Eugene David ...The One-Minute Pundit |
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Saturday, January 12, 2008
Today I was in one of the few surviving rattletrap used book shops in the South Street neighborhood watching an old PD VHS tape of episodes from The Beverly Hillbillies, a relic I hadn't seen in ages, nor would want to; and aside from its relentless unfunnyness (natch, one of the first words to pop up on AMAZON.COM's IMDB site is "HILARIOUS", which is fast becoming my least favorite) I was struck by its primitiveness -- the grand foyer that would fit in a McMansion's bathroom, everybody posing rigidly before the camera as though it were the Vitaphone, the drab chintzy-looking film, the klutzy animal tricks, which made me question their staging, although I'd presume Frank Inn knew and did better. Incredible how Bill Paley, surrounded by riches and fawners and Impressionist paintings and a trophy wife, was said to have thought it hilarious too, but given his copiously ghosted autobiography* we may suspect otherwise. The only thing to emerge unscathed was an appearance (I presume the first) by Lester Flatt and Earl Scruggs, whose music, however ineptly presented, was the sole thing that didn't date it, as their bluegrass will live forever, unlike cheesy, corny sitcoms devised with the most malevolent condescension.
*Note the comments.
I've figured out why Honorary President Mike is so beloved of news hacks: he is they in the mirror, or rather they in the mirror as they'd like to be -- superrich, hypocritically lecturing people, screaming at his subordinates, the lower down the totem pole the louder. He is the effete snob's dream, which is why the hacks will be torn in a passion between him and JFK as to which would be the PERFECT president, though Honorary has already reached perfection.
19 bald eagles die after being trapped in fish slime
I'd think it being 2008 this might be considered an animal genocide, or something. 1. Hey watch it, that's sharp! 2. Oh, goody! I can get more of these toys when I go speaking!
Dammit, now the prima-donnas of the soundstage -- er, the direc-TORs will start negotiating, and people are PRAYING they'll settle in two hours, so we don't know.
TRANSLATION: Don't worry, Mogul's Friend, everyone will settle in time for the Os-CARS®, humanity's greatest gift to itself, or so you say.
If Dubya wants a national ID card why doesn't he campaign for one? We'll soon get such a thing in all but name. Perhaps those ciphers whom the Great George employs are merely trying to soften us up at the prospect. God knows he doesn't have the forthrightness to admit to it.
The TRAGEDY (so professional toadies like The Mogul's Friend would call it) of the Golden Globs has turned to farce. We can only hope this presages that the Fantasy and Profanity League's strike will be even longer and more painful than we optimists dared expect.
Friday, January 11, 2008
The latest jernalistic heavy lifting in PINCHDOM:
Pats edge Jaguars ... in Madden NFL 08 Boston.com utilizes video game simulation to predict New England triumph You deserve a P-Ulitzer for that, Pinch! P. S. By three points?!?
"I am calling on Angelo Mozilo, who will be profiting from this transaction personally, to donate a substantial portion of the $150 million he has collected over the last several years to nonprofits and other institutions that are helping us deal with the problem he helped to create."
LIKE HELL! THIS PERFECT SUNTAN COST MONEY! (Via LALA)
About three-fourths of all commercials viewed in DVR homes are viewed live, meaning as a program originally airs.
When ads seen during DVR playback over three days from the original airing are added in, the share of ads seen by viewers rises to 97 percent, according to a new report from media buying giant Magna Global. [Emphasis added] Does anyone outside the ad biz have so much faith in old wives' tales, fairies, goblins and superstitions? And does anyone else waste so much money on them?
MR. WIDE-EYED ARM-WAVING ENTHUSIAST encourages parents to take their kids to R movies!
It's official: WIDE-EYED is an industry flack. That he's a complete idiot goes without saying. And of COURSE this would NOT have ANYTHING to do with our ENTHUSIASM. Capitalism is THE ROOT OF ALL EVIL -- unless it's OUR capitalism.
TRANSLATION: Faced with covering protests of its GAMES and covering the GAMES, GE BANCORP and Its sponsors will WIN.
Now would be a good time to sell GOODTHINGS ENTERTAINMENT, Little Jeffy.
