Posted 8:08 PM by Gene

Figures: that "controversial" con-SER-va-tive PC comedy with the two distributors was financed by a founder of PAYPAL.

"Hollywood is littered with the corpses of people who came to town, spent their own money and were subject to ridicule."

We suspect many of them made HIGH-QUALITY OUT...ARTHOUSE PICTURES NOBODY SAW.

Posted 6:50 PM by Gene

Business owners say starting over will be difficult, maybe impossible

Nobody expects miracles, but maybe these folk have been watching too much CNN.

Posted 4:45 PM by Gene

Is there anyone in public life you'd DIE to meet? There are people we might want to be, like VICE-PRESIDENT BIG-OIL, or MICKEYMOUSE NIXON, who've never had a bad day in their lives (despite health scares that did not impinge one bit on their immortality), who abuse their power just by being them. I mean, do any big names have such sex appeal you'd stalk them or write anonymous letters? I mean this facetiously, but think: The Great Empathizer and Bugmeister Bill are at heart too-ordinary people, the former the recipient of a nice family string-pull, the latter's luck reinforced by his ruthlessness. They're smaller-than-life figures despite their larger-than-life commands. In a just world Dubya would be managing a ranch somewhere, and the Bug would be bagging groceries and collecting comic books.

In that our age may have the leaders it deserves. Think how George Washington came into office, rowed through New York harbor to the sounds of cannon and the cheers of thousands and all lower Manhattan nuts. Think of Lincoln, superficially the most ordinary of men, who nonetheless could have awed people into silence. Think of FDR and his smile, or Churchill and his cigar. These men had character, and guts, and brains, and sex appeal, and they weren't afraid to use them. We failed three weeks ago because we don't have anyone to look up to; and a nation with no one to look up to can only look down.

That's why I must harp yet again on the amusing tale of Renée What's-Her-Name. Except that she has won an OSCAR® and appeared in some modestly successful pictures it's hard to think why's she's a "star." Recall the now-famous pictures of her with her twanger on the beach -- ordinary face, ordinary figure. (Indeed some unscrupulous designer could have used her to revive the TWENTIES LOOK, if you know what I mean.) Recently in a Wilson Quarterly article decrying our slovenliness of dress (a post in itself) Daniel Akst noted that the great past beauties like Audrey Hepburn and MM had "a waist/hip ratio of about .7" -- meaning they had hourglass figures. Is there anyone in Hollywood today with remotely such an aspect? We can't even turn to Hollywood for the succor of fantasy. This is a mirror of our reality: just as this age has the leaders it deserves, it has the culture it deserves.

P. S. The last public figure with any sex appeal for me was Ted Koppel, before he became a PC pompous ass.

Posted 4:43 PM by Gene

TRANSLATION: Thanks to TWO DAMNED FOOLS APPOINTED BY NIXON, ABORTION became a RIGHT.

BEEEEEEEEEEEEEN STEEEEEEIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Posted 12:21 PM by Gene

Is it me or are the Bushes starting to resemble a Republican version of the Kennedys without the CHARISMA?

Posted 12:16 PM by Gene

We're so happy Youppi! found a home. Now the Washington Nationals that abandoned him need a mascot.

How about -- THE SAN DIEGO CHICKEN!!!!!?

Posted 12:11 PM by Gene

President Pervez said something stupid, which thankfully hides all the holy cockroaches running around at his feet.

Posted 12:02 PM by Gene

When Pod Person calls a blog "invaluable," and it features an attempted pop-up and 71 hard-to-read comments, you know it isn't worth anything.

This appears to be the new con-SER-va-tive CW: Dubya's GREAT SOCIETY program will spur GROWTH. True enough; crime is always a growth business.

Posted 11:52 AM by Gene

Why should G000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000GLE bid on the TWXSTERS' PIECE OF JUNK as a DEFENSIVE POSTURE?

Then again, we're for anything that brings its share price down.

Posted 9:50 AM by Gene

If Roe v. Wade were to be overturned, states would presumably be free to criminalize abortion. But few, if any, would.

I'd love to know how often pundits are wrong -- and they're apt to be wrongest when they put on their dunce ca...THINKING caps. Who could have foreseen all that has happened under Dubya? 9/11, two wars? Who foresaw that our government would approach complete collapse three weeks ago? There's probably a reason this particular well-paid pundit is wrong, but I'm not going to be fool enough to predict why.

Which brings me to what another well-paid "thinker" said yesterday. Maybe overturning Roe (and nearly EVERYONE on both sides says what a work of GENIUS it is) would cause "social upheaval." But maybe we need some upheaval to get our house back in order. That was the CW of 9/11. And as Thomas Jefferson said, a nation needs a revolution now and then, and our body politic has arteriosclerosis.

On the other hand, look what the SIXTIES gave us.

Posted 8:36 PM by Gene

Further proof we DESPERATELY need public-opinion polls:

A new Wall Street Journal Online/Harris Interactive Personal Finance Poll finds that nearly one in five (19%) U.S. adults who purchased a home within the last three years for their primary residence say they spent above their suggested price range, while two-thirds (67%) stayed within their price range and 12% were below their price range.

Posted 8:33 PM by Gene

There may not be time or space to report on the next great natural disaster, but there's always too much time and too much space for top PR men like Devin to plug a TV show.

Here's another reason the ANGER shtick is an act -- and worse, an excuse for more raw partisan propaganda.

Posted 6:40 PM by Gene

A flotilla of 70 boats moved sedately up the River Thames on Friday, re-enacting the elaborate waterborne state funeral of Britain's greatest naval hero, Admiral Horatio Nelson, who led his fleet to victory over the French and Spanish 200 years ago at the Battle of Trafalgar.

Was that one politically correct too?

Posted 5:21 PM by Gene

SLASHDOT is ROILED:

Is The Firefox Honeymoon Over?

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!

Posted 5:13 PM by Gene

And NOW -- heeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeere's ARNIE!

What happened to the LETTERMAN gig? (Pffh-hh-hh!)

Posted 5:01 PM by Gene

One of America's Greatest Heroes, Alfred Kinsey (so RUPERT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! told us), guaranteed a survey on sex could not be discussed without giggling, or chortling -- or ADVOCACY.

News hacks may think we've advanced, but in some ways we're receding from the finish line.

Posted 4:51 PM by Gene

Three consecutive heds on the SunTimes.com home page:

Governor denies wrongdoing in pension scandal

Stephens: I didn't meet with mob

Roberts insists he's no conservative ideologue

Let's see: I am not a crook, I am not a crook and I am not a conservative. We hit the TRIFECTA!

Posted 3:40 PM by Gene

The age has TWO EDWARD R. MURROWS!

May 27, 1997

I just wanted to send a quick note to my friends at WMAQ, and congratulate them on the hiring of Jerry Springer. Even if he is gone now.

I'm proud to be part of a network that finally just admits that news has become pure entertainment.

Since I happen to be in the entertainment industry and have a little history with local news (my father was an anchorman), and Jerry Springer (l've known him most of my life, and my father gave him his first broadcasting job), I thought I'd give you some pointers.

1.) Put a tote board behind the desk numbering off people killed that day. You know. . . break it into categories.

2.) Ring a bell off every time a child is abducted or missing.

