THE NEWS HACK'S CREED:
I know more than you.
I make lots more money than you.
I'm smarter than you.
I'm sexier than you.
I appear on TV all the time.
I work ten minutes a day.
I rule the universe.
I'm going to live forever.
You are an idiot.
THE NEWS HACK'S CREED, No. 2:
A lie isn't a lie when it tells THE TRUTH.
THE NEWS HACK'S CREED, No. 3:
I've come to realize that the looseness of the journalistic life, the seeming laxity of the newsroom, is an illusion. Yes, there's informality and there's humor, but beneath the surface lies something deadly serious. It is a code. Sometimes the code is not even written down, but it is deeply believed in. And, when violated, it is enforced with tribal ferocity.
--JOHN "OMERTA" CARROLL.
THE NEWS HACK'S CREED, No. 4:
News isn't news when we don't report it.
PERMALINKS:
THE NEWS HACKS' DICTIONARY
THE EUGENE DAVID GLOSSARY
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Friday, February 22, 2008
"Get lost, stop filming," one of them shouted, so laden down with booty that clothes and bags dripped to the ground amid the broken glass below emptied storefronts.
"But you are the heroines of this protest for me," the cameraman replied sarcastically above the din of burglar alarms.
Me too! (Sarcastically)
We should remember, before the very dubious piece on Boobs, there was the dubious piece on the Messiah. It appears The Paper of Re-CORD is totally off its rocker.
WHY WE DO NOT NEED NEWS HACKS, PART TRES: ATTABOY STUART continues to lobby Pinch to create a special section that does for the Os-CARs'® ads what the NEUHARTHIANS did to the SUPER BORE's. This lip-smacking résumé-building obsession is getting to be almost as plain as the warts on the Gray Lady's face.
A CO-NEUHARTHISM OF THE MONTH AWARD TO ATTABOY STUART!
(Via MediaBistro)
A CO-NEUHARTHISM OF THE MONTH AWARD TO ATTABOY STUART!
(Via MediaBistro)
WHY WE DO NOT NEED NEWS HACKS, PART DOS: Tony at USAOKAY!!!!! has devised a lengthy and elaborate excuse for his industry (movies, news, what's the diff) that proves no one can be more stubborn and boneheaded in his prejudices than a news hack. To wit: For the Os-CARS® to honor ever more hermetically sealed, ever-less attended masterworks is a GOOD thing, so Tony says, because it means we get to honor all these "small, quirky" immortalities -- in short, we get to do the public-be-damned routine while basking in our own superiority. Unfortunately, as you folks angling for an industry job refuse to realize, once upon a time movies could be good and popular. That they're now only CRTICALLY-ACCLAIMED OR popular attests to the stranglehold idiot typists have on the movie biz in the fall season, and stupid teens and bean counters have the rest of the year, and why, with luck, the upcoming Os-CAR® ceremony will set a new --- high in viewership. Ah, but we don't need viewers, right Tony?
A THOROUGHGOING-EFFETE-SNOB NEUHARTHISM OF THE MONTH AWARD TO TONY!!!!!
And he seems to have cribbed from THIS moron, who is not Effete Edelstein but obviously pines for his influence:
The very fact that bodes ill ratings for the 2008 ceremony—that this year's nominees are mostly dark and difficult movies that few Americans have seen—is a draw for those of us who really love the medium.
I HATE THESE NOSE-IN-THE-AIRS!
A THOROUGHGOING-EFFETE-SNOB NEUHARTHISM OF THE MONTH AWARD TO TONY!!!!!
And he seems to have cribbed from THIS moron, who is not Effete Edelstein but obviously pines for his influence:
The very fact that bodes ill ratings for the 2008 ceremony—that this year's nominees are mostly dark and difficult movies that few Americans have seen—is a draw for those of us who really love the medium.
I HATE THESE NOSE-IN-THE-AIRS!
WHY WE DO NOT NEED NEWS HACKS, PART UNO: Lenny decided to play a practical joke on his readers today:
OPINIONS
Surging for an Answer
Charles Krauthammer: Why can't Democrats admit the obvious and agree that the surge is working?
Michael Kinsley: Because it's not.
In other words, whether something's true depends on your politics. But see Lenny, that's why we have reporters -- they're supposed to ferret out the truth. Of course you wouldn't realize, Lenny, that hacks can't be trusted to tell the truth, only their truth. So we have these extremely irritating gimmicks in which truth becomes the proverbial first casualty.
