Posted 5:39 PM by Gene

Nifong says he will surrender law license

Six of one....

Posted 4:25 PM by Gene

Seligboxing!

Or: Swing and a miss, you're out!

Posted 2:36 PM by Gene

Another pressing question stumps the panel at Slashdot:

Ask Slashdot: Are Keyboards Dishwasher Safe?

Posted 2:32 PM by Gene

SURPRISE:

Breaking News 2:32 PM ET: District Attorney in Duke Rape Case Violated Professional Conduct Rules, Panel Says (nytimes.com home page)

Posted 2:15 PM by Gene

Just discovered in the booklet art of a double-album called Julie/Love on the Rocks, which I just got:

"JULIE" was recorded in the Liberty Studios in Hollywood, California, which is the WORLD'S ONLY TRANSISTORIZED RECORDING STUDIO. [sic]

If anyone found out today it would be in ruins.

Posted 1:48 PM by Gene

Posted in full from KansasCity.com:

Funkhouser launches weblog

Kansas City Mayor Mark Funkhouser has launched his official weblog at www.funksfrontporch.com.

The site will allow the public to watch how government works and to post comments. It will include the mayor’s own commentary, highlights from his daily schedule, and entries by his daughter and others working in the office.

| Lynn Horsley, lhorsley@kcstar.com

I hate competition, don't you?

Posted 1:44 PM by Gene

Authorities have freed another 80 slave laborers who were starved, beaten and forced to work 14 hours or more per day at brick kilns and small mines in central China, state media said Saturday....

The newly freed workers bring the total of slave laborers rescued in the past month to 548, the official Xinhua News Agency said.

Which is what percent of Wal-Mart's work force?

BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!

Posted 1:42 PM by Gene

Bush urges Hispanics to speak up

Please, pretty please, I'm giving millions of you amnesty -- I can't say that, but believe me it's true -- so next time at the polls, vote Republican! Please, pretty pretty please!

Posted 1:34 PM by Gene

How did tattoos (and the disease that goes along with them) become such a chucklechucklechuckle hardyharHAR act in society?

Yes, I definitely want to see those babes with lower-back tattoos baring their midriffs at 50.

Posted 1:27 PM by Gene

Ethnic Indian fans wrecked cinemas in several Malaysian cities after a nationwide premiere of a long-awaited Tamil film was delayed or canceled due to technical glitches, news reports and a theater employee said Saturday.

In America they'd just replay the commercials and no one would notice.

Posted 9:34 AM by Gene

The good news: THE NOSE is creating a small "economic boom" for Noo Yawk's musicians. The bad news: The musicians don't make enough to afford her tickets.

Posted 9:18 AM by Gene

Moral outrage in the entertainment capitol of the universe:

“What's up with those women in Hollywood who try giving women a bad name? The ones who think it's okay to drink and drive, and they don't wear underwear? I understand burning your bra, but it is NOT okay not to wear underpants!”

Needless to say, she got massive applause.

First off Diane, I suspect YOUR biz started the trend; and second, let's see how many grossout comedies YOUR biz disgorges with panty-less heroines.

Posted 9:16 AM by Gene

The Iranians, whom Dubya suddenly decided were no longer part of an axis of evil and with whom we can now negotiate, are cracking down on dissent -- and The Paper or Re-CORD South put the news on Page A10, presumably so as not to embarrass anyone.

Posted 3:59 PM by Gene

Michael Moore's new documentary "Sicko" has been pirated and is now widely available for download on peer-to-peer content sites like www.thepiratebay.org.

Well look at it this way Mike, it's not the money, it's the message. Right?

Pffffffffffffffffffffffffft!

Posted 3:53 PM by Gene

Gov. Arnold Schwarzenegger told a gathering of Hispanic journalists that immigrants should avoid Spanish-language media if they want to learn English quickly.

"You've got to turn off the Spanish television set" and avoid Spanish-language television, books and newspapers, the Republican governor said Wednesday night at the annual convention of the National Association of Hispanic Journalists.

"You're just forced to speak English, and that just makes you learn the language faster," Schwarzenegger said.