3.) Do a five-part series on string bikinis--good or bad. (Scratch that, you did it for last month's sweeps.)

4.) Fire all the other on-air people who stand up for journalism (they can cause trouble).

5.) Get Siegfried & Roy to do the sports and weather. (Siegfried likes sports.)

6.) Get Jerry back to cover other stories. Let him do a sweeps piece on why it's dumb to write checks to hookers in Cincinnati. (Something he's an expert on.)

7.) Give free Cadillacs to anyone in the Chicago area who watches your news and learns anything of value or truth (you'll save a lot of money there).

8.) And finally, never, never kid yourself that Jerry Springer is a journalist or that you are anything more than a tabloid show with nicer hair.

You should be embarrassed.

I applaud the anchors who left.

--George Clooney, TV actor

And that's the way it is. George Clooney in New York saying, good night, and good luck -- and COURAGE.

LEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEES "MOONER" MOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOONVEEEEEEEEEEEEES!!!!!

Posted 12:39 PM by Gene

Some talk-radio FLINTSTONE boasted he won the P-Ulitzer Prize for online jernalism, and the whole news biz is up in arms because there IS NO SUCH PRIZE!

But then,

These days, Pulitzer Prize winners just aren't what they used to be, either.

Ain't THAT the truth.

Oh, he's a "libertarian/libertine." Aren't they ALL?

Posted 10:33 AM by Gene

Democrats propose 'Marshall Plan'

Come on idiots, Dubya's already promised to corrupt all Lousiana with his federal largesse. What do you have in mind -- a guaranteed income?

Posted 10:22 AM by Gene

Years ago the whole world was aghast when Mary Pickford cut her hair. Now Renée What's-Her-Name divorces some country twanger, and we laugh, or snooze.

In some ways that's a healthy thing. But why can't the objects of our ridicule and inattention be prettier?

P. S. at 8:45 p.m.: A delicious update here, complete with Bridget Jones parody hed (no doubt funnier than the books). Stories like this make one happy inconveniences can happen to overpublicized people.

P. P. S. at 8:55 p.m.: More on the "fraud" angle here. At first I posted on this because of What's-Her-Name's raging beauty, but something about this story gives it legs -- I just wish I knew what. They're probably better looking.

Posted 10:09 AM by Gene

If THE CONSPIRACY is willing to broadcast movies into theaters, who needs theaters?

Posted 9:36 AM by Gene

IBM Aims To Simulate A Brain

I know this is at least marginally well-meaning, and perhaps some tremendous good will come from it, but whenever I see "computer" and "brain" in the same sentence I see Mustapha Mond lurking from behind a corner, or Dr. Frankenstein with his scalpel.

Posted 9:26 AM by Gene

GE BANCORP NETWORK's going after RED COUNTRY. BUT...

Here in Kennesaw, a suburb of Atlanta with 22,000 residents and a Civil War battlefield, NBC had little difficulty finding people who had tuned out its prime-time lineup since its glory days.

"I loved 'Seinfeld,' " said Ms. Smith, 40, who works at a Hobby Lobby store. "I watched 'Cheers' and 'Friends,' " said her boyfriend, Paul Perry, 34, who is out of work while recuperating from shoulder surgery.

But when asked to name a show on the network's prime-time schedule last year, neither could.

These geniuses are going after precisely that part of the audience THEY'VE SPENT THE LAST THIRTY YEARS DRIVING AWAY WITH THEIR EXCELLENCE.

Posted 8:45 AM by Gene

OH oh, the ONWARD BUSINESS SOLDIERS of IBD are calling SNIDELY WHIPLASH's little exercise in political oratory a "SICK JOKE."

RUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUSH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

It's sad to see him suddenly so in tune with the Beltway's budget consensus. Here's hoping his comment was just a joke that none of us got. If it wasn't, a change of leadership is in order.

Is the GREAT REPUBLICAN CRACK-UP coming sooner than I'd have thought?

Posted 8:33 AM by Gene

Oooh, the AD BIZ' FIG LEAF is taking a harder look at -- PRODUCT PLACEMENTS FOR KIDS!

I guess they're replacing one set of blinders with a slightly smaller set. Unfortunately they still have THE BLINDFOLD on.

"It’s the government, not the corporations who should be the guardians of public health."

RUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUSH!!!!! JOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOONAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!!! DOW THIRTY-SIX THOOOOOOOOOOOOOUUUUUSANNNND!!!!!

Posted 8:29 AM by Gene

Why was CHEAP CHANNEL in the THEA-TAH business? Why would its SPINOFF want to be in the THEA-TAH business?

Good riddance to BOTH.

Posted 6:55 AM by Gene

And take this story. Most hacks know practicing Catholics (or people who practice religion period) as well as a certain movie ad-blurb copywriter knew Nixon voters, but they DO know better than anybody, so why not call it a McCARTHYISTIC WITCH HUNT? That's another thing about hacks: they put on the phony sentimental Our Town routine about how they "respect" religion, but it all rings a bit hollow with people who are themselves Gods.

Posted 6:47 AM by Gene

The Democratic circus clowns of the senile -- SENIOR CHAMBER were ready to attack the judge for being a NAZI. Now they'll attack him for being "AMBIGUOUS." These morons want LIBERAL DEMOCRATS among the NINE FINGERS; why don't they just SAY IT?

Posted 6:45 AM by Gene

CURLEY'S (Nyuk! Nyuk! Nyuk!) STOOGES celebrate "EXPERIMENTATION"!

This is why I wish the HACKS would be the raw naked unkempt stupid PARTISANS they yearn to be. The problem is, despite their new anger, they'll be angry -- WITH ETHICS CODES AND CLAIMS OF FAIRNESS.

Posted 6:40 AM by Gene

Why does USAOKAY!!!!! need FOUR GUSHING ROCK AD-BLURB COPYWRITERS?

Posted 6:26 AM by Gene

Conservative commentators have had a high old time pointing at the city of New Orleans's government's bumbling performance during the Katrina catastrophe. Mark Steyn, in describing the city's black population as being a "wholly-owned subsidiary of the Democratic party," might as well have described every institution in Louisiana. Rush Limbaugh has said, many times, many ways, "This is what you get with decades of liberal rule."

And here, alas, is the problem: a hurricane is a force of nature, and nature has a way of sweeping mere mortals off the boards. But after the death and destruction, a few rotted pillars will stand, and having survived the force of nature will pronounce themselves more fit than before. We like Mark Steyn, though he occasionally shades into glibness; but we wonder if a man who's abused prescription drugs should pass judgment on the morality of "decades of liberal rule"; and we'd guess in Lousiana the problem wasn't liberalism, it was GRAFT.

And GRAFT being BI-PARTISAN, and some of history's most famous CROOKS being REPUBLICANS, we can understand why ERUCTERS like RUSH would want to make it a ONE-PARTY THING.

But what does RUSH know? He thought SNIDELY WHIPLASH was being SARCASTIC. (Although with a ZILLIONAIRE ELITIST like RUSH we COULD guess he was pulling a fast one.)

Posted 6:21 AM by Gene

Israeli Prime Minister Ariel Sharon yesterday received the warmest applause in decades for an Israeli leader addressing the UN General Assembly, a sign the Gaza pullout is seen by an increasing number of countries as a catalyst for peace.