A STICK IT UP YOUR WAZOO AWARD to LENNY and his Web boys!
OPINIONS
Surging for an Answer
Charles Krauthammer: Why can't Democrats admit the obvious and agree that the surge is working?
Michael Kinsley: Because it's not.
In other words, whether something's true depends on your politics. But see Lenny, that's why we have reporters -- they're supposed to ferret out the truth. Of course you wouldn't realize, Lenny, that hacks can't be trusted to tell the truth, only their truth. So we have these extremely irritating gimmicks in which truth becomes the proverbial first casualty.
A STICK IT UP YOUR WAZOO AWARD to LENNY and his Web boys!
Thursday, February 21, 2008
Kurt Andersen Now Officially a 'Visionary' (Portfolio)
Author, editor, columnist, radio talker: Kurt Andersen's worn a lot of hats. Now he's getting fitted for a new one: visionary. The Spy co-founder and Studio 360 host has accepted an invitation from the Art Center College of Design, a Los Angeles school, to serve as its "visionary in residence" during spring semester 2009. "It's embarrassing to say, although I should be flattered," says Andersen. [MediaBistro squib and link]
Yes, anyone from the Gray-DON and SUPERADAM!!!!! school should be embarrassed.
Author, editor, columnist, radio talker: Kurt Andersen's worn a lot of hats. Now he's getting fitted for a new one: visionary. The Spy co-founder and Studio 360 host has accepted an invitation from the Art Center College of Design, a Los Angeles school, to serve as its "visionary in residence" during spring semester 2009. "It's embarrassing to say, although I should be flattered," says Andersen. [MediaBistro squib and link]
Yes, anyone from the Gray-DON and SUPERADAM!!!!! school should be embarrassed.
We are starting to wonder if Norman Lebrecht is becoming the PAUL DRECK of mu-SIC. Several days after letting us know that Mr. Barenboim's Beethovening would endure for eons he has come to the rescue of the pop-NOISE business by saying it doesn't cause juvenile delinquency. The fact that it spawned ROLLING STONE would seem counterargument enough.
Can't he go back to staring at his navel over the death of classical music?
(Via the occasionally exasperating ArtsJournal)
Can't he go back to staring at his navel over the death of classical music?
(Via the occasionally exasperating ArtsJournal)
How apt that the same proud members of the American Society of Willfully Ignorant Advertisers who come up with a thousand excuses to finance junk television also managed to find room for fourteen different shapes of pretzels in their snack mixes (General Mills) and 100 different sizes of cans (CONAgra). Now that they have to eliminate much of this absurdity in the name of squeezing their turnips -- customers does not mean they will be any less self-indulgent, it just means they'll have to be more "creative" about it.
Stupid question from Upper Manhattan:
Why does the press use “populist” to refer to policies that are simply liberal?
For the same reason it calls liberals MODERATES.
(Also via MediaBistro. It's on a roll today! Pfffffffffffffffffffffft!)
Why does the press use “populist” to refer to policies that are simply liberal?
For the same reason it calls liberals MODERATES.
(Also via MediaBistro. It's on a roll today! Pfffffffffffffffffffffft!)
The Bos-TON Phoe-NIX emotes:
[W]ith our politicians acting like a bunch of crude, narcissistic adolescents, is it any surprise that our political commentary is following suit?
Which we're perfectly certain means that when someone at an ALTERNARAG (?) like The Bos-TON Phoe-NIX wants to jump up and down in the sandbox it's perfectly okay.
(Via MediaBistro, which links to too many such effusions)
[W]ith our politicians acting like a bunch of crude, narcissistic adolescents, is it any surprise that our political commentary is following suit?
Which we're perfectly certain means that when someone at an ALTERNARAG (?) like The Bos-TON Phoe-NIX wants to jump up and down in the sandbox it's perfectly okay.
(Via MediaBistro, which links to too many such effusions)
Elsewhere The Paper of Re-CORD, America's most exclusive media outlet, scratches its head how inclusive Muslim student organizations should be, a question for which we feel assured America's most exclusive media outlet would have no easy answer even if there were one.
