THE NEWS HACK'S CREED:
I know more than you.
I make lots more money than you.
I'm smarter than you.
I'm sexier than you.
I appear on TV all the time.
I work ten minutes a day.
I rule the universe.
I'm going to live forever.
You are an idiot.
THE NEWS HACK'S CREED, No. 2:
A lie isn't a lie when it tells THE TRUTH.
THE NEWS HACK'S CREED, No. 3:
I've come to realize that the looseness of the journalistic life, the seeming laxity of the newsroom, is an illusion. Yes, there's informality and there's humor, but beneath the surface lies something deadly serious. It is a code. Sometimes the code is not even written down, but it is deeply believed in. And, when violated, it is enforced with tribal ferocity.
--JOHN "OMERTA" CARROLL.
THE NEWS HACK'S CREED, No. 4:
News isn't news when we don't report it.
PERMALINKS:
THE NEWS HACKS' DICTIONARY
THE EUGENE DAVID GLOSSARY
AMERICA'S MOST UNINTENTIONALLY FUNNY WEB SITE!
Blogroll Me!
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Saturday, November 13, 2004
I do not know why I didn't mention this before: there was a now famous brutal murder in broad daylight last Sunday outside the Whole Foods store at 10th and South. That the street voted 99 to 1 for Kerry didn't prevent dozens from being bystanders. At the site that symbol of defeat and cheap sentiment has sprung up, a pile of dying flowers. The same people who call Bush a Nazi should hold their heads in momentary shame, though people's politics may not wholly be accountable; it's more that we're PEOPLE.
It was depressing to behold, amidst the bus-and-truck companies whose fumes now stink up the once revered Academy of Music, the news that Harvey Korman and Tim Conway will bring their Vegas act there in March -- depressing because their combined ages at show time will be 149. Korman will be four years shy of Groucho's age when he was all but paraded on a gurney at Carnegie Hall. This sort of traveling Ripley's routine refutes THE MASTER's line as being not worth seeing or going to see. Thirty-five years ago with Carol Burnett and Vicki Lawrence and Paul Weston, and a few guest stars -- definitely.
(Correction on 7/19/2008 at 1:50 p.m.: Paul Weston had nothing to do with Carol Burnett, alas; I thought he did as her CBS show was in some ways a successor to Danny Kaye's -- Harvey Korman appeared on both -- and Weston was its musical director.)
(Correction on 7/19/2008 at 1:50 p.m.: Paul Weston had nothing to do with Carol Burnett, alas; I thought he did as her CBS show was in some ways a successor to Danny Kaye's -- Harvey Korman appeared on both -- and Weston was its musical director.)
Bush Paints Rosy Picture of Iraq Situation
Jenny, wife of a LONGTIME DEMOCRATIC FUNCTIONARY, is back on the case.
THE ELECTION'S OVER. YOUR GUY LOST.
Jenny, wife of a LONGTIME DEMOCRATIC FUNCTIONARY, is back on the case.
THE ELECTION'S OVER. YOUR GUY LOST.
Daily News Publisher Mort Zuckerman has accused his pressmen's union of engaging in acts of "sabotage" that have caused massive problems and slowdowns at the paper's printing plant over the past 10 days.
Maybe they secretly work for RUPERT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Maybe they secretly work for RUPERT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
66 ABC affiliates didn't show ‘Ryan’
...The FCC received complaints about ABC’s broadcast....
Taaaaaaaaaaaaaaa-ta-taaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa....
So much for THAT patriotism.
And when a liberal paper owned by a circulation-inflating company with substantial interests in the broadcast biz screams CENSORSHIP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! you know it has its eyes squarely fixed on its BOTTOM LINE.
P. S. We're in this "MESS", STERNO, because your former bosses the TWXSTERS, among others (and with whom you'll have an UNBREAKABLE FEALTY until you die), are members of THE CONSPIRACY, which brought forth JACK'S INEDIBLE DISEASE-SPREADING ALPHABET SOUP, THE TRUE SOURCE OF THIS MESS.