While the reception was far from a standing ovation....

No, the only way that would happen is if an Israeli prime minister announced he was renaming his nation PALESTINE.

Do League of Nations bums think like NEWS HACKS or is it the other way around -- or does it matter?

Posted 6:44 PM by Gene

Fortunately, I can end of a more hopeful note:

Would that it were more widely understood that high art is good for you—not in the fallacious "Mozart-effect" sense, but in the far more profound sense of soulcraft. Alas, that uplifting notion has largely vanished from American culture. In matters of high art, we must start from zero: we actually have to make the case that listening to operas by Mozart and Verdi and looking at ballets by Balanchine and Tudor are pleasurable experiences.

Fortunately, the strongest card in our hands is that we’re telling the truth, an amazing and miraculous fact that it’s never too late to discover, even if you’ve never held a clarinet or stood at a barre or wielded a paintbrush....

Well said as usual, Mr. Teachout.

Posted 5:33 PM by Gene

I had hoped to be finished for today, but suddenly I became annoyed. I was pondering that, whatever his foibles, and they were many, Leonard Bernstein was undoubtedly a genius -- a genius in the true sense of the word: "extraordinary intellectual power especially as manifested in creative activity." No, I go beyond this: Bernstein was a genius exactly as Mozart was a genius, and if he composed too little or too indulgently, or displayed too much Barrymore in his conducting, all his music making was infused with the spirit of true genius.

Knowing Bernstein was a genius, I did a Google search. "'Leonard Bernstein' genius" yielded a respectable 96,100 links. But a gnawing doubt quickly emerged, and I did a second search, for another "genius", which yielded 882,000 links. One of them -- second from the top -- was to a Volokhhead, whom, against my better judgment, I quote:

EMINEM AND THE LANGUAGE INSTINCT: One of the more satisfying experiences of this past week: reading Steven Pinker's The Language Instinct: How the Mind Creates Language while listening to Eminem's amazing new CD, The Eminem Show.

The Language Instinct was on the The New York Times Book Review Editor's Choice list of the "11 Best Books of 1994" and named one of the Top 100 Science Books of the Century by American Scientist in 1999.

Praise for The Eminem Show has been more sporadic. There are the usual problems: I could read aloud from The Language Instinct on the metro or the street, but listening to The Eminem Show in the office requires both headphones and a closed door, on the off chance the headphone jack slips out, causing my speakers to start blaring White America, or worse. Much worse. His own website states:

For Eminem, his potentially controversial and undoubtedly offensive songs will strike a chord with a multitude of hip-hop loyalists who believe they have little to lose and everything to gain.

The lyrics are offensive, although I am not offended, in part because it is in the evocative and compelling nature of his songs that Eminem's GENIUS reveals itself. The power flows from the combination of the lyrics and his choice of word emphasis and rhyme. I hesitate to include the written lyrics without an audio file because, like good poetry, his words must be heard to be felt.

More on both of these later, including what Pinker would recognize as Eminem's perfect grammar.

What a typical Volokhhead combination: a toady and a pedant, combined with a healthy dose of euphemism. This proves SUPERDUPERMEGAGIGABLOGGERS are too often CW-prone, the bigger their names, the more CW they're prone to -- and can be just of unworthy of our patronage as any NEWS HACK.

P. S. She works for Dubya now. Does that mean this GENIUS is a CON-SER-VA-TIVE?

P. P. S. I found one more swoon from this future Appeals Court judge or superlobbyist, and at least this time she had the guts to quote from the genius -- but given the quote did she know what she quoting? No, or else she wouldn't have been a VOLOKHHEAD.

Posted 5:21 PM by Gene

Time Warner's AOL May Dump Google Search Engine, Use Microsoft

Which bad guy to root AGAINST?

Posted 5:00 PM by Gene

I've got a brilliant suggestion: when THE PAPER OF RE-CORD puts its loudmouths -- er, op-ed columnists under the rug -- er, BEHIND THE WALL someone ought to start a pretend op-ed section, just going by the heds (they won't be behind the wall). Parodies of THE GLIBERAL, MODO, PAUL "FUN WITH NUMBERS" KRUGMAN, TOM "LOLLIPOP LOU" FRIEDMAN, etc., etc., ETC. may prove BETTER THAN THE REAL THING.

Posted 4:58 PM by Gene

Allllllll weeeeeee aaaaaaaare saaaaaaaaaaaaayiiiiiiiiiiiiiing is giiiiiive peeeeeeace aaaaaa chaaaaaaaaance....

And on September 24 you'll get your wish!

Posted 2:55 PM by Gene

We must congratulate ESPNCORP on losing money big time in the movies -- enough to drop its stock three percent. This was MICKEYMOUSE NIXON's biggest social experiment of them all -- and as the GOD of ESPNCORP leaves for His richly deserved search for a bigger job, we cannot help noting that in the end THIS GOD FAILED.

Posted 2:29 PM by Gene

We hope Leonard Bernstein's estate will not mind, but posting on some fool perfesser scribbler made us think of Candide. Here is the moment musical-comedy fans once died for, the end of "Glitter and Be Gay" (including an unused alternate ending, unused, thankfully) -- and it puts us in mind of some words in the great Ben Jonson's The Alchemist (IV.i.60-64):

Poor! and gat you? Profane not. Had your father
Slept all the happy remnant of his life
After that act, lien but there still, and panted,
He’d done enough to make himself, his issue,
And his posterity noble.

And all our posterity can hope for are perfessers praising NEWS HACKS.

Posted 1:57 PM by Gene

Outstanding work was produced by The Wall Street Journal, The New York Times, Knight Ridder newspapers, Time, Newsweek....

Dr. Pangloss has a new name -- and the name is Paul Janensch!

Will you stop making that loud squeaky noise when you shake your head, Romy?

Posted 12:09 PM by Gene

Another contending team with rotten attendance -- what is it about SELIGISM that psychs up the fans?

Posted 11:53 AM by Gene

And speaking of THE CORNER:

WAS DE LAY BEING SARCASTIC? [John Podhoretz ]
Apparently Rush Limbaugh and a lot of other people think Tom DeLay's remark yesterday that there was no more fat to cut in the federal budget was sarcastic. I didn't hear it, but it didn't read like it was sarcastic.
Posted at 11:01 AM

What's the difference between a RIGHT-WING DELUSION and a LEFT-WING DELUSION?

Posted 11:40 AM by Gene

We're going back to surfing THE BLOGGERS OF THE MILLENNIUM as for now they haven't found a way to defeat IE's pop-up blocker or Firefox, and besides, we need somebody to make fun of.

The same with little, although he surely hasn't been the same since Yassir died two years ago.

Posted 11:34 AM by Gene

The BIG-AS-THE-UNIVERSE BLOGGER for all the SMALL-AS-A-QUARK BLOGGERS discovers ANOTHER PC CON-SER-VA-TIVE MOVIE!

Did he get into a BETTING MATCH with THE CORNER?

Posted 11:19 AM by Gene

George Galloway and Chris Hitchens engage in THE FIRST LIVE-ACTION BLOG!

"I think it was a tie," said Michael Thompson, a political science professor at William Patterson University in New Jersey. "It was more rhetorical than it was substantive. There was just too much ad hominem oratory."

What did I say?