The size of the debris is smaller than the Pentagon had forecast and most of the satellite's intelligence value was likely destroyed, Cartwright said. Though the Pentagon has played down that aspect of the shootdown, analysts had said one of the reasons for the operation was that officials worried that without it, larger chunks of the satellite could fall and be recovered, opening the possibility of secret technology falling into the hands of the Chinese or others.
What did we say?
What did we say?
Wednesday, February 20, 2008
But the news isn't all bad in MEDIALAND:
'A Horrible Start' As Local Radio Revs Fall 5%
Of course it's R&R -- and of course there's no link!
'A Horrible Start' As Local Radio Revs Fall 5%
Of course it's R&R -- and of course there's no link!
"As marketers embrace the richness of new advertising avenues outside of the traditional TV format, the TV industry is working to address marketer's issues related to ratings and the changing TV landscape," Bob Liodice, ANA president-CEO, said in a statement. "Marketers, in collaboration with the TV industry, will continue to find the most effective and innovative ways to reach their customers through the TV medium, utilizing the emerging technologies available to them."
TRANSLATION: We'll NEVER have to stop shmoozing!
TRANSLATION: We'll NEVER have to stop shmoozing!
I have not posted much today because I'm disgusted with single-digit-hit days and I was busy at work and I didn't have much to say regardless. Also G000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000GLE has messed up my home page. If only I weren't so blasted shy at least I could publicize myself, but then I think of the loudmouths on the keyboard, and I wonder.
Think of Huey Long and suddenly Obamamania doesn't sound so funny.
Tuesday, February 19, 2008
A peculiar tizz is brewing amongst the pundit class because JFK apparently has a history of lifting things from others' speeches. What especially get us scratching our head is that all he's lifted is platitudes. And that's all he could lift because most political speechifying these days is nothing but platitudes. We're not certain where the crime in this is but if JFK is so desperate as to steal platitudes that says maybe he really is an empty suit after all.
“Before, after and during the strike, we really look to keep the integrity intact on what was bought in the upfront. That hasn’t really changed,” said Ed Gentner, senior VP and group director at MediaVest. “The bottom line is you want to make sure that, when you look at your schedule as a whole, you are getting what you paid for and the integrity is intact.”
TRANSLATION: "God, the boss...ever since the strike ended he's been pestering me, 'WHEN THE @#$%&* DO WE GET OUR ADS BACK ON? WE NEED TO HAVE A SALES CONFERENCE IN HOLLYWOOD SO I CAN TAKE MY KIDS TO THE STUDIOS!!!!!'"
(Via MediaBistro)
TRANSLATION: "God, the boss...ever since the strike ended he's been pestering me, 'WHEN THE @#$%&* DO WE GET OUR ADS BACK ON? WE NEED TO HAVE A SALES CONFERENCE IN HOLLYWOOD SO I CAN TAKE MY KIDS TO THE STUDIOS!!!!!'"
(Via MediaBistro)
Barenboim's Beethoven Will Resound for Decades: Norman Lebrecht
Centuries! MILLENNIA!!!!!
I guess the MOVIE ad-blurbists aren't the only ones prone to exaggeration.
Centuries! MILLENNIA!!!!!
I guess the MOVIE ad-blurbists aren't the only ones prone to exaggeration.
Someone MUST put the idiot Dick "GUNS CAUSED COLUMBINE!!!!!" Corliss on a VERY short leash:
Titanic? I caused a bit of a ruckus by reviewing the film a few weeks before it opened and declaring it, at least artistically, "dead in the water." (Matt Drudge later claimed that I was put up to my pan by Time Warner boss Gerald Levin. Not true! I disliked the movie all on my own.)
EVERYTHING at PEOPLE WARNER has an ulterior motive -- and vets like Dick have worked long enough to know how to do others' favors while making them seem their own handicraft. PEOPLE NEWSRAG can't fold fast enough.
Titanic? I caused a bit of a ruckus by reviewing the film a few weeks before it opened and declaring it, at least artistically, "dead in the water." (Matt Drudge later claimed that I was put up to my pan by Time Warner boss Gerald Levin. Not true! I disliked the movie all on my own.)
EVERYTHING at PEOPLE WARNER has an ulterior motive -- and vets like Dick have worked long enough to know how to do others' favors while making them seem their own handicraft. PEOPLE NEWSRAG can't fold fast enough.
OHhhhhh, so NOW Fidel makes official what's been unofficial for the last year or so, ever since he went into good health.
