Posted 8:53 PM by Gene

We predict tomorrow the newsrags pull a BRUCE. We should point out, however, the last time this happened they put some hockey player or speed skater or curler on their covers, and he said he was going to win some sort of awards, and he would do it drunk or stoned, and he didn't win anything. We'll see.

Posted 8:45 PM by Gene

A VOLOKHHEAD is suing telcos for turning all that info over to the big bad mean guvment.

This puzzles us. We thought lawyers were evil. Or aren't con-SER-va-tive lawyers evil?

Posted 1:17 PM by Gene

Two down and four to go -- and 27% behind two years ago.

I don't care what people say about DVC!!!!!!!!!!; people are actively avoiding movies. They've done it for decades, but now the pace is picking up. From the looks of the release schedule the biz may be peaking too early, which gives us hope for a major-league slump in late summer, and the months thereafter.

Posted 9:09 AM by Gene

eBay is getting into the TV-ad-buying business, giving it an appropriate last touch of sleaze.

(Via RUPERT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!)

Posted 9:08 AM by Gene

Dubya proposes a "virtual" fence.

Does that make the people who find its holes virtual legals?

Posted 9:02 AM by Gene

The Cross is returning to Ground Zero, and though we suspect many Manhattanites are livid over this religious symbol, it has found its rightful place.

Posted 8:59 AM by Gene

The Senior Clunker Brother is phasing out an OSAMAMOBILE. It's still making two.

"If you have to worry about the price at the pump, you don't have the money to spend on the vehicle in the first place," said Erich Merkle, an auto analyst with Grand Rapids, Mich., consulting company IRN Inc. "It is such a frivolous purchase."

And how many of the purchasers are frivolous?

Posted 8:47 AM by Gene

Poll: Clinton outperformed Bush

GanNETt near a four-year low...the CLATCH near a four-year low...TRIB near a seven-year low...PAPEROFRECORDCO near an EIGHT-year low...the TWXSTERS not budging for three years....

Posted 5:35 PM by Gene

A NEUHARTHISM OF THE MONTH AWARD TO SUSAN, who has proved all USAOKAY!!!!!'S REPORTING these last several days was BOGUS POSTURING to JUSTIFY RUNNING PR.

Posted 2:06 PM by Gene

Up Close and Personal with TIM RUSSERT:

He also discloses that he goes to church every week at 4 p.m. on Saturday and prays "that I will ask the right questions" on NBC the following morning.

I like a praying man -- certainly not a praying mantis.

Posted 11:12 AM by Gene

When not rummaging through secret documents to expose the EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEVIL of Dubya (and maybe a few of our operatives in the process), CURLEY'S (NYUK! NYUK! NYUK!) STOOGES do overexposed celebs UNNEEDED FAVORS.

A NEUHARTHISM OF THE WEEK AWARD TO CURLEY!!!!!

P. S. 141 links according to the GREAT G000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000GLE -- or only 42 fewer than an awful pipeline disaster in Nigeria.

Posted 11:06 AM by Gene

Based on BusinessWeek's analysis of the Nielsen numbers, when American Idol judge Simon Cowell eviscerated crooner Ace Young on Apr. 18, some 1 million homes caught the action an hour or more later on their digital video-recorders (DVRs). Of those viewers, perhaps 800,000 fast-forwarded past the commercials.

OUCH!

[W]ith the cable guys pushing DVR technology hard, 20% of U.S. viewers could be in a position to zap ads by the end of next year, according to researcher In-Stat.

Pam McNeely, group media director at Dailey & Associates Advertising, figures the number could go to 40%. "You tell that to clients," she says, "and they say, 'Oh, my God! I'm cutting TV spending.'"

WANNA BET?

(Also via MediaBistro.com)

Posted 11:03 AM by Gene

Excellent: SUMNER's two underbosses can't stand each other!

I thought these were TWO companies, SUMNER!

(Via MediaBistro.com)

Posted 9:10 AM by Gene

Shucks, the Senate's moving to raise indecency fines after all.

