THE NEWS HACK'S CREED:
I know more than you.
I make lots more money than you.
I'm smarter than you.
I'm sexier than you.
I appear on TV all the time.
I work ten minutes a day.
I rule the universe.
I'm going to live forever.
You are an idiot.
THE NEWS HACK'S CREED, No. 2:
A lie isn't a lie when it tells THE TRUTH.
THE NEWS HACK'S CREED, No. 3:
I've come to realize that the looseness of the journalistic life, the seeming laxity of the newsroom, is an illusion. Yes, there's informality and there's humor, but beneath the surface lies something deadly serious. It is a code. Sometimes the code is not even written down, but it is deeply believed in. And, when violated, it is enforced with tribal ferocity.
--JOHN "OMERTA" CARROLL.
THE NEWS HACK'S CREED, No. 4:
News isn't news when we don't report it.
PERMALINKS:
THE NEWS HACKS' DICTIONARY
THE EUGENE DAVID GLOSSARY
AMERICA'S MOST UNINTENTIONALLY FUNNY WEB SITE!
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Saturday, December 09, 2006
Here the TWXSTERS plaster TV ads and billboards everywhere for Leonardo's political "thriller", and even try to foment synergistic controversy through their too-many outlets, so what happens? The film will be out of the popcorn restaurants in three weeks, its tail between its legs. And their "holiday" film's doing worse. And if I were THE WORLD'S LEADING FAMILY ENTERTAINMENT COMPANY I wouldn't gloat either.
I don't care what the blurbmeisters say, this biz is in trouble.
P. S. EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEW raises the white flag:
Practically the only one still vertical enough to chase the scamps around is the airport honcho played by "The Daily Show's" Lewis Black, who was not meant to deliver his usual apoplexy to children. He is not that funny....
I'm surprised ROMY isn't on this. Why are these news hacks allowed to do entertainment? Clearly Lewis should stick with reporting.
I don't care what the blurbmeisters say, this biz is in trouble.
P. S. EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEW raises the white flag:
Practically the only one still vertical enough to chase the scamps around is the airport honcho played by "The Daily Show's" Lewis Black, who was not meant to deliver his usual apoplexy to children. He is not that funny....
I'm surprised ROMY isn't on this. Why are these news hacks allowed to do entertainment? Clearly Lewis should stick with reporting.
If Barack does become president it will be because we're sick and tired of professionals. But will Barack be another Lincoln -- or a left-wing wimp?
I wouldn't put on the stove-pipe hat yet, Barack.
I wouldn't put on the stove-pipe hat yet, Barack.
We do not know how hopeful this sign is, as FIXER and his WISE GUYS evidently pushed for it, but amicable distribution of the oil wealth can only help bring calm to Iraq, a nation that is, let us face it, little but oil, and feuding religious sects.
THE FUTURE OF NEWS: The StinkyInky's breathless 1,140-WORD dispatch on A. I., with all the electricity normally surrounding Mid-East negotiations, is Exhibit A in why the press is rejiggering its business around profit centers. Sports is $, and the more verbose and hyperbolistic and speculative and angst-ridden the sports page is, the more $. We suspect few who do not follow the megalomania that is professional basketball will care one way or another where A. I. goes. We do not care where A. I. goes. But with papers like the StinkyInky relying more on wire-service copy and their sports profit centers, increasingly we do care where the StinkyInky goes, and we hope it's to the Devil.
PC: SLIME's fatuous tribute to Ambassador Kirkpatrick reminds us that the forces of reaction work both ways. We remember (as an example) when the late Peter Jennings fulsomely praised I. F. Stone, a man with too many moral blind spots. Now SLIME insists Ambassador Kirkpatrick will live for the ages. To his credit, Stone recognized he was wrong about Communism, and to be sure the Ambassador said the right things. But Stone was too often the dupe for Moscow, and the Ambassador's SILENT DIPLOMACY shtick helped prolong the Chileans' agony. SLIME has reason to platitudinize; Ronald Reagan gave Him His American citizenship and a license to make money by insulting the public. We do not like being spun to, whether by liberals or conservatives.
(Again, sorry for the BRENT.)
(Again, sorry for the BRENT.)
Friday, December 08, 2006
..."JAMES BOND 22", THE JETSONS (a SECOND time), Jimmy Neutron: Boy Genius 2, Johnson Family Vacation 2, JURASSIC PARK 4, The Keith Moon Story, a KUNG FU movie, a LAND OF THE LOST movie, a LOGAN'S RUN remake, another LONE RANGER movie, MADAGASCAR 2, a MAGNUM P. I. movie, a THE MAN FROM U.N.C.L.E. movie, MEET THE LITTLE FOCKER, a MIGHTY MOUSE movie, Money Talks 2, MORTAL KOMBAT 3, Mr. Bean's Holiday (aka BEAN 2), MRS. DOUBTFIRE 2, THE MUMMY 3, an ALL-BLACK THE MUNSTERS movie (?!?!?), Neanderthals (another story of modern Hollywood?), a NINE TO FIVE remake (inspired by JESSICA SIMPSON?)....
MORE TO COME.
MORE TO COME.
And in other farewell news, the House of Ill Repute takes $38 billion and with several hundred heavy-duty fans blows all the dough away.
And GET LOST to YOU TOO!
And GET LOST to YOU TOO!
Should they rename the Best Song category Best Sample? Or just Best Steal?
It used to be that the Grammy Award for Best Song meant something: it was an original song.
You're absolutely sure about this, Rog?
