Posted 7:24 PM by Gene

DOOT DO DO DOOOOOT DO DO DOOOOOOT DO DO DOOT! FLASH! POWER LINE GETS A TIP!!!!!

From little.

Posted 6:30 PM by Gene

This is my last comment on the sleazeballs of Hunt Valley. First they pandered to the knee-jerk right. Then they pandered to the knee-jerk left. With any luck this pile of assets will declare bankruptcy before long, and the new owner will ditch its Machiavellianism, and the company become what it irreducibly is -- a collection of third-rate stations for fourth-rate networks.

Posted 6:25 PM by Gene

A year after telling his many adoring fans YASSIR SERAIT MORT!!!!!!!!!! little's DOING IT AGAIN.

Between this and the way Sinclair wimped out you'd think people would be concerned for LITTLE's health.

Posted 6:04 PM by Gene

Being a CEO means not having to know what your company's doing.

Being a CEO means making $20 million a year not having to know what your company's doing.

Being a CEO means getting fawned over by Tom Peters and Scott Adams and John Byrne and BusinessWeek and Fortune and the authors of masterworks like Who Moved My Cheese? while making $20 million a year not having to know what your company's doing.

Posted 5:39 PM by Gene

ONWORD AND UPWARD WITH THE AHTS: Today I saw (or as our beloved GUVNOR would say, I seen) four musical bagmen, one with what sounded like an amplified violin, which led me to think, why not get them together into a band! THE STREET PEOPLE BAND! They could make great music together, and share the revenues -- plus as GUVNOR is always talking about how THE AHTS leads to increased prosperity that leads to more jobs for bellhops and maids and janitors and busboys and all sorts of COGS for a 21ST-CENTURY ECONOMY, he could sell it to the NEWS HACKS as part of the charm of our everlovin' CITY OF BROTHERLY LOVE! (And no doubt the hacks would cooperate as they're always dreamin' Bill Douglas dreams in their hermetically-sealed luxury news suites and their gated suburban communities.) FRISCO has street people, we'd have street-people MUSICIANS. I say go for it!

PLUS I passed the end of a bus-and-truck production matinee of Mamma Mia! with the doors open and the crowd making its rock-concert cheers, and some ac-TOR nonentity making a condescending remark about our IGGLES (as a cast member no doubt does for the home team of every NFL city the show tours), and I somehow thought, I should like to have been there, paying my eighty bucks to see a group of nobodies attempt to sing and dance so I could talk about it for ten weeks, but then I thought, I once came across a thread in a cast-album BBS asking what the posters' least-favorite recording was, and Mamma Mia! unsurprisingly turned up a lot. I'll keep my eighty bucks in my pocket.

Here's a story, by the way, which shows what a business FOLLY the AHTS could be here in Philthydelphia, especially with CHEAP CHANNEL coming in. It would be sad to lose this fine space, the Boyd Theater, but we need a supermarket more.

Posted 11:47 AM by Gene

SINCLAIR'S LITTLE STUNT seems to have bombed with the true believers. It was stupid in incalculable ways -- first, by making the company look like an ANNENBERG-STYLE TANTRUM THROWER, and second, when the company CAVED as EVERY PC NEWS HACK SCREAMED. This two-bit megachain deserves the muck and the mud piled high onto its name.

Posted 11:25 AM by Gene

The latest cliche in ad fiefdoms is "consumer control." (STERNO has gone beyond self-parody by stating this every blasted day.) The wastrel schmoozers, perhaps vaguely aware MANY OF US DON'T LIKE WHAT THEY FINANCE WITH OUR MONEY, are making noises. Alas, they don't seem to be listening at L'Oreal and GlaxoSmithKline (DilbertSpell) (caveat; it's BRENTCO); and more to the point, for every dollar they spend on a medium like the Web, which has a chance of working, THEY WASTE $5000 FINANCING JUNK TELEVISION. Yes, there have been a few salutary moves, like Mitsubishi Motors' withdrawal from the networks, but so long as BIG BIZ SUPPORTS JUNK SHOWS TO PRESERVE MANAGEMENT EMPIRES, we can only conclude it's LYING AS USUAL.

Posted 9:46 AM by Gene

"A president," Kerry says, "has to be able to do more than one thing at the same time."

That's what bothers us.

Posted 9:30 AM by Gene

One would think ENTREPRENEURS would be CAREFUL when citing MME. DEFARGE's name in ANYTHING -- especially when they're engaged in a little DAYDREAMING.

Prediction: after DIP's election THE NOSE will produce PROFILE IN COURAGE: THE JOHN KERRY STORY, starring Tom Cruise as the DIP -- and Mme. DeFarge as Mme. TE-RRRRRRRAIT-TZA.

Posted 9:05 AM by Gene

Officials: Flu shot shortage no crisis

Tell that to RUPERT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Posted 9:02 AM by Gene

What's the difference between THE OSAMA CHANNEL and AL-MANAR?

I'll have to think about that.

"It's the propaganda arm of Hezbollah and mirrors the ideology of the organization," said Mr. Jorisch. "The U.S. government should consider taking action against any company that does business with Al-Manar and/or Hezbollah," he said.

You mean like PEPSICO and POOPER AND GUTLESS?

Posted 8:56 AM by Gene

Rah-Rah, Sis-Boom-Bah for Google! Or Not

With the accent on BAH.

