THE NEWS HACK'S CREED:
I know more than you.
I make lots more money than you.
I'm smarter than you.
I'm sexier than you.
I appear on TV all the time.
I work ten minutes a day.
I rule the universe.
I'm going to live forever.
You are an idiot.
THE NEWS HACK'S CREED, No. 2:
A lie isn't a lie when it tells THE TRUTH.
THE NEWS HACK'S CREED, No. 3:
I've come to realize that the looseness of the journalistic life, the seeming laxity of the newsroom, is an illusion. Yes, there's informality and there's humor, but beneath the surface lies something deadly serious. It is a code. Sometimes the code is not even written down, but it is deeply believed in. And, when violated, it is enforced with tribal ferocity.
--JOHN "OMERTA" CARROLL.
THE NEWS HACK'S CREED, No. 4:
News isn't news when we don't report it.
PERMALINKS:
THE NEWS HACKS' DICTIONARY
THE EUGENE DAVID GLOSSARY
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Saturday, August 07, 2004
REASON No. 2,483,582 WHY I DO NOT TRUST NEWS HACKS -- OR USAOKAY!: THE McPAPER of RECORD runs A 1,986-WORD PRESS RELEASE about how "HIP" and NOW MUZAK IS -- WHILE BURYING IN TEENY-TINY TYPE IN A BOX THAT THE COMPANY'S LOST MONEY FOR FIVE YEARS.
How APT this company and the story hail from FORT MILL, SOUTH CAROLINA -- THE FORMER HOME OF THE PTL CLUB (which goes suitably unmentioned).
How APT this company and the story hail from FORT MILL, SOUTH CAROLINA -- THE FORMER HOME OF THE PTL CLUB (which goes suitably unmentioned).
This sleazy, sordid tale of the Liberian killer and kleptocrat Charles Taylor proves you don't have to be Muslim to be a holy cockroach.
P. S. Taylor is "a child of God." We must assume the Devil has put on yet another disguise.
P. S. Taylor is "a child of God." We must assume the Devil has put on yet another disguise.
STOP THE PRESSES!! STOP THE PRESSES!!!!!!!!!!
Diplomacy Fails to Slow Advance of Nuclear Arms
WOW!!!!! I DIDN'T KNOW THAT!!!!!!!!!!
Diplomacy Fails to Slow Advance of Nuclear Arms
WOW!!!!! I DIDN'T KNOW THAT!!!!!!!!!!
STERNO is ticked by that practical joke, which is...odd; isn't it something Scum and Slime might have done as a prank? And Scum and Slime are disciples of YAHWEH!!!!!, who is THE GREATEST BROADCASTER OF ALL TIME, THE DEFENDER OF FIRST-AMENDMENT RIGHTS. So doesn't that mean the MAROON had a right -- and possibly an obligation -- to stage his sick joke?
I really would like to ask STERNO that.
I really would like to ask STERNO that.
Okay PINCH, we'll take your word for it -- your fella DIDN'T flack for DIP! -- but you'd better tell AMAZON.COM, which still lists that book under his name.
I should KNOW BETTER than to TRUST WALTER WINCHELL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I should KNOW BETTER than to TRUST WALTER WINCHELL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Well! Looks like some total MAROON deked out the credulous WIRE SERVICES -- and equally credulous ME!
NEXT STOP: DAVID LETTERMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Sorry, Dip.
NEXT STOP: DAVID LETTERMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Sorry, Dip.
How interesting: Diverse Conformist News Hacks of America's convention reporting nowhere mentions KING RICHARD'S DECLARATION OF WAR ON RUPERT. Chasity, you're ready for a VERY PROFITABLE CAREER in NEWS HACKERY!
Iraq shuts Al-Jazeera's Baghdad office
One can view this 1. as news hacks would: an affront to free speech and freedom of the press and blah-blah-blah; or 2. as most people might: a justified effort to crack down on a known collaborator of terrorists.
One can view this 1. as news hacks would: an affront to free speech and freedom of the press and blah-blah-blah; or 2. as most people might: a justified effort to crack down on a known collaborator of terrorists.
Friday, August 06, 2004
A Lou'siana Congressman has apparently switched parties (NOT DIPPITY-DO's way) -- one more thing KING RICHARD'S HENCHPERSONS don't have to report.
P. S. at 7:33 p.m.: CONFIRMED.
P. S. at 7:33 p.m.: CONFIRMED.
DIPPITY-DO!!!!! throws a football in FRENCH.
DIPPITY-DO!!!!! gets the horses talking.