...The FCC received complaints about ABC’s broadcast....
Taaaaaaaaaaaaaaa-ta-taaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa....
So much for THAT patriotism.
And when a liberal paper owned by a circulation-inflating company with substantial interests in the broadcast biz screams CENSORSHIP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! you know it has its eyes squarely fixed on its BOTTOM LINE.
P. S. We're in this "MESS", STERNO, because your former bosses the TWXSTERS, among others (and with whom you'll have an UNBREAKABLE FEALTY until you die), are members of THE CONSPIRACY, which brought forth JACK'S INEDIBLE DISEASE-SPREADING ALPHABET SOUP, THE TRUE SOURCE OF THIS MESS.
McCain: Kerry Not Returning My Calls
Pffh-hh-hh hh hh ha ha ha ha ha ha HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!!!!!!!!!!
Pffh-hh-hh hh hh ha ha ha ha ha ha HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!!!!!!!!!!
Friday, November 12, 2004
Suppose a cabinet member resigned and no one noticed?
Suppose a whole government department existed and no one noticed?
Wehell, glad to meet you there, mayor, uhhhhhhhhhhhhhh....
Suppose a whole government department existed and no one noticed?
Wehell, glad to meet you there, mayor, uhhhhhhhhhhhhhh....
More GENIUS in America's thea-TAH -- OR, onanism redefined:
Wall to Wall 12-Hour Marathon Concert to Honor Stephen Sondheim in 2005
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGHHHHHH!!!!!
Wall to Wall 12-Hour Marathon Concert to Honor Stephen Sondheim in 2005
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGHHHHHH!!!!!
When you're a fan, you're not being critical. And when you're not critical you're doing what most of the entertainment industry would die and go to heaven to see you do in first place: promote.
NEUHARTHISM, DEFINED -- but I wish the guy had named names instead of hiding things.
You can tell I've been hitting the ROMY again.
NEUHARTHISM, DEFINED -- but I wish the guy had named names instead of hiding things.
You can tell I've been hitting the ROMY again.
I wish I knew why the Scott Peterson case has so transfixed America. Maybe we don't want to know. Well, the jury reached a verdict, and it sounds just, and now we don't have to hear about this anymore -- until the next lurid overpublicized murder case.
And arguably far worse crimes than this have occured since.
And arguably far worse crimes than this have occured since.
The last word on THE ARAB WORLD'S HERO:
"Don't cry Zahwa. Your father never cried."
That's putting it mildly.
P. S.
President Bashar al-Assad of Syria and King Abdullah II of Jordan, both of whose fathers had long sparred with Mr. Arafat, attended, as did Crown Prince Abdullah of Saudi Arabia. The presidents of Algeria, Tunisia, Yemen, Sudan and Lebanon were there, along with a host of princes from the royal houses of the Gulf.
The corruption is INCALCULABLE.
P. P. S.
"What a shame, what a shame, Arafat's funeral was at the airport!"
We could have thought of several hundred better places, mostly subterranean -- but given Yasser was 9/11'S GODFATHER the location was quite apt.
"Don't cry Zahwa. Your father never cried."
That's putting it mildly.
P. S.
President Bashar al-Assad of Syria and King Abdullah II of Jordan, both of whose fathers had long sparred with Mr. Arafat, attended, as did Crown Prince Abdullah of Saudi Arabia. The presidents of Algeria, Tunisia, Yemen, Sudan and Lebanon were there, along with a host of princes from the royal houses of the Gulf.
The corruption is INCALCULABLE.
P. P. S.
"What a shame, what a shame, Arafat's funeral was at the airport!"
We could have thought of several hundred better places, mostly subterranean -- but given Yasser was 9/11'S GODFATHER the location was quite apt.
HOW NEUHARTHISM WORKS, DEUX: No euphemizing press release for a GENIUS can be complete without one of our favorite cliche-words -- in this case, EDGY.
SIX DIGITS FOR YOU, STEVE -- and GET LOST, AL!
SIX DIGITS FOR YOU, STEVE -- and GET LOST, AL!