OR:

Such an enormous increase in the value of a company over a few weeks recalls the day in December 1998 when HENRY BLODGET, then an analyst for Oppenheimer & Company, famously predicted that Amazon.com, then trading at $240, would soon rise to $400. It reached that target in three weeks. Three years later, Amazon shares were selling for one-tenth that price. [Emphasis and link added.]

Remember: five years from now, these ARE the good old days!

Posted 8:52 AM by Gene

EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEVIL REPUBLICANS will STAND AT THE POLLS IN OHIO to challenge WHAT THEY PERCEIVE AS (gotta put that term in here) VOTE FRAUD.

DEMOCRATS? The forces of right and good? The forces of ethics and morals in politics? They wouldn't stuff the ballot boxes. THAT'S UNDEMOCRATIC!!!!!

Now remember PINCH, you and George and Terry and the gang -- and you too, MARIE ANTOINETTE -- on November 2, GET OUT THE R-CARD!!!!!

Posted 8:47 AM by Gene

We may presume Cecil Fielder is not a nice guy.

What gets me about such stories is that so many self-important slobs waste the so many millions they get, and then they wonder why public sympathy equals their bank accounts.

Posted 5:54 PM by Gene

You mean Dubya could win the election because of...GENERAL?

Posted 5:44 PM by Gene

Drum roll please as we play -- A JERNALISTIC CODE OF ETHICS:

1. Adhere to the journalistic values of honesty, courage, fairness, balance, independence, credibility and diversity, giving no priority to commercial or political considerations over professional ones.

2. Endeavour to get to the truth and declare it in our dispatches, programmes and news bulletins unequivocally in a manner which leaves no doubt about its validity and accuracy.

3. Treat our audiences with due respect and address every issue or story with due attention to present a clear, factual and accurate picture while giving full consideration to the feelings of victims of crime, war, persecution and disaster, their relatives and our viewers, and to individual privacy and public decorum.

4. Welcome fair and honest media competition without allowing it to affect adversely our standards of performance so that getting a "scoop" will not become an end in itself.

5. Present diverse points of view and opinions without bias or partiality.

6. Recognise diversity in human societies with all their races, cultures and beliefs and their values and intrinsic individualities in order to present unbiased and faithful reflection of them.

7. Acknowledge a mistake when it occurs, promptly correct it and ensure it does not recur.

8. Observe transparency in dealing with news and news sources while adhering to internationally established practices concerning the rights of these sources.

9. Distinguish between news material, opinion and analysis to avoid the pitfalls of speculation and propaganda.

10. Stand by colleagues in the profession and offer them support when required, particularly in light of the acts of aggression and harassment to which journalists are subjected at times. Cooperate with Arab and international journalistic unions and associations to defend freedom of the press.

Okay -- WHOSE CODE OF ETHICS IS THIS?

Forgive me if I say THIS PIECE OF MANURE is why we should not trust ONE word about ETHICS from the news biz, especially now as the HOLY COCKROACHES who run this propaganda outfit are busy celebrating THIS story.

Posted 5:23 PM by Gene

Here's MY idea of a campaign song (to the tune, as usual, of "Wintergreen for President"):

MICHAEL BAD for President!
MICHAEL BAD for President!
He's the man the dweebies choose!
Loves the druggies and the booze!

(Etc., etc., etc.)

Well, he's a GLIBERTARIAN, isn't he?

Now if only we could work on a song for his running mate, whose name rhymes with lasagna.

P. S. Is it me or does he have a slight resemblance to ANOTHER MICHAEL?

Posted 5:02 PM by Gene

One last word on newspaper endorsements (at least until a really stupid one comes along): Democratic endorsements confirm the industry's sieg heil. GOP endorsements are well, we had to do it for fairness' sake, and we haven't endorsed a Republican in 300 years, and half our readers are blahblahblah, and thus done in PAIN and therefore TOTALLY insincere. For these sordid reasons newspapers should cease with endorsements.

Posted 5:00 PM by Gene

Bush Signs $136 Billion Corporate Tax Cut Bill

There, that should scratch a LOT of backs.

This is why one should approach Bush II the II with weariness.

Posted 4:50 PM by Gene

I wish I could start a G000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000GLEWATCH. You know, sort of like the Bill Gates wealth trackers that sprang up in the Web's infancy: market cap per Web page tracked, price of Google in a year if it went up every trading day at today's percentage, comparisons with Qualcomm and Netscape and Cisco Systems, market cap per Blogger member, market cap required to reach MICROSOFT'S TOP, etc. etc., etc. But it takes a certain kind of monomaniac to do it, as the dozens who started following DAN BLATHER after BLATHERGATE proved, and I don't have the time for it, as I'm already ensconced in a job and trying to get THE BLOG SERVICE FOR SUPERZILLIONAIRES to work. Still, if I could....

Posted 2:00 PM by Gene

Uh, Prof, it's How Bush/kerry won [sic].

Any relation to Franken/berry?

Posted 1:37 PM by Gene

THE RIGHT-WING KNEE-JERK LIBERAL NEWS HACK JOHN STOSSEL GOES aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahAHahAHaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahAHahAHaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!

Posted 1:30 PM by Gene

No doubt something evil happened at DICKIE V'S FAVORITE SCHOOL, but I fear those who could have challenged the evil decided instead to talk over it and into the faces of a friendly chorus, and the ready microphones of David Horowitz.