DIPPITY-DO!!!!! learns what a fence is.
YES, KING RICHARD and His "We-Don't-Slant-the-News-Because-We-Don't-Have-To" HENCHPERSONS, we MUST REDOUBLE OUR EFFORTS the next three months locating BUSHISMS.
(Located through the FREEP.)
KING RICHARD DECLARES WAR ON RUPERT!!!!!!!!!!
It is pointless to go into the, er, quirks of these two tyrants, and I will not quote THE MASTER'S louse-and-flea line having done it too many times already, but when RUPERT!!!!!!!!!! slants the news, the truth loses; when KING RICHARD's peons don't need to be told to slant the news, the truth loses; and when the media megalomaniacs declare war on each other, everyone loses.
It is pointless to go into the, er, quirks of these two tyrants, and I will not quote THE MASTER'S louse-and-flea line having done it too many times already, but when RUPERT!!!!!!!!!! slants the news, the truth loses; when KING RICHARD's peons don't need to be told to slant the news, the truth loses; and when the media megalomaniacs declare war on each other, everyone loses.
One of the NRO family is in a deep funk because HIS IDOL has feet of clay and a brain to match.
Glenn Miller ditched his band to play for the fighting men, and he lost his life doing it. His music is still great. So this fan needn't worry about BOSSES.
Glenn Miller ditched his band to play for the fighting men, and he lost his life doing it. His music is still great. So this fan needn't worry about BOSSES.
Yes, Lenin said that capitalists will sell you the rope you will use to hang them. But this seems like a case of capitalists simply hanging themselves.
Given what passes for "capitalism" nowadays it wouldn't be a bad idea, DIPPITY-DO! endorsement or no.
Given what passes for "capitalism" nowadays it wouldn't be a bad idea, DIPPITY-DO! endorsement or no.
The pitiful life of a -- MILITANT:
Ahmad's attorney said he was in need of psychiatric care, suffering from post traumatic stress disorder following what he called an assault by police last year.
The attorney said that police raided his home on December 2, 2003, assaulting him in his home and later in the police van, leaving him with kidney and soft tissue damage.
AWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW.
Ahmad's attorney said he was in need of psychiatric care, suffering from post traumatic stress disorder following what he called an assault by police last year.
The attorney said that police raided his home on December 2, 2003, assaulting him in his home and later in the police van, leaving him with kidney and soft tissue damage.
AWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW.
Jack "I LUV MEDIA MONOPOLIES" Shafer fumes:
In the past two days, Post reporters Darryl Fears and Roxanne Roberts have filed credulous, pandering copy only one step removed from a press release.
How would that differ from MOST stories, Monopoly Jack?
In the past two days, Post reporters Darryl Fears and Roxanne Roberts have filed credulous, pandering copy only one step removed from a press release.
How would that differ from MOST stories, Monopoly Jack?
C'mon, CONTINUE ARTICLE! Aren't you going to dance up a jig that THE FORCES OF FREE EXPRESSION HAVE WON AN ENORMOUS VICTORY? Where ARE you, CONTINUE ARTICLE?
Interesting: click on the upper-right-hand corner of USAOKAY!'S home page for Elysa's (?) latest flack sheet on how the GREATEST TOUR IN WORLD HISTORY will net $850 BILLION!!!!! (or whatever number MoveOn.org invented) and you get THIS story.
Things have always been mickey mouse at THE McPAPER OF RECORD.
Things have always been mickey mouse at THE McPAPER OF RECORD.
Passport ID technology has high error rate
All the more reason for the Fogmasters at Foggy Bottom to endorse it!
All the more reason for the Fogmasters at Foggy Bottom to endorse it!
I thought he was German! How can he renounce his American citizenship if he's GERMAN?
Bobby should have thought about this before he became German.
Bobby should have thought about this before he became German.
Thursday, August 05, 2004
As it happened (and on the very day a fourth large newspaper's found guilty of CIRCULATION INFLATION), DIP! delivered his MEDIA AGGLOMERATION remarks at a love-in with a "diverse" convention of news hacks whose political conformity will help inspire more "sales rewards programs" leading to more CIRCULATION INFLATION.
P. S.
Lowe noted the participation in Unity of many prominent media companies (Belo, for instance, was co-sponsor with Toyota of the opening ceremony)....
NUF SAID.
P. S.
Lowe noted the participation in Unity of many prominent media companies (Belo, for instance, was co-sponsor with Toyota of the opening ceremony)....
NUF SAID.