Pat Robertson Says He Wants to Buy 'Virginian-Pilot'
The way the newspaper biz is going he wouldn't have to beg his suckers for quite so much money. I'll bet he's kicking himself that he never bought The Weather Channel.
Clinton To Shelve Negative Ads, as Political Dynamics Change
You don't suppose the antics of the last two weeks, however RACIALLY MOTIVATED, say that political ads are pretty much irrelevant?
Merrill Lynch is expected to suffer $15 billion in losses stemming from soured mortgage investments, almost double its original estimate, prompting the firm to raise additional capital from an outside investor.
Is this not proof the preceding story is so much hooey? Thursday, January 10, 2008
Alas, he did not say "Because it's there", but Sir Edmund Hillary, with his Sherpa companion Tenzing Norgay, was the first up and down Mt. Everest, an epochal achievement that even the current traffic jams and garbage dumps on the mountain cannot dim. Perhaps because "heroism" is so easy nowadays we can't take its full measure, or perhaps our conquering of vaster targets has progressively put our heroic sense to sleep, but we can no more slight this first anymore than the firsts of Lindbergh or Apollo 11, and its fame, like theirs, will last as long as the record.
Getting Out the Barack Vote: Did Race Bias Cost Obama A Win in New Hampshire?
Yep, I think the news biz is continuing its campaigning.
Bank of America in talks to buy Countrywide-WSJ
Why do such stories have the exact opposite effect as intended, as they say that our economy's in even worse shape than the know-it-alls will admit? And remember -- somebody wanted to buy Enron too.
Hmmm -- does JFK have a fixer?
He can always point to Hillary -- which might be a less-than-ideal way to run a campaign.
THE MOGUL'S FRIEND SPEAKS:
The academy is an institution held in high regard by one and all, both inside and outside of Hollywood. For low comedy. Of course Mog is quaking at the prospect of the A-ca-de-my A-WARDS® being canceled; but it might get the rest of America to thinking, "Geez, but it feels GOOD to be without the Oscars®!" (Via ArtsJournal)
"We wanted to push the envelope. We wanted to shock but not offend, to make people think."
You made us think, all right -- you made us think you clowns of the American Society of Willfully Ignorant Advertisers don't care if you offend us, an envelope-pushing behavior that will in time sink your reputation so low one would need an oil rig to locate it.
Sen. HEIN-TZZZZ is endorsing JFK!!!!!
Who'll believe a loser? Pardon -- that should read JFK is endorsing JFK!!!!! That still doesn't make him less of a loser.
AP NEWS ALERT!!!!!
NAIROBI, Kenya (AP) -- The African Union says former U.N. Secretary-General Kofi Annan is taking over mediation in Kenya's disputed presidential election. (Corrects by adding that Annan is former U.N. secretary-general.) We may wonder.
Why reporters get it wrong
By: JOHN F. HARRIS and JIM VANDEHEI | 01/09/2008 08:13 PM 2008 election produces glut of bogus storylines and false positives. Yep, the hacks are doing their job again.
We are, needless to say, sorry that the Eddie Rendell of the West is hanging up his presidential spurs; now he'll have to be a governor again, and ogle women.
HONORARY PRESIDENT MIKE AWAITS! New York Mayor Michael Bloomberg has quietly been polling and conducting a highly sophisticated voter analysis in all 50 states as he decides whether to launch an independent presidential bid, associates said Wednesday. The exhaustive data collection started months ago, and when the review begins shortly, it will provide the data-obsessed billionaire businessman with the information he will use to decide whether to make a third-party run for the White House. The scope of the research, details of which were revealed to The Associated Press.... I! I! I! ME! ME! ME! I'M RUNNING FOR PRESIDENT!!!!! Wednesday, January 09, 2008
Thank you for pointing out the problem, Perfesser Shafer: it's not that CNN's news coverage stinks (which it might being 24 hours a day, among other things), it's that it uses a "preposterous slogan" to sell it. Get rid of the preposterous slogan and we get rid of the problem. After all, without the slogan, "[t]here are a lot a of good things about CNN, John King being one." TRANSLATION: The slogan is true, just don't use it.
