THE NEWS HACK'S CREED:
I know more than you.
I make lots more money than you.
I'm smarter than you.
I'm sexier than you.
I appear on TV all the time.
I work ten minutes a day.
I rule the universe.
I'm going to live forever.
You are an idiot.
THE NEWS HACK'S CREED, No. 2:
A lie isn't a lie when it tells THE TRUTH.
THE NEWS HACK'S CREED, No. 3:
I've come to realize that the looseness of the journalistic life, the seeming laxity of the newsroom, is an illusion. Yes, there's informality and there's humor, but beneath the surface lies something deadly serious. It is a code. Sometimes the code is not even written down, but it is deeply believed in. And, when violated, it is enforced with tribal ferocity.
--JOHN "OMERTA" CARROLL.
THE NEWS HACK'S CREED, No. 4:
News isn't news when we don't report it.
PERMALINKS:
THE NEWS HACKS' DICTIONARY
THE EUGENE DAVID GLOSSARY
AMERICA'S MOST UNINTENTIONALLY FUNNY WEB SITE!
Blogroll Me!
![[Powered by Blogger]](http://buttons.blogger.com/bloggerbutton1.gif){kind=small}
Saturday, August 06, 2005
Well, I just read that transcript, and if MM had made so much as one of her Shakespeares she'd have been laughed out of the business. She seemed perfectly unawares that what she had was good enough. This should also take care of Jonathan Yardley's notion that MM's fascination has dried up.
P. S. Hef bought the crypt next to hers. I hope he enjoys many sleepless nights in it.
P. P. S. I should like to have been a fly on the wall the night she got together with Joan Crawford. I might have needed all those eyes.
Of all the things that have sucked the joy out of sport few have been more deadly than the professional fan and his sidekick in obsessive-compulsivism the FANTASY-LEAGUE PHREAK, both abetted and ruled over by the FRED FLINTSTONES of RADIO. These millionaire loudmouths expect perfection, and when they don't get it they go on self-righteous tears, as if batting averages and sacks really matter. They have not achieved anything until their names burst out in BIG BLACK HEDS: [FILL IN THE BLANK] SUSPENDED FOR ATTACK ON [FILL IN THE BLANK]. Indeed the Freds are no different from STERNO's heroes except they don't tell eenie-weenie-peenie jokes. Their constant badmouthing is at the heart of the mercenariness of sport and helps explain the big-biceped druggies. If this is the price one must pay to be a sports fan I'm not buying.
How could I have missed this? A CHARTER MEMBER of the DOW 36,000 BRIGADE unleashed a DIATRIBE against WILLIAM GREIDER, in part:
Yes, products such as Apple's iPod do add to the deficit. But WHO CARES??? NEARLY ALL THE PROFIT FROM THE IPOD, DESIGNED IN CALIFORNIA, MANUFACTURED IN CHINA, ACCRUES IN THE U.S.!!!! Out of Apple's profits come MORE JOBS AND FUTURE HIT PRODUCTS!!!!!
Having recently been on the prowl for memory cards, a seller's market where one card can fit in hundreds of computers and the industry goes out of its way not to tell you (and rakes in HUGE profits when people buy the WRONG CARDS), I can safely say that practically every last computer innard comes from east Asia -- and most are likely designed there. Of course it wouldn't occur to LITTLE MALCOLM'S FEARLESS ASSISTANT that the time may come when the Asians will decide THEY DON'T NEED AMERICAN COMPANIES. Hey Karl! You ever heard of SONY? or LENNY?
Yes, products such as Apple's iPod do add to the deficit. But WHO CARES??? NEARLY ALL THE PROFIT FROM THE IPOD, DESIGNED IN CALIFORNIA, MANUFACTURED IN CHINA, ACCRUES IN THE U.S.!!!! Out of Apple's profits come MORE JOBS AND FUTURE HIT PRODUCTS!!!!!
Having recently been on the prowl for memory cards, a seller's market where one card can fit in hundreds of computers and the industry goes out of its way not to tell you (and rakes in HUGE profits when people buy the WRONG CARDS), I can safely say that practically every last computer innard comes from east Asia -- and most are likely designed there. Of course it wouldn't occur to LITTLE MALCOLM'S FEARLESS ASSISTANT that the time may come when the Asians will decide THEY DON'T NEED AMERICAN COMPANIES. Hey Karl! You ever heard of SONY? or LENNY?
OMERTA LAUGHS and waves BYE-BYE through his REAR-VIEW MIRROR. I don't want to come down too hard on the writers -- these are historians, and they've written a well-praised bio of J. Robert Oppenheimer -- but one wonders if it will take another century before we can dispense with the politics of WWII, politics all too well tied in to ours. They do not help their cause by using the sort of boldface-and-italics code words that would appeal to a bludgeoning editor like MERT: "patriotically correct," "definitively," "unilateralism," "arrogance." It is hard not to think of the idea of the SOVIETS prompting Japan's surrender, however "definitive" the evidence, without imagining a certain sort of super-liberal breaking out in a cynical chuckle. Yes, atomic bombs are BAD, but some people who would use them are worse -- even IF we "inspired" them.
And here's MORE FREE ENTERPRISE AT WORK:
Parking meters around Back Bay restaurants with valet parking are broken and put out of service at a rate far higher than in other locations, records released yesterday show, and city officials believe that valets are intentionally jamming the meters to park cars there without risk of tickets.
Oh well, if it weren't the valets, it would be GOV-MENT. And of course FREE ENTERPRISE is ALWAYS BETTER.
Parking meters around Back Bay restaurants with valet parking are broken and put out of service at a rate far higher than in other locations, records released yesterday show, and city officials believe that valets are intentionally jamming the meters to park cars there without risk of tickets.
Oh well, if it weren't the valets, it would be GOV-MENT. And of course FREE ENTERPRISE is ALWAYS BETTER.
Unfortunately, Kathryn, you may have been a bit TOO clever this time. Yeah sure, there may be "a good influx of commercial and international trade companies and groups" in the Reagan Building -- but it cost an awful lot of GOVERNMENT MONEY to bring them in. Sounds to me like CORPORATE WELFARE AS USUAL.
