Eugene David ...The One-Minute Pundit |
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Saturday, April 02, 2005
I am listening now to a transcendent recording of Beethoven's little-known Cantata on the Death of Emperor Joseph II, among other choral works, and despite its secular subject it does seem appropriate for a day like this.
I learned it wasn't my hard drive, but there's a device conflict someplace, meaning my computer won't work in anything but Safe Mode, which means I'm going to have to get a new one anyway -- I rather expected that -- but despite Safe Mode and possible nasty creepy crawlies and no one paying attention to me anyhow I had to post something now -- on a dank and gloomy day in more ways than one -- and if this isn't too good at least I can blame 640 x 480 resolution.
We now see one of the most forward-looking acts in history was the appointment of a certain Polish cardinal to Pope. The choice of John Paul II boldly stated that the head of the Catholic Church was not a figurehead; he spoke for humankind. In short order this Pope displayed his courage and strength by taking on Poland's dictators, the shove that began the toppling of the long row of empty decrepit dominoes that was Communism in Europe. But in his long and fruitful pontificate we expected courage and strength from this man, as he relentlessly challenged the forces of nihilism and decadence -- and when this Pope spoke for the sanctity of human life, and for the primacy of marriage, and against the Frankensteining of mankind, one knew the force of his message by the long and loud boos they occasioned, boos drowned out by the cheering crowds of the numberless numbers in his many travels. Who was he but the Polish Solzhenitsyn of the cloth, boldly chastising man for his blithe acceptance of evil? But the message was never too caustic because he expressed it with love. To his everlasting credit he made sure the word of God wouldn't be cooped up in a museum in a state within Rome. One may argue all his travels were a weakness; the more he traveled, the less the Pope --or rather, the office of the Pope -- had the aura, the mystery we expect from a mighty holy leader -- and there's no denying too that in his last years his papacy, weighted down with his own increasing frailty, suffered from a kind of incoherence, and at times completely devoid of nuance, as he blasted homosexuality while his Church remained deaf to the growing sex-abuse disaster in America, and through his inability to see that war, for all its evil, is sometimes a necessary one. We will forget the failings soon enough. This Pope was the living embodiment of the Declaration of Independence -- he endorsed life, he strove for liberty, and he never faltered in his epochal conviction that the real pursuit of happiness can only come through Jesus. Terri Schiavo, the Pope -- God is delivering us a message, but we are too stupid or full of ourselves to comprehend it. His successor will have a huge hat to fill. If he is half as energetic as the man whom the world now mourns, he will be a successful Pope indeed. Friday, April 01, 2005
Three hits today. ANYBODY OUT THERE?
Makes me wonder how many hits I'll get this weekend.
This will cheer up those of us who are single:
I think I'd rather have a cute behind.
Freep Post of the Day:
Pope John Paul II is Dead (FOX Now reporting Heart/Brain still functioning) T'aint funny, McGee.
"Tiger Woods has signed a long-term deal with Apple Computers as Mac OS X 'Tiger' spokesperson. He's apparently trying to align himself with the 'best brands' in each market, and Apple just seemed like the right pick."
Slashdot's nerds must be scratching their heads and asking, "Tiger who?" Does this mean Apple has peaked?
Obviously VERY MAD that MR. MARK did such a SUPERB SELLING JOB with LEGENDARY WELCH, the TWXSTERS' rag (South Seas edition) strikes back by declaring Prince Rainier prematurely dead!
There's NOTHING LIKE COMPETITION with NEWSRAGS.
Schiavo Case Brings Talk of Issues
"Really tough decisions" involving what-if scenarios become a hot topic of conversation You mean like what happens when an EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEVIL Congressman from TEXAS pulls the plug?
ROMY (I know, I know) has a most unusual juxtaposition today! First he posts:
Critic: Let's stop pretending journalism is made by machines National Journal THEN he posts: Journos have a love-hate relationship with "quote machines" American Journalism Review So! JERNALISM IS made by machines!
I know we shouldn't speculate on such things, especially now, but I would bet the next Pope is African or Asian. John Paul has made much of evangelizing in the third world, and given the likes of MR. LAW it is hard to imagine a credible figure coming from the First.
