Posted 9:29 PM by Gene

Were Rachel and Lillian Entwistle killed by PORN?

Posted 9:06 PM by Gene

The problem with the Web, the thing that must drive too many people bonkers, is how microscopic pins of truth are buried in a vast electronic haystack, escaping all efforts of detection. As a for-instance, it appears the only halfway decent blog out of Turin is the AP's, and surprisingly it has had a few zingers like this one from Larry McShane:

Billy Bush got booed. Loudly.

And deservedly so.

At a Saturday news conference with American figure skater Michelle Kwan, the Turin media horde descended for word on the three-time Olympian's health. Kwan, plagued by a groin injury that nearly kept her out of the games, had cut short her first Olympic practice just hours earlier after struggling through several jumps.

Would Kwan still skate? Would she surrender her spot to alternate Emily Hughes? How bad was her leg?

But the "Access Hollywood" co-host began the news conference by grabbing the microphone to ask Kwan whether she throws up before skating. And whether the fashion world would be stunned if she stopped wearing outfits by Vera Wang. And then ...

"We are in the city of love," said Bush, apparently confusing industrial Turin for Rome. "Do you have plans for Valentine's Day?"

The rest of the assembled media booed the presidential first cousin, who nevertheless plowed ahead with his query.

"Come on!" shouted one frustrated broadcaster.

A flustered Kwan began to speak, then wondered, "Do I have to answer that?"

Uh, no.

Next question.

Nice job, Billy.

Or this one assistant sports editor Josh Dickey:

I guess the anti-Americanism at these games isn't limited to shutting Americans out of the IOC and killing baseball and softball.

I was working and watching the opening ceremony from the AP's area at the Main Press Center, a cavernous, wide-open space where the walls only reach about halfway to the 100-foot ceilings of this former Fiat plant. Out comes the U.S. team, and up come boos _ boos! _ from other work areas in here that reverberate around the building and prick all our ears.

Sounds like some journalists had their impartiality confiscated at customs.

Classy.

There's got to be more truth lying around here someplace, but I'm not going to search through 10,000 sites and 20,000 blogs for it. It HAS to be here.

WHERE?

Posted 1:56 PM by Gene

The militant group Hamas, facing the threat of diplomatic isolation and a precipitous drop in foreign aid when it assumes power, is exploring the possibility of taking a less visible role in the new Palestinian government than might be expected after its sweeping parliamentary election victory.

I guess men of unyielding -- PRINCIPLE (?) have decided their people need the money too.

Posted 1:53 PM by Gene

Top Saudi cleric says source of prophet caricatures must be punished

And craven news hacks all across America say AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAMEN!

Posted 11:17 AM by Gene

The hacks' love of [C]RAP is morally indistinguishable from their cowardly terror over hard-core Islam, and this latest publicity stunt will not stop them from belching more platitudes and adjectives of praise from their behinds.

Posted 11:14 AM by Gene

The WIZARD OF OZ flies His balloon everywhere to MAKE BIG MONEY!

Does He see storm clouds brewing? Does He want to put some spare cash under His bed?

Posted 10:59 AM by Gene

And speaking of THE PAPER OF RE-CORD:

Republican Speaks Up, Leading Others to Challenge Wiretaps

We can't vouch for Heather Wilson, but we can guess who some of the "others" are: Sue "The Moderate Airhead" Collins, Arlen O'Specter, and Sen. Hole-in-the-Bagel -- rock-ribbed Republicans all.

Posted 10:56 AM by Gene

You can't be sure whether stories like this are mere political search-and-destroy missions, the purpose of most hacks being to put Republicans and conservatives out of commission while braying their infernal "objectivity", but we would not be surprised to learn Congressman Bridge-to-Nowhere was palsy-walsy with the Red-State Scorpion. After all, they had the one tie that binds -- a total hatred of the people.

Posted 10:38 AM by Gene

Bob Barr has suddenly become a favorite of NEWS HACKS because he's saying things they like to hear. We call such folks "mavericks." But when a Democrat like Zell Miller says things we don't want to hear, we call them "sellouts." We're not sure we respect Mr. Barr one way or the other; he had a Clinton-sex fetish during much of Slick's term in office, and his demeanor suggested Joe Friday without the scruples. We'd think a discriminating liberal (of whom a hack like Dana Milbank isn't) would realize that an SOB may be your SOB, but he's still an SOB.

Posted 7:45 PM by Gene

If there's one thing worse than a news hack selling something, it's a news hack selling something for a CAUSE.

A NEUHARTHISM OF THE WEEK AWARD (Concerned Liberal Division) to DAVE "NON" GERMAIN!

Posted 5:42 PM by Gene

I've figured out why so many new buildings are ugly: RealTORS®. Most of them have degrees in the deadly subject of BUSINESS ADMINISTRATION and never came within a mile of an art, music or literature course, thinking them for sissies, and besides, Babbitts need no education. Plus they always view their creations through the distorting prism of COST, meaning everything's right angles and windows and glary, and looks like hell even new -- and especially so.

