amazon.com!

Posted 1:23 PM by Gene

Luke Spielberg readies another profit center!

When, Omnipotent God, is the IPO?

Posted 12:00 PM by Gene

PAGING PAGES [Kathryn Jean Lopez]

Obviously, I know a lot of people in/into politics. When I was a kid, I did dorky private political things — Washington Workshops, Young America's Foundation, etc....

We COULD say something, Ms. Travers -- but we won't.

Posted 11:33 AM by Gene

The proprietors of this Glibertarian marketing consulting firm Little Malcolm insists on bequeathing part of his soapbox to speak the usual junk platitudes about stretching boundaries, pushing envelopes, blahblahblah.

In this post-Mohammed-cartoon, post-Idomeneo world, the first thing I would ask of people like this is, what makes YOU mad? What makes you mad enough that you'd write a screed in a newspaper? What makes you mad enough that you like to get hold of whoever it is that's making you mad and strangle him? We all have a target whether we'll admit to it or not. When someone talks of pushing envelopes somewhere he has an envelope he doesn't want opened.

Will you stop selling your editorial space, Little Malcolm?

Posted 10:24 AM by Gene

Speaking of the God who runs at least sixteen universes:

When Did Hastert Know?
Foley scandal charges, denials dog embattled House speaker as cracks show in GOP's support

Are You running for something? Or are You merely running something?

Posted 10:21 AM by Gene

RUPERT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! tries to pull off the ULTIMATE FROZEN ZONE!

Hey RUPE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Next time try to shut down a WHOLE CITY!

Posted 10:13 AM by Gene

Shucks, the greatest season in television history -- nay, the greatest season EVAH in the AHTS - and already our first cancellation.

And CRI-TI-CAL-LY-ACCLAIMED, too!

Cri-TICS! I think you MUST speak a little louder!

Posted 10:08 AM by Gene

The smacking of lips is DEAFENING:

Broadcasters soon will launch a major publicity campaign to ensure the public is aware of the switch to digital TV scheduled for February 2009, the head of National Association of Broadcasters said Wednesday....

The NAB believes the government will need to spend far more than the $1.5 billion it has allocated for a program to supply converter boxes – perhaps as much as $10 billion, Rehr said.

Plus all that money we might still finagle for our SPECTRUM! BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!

DUBYA!!!!! Think we can organize a DEPARTMENT to help out?

Posted 9:36 AM by Gene

The Reverse Robin Hoods of Advertising are having their annual orgy in Orlando -- and...

Mr. Lafley will keynote the conference with an Oct. 6 presentation, "The P&G Brand Marketing Powerhouse," chronicling the turnaround he's led since taking over in 2000. Among other points, Mr. Lafley is expected to talk about how P&G's massive investment in R&D translates to product innovation. P&G, the No. 1 advertiser, spent $6.8 billion on worldwide advertising and $2.1 billion on R&D in fiscal 2006.

P&G results speak for themselves: P&G reported record sales, profits and earnings per share in its recently ended fiscal year, and the stock yesterday reached an all-time high. P&G's market cap: $201 billion -- up $127 billion on Mr. Lafley's watch.

AND WE INTEND TO WASTE MORE OF OUR CUSTOMERS' HARD-EARNED MONEY THAN EVER!!!!!!!!!!

P. S. Before A. G. "engineered" His company's Jesus-like resurrection P&G was selling for only about $4 a share less than it is now -- so we KNOW He hasn't watched a bit of television since He's taken it over.

Posted 8:58 AM by Gene

CNN is seeking to bring its brand to life beyond the TV, PC and cellphone screens by forming a division devoted to event marketing.

The new CNN Events division, under the auspices of the advertising sales department, will put on panels, conferences and meetings on newsmaking and newsworthy subjects. Although the events will not be televised on CNN, the network’s reporters and anchors will serve as speakers and moderators.

And you can bet the TWXSTERS will sell THIS. Hmm, how about, "We'll make your competition Brand X!" No? How about, "We'll put a dose of OJ into your meeting!" No? How about, "Remember the Gulf War? We'll make your conference AN EVENT THEY'LL NEVER FORGET!"

Oh, they'll think of something; they've got the SYNERGY.

(Via MediaBistro)

Posted 8:39 AM by Gene

A+!
We are surprised this wasn't a con-SER-va-tive TV show. Politics notwithstanding it is now obvious CRI-TI-CAL ACCLAMATION has become the SCARLET LETTER OF APPROVAL. With their knee-jerk artsy-fartsy the ad-blurbists have become the most single-minded and conformist of all the hacks, and the public senses it. Most likely this masterwork suffered from the time period, but it also got the SCARLET LETTER OF APPROVAL. So did the TWXSTERS' snakes stunt, which we'd argue suffered from the last-second raves almost as much as from its lack of an audience. The thorough dismissal of AARON SORKIN IS EINSTEIN is a glaring example. We can't even say the blurbists say stupid things smartly; with their psuedo-Kaelism and obfuscations they are among the stupidest.

Posted 7:02 AM by Gene

And how many are not paying attention to the latest burst of post-season Seligism?

Posted 6:48 AM by Gene

Whoopee!! The Os-CARS® are going to be funfunFUN! Ellen says they're going to be funfunFUN! It's going to be funfunFUN to watch all these gloomy PC arthouse pictures and gloomy PC masterworks by brilliant PC directors winning awards! It's going to be funfunFUN struggling to stay awake for three hours! FunfunFUN!

Posted 6:45 AM by Gene

What if North Korea tests a nuclear bomb?

So what if?

Posted 6:43 AM by Gene

No, we do not trust Msssssssssssss. Pelosi, as screwloose a Congresspoop as ever was -- and we do not trust any hack who uses DEMOCRAT AS AN ADJECTIVE.

Posted 6:36 AM by Gene

Oh, how AWFUL:

Microsoft reduced the total pay of Chairman Bill Gates and Chief Executive Officer Steve Ballmer for the first time in at least six years as profit gains slowed.