Posted 10:40 AM by Gene

Hmmm, you don't suppose Slick's out to save the world -- with the help of "Microsoft, Starbucks, Hewlett Packard, Google, Yahoo, Goldman Sachs, the Rockefeller Foundation and Citigroup"?

STRONG CAVEAT: This IS WORLDNETDAILY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Posted 9:53 AM by Gene

Trib Company's revs are UP. BUT:

The company reported circulation revenue dropped 8.6 percent because of volume declines at each of the company's newspapers, as well as selectively higher discounting.

TRANSLATION: THE AMERICAN SOCIETY OF WILLFULLY IGNORANT ADVERTISERS IS KEEPING BIG MEDIA ALIVE TO PRESERVE ITS FIEFDOMS.

Posted 9:00 AM by Gene

LORD STRINGER FLAILS AGAIN: To get people to buy his overpriced TVs and SYNERGY he's hired a CHIEF MARKETING OFFICER.

Does Dilbert work in Tokyo?

Posted 8:44 AM by Gene

Yahoo! helps peddle adware; Yahoo! helps jail Chinese dissidents. YA GOTTA LOVE THE COMPANY!

Yahoo's black eye in China probably won't be the last. All the more reason to keep its reputation spick-and-span everywhere else.

TRANSLATION: Yahoo! could help build concentration camps but so long as its reputation's "spick-and-span everywhere else," it's okay. SUUUUUUUUUUUUUUURE.

Posted 8:41 AM by Gene

Gillette Co. fired the latest shot in the blade wars Wednesday, introducing a new razor for men that features five blades, one more than competitor Schick's model.

Hey P&G! Why don't we devise a razor with 50 BLADES! Then we put the BLADES on a MOTOR, and...oh, NEVER MIND.

Posted 8:40 AM by Gene

An unpleasant thought: could we ever war with China over OIL?

Posted 6:42 AM by Gene

A simple explanation of why the HACKS have done the HARD SELL for professional hockey, at the end of a 1,993-WORD (counting captions) treatise:

"When it comes to hockey, it's like a general election in the United States in that apathy wins every time," Regner says. "That's what hockey needs to address — it's still a regional or niche sport...."

Guess who's in the region. Guess who's in the niche.

Posted 6:31 AM by Gene

JOKE OF THE MONTH:

In a deal that would unite two of America's corporate giants as partners in the Internet business, Time Warner is in advanced discussions to sell a stake in America Online to Microsoft, The Post has learned.

Now there's a company that can make BAD WORSE!

Posted 6:24 AM by Gene

Robert Wise may never occupy the pantheon of the great film directors, but we must confess a man who directed The Sound of Music, a great success widely revered to this day, despite the property and Pauline "Who Voted for Nixon?" Kael's sneers, must have known very much how to do it.

P. S. He edited Citizen Kane and The Magnificent Ambersons. Here are his comments on the latter, whose RKO-ordered mangling the ad-blurb copywriters regard as the greatest sin in art history:

The original 131-minute cut of the film proved to be a disaster at a sneak preview, with "people walking out and laughing in all the wrong places," Wise recalled.

"The studio demanded we cut it, and when we did, we had severe continuity problems. Orson was away in South America [working on a documentary film], so I was asked to direct a few linking scenes that would help the story make more sense."

We can't go by a sneak preview, but if all the mocking comments these days for THE GREATEST FILM OF ALL TIME are an indication perhaps that sneak audience wasn't entirely wrong. Wise was a consummate professional indeed.

Posted 5:49 PM by Gene

And will someone tell me why the ZILLIONAIRE CLEM KADIDDLEHOPPERS of MOUNTAIN VIEW have been searching the same "8,168,684,336 web pages" for MONTHS?

Another thing: enter my URL in G000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000GLE and you get 600 links, give or take a hundred; it's been this way for ages. Enter it in Yahoo! Search and you get 6,000. I wonder if G000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000GLE isn't VASTLY OVERRATED.

Jeez, if only Yahoo! weren't run by such greedy SOBs, but I guess that's what runs the WHOLE COMPUTER-INDUSTRIAL COMPLEX.

Posted 5:26 PM by Gene

MLB returning to ESPN for eight-year homestand

1. So much for CONCAST being the new ESPN; and 2. So much for cable rates going down -- not that they ever would.

Posted 5:22 PM by Gene

All of a sudden the ZILLIONAIRE CLEM KADIDDLEHOPPERS of MOUNTAIN VIEW are denying me HITS. I'm convinced Next Blog is programmed using some sappy arbitrary quixotic notion of FAIRNESS -- as if OPRAH could write CODE.

Hey bozo sitting on your options, how can your superduper ALGORITHMS tell LINK SPAM from someone who POSTS A LOT?

Posted 5:19 PM by Gene

PICKY PICKY PICKY:

ROBERTS' FAVORITE MOVIES [JPod]
Perhaps we get the sense that he hasn't been to the movies since 1983.
Posted at 04:32 PM

The problem with YOU, PodMan, is we get the sense you haven't seen any movie from BEFORE 1983.

Posted 5:12 PM by Gene

"We are on the winning side because al-Qaida has been neutralized," Musharraf told CNN. "They cease to exist as a homogeneous body. We have broken their vertical and horizontal communication linkages. They are on the run."

We hope so, but you haven't caught the BIG ENCHILADAS, and we recall THE @#$%&* "FATHER" OF YOUR COUNTRY -- and we wonder.

Posted 4:52 PM by Gene

In even the best of worlds a story like this would put a rag like the LALATimes in a bind. On the one hand it's about social science, that untenable quackery that tries to prove the figurative. On the other hand it's about SHOW-BIZ, and inevitably any hack not doing the Army Archerd (that army numbers between negligible and nil) must protect his CONNECTIONS, and must not offend anyone in the SHOW-BIZ CAPITOL OF THE TWENTY-SEVEN UNIVERSES, and he must inevitably quote that damned glibertarian slut for the biz. That said this is probably as good and even-handed as we can hope for, though often even-handed can be wishy-washy. No one in his right mind would say video games turn out a legion of violent zombies, but no one in his right mind would call them benign. Isn't it just enough for society to say we have standards? No, not when our SUPERMEDIA rule us with the STAINLESS STEEL FIST IN A TITANIUM GLOVE.

Posted 2:26 PM by Gene

US District Court Senior Judge Lawrence Karlton, appointed by President Jimmy Carter 25 years ago....

NUF SAID.

Posted 2:19 PM by Gene

Viacom co-president and co-COO Tom Freston roundly denied previous reports that the media conglomerate and Comcast were planning to launch a jointly owned lifestyle cable network.

TRANSLATION: We're not conspiring to raise rates until we get permission from our huge EGOS.

Posted 2:16 PM by Gene

According to Howard "CW" Fineman, it's just a question of being right or being RIGHTER.

And you can never be too RIGHT, can you?

I guess that means the HACKS will be getting EVEN ANGRIER.

Posted 2:03 PM by Gene

"Stay Away, Joe."

Hey, I LIKE that song.

Posted 1:57 PM by Gene

Shucks, no HILLARY COMMISSION to BLAME BUSH.