Wehell, I think we've -- HIT THE JACKPOT.
Wehell, I think we've -- HIT THE JACKPOT.
"HYSTERIA...."
TRANSLATION: Please don't let him Souter! Please? Pretty please? Pretty PRETTY please don't let him SOUTER!
TRANSLATION: Please don't let him Souter! Please? Pretty please? Pretty PRETTY please don't let him SOUTER!
OH oh, ST. WARREN'S HEAVEN may have DEVILS in its ACCOUNTING DEPARTMENT!
How would DEVILS get into HEAVEN, Your SAINTLINESS?
How would DEVILS get into HEAVEN, Your SAINTLINESS?
On this happy day NEWS HACKS are debating why we're always the BAD GUYS. Atom-bombing an enemy, to be sure, is not the most morally comfortable of things. But we must consider: on a scale of relative evils, the two atom bombings pale to what Hitler did to millions of people he didn't like (or Tojo for that matter). We must also consider Hitler could have atom-bombed us, and today it's hardly likely people will be talking considerations of civilian casualties. And make no mistake: if we hadn't been first, somebody else might have been, with less doubting and conscience. And if atom-bombing Hiroshima and Nagasaki killed too many, wasn't it still a fraction of the millions who might have died in an outright invasion of Japan? NEWS HACKS will never be convinced, they siding with the forces of good and naivete and vapidity. In the end, Harry did the right thing.
If people are so DISGUSTED with ADVERTISING and MARKETING, and it's becoming HARDER TO MOVE MERCHANDISE because of it, why does THE AMERICAN SOCIETY OF WILLFULLY IGNORANT ADVERTISERS spend MORE MONEY on ADVERTISING and MARKETING than EVER?
Friday, August 05, 2005
And from the waste dump and recycling center that calls itself HOLLYWOOD:
ET has learned that EDDIE MURPHY and his wife, NICOLE, are divorcing after 12 years. Nicole filed the petition for divorce Friday morning in Los Angeles, citing irreconcilable differences.
I guess she couldn't stand THE ADVENTURES OF PLUTO NASH either.
ET has learned that EDDIE MURPHY and his wife, NICOLE, are divorcing after 12 years. Nicole filed the petition for divorce Friday morning in Los Angeles, citing irreconcilable differences.
I guess she couldn't stand THE ADVENTURES OF PLUTO NASH either.
And speaking of MONEY, any chance on taking the PEOPLE'S PARADISE PUBLIC?
"This is a pure play [SIC] on what's seen as the best and fastest-growing industry," said Alex Motola, fund manager at the Thornburg Core Growth Fund.
The widely circulated rumor that Google had attempted to buy the firm fueled interest in the stock and "gave investors confidence in it," Motola said.
Baidu.com CEO Robin Yanhong Li declined to comment on the Google takeover reports.
In an interview with the cable channel CNBC....
ARE WE DOING THAT AGAIN?
"This is a pure play [SIC] on what's seen as the best and fastest-growing industry," said Alex Motola, fund manager at the Thornburg Core Growth Fund.
The widely circulated rumor that Google had attempted to buy the firm fueled interest in the stock and "gave investors confidence in it," Motola said.
Baidu.com CEO Robin Yanhong Li declined to comment on the Google takeover reports.
In an interview with the cable channel CNBC....
ARE WE DOING THAT AGAIN?
Juergen Shemp...Shrimp...SCHRRRREMPP left DaimlerCorp with this doozy hanging overhead -- his company's being investigated for paying "BRIBES in a DOZEN COUNTRIES."
Maybe given the quality it had to BRIBE people to buy Mercedeses.
Maybe given the quality it had to BRIBE people to buy Mercedeses.
The TWXSTERS raise the WHITE FLAG -- on THEIR PROPERTY:
Review: 'Dukes of Hazzard' is roadkill
TAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA-ta-TAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA....
When the UNIVERSE'S LEADING SYNERGY COMPANY can admit it left a pile of doo-doo on movie screens, we may surmise the end is well nigh coming -- or as SUMNER said, "In the 21st century, large is no longer in charge."
Review: 'Dukes of Hazzard' is roadkill
TAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA-ta-TAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA....
When the UNIVERSE'S LEADING SYNERGY COMPANY can admit it left a pile of doo-doo on movie screens, we may surmise the end is well nigh coming -- or as SUMNER said, "In the 21st century, large is no longer in charge."
I can hear STERNO's head throbbing like an orchestra of kettledrums, but everything in this piece about blogs is right: the inflated numbers, the inflated reps, the sheer ennui of hundreds of thousands blogging.
And THIS will get THE BLOGGERS OF THE MILLENNIUM MAD:
An independent blogger's greatest asset, besides wit, energy, bravery, and doggedness, is sincerity. We read them to hear a credible independent voice -- not the shills of a corporation, lobbying group, a government agency, or a party. But now it seems that every auto company, PR firm, and politician is taking up blogging -- to sell us the same old pitches in a sleek new package. Some bloggers, unfortunately, are selling out and jumping on the payroll of corporations and political parties.
Think the army of BILL'S BLOGGERS, think KOS, think the POP-UP GUYS. Yes, maybe blogging isn't so virginal after all.
And THIS will get THE BLOGGERS OF THE MILLENNIUM MAD:
An independent blogger's greatest asset, besides wit, energy, bravery, and doggedness, is sincerity. We read them to hear a credible independent voice -- not the shills of a corporation, lobbying group, a government agency, or a party. But now it seems that every auto company, PR firm, and politician is taking up blogging -- to sell us the same old pitches in a sleek new package. Some bloggers, unfortunately, are selling out and jumping on the payroll of corporations and political parties.
Think the army of BILL'S BLOGGERS, think KOS, think the POP-UP GUYS. Yes, maybe blogging isn't so virginal after all.
