Eugene David
...The One-Minute Pundit

Saturday, March 21, 2009


Perhaps we'd have found out a little sooner about The One's "crutch", his TelePrompTer, if you clowns hadn't been so busy electing him God.


"Sorry buddy, you've still got the job."

Hey you're not the only one, One.


Some Rich Districts Get Richer as Aid Is Rushed to Schools

See we gotta RUSHRUSHRUSH that money in because as The One says the economy is DYING, EGYPT, DYING -- or is it coming back to life?


I know Michael Wolff is hot, or at least lukewarm, but he really must teach his interns how to write heds, as in:

Deadly Acid Spill Forces 5K to Flee


No one was killed, despite the wording, so a better hed might be:

Spill of Toxic Acid Forces 5K to Flee

Maybe it doesn't sound as good but it would be more accurate -- although I'm not sure Mike would know the difference. P. S. I wound up at this site through a Contentions link because Mike doesn't think The One has a sense of humor either -- or much else that the hacks said he had.


One hates to trundle out Gen. Sarnoff's plumbing line again, but it's obvious the public thinks of the new 3-D movies as a high-speed, high-def, high-tech toilet seat.

Did you know Kiss Me, Kate was shot in 3-D? "[A]n absolute replica of the pronouncements and interviews that came out in 1953." Even Leonard Maltin knows.

(Via the usual Ahts Journal)


Speaking of the PILL, why don't we hear of him any more? This business with bonuses shall also pass. But combined they tell us our elites don't think, they obsess, they obsess like infants missing their bottle, and they threaten to sweep us all up into their laser-focused, hermetically-sealed void.


Meantime PILLHEAD'S ACCENT tells us a BLOGGER OF THE MILLENNIUM, who must live in a perpetual state of anger, believes America is turning into a "banana republic." American Heritage defines it as "a small country that is economically dependent on a single export commodity, such as bananas, and is typically governed by a dictator or the armed forces." If we're going to call The One a dictator, let us do so, but his dictatorship is marked by more flailing than orders. And if we're reduced to a single export commodity, it would have been FINANCE, that grew and grew in the golden age of FREE EN-TER-PRISE REPUBLICANISM, only to be ruined when its masters finally learned they were immortal, which certain BLOGGERS would have insisted was the God Ronald Reagan's truth. And we have exported FINANCE, big-time.

And certainly America isn't a small country, though in many ways it's been acting it.

By the way, BLOGGER, whatever happened to Carlos Gutierrez, the man you said would be GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRREAT!!!!! at Commerce (which is why we stopped reading your blog)? Who knows? Who cares?


And on the list of taboos on which only child PRON now appears (although followed, in lighter, tiny type, but a whole manner of PC offenses, including smoking, criticizing Islamists, and being a Republican) some are intent to add bestiality. If some scum thought they deserved their hundreds of millions for ruining the financial system, if the waste matter Bernie had no qualms of robbing people of an alleged $65 billion, why should these be crimes? Why should there be any crimes at all? There is no punishment for murder in our inner cities. It may be more than a matter of an overrated God in the White House losing control.


No-IQs like this are intent on turning life into a bad movee comedy. Unfortunately their jokes must have a punchline, and this one was extremely painful. (We hope the lady fully recovers. We would also not be surprised to learn this man is peeved that he got caught.) One hates to get riled up with talk of morals but given the shenanigans at the "banks" one must wonder if what has snapped in the social realm has now snapped all around -- and if people now have carte blanche to do as they please, civilization be damned. One hopes not -- idiots and bankers are still a minority here -- but one fears the time will yet come when we're taken over by the Chinese, or the Islamists. We will have asked for it.


I hate turning to partisan sources, but I have repeatedly said The One has no sense of humor, and now we are getting firm intimations that we, in all our wisdom, have elected a cross between Tricky Dick and Jimmah. Yes, he's only two months in, with plenty of time to recover, but a man with the leadership skills and calmness the press deceptively imputed to him would have taken charge by now. What is worse, he tries making up for his robotic style with an out-of-control mouth. Even his PC sops (as in closing Gitmo and banning bullets and allowing unlimited abortions for stem-cell research) aren't working. Granted Sen. Keating would not have been much better. But could he have been much worse?

