THE NEWS HACK'S CREED:
I know more than you.
I make lots more money than you.
I'm smarter than you.
I'm sexier than you.
I appear on TV all the time.
I work ten minutes a day.
I rule the universe.
I'm going to live forever.
You are an idiot.
THE NEWS HACK'S CREED, No. 2:
A lie isn't a lie when it tells THE TRUTH.
THE NEWS HACK'S CREED, No. 3:
I've come to realize that the looseness of the journalistic life, the seeming laxity of the newsroom, is an illusion. Yes, there's informality and there's humor, but beneath the surface lies something deadly serious. It is a code. Sometimes the code is not even written down, but it is deeply believed in. And, when violated, it is enforced with tribal ferocity.
--JOHN "OMERTA" CARROLL.
THE NEWS HACK'S CREED, No. 4:
News isn't news when we don't report it.
PERMALINKS:
THE NEWS HACKS' DICTIONARY
THE EUGENE DAVID GLOSSARY
AMERICA'S MOST UNINTENTIONALLY FUNNY WEB SITE!
Blogroll Me!
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Saturday, March 03, 2007
Smart thinking again from the editor of The World's Lea -- the Magazine of the Zeitgeist: it runs a respectful Rudy on our front cover (probably because he's liberal) -- and everywhere else it's Toyota gaining on GM! (Too much of a downer for the domestic audience.) Noteworthy that Rick Wagoner says the auto biz may come "down to just two" -- just like "the cola business." Does that mean he's buying Ford too?
And as always our concentration on a rag that seems bent on simplifying the news at every step and that spends too much time grooming future entertainment execs leads us almost to ignore some decent coverage -- as with Russia's Potemkin military. Let's not get too smug, though; there may be demons behind those false fronts.
And as always our concentration on a rag that seems bent on simplifying the news at every step and that spends too much time grooming future entertainment execs leads us almost to ignore some decent coverage -- as with Russia's Potemkin military. Let's not get too smug, though; there may be demons behind those false fronts.
For the past two days, U.S. and NATO forces have been conducting a major attack against a compound in a remote area of Eastern Afghanistan where Osama bin Laden or another senior al Qaeda leader may be hiding, ABC News has learned.
TRANSLATION: We may presume we didn't get him this time either.
According to a local official, the compound under attack belongs to an Islamic militant and suspected drug trafficker named Haji Aminullah. The area of Kunar province is known as a stronghold of Wahabbists—followers of the strict sect of Sunni Islam practiced in Saudi Arabia, according to Barnett Rubin, senior fellow at New York University. Since the 1980's, the area has been a haven for Arab militants, including Osama bin Laden.
When and how did drugs get to be good buddies with super-puritanical Wahabbism?
TRANSLATION: We may presume we didn't get him this time either.
According to a local official, the compound under attack belongs to an Islamic militant and suspected drug trafficker named Haji Aminullah. The area of Kunar province is known as a stronghold of Wahabbists—followers of the strict sect of Sunni Islam practiced in Saudi Arabia, according to Barnett Rubin, senior fellow at New York University. Since the 1980's, the area has been a haven for Arab militants, including Osama bin Laden.
When and how did drugs get to be good buddies with super-puritanical Wahabbism?
HMMM:
Goldman Sachs Group Inc., Merrill Lynch & Co. and Morgan Stanley, which earned a record $24.5 billion in 2006, suddenly have become so speculative that their own traders are valuing the three biggest securities firms as barely more creditworthy than junk bonds.
And speaking of the housing bust:
Traders of credit derivatives are more alarmed than stock and bond investors that a slowdown in housing and the global equity market rout have hurt the firms. Merrill since 2005 has financed two mortgage lenders that subsequently failed and bought a third, First Franklin Financial Corp., for $1.3 billion.
Just so long as someone else pays for it!
Goldman Sachs Group Inc., Merrill Lynch & Co. and Morgan Stanley, which earned a record $24.5 billion in 2006, suddenly have become so speculative that their own traders are valuing the three biggest securities firms as barely more creditworthy than junk bonds.
And speaking of the housing bust:
Traders of credit derivatives are more alarmed than stock and bond investors that a slowdown in housing and the global equity market rout have hurt the firms. Merrill since 2005 has financed two mortgage lenders that subsequently failed and bought a third, First Franklin Financial Corp., for $1.3 billion.
Just so long as someone else pays for it!
IMBECILES: Our Center City is sprouting with at least 500 high-rise condo projects, 490 of which were planned before the housing bust. One of them is a partial conversion of one of our tallest office buildings. Well wouldn't you know, the office market is firming up even as 2 million new condo units glut the residential, and to read between the lines (as you must with real-estate adver...reporting) the developers of this sure-fire hit may be having second thoughts -- especially as the StinkyInky admits "[t]here have been no presales or deposits." Which makes us wonder if real-estate cycles generate themselves, whether when the market's up to its gizzard with one bankrupting fad it commences with another bankrupting fad and on and on and on until every last Real-TOR® is broke.
Uncomfortable Questions [Jonah Goldberg]
About a certain famous "terrorist" attack. A few examples:
1) Why were a handful of rebel fighters able to penetrate the defenses of a battle station that had the capability of destroying an entire planet and the defenses to ward off several fleets of battle ships?
2) Why did Grand Moff Tarkin refuse to deploy the station’s large fleet of TIE Fighters until it was too late? Was he acting on orders from somebody to not shoot down the rebel attack force? If so, who, and why?
3) Why was the rebel pilot who supposedly destroyed the Death Star reported to be on the Death Star days, maybe hours, prior to its destruction? Why was he allowed to escape, and why were several individuals dressed in Stormtrooper uniforms [SIC] seen helping him?
