Posted 12:55 PM by Gene

The Chinese parading a flaming middle finger through Tiber would have been just as good.

I wonder how many corporate logos joined in?

Posted 12:49 PM by Gene

As we have said before, what can be more pleasing to the common man than a nasty divorce between two high mucky-mucks?

Posted 9:59 AM by Gene

Amid rising deficit, next president may be unable to fulfill campaign promises, fiscal experts say. [Home-page subhed]

The last thing we expect -- no, the last thing we want is a president fulfilling his campaign promises.

Posted 9:57 AM by Gene

Americans are renting apartments and houses at the highest level since President Bush started a campaign to expand homeownership in 2002. [Home-page subhed]

Yep, sounds like Dubya.

Posted 9:49 AM by Gene

Speaking of expectorate (and speaking of HSX), it appears we have just had the national equivalent of people throwing salmonella-tainted tomatoes at a movie screen.

Posted 9:39 AM by Gene

It is official: America's periodical publishers are willing themselves out of business. This week B. S. DEFENDER's Frankenstein monster, having approached a suitably arbitrary milestone of a thousand (too many) issues in print, expectorated a "listicle" of a thousand new show-biz CLASSICS! from the last twenty-five years. A look at the list of the hundred CLASSIC movies quickly reveals it's comprised mostly of the biggest hits and critically acclaimed sops. But a table-pounder at HSX was crushed to learn that the It's a Wonderful Life of the nineties was NOT THERE. Perhaps the TWXSTERS were attempting a sly hidden commentary on the whole thing, like a Soviet dissident smuggling papers through the Iron Curtain. We doubt it; if there's anything PEOPLE WARNER is NOT it's subtle.

Posted 8:41 PM by Gene

Our warm and fuzzy story and video of the day.

A heartfelt thank you, Chron.com. Now I know why the good Lord made puppies and kittens.

Posted 7:30 PM by Gene

Romy again:

Thomson: Wall Street Journal is still a business newspaper

As we will find out the next time it covers News Corp.

Posted 6:37 PM by Gene

And hard-core RICHIE RICHES:

[SOCIAL SECURITY] IS REALLY A WELFARE PROGRAM MERGED WITH A PONZI SCHEME TO MASK ITS REDISTRIBUTIVE EFFECTS!!!!! [Redistributive overemphasis added]

So let's dismantle SocSec and redistribute the wealth YOUR way. Does any hyperpartisan NOT believe in redistributing wealth?

Posted 6:34 PM by Gene

We may wonder whether endorsements by big fat lobbying groups are meaningless. The Sierra Club and DONTAFSCME have backed The Lord. Gun Nuts of America will back Boobs McKeating. Six of one....

Posted 6:27 PM by Gene

And yet elsewhere in the Big Double-A-Scribble, the Commish of Prima-Donna Roundball proposes to address rigging!

How? We can guess -- by making his sport so superfantastic people won't even think of it!

Posted 6:25 PM by Gene

Whew! And the putative new owner of A-B isn't going to scrimp on schmoozing either.

Posted 6:23 PM by Gene

TRANSLATION: Moon 'n' Stars is asking executives to retire so it can spend MORE money on junk television and go to fancy ceremonies at places like Cannes where it can engage in schmoozing to a NEW LEVEL.

Posted 6:07 PM by Gene

Intent on overturning BART's ban on drinking in stations and on trains, BART board Director Lynette Sweet put on a demonstration Thursday to show off a travel coffee mug outfitted with a "dead man's trigger" engineered to keep the beverage from spilling even if the person holding it keels over and dies.

Moments later she was in search of paper towels and a mop.

The first word out of her mouth can't be printed in a family newspaper.

As an occasionally-sticky-shoed regular on an el I can say, NUF SAID.

Posted 6:04 PM by Gene

Are instrument playing robots likely to replace human musicians? "Definitely not," says Prof Wolfe. "Who would go to a robot concert? For us, the robot is a complementary part of our research into how to play music badly or well, and what makes the difference."

Yeah, who needs robots when we have KENNY G?

Booooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!

Although we don't think even Kenny is capable of such an A-1 CLAM as that one at the end.

(Via the usual Slashdot)

Posted 6:02 PM by Gene

The ASSPress endorses HOLE-IN-THE-BAGEL, proving it can be every bit as vain too.

Posted 11:21 AM by Gene

And in rickety old Londontown:

£1bn deal for biggest 2012 venue faces collapse
Developer for Olympic Village is struggling to raise capital because of the credit crunch, and taxpayer could pick up bill

But isnt that the Olympic Spirit?