WHATABURGLAR pleads GUILTY!
His punishment -- he gets slapped ten times with a damp copy of THE PAPER OF RE-CORD!
Well, for what it's worth (not much) I won't be blogging this weekend. My nearly-five-year-old Dell Dimension 4100 with Windows Millenium Edition went kerflooey -- I think I led to its demise by not being sure how to delete INTERNET FILES, so they built up and built up, so I clicked on the radio button to delete the offline files, and it took twenty minutes, and that may have been too much for my hard drive, which has taken a lot. So rather than try to fix something I probably can't I'll just ante up for new, though I hope I can salvage the few worthwhile files and dirty pictures (chuckle chuckle). I was going to buy a computer anyway in the fall, and it's never pleasant to do something with such unpleasant prodding. On the other hand, after more than two years and no notice it will be interesting to take several days off from creating slogans nobody reads.
Thursday, March 31, 2005
NEUTRON JACK sells on 60 Minutes. HANOI JANE sells on 60 Minutes.
I feel that louse and a flea line coming on. Why must Viacon Network News be in the bug-breeding biz?
An -- odd juxtaposition for ESPNCorp Network News's Web site:
Ted Koppel to Leave ABC News [heded, by the way, as an "ENTERTAINMENT" story] Studies Show Rats Enjoy Tickling
The time has come to amend the Constitution to allow for the DIRECT ELECTION of the SUPREME COURT, with TERM LIMITS. In writing our Constitution the Founding Fathers did all sorts of things suggesting, for all their brilliance and insight, they didn't think enough -- no Bill of Rights (in the original), no clear means of Presidential succession, the Electoral College. They further assumed that a brilliant man like John Adams would always be around to appoint a brilliant man like John Marshall, and all would be well. They never figured on nakedly political defenses of the indefensible like Dred Scott and Plessy v. Ferguson. They never ventured on the Supremes as a concerted partisan force, on reactionaries so dead set in their rulings they could move an FDR to his foolish court-packing scheme. They never imagined the court as a second legislature, engaged in social engineering and "justice" through international law. They never foresaw a William Rehnquist showing up for arguments with a hole in his throat, trying to prove to the world he was WELL with terminal cancer. The time has come to put these long-winded fingers in the air in their place. Since the Nine Fingers are invariably engaged in politics, let's make it official and have them run for office with party affiliations. This way too they don't get to be cutesy-pie and avoid direct discussion of the issues. Moreover the notion of the permanent appointment is an anachronism harkening to the days when the Founders still quaked with memories of British tyranny. Our government is already big enough that we have it permanently, and BIGMEDIA help out with their own. No, let the Nine Fingers be accountable just like anyone else, if government officials can any longer be so held. Give the people the right to determine our justice system. We're not that stupid -- at least we're no more stupid than men who obfuscate for a living.
"Phantom" DVD to Have Four Hours of Extra Features
TRANSLATION: The movie BOMBED so we'll just stuff the video with all the outtakes.
THIS IS THE FIFTH AND LAST TIME I LINK TO SOMETHING LINKED FROM ROMY. When will these cretins realize they could print every blasted page in full color, and use all-single-syllable words, and prohibit anyone over 25 from reading, and turn every last page over to POP CUL-TYURE press releases and anything someone's decided is HIP, and it would never change the press's UNCHANGEABLE BIAS AND TORPOR AND CONTEMPT FOR ITS READERS? Because there's no conceivable way the industry can change rapidly -- and more to the point, attract disaffected CONSERVATIVES -- the industry's bound to increasingly fail.
A postscript to a certain story, from the geeks of Slashdot:
Nilchii writes "The Guardian has an article about implanting electrodes in the brain, allowing paralyzed people to control various software-integrated devices, such as the cursor on a computer and the channel and volume of his television. From the article: 'The experiment took place a few months ago as part of a broader trial into what are known in the business as brain-computer interfaces. Although it is early days, aficionados of the technology see a world where brain implants return ability to those with disability, allowing them to control all manner of devices by thought alone.'" The BBC has coverage of this as well, and we've mentioned this research before. I'm not crazy about the Frankensteining of humans, but I'm not crazy about judges, people whose job titles include the word ethics, and NEWS HACKS playing God either.