4) Why has there not been an investigation into allegations that Darth Vader, the second-ranking member of the Imperial Government, is in fact the father of the pilot who allegedly destroyed the Death Star?
5) Why did Lord Vader decide to break all protocols and personally pilot a lightly armored TIE Fighter? Conveniently, this placed Lord Vader outside of the Death Star when it was destroyed, where he was also conveniently able to escape from a large-sized rebel fleet that had just routed the Imperial forces. Why would Lord Vader, one of the highest ranking members of the Imperial Government, suddenly decide to fly away from the Death Star in the middle of a battle? Did he know something that the rest of the Imperial Navy didn’t?
03/03 12:12 PM
6) Why does Jo-NAH get paid so well wasting so much of his readers' time with his moronic fantasies?
About a certain famous "terrorist" attack. A few examples:
1) Why were a handful of rebel fighters able to penetrate the defenses of a battle station that had the capability of destroying an entire planet and the defenses to ward off several fleets of battle ships?
2) Why did Grand Moff Tarkin refuse to deploy the station’s large fleet of TIE Fighters until it was too late? Was he acting on orders from somebody to not shoot down the rebel attack force? If so, who, and why?
3) Why was the rebel pilot who supposedly destroyed the Death Star reported to be on the Death Star days, maybe hours, prior to its destruction? Why was he allowed to escape, and why were several individuals dressed in Stormtrooper uniforms [SIC] seen helping him?
4) Why has there not been an investigation into allegations that Darth Vader, the second-ranking member of the Imperial Government, is in fact the father of the pilot who allegedly destroyed the Death Star?
5) Why did Lord Vader decide to break all protocols and personally pilot a lightly armored TIE Fighter? Conveniently, this placed Lord Vader outside of the Death Star when it was destroyed, where he was also conveniently able to escape from a large-sized rebel fleet that had just routed the Imperial forces. Why would Lord Vader, one of the highest ranking members of the Imperial Government, suddenly decide to fly away from the Death Star in the middle of a battle? Did he know something that the rest of the Imperial Navy didn’t?
03/03 12:12 PM
6) Why does Jo-NAH get paid so well wasting so much of his readers' time with his moronic fantasies?
Another example of redesign: Weather.com got into a profitable deal with Bugmeister to "update" its maps, making them -- INTERACTIVE!!!! -- and harder to read. Where do the people in the Web get this idea change is an improvement?
TRANSLATION: In the name of appeasing people he's "ignored" Dubya will draft an anything-goes free-trade agreement that ships jobs to South America -- and it still won't shut up FIDEL JR.
By the way, did you know Dubya was heading south? We didn't. I guess the hacks were busy reporting on more important things -- like SCALPS and CORPSES.
By the way, did you know Dubya was heading south? We didn't. I guess the hacks were busy reporting on more important things -- like SCALPS and CORPSES.
Heaven forfend! Luke Spielberg owned a...stolen Rockwell?!?!?
We could say something about the provenance of most of Luke's movies, but we'll let it pass.
We could say something about the provenance of most of Luke's movies, but we'll let it pass.
Thanks for redesigning your home page, USAOKAY!!!!!.com! It's full of the clutter we'd expect from a redesign. And why did you get rid of the subheds? It's so convenient we'll have to bookmark five pages for you! By the way, how much did you pay B. S. DEFENDER?
SUMNER says He didn't fire The Son of God!
Maybe He wants to distribute His pictures. I wouldn't do that, SUM; six gods in this biz are enough.
(Via NYPOST.com)
Maybe He wants to distribute His pictures. I wouldn't do that, SUM; six gods in this biz are enough.
(Via NYPOST.com)
In the righteous expansive heaven that is The Lord God Pinch's, there is no sin greater than -- AN ANTI-GAY REMARK. Of course the problem with this ANTI-GAY REMARK wasn't that it was an ANTI-GAY REMARK, but that it was slander. And because the Lord God Pinch's Heaven has become its own indestructible caricature, it becomes more difficult to see Tarzana for what she is: an IDIOT. We do suspect when her act starts getting old she'll merely switch sides and say idiotic things of the right, which would make her the complete idiot, close enough though she is now. (She may be in the process already.) But when a prominent newspaper cannot be trusted for criticizing someone thoroughly worthy of it, the republic suffers.
Thankfully NRO's leading ad-blurbist MS. TRAVERS is on the case:
The Edwards remark was obviously ridiculous [SIC] and shouldn't have been said. It's unnecessary, damaging stuff. BUT.... (The-ends-justifies-the-means overemphasis added)
Thankfully NRO's leading ad-blurbist MS. TRAVERS is on the case:
The Edwards remark was obviously ridiculous [SIC] and shouldn't have been said. It's unnecessary, damaging stuff. BUT.... (The-ends-justifies-the-means overemphasis added)
Friday, March 02, 2007
Former Attorney General John Ashcroft has sent a letter to his successor, Attorney General Alberto Gonzales, saying he thinks that terrestrial radio should not be considered a direct competitor in the satellite radio market for purposes of a Justice Department review....
"That's not surprising. NAB hired Ashcroft to review the proposed merger and sent that review to member of the house and senate judiciary and commerce committees," say a spokesperson for the NAB.
Ka-CHINNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNG!!!!!
"That's not surprising. NAB hired Ashcroft to review the proposed merger and sent that review to member of the house and senate judiciary and commerce committees," say a spokesperson for the NAB.
Ka-CHINNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNG!!!!!
On the second day of the buzzword-bloated confab of the American Association of Lia -- Advertising Agencies, its "senior VP-counsel" wows the crowd with a "Top-10 List of Responsible Advertising":
1. Focus on CSR, not just ROI. (That's corporate social responsibility, not return on investment.)
2. Empower consumers. Involve them in your advertising so they feel a sense of ownership of it.
3. Pay attention to values. American culture is coarsening, so you need to make your values explicit, don't be too nuanced.
