THE NEWS HACK'S CREED:
I know more than you.
I make lots more money than you.
I'm smarter than you.
I'm sexier than you.
I appear on TV all the time.
I work ten minutes a day.
I rule the universe.
I'm going to live forever.
You are an idiot.
THE NEWS HACK'S CREED, No. 2:
A lie isn't a lie when it tells THE TRUTH.
THE NEWS HACK'S CREED, No. 3:
I've come to realize that the looseness of the journalistic life, the seeming laxity of the newsroom, is an illusion. Yes, there's informality and there's humor, but beneath the surface lies something deadly serious. It is a code. Sometimes the code is not even written down, but it is deeply believed in. And, when violated, it is enforced with tribal ferocity.
--JOHN "OMERTA" CARROLL.
THE NEWS HACK'S CREED, No. 4:
News isn't news when we don't report it.
PERMALINKS:
THE NEWS HACKS' DICTIONARY
THE EUGENE DAVID GLOSSARY
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Saturday, April 07, 2007
Jerry Kelly...Bradley Dredge...Lucas Glover...Justin Rose...Zach Johnson...Vaughn Taylor...Tim Clark....
And these are among the top in Augusta. If they're the sport's future the CEOs had better hope THE GOLFING MACHINE wins a few hundred more tourneys.
And these are among the top in Augusta. If they're the sport's future the CEOs had better hope THE GOLFING MACHINE wins a few hundred more tourneys.
Speaking of the "wrong" movie -- and far be it from us to state Dick "GUNS CAUSED COLUMBINE!!!!!" Corliss is ever capable of anything approaching insight -- but he has perhaps unintentionally disclosed why that exciting new masterwork from a couple of artistes is doing a few dollars less than the ad-blurbists hoped:
"MISSING REEL."
We wouldn't pay it any mind but this ultra-insider ass for Stale.com has been bloviating about the government, and the "MISSING REEL" business is in part SAMMY GLICKMAN's way of sucking up to Congresspoops, which makes it even more hypocritical.
"MISSING REEL."
We wouldn't pay it any mind but this ultra-insider ass for Stale.com has been bloviating about the government, and the "MISSING REEL" business is in part SAMMY GLICKMAN's way of sucking up to Congresspoops, which makes it even more hypocritical.
Friday, April 06, 2007
The capture, internment and repatriation of the British sailors and marines can only be described as a shoddy spectacle. From start to finish, the Brits heaped nothing but ignominy on themselves, and one can recall few instances in recent memory in which a group of uniformed service members acted with less professionalism and more dishonor.
The important thing is the Brits got their unprofessionals back, and for a second The World's Oldest Adolescent almost made the world forget he's a cr -- politician.
[T]here was either ineffectual support from sea and air resources, or no support at all. Iranian Revolutionary Guards were permitted to get close enough to capture the British troops, and there is some evidence that the Brits did not employ anyone to guard the search party.
In part, the United States military Code of Conduct provides,
And then things went downhill from there.
This being the case I'd say things went downhill from Britain's nervous breakdown ten years ago.
The important thing is the Brits got their unprofessionals back, and for a second The World's Oldest Adolescent almost made the world forget he's a cr -- politician.
[T]here was either ineffectual support from sea and air resources, or no support at all. Iranian Revolutionary Guards were permitted to get close enough to capture the British troops, and there is some evidence that the Brits did not employ anyone to guard the search party.
In part, the United States military Code of Conduct provides,
I will never surrender of my own free will. If in command, I will never surrender the members of my command while they still have the means to resist.By contrast, these British geniuses surrendered without a shot being fired in their own defense.
And then things went downhill from there.
This being the case I'd say things went downhill from Britain's nervous breakdown ten years ago.
Thursday, April 05, 2007
Another immortality in the fabulous world of advertising:
Pledging not to take itself too seriously, Sony broke new ads this week meant to make consumers feel good about the brand. In the past, Sony put the technology first but with the help of new agency BBDO, New York, the consumer electronics giant is now trying to put the consumer first using a more humorous tack....
The first two spots for Cyber-shot cameras illustrate what happens if you have a camera that doesn’t have Sony’s face detection technology. Notably you get pictures of a stop sign and a horse’s ass.
I don't know whether to mention the management or just ask if rootkits and exploding batteries weren't funny enough.
Pledging not to take itself too seriously, Sony broke new ads this week meant to make consumers feel good about the brand. In the past, Sony put the technology first but with the help of new agency BBDO, New York, the consumer electronics giant is now trying to put the consumer first using a more humorous tack....
