THE NEWS HACK'S CREED:
I know more than you.
I make lots more money than you.
I'm smarter than you.
I'm sexier than you.
I appear on TV all the time.
I work ten minutes a day.
I rule the universe.
I'm going to live forever.
You are an idiot.
THE NEWS HACK'S CREED, No. 2:
A lie isn't a lie when it tells THE TRUTH.
THE NEWS HACK'S CREED, No. 3:
I've come to realize that the looseness of the journalistic life, the seeming laxity of the newsroom, is an illusion. Yes, there's informality and there's humor, but beneath the surface lies something deadly serious. It is a code. Sometimes the code is not even written down, but it is deeply believed in. And, when violated, it is enforced with tribal ferocity.
--JOHN "OMERTA" CARROLL.
THE NEWS HACK'S CREED, No. 4:
News isn't news when we don't report it.
PERMALINKS:
THE NEWS HACKS' DICTIONARY
THE EUGENE DAVID GLOSSARY
AMERICA'S MOST UNINTENTIONALLY FUNNY WEB SITE!
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Friday, June 24, 2005
Congratulations, Rog! All that thumbs-UPping paid off!
"Movies make us more decent people."
More RICHER people, anyway.
"Movies make us more decent people."
More RICHER people, anyway.
Good news: The CONSPIRACY's surfeit of GENIUS is helping the VIDEO-RENTAL BIZ TOO!
SAMMY GLICKMAN'S BOYS DO IT AGAIN:
There were gales of audience laughter at the preview of Nora Ephron's adaptation of the '60s TV comedy "Bewitched" - but almost all of it came from the soundtrack.
The laughter is produced by people on-screen watching episodes of a revived "Bewitched" series being taped in a Hollywood studio. They're providing the so-called "canned laughter" that viewers will later hear at home. Ironically, that what these audiences are cracking up over isn't remotely funny is one of the few things in the movie that is.
Caveat: this is JACK MATHEWS, who's said a few laugh-track-worthy things himself.
There were gales of audience laughter at the preview of Nora Ephron's adaptation of the '60s TV comedy "Bewitched" - but almost all of it came from the soundtrack.
The laughter is produced by people on-screen watching episodes of a revived "Bewitched" series being taped in a Hollywood studio. They're providing the so-called "canned laughter" that viewers will later hear at home. Ironically, that what these audiences are cracking up over isn't remotely funny is one of the few things in the movie that is.
Caveat: this is JACK MATHEWS, who's said a few laugh-track-worthy things himself.
Miss World needed -- PLASTIC SURGERY?
Heaven forfend!
Mantilla denied that Morillas operated on her ears, chin, eyebrows and lips as was suggested in before-and-after photographs of her profile supplied by the plastic surgeon to the daily newspaper El Mundo in Spain.
"That violates his professional ethics," she said.
After WACKO JACKO we assume plastic surgeons have ETHICS?
Heaven forfend!
Mantilla denied that Morillas operated on her ears, chin, eyebrows and lips as was suggested in before-and-after photographs of her profile supplied by the plastic surgeon to the daily newspaper El Mundo in Spain.
"That violates his professional ethics," she said.
After WACKO JACKO we assume plastic surgeons have ETHICS?
And speaking of not doing what they're supposed to, the HACKS are trying to get Karl Rove to resign for saying a dumb thing. Meantime KNIGHTRIDDER blames TALK RADIO and BLOGGERS (code words for con-SER-va-tives) for Sen. YAAAAAAAAAAAAAARGH putting his foot in his mouth.
Instructive: Google News links to 423 stories about the Sen. while already the mighty propaganda machine has inspired 359 stories about Karl's outburst. TRUTH MARCHES ON.
Instructive: Google News links to 423 stories about the Sen. while already the mighty propaganda machine has inspired 359 stories about Karl's outburst. TRUTH MARCHES ON.