TV's no longer SAFE, B. S. DEFENDER!

Meantime the Senile Chamber barely avoided "reforming" insurance, and we know what that means.

Posted 6:29 AM by Gene

The New, EXCELLENT USAOKAY!!!!!'s going to be REPORTING for a while!

They probably had a big pep rally in the luxury news suite in Arlington, with the editor leading cheers and yelling, "THIS is the year we win the Pulitzer. The Pulitzer will prove we're an excellent newspaper. We need to win more awards -- and THIS will put on in the FIRST RANK -- with the TIMES!"

SURE.

Meanwhile:



The SOFTER side of USAOKAY!!!!!

Posted 4:55 PM by Gene

I mentioned "indignation" in my first post today. I wonder if indignation isn't the Beltway's most overused strategem. The weenie Bill Frist was INDIGNANT over gas prices. The superpartisan Pat Leahy is INDIGNANT over Dubya's "spying." In light of the ERIC SEVAREID OF COMEDY's IMMORTAL WORDS (these Beltway idiots are STILL debating him!), we should ask if indignation isn't just another name for showboating. It is easy to be piqued over things like gas prices and "spying"; but we know gas prices are largely beyond our control, and we know we're spied on enough without the NSA. Indignation has become so much the act that when something deserves real indignation -- for starters, our blithe disregard for human life -- we're so inundated with indignation we can only respond with a cynical French shrug. Indignation is for Koses, SAM LITTLES and fundraisers. Indignation is for PHONIES.

Posted 2:52 PM by Gene

The SACRIFICES of CEOs:

Bill Ford announced at last year's annual meeting that he wouldn't take a salary or bonus until the company's automotive operations returned to profitability. Ford's automotive operations lost more than $2.5 billion in the first quarter of this year.

Bill Ford's total compensation in 2005 was $13.3 million, 40 percent less than in 2004. While he took no salary or bonus, he did receive stock equivalents that were agreed to before he made his pledge.

How many ordinary employees could those "stock equivalents" pay for?

Posted 2:45 PM by Gene

And speaking of the world's heavies, Vlad says he runs a superpower despite the inconvenient fact "that U.S. defense spending is 25 times higher than Russia's."

I don't think raising the price of oil will help THAT much.

Posted 2:44 PM by Gene

Hosni once again shows his one side -- his THUG side.

Posted 2:37 PM by Gene

IS ANYBODY OUT THERE?

Posted 1:48 PM by Gene

THE RED-STATE SCORPION had a FRIEND in the WHITE HOUSE!

"Let me know if there is ANYTHING I can do to help," the White House official wrote.

How about talking to a grand jury?

Posted 1:42 PM by Gene

More onanism from BizWeek. This must be the tenth time PEOPLE WARNER's been acquired by somebody in its pages. If the TWXSTERS could have managed that feat prominent options holder B. S. DEFENDER would be whole.

The one good thing is if Bugmeister Bill did the buying His shareholders might do the SELLING.

(Via IWantMediacom)

Posted 1:24 PM by Gene

Jerry Lewis engages in taxpayer comedy, including a vaudeville routine with a friend of the unlamented DUKE -- and an AmSpecian is not amused?

Of course, liberals seize on it. They seem to live in some fantasy world where the problem is the party at the wheel, and not the fact that an incredibly large government is a corrupting one.

I will presume Lewis innocent until proven guilty. But it is worth noting that this is the same Jerry Lewis who last month tried to scuttle budget reforms and helped load up the emergency appropriations bill. These guys operate on appropriations, not principle. So color me unsurprised when any of them abuses his office and runs afoul of the law.

MSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS. PELOSI! THE GAVEL AWAITS!

OR:

It is not clear where the investigation is headed or what evidence the government has. But the probe suggests that investigators are looking past Cunningham to other legislators and, perhaps, the "earmarking" system that members of Congress use to allocate funds....

"For goodness sake, why would they be doing that?" Lewis asked.