DIMWIT:
"I don't think all cities are alike," said Williams. He said that there is "tremendous" investment interest at the new waterfront stadium site, whereas RFK sits in a residential area. In other words, this is a new opportunity for new money coming into the city. And, as a result, it's not like the city would be diverting spending from one area to another by moving the stadium. "Take St. Louis," he said to a St. Louis Post-Dispatch reporter, referring to the new Busch Stadium for the Cardinals being built near the current stadium. "You could make the argument that you are really gaining because those spending dollars are shifting" one neighborhood to another.
You forget, MAYOR BOWTIE, YOUR team moved to one neighborhood from another -- a neighborhood called MONTREAL.
P. S. Is it me or does the BOWTIE
...look more than slightly like a black version of...
Don Knotts?
"I don't think all cities are alike," said Williams. He said that there is "tremendous" investment interest at the new waterfront stadium site, whereas RFK sits in a residential area. In other words, this is a new opportunity for new money coming into the city. And, as a result, it's not like the city would be diverting spending from one area to another by moving the stadium. "Take St. Louis," he said to a St. Louis Post-Dispatch reporter, referring to the new Busch Stadium for the Cardinals being built near the current stadium. "You could make the argument that you are really gaining because those spending dollars are shifting" one neighborhood to another.
You forget, MAYOR BOWTIE, YOUR team moved to one neighborhood from another -- a neighborhood called MONTREAL.
P. S. Is it me or does the BOWTIE
...look more than slightly like a black version of...
Don Knotts?
Thursday, August 04, 2005
Even as GanNETt made THE FLYING KEYBOARD one of its highest paid intern haranguers, the company was engaging with the equally odiferous KnightRidder pulp mill in a TRADE. This may be the next big FAD in the MEDIA BIZ -- trades without money changing hands, that by their WHEELING and DEALING fool shareholders into the notion of FINANCIAL HEALTH. Boise, Olympia, Bellingham -- do you think TONY knows where they ARE? (Except they're closer to San Jose than DEEEETROIT.) And so two of America's most tone-deaf companies continue to print papers for ANYTOWN U.S.A., a locale strictly NOWHERE.
While standing waiting impatiently for an order in a local pizzeria -- let me tell you, few things are more pleasant than waiting impatiently in an un-air-conditioned pizzeria on a 95-degree day! -- I was bombarded by at least five minutes of commercials (one from Circuit City -- see, we do remember the ads) and a Beatles tune that sounded suspiciously speeded up. No, it wasn't the CHEAP, close enough, it was a
VIACON!!!!!!!!!!
ZONNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN may be gone but his tricks live on.
VIACON!!!!!!!!!!
ZONNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN may be gone but his tricks live on.
A-nother a-great a-reason to watch A-PUBLIC A-TELEVISION-A:
Carolee Carmello, Judy McLane and Sara Kramer, who currently head the cast of Broadway's Mamma Mia!, will make a live appearance on PBS Aug. 4.
The three actors will take part in the membership pledge drive, which will accompany WNET/Channel 13's airing of "Super Troupers: A Celebratory Film from Waterloo to Mamma Mia!"
A-ONE AN' A-TWO AN' A...
Carolee Carmello, Judy McLane and Sara Kramer, who currently head the cast of Broadway's Mamma Mia!, will make a live appearance on PBS Aug. 4.
The three actors will take part in the membership pledge drive, which will accompany WNET/Channel 13's airing of "Super Troupers: A Celebratory Film from Waterloo to Mamma Mia!"
A-ONE AN' A-TWO AN' A...
David Thomson is a reasonably intelligent film historian who senses something with our culture is deeply wrong -- and then he blurts out this:
[I]f you write for the movies, you are, more than ever, in this dreadful committee structure where you get rewritten and rewritten and rewritten.
Has he never read the collected letters of F. Scott Fitzgerald? This is just another Biskindian way of saying "it's the system" when it's more than the system; but to say it's more than the system might get film historians to say CONSERVATIVE THINGS, and they'd never never NEVER do THAT.
[I]f you write for the movies, you are, more than ever, in this dreadful committee structure where you get rewritten and rewritten and rewritten.
Has he never read the collected letters of F. Scott Fitzgerald? This is just another Biskindian way of saying "it's the system" when it's more than the system; but to say it's more than the system might get film historians to say CONSERVATIVE THINGS, and they'd never never NEVER do THAT.
Here's a joke: The "autocratic ruler" of Mauritania was overthrown while attending the funeral of -- KING FAHD.
It's the sort of joke that late tyrant could appreciate.
It's the sort of joke that late tyrant could appreciate.
An American Hiroshima? Or dirty bombs?
WILL YOU MAKE UP YOUR MIND, DAVID HOROWITZ!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!?
WILL YOU MAKE UP YOUR MIND, DAVID HOROWITZ!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!?
We forget that in addition to being a car builder extraordinaire Walter P. Chrysler was quite a salesman. In magazines everywhere during the Depression he implored car buyers to consider Plymouth (!) among "the low-priced three." It was a simple, direct, forceful, and effective pitch, and made Plymouth a leading car brand until Juergen Shemp...Shrimp...SCHRRRREMPP destroyed it. Judging from the video morsels Rance Crain's boys put before us the ad biz is certainly NOT interested in selling anything, or in treating their customers as equals -- no, with them it's special effects, and offense, and prurience, and above all, CONDESCENSION. Walter P. Chrysler would be lucky to get a JOB these days.
Roberts Donated Help to Gay Rights Case
You mean John "Souter" Roberts?
Wonder when the con-SER-va-tives start gnashing their teeth over this one.
You mean John "Souter" Roberts?
Wonder when the con-SER-va-tives start gnashing their teeth over this one.
Wednesday, August 03, 2005
Who says SLASHDOT GEEKS don't perform a public service?
vandon writes "Linux hackers have demonstrated a way to inject or record audio signals from passing cars running insecure Bluetooth hands-free units. The Trifinite group showed how hackers could eavesdrop on passing motorists using a directional antenna and a Linux Laptop running a tool it has developed called Car Whisperer."
Shhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!
vandon writes "Linux hackers have demonstrated a way to inject or record audio signals from passing cars running insecure Bluetooth hands-free units. The Trifinite group showed how hackers could eavesdrop on passing motorists using a directional antenna and a Linux Laptop running a tool it has developed called Car Whisperer."
Shhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!
"Billy Idol called — he wants his hair back."
I'm thinking, if these people meant something this would be funny.
I'm thinking, if these people meant something this would be funny.
The question is: Do 50,000 hits mean anything when it comes to book sales?
BookStandard.com ANSWERS ITS OWN QUESTION:
[Jessica] Cutler, a former low-level Senate aide who caused a ruckus in May ’04 in the Beltway after being outed as the candid, albeit anonymous, blogger of her own sexual escapades with notable Hill staffers, won a six-figure deal from Hyperion for a veiled autobiographical work named after her blog, Washingtonienne. To date, the novel, which debuted in June, has sold 10,000 copies, as reported by Nielsen BookScan. Beth Dickey, associate director of publicity at Hyperion, says the publisher is "very pleased with the sales," mentioning that BookScan data represent only "a portion of the marketplace."
Wendy McClure is another blogger who has had experience with book results that are decidedly more mid-list than blockbuster—and that’s just fine with her publisher.
McClure, who maintains a wry, witty blog about America’s obsession with weight loss [!! --ED.] (she also oversees a humor site called candyboots), recently wrote a memoir titled I’m Not the New Me (Riverhead); according to BookScan, it has sold 6,000 copies since it debuted in April....
The answer is CLEARLY NO, at least among those people who may not think NEW YORK MEDIA TYPES preach THE WORD OF GOD, PINCH notwithstanding.
BookStandard.com ANSWERS ITS OWN QUESTION:
[Jessica] Cutler, a former low-level Senate aide who caused a ruckus in May ’04 in the Beltway after being outed as the candid, albeit anonymous, blogger of her own sexual escapades with notable Hill staffers, won a six-figure deal from Hyperion for a veiled autobiographical work named after her blog, Washingtonienne. To date, the novel, which debuted in June, has sold 10,000 copies, as reported by Nielsen BookScan. Beth Dickey, associate director of publicity at Hyperion, says the publisher is "very pleased with the sales," mentioning that BookScan data represent only "a portion of the marketplace."
Wendy McClure is another blogger who has had experience with book results that are decidedly more mid-list than blockbuster—and that’s just fine with her publisher.
McClure, who maintains a wry, witty blog about America’s obsession with weight loss [!! --ED.] (she also oversees a humor site called candyboots), recently wrote a memoir titled I’m Not the New Me (Riverhead); according to BookScan, it has sold 6,000 copies since it debuted in April....
The answer is CLEARLY NO, at least among those people who may not think NEW YORK MEDIA TYPES preach THE WORD OF GOD, PINCH notwithstanding.
Tom Silva, a general contractor for "This Old House" TV program, said NASA engineers are overcomplicating the matter.
"The hacksaw is way over the top — too many engineers involved," said Silva, who added that a simple wood block with sandpaper wrapped around it would be the way to go.
Wouldn't that create thousands of little pieces of SPACE JUNK, which could slam into the next Shuttle mission and perhaps cause -- a PROBLEM?
They didn't need it anyway.
"The hacksaw is way over the top — too many engineers involved," said Silva, who added that a simple wood block with sandpaper wrapped around it would be the way to go.
Wouldn't that create thousands of little pieces of SPACE JUNK, which could slam into the next Shuttle mission and perhaps cause -- a PROBLEM?
They didn't need it anyway.
Which reminds us: we have not ignored the sad news of David Shaw's death, but we must confess to feeling a little guilty as (unnoticed though we are) we likened him to Howie the Hairshirt. At least the preceding scoundrel with an infinite regard for himself jogged us out of our lassitude. The truth is Mr. Shaw was one of the first mainstream newsmen to call real attention to his business's penchant for BIAS (especially with ABORTION, where the RIGHT RESIDES on ONE SIDE), and for that alone he performed a salient public service. We do hope he died in reasonable comfort, and at peace.
ANOTHER NEWS HACK HERO BITES THE DUST: he introduced the Beatles to pot, with happy consequences -- for them and for US -- and
[t]here were personal falling-outs -- so many of his tales ended with him explaining why he and one star or another never spoke again. Toward the end of his life, a tinge of bitterness crept into his writing that had something to do with his lack of money. To his chagrin none of his access and connections ever yielded a big payday. He also lacked friends.
All that toadying, all that genius, and in the end, not worth a damn. This is the NEWS HACK'S EULOGY.
[t]here were personal falling-outs -- so many of his tales ended with him explaining why he and one star or another never spoke again. Toward the end of his life, a tinge of bitterness crept into his writing that had something to do with his lack of money. To his chagrin none of his access and connections ever yielded a big payday. He also lacked friends.
All that toadying, all that genius, and in the end, not worth a damn. This is the NEWS HACK'S EULOGY.
Every time con-SER-va-tives talk about how every last person must have a gun on him, it is hard not to think of DIRTY HARRYS GETTING THEIR REVENGE. Tell us, JOHN R. LOTT JR., how many crimes do guns prevent -- and how many do they CAUSE?
Tuesday, August 02, 2005
JPOD'S FINGERS GOT ITCHY:
MAJOR PLANE CATASTROPHE... [JPod]
...in Toronto. Plane skidded off runway, caught fire, and there may have been a secondary explosion. Air France flight inbound from Paris to Toronto. It is probably a windshear problem, but how can you not think of terrorism?
Posted at 05:11 PM
I suspect the time has come to ignore these bozos for a while. This con-SER-va-tive day-care center has really GOTTEN TO ME.
MAJOR PLANE CATASTROPHE... [JPod]
...in Toronto. Plane skidded off runway, caught fire, and there may have been a secondary explosion. Air France flight inbound from Paris to Toronto. It is probably a windshear problem, but how can you not think of terrorism?
Posted at 05:11 PM
I suspect the time has come to ignore these bozos for a while. This con-SER-va-tive day-care center has really GOTTEN TO ME.
It is a fairy tale after all, so why not have Regis Philbin speak for a woman in "Shrek 3"?
Philbin said he'll speak for a woman named Mabel. He's recording his lines Tuesday -- all two of them....