Meantime he calls a new musical "a Broadway hit."
ERRRR....
It used to be that the Grammy Award for Best Song meant something: it was an original song.
You're absolutely sure about this, Rog?
Meantime he calls a new musical "a Broadway hit."
ERRRR....
TRUTH FERRETING IN THE BLOG AGE: SUPERDUPERMEGAGIGABLOGGERS say DID SO! The ASSPress says DID NOT! DID SO! DID NOT DID SO! DID NOT!
WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!!!
No wonder the TEN WISE GUYS could break wind about BIPARTISANSHIP.
WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!!!
No wonder the TEN WISE GUYS could break wind about BIPARTISANSHIP.
COMMON SENSE comes to ENTERTAINMENT:
Several months ago, producer Mike Tollin (TV's "One Tree Hill," "Coach Carter") introduced Steyer at a casual Hollywood gathering. Among several dozen industry insiders there, the reaction was relief that Common Sense was not out to publicly shame them.
Well, we don't want to SHAME anyone -- especially when...
Knowing that parents often are too busy to check www.commonsensemedia.org for guidance, the media watchdog has signed agreements over the past year and a half for its reviews to appear on TiVo, Netflix and, via video on demand, on Time Warner Cable -- places where families are making their media choices. [Emphasis added]
SIGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH, ANOTHER bigmedia stooge.
Several months ago, producer Mike Tollin (TV's "One Tree Hill," "Coach Carter") introduced Steyer at a casual Hollywood gathering. Among several dozen industry insiders there, the reaction was relief that Common Sense was not out to publicly shame them.
Well, we don't want to SHAME anyone -- especially when...
Knowing that parents often are too busy to check www.commonsensemedia.org for guidance, the media watchdog has signed agreements over the past year and a half for its reviews to appear on TiVo, Netflix and, via video on demand, on Time Warner Cable -- places where families are making their media choices. [Emphasis added]
SIGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH, ANOTHER bigmedia stooge.
"I WON'T PAY A 73-MILLION-DOLLAR FINE. I WON'T PAY A 73-CENT FINE! I WON'T TIME-DELAY THE NEWS, AND I WON'T SAY I'M SORRY!! I NO LONGER RECOGNIZE THE AUTHORITY OF THE FCC ON THIS MATTER!!! I'M GOING TO HAVE TO BE ORDERED BY A FEDERAL JUDGE!!!! AND WHEN THEY COME TO GET MY TRANSMITTER, THEY BETTER, THEY BETTER SEND A GROUP A HELL OF A LOT MORE SCARY THAN THE FOUNDATION FOR FRIENDLY FAMILIES OR WHATEVER THEY ARE!!!!! LET THOSE GUYS EMBED THEMSELVES WITH THE SECOND MARINE DIVISION FOR A WHILE!!!!!! ... THIS IS THE ONE (FIGHT) I'VE BEEN WAITING FOR MY WHOLE LIFE!!!!!!!!!!" [Righteous overemphasis added]
SHUT UP, EINSTEIN! (Sorry for the Brent.)
P. S.
NBC Wins Monday, Though 'Studio 60' Hits Series Low
SHUT UP, EINSTEIN! (Sorry for the Brent.)
P. S.
NBC Wins Monday, Though 'Studio 60' Hits Series Low
Time-Shifting Could Cost Broadcast TV $600 Million
Is THAT ALL? The nets can easily make up the difference by charging more -- and they can offer a thousand excuses to consumer products CEOs, starting with, "You can't schmooze on YouTube", and, "Does Yahoo! have the SUPER BOWL?"
Is THAT ALL? The nets can easily make up the difference by charging more -- and they can offer a thousand excuses to consumer products CEOs, starting with, "You can't schmooze on YouTube", and, "Does Yahoo! have the SUPER BOWL?"
Jeane Kirkpatrick, Reagan's League of Nations ambassador who for better for worse will forever be associated with the term sile -- QUIET diplomacy, has died. RIP.
Thursday, December 07, 2006
...A NINTH version of HALLOWEEN (from THE WORLD'S LEADING FAMILY ENTERTAINMENT COMPANY!), VIN DIESEL as HANNIBAL, Harold and Kumar 2?, a HAVE GUN, WILL TRAVEL movie, a HAWAII FIVE-0 movie, The Hills Have Eyes II [sic], THE HOBBIT [UGH!], HONG KONG PHOOEY (yes, from a HANNA-BARBERA TV SHOW), Hoodwinked 2: Hood vs. Evil, Horton Hears a Who (ANOTHER PRODUCT PLACEMENT BONANZA!!!!! NOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!), HOSTEL, PART 2, Howard Stern's Porky's (who?), How I Met My Boyfriend's Dead Fiancee, an I DREAM OF JEANNIE movie ("Bend It Like Beckham director Gurinder Chadha is attached to helm from a script by Cormac and Marianne Wibberley" -- that sounds funnier than the movie), ICE AGE 3, If I Had Known I Was a Genius (I'd have gotten stupid so I could be SHARON STONE -- or TARA REID), THE INCREDIBLE HULK 2, a remake of The Incredible Shrinking Man, INDIANA JONES 4, a SEQUEL to D. W. GRIFFITH'S INTOLERANCE (?!?!?) (or, "The film weaves together the lives of characters from around the world to see the impact of globalization." Is LOU "THE ZILLIONAIRE POPULIST" DOBBS behind this?), It's Not About the Bike aka Lance Armstrong Biopic (ERRRR)....
MORE TO COME.
MORE TO COME.