Posted 1:14 PM by Gene

Now that G000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000GLE is closing in on $100,000 a share we should entertain all sorts of appalling fantasies -- like a resurgence in the attractiveness of BIGMEDIA stocks. Already the Search Engine with the Infinite Price is approaching Time Warner's and Viacon's market caps. Why can't the providers of America's Worst Blogging Service start thinking of being giants to surpass John D. Rockefeller or Andrew Carnegie? Why not buy two or three media firms? Or a half a dozen newspaper chains? And if they don't want media why not high-tech? Have they dreamed of making a run at BILL'S DREAD EMPIRE OF THE UNTOLD BUGS? Such a thought is preposterous, but Lucent at almost $65 a share taught us in the wonderful world of investment bubbles no psychosis is too preposterous.

Posted 12:21 PM by Gene

The ROCKHEADS at the PRU raise it to $200?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?

$2000!!!!!!!!!!

Posted 11:44 AM by Gene

Let us contemplate (if G000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000GLE will permit us) the heroic names that could serve under PRESIDENT DIP. Hmm: Joe "Four Score and Seven Years Ago" Biden; Chuck "I'm Ashamed to Be a Republican" Hagel; Warren "THE REFORMER" Rudman; Dick "David S. as in Sominex Broder" Lugar; Susan "I'm a Republican? Like, Gross Me Out" Collins; and Gen. Merrill "McTrough" McPeak.

Sadly, outgoing weathervane -- er, Congressman Dick Gephardt will NOT run LABOR -- a job he richly deserves.

So let's ROOT, ROOT ROOT for the HOME PREZ....

Posted 11:19 AM by Gene

GUESS WHAT? G000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000GLE's UP $5000 A SHARE TODAY!!!!! MEANING -- GUESS WHAT -- THE AOL OF BLOGS IS SLOWER THAN EVER!!!!! MEANING G000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000GLE HAS THE WORLD'S LARGEST COLLECTION OF PLASTIC PAPERWEIGHTS!!!!!

G000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000GLE SPECULATORS DON'T BLOG!!!!!!!!!!!

I HATE GOOGLE!!!!!
I HATE BLOGGER!!!!!

Posted 11:16 AM by Gene

TRANSLATION: Making music's "cheaper" than ever, meaning anyone can make music -- meaning anyone WILL make music.

FURTHER TRANSLATION: MP3.com on CDs.

Posted 10:04 AM by Gene

Now in your mind's ear, play the theme from Masterpiece Thea-TAH, or one of Elgar's Pomp and Circumstance marches, while contemplating this:

A year later, as Mr. Kissinger's tenure drew to a close, Ted Koppel, then diplomatic correspondent for ABC News, told him: "It has been an extraordinary three years for me, and I have enjoyed it immensely. You are an intriguing man, and if I had a teacher like you earlier I might not have been so cynical."

"You have been a good friend," Mr. Kissinger replied. Mr. Koppel ended the conversation by saying, "We are lucky to have had you."

Thanks, LORD KOPPEL OF ESPNDOM. Now we KNOW how you got to be a POMPOUS ASS.

P. S.

Mr. Kalb said he was bedridden with back problems and heavily medicated when he made his cheer-up call to Mr. Kissinger.

One suspects IDIOTS like LORD KALB OF PERFESSERDOM and LORD KOPPEL OF ESPNDOM are HEAVILY MEDICATED WITH THEIR OWN EGOS. They make a DRUG ADDICT look good.

Posted 9:39 AM by Gene

He seems to confirm to flyover America that the Ivy League East Coast is a cold place of holier-than-thou privileged reformers who live one life but advocate another.

This, in a nutshell, is why OUR SUPERIORS want DIPPITY-DO! PRESIDENT.

Posted 9:33 AM by Gene

I know NEWS HACKS PINCH themselves when they type such idle verbiage, but a story like this is supremely depressing and irritating because 1.) We're stuck with this GENIUS, 2.) NEWS HACKS are foursquare behind this GENIUS so we're stuck with NEWS HACKS calling this GENIUS, 3.) We're stuck with NEWS HACKS trotting out the same blankety-blank PERFESSERS of the B. S. THOMPSON STRIPE who call this GENIUS so the NEWS HACKS can call this GENIUS, 4.) So long as the MEDIA-INDUSTRIAL COMPLEX puts out nothing but this GENIUS WE WON'T DO BETTER.

And (C)RAP (I know scribbler, we are NOT supposed to call it THAT) is an analogue of BLOGGING as both drone on and on and on, and are richly disposable.

Posted 9:29 AM by Gene

Iraq's new security forces are heavily infiltrated by insurgents, and the guerrilla groups have access to almost unlimited money to pay for deadly attacks, according to a U.S. defense official who provided new details on the evolution of the rebels.

A significant part of the insurgents' money is coming from sympathizers in Saudi Arabia, and the Saudi government is neglecting the problem....

WITH FRIENDS LIKE THESE....

Posted 9:23 AM by Gene

G000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000GLE's in its can't-do-anything-wrong phase. I'm waiting for the can't-do-anything-right phase. Yahoo! landed there.

Posted 6:28 AM by Gene

Watch out! Eliot "NESS" Spitzer has the RECORD BIZ next!

Posted 6:26 AM by Gene

Many voters are dissatisfied with President Bush's job performance but uneasy about Democrat John Kerry's ability to protect the nation....

That just about says it, even while we attempt election by POLLS and while truth tellers like NORMAN THOMAS'S GRANDSON insist DIP would be a GREAT PRESIDENT.

Posted 6:22 AM by Gene

One piece of the puzzle is in place. Now let's ditch THE SHARDS and fill in the rest.