Talk show host Larry King will be back as Doris, the Ugly Stepsister, whom he voiced in "Shrek 2."
You don't suppose this is why DWA's in trouble?
Philbin said he'll speak for a woman named Mabel. He's recording his lines Tuesday -- all two of them....
Talk show host Larry King will be back as Doris, the Ugly Stepsister, whom he voiced in "Shrek 2."
You don't suppose this is why DWA's in trouble?
Hmmm, ESPNCORP NETWORK NEWS IS "PERSONA NON GRATA" IN RUSSIA!
Maybe if we open a THEME PARK in MOSCOW....
Maybe if we open a THEME PARK in MOSCOW....
I would have thought BLAZING SADDLES would be the OFFICIAL MOVIE OF THE CORNER, but given these two posts PERHAPS those 13-year-olds are starting to GROW UP -- but no, they'll soon find another thing to play with.
I'm getting as tired of these clowns as of STERNO or little.
I'm getting as tired of these clowns as of STERNO or little.
SLEAZEBALL GUMBO wanted to head THE CONSPIRACY -- and today, he PROVES IT!
PhRMA Guiding Principles on Direct to Consumer Advertisements About Prescription Medicines
To express the commitment of PhRMA members to deliver DTC communications that serve as valuable contributors to public health, PhRMA has established the following voluntary guiding principles.
1. These Principles are premised on the recognition that DTC advertising of prescription medicines can benefit the public health by increasing awareness about diseases, educating patients about treatment options, motivating patients to contact their physicians and engage in a dialogue about health concerns, increasing the likelihood that patients will receive appropriate care for conditions that are frequently under-diagnosed and under-treated, and encouraging compliance with prescription drug treatment regimens. (RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRIP!!!!!)
2. In accordance with FDA regulations, all DTC information should be accurate and not misleading, should make claims only when supported by substantial evidence, should reflect balance between risks and benefits, and should be consistent with FDA approved labeling. (RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRIP!!!!!)
3. DTC television and print advertising which is designed to market a prescription drug should also be designed to responsibly educate the consumer about that medicine and, where appropriate, the condition for which it may be prescribed. (RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRIP!!!!!)
4. DTC television and print advertising of prescription drugs should clearly indicate that the medicine is a prescription drug to distinguish such advertising from other advertising for non-prescription products. (RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRIP!!!!!)
5. DTC television and print advertising should foster responsible communications between patients and health care professionals to help patients achieve better health and a more complete appreciation of both the health benefits and the known risks associated with the medicine being advertised. (RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRIP!!!!!)
6. In order to foster responsible communication between patients and health care professionals, companies should spend an appropriate amount of time to educate health professionals about a new medicine or a new therapeutic indication before commencing the first DTC advertising campaign. In determining what constitutes an appropriate time, companies should take into account the relative importance of informing patients of the availability of a new medicine, the complexity of the risk-benefit profile of that new medicine and health care professionals’ knowledge of the condition being treated. Companies should continue to educate health care professionals as additional valid information about a new medicine is obtained from all reliable sources. (RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRIP!!!!!)
7. Working with the FDA, companies should continue to responsibly alter or discontinue a DTC advertising campaign should new and reliable information indicate a serious previously unknown safety risk. (RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRIP!!!!!)
8. Companies should submit all new DTC television advertisements to the FDA before releasing these advertisements for broadcast. (RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRIP!!!!!)
9. DTC television and print advertising should include information about the availability of other options such as diet and lifestyle changes where appropriate for the advertised condition. (RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRIP!!!!!)
10. DTC television advertising that identifies a product by name should clearly state the health conditions for which the medicine is approved and the major risks associated with the medicine being advertised. (RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRIP!!!!!)
11. DTC television and print advertising should be designed to achieve a balanced presentation of both the benefits and the risks associated with the advertised prescription medicine. Specifically, risks and safety information in DTC television advertising should be presented in clear, understandable language, without distraction from the content, and in a manner that supports the responsible dialogue between patients and health care professionals. (RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRIP!!!!!)
12. All DTC advertising should respect the seriousness of the health conditions and the medicine being advertised. (RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRIP!!!!!)
13. In terms of content and placement, DTC television and print advertisements should be targeted to avoid audiences that are not age appropriate for the messages involved. (RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRIP!!!!!)
14. Companies are encouraged to promote health and disease awareness as part of their DTC advertising. (RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRIP!!!!!)
15. Companies are encouraged to include information in all DTC advertising, where feasible, about help for the uninsured and underinsured. (RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRIP!!!!!)
So SLEAZE, when do we implement a RATING SYSTEM for DRUG ADS?
PhRMA Guiding Principles on Direct to Consumer Advertisements About Prescription Medicines
To express the commitment of PhRMA members to deliver DTC communications that serve as valuable contributors to public health, PhRMA has established the following voluntary guiding principles.
1. These Principles are premised on the recognition that DTC advertising of prescription medicines can benefit the public health by increasing awareness about diseases, educating patients about treatment options, motivating patients to contact their physicians and engage in a dialogue about health concerns, increasing the likelihood that patients will receive appropriate care for conditions that are frequently under-diagnosed and under-treated, and encouraging compliance with prescription drug treatment regimens. (RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRIP!!!!!)
2. In accordance with FDA regulations, all DTC information should be accurate and not misleading, should make claims only when supported by substantial evidence, should reflect balance between risks and benefits, and should be consistent with FDA approved labeling. (RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRIP!!!!!)
3. DTC television and print advertising which is designed to market a prescription drug should also be designed to responsibly educate the consumer about that medicine and, where appropriate, the condition for which it may be prescribed. (RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRIP!!!!!)
4. DTC television and print advertising of prescription drugs should clearly indicate that the medicine is a prescription drug to distinguish such advertising from other advertising for non-prescription products. (RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRIP!!!!!)
5. DTC television and print advertising should foster responsible communications between patients and health care professionals to help patients achieve better health and a more complete appreciation of both the health benefits and the known risks associated with the medicine being advertised. (RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRIP!!!!!)
