Eugene David ...The One-Minute Pundit |
THE NEWS HACK'S CREED: I know more than you. I make lots more money than you. I'm smarter than you. I'm sexier than you. I appear on TV all the time. I work ten minutes a day. I rule the universe. I'm going to live forever. You are an idiot. THE NEWS HACK'S CREED, No. 2: A lie isn't a lie when it tells THE TRUTH. THE NEWS HACK'S CREED, No. 3: I've come to realize that the looseness of the journalistic life, the seeming laxity of the newsroom, is an illusion. Yes, there's informality and there's humor, but beneath the surface lies something deadly serious. It is a code. Sometimes the code is not even written down, but it is deeply believed in. And, when violated, it is enforced with tribal ferocity. --JOHN "OMERTA" CARROLL. THE NEWS HACK'S CREED, No. 4: News isn't news when we don't report it. PERMALINKS: THE NEWS HACKS' DICTIONARY THE EUGENE DAVID GLOSSARY AMERICA'S MOST UNINTENTIONALLY FUNNY WEB SITE! Blogroll Me! |
Saturday, September 25, 2004
Posted
7:23 PM
by Gene
BS News said yesterday that it had postponed a "60 Minutes" segment that questioned Bush administration rationales for going to war in Iraq. [SIC]
Posted
7:19 PM
by Gene
This much, however, IS true: In a recent national survey, the Pew Internet and American Life Project found that more than two million Americans have their own blog. Most of them, nobody reads.
Posted
4:11 PM
by Gene
Only -- there seems to be a slight problem with many of them, as in: 404 - File Not Found!
Posted
1:51 PM
by Gene
SHUCKS PINCH, there's ANOTHER CRUSADE that'll have to wait for ANOTHER DAY.
Posted
1:31 PM
by Gene
Another case of six- and seven-digit NEWS HACKS hugging themselves.
Posted
1:20 PM
by Gene
Meantime DANNO stays on through the three presidential debates, meaning VIACON may soon have a corner on lousy employee morale.
Posted
1:18 PM
by Gene
Posted
8:44 AM
by Gene
Obama opposes gay marriage Oh well, there goes another hero.
Posted
8:40 AM
by Gene
Posted
8:08 AM
by Gene
BUSH TWISTS KERRY'S WORDS ON IRAQ!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! By JENNIFER LOVEN, Associated Press Writer PRESIDENT BUSH OPENED SEVERAL NEW SCATHING LINES OF ATTACK AGAINST DEMOCRAT JOHN KERRY, CHARGES THAT TWISTED HIS RIVAL'S WORDS ON IRAQ AND MADE KERRY SEEM SUPPORTIVE OF DEPOSED DICTATOR SADDAM HUSSEIN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! OR: In Georgetown's East Village, Roger Ballentine and his wife Jennifer Loven have sold their quaint two bedroom semi- detached Federal house at 1346 29th Street, N.W. The buyers who were represented by Trudi Musson, an agent with Sarah Gorman Real Estate, paid $501,000 for the cozy, freshly painted home featuring hardwood floors, a wood burning stove, an updated kitchen, and a quaint stone-walled garden with flowering shrubs and a fountain. The Ballentines were assisted in their sale by Coldwell Banker/Pardoe realtor Nancy Taylor Bubes, who was recently recognized as number two among 4400 agents in Coldwell Banker's Mid-Atlantic Brokerage as well as number two individual agent by the Greater Capitol Association of Realtors (GCAAR). Roger Ballentine is president of Green Strategies, a consulting firm specializing in energy and environmental issues, and was previously deputy assistant to President Clinton for environmental initiatives and chairman of the White House Climate Change Task Force. He also sits on the board of directors of Solar Electric Light Fund (SELF)along with actors Ed Begley, Jr. and Larry Hagman. Jennifer Loven is a reporter for the Associated Press. FURTHER OR: Roger previously was a senior member of the White House staff, serving President Bill Clinton as Chairman of the White House Climate Change Task Force and Deputy Assistant to the President for Environmental Initiatives. In these capacities, he directed the administration's efforts on climate change, represented the President in numerous international meetings and negotiations, participated at the highest levels in the development and implementation of energy, clean air and other environmental policy, and advised the President on federal lands and coastal protection policies. Prior to being named Deputy Assistant to the President, Mr. Ballentine was Special Assistant to the President for Legislative Affairs, where he focused on energy and environment issues. Prior to serving in the White House, Roger was a partner at the Washington law firm of Patton, Boggs L.L.P., where he specialized in public policy, judicial reform and election law matters. Mr. Ballentine also was Adjunct Professor of Law at the Georgetown University Law Center, where he taught in the area of electoral and political law. He has also served as Special Counsel to the Democratic Leadership in the House of Representatives for the handling of election challenges, and has been a frequent television and radio commentator on various matters of public interest. LET THEM EAT TWISTED WORDS!!!!! Friday, September 24, 2004
Posted
6:02 PM
by Gene
That's another problem with the Web -- the needles of wisdom sit in a CONagra-sized haystack of dross.