When Walter P. Chrysler put up his building (sorry to cite it again) he could have erected a 100-story slab -- certainly his heirs would have done precisely that -- but despite his lowly background (he started as a locomotive wiper) he was a wizard of industrial design, plus he clearly acquired taste on the way (the mausoleum where he and wife Delia rest is almost painful in its simplicity and beauty), and he had more common sense and guts than the current DaimlerCorp management multiplied by 100. Combined with William Van Alen's genius he created a landmark. And Chrysler was involved every step of the way -- the incredible spire was as much his idea as Van Alen's, and he planned the construction carefully enough that not one worker died. We cherish that building now even more than ever because of the RealTOR® chunks going up all over, including in Manhattan, whose location is no guarantee against bad architecture.

A new kind of CW has it that magnificent buildings, especially corporate headquarters, are manifestations of hubris and symbols of decline. This sort of thinking encourages still more RealTOR® slabs (not that it would have prevented the 1000-foot-tall stylized railroad spike CONcast is building with tax help -- there's one kingdom of hubris that deserves to decline), and besides, it's wrong: the Woolworth Building, the tallest in its day, went up decades before its namesake's decline and conversion into a third-rate sneaker retailer, and not far from the late lamented Singer Building, an ode to the sewing machine's might; and though 30 Rockefeller Plaza housed a company that defined the manic speculation that waved in the Great Depression, RCA lasted for over fifty years afterwards, and we see there another symbol of industrial genius. There is nothing wrong with great buildings; if only they weren't in our past.

If anything we're living in a day of spectacularly ugly superskyscrapers, but thank God most of them aren't here.

Posted 5:36 PM by Gene

Sounds like we had a new kind of bad taste for the opening ceremony, and the poor GE BANCORP AND REALTY NETWORK SPORTS announcers must be gasping for air even now, but always remember, you paid for it.

...[A]n estimated 35,000 at the Olympic Stadium and 2 billion tuning in....

We stopped expecting honesty from news hacks LONG ago.

The day went off peacefully, with even normally tangled Turin traffic easing....

Traffic is NEVER a problem with the GAMES -- many people evacuate the blessed host cities and their environs for WEEKS.

Oh and let me guess, greedmeisters Larry and Sergey:



BEIJING 2008!!!!!

By then here's betting these fanny kissers are "OFFICIAL SPONSORS."

Posted 1:08 PM by Gene

European Papers Benefit in Cartoon Uproar

God knows no one else does.

Posted 12:24 PM by Gene

ESPNCORP Network News might have been better off hiring an old man.

Posted 11:59 AM by Gene

And just as inevitably as we have crass CEOs slobbering over "marketable" athletes, and Europeans hating the Americans who run their biennial orgies, we have at least one "top" athlete suspended from the GE B & R GAMES for using performance-enhancing drugs.

Posted 11:40 AM by Gene

"We get criticized that we're losing touch with the public," says Davis, "but if it was only about TV ratings, we'd be nominating 'Big Momma's House 2'."

Well, there's a solution to that -- you COULD make good movies but wide appeal, but instead, you get on your soapbox and conjure HARANGUES for the AD-BLURBISTS while simultaneously VOIDING DRECK FOR STUPID TEENS.

Posted 11:34 AM by Gene

Two stories of folderol and fiddledeedee from GE BANCORP and REALTY GAMES CENTRAL:

1. Whenever GE B & R inficts its Games on us we get umpteen gazillion stories about "marketable" athletes. Translation: they're looking for another Mary Lou Retton, of the ice (fingernails-on-blackboard SCREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEECH), and they're looking to reward "stars" of sports with tiny followings for no better reason than to inspire puff pieces every two years about "marketable" athletes.

2. We don't have a seat on GE B & R GAMES COMMITTEE because the Europeans run the show and they hate us. Who finances the entertainment? How many American companies do a reverse Robin Hood that keeps The Snobs of Lausanne in comfy perpetual do-nothing jobs?

Posted 10:28 AM by Gene

A former child counselor was sentenced to life in prison for his involvement in an international child pornography ring in a case the judge called the "most horrible" of her legal career.

"You are the most despicable individual I have come across," San Diego Superior Court Judge Gale E. Kaneshiro told Paul Gordon Whitmore as she sentenced him Thursday.

Kaneshiro noted that during his trial, Whitmore appeared to smile when jurors were shown videos and photos of children in sexual poses.

Life? He should get a show-biz job.

Posted 9:51 AM by Gene

What's the difference between BIGMEDIA not offending radical Muslims and BIGINTERNET helping jail Chinese dissidents?

Posted 9:05 AM by Gene

Wayne Gretzky was recorded on a wiretap talking to the alleged financier of a gambling ring, discussing how the hockey great’s wife could avoid being implicated, a person with knowledge of the investigation told The Associated Press on Thursday.

Say it ain't so, Wayne!

Posted 9:03 AM by Gene

There is nothing courageous about using your freedom of speech to ridicule the beliefs of one of the weakest sections of your society. But Rose and others like him clearly believe Muslims, by virtue of their religion, exist on the wrong side of the line. That exclusion finds its reflection in the Islamist rejection of all things Western. And so the secularists and antiracists in both the West and the Middle East find their space for maneuver limited, while dogma masquerades as principle, and Islamists and Islamophobes are confirmed in their own vile prejudices.