1. He should talk; he speaks English in German. 2. We thought he COULDN'T run for president!

Posted 3:43 PM by Gene

Our favorite PR man Rog lets us in on something, though it means mentioning THE WORLD'S GREATEST WORK OF ART one last time:

For years, Tony Bennett refused to allow his songs in “The Sopranos.” Did you know that? Tony’s manager son Danny Bennett tells me that every season, David Chase’s office would call to ask permission for a Bennett recording.

“And we always turned them down,” Danny says. “My dad felt that the show was demeaning to Italians.”

Though the reason sounds a little corny we still shake Tony Bennett's hand, if only figuratively. That guy always did have taste.

Posted 3:02 PM by Gene

ONLY 1,295 SHOPPING DAYS LEFT UNTIL A MASSIVE TAX INCREASE HITS AMERICA!!!!!!!!!! [Wealth-destroying overemphasis added]

TRANSLATION: Only 1,295 shopping days left until all those rich folk we con-SER-va-tives put on a pedestal might pay slightly more in taxes -- and with their help in Washington the non-rich will gladly pick up their tab. Shut up, Factor.

Posted 2:33 PM by Gene

The Second Coming of Christ posthumously recalls a "rare defeat" -- His "death" and funeral:

"To me, the whole enterprise was a sad piece of business....The only good news was that I was damn glad it was over. It was a bitch."

OOOH, Second Coming uttered two naughty words! Rate Him PG-13: Pretty Ghastly with a 13 IQ.

No. 3,372 at Amazon.com, with hearty condolences from two close friends. No. 12,085 at Barnes & Noble. Hit the road, Jack!

P. S. Two posthumous blurbs:

It's true that Valenti became something of a national joke when he publicly declared that he slept a little better every night knowing LBJ was in the White House, but, hey, that was Jack....Yes, he tossed out the old, absurdly onerous previous system of movie censorship, replacing it with the ostensibly more democratic ratings board. But he does not acknowledge the deviousness of the way in which that board works or how in practice — as opposed to defensible theory — it works to keep American moviegoing in a state of permanently arrested adolescence.

--DICK SCHICK

To paraphrase Shakespeare (a Valenti idol), there's too much blather signifying nothing.

--Tim Purtell, EW!!!!!

Idol? Friend!

Posted 2:26 PM by Gene

Our League of Nations Statesmen of the Week!

Will the locals notice any difference?

Posted 2:22 PM by Gene

Billions of dollars for Mr. Fix-It in orbit!

And they're doing the same repair work they could do down here on terra firma -- heck they could've called the Geek Squad. Jeez.

Posted 10:17 AM by Gene

The Soprano-fication of Gaza

What the mob drama and the troubled region have in common.

They're both masterpieces?

Pfffffffffffffffffffffft!!!!!

Posted 10:10 AM by Gene

Honorary Mayor Mike may be the first president with TWO press secretaries.

The only battle would be who can toady more.

Posted 8:50 AM by Gene

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Ben Stein's Money - Thursday, June 14, 2007 @ 11:05:46 PM

It's going into the campaign coffers of Al Franken.

Posted By: David Hogberg

A man to the left of ST. DICK OF NIXON?!?!? SAY IT AIN'T SO, BEN!!!!!

Five years from now he'll be writing for Media Matters and The Nation.

P. S. at 6:07 p.m. We shall now call him Ben Frankenstein.

Posted 8:41 AM by Gene

Jo-NAH thinks he can counter write-by-numbers hero worship with write-by-numbers con-SER-va-tive colyumning. Just as a TWXSTER (and how many Grunwalds are there there?) must adore men who will STOP global warming and fight trans fats, and whom we further love because they're Republicans just like us, so Jo-NAH must thrust and parry with, "The false advertising here is the never-ending story of elite journalism’s bias toward 'heroes' who expand government (which is why FDR remains the greatest hero in American history to so many Washington scribes)." We answer one non-thought with another. But then we first heard of Jo-NAH when a man who's probably entered a Mickey D's three times in his life wrote a gushing column about it, and he's had plenty of time since to practice his nonthink.

A PLAGUE O' BOTH YOUR HOUSES!

Posted 8:38 AM by Gene

Rather's comments tarnishing his legacy [Home-page hed]

Only little Jonny Hairshirt would believe Dan Blather has a legacy to tarnish.

