THE NEWS HACK'S CREED:
I know more than you.
I make lots more money than you.
I'm smarter than you.
I'm sexier than you.
I appear on TV all the time.
I work ten minutes a day.
I rule the universe.
I'm going to live forever.
You are an idiot.
THE NEWS HACK'S CREED, No. 2:
A lie isn't a lie when it tells THE TRUTH.
THE NEWS HACK'S CREED, No. 3:
I've come to realize that the looseness of the journalistic life, the seeming laxity of the newsroom, is an illusion. Yes, there's informality and there's humor, but beneath the surface lies something deadly serious. It is a code. Sometimes the code is not even written down, but it is deeply believed in. And, when violated, it is enforced with tribal ferocity.
--JOHN "OMERTA" CARROLL.
THE NEWS HACK'S CREED, No. 4:
News isn't news when we don't report it.
PERMALINKS:
THE NEWS HACKS' DICTIONARY
THE EUGENE DAVID GLOSSARY
AMERICA'S MOST UNINTENTIONALLY FUNNY WEB SITE!
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Saturday, July 12, 2008
McCain’s Conservative Model? Roosevelt (Theodore, That Is)
And from con-SER-va-tives everywhere comes the shout again: COMMUNIST!
And from con-SER-va-tives everywhere comes the shout again: COMMUNIST!
A bunch of self-important-looking suits and EDDIE's Praetorian Guard are circling The Kimmel Quonset Hut for something called the National Governors Association conference, and natch its Web site is down, which says a little too much about the members -- and its handlers.
P. S. CONCAST is doing the video. Nuf said.
P. S. CONCAST is doing the video. Nuf said.
AMITY gets extremely irritated that anyone would criticize an AVATAR of WOULD-BE GREAT WEALTH...er, a TRUTH TELLER like PHIL, but gathers the intestinal fortitude to make a BOLD suggestion on how we can solve what is NOT an economic mess:
In short, to fix it all, we need a frank conversation about the economy.
Which, if we know a knee-jerk lock-step KLUMPH! KLUMPH! GLIBERTARIAN like Amity, means NO CONVERSATION ABOUT TAXES (except to eliminate them for the hyperrich). Yes, we know taxes are the DEMOCRAT PARTY's best friend. BUT OBSCENE WEALTH IS THE REPUBLICAN'S.
And even this CLOD had to admit in her own side-lock-stepping non-conversational way PHIL made an ASS of himself.
In short, to fix it all, we need a frank conversation about the economy.
Which, if we know a knee-jerk lock-step KLUMPH! KLUMPH! GLIBERTARIAN like Amity, means NO CONVERSATION ABOUT TAXES (except to eliminate them for the hyperrich). Yes, we know taxes are the DEMOCRAT PARTY's best friend. BUT OBSCENE WEALTH IS THE REPUBLICAN'S.
And even this CLOD had to admit in her own side-lock-stepping non-conversational way PHIL made an ASS of himself.
Nuke disarmament agreed to in North Korea
To paraphrase Sir Winnie, this isn't the end. It isn't the beginning of the end. It isn't even the beginning of the beginning of the end. But it might be the end of the end of the end of the beginning.
PFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFT!
To paraphrase Sir Winnie, this isn't the end. It isn't the beginning of the end. It isn't even the beginning of the beginning of the end. But it might be the end of the end of the end of the beginning.
PFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFT!
Toward the end of a 10-minute standup routine at the Hyatt Regency Hotel in downtown Chicago, the 50-year-old star of "The Bernie Mac Show" joked about menopause, sexual infidelity and promiscuity, and used occasional crude language.
THE LORD FOR PRESIDENT!
And we've no doubt he "endured some heckling" because someone thought he saw ANDERSON in the peanut gallery.
THE LORD FOR PRESIDENT!
And we've no doubt he "endured some heckling" because someone thought he saw ANDERSON in the peanut gallery.