Poll: U.S. not winning world popularity contest
I'm sure if GEORGE GALLUP and his FELLOW NUMBER MANIPULATORS were around at other times in history we'd get equally dubious results, like polls endorsing Hitler and Stalin, and polls endorsing slavery, and polls endorsing the Crusades, and polls endorsing Attila the Hun, and polls endorsing the crucifixion of Jesus. When news hacks don't do what they're supposed to, they turn to POLLS.
I'm sure if GEORGE GALLUP and his FELLOW NUMBER MANIPULATORS were around at other times in history we'd get equally dubious results, like polls endorsing Hitler and Stalin, and polls endorsing slavery, and polls endorsing the Crusades, and polls endorsing Attila the Hun, and polls endorsing the crucifixion of Jesus. When news hacks don't do what they're supposed to, they turn to POLLS.
THE POWER OF ADVERTISING:
Gillette Co. has lost another legal round in its razor fight with Energizer Holdings’ Schick -– one that will force it to spend an estimated $1.6 million to relabel millions of M3 Power razors on store shelves and in warehouses.
A U.S. District Court in Connecticut ruled June 20 against Gillette on its motion seeking clarification of a prior May 31 injunction. In the prior ruling, the court ordered the company to stop using claims it said were literally false that the battery-powered vibrating razor raises facial hair, thus making it easier to cut.
Gillette Co. has lost another legal round in its razor fight with Energizer Holdings’ Schick -– one that will force it to spend an estimated $1.6 million to relabel millions of M3 Power razors on store shelves and in warehouses.
A U.S. District Court in Connecticut ruled June 20 against Gillette on its motion seeking clarification of a prior May 31 injunction. In the prior ruling, the court ordered the company to stop using claims it said were literally false that the battery-powered vibrating razor raises facial hair, thus making it easier to cut.
Tony? Tony? Steve. Yeah, listen with our PR problems I'd like to give you a one-on-one. Yeah. Well I can trust you guys. You won't ask me tough questions. Yeah, pure sales pi -- PERSONALITY FEATURE. Think we can make it front-page? I knew you would. My guys'll get back to you for the time. Hey you're a great publicist, Tony. See you for the interview!
LOT OF GOOD IT DID.
LOT OF GOOD IT DID.
My Web connection at work was down ALL DAY, and enough little things piled up to make yesterday rotten I didn't dare get my monitor from our mailroom. We'll try that today. In the meantime given that I got nine hits without posting maybe if I kept not posting I'd get even more hits.
Wednesday, June 22, 2005
Judging from this site I'd say these people could ONLY have sex with whores.
One of these things is not like the other:
Hollywood needs to lose the lame sequels and remakes. Instead, invigorate box-office receipts with originality and maturity [home-page tease]
The Movie Theater in Your Pocket
Direct from Cellywood: Cell-phone cinema isn't exactly like the big-screen kind, but its potential sure is attracting attention
P. S. I got news for you, Ron: that "pretty darn bad" Bewitched isn't from Viacon. IT'S A SONY.
Hollywood needs to lose the lame sequels and remakes. Instead, invigorate box-office receipts with originality and maturity [home-page tease]
The Movie Theater in Your Pocket
Direct from Cellywood: Cell-phone cinema isn't exactly like the big-screen kind, but its potential sure is attracting attention
P. S. I got news for you, Ron: that "pretty darn bad" Bewitched isn't from Viacon. IT'S A SONY.
Now THE CORNER obsesses over MOVIE LINES.
These fools are a bit too LIBERAL with their YAKETY-YAKKING.
These fools are a bit too LIBERAL with their YAKETY-YAKKING.
Nearly four years after the Sept. 11 attacks, the number of Saudis visiting the USA annually continues to decline. There were 22,235 in 2004 compared with 83,761 in 2001, according to the Department of Homeland Security's yearbook of immigration statistics.
Is this good news because fewer of our "friends" may be casing the joint, or bad news because they may be doing it in secret?
Is this good news because fewer of our "friends" may be casing the joint, or bad news because they may be doing it in secret?
Though far removed from Washington, the Coushatta Indian tribe quickly learned the cost of influence in the Capitol: "Wire all funds. Professional Services. $3,405,000.00," one of the tribe's lobbyists, now under investigation, wrote the Coushattas in 2002.