THE NAZI RIGHT WILL KILL BUB!!!!!
Honest, Romy, that you've inspired four posts today does not mean you're scintillating, it means you have an uncanny way of seeking out what's risible in the news biz, and that your brain has the consistency and pliability of reinforced concrete.
With LORD KOPPEL OF ESPNDOM retiring that means NIGHTLIGHT or whatever it's called will retire, which means late-night "comedians" to beyond the horizon, which means (and we'll be getting lots of this on the magical day in December) THE DEATH OF NEWS.
P. S. He's not retiring, actually -- he's just quitting ESPNCorp. One guesses in time he and his NIGHTSHIFT partner Tom will acquire a few foundation (and TAX) dollars and do what GOD did, build an Everest he can scale regularly to hector the CONSERVATIVES, whom he'll feel less of a compunction not to anger, if he ever had one.
Aw SHUCKS ROMY, here we're expecting you to treat us to a year-long extension of the period of mourning for THE GREAT GONZO, and instead you link to a piece that says NEWS HACKS almost intentionally played down the suicide angle. What hope can we have for the CW if you won't uphold it as you always do?
Thankfully your link says nothing of suicide. CW LIVES!
More of that FAMOUS ROMY WISDOM from an ALTERNARAG (Peeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee-U!!):
"Journalism is an attempt by people who are independent of other institutions to understand and explain the world to people." This from an ULTRA-PC JERNALISM PROF who thinks BUSH=HIT...oh never mind. Of course nobody in this biz is "independent." Bob has his ideological crutches like NOAM, RUPERT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!S have their ideological crutches like SNIDELY WHIPLASH, and Bob and RUPERT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! are agreed on the essential: THE PUBLIC BE DAMNED. WE'D RATHER DEMAGOGUE.
I think we should pay GREAT ATTENTION to the fact that a FORMER U. S. SENATOR (a DEMOCRAT), a FORMER DEPUTY U. S. AMBASSADOR to the LEAGUE OF NATIONS, and a FORMER AMBASSADOR to SIERRA LEONE (under SLICK) are OPPOSED to this COWARDLY NOMINATION.
Yep, some people wither and die when subjected to PLAIN SPEAKING. Arthur A. Hartman, ambassador to France and the Soviet Union under Presidents Carter and Reagan and assistant secretary of state for European affairs under President Nixon...James F. Leonard, deputy ambassador to the U.N. in the Ford and Carter administrations; Princeton [!] N. Lyman, ambassador to South Africa and Nigeria under Presidents Reagan, George H.W. Bush and Clinton; Monteagle [!!] Stearns, ambassador to Greece and Ivory Coast in the Ford, Carter and Reagan administrations; and Spurgeon M. Keeny Jr. [!!!], deputy director of the Arms Control Agency in the Carter administration.... All say ka-ka-ka-ka-ka-ka-ka-ka-ka-ka-CHING!
NEWS HACKS, JUDGES AND BIOETHICISTS WIN!!!!! YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY!!!!!
Okay BUB, you got the MONEY, but one thing we hope you may have trouble finding is PEACE OF MIND. Waiting for that AUTOPSY of yours, BUB. One good thing: we won't have to hear this story any more -- at least until the AUTOPSY.
The KNIGHTRIDDER (pffffffffft!) CW (and the NEWS HACKS' CW) is that Mr. Acquit was a GREAT CIVIL-RIGHTS LEADER, second only to Dr. King.
I SAY IT'S SPINACH, AND I SAY THE HELL WITH IT. Hey why don't you start that A&E TAB in PHILLY, KNIGHT? If it'll put a paper or two of yours OUT OF BIZ.
The NEXT BIG RENDELLISM: ROCK CONCERTS.
Well ROCK CONCERTS give a city ELAN. And ELAN is what you need to attract TOURISTS. AND TOURISTS are what you need to hire all the MAIDS and JANITORS and BELLHOPS and DISHWASHERS you need to bring a city into da 21ST-CENTURY ECONOMY.