HOW NEUHARTHISM WORKS: A moderately attractive actress with a cumbersome name stars in a movie we HAVE TO PLUG because IT OPENS THIS WEEKEND, so our star flack Claudia Pig -- PUIG has to call her "RED-HOT" and "A SAVVY HOLLYWOOD PLAYER."
Isn't it time to retire NEUHARTHISM with SOB?
P. S. Sometimes though, NEUHARTHISM doesn't work.
Isn't it time to retire NEUHARTHISM with SOB?
P. S. Sometimes though, NEUHARTHISM doesn't work.
ROMY, who waited for LONG, LONG DAYS on BLATHERGATE, posts RIGHT AWAY when Vice-President INSIDE's the subject of an EMBARRASSING PHOTO.
I think our hero finally has the HOTS for a CONSERVATIVE.
I think our hero finally has the HOTS for a CONSERVATIVE.
GREAT NEWS: COKE's wasting an extra $400 million -- that's $2.3 billion TOTAL -- of our COKE-DRINKING MONEY on CRAPPY TELEVISION!
I got a BRILLIANT IDEA, Coke: next year, sponsor CASTOR OIL -- and you (meaning WE) can pay for the FINES!
I got a BRILLIANT IDEA, Coke: next year, sponsor CASTOR OIL -- and you (meaning WE) can pay for the FINES!
Suha Arafat, who jealously guarded her husband's bedside during his final hours, brought his body home from France yesterday for burial — after sealing a deal that will make her a very rich widow.
Suha agreed to a settlement with the Palestinian Authority that will reportedly pay her as much as $22 million a year for divulging the secrets of her husband's fortune.
Nice work if you can get it!
BIG CAVEAT (besides the RUPERTIAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!! one):
According to one account in Corriere de la Serra....
??????????
Suha agreed to a settlement with the Palestinian Authority that will reportedly pay her as much as $22 million a year for divulging the secrets of her husband's fortune.
Nice work if you can get it!
BIG CAVEAT (besides the RUPERTIAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!! one):
According to one account in Corriere de la Serra....
??????????
More EXCELLENCE IN REPORTING!!!!!!!!!! from NEWSMAX!!!!!!!!!!:
NY TIMES SUGGESTS ARAFAT DIED OF AIDs!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! [sic]
NO IT DIDN'T. Here is what THE PAPER OF RECORD says -- in the ninth graf:
[L]ow platelet counts in the blood are a common finding in a wide range of afflictions, including severe infections, liver disease, end stage cancer and even AIDS.
We know ALL ABOUT the rumors that Yasser was GAY, and have no reason to doubt them, given how it would have raised his STANDING in the ARAB WORLD. But lacking solid evidence that he was, we should not speculate how he died -- unless, of course, you're NEWSMAX!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
That he killed thousands was bad enough.
NY TIMES SUGGESTS ARAFAT DIED OF AIDs!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! [sic]
NO IT DIDN'T. Here is what THE PAPER OF RECORD says -- in the ninth graf:
[L]ow platelet counts in the blood are a common finding in a wide range of afflictions, including severe infections, liver disease, end stage cancer and even AIDS.
We know ALL ABOUT the rumors that Yasser was GAY, and have no reason to doubt them, given how it would have raised his STANDING in the ARAB WORLD. But lacking solid evidence that he was, we should not speculate how he died -- unless, of course, you're NEWSMAX!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
That he killed thousands was bad enough.
Another pop-up truism from Forbes.com:
If 50 million people say a foolish thing, it is still a foolish thing.
--Anatole France
Yes, but these days it is likely to be an EXCEEDINGLY PROFITABLE foolish thing.
If 50 million people say a foolish thing, it is still a foolish thing.
--Anatole France
Yes, but these days it is likely to be an EXCEEDINGLY PROFITABLE foolish thing.
Judging from this CLAP-CLAP-CLAP in the Monitor I'd say Dubya just appointed the Secretary of Education to be attorney general.
DEAD GIVEAWAY: He's a "MODERATE" conservative.