The first two spots for Cyber-shot cameras illustrate what happens if you have a camera that doesn’t have Sony’s face detection technology. Notably you get pictures of a stop sign and a horse’s ass.
I don't know whether to mention the management or just ask if rootkits and exploding batteries weren't funny enough.
Times Shareholders Urged To Not Vote [Home-page hed]
Considering who runs the joint they may not have to.
Considering who runs the joint they may not have to.
See? All I have to do is show off my nice legs and I bring peace!
Of course in some countries they'd rather I didn't show off my legs...
Or my head....
Darryl Stingley, who took an awful hit on a football field that left him a quadriplegic, apparently did not like to be used. Nor did he dwell on his negatives. Those are two bold strong checkmarks in our book.
You may recall when Anna died every news organization posted pictures of her Nine Fingers gig. At the time it struck us as devious. Now a similar fate seems to have befallen Robert Clark, director of a "classic" (so the hacks assure us) called A Christmas Story -- and also of a few other minor inconveniences that were far more successful. These Col. Zells are up to something. That they can so brazenly spin the news tells us that now, more than ever, what they are up to is no good. If, as this latest episode suggests, they are up to no good, bankruptcy is too mild a remedy.
We know we shouldn't be so harsh; Clark and his son died at the hands of a drunk driver. But dammit, why should this biz engage in Nixonian treachery with OBITS?
We know we shouldn't be so harsh; Clark and his son died at the hands of a drunk driver. But dammit, why should this biz engage in Nixonian treachery with OBITS?
Secretary of State Babs continues on her triumphal one-woman peace-bequeathing tour of the Middle East -- which makes one wonder how the WaPost woke from a deep coma to imagine she might be an -- embarrassment?
(Second link via -- alas -- The Corner)
(Second link via -- alas -- The Corner)
Wednesday, April 04, 2007
A TRAGEDY: Perfesser Thompson, the non-stop me-me-me quote machine, comes between two highly paid writers at Frisco's Chronicle!
Just remember, so long as you remember you're all supposed to quote from the same overused sources, and serve up the same reheated buncombe, then you'll be in total harmony.
(Via the usual Romy)
Just remember, so long as you remember you're all supposed to quote from the same overused sources, and serve up the same reheated buncombe, then you'll be in total harmony.
(Via the usual Romy)
April Fools?
As COL. will vigorously demonstrate, everyday is April Fool's Day with news hacks.
Neither He nor the pompous asses who are always lecturing us about our news tastes can lose their shirts fast enough.
As COL. will vigorously demonstrate, everyday is April Fool's Day with news hacks.
Neither He nor the pompous asses who are always lecturing us about our news tastes can lose their shirts fast enough.
Syrian officials say Damascus played a key role in getting the 15 British sailors and marines released by Iran.
Secretary of State BABS did it!
Secretary of State BABS did it!
Republicans are SCARED because the Dem candidates have thus far raised more money than the GOP's.
Hmmm, Abe "JFK" Lincoln, Slickette and WorldSaver vs. Boobs, the Changeable Mormon and Ms. Rudy. I can see a reason.
Hmmm, Abe "JFK" Lincoln, Slickette and WorldSaver vs. Boobs, the Changeable Mormon and Ms. Rudy. I can see a reason.
Romy finds -- THE SMOKING GUN:
CPI: Most of Zell's political contributions support -- GOP CAUSES!!!!!!!!!! (BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!! BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!) [Overemphasis added]
And His wife "leans left."
Or to put it another way: Bankruptcy knows no politics.
CPI: Most of Zell's political contributions support -- GOP CAUSES!!!!!!!!!! (BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!! BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!) [Overemphasis added]
And His wife "leans left."
Or to put it another way: Bankruptcy knows no politics.
Speaking of PR, some British agency named Brando thought Easter celebrates the birth of Christ.
You never coulda been a contender.
You never coulda been a contender.
From the DR. EVIL School of Public Relations -- again:
Google CEO, Co-Founders Get $1 Salary
Will you knock it off, Dalai Lamas? You're NOT warm 'n' fuzzy anymore.
If these sanctimonious frauds wanted to do something they'd take a sizable salary and donate it to charity. At least they wouldn't look like the preening phonies they are.
P. S. at 10:35 p. m. Then again, given such cowardice as this, perhaps the Dalai Lamas are overpaying themselves.
NUKEMAN's happy and jolly.
There must be money. There must be LOTS of money. There must be lots of money SOMEWHERE.
“After watching ‘American Idol’ … they’re all very competent,” Bennett said.
1. When did Tony record his last hit album that had nothing to do with duets or being a pop-culture geezer? 2. "Damning with faint praise" indeed.