Posted
5:26 PM
by Gene
Posted
2:16 PM
by Gene
Fans of John Williams are up in arms over an apparent glitch in the new Star Wars DVD set in which the left and right channels fed to the rear speakers in surround sound are reversed in the original Star Wars movie (Episode 4). John Takis, who frequently analyzes film scores for Internet groups, points out that the violins can be heard coming from the left surround-sound speakers and the cellos from the left. "It is essentially a 124-minute audio glitch," Takis writes on the John Williams fansite, www.JW-Music.net. "The sound effects are correctly positioned in the surround channels. It's just the music that's backwards." Takis also takes issue with other aspects of the sound mix for the original movie. "Remember the awesome fanfare version of the Force theme that kicks off the Death Star battle?" he writes "Good luck hearing it this time around -- it's virtually inaudible." I'll echo their response: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRGGGGHHHH!!!!!
Posted
2:04 PM
by Gene
Duhh, I don't have the money. I smoked it, duhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.
Posted
12:59 PM
by Gene
"I've had a lot less enjoyment from my gold medal because of this," Hamm says. "I had one day of pure jubilation, the day after the all-around, and then my world fell apart.".... He already has appeared on the Late Show with David Letterman, The Tonight Show with Jay Leno, The View, Today, Good Morning America, the CBS Early Show and CNN. Still waiting in line to get him: Jimmy Kimmel Live, Late Night with Conan O'Brien, Last Call with Carson Daly, Saturday Night Live, Mad TV and ABC's 20/20.... He's accepting motivational speaking engagements at $15,000 a pop. He's OK'ing a walk-on role with Morgan on the new FOX series "Quintuplets." He's getting ready to audition for a Calvin Klein underwear ad. He's on tap with Morgan to meet the Bush twins, Jenna and Barbara. He's mulling book deals — the working title is "My Greek Week." TRANSLATION: WHINY CRYBABY, SHUT UP.
Posted
12:55 PM
by Gene
Posted
12:53 PM
by Gene
DIPPITY-DO!!!!! is not a nice guy. Neither is his wife.
Posted
10:47 AM
by Gene
This is known as SPREADING THE WEALTH.
Posted
9:36 AM
by Gene
Posted
8:16 AM
by Gene
Well, as the PULITZER PRIZE-WINNER WALTER DURANTY would say, NOT THE FIRST TIME. P. S. That punctuation is according to the great theatrical historian Gerald Bordman, who is definitive on such things.
Posted
8:12 AM
by Gene
Thursday, September 23, 2004
Posted
6:23 PM
by Gene
Gladly -- if you ever agree with a fatwa against a novelist. WHOM YOU DON'T MENTION. P. S. (or rather, P. S.!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!): Mansoor Ijaz is a FOX!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!News Channel foreign affairs and terrorism analyst. He joined FOX!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! in December 2001 and contributes to FNC’s prime time and weekend news analysis programs on matters related to terrorism, foreign policy and national security. (RUPERTIAN!!!!!!!!!! overemphasis added.) OH-oh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Posted
5:51 PM
by Gene
It helps too that we get no examples of Christian jokes here, which says in itself this comedy's NOT FUNNY.
Posted
5:18 PM
by Gene
Posted
5:11 PM
by Gene
Kerry was asked about his favorite sports Wednesday by a student reporter for an elementary school in West Palm Beach, Fla. Spencer Snitil, 11, who interviewed the candidate for the school's television station, said Kerry named bicycling, hiking and soccer. Apparently, there was no mention of windsurfing.
Posted
5:05 PM
by Gene
DIP has an answer for that, too: LAW ENFORCEMENT.
Posted
5:03 PM
by Gene
Besides your contempt for the Iraqis.
Posted
1:39 PM
by Gene
Some people can't give up their dreams of univers -- er, WORLD domination, can they.