Posted 5:29 PM by Gene

If one person could die during the ALCS celebrations, think what could happen after the WORLD SERIES!

We're thinking, we're thinking.

Posted 5:27 PM by Gene

The low-intensity food-fight between Andy S. and the Professor means maybe it's time for news voices in blogging. Unfortunately with blogging, as with the media, the motto is HE WITH THE MOST TOYS WINS, and people are creatures of habit, especially in their media consumption.

Posted 5:20 PM by Gene

The problem isn't stupidity, it's MEDIA CONCENTRATION! Thus saith The Only Republican in America.

Media concentration has quickly become a code term for "you're conservative." Making media concentration more political code-speak means it is now effectively impossible to see it as the brute force for bad that it is.

Posted 5:09 PM by Gene

It's official: G000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000GLEBLOGGER IS
THE AOL OF BLOGS, buggy, slow, unreliable. I switched from AOL to AT&T and have had no problems since. Ah to switch from G000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000GLEBLOGGER to something, to ANYTHING, but unlike with ISPs I fear the solution may be worse than the problem, especially given my 10,000-plus posts.

Posted 5:07 PM by Gene

Pelosi to Hastert: Congress Should Not Receive Preferential Treatment on Flu Shots

Hastert to Pelosi: You're in the MINORITY.

Posted 5:06 PM by Gene

Who Would Be on Kerry's Supreme Court?

You mean we're not allowed to GUESS?

Posted 1:57 PM by Gene

I think it's a BRILLIANT idea to remake a movie because it had a memorable theme song.

OR:

Teen British singer Joss Stone performs on three songs, including a remake of the Bacharach-David nugget "Alfie," which originally resulted in separate hits for Dionne Warwick and Cher in the 1960s. Stone also teams with Jagger and Stewart for "Lonely Without You (This Christmas)" and "Wicked Time," a hip-hop reworking of the "Alfie" song performed with Jamaican rapper Nadirah "Nadz" Seid.

SUUUUUUUMMMMMMMMMMMNERRRRRRRR!! You've got another HIT on your hands!!! Better WASH them!!!!!

Posted 11:10 AM by Gene

No doubt, Mr. I LUV BOONDOCKS, a few readers canceled their subscriptions (although given the TORPOR of most NEWS HACK typing, I wonder). But I'd wager more readers believed your endorsement of Dubya a ruse; indeed, that an essentially liberal paper run by a MEDIA EMPIRE should endorse a Republican candidate for no better reason than "TRADITION" is sheer FRAUDULENCE.

Posted 6:50 AM by Gene

More skullduggery in big biz. Here's the troubling thing, as happens too often:

Both Qwest and the SEC have approved the settlement, but the Denver-based company will neither admit nor deny the allegations, the source said.

In other words, a company can invoke a kind of plausible deniability, so what's to prevent wrongdoing from occuring again?

Posted 6:46 AM by Gene

Another instant cliche. I said some months ago I dreaded an onslaught of political films. But especially in show-biz, things come in cycles, and it is likely hardly any of these screeds are making much money. Indeed, A CONSERVATIVE MOVIE suffered in no small way for being a SCREED itself.

Posted 6:40 AM by Gene

AHEM:

I couldn't help but feel ill at ease as hundreds cheered and pumped their fists in the air at the bloody evisceration of puppets modeled after Alec Baldwin, Janeane Garofalo, Sean Penn, and others. I mean, come on. I know it's an election season, but can we please be serious here for a minute? Baldwin is a good actor with daffy lefty political views and a big mouth. Why should seeing his effigy shot full of holes makes conservatives so happy? Have Susan Sarandon's meanderings really become so vital to the survival of our country that an on screen decapitation is a joyous occasion? Celebrities with silly political views are not comparable to Kim Jong Il.

Nevertheless, conservative websites have been publishing gleeful, untroubled endorsements of the film for nearly a week now. Aren't these the same sites who have been complaining about MoveOn.org comparing George W. Bush to Hitler for the last year? Haven't they posted condemnation after condemnation of the rhetoric and merchandise of the Bush haters? I can't say I enjoy being in the position of defending Michael Moore, but here it goes: He may be the purveyor of conspiratorial, fraudulent documentaries, but he is not a suicide bomber.

TRANSLATION (as if one is needed): In the essentials we don't have that much to choose from between two ossified reeking political "philosophies."

P. S. THE AMERICAN SPECTATOR?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?

Posted 6:39 AM by Gene

Trump Hotels Said to Reach Deal to Avoid Bankruptcy

So how much of a SUPERZILLIONAIRE is THE DONALD now?

Posted 6:30 AM by Gene

Noam, Olly Stone, most college campuses, half the Democratic house and Chris Dodd are in shock as their hero Fidel proves mortal for a second, but they needn't worry; breaking his leg should add another twenty years to his life.

Can you imagine the MOURNING news hacks will go into if he dies?

Posted 6:24 AM by Gene

I had this faint suspicion when I posted that photo the other day that the Sox would come back to win it; I only wish I had typed it out. Maybe now they'll even have the Babe on their side.

Figures that the Boston Glob would refer to the Yanks as "the Evil Empire." Better watch out whose empire you call evil, especially the next time YOUR BOSS comes to town.