I haven't the FOGGIEST idea, Jerry -- unless it's the PIGLIKE NOISES coming from your STY.

Or to paraphrase Mae West, goodness has nothing to do with it.

The government is looking into the connection between Lewis and his longtime friend Bill Lowery, the sources said. Lowery, a lobbyist, is a former congressman from San Diego.

As chairman of the Appropriations panel, Lewis has earmarked hundreds of millions of dollars in federal contracts for many of Lowery's clients, one of the sources said.

OINK! OINK!

Cunningham challenged Lowery, the incumbent, in the 1992 Republican primary. But Lowery dropped out of the race after he was identified as one of the worst offenders of "Rubbergate," in which several members of Congress were discovered to have written numerous bad checks on the House bank. Lowery acknowledged writing 300 bad checks.

Cunningham's campaign slogan was: "A congressman we can be proud of."

PFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFT!!!!!!!!!!

Posted 11:28 AM by Gene

Snoop Dogg Takes Blame in Brawl Case

Blame? Don't these little boys usually take credit?

Posted 11:25 AM by Gene

1. Should WhiteHouse.gov sound like an organ for the Republican Party?

2. Should news hacks be in the business of knocking the president solely because they're liberals?

(Via the inevitable ROMY)

Posted 11:21 AM by Gene

I wonder -- do TRUTH TELLING CRUSADERS like USAOKAY!!!!! tell their TRUTH so they can run MORE INFERNAL PLUGS for a CERTAIN TV SHOW -- or is it THE OTHER WAY AROUND?

Posted 11:14 AM by Gene

Now he's willing to negotiate on the length of the wet noodle.

WHOOPEE!

Posted 6:57 AM by Gene

I believe in diversity and tolerance -- AND ANYONE WHO DOESN'T THINK LIKE ME IS A RAGING LOONY BIGOTED PSYCHOTIC NAZI!!!!!

You don't suppose you're a reason why you're beating your head against the wall that your paper might fold, do you? NAH.

Posted 6:44 AM by Gene

Speaking of invasions of privacy, that's a neat plug you did, RUPE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Boasting of your MULTI-YEAR HIGH? (Bleech!)

A NEUHARTHISM OF THE WEEK AWARD to MANDY!

Posted 6:37 AM by Gene

OOOOooooh, USAOKAY!!!!! is REPORTING NEWS!!!!! It says the PHONE COMPANIES are allowing DUBYA to SPY on us!!!!! OOOOOOOOOOH!!!!!!!!!!

I suppose we should get mad, but with the Web and its all-pervasive cookies, and RFID tags, and everyone yakking on a cellphone, and G000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000GLING, and chip implants, and people boasting of their private lives online, it's more difficult to get worked up over big bad mean government spying on us. To be sure, such schemes have a life of their own. Most likely though, on such a large scale, and with Dubya, the Feds do not know what they're doing.

And forgive us for being cynical after Dana and her buddy, and with 2,891 WORDS, that we think the primary purpose of this INVESTIGATION is to win a P-Ulitzer prize -- THE FIRST FOR USAOKAY!!!!! -- and that rather dulls the sense of indignation too.

Posted 5:30 PM by Gene

Secret Service records made public Wednesday show just two White House visits in the past five years by convicted lobbyist Jack Abramoff. He stayed a total of 63 minutes, 29 seconds.

This is NOT an exoneration, NewsMAX!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 63 minutes, 29 seconds is an eternity in BELTWAY TIME. It's also 3.5 TIMES the 18-MINUTE GAP.

Posted 5:12 PM by Gene

When the KNEE-JERK HEARSTIES of FRISCO say the much vaunted, er, worker boycott was a failure, we should count that as definitive.

WHOOPS! I take that back.

Posted 5:04 PM by Gene

That creeping disease of "ironic" logorrhea called Kinsleyism has hit John and Jody very hard. One can make a plain, forceful statement about rock or rap in 200 words, if one wished, but neither John and Jody wish, nor could they wish, being a "writer and musician" and a "music critic", except to wish for a fatter paycheck from WaPost; so we get a combined 3,830 heavily ironic words whose mere number demoralizes a reader; when one must slog so many words to get the point the reader can be sure there is no point. Alas, there is a point: to provide filler for the ads.

