Posted 6:32 PM by Gene

McCain’s Conservative Model? Roosevelt (Theodore, That Is)

And from con-SER-va-tives everywhere comes the shout again: COMMUNIST!

Posted 4:41 PM by Gene

A bunch of self-important-looking suits and EDDIE's Praetorian Guard are circling The Kimmel Quonset Hut for something called the National Governors Association conference, and natch its Web site is down, which says a little too much about the members -- and its handlers.

P. S. CONCAST is doing the video. Nuf said.

Posted 10:37 AM by Gene

AMITY gets extremely irritated that anyone would criticize an AVATAR of WOULD-BE GREAT WEALTH...er, a TRUTH TELLER like PHIL, but gathers the intestinal fortitude to make a BOLD suggestion on how we can solve what is NOT an economic mess:

In short, to fix it all, we need a frank conversation about the economy.

Which, if we know a knee-jerk lock-step KLUMPH! KLUMPH! GLIBERTARIAN like Amity, means NO CONVERSATION ABOUT TAXES (except to eliminate them for the hyperrich). Yes, we know taxes are the DEMOCRAT PARTY's best friend. BUT OBSCENE WEALTH IS THE REPUBLICAN'S.

And even this CLOD had to admit in her own side-lock-stepping non-conversational way PHIL made an ASS of himself.

Posted 10:34 AM by Gene

Nuke disarmament agreed to in North Korea

To paraphrase Sir Winnie, this isn't the end. It isn't the beginning of the end. It isn't even the beginning of the beginning of the end. But it might be the end of the end of the end of the beginning.

PFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFT!

Posted 10:31 AM by Gene

Toward the end of a 10-minute standup routine at the Hyatt Regency Hotel in downtown Chicago, the 50-year-old star of "The Bernie Mac Show" joked about menopause, sexual infidelity and promiscuity, and used occasional crude language.

THE LORD FOR PRESIDENT!

And we've no doubt he "endured some heckling" because someone thought he saw ANDERSON in the peanut gallery.

Posted 10:17 AM by Gene

We are sorry to hear Tony Snow has died. He was much too young, and he battled his cancer bravely.

Posted 10:17 AM by Gene

CHOLLY says: "Love my Good and Plenty!"

Posted 10:16 AM by Gene

The Russian Foreign Ministry in a statement Saturday said the criticism "places a question mark over the worthiness of Russia as a G-8 partner."

Who put it there?

Posted 8:30 PM by Gene

Well, now we know Photoshop's good for something.

Posted 1:05 PM by Gene

RNC to Solicit Online Suggestions for Party Platform

PILLHEAD!!!!!!!!!!

Although we shouldn't talk so much; party platforms aren't even scrap paper after the infomercials end.

Posted 12:05 PM by Gene

When ZEITGEIST calls a Web page "hilarious", we should know better than to click on it.

Hey St. Warren! Think Your rag could stand to lose a few more unwanted pages?

Posted 9:47 AM by Gene

TargetCast: Broadcast Prime Ad Rates Fell 11% in Q2

The American Society of Willfully Ignorant Advertisers must DO something about this!

Maybe they can get Phil on the air and say, "QUIT YOUR WHINING!"

(Via MediaBistro)

Posted 9:26 AM by Gene

Why do some people think coming from a certain country imbues them with wisdom?

And I thought this guy had a little sense.

Posted 9:14 AM by Gene

Shucks, it now appears even CRITICAL ACCLAIM can be a kiss of death in BRANSON EAST.

Posted 9:06 AM by Gene

We don't know if CHOLLY would swim in dough with $200+ oil, but it's clear from this showing off he's not doing too badly himself.

Why do our superiors hate us?

(Via USAOKAY!!!!!.com)

Posted 8:46 AM by Gene

And one of those for whom $200+ oil is SUPERB news (and he's not worth ten digits, although it isn't for not trying) put his huge foot in his huger mouth by saying the reason our economy's turning into a wreck is because people are WHINING.

This is but a repeat of the idiot GEKKO KUDLOW and all those REALTORS blaming the subprime mess on NEWSMEN. Go back to Gucci Gulch and play with yourself, PHIL.

Posted 8:45 AM by Gene

Let us remember: to many people $200-a-barrel-plus oil is SUPERB news. But why do they all have to have 10-digit and higher net worths and run one-party states?

Posted 8:44 AM by Gene

Murdoch: I'm not interested in Yahoo!

With or without an exclamation point!