Friday, March 20, 2009


The easy first instinct with a story like this is to make the usual sardonic noise about the Western world going to hell in the usual handbasket, but then you read, "In an interview with Closer Magazine....", and you go on its Web site and discover it's home-paged, among other hot news, "Rihanna sex tape rumours", and you realize ESPNCORP NETWORK NEWS may be in it too.


Why won't Gore let reporters cover his speeches?

You mean suddenly he's not your industry's hero?

And right below that on Romy:

Obama White House bars press from press award ceremony

We'll think of some other excuse to love him.


Phil "I'M JEFFREY IMMELT'S BOSS!!!!!" Griffin's new left-wing mouth-apparent screams:

"If you watched last week, you know I'm OUTRAGED!!!!! with my health care bill," Mr. Schultz said, while guest-anchoring 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue on Wednesday. "But I guess I can't do the same story every time I come on this program." [Outraged overemphasis added]

And your ratings will go down if you don't!


Post office offering early out, cutting managers

This can mean two things: only the best will take the buyouts, or the Postal Disservice becomes even more inefficient. Either way it sounds like more mail from my neighbors.


Charles Manson spends most of his time alone

We suppose we could come up with some cute punchline, but we'll leave it at this.


Oh dear oh dear, now we really are struggling:

Conde [SIC] Nast publishes its slimmest monthly magazine ever

(Via the usual Romy)


Meantime our sexy new media-savvy prez appeals to the Iranians, with predictable results:

Mr. Obama’s message drew an enthusiastic response from the European Union’s foreign policy chief, Javier Solana, who said he hoped it would lead to a “new chapter in relations with Iran.”

But Iranian officials were more cautious, according to news reports, welcoming the president’s desire to settle disputes with uncharacteristic alacrity, but insisting, as they have in the past, that the United States must first address Iran’s grievances toward Washington.


TRANSLATION: SUCKER!

(By the way -- what's with the huge boldface font, Pinch?)




THE EVERYWHERE PRESIDENT!!!!!
works on the brackets with his fellow IVEE-LEEGERS, perhaps thinking of bowling and the Special Olympics too.

And we know CW's article is full of it because it brings in PERFESSER THOMPSON in the sixth graf. SHUT UP, CW.

Thursday, March 19, 2009


Second and third grafs:

When we go online, each of us is our own editor, our own gatekeeper. We select the kind of news and opinions that we care most about.

Nicholas Negroponte of M.I.T. has called this emerging news product The Daily Me. And if that’s the trend, God save us from ourselves.


Eighth graf:

Let me get one thing out of the way: I’m sometimes guilty myself of selective truth-seeking on the Web. The blog I turn to for insight into Middle East news is often Professor Juan Cole’s, because he’s smart, well-informed and sensible — in other words, I often agree with his take. [Link added]

NO COMMENT.


Obama struggles as communicator

Pfffffffffffffffffffffffft!!!!!


Earlier we mentioned The One's creeping PC. Fortunately he has backed off a plan to make bullets illegal, but one of those super-bright IVEE-LEEG types can come up with something else.

(Sorry for the WorldNetDaily!!!!!)


ANA Offers Money-Back Guarantee to Conference Goers

Hey reverse Robin Hoods? Why don't you offer us a money-back guarantee on your advertising?


STUPID: I just got this from a 3rd Federal Bank in Newtown, which perhaps is 3rd for a reason:

Bring this card into your local 3rd Federal Bank office and we'll give you $1 for every year of your age!!!!! (Green and overemphasis added)

If I could convert my years into fruit-fly years I might take them up. But aside from the lousy $52 I'd collect who in his right mind likes to think of how old he is, unless he's two-and-a-half? (And even he might resent it because he's so young.) THE MASTER hated birthdays because they made him think of the past and how increasingly little of life was left. Age has few virtues aside from SocSec and Medicare -- and they may not be that much longer. There are ways of making old folks (I don't consider myself one) welcome, and without condescension. This is not one.

