Posted 7:20 PM by Gene

Non-story of next week: who wants to bet USAOKAY!!!!! superstar flack P. R. MIKE tries to egg the Pubbies on to revoke his credentials -- and that the Pubbies revoke his credentials?

Posted 5:31 PM by Gene

PINCH is WORRIED.

The good news is, they're "FRAGMENTED." The bad news is, THEY AIN'T REPUBLICANS.

Posted 5:14 PM by Gene

Be careful what you wish for....

The creator of the infamous "butterfly ballot" used in the 2000 presidential election is fighting for her job as Palm Beach County's elections chief....

Democrats are now seeking redemption by trying to replace LePore with a former county school board member, Arthur Anderson.

I know, I know, spelled with an E. They'd have been better off with a Chad.

Posted 2:19 PM by Gene

Russia focuses on female 'Chechen' passengers after twin plane crashes

ELLEN GOODMAN!

Posted 12:14 PM by Gene

THE NEWS HACK'S CREED:



I know more than you.

I make lots more money than you.

I'm smarter than you.

I'm sexier than you.

I appear on TV all the time.

I work ten minutes a day.

I rule the universe.

I'm going to live forever.

You are an idiot.

Posted 11:05 AM by Gene

Shucks, heroism in liter-ah-teeyurre goes unrewarded.

TRANSLATION: Not ALL publicity stunts work.

Posted 8:24 AM by Gene

Why in God's (er, SUMNER'S) name would one of America's biggest media crime families sue America's biggest public relations outfit? There was something for both sides in the Hillary publicity: for the CON, sales; for the publicists, "news." One suspects there was a lot of mutual backscratching going on beforehand, copyrights notwithstanding.

Posted 8:12 AM by Gene

Pay close attention:

Before news of the cancellation became known, activists had been secretly planning to stage further protests over the weekend, sources in the anti-war movement said.

Sounds like the Reut's in cahoots with mobs. Wonder if they'll use this kind of wording during the INFOMERCIAL.

P. S.:

In 1999, during a visit by then-President Clinton, battles between protesters and police turned downtown Athens into a riot zone.

Maybe PRESIDENT DIPPITY-DO!!!!! won't have a love in.

Posted 8:12 AM by Gene

MENSA RAINES'S greatest crusade ends in IGNOMINIOUS DEFEAT as the MASTERS gets ADS AGAIN. Now to go after the sponsors. This week at the INFOMERCIAL, perhaps?

Posted 5:44 PM by Gene

Surprise, surprise: Henry the K engaged in some realism over Argentina.

I guess he'd be a con-SER-va-tive hero too but he never stood for FREE ENTERPRISE.

Posted 5:41 PM by Gene

Today was a dark day for many con-SER-va-tives: their HERO Gen. Pinochet was DEPRIVED OF HIS RIGHTS.

Lest we forget the heroic GENERAL deprived many Chileans of theirs.

Posted 5:39 PM by Gene

Mummified Canadian unnoticed for 2 years

No NO, I could say something, but it would be too easy.

EH?

Posted 5:22 PM by Gene

Pipe bomb explodes at U.S. stem-cell lab

Wanna bet the HACKS take their usual jackhammer-on-fly approach thanks to -- THE A WORD?

Posted 5:14 PM by Gene

When Kinsley.com gets riled over the music used by gymnasts, you know THE GAMES aren't worth watching, nor Kinsley.com worth reading.

Posted 5:10 PM by Gene

One of the first things DIPPITY-DO!!!!!'ll DO as president is make a pretentious, highly-choreographed international tour (organized no doubt with the help of mobmeisters like the ones in Athens) where he'll wade into crowds and yell, "I LOVE the UNITED NATIONS!"

The first sign of trouble he hides in the White House.

Posted 2:54 PM by Gene

The seven-foot-tall fat ladies have sung.

Posted 2:51 PM by Gene

Flying Cars Reportedly Still Decades Away

TRANSLATION: Traffic jams in the sky still decades away.

Posted 1:26 PM by Gene

The more things change....

Crouse is especially tough on the White House press corps, "a strange mixture of professional witnesses, decree-promulgators, cheerleaders, hard-diggers, goldbricks and gadflies." He quotes Russell Baker, who served time there, as calling it an "airless kind of work" because "the White House was like a Stuart court, Baker thought, and all the correspondents lingered like courtiers in the antechambers." The White House is the ultimate Winner's Bus, with predictable consequences:

"Some reporters thrived in this suffocating palace atmosphere. They began to think of themselves as part of the White House, and they proudly identified themselves as being 'from the White House press' instead of mentioning the paper they worked for. They forgot that they were handout artists and convinced themselves that they were somehow associates of a man who was shaping epochal events. . . . The faces of these men [in old photos on the pressroom wall] were infused with a funny expression, a pathetic aura of pride, a sense that they were taking part in the colossal moments of history. Now most of those moments were forgotten, and no one remembered a word that any of these men had written."