Posted 8:43 AM by Gene

Come on, Ehud, if you're going to make up for giving the store away to Hamas, BOMB IRAN NOW. The pension funds and NON-speculators are ready to throw a celebration to end all celebrations anyway.

Posted 1:21 PM by Gene

News hacks, in yet another effort not to see the forest for the trees, have gone into a Romeneskian swoon over Iranian photo doctoring. Hey hacks, isn't three missiles bad enough?

Hey Nukeman, you worried one won't get to Tel Aviv?

Posted 1:16 PM by Gene

When does Dubya simply open the door to the Treasury and say, "Come unto me all ye that labor and are heavy-laden, and I will give you -- MONEY"?

Posted 1:14 PM by Gene

And speaking of con-SER-va-tives, now that PILLHEAD has ordered His androids into Democratic -- DEMOCRAT Party platform meetings doesn't that mean the Democrats are getting some of His largesse?

Posted 1:13 PM by Gene

Alice Cooper, con-SER-va-tive HE-ro:

"Alice might slit your throat but he'd never use the F word."

Posted 10:23 AM by Gene

In what is becoming daily comedy at NRO, MS. TRAVERS does an impersonation of a very big, very red tomato as she beholds Ralph Nader's demand that PILLHEAD PAY THE GOVERNMENT FOR HIS AIRTIME -- BECAUSE IT'S A HANDOUT!!!!!

Alas, as we know too well, Republicans know a good handout when they see it.

Posted 10:04 AM by Gene

CORRECTION: Little Jeffy has an earnings report!

P. S. The shareholders don't seem to be that impressed.

Posted 9:58 AM by Gene

Justice Souter: "As a dissenter in Carbone, I naturally do not find that the worst answer you could give. (Laughter.)" Justice Samuel Alito: "Well, as a dissenter in United Haulers, I also don't think it's a good distinction. (Laughter.)"

While the Nine Fingers are certainly capable of reviving vaudeville, we would advise against it.

Posted 9:49 AM by Gene

Hellywood has voided another masterpiece, and Rog is there:

Brosnan, choosing his "Matador" persona over 007, has mastered the buffoon a little too well by now.

Is Pierce the next Bill Shatner?

Posted 9:41 AM by Gene

Little Jeffy wants to stay in show-biz -- PERIOD!

Posted 9:30 AM by Gene

Is that crazy old eyebrow-challenged zillionaire media tyrant playing tricks with His family again?

(Via MediaBistro)

Posted 8:54 AM by Gene

Iran Tests More Missiles After Rice's Security Pledge

It's a very -- leading hed, but it sure does say something.

Posted 8:02 PM by Gene

TRANSLATION: It's Hillary; everyone else is bailing out.

Posted 6:53 PM by Gene

John Devaney's hedge funds, frozen a year ago because of wrong-way bets on mortgage securities, are being liquidated at a total loss to investors....

Devaney, who bought the mansion featured in the 1983 Al Pacino movie, ``Scarface''....

NUF SAID.

Posted 5:54 PM by Gene

Pat Buchanan sells his book to neo-Nazis. How quaint.

Posted 5:52 PM by Gene

Scanning "Beach Patrol: Stars, Bikinis and More!", I think the revered names of the past never underdressed themselves quite so brazenly in public, which is why we still regard them with respect; and even underdressed, today's would-be stars are underwhelming.

Posted 5:37 PM by Gene

Elsewere in NRO, I would agree, Kevin, the Houston Chronicle has done a public service posting public-sector salaries. This isn't the first time that a newspaper has done this, though. And however outrageous a few salaries may seem -- and don't be misled, they can be -- for every public servant making an unwarranted salary we could find ten in the sacred PRIVATE SECTOR who have do-nothing jobs and make far more than these folk.

Posted 5:31 PM by Gene

SO HOW MANY CONVENIENT EXPERTS DID YOUR TEAM BRING IN TO LIE WHEN IT RAN CONGRESS, RAMESH?!?

I HATE when these hyperpartisans scream their NOT ME! routine. Somebody tell true believers like Ramesh and E. J. the truth does not reside in ONE PLACE, and that BOTH sides have seemingly IDENTICAL ways of telling LIES. Also they are monumentally stupid enough to blithely ignore that he who points the finger can have it shoved back into his face.

Posted 9:45 AM by Gene

The only good thing about this presidential election -- if a good thing it is -- is that there won't be a honeymoon.

Posted 9:33 AM by Gene

Speaking of PILLHEAD (twice in one day? Yuck), Greg is EXTREMELY AGITATED by the Paper of Re-CORD's advertorial, which reminds us that if you boys had written it YOUR way it would have been a full-throttle CHARACTER ASSASSINATION. Yes, doing the Ed-Bradley-Worships-the-Golfing-Machine gag wasn't the answer. NEITHER ARE YOU.