OH oh, CIRCULATION INFLATION at the DALLAS MORNING NEWS!
WHO'S NEXT?
P. S. HMMMMMMMM....
[Belo Corp.] said that partly due to sales rewards programs, the overstatement of circulation grew worse over time. The rewards programs were stopped early this year, the company said. [Emphasis added.]
Question: the more news hacks slant, the more the business office inflates?
WHO'S NEXT?
P. S. HMMMMMMMM....
[Belo Corp.] said that partly due to sales rewards programs, the overstatement of circulation grew worse over time. The rewards programs were stopped early this year, the company said. [Emphasis added.]
Question: the more news hacks slant, the more the business office inflates?
STERNO not only continues the article, he blows a gasket -- but peace may be at hand:
The real issue, you see, isn't media monopoly. It's media hatred. People don't like media (and media should be worrying about that) and they will go after it by whatever route is easiest... and these days, the route of least resistance is the FCC and the government.
But when media becomes truly deconsolidated and deconstructed -- when media is everybody and everybody is media....
You'll have 500 million channels with an audience of zero -- just like most bloggers.
P. S.
Continue Article
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STERNO, do you know how to use a computer?
The real issue, you see, isn't media monopoly. It's media hatred. People don't like media (and media should be worrying about that) and they will go after it by whatever route is easiest... and these days, the route of least resistance is the FCC and the government.
But when media becomes truly deconsolidated and deconstructed -- when media is everybody and everybody is media....
You'll have 500 million channels with an audience of zero -- just like most bloggers.
P. S.
Continue Article
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--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
STERNO, do you know how to use a computer?
Before the news hacks launch into this, they should launch into this. The fight between satellite radio and LOWSY may be a lose-lose: on the one side, the satellite radio types hemorrhage money; on the other side, they force enough listener defections so that radio stations play fewer ads and step up their own digital simulcasts (that's ALL they are), sapping their huge profits. Eventually the dish-radio types may cut their losses by upping the advertising quotient, which means all the people shelling out for satellite radio really ARE getting cable in the car. Nor would I be surprised if the dish-radio providers "rationalize" themselves (i.e., cut out classical and jazz) as a cost-cutting move. Then we'd have pay-for-CHEAP in the car. One other thing: when do people demand a la carte?
DIP! has effectively politicized the media consolidation issue, for now con-SER-va-tives will think his real target is RUPERT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! -- and we all know what Sen. FATSO GLUB-GLUB tried to do to him.
I despair of our politics ever emerging from the death trap of either-or, of the endless bickering of a Rashomon world -- and when people do try to break free from their politics they're often first-person-singulars like SEN. McPAIN trying to kiss up to news hacks like the NINE FINGERS IN THE WIND, seeking immortality through the Word of PINCH. I HATE THIS AGE!
I despair of our politics ever emerging from the death trap of either-or, of the endless bickering of a Rashomon world -- and when people do try to break free from their politics they're often first-person-singulars like SEN. McPAIN trying to kiss up to news hacks like the NINE FINGERS IN THE WIND, seeking immortality through the Word of PINCH. I HATE THIS AGE!
IT'S ALL MEDIA CONSOLIDATION'S FAULT THAT THE FORCES OF RIGHT CAN'T GET THEIR MESSAGE ACROSS IN THE MUSIC INDUSTRY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
But....
It could be argued that many dissenting artists would have a tough time cracking pop playlists regardless of their political perspective.
Nnnnnnnnn -- could be!
I think Elysa would have treated her public to a second day of PR but her bosses at the PUZZLE PALACE of ARLINGTON probably told her it IT WOULD LOOK BAD.
But....
It could be argued that many dissenting artists would have a tough time cracking pop playlists regardless of their political perspective.
Nnnnnnnnn -- could be!
I think Elysa would have treated her public to a second day of PR but her bosses at the PUZZLE PALACE of ARLINGTON probably told her it IT WOULD LOOK BAD.
MORE ME-ME-ME FROM SEN. McPAIN:
"It was the same kind of deal that was pulled on me."
Why didn't you pull a deal with DIPPITY-DO?
"It was the same kind of deal that was pulled on me."
Why didn't you pull a deal with DIPPITY-DO?