Posted
11:22 AM
by Gene
Are the media having a nervous breakdown? Never mind that I used the term before she did, so it can't be that original. She continues: [C]yberspace is populated by a coalition of political obsessives and pundits on speed who get it wrong as much as they get it right. It's just that they type so much they are bound to nail a story from time to time. The rapturing about the bloggers is the journalistic equivalent of the stock market's Internet bubble. That second point we'll concede, even though the Internet's still here; but we can't tell the diff between the Web's "political obsessives and pundits on speed" and the pros except the pros obfuscate their shtick with terms like "fairness" and "objectivity." By every conceivable measure DANNO and MARY flunked on both accounts, and a few more besides, and they make more money than an office-building FULL of political obsessives and pundits on speed. And we'll submit DANNO did more drugs for his reporting than have most of the obsessives.
Posted
9:12 AM
by Gene
Posted
9:09 AM
by Gene
Posted
8:52 AM
by Gene
The art world is merely a division of the whole bigmedia-PC-industrial complex, and given such this INFAMOUS fire should be laughed at, the louder and longer the better.
Posted
6:23 AM
by Gene
![]() Who is G000,000,000,000,000GLE's -- MYSTERY FACE? Bob Dylan? Charles Aznavour? WHO?
Posted
6:17 AM
by Gene
This may be the first remotely negative story on this contemptible stunt, further proof in the post-BLATHERGATE era news hacks are a negative force. Wednesday, September 22, 2004
Posted
7:43 PM
by Gene
The page you have tried to reach, /content/news/photos/04/09/17/brainwashedchild.jpg, doesn't exist. MORONS.
Posted
5:32 PM
by Gene
![]() Not the picture -- THE URL. And hold your cursor over the picture and you get the word "shooting" in a box. IDIOTS.
Posted
5:32 PM
by Gene
OR: Richard Maltby, Jr. is a noted director and lyricist, who co-conceived and directed the Tony-winning revues Ain't Misbehavin' and Fosse. He wrote the lyrics for and also directed the musical Baby. Maltby also penned the lyrics for Broadway's Big, Nick & Nora and Miss Saigon and helped rewrite the lyrics for the American bow of Andrew Lloyd Webber's Song and Dance. There's a heckuva lotta mediocrity on that resume if y'ask me. P. S. His father arranged for A-Lawrence A-Welk.
Posted
5:15 PM
by Gene
And I can't link to it because apparently when it changed the post URLs from number-based to word-based G000,000,000,000,000GLEBLOGGER didn't assign one. (On a more positive note, Buckhead also has something to do with it. Go Buckhead!)
Posted
5:04 PM
by Gene
Yeah, just like you were joking about blackmailing Jim Bakker, consorting with prosties, etc., etc., ETC. P. S. Those quote marks were the NY Nooz' idea, and they shouldn't have done it, but they're right -- he is an "evangelist."
Posted
4:56 PM
by Gene
Posted
9:49 AM
by Gene
Answer: Russ Meyer.
Posted
9:37 AM
by Gene
Look at yourself in the mirror lately, DIP?
Posted
9:05 AM
by Gene
"Who else is going to work in an art supply store?" asked Steven Steinberg, the 68-year-old owner. (He, however, is not an artist, he specified: "God, no!") His grandfather, Benjamin Steinberg, an immigrant from Russia, opened the store in 1905, selling secondhand goods, including artists' materials. Mr. Steinberg grew up making bicycle deliveries to steady customers like Franz Kline and de Kooning. "When I was a kid, people actually made careers out of working," he said. "Today, everyone is working hoping to make it big in something else." One suspects today's Rembrandts would be better off working.
Posted
6:55 AM
by Gene
Unfortunately for us, most of them look like Helen Thomas.
Posted
6:39 AM
by Gene
Let's see, core values: unlimited abortion, beat Bush, PC, beat Bush, beat Bush, beat Bush. I think we've got it! I stand corrected: "Gun control, gay marriage and abortion are conspicuously missing." Translation: Unlimited abortion, beat Bush, PC, beat Bush, beat Bush, beat Bush -- in PRIVATE. Sorry MSSSSSSSS. Pelosi, we've still got it. Of course this will happen when you campaign on a RATHER platform. P. S. Hmmmmmmmmmmmmm, didn't see this: But some promises, such as to "guarantee a prescription drug benefit under Medicare" and to "enact middle-class tax relief," may open Democrats to charges that Republicans already have acted. Translation: Anything you can do we can do better. Further translation: Ka-CHINNNNNNNNNG!!!!!
Posted
6:27 AM
by Gene
Posted
6:21 AM
by Gene
He SAYS he condemned 9/11 and the Beslan massacre. We'll take you at your word, FORMER CAT, but we wonder how far it goes. Tuesday, September 21, 2004
Posted
5:19 PM
by Gene
The media played up Richard Lugar's recent remarks about President Bush; will they do the same with his assessment of Senator Kerry?