DEAD GIVEAWAY: He's a "MODERATE" conservative.
Apparently not all the knee-jerk social conservatives that went into deep psychosis over P. R. MEL's MASTERWORK were reading off the same page when it came to the CRITICALLY- and SEN. McPAINALLY-ACCLAIMED CASTOR OIL.
Perhaps, then, the first tendrils of COMMON SENSE are wafting into the movement; you can't scream over MS. BOOB and then say THAT'S WAR and hope to get away with it. But common sense is something one does not associate with the REV. WILDMON, and DEFINITELY NOT with BRENTCORP.
Perhaps, then, the first tendrils of COMMON SENSE are wafting into the movement; you can't scream over MS. BOOB and then say THAT'S WAR and hope to get away with it. But common sense is something one does not associate with the REV. WILDMON, and DEFINITELY NOT with BRENTCORP.
That a reporter who has written at least one el-stinko press release for ESPNCorp ("HE'S the LEA-der OF the BRAND!!!!!") should take its side is unsurprising; that ESPNCorp's self-appointed saviors should have rubber-stamped everything MICKEYMOUSE NIXON did is not surprising either.
A plague o' BOTH your houses!
A plague o' BOTH your houses!
Sorry Michael, a low-key tyrant is still a tyrant; a non-megalomaniac controlling $100 billion in assets is a defacto megalomaniac.
Seven pages. They ought to revoke your privileges at The Four Seasons.
Seven pages. They ought to revoke your privileges at The Four Seasons.
Thursday, November 11, 2004
More exciting news from an EVER REVIVING THEA-TAH:
On Golden Pond Will Shimmer on Broadway in Spring 2005, With James Earl Jones and Leslie Uggams
On Golden Pond Will Shimmer on Broadway in Spring 2005, With James Earl Jones and Leslie Uggams
The bad news: Advertising's reverse pimps are throwing more of OUR MONEY at the networks than ever.
The good news: They're throwing fractionally less of it at prime time, soap operas and kiddie shows.
The good news: They're throwing fractionally less of it at prime time, soap operas and kiddie shows.
U.S. radio needs more, not less consolidation....
And ZONNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN's the man to do it!!!!!
Why can't you be the old soldier, ZONNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN, and just FADE AWAY?
And ZONNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN's the man to do it!!!!!
Why can't you be the old soldier, ZONNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN, and just FADE AWAY?
Here is a G000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000GLE News entry:
John Ashcroft's overdue departure
San Francisco Chronicle - 2 hours ago
John Ashcroft's overdue departure
San Francisco Chronicle - 2 hours ago
Why do we need newspapers and their multi-zillions of words when we don't even have to GUESS at the contents of things like this?
Judging from this just-posted summary TOENAIL.COM has said something about Yasser only once in the last two years, and we would expect the site that launched into RONALD REAGAN, HISTORY'S MOST EEEEEEEEEEEEEEVIL PRESIDENT to keep its mouth similarly bouched today.
Are the French flying their flags at half-staff?
Maybe they can celebrate THE HERO's noble legacy by painting swastikas on synagogues.
Maybe they can celebrate THE HERO's noble legacy by painting swastikas on synagogues.
Shawn knows nothing about the music scam, otherwise he'd realize the money from the big-name banshee screamers doesn't go into "the operating and advertising budgets of jazz, blues, and classical imprints" because those imprints have no budgets (and increasingly because the biggies have no such imprints). No, it merely goes into profits, and into financing more of the Johnny One-Notes (or in the case of [C]RAP, No-Notes) who wail eternally and guarantee we'll never be rid of NOISE POLLUTION.
The owners of the WORLD CHAMPION SOX are installing "a new irrigation system" at the BIG F.
With luck it can direct some water toward the Big Dig, thus making the taxpayers even more grateful.
The SOB is finally dead. Now is the time for NEWS HACKS to reclaim the right to rule over us that is theirs and proclaim a three-month mourning period.