Help! I'm caught in a PC ideological pretzel! I can't breathe!!

Posted 8:43 AM by Gene

Trade gap widens in Dec.
Deficit soars to record $725.8 bln for 2005

These things will happen when our leading export to China is WASTE PAPER.

Posted 8:30 AM by Gene

Meantime the blithering money-wasters in the DOUBLE-TOWER of BABBLE are forming a Web "service" with "a daily blend of funny videos, strange news and downloads", which seems strange as they already have plenty of outlets that provide the same thing.

Posted 8:19 AM by Gene

OOOOOOOOOOooooooooooh: a CONSPIRACY: President Rove KNEW the levee would break BEFORE IT DID!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Or something.

Posted 8:11 AM by Gene

Speaking of cowardice, here is PEOPLE WARNER CABLE NEWS's latest excuse:

CNN is not showing the negative caricatures of the likeness of the Prophet Mohammed because the network believes its role is to cover the events surrounding the publication of the cartoons while not unnecessarily adding fuel to the controversy itself.

In time the disclaimer may be longer than the story itself. This outfit sticks us with all manner of sleaze -- it dances a jig over the offense properties like AARON and those AWARD WINNING DONS cause some viewers -- and here these idiots in the DOUBLE-TOWER OF BABBLE hide under their mahogany desks fearing -- WHAT? (Maybe they fear Carl Icahn -- they've taken down the page!)

Posted 6:55 AM by Gene

The worldwide riots and burnings are instruments of intimidation, reminders of van Gogh's fate. The Islamic "moderates" are the mob's agents and interpreters, warning us not to do this again. And the Western "moderates" are their terrified collaborators who say: Don't worry, we won't. It's those Danes. We're clean. Spare us. Please.

We include the hacks, the brave numbers of whom to reprint the cartoon(s) we can count on the fingers of both hands. These are the same courageous blowhards who stick it to us with every other manner of egregious offense. We will remember their fulsome cowardice the next time somebody makes fun of religion -- and we will complain.

And we will go one step further: We think these riots are a form of psychological belly-probing to see if we're ready for another terrorist attack. We've passed with flying colors.

Posted 6:50 AM by Gene

Which is worse: that news hacks have nothing to say, or that they don't say it very well?

NOTE THE LAST FIVE LETTERS IN THE URL. I COULDN'T HAVE SAID IT BETTER MYSELF.

Posted 5:20 PM by Gene

Today is a BIG DAY in sports broadcasting. First, Al is now officially Boom-Boom's sidekick again. Second, some baseball bigmouth of the present uses TWO ghostwriters to get back at a renowned singer of the past, and the results are inevitable: a jump in Amazon.com's ranking, and the resounding notion that bigmouths have small brains.

P. S. I thought at first this business with Oswald the Lucky Rabbit was some hack's idea of a joke, but it seems Ub Iger is DEAD SERIOUS about intellectual property rights. Were He as serious in making decent programming.

Posted 5:14 PM by Gene

Barry Manilow's The Greatest Songs of the Fifties revisits a peak of the '70s when he topped the Billboard chart with the 1977 concert album Live. He reaches No. 1 for the second time after selling 156,000 copies, his best SoundScan sales week.

I suppose USAOKAY!!!!!'s ad-blurbist Edna is out to impress us, but the only thing less impressive than the sales figure may be Barry singing fifties tunes.

P. S.

From the Artist
Once again, Clive Davis astounds me with his brilliant ideas.

NO COMMENT.

Posted 5:09 PM by Gene

Con-SER-va-tives have made a big thing about Harry Reid and The Red-State Scorpion, partly to perfume the stench of their own legislative Uriah Heeps. We have no doubt though that Harry was VERY helpful to him. For one thing, the Beltway's motto is, "What's in it for me?" For another, Harry is as absolute a whiny nincompoop as there is in the halls of the Great Insane Asylum on the Hill, and whiny nincompoops make great stooges. We're astonished, however, that any NEWS HACK would report on this, as corruption is the exclusive property of REPUBLICANS.

Posted 2:45 PM by Gene

Look at it this way: every time you buy a GE BANCORP and REALTY refrigerator or oven, you help keep some foreign city's debt burden down.

Posted 2:12 PM by Gene

CVS is one of America's messiest retailers, with the clutter of its dirty plastic tubs everywhere. It's a wonder the mess doesn't extend to its pharmacy departments.

Posted 1:41 PM by Gene

We can't imagine why the hacks, always on the search for a hot service feature, would ignore a few dozen deaths due to ADHD drugs, unless it's because the subject wouldn't flatter its readers' vanity.

Posted 1:36 PM by Gene

Verizon CEO Backs Off Executive's Google Slam

Ivan is jealous because he didn't get in on the ground floor.

What's to prevent you from appropriating your CUSTOMERS' largesse?

