THE NEWS HACK'S CREED:
I know more than you.
I make lots more money than you.
I'm smarter than you.
I'm sexier than you.
I appear on TV all the time.
I work ten minutes a day.
I rule the universe.
I'm going to live forever.
You are an idiot.
THE NEWS HACK'S CREED, No. 2:
A lie isn't a lie when it tells THE TRUTH.
THE NEWS HACK'S CREED, No. 3:
I've come to realize that the looseness of the journalistic life, the seeming laxity of the newsroom, is an illusion. Yes, there's informality and there's humor, but beneath the surface lies something deadly serious. It is a code. Sometimes the code is not even written down, but it is deeply believed in. And, when violated, it is enforced with tribal ferocity.
--JOHN "OMERTA" CARROLL.
THE NEWS HACK'S CREED, No. 4:
News isn't news when we don't report it.
PERMALINKS:
THE NEWS HACKS' DICTIONARY
THE EUGENE DAVID GLOSSARY
AMERICA'S MOST UNINTENTIONALLY FUNNY WEB SITE!
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Saturday, May 17, 2008
Speaking of arts, ArtsJournal has a most fascinating video clip from GSN or whatever Sony wants to call it, which not only points to how genuinely entertaining Goodson-Todman's panel quiz shows could be, but makes us wonder why LORD SPRINGER's allegedly up-to-date high-tech company (up-to-date with ATRACs and rootkits, that is) can't make this stuff available on the Web, especially as if buries What's My Line? in the dead of night Eastern time, and as the GSN Web site positively STINKS.
The question is, when will Woodster the Perv's wish fulfillment finally end -- and when will he stop finding idiot hacks like NON GERMAIN who'll ooh and aah over him even as the rest of the world finds him a joke?
The junta doesn't want foreigners distributing aid in the delta, but neither does it feel comfortable with Burmese distributing it.
I've got an idea -- let NOBODY distribute it!
That seems to be the practical effect.
I've got an idea -- let NOBODY distribute it!
That seems to be the practical effect.
Friday, May 16, 2008
How apt: there'll be fewer fireworks this year because of a huge accident in CHINA.
Perhaps for July 4th someone can import a boatload of Little Red Books and lead us into singing "The East is Red."
Perhaps for July 4th someone can import a boatload of Little Red Books and lead us into singing "The East is Red."
THE MESSIAH UNLEASHES HIS HOLY FURY!!!!!
I thought Gods were supposed to float serenely above it all.
I thought Gods were supposed to float serenely above it all.
Technically, says Mr. Ghosn, everything is now ready for electric vehicles to enter the mainstream—except for the batteries....
Haven't we heard that ditty before?
(Via TNR.com)
Haven't we heard that ditty before?
(Via TNR.com)
Mourning the Death of the GOP Brand
Sort of like all those folks who mourned the death of Louis B. Mayer, huh E. J.? BWAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!
Sort of like all those folks who mourned the death of Louis B. Mayer, huh E. J.? BWAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!
Now that the silly season is upon us (although we'd argue the silly season is now all year) the news hacks have another excuse to play with themselves. Larry King, of whom reverence is not enough of a word for their feelings (though among the public it may be beyond ridicule), has made noises of retiring, and boy, losing such a superb interviewer and humanitarian, they're already probing the Kremlinology of it all, when it would be obvious if they had brains that 1. Larry is old, and 2. Larry's last decent interview is beyond the past, or imagining.
Is 'Caspian' too violent?
Is JACK'S ALPHABET SOUP full of botulism?
P. S. Yahoo! must have algorithms that write heds -- it has little or nothing to do with another rave piece of ASSPress horsedroppings.
Is JACK'S ALPHABET SOUP full of botulism?
P. S. Yahoo! must have algorithms that write heds -- it has little or nothing to do with another rave piece of ASSPress horsedroppings.
TRANSLATION: THE GREATEST VIDEO GAME OF ALL TIME did not enlarge THE CHURCH OF VIDEOGAMING.
And we do not trust sales figures for video games any more than we trust THE CONSPIRACY'S.
And we do not trust sales figures for video games any more than we trust THE CONSPIRACY'S.
Thursday, May 15, 2008
Did Dubya tweak The Messiah? Yes.
Are hard-core knee-jerk marshmallow-brained Democrats acting like idiots? Yes.
Are hard-core knee-jerk marshmallow-brained Democrats acting like idiots? Yes.
Realizing this involves AIN'T IT COOL NEWS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!, and realizing it may also involve a popcorn-restaurant executive with a grudge, it appears even the FAN BASE is coming to acknowledge it can't go on being adolescent anymore.