USAOKAY!!!!! says CEO PAY'S ZOOMING TO THE STRATOSPHERE (and you have to wonder if it's a good or a bad thing as it 's something we can NEUHARTH about). BUT:
Board consultants contend CEO pay would have been even higher if not for more diligence. "Directors are giving a lot more consideration to what they're handing out," says Blair Jones of Sibson Consulting. Veteran board consultant Ira Kay of Watson Wyatt agrees. "Keep in mind that what executives are asking for is quite a bit more than what compensation committees are giving. So it could have been worse." In other words, instead of getting $50 mill, they could have gotten $200 mill. I'm impressed. Where's CALPERS when you need it?
EDYUKAYSHUN IN TAKSACHEWSETS:
The state plans to investigate billions worth of school building construction across the state for budgets far beyond the amounts the state originally approved and extravagant spending on routine items. Oh, you were expecting things on BUDGET in EDYUKAYSHUN?
Oh dear oh dear, those bigoted reactionary Catholics are starting a religious order to fight -- ABORTION -- and EUTHANASIA.
There is only one answer, OMERTA: SLANT MORE!
A federal jury in New Orleans yesterday determined that the city's first black district attorney discriminated against dozens of white employees in January 2003 by summarily replacing them with black employees days after he took office.
A certain kind of knee-jerk liberal will NEVER find THIS type of prejudice objectionable. Wednesday, March 30, 2005
Patrick Kennedy Will Not Run for Senate
Shucks, the WHOLE WORLD was rooting for you, Pat -- and I was hoping for a good laugh.
ANOTHER ROMY HERO:
Student hits Weekly Standard's Kristol with pie during talk [Romy's hed] UNFORTUNATELY: Most in audience embarrassed by student's action Naz -- REACTIONARY RIGHT-WING RED STATERS! (I see someone from this college has briefly glanced at my blog. I don't want you folks to think I think anything bad of you for being embarrassed -- I have a way with heavy-handed irony -- but certain PUNDITS have this habit of cogitating with their KNEES, and said pie-thrower may be immortalized tomorrow by THE GLIBERAL, or JOE CON-ASON, or someone else of that extremely enlightened ILK.)
WHY IS KADIDDLEBLOG WORKING?????
We may have to create a special NEUHARTHISM category for David Lieberman. Amazing how hacks like this have marketing on the brain -- all they can do is translate any cultural property into numbers. And because they think only in numbers they make their READERS think in numbers, which means in time we don't consider a drecky cultural artifact like this for its smell, we consider it for its PROFIT MARGIN. What's more, the home-page tease uses the annoying word "BRAND."
David Lieberman, AL NEUHARTH $ALUTE$ YOU!!!!!
"Tom tends to push things to the very outer limit," said Representative Christopher Shays, a Connecticut Republican who has often opposed Mr. DeLay. "When you push things to the outer limit, you give your detractors the opportunity to criticize you and make charges against you."
TRANSLATION: C-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-count me in! Which is worse: a LAW-SKIRTING SLEAZEBALL like SNIDELY WHIPLASH, or a PREENING CHICKEN like CHRIS SHAYS?
MLS Beginning New Season With New Names
Which brings up an idea: if the NHL ever gets started it should have a new name -- the National Lockout League. If this were the NFL this would be an extra $200 billion.
EIGHTEEN HOURS. NEXT TIME, KADIDDLEBLOG, COULD WE KEEP IT DOWN A WHOLE WEEK?
I'm STILL leaving.
St. Warren may have one of the feathers plucked from his pure white wings. What shall he -- and we -- do?
For starters, buy insurance from someone else. Tuesday, March 29, 2005
Ask not at whom the finger points -- it points at THEE.
Thanks for what it's WORTH, Wall Street JOURNALS.
After another lengthy blackout thanks to ELECTRICITY and CHEAP SERVERS, I'm announcing (for all three of you who pay attention) I will soon abandon this blog for a new one, to be administered by a pay blogging service. I have no choice; nowhere does the old saw "you get what you pay for" apply more than in blogging, and after two years of KADIDDLEBLOG's short circuits I have finally said ENOUGH. I'm not sure where I'll go to, but I'll say this: it'll be MILES AWAY FROM KADIDDLEBLOG and G000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000GLE.