The secret word is "testosterone."
Yes, most churches are as inviting as a soggy pancake, but the closer religion gets to fads the further it gets from God.
Yes, most churches are as inviting as a soggy pancake, but the closer religion gets to fads the further it gets from God.
The TRIB has just appointed an "associate editor/innovation", which is like all these companies falling over one another naming vice-presidents for corporate social responsibility, giving people amorphous jobs to try to fix what can't be fixed.
(Via the usual Romy)
(Via the usual Romy)
More proof book buyers cannot read:
Palestine: Peace Not Apartheid, which sold more than 23,000 copies in its third week on the charts, landed at No. 5 on The Book Standard’s Nonfiction Chart.
Palestine: Peace Not Apartheid, which sold more than 23,000 copies in its third week on the charts, landed at No. 5 on The Book Standard’s Nonfiction Chart.
Despite an intensified campaign against poverty, World Bank programs have failed to lift incomes in many poor countries over the past decade, leaving tens of millions of people suffering stagnating and even declining living standards, according to a report released Thursday by the bank's autonomous assessment arm.
We suspect, however, that the World Bank's programs have left certain well-connected types VERY WEALTHY.
We suspect, however, that the World Bank's programs have left certain well-connected types VERY WEALTHY.
A week after crashing Gov. Mitt Romney's party at the Republican Governors Association meeting, Sen. John McCain announced Thursday he had the support of two leading Republicans in Utah -- the headquarters of Romney's Mormon church and the site of his family's ski home.
DOUBLE!
DOUBLE!
Sen. John McCain, R-Ariz., a 2008 presidential hopeful, took strong issue with the commission's call for phasing out the U.S. combat role in Iraq by 2008 and focusing instead more on training and advising the Iraqi army. He rejected the idea that the Army and Marines cannot spare more combat forces for Iraq duty.
BOOBS McKEATING FOR PRESIDENT!
BOOBS McKEATING FOR PRESIDENT!
"A Collection of Journalists Who Have Distinctive Signatures."
That's What John Harris Has in Mind.
How many news hacks have "distinctive signatures"? Mr. Harris argues that "the system" irons them out. We argue that most hacks have no style to begin with. Oh yes, there's the occasional genius who can come from nowhere -- Ernie Pyle is said to have been a bland, uninteresting feature typist before he found his voice in the war -- but most writers are sterile soil from which no flower will grow. And the "professionalizing" of the biz, the incessant demand that the public treat it as a respectable occupation just like law or medicine (!), drove the eccentrics away. So we're stuck with the flat, neutral voice of flat writers in flat newspapers that are flatlining.
He also mentions humor. Puh-LEASE! The biz' idea of humor is Michael Kinsley (heavy irony), or MODO (weirdness), or the humorous columnist of the past who was just plain UNFUNNY. Besides, the news biz' best humor has always been unintentional.
So we have "partnerships", and "new paradigms", and news hacks who are too contented with themselves to change, and a readership that takes the sole available course and turns them off.
By the way, am I the only one who notices that "PressThink" suggests "GroupThink"?
That's What John Harris Has in Mind.
How many news hacks have "distinctive signatures"? Mr. Harris argues that "the system" irons them out. We argue that most hacks have no style to begin with. Oh yes, there's the occasional genius who can come from nowhere -- Ernie Pyle is said to have been a bland, uninteresting feature typist before he found his voice in the war -- but most writers are sterile soil from which no flower will grow. And the "professionalizing" of the biz, the incessant demand that the public treat it as a respectable occupation just like law or medicine (!), drove the eccentrics away. So we're stuck with the flat, neutral voice of flat writers in flat newspapers that are flatlining.
He also mentions humor. Puh-LEASE! The biz' idea of humor is Michael Kinsley (heavy irony), or MODO (weirdness), or the humorous columnist of the past who was just plain UNFUNNY. Besides, the news biz' best humor has always been unintentional.
So we have "partnerships", and "new paradigms", and news hacks who are too contented with themselves to change, and a readership that takes the sole available course and turns them off.
By the way, am I the only one who notices that "PressThink" suggests "GroupThink"?
In all my time in Washington I've never seen such smugness, arrogance, or such insufferable moral superiority. Self-congratulatory. Full of itself. Horrible.
You know Bill, I'm not altogether certain you should speak to this. And let it be said, Bill, that the Beltway's total MO is insufferable moral superiority. How this differs from day-to-day affairs is beyond me.
You know Bill, I'm not altogether certain you should speak to this. And let it be said, Bill, that the Beltway's total MO is insufferable moral superiority. How this differs from day-to-day affairs is beyond me.
SLIME and JOHN THE DON reach a DEAL!
Their talks must have made a Mafia confab look like the apex of virtue and pretty language.
Their talks must have made a Mafia confab look like the apex of virtue and pretty language.
Mr. Teachout links to this useless report card on Noo Yawk's ad-blurbists. Someone has come up with a system even worse than star-ratings, so imprecise even the very worst cri-TICS can escape censure.
Why do so many hacks waste their time on such offensive brain spasms?
Why do so many hacks waste their time on such offensive brain spasms?
And most of these masterworks have NOT done well at the B. O., and Mel's mania was a FLUKE, and when we hear of someone "pushing the bar" he doesn't want HIS moved.
And when LUKE SPIELBERG can hypocritically complain, and the government admits its vaunted V-CHIP is "INEFFECTIVE", WE have a PROBLEM.
This extremely irritating piece is yet another example of the hacks using typing for discernment, and dithering for judgment.