Posted 6:41 PM by Gene

It is clear G000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000GLEBLOGGER has something more than what it likes to call a LATENCY PROBLEM. They've been holding off installing some FIRMWARE for SIX DAYS. Since this involves what it calls LOAD BALANCING (I presume this has something to do with the terrific response time) clearly the new-minted SUPER-ZILLIONAIRES are afraid of screwing up their blogging disservice even more. To which I say, why worry? If you can't fix the problem -- and many other problems -- you can always shut down G000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000GLEBLOGGER, which you can spin as one big drain off your balance sheet. Or maybe you'll decide you can fix it -- but only if we bloggers chip in, oh, say, $10 a month, which will definitely help your BOTTOM LINE. Either way, YOU WIN!

Posted 5:43 PM by Gene

MS. HEINZ GETS CAUGHT IN THE KETCHUP BOTTLE -- AGAIN:

Teresa Heinz Kerry told a newspaper she doesn't know if Laura Bush has ever had "a real job." She apologized Wednesday for having forgotten about the first lady's 10-year stint as a schoolteacher and librarian.

This will happen when YOU DON'T WORK FOR A LIVING.

Posted 5:33 PM by Gene

I don't like Pee-TAH -- he's $8 million of ATTITUDE -- but I don't like the way little clips an interview of his, no doubt because the BOOM-BOOM SITE he copied it from quotes him like this:

"I'm a little concerned about this notion everybody wants us to be objective," Jennings said.

We have little doubt of Pee-TAH's -- OBJECTIVITY. Problem is, THE ARTICLE GOES ON:

Jennings said that everyone -- even journalists -- have points of view through which they filter their perception of the news. It could be race, sex or income. But, he said, reporters are ideally trained to be as objective as possible.

"And when we don't think we can be fully objective, to be fair," the anchorman said.

The truth is, THAT BOOM-BOOM SITE wouldn't have existed but for the obsession of bloggers over FONTS AND SUPERSCRIPTS -- and QUOTING SELECTIVELY, if not the brazen falsehood DAN BLATHER committed, is an untruth in itself.

Posted 5:14 PM by Gene

This is stunning: ESPNCorp Network has dropped the Miss America Pageant. Stunning because with its nosediving ratings there is no ironclad guarantee another over-the-air network will pick it up. This was the inevitable result of tampering with the ingredients too many times, and of the square peg of a twenties publicity stunt fitting into the round hole of the 21st century.

And of Bert Parks not being available.

Posted 5:00 PM by Gene

It has become impossible to read ANY partisan piece without thinking, "if the shoe were on the other foot..." If Bush were "winning" (and just as there are a thousand polls, there are a thousand spins), KINSLEY.COM wouldn't mention it. Reverse-wise, if KINSLEY.COM were Republican, well, you get the idea. The tremendous amount of wishful thinking on con-SER-vative Web sites testifies to that.

By the way:



Think we could find a picture of our founder MICHAEL with the SHAKES? Crass? Tit for tat, as they say at DU and the FREEP. Or as Dick Nixon said, "THE END JUSTIFIES THE MEANS."

Or, THE WHOLE DAMN WORLD IS RUN BY PAUL BEGALA AND TUCKER CARLSON!!!!!

Posted 3:19 PM by Gene

Laura? She is only a housewife. But MOI? Je suis tres RICH!

Posted 1:01 PM by Gene

Another BRILLIANT suggestion from STERNO:

What we need is a Friars' Club for the internet

Aren't all the PORN SITES enough?

Posted 11:49 AM by Gene

WELL, little, the man who courageously disclosed THE DEATH OF YASSIR ARAFAT ("ARAFAT SERAIT MORT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"), writes:

The French news wire Agence France Presse can barely conceal their glee over this one: Under pressure, US media group cancels broadcast of anti-Kerry film. But once again, they’re deceiving you; the show has not exactly been canceled. [Emphasis mine, although I wanted to use all caps here -- and the strange thing about little is he writes in all caps without caps.]

There you have it -- "NOT EXACTLY BEEN CANCELED. " Okay, maybe that AFP hed is wrong, but THE KNEE JERKS WILL NOT ADMIT THEIR FAVORITE BROADCASTER CAVED. This is the most removed-from-reality blogging act since ANDY S. refused to believe P. R. MIKE was successful. I repeat, YOUR GUY CAVED. What makes it worse is that YOUR GUY DID WHAT DAN BLATHER DIDN'T. You clowns should be CRAWLING UNDER THE NEAREST ROCK.

Posted 11:04 AM by Gene

MICHAEL BADNARIK FOR PRESIDENT!!!!!

WHO?????

Posted 6:55 AM by Gene

More words of reasoned, intelligent, eloquent thinking from STERNO:

Dell sucks

I do not exempt myself, but is it impossible for a blog not to degenerate into self-parody?

Posted 6:36 AM by Gene

And while OMERTA and his ilk are going YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY!!!!!, con-SER-vatives seem to have adopted the ostrich position. Odd that SUPERDUPERMEGABLOGGERS like little and POWER LINE have kept stone silent about their defeat. There was a consolation: at least one poster on the FREEP said it was okay because it was -- FREE EN-TER-PRISE at work.

THE WHOLE DAMN WORLD IS RUN BY PAUL BEGALA AND TUCKER CARLSON!

Posted 6:26 AM by Gene

News to make THE GLIBERAL happy:

Almost half of all [New York] city high schoolers already have lost their virginity and a surprisingly large number engage in unsafe sex, according to an alarming study.

And sex isn't their only vice - they drink, and they smoke cigarettes and pot.