Indeed it will be interesting to see how the scribblers handle this. The man was one of the great heroes of all time, rivaling Leni -- well, he was one of the all-time greats; but if we make him too great the bigoted JEWI -- some of our readers might take slight offense at it. The international press has surely gone off the deep end already. They can do what they please.
Will the networks show their softer side and air the funeral live?
Indeed it will be interesting to see how the scribblers handle this. The man was one of the great heroes of all time, rivaling Leni -- well, he was one of the all-time greats; but if we make him too great the bigoted JEWI -- some of our readers might take slight offense at it. The international press has surely gone off the deep end already. They can do what they please.
Will the networks show their softer side and air the funeral live?
Wednesday, November 10, 2004
ANOTHER GREAT POST ON FREE REPUBLIC!!!!!!!!!!:
New South Park episode tonight: Pre-School
I am very, very tempted to say something, but I won't.
New South Park episode tonight: Pre-School
I am very, very tempted to say something, but I won't.
Fed lifts rate to 2%
BULLETIN>>U.S. LOWERS TERROR ALERT FOR FINANCIAL SITES
Are these related?
I have no sympathy for anyone involved in this mess. The "nobody complains" excuse won't wash; I remember reading an article in the trade journal Restaurants and Institutions suggesting only a tiny fraction of those who have a bad experience in a restaurant complain. And broadcasters aren't restaurants; who can fight our REAL national city hall? What's more if Lucas Spielberg's Castor Oil can be shown at 7 p.m., anything can. (That may well have been MICKEYMOUSE NIXON's intent in the FIRST PLACE.) We may be highly doubtful that this Savior of Mankind voted for Dubya or any red-state candidate in His life. Finally, I must quote from THE MASTER, as always: Patriotism is the last refuge of a scoundrel.
TRANSLATION: Kellogg's CEO once again swaggers about the office braying he's a SHOW-BIZ BIG SHOT, frightening all of Battle Creek.
But it may be tough boasting that you know the stars of THIS movie, Carlos.
But it may be tough boasting that you know the stars of THIS movie, Carlos.
Sorry, Chuck, I predicted Rupert, Sumner et al would revive the ancient Roman gladiatorial games first.
And obviously from your comment about "lawyers" and "business administrators" you've read PETER BISKIND too. Where did you come from, Chuck? You didn't need a J. D. to junk up television.
Go back to playing bocce in France.
And obviously from your comment about "lawyers" and "business administrators" you've read PETER BISKIND too. Where did you come from, Chuck? You didn't need a J. D. to junk up television.
Go back to playing bocce in France.
Bush is not an idiot. Kofi Annan is not an oracle. Michael Moore is not Everyman. Women are not ovaries with feet. And to be an American is not an embarrassment.
Lest this sound like gloating....
And that's where most of the with-it media types who read The Cute Little Pink Paper will stop reading, thinking she is.
Lest this sound like gloating....
And that's where most of the with-it media types who read The Cute Little Pink Paper will stop reading, thinking she is.
"Directors are never to be trusted, remember that."
Neither are actors, writers, producers, the whole stinkin' lot of you -- certainly not after years of your genius and DEFINITELY not after this election.
Neither are actors, writers, producers, the whole stinkin' lot of you -- certainly not after years of your genius and DEFINITELY not after this election.
Tuesday, November 09, 2004
A big-name-Web-site columnist SCREEEEEEAMS, whereupon a SUPERDUPERMEGAGIGABLOGGER SCREEEEEEAMS, and of course what with all the SCREEEEEEAMING no one gets a word in edgewise, which in the end is the only purpose of these infantile SCREEEEEEAMING matches.
The story of Marsh & McLennan's layoffs is nothing but sad. One (especially one who is con-SER-vative) can point to Eliot "Ness" Spitzer as the cause. But if Marsh & McLennan had been ethical maybe it wouldn't be laying off people.
And in MORE brilliance from Toenail.com:
Go Ahead, Sleep With Your Dog
And, no, we don't mean it that way.
OR:
Let Sleeping Dogs Lie ... On Your Bed
Considering the source we won't touch those with a ten-foot leash.
Go Ahead, Sleep With Your Dog
And, no, we don't mean it that way.