4. Be careful with protected groups, especially kids, the disadvantaged and seniors.
5. Build strategic alliances, or in other words, keep your friends close but your critics closer.
6. Pursue public-private partnerships, link to a worthy cause.
7. Be diverse and inclusive.
8. Liberalize technology. Technology should not be a barrier to consumption.
9. Police yourself. Create your own sector-specific models with rules, advisory boards, codes and then make sure you remind Washington of them often.
10. Do good and you will do well.
This is the biggest, smelliest pile of bull since B. S. DEFENDER's last post (or consulting job, whichever is richer). All of this is code for continuing to put one over on us. 1., 4., 6., and 7. reflect big business's burgeoning love affair with PC. 2. is an admission people don't like being whacked by ads, but the damned two-by-four is all advertisers have. 3. is flat out hypocrisy given the kind of junk most advertisers finance. 4. is also neutralized by these idiots' fixation on 13-TO-34. It further makes a covert statement to government types that we've done too much selling to kids. 5. makes no sense as "strategic alliances" can be enemies of competition (when not illegal), although this may be another expression of big business's burgeoning love affair with PC. 8. is a mere extension of the tiresome Web 2.0 chant that has become like an especially toxic virus at such affairs. 9. is a recognition government types may not like us, and 10. is a wishy-washy restatement of the Golden Rule, which big business repealed decades ago.
Adonis! Run for the Senate!
1. Focus on CSR, not just ROI. (That's corporate social responsibility, not return on investment.)
2. Empower consumers. Involve them in your advertising so they feel a sense of ownership of it.
3. Pay attention to values. American culture is coarsening, so you need to make your values explicit, don't be too nuanced.
4. Be careful with protected groups, especially kids, the disadvantaged and seniors.
5. Build strategic alliances, or in other words, keep your friends close but your critics closer.
6. Pursue public-private partnerships, link to a worthy cause.
7. Be diverse and inclusive.
8. Liberalize technology. Technology should not be a barrier to consumption.
9. Police yourself. Create your own sector-specific models with rules, advisory boards, codes and then make sure you remind Washington of them often.
10. Do good and you will do well.
This is the biggest, smelliest pile of bull since B. S. DEFENDER's last post (or consulting job, whichever is richer). All of this is code for continuing to put one over on us. 1., 4., 6., and 7. reflect big business's burgeoning love affair with PC. 2. is an admission people don't like being whacked by ads, but the damned two-by-four is all advertisers have. 3. is flat out hypocrisy given the kind of junk most advertisers finance. 4. is also neutralized by these idiots' fixation on 13-TO-34. It further makes a covert statement to government types that we've done too much selling to kids. 5. makes no sense as "strategic alliances" can be enemies of competition (when not illegal), although this may be another expression of big business's burgeoning love affair with PC. 8. is a mere extension of the tiresome Web 2.0 chant that has become like an especially toxic virus at such affairs. 9. is a recognition government types may not like us, and 10. is a wishy-washy restatement of the Golden Rule, which big business repealed decades ago.
Adonis! Run for the Senate!
That BOOM! you hear is the explosion of ANGER from the RIGHT:
House Ways and Means Committee Chairman Charles Rangel said Democrats may ``rearrange'' tax rates so wealthy Americans pay more to prevent the alternative minimum tax from hitting middle-income households.
How many times have we heard con-SER-va-tives smirk that it's too bad some people make more than others? (Chuckle chuckle.) But then the Democrats' answer is to screw up taxes and the economy so no one's making more.
House Ways and Means Committee Chairman Charles Rangel said Democrats may ``rearrange'' tax rates so wealthy Americans pay more to prevent the alternative minimum tax from hitting middle-income households.
How many times have we heard con-SER-va-tives smirk that it's too bad some people make more than others? (Chuckle chuckle.) But then the Democrats' answer is to screw up taxes and the economy so no one's making more.
Three days before the infamous exploding Great White engagement in Rhode Island, a Chicago nightclub stampede killed 21. Somehow the verdict in both was veritably the same. We wonder if for all the foot-stomping such calamities engender this may be the only possible outcome. There isn't enough negligence for the law, but there is enough negligence for personal shame; nonetheless shame hardly rises to the level of true punishment, which is why such verdicts don't quite seem right.
Last rites for a -- princess:
There appeared to be fewer than 100 guests overall at the church service, which was closed to all media but Entertainment Tonight. An organizer said about 300 had been invited to the private ceremony. [Twelfth graf]
P. S. at 5:35 p.m. Speaking of SUMNER, our favorite press agent Rog sez:
Real insiders (not the kind you have to pay for info) tell me that Paramount TV cut the deal with Howard K. Stern, Anna Nicole's lawyer and Svengali, right after her son Daniel died of a methadone overdose in her Bahamian hospital room last September.
Paramount TV has denied this, somewhat passively, so far. But my sources say it they [SIC] paid Stern around $3 million initially, and that this was renegotiated right after Anna Nicole herself died on February 8th of this year.
That "it they" notwithstanding (that may just be a reflection of SUMNER's omnipotence), when the National Enquirer first bruited the story of OJ's "fiction" we speculated He might be behind it. We were close enough.
There appeared to be fewer than 100 guests overall at the church service, which was closed to all media but Entertainment Tonight. An organizer said about 300 had been invited to the private ceremony. [Twelfth graf]
P. S. at 5:35 p.m. Speaking of SUMNER, our favorite press agent Rog sez:
Real insiders (not the kind you have to pay for info) tell me that Paramount TV cut the deal with Howard K. Stern, Anna Nicole's lawyer and Svengali, right after her son Daniel died of a methadone overdose in her Bahamian hospital room last September.