I know this spitball-lobbing contest between the POST!!!!!!!!!! and DA NOOZ is supposed to be funny, but the humor of it's beyond me. How many papers use dubious tricks to boost their circulations? And NOOZIES, you aren't beyond suspicion yourselves -- you just staged A SWEEPSTAKES. I'd bet newspapers overstate their circulations by up to twenty percent. If we can't believe their NUMBERS why should we believe their CONTENTS?
See E. J., here is why we HATE news hacks: you say you really really really want to do good, but then you whine and pout and blame the other guy, and when people point to your faults you deny everything. In short, you and your friends in closed-mindedness (on BOTH sides) earn huge sums just to say, "I'm right and they're wrong." If that's all you hacks are capable of -- we know with you it is -- why don't you retire, or get a job with CNN, and let somebody replace you who might see enemies on BOTH sides.
And a big fat DEMERIT to the drone who wrote that misleading hed; we thought for once we might get something different. Something DIFFERENT from ST. WARREN? Monday, March 28, 2005
Now, and I thank this blogger, we know the "secret" behind KADIDDLEBLOG'S "SUCCESS" -- CHEAP MACHINES.
@#$%*& KADIDDLEBLOG!!!!!
From the Professor's site:
I know he merely acts as a platform for Blogads, but is it so wise for a law professor to be endorsing what after all is trademark infringement? This isn't an obvious parody of a trademark that one might excuse on satiric grounds, this is a flat out expropriation of someone's intellectual property. I have no brief for PepsiCo (with its PROUD MEMBERSHIP in the AMERICAN SOCIETY OF WILLFULLY IGNORANT ADVERTISERS and once-financing of HEZBOLLAH TV I've heaped it with SCORN) nor animus for the GOP, but if stealing music is a crime so is stealing a trademark. And this, sad to say, IS stealing, and what's more, stealing for PROFIT.
US Chief Justice Went to Hospital for Tube Problem
I will say nothing about this hed other than that it's rich in irony.
As TOENAIL.COM has for some unfathomable reason not run a piece entitled, "Will you die already?", we get Sen. McPain (D-AZ) as a "moderate." This may not be the height of ST. WARRENIAN WISDOM these folks think it is, for according to my News Hacks' Dictionary, moderate means liberal.
And as for clout, can Senators with such frumpy faces REALLY have any?
TONE-DEAF MICKEY D'S DOES PAYOLA!!!!!
In other news of bloated corporate bureaucracies that finance JUNK TELEVISION, JUNK SURVEY SAID -- 46% OF POLL RESPONDENTS SAY GENERAL MOTORS CAN'T BE FIXED But these are ad-agency types, and they should know. THEY HELPED BREAK IT.
I said I wouldn't mention WOODSTER the PERV until his next release in three months, but ArtsJournal.com also did a GOOD THING and linked to this:
In a sense, Allen's Manhattan has become a cultural prison-island, where you can check in but never leave and where the collective guilt isn't criminal behavior, it's self-absorption and haute pretentiousness. The morality is relative: Extramarital affairs and hypocrisy, for instance, are punch lines and realistic quandaries rather than sins. This climate is as rarefied and anemic as the way these New Yorkers most likely consider Appalachian life: an inbred inflexibility to outside ideas, a feeling of insular sanctimoniousness. Allen's New Yorkers may not twang tinny guitars in the mountains, but they clamor to watch Bartok string quartets with similarly reflexive reverence. There, I've said it: Woody Allen's people have become urbane rednecks. Would this also apply to OUTER NEW YORKS as well?
