Posted 9:36 PM by Gene

The Daily Mail's site can be so stultifyingly stupid it is easy to ignore what it should run -- like this plug for a book on the brief, tragic life of the great Soviet cosmonaut Yuri Gagarin (left, above). His friend and colleague Vladimir Komarov (right, above) was sent on a mission in a spacecraft, the Soyuz I, he and others knew to be unsafe, but he also knew if he turned it down his place would be taken by Gagarin. There were other good reasons for people to keep their mouths shut -- like Siberia. So he went ahead anyway. Our spies overheard him screaming to his death. His burnt "remains" lay in state in an open casket. The catastrophic Apollo I fire three months earlier had no impact. That the Soviet regime had no regard for the lives of these epochal heroes shows that when Ronald Reagan spoke of the "evil empire" it was not to throw a tantrum.

The book, published by the UK house Bloomsbury, is scheduled out in the US on April 12 -- the fiftieth anniversary of Vostok I. It has two different covers.

(Originally posted 8:57 p. m.)

Posted 9:30 PM by Gene

We do not know what to say about Warren Christopher except we remember him with those beady eyes and swivelling his robotic head back and forth as he talked and emitting a loud raspy buzzer-like EEEEEEEEEEEEEHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.... We know folks like this are supposed to be important but given the connivers at State -- like the current occupant but not, we will vow, Mr. Christopher -- we think all they do is talk. At worst their talking can kill our nationals and win Nobel Prizes. A lot of ordinary people who are NOT our superiors do important work, but they will never be slobbered over as was St. Tim of Russert.

Posted 3:48 PM by Gene

We have not watched the NPCPCAA PROFIT CENTER but we can imagine the Battles of the Tattoos; in another world those college prexies would hold one hand over their eyes with the other holding their noses. We are plainly not talking education here, except the education of the streets, or better yet, the education in how to hopelessly wish yourself into the NBA. Perhaps they put on all those tattoos to be noticed. They're right. We notice.

Posted 2:49 PM by Gene

We were extremely disappointed to learn that immortally famous HUNK!!!!! we'd never heard of before, whom some idiot hack worked over to get a better job, has split with an ac-TOR previously famous to us for her flat chest. If such a pair is the best Hollywood can do we may as well allow gay marriage.

Posted 2:31 PM by Gene

As the nuclear reactor story began gaining attention, all focus was lost and the words "meltdown," "catastrophe" and "radiation" were tossed around in such a way that it seemed news agencies were willing it all to happen, a rapacious hunger to plant the seeds of Armageddon in viewers' heads, which of course would translate to ratings.

I have reluctantly come to the conclusion that I was wrong, and PILLHEAD was right.

Posted 3:14 PM by Gene

U.S. regulators accused International Business Machines Corp. of a decade-long campaign of bribery in Asia, saying employees handed over shopping bags stuffed with cash in South Korea and arranged junkets for government officials in China in exchange for millions of dollars in contracts.

We're an INTERNATIONAL company!

Posted 2:13 PM by Gene

One reason The Paper of Re-CORD is not worth paying for, though it's doubtful how many will pay for it.

Posted 1:07 PM by Gene

Having just been to a MICKEY D®, we should alert our two readers that Its UK branch is about to launch Its MONOPOLY® GAME!!!!! Why is this important? Well, here's our last post on the US version. We're guessing our version commences in August. In the meantime, after you've clicked on our post link, think -- MACBETH.

Posted 1:01 PM by Gene

As we said, the courts will decide on SCOTT!!!!!'s tantrum. Conservative! DEMOCRATIC!

Posted 8:50 AM by Gene

Libya declares immediate cease-fire after U.N. resolution

I guess this means 1. They've won, or 2. They're consolidating their gains, and definitely 3. The CASINOS will go up FIVE ZILLION PERCENT.

Posted 8:43 AM by Gene

No one in this typically highly-insiderish Politico piece on "the permanent campaign" asks if all this political advertising WORKS.