HISTORY!!!!!!!!!! happened today, and the private eye of the stars got convicted, neither of which we can say surprises us much.
As for the former, we suspect it will stand because Californians have perfected the fine art of ennui, and as for the latter, Hollywood will still make great movies.
As for the former, we suspect it will stand because Californians have perfected the fine art of ennui, and as for the latter, Hollywood will still make great movies.
Groups: Converter Boxes Will Become Obsolete
Not if the cable conspiracy can help it!
P. S. The groups are saying the cable conspiracy is making boxes that can't be upgraded. This is one reason the boxes will never become obsolete.
Not if the cable conspiracy can help it!
P. S. The groups are saying the cable conspiracy is making boxes that can't be upgraded. This is one reason the boxes will never become obsolete.
Why we do not need newspaper cri-TICS, reason no. 437,295:
The solemn tributes to Robert Rauschenberg in today's newspapers prove that you're more likely to encounter an independent mind operating in the sports pages than the arts section. Hoisting his reputation high and escorting it into paradise, critics from the Washington Post, the New York Times, the Los Angeles Times, the Chicago Tribune, and the Wall Street Journal write as if toeing the correct line handed down by some cultural commissar. (Emphasis added)
(Via ArtsJournal)
The solemn tributes to Robert Rauschenberg in today's newspapers prove that you're more likely to encounter an independent mind operating in the sports pages than the arts section. Hoisting his reputation high and escorting it into paradise, critics from the Washington Post, the New York Times, the Los Angeles Times, the Chicago Tribune, and the Wall Street Journal write as if toeing the correct line handed down by some cultural commissar. (Emphasis added)
(Via ArtsJournal)
Myanmar cyclone: Forced labour camp fears
Tyrants thumb their nose at the INTERNATIONAL COMMUNITY, and laugh.
Tyrants thumb their nose at the INTERNATIONAL COMMUNITY, and laugh.
Warren Cowan, the leading Hollywood press agent in the days such folks could plant press releases in newspapers and still be harmless, has died. RIP.
"MSG policy is if you are caught smoking an illegal substance it's cause for immediate ejection," said Garden rep Barry Watkins.
And, if this story is to be believed, for turning the other cheek 15,000 times.
And, if this story is to be believed, for turning the other cheek 15,000 times.
Will A-list journos reveal what happened at Bill Gates' summit [Romy SIC]
Would people like MONEY HONEY® be a-list toadies if they did?
Well, at least BOB NOVAK reports for HIMSELF, which is more than these scribblers can say.
Would people like MONEY HONEY® be a-list toadies if they did?
Well, at least BOB NOVAK reports for HIMSELF, which is more than these scribblers can say.
Wednesday, May 14, 2008
GE BANCORP's getting out of white goods, a mantra since LEGENDARY WELCH started nuking employees. But then as we've said before in different language, you can't schmooze with a middle-manager in refrigerators.
Light bulbs next! Show-biz -- NEVER!
Light bulbs next! Show-biz -- NEVER!
Which are worse -- TV ads "in context" or TV ads not?
It figures the sons of MOUTH would invent something like this.
(Via MediaBistro)
It figures the sons of MOUTH would invent something like this.
(Via MediaBistro)
Clinton tells Brian Williams, 'I don't believe in quitting' (MESS Java video link)
That's strange; everyone else does.
That's strange; everyone else does.
We see SKNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNX and Tony Korn have taken buyouts from St. Warren, which merely means SKN will continue to bloviate, and Tony Korn will continue to be America's most profitable sportsyeller.
When we read stories like this we are apt to think that God, with His invention of so many peculiar creatures, manifested a weird sense of humor when He created the earth; but we must remember man set up most of the jokes.
Grand Canyon U. Announces $230-Million Public Offering of Stock
Hey IVEES! Go PUBLICK! Ka-CHINNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNG!
Hey IVEES! Go PUBLICK! Ka-CHINNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNG!
Rev. Martin Luther King Jr. -- made in CHINA!
Mr. Young also criticized the rendering of King. “It is huge. It looks like a dictatorship. It is not in the same spirit of Dr. King,” the artist said.
What do you expect from a -- oh, never mind.
No! Doubt at the feet of...THE LORD?
At least the Hillary supporters I know seem to be aware of her more unsavory traits: that she carries a knife with her that she could pull out at any minute. Not so with Obama's fans. It's nearly impossible to get them to admit any wrong in him. Given the choice, I prefer to side with the group that knows their candidate can be a jerk, rather than the group that believes their candidate is Jesus.
And note the bio directly underneath these words:
Cinque Henderson is a TV writer, working on a book about Abraham Lincoln.