We are sorry to hear Tony Snow has died. He was much too young, and he battled his cancer bravely.
The Russian Foreign Ministry in a statement Saturday said the criticism "places a question mark over the worthiness of Russia as a G-8 partner."
Who put it there?
Friday, July 11, 2008
RNC to Solicit Online Suggestions for Party Platform
PILLHEAD!!!!!!!!!!
Although we shouldn't talk so much; party platforms aren't even scrap paper after the infomercials end.
PILLHEAD!!!!!!!!!!
Although we shouldn't talk so much; party platforms aren't even scrap paper after the infomercials end.
When ZEITGEIST calls a Web page "hilarious", we should know better than to click on it.
Hey St. Warren! Think Your rag could stand to lose a few more unwanted pages?
Hey St. Warren! Think Your rag could stand to lose a few more unwanted pages?
TargetCast: Broadcast Prime Ad Rates Fell 11% in Q2
The American Society of Willfully Ignorant Advertisers must DO something about this!
Maybe they can get Phil on the air and say, "QUIT YOUR WHINING!"
(Via MediaBistro)
The American Society of Willfully Ignorant Advertisers must DO something about this!
Maybe they can get Phil on the air and say, "QUIT YOUR WHINING!"
(Via MediaBistro)
Why do some people think coming from a certain country imbues them with wisdom?
And I thought this guy had a little sense.
And I thought this guy had a little sense.
We don't know if CHOLLY would swim in dough with $200+ oil, but it's clear from this showing off he's not doing too badly himself.
Why do our superiors hate us?
(Via USAOKAY!!!!!.com)
Thursday, July 10, 2008
News hacks, in yet another effort not to see the forest for the trees, have gone into a Romeneskian swoon over Iranian photo doctoring. Hey hacks, isn't three missiles bad enough?
Hey Nukeman, you worried one won't get to Tel Aviv?
Hey Nukeman, you worried one won't get to Tel Aviv?
In what is becoming daily comedy at NRO, MS. TRAVERS does an impersonation of a very big, very red tomato as she beholds Ralph Nader's demand that PILLHEAD PAY THE GOVERNMENT FOR HIS AIRTIME -- BECAUSE IT'S A HANDOUT!!!!!
Alas, as we know too well, Republicans know a good handout when they see it.
Alas, as we know too well, Republicans know a good handout when they see it.
CORRECTION: Little Jeffy has an earnings report!
P. S. The shareholders don't seem to be that impressed.
P. S. The shareholders don't seem to be that impressed.
Justice Souter: "As a dissenter in Carbone, I naturally do not find that the worst answer you could give. (Laughter.)" Justice Samuel Alito: "Well, as a dissenter in United Haulers, I also don't think it's a good distinction. (Laughter.)"
While the Nine Fingers are certainly capable of reviving vaudeville, we would advise against it.
While the Nine Fingers are certainly capable of reviving vaudeville, we would advise against it.
Hellywood has voided another masterpiece, and Rog is there:
Brosnan, choosing his "Matador" persona over 007, has mastered the buffoon a little too well by now.
Is Pierce the next Bill Shatner?
Brosnan, choosing his "Matador" persona over 007, has mastered the buffoon a little too well by now.
Is Pierce the next Bill Shatner?
Is that crazy old eyebrow-challenged zillionaire media tyrant playing tricks with His family again?
(Via MediaBistro)
(Via MediaBistro)
Iran Tests More Missiles After Rice's Security Pledge
It's a very -- leading hed, but it sure does say something.
It's a very -- leading hed, but it sure does say something.
Wednesday, July 09, 2008
John Devaney's hedge funds, frozen a year ago because of wrong-way bets on mortgage securities, are being liquidated at a total loss to investors....
Devaney, who bought the mansion featured in the 1983 Al Pacino movie, ``Scarface''....
NUF SAID.
Devaney, who bought the mansion featured in the 1983 Al Pacino movie, ``Scarface''....
