Posted 8:09 PM by Gene

TRANSLATION: I didn't like what "they" did to Slick because he was a liberal Democrat. I don't like what Dubya's doing with intelligence because he's a conservative Republican. When will columnists realize most people don't read their junk on paper anymore, and the Internet makes them such fast thinkers they can now smell a bad argument from ten miles off?

Posted 7:42 PM by Gene

Yep, I think the Botox® must be getting to him.

Posted 1:47 PM by Gene

Pakistan Fires Top Nuclear Scientist

OH oh, he must have sold SOMETHING.

Posted 1:20 PM by Gene

Assuming Dippity-DO Botox® becomes the Dems' nominee (just like assuming PSYCHO! would), we must not assume it will be a rollover, as he'll have BLUE COUNTRY, WOMEN (who seem increasingly to shudder at the word CONSERVATIVE) and NEWS HACKS. He'll also have DUBYA, the Tax-Cut-and-Spend Candidate. He'll also have THE UNDERGROUND VICE-PRESIDENT. He'll also (assuming he wins) have a Republican Congress, so he'd better count on PAYBACK.

Posted 12:46 PM by Gene

One of the great strokes of what NEWS HACKS call GENIUS, an outstanding PR campaign that probably saved USA Okay (unfortunately), was ITS SUPER BOWL AD-WATCHING BLITZ, where the paper encouraged its readers to view the game for the ads, hoping that some of its goodwill to the sponsors would rub off on IT. GanNETt headquarters is no doubt full of incriminating memos from SOB and other corporate cretins encouraging the PR. I suspect Okay (and I'm sorry to use this line again) paid more attention to SUPERBOWL ADS than to OSAMA before 9/11. It is now apparent NEWS HACKS will stop at NOTHING to turn their vehicles of TRUTH and RIGHTEOUSNESS into wall-to-wall advertising and promotion. (I do not include their campaigning for liberal and Democratic causes, which counts, of course, as NEWS.) We're WAITING, SOB, for another DISHONEST COLUMN bewailing the collapse in your READERSHIP.

Posted 12:27 PM by Gene

HEY ANDY S., I think turning the BEEB over to RUPERT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! is going to be A LITTLE TOUGHER THAN YOU THOUGHT.

Posted 12:19 PM by Gene

Bob Novak alleges that ANOTHER Lousianan, Sen. Breaux, will take over from JACK!

At least THIS guy doesn't look like a used-car salesman. But I can't wait for him to defend JACK's SECRET-recipe ALPHABET SOUP -- or going after FILE SHARERS.

AND THANKS FOR THE ORIGINAL REPORTING, BOB!

Posted 12:13 PM by Gene

He takes the ball and goes home
: Michael Wolff didn't manage to buy New York Magazine and so he quit to go to Vanity Fair.
I'll apply for his old job.

Hey BUZZ! I thought PRINT was OBSOLETE!!!!!

Posted 12:06 PM by Gene

OooooooOOOOOOOOOoooooh, on the eve of his big payday, Commissioner Tagliafool tells the players, if they pull one, THEY'LL BE SORRRRRRRRRRRRYYYYYYYYYYYYY!!!!!

Posted 9:54 AM by Gene

"SENATOR KERRY HAS TAKEN INDIVIDUAL CONTRIBUTIONS FROM LOBBYISTS, BUT THAT HAS NOT STOPPED HIM FROM FIGHTING AGAINST SPECIAL INTERESTS ON BEHALF OF AVERAGE AMERICANS!!!!!!!!!!!!"

Pffh-hh-hh hh hh ha ha ha ha HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HAAAAAAAAAAAAA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!!!!!

Posted 9:45 AM by Gene

Five, FOUR...er, five....

Posted 9:42 AM by Gene

Keep an eye on these bozos. It isn't too much of rhetorical leap from boasting of how many Israelis the 72-Virgin Brigade has killed to how many Americans, British, Australians, etc., etc., etc. you've killed.