OR:
Let Sleeping Dogs Lie ... On Your Bed
Considering the source we won't touch those with a ten-foot leash.
How Deep Is Arafat's Coma?: And how can doctors tell?
For starters they can yell, "Hey Yasser! Get up!"
For starters they can yell, "Hey Yasser! Get up!"
I wonder: are the Palis taking their time deciding if he's dead because they're going to put Yasser in a tomb like Lenin -- with a cryonic chamber?
The Reut says Yasser's died again.
I've a hunch they may be right this time, as the Reut never met a terro -- FREEDOM FIGHTER it didn't like.
I've a hunch they may be right this time, as the Reut never met a terro -- FREEDOM FIGHTER it didn't like.
And speaking of denial:
9/11 disaster payout set record, study says
It wasn't a disaster.
ANOTHER definition for THE NEWS HACKS' DICTIONARY.
9/11 disaster payout set record, study says
It wasn't a disaster.
ANOTHER definition for THE NEWS HACKS' DICTIONARY.
A lot of people think we can have a Second Civil War without guns.
I'm all for the idea provided the losers are charged with TREASON.
I'm all for the idea provided the losers are charged with TREASON.
It may be easier to dismantle an atomic bomb than to keep compulsive geeks from pirating bad music.
I'll support anything that will staunch the flow of deadly noise.
I'll support anything that will staunch the flow of deadly noise.
The home video divisions of Universal and Warner Brothers seem to be in a tug of war over who can release the best-produced box sets of vintage material.
Why not? They're making MASTERPIECES now.
Why not? They're making MASTERPIECES now.
Monday, November 08, 2004
Speaking of Slashdot (must give credit where it's due), STERNO's gonna be HOPPING MAD if and when he finds THIS. Unfortunately, Eric Engberg is right; much of the cutting-edge blogging on election night was so amateur in its execution Ted Mack wouldn't have put it on. (Although to call Andy S. "self-important" may be a form of self-censorship.) Unfortunately also, Ted Mack's show was on cBS, and your former colleagues, Eric, did a little two-left-foot tap dancing with the truth on their OWN.
This guy has a good point: you'll have bugs when one company runs the show regardless. Question: why must one company run the show?
Because its side lost, Toenail.com must now engage in industrial-strength SPINNNNNNNNNN.
By the way, what happened to THE SALE? Your prospects gone up since KERRY WON?
One thing I'd do before selling it at a fire-sale price to ST. WARREN or whomever: change that HED FONT. At some point Mike chose the most sinister looking font he could find knowing it would increase his site's ANNOYANCE FACTOR. Has it helped sell the site, Mike?
By the way, what happened to THE SALE? Your prospects gone up since KERRY WON?
One thing I'd do before selling it at a fire-sale price to ST. WARREN or whomever: change that HED FONT. At some point Mike chose the most sinister looking font he could find knowing it would increase his site's ANNOYANCE FACTOR. Has it helped sell the site, Mike?
Which puts us in mind of Arlen O'Specter. For years he could turn on the network news or unfold THE PAPER OF RECORD's front page and see his reflection, and gloat. Sorry O', THAT WON'T WORK ANYMORE.
SAMMY GLICKMAN!!!!!!!!!! Let's not mince words: Pixar shares slumped today in part because the company's masterwork didn't do quite as well as expected BECAUSE IT DIDN'T WANT A G RATING. (That it was CRITICALLY ACCLAIMED largely for that reason may not have helped.)
This is just a show-biz variant of what news hacks ALWAYS say: WE'D RATHER BE RIGHT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
This is just a show-biz variant of what news hacks ALWAYS say: WE'D RATHER BE RIGHT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
HHHHWWWWALTER CRRRRRRRRONKITE JR. is campaigning for Brian "Girlie Man" Williams's job in case he doesn't pan out.
Good luck, HHHHWWWWALTER. You'll need it.
Good luck, HHHHWWWWALTER. You'll need it.
Quote of the Day, Deux:
I laughed so hard I scared the cat.