And when LUKE SPIELBERG can hypocritically complain, and the government admits its vaunted V-CHIP is "INEFFECTIVE", WE have a PROBLEM.
This extremely irritating piece is yet another example of the hacks using typing for discernment, and dithering for judgment.
Last year, when MUZAK's cretins began their odors-for-retailing offensive, I said this was just another way for business to "stink us out." Knee-jerk con-SER-va-tives will no doubt make raucous fun of the national-nanny types who succeeded in getting scent strips removed from bus shelters in FRISCO, but don't we have enough noisome scents?
Wednesday, December 06, 2006
...a remake of Fantastic Voyage, a remake of FLASH GORDON, a THIRD installment of FLETCH, something called Foodfight -- "the tale of the after-hours activities of products in a grocery store", a remake of FOXY BROWN (with Halle Berry, United Artists SEZ HERE), FREDDY VS. JASON 2, ANOTHER FRIDAY THE 13TH, something called FULL OF IT (the biography of SAMMY GLICKMAN?), something called FUNNY GAMES (maybe this?), something about the toy soldier G. I. JOE, something called Gary the Tennis Coach, something called The Genius Club (might it be about -- THE CONSPIRACY?!?!?), GLADIATOR 2, something called Gnomeo and Juliet (from THE WORLD'S LEADING FAMILY ENTERTAINMENT COMPANY!), GOAL 2, GOAL 3, THE GOONIES 2, GREASE 3?!?!?, THE GREEN HORNET, the long-threatened remake of GUYS & DOLLS....
More to come.
More to come.
Something called the National Board of Review has initiated Os-CAR® season by calling the latest by THE GREATEST DIRECTOR EVER a MASSSSSSSSSSSTERPIECE!!!!!
"This is his MASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSTERPIECE," NBR President Annie Schulhof said of "Letters From Iwo Jima." "I was blown away [DIMWITTED AD-BLURBIST SIC] by its delicacy, the poignancy of how he talks about war. I think it's also a searing condemnation of war. It was a unique view of the Japanese side of the battle. We don't always see that." [IMMORTALLY AHTISTIC OVEREMPHASIS ADDED]
We might have seen it if we'd LOST.
P. S. from our favorite PR MAN ROG:
This column reported last year that Annie Schulhof, the controversial president of the NBR, had close ties to Warner Bros....which has international rights to the film....
How THOROUGHLY DISINTERESTED!
"This is his MASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSTERPIECE," NBR President Annie Schulhof said of "Letters From Iwo Jima." "I was blown away [DIMWITTED AD-BLURBIST SIC] by its delicacy, the poignancy of how he talks about war. I think it's also a searing condemnation of war. It was a unique view of the Japanese side of the battle. We don't always see that." [IMMORTALLY AHTISTIC OVEREMPHASIS ADDED]
We might have seen it if we'd LOST.
P. S. from our favorite PR MAN ROG:
This column reported last year that Annie Schulhof, the controversial president of the NBR, had close ties to Warner Bros....which has international rights to the film....
How THOROUGHLY DISINTERESTED!
Marty believes the League of Nations should punish Iran for fomenting genocide. This won't happen because 1. The August Body LOVES IRAN, 2. The August Body HATES JEWS even more, and 3. Even if the League decided to punish Iran, how would its punishments be any more effective than its wet-noodle treatment over nukes?
The Berlin Declaration is a statement of principle. The League of Nations has none -- and it holds the cards.
The Berlin Declaration is a statement of principle. The League of Nations has none -- and it holds the cards.
Perhaps the important thing about the TEN WISE GUYS is not the report, which no one will read, but the spin to get us outoutOUT of Iraq, which may have been the point.
P. S.
Some of the bipartisan Iraq Study Group panelists made political donations this past election period, according to an article in The Hill.
"The contributions could be fodder for critics who disapprove of the group’s final recommendations, even though the panel consists of five Democrats and five Republicans," Bob Cusack writes.
One panelist, former Democratic Congressman Leon Panetta gave $500 to Rep. John Murtha (D-Pa.), who has forcefully pushed for the withdrawal of US troops in Iraq. On the other hand, co-chairman James Baker, former chief of staff to the president's father contributed [sic] $15,000 to the National Republican Senatorial Committee.
That sounds to us like disqualification enough.
P. S.
Some of the bipartisan Iraq Study Group panelists made political donations this past election period, according to an article in The Hill.
"The contributions could be fodder for critics who disapprove of the group’s final recommendations, even though the panel consists of five Democrats and five Republicans," Bob Cusack writes.
One panelist, former Democratic Congressman Leon Panetta gave $500 to Rep. John Murtha (D-Pa.), who has forcefully pushed for the withdrawal of US troops in Iraq. On the other hand, co-chairman James Baker, former chief of staff to the president's father contributed [sic] $15,000 to the National Republican Senatorial Committee.
That sounds to us like disqualification enough.
“Well again, I differ in that I don’t want Iraq to become the next Afghanistan. We could not allow Iraq to become a safe haven for Al Qaeda, for Hamas, for Hizbullah, or anybody else. We cannot allow Iran or Syria to have a free hand in there to further destabilize the Middle East.”
Nancy's new intelligence boss said THAT?
(Via -- oops -- The Corner)
Nancy's new intelligence boss said THAT?
(Via -- oops -- The Corner)
CHEAPIE MARKETWATCH, the HOME of JONNY HAIRSHIRT, has named UB IGER its CEO OF THE CEN -- YEAR!!!!!
And even it admits part of it was luck.