Posted 9:53 AM by Gene

THE MESSIAH -- OFFICIAL SPONSOR OF THE GAMES!

He wants to be associated with them?

Posted 9:50 AM by Gene

There's sexy, and then there's scary-sexy.

And then there's scary. Have you seen a picture of Al Neuharth lately?

A NEUHARTHISM OF THE WEEK AWARD TO TONY! Hey Tony! Why don't you tattoo some of your plugs on YOU!

Posted 9:49 AM by Gene

TRANSLATION: Even though THE GOLFING MACHINE is out for a while, that will not affect advertisers' ability to waste our money and SCHMOOZE.

Posted 8:51 AM by Gene

• No end in site for Mississippi River flooding 22 min [SIC!]
  

On CNN's site, perhaps.

Posted 6:14 PM by Gene

The Nine Fingers rule employers can use state funds to campaign against labor unions!

Why aren't con-SER-va-tives cheering?

Posted 6:10 PM by Gene

A.H. Belo Hits New Post-Split Low On Bad Day For Newspaper Stocks

Did THEY mourn for St. Timothy too?

Posted 5:58 PM by Gene

IF YOU DON'T LIKE TIM RUSSERT SATURATION COVERAGE YOU CAN ALWAYS TURN THE TV OFF!!!!!

Bankruptcy is too kind an outcome for TV Guide.

(Via the usual Romy)

Posted 5:54 PM by Gene

Imagine THE TANTRUM TWINS organized America's neighborhoods.

Imagine talk of a second Civil War isn't talk.

Posted 5:49 PM by Gene

1939: Beau Geste vs. Dark Victory vs. Destry Rides Again vs. Goodbye, Mr. Chips vs. Gunga Din vs. Mr. Smith Goes to Washington vs. Ninotchka vs. Of Mice and Men vs. Stagecoach vs. Wuthering Heights vs. Young Mr. Lincoln...vs. The Wizard of Oz...vs. Gone with the Wind....

2008: The Love Guru vs. Get Smart.

P. S. (S as in self-serving)

Bottom Line: Unfunny juvenilia that makes one appreciate the subtlety and nuances of Judd Apatow's films.

Wait a second! We thought Judd was the MACK SENNETT of our day!

Maybe he is.

Posted 5:48 PM by Gene

"An arrest binge" indeed.

We're no friends of the Gekkoites but did Dubya do this strictly for show? And how many of these frauds will get innocent verdicts?

Posted 5:47 PM by Gene

Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice said Wednesday that the cost the United States has paid so far in its effort to rid North Korea of nuclear weapons is much smaller than the concessions made by Pyongyang.

Dubya's got to work on that.

Posted 5:43 PM by Gene

This alleged contest among adolescent girls in Massachusetts to get pregnant bespeaks a shattering lack of imagination, not to mention sense and brains. If these girls had wanted to be excited there were many other ways to do it. That nothing is taboo in our time except CHILD PORN takes away a lot of the virtue of innocence and a lot of the incentive to have any sense.

By the way, TWXSTERS, with your never-ending gloating over Slutsville you should be the LAST people to use the word WORSE.

Posted 5:54 PM by Gene

A WINNER OF THE BAD-SEX-IN-FICTION AWARD GETS MAD:

TELEVISED news can't hold a candle to newspapers, according to Tom Wolfe. "As newspapers are declining rapidly . . . I would just point out, all news today comes from newspapers. All of it," the "Bonfire of the Vanities" author told Charlie Rose the other night. "Television has never initiated a successful story in its life. When they have a big story, it's always wrong." He cited as an example Dan Rather's bogus story about George W. Bush's National Guard service and declared, "Idiots!"

NEVER!!!!!

(First link via MediaBistro)

Posted 5:19 PM by Gene

"I refuse to be lectured on national security by people who are responsible for the most disastrous set of foreign policy decisions in the recent history of the United States," Obama said in opening remarks that in part referred to the Iraq war.

TRANSLATION: Let's get Elvis -- and after we get Elvis let's BRING THE SOLDIERS HOME!!!!!

Posted 5:16 PM by Gene

JACK'S ALPHABET SOUP, COLOR CODES and THE EVERY CHILD A DILBERT ACT should teach us why nursing-home ratings may not work.

Posted 5:06 PM by Gene

SHUCKS, NOT THE LAST WORD (sorry):

FIND MORE STORIES IN: Washington | God | John McCain | Lord | Georgetown | House Speaker Nancy Pelosi | Meet | Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid | NBC News | Brian Williams | Tom Brokaw | Tim Russert | Luke | Matt Lauer | Bryant Gumbel | Kennedy Center | New York Gov. David Paterson | Sunday-morning

[SIC!!!!!!!!!!] [Emphasis added]

Posted 5:05 PM by Gene

And here's another zillion-dollar fraud.