Gates and Ballmer, both 50, each earned $616,667 in salary in the fiscal year ended in June, up 2.8 percent from a year earlier. Both had their bonuses cut 13 percent to $350,000, Redmond, Wash.-based Microsoft, the world's largest software maker, said in a regulatory filing.

What's the purpose of this but as a symbol, and a transparent, smelly one at that?

Posted 5:21 PM by Gene

GOP Lawmaker Calls for Rumsfeld to Quit

When we saw this (why didn't the ASSociated Press give this a NEWS ALERT!!!!!!!!!?) we thought, the first name must begin with a C, and the last name must begin with S. Do we dare click on the link? So we did, and....

Rep. Chris Shays, who is facing a tough challenge from an anti-war Democrat....

Well! I was RIGHT, for once.

TRANSLATION: Pwease, don't kick me out of Congwess! I'm one of the good guys! WAAAAAAAAH!

Posted 5:12 PM by Gene

I guess this means one thing: THE BIG C IS BAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAACK!

So is the SALES -- ANALYST MARY MEEKER.

(Via the usual Romy)

Posted 4:59 PM by Gene

Foley reportedly made teens uncomfortable

ARREST HIM!!!!!

Posted 4:51 PM by Gene

OH, NO!!!!!!!!!! THE NAZI-RIGHT MILITARY-MEDIA-INDUSTRIAL COMPLEX IS ABOUT TO CENSOR THE FEARLESS TRUTH TELLER KEITH O!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

1. America has at least four cable news networks too many. The Mess started out as a gimmick, and it will no doubt serve as a GE BANCORP NETWORK NEWS placeholder until the IMAGINEERING GOODTHINGS BOYS can come up with another dubious use -- like the Woody Woodpecker channel they all but threatened when they bought Universal. 2. We'd bet HHHWWWALTER CRRRONKITE JR. winds up at FOX!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!NEWS. Don't laugh. RUPERT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! may figure not only does He get good press (and the RUPE!!!!!!!!!!! craves for it as much as Dubya), He can goose ratings by moving this unfunny Benny-Allen feud to His airspace. That failing we'd bet KO winds up on Headline "News" for a half-hour of attitude, or perhaps the Comedy Central News Network, where he can fill out the line-up. That failing there's always Huff'n'Puff, or The Liar, who will come through with their own virtual network where he can scream until butter finally melts in his mouth.

We have not heard the LAST from HHHWWWALTER, much as we may like to.

(Sorry for the NewsMAX!!!!!!!!!!!!!!)

Posted 1:30 PM by Gene

A top European Union negotiator said Wednesday that "endless hours" of talks with Iran about its nuclear program have failed to make any progress, while the Iranian president said U.N. sanctions would not stop Tehran from enriching uranium.

The solution? Talk endless hours more!

Posted 12:23 PM by Gene

Eric Schmidt opens his mouth -- and feasts on sole:

"The average blog has one reader: the blogger".

You should know -- you run @#$%^& G000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000GLEBLOGGER!!!!!

(Via IWantMedia)

Posted 12:20 PM by Gene

Shucks, the SENIOR CLUNKER BROTHER will have to make cars on its own.

KIRK KEVORKI -- KERKORIAN!!!!!

Posted 12:09 PM by Gene

THE KNEE-JERK LEFT THROWS A TANTRUM BECAUSE FOX!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!NEWS IDENTIFIED HORNY MARK AS A DEMOCRAT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

What's the diff between this and CNN's X? CNN's stupid, FOX!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!NEWS is stupid. Both are optimized for stupidity. THAT NEVER occurs to anybody. Happily their audiences are (at least for now) shrinking. Nuf said.

Posted 11:03 AM by Gene

Does anyone know how much all those Andy Warhol-owned cookie jars and ashtrays that sold at auction are worth today? That might make a good news story. Guess no one will ever do that.

Posted 10:56 AM by Gene

JONNY HAIRSHIRT ADMITS HE VOTED FOR JIMMAH!

We won't say anything -- THAT speaks for itself.

Oh well -- I did too.

Posted 10:51 AM by Gene

AP NEWS ALERT!!!!!!!!!!

HASHTGERD, Iran (AP) -- Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad has said sanctions would not stop Iran from enriching uranium.

Posted 9:55 AM by Gene

MediaLife's EXCITED because GE BANCORP NETWORK'S gotten EDGY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Look at the chart below. In the premiere week of THE GREATEST SEASON IN TELEVISION HISTORY only three shows had more than 20 million viewers aged 2+, and none received more than fifteen percent of total households. Even if 60 million watched network TV that week it means 240 MILLION DIDN'T, and for very good reasons. No, it's not a race to see who finishes first, it's a race to see who can avoid being LAST.

I HATE CHEERLEADERS! (Except the high-school and collegiate girl kind.)

P. S. at 5:20 p.m. It's official: "Critically-acclaimed" has a SMELL.

Posted 9:51 AM by Gene

Ah, so it was a peaceful "Christian."

That makes it different.

How?

Posted 7:04 AM by Gene

We'll assume this Nobel in chemistry is for something useful, though we don't know what or how, and though news hacks have neither the scientific knowledge nor the brain cells to explain it. Next comes the unfathomable economics award, then the two prizes we can really laugh at.

Posted 7:01 AM by Gene

So -- Horny Mark molested by IMs because he hit the -- GAY GLASS CEILING!

What is to say people might not in time turn from newspaper Web sites as they've turned from the rags? We've noted Alexa has documented a steady decline in most of the big news Web sites, and CNN and FOX!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!News have shown ratings declines. Can't there come limits to our patience whatever the medium?

Posted 6:57 AM by Gene

I feel a Jack Shafer piece coming on. Yes, school attacks can come from anywhere; so can asteroids. And this latest scare will disappear in short order. Here's another reason the hacks are so infuriating: their engagement in life is highly selective, and highly transient.