6. In order to foster responsible communication between patients and health care professionals, companies should spend an appropriate amount of time to educate health professionals about a new medicine or a new therapeutic indication before commencing the first DTC advertising campaign. In determining what constitutes an appropriate time, companies should take into account the relative importance of informing patients of the availability of a new medicine, the complexity of the risk-benefit profile of that new medicine and health care professionals’ knowledge of the condition being treated. Companies should continue to educate health care professionals as additional valid information about a new medicine is obtained from all reliable sources. (RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRIP!!!!!)
7. Working with the FDA, companies should continue to responsibly alter or discontinue a DTC advertising campaign should new and reliable information indicate a serious previously unknown safety risk. (RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRIP!!!!!)
8. Companies should submit all new DTC television advertisements to the FDA before releasing these advertisements for broadcast. (RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRIP!!!!!)
9. DTC television and print advertising should include information about the availability of other options such as diet and lifestyle changes where appropriate for the advertised condition. (RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRIP!!!!!)
10. DTC television advertising that identifies a product by name should clearly state the health conditions for which the medicine is approved and the major risks associated with the medicine being advertised. (RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRIP!!!!!)
11. DTC television and print advertising should be designed to achieve a balanced presentation of both the benefits and the risks associated with the advertised prescription medicine. Specifically, risks and safety information in DTC television advertising should be presented in clear, understandable language, without distraction from the content, and in a manner that supports the responsible dialogue between patients and health care professionals. (RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRIP!!!!!)
12. All DTC advertising should respect the seriousness of the health conditions and the medicine being advertised. (RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRIP!!!!!)
13. In terms of content and placement, DTC television and print advertisements should be targeted to avoid audiences that are not age appropriate for the messages involved. (RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRIP!!!!!)
14. Companies are encouraged to promote health and disease awareness as part of their DTC advertising. (RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRIP!!!!!)
15. Companies are encouraged to include information in all DTC advertising, where feasible, about help for the uninsured and underinsured. (RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRIP!!!!!)
So SLEAZE, when do we implement a RATING SYSTEM for DRUG ADS?
AGAIN:
Editor's Note: The following story may contain spoiler information. If you'd rather not know what happened on Sunday's "Six Feet Under," stop reading now.
And AGAIN I have a great motto for CURLEY'S (Nyuk! Nyuk! Nyuk!) STOOGES: IF YOU'D RATHER NOT KNOW ANYTHING, START READING NOW.
Editor's Note: The following story may contain spoiler information. If you'd rather not know what happened on Sunday's "Six Feet Under," stop reading now.
And AGAIN I have a great motto for CURLEY'S (Nyuk! Nyuk! Nyuk!) STOOGES: IF YOU'D RATHER NOT KNOW ANYTHING, START READING NOW.
"There's a real lack of quality art-house films out there. There has been for quite some time. There has really been only two sub-titled films with any real success this year."
Is there a POINT to making movies any more?
(Thank you, ArtsJournal.com.)
Is there a POINT to making movies any more?
(Thank you, ArtsJournal.com.)
Shucks, the Red Star will not rise over UNOCAL.
Now we'll have to get our windfall profits the AMERICAN WAY.
Now we'll have to get our windfall profits the AMERICAN WAY.
That is a good topic to leave the Corner with...what if dogs had thumbs.
If dogs had thumbs, JONAH, they'd be CORNER CONTRIBUTORS.
If dogs had thumbs, JONAH, they'd be CORNER CONTRIBUTORS.
Frustrated that is doesn't get the kind of general news coverage it feels it deserves, Nascar is creating a division to generate news for newspapers, radio, TV stations and cable networks to mix into their content.
Saying that his sporting organiztion is “undercovered by the media," Nascar CEO Brian announced last week that Nascar is creating a media division that he intends to make "the AP of Nascar."
TRANSLATION: Not content with virtual control of three television networks, NASCAR wants to RULE THE UNIVERSE.
Strange that the kings of stock-car racing are so upset, as the way NEWS HACKS plug their biz you'd think they OUTWARREN ST. WARREN.
Saying that his sporting organiztion is “undercovered by the media," Nascar CEO Brian announced last week that Nascar is creating a media division that he intends to make "the AP of Nascar."
TRANSLATION: Not content with virtual control of three television networks, NASCAR wants to RULE THE UNIVERSE.
Strange that the kings of stock-car racing are so upset, as the way NEWS HACKS plug their biz you'd think they OUTWARREN ST. WARREN.
Web glitch hits Al Gore's cable channel
C'mon, Al, you INVENTED THE INTERNET! You could have fixed this!
C'mon, Al, you INVENTED THE INTERNET! You could have fixed this!
The NO-SPIN SPIN SPIN SPIN SPIN SPIN ZONE bans the author of a CONTROVERSIAL best-selling Hillary character assassination -- and BLASTS THE PAPER OF RE-CORD for BLACKLISTING HIM!!!!!
Are YOU running for president, SPINSPIN?
Are YOU running for president, SPINSPIN?
The courageous, fearless, NON-PARTISAN Greg discovers A COVER-UP of HIROSHIMA -- SIXTY YEARS AFTER IT HAPPENED!!!!!
Sorry fellows, WATERGATE was over THREE DECADES AGO.
Sorry fellows, WATERGATE was over THREE DECADES AGO.
Monday, August 01, 2005
One of the ever-irksome POP-UP BLOGGERS doesn't want POLITICIANS among the NINE FINGERS. To which we say, what's the diff? To repeat ourselves, the Nine Fingers are all about politics. Were you asleep during BUSH v. GORE? He further says pols would rely to heavily on law clerks. WHAT DO WE HAVE NOW? If the Fingers are going to dabble in politics let's have honest politicians dabble in it -- and while we may merely replace one kind of legal hack with another, they may yet turn out better than the current SULTANS of OBFUSCATION.
Obviously the BLOGGERS OF THE MILLENNIUM don't know what the INTERNET IS.
P. S. At least this genius mentions TERM LIMITS. The movement is building.
Obviously the BLOGGERS OF THE MILLENNIUM don't know what the INTERNET IS.