P. S. At what point does UB's gee-whiz, aw-shucks, low-key, no-comment style turn into reclusiveness?
And even it admits part of it was luck.
P. S. At what point does UB's gee-whiz, aw-shucks, low-key, no-comment style turn into reclusiveness?
Sixty-five years ago a bunch of deep-down nice people dropped a few harmless firecrackers on us because they were very sorry we couldn't get along.
I wonder -- if Pearl Harbor happened today, how soon would we surrender?
And would THE WORLD'S GREATEST DIRECTOR stage-manage the ceremony?
I wonder -- if Pearl Harbor happened today, how soon would we surrender?
And would THE WORLD'S GREATEST DIRECTOR stage-manage the ceremony?
Tuesday, December 05, 2006
...A CAPTAIN AMERICA MOVIE, a remake of THE WILD BUNCH, CATS AND DOGS 2: TINKLES' [SIC] REVENGE (this being one of SAMMY GLICKMAN'S "FAMILY" pollutants we can guess there's a LOT of tinkling), a CHALLENGER DISASTER movie (the world is really begging for it), a CHARLIE CHAN movie (via SLIME -- this we gotta see), THREE FILMS NAMED CHAOS (two REMAKES), a CHiPs movie, a sequel to City of God, a REMAKE of CLASH OF THE TITANS, a CONAN movie, COYOTE UGLY 2, a remake of The Creature From The Black Lagoon, a prequel to Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon, something called The Crusaders -- a picture about THURGOOD MARSHALL, A DALLAS MOVIE, a remake of Damn Yankees, something called The Darwin Awards (THE CONSPIRACY could win some), something called Daughter of the Queen of Sheba ("based on a memoir by NPR correspondent Jacki Lyden" -- exciting!), a REMAKE of DEATH RACE 2000, a remake of something called DHOOM, HISTORY'S GREATEST COMEDIAN in something called Dinner for Schmucks (let's guess who's one of them), a DRAGON'S LAIR movie (based on a video game -- from the 1980s), a DUKE NUKEM movie, ELF 2, another movie about Sir Ernest Shackleton and Endurance, an EVEL KNIEVEL movie, a remake of The Evil Dead....
More to come.
More to come.
In their different spheres, Rick Warren and Barack Obama are both in the business of retailing hope.
The problem with this home-page squib is that E. J. is in the business of wholesaling bull.
The problem with this home-page squib is that E. J. is in the business of wholesaling bull.
World powers fail to reach Iran accord
This of course, is good news -- because it allows more time for world powers to sit on their fantasies dreaming how they can punish Iran with a wet noodle, and trust in the God no one believes in that maybe the radiation won't spread over Europe, the U.S. being another story.
But the French Foreign Ministry does offer hope:
"We are now close to a conclusion of this process."
...the process to see who can do the best imitation of roadkill.
This of course, is good news -- because it allows more time for world powers to sit on their fantasies dreaming how they can punish Iran with a wet noodle, and trust in the God no one believes in that maybe the radiation won't spread over Europe, the U.S. being another story.
But the French Foreign Ministry does offer hope:
"We are now close to a conclusion of this process."
...the process to see who can do the best imitation of roadkill.
We see THE WORLD'S LEADING FAMILY ENTERTAINMENT COMPANY is getting back into cartoon shorts. Judging from that "[t]he new Goofy short is slated to go into production early next year" remark the people making these are going to TAKE THEIR TIME doing it. Friz Freleng didn't need to TAKE HIS TIME deciding what Sylvester and Tweety would do. The idea of Goofy tackling home-theater is promising, but the more these guys explain it the less promising it gets, and we wouldn't be surprised if it apes every last bit of the cornball for which Uncle Walt's shorts were famous, but happily that's just one side of THE WORLD'S LEADING FAMILY ENTERTAINMENT COMPANY.
Hopeful P. S.
This is not the first attempt at such a revival. Warner Brothers, for example, tried to bring back the classic Looney Tunes characters in new shorts in 2003, but they proved unsuccessful and most of them were never screened theatrically.
ESPNCORP's crew has also announced it's all but given up making Mickey Mouse "HIP", an admission animated shorts are of another time, a time that, alas, can't be ours.
(Via ShowBizData)
Hopeful P. S.
This is not the first attempt at such a revival. Warner Brothers, for example, tried to bring back the classic Looney Tunes characters in new shorts in 2003, but they proved unsuccessful and most of them were never screened theatrically.
ESPNCORP's crew has also announced it's all but given up making Mickey Mouse "HIP", an admission animated shorts are of another time, a time that, alas, can't be ours.
(Via ShowBizData)
The Corner gets CELEBRATORY because the SUPERDUPERMEGAGIGABLOGGERS of POWER LINE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! have made a CAUSE CELEBRE of a STRIB COLUMNIST who makes a LENGTHY STATEMENT about M----m cab drivers who WON'T HAUL PASSENGERS CARRYING ALCOHOL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Yes, we're suspicious of I---m, and maybe, MAYBE this involves shadowy groups, and sharia, but how otherwise does this differ from Mormons and their "lifestyle"? Or the Amish and theirs? If M----m cabbies don't want to help transport beverages that, yes, have done untold harm, let them. What a shame that I---m's rock-solid virtues are mated to worse-than-vices like terrorism.
Yes, we're suspicious of I---m, and maybe, MAYBE this involves shadowy groups, and sharia, but how otherwise does this differ from Mormons and their "lifestyle"? Or the Amish and theirs? If M----m cabbies don't want to help transport beverages that, yes, have done untold harm, let them. What a shame that I---m's rock-solid virtues are mated to worse-than-vices like terrorism.