Posted 1:28 PM by Gene

I have not gotten that new TV of mine yet, and one reason is technology and prices are still in flux, and will certainly stay that way. That so many people seem uninformed on HDTV, and are buying sets almost in spite of themselves, suggests the conversion to a new tomorrow is not a happy one.

Posted 1:18 PM by Gene

We don't know WHY GE BANCORP and REALTY MUST plug its GAMES to SPONSORS when it's virtually sold out the air time, and we've had it with how the idiot money wasters cook up all manner of excuses for their CEOs' PAID VACATIONS.

Posted 1:14 PM by Gene

This site has been WRONG before, but if the story's true and the Grammies went down without an excuse it would seem people have good reason not to buy recorded "music" these days.

Posted 12:04 PM by Gene

I think perhaps the hard-core Muslims have just been handed another reason some people don't like their current screaming.

Of course there's always an answer to that one:

MOSSAD DEED EET!!!!!

Posted 8:30 AM by Gene

Kornheiser wants to write WP column while doing "MNF" gig

That should be easy: he can get ten interns together to drop story lines on by phone, and when they screw up he can scream bloody murder and throw keyboards.

Posted 8:27 AM by Gene

Another practical joke in the AHT WUHHHHLD:

A physicist who is broadly experienced in using computers to identify consistent patterns in the drip paintings of Jackson Pollock has determined that half a dozen small paintings recently discovered and claimed by their owner to be original Pollocks do not exhibit the same patterns.

(Via ArtsJournal.com)

Posted 8:15 AM by Gene

During the late unlamented SUPER BORE the sports hacks agreed Mick and the Stones should have left for a geriatric center. Had the Robert "Over the" Hilburns been there they'd have unleashed the G word (GENIUS) and the M word (MASTERPIECE), with the extra-added attraction of the C word (CLASSIC). We saw this before: when LUKE SPIELBERG'S LET US HAVE PEACE opened the ad-blurbists loved it and the pundits hated it. Why such opposite extreme opinions? Perhaps because most of the blurbists have only been at their jobs for 200 years. (The pundits, too, but for once they had the advantage thanks to their different location.)

We for the likes of us cannot understand what is so GREAT about modern pop "music." As with that fellow who licked the EDWARD R. MURROW of COMEDY, we've tried and tried and tried to discern its greatness. All we can make out are screaming and posturing, and a bunch of hacks telling us this is genius. We're tired of cultists insisting we're in a platinum age of entertainment, but so long as the biz insists on slanting the news it will make up for that by selling the junk.

Posted 8:12 AM by Gene

TRIBCO practices more of its celebrated community outreaches through the Cubbies, which with a company like TRIBCO means reaching out and snatching pocketbooks.

Thankfully, TRIBCO's stock has seen better days, and we hope we can continue to say that.

Posted 5:37 PM by Gene

I'm changing my blog's design this weekend. Maybe a snazzier look will help alleviate the CIA of MOUNTAIN VIEW's dysfunction. I doubt it.

Posted 5:33 PM by Gene

Three Microsoft Bugs Found

Just in one day? What happens when they find these things every hour?

Posted 5:26 PM by Gene

WPer: Many papers no longer keep an eye on congressmen

We don't know that that's such a bad thing. Chuck SCHOOOO-MAH is a pretty fair example of what happens when a Sena-TOR wants to tan in the spotlight. Sen. FATSO GLUB-GLUB might not opine so much about how Dubya's turning America into Naziland if he didn't think his tummy deserved lots of quality, er, face time. Snidely Whiplash might not have done so much happy skirting of the law if he thought his acidulous one-liners deserved no attention. NEWT might not have become SPEAKER if he'd SHUT HIS BIG FAT TRAP. The august bodies get enough column inches. Do we need 535 prima donnas?

Posted 5:20 PM by Gene

The Democratic Party's leading -- ORGAN bellows through its bellows again:

Some Democrats Are Sensing Missed Opportunities

You keep pushing the notion you think Osama and company are good guys and you'll miss some more opportunities.

Posted 5:16 PM by Gene

And lots of useless people with lots of impressive titles just got together and made ANOTHER FEATURE-LENGTH PRODUCT PLACEMENT.

Or to paraphrase ShowBizData.com, "[W]hy [should] studios bother to produce expensive adult-oriented films when cheapo horror flicks can garner far greater profits" -- or product placements? But then we've wondered why studios should make movies for anybody -- and frequently they don't.

Posted 5:01 PM by Gene

I'm obsessed with advertising because we pay through the nose for junk media, and ads are a huge part of the expense. Tide is one of those products P&G's GOTTAADVERTISEGOTTAADVERTISEGOTTAADVERTISE, when it's perfectly clear to its millions of regular users the product's quality advertises itself. God knows how many drones we finance in MadAve and Cincinnati with useless jobs with impressive titles because P&G's GOTTAADVERTISEGOTTAADVERTISEGOTTAADVERTISE. The only people who deserve credit and raises are the researchers and manufacturing types who improve the product every year -- and we spend a fraction on them what we spend for P&G'S @#$%&* ADVERTISING.