When is Jonny getting his big fat raise and as much overexposure as Perfesser Thompson?

Posted 8:31 AM by Gene

Before we forget, congrats to the San Antonio Spurszzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.

We can only hope for more such championships, so that every professional sport has its own Stanley Cup.

Posted 8:28 AM by Gene

I want the idiots who believe our prosperity is the sum total of our happiness to tell me something hasn't snapped in us when we regularly read of domestic massacres like this.

Posted 8:22 AM by Gene

So now it isn't just the Wall Street Journals' priceless scribblers playing primadonnas.

Good luck at $30 a share!

(Via the usual Romy)

Posted 8:19 AM by Gene

Here's the beauty part: If housing causes us a recession, it won't just be all these poor people and bad credit risks being snookered through subprime mortgages that did it, it will be the Richie Riches and CNBC phreaks who let their inner JIM CRAMER get the better of them and treated housing like pancakes, and who rather predictably got flattened on their own when they discovered houses weigh more than pancakes.

Posted 8:11 AM by Gene

Like the sausage maker fabricating second-rate sausage, Little Malcolm has churned out another of his supremely irritating HOORAY FOR HOLLYWOOD!!!!! special editions (why doesn't he rename the rag ForbesList? All it ever seems to do is run lists), and though the editors and writers may hug themselves for their future connections, we must ask, how many of these names will ring a bell in twenty years? And of those that do, how many will ring it for the wrong reasons?

Posted 8:07 AM by Gene

By far the most serious problem was the meltdown of the computers in the station's Russian area. They were made by Daimler-Benz and funded by Europe as part of the funding agreements on the station.

Quality German engineering now comes to space! Sounds like an ad motto.

Posted 8:05 AM by Gene

"The people who are moderate are not effective," said David Makovsky of the Washington Institute for Near East Policy. "And the people who are effective are not moderate."

And there is the history of "peace" in the Middle East.

Posted 6:12 PM by Gene

AMNESTY RETURNS FROM THE DEAD!

P. S.

President Bush this morning proposed spending $4.4 billion on border security as the first step in a comprehensive immigration reform bill....

Which will amount to 4.4 billion pennies in security.

Posted 6:11 PM by Gene

I'm not sure that debating the tendency to melodrama of heroes like Anthony Kennedy isn't like debating how many Supreme Court decisions you can fit on the head of a pin.

Posted 6:06 PM by Gene

Fox, ESPN, MLB discussing expanded Bonds* coverage [asterisk added]

Peeeeeeeeeeeee-U!* I smell a PROFIT CENTER*! GROSS*!

Posted 10:49 AM by Gene

An "award-winning composer" (Lord Lloud Wubbish, but don't say anything) tells a newspaper:

"I was trying to write some new music; Otto [a "six-month-old cat"] got into the grand piano, jumped onto the computer and destroyed the entire score for the new Phantom in one fell swoop."

Forgive us but we suspect Lloud may have trashed it himself when his Ouija-board connection to Puccini stopped working.

Or maybe Otto has good taste.

Posted 10:04 AM by Gene

More First Amendment defending from the proud press, as documented by ROMY:

Actress Jolie promotes press freedom, but censors reporters

> Page Six: People.com caves in to demands from rocker's publicist (NYP)

Posted 9:40 AM by Gene

And the winner of THE BIG C'S TRADING CONTEST IS (or may be)....

a day trader who had a run-in with securities regulators and has drawn attention from other finalists for what they consider suspicious trading.

HA HA HA! Just like the network that gave us JIM "BOOM! BOOM!" CRAMER!

Posted 9:11 AM by Gene

Kurt Waldheim, the sieg-heiling Nazi who may have participated in war crimes, and was richly rewarded by being promoted to lead the League of Nations, where his greatest achievement was the body declaring Zionism racism, has died, and now he can polish Hitler's boots.

"I did what was necessary to survive the day, the system, the war--no more, no less."

The motto of a coward.

P. S. The hacks are now calling him "controversial", which is their way of not calling a spade a spade -- or a Jew-hater a Jew-hater.

("The body" added 6:23 p.m., but he could hardly have found it disagreeable.)