See, but the GOOD thing is, with these adult vices, they're becoming -- ADULTS.

ADULT CHILDREN.

Posted 6:20 AM by Gene

PINCH forces you to read between the lines again:

Sadly, the script, by Jane Martin, and the execution, directed by Jack Daniel Stanley, aren't of the most sophisticated professional quality.

And very sadly indeed, because we're on THE SIDE HISTORY WILL BLESS FOR THE NOBILITY OF THE CAUSE, but it's a little hard to think noble thoughts when the words between PINCH's lines yell THIS PLAY STINKS.

Posted 6:15 AM by Gene

Oh dear oh dear, the British Vicarage and Tea-Time Club's breaking up into several clubs.

They don't like that -- Canterbury blend.

Posted 5:34 PM by Gene

EFFORTS TO KEEP STOLEN HONOR off the air would seem to be backfiring: "John Kerry Tried to Stop You From Seeing This Film."

Whoooooooooooooooooooops!

(Oh well, we all make mistakes.)

Posted 5:27 PM by Gene

The cost of living adjustment intended to help more than 47 million Social Security recipients keep up with inflation is expected to be a tad larger in 2005 than it was this year, but the bad news is that much of the increase will be eaten up by higher Medicare premiums.

A new definition of WHAT GOES AROUND, COMES AROUND.

Posted 5:26 PM by Gene

It's a wonder marriages don't fall victim to politics. As I said before, You can't take the HATE out of it.

Then again, you can't take the hate out of some marriages.

Posted 5:21 PM by Gene

HED OF THE DAY:

Weight of a Nation on Curt's ankle [sic]

OOOOOOOOOOoooooooooooh!! Thaaaaahyt SMARRRRRRRRRRRRRRTS!!!!!

Posted 5:18 PM by Gene

Schwarzenegger backs stem cell plan

TRANSLATION: If only HE were running for president.

WE KNOW THE FEELING. YOU STOMP ON US WITH IT EVERY DAY.

(Never mind that he CAN'T run for president; we'll make an ALLOWANCE.)

Posted 5:09 PM by Gene

ANOTHER word for the NEWS HACKS' DICTIONARY: SUBVERSIVE. Especially in this third-rate-hack-named-DINITIA context:

But if the series has one major theme, it's that the Broadway musical has always been subversive, ahead of its time in form and subject matter. Think of the "Daily Show" with Jon Stewart on Comedy Central, where cultural norms and political foibles can be mercilessly mocked without the censure of the Hayes Committee, which came to rule Hollywood.

In short, Cohan, Berlin, Kern, Hammerstein, the Gershwins, Rodgers, Hart, Porter, Arlen, Schwartz, Dietz, Loesser, Lerner, Loewe et al were nothing more than glorified political stink-raising HACKS. Oh and paper of JAYSON and the DURANTY (and we don't mean JIMMY, himself a great musical star with a greater nose), it was the HAYS OFFICE, not the "Hayes Committee." Even IF it sounds better to PINCH.

Posted 4:53 PM by Gene

YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY!!!!!!!!!!! WE WIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIN!!!!!!!!!!

What Sinclair did was DUMB. What liberals attempted was CENSORSHIP. The WHOLE WORLD's run by PAUL BEGALA and TUCKER CARLSON.

Posted 9:07 AM by Gene

Sanders Li's paper plate held nothing but a crumpled napkin. His meal finished, he lingered. His unblinking eyes gazed at Sex and the City on a 15-inch color TV over the counter at Nizario's Pizza on 18th Street in San Francisco's Castro neighborhood Sunday evening.

In the middle of a scene, the TV turned off.

For 10 seconds, Li kept looking, waiting, not blinking through his glasses. At last, he left his stool, trashed his plate and emerged into the cool autumn night.

Leaving, he passed 48-year-old Mitch Altman, who was twiddling a matte-black plastic fob on his key chain. Altman's blue and purple hair reflected the pizza shop's neon, and he was smiling excitedly.

"We just saved him several minutes of his life," he said.

Li agreed. He said he didn't care that the TV was gone, even though he had been watching the show.

Altman's key-chain fob was a TV-B-Gone, a new universal remote that turns off almost any television. The device, which looks like an automobile remote, has just one button. When activated, it spends over a minute flashing out 209 different codes to turn off televisions, the most popular brands first.

Why not MUZAK-B-GONE?????

Posted 8:28 AM by Gene

Because we've had two consecutive extra-inning games we're sure to get the EXACT SAME WORDS we got this time last year: CLASSIC, GENIUS, GREATNESS.

Just because you have a press-box seat to an exciting baseball game does not make it A WINDOW ON GOD'S WISDOM.

Posted 6:55 AM by Gene

And when the hacks call something HOT there's usually an ice-cold side.

To be sure, people who own a vehicle as ugly as this deserve to get it stolen.

Posted 6:48 AM by Gene

Another fun thing about being a NEWS HACK is that you can WRITE and WRITE and WRITE and WRITE about public nuisances long after most of your readers have screamed NO MAS!

Hard to believe Tucker Carlson was once an intelligent person.

Posted 6:36 AM by Gene

But not taking any chances, PINCH runs this PRESS RELEASE from ESPNCorp gloating how the company's making R-rated movies without actually getting R ratings!

PINCH calls it MARKETING!

Posted 6:29 AM by Gene

FLASH!!!!! DUBYA ADVERTISES ON PAPEROFRECORD.COM!!!!!!!!!!!

It only took about ten months.