Do too many people write about jernalism? And do some of them write about it too often?
Ms. Travers extracts immortal wisdom from her daily rendezvous with the BIG P:
"The Republican Nominee Might Wind up [SIC] Being the Guy That [SIC] Republicans Dislike the Least." [Kathryn Jean Lopez] Rush today. Wow! We need YOU to listen to HIM so we can glean everything we've only heard 500 TIMES already!
Count on The Big Double-A Scribble to find the silver lining to a cloud:
New Hampshire Results Will Lead to More Spending In more ways than one?
Bugmeister eructs at the Lord God Steve:
In the so-called smartphone business.... Let he who is without sin.... (Which from His interpretation of things would include Bugmeister.) P. S. Better to give the full quote: "No, we won't do that. In the so-called smartphone business we will concentrate solely on software with our Windows Mobile program." Can you say dense? P. P. S. Aren't you buddy-buddies? You have enough in common.
Exciting financial news from SLIME's Cheapie Marketwatch:
[NYX] NYSE in talks to buy American Stock Exchange: WSJ Pardon me -- what IS an "American Stock Exchange"?
And in more money-burning genius in marketing:
Kimberly-Clark is launching “Be Kind to Your Behind,” the largest Cottonelle campaign in the history of the brand, with spend expected to approach some $100 million, about a 25% increase over what it spent last year.... The effort from Dallas-based K-C is designed to raise brand awareness and promote Cottonelle’s touted benefits of softness and comfort. “Through research we found that consumers will [pamper] many parts of their body, but they haven’t been doing so for their bottoms, yet they are open to doing so,” said Mark Worden, Cottonelle brand manager.... TV and print ads, featuring Cottonelle’s iconic “spokespuppy,” will highlight how, by using Cottonelle bathroom paper, consumers “can offer kindness and comfort to their bottoms,” he said. JWT, N.Y., is the lead agency, handling primarily TV, which breaks this week, and print, set for Q2. “Life is tough on bottoms, and consumer experiences like commuting to work on trains and buses gives consumers’ bottoms unintentional unkindness, so we’re bringing comfort to them,” Worden said. To further promote Cottonelle’s message, the brand is debuting the Cottonelle Comfort Haven bus, which prominently displays the brand’s puppy on the exterior, and features themed comfort areas for consumers to stop by, visit and learn more about the product. Those areas include a comfort-product bar featuring a variety of Cottonelle solutions, such as the benefits of combining Cottonelle Ultra with Cottonelle Wipes; a massage area where consumers can receive chair massages; and a yoga station that offers yoga tips and techniques. The bus tour kicks off in March in New York and will stop at places like Grand Central and Penn Stations. It will then travel to Philadelphia, Chicago and Toronto, and conclude in San Francisco. Cottonelle will advertise inside and outside of the rail stations the bus visits. And if this is like most ad campaigns, it will bite us in the behind through junk television.
AHNULT's proposing a tax to finance firefighters!
BLOOMY-AHNULT '08! Together they have the...money! Administration officials acknowledged that some of the money raised could be used to balance the budget. They declined to be precise about how much. Yep, he'd be PERFECT in Washington!
Where your advertising tithe is going:
Woods Made $122 Million From Purses, Sponsors, Golf Digest Says [Emphasis added] And when America's CEOs pile one over another to say "I KNOW TIGER WOODS AND YOU DON'T!!!!!" the sight is as pretty as a hundred frat boys cramming into a phone booth. And the CEOs are a LOT fatter.
Watch out! Here comes HD YouTube!
So now those cute cat videos and political tantrums will look even BETTER! "Mr. Kaltenborn was saying, 'While the President is a million votes ahead in the popular vote . . . when the country vote comes in, Mr. Truman will be defeated by an overwhelming majority.'" (Quote source here) Tuesday, January 08, 2008
The Rasmussen market predictions now give Obama a 65 percent chance of winning the Democratic primary in New Hampshire and McCain a 74 percent chance in the state's Republican contest.