Posted 8:35 AM by Gene

CONGRESSMAN RESPECTED EX-MARINE invents a claim about some terrorist no-fly list to get pork delivered to his district?!?!?

That ABSCAM training sure has come in handy!

Here you think he's redefined the word "louse" and here he comes and redefines it again.

Posted 8:27 AM by Gene

WOODSTER the PERV is back in print, and Janet gushes:

Among the more indelible lines in “Mere Anarchy” is this exchange, about a proposed musical on geniuses rattling around 19th-century Vienna:

“Freud unblocks Mahler so he can write again, and as a result Mahler triumphs over his lifelong fear of death.”

“How does Mahler triumph over his lifelong fear of death?”

“By dying. I figured it out — it’s really the only way.”

Or, as the levitating lecher named Max in “To Err Is Human — to Float, Divine” says to the blond “apparition with the state-of-the-art pout”:

“Here’s my address. I’ll be home tonight after eight. Drop in. I’ll have you off your feet in no time.”

Just as there's always be a New Yorker, there'll always be a PAPER OF RE-CORD.

Posted 8:16 AM by Gene

In a battle of smells between eBay and G000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000GLE it is impossible to tell which is the stinkier.

Posted 8:12 AM by Gene

Kellogg's gives in to THE FOOD ENFORCER, which it would not have had to do if it hadn't been the literal SUGAR daddy to kiddie TV in the first place.

Posted 6:13 PM by Gene

And it's not just Luke Spielberg:

Democratic Congressman C.A. Dutch Ruppersberger endorsed Sen. Hillary Rodham Clinton for president, the 2nd District representative announced today.

With a name like that he should be in Congress.

Posted 6:07 PM by Gene

Interesting that Ars Technica should bring up regulation of video games in Europe on the same day The Paper of Re-CORD details how The CONSPIRACY is trying to peddle its dreck over the Web to teens.

We're of two minds about this. Stories like this play to the B. S. DEFENDERS and the infants of Slashdot and their tendency to gloat smugly. They will also appeal to glibertarians who can belch about the heavy hand of Europe, and the EU is nothing if not a dead weight. But something causes our young to snap, and they don't do it in a video vacuum.

Posted 6:03 PM by Gene

You don't suppose "impermissible substances" are rampant in professional college football, do you? Nah.

Posted 6:00 PM by Gene

The bad news:

The Chinese-American trade deficit last year was $232 billion, about a third of the total American trade deficit with its trading partners. After years of racking up trade surpluses, China is sitting on an estimated $1.4 trillion in foreign exchange reserves, and it has started to convert some of those reserves into purchases of American companies.

The good news:

Only last month, the Chinese bought a $3 billion stake in the Blackstone Group and administration officials say they expect China to go on a shopping spree soon, much as Japan did in the 1980s.

And we know how well that went.

Posted 5:28 PM by Gene

Who knew G000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000GLE was -- quirky?

Posted 5:26 PM by Gene

God knows JonBenet Ramsey has had many killers, but let us hope this awful story is reaching the beginning of an end.

Posted 4:54 PM by Gene

Coming home from work an old lady with a walker asked for help -- and when she uttered the M word, I assumed a curt attitude (cuddling a very bad mood at the end of the workday) and strode away. Being usually very slow of mind I didn't pay attention to what looked like some sort of ID (a Social Security card, perhaps) dangling from her neck. When I returned to follow up somebody at a local pizza shop gave her money he probably could spare, and she shuffled away on her walker.

I felt bad about it; I should have done something for her. If she had left a nursing home or hospital it didn't say much for it, but a person with Alzheimer's can usually outwit $8-an-hour security guards. But what did it say for me to say no? On the other hand I'm accosted by beggars every day. Lately some middle-aged lout whose every other word is "God" or "Jesus" has taken residence center-stage in a stairway on the way to work. Then there's this dimwit who plays a fingernails-on-blackboard-sounding gheetar on the way out. Yesterday a policeman had the temerity to ask him what he was doing. If it had been a StinkyInky editor he'd have asked for more of his art and gotten him on the front page. The beggar has inordinate power to harass us, and he exercises it ceaselessly. And yet our therapeutic culture would have us believe they're Thoreaus searching for their inner Walden, and the kind of effete idiots who will never stop gassing about their damned SOPRANOS turn them into a kind of tourist attraction, or an admirable zoo specimen. They should all be off the street, either thanks to a compassionate society helping the helpless addicts or some agency that would point the able-bodied to work. Every time I see them I suspect a few do very well by their begging; I further suspect there are even those who beg for a lark. In any case I can't help thinking that giving money to a beggar is like giving crumbs to a pigeon; it winds up on the sidewalk.