Posted 6:48 AM by Gene

Palestinian rivals on brink of civil war, Abbas aide says

And how would that be any different?

Posted 6:39 AM by Gene

Sieg heil! (HEIL!) Sieg heil! (HEIL!) Sieg heil! (HEIL!) Sieg heil! (HEIL)!

Certainly it’s deeply, if promisingly, at odds with an American movie mainstream that has grown progressively more prudish about sex over the last three decades, while its representations of violence have grown more obscenely violent. Hollywood says let it bleed. Mr. Mitchell would rather we get off on life.

This reflex gag makes us remember how one night in one of our favorite novels George Babbitt was leafing through his daughter's books (Mencken, Edna St. Vincent Millay) and sighed of the "discontent with the old common ways." Of course he was as ossified in his ways as his daughter was, and it would have occured to neither they both had impervious prejudices. Our culture will never move anywhere so long as the ad-blurbists praise everything and feel they needn't improve, and especially when scribblers like Granola feel ci-ne-MA is best when it's TRANSGRESSIVE; more to the point, we won't get anywhere so long as both ossified political sides feel the problem in our "entertainments' is sex OR violence, but not both. PINCH could have written this last belch. It matters not that hardly anyone will see this masterwork; every time these hacks eruct they do damage.

Nor will we comment on how idiotic it seems the hacks want to be right-on-with-it-now when the last few days have shown how we've paid for it.

And no, I do not apologize for the sieg heils. There's this notion people can't use Nazi tropes to criticize others, and often enough this is true; but this is not true with our ein-volk-ein-Reich-ein-Führer state media, or their brain spasms.

Posted 6:36 AM by Gene

We repeat: What is Starbucks but A TWEE MICKEY D'S?

And Mickey does breakfast better.

Posted 6:34 AM by Gene

Despite nearly 2,000 layoffs worldwide following the 2004 merger between Sony Music and Bertelsmann's BMG, "The cost structure is still bloated," said one source.

We know the answer: ditch ALL decent music and reissues and just issue [C]RAP and allied junk. You do that and you may want to consider going back to ROOTKITS.

Posted 6:32 AM by Gene

Articles we did not bother reading after the first six words:

We need 'Boondocks' and its bite every day

Being the old-head radical I am....

Posted 6:27 AM by Gene

World calls for N. Korea restraint

World prepares to slap N. Korea with a wet noodle!

Posted 8:33 PM by Gene

By the way, does Horny Mark have an agent?

Posted 7:11 PM by Gene

Animation didn't always used to be for kids. Think of the glory days of Warners and MGM. Now it's nothing but. Part of the reason is that DR. EVIL put up a granite wall between kids and adults, and another between adults can good taste. Part of it too is that when THE CONSPIRACY gets a good thing going it can't stop. We are not surprised by the animation glut, but really it's just another variation on the glut of look-alike sound-alike BAD MOVIES.

Posted 7:00 PM by Gene

Housing costs are becoming a burden, and Realtors® SMILE.

I guess that's why we'll smile when we hear of bankruptcies among CONDO BUILDERS.

(Via CNNMoney)

Posted 6:38 PM by Gene

Buzz Bissinger, the author of Friday Night Lights, says TV entertainment (excepting HBO -- we presume he's some sort of TWXSTER) is "escapist garbage...because we want to escape from the grimmer and grimmer realities of American life" -- which made us think he has too much of the news hack in him -- and then he goes on:

But much of it is silly. [NBC's] Studio 60 is a silly show, nothing more than a paean to what a genius the creator Aaron Sorkin is, wrapped around the making of a television show that no one should care about. I know the making of prime-time television week in and week out is draining, but you are also paid zillions for it. There is nothing bold about this show--it's an insulated view of an insulated world without the fun of [HBO's] Entourage. I watched [CBS's] Shark, or as much of it as I could stomach--even worse. They will no doubt win an Emmy for overwrought writing. I watched the new Ted Danson show [ABC's Help Me Help You], and he needs to dye his hair brown.

And:

What worries me is how stupid the reality genre is, how popular it is and how many Americans seem to luxuriate in the mindlessness of it. We have become an age of disinformation and ignorance, and we almost seem to take pride in that. And, of course, these shows are not reality. The people in them are just amateur actors who cost a lot less than the real thing. I also think, and maybe it's just vain hope, that their time is coming and going.

Moreover:

And by the way, we are far more obsessed with sports now--every sport, whether it's lacrosse or fencing or high school football or high school basketball--than we ever were when Friday Night Lights was published. It has become an obsession at thousands of schools and colleges around the country, with dangerous ramifications. What should be a diversion has become the focal point of life.

Whew! People like the Doctor had me beginning to think common sense has been outlawed.

Posted 6:27 PM by Gene

More Scandals to Come?

Last night, ABC News investigative journalist Brian Ross suggested "there may be other members of Congress who engaged in inappropriate behavior towards congressional pages."Said Ross, "We’re hearing quite a bit from former pages. They’re sending us all sorts of messages about possible other members."

Corruption, seduction -- six of one....

PILLHEAD would say, CONSIDER THE SOURCE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! We say, consider the seducers.

(Via CQPolitics.com)

Posted 6:15 PM by Gene

So that's his (second) excuse: Horny Mark was molested by a priest!

Look guy, you didn't have to take it out on others.

Uh, I really don't think that's such a good excuse, Horny.

Posted 6:12 PM by Gene

Yes, as we suspected would happen, news hacks are opportunistically campaigning for gun control. But even our own corrupt governor had to make a statement. I guess he's running for something.

And while you're at it, HACKS, must we see the face of the shootist in every medium? Isn't this a reward? Don't these psychos do such crimes precisely for the publicity? (What makes this worse is it's highly unlikely we'll ever see the VICTIMS' faces, given their religion.)

But then as an al-Qaeda member would say, news hacks are a thug's best friend.