Posted 2:45 PM by Gene

TWO IS ENOUGH.

Posted 2:38 PM by Gene

In a Surprise, Birds Return to Europe Without Virus

Why am I not suprised?

Posted 2:29 PM by Gene

• London to stage live tourism ads in theaters

Branson East has you beat out.

Posted 2:22 PM by Gene

So -- our government may be giving information to the Great Labor Pool to the South on the volunteers attempting to defend our border.

How Dubya.

Posted 2:19 PM by Gene

In terms of public esteem, Congress is floating somewhere between contemptible and beneath contempt.

We may ask what else is new, but we have the answer -- Republicans.

Posted 2:09 PM by Gene

1. We may wonder how "financial incentives" will raise the birth rate in a country that is, in some respects, dying; and 2. Yes, we have our petty tyrants -- Jim Baker lives in the Dubya White House -- but you have yours too.

Posted 2:07 PM by Gene

R.I. Senate approves cellphone ban for drivers younger than 18

What about over?

Posted 2:03 PM by Gene

As an advertiser, however, our role is not to determine what a broadcaster should or should not air. The decision belongs to the broadcaster and, ultimately, to the individual viewer.

THE AMERICAN SOCIETY OF WILLFULLY IGNORANT ADVERTISERS HAS A MOTTO!

Posted 1:58 PM by Gene

Why we DO NOT subscribe to WSJS.com:

Useful Idiots?

The editors of the Wall Street Journal and Marshall Wittmann of the Democratic Leadership Council are of one mind on what to make of Ahmadinejad's missive to President Bush.

The Journal observes,

The letter also contains repeated references to what Mr. Ahmadinejad imagines, with some justification, are the main concerns of the Western left. It's all here: the exploitation of Africa's mineral resources; homelessness and unemployment in the U.S.; the budgetary wastefulness of the war in Iraq and U.S. fiscal imbalances. The concern is almost touching, though perhaps Mr. Ahmadinejad needs to broaden his daily media sources beyond the BBC.

OR THE WALL STREET JOURNALS LIBERAL EDITION?

Posted 9:58 AM by Gene

This is an annoying story. Dubya to the contrary, we cannot see our nation's robustness in test scores, or in the hordes of Dilberts we can churn out. We can see it in the culture around us. And by that standard, America scores a 400.

Posted 8:06 AM by Gene

I guess TRIB thinks this sort of thing can lure young readers.

This is yet another good reason to be illiterate.

Posted 5:52 PM by Gene

[C]ONSERVATIVE lawmaker Hashmatollah Falahatpisheh lambasted Ahmadinejad for failing to consult parliament before sending the letter to the country Iran considers its greatest enemy.

“This message is the outcome of a series of taboo-breaking behaviors in Iran's foreign policy. ... That the parliament is not aware of (the contents of the) letter is questionable,” Falahatpisheh told an open session of the parliament broadcast live on state-run radio Tuesday.

You mean there's someone to the -- RIGHT of the Nuclear Foot Stomper?

Posted 5:44 PM by Gene

Silicon Graphics, the company that helped turn movies into video games, has filed for bankruptcy.

Pioneering don't pay.

Posted 5:39 PM by Gene

Cigar aficionados beware: Those handmade Montecristos, Cohibas and Romeo y Julietas aren't necessarily premium smokes.

Law-enforcement and cigar industry officials say counterfeiters are marketing millions of dollars in fake upscale cigars, some even pretending to be authentic Cubans that are illegal to sell in the United States.

We hope RUSH -- oh, never mind.

Posted 5:30 PM by Gene

The United States will provide $10 million in new medical assistance to Palestinians, State Department officials said Tuesday.

And how much of that will end up requiring new medical assistance for Israelis?