Well, it must -- it makes people permanently ANGRY.

Posted 8:34 AM by Gene

We're not broke. The rich simply aren't paying enough in taxes. Over to you, Al Franken. [From EM's home page]

TRANSLATION: The rich shouldn't have to pay their fair share. Over to you, GEKKO KUDLOW.

Six of EJ....

Posted 5:47 PM by Gene

ARCHDaily!



This structure needs no introduction; it is one of the great design and engineering masterpieces of all time. Can you imagine how a STARCHITECT would redesign it?

Well, he might start with something like



THIS!



Speaking of hideous, can you imagine the poor people of Japan -- or anywhere -- enduring temporary housing like THIS? It's an argument for radiation poisoning.



What is with STARCHITECTS and HVAC systems?

Posted 12:13 PM by Gene

The inimitable AHTSJournal:

The Difference Between Boastful Cities and Conceited Cities

A boastful city is Philthydelphia; a conceited city is NOO YAWK.

Posted 10:35 AM by Gene

The Bracketologist flexes His muscles!

Posted 9:40 AM by Gene

BLOOMY SELLS IT!

Groupon Inc. has held talks with banks about an initial public offering that would value the online-coupon company at as much as $25 billion, according to two people with knowledge of the discussions.

The two-year-old startup’s IPO may happen this year and is unlikely to assign Groupon a valuation of less than $15 billion, according to the people, Bloomberg Businessweek reports in its March 21 edition. They asked not to be identified because the talks were
PRIVATE!!!!!
(Private overemphasis added)

Posted 9:16 AM by Gene

Well we hacks must not tell the people what our president may not be up to other than bracket filling, but at least we have the courage and fortitude to run this ad from Ancestry.com.



A NEUHARTHISM OF THE MONTH AWARD TO CRISTIAN, RANDY AND THE ASSPRESS!

Posted 8:39 AM by Gene

STEVEDOM AT $500,000!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Oops, STEVEDOM AT $50,000!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

No no, I got it -- STEVEDOM AT $5,000!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Hey, who cares when your commissions are at stake?

Double oops -- WRONG LINK!

What's the difference between NEWS HACKS and sales -- ANALYSTS? They both SELL things, and they both MAKE THINGS UP.

P. S. Okay ELMER, that sales -- ANALYST "GUANO" is a TOTAL INCOMPETENT!!!!! But since when has Jeff been turning over His pages to religious cults? Didn't your sister rag once run something on Scientology?

Posted 8:37 AM by Gene

Meantime, thanks in no small part to A CRITICALLY-ACCLAIMED PRESIDENT, the status quo obtains in the Middle East. How about another round of salary increases!

Posted 8:24 AM by Gene

Meantime the status quo supposedly obtains over THE ONGOING CATASTROPHE!!!!!!!!!!, meaning 1. News hacks will do their jobs as usual not scrounging up information while continuing to play up the panic, and 2. The CASINOS should go up ten thousand percent.

Posted 8:22 AM by Gene

Also the news hacks are ready to DO THEIR PART to rehabilitate Mad Mel. What has he done other than earn CRITICAL ACCLAIM?

Posted 8:18 AM by Gene

Last month, Twitter CEO Dick Costolo scoffed at Twitter acquisition rumors, the driver behind the $10 billion value estimate, during a speech at the Mobile World Congress in Barcelona. Twitter co-founder Biz Stone is more blunt. In an interview last month, he said the $10 billion figure was "made up" in a published report by The Wall Street Journal.

Posted 5:35 PM by Gene

6 banks repay bailouts; program nears break-even

The government expects losses on other programs, such as the auto maker bailouts. [Fifth and last graf]

Oh.

Posted 3:20 PM by Gene

3:18 PM Eni (E -3.1%) CEO Paolo Scaroni says his company's ties with Libya will be fine no matter what the outcome of the turmoil. The reason for halting oil production, says Scaroni, was due to shipping problems.

Hey MU! You're all right with US!

Posted 2:43 PM by Gene

NOW! BARGAIN-HUNTING!