ArtsJournal.com HAS to find us ANOTHER RICHARD "GUNS CAUSE COLUMBINES" CORLISS, and he's a soon-to-be-SocSec-eligible ROCK AD-BLURB COPYWRITER:
From the ancient Greeks up through opera, folk songs, detective novels and television, entertainment media have focused on excess, that is, behavior beyond normal standards, as a way of making a point. Audiences get this. Rap audiences get this. If violent lyrics really had the direct impact its critics warn about, America's streets would be knee-deep in dead rap fans - just as movie theaters would have been knee-deep in corpses after "Beverly Hills Cop" and living rooms every Sunday night after "Deadwood." So! [C]RAP is as good as "the ancient Greeks, opera, folk songs, and detective novels" at the very LEAST. And Dave, that knee-deep gag is NOT original. Just because you and your fellow hermetically-sealed adjective spewers like [C]RAP for reasons largely PC and reverse-snobbish doesn't mean I have to like it. And YES potential AARP member, I know ALL ABOUT REV, and to me he's STILL a DEMAGOGUE, but even DEMAGOGUES CAN OCCASIONALLY BE RIGHT.
And speaking of NEWS HACKS, the former president of GE Bancorp Network News SPEAKS:
...[N]o one disagrees that Grokster is bad. Q. What makes it so bad? A. Their business is based on stealing.... You stand corrected. Their business is based on stealing ILLEGALLY. YOUR business is based on stealing LEGALLY.
David "P" Shaw blows a FUSE:
BLOGGERS require no journalistic experience. All they need is computer access and the desire to blog. There are other, even important differences between bloggers and mainstream journalists, perhaps the most significant being that bloggers pride themselves on being part of an unmediated medium, giving their readers unfiltered information. And therein lies the problem. When I or virtually any other mainstream journalist writes something, it goes through several filters before the reader sees it. At least four experienced Times editors will have examined this column, for example. They will have checked it for accuracy, fairness, grammar, taste and libel, among other things. Which explains why every America's news organizations make untold errors and slant endless slants EVERY SINGLE DAY -- to audiences vastly larger than even KOS'S. If I'm careless — if I am guilty of what the courts call a "reckless disregard for the truth" — The Times could be sued for libel … and could lose a lot of money. Or we could be careless for a HIGHER TRUTH -- your boss is OMERTA -- and merely annoy our readers into canceling their subscriptions (fat chance). Besides for every libel suit are hundreds of advertisers willing to finance your rag's fearsome BIASES and PREJUDICES. Blogging won't cure cancer. But the way it's practiced these days NEITHER WILL JERNALISM.
An NRO contributor endorses a Web site for old operating systems and software programs. Why? "'To discourage the use of spyware by software companies' and to 'show the industry your dissatisfaction with these types of business practices.'"
Oooooooooooh, WALTER "SPYWARE" WINCHELL!!!!!!!!!!, THEY DON'T LIKE YOU!
SHUCKS, all that LEGENDARY selling for a LEGENDARY CEO by the LEGENDARY editor of a LEGENDARY magazine, and the LEGENDARY Amazon.com only ranks LEGENDARY WELCH'S MASTERWORK at 676?
FIRE THE WHOLE STAFF OF BLUNDER!!!!! Sunday, March 27, 2005
So bitter and vindictive is the family feud over whether Terri Schiavo lives or dies that her husband and parents couldn't even agree on what priest should administer last rites or what should happen to her body after death.
Why not? This has transcended the personal into cheap, sleazy politics. We ceased long ago talking about a frail human being and started talking into our belly buttons. As I've said, this is a typical story for our time -- no heroes, and one all-purpose victim.