The bad news: ESPNCORP shares are going UPUPUP!!!!!
The good news: ZONNNNNNNNNNNNNNN's shares are going DOWNDOWNDOWN!!!!!
The good news: ZONNNNNNNNNNNNNNN's shares are going DOWNDOWNDOWN!!!!!
Shucks, SLIME won't bid on TRIB in part because the EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEVIL FCC won't let Him.
Let's sic Our PROPERTIES on them!
(Via the usual Romy)
Let's sic Our PROPERTIES on them!
(Via the usual Romy)
VIACON NETWORK wants to get into the fillum biz.
WAIT! Isn't SUMNER already there? Or is His megalomania turning into dementia?
(Via IWantMedia)
WAIT! Isn't SUMNER already there? Or is His megalomania turning into dementia?
(Via IWantMedia)
TRANSLATION: The Orbiting Jalopy heads for the moon.
Let's see how long an underfunded, underbuilt colony can last.
Let's see how long an underfunded, underbuilt colony can last.
The Great Traveling People Warner Yard Sale has hit a speed bump!
Would YOU buy a rag from People Warner?
Would YOU buy a rag from People Warner?
Monday, December 04, 2006
Why the early field for 2008's election is the biggest yet
Front-loaded primaries spur two dozen would-be presidential nominees in both parties.
...who should be coveniently winnowed down to two just in time for New Hampshire.
Front-loaded primaries spur two dozen would-be presidential nominees in both parties.
...who should be coveniently winnowed down to two just in time for New Hampshire.
While trying to fathom why The Second Coming of Christ and movie ad-blurbists "get so turned on by this stuff", we came across these future effusions of genius on HSX.com:
A FOURTH version of A Star is Born; an A-TEAM movie; a live-action version of Alice in Wonderland (which a SUMNER predecessor bombed with); an ALVIN AND THE CHIPMUNKS movie; a remake of Barbarella with Drew Barrymore?!?!?; a BAYWATCH movie; BEVERLY HILLS COP IV; a remake of Bullitt; a remake of Bye Bye Birdie....
More to come.
A FOURTH version of A Star is Born; an A-TEAM movie; a live-action version of Alice in Wonderland (which a SUMNER predecessor bombed with); an ALVIN AND THE CHIPMUNKS movie; a remake of Barbarella with Drew Barrymore?!?!?; a BAYWATCH movie; BEVERLY HILLS COP IV; a remake of Bullitt; a remake of Bye Bye Birdie....
More to come.
Some "religious students' have been arrested as suspected terrorists, and who, had they not been arrested in Egypt, would cause CAIR to foam at the mouth.
"This would be an appropriate time to choose a nominee who has a proven ability to work with both sides of the political aisle, a history of building strong international relationships and a reputation of respect for the institution of the United Nations. The names Brent Scowcroft and George Mitchell come to mind immediately as outstanding candidates."
WAVE BYE-BYE, SEN. CASPAR MILQUETOAST CHAFEE!
WAVE BYE-BYE, SEN. CASPAR MILQUETOAST CHAFEE!
“The Nativity” star Keisha Castle-Hughes is making headlines for her teenage pregnancy, but it’s not the first time the actress playing the Virgin Mary has been embroiled in controversy. A few years ago, there was an arrest at a party she and her mother threw where there was underage drinking and one girl allegedly was a victim of sexual assault.
You don't suppose that's one reason the HOLY MOVIE failed, do you?
You don't suppose that's one reason the HOLY MOVIE failed, do you?
WALL STREET TELLS A JOKE: In order to pay for their preposterous acquisition of CHEAP CHANNEL its new owners will probably FIRE lots of people -- meaning more prefab radio, meaning fewer listeners, meaning -- BANKRUPTCY?
HA HA HA HA HA!
(Via RadioInk via Media Buyer Planner)
HA HA HA HA HA!
(Via RadioInk via Media Buyer Planner)
Increasingly the hacks whose skepticism was turned off by those thousands of interviews IN CHARACTER are finding the creator of THE GREATEST COMEDY EVER is an insufferable effete snob. Where was the criticism during all those interviews? Why do news hacks write the way the Nine Fingers rule, or a weather vane turns?
I HATE NEWS HACKS!!!!!
(Via the annoying ArtsJournal)
I HATE NEWS HACKS!!!!!
(Via the annoying ArtsJournal)
An appetizing combo: South American leftists and holy cockroaches.
On November 9, a court in Argentina issued an arrest warrant for former Iranian president Hashemi Rafsanjani and eight other former Iranian officials for their part in the 1994 bombing of the a Jewish community center in Buenos Aires, which killed 85 people and wounded hundreds. Prosecutors in the case formally accused Iran of ordering the terrorist attack and Hezbollah of carrying it out. Immediately after the judicial actions, Argentine Housing Minister Luis D'Elía, a self-professed follower of Chávez and a leftist demagogue on his own right (he is best known for organizing invasions of private property by piqueteros, unruly unemployed protesters), went to the Iranian embassy in Buenos Aires and read out a statement denouncing the legal proceedings as "American-Israeli military aggression against the Islamic Republic." (An embarrassed President Néstor Kirchner was forced to fire the minister.) [Link added]
We have probably not heard the last of Luis D'Elía. Then again, knowing reporters, we probably won't hear about him until he makes himself their hero.