"Men" is the word, all right. Women were rarities, at the White House and even more so on the bus. Crouse argues that "some of the toughest pieces on the 1972 Nixon campaign" were done by women because "having never been allowed to join in the cozy, clubby world of the men, they had developed an uncompromising detachment and a bold independence of thought which often put the men to shame." Perhaps that was true then, but women are in the club now -- and blacks and Hispanics and gays and everyone else -- and guess what? The pack is bigger than ever -- at this year's Democratic convention the media outnumbered the delegates 3 to 1 -- but it's still a pack.

Posted 1:24 PM by Gene

Veterans' hospitals?

Sounds like they're getting desperate.

Posted 9:43 AM by Gene

THE MENSA MAN OF NEWS wants the HACKS to go after DUBYA for being STOOOOOOPID!

Hey MENSA! If you're so smart why did you hire JAYSON?

Posted 9:26 AM by Gene

Next week's THOREAUS of MANHATTAN believe themselves an enlightened bunch fighting fat-cat Babbitts, so answer me this: why do the Thoreaus seem at least as mindlessly conformist as the Babbitts? Or does mindless conformity become a virtue when it has (favorite NEWS HACK word) an EDGE?

Posted 9:02 AM by Gene

In his last four paragraphs today Mr. Hanson has outdone himself. The unintentional truth shading of the battlefield spawns the outright lie of the campaign trail; but despite the DIP's current lack of valor perhaps now is the time to "drop the mess." That seems unlikely, though, so long as DIP is in denial, and his enemies have a grudge.

Posted 8:10 AM by Gene

The theft of Edvard Munch's ``Scream,'' whose image has appeared on television screens around the world since the painting was stolen from an Oslo museum on Sunday, may boost prices of the Norwegian artist's works, art dealers and auctioneers said.

Hmmm...did that museum steal its own paintings?

Posted 6:35 AM by Gene

After this election, Chuck, we may all need therapy.

Posted 6:25 AM by Gene

This advertorial does not merely reek with contempt for the reader, it soaks in it. It is one thing when you plug something because all your fellow news hacks do it; it's another when you act as an organization-man ad copywriter. NEWS HACKS can talk ethics until they're blue in the face but we can always see the green bulging out of their pockets. If this wasn't paid for, it sounds paid.

Posted 4:59 PM by Gene

The other day the hacks, when not fulminating over the rapid meltdown of their hero DIPPITY-DO!!!!! on the hustings, ran yet another press release for a favorite magazine. Hef's rag long ago outlived its usefulness. And it wasn't that original in the first place; it was the mere bastard offspring in print of the great Ziegfeld's great shows, and of his imitators in Broadway and burlesque, who differed from Ziegfeld by putting the leer in public nudity. Then the NINE FINGERS IN THE WIND knew it when they saw it when they felt it when they pinched it when they smelled it, and quickly sex became BORING, and Hef's masterwork a relic that could not modernize without being porno, but couldn't stay the same without being retro, and today floats in a hopeless time warp. This is also a tacit admission that, face it, today's models are faceless.

Posted 4:53 PM by Gene

Does anyone want another demonstration of why our culture stinks? Take this gander at Playbill.com:

Additional casting has been announced for the upcoming TV remake of "Once Upon a Mattress."

As previously reported, the TV film will star Tracey Ullman as Princess Winnifred, Matthew Morrison as Sir Harry, Denis O'Hare as Prince Dauntless and Zooey Deschanel as Lady Larkin. Carol Burnett, who starred in Mattress on Broadway in 1959 and on television in 1964 (in black and white) and in 1972 (in color), will play the conniving Queen Aggravain.

Liz Smith reports that Tommy Smothers has joined the company as King Sextimus and Edward Hibbert, who had been in negotiations, will indeed play the role of the Wizard. ABC will present the television special, although no air date has been announced.

Culture? This is exhumation.

Posted 1:50 PM by Gene

"Our main influence, if we have any, is indirect," says Josh Chafetz, who writes political commentary at Oxblog.blogspot.com.

Now I feel better about getting a handful of hits a day.

Posted 1:31 PM by Gene

RUPERT MURDOCH! YOU'RE UNDER ARREST!!

(Pffh-hh-hh!)