THOMAS JEFFERSON ON THE PRESS:
"The basis of our governments being the opinion of the people, the very first object should be to keep that right; and were it left to me to decide whether we should have a government without newspapers or newspapers without a government, I should not hesitate a moment to prefer the latter. But I should mean that every man should receive those papers and be capable of reading them." --Jefferson to Edward Carrington, 1787. "From forty years' experience of the wretched guess-work of the newspapers of what is not done in open daylight, and of their falsehood even as to that, I rarely think them worth reading, and almost never worth notice." --Jefferson to James Monroe, 1816. "The only security of all is in a free press. The force of public opinion cannot be resisted when permitted freely to be expressed. The agitation it produces must be submitted to. It is necessary, to keep the waters pure." --Jefferson to Lafayette, 1823. "I deplore...the putrid state into which our newspapers have passed and the malignity, the vulgarity, and mendacious spirit of those who write for them... These ordures are rapidly depraving the public taste and lessening its relish for sound food. As vehicles of information and a curb on our funtionaries, they have rendered themselves useless by forfeiting all title to belief....This has, in a great degree, been produced by the violence and malignity of party spirit." --Jefferson to Walter Jones, 1814. "The press [is] the only tocsin of a nation. [When it] is completely silenced... all means of a general effort [are] taken away." --Jefferson to Thomas Cooper, Nov 29, 1802. "The man who never looks into a newspaper is better informed than he who reads them, inasmuch as he who knows nothing is nearer to truth than he whose mind is filled with falsehoods and errors. He who reads nothing will still learn the great facts, and the details are all false." --Jefferson to John Norvell, 1807. "To preserve the freedom of the human mind... and freedom of the press, every spirit should be ready to devote itself to martyrdom; for as long as we may think as we will and speak as we think, the condition of man will proceed in improvement." --Jefferson to William Green Munford, 1799. "Advertisements... contain the only truths to be relied on in a newspaper." --Jefferson to Nathaniel Macon, 1819. "Our liberty cannot be guarded but by the freedom of the press, nor that be limited without danger of losing it." --Jefferson to John Jay, 1786. "As for what is not true, you will always find abundance in the newspapers." --Jefferson to Barnabas Bidwell, 1806. We should note that most of his huzzahs to the press date from before, and most of his boos date from after, a Jefferson flack named Callender, feeling slighted, "reported" that Jeff had had relations with a slave. One of the great Jefferson's unfortunate flaws was his ability to take multiple positions on any topic, and for that reason it is surprising the NEWS HACKS don't cite him more often. With L'Affaire Hemings he'd be the perfect spokesman. P. S. Oh well, he DID say this: "Weighing all probabilities of expense as well as of income, there is reasonable ground of confidence that we may now safely dispense with...the postage on newspapers...to facilitate the progress of information." --Jefferson, First Annual Message, 1801. Hear THAT, Wall Street Journals? Hear THAT, PINCH? (A thank you to Eyler Robert Coates Sr. for having compiled this.)
CODES OF ETHICS (OR, Rules WERE Made to be BROKEN):
Journalists must avoid impropriety and the appearance of impropriety as well as any conflict of interest or the appearance of conflict. They should neither accept anything nor pursue any activity that might compromise or seem to compromise their integrity. RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRIP!!!!! To be impartial does not require the press to be unquestioning or to refrain from editorial expression. Sound practice, however, demands a clear distinction for the reader between news reports and opinion. Articles that contain opinion or personal interpretation should be clearly identified. RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRIP!!!!! The newspaper should guard against inaccuracies, carelessness, bias or distortion through emphasis, omission or technological manipulation. It should acknowledge substantive errors and correct them promptly and prominently. RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRIP!!!!! The newspaper should strive for impartial treatment of issues and dispassionate handling of controversial subjects. It should provide a forum for the exchange of comment and criticism, especially when such comment is opposed to its editorial positions. Editorials and expressions of personal opinion by reporters and editors should be clearly labeled. Advertising should be differentiated from news. The newspaper should report the news without regard for its own interests, mindful of the need to disclose potential conflicts. It should not give favored news treatment to advertisers or special-interest groups. It should report matters regarding itself or its personnel with the same vigor and candor as it would other institutions or individuals. Concern for community, business or personal interests should not cause the newspaper to distort or misrepresent the facts. The newspaper should deal honestly with readers and newsmakers. It should keep its promises. The newspaper should not plagiarize words or images. RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRIP!!!!! Professional electronic journalists should pursue truth aggressively and present the news accurately, in context, and as completely as possible. Professional electronic journalists should: Continuously seek