On November 9, a court in Argentina issued an arrest warrant for former Iranian president Hashemi Rafsanjani and eight other former Iranian officials for their part in the 1994 bombing of the a Jewish community center in Buenos Aires, which killed 85 people and wounded hundreds. Prosecutors in the case formally accused Iran of ordering the terrorist attack and Hezbollah of carrying it out. Immediately after the judicial actions, Argentine Housing Minister Luis D'Elía, a self-professed follower of Chávez and a leftist demagogue on his own right (he is best known for organizing invasions of private property by piqueteros, unruly unemployed protesters), went to the Iranian embassy in Buenos Aires and read out a statement denouncing the legal proceedings as "American-Israeli military aggression against the Islamic Republic." (An embarrassed President Néstor Kirchner was forced to fire the minister.) [Link added]
We have probably not heard the last of Luis D'Elía. Then again, knowing reporters, we probably won't hear about him until he makes himself their hero.
Con-SER-va-tives are in a tizz because a BUTTMAN INSTITUTE WONK is proposing a link between glibertarians and liberals. It's a natural fit: both movements disdain morals (flout them even) and want what's theirs. We doubt it would work, though, because the glibertarians would quickly tire of the liberals' evangelism for government, and the liberals would quickly tire of the glibertarians' evangelism for greed.
(Via AmSpec)
(Via AmSpec)
The Dems are going to be real busy next year -- when not taking care of junk-food ads aimed at kids, they'll tackle no-swipe credit cards!
And even their friends admit they can't ban the ads.
P. S.
"IT'S AS DANGEROUS FOR PEDIATRICIANS TO MAKE RECOMMENDATIONS ABOUT ADVERTISING AS FOR ME TO WRITE A PRESCRIPTION FOR A CHILD'S EAR INFECTION!!!!!!!!!!" said Dick O'Brien of the American Association of Advertising Agencies.... [Hard-selling overemphasis added]
Hey guy, you infect us all the time with your DISEASES.
And even their friends admit they can't ban the ads.
P. S.
"IT'S AS DANGEROUS FOR PEDIATRICIANS TO MAKE RECOMMENDATIONS ABOUT ADVERTISING AS FOR ME TO WRITE A PRESCRIPTION FOR A CHILD'S EAR INFECTION!!!!!!!!!!" said Dick O'Brien of the American Association of Advertising Agencies.... [Hard-selling overemphasis added]
Hey guy, you infect us all the time with your DISEASES.
And speaking of the League of Nations:
"If I were an average Iraqi obviously I would make the same comparison, that they had a dictator who was brutal but they had their streets, they could go out, their kids could go to school and come back home without a mother or father worrying, 'Am I going to see my child again?'" he said.
Well then Mr. Nobel, why not bring back Saddam? You guys were amenable to him before.
"If I were an average Iraqi obviously I would make the same comparison, that they had a dictator who was brutal but they had their streets, they could go out, their kids could go to school and come back home without a mother or father worrying, 'Am I going to see my child again?'" he said.
Well then Mr. Nobel, why not bring back Saddam? You guys were amenable to him before.
In more idle typetypetyping JMax thinks EINSTEIN and its ilk can be hits, which means either JMax is deluding himself into a profitable relationship with a network exec or GE BANCORP AND REALTY NETWORK can't put reality shows on fast enough.
Bob Garfield throws a self-serving tantrum over another piece of ad-junk. We don't take this seriously because 1. The idiot ad biz always screams that it must be "EDGY"; 2. The idiot ad biz has established that it has a CONSTITUTIONAL RIGHT to finance all manner of dog leavings on OUR DIME; and 3. Before next year is out this will have won 500 "CREATIVE" awards and ADAGE will proclaim its slimy producer AGENCY OF THE YEAR, or whatever it does. This is the equivalent of an OMBUDSPOOP apologizing for the latest rotten reporting; it never stops it, which is exactly the point. Shut up, Bob Garfield.
GanNETt has a new gimmick: "Web first, paper second."
Leaving aside that the readers always come last, the clowns who think going local will save them (and that's a big part of the new gimmick) may have a surprise coming. We all know national news coverage stinks because it comes from two or three sources. But JERNALISM's problem is that the consolidation is as much psychical as systemic, and covering local news in the same old national ways will merely mean a slightly different kind of dull. Besides most of us can recite what makes up local news in our sleep: the police blotter, the school board hearing, the city council, the local business, the weather. Can any newspaper make the mundane vitally three dimensional -- especially a chain like GanNETt, which mixes and mashes and pounds everything into one indistinguishable shade of beige?
Leaving aside that the readers always come last, the clowns who think going local will save them (and that's a big part of the new gimmick) may have a surprise coming. We all know national news coverage stinks because it comes from two or three sources. But JERNALISM's problem is that the consolidation is as much psychical as systemic, and covering local news in the same old national ways will merely mean a slightly different kind of dull. Besides most of us can recite what makes up local news in our sleep: the police blotter, the school board hearing, the city council, the local business, the weather. Can any newspaper make the mundane vitally three dimensional -- especially a chain like GanNETt, which mixes and mashes and pounds everything into one indistinguishable shade of beige?
Sunday, December 03, 2006
A bunch of show-biz has-beens get a government award and schmooze with the president. I'm supposed to be impressed?
Hey guys, let's just call this the Kennedy Center Entertainment Honors, and be done with them. Better still, let's just be done with them.
Hey guys, let's just call this the Kennedy Center Entertainment Honors, and be done with them. Better still, let's just be done with them.