P. S. At least this genius mentions TERM LIMITS. The movement is building.
JOKE OF THE DAY:
MICK JAGGER accused the police of trying to plant cannabis at his home and force him to pay a bribe after a raid in 1969.
And a NEAT PUNCHLINE:
Mick Jagger’s conviction for cannabis possession affected neither his career nor his drug use. The Stones put out 15 albums between 1969 and 1985, but some critics believe their quality was marred by drugs.
MICK JAGGER accused the police of trying to plant cannabis at his home and force him to pay a bribe after a raid in 1969.
And a NEAT PUNCHLINE:
Mick Jagger’s conviction for cannabis possession affected neither his career nor his drug use. The Stones put out 15 albums between 1969 and 1985, but some critics believe their quality was marred by drugs.
Berlin considers digging up giant Lenin head for posterity
I've got a good location for it -- next to a remaining chunk of the WALL.
I've got a good location for it -- next to a remaining chunk of the WALL.
And speaking of musicals, the creator of a flop Broadway musical is going to write an off-Broadway musical about how he wrote a FLOP BROADWAY MUSICAL!
Hey Mark, I'd do something about the title -- it may take up half the budget.
Hey Mark, I'd do something about the title -- it may take up half the budget.
At AIN'T IT COOL NEWS 2 -- er, THE CORNER, AMERICA'S AD-BLURB COPYWRITER calls the film version of West Side Story "an unintentional laff riot." I've never seen it, but I think I know the show well enough to surmise why. Part of it is the plot -- the angels-in-the-ghetto routine, which went back to beyond the Yellow Kid and probably showed its age even in 1957, grafted uncomfortably onto Shake's great comedy Romeo and Juliet, which, lest we forget, was a coincidence about a couple of uppity upper-class families. Part of it is Lenny and his NOTORIOUS liberal good intentions. (THIS probably accounts for JPOD's CONDEMNATION.) A much bigger part of it, I fear, is Jerome Robbins. We know the producers got a great opportunity to location-shoot before some decayed West Side tenements soon to be rubbled to make way for Lincoln Center (!), and Robbins couldn't resist: he had some overaged gang-members put on the hoity-toity dance moves of the stage show. Even Studs Terkel in his wildest writing could not imagine ghetto people this, er, eloquent. The pretentious choreography underlines the pretentious good intentions from the get-go. I have long believed the show is salvageable for a mass medium, but it would take work. For one thing, it needs some HUMOR -- R & J has it, however intentionally unfunny -- and perhaps a few PARENTS. Beyond that, the opening is made for television. Rather than have a ballet troupe practice its fancy French words I'd have kids do a street rumble like a slowly evolving chase scene, with the choreography heavily disguised -- and rather than staging set pieces in front of terrific scenery, have it shot through portable cameras. I fear done the wrong way it would be every bit the visual cliche of MTV and its successors, but done right it might get rid of some of those unwanted laughs. I don't know about having kids sing -- I can hear too many high-school extravaganzas in the back of my head -- but even this might be preferable to Richard Beymer and Natalie Wood LIP-SYNCHING. I've a sneaky hunch if the INTERNET MOVIE ever becomes more than a fad, this may do it.
P. S. West Side Story didn't win the Tony for best musical of '57. THE MUSIC MAN did.
(Second link fixed 3/9/2008)
P. S. West Side Story didn't win the Tony for best musical of '57. THE MUSIC MAN did.
(Second link fixed 3/9/2008)
Two weeks after collecting his 3,000th HIT -- and FIVE MONTHS AFTER DENYING IT:
The Orioles confirmed Monday that first baseman Rafael Palmeiro has been suspended by Major League Baseball for violating the steroid policy. The suspension will last 10 days.
Who's next?
The Orioles confirmed Monday that first baseman Rafael Palmeiro has been suspended by Major League Baseball for violating the steroid policy. The suspension will last 10 days.
Who's next?
YOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOhoooooooooooooooooooooooo, ANYBODY OUT THERE?????
"THE ABUSE OF POWER AND THE CLOAK OF SECRECY FROM THE WHITE HOUSE CONTINUES! IT'S BAD ENOUGH THAT THE ADMINISTRATION STONEWALLED THE SENATE BY REFUSING TO DISCLOSE DOCUMENTS HIGHLY RELEVANT TO THE BOLTON NOMINATION!! IT'S EVEN WORSE FOR THE ADMINISTRATION TO ABUSE THE RECESS APPOINTMENT POWER BY MAKING THE APPOINTMENT WHILE CONGRESS IS IN THIS FIVE-WEEK RECESS!!! IT'S A DEVIOUS MANEUVER THAT EVADES THE CONSTITUTIONAL REQUIREMENT OF SENATE CONSENT AND ONLY FURTHER DARKENS THE CLOUD OVER MR. BOLTON'S CREDIBILITY AT THE U.N.!!!!!"
YOU don't like him, YOU stonewalled for five months, and YOU'RE NOT PRESIDENT. NUF SAID.
YOU don't like him, YOU stonewalled for five months, and YOU'RE NOT PRESIDENT. NUF SAID.
Sighhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh:
MASSIVE HOLLYWOOD HYPOCRITE ALERT [John Podhoretz]
Robert Greenwald is a Hollywood hack TV and movie producer with a new miniseries on Lifetime called "Beach Girls." He is better known these days as the producer-director of very leftwing documentaries, especially Outfoxed, the unauthorized show that purports to show the dishonesty and general evil of the Fox News Channel. So at the end of "Beach Girls" last night, of which I caught the last seven minutes, I was astonished to see, first, the logo for Robert Greenwald Productions -- and then one for Twentieth Century Fox Television. In other words, Robert "Outfoxed" Greenwald is in business with the very evil Fox!
Posted at 10:20 AM
So who's the hypocrite? Robert -- or RUPERT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!?
No, NOT your EMPLOYER.
MASSIVE HOLLYWOOD HYPOCRITE ALERT [John Podhoretz]
Robert Greenwald is a Hollywood hack TV and movie producer with a new miniseries on Lifetime called "Beach Girls." He is better known these days as the producer-director of very leftwing documentaries, especially Outfoxed, the unauthorized show that purports to show the dishonesty and general evil of the Fox News Channel. So at the end of "Beach Girls" last night, of which I caught the last seven minutes, I was astonished to see, first, the logo for Robert Greenwald Productions -- and then one for Twentieth Century Fox Television. In other words, Robert "Outfoxed" Greenwald is in business with the very evil Fox!