Posted 5:13 PM by Gene

We may never be rid of this @#$%^& controversy over THE ERIC SEVAREID OF COMEDY, but at least Richard Cohen's brain is still brightly on:

What to make of all this? First, it's not about Colbert. His show has an audience of about 1 million -- not exactly "American Idol" numbers. [Actually, ERIC's numbers have gone up; but they're still not American Idol numbers. --ED.] Second, it marks the end of a silly pretense about interactive media: We give you our e-mail addresses and then, in theory, we have this nice chat. Forget about it. Not only is e-mail too often a kind of epistolary spitball, but there's no way I can even read the 3,506 e-mails now backed up in my queue -- seven more since I started writing this column.

But the message in this case truly is the medium. The e-mails pulse in my queue, emanating raw hatred. This spells trouble -- not for Bush or, in 2008, the next GOP presidential candidate, but for Democrats. The anger festering on the Democratic left will be taken out on the Democratic middle. (Watch out, Hillary!) I have seen this anger before -- back in the Vietnam War era. That's when the antiwar wing of the Democratic Party helped elect Richard Nixon. In this way, they managed to prolong the very war they so hated.

The only answer to this and future ERIC SEVAREIDS OF COMEDY is to SHUT DOWN the White House Correspondents' annual orgy of self-congratulation. There'll be no ERICs, and happily, our contempt for the Beltway will live on.

Posted 6:56 AM by Gene

Already Michael "FORE!" Dell's devised an excuse -- you see, it's price competition.

Plus he's "beefing up" his call centers. Where? IN INDIA?

Posted 6:52 AM by Gene

J-cques sel-s TH- GR-AT-EST ART-STIC ACH-EVEM-ENT IN T-E H-ST-RY -F T-E UN-VER-E T- ADVERTISERS!!!!!

A-D -E SE-LS I- -O VI-WE-S, TO-!

A NEUHARTHISM OF THE WEEK AWARD TO J-CQUES!

Posted 6:36 AM by Gene

The LALATimes' editors put in six words what Nintendo's president needed a whole speech to say:

Video Games: All Gore and Bore

Posted 6:00 PM by Gene

We will forgive anyone who calls our typing a "cheap shot" so long as anyone links to our blog.

And yes, I suppose we do engage in cheap shots, and we're sorry for that; we should like to engage in expensive shots and hope to get more attention, but it's just as well; we couldn't handle ten thousand people saying cheap shots at us all day.

That said, we thank you, Mr. Colby, for the link, and we promise we'll never make fun of you, cheap shots or otherwise.

Posted 5:47 PM by Gene

Dell Says First-Quarter Profit Missed Forecast on Price Cuts; Shares Slump

Don't gloat, B. S. Defender!

Posted 3:17 PM by Gene

Hey Einstein Bernstein: I got an idea -- now that you and your Branson East co-conspirators are making more, why not SPEND MORE! Spend more for star players, spend more for lush scenery. Spend spend spend! That's what the public wants, ain't it? And then in five years your "economic model" will resemble THE MOVIE BIZ', and with any luck you'll be SPENDING your way to bankruptcy!

Just a thought, Einstein.

Posted 2:59 PM by Gene

Three days after writing a silly blurb for a silly show, Terry Teachout redeems himself:

The Birth of a Nation progresses with the slow-motion solemnity of a funeral march. Even the title cards stay on the screen for three times as long as it takes to read them. Five minutes after the film started, I was squirming with impatience, and after another five minutes passed, I decided out of desperation to try an experiment: I cranked the film up to four times its normal playing speed and watched it that way. It was overly brisk in two or three spots, most notably the re-enactment of Lincoln’s assassination (which turned out to be quite effective—it’s the best scene in the whole film). For the most part, though, I found nearly all of The Birth of a Nation to be perfectly intelligible at the faster speed.