One thing's clear: they've earned the admiration of the Stalins of America's universities.

Posted 9:37 AM by Gene

British Airways has canceled three more flights, presumably because Gov. told them something that got it scared, whether it was true or not.

Posted 9:31 AM by Gene

Here's a new way to show our bias -- by citing someone we agree with who doesn't have the slightest connection to a story. What does HISTORY'S GREATEST EX-PRESIDENT have to do with the teaching of evolution, except that he agrees with us?

Posted 9:27 AM by Gene

See there's this ad, then there's another ad, and we have to put SOMETHING between the ads, so....

This is the same Knight Ridder Philly Division that tried shaking down Hearst on comic strips. And where would the money saved go? To pay the hacks more to put in even more irritating typing between the ads.

I'll say it again: when the next Osama comes, and he comes again from nowhere, this will be one reason why.

BONUS KNIGHT RIDDER MORON POINTS: This related story made THE FRONT PAGE due to its PC angle. It almost makes me yearn for the days when Walter Annenberg sicced his henchmen on Milton J. Shapp.

I am also convinced KR has an IN on the whole business and have complained by e-mail to the Inky's OMBUDSPOOP. (Pffh-hh-hh hh hh ha ha ha ha HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HAAAAAAAAAAAAA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!!!!!)

Posted 5:48 PM by Gene

Hey NBA, stick to basketball. The game's already self-parody.

Posted 5:33 PM by Gene

Those who know the TRUTH about how life developed on earth should answer this question: how many times have scientists changed their tune about how old the universe is?

Posted 5:29 PM by Gene

As it approaches the IPO, the once "lovable" Google Corporation becomes a mirror image of EisnerCorp and the RIAA.

$750 BILLION FOR GOOGLE!!!!!

Posted 5:25 PM by Gene

PROF always badmouths e-voting, but whether he likes it or not it's the wave of the future. It had better be. Whatever e-voting's flaws now, if the 2000 presidential debacle proved anything it's that we can't rely on mechanical counters and cards much longer.

Posted 5:20 PM by Gene

My campaign may be through, but I'm not finished pandering!!!!!

Gen. McClellan, I think it's time to take Douglas MacArthur's advice and just faaaaaaaaaaade away.

Posted 5:14 PM by Gene

EXCELLENT NEWS FOR KNEE-JERK CONSERVATIVES!!!!!!!!!! Mr. Liberal-Bias-on-the-Right, John Stossel, may be THE SOLE ANCHORPOOP on 20/20!!!!!!!!!! HE'LL SHOW 'EM a right-winger who's not a conservative can be just as cement-headed as Pee-TAH!!!!!!!!!!

P. S. I'd have posted the happy news sooner except that somebody HACKED ShowBIZData.com, and in a most unpleasant manner. Or to put it this way, it was related to what spammers are always saying they'll lengthen and thicken.

Posted 2:20 PM by Gene

The Neo-Nazi nutsies are back.

Posted 2:09 PM by Gene

NRO has unearthed a classic from that classic Florence King, who apparently does not write anymore. Where did you go, o rare Miss King?

Posted 1:42 PM by Gene

J.LO 'INTERVIEW' WAS FAKED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (RUPERTIAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! emphasis added.)

So what? Nearly all celebrity PR is faked.

Posted 10:52 AM by Gene

It's nice to think NationalJournal.com subscribers pay $75,000 a year to provide the salary so William Powers can write filler like this.

Posted 10:33 AM by Gene

Is it the Dippity-Do® working of Sen. John F-in' Joosh Kerry's brain -- or the Botox®?

OR:

"WITH 3 MILLION LOST JOBS IN AMERICA AND 500 DEAD SOLDIERS IN IRAQ, YOU'D THINK THAT EVERYBODY WOULD BE TALKING ABOUT SOMETHING OTHER THAN BOTOX®!!!!!"

We might, if your boss weren't married to a FORTUNE.