This whole experience has made my pestilential frame of mind even more pestilential.

Posted 12:54 PM by Gene

We'd guess Cloris Leachman is much younger than the critically-acclaimed JOKES KERNGERSHWIN HAMMERSTEIN will unveil on November 8.

Posted 12:52 PM by Gene

Republican John McCain's campaign criticized rival Mitt Romney's abortion record anew Wednesday, circulating a video showing the then-Massachusetts governor reiterating his vow to uphold the state's abortion-rights laws.

Again: who will be the least hold-your-nose Republican?

Posted 10:50 AM by Gene

Luke Spielberg endorses Hillary!

Whom GOD be for.... (Pffffffffffffffffft!)

Posted 10:02 AM by Gene

An unusual conference to affirm the reality of the Holocaust opened yesterday in the world's most populous Muslim nation -- Indonesia -- with a Muslim leader criticizing Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad for insisting the Nazi killing of 6 million Jews was a myth.

"Although I'm a good friend of Ahmadinejad, I have to say that he is wrong," said former Indonesian President Abdurrahman Wahid.

"I visited Auschwitz's Museum of Holocaust and I saw many shoes of dead people. Because of this, I believe the Holocaust happened," said Mr. Wahid, who remains a widely respected Muslim leader.

Maybe -- just maybe -- we're starting to get somewhere.

Posted 10:00 AM by Gene

The United States traded its manufacturing sector's health for its entertainment industry, hoping that Police Academy sequels could take the place of the rustbelt. The United States bet wrong.

Police Academy. There's the problem in a nutshell.

Posted 9:41 AM by Gene

When what?

Posted 9:29 AM by Gene

Speaking of The Paper of Re-CORD, the supernerd of TV news has landed a job there!

Congratulations to the next Bill Carter! (Enter obligatory-rolling-of-eyes sound effect here)

(Via his former higher ups at MediaBistro)

Posted 7:00 AM by Gene

The Wall Street Journals Con-SER-va-tive Edition's editors praised SLIME; now The Paper of Re-Cord praises the Liberal Edition for its "balanced reporting."

The bozos deserve one another.

Posted 6:53 AM by Gene

Anheuser-Busch all but abandoned its "Yo! Drink Bud!" site because there was no effective way of keeping minors off. Why is it when the subject is show-biz and THE CONSPIRACY's trailers the hacks magically think age restrictions will work?

Posted 6:14 PM by Gene

Ah, they have it bad in Frisco:

75-Degree 'Heat Wave' In SF

Really!

Posted 5:38 PM by Gene

Networks Ask for Steep Increases to Make Up for Ratings Shortfall

Who wants to lay odds their sugar daddies will PAY UP?

Because Nielsen's new commercial-ratings data are being used in negotiations, according to one executive familiar with the situation, networks are dealing with lower ratings than they might have if ratings for programs were the standard.

HA!

Posted 5:29 PM by Gene

There'll always be a NEW YORKER:

The first great Spoon song, “Waiting for the Kid to Come Out,” was released in 1997. The strategies that made it work are central to Spoon’s most successful tracks: reduction, precision, and confusion... [Home-page SIC]

Posted 5:28 PM by Gene

Senate Republicans pressed President Bush to show a more determined commitment to border security when they met behind closed doors today during a rare presidential appearance on Capitol Hill.

The meeting was described as cordial, even jovial, but Bush's efforts to rally GOP support for his sweeping overhaul of the nation's immigration laws did not appear to win any converts.

Aw, shucks! Better luck next time didn't work.

Posted 5:25 PM by Gene

Meantime someone hinthints to ESPNCORP NETWORK NEWS Western Eddie would make a great VEEP!

So much for THAT writing!