A detestable CASINO euphemism for PAYING TOO MUCH AND HOPING IT INCREASES.

Posted 2:35 PM by Gene

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!! THE LEAGUE OF NATIONS GETS INVOLVED!!!!!!!!!!

Posted 2:17 PM by Gene

MS. TRAVERS, we DON'T want CLINT'S SIDEKICK as PRESIDENT.

Posted 2:10 PM by Gene

For the CASINO the CATASTROPHE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! is an excuse for AAPL at $300 BILLION PLUS, IBM at an ALL-TIME HIGH before inflation, NFLX at almost $250, and PCLN at $475.

Posted 2:01 PM by Gene

Our OTHER Statesman of the Week....

Posted 1:55 PM by Gene

OUR STATESMAN OF THE WEEK:

Investors on edge over the prospect of a Japanese nuclear meltdown took their cue from a European Union commissioner who proclaimed a “major disaster” may be on its way, before admitting his remarks were partly based on media reports.

Posted 12:09 PM by Gene

Despite the lustful coos from con-SER-va-tives THE DONALD will not run for president. Why? It would mean making His finances public. Also it would mean exposing all the games He's played using accountants -- and all His BANKRUPTCIES. People might also ask about His brief friendship with MUAMMAR. Fuggedaboutit, DONALD.

Posted 11:22 AM by Gene

Your BEN DOLLARS at work:

Wholesale prices surged last month at their fastest pace in just over 1-1/2 years due to higher energy costs and the steepest rise in food prices in 36 years.

Excluding those volatile categories, inflation was tame.

Whew! We were worried there.

Posted 10:46 AM by Gene

One of the Gang of 27 mourns:

What had been a musical comedy with at least one toe dipped in real waters now seems to be an over-produced, overly Auto-Tuned variety show that exists merely to sell downloads of its covers — a modern version of Your Hit Parade.

Such tragedies will happen when we are invincible, and the projects we tout works of genius. But Gangs of 27 must have heroes to manufacture, and projects to advertorialize on.

TRANSLATION: Glee is a gay niche show with no-talents, for adolescent viewers who feel sorry for themselves.

GanNETt P. S. NEUHARTHDOM takes GUVMENT HANDOUTS!

Amid furloughs, layoffs and other cutbacks at its newspaper in Fort Myers, Fla., Gannett collected $105,000 from Lee County's economic development office to create 35 jobs by August 2012 at The News-Press, a local TV station has reported.

Needless to say the story has a happy ending -- for GanNETt:

But the jobs don't always last. That was the case in Tulsa, Okla., where GCI in late January announced plans to close a customer-service center there by the end of this month. Of 150 jobs there, 131 will be relocated to Gannett operations in Greenville, S.C.; Detroit, and Phoenix.

Tax-driven job creation also occurs even as companies eliminate jobs elsewhere in their business. For example, in November, according to Gannett Bloggers, the News-Press eliminated four jobs during a nationwide GCI layoff.

GO, SONS OF SOB! GO -- FAR AWAY!

Posted 9:21 AM by Gene

We are annoyed to learn I Want Media has become part of a mini media conglomerate. If Mr. Phillips knows what he's doing he'll keep the site as it is. How many Web sites have declined after they were bought by "big" companies with "big" ideas?

Posted 9:15 AM by Gene

TRANSLATION: If you make enough speeches to lobbying groups and hobnob in enough golf tournaments, you too could live in luxury like the late Gerald "PARDON" Ford!

"PROPERTY PORN" indeed.

Posted 8:40 AM by Gene

We are sorry to hear that BABS won't win an Os-CAR® for being SUPERANGRY. Art offers alleged reasons for turning her down but the fact is he and HERR DOKTOR SONDHEIM are OSSIFIED. It's hard to think otherwise given their combined age of over 174 but their chronological age is tripled by being in a biz that is itself among the walking dead, and whose denizens read The Paper of Re-CORD so thoroughly they've assumed its cheap philosophizing too. That Art is so thoroughly opaque in his reasoning marks him as one of its charter subscribers. Whatever happened to "Let's do a show!"? We know what happened -- we see it on BRANSON EAST. Luckily for him Jule Styne died in 1994; otherwise the combined age of the creators would be 280.