Posted 8:33 AM by Gene

We're going to Missouri! We're going to Arizona! We're going to South Carolina! and Oklahoma! and Delaware! and New Mexico! and North Dakota! YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!

Posted 6:50 AM by Gene

BILL GATES'S FAVORITE MAGAZINE -- it makes any CEO smarter just by SITTING ON THE DESK -- writes an editorial that says nothing (heck, ArtsJournal.com's LINK said more), and the CEOs look at the desk and admire their IQs, and nothing changes.

At least the sycophantic hack Lance Morrow would have had the guts to get SLIGHTLY mad.

Posted 6:24 AM by Gene

Hmmm, Gen. McClellan sought the support of COPPERHEADS.

I guess the guy thinks he's still in lobbying.

Posted 6:13 AM by Gene

Front-runner Kerry's record briefly questioned in debate

And if I know our NEWS HACKS, it will be briefly questioned throughout the campaign.

Posted 6:10 AM by Gene

Andy S. is UPSET at the desired outcome. In his world, not even RUPERT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! is a constant.

Posted 6:30 PM by Gene

Saturn becomes Oldsmobile.

Posted 6:09 PM by Gene

The good news is that downtown Houston is starting to come alive at night.

You put in enough CEOs and tax dollars and ANY town will come alive at night.

Posted 5:45 PM by Gene

Skul daze skool daaz guud ole GOLLDN rool dayz....

Posted 5:42 PM by Gene

Republicans, repeat after me: What's good for ExxonMobil is good for America! WEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEYEW!!!!!

Posted 5:31 PM by Gene

Judge stops Stewart trial; new evidence stumps defense

DUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUH DA DUT DUT!

Posted 5:29 PM by Gene

One of USA Okay's idiot publicists urges our already overexposed actresses to show more "cleavage."

Given that the distance is often comparable to North America and Europe I may beg to differ.

Posted 5:26 PM by Gene

"I have no trouble with my enemies, but my damn friends, they're the ones that keep me walking the floor nights."

Posted 5:24 PM by Gene

Pixar doesn't need EisnerCorp. Indeed, EisnerCorp sullies Pixar's image by being THE WORLD'S LEADING PRODUCER OF FAMILY ENTERTAINMENT.

Now it'll have to go it alone with masterworks like Teacher's Pet.

Winnie the Pooh is next!

Posted 5:21 PM by Gene

Sixty-Three Percent of Dieters Will Become Gluttons by Super Bowl Kickoff, According to eDiets.com(TM) Survey

Look at all the SPONSORS.

Posted 5:13 PM by Gene

Vir-GIN-ia discovers what many of us have known for a long time: The Inventor of Blogging is "coy."

Of course you're not too bad yourself when you start with social issues.

Meantime PROF agrees with Buzz agreeing with Mr. Sexy Blogger Man that Mick the K is ON A ROLL. And how do they know? Well, in the last twelve days he's posted 12,000 WORDS.

Posted 2:14 PM by Gene

President Bush's new budget will project that the just-enacted prescription drug program and Medicare overhaul will cost a third more than previously estimated....

OH. You said that wouldn't happen, Mr. Tax-Cut-and-Spend.

Or maybe you didn't.

Posted 10:59 AM by Gene

Oh goody, a has-been druggie producer fights a has-been alkie "writer"!!!!! Only in Hollywood does a punch in the jaw connect below the belt.

Posted 10:53 AM by Gene

And how many ways will the porn spammers spell "SEXUALLY-EXPLICIT-CONTENT"?

Posted 10:50 AM by Gene

Candidates aim for middle in South Carolina

And the target's always far to the left.

Posted 9:44 AM by Gene

Here's a question: if (or as the NEWS HACKS would say, WHEN) Dippity-DO Botox® is elected Prez, where does he go to church?

Or maybe he goes to a Reform social club; after all, he IS part Joosh (or part Irish, depending on your religion).

Posted 9:40 AM by Gene

Oh great, NIGERIA wants NORTH KOREAN MISSILES!