Posted 5:57 PM by Gene

"THE IDEA THAT THE GOP SIDE OF THE HOUSE OF REPRESENTATIVES IS A BUNCH OF PERVERTS HITTING ON [CONGRESSIONAL] PAGES IS ABSURD!!!!!" Rush said. "IT IS THE DEMOCRATS WHO HAVE CONDONED THAT KIND OF BEHAVIOR IN THE PAST!!!!! IT'S THE DEMOCRATS WHO DON'T FIND THAT BEHAVIOR REPUGNANT IN ANY WAY, SHAPE, MATTER OR FORM!!!!! THIS IS NOT ABOUT PROTECTING THE CHILDREN AS FAR AS THEY'RE CONCERNED: THIS IS A STRATEGIC ATTACK, TIMED DURING AN ELECTION AND THE REPUBLICANS DON'T HAVE TO SIT THERE AND TAKE IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Rush stormed. [Rushian bluff-and-bluster overemphasis added]

Yes, PILLHEAD, we know how the Dems are Hollywood's favorite party. Yes, PILLHEAD, we remember things like the House Banking and Post Office scandals. They were pretty poor stuff. But you've got to realize, PILLHEAD, your side has lost three Congressmen in less than a year: two to guilty pleas on grave corruption charges, the third to his secret life as a pedophile. (Four if we count your friend the twisting-in-the-wind SNIDELY.) If the other side wins, PILLHEAD, it won't have been because it forced a gun to Duke's and Bob's heads and told them to sell out, or to Horny Mark's head to tell him to seduce boys.

Posted 5:51 PM by Gene

Who'd have thought a Republican would make DEMOCRATS look strong on national defense?

PHYSICIAN, heal thyself.

Posted 5:31 PM by Gene

N. Korea Appears Disinterested in Reaching Deal

USAGE NOTE In traditional usage, disinterested can only mean “having no stake in an outcome,” as in Since the judge stands to profit from the sale of the company, she cannot be considered a disinterested party in the dispute. This usage was acceptable to 97 percent of the Usage Panel in our 2001 survey. But despite critical disapproval, disinterested has come to be widely used by many educated writers to mean “uninterested” or “having lost interest,” as in Since she discovered skiing, she is disinterested in her schoolwork. Oddly enough, “not interested” is the oldest sense of the word, going back to the 17th century. This sense became outmoded in the 18th century but underwent a revival in the first quarter of the early 20th. Despite its resuscitation, this usage is widely considered an error. In our 2001 survey, 88 percent of the Usage Panel rejected the sentence It is difficult to imagine an approach better designed to prevent disinterested students from developing any intellectual maturity. This is not a significantly different proportion from the 89 percent who disapproved of a similar usage in 1988.

If we can't trust the hacks in their choice of words how can we trust them in their choice of words? But then who says news hacks can write?

Posted 2:31 PM by Gene

http://www.forbes.com/entrepreneurs/feeds/ap/2006/10/03/ap3063573.html

Nice URL you got there, Little Malcolm!

Posted 2:24 PM by Gene

And in more crusading press re -- NEWS from the ASSociated Press:

"I thought that it might be giving the wrong message to people who were in the same boat as me," Clapton recently told The Associated Press.

"But further investigation proved [SIC!!!!!] ... the song, if anything, if it's not even ambivalent, it's an anti-drug song. And so I thought that might be a better way to do it, to approach it from a more positive point of view. And carry on performing it as not a pro-drug song, but just as a reality check about what it does."

Clapton's band shouts out "dirty cocaine" during the song.

"It's one of those songs that you can take it any way you like," Clapton told the AP. "But it very clearly says in the opening verse, `If you wanna get down, down on the ground,' I mean, that's, I think, the focal point of the song. That's what the song's about, is that, you know, there's a price."

Clapton also said he missed playing "Cocaine," with its signature guitar riff, "just purely from a musical point of view."

Clever marketing Eric! Sorta like Cheech and Chong saying they were an ANTI-DRUG stoner act!

A Neuharthism of the Week Award to another ANONYMOUS hack!

Posted 1:23 PM by Gene

Ralph Kramden says he won't repeal Dubya's tax cuts!

Hmmm, maybe the Democrats controlling the house wouldn't be THAT bad.

Posted 1:20 PM by Gene

A few M----ms make a non-violent, peaceful statement about the Pope.

Okay media types! Hide under your desks!

Posted 11:41 AM by Gene

I guess that we have a column called "10 Myths About School Shootings" means someone's been spreading them lately, sighhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.

Posted 11:31 AM by Gene

Terry Teachout repeats himself -- and it's worth repeating:

Spider-Man is a movie to which you can safely send the kids, and even accompany them without sentencing yourself to two hours’ worth of agonized squirming. But I’d never pretend for a moment that it’s anything more than a piece of pretty good, morally unobjectionable trash, and as I left the theater, I couldn’t help but ask myself: is unobjectionable trash really the best we can hope for out of American popular culture circa 2002?

"As if you could kill time without injuring eternity," Henry David Thoreau wrote in Walden, a book I judged to be a masterpiece not long after I put aside my comic books. I know better now, and I also know that there is a great deal to be said for pure frivolity. Man cannot live by masterpieces alone, not even bona fide ones.

On the other hand, take a look at this list of non-highbrow movies released a half-century ago: The African Queen, The Bad and the Beautiful, The Big Sky, Five Fingers, The Greatest Show on Earth, High Noon, Hangman’s Knot, Kansas City Confidential, The Lusty Men, Monkey Business, The Narrow Margin, Pat and Mike, The Quiet Man, Ride the Man Down, Singin’ in the Rain, and Son of Paleface. The only things these films have in common are that they were all made in Hollywood and that I happen to like them. Not one opened in an art house (though several are now regarded as classics and can be seen on museum series). If they are representative of what Americans regarded as routine movie-house fare in 1952, then what does that say about America in 2002? Nothing very good, I fear.