Posterity is a harsh taskmaster. Isn't this the masterwork Woody Wilson said was "history writ (or wrought, or wrote) with lightning"? More like history writ with a damp firecracker on a rainy day. People will say similar things about HERR DOKTOR SONDHEIM a few decades hence, and more than a few other modern favorites. Here is yesterday's sensation, reduced through its hopeless flaws to a pile of rubble and ash.

Posted 1:38 PM by Gene

"THE CONGRESSMAN IS MORE CONFIDENT THAN EVER THAT HE WILL BE VINDICATED!!!!!"

Sure Bob, sure.

Posted 10:47 AM by Gene

OOOoooh, Bill Keller's on a SECRET MISSION in IRAQ!

I'd bet it's so secret even he doesn't know what it is.

Posted 10:34 AM by Gene

Good! The South Americans are about to have a fist fight over oil!

It couldn't happen to a nicer bunch of leftists.

Posted 9:21 AM by Gene

LIBERALS FORCED PEOPLE TO BUY OSAMAMOBILES WHICH IS WHY THE COST OF GAS IS HIGH!!!!!

Oh, shut up.

Posted 9:07 AM by Gene

Circ Declines Again, Particularly at Major Metro Dailies

Gotta be that COURAGEOUS REPORTING!

Posted 9:05 AM by Gene

Iran's foot stomper "writes" a "letter" -- and....

Before the announcement by Iran, Bush said he was paying close attention to threats made against Israel by Ahmadinejad, who recently questioned Israel's right to exist and said the country should be wiped off the map.

"I think that it's very important for us to take his words very seriously," he told the German newspaper Bild on Friday, according to a transcript released Sunday. "When people speak, it is important that we listen carefully to what they say and take them seriously."

No we don't! We can just flog him with wet noodles.

Posted 8:54 AM by Gene

ABC's scare-tactic flick "Fatal Contact: Bird Flu in America" is a disaster movie predicated on a hypothetical question: What if the avian flu mutated into a strain that could be passed from human to human?

Here's another hypothetical for you: What if ABC remembered how to make a decent movie for television?

Problem is it forgot before it was BORN.

P. S. DAVID BIANCULLI?!?!?

Posted 8:44 AM by Gene

Around 67 percent of Americans have been telling pollsters for years that they want illegal immigration curtailed. Soon the media will notice the populist appeal of this huge constituency facing off against two sets of entrenched elites, the corporate elites of the right, supported by Republican politicians, and the academic elites of the left, supported by Democratic politicians.

This is why the Dems may not necessarily win back the House. (If you believe the Prowler, that is.)

And we can't even whine about the LESSER of two evils.

Posted 8:38 AM by Gene

WOW! The world's biggest producer of price-gouging printer cartridges is about to spend much of its largesse on crappy television!

When I read stories like this, my first thought is, please, let this backfire.

All this said, the new campaign will reap big dividends only if HP can back it up with spiffier products. While the company sold 30 million PCs last year, its portfolio is amazingly free of a "hit" product, with nothing even approaching the buzz of an iMac. "I've covered this industry for years, and I'd be hard-pressed to name an HP model number," Kay says.

How about 45 and 78?

Posted 6:46 AM by Gene

Further shucks, BEATLECORP does not own the exclusive rights to APPLES.

Posted 6:40 AM by Gene

Shucks, Ronny Starbucks and ESPNCORP are getting a divorce because the big E allegedly wants to be FAMILY-FRIENDLY -- and because STEVE RUNS THE COMPANY.

Did anyone consult Ub Iger?

THEN AGAIN:

Other factors contributed to the unraveling of the McDonald's-Disney alliance. Although the relationship boasted hit promotions for such films as "101 Dalmatians" and "Lilo & Stitch," some McDonald's franchisees began to chafe when the studio churned out clunkers like "Treasure Planet." The company also had to abide by Disney's strict rules regarding use of its characters, which were not allowed to be seen eating McDonald's food.

Something tells me this has nothing to do with healthy meals.

Posted 12:21 PM by Gene

MMMMMMMMMM-IIIIIIIIII-THREEEEEEEEEE may have done $3.7 MILLION LESS than VAN HOSING -- at over 500 MORE SCREENS!!!!!