Posted 9:35 AM by Gene

Critics Call for Rumsfeld to Resign over Abuse

SIGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH....

Posted 8:37 AM by Gene

WHOOPEE!! GE Bancorp will make $60 or $70 MILLION from its ORGY instead of $50 MILLION! WEEEEE-YUUUU!!!!!

Yeah. How much did the TWXSTERS invest in G000,000,000,000,000GLE?

Posted 8:23 AM by Gene

ANARCHISTS FOR DIPPITY-DO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The PINCHES must be running around like Perdue broilers with their heads cut off. "Why can't they realize THEY DO NOT HELP THE CAUSE?????"

And here's an exercise in nostalgia:

[A] 20-year-old New Yorker who allegedly leads "The Organization" is advocating shutting down the Brooklyn Bridge, and hurling bricks followed by Molotov cocktails through the windows of military recruiting stations, according to these reports. The man has four minor arrests for nonviolent offenses and the Daily News is withholding his name.

News hacks! Sing along: "I wish I was eighteen again...."

Posted 6:48 AM by Gene

And as the noble senator left the room, one of the reporters, all of whom had tears in their eyes, beseeched him, "If only you could run for president!"

"I'll think about it," said the noble senator, nattily adjusting his tie and hopping three feet in the air, avoiding the ceiling as he did so.

Posted 6:29 AM by Gene

When choosing between news and a publicity stunt, most news hacks will choose the publicity stunt. And when choosing between conservative and liberal -- well, let's put it this way: you don't get promoted in the NEWS BIZ unless you adhere to what OMERTA calls THE CODE. Stories like this help explain why conservatives think the book retailing biz (which also deals in degraded "intellectual property") has it in for them with that Swifty tome, even though the fault lies with its publisher for not printing them fast enough.

Posted 6:23 AM by Gene

Proof that eBay ALWAYS works: One reason it has a P/E of 4700 (or whatever it is) is that lots of ladies took to trading their TY BEANIE BABIES over it. Now, wouldn't you know it, they're just thread and stuffing, gathering smells in closets, awaiting the trash truck. Somehow I do not feel sorry for the masses who wasted fortunes on these things -- especially as they weren't even cute.

Posted 6:20 AM by Gene

OH NO! THE WORLD HAS ENDED!! BUSH LEADS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRGGGGHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Time for the JONESTOWN plan, hacks?

Posted 7:53 PM by Gene

And in more bad news for TRUTH, JUSTICE, and the AMERICAN WAY, the proud self-appointed successors of Thoreau and Dr. King won't be allowed to trample the grass of Central Park, meaning they must be content to trample the streets.

Posted 7:48 PM by Gene

The Swift Boat saga has now departed the realm where the truth may out and entered the land of Rashomon, where truth is merely a function of politics. And no where is truth more subservient to politics than with the NEWS HACKS, who seem to be working overtime electing THEIR MAN president, as ever unknowing as to WHY they want to elect him president, except that he's a Democrat, and that's a good reason.

Posted 5:24 PM by Gene

Taking a cue from the Titanic memorabilia exhibit on display at the Franklin Institute, Democratic presidential nominee John F. Kerry told a crowd at the institute last night that "the story of the Titanic is just like the story of this administration."

TRANSLATION: This campaign has struck an iceberg.

Posted 5:07 PM by Gene

If He Only Had a Heart

Look at it this way: we could get a Scarecrow, a Tin Man and a Cowardly Lion in ONE PRESIDENT! That's better than Slick's twofer by any stretch.

And as a bonus we'd get the Wicked Witch of the West.

BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!

Posted 1:46 PM by Gene

And in other French news...here's a new docudrama that shows the human side of Hitler!

I guess we never get to see his subhuman side.

Posted 1:18 PM by Gene

On Aug. 25 ...
1944: Paris was liberated by Allied forces after four years of Nazi occupation.

And they've been unhappy ever since.

Posted 11:46 AM by Gene

SCANDAL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

BUSH CAMPAIGN'S TOP OUTSIDE LAWYER RESIGNS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I can hear PINCH now: "WE'LL CARRY THIS FOOTBALL FOR WEEKS!!!!!"



That's more than DIPPITY-DO! can say.

Posted 9:10 AM by Gene

OMERTA ISSUES A THREAT TO CONSERVATIVES:

YOU CAN REPORT, BUT WE WILL DECIDE!!!!!!!!!!

Posted 9:06 AM by Gene

Do pop-up ads "detecting" spyware pop up on computers without spyware?