Posted 5:23 PM by Gene

Then again, a good resumé is not all it takes to win the nomination, and there are some signs that Richardson may not be the perfect candidate. In fact, as we get up from our seats to visit the play-by-play announcer's booth, Richardson does something I've never seen any politician do. There are two women sitting in front of us. They are both young and attractive, probably in their twenties. The governor rotates his large frame sideways and shimmies out of his row. The two women smile up at him. As he passes, Richardson reaches down and places his fingertips on the head of one of the women, tickling her scalp as he opens and closes his hand. Then, as he reaches for the next scalp, his hand suddenly aborts its mission, as if the governor realizes this wasn't such a good idea after all.

That's OUR WESTERN EDDIE!

Posted 5:20 PM by Gene

Because of the Family Educational Rights and Privacy Act, “most schools do not talk to parents,” Kay said. He drew attention to a bill in Congress, H.R. 2220, that would amend FERPA to allow educational entities to disclose certain information to the parents of students who may pose a risk to themselves or others as a potential solution.

TRANSLATION: Let's fix a problem by fixing legislation that fixed a problem.

Posted 5:19 PM by Gene

Does anyone really care if Dan Blather gets in a feud with SUMNER's factotum?

"It’s insulting and disappointing that Les Moonves, who know a lot about entertainment, would try to mask the real point of that comment," said Rather during an interview with Fox News’ Neil Cavuto on Tuesday.

More than B&C know about grammar. Although we suspect Kenneth Frequency know too little of it himself.

Posted 5:17 PM by Gene

"We can be truth-tellers without being editorial writers"

How true -- all you have to do is write your truth as news.

Posted 5:00 PM by Gene

Most books are not interesting. To write a book review just to write one is a waste of time. We have noted repeatedly that most book reviews are synopsizing and logrolling. Writing a thousand words does not make synopsizing and logrolling better. Newspapermen may vaguely sense this. Further there is no reason to dismiss bloggers for their brevity. Oscar Wilde and Dorothy Parker (who might well have been bloggers today, were they to stoop that low) could discern anything in one sentence. Further still anyone with the gall to suggest bloggers invented puny personal "resentments" does not know of Gore Vidal and Norman Mailer. Perhaps what people who moan over the alleged destruction of book reviewing truly carp about is the increasing unimportance of literature, an unimportance brought on by a dearth of talent and subject. Who wants to read the umpteenth literary novel of an affair gone sour? Who wants to read another navel starer showing off an MFA? What people who complain about the death of book reviewing should complain about first is the books, and the ossified culture around them.

We might further suggest an analogy to the alleged destruction of classical-music reviewing. We were not happy when ultratrendy ADAM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! fired Peter G. Davis, a move that reeks of what people dense to the language would call "ageism", but how often can today's second-class musical culture with fifth-rate personalities give new meaning to Wagner? And classical-music writing has a bigger problem than book reviewing because lately Beethoven hasn't written any sonatas, and when new operas come on such is the PR they make the public roll its eyes and hold its nose, waiting for the clanking reeking tuneless trains to pass out of sight and sound. Again, it will do no good to blame the messengers' bosses.

(Via ArtsJournal, natch)

Posted 1:17 PM by Gene

“It is not democracy,” he said. “It is not the way ‘Schoolhouse Rock’ told us this was supposed to work.”

Whoever said the world was supposed to work like Schoolhouse Rock?

Posted 1:12 PM by Gene

Having devised a suitably derogatory term for its work force with McJob, Mickey D has come up with a better one: McState. McState is a nation with McJobs. McState is prefab, easily assembled, and totally soulless. One McState is interchangeable with another. Indeed the human race seems to be rushing headlong into a future of a universal McState, vast and inescapable, where everyone has a McJob, and lives a McLife.

Stop the world! I want to get off!

Posted 9:55 PM by Gene

Did The World's Oldest Adolescent and the ultra-PC culture he helped spawn lead to an official turning the other cheek at "honor" killings?

(Via USAOKAY.com)

Posted 6:46 PM by Gene

Recognizing the wisdom of Will Rogers's old line that "with Congress every time they make a joke it's a law, and every time they make a law it's a joke", Western Eddie gets into the humor biz himself, perhaps so he can have it both ways.