Last week I wrote, "[W]hen do Christians (known in Hollywood as the Root of All Evil -- except when they spend) come to realize the movie hacks are patronizing them? When will they come to realize their pious holy offerings are a false front for junk? When do they refuse to play the game?" It appears they've done so now. Not only has THE CONSPIRACY's mainline Christian movie bombed, so has an independent one with a $3 million budget and $8,000 at 41 popcorn restaurants in its first weekend (not to worry, BoxOfficeMojo says it's 7,813 in "All-Time Domestic", which proves how full-of-it movie numbers are). It's not just the Christians, of course; two other movies designed solely to lose their backers' money have bombed. No, for all the PR we'll get at the end of the month about upupUP (which is like outoutOUT except it's good news) the movie marketplace is a glorified theme park, and the only attractions that draw a crowd are CGIs and fantasy flicks for stupid blind teens. The rest is a tax writeoff.
Vincent J. Cannato, a historian at the University of Massachusetts, cautions: "Today's pronouncements that Bush is the 'worst president ever' are too often ideology masquerading as history."
TRANSLATION: Prepare for more mealy-mouthed glop from the OMBUDSPOOP.
Happily, GREG (who may eventually change his legal name to E & P Staff, though we wonder if "&" would work on his driver's license) presents this good news in the next graf:
The Washington Post editorial page has been a strong backer of the Iraq war from the beginning.
See! It's the WAPOST being political!
TRANSLATION: Prepare for more mealy-mouthed glop from the OMBUDSPOOP.
Happily, GREG (who may eventually change his legal name to E & P Staff, though we wonder if "&" would work on his driver's license) presents this good news in the next graf:
The Washington Post editorial page has been a strong backer of the Iraq war from the beginning.
See! It's the WAPOST being political!
Hmmm:
The radiation spy scandal took a sensational twist last night with the revelation that KGB defector Alexander Litvinenko had converted to Islam before he died.
BIG caveat: this is a British version of NewsMAX!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!, and about as reliable. Nonetheless this is one of those stories where nothing would surprise us.
If this is true that means the hacks can now officially censor the story.
The radiation spy scandal took a sensational twist last night with the revelation that KGB defector Alexander Litvinenko had converted to Islam before he died.
BIG caveat: this is a British version of NewsMAX!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!, and about as reliable. Nonetheless this is one of those stories where nothing would surprise us.
If this is true that means the hacks can now officially censor the story.
The Corner is angry that the Republicans in Congress will do nothing with their lame-duck session -- BUT:
Republican lawmakers will have met for one week in November, devoted almost exclusively to leadership elections for next year, and one week in December, largely to pick committee assignments, move offices and pass a measure to keep the government operating through February.
That will mean this Congress will have spent the least time in session of any in at least half a century, according to Thomas E. Mann and Norman J. Ornstein [oiiiiiiiiiii], congressional historians and the authors of "The Broken Branch," a critical look at recent Congresses. In the time they have met, lawmakers have failed to approve a budget resolution or pass at least eight of the 11 annual spending bills.
Don't con-SER-va-tives get mad because Congress is in session too much? Isn't being in session likely to lead to the kind of mischief for which con-SER-va-tives always excoriate Congress? What's with having this both ways?
Republican lawmakers will have met for one week in November, devoted almost exclusively to leadership elections for next year, and one week in December, largely to pick committee assignments, move offices and pass a measure to keep the government operating through February.
That will mean this Congress will have spent the least time in session of any in at least half a century, according to Thomas E. Mann and Norman J. Ornstein [oiiiiiiiiiii], congressional historians and the authors of "The Broken Branch," a critical look at recent Congresses. In the time they have met, lawmakers have failed to approve a budget resolution or pass at least eight of the 11 annual spending bills.
Don't con-SER-va-tives get mad because Congress is in session too much? Isn't being in session likely to lead to the kind of mischief for which con-SER-va-tives always excoriate Congress? What's with having this both ways?
“My personal concern is that the presidential campaign is going to dominate the conversation,” Ms. Boyda said. “If that happens and Democrats can’t get anything done, we will get kicked out of office just as fast as the Republicans.”
Not true; pass bills for the core and you'll make the job MUCH faster.
Not true; pass bills for the core and you'll make the job MUCH faster.
We confess at this early hour of the morning (we can't sleep) we haven't the foggiest idea what JonBoy is up to. In his domestic edition he has Norm Thomas's grandson opine about the ten wise guys, concluding with another of those notorious last grafs that's supposed to act as a coda while saying nothing. Really, we wish we knew WHY the hacks want us outoutOUT of Iraq. As bad as things may be they never question whether the alternative may be worse, or maybe they just don't care. With Iran and Syria running the show we may not want to venture they'd leave us alone.
We scratch our heads over Jon's other editions: Asia and Latin America get the Useless News treatment with "Your Genetic Secrets". But the Europe edition is very puzzling: Europe's "loss" of Turkey -- "a tragedy—a catastrophe, potentially—of epochal proportions!!!!!" [Overemphasis added.] We know next to nothing about the situation with its EU bid except the one good thing is it would be exempt from thousand-page regulations on the length of bananas.
We scratch our heads over Jon's other editions: Asia and Latin America get the Useless News treatment with "Your Genetic Secrets". But the Europe edition is very puzzling: Europe's "loss" of Turkey -- "a tragedy—a catastrophe, potentially—of epochal proportions!!!!!" [Overemphasis added.] We know next to nothing about the situation with its EU bid except the one good thing is it would be exempt from thousand-page regulations on the length of bananas.