Posted 8:57 AM by Gene

BUSH CAMPAIGN LAWYER AIDS ANTI-KERRY VETS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

One of President Bush's election lawyers also advises a group running ads against Democratic rival John Kerry. A Democratic Party attorney works for the group behind commercials that criticize Bush.

BIAS? WHAT BIAS?

Posted 8:53 AM by Gene

TRANSLATION: This chameleon doesn't have stripes to change.

Posted 8:32 AM by Gene

The professional college football programs make money hand over fist with seat-license -- er, DONATIONS.

WHY NOT HAND THE MONEY OVER TO YOUR INDENTURED SERVANTS?

Posted 6:44 AM by Gene

The Republicans will always have this problem: they'll always look like executives (which, in the liberal's mindset, means they look like Mafiosi). The Democrats will never have this problem. They'll always look like slobs.

Posted 7:26 PM by Gene

According to REALTORS® [sic], owning a home in the land of smog, gridlock, earthquakes, and assorted fruits and nuts now costs 21.4 percent more.

And with REALTORS® one always guesses if this is good news or bad news.

Posted 7:18 PM by Gene

Two Russian passenger jets crash

Coincidence? Or sabotage?

Posted 5:45 PM by Gene

The Internet is not always right:

Sales of Heinz Foods [SIC] down 9% last quarter

Wrong. Profits were down 9 percent (because of some special charges). Underlying operating profits were up and SALES WERE UP ABOUT 5 PERCENT. [Actually, 5.7 percent. --ED]

I'm against Karry [SIC] as much as anyone, but let's not repeat bad information even if it might have come from the MSM.

Good job, Cousin Eddie.

Posted 5:05 PM by Gene

KnightRidder Philadelphia Newspaper Monopoly is evidently teaming up with our local GE Bancorp Network station to monopolize the news. Talk about irony-deprived; when Ambassador Annenberg owned the Philly rags he also owned the "famous" WFIL-TV (you know, American Bandstand?) meaning he could be lousy in news at least three ways. Someone in the Tower of Babble on Broad Street pines for the old Ambassador.

Posted 4:52 PM by Gene

I wish I knew why America has a (PR-driven) collective breakdown over beach volleyball. The girls are too tanned to be healthy, and they have "powerful" curve-deprived figures; just because a woman has a washboard midriff doesn't make her sexy. Give me Marilyn any day, or the ample flesh of the heavenly bodies of Titian or Renoir.

Posted 4:50 PM by Gene

Swift, Cheap and Out of Control

Kinsley.com on a good day.

Posted 4:45 PM by Gene

If birds are descended from dinosaurs, someone tell me...what did dinosaurs do for worms?

Posted 10:40 AM by Gene

SHUCKS, Bobby Fischer isn't German after all.

The Axis is dead.

Posted 9:17 AM by Gene

One 18-year-old man who was asking drivers for money yesterday at the Melnea Cass intersection said that for many Boston panhandlers, soliciting from motorists is the only legal option they have.

''A lot of these guys here, that's how they support their habit; they're not out robbing and stealing and stuff," said the man, who would not give his name.

He was telling motorists he needed $3.75 for train fare to get home. He didn't tell them he lives in a shelter just down the street.

''There's a lot of people who listen to what I have to say and give me exactly what I want," said the man, who added that he made $50 in an hour Sunday night. ''I feel bad sometimes."

I feel bad too. He makes more in an hour than I do.

Posted 6:46 AM by Gene

DIP! repeats our softball team's triumph tonight on Comedy Central!

KNOCK IT OUT OF THE PARK! It shouldn't be too hard.

Posted 6:44 AM by Gene

Dozens of stray cats and their fleas put Cyprus state radio off the air on Tuesday as fumigation experts were called in.

Cyprus Broadcasting Corporation (CyBC) Radio 3 programme said only songs and news bulletins would be broadcast for the next 24 hours on all three of the CyBC's radio channels due to "an immediate need for spraying."

CALL OUT THE DOGS!

No, don't. I like cats. (I'm not so sure I like fleas.)

Posted 8:30 AM by Gene

I, too, despair of the screaming that passes for political discourse, and I fear I've added a few egregious decibels, albeit softly. This column is a sobering reminder of how we think when we use media as a megaphone.

And in the spirit of the column, and my previous post, I will thank Buzz for linking to it, and will not call him Sterno.

Posted 7:00 AM by Gene

Pardon me for taking so long, but a word now to all you folks who've discovered me:

I thank you very much for your hits. I hope I have entertained you, and to those who may take offense at any post, I further hope my wit (what passes for my wit -- really, the half-wit of a quarter wit) will salve any venom, and I welcome all surfers of any political persuasion with an open heart -- and, I pray, a more open mind.