Posted 6:29 PM by Gene

Standing by the Wrong Guy

That does seem to be Dubya's motto, doesn't it.

Posted 6:26 PM by Gene

More victims of mass murder, more flowers and teddy bears, more symbols of despair.

Posted 6:05 PM by Gene

The eternally collegiate nerd who was once Cleaning Lady's spokespoop says withdrawal from Iraq is not defeat. He doesn't say how it would not be defeat, except to say it would "eliminate Osama bin Ladin's most effective recruiting tool" -- presumably because he wouldn't need a recruiting tool anymore.

By the way, news hacks, this nerd words for SKYNews!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!, so don't worry about SLIME ruining the Journals. He'll keep YOUR knee-jerks.

Posted 5:16 PM by Gene

The most human of icons, Diana was, Tina Brown's new book says, a liar as well as a saint. [Sub-hed]

Is TINA!!!!! trying to exculpate herself?

Posted 5:11 PM by Gene

Another profile in courage:

Specter says he'll vote against Gonzales

Not defending AG Cipher, but wanna bet when Sen. Morals switches parties so does Sen. O'Specter?

Posted 5:03 PM by Gene

One last note about the Thea-TAH: A Stale.com hack trots out the crusty old canard that the arts reflect the times they're in. By that measure people should have jumped off buildings going to the movies in the Depression. Only in recent memory have we allowed our angst to get the better of our art; problem is, we don't have any people who can write happily credibly. Have you heard a pop tune in a major key lately? It sounds like aerobics music. Don't just blame the sad tenor of the times; blame the sad tenor of the art.

And we may further wonder about our cultural genius when said hack sighs of one of the geniuses behind this year's award-winning "musical" tourist trap:

The way he's written this show suggests that if he had created The Music Man, Harold Hill would have sung, "You have a mess right here in River City/ With a Capital [sic] M/ And that rhymes with P, which stands for pool."

No doubt he would have.

Posted 10:21 AM by Gene

While professional college sport is rife with corruption, thankfully the NPCPCAA is on the job: it just evicted a sports reporter from its baseball championship for -- BLOGGING!

Yep, Joe Friday would be proud of you.

(Via the usual Romy)

Posted 9:36 AM by Gene

Bears gett the best of bulls

Sad Little Jeffy and the Bugmeister couldn't come through?

Posted 9:31 AM by Gene

COLIN THE MEDDLER'S RUNNING FOR SOMETHING!

This guy will make Wesley look like IKE.

(Also here)

Posted 9:09 AM by Gene

ADAM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!'S weenie cri-TIC says this show he's been championing for the last five years will CHANGE THE THEA-TAH. This is the veritable equivalent of Tom Shales's retching about STATUS. Remember how KERNGERSHWIN HAMMERSTEIN was going to CHANGE THE THEA-TAH? This peewee would definitely have said the same thing about Hair and A Chorus Line, two shows "bold" and "innovative" in their day, which did nothing to keep the thea-TAH from becoming a hermetically-sealed tourist trap, a glowing costly toy that speaks only to effete snobs and gays and expense accounts. There can be no good musicals without good tunes. This miracle does not have them, and it is likely no Branson East theme park will ever have them again, unless, as always, it's exhumed.

(Via the annoying ArtsJournal)

Posted 9:02 AM by Gene

Dubya would have ditched the line unless Karl told him he could win an election. So would Slick. Defintiely Papa. Jimmah wouldn't have used it because he really didn't want to make the Soviets angry. Indeed it is hard to imagine one of the pea brains since Truman who wouldn't have ditched the line to Gorby. That Ronald Reagan didn't ditch it means he had enough lucid moments to keep him from being a pea brain himself.

Posted 6:54 AM by Gene

THE LINE TO CANCEL HBO STARTS HERE. WHAT A RIDICULOUSLY DISAPPOINTING END LACKING IN CREATIVITY TO THE SOPRANOS SAGA!!!!!....CHASE CLEARLY DIDN'T GIVE A DAMN ABOUT HIS FANS! INSTEAD, HE CRAPPED IN THEIR FACES! THIS IS WHY AMERICA HATES HOLLYWOOD!!!!!!!!!! [HBO-canceling overemphasis added]

And this is why America hates news hacks: because they've perfected the art of talking to themselves while thinking they're talking to us.