Posted 1:53 PM by Gene

The MOVIES have come to the recorded -- SOUND biz: The GREAT NEW TRUTHTELLER'S TRUTH declined by TWO-THIRDS from week to week. Yes, over a million copies is nothing to sneeze at, but you wonder how many people might want the sonic equivalent of hay fever -- no matter how CRITICALLY ACCLAIMED.

And who wants CRITICALLY-ACCLAIMED MUSICAL GERITOL?

Posted 1:48 PM by Gene

"Once is Enough."

Posted 1:16 PM by Gene

BLITHERING MORONS:

Swapping Scoops: Every Night the 'NY Times' and 'Wash Post' Exchange Front Pages for the Following Day

TRANSLATION: THEY SWAP NOTES ON HOW TO SPIN THE NEWS!

Posted 1:06 PM by Gene

Portions of the BLOGOSPHERE are UP IN ARMS because MMMMMMMMSSSSSSSSMMMMMMMM is "BACK"!!!!!!!!!!

Portions of the blogosphere were born yesterday.

Posted 1:04 PM by Gene

"Nothingville."

Posted 10:49 AM by Gene

DeLay declares 'victory' in war on budget fat

DeLay declares himself an ass, as if we didn't know that.

Posted 10:21 AM by Gene

"I will yank the Times scribes if I can't find other outlets that are planning to carry them," threatened Drudge. "The Internet is losing its innocence."

I think it lost its innocence when you passed on the first bit of SPYWARE, WALTER!!!!!

OR:

How can you justify charging for the Op-Ed columnists? I can’t afford to pay for them and now I will be shut out of our National discussion on important issues.
The distinct voices of our columnists will continue to be readily available in the paper edition on newsstands, and through libraries, colleges and universities.

TIMES marches BACKWARDS!

Posted 9:28 AM by Gene

"Look Out, Broadway!"

Posted 9:22 AM by Gene

OH oh, Mike "The Devil's Advocate" Kinsley takes a BEATING:

In a statement, [LALATimes publisher Jeffrey] Johnson pointedly omitted the usual praise heaped upon a departing journalist.

I guess he wasn't the only one sick of CROSSFIRE.

Posted 9:14 AM by Gene

Well if National Public NewsRadio's so SUCCESSFUL, Phil, ROMY, why not AN IPO?

So you had your hundreds of CONSULTANTS fake you a SURVEY, KEN. I suppose we have to be IMPRESSED.

Posted 9:05 AM by Gene

Group Blasts Lehman Bros. for Slavery Apology

TRANSLATION: The case against reparations is now a con-SER-va-tive issue -- especially when broached by NEWSMAX!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Posted 9:03 AM by Gene

"How Can You Lose What You Never Had?"

There's a nice alternate take on Collectors [sic] Gold.

Posted 8:55 AM by Gene

Oh dear oh dear, Mr. Mark's committee of magazine spell checkers gives THE NEW YORKER a whap with a wet noodle.

O TEMPORA! O MORES!!

O shut up.

Posted 8:53 AM by Gene

The HACKS may warn us about impending hurricane disasters, oh, two or three times a year, but you can BET they inform us of the PLOTLINES of HIT TV SHOWS FIVE OR SIX THOUSAND TIMES A YEAR.

A NEUHARTHISM OF THE WEEK AWARD TO BILL KEEEEEEEEEECK!

Posted 6:52 AM by Gene

Meanwhile in the increasingly former MOTOWN, GanNETt remembers what made KNIGHTRIDDER so great:

Race still divides voters in Detroit mayoral campaign
About eight in every 10 Detroit voters are African Americans....

Errr, aren't we getting a little DESPERATE with that idea?

Posted 6:51 AM by Gene

Ford looks abroad for half of parts

TRANSLATION: Ford will build its cars in Malaysia.

What took the CLUNKER BROTHERS so long to SEE THE LIGHT?

You wonder why Bill Ford didn't yearn to spend his days on the Riviera. Maybe he does.

Posted 6:44 AM by Gene

And speaking of ArtsJournal.com (a tip of the benny here, for once), THE PAPER OF RE-CORD emits a LOW WHINY GROWL over a CON-SER-VA-TIVE MOVIE.

Michael "Ninny" Medved gets me in a low whiny growl, but at least this isn't a PC GROSSOUT COMEDY.

Posted 6:42 AM by Gene

Seven jazz legends are being recognized by the government for their achievements.

Singer Tony Bennett, keyboardist Chick Corea and trumpeter Freddie Hubbard are among those named Jazz Masters by the National Endowment for the Arts and awarded $25,000 fellowships.

The other recipients are percussionist Ray Barretto, composer Bob Brookmeyer, clarinetist Buddy DeFranco and New Orleans-born manager John Levy, honored as a jazz advocate.

TRANSLATION: JAZZ IS DEAD.

P. S. I want somebody to tell me with a straight face those last four names are "legends." Well known in the jazz biz, perhaps, but how well known without? And we may question if Tony's a "jazz legend"; a great singer though he is, he spent too much of his career extruding gloppy ballads.

Posted 6:28 AM by Gene

Come on, Mike, you're telling us Elvis's Mamma Mia! had a CHANCE? It had a chance all right -- to lose $10 MILLION.

We'll spend the rest of the day combing through Elvis's catalog to find appropriate song titles for the debacle.

LAUGH OF THE DAY:

Two principal investors — Miramax Films and Clear Channel Entertainment — are so disgusted with the way things have been run by Jonathan Pollard, the lead producer, that they've withdrawn from the production.

That's sort of like evacuating New Orleans two weeks late. It couldn't have happened to two NICER companies.

Posted 6:21 AM by Gene

Gosh, The Cute Little Pink Paper spends four pages on its Web site scratching its head why ESPNCORP Network's morning blurb-and-adolescent-weatherman show would spend half its air time plugging something in prime-time. I can't for the life of me figure out why they'd do it -- except maybe they have lots of research and no sense. Nor can I imagine who'd watch these morning plug-fests except the brain-deprived. Expect ROMY to throw a TANTRUM when he gets to this.

Posted 6:19 AM by Gene

Shucks, after all that talk of "reform" we're stuck with the old bloated, corrupt, inefficient, petulant, whiny, dogmatic, demagogic, hectoring LEAGUE OF NATIONS.

Who'd have thought.

Posted 6:18 AM by Gene

YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY!!!!! THE BOMBINGS HAVE RESUMED!!!!!

Hold the CHEERS, HACKS.

Posted 7:21 PM by Gene

Looks like LALA has a who's-in-charge? problem too.

Posted 7:15 PM by Gene

The port of New Orleans expected its first cargo ship since the hurricane late Tuesday and expected at least three more ships by the week's end, said Gary LaGrange, port president and chief executive. The arriving ship was carrying up to 500 containers of coffee and wood products from Argentina, Brazil and Mexico, LaGrange said.

A shipment of steel coils was leaving the port Tuesday bound for a Hyundai auto plant in Greenville, Ala., he said.

"It's a historical moment. Two weeks ago the prognosis was six months, so to pull it off so our customers have enough faith and confidence in us is very heartwarming," LaGrange said.

Do you think people who complain the press plays up bad news may have a point? (This appears at the VERY END of the story.)

Posted 5:20 PM by Gene

Let's see, KnightRidder declined $3.44 a share because OF: "a 9.1 percent hike in the per-ton price of newsprint; unfavorable comparisons with health cost numbers from the prior year; the start of depreciation on a new plant in Kansas City; higher interest expense; and losses from Biloxi, Mississippi, which was damaged by Hurricane Katrina."