Obviously Mr. Teachout doesn't read the ad-blurbists.

Posted 11:27 AM by Gene

Elsewhere in the buzzword capitol of trade journals, MORE solutions for newspapers:

Newspaper companies have to migrate from a "fixed and monolithic" business model to a "diverse and growing portfolio" of models, products and services that attract new readers and advertisers, according to the report. "A portfolio solution is necessary because a newspaper alone, or a newspaper and a news website, are no longer enough," it says. "These are solutions for a mass audience, but the mass audience is dispersing in many directions, never to return."...

The Dallas Morning News looked around and counted more than 700,000 mothers in the Dallas-Fort Worth area, of which the paper reached less than 105,000. Its Newspaper Next team started a "mommy blog" and is proposing a web-based activity planner called GuideFamily.com, with recommendations and tools for everything from summer camps to birthday parties. Revenue is estimated at $500,000 to $1 million by the site's third year.

Other suggested opportunities for papers of varying stripes include: "lite" commuter versions of core newspaper brands; luxe publications focused on topics such as fashion and real estate; free entertainment pubs distributed on racks and counter tops; and new non-dailies for smaller communities or neighborhoods.

And ALL these solutions are the cure for bias, inaccuracy, raging PR, and declining circulation.

Posted 10:28 AM by Gene

Washington Times calls on Hastert to resign

Do I hear the hacks going BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!?

It appears, alas, the Washington Times is sincere, unlike other news hacks.

Posted 9:56 AM by Gene

And in the buzzword capitol of trade journals:

Newspapers Need to Reinvent Themselves as a 2.0 Platform

And what, pray tell, does THIS mean?

Posted 8:46 AM by Gene

Hmmmm:

McAfee and Symantec Confront Microsoft

Let's see: McAfee makes highly-criticized software; Symantec makes highly-criticized software; Bugmeister Bill....

WINS!

Posted 8:29 AM by Gene

AGAIN:

Middle school students who watch TV or play video games during the week do worse in school than those who don't, a new study finds, but weekend viewing and gaming doesn't affect school performance much....

Children whose parents allowed them to watch R-rated movies also did worse in class, and for boys, that effect was especially strong.... [UNDER 17 NOT ADMITTED WITHOUT PARENT OR ADULT GUARDIAN. Thanks AGAIN, DR. EVIL!]

"This study should hammer home to parents that this is really serious," Gentile said. "One question all parents are going to be faced with [from their children] is, 'Can I have a TV in my bedroom?' There's a simple two-letter answer for that."

The answer is YES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

(Via ArtsJournal, which came up with an interesting hed: "TV, VIDEO GAMES NOT GOOD FOR KIDS AFTER ALL." By the way, The Worse It Gets, the Better It Is: Why Show-Biz is Good for You is 10,897 on Amazon.com, meaning not even B. S. DEFENDER's friends are buying it.)

Posted 8:26 AM by Gene

A definition of effete snob leaves for book duty, meaning for now the rest of the WaPost will have to zap Dubya for him.

Good luck!

(Via MediaBistro)

Posted 6:47 AM by Gene

Two more win the Nobel Prize, in physics, no doubt this time an award even Ph.D.s couldn't explain, which beings us that much closer to the awards Günter Grass and Jimmah won.

One may ask, what do the Nobel Prizes have to do with real life? I suspect even the cloistered hermetically sealed awarders might have trouble explaining them.

Indeed:

The scientists were awarded the prize "for their discovery of the black body form and anisotropy of the cosmic microwave background radiation," the Royal Swedish Academy of Sciences in Stockholm said.

What does that mean, o Royal Swedish Academy? And what does it indicate except how much further science departs from the layman, and from rational explanation?

Posted 7:37 PM by Gene

I guess this means this SUPERDUPERMEGAGIGABLOGGER's not going to sue.

Somehow I'm not surprised. The SUPERDUPERMEGAGIGABLOGGERS can certainly dish it out; they're more expert at screaming and crying than all of America's day-care centers. But when the time comes for them to put up or shut up their lips are sealed with SuperGlue and locked shut by Master. We suspect Michelle would have had a case. It might have put the barest minimum of civility into the blogging trade. That Michelle won't sue underlines the essential logrolling at the top of blogging.

And yet she's right about ad hominem attacks -- to an extent. We would never subject any private citizen to them; that is wrong. As for public citizens, and especially those who do wrong, why not? Faced with Snidely Whiplashes and Sen. Whiny Reids the people need every bow in their quiver. We should be careful not to spread falsehoods, good though that may feel -- for a while. But why shouldn't bad public citizens hear it otherwise?

Posted 5:56 PM by Gene

King Denny out?

I'll drink to -- er, I'll buy that!

Posted 5:24 PM by Gene

"I would drive a few miles for a hot stud like you, pant pant pant!" [Overemphasis added]

Like how about into a DITCH?

(Via -- alas -- NRO's Media Blog)

P. S. In my never-to-be-published comic novel I have a character who talks like that -- only the character has a face that crosses Lynda Carter and Raquel Welch, has long raven hair, dimensions of, let's say, >44-24-36, and (as you may have gathered by now) is not a man. Any man who talks like this ought at least to have his head examined -- and possibly other parts of him.

Posted 5:03 PM by Gene

RANCE was firing on all cylinders today; I can still smell the exhaust. Elsewhere he bangs his head because people are ignoring corporate research surveys. Why not? They're a pain in the dorsal region to fill out and only computers and statisticians pay attention to them. If sending an angry letter to the CEO can't elicit satisfaction why should we bother with endless surveys?

Just 0.25% of the population supplies 32% of responses to online surveys, said Simon Chadwick, former head of NOP Research in the U.K. and now principal of Cambiar, a Phoenix consultancy, citing research by ComScore Networks. More broadly, he said, 50% of all survey responses come from less than 5% of the population.