WoowoowoowoowoowoowoowoowoowoowooWOO!

Posted 9:19 AM by Gene

He don't feel good.

Posted 8:35 AM by Gene

Let's swallow hard and admit: CENSORSHIP IS NOT ALWAYS BAD. It wasn't always bad under the Production Code, and with common sense it needn't be bad for video games.

Posted 6:54 AM by Gene

"There's nothing like coming from behind and winning two very important presidential primaries to make somebody look better."

But lots of money and "CLASSIC BAD BOTOX®" can't hurt.

Posted 6:33 AM by Gene

Another frozen-in-cement rule: PROF won't link to a co-production unless his piece is at least 1,562 WORDS.

Posted 6:28 AM by Gene

Meanwhile, elsewhere in St. Warren of Buffett's favorite RAG, whiny crybaby Richard, who probably contemplated Canada the night HIS number came up, salutes a man who came from war to join the trendy boys, and who reaped the rewards of wealth from marriage, more wealth from marriage, free Dippity-Do and Botox®.

Please, Crybaby, resign and become Dippity's spokespoop. You'd be SERVING YOUR COUNTRY.

Posted 6:23 AM by Gene

Gen. McClellan uses two hacks to schmooze his way into the Beltway's hearts. The punchline: If he could abscond with this much in ill-gotten gains, think what he can do for YOU.

He was quite friendly with Vice-President EEEEEEEEEEEEVIL. I guess that's -- DEALING WITH THE ENEMY.

SLEAZEBALL GUMBO's gonna have a BAD day today.

Posted 6:04 PM by Gene

Here is what THE MASTER meant when he said, "Sir, there is no setting the point of precedency between a louse and a flea." In this case, there is no setting the point of precedency between a man who'd inspire parents to yell, "Lock up your daughters!", and another who'd inspire them to yell, "Lock up your sons!"

Posted 5:55 PM by Gene

It is not unreasonable to think the same intelligence community that couldn't crack 9/11 couldn't crack Saddam's weapons program. But neither is it unreasonable to think that Saddam posed a threat to mankind so long as he retained power. Sorry tantrum throwers, the war was justified.

Posted 5:33 PM by Gene

PSYCHO HAS ANOTHER BRAINSTORM!!!!!

Posted 5:31 PM by Gene

Bloggers who devote sites to following individual news hacks (that clown who follows Paul "Fun with Numbers" Krugman comes to mind) are yet another definition of GET A LIFE!!!!!

And PROF, The Man who Invented Blogging, gets QUOTED HERE! Another INSTASPIKE!

Posted 5:25 PM by Gene

The Godfather of Soul is yet again a mere HEEL.

Maybe he was celebrating his KENNEDY CENTER honor.

Posted 5:21 PM by Gene

Before we know it the NEWS HACKS will put this guy in the MAJORS.

Posted 5:19 PM by Gene

The boss of The Man who Invented the Internet sent TWO E-MAILS!

"The only two he sent," Skip Rutherford, president of the Clinton Presidential Foundation, which is raising money for the library, said on Monday.

One of them may not actually qualify for electronic communication because it was a test to see if the commander in chief knew how to push the button on an e-mail.

Fooling around with interns was obviously easier.

Posted 1:54 PM by Gene

Okay, PROF -- the CHAIRMAN melted down.

Posted 1:34 PM by Gene

Dippity-DO...
ROLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLING!

Posted 11:10 AM by Gene

And on another exit of the great Forbes 400 Superblogger highway, PROF says the Beeb's in "meltdown." Judging from the BIG FOUR it's been in "meltdown" since the war began. It should have melted by now. SHUT UP, BIG FOUR.

Posted 11:07 AM by Gene

: CNN says Dean is ahead of Kerry in delegates. Go figure....
: CNN says Dean is ahead of Kerry in delegates. Go figure.