In fairness, its parent is not a penny stock, and it's refused TARP funds. The promo is still no good.


We're not sure the Feds should be in the business of prosecuting medical marijuana possession, but this story still manages to be annoying as it gives more evidence of The One's creeping PC.


As one investor said: Nothing new so far, just the same: “All is well at GE, just trust us.”

DOW UP ANOTHER THOUSAND!!!!!


In the end it almost doesn't matter if bad assets did in Lehman or naked short-selling, because crooks ran rampant either way.

P. S. at 9:33 a. m. Portfolio.com insists the short-selling line is SEC propaganda. As I said, crooks ran rampant either way.

Wednesday, March 18, 2009


Brilliant advice from a now-tarnished "LEGEND":

Jack Welch: US Owns AIG and Should Act Like It [Home-page link]

Maybe it DOES.

"Posted By: Larry Kudlow." TWO bozos for the price of one!


And in JEFF ZUCK's sermon today, a startling preachment:

"What we've lost in terms of viewers and ad dollars on the traditional audience system is not being made up, not even close, on the digital side. Until we do that, there is a risk," he said.

TRANSLATION: Despite the Panglossian claims of outfits like Nielsen (whose MO seems to be to put the cheeriest numbers forth to soothe the reverse Robin Hoods), some -- yes, some -- people in the audience are departing television for good. They've had it with poor quality; they've had it shell-game scheduling; they've had it with putting the reverse Robin Hoods FIRST; they've had it with the constant excuses and denials of their anti-social tendencies; they've had it with ten-minute ad breaks; they've had it with the accreting minor irritations like bugs and crawlers and snipes; they've had it with the sheer unmitigated contempt the likes of YOU and BEN SILVERMAN and PHIL GRIFFIN have for your viewers. In short, they've HAD IT, and no amount of legerdemain will change that. Sorry, ZUCK, I'd bet on there not being an UNTIL for YOU GUYS.


Pro-gun Democrats oppose new assault weapon ban

There goes that social engineering.


I've removed the Truth Laid Bear link from my blog. It had signs of being abandoned last year. I've been stuck at eight hits a day for months. Not too long ago that site was a hot thing. I'll try getting another counter, as if I need it.


The vote was unanimous, in contrast to the FOMC's previous meeting, at which one official dissented.

Why do the words "The captain must go down with his ship" enter my mind?


American capitalism is -- a FRAUD?!?

What would B. C. think?


I know what I think -- Ronny's rep was tied to the boom. 'Bye, rep.

Caveat: This guy worked for Sen. Morals.


[A]t its current growth rate, Facebook will surpass Google in size by 2011-2012.

So?


Facebook does have a big problem relative to Google, which is that it doesn't have a business model.

Oh.

(Well actually it does have a business model: You can make money with friends.)

P. S. Henry "Honest" Blodget.


The Fed was more pessimistic about the economic outlook, in a statement released after its two-day meeting. Officials removed language saying they expected the economy to recover later this year. The Fed repeated that deflation was a risk to the economy.

The Fed said the economy was "weak" and latest information only showed further contraction.

There was no mention of any "green shoots" of recovery that Fed chief Ben Bernanke mentioned seeing in his interview on Sunday with 60 minutes
[We-used-to-be-owned-by-SUMNER SIC] .

DOW UP 10,000!!!!!


People think they'll be able to ask tough questions of The One -- at a town-hall meeting?!?

This, to use a word in the AIG lexicon, is rich.


When asked whether Obama planned to meet with any celebrities on his visit, White House spokesman Nick Shapiro declined comment.

And why do I think "no" and "comment" have become his acolytes' favorite words?




ED MURROW's NEXT investigative target: JEFF ZUCK!

How does filet of SOLE taste, Jeff?

(Via Seeking Alpha)

P. S. at 11:24 a. m. Jeff also called the NO-SPIN SPIN SPIN SPIN ZONE OF THE LEFT and Sen. Foghorn "anchors". We've changed our mind -- Jeff, you're safe!