Of course there could be a good reason, which Art scoured the Merriam-Webster Third New International to obscure: Not that Gypsy's a de facto gay musical (about a heterosexual female STRIPPER!), nor that it would thus be a de facto AHTHOUSE film; no, as Art admits, there's already been one bad movie version. A second with a sixty-eight-year-old lead who'd need makeup by Industrial Light and Magic would positively STINK. And maybe Art's simply much too savvy to let that one out.

(Via the usual AHTSJournal)

Posted 10:02 PM by Gene

Sorry to bring up a headache pain at this late date, but recently the proprietors of that never-dull site Cartoon Brew had a debate over whether Bill and Joe won too many Os-CARS®. (Seven says YES.) In the course of this one of the proprietors said one of the stupidest Os-CAR® animation moments was awarding the above FILLUM, and a few comments came close to positing that Cartoon Brew has some of the DUMBEST commenters this side of HENRY HONEST:

Moro Rogers says:
02/27/11 4:13pm

I thought that crunch bird thing was pretty funny.=p

Chris Powell says:
02/27/11 4:22pm

I gotta agree. just watched it.

Tom Pope says:
02/27/11 8:46pm

The Crunch Bird is awesome. Lighten up.

Fortunately cooler -- and saner -- heads prevailed:

michael sporn says:
02/28/11 12:43pm

Having an animated Woody Woodpecker or Mickey Mouse hand out an Oscar [®] is a sure way of saying animation is a category for kids films. Unfortunately, the animated films nominated tend not to be for children.

THE CRUNCH BIRD was a piece of garbage, but the Oscar [®] enabled Ted Petok to raise the money to do a CRUNCH BIRD feature. It was 90 mins of garbage and never got released. I got to see it on the editor’s movieola.

tgentry says:
02/28/11 1:06pm

I thought the crunch bird was pretty lame. I knew what the punchline was going to be half way through, and I had to bide my time until… yep there it is. Bad animation, bad voice acting, bad joke....

Steve Segal says:
02/28/11 5:11pm

...I heard from someone at the AMPAS [®] that The Crunchbird won because voters saw none of the films and blindly selected the only US film on the list, shortly thereafter the rules were changed to allow voting in that category only to members who attend special screenings.... [Emphasis added]

Under the circumstances we may say that not only do most moVEE cri-TICS speak from the CRUNCH BIRD SEAT, so do the viewers.

P. S. Did you know Tex Avery never won an Os-CAR®? Figures.

Posted 1:47 PM by Gene

Romy is ANNOYED:

‘Token lefty at Forbes’ has been covering Wisconsin unrest (Romy link)

Hey guy, in YOUR biz the lefties ain't TOKEN.

Posted 1:18 PM by Gene

Congresspoops and PILLHEADS always hit at weird-sounding research projects, the better to demagogue with. But in defending themselves the "research" universities are in their own pickle thanks to their general money guzzling seasoned with PC, the athuhletic arms race and millions of undersmart "graduates." Younuhversuhtees may have a point, but it's a somewhat dull one.

Posted 12:03 PM by Gene

Do you know who this guy is? I didn't -- until Gary had to advertorialize about him for the StinkyInky Tabloid Edition. As we have to say again the problem with movee ac-TORS is that most could blend in on the street. That this guy can't (supposedly) he can thank the JEFF BEWKESES for. The paparazzi are hot for him? That this comes the same day as CATASTROPHE!!!!!!!!!! is why a certain blithering idiot is not entirely wrong.

We do envy him his entourage, however.