Honest Abe could teach the Messiah a few things on Godhood.
At least the Hillary supporters I know seem to be aware of her more unsavory traits: that she carries a knife with her that she could pull out at any minute. Not so with Obama's fans. It's nearly impossible to get them to admit any wrong in him. Given the choice, I prefer to side with the group that knows their candidate can be a jerk, rather than the group that believes their candidate is Jesus.
And note the bio directly underneath these words:
Cinque Henderson is a TV writer, working on a book about Abraham Lincoln.
Honest Abe could teach the Messiah a few things on Godhood.
So far, my search for intelligent chicks in the summer movies is proving to be a bust.
That's okay; my search for intelligent writing on show-biz has ALWAYS been a bust.
That's okay; my search for intelligent writing on show-biz has ALWAYS been a bust.
Web users back code for bloggers
And so would I. There's too much screaming and libel that masquerades as thought on the Web.
(Via MediaBistro)
And so would I. There's too much screaming and libel that masquerades as thought on the Web.
(Via MediaBistro)
Tuesday, May 13, 2008
Hillary Rodham Clinton won a large but largely symbolic victory in the West Virginia primary Tuesday over Barack Obama, still the leader and closing in on the Democratic presidential nomination.
BARACK OBAMA WON THE...ERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR....
BARACK OBAMA WON THE...ERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR....
For the first time, Bush revealed a personal way in which he has tried to acknowledge the sacrifice of soldiers and their families: He has given up golf.
To which we would argue, he has not given it up FIGURATIVELY.
And he can always resume it when he starts giving the same speech over and over at half-a-million-per.
In the immortal words of a rabbit, "WHAT A MAROON!"
To which we would argue, he has not given it up FIGURATIVELY.
And he can always resume it when he starts giving the same speech over and over at half-a-million-per.
In the immortal words of a rabbit, "WHAT A MAROON!"
IDIOTIC SHOW-BIZ PUFFERY FINDS A NOBLE CAUSE:
The as-yet untitled movie is being co-financed and distributed by two small studios -- Overture Films, a subsidiary of John Malone's Liberty Media Corp, [SIC] and Paramount Vantage, an art-house label of Viacom Inc's [SIC] Paramount Pictures.
Give me rewrite!
The as-yet untitled movie is being co-financed and distributed by two small studios -- John Malone's Liberty Media Corp. and Viacom Inc.
AN EXTREMELY-LOW-IQ NEUHARTHISM OF THE MONTH AWARD TO STEVE!
The as-yet untitled movie is being co-financed and distributed by two small studios -- Overture Films, a subsidiary of John Malone's Liberty Media Corp, [SIC] and Paramount Vantage, an art-house label of Viacom Inc's [SIC] Paramount Pictures.
Give me rewrite!
The as-yet untitled movie is being co-financed and distributed by two small studios -- John Malone's Liberty Media Corp. and Viacom Inc.
AN EXTREMELY-LOW-IQ NEUHARTHISM OF THE MONTH AWARD TO STEVE!
TRANSLATION: Ronny McD, not content to be Ronny Starbucks, now wants to be Ronny Chick-Fil-A.
Isn't trying to be all things to all people how Ronny got into trouble before it became a permanent up stock?
Isn't trying to be all things to all people how Ronny got into trouble before it became a permanent up stock?
REPUBLICANISM AT WORK, in the steel biz:
European, Brazilian and Russian companies have been gradually buying the USA's steel companies. In 2005, for instance, Netherlands-based ArcelorMittal bought ISG and is now the largest steel company in the world. Russian steelmaker Evraz bought Oregon Steel Mills in 2006. More than half the nation's steel mills are owned by foreign companies, Parr says, up from 5% a decade ago.
This worldwide consolidation has put the steel industry into fewer hands, and now producers, not customers, are calling the shots when it comes to the price of steel, Parr says.
"It is a sellers' market right now," Richard says.
Ah'm PRAAAAAYOUD t'BEEEEE uh STEELCAYYYYYYYYYN, AMERICAYYYYYYYYYYN!!!!!
European, Brazilian and Russian companies have been gradually buying the USA's steel companies. In 2005, for instance, Netherlands-based ArcelorMittal bought ISG and is now the largest steel company in the world. Russian steelmaker Evraz bought Oregon Steel Mills in 2006. More than half the nation's steel mills are owned by foreign companies, Parr says, up from 5% a decade ago.
This worldwide consolidation has put the steel industry into fewer hands, and now producers, not customers, are calling the shots when it comes to the price of steel, Parr says.
"It is a sellers' market right now," Richard says.