Other invoices such as this one from Michael Scanlon, a business partner of lobbyist Jack Abramoff, carry similar commands for large sums. Before it was all over the tribe had spent $32 million of its casino profits on a lobbying effort that many now question as exorbitant, and tribal members had ousted their leadership.
Such are the wiles of PROSTITUTES in the Puzzle Palace on the Potomac -- and their TRICKS are FINANCIAL VD.
Other invoices such as this one from Michael Scanlon, a business partner of lobbyist Jack Abramoff, carry similar commands for large sums. Before it was all over the tribe had spent $32 million of its casino profits on a lobbying effort that many now question as exorbitant, and tribal members had ousted their leadership.
Such are the wiles of PROSTITUTES in the Puzzle Palace on the Potomac -- and their TRICKS are FINANCIAL VD.
Count on some "writer living in New York" to complain in Toenail.com that Monty Python's Blazing Saddles is -- SPAM.
Let's see, last year at this time, you folks ran things like "RONALD REAGAN DESERVED TO DIE." How did we ever come -- DOWN from that standard?
Let's see, last year at this time, you folks ran things like "RONALD REAGAN DESERVED TO DIE." How did we ever come -- DOWN from that standard?
Sixteen Democratic senators called on President Bush to remove Kenneth Y. Tomlinson as head of the Corporation for Public Broadcasting because of their concerns that he is injecting partisan politics into public radio and television.
The home of GOD? PERISH the thought!
Which just goes to prove both parties have their useful idiots.
The home of GOD? PERISH the thought!
Which just goes to prove both parties have their useful idiots.
Sen. YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHH!!!!! apologizes!
Who's next?
According to the online encyclopedia Wikipedia, "There is a tradition in many Usenet newsgroups that once such a comparison is made, the thread is over, and whoever mentioned the Nazis has automatically lost whatever argument was in progress."
Well I'm glad we have THAT bit of wisdom from the WIK!
Who's next?
According to the online encyclopedia Wikipedia, "There is a tradition in many Usenet newsgroups that once such a comparison is made, the thread is over, and whoever mentioned the Nazis has automatically lost whatever argument was in progress."
Well I'm glad we have THAT bit of wisdom from the WIK!
Tuesday, June 21, 2005
New York Rangers forward Jaromir Jagr said Tuesday that players’ initial refusal of a salary cap in talks with the NHL was a mistake.
NOW he tells us.
NOW he tells us.
NBA, Union Agree on Terms of New Collective Bargaining Agreement
SHUCKS! The AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAATTITUDE continues.
SHUCKS! The AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAATTITUDE continues.
U.S. General: Many Insurgents in Iraq Paid
What intransigent oil-rich ALLY do you suppose the money might come from?
What intransigent oil-rich ALLY do you suppose the money might come from?
Late comic Dangerfield to be subject of movie
Given the GENIUS of the biz these days he could say he still don't get no respect.
Given the GENIUS of the biz these days he could say he still don't get no respect.
New research indicates parts of the brain that govern fear and anxiety are switched off when a woman is having an orgasm but remain active if she is faking.
HOW CAN THEY TELL?
HOW CAN THEY TELL?
The Chinese want Maytag, the Chinese want Unocal -- yes, we're living in a WAL-MART ECONOMY!
You wonder USAOKAY!!!!! doesn't have a booth at this big licensing convention -- it does enough SELLING.
Oops:
"There will continue to be breakout properties," says Debra Joester of licensing agency The Joester Loria Group. "But it takes a lot more work and strategic vision than ever. Logo slapping (on merchandise) doesn't excite consumers."
Sales results seem to bear that out. Total licensing revenue grew less than 1%, to $5.85 billion, last year, according to a study out today from the International Licensing Industry Merchandisers Association (LIMA).
Most of the gains came from entertainment, which benefited from movie sequels led by Spider-Man 2 and Shrek 2.
Fashion and sports brands generated less excitement.