Posted 5:02 PM by Gene

THE LAST WORD, WE PROMISE:

• LIVE: Russert memorial, other news now

Posted 4:59 PM by Gene

Morgan Stanley suspended a credit trader and disclosed a $120 million ``negative adjustment'' related to erroneous valuations of his positions, Chief Financial Officer Colm Kelleher said.

We frown at the leeches of Wall Street because they can so easily cook the books. They too are afflicted with hubris. With such shenanigans becoming a more frequent thing we wonder when one of their parasitic squad causes a depression. Given the ease with which they cooked the housing market we would best be advised to give the notion serious consideration, however dubious it is.

Posted 4:43 PM by Gene

I must explain my first post of the day. BIGMEDIA and its superefficient megaphone the Web turn humans into corporations. We love corporate America so much we can't help similarly loving people who are corporations. That was why I got so mad at St. Timothy's sendoff -- the man had the power of millions and of his millions, and it is not clear that he always used it for the commonweal. Perhaps that too harshly colored my reaction to THE GOLFING MACHINE. But he starts out with 100-percent intensity; either he grits his teeth or pumps his fist. And he ascends from there. We have seldom seen him smile; we are sure he's never said a word for Bartlett's. Lately he got peeved because he lost in a tournament. The man's datebook is full of engagements with CEOs who similarly get peeved at sand traps. It is impossible to think his COURAGEOUS achievement at the Open wasn't hubris, a way of showing off to his constituents in the corner offices. He must surely have the most high-powered medical help; didn't they say anything? Or do they occupy the corner offices too? Moreover he played against the greatest of underdogs; judging from the fan reaction his latest win was hardly that welcome an occasion. Perhaps in this ultracynical age we must turn all great achievers into louts. Imagine how we'd react to Gen. Washington and his false teeth and tantrums -- Politico would have a FIELD DAY. Or Honest Abe with his slovenly manner and reputedly high-pitched voice. But FDR was the most mediagenic of leaders, and aside from a certain kind of con-SER-va-tive his rep hasn't suffered. (JFK's has, but in no small measure as people look for excuses for his assassination.) In the lack of evidence otherwise it's hard to believe great leaders couldn't summon the guts not to wilt in the bright lights.

Which raises another question: were athletes always ciphers? Think of the Babe, who ate to excess and drank to excess and womanized to excess, but he smiled, and he liked the fans, and he seemed human. So bad PR alone can't explain why we hold public figures in low regard. Yes we hope TGM can fully resume his career, but let us not connive ourselves into thinking it's for anyone's good but his own.

P. S.

The news will silence those who doubted how badly Woods was hurt, some even questioning whether the world No 1 was exaggerating his pain for the gallery.

In an interview with German television before this week’s BMW International, Retief Goosen questioned whether Woods really was in serious trouble.

The South African said: “It just seemed that when he hit a bad shot he was in pain and on his good shots he wasn’t. I believe if he was really injured he would not have played.”

Goosen has since insisted he was speaking light-heartedly and his manager Guy Kinnings said that he would be among the first to wish Woods a speedy recovery.

Maybe he isn't THAT beloved.

Posted 3:43 PM by Gene

The company that wrecked the trolley biz has decided it's still in love with oil after all.

Thanks again, CLUNKER!

Posted 12:12 PM by Gene

Meantime, another bunch of guns-for-hire wins another championship for another bunch of let-them-eat-cake luxury-suite CEOs, and we don't care.

And we would say that regardless of the team, or the sport.

Posted 11:55 AM by Gene

We ask again: Was it "COURAGE" or was it HUBRIS?

We remember an interview with a golf magazine in which Lee Trevino jealously predicted TGM's back would give out from all his hard swinging. Who'd have figured his back was in his knees?

"My doctors assure me with the proper rehabilitation and training, the knee will be strong and there will be no long-term effects."??? [SIC!!!!!]

We HOPE so.

Posted 6:39 PM by Gene

And a few doors away on the home page comes this depressing story, for which a different link: Legs has died. She was beautiful, she could dance, she danced with Fred, she danced to "Dancing in the Dark" with Fred (we have not forgotten the "Broadway Melody" and Gene, let us say that, not at all), she was married to the fine singer named Tony Martin who was as impossibly attractive as she, and now we know we don't have sex symbols in the movies anymore, although that should be obvious to anyone who isn't an ad-blurbist, or an idiot 12-year-old.