NUF SAID.
Scanning "Beach Patrol: Stars, Bikinis and More!", I think the revered names of the past never underdressed themselves quite so brazenly in public, which is why we still regard them with respect; and even underdressed, today's would-be stars are underwhelming.
Elsewere in NRO, I would agree, Kevin, the Houston Chronicle has done a public service posting public-sector salaries. This isn't the first time that a newspaper has done this, though. And however outrageous a few salaries may seem -- and don't be misled, they can be -- for every public servant making an unwarranted salary we could find ten in the sacred PRIVATE SECTOR who have do-nothing jobs and make far more than these folk.
SO HOW MANY CONVENIENT EXPERTS DID YOUR TEAM BRING IN TO LIE WHEN IT RAN CONGRESS, RAMESH?!?
I HATE when these hyperpartisans scream their NOT ME! routine. Somebody tell true believers like Ramesh and E. J. the truth does not reside in ONE PLACE, and that BOTH sides have seemingly IDENTICAL ways of telling LIES. Also they are monumentally stupid enough to blithely ignore that he who points the finger can have it shoved back into his face.
I HATE when these hyperpartisans scream their NOT ME! routine. Somebody tell true believers like Ramesh and E. J. the truth does not reside in ONE PLACE, and that BOTH sides have seemingly IDENTICAL ways of telling LIES. Also they are monumentally stupid enough to blithely ignore that he who points the finger can have it shoved back into his face.
The only good thing about this presidential election -- if a good thing it is -- is that there won't be a honeymoon.
Speaking of PILLHEAD (twice in one day? Yuck), Greg is EXTREMELY AGITATED by the Paper of Re-CORD's advertorial, which reminds us that if you boys had written it YOUR way it would have been a full-throttle CHARACTER ASSASSINATION. Yes, doing the Ed-Bradley-Worships-the-Golfing-Machine gag wasn't the answer. NEITHER ARE YOU.
Let's see -- the Deseret News shuts its Washington bureau...the Trib fires eighty...copy editing's getting outsourced to India -- nope, NO PROBLEMS!
Let's see -- the Deseret News shuts its Washington bureau...the Trib fires eighty...copy editing's getting outsourced to India -- nope, NO PROBLEMS!
Tiger Stadium's demise assaults senses
It says something about the Former Motor City that Tiger Stadium rotting might not.
It says something about the Former Motor City that Tiger Stadium rotting might not.
Joe Queenan is "bored" with modern "serious" music, and some typist named SERVICE throws a fit because we're living in an age of musical GENIUS, and music is BETTER THAN EVER -- in short, the movie ad-blurbist gag. Yes, it is difficult to dislike modern "serious" music without appearing a bit of a philistine, but then it is difficult to listen to modern "serious" music without having a great and sudden desire to go to the bathroom.
(Via the frequently annoying ArtsJournal)
(Via the frequently annoying ArtsJournal)
Lord Koppel, the Second Coming of St. Edward of Murrow, has taken a baronial throne at St.'s old stomping grounds the Beeb, meaning presumably he will agree with everything those fake but accurate JERNALISTS believe, especially if it's about the perfidy of America, Republicans and Israel.
Tuesday, July 08, 2008
Stories We Did Not Read After the First Graf:
The next time the president goes to war, Congress should be consulted and vote on whether it agrees, according to a bipartisan study group chaired by former secretaries of state James Baker III and Warren Christopher.
The next time the president goes to war, Congress should be consulted and vote on whether it agrees, according to a bipartisan study group chaired by former secretaries of state James Baker III and Warren Christopher.
One reason PEOPLE NEWSRAG is getting so skinny it threatens to pull a magic act on itself and disappear is because it has run so many silly, useless plugs. This is another. If Snow White didn't win the Os-CAR® why should something merely "gloomy" and CRITICALLY-ACCLAIMED?