Posted 10:52 AM by Gene

ST. WARREN GOES ON TELEVISION!

What are the chances we'll hear more about this press release than about other stories we should know?

Posted 10:30 AM by Gene

A godsend for Slashdot phreaks -- and not a moment too soon:

Science: A Bathroom That Cleans Itself

Posted 9:02 AM by Gene

We think Hahvahd Mutual Fund should fire President Summers -- and while it's at it, it should fire its entire faculty and staff, dismiss all the students, sell all its properties, and relocate to Wall Street where it can pursue its true calling: making money.

Posted 8:52 AM by Gene

GM spending LESS on ADVERTISING? NO!!!!! NO!!!!!!!!!!

This is at the heart of the CLUNKER BROTHERS' problem: their EXCESSIVE advertising reinforces the notion they make JUNK.

Posted 8:41 AM by Gene

Someday, one plug will rule them all [Home-page tease]

Until then, resign yourself to 68 different types of adapters and plugs.

And a SMILE overwhelms DOW 36,000's face:

Cellphone chargers are the No. 1 item travelers forget, according to a 2004 survey by the Hilton hotel chain. "It's a very profitable side of the business," says David Carey, president of tech consultant Portelligent.

A simple charger for a cellphone or other device costs less than $2 to make, Carey says. Yet retailers charge about $10 for them — a 400% markup, he says.

FREE ENTERPRISE at work!

Posted 8:38 AM by Gene

Barack and Boobs McKeating agree to put aside their differences and lecture the public on ethics whenever necessary.

Posted 8:36 AM by Gene

More brilliant writing on BransonEast from Playbill:

Ring of Fire, the new American [!] musical that draws from the catalog of songs written and made famous by Johnny Cash, is not a biographical show, not a concert, not a jukebox musical comedy.

Well then what is it?

Posted 8:35 AM by Gene

Freston sees big revenue growth for Viacom

TRANSLATION: PRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAISE THE LORD!!!!! ADVERTISERS WILL SPONSOR ANYTHING!!!!!

Posted 8:29 AM by Gene

And when TRIBCO (which would no doubt prostrate itself quivering and in tears before SUPERHOOPER promising NEVER EVER EVER to offend Islam) kills a story about its CEO'S EXCESSIVE PAY, can we DOUBT NEWS HACKS ARE PC TOADYING COWARDS?

(Via Romy)

Posted 8:22 AM by Gene

We may cheer that our Web site is doing better than theirs, but that's only because CNN's is better laid out, and FOX!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!'s requires LOTS of scrolling.

Posted 8:20 AM by Gene

More self-inflicted head-bangings by news hacks:

Editorial calls to not run the cartoons are raising questions about whether mainstream media are practicing self-censorship out of fear of reprisals from a vocal religious group.

National TV networks such as NBC, CBS and CNN have not run the cartoons, nor did the Associated Press and most newspapers, including USA TODAY, The Washington Post or The New York Times.

But Fox News, The Philadelphia Inquirer, Austin American-Statesman and New York Sun ran some of the 12 cartoons that were published in Danish newspaper Jyllands-Posten in September. The cartoons are widely available online. [Emphasis added]

The Internet continues to make print media obsolete.

Posted 5:21 PM by Gene

THE GREATEST BLOGGER IN HISTORY REPORTS THAT THE BLOGGERS OF THE MILLENNIUM MADE THE GREATEST GOTCHA INTERVIEW OF ALL TIME!!!!!

We would first recall that the late Howard What's-His-Name pulled this same gag, and he didn't win a P-Ulitzer. Second, I'd guess from the boasting that one vortex of spin collided with two other vortexes of spin, and the result flung truth and sense out the window.

SUPERDUPERMEGAGIGABLOGGERS are as good at backscratching as NEWS HACKS, and they pull a mean Howard Cosell of self-congratulation too.

Posted 5:12 PM by Gene

FOUR PEOPLE WARNERS?

One is stupid enough.

Posted 3:27 PM by Gene

And in other inconvenient news about Islam:

British Jury Finds Muslim Cleric Guilty of Inciting Murder

Posted 1:18 PM by Gene

We wonder what BOOBS McKEATING is up to -- possibly solidifying his conservative bona fides. But Barack needs no lecture from a man who has perfected the art of political posturing under the guise of "honesty."

Posted 1:06 PM by Gene

This cartoon violence (the term conjures Road Runners) is the most exasperating story since OJ. We do not blame Muslims for their upset at slighting depictions of Muhammed; smug people will slight religion. But by responding with mass psychosis (abetted by scum like Hosni and the Ophthalmologist for mere political expedience) they confirm the worst caricatures of a creed of hair-trigger wrath that would send us all back to the eighth century. How can we square the pious platitudes of "the religion of peace" with terrorism and the mad mullahs -- and their all too numerous supporters who want tolerance at their cost?

Soon this story will go away, unless the looney in Iran uses it as a pretext for a nuclear demonstration. But we will not soon forget how the rabid crowds have brought dishonor upon religion -- and upon themselves.