Intrade.com, a predictions market run out of Ireland, shows almost exactly the same results, giving Obama a 67 percent chance of winning New Hampshire and McCain a 74.9 percent chance. "Our prediction market for Iowa turned out to be very accurate," Rasmussen said. Well, one out of two ain't bad. PFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (Sorry for the WORLDNETDAILY!!!!!)
Say could all that talktalktalk about how Vegas is hiphiphip and hothothot and full of zillionaire high-rollers be making the city so expensive conventions will leave in droves?
Prices as high as "Berlin and Frankfurt"? I guess we've arrived!
Who wants to bet a certain hysterical crank outdraws RUDY?!?
"Four Score" Biden and "Sandy" Dodd have a combined ninety votes. Some voters have the IQ of kumquats. Pardon, kumquats are smarter.
Martin Peretz of the liberal New Republic is also an uncritical supporter of the Israeli government, and the Jersualem Post called the New Republic "the single most favorable American voice on Israel." This bias informs every opinion expressed in the New Republic. For example, it opposed Contra aid until the Sandinista government showed sympathy for the PLO.
Ron Paul may be a hysterical crank, but this, I'm afraid, has the faint singe of truth. (Via Commentary Magazine's Contentions blog)
I know, I know, it's only ten percent of the precincts, but is it possible The Ice Lady will pull off an upset?
Looks as though Boobs McKeating is breezing home. This should be interesting. Ron Paul!!!!! at eight percent, one less than Rudy. Why do people waste their votes? Ol' Fred should head back to Hollywood.
An astonishing statement from Pinchdom:
I was born about three months after Robert Kennedy’s death, so I’ll probably never understand what it is about the Kennedy legend that seems to have suspended Democrats of a certain generation in a specific moment in time, as stuck in their frame of reference as an insect in amber. Every four years, it seems, since I first became aware of politics, Democrats have been trying to transform someone into a Kennedy, almost always with disappointing results. Sometimes it’s the candidate with “youthful vigor,” like a Gary Hart or a Bill Clinton. Other times it’s been the guy with stirring anti-war speeches (Howard Dean), or a sense of ideological purity (Bill Bradley), or even just the right hair and accent (John Kerry). There’s something unhealthy about all this Baby-Boomer reminiscing, because it forces Democrats always to look backward, to serve some unrealized ideal of government rather than a more modern and relevant vision of what government might become. There is a faint line between nostalgia and delusion, and with each passing year, those liberals who long for the reincarnation of their heroes seem ever closer to obliterating it.
Then again in our age if we elect a not-so-nice guy we're not likely to get a decent president either. One reason Hillary's going down in flames is that she can't even conceal the ice cube she is. If the public wanted a female Nixon she'd fare better. We do not want Nixons male orfemale.
One thing is obvious about JFK: he seems like a really nice guy. Of course the problem with electing a really nice guy to the White House is we may get a really rotten president. Look at Dubya; in his essentials he's a really nice guy too. Do we need palsy-walsy next-door neighbors at the top? Better a Washington, who did not suffer fools gladly -- and would find plenty of fools in our age to suffer over.
A lobbyist I know tells me that at the height of the fundraising season, he gets invited to 50 or 60 events per week. Sometimes, when he goes up to Capitol Hill, he might look across a room and accidentally make eye contact with a congressman or a senator. Soon an e-mail will arrive: A little money, please. It's worse than a singles bar.
OR A WHOREHOUSE.
More epochal brilliance from Stale.com:
A study argues that violent movies reduce crime. Old idea: Violent movies arouse violent feelings. New idea: Yeah, but these movies attract violent people, thereby keeping them off the streets. Data [PDF]: 1) "Between 6PM and 12AM, a one million increase in the audience for violent movies reduces violent crime by 1.1 to 1.3 percent." 2) "After exposure to the movie, between 12AM and 6AM, violent crime is reduced by an even larger percent." 3) "Violent movies deter almost 1,000 assaults on an average weekend." Theory: "Self-selection of violent individuals into violent movie attendance" results in their "voluntary incapacitation," keeping them away from booze and mischief. Caveats: 1) The study doesn't address long-term net effects of violent movies. 2) Non-violent movies reduce crime more effectively than violent movies do. 3) So would midnight basketball, video games, and any other activity that keeps young men off the streets. 4) The guy who did the study doesn't let his own kids watch violent movies. (Related: Web porn reduces sex crimes.)