Paramount TV has denied this, somewhat passively, so far. But my sources say it they [SIC] paid Stern around $3 million initially, and that this was renegotiated right after Anna Nicole herself died on February 8th of this year.
That "it they" notwithstanding (that may just be a reflection of SUMNER's omnipotence), when the National Enquirer first bruited the story of OJ's "fiction" we speculated He might be behind it. We were close enough.
Now the Dems have "coalesced" around a plan backed by Jim "The Jew-Hating Fighter" Moran to get us OUTOUTOUT! in six months.
Any way you slice it, it's still defeatism.
Any way you slice it, it's still defeatism.
Romy is exercised because of yet another biz-reporting conflict of interest, this one involving St. Warren.
We don't see why people are exercised; the only difference between most biznews and the real-estate pages is stock tables.
We don't see why people are exercised; the only difference between most biznews and the real-estate pages is stock tables.
Reuters to start financial MySpace
So instead of mere alecks this one will have rich alecks.
(Via IWantMedia)
So instead of mere alecks this one will have rich alecks.
(Via IWantMedia)
A 16-year-old fugitive believed to have posted a "Catch me if you can" message on his MySpace Web page was captured Friday, three days after his escape from a detention center, an official said....
"What a smart aleck," Danski's grandmother and guardian, Betty Danski, told the Detroit Free Press.
I think aleck is enough.
"What a smart aleck," Danski's grandmother and guardian, Betty Danski, told the Detroit Free Press.
I think aleck is enough.
TRANSLATION: We liberals don't make these unhinged remarks as often as conservatives do!
The problem isn't ideology, the problem is stupidity, which comes in conservative, liberal, and every other flavor. Just because someone can summon the mental acuity to turn on a computer, doesn't mean they've been graced with the power of reason, or good taste.
NUF SAID.
(Via the inevitable Romy)
The problem isn't ideology, the problem is stupidity, which comes in conservative, liberal, and every other flavor. Just because someone can summon the mental acuity to turn on a computer, doesn't mean they've been graced with the power of reason, or good taste.
NUF SAID.
(Via the inevitable Romy)
Another bad idea that's a fait accompli -- getting rid of judges at naturalization ceremonies, in the name of convenience. No, becoming a citizen is not like "'going to the Department of Motor Vehicles to renew your driver's license.'"
And speaking of Dow, his Web site chews over one of the great philosophical questions of modern political thought:
Is "24" a Conservative Show?
Mike comes up with his own answer: "Of course, ultimately, it's just a show." But so long as we have dueling show-biz phreaks at NRO and TNRO we shall have these gaseous, meaningless ponderings.
Is "24" a Conservative Show?
Mike comes up with his own answer: "Of course, ultimately, it's just a show." But so long as we have dueling show-biz phreaks at NRO and TNRO we shall have these gaseous, meaningless ponderings.
Thursday, March 01, 2007
The American Association of Lia -- Advertising Agencies is having a buzzword-heavy conference, and an exec for one of advertising's top money-wasters joined in the fray with talk of "conversational two-way technologies (in particular mobile), word-of-mouth, and building real brand experiences with -- not just for -- customers" -- so why is it that you folks can't stop shredding OUR dollars for the sheer purpose of insulting us and showing off?
A leading con-SER-va-tive and new FOX!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!NEWS talking head issues a solid endorsement of Boobs McKeating:
“I don’t agree with him on hardly any issues.’’
Seeing as how your name was coming up as a StinkyInky colyumnist you should know that means you agree with him on practically everything, not that we expect a Senator, current or ex, to know what a double negative is -- or anything else for that matter.
“I don’t agree with him on hardly any issues.’’
Seeing as how your name was coming up as a StinkyInky colyumnist you should know that means you agree with him on practically everything, not that we expect a Senator, current or ex, to know what a double negative is -- or anything else for that matter.
We think we have a solution to the digital-rights mess, and it may not be a palatable one: no DRM in exchange for permanent copyright. We loathe the notion of permanent copyright because it makes our intellectual-property fiefdoms even more impenetrable; but it's clear creators are losing money to stealing, how much we may never know, but the permanent copyright may make up for some of the losses. As a compromise our media betters could donate some of their wealth toward making older properties available for free or very low cost with no penalties, and to try to make our culture better beyond the onanistic confines of the burgeoning public-shoe-box-in-the-closet Web outlets.
It appears the Chinese stock markets may put some of these wiseguys out of business anyway.
If everything's so hunky-dory why do mere rumors send stocks reeling?
If everything's so hunky-dory why do mere rumors send stocks reeling?
How apt that this article blasting the "YouBubble" should come the day Walt Mossberg tells us of twenty new YouTubes providing fantastic programming. Where are all these masterworks going to go? Who will have the time to watch them? Who will make money from them? And when will we realize TV is one of the most inefficient ways of delivering information, that bad doesn't become better because the pee-PUL produce it, and that the Web is starting to resemble a slightly smarter version of the electronic Cyclops?
By all means read a book.
And yes, most of these start-ups sound like venture-cap vacuum cleaners.
(WSJS.com link via MediaBistro)
By all means read a book.
And yes, most of these start-ups sound like venture-cap vacuum cleaners.
(WSJS.com link via MediaBistro)
Oops! The Imagineering Goodthings people ship thousands of ultrasound devices to India, where they're used to help in abortions.
Fortunately this is a con-SER-va-tive rag so we need paid this story no mind.
Fortunately this is a con-SER-va-tive rag so we need paid this story no mind.
For the first time in his life ZONNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN may not get his way.
Do you think anyone has told this guy off in the last forty years?
Do you think anyone has told this guy off in the last forty years?