And how many are sad outside of Cuba? Probably more than inside. In any event Fidel will rule Cuba figuratively until the Cubans get a little backbone.
And how many are sad outside of Cuba? Probably more than inside. In any event Fidel will rule Cuba figuratively until the Cubans get a little backbone.
Monday, February 18, 2008
WHEW! Romy's relieved: Free-falling MNI's Miami pulp pile doesn't call Fidel a "dictator."
Yes, it's a loaded word. But then, so is BANKRUPTCY. That's the nice thing about being a news hack, though: you can always play Russian roulette and know the gun's never loaded.
Yes, it's a loaded word. But then, so is BANKRUPTCY. That's the nice thing about being a news hack, though: you can always play Russian roulette and know the gun's never loaded.
TRANSLATION: Because show-biz flacks have a case of STOCKHOLM SYNDROME they took the Fantasy and Profanity League's strike PERSONALLY.
Happily Paramount Pete has the perfect solution:
[W]here most journalists just talk about seeing both sides of a debate, Bart really does. His publication depends on advertising from the studio and network bosses. And Bart is also a member of the Writers Guild. (LAST GRAF)
Happily Paramount Pete has the perfect solution:
[W]here most journalists just talk about seeing both sides of a debate, Bart really does. His publication depends on advertising from the studio and network bosses. And Bart is also a member of the Writers Guild. (LAST GRAF)
Clinton's far more accessible to reporters since losing Iowa
Which means what, Romy? You've complained for several weeks about how JFK has secreted himself off from the hacks. The last we heard he wasn't losing. Or look at the EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEVIL Dubya (who blathers more with you typists than you let on). He's served for two terms. I don't think flattering news hacks is the key to eternal life anymore.
Which means what, Romy? You've complained for several weeks about how JFK has secreted himself off from the hacks. The last we heard he wasn't losing. Or look at the EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEVIL Dubya (who blathers more with you typists than you let on). He's served for two terms. I don't think flattering news hacks is the key to eternal life anymore.
The advantage of our man JFK running against Boobs McKeating is that every time he says something negative we could flip out the R card, and trot out Al and Je$$e.
We wouldn't do that if we were you, hacks -- unless of course you'd like to see Col. Zell immolate his bonds and MNI go to $2 a share, which wouldn't bother you one way or the other.
The only thing that would make this perfect is for the late Lord Koppel to start intoning, but alas, he stopped intoning a while ago.
We wouldn't do that if we were you, hacks -- unless of course you'd like to see Col. Zell immolate his bonds and MNI go to $2 a share, which wouldn't bother you one way or the other.
The only thing that would make this perfect is for the late Lord Koppel to start intoning, but alas, he stopped intoning a while ago.
Sunday, February 17, 2008
If it's Sunday, it's Big Double-A-Scribble Time:
1. Media employment is at a fifteen-year low. This means, of course, that the people who are out of work don't deserve it -- and those earning the usual seven and eight digits don't deserve it either.
2. The CEOs backing THE GAMES are going to KEEP their super-expensive suites and tickets, come hell or Darfur, which are the same thing.
3. What's SLIME "got to offer" that the BUGMIESTER doesn't? Immortality. But wait, doesn't BUG offer double-immortality -- and a chance to pester people in the afterlife with defective software?
4. How will media "weather a recession"? Very well, thank you. You'd weather a recession very well too if people kept bringing in dump trucks full of cash to deposit on your lap.
1. Media employment is at a fifteen-year low. This means, of course, that the people who are out of work don't deserve it -- and those earning the usual seven and eight digits don't deserve it either.
2. The CEOs backing THE GAMES are going to KEEP their super-expensive suites and tickets, come hell or Darfur, which are the same thing.
3. What's SLIME "got to offer" that the BUGMIESTER doesn't? Immortality. But wait, doesn't BUG offer double-immortality -- and a chance to pester people in the afterlife with defective software?
4. How will media "weather a recession"? Very well, thank you. You'd weather a recession very well too if people kept bringing in dump trucks full of cash to deposit on your lap.
This fellow started collecting coins like the handsome one above around the time St. Warren started collecting stocks. If he'd collected stocks instead we might call him St. Walter.
Now Mr. My Business is My Business complains that Boobs McKeating would get us into war in Iran. There is no sating these zillionaires who dictate columns to the interns, is there.