We don't care who wins these big national championships like The Allstate Bowl so long as they're mind-numbing blowouts; nonetheless we know all those execs seated at the fifty-yard line are probably letting the help have it today, and will for weeks to come; and even if the game doesn't sell insurance (what did YOU do to the Gulf Coast, Allstate?), it lets people know you can burn money with the best of them.
Rev. Gov. Huck shows his muscles: he "wants to amend the Constitution to prevent children born in the U.S. to illegal aliens from automatically becoming American citizens, according to his top immigration surrogate — a radical step no other major presidential candidate has embraced." Maybe he can do it because he knows where a constitutional amendment against abortion has gone.
Our new president gets involved in Kenya!
Okay JFK, what do we do? Send some of the forces you'll move out of Iraq there? Maybe we can have 100,000 soldiers in Kenya to prevent genocide. Meantime in Iraq -- who cares about Iraq? Monday, January 07, 2008
Source: Roger Clemens' private eyes asked Brian McNamee to recant Well, he wanted to maintain his rep. PFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFT!!!!!
The "psuedoconservative" proves a pseudocolumnist.
You win, Brooksy. You too, "WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAP!!!!!!!!!!" Medved.
SUMNER has fired His feisty anchorface, which should definitively prove bad publicity can only go so far.
(Via ASSPress) And another company spends "multi-millions" to look dorky. What was wrong with the old logo? At least it had dignity. Meantime Lord Springer has gotten an admiring ooh and aah out of the Neuharthians by selling this multi-thousand-dollar 11-inch set. These PR extravaganzas are nothing if not about extremes, though we'd guess the Lord will have a better shot with first adopters than the sumo wrestlers. Who wants a sumo wrestler in his house?
Still more from GeekFest '08:
Matsushita unveils 150-inch plasma TV The picture says it all -- a TV set can be TOO BIG. It will become available in 2009 at an undisclosed price, mainly for use as billboards. NUF SAID.
SURVEY SAID: 9/11 increased the chances of heart disease because everybody had to be GLUED to the set and caught PTSS -- but then come these remarkable grafs (albeit numbers 8 and 9):
Steven Woloshin, a physician at the VA Medical Center in White River Junction, Vt., said the findings were problematic because people who report their own medical problems may exaggerate them. He said the study's participants are more likely to develop heart problems as they age. "I don't think they've proven anything," he said. "There are millions of things that cause heart problems." Would this sort of second opinion have run in such a story, say, three years ago? Count this as progress: not every news story has to be one-sided.
Paulson: No Easy Fix to Housing Woes
I guess this means giving the Richie Riches another big tax break may not work.
TRANSLATION: Starbucks is now where Mickey D was five years ago. Which means, alas, that this twee coffee seller's best days are not behind it -- nor are the Mick's worst.
AP NEWS ALERT!!!!!
TEHRAN, Iran (AP) -- Iran's Foreign Ministry says weekend incident between Iranian boats and U.S. Navy ships in Gulf was "something normal" and was resolved. TRANSLATION: Appeasement DOES work!!!!!
Also at GeekFest '08 -- a $1,200 REMOTE!!!!!
The NevoS70 has a completely customizable, 3.5-inch color touch-screen and hard-button interface. It provides access to the world’s largest infrared (IR) database; built-in Z-wave and Wi-Fi radio transmissions for non-line-of-sight control; a browser for out-of-the-box control of Internet-protocol devices via Web servers, such as cameras; and digital-media control of music, pictures and video. WOW!!!! put that on our Christmas list next to the CASIO CAMERA!!!!!
Iranian boats "provoke" U.S. Navy ships in Hormuz: CNN
This means nothing except it provides the Wall Street Casino an excuse to go bananas. Besides, aren't we friends with them now?
Global Warming Hits China
Lakes, rivers and whole regions are drying up dangerously fast. And then there's the floods. But because it's a developing country and proud authoritarian state it's exempt from any need to fix itself. Right, League of Nations?