MARTY CHEERLEADER!

PAUL DRECK'S SPIN MACHINE is WHIRRING!

HEY SUMNER! How many patrons did your ZILLIONS in MEGAMARKETING COST you? Hey SUM! Was I the only one more than a little annoyed at the way your pal MR. WARNER BROS. shoved your property in our faces? HUH SUM?

And what about your COUCH BOUNCING and SILENT BIRTHING, O SON OF GOD?

$37 MILLION LESS THAN X2 THREE YEARS AGO! (X-WHAT?)

P. S. NIKKI!!!!! accuses the SON OF GOD'S CHURCH of BULK TICKET BUYING!

Didn't help much.

Posted 10:03 AM by Gene

Bad news: John Daly's "book" is down to 53 on Amazon.com, and strangely no one has reviewed it yet -- either because there's nothing to read or his fans can't.

Posted 9:35 AM by Gene

Prosecutors have e-mails showing Rep. Tom DeLay's office knew lobbyist Jack Abramoff had arranged the financing for the Texas Republican's controversial European golfing trip in 2000 and was concerned "if someone starts asking questions."

What else did that Republican hero know?

Enough to force him to RESIGN?

P. S. Con-SER-va-tives will scream about leaks, and will no doubt caterwaul that this is the proverbial much ado. Isn't it a little late in the day for that?

Posted 9:22 AM by Gene

Buffett tries to reassure the faithful

And CURLEY'S (Nyuk! Nyuk! Nyuk!) STOOGES were there, prostrate and babbling in tongues.

Just another day at the office.

Posted 9:20 AM by Gene

The American Society of Willfully Ignorant Advertisers has found another excuse to waste our money.

Posted 9:17 AM by Gene

Chick-lit (blecch) is (temporarily, and we hope more than) on the decline.

The Serial Plagiarist did her part, we've no doubt.

Posted 9:05 AM by Gene

In an official Democratic Party campaign document, Nancy says she'll "raise the minimum wage, roll back parts of the Republican prescription drug law, implement homeland security measures [?!?!?] and reinstate lapsed budget deficit controls."

And have John "Justice" Conyers impeach Dubya, and John "Respected" Murtha gut defense. This will be a hilarious term, Babs!

Posted 9:00 AM by Gene

And the TWXSTERS confirm Porter's resignation was part of a glorified food fight. Just what we need with terrorists on the loose -- Beltway types slinging mashed potatoes.

Posted 8:56 AM by Gene

Meantime, over at the Double-Towers of Babble, the Cover Disease of the Week is autism.

Whatsa matter, guys? Run out of pols to endorse or movies to plug?

Posted 8:47 AM by Gene

I haven't read it, but it's sure to be Mr. Mark's most CW accomplishment yet. Our cover is the "twenty-fifth anniversary" of AIDS (whatever that means; the virus was around for a long time before that, one suspects), and thus we can be PC to our heart's content, and say we need to spend katrillions more on the disease (Slick and Mrs. Bugmeister are here, so you know they'll say that) when we've already spent katrillions to little effect, and maybe put in a few condescending words to the millions of Africans and Asians who've suffered (not to mention the ghetto people we top editors of newsrags and former presidents take great pains to avoid), and with luck this will be one of Mr. Mark's worst-selling issues in years.

"They think I'm gonna die. You know what, they better not hold their breath," Ryan White once told his mother. Though given six months to live when he was diagnosed with HIV, Ryan lived five and a half years, long enough to prod a nation into joining the fight against AIDS. When he died in 1990 at the age of 18, Congress named a new comprehensive AIDS funding act after him.

...which helped stop the disease. If I had the sheer intestinal fortitude I'd like to go through Mr. Mark's archive and see how his luxury news suite has scribbled on AIDS -- no doubt a mix of PC, panic (AIDS MAY KILL HALF THE WORLD BY 2000!!!!!!!!!!) and pleas for more money. Sorry, Mark, you're part of the problem too.