Posted 6:37 PM by Gene

Judge OKs $11M settlement of V. Tech tragedy

When will these Clark Kents stop misusing the word TRAGEDY?!?!?

Posted 6:35 PM by Gene

We think Congresspoop Jefferson should run for reelection; after all, he can always tout his legal troubles and fine craft with freezers as "experience."

(Via ASSPress; posted at 7:20 p.m.)

Posted 5:15 PM by Gene

A Senator "didn't know" he got a nice cushy perk from the Jack Valenti of Mortgages? Isn't that part of the job description?

Posted 4:56 PM by Gene

One of Col. Zell's LEFTENANTS (no pun intended) has fifteen great ideas to get people to read newspapers, meaning default isn't far off.

Oh---check WGN-AMERICA. They have blown it up and rating impact has been immediate!

They blew up WGN? I imagine it would be.

Maybe it's time for Col. Zell to blame ROMY too.

Posted 4:42 PM by Gene

And that stories on this topic seem almost as numerous as tears for ST. TIMOTHY indicates that to our SUPERMEN of the press the notion the CLATCH just fired 1,400 is sheer FICTION.

Posted 4:39 PM by Gene

Blast in Baghdad kills 51

Are Democrats smiling?

Posted 4:34 PM by Gene

In the latest PEOPLE WARNER news, the company is about to depart from behind a tree after having just created a new masterwork, and our favorite P. R. guy Rog isn't that impressed:

Hathaway, who is fine, doesn’t have the mature sensuality of Barbara Feldon, and the couple feels out of balance.

TRANSLATION: We've all been dumbed down quite a bit since the sixties, and frauds like PEOPLE WARNER are intent to finish the job.

P. S. The TWXSTERS must be angry; Rog says they aimed it at "idiot 12-year-olds", which may be older and smarter than the targets.

P. P. S. at 6:55 p.m. Meantime SUMNER has lifted His leg again. I am SICK of making bathroom references to media companies! (No way were we going to post this separately after the Legs news.)

Posted 4:25 PM by Gene

Even as our mental daze over the fathomless loss of a TOWERING FIGURE IN AMERICAN JERNALISM slowly wears off, by gum if we news hacks don't come up with a new instant cliché: THE GOLFING MACHINE had COURAGE. Yes, COURAGE. The COURAGE to play before admiring millions on a banged-up knee so He could PROVE something. And what did He prove? His IMMORTALITY. Never mind that in a certain way He may have been just showing off. News hacks love to misuse words. Courage to them is a friend making millions or one of their excessively like-minded demagogues sticking it to the right. Courage isn't the soldier in Iraq, the firefighter in the Bronx, the emergency workers staring down floods in the Midwest -- no; it is the friend of CEOs adding another scene to His HIGHLIGHT REEL.

Talk of athuhletes having COURAGE should have died long before the Four Horsemen, and at least in their day it was understandable as they were mostly ordinary people, and there was no ESPN. Now it's just another excuse to try to pervert dictionaries. I HATE NEWS HACKS!!!!!

P. S. And news hacks have further trouble distinguishing between COURAGE and HUBRIS.

Posted 4:23 PM by Gene

TRANSLATION: We couldn't have lost our high-powered jobs at The Paper of Re-CORD without a great deal of help from ourselves, but of course we're always happy to SHARE THE CREDIT.

Posted 4:21 PM by Gene

TRANSLATION: When banging the table about TAXES!!!!! a con-SER-va-tive may find it easy to tell an unintentional untruth, especially "(via Instapundit, via Kaus)".

Posted 8:11 PM by Gene

It didn't take long for Vegas to turn unhip, did it!

Don't commodities traders have other money to burn?

Posted 8:03 PM by Gene

And speaking of heroes, we're surprised this one wasn't thus lionized before.

(Via Yahoo! Plugs -- er, Entertainment)

Posted 7:20 PM by Gene

FINALLY, THE LAST WORD:

On days like this, I, too, hate the press.

And on many other days besides.

Posted 5:22 PM by Gene

FLASH!

Al Gore to endorse Obama

This could win him the election! Pfffffffffffffft!

Posted 3:10 PM by Gene

OH oh, GE BANCORP may have to sell more than refrigerators!

BRING BACK LEGENDARY WELCH!!!!! He wants it.

The $284.6 billion market capitalization of GE — the only original component of the Dow Jones industrial average to remain in that indicator — is now just $15 billion above that of Microsoft (MSFT), the No. 3 U.S. company by market value. ExxonMobil (XOM) is No. 1.