Jack Shafer and Robert J. Samuelson and other defenders of media bigness think if they can conjure up enough numbers and sacred-sounding presto-changeo like THE HEFFENSPIEL-HIRSCHFELD INDEX (or whatever Groucho called it) they can get people into thinking that MEDIA ARE FREE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Leaving aside (and I made THIS point before, when Jack's pen-pal BEN first brought it up) that such folk have a habit of slanting their stats (Ben says CHEAP CHANNEL "only" owns an eighth of all radio stations, but he INTENTIONALLY IGNORES MARKET SHARE, as defined by RATINGS, not to mention AD REVENUES; by those numbers I suspect the CHEAP controls AT LEAST a quarter of the radio business), the problem with monopoly isn't STATS, it's AURA -- the AURA of big media thinking and acting alike. Dropping an impressive sounding list of names like "Gannett, Knight Ridder, Cox, Scripps, McClatchy, Landmark, Copley, Newhouse, Freedom, Hearst, MediaNews, and Tribune," etc., etc., ETC. has the exact OPPOSITE EFFECT of what you intended, JACK -- ALL these companies put out an homogenized, centrally-controlled, marketing-driven, discardable product that only occasionally serves the public interest. And just because media stocks are in the tank now doesn't mean they always have been, or will be. Remember AOL at $90? One more inconvenient fact: many media biggies have been in business in one form or another for at least eighty years, some for more than a century; sorry Jack, they're NOT so easily toppled. We must always keep a sharp and jaundiced eye open wherever the GODS OF MEDIA rule -- whatever their names.
More excellence in news:
In July, the Associated Press and Reuters breathlessly reported that a British tourist, Fraser Claughton, had bought an old suitcase at an Australian flea market for $36 (U.S.) and found it filled with memorabilia and hours of unreleased Beatles songs.
Speculation is rampant that the suitcase contains the secret stash of late Beatles associate Mal Evans, which has been missing for years.
Except, of course, it's not true. The stuff in the suitcase dated from 1995, 20 years after his death. Despite reports of a reel-to-reel tape found in it, the Beatles expert called in to examine the music reported that it was on CDRs.
Does this qualify as QUAGMIRE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!?
(No, but it might qualify for $10,000,000 on eBay!!!!!!!!!!)
P. S.
Yet the story ran in newspapers and magazines around the world, with virtually no follow-up now that the story has been debunked.
How ASTONISHING.
In July, the Associated Press and Reuters breathlessly reported that a British tourist, Fraser Claughton, had bought an old suitcase at an Australian flea market for $36 (U.S.) and found it filled with memorabilia and hours of unreleased Beatles songs.
Speculation is rampant that the suitcase contains the secret stash of late Beatles associate Mal Evans, which has been missing for years.
Except, of course, it's not true. The stuff in the suitcase dated from 1995, 20 years after his death. Despite reports of a reel-to-reel tape found in it, the Beatles expert called in to examine the music reported that it was on CDRs.
Does this qualify as QUAGMIRE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!?
(No, but it might qualify for $10,000,000 on eBay!!!!!!!!!!)
P. S.
Yet the story ran in newspapers and magazines around the world, with virtually no follow-up now that the story has been debunked.
How ASTONISHING.
Jann "The Hip Totalitarian" Wenner asks advertisers to be with-it for left-wing reaction!
Whoever wrote this press release deserves a promotion and a BIG raise. Nowhere does it mention the candidates, or the causes Jann represents; and it cites a typically befuddled establishment sponsor, AXA. (I wonder where it got that name -- was it from Kennedy's inaugural? "Axa not...." Or maybe it was from Axa Rose.) This is PRECISELY how you appeal to the American Society of Willfully Ignorant Advertisers, and it leaves not a clue.
Whoever wrote this press release deserves a promotion and a BIG raise. Nowhere does it mention the candidates, or the causes Jann represents; and it cites a typically befuddled establishment sponsor, AXA. (I wonder where it got that name -- was it from Kennedy's inaugural? "Axa not...." Or maybe it was from Axa Rose.) This is PRECISELY how you appeal to the American Society of Willfully Ignorant Advertisers, and it leaves not a clue.
Wednesday, August 04, 2004
High up on my WILL YOU SHUT UP?!?!? list are the Freepers and Carl Limburgers who are shocked! SHOCKED! that one of the RUPE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!'s top henchmen supports DIPPITY-DO!