That leaves lingering suspicions that survey research may be getting less reliable. "We're perpetuating a fraud," Mr. Chadwick said.

So why do you researchers praise GALLUP and A. C. NIELSEN long before you'd praise GOD?

Posted 3:41 PM by Gene

The attorney general who left his bold mark on nothing save a naked statue now sells -- tells America it’s gotta be...TOUGH.

Tough like DUBYA? Tough like RUMMY? Tough like CONDI?

What would weak and wishy-washy be like?

Posted 3:27 PM by Gene

RAH! RAH! RAH! SIS! BOOM! BAH! NETWORK TV! RAH! RAH! RAH!

YaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY TEAM!!!!!

Rance, SHUT UP.

And now the American Society of Willfully Ignorant Advertisers has a new buzz-phrase excuse: "LIVE WITH THE WASTE." These same companies that fire innocent working people right and left will shred hundreds of millions so their top execs can SCHMOOZE. What MORONS.

A Neuharthism of the Week Award to Claire! RAH! RAH!

P. S. 300 million (current U. S. population, rounded to the nearest million) minus the "42.3 million who showed up for premiere week" equals 257.7 million who DID NOT. Only 14.1 PERCENT of our POPULATION bowed before the networks. Why must these TV S&M PHREAKS rule the planet?

P. P. S.

Broadcasters invested more in their new shows, and that's attracted more than just viewers. Bigger-name talent is now more willing to work for the networks. At the TV critics' annual press tour in Pasadena, Calif., this summer, many stars enthused about how happy they were working for the risk-taking broadcast networks rather than toiling on any of the narrow range of vanilla movie scripts offered by Hollywood.

The big budgets could be a boon for viewers, considering the level of creativity, talent and special effects this money can buy. Storytelling devices once reserved for the cinema have come en masse to the small screen.

I've said it before, I'll say it again: YOU CAN'T HAVE IT BOTH WAYS -- unless you're a NEWS HACK.

Posted 3:22 PM by Gene

Alas, even a seraphim in ST. WARREN'S HEAVEN must admit the Democrats are NOT the answer.

So what is? Many would say a third party. But the third party has historically been the province of the crank, from the Know-Nothings to the Socialists to Jug-Ears. Still both parties have failed us by opening their wallets and shutting their minds. What can we do?

Posted 1:33 PM by Gene

And as he heads off into the blazingly bright Web sunset with his slowly rusting-over Ellies, Mr. Mark has a few final words:

Sadly, however, we live in a time when more and more people seem interested only in news and opinion that supports their pre-existing beliefs. I hope this is a passing symptom of today's angry political climate, because for all the flaws of the "mainstream media" I think we would all find that, like George Bailey in "It's a Wonderful Life," this country would be a lot worse off without it.

Well, a few more flaws and we shall see. By the way, does "pre-existing beliefs" apply to people who scribble the news? NAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH.

Bye Mark. Promise we won't hear from you again?

(Via the usual Romy)

Posted 1:23 PM by Gene

Whenever something like this happens I think of my old friend DICK "GUNS CAUSED COLUMBINE!!!!!!!!!!" CORLISS. See Dick, if GUNS caused crime there wouldn't be crimes. Guns can't cause crimes. Only the people who use guns can cause crimes. We will not guess what prompted such a catastrophe, but most likely it wasn't a GUN.

P. S. We wonder if this unspeakable act will be the hook gloating malevolent news hacks will use to promote gun control after a long silence. I wouldn't do that. You mention gun control -- we can mention YOU.

Posted 11:37 AM by Gene

Avril Lavigne has agreed that spitting at the paparazzi is probably not a good thing to do.

Unless it gets your name plastered over crusading wire services like the ASSociated Press!

Posted 11:29 AM by Gene

Excellent! TV is costing more to produce and drawing fewer fans!

AND the networks are spending much more on promotion!

What's the solution? I know -- P&G!!!!!!!!!!!!! MICKEY D!!!!!!!!!!!!! CLUNKER BROTHERS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! TIME TO BURN MORE MONEY ON TELEVISION!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

BETTER:

In the past, TV studios could produce plenty of profit because a program such as "The Simpsons," "Law & Order" or "Friends" would eventually come along and more than make up the costs of forgettable failures such as "LAX" or "Life as We Know It."

But these days, a big payoff is less certain. So-called serialized dramas such as "24" or "Lost," whose stories advance from one week to the next, are some of the priciest shows on television. The trouble is they don't repeat well, limiting the advertising dollars that networks can squeeze from them and reducing their value in syndication.

TRANSLATION: All this BRILLIANT BRAINY EINSTEINIAN television we've been hearing about will be history when it leaves the networks!

(Via IWantMedia.com)

Posted 11:05 AM by Gene

Horny Mark's in rehab.

It was ALCOHOL what done it!

You and the RED-STATE SCORPION's friend.

Posted 11:04 AM by Gene

Why Online Video Sites Are Hot Targets

TRANSLATION: BUBBLE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Posted 10:59 AM by Gene

A marketable book is not the same as a GOOD book. What we have here is a surfeit of marketable books. As any half-dozen titles on the best-seller lists can attest, a marketable book is not a good book. And books by "John Le Carré; Stephen King; Michael Crichton; Robert Ludlum; James Patterson; Dean Koontz; Michael Connelly; Tess Gerritsen; David Baldacci; and Danielle Steel...Gore Vidal...Bob Woodward, Frank Rich, Bill O'Reilly, Andrew Sullivan, John Ashcroft and Sen. Barack Obama (D-Ill.)", plus tons and tons of the usual boring li-te-ra-ry fictions, are almost certain NOT to be good books.

With luck all these marketable books won't sell.