We see that the historian Arthur Schlesinger Jr. has died. From our experience consuming the news there was a good Schlesinger and a bad Schlesinger. The good Schlesinger stood forthrightly for his country, and for common sense, and against PC. The bad Schlesinger was the worst kind of knee-jerk liberal who'd tell a fib to advance the cause. You could never be sure whether you'd get good Schlesinger or bad Schlesinger. Well, we will presume that over time the good Schlesinger prevailed over the bad. His death reminds us though that Fixers notwithstanding the notion of the brain trust is slowly dying off, put paid by Lyndon Johnson's, and the advantage of not having effete snobs rule the country may be outweighed by the disadvantage of not having some intellectual firepower behind us.
Wednesday, February 28, 2007
Fresh from blasting America's ill-maintained popcorn restaruants for making him sick of fillum, The New Yorker's grand ad-blurbist Mistah Denbeh blasts movies that tell stories out of order so they can look like the kind of ci-ne-ma-tic masterpieces cri-TICS like Mistah Denbeh always rave.
To say ad-blurbists can have it both ways underestimates the number of ways ad-blurbists can have it.
To say ad-blurbists can have it both ways underestimates the number of ways ad-blurbists can have it.
And speaking of senators:
A single cross-country round trip on a Gulfstream IV, or GIV, the model owned by Feinstein's husband, churns out about 83,000 to 90,000 pounds of carbon dioxide, experts say. By contrast, on a per capita basis, the average American produces 50,000 pounds from all activities in an entire year.
Do we detect a trend here?
A single cross-country round trip on a Gulfstream IV, or GIV, the model owned by Feinstein's husband, churns out about 83,000 to 90,000 pounds of carbon dioxide, experts say. By contrast, on a per capita basis, the average American produces 50,000 pounds from all activities in an entire year.
Do we detect a trend here?
Gore spokeswoman Kalee Kreider said that "sometimes when people don't like the message, in this case that global warming is real, it's convenient to attack the messenger."
...who has a $1,200 monthly electric bill.
P. S. One of the Glibs at Dow 36,000's site calls it a "kerfluffle." Okay, we can agree -- the name of our Web-driven age is Kerfluffle -- although we note he calls it a kerfluffle because he lives the sacred Gordon Gekko life, and it wouldn't be half so vexing if the President-Designate of the United States weren't such a gecko.
...who has a $1,200 monthly electric bill.
P. S. One of the Glibs at Dow 36,000's site calls it a "kerfluffle." Okay, we can agree -- the name of our Web-driven age is Kerfluffle -- although we note he calls it a kerfluffle because he lives the sacred Gordon Gekko life, and it wouldn't be half so vexing if the President-Designate of the United States weren't such a gecko.
Apparently that report of 18 children killed in Ramadi was based on a rumor.
My point still stands: Why can't Iraq's Muslims hate each other without bombs?
My point still stands: Why can't Iraq's Muslims hate each other without bombs?
A committee of Dukies writes a report on THE CASE, and it says the skool where Dickie V is an honorary grad should:
Consider adding required courses that cover issues of race, ethnicity, gender and international study. [DONE! And it's PC at the same time!]
Hire more minority faculty and increase scholarships for top minority students. (The report points out that 41 percent of the members of Duke’s 2010 graduating class are either black, Asian, Hispanic or Native American). [Ditto!]
Promote service learning (Brodhead pointed to the recent DukeEngage program to promote civic engagement). [You mean our frats don't do community service?]
Increase the faculty’s role in athletics oversight (Brodhead said faculty should provide advice to administration and to trustees, who have final oversight of athletics policy). [Sounds like Congressional ethics reform.]
Decrease practice and travel time demands on its athletes and ensure they receive appropriate academic support. [And decrease the Cameron Crazies' time on ESPN.]
Reduce the number of athletes admitted near the low end of Duke’s academic standards. [Now really!]
Applaud yourselves for a job well done! You will anyway.
Consider adding required courses that cover issues of race, ethnicity, gender and international study. [DONE! And it's PC at the same time!]
Hire more minority faculty and increase scholarships for top minority students. (The report points out that 41 percent of the members of Duke’s 2010 graduating class are either black, Asian, Hispanic or Native American). [Ditto!]
Promote service learning (Brodhead pointed to the recent DukeEngage program to promote civic engagement). [You mean our frats don't do community service?]
Increase the faculty’s role in athletics oversight (Brodhead said faculty should provide advice to administration and to trustees, who have final oversight of athletics policy). [Sounds like Congressional ethics reform.]
Decrease practice and travel time demands on its athletes and ensure they receive appropriate academic support. [And decrease the Cameron Crazies' time on ESPN.]
Reduce the number of athletes admitted near the low end of Duke’s academic standards. [Now really!]
Applaud yourselves for a job well done! You will anyway.
AP NEWS ALERT!
WASHINGTON (AP) -- Federal Reserve Chairman Ben Bernanke says the administration and federal regulators are closely monitoring financial markets which appear to be "working well."
WHEW! You had us worried there, Ben.
WASHINGTON (AP) -- Federal Reserve Chairman Ben Bernanke says the administration and federal regulators are closely monitoring financial markets which appear to be "working well."
WHEW! You had us worried there, Ben.
Is Bugmeister's grand OS turning into the New Coke of high tech?
The best selling Vista on Amazon.com is the Home Premium Upgrade, at 31. XP Home Full Version is 25!
The best selling Vista on Amazon.com is the Home Premium Upgrade, at 31. XP Home Full Version is 25!
The Dems are moving again on the war -- but they don't want to move too far because then people think they don't particularly like our soldiers -- but if they don't far enough the hyperweenies of the hyperleft get all excited and think maybe we should take a two-by-four to our military and....
Oh the joy to be a Democrat!