A story like this serves only covert and dishonest purposes. We can never trust the news hacks on advertising because their effusions are one step removed from the cheerleading of the real-estate pages, plus they have that "what's good for Time Warner" attitude; worse, such stories allow big business to speak through both sides of its mealy mouth, saying it will not "offend" customers and that it is all too eager to offend them. Certainly we cannot trust any article that's full of TV Babbitts boasting of ad sales. What do the news hacks expect them to say? "Business really sucks with this show"? At least on three scores we can be certain: the American Society of Willfully Ignorant Advertisers continues to delude itself; news hacks think having movie studios and liquor companies sponsor RUPERT!!!!!!!!!!! is an achievement when clearly they'll sponsor anything; and the TWXSTER ad sales execs probably brought along a TEN-MINUTE SUPER-CLEAN demo tape or DVD to the BUYERS, who shook their heads like a little boy before teach and believed Time Warner better than they, which given their arrant stupidity is not an accomplishment.
I don't know which is worse: that the Lord Si alleges His rag The New Yorker (yes, The New Yorker) has hit a million circulation (meaning that many more people are going around with their noses in the air, peering at butterflies through monocles, and saying, "I read The New Yorker and YOU DON'T!"); or that Metro now alleges it's "the world's most read" "paper."
I'm surprised Bugmeister Bill, Little Jeffrey and the head of every consumer-products firm in America aren't on THE LIST.
That loud clucking sound you hear is the Spanish protesting that JOHN BULL still runs Gibraltar.
Rule Britannia, Britannia rule the waves,
Britons never never never shall be slaves.
Except to the telly.
Rule Britannia, Britannia rule the waves,
Britons never never never shall be slaves.
Except to the telly.
Heartwarming news: just days ago Schering-Plough got royally socked for kicking back with Claritin. Now Bristol-Myers Squibb, having just disgorged a huge settlement on a class-action lawsuit over cancer-drug shenanigans, is about to pay a nine-digit fine to the SEC for playing tricks with its inventory.
I'm sure we're all delighted that such honest, ethical, honorable people run America's drug business, and you can be sure they can't wait until Dubya's Medicare boondoggle powers up.
I'm sure we're all delighted that such honest, ethical, honorable people run America's drug business, and you can be sure they can't wait until Dubya's Medicare boondoggle powers up.
I guess this means we'll also see TINY TOM campaigning on every "mainstream" news Web site.
A proud ad-blurb copywriter joins the FORCES OF RIGHT against the EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEVIL DUBYA!
DILBERTS of ARLINGTON! Why couldn't you have added a DIP! ad to the mix?
P. S. What's a "private interview," Elysa? Does that mean Bruce is YOUR BUDDY? Or was MoveOn.org lobbying you? (News hacks? LOBBIED? PERISH THE THOUGHT!)
P. P. S. Looks like OMERTA's flack RONNY had "an interview" too -- and by gum if the words aren't about the same as in Elysa's! Before the end of the day we'll be subjected to 100 "INTERVIEWS"! Well, anything's worth it to expel the EEEEEEEEEEEEVIL DUBYA!
DILBERTS of ARLINGTON! Why couldn't you have added a DIP! ad to the mix?
P. S. What's a "private interview," Elysa? Does that mean Bruce is YOUR BUDDY? Or was MoveOn.org lobbying you? (News hacks? LOBBIED? PERISH THE THOUGHT!)
P. P. S. Looks like OMERTA's flack RONNY had "an interview" too -- and by gum if the words aren't about the same as in Elysa's! Before the end of the day we'll be subjected to 100 "INTERVIEWS"! Well, anything's worth it to expel the EEEEEEEEEEEEVIL DUBYA!
When GE Bancorp unleashes its 40,000 announcers one indistinguishable from another to "cover" its Obscure Sports and Sappy Featurettes Orgy like a wet security blanket it will further italicize how far we've come from a time when people could so identify with team broadcasters like Bob Murphy they could readily mimic them.
The bobbleheads to our north, the first people in human history to outlaw ill will and bad dreams, shake their empty skulls approvingly to allow "a son [to] receive twice the inheritance of a daughter and...a man [to] have the automatic right to divorce while a woman does not."
Years ago the screaming meemie Pat Buchanan seriously suggested the US annex Canada (save Quebec). If we ever did the Canadians wouldn't stop kvetching.
Years ago the screaming meemie Pat Buchanan seriously suggested the US annex Canada (save Quebec). If we ever did the Canadians wouldn't stop kvetching.
Tuesday, August 03, 2004
Prices and demand are up. Oil industry revenues are sky-high. So why aren't oil companies exploring ways to increase supply?
This question answers itself.
This question answers itself.
Amazing how a professional college athlete -- even one with a famous big brother attached -- is willing to piddle his chances away so he can get high.
There's a little bit of THE DOPE in every athlete.
There's a little bit of THE DOPE in every athlete.
Oops! Time for THE B-BALL BABIES to throw another TANTRUM.