Of course whether Journolist can fight for the ever-increasing bloat that is health-care "reform" remains to be seen, but Ezra should know -- even Superman had his Kryptonite. Thankfully Ezra wasn't born on Krypton.


The nice thing about Journolist is that every time a hack runs PR for The One some people will now suspect it was because of the List, and will turn on their BS detectors accordingly, whether it was so inspired or not.

We suspect its influence is mostly in six-digit nose-in-the-airs boasting; but if there's anything news hacks can't have enough of, it's groupthink.


And speaking of 100,000 watts, this is just what America needs -- another zillionaire crank.

Yes the SLIMES and BEW-KESES can pinch themselves over their ratings, but we forget their audiences are no bigger than ED MURROW DOING AN INVESTIGATIVE REPORT, and how many people tune out for every one who tunes in?


Look, we feel sorry for you ordinary types in show-biz, you're largely blameless; but that canary in the coal mine you work for has a wireless mike around its neck, and transmits its chirps through a 100,000-watt amplifier. Show-biz has an impact out of all manner to its numbers; it exerts totalitarian influence in a nominally democratic society. You gaffers and dialect coaches and stuntmen and audio technicians suffer because the SUMNERS and SLIMES have turned their product into a non-stop insult to the public, and the public may finally be tired of being insulted. Oh yes, we know, there are the "systemic" things too, the Web and people not buying CDs and what not, but we still believe public revulsion with your business is at their root too. And how many people can boast of where they work? Hollywood is still far more "glamorous" than Podunk, even if the glamour is a moth-eaten set. Yes, we feel sorry for you -- but not that sorry.

Tuesday, March 17, 2009


'Complete confidence' in Geithner

Let's wait until The One fires Deer-in-the-Headlights Timmy before we do -- but Hank Paulson II deserves it.




All these politically correct WUSSIES who said I shouldn't have made fun of nappy-haired...THEY BROUGHT ON MY CANCER!!!!!

Oh shut up, Whiskey Whiner. You were starting to build up some sympathy.


Poor Mickey D -- it's having trouble selling in China despite spending a fortune on its executives' vacation there for the GAMES:

McDonald's core customers in China -- white-collar workers in tier-one and tier-two cities -- have grown nervous about the state of the economy and are cutting back on discretionary spending. What's worrying McDonald's executives, as well as senior management at rival chains such as KFC, is that consumers appear to be returning to traditional Chinese-style fast-food options, usually rice or noodle dishes that feature chicken, rather than beef burgers and fries.

And we dare say the traditional diet is healthier, so that isn't such a bad thing.


Depression-averting Wiz plans to throw more money at financial institutions...who can then salt it away for safekeeping.

No wonder people speak of "anger" toward the Moneybags crew, even if it's just a thing of opinion polls.


Moderate Is Said to Be Pick for Court

Does this mean a moderate or the news hacks' definition of a moderate?


USAOKAY!!!!!, which runs more promotional show-biz twaddle than any other rag save the flagship of PEOPLE WARNER, has an interview with a celebrity doctor of celebrities who says celebrity worship is bad for kids.

We've already had this business about sin and glass houses once.


And as the unfortunate tale of the aptly named Vince Fumo of South Philthydelphia tells us, when Sen. Stupidos and their ilk cast stones, they can end up buried in a landslide.

Monday, March 16, 2009


We think we came up with a reason why that cretin Mogul's Friend was in high dudgeon the other day: he was jealous.



A NEUHARTHISM OF THE MONTH AWARD TO PETE!


We would feel sad for the P-I but for these things: It will live on on the Web, however spottily; it was a JOA publication, and there's no guarantee the weaker party would survive; having fewer newspapers is not good -- news, but we can't be sure on the evidence of the last few decades that having more newspapers is necessarily good -- news.

We do hope the P-I can somehow prosper, even in its shrunken circumstances.


A five-pound dinosaur!

Somehow though we can't imagine it or its babies were ever cute, but still, it tickles the imagination.