P. S. The ratings are down. DST like hell.
1. When did Tony record his last hit album that had nothing to do with duets or being a pop-culture geezer? 2. "Damning with faint praise" indeed.
P. S. The ratings are down. DST like hell.
Mr. Greed-is-Good performs a covert act for the Democrats:
Lawrence Kudlow wrote a column a while back saying he hoped President Bush asked Vice President Cheney to run for president in 2008. It was a fine idea then and it still is — not because the current field is particularly weak, but because Mr. Cheney is so much more experienced and shrewd a figure....
That he could win without an election!
A parallel universe indeed.
Lawrence Kudlow wrote a column a while back saying he hoped President Bush asked Vice President Cheney to run for president in 2008. It was a fine idea then and it still is — not because the current field is particularly weak, but because Mr. Cheney is so much more experienced and shrewd a figure....
That he could win without an election!
A parallel universe indeed.
More undying genius on Branson East: people are begging for refunds for that "reality" Grease because the wrong people got cast!
The rest of Broadway was put off by the cheesy production values, poorly staged musical numbers and cookie-cutter nobodies who auditioned to play Danny and Sandy.
TRANSLATION: It makes Branson, MO look good.
[Jim] Jacobs, insiders say, came off as a pompous oaf.
"He wrote one show ['Grease'] and carried on like he was Jule Styne," says one producer.
If you've got it, flaunt it!
P. S. Only in Branson East could Lord Lloud Wubbish's low point be a "high point."
The rest of Broadway was put off by the cheesy production values, poorly staged musical numbers and cookie-cutter nobodies who auditioned to play Danny and Sandy.
TRANSLATION: It makes Branson, MO look good.
[Jim] Jacobs, insiders say, came off as a pompous oaf.
"He wrote one show ['Grease'] and carried on like he was Jule Styne," says one producer.
If you've got it, flaunt it!
P. S. Only in Branson East could Lord Lloud Wubbish's low point be a "high point."
NUKEMAN's "pardoning" the sailors!
Whew! The World's Oldest Adolescent is relieved. Now he won't have to do anything.
Whew! The World's Oldest Adolescent is relieved. Now he won't have to do anything.
Incomparable JERNALISTIC Achievement of the Year:
NYT's Calame wins Bart Richards Award for Media Criticism
(Via the usual Romy)
NYT's Calame wins Bart Richards Award for Media Criticism
(Via the usual Romy)
Tuesday, April 03, 2007
$1.25 million worth of genius in "publishing":
"You can’t underestimate the market out there for people who love animals," said Karen Kosztolnyik, the senior editor at Grand Central who will "edit" the "book." [Last two pair of quotation marks added]
You can't underestimate the intelligence of all the people who'll strike a match to their dough for sentimental twaddle that transmogrifies ugly pets into tiny lovable humans, nor can we overestimate the self-regard of the MENSA-IQ idiots who print it only to scream about the lack of new good books.
"The problem is that even as the biggest best sellers sell more copies, there are fewer of them, so the publishers paying these advances do so at increasing risk."
Risk? We're in the same league as Maxwell Perkins running This Side of Paradise!
Pfffffffffffffffffffffffft!
General Electric Co., SunTrust Banks Inc. and Eli Lilly & Co. failed to follow U.S. rules that require companies to eliminate jargon when explaining how they pay their top executives....
GE paid CEO Jeffrey Immelt $17.9 million in 2006, saying in its proxy that performance-based compensation is ``based on a multiple of the named executive's base salary in effect in February 2006 and the annual bonus awarded in February 2006 for the 2005 period. The potential payment in 2009 as a multiple of salary and bonus at February 2006, for each named executive, is .75X at threshold, 1.50X at target and 2.00X at maximum.''
Huh?
And please, don't tell me Huh? isn't the point.
GE paid CEO Jeffrey Immelt $17.9 million in 2006, saying in its proxy that performance-based compensation is ``based on a multiple of the named executive's base salary in effect in February 2006 and the annual bonus awarded in February 2006 for the 2005 period. The potential payment in 2009 as a multiple of salary and bonus at February 2006, for each named executive, is .75X at threshold, 1.50X at target and 2.00X at maximum.''
Huh?
And please, don't tell me Huh? isn't the point.
Apparently Boobs McKeating begged Sen. Hein-TZZZ if he could switch parties, and now Sen. McKeating's forces are furiously spinning Sen. Hein-TZZZ approached Boobs.
Let's say we believe both sides.
Let's say we believe both sides.