Translation: it's the same old same old; but part of the fun of BIG MEDIA is packaging the same old same old in the same new same new bottles.
Oops:
"There will continue to be breakout properties," says Debra Joester of licensing agency The Joester Loria Group. "But it takes a lot more work and strategic vision than ever. Logo slapping (on merchandise) doesn't excite consumers."
Sales results seem to bear that out. Total licensing revenue grew less than 1%, to $5.85 billion, last year, according to a study out today from the International Licensing Industry Merchandisers Association (LIMA).
Most of the gains came from entertainment, which benefited from movie sequels led by Spider-Man 2 and Shrek 2.
Fashion and sports brands generated less excitement.
Translation: it's the same old same old; but part of the fun of BIG MEDIA is packaging the same old same old in the same new same new bottles.
Another side of RENDELLISM:
Center City is likely to be awash in puppets, protesters and skateboarders today, as two major demonstrations are expected to draw thousands of people and temporarily shut down many streets.
Hey, a city hasn't arrived until it has a BIG PROTEST that ties up everything -- like SEATTLE! You NEED big protests in order to attract people to the restaurants that employ all the waiters and janitors and cooks and barmaids a city needs to be in the 21ST-CENTURY ECONOMY! And if the restaurants need new windows, well -- WE'LL PAY FOR THEM WITH SLOTS!
Center City is likely to be awash in puppets, protesters and skateboarders today, as two major demonstrations are expected to draw thousands of people and temporarily shut down many streets.
Hey, a city hasn't arrived until it has a BIG PROTEST that ties up everything -- like SEATTLE! You NEED big protests in order to attract people to the restaurants that employ all the waiters and janitors and cooks and barmaids a city needs to be in the 21ST-CENTURY ECONOMY! And if the restaurants need new windows, well -- WE'LL PAY FOR THEM WITH SLOTS!
Am I the only one who is sick and disgusted by the Hilton family and their need to prove that they are better than everyone else?
You should talk -- YOUR BOSS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! is an HONORARY FAMILY MEMBER.
You should talk -- YOUR BOSS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! is an HONORARY FAMILY MEMBER.
District of Columbia Police Chief Charles H. Ramsey has personal insight into the city’s car theft problem. His unmarked black 1999 Ford Crown Victoria was stolen near his home.
This would be awful if it weren't funny.
Hey Mayor Williams: Get the guy a NEW CAR! You will anyway.
This would be awful if it weren't funny.
Hey Mayor Williams: Get the guy a NEW CAR! You will anyway.
I can feel ROMY's blood pressure rising:
MONITOR OF MOYERS' "NOW" SHOW TIED TO CONSERVATIVE OUTFIT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
FIND THE NEAREST TREE AND HANG HIM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
MONITOR OF MOYERS' "NOW" SHOW TIED TO CONSERVATIVE OUTFIT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
FIND THE NEAREST TREE AND HANG HIM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I wouldn't bother with this story about a new head reverse Robin Hood in advertising except one of his subordinates wants to rub our faces in junk television -- and this clown's resume seems to presage even more of it:
Prior to joining OMD, he was president and CEO of Raycom Sports, which focused on sports programming and advertising in that area. Before Raycom Sports, he worked at ABC Television in network sales. He started in media buying at Ted Bates Advertising, then moved to BBDO and Benton & Bowles.
TRANSLATION: He has enough connections to help GUARANTEE TV can only get worse.
Prior to joining OMD, he was president and CEO of Raycom Sports, which focused on sports programming and advertising in that area. Before Raycom Sports, he worked at ABC Television in network sales. He started in media buying at Ted Bates Advertising, then moved to BBDO and Benton & Bowles.
TRANSLATION: He has enough connections to help GUARANTEE TV can only get worse.
Grapefruit May Make Women Seem Younger
Especially up front.
I would post an appropriate picture but I'm at work.
Especially up front.
I would post an appropriate picture but I'm at work.
Hollywood yells: THE SKY IS FALLING! THE SKY IS FALLING!