Monday, July 07, 2008
The British Vicarage and Tea-Time Club is hiring waitresses!
I'm all for waitresses but mightn't they have a homely look?
The head of the Vatican’s Council for Christian Unity, Cardinal Walter Kasper, said in a recent address it was time for the Church of England to decide whether it was Catholic or Reformed.
How many varieties does Starbucks have?
I'm all for waitresses but mightn't they have a homely look?
The head of the Vatican’s Council for Christian Unity, Cardinal Walter Kasper, said in a recent address it was time for the Church of England to decide whether it was Catholic or Reformed.
How many varieties does Starbucks have?
McCain Pledges to Balance Budget in First Term
We will not call Boobs a liar, but we should remember -- he IS a REPUBLICAN.
We will not call Boobs a liar, but we should remember -- he IS a REPUBLICAN.
Someone finally noticed: those tentpoles have TERMITES.
P. S. SLIMECORP's gone from 20 to 14.5 in less than two months. So much for Dow Jones and Facebook. What? He doesn't own Facebook? There's an idea!
P. S. SLIMECORP's gone from 20 to 14.5 in less than two months. So much for Dow Jones and Facebook. What? He doesn't own Facebook? There's an idea!
That in all the gab of "tradition breaking" no one has mentioned Roosevelt at Franklin Field indicates: 1. News hacks don't know what they're doing; 2. They know what they're doing and don't want to bring up the difference.
Is it me or does the name of The Messiah's temple sound like Robert Vesco Field?
Is it me or does the name of The Messiah's temple sound like Robert Vesco Field?
For decades the auto biz has threatened us with cars that can drive themselves. Under the circumstances this may be just another empty threat.
In what might pass for con-SER-va-tive thinking, except it's the Independent, Alison likens the pop cul-TYURE biz to the Founding Fathers' achievement:
After many years of the seemingly unstoppable growth of the multinationals, the will of the People is creating a new democracy in which popular music, art and film are being produced in an explosion of creativity. Freedom of musical expression is with us again, and it is making people extremely happy.
TRANSLATION: Pop cul-TYURE is now the moral equivalent of home fireworks accidents.
(Via the occasionally very annoying AHTSJournal)
After many years of the seemingly unstoppable growth of the multinationals, the will of the People is creating a new democracy in which popular music, art and film are being produced in an explosion of creativity. Freedom of musical expression is with us again, and it is making people extremely happy.
TRANSLATION: Pop cul-TYURE is now the moral equivalent of home fireworks accidents.
(Via the occasionally very annoying AHTSJournal)
[Bang & Olufsen], whose high-end TVs can cost more than $30,000, fired its chief executive in January after the company's third quarter sales fell 15 percent overall and 26 percent in its biggest markets -- Denmark, Germany and Britain.
You mean even the supersnobs are wising up?
You mean even the supersnobs are wising up?
Justin learns how to write a résumé:
An ambitious, full-bodied crime epic of gratifying scope and moral complexity, this is seriously brainy pop entertainment that satisfies every expectation raised by its hit predecessor and then some.
TRANSLATION: It's a class-A comic book -- and someone tell the cri-TICS comics books are NOT Gone with the Wind, now matter how extensively they freshen their breath.
Elsewhere in the Big V, we learn one of the French cri-TICS called a certain ah-pe-rrrrRA "a piece of homework, clumsily orchestrated, from a moderately talented disciple of Arnold Schoenberg." Mr. Teachout, your masterpiece awaits!
An ambitious, full-bodied crime epic of gratifying scope and moral complexity, this is seriously brainy pop entertainment that satisfies every expectation raised by its hit predecessor and then some.
TRANSLATION: It's a class-A comic book -- and someone tell the cri-TICS comics books are NOT Gone with the Wind, now matter how extensively they freshen their breath.
Elsewhere in the Big V, we learn one of the French cri-TICS called a certain ah-pe-rrrrRA "a piece of homework, clumsily orchestrated, from a moderately talented disciple of Arnold Schoenberg." Mr. Teachout, your masterpiece awaits!