(Via ArtsJournal.com)

Posted 10:56 AM by Gene

JUXTAPOSITION OF THE WEEK, in ArtsJournal.com:

Are We Living In A Golden Age Of Art? "Of contemporary art today, two things, and maybe only two things, can be said for sure. First, there is more of it — made in more styles and materials, by more artists who live, work and have exhibitions in more places — than ever before. Second, it doesn't fit into neat categories or hierarchies."
Los Angeles Times 10/01/06 Posted: 10/01/2006 11:41 am

A Year Of Bad Art You would think that it would be a great honor to be selected as a judge in Britain's notorious Turner Prize competition. But for Lynn Barber, who has spent the last year viewing submissions for the Turner, the experience has been terribly depressing. "There is so much bad work around, so much that is derivative, half-baked or banal, you can't believe that galleries would show it. I think what happened is that the huge success of the YBAs in the Nineties has created a peculiar post-boom glut whereby there are now more galleries looking for young artists than worthwhile artists to fill them."
The Observer (UK) 10/01/06 Posted: 10/01/2006 11:26 am

Posted 10:31 AM by Gene

TRANSLATION: I'm going to stand here and fight the forces of reaction until they have to pry my cold, dead hand from this bench -- and that won't happen till I'm 130!

Posted 10:25 AM by Gene

The Wall Street Journals can print in six columns or five columns or one column on broadsheet or tabloid or Bounty or Charmin and yet they refuse to countenance the one thing that can save them: ditching the subscription charge while creating a premium tier for numbers junkies. By sticking to the charge when there's no excuse for it the Journals are fast sinking into irrelevance.

(Via MediaBistro)

Posted 6:51 AM by Gene

Two people have won the Nobel Prize for another one of those breakthroughs no one with less than a Ph.D. can explain, meaning to us laymen we're merely getting closer to the Li-te-rah-tee-YURE PRIZE -- and the GOOD INTENTIONS AWARD.

Ugh.

Posted 6:49 AM by Gene

Will you make up your mind, Honorary Mayor Mike -- the richest honorary president in history or no?

Posted 6:44 AM by Gene

TRANSLATION: SNL stopped being funny, oh, maybe twenty years ago -- and much of its rep for humor came from the SCRIBBLERS.

Posted 6:36 AM by Gene

Elsewhere THE PAPER OF RE-CORD says THE BIG C is BAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAACK!

I wonder. There weren't quite as many computers in homes in its heyday as there are now. Also this outfit can never shake its rep as the Game Show Network of Cable News. By the way GE BANCORP and REALTY, we're NOT impressed with your "big profits" -- we'd bet they come almost entirely from the TURNI -- CABLE SUBSCRIBERS.

Any network that has to rely on BOOM BOOM for its ratings doesn't have a pot to hiss in.

Posted 6:33 AM by Gene

Roberts Court May Be Defined in Second Term
By LINDA GREENHOUSE

I don't know, EFFECT, think we ought to make a speech about it? About how John will force us back to the age of coat hangers, and segregated fountains, and 300-pound men in top hats carrying big bags of money around, and....

Oh, we think you'll manage -- without a speech.

Posted 6:01 PM by Gene

The problem with music is it's become so compartmentalized lovers of one music can't talk to others, but instead pat one another's behinds in their own little club. We see it in the supremely hermetic group that combines the two deadly traits of musical "eclecticism" and obsessive record collecting. Such folk live at ubuweb, and their philosophy rings no more clearly than in The 365 Days Project from 2003, a precursor of -- ugh -- YouTube, a daily MP3 anthology of putatively oddball stuff and the musical equivalent of watching an auto accident. Think of it as low-tech's version of the cultural detritus vastly accumulating on the Web. It has the requisite annoying irony (and makes the usual fun of Christians, though the fun-makers mostly aren't to blame); these folk sent vintage advertising records to David Letterman and their ranks include the musical cultist Irwin Chusid, a DJ at a cute public-radio station that specializes in "eclectic" music and the producer of a Raymond Scott anthology (prompted by -- natch -- Ren and Stimpy, more irony). Most of these tracks seem to be here to goose some prices in Goldmine. There is one halfway-decent tune, though, a song familiar to many by its melody though no one knows the words: "Chicken Fat" is an exercise song commissioned for JFK's national physical fitness program, but it's not any exercise song: it's a stirring march by Meredith Willson ("Wilson", as the Chusidites must spell it, despite the presence of the record label) sung with a chorus by his Music Man Robert Preston. The song evidently got so vastly overexposed in gym classes the kids came to hate it; and a little Harold Hill goes a long way. Nonetheless it's still halfway-decent. It's the only halfway-decent tune. My first exposure was to an atrocious musical public-service announcement on syphilis sung by Tom Glazer (and co-written by him and Erik Barnouw -- the broadcast historian), thus setting a noxious tone. There's a taboo-busting excerpt from Earl Wilson Jr.'s tray lousay sex musical Let My People Come and Anthony Newley's unspeakable "Within You, Without You," from a 1977 Beatles TV special -- the only thing worse is Tony Randall's oily and false narration. There are screamings from industrial musicals and bland advertising jingles with a risible rock beat, there's Tammy Faye singing for the kiddies (not that bad), there are unsexy eyeball-rolling "stag" tunes, there are unfunny practical jokes from Mrs. Miller and some Herb Alpert impersonator, there are Fred Astaire and Myron Floren making disco asses of themselves, there is a godawful attempt at satire and folk music from some Goldwater supporters ("right-wing conservatives," as somebody named Grayer must call them -- isn't Chusid one?), there is that dry-your-eyes-and-hold-your-nose recitation "If Jesus Came to Your House" (sorry, Porter Wagoner's version is worse because it's sincere), and a bathetic tribute to George Wallace after he was shot. For all the opportunities there are few chuckles; this stuff is so bad and so dated it's depressing. There are two comedy classics here, though: Capt. Kirk's rendition of Lord Elton's "Rocket Man" (yes, for another seventies TV special) and, far far better, a tape of a high-dudgeonly Orson Welles blowing a voiceover assignment -- you don't want to think how far he fell. I recommend this site only on the proviso you thoroughly innoculate yourself with good music before -- and for a long time after.