Ah'm PRAAAAAYOUD t'BEEEEE uh STEELCAYYYYYYYYYN, AMERICAYYYYYYYYYYN!!!!!
TRANSLATION: Mattel is suing the maker of the "HIP" Bratz dolls because it missed a trend.
Given the billions the toy-biz absconds with every year (even more as it morphs into a MOVIE BIZ) let us say we are sympathetic to neither side.
Given the billions the toy-biz absconds with every year (even more as it morphs into a MOVIE BIZ) let us say we are sympathetic to neither side.
WOW!!!!!
Hillary Clinton and Barack Obama both pledge to spend $150 billion to clean up the environment, lower energy use, help build subways -- and in the process create 5 million so-called green-collar jobs.
This ``MISSION'' will `` EXCITE THE YOUNG PEOPLE LIKE THE SPACE RACE DID IN ANOTHER GERNERATION!!!!!,'' Clinton said at an April 24 rally in Asheville, North Carolina. Obama says the new jobs he envisions will ``pay well and CAN'T BE OUTSOURCED.''
Many experts say those promises are inflated, and the employment projections overstated, because jobs will be lost as companies convert to renewable energy and reduce carbon emissions. (Overemphasis added)
QED.
Hillary Clinton and Barack Obama both pledge to spend $150 billion to clean up the environment, lower energy use, help build subways -- and in the process create 5 million so-called green-collar jobs.
This ``MISSION'' will `` EXCITE THE YOUNG PEOPLE LIKE THE SPACE RACE DID IN ANOTHER GERNERATION!!!!!,'' Clinton said at an April 24 rally in Asheville, North Carolina. Obama says the new jobs he envisions will ``pay well and CAN'T BE OUTSOURCED.''
Many experts say those promises are inflated, and the employment projections overstated, because jobs will be lost as companies convert to renewable energy and reduce carbon emissions. (Overemphasis added)
QED.
Now here is an excellent idea: bright orange parking meters in vagrant-overrun neighborhoods where people can donate change to charities that can help them. Giving money to beggars is like giving bread to pigeons. At least the charities can assist with the hardest-core nutcases who use Bill Douglas's enduring moral rot as an excuse for their "freedom". Also, it's humane. And those of us who detest the constant "chaaaaange" now have an excuse to help.
Monday, May 12, 2008
Newsday buy good news for losing bidders
TRANSLATION: Whew! Thank God we're not wasting any more money.
TRANSLATION: Whew! Thank God we're not wasting any more money.
Three-Time Bob's running for prez!
Now if he can get RON PAUL!!!!! as his veep...they'll scream at each other for weeks.
Now if he can get RON PAUL!!!!! as his veep...they'll scream at each other for weeks.
U.N. Leader Bluntly Tells Myanmar to Hurry on Aid
Yes, the way the League of Nations tells Iran to hurry up stop building nukes -- with a very blunt wet noodle.
Yes, the way the League of Nations tells Iran to hurry up stop building nukes -- with a very blunt wet noodle.
House Republican leaders, facing a potentially disastrous election this fall, will introduce a campaign message today in which they promise voters "the change you deserve" while arguing that Democrats in Congress have dropped the ball, according to a leadership strategy memo to rank-and-file members.
TRANSLATION: The House Republican leaders ready another slogan.
And we can be sure of that as the word comes from a GOP mouthpiece.
"It starts with this: Washington is broken, the American people want it fixed, and Democrats in Washington have proven unable or unwilling to get the job done. Republicans will."
How? Duh, I dunno.
TRANSLATION: The House Republican leaders ready another slogan.
And we can be sure of that as the word comes from a GOP mouthpiece.
"It starts with this: Washington is broken, the American people want it fixed, and Democrats in Washington have proven unable or unwilling to get the job done. Republicans will."
How? Duh, I dunno.
In Myanmar, self-reliance is key
Well, that's one way of putting it.
Didn't this rag have something nice to say about North Korea?
Well, that's one way of putting it.
Didn't this rag have something nice to say about North Korea?
Sunday, May 11, 2008
And speaking of If It's Bad It's In Ad -- Age, a very helpful marketing expert says the GE BANCORPS and COKES and J 'N' Js can get themselves off the hook for schlepping their top execs to Beijing for three-months' paid vacation with this Gettysburg Address:
"First, we believe that a successful Olympics is a force for peace and cooperation in this world, and we want to be a part of that. The Olympics are a unique opportunity for the world to share a single stage and a unified audience. The Olympics are a competition, but they represent a set of common values. Despite our differences, we come to the Olympics to compete fairly and peacefully. In every corner of the world, citizens root for their countries, but they often learn about others. We may like globalization or dislike it, but we must certainly agree that the more we here personal stories about each other's cultures around the world, the less likely we are to demonize them.