Posted 6:24 AM by Gene

J'ACCUSE!!!!! SINCLAIR FIRED ITS WASHINGTON BUREAU CHIEF FOR DARING TO CHALLENGE EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEVIL!!!!!

WE MUST PUT ALL ITS STATIONS OFF THE AIR! WE MUST CONFISCATE EVERY LAST LIVING CENT FROM THESE VILLAINS!! WE MUST um, er....

I say if NEWS HACKS want to challenge EEEEEEEEEEEVIL all they have to do is SLANT AS USUAL.

Posted 5:43 PM by Gene

BACK TO THE FUTURE: The great Jerry Herman (who is 71) spends an interview discussing a thirty-year-old cult flop, a twenty-five-year-old non-cult flop and a twenty-one-year-old hit. Wrong, the musical has NO future.

Posted 5:37 PM by Gene

Painfully Obvious Headline of the Day:

Oil Falls From Record as High Prices Expected to Reduce Demand

Posted 5:21 PM by Gene

The problem with RIGHT-ON! WITH-IT!! NOW!!! churches (or rather social clubs) is that anyone can become a priest. What's the value of a church with Rev. Anyone?

Posted 5:12 PM by Gene

WELCOME TO THE FUTURE OF TV!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Sorry STERNO, I'm not impressed. "Nearly 400,000 downloads" sounds impressive -- until you figure that's only about a third of a Nielsen ratings point in households, and less of a percentage in audience; probably the people downloading it were wonks and bloggers. I further suspect Mlle. Airhead and Mme. Big Boobs dwarfed THE NEW EDWARD R. MURROW with their downloads. He does get one thing right, though, admitting between the lines that THE CONSCIENCE OF COMEDY is now as much a professional loudmouth as the cretins regurgitating the news. For all the talk of the new Shakespeare's EPOCHAL SEARING TRUTH this too shall pass, like all the other non-events that will mark our age for history as all surface noise.

Posted 4:59 PM by Gene

What's the difference between two partisan flacks and two logrollers? None. They're ALL hacks.

Posted 1:10 PM by Gene

OH oh, looks like VIACON NETWORK NEWS GOT DUPED MORE THAN ONCE!

Posted 10:30 AM by Gene

GASP!!!!! OMERTA'S BULLETPROOF VEST DAVID "HAIRSHIRT" SHAW SAYS LOUSY REPORTING GAVE DIP A POLL BOUNCE!!!!!!!!!!

GASP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Although I've a hunch what Hairshirt WANTS to say (remember NEWS HACK RULE NO. 1: Never use the right word when the wrong one will do) is that DIP! got his bounce because people could finally see the REAL MAN. WON'T WASH, HAIR.

Posted 10:04 AM by Gene

Australia has turned down a request by the United Nations to send more troops to Iraq to protect U.N. personnel there. Australia has agreed instead to train a contingent of Fijian soldiers for the job.

How appropriate. Though I suggest the Monte Carlo police would be more so.

Posted 9:39 AM by Gene

ANOTHER ADVERTISER LEARNS WHAT IT DOESN'T WANT TO KNOW!

How can we keep the economy running if we actually find out what we sponsor?

P. S. BRING BACK RED SKELTON!

Posted 9:35 AM by Gene

The BEATLES' favorite CLASSICAL SONGWRITER goes ISLAM.

BAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAANAAAAAAAPPLEGAAAAAAAAAAAAAS!

Posted 9:03 AM by Gene

MULTI-MILLIONAIRES ON STRIKE!!!!!

Posted 8:54 AM by Gene

Remember the days when our show-biz heroes could WALK ON WATER?

Posted 8:49 AM by Gene

Our side refuses to admit our guy may be losing!

Posted 6:38 AM by Gene

Two weeks ago appeared this classic hed in the NEW YORK POST!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!:

JON STEWART, PARIS HILTON ARE HOT AT FRANKFURT BOOK FAIR

Surprisingly there was no grumbling from the headquarters of See It N -- er, THE DAILY SHOW. This should have gotten THE EDWARD R. MURROW OF COMEDY exercised; the country is in mortal danger, and he is here to save it!!!!! Sidling him up to the AIRHEAD OF AIRHEADS? HHMPH!! One wonders if JONNO is auditioning for DANNO's job (remember BLATHERGATE?); certainly he's saying the right things. One might agree success is going to the new St. Murrow's head except one must ask of a man who wrote a "book" with nineteen other people if there's a head for it to go to.

No, Edward the Second is merely this generation's version of Robert Benchley. Remember him?

Posted 6:24 AM by Gene

Errors mar military win in Iraq

NEWS HACKS are conceding we WON?

Posted 8:00 PM by Gene

On top of the trouble I'm having deciding on a TV, it seems on the top AV BBS the posters insist on referring to Panny, Sammy and Yammy.

I'm going nuts, you hear me? NUTS!

Posted 4:50 PM by Gene

And speaking of CW, very much speaking of CW, little has endorsed A CONSERVATIVE MOVIE because "THE LEFTY BLOGS WERE IN SUCH A SNIT ABOUT IT!!!!! HOORAAAAAAY!!!!!!!!!!"

Tragically, it seems moviegoers did not take your advice. Maybe you aren't more powerful than the Professor.