Oh the joy to be a Democrat!
Noo Yawk's City Council passes...a resolution...about a bad word (which is bad unless [C]RAPPERS use it):
The resolution, passed 5-0 Monday by the council's Civil Rights Committee, will not be enforceable and carries no penalty.
Okay, Noo Yawk City Council, when does the penalty kick in?
That leads some observers to question its merit.
Noo Yawkers can think?
The resolution, passed 5-0 Monday by the council's Civil Rights Committee, will not be enforceable and carries no penalty.
Okay, Noo Yawk City Council, when does the penalty kick in?
That leads some observers to question its merit.
Noo Yawkers can think?
So Congresspoops are "annoying jerks", "Machiavellian connivers" and "dismissive dictators."
Who knew?
And if it takes all this mean behavior to be effective why is Congress such a festering malodorous swamp?
Who knew?
And if it takes all this mean behavior to be effective why is Congress such a festering malodorous swamp?
Two-way hypocrisy: Sen. Fatso Glub-Glub believes it is EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEVIL to sell tobacco but unlimited abortions are okay. The Reverse Robin Hoods of MadAve who look for every way to poke the public in the eye suddenly climb up on a soapbox in righteous fury, screaming "CENSORSHIP!!!!!!!!!!"
These two parties were made for each other.
These two parties were made for each other.
Tuesday, February 27, 2007
Excellence on the Web from the WaPost:
Black Voters Shift Support
African Americans voters now favor Sen. Clinton over Sen. Obama, poll shows. [Home-page hed and squib]
African American Voters Shift Support to Obama [Story hed]
Black Voters Shift Support
African Americans voters now favor Sen. Clinton over Sen. Obama, poll shows. [Home-page hed and squib]
African American Voters Shift Support to Obama [Story hed]
We do not see why the GOP is up in arms over unionizing Der Homeland workers (except for the usual reason of sticking it to the working class). It's hard to see how unions could make Der Homeland any worse than it is.
How comforting: computer crashes could cause a crash.
Where did people get the idea Bill the Bugmeister is God and the computer is Jesus?
Where did people get the idea Bill the Bugmeister is God and the computer is Jesus?
We may presume this "young tagger" is now an Internet hero.
Let's see: terrorists using Google Earth to target soldiers...terrorists doing victory laps on YouTube...electronic crimes committed every second...what happened to the revolution the Web was supposed to bring about?
Charming:
Ramadi Bombing Kills 18, Mostly Children
Can't Iraq's Muslims hate each other without bombing?
Ramadi Bombing Kills 18, Mostly Children
Can't Iraq's Muslims hate each other without bombing?
Finally, someone gets that tabloid and CNN fodder right:
I don't know much about Anna Nicole Smith's life, apart from what the sleazy celebrity magazines tell me. But I don't need to know the details. It's simple, really:
1. Sex tends to make people stupid.
2. Stupid people tend to break down good order.
3. Smith was very sexy.
4. Smith was very stupid.
5. Smith was very lucky.
6. Smith lacked the cultural safeguards (religion, ethics, etc.) to limit the damage from 3), 4) and 5).
You don't need to be John Calvin to see that Smith's life and death were predestined to wreak havoc.
I don't know much about Anna Nicole Smith's life, apart from what the sleazy celebrity magazines tell me. But I don't need to know the details. It's simple, really:
1. Sex tends to make people stupid.
2. Stupid people tend to break down good order.
3. Smith was very sexy.
4. Smith was very stupid.
5. Smith was very lucky.
6. Smith lacked the cultural safeguards (religion, ethics, etc.) to limit the damage from 3), 4) and 5).
You don't need to be John Calvin to see that Smith's life and death were predestined to wreak havoc.
Wow!! The Son of God has raised $500 million!!! for His studio!!!!!
At $50 million a pop that's enough for 10 pictures -- not counting the ads and publicity which cost just as much. A few flops and Son will burn a hole in His pocket big time.
Sloan's [that's some functionary with the parent UA, which must call itself MGM] plan to use a star of Cruise's stature to revive UA harked back to the studio's founding in 1919. Silent film icons Charlie Chaplin, Douglas Fairbanks, Mary Pickford and director D.W. Griffith formed the studio as a way to give artists creative freedom and ownership in their films.
Which conveniently neglects the fact that UA didn't really hit the big time until the 1950s, when the last of the founding partners gave up control.
At $50 million a pop that's enough for 10 pictures -- not counting the ads and publicity which cost just as much. A few flops and Son will burn a hole in His pocket big time.
Sloan's [that's some functionary with the parent UA, which must call itself MGM] plan to use a star of Cruise's stature to revive UA harked back to the studio's founding in 1919. Silent film icons Charlie Chaplin, Douglas Fairbanks, Mary Pickford and director D.W. Griffith formed the studio as a way to give artists creative freedom and ownership in their films.
Which conveniently neglects the fact that UA didn't really hit the big time until the 1950s, when the last of the founding partners gave up control.
Somebody stages a hoax on YouTube, and "news agencies" act as its megaphones. The hacks have become totally credulous to anything Web; if it happens there, it must be true -- just as if they report on anything it must be true. We already wear a scowl at the hacks, augmented now by a cloud with lightning and thunder over our heads toward the Web.
Monday, February 26, 2007
The edi-TOR of Publishers Weekly bloviates:
"Nobody," she adds, "ever went broke overestimating the desperate unhappiness of the American public."
We would ordinarily assume Sara was either ignorant or was trying in a hammer-on-anvil way to be ironic. But we cannot assume the latter as people in the publishing trade tend to be the Mafiosi of words. And we can't assume the former because people in media know everything. We will merely assume Sara picked up on this line as if by osmosis (we suspect she could not identify the author) and decided to turn it into what she believed was a witty statement. But alas for Sara it is more telling than she may have intended, for the verbiage-disgorging biz has hit a double: it can wade in dough overestimating the desperate unhappiness of the American public even as it wades in dough underestimating its intelligence.