Let's see -- the Deseret News shuts its Washington bureau...the Trib fires eighty...copy editing's getting outsourced to India -- nope, NO PROBLEMS!

Posted 9:30 AM by Gene

Tiger Stadium's demise assaults senses

It says something about the Former Motor City that Tiger Stadium rotting might not.

Posted 9:22 AM by Gene

G000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000GLE is getting into the social-avatar biz, which inevitably reminds us of the old line, "Don't quit your day job."

Posted 9:19 AM by Gene

Perhaps the problem isn't so much that people have to be told "the truth", but that the human race's ingenuity used to get us out of most fixes, and now we've hit a self-inflicted brick wall, as witness the lack thereof at Ground Zero.

Posted 8:57 AM by Gene

Joe Queenan is "bored" with modern "serious" music, and some typist named SERVICE throws a fit because we're living in an age of musical GENIUS, and music is BETTER THAN EVER -- in short, the movie ad-blurbist gag. Yes, it is difficult to dislike modern "serious" music without appearing a bit of a philistine, but then it is difficult to listen to modern "serious" music without having a great and sudden desire to go to the bathroom.

(Via the frequently annoying ArtsJournal)

Posted 8:42 AM by Gene

Mark our words: in ten years we will hear precisely the same thing about Egypt we're hearing now about Zimbabwe, and Hosni the Thug intends to keep his power in any way possible, including cryonic chambers.

Posted 8:31 AM by Gene

Any repor-TER who can quote a "word" like "eventized" with a straight face deserves a NEUHARTHISM OF THE WEEK AWARD!

Posted 8:29 AM by Gene

Speaking of fake and Republicans, it appears MS. TRAVERS believes everything PILLHEAD says, which may be a dangerous thing when your HERO has already admitted to telling a lie for a worthy cause.

Posted 8:19 AM by Gene

Lord Koppel, the Second Coming of St. Edward of Murrow, has taken a baronial throne at St.'s old stomping grounds the Beeb, meaning presumably he will agree with everything those fake but accurate JERNALISTS believe, especially if it's about the perfidy of America, Republicans and Israel.

Posted 6:01 PM by Gene

Frankly, my dears, we wouldn't give a damn if they didn't cover the infomercials at all.

Posted 3:21 PM by Gene

Stories We Did Not Read After the First Graf:

The next time the president goes to war, Congress should be consulted and vote on whether it agrees, according to a bipartisan study group chaired by former secretaries of state James Baker III and Warren Christopher.

Posted 8:20 AM by Gene

Fed to Clamp Down on Exotic and Subprime Loans

NOW they tell us.

Posted 8:17 AM by Gene

One reason PEOPLE NEWSRAG is getting so skinny it threatens to pull a magic act on itself and disappear is because it has run so many silly, useless plugs. This is another. If Snow White didn't win the Os-CAR® why should something merely "gloomy" and CRITICALLY-ACCLAIMED?

Posted 8:11 AM by Gene

Obama's Voting Record Complicates His Shift to Political Center

Slightly.

Posted 8:07 AM by Gene

More SCINTILLATING reporting from the ASSPress:

Pet owners prefer McCain over Obama

Posted 6:21 PM by Gene

The British Vicarage and Tea-Time Club is hiring waitresses!

I'm all for waitresses but mightn't they have a homely look?

The head of the Vatican’s Council for Christian Unity, Cardinal Walter Kasper, said in a recent address it was time for the Church of England to decide whether it was Catholic or Reformed.

How many varieties does Starbucks have?

Posted 6:08 PM by Gene

Who wants to WAGER that Phil "ENRON" Gramm will eventually be out as Boobs's campaign chairman?

Posted 6:03 PM by Gene

McCain Pledges to Balance Budget in First Term

We will not call Boobs a liar, but we should remember -- he IS a REPUBLICAN.

Posted 5:53 PM by Gene

Someone finally noticed: those tentpoles have TERMITES.

P. S. SLIMECORP's gone from 20 to 14.5 in less than two months. So much for Dow Jones and Facebook. What? He doesn't own Facebook? There's an idea!

Posted 5:46 PM by Gene

That in all the gab of "tradition breaking" no one has mentioned Roosevelt at Franklin Field indicates: 1. News hacks don't know what they're doing; 2. They know what they're doing and don't want to bring up the difference.