But, we may assume, definitely NOT content.

Why didn't you throw in THE DO-NOT-CALL LAW? Your competitors have.

Posted 5:15 PM by Gene

It occurs to me right off the bat that this show is being carried live across the country. I'll have to stop making things up. Crap.

Aw, go ahead, make things up. Senators do it -- and so do news hacks. They're MADE for each other.

Posted 3:21 PM by Gene

As for disease fears, the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention was optimistic that the worst was over. "There is very little disease here," said CDC spokesman Curtis Allen. "We have not been seeing the diseases that many people around the country feared."

Another piece of -- CW down the chute.

Posted 1:41 PM by Gene

Dubya "takes responsibility" for the hurricane, much as Ronald Reagan "took responsibility" for the massacre in Lebanon.

"Taking responsibility" is a meaningless phrase because it's a way of painlessly excising a pound of flesh for the hacks, and your enemies. But it's also meaningless because in a real sense the people uttering this verbiage have no responsibility, or exercise it so diffusely it has no force; thus responsibility lies with the people down below, who have their own means of unaccountability. In the end "taking responsibility" is just a kind of finger pointing without a finger.

Posted 1:28 PM by Gene

MORE SPIN:

The second-day session grew contentious as Democrats displayed frustration with Roberts' answers and his oft-repeated explanation that he couldn't address some issues that could come before the Supreme Court with him as chief justice.

"Go ahead and continue not to answer," Sen. Joe Biden, D-Del., told the nominee at one point.

Later, Biden interrupted Roberts and when criticized, said, "His answers are misleading with all due respect."

"Wait a minute! Wait a minute! They may be misleading but they are his answers," said Sen. Arlen Specter, R-Pa., the Judiciary Committee chairman.

Good ol' ARLEN O'SPECTER, our HONORARY DEMOCRAT.

Posted 1:12 PM by Gene

The SPIN is furious: hacks insisting the Stealth Judge said the right thing, the con-SER-va-tives insisting he didn't, and through it all no doubt on the spinners that the PUBLIC is something to be SPUN.

Although in fairness the judge appears to have done some fair spinning on his own. Where the truth is in the exercises in preening and self-flagellation, no one knows.

A piling on of proof, as if proof were needed, we must DITCH these empty theatrics for ELECTIONS, augmented with TERM LIMITS.

Posted 11:46 AM by Gene

I wish I knew why Next Blog is going three and out on me. It used to be I could get twenty to thirty hits in an hour, then it became a half hour -- now it seems to be down to three minutes. This (apart from its greed and its idiotic stock price) is why I can't stand G000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000GLE, the CIA of Mountain View: it's become an algorithm unto itself.

Posted 11:10 AM by Gene

The CORNER kiddies are throwing sand around their box because Andy told on them:

Conservative institutions, conceived for combat, have in power become self-perpetuating, churning their direct-mail lists in pursuit of cash from the orthodontist in Wichita and the Little Old Lady in Dubuque, so the activists can continue to fund the all-important work of . . . churning their direct-mail lists. The current story of Jack Abramoff's lucrative self-dealing, involving as it does such movement stalwarts as Ralph Reed and Grover Norquist, may seem lunatic in its excesses, but the excesses aren't the point. The point is the ease with which the stalwarts commandeered the greasy machinery of Washington power. Conservative activists came to Washington to do good and stayed to do well. The grease rubbed off, too....

Conservatism nowadays is increasingly a creature of its technology. It is shaped--if I were a Marxist I might even say determined--by cable television and talk radio, with their absurd promotion of caricature and conflict, and by blogs, where the content ranges from Jesuitical disputes among hollow-cheeked obsessives to feats of self-advertisement and professional narcissism (Everyone's been asking what I think about . . . You won't want to miss my appearance tonight on . . . Be sure to click here for my latest . . . ) that would have been unthinkable in polite company as recently as a decade ago. Most conservative books are pseudo-books: ghostwritten pastiches whose primary purpose seems to be the photo of the "author" on the cover. What a tumble! From The Conservative Mind to Savage Nation; from Clifton White to Dick Morris; from Willmoore Kendall and Harry Jaffa to Sean Hannity and Mark Fuhrman--all in little more than a generation's time. Whatever this is, it isn't progress.

All true, but hardly new; Bill Buckley, J. S. BACH's closest friend and the father of a HILARIOUS comic novelist, eructed in Playboy and Penthouse. Still this cheap, almost faux conservatism has reached epidemic levels. We see it in The Weekly Standard, owned by A MAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! who ISN'T a CONSERVATIVE. We see it in the raves for EVERY CONSERVATIVE PC MOVIE in THE CORNER, and the ENDS-JUSTIFY-THE-MEANS TREATISES that say con-SER-va-tives can play liberal tricks to advance their causes. No, there are crooks all around politics, and some call themselves con-SER-va-tives.

Posted 10:20 AM by Gene

Why do foster parents and child abuse go hand-in-hand?

Possible "mitigating factors":

The Gravelles said a psychiatrist recommended they make the children sleep in the cages, county Prosecutor Russell Leffler told the Norwalk Reflector.

Did he ever work for Woody Allen?

The parents told authorities that the children, including some who had mental disorders, needed to be protected from each other, according to a search warrant on file at Norwalk Municipal Court.

So why adopt eleven children?

Posted 9:36 AM by Gene

JOKE OF THE DAY:

The [outdoor advertising] market’s strength is largely credited to advertiers’ worries about the growing inefficiency of the broadcast-TV market -- outdoor companies often market their offering as the one remaining mass medium.

I repeat, AGAIN: if TV advertising is so rotten WHY DOES THE AMERICAN SOCIETY OF WILLFULLY IGNORANT ADVERTISERS KEEP THROWING ITS MONEY INTO THE SHREDDER?

Posted 9:26 AM by Gene

Market Forces And Overregulation Demolished Original Penn Station

NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO!!!!! Market forces GOOD! Regulation BAD!

Posted 9:17 AM by Gene

Rick "FOB" Kaplan may be out of the MESS by year's end.

I'd wager he'll have another job -- maybe as a SCREAMING HEAD on another network.

Posted 6:48 AM by Gene

Learning of this sudden WHINER BROTHERS-like tempest over a teapot trinket of an outhou -- ARThouse movie we suspect a really good comic writer could do something with it, and it would be funnier than the picture, or Bill Buckley's SON's novel that inspired it.

OR:

One irony about the dispute is that the film was written and directed by a Hollywood insider and that it skewers the self-serving and self-deluding ways Hollywood does business.

In the film, a Hollywood agent (played by Rob Lowe) cynically embraces the Eckhart character's idea of selling cigarettes by having stars smoke them on screen. To him, it's just another revenue stream. But the deal falls apart when Eckhart's character is compromised by an unflattering newspaper profile. It turns out the deal was not a deal.

Now we know the FILM's self-serving, and BAD.

P. S. The orgastic raves already in the ad-blurb copywriters' hard drives are no doubt funnier than the film too.

Posted 6:33 AM by Gene

You must admire glibertarians for their appreciation of a good practical joke. Their latest is the notion that Americans are "driving safer" because average speeds are up.