P. S. Another COOPER. (Photo changed 3/19; the first one wasn't good enough, though it came from an insert in the Philadelphia Daily Record)

Posted 8:52 AM by Gene

We can understand, however, why people might not want to hear calming words. Part of the problem during TMI -- and it's the problem now -- is that the authorities seemed to be dishonestly downplaying the problem when they were only trying to reassure people. It's the proverbial no-win situation: If calming people raises suspicions telling "the truth" can only lead to panics, and it can especially amplify dangers where the public health is at risk. Reason should dictate the people will be fed and clothed in time -- help is rushing to Japan -- and that in time the situation will stabilize, and then improve. But now, in this early stage, we see a hothouse for fear, and dread. No one need tell the Japanese to be patient -- they've somehow more than managed.

Posted 8:41 AM by Gene

The media's shortsightedness is underlined by the shortsightedness of our CASINOS. They too are prone to panics because if anything they're even more shortsighted than newshacks; they can only see numbers, and can easily be lulled to sleep by soothing fairy tales -- or else break out in hives at stories of calamity, however false. Media and the CASINOS have a great deal too much in common, mostly the need to preen, and to SELL; both entities exist in a bell jar, hearing nothing from the outside world. It goes without saying what happened in Japan is bad for its economy in the short haul, but it no more merits a 10.5 percent plunge in one day than our CASINO could justify doubling its money in two years.

And the worst part is that will eventually lead to the kind of mindless buying that led our CASINO to double its money in two years.

I'm not a Pollyanna but I lived through TMI, and in hindsight the news hacks' panic was a joke.

Posted 8:33 AM by Gene

Even blithering idiots can be right now and then. What PILLHEAD MEANT to say was that news hacks, being extremely nearsighted to the point of blindness, can only focus on the very little they can see, and thus they're prone to panics, and with their control of the machine of publicity they can exacerbate panics, and given their competitive malevolence panics take on the aura of a desire. Instead the blithering idiot said media "WANTED" this catastrophe -- just the same way, we might add, the blithering idiot WANTED our president to fail. We don't trust Meteorite, Mediablight, whatever its name is -- its interns must spend all day asking, "What did that psycho say now?", and quoting him as highly selectively as possible. The best such a site can do is stop acting as a megaphone for BLITHERING IDIOTS.

Posted 7:49 PM by Gene

Gilbert Gottfried, previously famous as a talent-free comedian with the whiny voice of an Ed Sullivan impersonator, is now famous as an idiot.

Now when can SLIME's endless bout of flatulence lose that beefless-burrito maker as its sponsor?

Posted 7:26 PM by Gene

I do not ordinarily expect sense from GRATE.COM. This typing shows it. So does the most recent comment to date:

It's pretty lame stuff and I've got standards that just aren't fulfilled by this sorry collection of contributors.

But then go here and you get this:

If Japan, the United States, or Europe retreats from nuclear power in the face of the current panic, the most likely alternative energy source is fossil fuel. And by any measure, fossil fuel is more dangerous. The sole fatal nuclear power accident of the last 40 years, Chernobyl, directly killed 31 people. By comparison, Switzerland's Paul Scherrer Institute calculates that from 1969 to 2000, more than 20,000 people died in severe accidents in the oil supply chain. More than 15,000 people died in severe accidents in the coal supply chain—11,000 in China alone. The rate of direct fatalities per unit of energy production is 18 times worse for oil than it is for nuclear power.

Even if you count all the deaths plausibly related to Chernobyl—9,000 to 33,000 over a 70-year period—that number is dwarfed by the death rate from burning fossil fuels. The OECD's 2008 Environmental Outlook calculates that fine-particle outdoor air pollution caused nearly 1 million premature deaths in the year 2000, and 30 percent of this was energy-related. You'd need 500 Chernobyls to match that level of annual carnage. But outside Chernobyl, we've had zero fatal nuclear power accidents.

However reliable these stats, at least this is different. One must always be alert for Kinsleyism here, which can dilute even the very best articles -- but at least someone tried. Why must ST. WARREN's Web site be like an on-off switch that can't stay on?

We must note the Holy Sage of the Ages made a bet on something related to fossil fuels. What does ST. WARREN know and why does He know it?