the truth. Resist distortions that obscure the importance of events. Clearly disclose the origin of information and label all material provided by outsiders. Professional electronic journalists should not: Report anything known to be false. Manipulate images or sounds in any way that is misleading. Plagiarize. Present images or sounds that are reenacted without informing the public. RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRIP!!!!! Professional electronic journalists should present the news fairly and impartially, placing primary value on significance and relevance. Professional electronic journalists should: Treat all subjects of news coverage with respect and dignity, showing particular compassion to victims of crime or tragedy. Exercise special care when children are involved in a story and give children greater privacy protection than adults. Seek to understand the diversity of their community and inform the public without bias or stereotype. Present a diversity of expressions, opinions, and ideas in context. Present analytical reporting based on professional perspective, not personal bias. Respect the right to a fair trial. RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRIP!!!!! Professional electronic journalists should present the news with integrity and decency, avoiding real or perceived conflicts of interest, and respect the dignity and intelligence of the audience as well as the subjects of news. Professional electronic journalists should: Identify sources whenever possible. Confidential sources should be used only when it is clearly in the public interest to gather or convey important information or when a person providing information might be harmed. Journalists should keep all commitments to protect a confidential source. Clearly label opinion and commentary. Guard against extended coverage of events or individuals that fails to significantly advance a story, place the event in context, or add to the public knowledge. Refrain from contacting participants in violent situations while the situation is in progress. Use technological tools with skill and thoughtfulness, avoiding techniques that skew facts, distort reality, or sensationalize events. Use surreptitious newsgathering techniques, including hidden cameras or microphones, only if there is no other way to obtain stories of significant public importance and only if the technique is explained to the audience. Disseminate the private transmissions of other news organizations only with permission. Professional electronic journalists should not: Pay news sources who have a vested interest in a story. Accept gifts, favors, or compensation from those who might seek to influence coverage. Engage in activities that may compromise their integrity or independence. RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRIP!!!!! ENOUGH. But let us remember these BASE, MEANINGLESS PLATITUDES the NEXT time PINCH wants to SPIN something, or MR. MARK wants to SELL something, or the THREE STOOGES and their fellow DO's want to SPIN AND SELL something.
I have just become aware of an irksome verbal tic I have -- "of course." Of course I will try to stop it, which means another one will burrow from the ground. There is something to be said for having three heads.
The Professor boasts of getting a hundred million cumulative hits, we makes me mad that I can only get twenty a day. (Well, that's better than five, as it was.) My only solace is that we all turn Literary Digest and Collier's and Life and Look in the end, and they got lots of "hits" too.
OMERTA's in his SAM SPADE phase, pressing furiously sniffing nose to the ground searching for CONSERVATIVE HYPOCRITES.
Of course OMERTA being SUPERHUMAN (or rather, EXTRAHUMAN) he may not realize that we all have a self-interested motive in us, and that on occasion we may all be slightly LESS than moral. But then the HACKS successfully toppled the Bible years ago, being the first race born WITHOUT SIN.
Remember BLUNDER's JESUIT BIOETHICIST?
OR "Thousands of ethicists and bioethicists, as they are called, professionally guide the unthinkable on its passage through the debatable on its way to becoming the justifiable, until it is finally established as the unexceptional."
We NEVER thought we'd have a KIND word to say about the TWXSTERS, but judging from their rag's cover, next to BLUNDER it's the height of REASON and MATURITY.
Still we can GUESS its politics, even WITHOUT a subscription. We can delude ourselves that NEWS HACKS have entered into their French royal family end time phase, serving generous quantities of CAKE, with the people as the rabble demanding revolution. But then we all know what France got: the Reign of Terror -- and a shrimp-sized dictator who hid his hand in his coat.
Thankfully MR. MARK has his finger firmly on the zeitgeist, though it be on the wrong end of his alimentary canal. And fortunately he preaches to us the upstanding ethics that have always been part of ST. WARREN OF BUFFETT'S emp -- COUNTRY STORE -- that IRAQ will always be QUAGMIRE!!!!!!!!!!!!, and pro-lifers will always be HYPOCRITES. TWICE!
BLUNDER may make DEATH and TAXES into an unholy TRIUMVIRATE.
MR. MARK FINDS A NIXON TO REHABILITATE!
Again, the story behind the story is far more interesting, but news hacks being news hacks we'll never learn it, for it centers on their ability to take a bribe without any money passing. Still, we are heartened (ahem!) that's it's again possible to speak of LEGENDARY WELCH without shame, and we can only assume Danny Boy has bigger and better things on his mind, much like his comrade in withered arms JOHN BYRNE JR. TRANSLATION: This is straight out of the wrong end of the BLUNDER'S alimentary canal.
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