Posted 12:13 PM by Gene

ALL RIGHT ALREADY, YOU SOLD THE ADS. NOW WILL YOU SHUT UP UNTIL NEXT YEAR?

A NEUHARTHISM OF THE MONTH AWARD TO BRUCE, FOR FIRST-RANK TABLE-POUNDING MARKETING AND INSULTING OUR INTELLIGENCE BEYOND THE CALL OF DUTY.

(Via IWantMedia.com)

Posted 12:05 PM by Gene

The dreadful murder of that Timesman somehow gets America's first jernalistic power couple to thinking as it must always, of itself. "We in the media are often criticized for wielding too much unchecked power. 'Who elected you?' is a common, but misguided, complaint because you, the readers, elect us. Every day." No we don't. We don't hire you, we don't tell you what to report (most certainly not), and most of us don't pay for your salaries anymore -- they're provided by your sugar daddies in the advertising loony bin, who seem as comfortably in love with themselves as you. Nobody elected you, and you act it. This seems an insuperable part of the media shtick, even now with bloggers, who've walled themselves off into haves and have-nots. We don't like that either.

(Via Romy)

Posted 11:41 AM by Gene

These are our kind of football fans:

SHERIDAN, Colo. – A couple planning to set off their own Super Bowl pyrotechnics accidentally blew up their own car while transporting a balloon filled with an explosive gas.

Norman Frey, 46, and his companion suffered busted eardrums in the explosion Sunday as they drove to a Super Bowl party, according to the Arapahoe County sheriff.

The balloon had been filled with acetylene, a flammable gas used in welding, and it had rolled across the back seat, possibly causing static electricity that ignited the gas.

You laugh -- and then you think, how many of our fellow countrymen are equally stupid? At least a supposed 91 million -- they watched the SUPER BORE.

Posted 11:27 AM by Gene

Here we think street musicians a key to RENDELLISM, a lovable way of getting people downtowns to finance more bellhops and dishwashers and maids, and here these OLD FOGIES in CHICAGO are passing an ordinance banning them along the Magnificent Mile because there are TOO MANY -- especially those with BUCKETS!

What DO these people have against ART?

Posted 11:18 AM by Gene

None-too-kind translation: those 3,500 credentialed hacks are parasites.

Posted 11:10 AM by Gene

NBC’s Williams apologizes after Obama-Ford mix-up

Mistakes will happen all the time -- even with NETWORK ANCHORPOOPS.

(Via Mediabistro.com)

Posted 11:03 AM by Gene

And speaking of binges, Mr. Mark's top publicity dog unknowingly hints that maybe today's TV will join music down the memory rathole:

Here's a trivia question: who was the host of "The Daily Show" when Stephen Colbert got his start as a correspondent? Need a hint? It wasn't Jon Stewart. "The show's gotten much more thoughtful and timely since Jon arrived," says Scott Dikkers, editor in chief of the weekly mock newspaper The Onion. "It was a bit more smarmy under, um, what's his name—oh, I'm forgetting his name ... Kilborn. Craig Kilborn." Ouch.

They'll NEVER forget the EDWARD R. MURROW of COMEDY. (We should advise our two readers, however, that Will Rogers was a newsman on the side -- he wrote a column for THE PAPER OF RE-CORD. Who laughs at him now? And he, at least, could be funny.)

Posted 11:00 AM by Gene

Another thing that will make our time endure forever -- the MUSIC:

Mayer's earlier work had more of what he calls "pop sweetness" - like his hit, "Your Body is Wonderland." He hopes a blues approach will keep his music timeless.

"Blues never gets dated," the guitarist said. "You listen to Huey Lewis and the News and it might be the only thing that stands out from the '80s that's still really enjoyable and not a relic."

We suspect John will join the relics, just as surely as "The Music Goes 'Round and 'Round" is a relic. Although it might be enjoyable on a binge.

Posted 10:51 AM by Gene

TO the untrained eye, the Cort Theatre looks like any other small, Broadway house, down to its red curtains and neoclassical façade.

While it enjoyed a string of long runs after its 1912 opening, if recent history's any indication, the West 48th Street theater is the Great White Way's Bermuda triangle — swallowing up shows as swiftly as they open.

Maybe it's the curse of MERVIN.

Posted 10:47 AM by Gene

Is Time Warner Necessary?

Mike toadies to the likes of RUPERT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! and he has to ask that question?

(Via Romy)

Posted 10:43 AM by Gene

Money well -- wasted:

Ford Motor Co. spent as much as $2.5 million to promote its Ford Hybrid on the Super Bowl, using Kermit the Frog to emphasize the environmental friendliness of its new car. But General Motors Corp. is benefiting from the ad online.

That’s because GM was a smarter search marketer than Ford. If a Super Bowl viewer come Monday morning, charmed by Kermit and interested in the Ford Hybrid, typed “Kermit” into Google, the first Web page that came up in the paid search results section was GM’s. The link read, “Live Green, Go Yellow.” Ford’s sponsored link was second. But for the busy shopper looking for an environmentally safe vehicle and who may remember Kermit, but not the Hybrid, the second listing may be too far down.