With C up OVER 125 PERCENT IN SIX TRADING DAYS!!!!! (all right, from around $1 to $2.35) now might not be the best time to rejigger the Dow.


It's a shame Mr. Professional Iconoclast and a resident of Hooverville must point it out, but news hacks may never stop using euphemisms for terrorists, whatever their national origin.


Speaking of God, people like BERNIE and stories like this make us wonder if there is one, but perhaps somewhere in His head there are good reasons. We wish we knew what.

And we make reluctant use of this link despite our long-standing disgust with the likes of MORT ZUCK exploiting private citizens' sufferings, especially as we don't know what purpose such stories serve except to anguish people.


LIAR LIAR BROCK'S ON FIRE! confirms ED MURROW'S CRUSADE!!!!! has become PC with liberals, just as BOOM BOOM!!!!! has become PC with conservatives, which is another way of saying if God told them the truth on the matter they'd both tell Him to go to Hell.

Now that we think of it, what is ED!!!!! but a sexy left-wing version of SAM LITTLE with a TV audience?


I'm not sure The Econowiz should worry too much about our relations with Europe, what with AIG.


Europeans and Americans are never likely to coalesce: their cultural traditions are too strong and their solutions to the problem of regulating capitalism too distinctive. But they nevertheless have plenty in common—ageing populations, exploding entitlements and above all, at the moment, a wrenching recession. Europeans have thankfully toned down the America-bashing that was popular a few years ago. Americans might consider returning the compliment.

Or as MS. TRAVERS would say, AWFUL!!!!!

Yes, it is that technodork's favorite rag, and yes, it is VERY CW, and yes, this is the sort of last-graf gag Zeitgeist is famous for, but at least whoever writes Lex know how to placate one side of his audience.

Although the Wiz' editors might have chosen a better subhed than "More nonsense about Europe and America", this rag having offered up its fair share thereof.

Sunday, March 15, 2009




From the moment I first set eyes on this uncredited poster art several years ago I fell hopelessly in love with it. No woman ever had a figure like that (except perhaps out of a corset [!!!!!]), but to me this speaks the Broadway ideal -- or what was the Broadway ideal, before it became Branson East and a Big Apple honky-tonk. Unfortunately with Drat! the Cat! it appears the poster was better than the show. (The Paper of Re-CORD's review is behind a pay wall, but you can tell from its first sentence.) Columbia was set to make a cast album -- its BABS was a backer, and she recorded the show's lone hit, "He Touched Me" -- but it closed so fast it never happened. The album cover is from an early version of those people who pirate movies with camcorders. (This and other such recordings of flop musicals from the sixties, from a mysterious outfit called Blue Pear, were mostly taken off the theaters' sound boards.) Varèse did it (legitimately) thirty-two years later, but the cover art is a mere fraction. Give me a day when it was still possible to fall in love at the theater, when the stage-door Johnny wasn't the mere stuff of legend, and when feminine show-biz types still had impossible figures -- and faces too.

P. S. It played at the Martin Beck, which is now the Al Hirschfeld theme park. Beck was some kind of big vaudeville wheel who lucked out with Harry Houdini, and is so obviously well remembered he had his own building renamed in 2003.

P. P. S. I think this is supposed to be Lesley Ann Warren, who didn't look quite like this, but came fairly close.

P. P. P. S. on 6/26/2009 at 12:20 p. m. I'm having problems with the image. The .jpg link got changed -- the site it comes from has a new name and URL -- and I got stuck with this unaccountable picture of what looks like a blackbird biting a middle-aged woman's nose. I'll fix it later.

P. P. P. P. S. on 7/6/2009 at 11:50 a. m. I had to change to a poster reproduction from another site as I doubt we'll get the old one back -- a pity, for it was better transferred. I may change it back later, if I can.