Posted 4:15 PM by Gene

For the life of me I do not know why the TRIB's endorsing Dubya. The TRIB is as CW as papers get, its heart residing in Don "I LUV BOONDOCKS" Wycliff, who defends his paper's every last scribble no matter how biased or unreasonable; its parent owns OMERTA's LALATimes and a thousand other CW papers and fancies itself a POWERHOUSE in SHOW-BIZ, and it's partnered with the TWXSTERS in a TV network. A paper like the TRIB reminds me of a line in Ben Jonson's unjustly neglected comedy Bartholomew Fair;

He that will sweare, Ieronimo, or Andronicus are the best playes, yet, shall passe vnexcepted at, here, as a man whose Iudgement shewes it is constant, and hath stood still, these fiue and twentie, or thirtie yeeres. Though it be an Ignorance, it is a vertuous and stay'd ignorance; and next to truth, a confirm'd errour does well; such a one the Author knowes where to finde him.

The nominal reason TRIB's endorsing Dubya is it has a "record" of endorsing Republican candidates, which would qualify to some as a "confirm'd errour," and certainly "confirm'd errours" go back to beyond Col. McCormick; but every day its owner puts out untold examples of "vertuous and stay'd ignorance," "vertuous" for being liberal, "stay'd" for being just. For that reason it's likely TRIB's endorsement is an act, a false front for ideological conformity, a strategem the owners may have pushed on the paper given the industry's SIEG HEIL; if so, it is even more the "CONFIRM'D ERROUR," and we readers will ALWAYS know where to find it.

Posted 11:17 AM by Gene

STERNO's too clever by HALF:

Only 11 percent of Americans get TV through rabbit ears.

And how many get over-the-air TV through cable? I'd wager it's a good deal more than 11 percent, for while the networks continue their free-fall, they still constitute about half the prime-time audience. And how many get their LOCAL NETWORK-AFFILIATE NEWS through cable? Around these here parts IF IT BLEEDS IT LEADS slaughters the competition, and you can bet few of those blankly staring at that 90-minute police blotter have a funny-looking dipole atop their sets. 20 MILLION or more kneel to the THREE STOOGES OF NEWS, who somehow slither through thousands of miles of coaxial to tell people THERE IS ONLY ONE TRUTH. Let us not forget, CATV once stood for COMMUNITY ANTENNA TELEVISION. No, 11 percent of Americans may get TV through rabbit ears, but a good deal more get their TV from RABBIT-EAR BROADCASTERS.

Posted 10:54 AM by Gene

I am sorry to have to repeat myself, but no matter how hard they try, NEWS HACKS will NEVER explain away their GOOSE STEP for DIP. They can talk about their onion-skin-thick WALLS OF SEPARATION and their heavily-leaning OBJECTIVITY, and they will OF COURSE point to THE NUMBER OF PAPERS ENDORSING, but when virtually all of your circulation endorses one candidate that is a sign of ONE-PARTY MEDIA GOVERNMENT not too many KLUMPHS of the feet distant from a DICTATORSHIP.

Posted 9:46 AM by Gene

How insufferable will NEWS HACKS be after the election? If the FORCES OF RIGHT, er GOOD prevail, EXTREMELY; they'll portray each new DIP appointee as a marvel hurled straight from the planet KRYPTON, ready to banish EVIL (and conservatives). If HITLER -- I mean, of course, DUBYA -- wins, they'll root root root for QUAGMIRE, and spend their every waking moment looking for the IN to get the GEPPETTO FROM HELL, KARL ROVE, banished from LIFE. In short, look for NEWS HACKS to be the same GOOD GUYS as before...possibly BETTER!

Posted 9:38 AM by Gene

With an overall fundraising advantage from the beginning of the presidential campaign, Republicans moved far more cautiously than Democrats to invest in 527 groups, but with the election just weeks away, groups aligned with the GOP are outspending their Democratic counterparts on radio and television by 6 to 1.

Allies of President Bush have focused the efforts of their 527 groups on advertising, and the two leading pro-Republican groups -- Progress for America and Swift Boat Veterans for Truth [BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!]....

When is money in politics corrupt? WHEN IT'S THE OTHER GUY'S MONEY!

Posted 9:36 AM by Gene

How humileratin'.

Posted 9:18 AM by Gene

The other day I sent G000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000GLEBLOGGER a question:

WHY IS IT EVERY TIME GOOGLE STOCK GOES UP BLOGGER GETS SLOWER AND SLOWER?!?!?

I got this (I presume form) answer:

Hello there [Wasn't that MARTY ALLEN's line? -- ED.],

Thanks for writing in. Please be assured that we are currently working
on addressing and fixing the issue that causes this problem with latency
within the application. I apologize for any inconvenience it may have
caused.

Latency I guess means DORMANCY, or perhaps MORIBUNDITY. Whatever the case I had to click on "Publish Post" THREE TIMES before I could get this technological marvel going on my first post today. I repeat, PEOPLE WHO SPECULATE IN G000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000GLE DON'T BLOG.

Posted 9:14 AM by Gene

The PUBLIC EDI-TOR of THE PAPER OF RE-CORD takes another week off to allow two "critics" to prove that his employer is slanted BOTH WAYS. (He leads off, natch, with a liberal, the ever tiresome SOCIOLOGIST Todd Gitlin.) Mr. PUBLIC EDI-TOR, it is highly unlikely that a paper which just endorsed the DIP! as "A MAN WITH A STRONG MORAL CORE" is going to be biased against LIBERALS.

But if this fiction is true and your paper IS slanted both ways, it would seem YOU FOLKS SPEND MORE TIME SLANTING THAN REPORTING.