Third time's the charm, so repeat after me, Buzz: CNN SAYS DEAN IS AHEAD OF KERRY IN DELEGATES. GO FIGURE.

Posted 10:58 AM by Gene

Speaking of Hair Helmet, all the usual gang of idiots is in a furor because WALTER WINCHELL!!!!!!!!!!!!! is guessing he used Botox®.

His SKIN is not the least of our worries.

Posted 10:06 AM by Gene

I'm waiting for people to show up at Hair Helmet's rallies singing "Give Peace a Chance."

Posted 9:42 AM by Gene

GREAT JOB, GOOGLE! Under my "related links" you list something called THE HORROR WRITERS ASSOCIATION -- LOS ANGELES!

(At least I have related links.)

$500 BILLION FOR GOOGLE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Posted 9:30 AM by Gene

Homeland Security to offer e-mails with cyber warnings

...for those who want to be the LAST to know.

Posted 9:23 AM by Gene

The international-affairs expert PROF links to a Google translation of a story in Le Monde, whose first line reads:

Saddam Hussein rewarded his/her foreign friends....

Chalk up another 300 trillion hits for PROF!!!!!

Posted 8:16 AM by Gene

Ah'm Laaaousy Mays uv Tex-AYSS,
The scourge of raaaaaaadi-O!
Ayn' eiyf ya hate mah staaSHUNS,
Ah'll teayll ya wheayhre tuh GO!

Posted 6:51 AM by Gene

"[W]e have to remind ourselves of exactly what it was like that day."

And some people need more reminding than others.

Posted 6:29 AM by Gene

Nicole's spokespoop says, "She doesn't have or use text messaging....I don't even think she knows how."

Among all the zillions of words of PR blather about the greatest beauty of the age, this has the ring of truth.

Posted 6:28 AM by Gene

Dippity-DID!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Posted 6:07 PM by Gene

Democrats Reach Out to Former President Clinton

The brokering begins.

Posted 5:48 PM by Gene

If BusinessWeek is to be believed -- and being a CW rag that helped convince the world the Trump was worth umpteen billions, it often is not -- with their penchant to sue sue sue the geniuses of the music trade have pushed file-swapping underground, to encrypted networks.

I just got my latest copy of the Collectors' Choice Music catalogue, and it's filled with "niche" albums selling for $20 and up, recordings whose contents long ago paid for themselves, a good many of them from Warner Music's Rhino label. Maybe such gouging will pay for the LBO, JUNIOR, but at a heavy cost. You wonder why people file-share?

Posted 5:32 PM by Gene

Oscars®: 'Rings' Is 2004's 'Titanic' [Registered-trademark symbol added.]

Rog, we KNOW you meant to flatter your boss (or should we say, YOUR BOSS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!), but there's just one problem -- lots of people think YOUR BOSS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!'S masterpiece is one of the worst movies of all time.

Posted 3:36 PM by Gene

Hey Mahk! Wee cayn make thahyt peeuny leetle FAHN of yourn with aywour army of auto-mo-BEEL DEELers a thousand tahms over WEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEYOU!

Posted 3:28 PM by Gene

I almost hate to say IS ANYBODY OUT THERE?!?!?, but these last few days I've been feeling low, what with one hit, two hits, five hits. As I've said, I'm not giving up with this blog, but I can't content myself forever with an audience that you could count on a hand missing fingers.

Posted 3:17 PM by Gene

Dippity-DOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Posted 3:01 PM by Gene

In an extension of some hack's burp that Bob Keeshan was DULL, one of PROF's co-productions belches that we're living in A PLATINUM AGE OF TELEVISION, and the very erudite Terry Teachout isn't man enough to truly disagree. Here's the difference: two opposite types of bad. The old days had lots of canned laughter and saccharine sweetness. Today's TV has the sex and the violence and the guttermouths -- what Terry unfortunately calls "candor" -- but at least he has conscience enough to realize (with a certain mealy-mouthedness) that "I’m not so sure I like what it tells us about ourselves." In short, "great" TV sells us a bad message. Does that make it so great? And Terry lists enough reasons to doubt his own conclusions. Ernie Kovacs, Playhouse 90, Your Show of Shows, Toscanini -- maybe today's TV isn't so great after all.