P. P. P. P. P. S. on 10/31/2009 at 10:15 p. m. Fixed it -- with my own upload!


If it's Sunday it must be Big Double-A-Scribble Time:

1. We have long grumbled over the MadAveMen's favorite anecdote: The infamous tobacco tyrant George Washington Hill once barged into some sort of meeting and proceeded to hock a great big loogie on a desk. "I WANT OUR ADVERTISING TO BE AS PLAIN AS THE SPIT ON THE DESK!!!!" he allegedly screamed, or something like that. And TV advertising has been PLAIN!!!!! for going on seventy years. That Congresspoop Eshoo (gesundheit!) wants to lower the volume on commercials will probably be counterproductive and most likely unconstitutional. That "marketers" will continue to hock their loogies must also remain beyond question.

And in a definition of nincompoop:

"From the advertiser point of view, obviously they don't want to violate a law, but they may not have control over where the ad shows up," said Dan Jaffe, exec VP-government relations, Association of National Advertisers.

Which is just how you REVERSE ROBIN HOODS want it.

2. And speaking of tobacco, liberals, who are so blasé about illicit drugs you'd think they were on them (and more than a few have been), have long SCREAMED!!!!! themselves to regulate it. For once, however, con-SER-va-tives may be right when they say the FDA may have more important things to do (though they say it because ciggies are the drug of choice among con-SER-va-tives -- even if The One smokes them).

P. S. at 7:58 p. m. I like my version better.


Oh, the recession is NOT responsible for the sudden burst of attendance at junk movies, Brandon?

Or is it a burst?


The industry boxoffice is tracking 2% ahead of the same portion of last year, at $1.88 billion. But the year-to-date uptick is deceptively modest due to seasonal fluctuations in the boxoffice calendar.

TRANSLATION: This biz can invent any numbers it wants to; and news hacks, wanting desperately to preserve an industry in decline -- their industry -- will print them uncritically -- especially when they're "UPUPUP."

By the way, did that appeal for more geeks at you-know-what HURT the TWXSTERS?


Seeking Alpha also led us to this choice morsel:

Republicans and Democrats are sticking to party-line votes on many key issues. The Democrats were egregious in packing the stimulus bill with pet projects that won't stimulate much except campaign contributions and in sticking with earmarks -- a symbolic outrage that Obama promised during the campaign he would eliminate. But the Republicans have been even worse in their strategy of opposing recovery plans, which has given a legislative face to Rush Limbaugh's "I hope he fails."

The legislative pettifoggery was captured by a New York Times headline this week: "Obama's Budget Faces Challenge by Party Barons; Panel Chairmen Oppose a Tax Plan but Want to Reduce Debt." This nonsense has to stop, folks. The party's over.


Au contraire; the party's just begun.

(David Ignatius also says if we don't get the depr -- ECONOMY fixed soon we could have a dictatorship. Our best candidates are SPEAKER BABS and PILLHEAD, but both would be so comically incompetent they wouldn't last. No, I'd worry more about some dictatorship from overseas. The Chinese would be perfectly capable of taking us over claiming a national emergency, using their ownership of our debt as an excuse. They could do it without firing a shot. Given the lack of a homebound tyrant that really scares me.)


Well, you could say the $165M AIG (AIG) will shell out to 400 executives in bonuses today is less than 1/1,000 of the $170B it's received in bailout money.

That would be the con-SER-va-tive way.

Then again, it could also keep 3,300 Americans at their $50,000/year jobs.

That might not be the con-SER-va-tive OR the liberal way.

(Via Seeking Alpha)


Speaking of foot stomping:

The forest industry’s share of Finland’s economy has halved in three decades to 3.8 percent as exports fell to 15 percent of total shipments from 42 percent. In January, production slumped 35 percent from the same month a year earlier, the most on record, Finland’s statistics agency said March 10.

Increased use of the Internet is cutting demand for pulp and paper, which account for about two-thirds of industry revenue, according to the Finnish Forest Research Institute.
[Emphasis added]

When will the press's true believers gloat that using fewer natural resources to get out their propaganda is a good thing?

Oh yes, it hurts employment, but so long as it isn't our employment that's okay.


Foot stompers helped get California in trouble with their anti-tax zealotry of the seventies and the Gray Davis recall, so it is somewhat difficult to sympathize with con-SER-va-tive talk radio hosts, they working in a business it is impossible to sympathize with.

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