How many people will smile at the news, knowing what infantile megalomaniacs these players are?
How many people will smile at the news, knowing what infantile megalomaniacs these players are?
Saudis unfazed by U.S. talk of energy independence
SUPPORT A TERRORIST! BUY A HUMMER! BWAH-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA!!!!!
SUPPORT A TERRORIST! BUY A HUMMER! BWAH-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA!!!!!
Osama's boys wanna PAR-TY!!!!!
Time to drown 'em in non-alcoholic beer.
The CIA had tipped off Pakistani authorities on the location of Ghailani's safehouse in Gujrat, Pakistan, after tracking down an al-Qaida computer engineer, who had e-mailed the data to Ghailani, 12 days earlier, U.S. officials said.
The computer engineer, Muhammad Naeem Noor Khan, ran a secret al-Qaida communications system and his arrest was described by a senior U.S. official as the "most significant" of a series of events that led to Sunday's raising of the threat level to "high" for five financial institutions.
Holy cockroaches can be geeks too? Who'da thought.
Time to drown 'em in non-alcoholic beer.
The CIA had tipped off Pakistani authorities on the location of Ghailani's safehouse in Gujrat, Pakistan, after tracking down an al-Qaida computer engineer, who had e-mailed the data to Ghailani, 12 days earlier, U.S. officials said.
The computer engineer, Muhammad Naeem Noor Khan, ran a secret al-Qaida communications system and his arrest was described by a senior U.S. official as the "most significant" of a series of events that led to Sunday's raising of the threat level to "high" for five financial institutions.
Holy cockroaches can be geeks too? Who'da thought.
Twenty years after the flag-waving Olympics in Los Angeles — which signaled a turnaround in the Summer Games both financially and in import — the Olympics is facing a publicity drought. The hype machine is as skimpy as a beach volleyball uniform.
Check out the country's most popular sports Web site, ESPN.com. On its navigation bar down the left-hand side, the NFL is slotted second. The Olympics? It rests in the fourth spot, lower than even the NBA in its offseason....
On the other side of the coin is the NFL, a sports league with a master's degree in marketing. What other sport has persuaded a television entity — in this case, ESPN — to devote two full days of coverage to a college draft that takes place in the offseason? The Olympics, the biggest sporting event in the world, can't even land 30 minutes on ESPN2 about a fortnight before the flame is lit....
Could the problem be that [CENSORED] hogs all the video and photo ops?
Check out the country's most popular sports Web site, ESPN.com. On its navigation bar down the left-hand side, the NFL is slotted second. The Olympics? It rests in the fourth spot, lower than even the NBA in its offseason....
On the other side of the coin is the NFL, a sports league with a master's degree in marketing. What other sport has persuaded a television entity — in this case, ESPN — to devote two full days of coverage to a college draft that takes place in the offseason? The Olympics, the biggest sporting event in the world, can't even land 30 minutes on ESPN2 about a fortnight before the flame is lit....
Could the problem be that [CENSORED] hogs all the video and photo ops?
To many liberals, a 55-year-old professor does not know anything more than a 20-year-old about what students should be studying.
To many conservatives and moderates also.
To many conservatives and moderates also.
The con-SER-va-tives will be mad today: their favorite retailer Wal-Mart palms some of its costs on -- the PUBLIC! So says -- THE UC BERKELEY LABOR CENTER!!! (Come on con-SER-va-tives, chant: HO HO HO CHI MINH!, etc.)
What's the Wal doing that other big businessmen don't do? Socialism is okay so long as it's for CAPITALISTS.
What's the Wal doing that other big businessmen don't do? Socialism is okay so long as it's for CAPITALISTS.
John Kerry says he can "put a deal together" as president to drastically reduce U.S. troop strength in Iraq, a pledge reminiscent of Richard Nixon's secret plan to end the Vietnam War and Dwight D. Eisenhower's promise to stop fighting in Korea.
Somebody has to tell this exceptionally well paid hack, he shouldn'ta said NIXON! If he'd said EISENHOWER ONLY that would have sold the candidate. Ah these ad copywriters; they always do what they want to do.
WORSE:
But when asked for hard evidence that his victory would produce a troops-reducing deal for America, neither Kerry nor his fellow senators cite anything other than their vague perceptions and utmost hopes.
Abracadabra and alakazoom! What do you see in my hand? NOTHING!
Somebody has to tell this exceptionally well paid hack, he shouldn'ta said NIXON! If he'd said EISENHOWER ONLY that would have sold the candidate. Ah these ad copywriters; they always do what they want to do.