"Second, we chose to sponsor the games because we support the world's athletes. These individuals are not politicians. They have dedicated their lives to becoming the best in the world. They are role models who illustrate the values of teamwork, discipline and a commitment to excellence. The world needs opportunities to celebrate these values. We need to show our children what is possible if we only dedicate ourselves to our dreams.
"And third, we want to encourage countries such as China to be full participants in the global community. We believe that the world gains more by engaging with China and the Chinese than we do by rejecting them. If the protesters are victorious and we boycott these games, what will they have won? In fact, the very act of making Beijing a host country has created an unparalleled forum for discussing important human-rights issues. And the Chinese themselves are taking an active role in voicing their own concerns. If we turn our backs on the Olympics now, what incentive do the Chinese have to address the concerns of the protesters?"
And the memory of Berlin, Munich, and a few noble idealistic athletes like Marion Jones and Bode Miller would really help that one move minds.
"First, we believe that a successful Olympics is a force for peace and cooperation in this world, and we want to be a part of that. The Olympics are a unique opportunity for the world to share a single stage and a unified audience. The Olympics are a competition, but they represent a set of common values. Despite our differences, we come to the Olympics to compete fairly and peacefully. In every corner of the world, citizens root for their countries, but they often learn about others. We may like globalization or dislike it, but we must certainly agree that the more we here personal stories about each other's cultures around the world, the less likely we are to demonize them.
"Second, we chose to sponsor the games because we support the world's athletes. These individuals are not politicians. They have dedicated their lives to becoming the best in the world. They are role models who illustrate the values of teamwork, discipline and a commitment to excellence. The world needs opportunities to celebrate these values. We need to show our children what is possible if we only dedicate ourselves to our dreams.
"And third, we want to encourage countries such as China to be full participants in the global community. We believe that the world gains more by engaging with China and the Chinese than we do by rejecting them. If the protesters are victorious and we boycott these games, what will they have won? In fact, the very act of making Beijing a host country has created an unparalleled forum for discussing important human-rights issues. And the Chinese themselves are taking an active role in voicing their own concerns. If we turn our backs on the Olympics now, what incentive do the Chinese have to address the concerns of the protesters?"
And the memory of Berlin, Munich, and a few noble idealistic athletes like Marion Jones and Bode Miller would really help that one move minds.
The VERY good news for the TWXSTERS: the Kurt Cobain of film died.
A report in the New York Post about Mattel's Joker action figures "flying off the shelves" at a local Toys "R" Us was pooh-poohed by retail and manufacturing executives as having ignored several key facts. For one thing, there are no known shortages of the Joker figure, they said, and if there were, they would be attributable to summer- movie toy shipments just now arriving at stores, not a lack of overall supply.
SLIME! We have to correct that story -- with more HYPE!
A report in the New York Post about Mattel's Joker action figures "flying off the shelves" at a local Toys "R" Us was pooh-poohed by retail and manufacturing executives as having ignored several key facts. For one thing, there are no known shortages of the Joker figure, they said, and if there were, they would be attributable to summer- movie toy shipments just now arriving at stores, not a lack of overall supply.
SLIME! We have to correct that story -- with more HYPE!
Speed's haul was $15 million below projections and a huge letdown for distributor Warner Bros., which had launched the largest movie-related toy launch in Mattel's history with more than 1,500 cars, action figures and race tracks to promote the movie. [SIC]
Pffh-hh-hh hh hh hh hh hh hh ha ha ha ha ha ha HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!!!!!
Pffh-hh-hh hh hh hh hh hh hh ha ha ha ha ha ha HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!!!!!
From Obama.co -- er, the newsrag of the Zeitgeist:
Stephen Weber, the president of the 36,000-student university, was kept out of the loop during much of the investigation, says Mosler. "Everyone in law enforcement felt that if the administrators knew about it, they would have put the kibosh on the whole thing," the prosecutor says. Mosler says college officials typically dread the PR nightmare that comes with news about drugs or other crime on campus.
Jeez, you'd think with all the funny goings on in their professional sports programs these kollidge prezidents could just brush mere drug use off.
Stephen Weber, the president of the 36,000-student university, was kept out of the loop during much of the investigation, says Mosler. "Everyone in law enforcement felt that if the administrators knew about it, they would have put the kibosh on the whole thing," the prosecutor says. Mosler says college officials typically dread the PR nightmare that comes with news about drugs or other crime on campus.
Jeez, you'd think with all the funny goings on in their professional sports programs these kollidge prezidents could just brush mere drug use off.