Posted at 10:20 AM
So who's the hypocrite? Robert -- or RUPERT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!?
No, NOT your EMPLOYER.
BUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUURP:
Wouldn't it be wonderful to have a Hollywood like the one in the '70s that made room for movies like Peter Bogdanovich's "The Last Picture Show" and Martin Scorsese's "Mean Streets" — films that dealt with people and their lives in an involving, illuminating fashion instead of pictures that rely primarily on fancy hardware and special effects, boosted by great dollops of gratuitous violence?
Wouldn't it be wonderful if AD-BLURB COPYWRITERS like Kev, who aren't satisfied if a movie isn't DARK and EDGY, who go to bed every night with their DOG-EARED COPIES OF PETER BISKIND at their sides like TEDDY BEARS, who loved Taxi Driver because it inspired John Hinck -- because it was a DARK and EDGY MASTERPIECE, who've praised great dollops of gratuitous violence to the heavens -- wouldn't it be wonderful if such people just
SHUT UP?
Wouldn't it be wonderful to have a Hollywood like the one in the '70s that made room for movies like Peter Bogdanovich's "The Last Picture Show" and Martin Scorsese's "Mean Streets" — films that dealt with people and their lives in an involving, illuminating fashion instead of pictures that rely primarily on fancy hardware and special effects, boosted by great dollops of gratuitous violence?
Wouldn't it be wonderful if AD-BLURB COPYWRITERS like Kev, who aren't satisfied if a movie isn't DARK and EDGY, who go to bed every night with their DOG-EARED COPIES OF PETER BISKIND at their sides like TEDDY BEARS, who loved Taxi Driver because it inspired John Hinck -- because it was a DARK and EDGY MASTERPIECE, who've praised great dollops of gratuitous violence to the heavens -- wouldn't it be wonderful if such people just
SHUT UP?
"Oh, my God, I think, she had a great body. Where has that gone?"
If it's any consolation, Lynda, it will always be on television.
Sunday, July 31, 2005
Another reason to ROLL THE EYEBALLS: VIACON (through its corporate partner Yahoo!) has bequeathed us a photo gallery of blonde "top" Hollywood "stars." As a for-instance we might consider this snapshot of Renée What's-Her-Name, and ponder that the BEST to be said is that she has a vague resemblance to Doris Day (whose real last name was von Kappelhoff -- THAT would have sold her!), but we would not pursue the line further as we suspect the divine Doris sang slightly better. Once again we are dismayed by the utter lack of beauty, of grace, of charm, of anything in these exceptionally lucky no-talents; and surely this tremendous lack of appeal is why people are gravitating away from the once fierce pull of Hollywood, even more than the bad ideas, the bad scripts, the bad MOVIES.
P. S.
A Microsoft analyst has won an annual contest celebrating bad writing by comparing fixing carburetors to fondling a woman's breasts.
So THAT's what they do with all that MONEY!
So THAT's what they do with all that MONEY!
With the alleged B.O. down an alleged TWENTY PERCENT-PLUS from last year there will be excuses and recriminations. But THE CONSPIRACY and its LOVERS can't get around this: take out the STUPID TEENS and GET-A-LIFEs who must see every last bit of sci-fi and horror droppings and you may well be talking an annual national attendance of between 600 million and 700 million. That's little more than TWO TICKETS PER CAPITA. In 1950 it was TWENTY. Worse, all the new openings meant to appeal to a wider audience BOMBED. People like Toenail.com's INDUSTRY EXPERT can shout DVD and INTERNET till the receipts turn red, but everyone knows now the biz wouldn't make good films if a DEMOCRATIC PRESIDENT ordered it, and what's more, they're shown in the skanky POPCORN RESTAURANTS, and who wants to pay good money to see a bad movie to the smell of stale popcorn and the feel underfoot of week-old Coke? For people to deny it's the product is gross dishonesty, pun intended.
"It's really just simple New York construction" that has kept a library in Bedford-Stuyvesant closed for nearly three years.
Your constituents thank you again, HONORARY MAYOR MIKE. How's the L. P. going?
Your constituents thank you again, HONORARY MAYOR MIKE. How's the L. P. going?
The failed July 21 bombings in London were inspired by the Iraq war and deadly attacks of two weeks earlier, a suspect in the later bombings has told Italian authorities, according to Italian media reports.
We suspect the failed July 21 bombings in London were the result of four evil stupid men with a death wish.
NEEEEEEEEEEEWS HAAAAAAAAAAAAAACKS!!!!!
We suspect the failed July 21 bombings in London were the result of four evil stupid men with a death wish.
NEEEEEEEEEEEWS HAAAAAAAAAAAAAACKS!!!!!
Is anybody still excusing terrorism? The answer is yes: Secret sympathy, even fascination, with violence among men and women who think of themselves as “militants” is a disease, and recovery is slow. But the excuses are heard much more in Europe than in the United States. My sense is that the argument here has shifted. It is focused more on how to deal with the threat of terrorism, how to make people feel secure. Speaking more politically, it is focused on how to make people feel that the liberal left is interested in their security and capable of acting effectively. We won’t win an election until we address this.
That's putting it mildly.
That's putting it mildly.
Meantime "a strategy center for progressives" called up Mr. Mark and asked what he could do to help stop the EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEVIL pro-life movement. He obliged with an article about -- yep -- "strategy." But he couldn't answer a more fundamental question: Your name is "Third Way." One way is pro-life, one is pro-choice. WHAT THE HELL'S THE THIRD WAY?
While emoting over the "meth epidemic" in the sort of cover story that always seems to be all surface no matter how deeply reported, TOILETBOWL gets down to more important things. Like -- the future of MOVIES. And how can we get out of the slump -- well...with more R movies. And -- DVDs. And -- "popcorn and soda." And -- oh, don't ask.