I don't think they'll put that on your dust jacket there, White-Suited Tommy Boy.
I laughed so hard I scared the cat.
I don't think they'll put that on your dust jacket there, White-Suited Tommy Boy.
Sighhhhhhhhhhhhhhh, if only eBay were in blogging it could reach $300 a share by the end of the week.
Now the MORONS who speculate in such stocks will have to wait till the end of the month.
Now the MORONS who speculate in such stocks will have to wait till the end of the month.
The Web has turned bargain hunting into a competitive sport.
(Maybe I was wrong about the Journals Online, hmmmmmmmm?)
P. S. I know, I know, the link expires in five days, but I had to put it up for reference.
(Maybe I was wrong about the Journals Online, hmmmmmmmm?)
P. S. I know, I know, the link expires in five days, but I had to put it up for reference.
First you get down on your knees,
Fiddle with your rosaries,
Bow your head with great respect, and --
Genuflect! Genuflect! Genuflect!
Looks like being trendy has finally caught up with the Roman Catholic church.
Fiddle with your rosaries,
Bow your head with great respect, and --
Genuflect! Genuflect! Genuflect!
Looks like being trendy has finally caught up with the Roman Catholic church.
Bad news for those of us who want the WALL STREET JOURNALS ONLINE FREE: We have CBS Marketwatch. What are we missing?
There are few things more wrong than yesterday's political punditry.
P. S. "Whutayver hayppened teoo HAYOOWEERD STERRRRRRN?"
P. P. S. Except the wrong link I left up for ten hours.
P. S. "Whutayver hayppened teoo HAYOOWEERD STERRRRRRN?"
P. P. S. Except the wrong link I left up for ten hours.
Well, Peter is very smart. And I believe Peter will do what's in good taste and proper for the Met. I don't think he would attempt to popularize a standard work, because, first of all, it won't work. In the record business you can do certain things that you cannot do in an opera house.
Didn't somebody write an "OPERA" about Jerry Springer?
Didn't somebody write an "OPERA" about Jerry Springer?
COMMON SENSE PROHIBITED: I was at my salsa-dispensing Mickey D's for breakfast when I saw a computer-printed obituary notice affixed to the Employee of the Month plaque. It was affixed with two round stickers marked "Grilled."
That the Mick needs no common sense can be gleaned from its sales, and its stock price.
That the Mick needs no common sense can be gleaned from its sales, and its stock price.
I see the Imagineering Goodthings people PIONEERED using Indians for customer service. They're spinning that business off to get into some other scam. Can there be any doubt GE Bancorp is nothing more than a sleazy pile of easily tradable assets?
Quote of the day:
Among the legacy media, the mood is what it must have been inside the Kremlin the day after the Berlin Wall fell.
Among the legacy media, the mood is what it must have been inside the Kremlin the day after the Berlin Wall fell.
Sunday, November 07, 2004
Another NEWS report straight from a press release. Loews (or as it was once punctuated, Loew's) was the powerhouse in entertainment; it owned MGM. (That was before it became a powerhouse in insurance and cigarettes (!!!!!) .) Now a bunch of tacky movie houses bought and spun off how many times (and no relation to its namesake) boasts that Loews's (or Loew's's) sole reason for being was to start ELVIS'S career.
We need to know more of this sleazeball industry's past to try to change its future, but as always the biz' history is written by dimwits and toadies and liars.
We need to know more of this sleazeball industry's past to try to change its future, but as always the biz' history is written by dimwits and toadies and liars.
SO, Suha gets to inherit all of Yasser's graft!
I'm sure KOFI's signed off on it.
Then again....
[A]pparently even she does not know all the ins and outs of the secret accounts. Al-Jazeera reported that she asked [his "financial adviser" Mohammed] Rashid to make out a list of Arafat's assets and that he refused, saying he would report only to the Palestinian Authority.
Maybe Yasser's promised some of it for his FRIENDS.
I'm sure KOFI's signed off on it.
Then again....