Serves the INTELLIGENNNNNNNNNNNTSIAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA right. By the way, is that pronounced like "gent" or like "golf"?

(Via MediaBistro, whose interns were angry too)

Posted 6:46 AM by Gene

STUPIDITY: GE BANCORP and BUGMEISTER were willing to burn money on Dow Jones to keep it from falling into SLIME'S hands to bolster His upcoming business-news channel.

Guys, if you want to freely distribute your corporate wealth I'm always available.

Posted 2:06 PM by Gene

TRANSLATION: Vietnam releases a token dissident so it can sell to Wal-Mart.

Posted 1:39 PM by Gene

OH oh, Mickey D's is using blogs to sell its product -- again!

And "chat rooms and public forums" too!

Hey, maybe if it can get the stock to go down!

Posted 1:28 PM by Gene

The EDDIE RENDELL of the West wants us outoutOUT of IRAQ -- leaving not even an MRE behind!

Hey, maybe we can help build a convention center in Baghdad and start casino gambling to keep the holy cockroaches away, how 'bout it, Western Eddie?

Posted 1:15 PM by Gene

PNN's PRESIDENT ERUCTS OVER FOX!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!NEWS:

"IT ILLUSTRATES THE DANGER OF CHEERLEADING FOR ONE PARTICULAR POINT OR ANOTHER BECAUSE THEY WERE OBVIOUSLY CHEERLEADERS FOR THE WAR!!" said Jon Klein, CNN U.S. president. "WHEN THE WAR WENT BADLY THEY HAD TO DIAL BACK COVERAGE BECAUSE IT DIDN'T FIT THEIR PRECONCEIVED STORY LINES!!!!!" [Unbiased nonpartisan overemphasis added]

Were YOU at the front, Jon?

P. S. on how to get promoted to the top of THE WORRULLLD'S LEADING TV NEWS ORGANIZATION:

Klein also wrote the story for the TNT Original film Buffalo Soldiers, a 1997 historical drama starring Danny Glover.

So HE'S good at docudrama too!

Posted 10:52 AM by Gene

How to Avoid a New Cold War
U.S. ties with Russia are ominously bad. Longtime diplomat Zbigniew Brzenski [SIC!!!!!] warns Washington to tread wisely in the days ahead [Home-page teaser]

We wouldn't take his advice even if the TWXSTERS could spell his name right.

Posted 10:29 AM by Gene

Motorcycles are the skateboards of the highway, owned mostly to show off. We can see why a city like New York is cracking down on their misuse. We wonder how many motorcyclists vroom around without a license, or modify their exhausts to make them as loud and irritating as possible.

Posted 10:14 AM by Gene

Well this is a surprise:

More than nine in 10 Palestinians show signs of depression caused by despair over violence between Hamas and Fatah gunmen and the apparent demise of the Palestinian unity government, according to a West Bank pollster.

You keep believing in terrorism and suicide bombings and you just might be depressed.

Posted 10:08 AM by Gene

The Supermaning (or Superwomaning) of America continues, in the land where the Bridezillas roam:

"If a bride has been told, repeatedly, that it costs nearly $28,000 to have a wedding, then she starts to think that spending nearly $28,000 on a wedding is just one of those things a person has to do, like writing a rent check every month or paying health insurance premiums. (Or she prides herself on being a budget bride and spending a mere $15,000 on the event.) She is less likely to reflect upon the fact that $28,000 would have more than covered a 10 percent down payment on the median purchase price of a house in 2005 and would cover the average cost to a family of a health insurance policy, at 2005 rates, for a decade. The bride who has been persuaded that $28,000 is a reasonable amount of money to spend on her wedding day is less likely to measure that total against the nation's median household income -- $42,389 in 2004 -- and reflect upon whether it is, in fact, reasonable for her or for anyone to spend the equivalent of seven and a half months of the average American's salary on one day's celebration."

But then you wouldn't get all those tacky videos!

Posted 10:06 AM by Gene

Charles of The Paper of Re-CORD issues a warning to KERNGERSHWIN HAMMERSTEIN: he's playing in a FLOP THEATER!

We can hope.