And I can't think of a better bunch for it to fall on -- especially when it looks like BATMAN guano.
And I can't think of a better bunch for it to fall on -- especially when it looks like BATMAN guano.
Sen. Frist flexes his muscles!
Meaning Sen. YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHH!!!!! can open his mouth with impunity.
Meaning Sen. YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHH!!!!! can open his mouth with impunity.
Monday, June 20, 2005
We also have a problem with the JORDANAIRES.
Hey Porter! What good's the world's best intelligence with the world's worst allies?
Hey Porter! What good's the world's best intelligence with the world's worst allies?
Kuwait's first female Cabinet member took the oath of office in parliament Monday over the shouts of Muslim fundamentalist and tribal lawmakers opposed to women in politics.
Looks like some people still have some larnin' to do.
The parliament floor was in uproar as CONSERVATIVES [BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!] stood and cried out that Massouma al-Mubarak's appointment was unconstitutional because she was not a registered voter. LIBERAL lawmakers [YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY!] then stood as well, shouting back, "Congratulations."
That goes for CURLEY'S (Nyuk! Nyuk! Nyuk!) STOOGES too.
Looks like some people still have some larnin' to do.
The parliament floor was in uproar as CONSERVATIVES [BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!] stood and cried out that Massouma al-Mubarak's appointment was unconstitutional because she was not a registered voter. LIBERAL lawmakers [YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY!] then stood as well, shouting back, "Congratulations."
That goes for CURLEY'S (Nyuk! Nyuk! Nyuk!) STOOGES too.
Slashdot poses a question that needs no answer:
Science: Is Science Fiction the Opiate of the Geek Masses?
Science: Is Science Fiction the Opiate of the Geek Masses?
Did RUPERT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! pull a BLATHERGATE?
Big, BIG caveat: this is NEWSMAX!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Big, BIG caveat: this is NEWSMAX!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
BLUNDER discovers a TAX BREAK!
The fact that it doesn't mention a tax break means it's a HUGE tax break.
Because the Presidio is a federal enclave, Lucasfilm and its subtenants will avoid most local and state taxes, including the payroll tax that provides San Francisco with 13 percent of its operating budget. Lucasfilm also avoided potentially millions of dollars in local development impact fees and property taxes.
DARTH VADER indeed!
CUBIC ZIRCONIA SPEAKS:
"I don't think there's an audience for squeaky clean," said Shari Anne Brill, director of programming for ad-buying firm Carat. "It has to be modernized in the way we've all been fed such reality. You need to see the tears, the drama, the makeup, the mascara, the crisis of finding out you have a zit."
CORPORATE AMERICA! DO YOU KNOW WHERE YOUR AD DOLLARS ARE? DO YOU CARE? DIDN'T THINK SO!!!!!
"I don't think there's an audience for squeaky clean," said Shari Anne Brill, director of programming for ad-buying firm Carat. "It has to be modernized in the way we've all been fed such reality. You need to see the tears, the drama, the makeup, the mascara, the crisis of finding out you have a zit."
CORPORATE AMERICA! DO YOU KNOW WHERE YOUR AD DOLLARS ARE? DO YOU CARE? DIDN'T THINK SO!!!!!
More important, there simply isn't much evidence that media conglomerates have become dinosaurs at all. News Corp., which publishes The Post, and holds interests in a broad range of media businesses, has been enjoying improving fundamentals and a rising stock price during the same period that Viacom's performance has been heading in the opposite direction.
Chris, we're so happy to hear not all media dinosaurs are dinosaurs -- especially the dinosaur run by YOUR BOSS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
It's true -- you don't have to bribe a NEWS HACK.
Chris, we're so happy to hear not all media dinosaurs are dinosaurs -- especially the dinosaur run by YOUR BOSS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
It's true -- you don't have to bribe a NEWS HACK.
For what it's worth I'd have posted over the weekend but my eBay merchant took his time with my monitor, but it should come today, so UPS says. Just as well; I have to rearrange the rubble in my apartment to make room for it.