Maybe we should just have given a cash grant to GM so it needn't have cut its dividend.

Posted 10:40 AM by Gene

Shucks, here we start this noble cause to register young people to vote Demo -- to vote, and here we're out of cash and cutting staff.

Rock the Vote's former president says the group's priorities are too often buffeted by board members — many of them top music industry executives — who appear to care more about promoting artists than registering voters.

I don't know -- we could use a little more idealism in this endeavor.

Posted 8:11 PM by Gene

Our cabinet-selling Greatest Ex-President of All Time throws a tantrum over domestic spying, and is so eager to thwart the evil THAT:

The former president said he would testify before the Judiciary Committee if asked.

I'm sure Chairman O'Specter would welcome your long and fruitful advice, but something tells me some it might throw some other Senators out of kilter.

P. S. Note the URL. Jimmah would sure like to eavesdrop on the White House if he could.

Posted 5:26 PM by Gene

What do these stories have in common?

AOL and AOL Time Warner institutional shareholders plan to file a new lawsuit seeking $3.3 billion from the world's largest media company, according to a statement from the attorney representing the shareholders.

A cabinet made by former President Jimmy Carter sold Saturday for a record $1 million at auction, the Carter Center said in a news release.

A waste of money.

Posted 5:22 PM by Gene

Think the Queen Mary, or the Ile de France. Now think this floating Hilton Hotel and Casino.

It's enough to make you seasick.

Posted 3:09 PM by Gene

Mencken died 50 years ago, but he's still widely quoted

As in BIGMEDIA's motto, "No one ever went broke underestimating the intelligence of the American people."

Posted 1:56 PM by Gene

A large crowd once again proves some people will watch anything.

Posted 1:48 PM by Gene

Cartoonist Signe Wilkinson: Muslims Should Protest With Their Own Cartoons

It appears, unfortunately, that's what they're doing.

Posted 6:32 AM by Gene

Another rapper commits another BRILLIANT career move.

I wish I knew where the news hacks get their notion that violence is funny. Maybe from their years of supporting abortions.

Posted 6:27 AM by Gene

It is a refreshing change of pace when an Arab country can apologize to the West for its cartoon violence rather than the other way around.

Posted 6:26 AM by Gene

What will guys like poor Bruce do now that they have to go another whole year without their Super Bowl ads?

Of course -- deliriously plug the biz as usual.

Posted 10:07 PM by Gene

Will petering-out Pittsburgh benefit any more from its "historic" victory than dilapidated Detroit will from its "historic" game?

Posted 6:46 PM by Gene

I'm not watching it -- I'm following it haphazardly on the Web -- but this sounds like it could be another SUPER BORE: disorganized and dyspeptic for the first twenty minutes, but with the kind of frenetic finish that causes news hacks to belch words like CLASSIC. Let's face it, for all the event's unconquerable mountains of piffle, the Bore's first half is surely one of the most torpid things in all sport.

Fans would surely like a knock-down-drag-out offensive showcase, 49-45, with an overtime for good measure. That is highly unlikely to happen because football, like a lot of America, is so micromanaged as to squeeze every last bit of spontaneity out of it -- and the SUPER BORE isn't about football anyway, it's about bloviating.

With any luck we'll be back to the blowouts of yore, but I have this feeling that now they won't happen either; we haven't had one in years. The only reason I hope for a blowout is to show up all those zillionaire freaks in person solely for the ego trip.

Posted 6:40 PM by Gene

So -- the Arab dictatorships may have encouraged the cartoon riots to keep their old kleptocrats in power.

What else is new?

Syria and Iran face growing pressure from the Americans and the Europeans on the issues of foreign extremists infiltrating Iraq's borders and on Tehran's nuclear program. And Egypt, one of the first to publicly criticize the series of cartoons, has been critical of the Danish government for funding critics of human rights abuses.

Yep, that sounds like them.

Posted 1:22 PM by Gene

If there's one person I increasingly believe the words shut and up should apply to, it's Mickey. He seems to have derived his writing style from a dentist's drill, plus he's every bit as hyper as WALTER "THE SPYWARE COWBOY" WINCHELL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!, plus they've both obsessed over THE GAY COWBOYS. Somehow this sort of manic without the depressive goes well with an era whose lead stories are about CARTOONS, and CARTOON CHARACTERS.

Earlier generations had the Declaration of Independence, and Lincoln's Second Inaugural. What will ours live by? Mickey exploding, "P.S.: Fans of The Strokes will like A Faulty Chromosome! Except maybe they won't, because A Faulty Chromosome is much, much better"?

Posted 1:16 PM by Gene

And in more surprisingly awake blogging from the left coast's Paper of Re-cord:

"There has never been a television event in the history of the world that had a billion viewers," said the academy's executive director, Bruce Davis, when I asked him about the figure two years ago. "It's a handy number to throw around, but it's not true."

In the current issue of Sports Illustrated, columnist Steve Rushin nicely dismantles the billion figure as it applies to the Super Bowl. It turns out a media research firm measured the worldwide audience for last year's game and came up with a figure of 93 million, only about 2 million of them from outside North America.