And let us not forget, a helluva lot more people watched Milton Berle than HBO.

P. S. Prof's moronic co-production had a COLD the day he wrote that genius. You can't write well on a cold -- and bad thinking is infectious too.

P. P. S. Or here's another way of putting it: to us, "The Golden Age of Television" doesn't look so good. How would our platinum age look to our grandparents?

Posted 2:51 PM by Gene

Hi mullahs? Sammy here. We're going to kill some infidels. Big time. Early September. No I'm not giving you the details, but LOTS OF PEOPLE ARE GONNA DIE. Oh you'll love it. We're gonna make thousands of virgins happy. We're gonna make YOU happy. No gotta hang up now. I'm busy pulling the wings off flies.

THEY KNEW.

Posted 2:47 PM by Gene

I don't think the Libyans were making microwaves.

Posted 2:41 PM by Gene

Before the long queue of talk-show loudmouths stretching out into infinity, there was Jack Paar, shy, self-effacing, low-key, high-strung, intelligent, neurotic, everyone's electronic friend, who quit way way too early because the traits that made for a successful career, the disdain for your audience, the irritating brashness, the bad bad jokes, weren't in him, and despite an all-too-brief career, by getting out when he did, he assured that everyone would remember him for what he was -- the quintessential good guy. RIP.

Posted 2:00 PM by Gene

Do you have any idea how much it costs to house and feed R. W. 'Johnny' Apple and the rest of the New York Times newsroom in Des Moines for a week?

Almost as much as it costs to elect a president.

Posted 1:56 PM by Gene

To the spoilers go (some of) the spoils.

Posted 10:01 AM by Gene

I got four of the five BEST PICTURE OSCAR® NOMINEES right; I didn't get the fifth because 1. the ACADEMY® has a soft spot for little films that nobody sees that get "big" awards produced by Dick Clark, and 2. Gone with the Wind already won one.

AND THE WINNER IS®...

CGI Tolkien. He did the BEEEEEEEEEOOOOO. Who else?

Posted 6:42 AM by Gene

PROF boasts again. Sorry Prof, I don't think you'll supplant Yahoo! or Google or eBay. But there's always the IPO.

Posted 6:34 AM by Gene

A zillionaire illiterate Hollywood has-been admits to a one-night stand with an airhead.

Posted 6:28 AM by Gene

A sanitation worker was crushed to death by the massive mechanical arm of a city garbage truck in Brooklyn yesterday - becoming the first woman killed in the line of duty in the department's history.

Why is it when NEWS HACKS report such stories you can feel them glow with pride?

Two-word answer: Ellen Goodman.

Posted 6:26 AM by Gene

Will Giuliani replace Cheney in ’04?

Not a bad idea.

Posted 6:21 AM by Gene

Andy S. types again:

A CLINT EASTWOOD REPUBLICAN: Or a Dennis Miller Republican, I suppose. That would be me.

What happened to the SOUTH PARK REPUBLICAN????????????

Posted 6:20 AM by Gene

Wrong as usual.

Posted 5:24 PM by Gene

Having the League of Nations stop genocide is like having a foot-tall wall of Lego bricks stop a tsunami.

Posted 2:46 PM by Gene

"In 1965, 80 percent of 18- to 49-year-olds in the U.S. could be reached with three 60-second TV spots. In 2002, it required 117 prime-time commercials to produce the same result."

Gotta get it up to TEN THOUSAND!!!!!

Of course the problem with trash cans as an advertising medium is...never mind.

Posted 12:15 PM by Gene

WAAAAAAAAH! THEY WENT TO YALE! WAAAAAAAAAAH!!!!!

Posted 11:37 AM by Gene

He's got the JOEmentum -- and an endorsement from...NEWSMAX?!?!?