And Mencken's age had Émile Coué, as forgotten now as Oprah's latest fad will be twenty years hence.
"Nobody," she adds, "ever went broke overestimating the desperate unhappiness of the American public."
We would ordinarily assume Sara was either ignorant or was trying in a hammer-on-anvil way to be ironic. But we cannot assume the latter as people in the publishing trade tend to be the Mafiosi of words. And we can't assume the former because people in media know everything. We will merely assume Sara picked up on this line as if by osmosis (we suspect she could not identify the author) and decided to turn it into what she believed was a witty statement. But alas for Sara it is more telling than she may have intended, for the verbiage-disgorging biz has hit a double: it can wade in dough overestimating the desperate unhappiness of the American public even as it wades in dough underestimating its intelligence.
And Mencken's age had Émile Coué, as forgotten now as Oprah's latest fad will be twenty years hence.
David Remnick may be in 2008 what Henry Luce was in 1952.
There's one difference, though: Henry Luce (or at least a few of his regiments of yes-men) would have had the guts to say that had Al won we would not have had 9/11. But we expect no less than pretentious squoosh from the Universe's Greatest, Most Overrated Magazine.
There's one difference, though: Henry Luce (or at least a few of his regiments of yes-men) would have had the guts to say that had Al won we would not have had 9/11. But we expect no less than pretentious squoosh from the Universe's Greatest, Most Overrated Magazine.
Sometimes, Jarvis, cleverness has a way of punching you right in the jaw.
Unfortunately, if we know B. S. Defender, he has a cement jaw.
(Via Ms. Travers)
Unfortunately, if we know B. S. Defender, he has a cement jaw.
(Via Ms. Travers)
Well who would have thought -- a philatelic scam on eBay?
And how many brothers and sisters does it have?
And how many brothers and sisters does it have?
Last post about Ossie® -- until next year's ahthouse nominees:
Every year, TV critics lament the Oscarcast. But a reviewer -- sitting alone, eating takeout food and writing under deadline pressure -- is not seeing the show under ideal circumstances. Home viewers may or may not have a good time, depending on who else is in the living room (and whether or not they win the Oscar pool).
But live and in person, it's a surreal delight that's a reminder of the old-fashioned phrase "Hollywood glamour." Admittedly, a newcomer's perspective may fade after years of Oscar-going. And for many, the evening comes after a grueling five months of campaigns, and at the end of a jam-packed week of partying (which, after all, is just another form of work).
But it's good to remember that about 800 million people would be glad to have the oppportunity of being at the Kodak. Groaning about attending is like complaining about high taxes because your income was so enormous: There are bigger problems in the world to deal with.
Give this man a new name -- Army Archerd!
Every year, TV critics lament the Oscarcast. But a reviewer -- sitting alone, eating takeout food and writing under deadline pressure -- is not seeing the show under ideal circumstances. Home viewers may or may not have a good time, depending on who else is in the living room (and whether or not they win the Oscar pool).
But live and in person, it's a surreal delight that's a reminder of the old-fashioned phrase "Hollywood glamour." Admittedly, a newcomer's perspective may fade after years of Oscar-going. And for many, the evening comes after a grueling five months of campaigns, and at the end of a jam-packed week of partying (which, after all, is just another form of work).
But it's good to remember that about 800 million people would be glad to have the oppportunity of being at the Kodak. Groaning about attending is like complaining about high taxes because your income was so enormous: There are bigger problems in the world to deal with.
Give this man a new name -- Army Archerd!
TRANSLATION: A man who ran for president isn't running for president so he can run for president.
Cut the comedy, Savior -- run! H-wood needs you!
Cut the comedy, Savior -- run! H-wood needs you!
Daimler's spinoff seems to be settled. Now for the fun part: to watch a car maker with quality-control problems oversee two car makers with quality-control problems. This would be a laugh if so many people weren't getting fired.
When I first read this headline, "'Star Wars' looks good to Europe now," I thought it might be referring to a growing acceptance of Jar Jar Binks in France or something.
Jo-NAH didn't write this?!?
Jo-NAH didn't write this?!?
Now the con-SER-va-tives have another excuse for the wealthy: "'FRUGAL FRUGAL FRUGAL.'"
It is easier, though, to be frugal frugal frugal on several million million million a year.
It is easier, though, to be frugal frugal frugal on several million million million a year.
The New York Times, citing unnamed sources, reported Monday that President Bush has decided to send a tough message to Musharraf, warning him that the Democrat-controlled Congress may cut off funding to Pakistan unless it gets more aggressive in hunting down al-Qaeda and Taliban operatives in its country.
Alas, this is probably not a good idea, because we forget Pakistan has a -- neighbor, and if the best-selling prez is bad, there's always a chance for worse. Meantime, we could probably cut Egypt's allowance without too much fuss.
Of course, seeing a picture like this, we can understand why some people may get annoyed.
Alas, this is probably not a good idea, because we forget Pakistan has a -- neighbor, and if the best-selling prez is bad, there's always a chance for worse. Meantime, we could probably cut Egypt's allowance without too much fuss.
Of course, seeing a picture like this, we can understand why some people may get annoyed.
Meantime judging from professional bloggers and Tom, the ceremony was a disaster, and Ellen laid a gold-, nickel- and copper-plated britannium egg. Which begs the point, of course -- aren't the Os-CARs® meant to be?
Finally! Marty wins for Taxi Driver.
Today must be one of those rare days in the luxury news suites, where everyone has a smile on hi -- their face, sort of like the day we left Vietnam, and all the world is right again.