I've said that before; but news hacks will continue with their fantasy, as it saves them the trouble of reporting -- or thinking.

And think they won't, not with this piece of statistical doggie doo all over the Web.

P. S. to the ONE BILLION crowd: when this latest immortal masterwork begins it will be just after 11:30 p.m. to 1:30 a.m. in most of Europe, 2:30 a.m. in Moscow, 5 a. m. in New Delhi, and 7:30 a. m. in Tokyo.

Posted 11:50 AM by Gene

TRANSLATION: We have too few foreign spies, we have too much bureaucracy, and Frank Church is still doing his dirty work.

Posted 9:45 AM by Gene

In other news of money wasted:

Newell Rubbermaid’s Sharpie brand slipped a 30-second ad into Super Bowl XL at the last minute in its first-ever advertising on the big game....

Mark Ketchum, who became interim CEO of Newell Rubbermaid last fall...

...got himself a LUXURY BOX in DEE-TROIT!

Better watch out, Newell Rubbermaiders! We understand the company's fired a lot of people. This will definitely help boost morale for several months, MARK!

Posted 9:13 AM by Gene

Meantime, in something Mr. Mark definitely would not run, last summer's favorite with the Internet movie crowd gets a rousing send-off from the POST!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!:

Looking back on the numerous "Panther" movies in varying shades of mediocre - almost 40 years of cinematic cautionary tales - why would anyone venture into those troubled waters again?....

[T]he buzz on the film's trailer - which features Martin pratfalling in broad strokes - has been tepid.

And now there may be bigger red flags on the horizon. With MGM's new position as a Sony subsidiary, and co-owned by investors who have more interest in making money than new movies, "Pink Panther" could do serious damage to future film development if it bombs.

First off, it isn't MGM, it's UA (and it's not a "subsidiary", it's a twenty-percent investment), and second, we can always make this flub up selling more flat-screen sets, or maybe adding a ROOTKIT when it goes on DVDs.

Plus it was a pretty stinky cartoon show.

Posted 9:06 AM by Gene

Every so often a blogger proves his worth -- even if he is a professional writer (as most bloggers now seem to be):

Other than the Apple effort, Super Bowl ads have been pretty much 99% lame, which is about the ratio prevailing for television commercials in general, year in year out. But the Super Bowl is worse somehow. Within that lame 99% lurk all those ads that make the game telecast an even more tedious experience than the watching of "Two and a Half Men": the chimpanzees, lizards, and frogs, the tendentious jokes, the self-referential winks (wasn’t there an ad last year that spoofed the Janet Jackson thing the year before?), the cringe-inducing attempts by fashionable ad agencies to nudge their buzz along for one more desperate year and by unheralded or unfashionable ad agencies to acquire themselves some zing, the celebrity has-beens (Burt Reynolds) and has-beens of the future (Jessica Simpson)....

Why do advertisers participate in this charade? The answer lies in the vicious circle of media masturbation. (Sorry if that sounds like a redundancy.)

We could say the same for the game, and the hundreds of encyclopedias' worth of press coverage, but media masturbation, like the poor, will always be with us.

Posted 8:55 AM by Gene

And over in that other bastion of UNTRUTHINESS:

Global corporations have always had to balance ethical, cultural and legal considerations with financial ones; asking them to define ethical foreign policy is like looking to professional athletes to develop steroid-test rules. As Page puts it, self-servingly but accurately, "It's pretty hard for companies to act as governments. To some extent that's a good thing for the U.S. State Department to be doing. I'm not sure that's our role."

For Google, getting a foothold in the Chinese market now may well be vital for its survival 20 years hence. So it's not surprising that it would trade that financial confidence for a little ethical dustup. The real risk is that some of that dust will stick to Google's snowy-white brand identity. Google trades on its image as a different kind of company. It became a little clearer last week that there can be only one kind of company: the kind that makes money.

You don't suppose this has something to do with such a noble statement? Or this? Count on untruthiness at PEOPLE NEWSRAG.

We've come to a pretty pass when a FLACK SHEET is more honest than a NEWS STORY.

P. S. The shame is there's some solid reporting (at least online) of that dreadful Red Sea ferry disaster. But take synergy like this and an unpaid paid ad like this and why shouldn't people figure a newsrag's all meretricious sniveling hackwork?

Posted 8:49 AM by Gene

We must always wonder in cases like this, Mr. Mark: how close did this press release for COMEDY CENTRAL NEWS NETWORK come to knocking IRAN off the cover?

Happily we look on the sunny side of life:

Historically, the position of president in the Islamic republic has never been a strong one. The Supreme Leader takes the big decisions, especially on war and peace. "I don't think Mr. Ahmadinejad would even drink a glass of water without the Supreme Leader's permission," suggests a Khamenei adviser who declined to be quoted by name. So it's unlikely that Ahmadinejad will ever have his finger on the nuclear trigger.

So let's "try to reach out to the Iranian people" and all will be well.

The only problem: we remember when COLUMBIA JERNALISM REVIEW called the Iranian revolution a good thing.