BUGDOM is NEXT!

Posted 2:52 PM by Gene

Which is stupider: Fred "McLaughlin" Barnes's choice of Tom "Color-Coded" Ridge or MS. TRAVERS's suggestion of Jeff "MENSA" Greenfield?

Posted 2:51 PM by Gene

I SHALL go to Korea!

Posted 2:41 PM by Gene

Jug Ears is back with a Web site. Jug Ears was a Web site before anyone invented the term, complete with sound bites and charts and me-me-me -- but then he didn't need a computer to be a loose-cannon "populist" crackpot.

Why isn't that clown investing in commodities? Or is he?

Posted 2:37 PM by Gene

We are sorry to hear Queen of Mean's dog will get only $2 million, which means it will still eat better than some people.

Posted 2:16 PM by Gene

The bad news: Belly Kisser (thanks in no small part to his friends Dwight and Co.) is making money.

The good news:

Russia is currently struggling with 15% inflation, the highest rate among the so-called BRIC countries - Brazil, Russia, India, and China. Last week, the central bank raised interest rates in an attempt to curb surging inflation.

While Russia exports many commodities, it is a net food importer and global food prices have risen steeply in recent months. Food prices account for more than 30% of the consumer price index basket in Russia. [HA! HA! HA!]

"In the short run, it's manageable," Brandt said. "In the long term, it poses a considerable threat to Medvedev's [SIC] promises to steer Russia towards a more market-based system. Inflation is really hurting a lot of people who depend on the state."

And isn't oil the state in Russia?

Posted 10:43 AM by Gene

Some missteps can't be avoided. In 1996, Dole's campaign was permanently damaged by the image of the then GOP nominee falling off a stage in Chico, Calif. It was a stumble that wasn't Dole's fault, but rather a sign of poor advance work. Reaching out to grasp a voter's hand, Dole leaned against an unsecured rail. The fall made it into a few articles, and then was replayed again and again on TV. Unfairly, it made Dole look feeble and undermined his case for experience—a reminder of why McCain should be careful about following in Dole's footsteps.

Say, what can we do THIS time to elect our friend?

Posted 10:22 AM by Gene

Speaking of clever, somebody's come up with a few excuses as to why the partnership of Dwights and Putins is a good thing. Saying that high oil will cause people to lose weight is like saying a famine will cure obesity. And we now know higher mass-transit ridership means higher maintenance costs -- not neglecting their higher fuel bills.

Do you donate money to the Carnegie Endowment, Dwight, as a penance?

Posted 10:19 AM by Gene

Clever, Messiah: You'll enforce media antitrust while leaving content alone. Cle-VER!

Let me guess who's financing Your campaign!

Posted 10:14 AM by Gene

Unfortunately, NO SNITCHERS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!, ghetto crime does have victims. That this boy is the blessed participant in a mentoring program should make us remember hundreds of others aren't.

Posted 10:08 AM by Gene

Gee thanks again, DWIGHT, for the pretty pickle your avarice has put us in!

Posted 8:43 AM by Gene

And in Branson East, a world irrelevant of its own account, the proprietors try to get Latinos to build theme parks in place of old folks, but giving seven awards to a touristy revival (including Best Scenic Design of a Musical, Best Sound Design of a Musical, Best Lighting Design of a Musical and Best Costume Design of a Musical) hints that it's going to be old folks in Branson East for a while.

And that this revival won almost as many awards as the original is a cri de coeur for inspiration, something Latinos and young people and reggaetón-meisters may not have.

Posted 8:40 AM by Gene

As movie ad-blurbists ponder why their ranks are justifiably thinning, a eulogy for the medium they tried to sell:

"Have you gone to an art house lately? Some screens are literally the size of the flat screens people have in their living rooms right now," Mr. Atkinson said, referring to the shrinking marketplace for independent [sic] films. "For those people who are searching for films made for adults, there's almost no reason to go to the theater anymore. It's reaching the point where there will be six big movies released a year, all made for a half-billion dollars, that everyone will see on a single day, and other than that, people will just stay home and watch Netflix. It's already happening."

(Via ArtsJournal)

Posted 8:38 AM by Gene

Prediction: THE GOLFING MACHINE wins by ten strokes.

P. S. One. Another tournament ends anticlimactically, despite the playoff.

Posted 8:36 AM by Gene

russert coverage excessive

Nuf said, and NUF SAID.

Posted 10:06 AM by Gene

Nuclear Ring Reportedly Had Advanced Weapon Design

Glad to see our Pakistani "allies" are thinking of us again.