An invitation in my in-box from Marketwatch.com:
See What Others Don't with Barron's
Whenever I skim Alan Abelson I see what others don't.
See What Others Don't with Barron's
Whenever I skim Alan Abelson I see what others don't.
Monday, April 02, 2007
Remarkable:
To honor an employee's son who was badly wounded in Iraq, IBM Corp. plans to give the U.S. military $45 million worth of Arabic-English translation technology that the Pentagon had been testing for possible purchase.
At least one institution has the guts to acknowledge that one of its own was a victim of people who do not look or act like 80-year-old Minnesota grandmothers.
To honor an employee's son who was badly wounded in Iraq, IBM Corp. plans to give the U.S. military $45 million worth of Arabic-English translation technology that the Pentagon had been testing for possible purchase.
At least one institution has the guts to acknowledge that one of its own was a victim of people who do not look or act like 80-year-old Minnesota grandmothers.
The Answer to Blades of Glory: Peter Bogdanovich is trying to will an Orson Welles flick back from the dead, complete with characters based on Ernest Hemingway and Pauline Kael, "overlapping strands of conversation", and "graphic sex scenes", so we can conclude, if it ever comes out, if will be a highly-buzzed heavily-worshipped bore.
A string of Gov. Arnold Schwarzenegger's appointees to state boards are facing complaints that they are unqualified, beholden to the industries they oversee or otherwise mired in conflicts of interest....
Last month, Schwarzenegger appointed his dentist to the state dental board. His former chiropractor now chairs the chiropractic panel.
If you've got 'em, flaunt 'em!
Last month, Schwarzenegger appointed his dentist to the state dental board. His former chiropractor now chairs the chiropractic panel.
If you've got 'em, flaunt 'em!
Another masterwork in advertising:
Pfizer Inc.'s Celebrex commercials, restarted today after the adds were pulled two years ago because of the pain pill's ties to heart attacks, are breaking the rules for TV advertising, analysts and advertising experts say.
The first words heard in the ad warn that Celebrex and rivals such as ibuprofen and naproxen all may cause heart attack, stroke and death. The drug's benefits are listed afterwards, flipping the standard order for such ads. The 2 1/2 minute running time fills an entire commercial break and is five times longer than the average, an ad industry analyst said.
1. We may wonder if it is wise to spend all that money for what is essentially a product warning. 2. Pfizer is obviously dying (pardon us) to get the product back online. 3. With this campaign it won't be long before EDGY marketers copy it and start really annoying the living bejesus out of us. 4. Wouldn't this have been a great way to sell cigarettes?
Pfizer Inc.'s Celebrex commercials, restarted today after the adds were pulled two years ago because of the pain pill's ties to heart attacks, are breaking the rules for TV advertising, analysts and advertising experts say.
The first words heard in the ad warn that Celebrex and rivals such as ibuprofen and naproxen all may cause heart attack, stroke and death. The drug's benefits are listed afterwards, flipping the standard order for such ads. The 2 1/2 minute running time fills an entire commercial break and is five times longer than the average, an ad industry analyst said.
1. We may wonder if it is wise to spend all that money for what is essentially a product warning. 2. Pfizer is obviously dying (pardon us) to get the product back online. 3. With this campaign it won't be long before EDGY marketers copy it and start really annoying the living bejesus out of us. 4. Wouldn't this have been a great way to sell cigarettes?
SHUCKS:
Supreme Court rejects appeal by Gitmo detainees challenging confinement. (Mess "Breaking News" hed)
Now they can be held illegally legally.
Supreme Court rejects appeal by Gitmo detainees challenging confinement. (Mess "Breaking News" hed)
Now they can be held illegally legally.
Only in Marionbarryland:
D.C. parking officers have been allowed to get away with flouting the laws they're paid to enforce.
Many officers have been leaving their private vehicles parked illegally in front of the city's public works complex in Northeast before fanning across the District in city-issued cars to ticket other motorists.
On a typical day last week, six vehicles were parked all day in tow-away zones in front of the complex, in the 2000 and 2100 blocks of West Virginia Avenue Northeast. Seven were parked in the driveway of a nearby warehouse. One was parked three feet from a fire hydrant, and another rested partly on a sidewalk. Dozens of other vehicles were parked for longer than the posted four-hour maximum. However, none of them had parking tickets on the windshields.
D.C. parking officers have been allowed to get away with flouting the laws they're paid to enforce.
Many officers have been leaving their private vehicles parked illegally in front of the city's public works complex in Northeast before fanning across the District in city-issued cars to ticket other motorists.