Bush: Russia's New President Is 'Smart Guy'
We are not sure under what circumstances that is a compliment.
We are not sure under what circumstances that is a compliment.
"The financial health and security of the United States depends, in part, on a commodities market that is stable, rational and predictable."
So what are -- no, can't call them speculators, must call them investors like pension funds and younuhVERsuhtees doing? They're making the commodities market unstable, irrational and -- predictable.
So what are -- no, can't call them speculators, must call them investors like pension funds and younuhVERsuhtees doing? They're making the commodities market unstable, irrational and -- predictable.
Sunday, July 06, 2008
Some bloggers raise a mighty nasty stink about The Messiah's birth certificate, a topic we might instantaneously gather is complete bull -- but not before SAM LITTLE has posted 2,000 times and gotten 30 million comments, no doubt.
If it's Sunday it must be Big Double-A-Scribble Time:
1. The company that spends umpteen megazillions financing professional sports appears not to have spent one thin dime laying out the case for staying independent -- yet another proof advertising is about fiefdoms, and luxury boxes. It isn't about moving product -- and certainly not about protecting jobs.
2. The Sons of SLAVERY BRANDAGE are smiling: the same Chinese who are using their brute force to punish dissidents are punishing AMBUSH MARKETING.
3. And several months into their Beijing vacations, Mickey D's top execs have an excuse for them: a Web site that allow Ronny's fans to "create pictures with their faces on an Olympian's body"! Way to go Mick!
4. Recognizing not only the blithering idiots they are, but that they recently LOOKED like blithering idiots spending more on TV than ever, MEDIA BUYERS are now saying they're going to spend LESS on ADVERTISING. How many of these guys will VOTE for the MESSIAH -- and how many are His MEDIA ADVISERS?
5. And speaking of luxury boxes, isn't there an EASIER way to see the SUPER BORE, Moon 'n' Stars?
6. Finally, Rance and his buddies assume a pensive look as they ponder Census data even though it's still about eighteen months away, and gasp:
The average U.S. head of household is now nearly 50 years old (49.5, to be precise). But here's the bigger story: More than 80% of the growth in the number of households in the next five years will be among those headed by people 55 and older.
Let us guess: MORE money for MTV!!!!!
1. The company that spends umpteen megazillions financing professional sports appears not to have spent one thin dime laying out the case for staying independent -- yet another proof advertising is about fiefdoms, and luxury boxes. It isn't about moving product -- and certainly not about protecting jobs.
2. The Sons of SLAVERY BRANDAGE are smiling: the same Chinese who are using their brute force to punish dissidents are punishing AMBUSH MARKETING.
3. And several months into their Beijing vacations, Mickey D's top execs have an excuse for them: a Web site that allow Ronny's fans to "create pictures with their faces on an Olympian's body"! Way to go Mick!
4. Recognizing not only the blithering idiots they are, but that they recently LOOKED like blithering idiots spending more on TV than ever, MEDIA BUYERS are now saying they're going to spend LESS on ADVERTISING. How many of these guys will VOTE for the MESSIAH -- and how many are His MEDIA ADVISERS?
5. And speaking of luxury boxes, isn't there an EASIER way to see the SUPER BORE, Moon 'n' Stars?
6. Finally, Rance and his buddies assume a pensive look as they ponder Census data even though it's still about eighteen months away, and gasp:
The average U.S. head of household is now nearly 50 years old (49.5, to be precise). But here's the bigger story: More than 80% of the growth in the number of households in the next five years will be among those headed by people 55 and older.
Let us guess: MORE money for MTV!!!!!
IF someone played history's most expensive practical joke on Bear Stearns (using the Big C as a conduit -- how typical), doesn't that say next time someone can play a more expensive joke? And doesn't it also say those who insist speculators are harmless are pretty well full of it?