Whether we're driving any safer with cell phones in our hands is a matter of conjecture, but I would guess safer cars and drunk-driving laws have more to do with it than GLIBERTARIANISM.

Posted 6:28 AM by Gene

Further on the subject:

Roberts comes with 'no agenda'

We hope and pray this is true, and the judge seems like an honorable man; but given how plausible deniability has become the ruling dogma of American life forgive us if we are slightly suspicious, and especially given past NINE FINGERS nominees.

Posted 6:25 AM by Gene

On Iran-contra, what did Roberts know?

Faced with a stealth candidate, but also with a golden chance to rule America once again with the stainless-steel fist in the titanium glove, the hacks look for something, ANYTHING, to discredit the nominee. Is that what Romy and Howie Hairshirt and their friends mean by their CW Expression of the Month: ANGER?

Posted 6:23 AM by Gene

NHL UNION BAGS GOODENOW

A reward for a job WELL DONE.

Posted 6:20 AM by Gene

Bonds Nearly Hits a Home Run in His Return to the Giants

Why is this an accomplishment, O RARE PAPER OF RE-CORD? Or would it have been a homer with the benefit on an *?

Posted 6:17 AM by Gene

It is bad enough when news hacks conduct slyly rigged polls to try to elect a president; but what can be worse than when news hacks conduct a poll to allow their on-air personalities to scream, thus "attracting viewers" (so they think) and ratings points?

The sole purpose of polls is MISCHIEF.

Posted 5:14 PM by Gene

The nice thing about all these DIMWITS who play rotten music at TOP VOLUME on their iPods and Walkmans is twenty years from now they'll be saying, EH??

Posted 5:06 PM by Gene

CNN SPLITS ITS SCREEN SIX WAYS! WOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Which inevitably leads to two responses:

1. SIX TIMES ZERO....

2. Hey C, go cover a blackout.

Posted 3:30 PM by Gene

Michael Brown did what Dubya wouldn't do for him.

Posted 2:11 PM by Gene

Forgive us while we smirk at the videogame biz' predicament. Its brazen selling of dubious games to minors and the rotted-away fig-leaf VALENTI system to keep those sales alive put it in this bind. And why shouldn't it be a crime to let kids see R movies by themselves? We know now they're a factor in juvenile delinquency, and THE CONSPIRACY was even more eager to sell them to children than the game biz was to its. Mostly likely Ah-NULT will veto the bill -- show-biz uber alles -- but this problem will persist long after he loses his re-election. Tough bupkis, geeks.

Posted 1:24 PM by Gene

Skype hasn't revealed any financial details of its business. But the company says more than 2 million people have signed up for its SkypeOut service since it launched in July 2004, and the last million of those have been added just since March. The service requires a minimum purchase of ten euros, or about $12.40, so that's at least $12.4 million in revenue for the year. Take into account users who buy extra minutes, other services like SkypeIn and voice mail, and accessories like phones and headsets, and it's likely the company's 2005 annual revenue will be in the neighborhood of $20 million.

And eBay may pay over $4 billion for it! Who says there's no Internet bubble anymore?

Posted 11:38 AM by Gene

Hey con-SER-va-tives! THIS should make you HAPPY!

According to Roberts' report to the Senate Judiciary Committee, which begins hearings on his nomination Monday, the federal appeals court judge's net worth was $4.6 million on Aug. 1.

BUT:

Among Roberts's biggest holdings are...Time Warner Inc., in which he owns $212,992.

Sorry Justice, no glowing profiles in Time or on CNN.

Posted 11:32 AM by Gene

Are there any -- CONSERVATIVES in the house?!?!?

Posted 8:50 AM by Gene

Sorry, the SENIOR CLUNKER BROTHER DOES have a strategy for Saturn -- to turn it into OLDSMOBILE.

Posted 8:43 AM by Gene

STERNO becomes a PERFESSER OF BLOGGING!

I guess that was inevitable. When's the post-graduate course starting?

Posted 6:56 AM by Gene

Hearings Tempest Downgraded to Topical Storm

TRANSLATION: Howie Hairshirt says they're gonna be DUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUULL.

Meantime, being the definitive arbiter of CW that he is, Howie obsesses over that "state of emergency" story, which means just when we thought we were finished with one long-running annoyance, here comes another.

Posted 6:39 AM by Gene

Well, we're happy the spelling-bee musical made back its production costs, and is now on track to earn umpteen gazillions on tour, but we must ask, off the top of your head, can you name a musical of the last twenty years? No Mamma Mia -- that's cheating. So's MONTY PYTHON'S BLAZING SADDLES and that animated movie at the New Amsterdam. Okay, KERNGERSHWIN HAMMERSTEIN'S immortality. But even that doesn't qualify as it's a tourist trap. Anything else? You mean you can't conjure up a Show Boat, a South Pacific, a My Fair Lady? Come on -- SOMETHING must have opened in this era! Name ONE MUSICAL! You can't do it? Better luck next time.

Posted 6:27 AM by Gene

Sighhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh, here comes another con-SER-va-tive PC comedy, all the more likely to get idiot raves as THE CORNER's ex-boss's SON wrote the novel, and it was "hilarious." Interestingly, the Hollywood Stenographer calls this masterwork "libertarian," which is a code phrase for a free-market-liberal. Okay Pod Person, get your hard drive ready, as we prepare to hold our noses.

Posted 6:19 AM by Gene

"There's understandable pressure to get money out quickly," said Clark Kent Ervin, the former inspector general at the Department of Homeland Security (DHS), which is in charge of the relief effort. "But there inevitably will be waste and fraud."

Isn't that what federal spending's all about?

Last week's votes on a $51.8 billion spending bill seem to bear that out. The Senate vote was 97 to 0; in the House, it was 410 to 11. The action pushed to $62.3 billion the amount allocated so far for Katrina relief, with more to come.

That's more than this year's discretionary budgets for all but two Cabinet departments, Defense and Health and Human Services. And it's more than the total federal spending for homeland defense. Washington has been burning through $2 billion a day in its flood-relief efforts, even before reconstruction begins.

The federal government has a long record of responding quickly to disasters, only to see money diverted for questionable uses that have little or nothing to do with its intended purpose.

More! MORE! I'm still not SATISFIED!!

Posted 5:01 PM by Gene

Population shifts caused by the exodus of hurricane victims from the Gulf Coast could have ripple effects for years to come in Louisiana political races and perhaps beyond.

Why am I thinking, by the time a year from November comes around this probably will amount to something less than an anthill?

Posted 4:46 PM by Gene

I think we've found a new variation on the Chevy Chase routine CEOs pull on their subordinates when they sponsor sporting events or finance bad movies: they'll become so hot to back a particular NASCAR team that they'll REALLY waste their companies' money, and REALLY drive their subordinates nuts. Indeed they may become SO hot they'll change teams much as parents change a baby's diapers, and with just as much screaming from the CEOs.

Posted 2:58 PM by Gene

While Nancy Pelosi ran her mouth,

Hundreds of city engineers have worked nonstop the last two weeks, sleeping on floors in their pumping stations. Water has fallen 5 feet in places, allowing sludge-covered buildings slowly to emerge.