Is it me or does the name of The Messiah's temple sound like Robert Vesco Field?

Posted 9:18 AM by Gene

For decades the auto biz has threatened us with cars that can drive themselves. Under the circumstances this may be just another empty threat.

Posted 9:12 AM by Gene

In what might pass for con-SER-va-tive thinking, except it's the Independent, Alison likens the pop cul-TYURE biz to the Founding Fathers' achievement:

After many years of the seemingly unstoppable growth of the multinationals, the will of the People is creating a new democracy in which popular music, art and film are being produced in an explosion of creativity. Freedom of musical expression is with us again, and it is making people extremely happy.

TRANSLATION: Pop cul-TYURE is now the moral equivalent of home fireworks accidents.

(Via the occasionally very annoying AHTSJournal)

Posted 8:56 AM by Gene

[Bang & Olufsen], whose high-end TVs can cost more than $30,000, fired its chief executive in January after the company's third quarter sales fell 15 percent overall and 26 percent in its biggest markets -- Denmark, Germany and Britain.

You mean even the supersnobs are wising up?

Posted 8:51 AM by Gene

Justin learns how to write a résumé:

An ambitious, full-bodied crime epic of gratifying scope and moral complexity, this is seriously brainy pop entertainment that satisfies every expectation raised by its hit predecessor and then some.

TRANSLATION: It's a class-A comic book -- and someone tell the cri-TICS comics books are NOT Gone with the Wind, now matter how extensively they freshen their breath.

Elsewhere in the Big V, we learn one of the French cri-TICS called a certain ah-pe-rrrrRA "a piece of homework, clumsily orchestrated, from a moderately talented disciple of Arnold Schoenberg." Mr. Teachout, your masterpiece awaits!

Posted 8:21 AM by Gene

Bush: Russia's New President Is 'Smart Guy'

We are not sure under what circumstances that is a compliment.

Posted 8:15 AM by Gene

"The financial health and security of the United States depends, in part, on a commodities market that is stable, rational and predictable."

So what are -- no, can't call them speculators, must call them investors like pension funds and younuhVERsuhtees doing? They're making the commodities market unstable, irrational and -- predictable.

Posted 8:12 AM by Gene

This is welcome news: maybe we can get out of Iraq without getting outoutOUT! of Iraq.

Posted 7:45 PM by Gene

Some bloggers raise a mighty nasty stink about The Messiah's birth certificate, a topic we might instantaneously gather is complete bull -- but not before SAM LITTLE has posted 2,000 times and gotten 30 million comments, no doubt.

Posted 5:51 PM by Gene

What? Me worry?

$3.5 billion says NO!

Posted 5:41 PM by Gene

If it's Sunday it must be Big Double-A-Scribble Time:

1. The company that spends umpteen megazillions financing professional sports appears not to have spent one thin dime laying out the case for staying independent -- yet another proof advertising is about fiefdoms, and luxury boxes. It isn't about moving product -- and certainly not about protecting jobs.

2. The Sons of SLAVERY BRANDAGE are smiling: the same Chinese who are using their brute force to punish dissidents are punishing AMBUSH MARKETING.

3. And several months into their Beijing vacations, Mickey D's top execs have an excuse for them: a Web site that allow Ronny's fans to "create pictures with their faces on an Olympian's body"! Way to go Mick!

4. Recognizing not only the blithering idiots they are, but that they recently LOOKED like blithering idiots spending more on TV than ever, MEDIA BUYERS are now saying they're going to spend LESS on ADVERTISING. How many of these guys will VOTE for the MESSIAH -- and how many are His MEDIA ADVISERS?

5. And speaking of luxury boxes, isn't there an EASIER way to see the SUPER BORE, Moon 'n' Stars?

6. Finally, Rance and his buddies assume a pensive look as they ponder Census data even though it's still about eighteen months away, and gasp:

The average U.S. head of household is now nearly 50 years old (49.5, to be precise). But here's the bigger story: More than 80% of the growth in the number of households in the next five years will be among those headed by people 55 and older.

Let us guess: MORE money for MTV!!!!!

Posted 1:08 PM by Gene

IF someone played history's most expensive practical joke on Bear Stearns (using the Big C as a conduit -- how typical), doesn't that say next time someone can play a more expensive joke? And doesn't it also say those who insist speculators are harmless are pretty well full of it?

Posted 1:07 PM by Gene

TRANSLATION: Belly Kisser's showing his soft side -- for now.

Posted 9:27 AM by Gene

Bush: Olympic boycott would insult Chinese

Already thinking of the million$, Dub?