If Roger Clemens must sue for defamation he could at least pay off his own expenses. Why not call up Slime and have Him make it into a reality show -- with the public voting to see who's telling the truth? Heck making idiotic sums from Seligism is more an American pastime than Seligism.
This and similar plugs for GeekFest '08 are plastering themselves all over the Web:
G.M. to Show a Vehicle That Drives by Itself Yeah -- just like in 1997. The automaker expects driverless vehicle technology to be ready for testing by 2015 and in vehicles that it sells by 2018, a G.M. spokesman, Scott Fosgard, said on Sunday. Add twenty years to that and you're probably closer.
Bill Gates Bids CES Farewell
The Microsoft chairman promotes interactivity and even tries rapping in a music video for his final Consumer Electronics Show keynote Bug, can't you get lost like any other monopolist? Besides, you're in SHOW-BIZ now; you should know [C]RAP sales are DOWN. P. S. The show, which started in 1967, was once a springboard for the industry’s biggest successes, like the VCR in 1970, the compact disc player in 1981 and the DVD in 1996. Now, electronics makers and industry analysts say the show has become so loud, sprawling and preoccupied with technical esoterica that for many companies, it is as much a place to get lost as to get discovered. As I said.... (Via Slashdot) Sunday, January 06, 2008
More from GeekFest '08:
Casio will put on sale in March a digital still camera capable of shooting up to 60 full-resolution images in one second, and video at more than 1000 per second to realize a super slow-motion effect, it is expected to announce Sunday at the International Consumer Electronics Show (CES) in Las Vegas. The high-speed shooting and super slow-motion features are a first in consumer cameras, being typically found on much more expensive and dedicated professional models. Better rush out! I need to shoot a thousand snapshots in a second NOW! And it'll only be $1,000!
After last night's debate, New York Times columnist David Brooks was chatting with a group of people. One of them said: "I hear you hired that conservative Bill Kristol." David Brooks responded: "More like a pseudoconservative."
FOOD FIGHT!
Tame Finish to Historical Association's Annual Conference
First the MLA, now this -- did Dubya put something in their juice?
At GeekFest '08:
Pioneer Corp., which is sticking to making plasma flat-panel TVs as other manufacturers are switching to LCD TVs, announced Sunday it will be demonstrating a prototype set that emits no light in black areas of the picture, improving contrast and image quality. This is a Slashdot post but sure!
Mark and his NRO brother John guffaw over "America's first Jewish, first gay and first foreign-born president all rolled into one", but I'd say this whole motley lot orates in vaporous platitudes. Decline and fall, here we come!
What movie could you watch over and over again? "The Patriot" with Mel Gibson. [This an adviser to Speaker Babs.] Which living person do you most admire? I am a big fan of Billy Graham. He has been so consistent over the years.... [This a (the?) "policy director for the Senate Republican Steering Committee".] Which living person do you most admire and why? Bill Gates, because he is a visionary and has a practical understanding of what could be in the future. [This a "non-profit grant writer."] What will your campaign slogan be? "Master Your Fate in '28!" [This a professor at Howard.] Yep, definitely.
Fred Silverman Jr. revives Knight Rider!
AND Fred's good at "finding shows that yield strong brand-integration opportunities", meaning we'd guess he can air sixty-minute commercials, meaning he'll really draw an audience even with the Fantasy and Profanity League on strike. Good luck!
Massive failure of journalists allowed steroid culture to fester
C'mon guy, must you tell us again you folks know what you're doing?
America's arm-waving enthusiasts upturn their noses and breathe deeply of genius -- and yet:
Only 41 members cast ballots at the group's meeting Saturday in New York City, the society said in a news release. We should remember, however, it only takes one person to imitate a skunk. The group's opinions often diverge from those of Oscar voters. And their readers, and the movie S&M phreaks, but after all, nonconformity is a VIR-TUE.
Forgotten George reminds us who will be in the White House next year:
IMPEACH GEORGE W. BUSH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! [Home-page link with overemphasis added] 1. We have twelve months to do it. Let's rush it through. PFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFT! 2. Are you still gloating about your landslide?
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