On a typical day last week, six vehicles were parked all day in tow-away zones in front of the complex, in the 2000 and 2100 blocks of West Virginia Avenue Northeast. Seven were parked in the driveway of a nearby warehouse. One was parked three feet from a fire hydrant, and another rested partly on a sidewalk. Dozens of other vehicles were parked for longer than the posted four-hour maximum. However, none of them had parking tickets on the windshields.
Sam comes up with one innovative solution: He's unloading the Cubbies.
Ka-CHINNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNG!!!!!
(Via the usual Romy)
Ka-CHINNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNG!!!!!
(Via the usual Romy)
A Zell-led company battles with tenants
A mobile-home park operator run by the billionaire aims to extract value by challenging local rent-control laws.
Take THAT, owner!
For how long?
A mobile-home park operator run by the billionaire aims to extract value by challenging local rent-control laws.
Take THAT, owner!
For how long?
TRIBCO sells to a real-estate tycoon!
Good luck!
As creative as the deal is, however, adding more than $7 billion in new debt to Tribune's balance sheet puts the company under enormous pressure to perform.
That may be risky, but according to Zell's worldview, it may also force a conservative, bureaucratic company that is stuck in the past to dig deeper to find some innovative solutions to help it start embracing the future.
Fine, Sam -- like what?
Good luck!
As creative as the deal is, however, adding more than $7 billion in new debt to Tribune's balance sheet puts the company under enormous pressure to perform.
That may be risky, but according to Zell's worldview, it may also force a conservative, bureaucratic company that is stuck in the past to dig deeper to find some innovative solutions to help it start embracing the future.
Fine, Sam -- like what?
Sunday, April 01, 2007
It is always very pleasing to learn that a CD you paid $6 for is now (supposedly) worth a lot of money -- in this case a Broadway-cast-album version of the hit London musical Canterbury Tales, which now (supposedly) sells for up to $856!!!!! on Amazon.co.uk. By rule very expensive collectable albums aren't much, and this one's no exception: a RIGHT ON! WITH IT! NOW! late-sixties fossil with every last pseudo-rock cliché in the book; the constant brass bleats make Chaucer (or rather the E-Z-Chaucer of Nevill Coghill) sound totally vulgar -- though come to think of it he was anyway. Astonishingly Frank Loesser co-produced it, perhaps dazzled by its ultimate 2,000-performance run on the West End; one fears Loesser may have been thoroughly addled by the lung cancer that killed him scarcely two months after the show closed at 121 performances. Of course some sensations don't survive a trip overseas -- London audiences needed a glossary to understand Guys and Dolls -- but others (the liner notes say Dick and Liz were at the London open! RIGHT ON!!!!!) can't last because they aren't any good -- and here is one of 50,000 Exhibit A's, whatever its price.
By contrast tonight I've been skimming through a British reissue of an album issued sixteen years ago as Sammy Davis Jr.: Capitol Collectors Series, some songs from very early on, and if he spends too much time mimicking his way through (first Billy Eckstine and Brook Benton, then Fats Waller in his facetious mode), one thing's still sure: his best will never go out of style.
By contrast tonight I've been skimming through a British reissue of an album issued sixteen years ago as Sammy Davis Jr.: Capitol Collectors Series, some songs from very early on, and if he spends too much time mimicking his way through (first Billy Eckstine and Brook Benton, then Fats Waller in his facetious mode), one thing's still sure: his best will never go out of style.
Two of Pennsylvania's "Blues" are rubbing their hands and smacking their lips for a merger, and:
At the news conference, Melani and Frick were asked three times whether the merger would lead to lower insurance premiums.
The first time, Frick said the merger would help keep "health care affordable and accessible to the people in the commonwealth."
The second time, Melani said the companies intended to "use the savings to give back to our customers" and subsidize the uninsured.
The third time, Melani said that holding administrative fees flat "equates to a premium savings they would not have otherwise experienced. So yes, that's the answer. There will be savings from this that will go to help make health care more affordable."
Health-care experts said there was little chance of falling premiums because other costs were rising.
Is everybody a politician?
At the news conference, Melani and Frick were asked three times whether the merger would lead to lower insurance premiums.
The first time, Frick said the merger would help keep "health care affordable and accessible to the people in the commonwealth."
The second time, Melani said the companies intended to "use the savings to give back to our customers" and subsidize the uninsured.
The third time, Melani said that holding administrative fees flat "equates to a premium savings they would not have otherwise experienced. So yes, that's the answer. There will be savings from this that will go to help make health care more affordable."
Health-care experts said there was little chance of falling premiums because other costs were rising.
Is everybody a politician?