And a special thank you for Prof. Reynolds. The three of you who'd surfed my site before may recall I've said a few not-so-nice things about him, largely out of jealousy. For this I apologize in public and soon in private, once I can get the words together. I can never say a bad thing about anyone who's tried to help me, and I am very honored that he chose to link to me.

I will probably not be posting much for the next several days, because I want to sort things out in my head, and see how many hits I get for what I do post. In any event I may not post as much now that people have noticed me. It may not be the Politburo Diktat's spike -- that blog got 9,500 -- but I can feel it, nonetheless.

Again, my heartfelt thanks.

Posted 3:55 PM by Gene

I realize people laugh at dope fiends because they live in a smelly brain-deadening fog, but our contempt for them should transcend laughs. Two firemen in our city died because of a STUPID pot grower. No, marijuana's not just a joke.

Posted 3:44 PM by Gene

STERNO blew a gasket today! He says he doesn't care about Vietnam. The reason we're fighting the war again is because DIPPITY-DO made it his trademark. And it's very relevant to terrorism, STERNO: we lost Vietnam because we lost our will; we could similarly lose the war on terrorism. In the first instance NEWS HACKS played a heroic part in our defeat; they've been trying for several years to extend their winning streak. Incompetent though Dubya is in many ways, we can't afford DIP because he has said in so many words (like "sensitive") he would fight terrorism reactively. America can't afford ZAPISM. And if that's fighting Vietnam again, so be it.

Oh and STERNO, wasn't it not long ago when you were praising partisan news? Now you want "balanced accounts." Why? Becuase THE GODS OF THE AGE -- namely, YOURSELF AND YOUR FELLOW SUPERMEGABOOGGERS -- have FAILED. What's more, you're an ADDICTION. "Maybe I rely too much on Instapundit." HMMMMMMMMMMM. Famous last words from a SUPERMEGABLOGGER.

Posted 12:34 PM by Gene

Mary "Me-Me-Me" Meeker is BACK -- with a BUY RECOMMENDATION!

Posted 11:23 AM by Gene

Phelps' altruism true symbol of Games

At least until this came along.

Posted 11:10 AM by Gene

It's worth reading this column by John Leo from U.S. News, too.

I'LL BET IT IS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Posted 9:54 AM by Gene

Start HUGGING yourself, PROF:

Some people wondered how long the major media would be willing to ignore the Christmas-in-Cambodia story. Well, the answer is in: at least 10 or 11 days. I first noticed the story August 6 on Glenn Reynolds's Instapundit blog. Soon it was all over the Internet....

DINGDINGDINGDINGDINGDINGDINGDINGDINGDINGDINGDINGDINGDINGDINGDINGDING!!!!!

Posted 8:54 AM by Gene

Unfortunately, in real life SLUTSVILLE is not that mirth-provoking.

Posted 8:46 AM by Gene

Ears where Jacko's nose comes from

Hey, if he's lucky someday soon he'll look like William Shatner in that old Mad Magazine satire of Star Trek.

Posted 8:26 AM by Gene

Shucks, a story about the Bible? Pray we can obfuscate one of history's greatest S------'s woes for awhile.

P. S. It's co-authored by James Dickey's son. I guess it should be called the Atheist's Guide to the Bible, then. (Although we shouldn't say atheist because every prominent news hack is HIS OWN GOD.)

P. P. S. OKAY okay, it's about religious artifacts and involves Iraq, which means James Dickey's son can challenge THE GLIBERAL to see who can imitate a stroke the best.

Posted 8:22 AM by Gene

Okay, I haven't surfed BLUNDER.com yet, but let me guess what ST. WARREN and MR. MARK have on the cover -- a story about how the Swifties, at best misguided and possibly EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEVIL, are trashing the election of one of the greatest men in the history of the -- well, we can't say S-----; DIP has instructed us not to -- so let's say one of the greatest statesmen in American history! Now to turn to the home page.

Posted 8:21 AM by Gene

These soup Nazis did something very unfunny -- except to many Frenchmen.

Posted 8:10 AM by Gene

Wait Mr. MY BUSINESS IS MY BUSINESS, you can't have it BOTH ways. (Then again on your royal tithe, you can.) It was EEEEEEEEEEVIL to hold back on all the money flowing into advertising when Republicans ruled the day. Now that liberals have found that loophole you complain they're spending money. That's what it boils down to, admit it. Alas for you BIZ, when a big-media super-zillionaire hypocrite tries to rearrange his spots he still looks like moldy laundry.