Posted
5:13 PM
by Gene
Given the vast expanses of junk TV and third-rate papers we finance that is an incredible UNDERSTATEMENT.
Posted
4:57 PM
by Gene
If on the other hand you're all hitting me up because of my brilliant wisdom (pffh-hh-hh), more power to you! P. S. One thing I'm proud of is that 80 percent of my hits come from people with XP and 2000, so I must have a technologically savvy crowd. (Or maybe Bill sold them a lot of computers.) But how to explain why a fifth of them come from Netscape browsers? Go figure.
Posted
1:18 PM
by Gene
Righties will use Rather flap as excuse to boycott big media So THAT'S the new spin, ROMY -- this is all about THE RIGHTIES!!!!! Not about bigmedia telling a fib.
Posted
11:14 AM
by Gene
Posted
6:58 AM
by Gene
He's been debating himself for MONTHS. All that Senate expe -- all that EXPERIENCE.
Posted
6:53 AM
by Gene
Thirty years after Watergate and Tricky Dick's resignation, liberals stand ready to CONDONE CORRUPTION.
Posted
6:49 AM
by Gene
This industry will not learn from experience, and it is willing to put thousands of innocent employees out of work so it can do WHAT IT WANTS TO DO.
Posted
6:20 AM
by Gene
Monday, September 20, 2004
Posted
5:41 PM
by Gene
Yessiree we're living in a PLATINUM AGE OF ENTERTAINMENT!!!!!!!!!!
Posted
5:04 PM
by Gene
That has to be THE WHOLE PARTY. Better ink him in as I-RI. As in IMBECILE.
Posted
1:31 PM
by Gene
Rather this weekend interviewed Bill Burkett, a retired Texas National Guard officials.... Yeah. Him and Jerry Killian.
Posted
1:14 PM
by Gene
SUMNER! I've got a GREAT slogan for you: "You're last to know with CBS NEWS!"
Posted
12:17 PM
by Gene
And WHY IS IT THE HIGHER G000,000,000,000,000GLE'S SHARES GO THE SLOWER G000,000,000,000,000GLEBLOGGER GETS?!?!?
Posted
12:07 PM
by Gene
TRANSLATION: Sorry. Now back to the news.
Posted
12:01 PM
by Gene
We can imagine.
Posted
11:07 AM
by Gene
Sorry for the NEWSMAX!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Posted
10:31 AM
by Gene
And the Emmys didn't do that well either, meaning there are limits to THE GLIBERAL's cheering section.
Posted
10:22 AM
by Gene
True or false: Blogs always tell it straight Sites reflect beliefs and biases of authors And of course NEWS HACKS are NEVER EVER EVER EVER BIASED -- and THEY ALWAYS TELL IT STRAIGHT. IDIOTS!!!!!
Posted
8:22 AM
by Gene
You can go back to sleep now.
Posted
6:29 AM
by Gene
Posted
6:28 AM
by Gene
Let's not hold our breaths for true confession -- especially as LENNY put this on PAGE A14. NEWS HACKS UBER ALLES!!!!!
Posted
6:21 AM
by Gene
If the Devil summoned every last of the hacks to Hell it would not dent the biz' self-esteem. They're used to dealing with him anyway.
Posted
6:19 AM
by Gene
Kerry making scant progress in crucial states More dirty campaigning? Sunday, September 19, 2004
Posted
7:52 PM
by Gene
[The director Charles] Stone [III], who grew up in Philadelphia and is the son of former Daily News columnist Chuck Stone.... Nah, I don't think this had ANYTHING to do with this MASTERWORK gracing the FRONT COVER. DO YOU?!?!? Happily, the public has spoken with a long, loud -- STEEEEEEEEEEEERIKE THREE YERRRRRRRRRRRRRR OUT!!!!!
Posted
5:21 PM
by Gene
Posted
4:02 PM
by Gene
Well, HOWELL may be gone, but he's still dancin' at THE PAPER OF RECORD.
Posted
4:02 PM
by Gene
P. S. Speaking of shares, that the Freepers were gloating over THE GOD selling approximately .17 percent of His VIACON stock (and ZERO of His voting rights) shows they have an occasional tendency to self-delusion.
Posted
1:50 PM
by Gene
How fitting: a chicken company sponsoring chickens.
Posted
1:31 PM
by Gene
Posted
1:23 PM
by Gene
Posted
6:21 AM
by Gene
Free Republic -- aren't those words from the NATIONAL ANTHEM?
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