WORSE:
But when asked for hard evidence that his victory would produce a troops-reducing deal for America, neither Kerry nor his fellow senators cite anything other than their vague perceptions and utmost hopes.
Abracadabra and alakazoom! What do you see in my hand? NOTHING!
Looks as if NEWS HACKS have another weapon to beat Dubya with: OLD INTELLIGENCE. If you found a computer from a bad guy saying he was casing buildings in New York wouldn't you be scared too?
OMERTA DISCOVERS A NEW TRICK!
President Says War Was 'Right'
Now MERT can put on his IMPARTIAL MASK and say, "Well, I'm quoting the president, so I need the quotation marks." Knowing MERT, here's another possibility: he's using quotation marks to discredit the president. It would have been easy enough to conjure up an IMPARTIAL headline, like "President Praises War Effort," or "President Believes War Justified." But no, we must get out the quotation marks and turn a word into a sneer. That's why they pay YOU the big salary. RIGHT, OMERTA?
President Says War Was 'Right'
Now MERT can put on his IMPARTIAL MASK and say, "Well, I'm quoting the president, so I need the quotation marks." Knowing MERT, here's another possibility: he's using quotation marks to discredit the president. It would have been easy enough to conjure up an IMPARTIAL headline, like "President Praises War Effort," or "President Believes War Justified." But no, we must get out the quotation marks and turn a word into a sneer. That's why they pay YOU the big salary. RIGHT, OMERTA?
Monday, August 02, 2004
Give me your tired, your poor,
Your huddled masses yearning to breathe free,
The wretched refuse from your teeming shore.
Send these, the homeless, tempest-tossed to me;
I lift my lamp beside the golden door.
That weren't just a song by Irving Berlin either.
Democratic candidate John Kerry accused President Bush of encouraging terrorist recruitment with policies that have made the world angry at the United States....
TRANSLATION: News hacks are stepping up the campaigning.
TRANSLATION: News hacks are stepping up the campaigning.
America's psychotherapeutic movement never left September 10; now the feel-goodygoodys of medicine say if your teen cuts himself, it's growing pains.
Maybe if the shrunken-head shrinks could time-warp people into their hermetically-sealled heads it would make them feel better.
Maybe if the shrunken-head shrinks could time-warp people into their hermetically-sealled heads it would make them feel better.
MORONS:
Thanks, But No Thanks
Citigroup's godawful new campaign.
Wasn't CITIGROUP one of the SPONSORS that PLASTERED its ADS on your HOME PAGE when you were busy EVISCERATING RONALD REAGAN after his DEATH?
BUGMEISTER BILL can't sell you FAST ENOUGH.
Thanks, But No Thanks
Citigroup's godawful new campaign.
Wasn't CITIGROUP one of the SPONSORS that PLASTERED its ADS on your HOME PAGE when you were busy EVISCERATING RONALD REAGAN after his DEATH?
BUGMEISTER BILL can't sell you FAST ENOUGH.
I must say we here at Clear Channel Communications were a little surprised to have Bob join us, via his exciting new venture with Clear Channel-financed XM Satellite radio. [Wired News reports Clear Channel has a 3 percent stake in XM -- Romenesko.] Surprised, of course, because Bob has spent so much time in recent months publicly accusing our company of censorship, political bias, and other crimes against journalism and free speech.
Well you don't have to take CREDIT for it.
Well you don't have to take CREDIT for it.
The Gliberal tries to outstink Howie Hairshirt's boss "The I-Man":
The one-time Times drama critic said that, in fact, the Dems' show in Boston was "shockingly good."
"There were some speakers who were damn good," Rich told the I-man, "including, I must say, your man Kerry."
Rich wasn't quite so enthusiastic about Teresa "I'm not a Kerry" Heinz, who he said sounded "kinda weird."
So are you, "The I-Man" -- and NEWSMAX!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
The one-time Times drama critic said that, in fact, the Dems' show in Boston was "shockingly good."
"There were some speakers who were damn good," Rich told the I-man, "including, I must say, your man Kerry."
Rich wasn't quite so enthusiastic about Teresa "I'm not a Kerry" Heinz, who he said sounded "kinda weird."
So are you, "The I-Man" -- and NEWSMAX!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
First class! WTC post office open for first time since 9/11
Excellent! Now let's build something across the way!
Excellent! Now let's build something across the way!
A decade ago, Ross and Rachel shoved aside Mary-Kate and Ashley and effectively destroyed the family hour.