Today must be one of those rare days in the luxury news suites, where everyone has a smile on hi -- their face, sort of like the day we left Vietnam, and all the world is right again.
Sunday, February 25, 2007
On this, the night of one of humankind's grandest achievements, the Os-CARs®, something for film fans everywhere to savor:
At 78, Ennio Morricone is the reigning dean of film composers....
NUF SAID.
(Both links via ArtsJournal.com, along with the quote)
At 78, Ennio Morricone is the reigning dean of film composers....
NUF SAID.
(Both links via ArtsJournal.com, along with the quote)
What is totally exasperating about these "Al Qaeda is stronger than ever!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" stories is that no one really knows. The same "experts" who confidently extolled its demise several years back are now dancing the Chicken Little. If they didn't know then chances are they probably don't know much better now. Of course we should be on guard, but such public hair-tearing has the effect of merely confirming the intelligence knuckleheads' basic impotence.
Europe warms to US missile shield
Concerns about Iran have reduced opposition to US plans to extend its 'star wars' defense system.
Obviously someone's still opposed to be using that Star Wars cliché -- and while you're at it, "Christian" "Scientists", couldn't you capitalize "Star Wars"?
Concerns about Iran have reduced opposition to US plans to extend its 'star wars' defense system.
Obviously someone's still opposed to be using that Star Wars cliché -- and while you're at it, "Christian" "Scientists", couldn't you capitalize "Star Wars"?
A big snow-and-ice storm is coming our way, and several of the property owners have applied an all-too-highly visible coating of calcium chloride pellets on their sidewalks. The nice thing about the pellets is they "tend to roll like small BB's" and when laid down thick as some of the help will do (usually with spreaders, although commonly they get plopped in big clumps) they're as slippery as ice. And as hundreds of feet grind down the pellets (but not their slipperiness) they track a thin dusty white coating onto every nearby carpet. Better still their melting effect doesn't last long, an hour or two at best, which should at least give time for another application or at least some shovelling, but after a while a sidewalk "treated" with these pellets is just as snow-covered as one without. We appreciate the preparedness, but in the end, nothing fights snow as well as a shovel, or a snowblower.
Somebody named Jonah -- no, not that Jo-NAH, but he may be getting there -- has a new line of defense for the Reverse Robin Hoods of MadAve:
[M]arketers have to accept that they won't please all the people all the time. Even advertisers who don't think they're using consumer-generated media have to accept that messages are likely to be mashed up, reinterpreted, parsed and criticized. Consumers, as is repeated endlessly, are in control. Of course, that also means they know where to find the off switch if they don't like what they're hearing.
TRANSLATION: If people complain about our crummy ads and the junk television they finance it's THEIR fault!
[M]arketers have to accept that they won't please all the people all the time. Even advertisers who don't think they're using consumer-generated media have to accept that messages are likely to be mashed up, reinterpreted, parsed and criticized. Consumers, as is repeated endlessly, are in control. Of course, that also means they know where to find the off switch if they don't like what they're hearing.
TRANSLATION: If people complain about our crummy ads and the junk television they finance it's THEIR fault!
And here is the problem -- when news hacks deign fit not to report on corpses or sexy movie stars or people with a beauty-salon fetish or the SHOCKING SECRETS of politicians raising money, they tend to report only on that news which they think needs to be reported, and in that patented trademarked way that always gets you thinking of the angle. Yes poverty is a problem. But is it realistic to believe, given the design of the human race, that everyone can be middle-class? Of course the unwritten notion of such table-pounding is that REAGAN did it (notwithstanding that many hacks live quite well in the upper class, thank you), and in the last graf we get the possibly false stat that "45 million" are without health insurance, which reminds us of how twenty years ago there were three million or ten million homeless on the streets, which made lots of people roll their eyeballs at such stories, which does the poor absolutely no good.
And on the subject of SLIME, we will confess we wouldn't have turned to this egregious press release for an ahthouse flick but for this photo, and honest we hardly know who this actress is, nor do we need any further proof THE CONSPIRACY is in a battle with the public that will end only with its certain absolute victory, and we do rather resent it that SLIME and Mort Zuck and Pinch and all that infernal gang waste so much of our time on press releases and other news we hardly need to know, but we still like the photo anyway.
We dare say this view is probably the only good thing about the wuhk, which will not stop the raves already in the hard drives. It sounds like the sort of lurid mellerdrammer that would have been laughed out of the houses in 1920, seasoned with a little of Dr. Evil's strychnine.
(Photo replaced 9/4/2010)
In a revelation that will STUN the nation, the Rev. Al Sharpton, one of America's most powerful black leaders, has unearthed a SHATTERING FAMILY SECRET - his ancestors were slaves owned by relatives of the LATE SOUTH CAROLINA SEN. STROM THURMOND!!!!!!!!!! [Overemphasis added]
First off, we suspect if we looked back at any prominent figure's ancestry we could find a few Al Capones or Jack the Rippers somewhere. Second, we always knew Sen. Thurmond was one of the lesser humans, so this does not surprise us. Third, sounds like Rev's raising money. And fourth, if Da Nooz and DA POST!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! weren't involved in this non-stop game of one-upmanship to see who can print more falsehoods and lose more money, we might not be STUNNED by these SHATTERING SECRETS.
First off, we suspect if we looked back at any prominent figure's ancestry we could find a few Al Capones or Jack the Rippers somewhere. Second, we always knew Sen. Thurmond was one of the lesser humans, so this does not surprise us. Third, sounds like Rev's raising money. And fourth, if Da Nooz and DA POST!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! weren't involved in this non-stop game of one-upmanship to see who can print more falsehoods and lose more money, we might not be STUNNED by these SHATTERING SECRETS.