Posted 10:18 AM by Gene

Public TV stations run more advertising!

Cut the comedy, guys -- run advertising.

(Via the usual AHTSJournal)

Posted 10:12 AM by Gene

ED MURROW HIRES ANDY ROONEY!

Posted 9:32 AM by Gene

At times like these reading typing like this I wish fair, dispassionate, accurate reporting weren't a fiction, a tale from the Brothers Grimm. But gun control long ago became a litmus test for news hacks, much like abortion; and the situation is compounded by a SUPER EDITOR!!!!! who's in with the in-crowd. News hacks may think they stand with the angels but the devil is in their details, and the one detail they work on harder than anything else is trying to get their point across, facts be damned. And any business that actively appointed two disasters as president should not be allowed to get away with murder quite so often.

Posted 9:21 AM by Gene

Let's sing along with the Statler Brothers: Whatever happened to BENETTON?

Posted 9:18 AM by Gene

This appears on the BIG C's site:

Don't Try Trade Japan Quake: Strategist

...so you know what THAT means!

Posted 9:15 AM by Gene

And what is extremely irritating is that news hacks think they can put a smiley face on our dispositions by running ads for their favorite religious cults. We GET the MESSAGE, guys.

P. S. at 10:05 a. m. Meantime in other parts of The Lord God Steve's cult, CURSING and BLASPHEMING.

Posted 8:39 AM by Gene

We are starting to wonder if news hacks are SHEENING Japan. You know what SHEENING is. On Cable Nusiance Network HOWIE HAIRSHIRT has opened his rich sanctimonious mouth and worried about PANICKING THE PEOPLE. God knows the situation is bad enough at ground zero. It was therefore refreshing to read The Econowiz, itself a high-priced dispenser of CW, opine that despite all the awful pictures and videos Japan is holding up well under the circumstances. The Internet Age has rewritten "Confucius": A picture's worth a thousand words, and half of them lie. The courage and determination of the Japanese may not be photogenic.

We should keep in mind to except for the nuke calamity the chance for new disaster pretty well ended when the water washed back out to sea. Now comes the rebuilding. I certainly wouldn't take talk of a 70-percent likelihood of a new quake by Wednesday seriously. Nobody seems to have predicted this one.

As for the nukes, it is prudent to pause their development. But like it or not we'll have to pursue them anyway. We know they may not be economically feasible. Neither is $200 oil.

Posted 10:49 AM by Gene

Yesterday, passing the Broad Street Quonset Hut, I noticed the windows of what used to be its gift shop were plastered over with advertising for future events. As with pictures of server farms in old department stores that is a sure sign of very-long-term vacancy. Yesterday's Sunday editions of the StinkyInky assured us a RENDELI's going in there -- by December. This was part of a message that yes, the Quonset is alive and at least fitfully well. But they've paid off their debts! says our cri-TIC. (Suing the STARCHITECT didn't hurt.) Though he wouldn't say it we'd guess the Quonset runs up big operational deficits -- how could it not with the Orchestra in trouble? And its grand courtyard remains as inviting as a well-lit back alley, and they're spending millions fixing the rooftop pavilion because it's too hot or too cold, and they're STILL tweaking the acoustics in the Verizon box, and...and EDDIES still believe this is "AN ECONOMIC ENGINE". The people who'd say that don't give a damn that our city has no factory jobs anymore; for them it's just a way of getting free tickets. This takes Marie Antoinette's cake: "A Kimmel-commissioned study has determined that the center has become a major contributor to the city's economy, Ewers said, though she declined to provide the study or even an executive summary." (Emphasis added.) How many people willingly squirm through a three-hour symphonic concert? To paraphrase Jerry Herman the patrons are between sixty and death. This ECONOMIC ENGINE is JACK BENNY'S MAXWELL'S. Face it, the Quonset is a WHITE ELEPHANT, and we're stuck with paying its bills until the last concertgoer has died off, which may not be that long from now.