Posted 5:06 PM by Gene

Today our StinkyInky decided to sell our city's CONDO BOOM!!!!!!!!!!, and in a flash I saw the danger of the new fad of 100 "independent" newspaper fiefdoms: these budding Annenbergs will spend all day shaking down advertisers and promising favors, making whole sections like the real-estate pages into truth-free zones (as if they aren't already); meantime they'll placate the luxury news suites with promises of "freedom" -- and the hacks clearly know which freedoms to circumvent (no exposés on our advertisers), meaning continued wall-to-wall persecutions of conservatives and Republicans. In short, the papers become even more sales pitches and press releases and propaganda arms. How do you pay your expensive debt with that?

Posted 1:56 PM by Gene

Fouad Ajami:

There is a strand of liberal thinking that aims to explain the terror and succeeds only in explaining it away. Terror is justified if we drown it in the search for "root causes" or if we insist that the terror sprang from "legitimate" grievances. In this vein, nowadays it is maintained that Islamist terror was fed by the rage over the American invasion of Iraq. This argument is off the mark, the product of naiveté or of a determined opposition to the war. We should know better. The trail of radical terror, emanating from Islamic lands and Islamic movements, predates the Iraq war. We have three decades of this kind of terror behind us. Our consolation perhaps lies in the fate that awaited the original cult of assassins. In their time, they had fame, and their potential victims feared them. But the world of organized states in the end triumphed, and the fury of the zealots was no match for the determination of mainstream society to shake off the assassins and to defend the normal order of things.

Posted 12:33 PM by Gene

It appears, alas, THE CONSPIRACY has had an up weekend after four down ones. Keep in mind, though, without the strategically planted tentpoles there will be some dreadful year-to-year comparisons in the last two months that might wipe the smile off its face.

Posted 12:00 PM by Gene

Speaking of The Corner, it's discovered ANOTHER -- CON-SER-VA-TIVE MOVIE!!!!!!!!!!

SOMEBODY THROTTLE THESE CLOWNS!!!!!

P. S. MORE CON-SER-VA-TIVE MOVIES:

Still, if United 93 and World Trade Center will never be mistaken for calls to action, and if neither is perfect as art or as history, each may legitimately come to serve in future decades as a crucial building block of national memory, much as an imperfect painting like John Trumbull’s The Signing of the Declaration of Independence (1786) has come to serve as the image of that great event in American consciousness.

SOMEBODY THROTTLE THESE CLOWNS!!!!!!!!!!

Posted 11:57 AM by Gene

Once again an ombudspoop apologizes -- after the fact.

This is the swell thing about being a news hack: you can trash someone's house and then show up a week later as Mr. Fix-It.

(Via -- alas -- The Corner)

Posted 10:34 AM by Gene

Roger Clemens, one of professional baseball's most durable and successful pitchers, is among six players allegedly linked to performance-enhancing drugs by a former teammate, The Times has learned. The names had been blacked out in an affidavit filed in federal court.

Others whose identities had been concealed include Clemens' fellow Houston Astros pitcher Andy Pettitte and former American League most valuable player Miguel Tejada of the Baltimore Orioles.

Popeye isn't through yet!

(Via SI.com via Time.com -- SYNERGY!)

Posted 10:22 AM by Gene

Onward and upward in li-te-rah-TEE-YURE:

Charles Frazier is an intelligent, occasionally witty author who writes incredibly long-winded, sentimental, soporific novels....Now Frazier weighs in with Thirteen Moons, which manages to be even longer and even duller than Cold Mountain. No doubt it too will be a huge bestseller.

No doubt.

Posted 10:17 AM by Gene

Stock Spam Hits Cellphones

Pffh-hh-hh-hh hh hh hh ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!!!!!

Then again, one man's spam may be another's financial advice. First National Power shares began the week at 5 cents but now trade for 8.5 cents, a 70% increase. And Encore Clean Energy shares traded this week for 15 cents, up from 10 cents in mid-September.

TRANSLATION: There's a SUCKER -- oh, never mind.

Posted 10:14 AM by Gene

Shucks, the TWXSTERS say the EEEEEEEEEEEVIL GOP may win the mid-terms after all.

Do they keep President Rove's brain in a box somewhere?

Interesting:

"You clearly have to have TV ads," says White House political-affairs director Sara Taylor, "but for a little less TV, you can buy a whole lot of pizzas and phone lines and salaries for young men and women right out of college" to make phone calls, knock on doors and recruit and manage volunteers.

So why do you clowns of both stripes spend so much on TV?

Posted 10:09 AM by Gene

"[L]et’s be honest: you need Jule Styne-type melodies to really merit an overture. And a big enough band to play them. Why do an overture unless you’ve got xylophones going crazy?"

Fortunately we've got masterworks all over Branson East. Who needs overtures?

We should note Hello, Dolly! opened without an overture despite its presence on the cast album; on the other hand, it wasn't written by a Jerry Herman imitator.

Posted 10:02 AM by Gene

Oh, NO -- ANOTHER ST. WARREN OF BUFFETT!

And this one without the saintliness.

Sears Holdings sounds like the retail equivalent of the real-estate boom.

Posted 9:51 AM by Gene

And in this, Mr. Mark's last issue before he's officially kicked upstairs to do nothing, his rag is into DENIAL!!!!! (i.e., it's plugging a book synergistically) while the rest of the world has to fidget over the price of oil. Good news: Someone says people overestimated China's demand. The bad news: look at the source. By the way, if you're going to mention Republican conspiracy theories why couldn't you have run this as the cover? Or better still, run two covers, one upside-down on the other side? It would be symbolic.

From now on we will go to the INTERNATIONAL site first.

Posted 9:49 AM by Gene

Of course they were laughing. They couldn't have plotted it otherwise.

Is somebody trying to do RUPERT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! a favor?

(Via CNN.com)