[A]pparently even she does not know all the ins and outs of the secret accounts. Al-Jazeera reported that she asked [his "financial adviser" Mohammed] Rashid to make out a list of Arafat's assets and that he refused, saying he would report only to the Palestinian Authority.
Maybe Yasser's promised some of it for his FRIENDS.
Speaking of X. Rea Vision, how many heavily-hyped games turn out to be BLOWOUTS?
Every year at this time, in a rite as familiar as the passing of seasons, where instead of leaves turning red and gold the old bird-cage liner turns brown, a mechanical scribbler of the sort that used to byline himself Steven X. Rea will gas (remembering that his calling is the real-estate columnist's, and if it's real estate it's GOTTA BE GOOD) that we're in for a veritable FEAST of movies, and he must inevitably and especially belch of FOOD. Only he forgets the story of the day Sam Goldwyn married the silent-screen stars Vilma Banky and Rod LaRocque. (To think they were famous once!) Everything was going smoothly and quotably until the huge wedding feast, when one of the invited flacks bit into the food and found it tasted of papier mache. All the food was fake, but what to expect in a world of make believe? (Happily the marriage worked in real life.)
Of course for our time this is an imperfect metaphor. Let us liken the box-office hits to fast food -- mass-produced, barely edible and forgettable -- and the news hack favorites, the arthouse flicks, to an elaborate dish prepared tableside by a master chef, full of flame and gesticulation, and maybe with a violinist getting the food in the mood, and all you're served is a very beautiful plate with a very tiny serving of very expensive viands that are very heavily and disagreeably spiced.
And for nearly every meal, MOVIE AD-BLURB COPYWRITERS LIKE STEVEN X. REA AWARD THREE STARS IN MICHELIN.
Of course for our time this is an imperfect metaphor. Let us liken the box-office hits to fast food -- mass-produced, barely edible and forgettable -- and the news hack favorites, the arthouse flicks, to an elaborate dish prepared tableside by a master chef, full of flame and gesticulation, and maybe with a violinist getting the food in the mood, and all you're served is a very beautiful plate with a very tiny serving of very expensive viands that are very heavily and disagreeably spiced.
And for nearly every meal, MOVIE AD-BLURB COPYWRITERS LIKE STEVEN X. REA AWARD THREE STARS IN MICHELIN.
A lot of hot air has been expended over the years about the allegedly deep psychosocial implications of both football and baseball and the meaning of all that....
Be careful, Jonathan Yardley. You contribute to a paper that helps underwrite GEORGE "MY BUSINESS IS MY BUSINESS AND PART OF MY BUSINESS IS PUFFING BASEBALL FOR MY BENEFIT" WILL, who might not take it too kindly that he belches hot air, even if he often does.
Pro football came to be regarded as "a conservative sport," all the more so when Richard M. Nixon effectively appointed himself First Fan....
It's all-American in another sense as well: It's gone corporate....Football's clientele over the past three decades has become "more corporate, more affluent, and more white." Indisputably it's now America's game, but whether it's still the people's game is another question.
That's because it will ALWAYS be a con-SER-vative sport.
Be careful, Jonathan Yardley. You contribute to a paper that helps underwrite GEORGE "MY BUSINESS IS MY BUSINESS AND PART OF MY BUSINESS IS PUFFING BASEBALL FOR MY BENEFIT" WILL, who might not take it too kindly that he belches hot air, even if he often does.
Pro football came to be regarded as "a conservative sport," all the more so when Richard M. Nixon effectively appointed himself First Fan....
It's all-American in another sense as well: It's gone corporate....Football's clientele over the past three decades has become "more corporate, more affluent, and more white." Indisputably it's now America's game, but whether it's still the people's game is another question.
That's because it will ALWAYS be a con-SER-vative sport.
Hmmm, are our pals the Palis and their pallies the Frenchies covering up Yasser's true condition???
AS IF.
AS IF.
Some IDIOTS ON MOTORCYCLES have been rumbling around Center City for at least fifteen minutes. I'm sorry, loud motorcycles ought to be treated like BOOM CARS, and their owners PUNISHED ACCORDINGLY.