Posted 10:57 AM by Gene

KEN FELATTA IS THE A. J. LIEBLING OF OUR TIME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

You need a cover blurb, Shel?

And the thing is, YOU MISSPELLED LIEBLING'S NAME.

Posted 10:46 AM by Gene

AN ARGUMENT FOR HACKING: The scribblers at AdAge run some word processing about how TV and ad types are allegedly slobbering all over porno "actors," and guess who makes a special-guest-star appearance? THAT MASTER OF SELF-PUBLICITY, PERFESSER THOMPSON.

This worthless typing will self-destruct in five seconds. Good luck, Jim.

Posted 9:54 AM by Gene

PSYCHO'S BACK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

So Zogby says.

Posted 8:42 AM by Gene

When news hacks try to be different they're often merely the same. This scribbler says Bob Keeshan and Fred Rogers were hopelessly dull and that modern TV does a better job of placating very young children. Obviously this guy never heard of ADHD. He never heard of the "I Hate Barney" clubs or the the ridicule of the Teletubbies either. And what's a news hack's bloviation without a little trendy jargon? "Layered stories" is a code word like "multitasking," which is a code word for confusion. No, Bob Keeshan and Fred Rogers didn't like lies, but they probably didn't like the aggressive half-truths of news hacks, either.

Posted 8:32 AM by Gene

Jihad makes the top-10 in certain Iraqi quarters, but then head loppings, hand loppings, woman beatings and goat buggery do too.

Posted 8:29 AM by Gene

"If he's the nominee, John Kerry believes there are Southern states he can carry."

Yes, Puerto Rico, Mexico, Brazil, Bolivia....

Posted 8:24 AM by Gene

Bahbah Wahwah is retiring, sort of, which means not quite as many drippy interviews. But they'll still be coming, so we can still make fun of her zillion-dollar "accent."

Laugh line of the day: "I can't remember the last time I read a trashy novel." REALLY? You've lived one.

Posted 8:19 AM by Gene

He's got 'weight of history' and Ted Kennedy on his side

Isn't that a little, uh, redundant?

Posted 7:36 PM by Gene

John Kerry criticized Howard Dean on Sunday for espousing tax and foreign policies that will "just kill us" at the polls in November as Kerry himself was accused of waffling on the Iraq war.

Six of one....

Posted 7:31 PM by Gene

French Greens to boycott Chinese President's address

I'd call this a mark of courage, but they'd probably boycott Dubya too, which means it's a mark of zero.

Posted 7:17 PM by Gene

With all the Mexicans flooding over our border they owe it to us to permit entry to a few of ours.

Posted 7:15 PM by Gene

The Dems' PR types are now touting the E word -- electability. But if PSYCHO seems a little bit less than electable after his war chant, so will Dippity-DO! when the public learns how, uh, MODERATE he is.

Posted 9:30 AM by Gene

An eccentric artist welding a makeshift confetti gun set off a mad terrorism scare in Brooklyn Saturday when the device exploded and police found weapons and maps of the city in his apartment, officials said.

The Marx Brothers could have made this into a movie. Or Gov. Ridge.

Posted 9:26 AM by Gene

N.H. vote hinges on undecided

I think a better headline would be "N.H. vote decided by unhinged."

Posted 9:05 AM by Gene

I HATE writing about the Forbes 400 bloggers, but Buzz forces me into it. He says he'd FIRE MODO (GOT to call her MODO) for writing NONSENSICAL LINES, but I wonder, Buzz -- when you were at EWWWWWWWW!!!!!, would you have fired the dozens and dozens of fawning hacks who plunked their unreadable press releases on your desk? Didn't think so. PLUS he boasts about an op-ed piece in the Newark Star-Ledger. We hedging our bets, Buzz? Isn't PRINT, well, so twentieth-century?

Posted 8:54 AM by Gene

The Paks fight the holy cockroaches with amputated fists.