That's the TV history that media guru Steve Sternberg, executive vice president and director of audience analysis at MAGNA Global USA, used to explain the death of the family hour, which he is pleading for the broadcast networks to reinstate.
Possible explanations for the outburst: 1. This BUYER finally watched television; 2. One of his client's CEOs finally watched television.
That's the TV history that media guru Steve Sternberg, executive vice president and director of audience analysis at MAGNA Global USA, used to explain the death of the family hour, which he is pleading for the broadcast networks to reinstate.
Possible explanations for the outburst: 1. This BUYER finally watched television; 2. One of his client's CEOs finally watched television.
Paraguayan authorities investigated claims the owner of a supermarket destroyed in a blaze that killed at least 340 people had ordered the doors locked so customers could not flee without paying.
Somehow, in that continent of kleptocracies, I am not surprised.
Somehow, in that continent of kleptocracies, I am not surprised.
Al Franken Radio Show to Be on Cable TV
Children should be heard and not seen, pffh-hh-hh.
P. S. I'd say THE SAME THING about your friend THE NO-SPIN SPIN ZONE.
Children should be heard and not seen, pffh-hh-hh.
P. S. I'd say THE SAME THING about your friend THE NO-SPIN SPIN ZONE.
One good thing about outsourcing to InJA: we export our headaches.
By the way, isn't the PC name of the town Mumbai?
By the way, isn't the PC name of the town Mumbai?
DUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUH DA DUT DUT!
I finally tracked down Michael Moore. I saw him walking in the street outside the Democratic convention center and pounced on him like the paparazzi on J.Lo.
I don't know, NO-SPIN SPIN ZONE; some people think you pounced on him like a whiff of perfume on a down pillow.
I finally tracked down Michael Moore. I saw him walking in the street outside the Democratic convention center and pounced on him like the paparazzi on J.Lo.
I don't know, NO-SPIN SPIN ZONE; some people think you pounced on him like a whiff of perfume on a down pillow.
Fahrenheit 9/11 banned in Kuwait
Kuwait has banned Michael Moore's anti-Bush documentary, deeming it critical of the Iraq war and insulting to Saudi Arabia's royal family.
YesSUH boss!
Kuwait has banned Michael Moore's anti-Bush documentary, deeming it critical of the Iraq war and insulting to Saudi Arabia's royal family.
YesSUH boss!
Sunday, August 01, 2004
Several months ago I mentioned the message board for Herb Alpert and the Tijuana Brass -- specifically how that famed group's recordings were virtually unavailable save for old copies at exorbitant prices on eBay. WELL, one of the Brass's fans (and apparently one with very good connections) has announced Herb did come to his senses and will reissue all his TJB recordings, with rarities. If he does this right he'll have a whole new generation licking out of his palm, just as millions in the sixties did. Thank you Herb, and we're looking forward to those reissues!
Ke-RRRRRY and Ed-WARRRRRDS -- men of ZE pee-PULLLLLLLLLH!
Eh, pardon mee mon-SIEURS, how doo you zay schmmmmmmmoook een FRRRRRENCH?
Eh, pardon mee mon-SIEURS, how doo you zay schmmmmmmmoook een FRRRRRENCH?
It appears it wasn't DIP that got that @#$%&* BOUNCE, confirming that the INFOMERCIAL was a flop. Sorry DIP, sometimes the people CAN see through the strategms.
Let's see what happens when Dubya unleashes RUDY and AH-NULT.
P. S. For once NewsMAX!!!!! is right, but because NewsMAX!!!!! is RIGHT!!!!!!!!!! it can't be trusted.
Let's see what happens when Dubya unleashes RUDY and AH-NULT.
P. S. For once NewsMAX!!!!! is right, but because NewsMAX!!!!! is RIGHT!!!!!!!!!! it can't be trusted.
More QUAGMIRE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!: Nine out of ten Afghanis are voting in their upcoming election.
Can WE say that?
Can WE say that?
I found a new meaning for the acronym POS: this song, which my local gyp-joint grocer just subjected me to.
No wonder she made GLITTER.
No wonder she made GLITTER.
A new kind of news-hack punchline (and waste of time): an article on a sitcom written by "a television writer and producer in Los Angeles." Please, don't we have enough logrolling?
PROF his so confident of his position (and the upcoming IPO) he can pester his fans with a link to A FAKE BLOG.
I don't appreciate it, LORD MEGAPUNDIT.
I don't appreciate it, LORD MEGAPUNDIT.