Most of the city's central business district now has power - City Hall will soon have electricity and running water, officials said - and life in some restaurants, shops and inns has begun to stir.

Ask Kos or someone from THE CORNER to pump out the water and they'd soon yell, hellllllllllllllllLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLP!!!!!

Posted 2:37 PM by Gene

WORDS:

"Cisco takes the responsibility as a global citizen seriously. It's the right thing to do and our success depends on it."

– John Chambers, President and CEO.

P. S. This moron wanted to be LEGENDARY WELCH II, so we KNOW he's selling the goods to China.

P. P. S. Cisco's "Code of Business Conduct" is 8,411 WORDS. TRANSLATION: Does anyone READ these things?

Posted 1:49 PM by Gene

I am sorry to hear that Chris Schenkel has died. To call him the voice of bowling is something to make people sneer, but that's what he was, and his easy-going approach went well with an easy-going game, and he made Saturday afternoons quite agreeable.

Posted 1:44 PM by Gene

Sen. O'Specter plays to his natural constituency again -- the TV cameras:

"I think that we ought to have more women on the court. Two is a bare minimum. We really ought to have more," Specter said.

"I don't believe in a quota system...."

You know O'Arlen, Dubya really should have chosen YOU for Chief Justice. We'd never have heard the end of it -- from the hacks OR from YOU.

Posted 1:27 PM by Gene

ADVISERS appointed by Tony Blair after the London bombings are proposing to scrap the Jewish Holocaust Memorial Day because it is regarded as offensive to Muslims.

Tony's another leader who stood strong for two or three days, but has spent much of the rest of his time trying to hide. I would not be surprised to see his rare good side on something like this, where he tells PC types to shut up; on the other hand, I should not be surprised to see him crumple like onion-skin paper.

Posted 1:20 PM by Gene

Somehow the folks in Texas opened up the Astrodome, which should prove hurricane relief isn't IMPOSSIBLE.

Posted 12:14 PM by Gene

(It may, indeed, be hard to find these publications outside of independent bookstores in larger cities and college towns.)

How many times must we endure breathless pieces on literary hotshots HARDLY ANYBODY READS?

Posted 11:59 AM by Gene

Why do I want TV to act as my psychologist? Why must these Shakespeares of the ether "synthesize" things? Why must they help me collect my thoughts? If the last two weeks have shown anything it's that when these clowns get their act together we all need meds.

Unlike great art, however, weekly TV tends to be formulaic.

I thought weekly TV WAS great art!

Posted 11:48 AM by Gene

In posting previously on Jonathan Alter I had a suspicion in the back of my head he had had cancer -- I thought I heard it, but I couldn't find it -- and that must account for his baldness. I have revised three posts on account of this, and I was wrong to make fun of his appearance.

Posted 11:24 AM by Gene

Study Done of How Soap Clings to Water

Is it anything like how Yahoo! clings to CHINA?

Posted 9:59 AM by Gene

Elsewhere in the New Orleans of southeastern Michigan, it must count as progress when a newsman refers to John "IMPEACHMENT" Conyers' party affiliation as "far left."

Posted 9:54 AM by Gene

Michigan's largest cable and Internet provider is battling persistent complaints about unreliable service, uncaring customer support and unfriendly prices as it faces intensifying competition.

Hmmm, I wonder who THAT could be?

Comcast Corp....

OoooooooooooOOOOOOOOOOOOooooooooooooh!

...which recently riled customers with a nearly two-month delay in rolling out faster high-speed Internet service, has one of the lowest customer satisfaction ratings in an industry notorious for poor service.

It earned the worst score possible in six of seven categories in J.D. Power and Associates' most recent cable and satellite provider survey.

If that weren't dismal enough, its biggest competitor in Metro Detroit, WOW! Internet, Cable and Phone, won top honors in the survey with a near-perfect score.

Thank God for no competition -- RIGHT BRIAN ROBBER?

Posted 8:53 AM by Gene

More CLARITY from THE PAPER OF RE-CORD:

They Know All the Stupid Sitcom Writer Tricks

Does this mean the stupid tricks of sitcom writers? Or the tricks of writers of stupid sitcoms? Or the tricks of stupid sitcom writers? We'd place our bet on the last, whatever MR. MARK says about THE NEW MEGA-PLATINUM AGE.

Posted 8:49 AM by Gene

Oh, I'm sorry I forgot, something happened four years ago today and we haven't the foggiest idea what it was.

Posted 8:47 AM by Gene

I don't care what Mr. Mark says, this was a job for SUPERMAN.

Posted 8:39 AM by Gene

Meantime KnightRidder flexes its vast flabby muscles and says EVERYONE was responsible, a welcome change from IT'S ALL DUBYA'S FAULT. But at what point does the public, overwhelmed by hacks saying whomever or whatever was responsible, simply tune out every last finger-pointing story as the same old same old? All that ANGER, all that SPINE is likely to come to nothing, for no small reason thanks to how the press has uncovered PREVIOUS DISASTERS WAITING TO HAPPEN, and because we've long known NEWS HACKS don't want to tell THE TRUTH, but A TRUTH.

Or to put it another way, we probably won't know anymore with 500 terabytes more facts crammed into our skulls than we knew before. When will the HACKS learn FACTS aren't necessarily INFORMATION?

Posted 8:35 AM by Gene

In another age an editor would scream at A. O. with B. O. mercilessly and ask him WHAT THE HELL HE MEANS. Unfortunately in THIS age A. O. can type just as he pleases, possibly with the spellcheck off, and some poor copy editor says uh-huh (assuming, that is, THE PAPER OF RE-CORD has one) and off it goes to the presses, to confuse and bore people.

Posted 8:23 AM by Gene

Another reason we need NEWS HACKS -- NOW MORE THAN EVER:

Terrorism Could Hurl D.C. Area Into Turmoil

Posted 8:21 AM by Gene

Happily a MEGA-PLATINUM AGE FOR THE SITCOM IS AT HAND. Still:

With so much good sitcom karma in the air, it's hard to resist dissecting the frog....

Hey Marc, you should know about dissections. MR. MARK wants to dissect our BRAINS every week.

Posted 8:19 AM by Gene

And Norm Thomas's grandson was DISCO-DANCING as they put this to bed:

[H]ow the president of the United States could have even less "situational awareness," as they say in the military, than the average American about the worst natural disaster in a century—is one of the more perplexing and troubling chapters in a story that, despite moments of heroism and acts of great generosity, ranks as a national disgrace.

TRANSLATION: BUSH IS A NATIONAL DISGRACE. IF MR. MARK and his MILLIONAIRES are going to say this why don't they COME OUT AND SAY IT?

Posted 8:14 AM by Gene

In search of a hundred more magazine awards Mr. Mark plays the race card, and trots out his lead shallow-end deep-thinker Jonny to see how he can improve the lot of the poor people millionaire scribblers generally try to ignore, except when they make their beds and vacuum their floors. Now we all know the last time Jonny made suggestions it involved Camden, N. J. Fortunately, this time he's more to the point: Dubya can be -- CLINTON! He needs -- "an only-Nixon-could-go-to-China opportunity"! How about -- bringing back WELFARE! That would do it! Well if not that then what, Jonny? Oh your boss is playing the RACE CARD and you don't have any ideas. We KNEW you'd come through, JONNY!