Posted 8:55 PM by Gene

We are proud to see companies like Bank of America are still able to give OUR largesse to fightin' men, so maybe the situation isn't all that dire.

Posted 8:04 PM by Gene

The mayor of Zanesville, Ohio remarks:

"We're going to do alright," [sic] he says. "We're going to get through this mess."

That is the only thing to say; it is the only thing worth saying.

Posted 6:12 PM by Gene

TRANSLATION: The Lord's decided, well, if we're going to burn all this money on bankers, might as well burn some more on food stamps.

Posted 6:10 PM by Gene

TRANSLATION: Not content to say nothing in as many words as they can, Twitterers have happily discovered they can say nothing in far fewer words.

Posted 1:17 PM by Gene

The leader of Austria's neo-Nazis has died in a car crash, which makes us wonder how history would be different if it had happened to Hitler.

Posted 1:13 PM by Gene

OPEC to IMF: Bearish oil market to persist

I repeat: Why is this not good news?

Some people with economics on the brain will answer: because it means the whole economy is in the tank. But weren't high oil prices a proximate cause of our current mess? And doesn't a sharp decline give business at least some relief in the expense ledger? I repeat again: Why is this not good news?

Posted 11:54 AM by Gene

And North Korea's favorite tyrant returns the favor by saying, "Hi Dubya!"

Posted 10:44 AM by Gene

N. Korea off terror list
Officials say U.S. to drop North Korea from terror blacklist in the latest attempt to salvage a nuclear disarmament deal. [Emphasis added]

Go away, Dubya -- GO AWAY!

Posted 10:20 AM by Gene

Reports to the contrary, it appears the Catholic Church still has a problem with perverts.

Posted 10:16 AM by Gene

We cannot say we are displeased with the notion of Kirk Kevor -- KERKORIAN taking a big hit, but as we said yesterday with SUMNER, when the big boys take a big hit, the little ones may follow.

He took his biggest hit in gamb -- GAMING. Vegas is proving that these days even the house can't win.

P. S. at 1:03 p.m. Sheldon Adelson, too -- and he's having identical problems to SUMNER. But because the gamb -- GAMING biz became a not-too-distant cousin of the housing speculation biz it had to happen.

Posted 10:01 AM by Gene

GM and the Three-Headed Dog's auto outfit have been talking a merger, or at least a swap of assets, the latter especially suggesting rearranging the rubble, though we all hope it's more than that.

P. S. at 6:00 p.m.

Analysts: GM would need cash to acquire Chrysler

Good luck!

Posted 8:17 PM by Gene

Colin Powell calls Sen. Stevens' word 'sterling'

Yep, he's ready for his screen test with The Lord.

Posted 8:15 PM by Gene

Yes, let us keep our fingers crossed that the Lehman auctions aren't as bad as everyone feared.

Posted 7:58 PM by Gene

McCain booed after trying to calm anti-Obama crowd

In the words of Col. Pickering, you did it!

"I don't mean that has to reduce your ferocity," he said. "I just mean to say you have to be respectful."

Hey Boobs! I thought the staff of NRO called you and SARAH!!!!! MAVERICKS!

Posted 7:44 PM by Gene

TRANSLATION: If only WE had ACORN....

We know we shouldn't say that, but dammit, think two words: TRICKY and DICK.

Posted 7:42 PM by Gene

TRANSLATION: Our "allies" will do nothing, so Hank has to buy pieces of banks.

Posted 7:37 PM by Gene

Now that Lord Springer owns among other things the once and briefly recorded...SOUND operations of LEGENDARY WELCH he's talking SYNERGY again.

It's gimmicks like this that tell us that when Wall Streeters have their psychoses mere mortals can only do so much.

We would remind Lord if we could that he just bought out Bertelsmann for only slightly more than it paid LEGENDARY for essentially one-and-a-half labels...twenty-two years ago.

Posted 7:07 PM by Gene

Mark Steyn has won his long battle against the forces of Canadian PC intolerance, and we'd confess we'd be a little happier for him if in that time he hadn't turned into yet another appendage of PILLHEAD.

(Via The Weekly Standard)

Posted 7:02 PM by Gene

I'm not crazy about pork and The Lord knows it would cost, but perhaps He can start a big public-works program that could take care of some of our rotting roads and bridges while keeping Wall Street's psychotics slightly at bay.

But above all, try something.

Posted 6:50 PM by Gene

Perhaps given their blazing incompetence over decades our auto companies deserve to go broke. Do their customers? Do their workers? Do their suppliers? Do the people?

Posted 6:39 PM by Gene

Now this is weird: the PC CEO of PepsiCo is trying to encourage sales of her company's un-PC soft drinks?

I guess caffeine is not enough.

Posted 6:37 PM by Gene

Oil prices plummet, Alaska Air shares soar

Like we said....

Posted 6:32 PM by Gene

Someone named Stephen Elliott sez:

"Literary fiction is character driven, and to write good characters you have to have empathy, and if you have empathy....

YOU'RE A LIBERAL!!!!!" (Liberal overemphasis added)

KLUMPH! KLUMPH! KLUMPH! KLUMPH!

(Via the usual ArtsJournal)

Posted 6:24 PM by Gene

One reason stocks were in the ground beneath the doghouse most of today was because for a time XOM was down about thirteen percent -- because the price of crude has been nearly cut in half.

Why is this not good news?

Posted 6:20 PM by Gene

People must surely be noticing that media stocks are selling at a pitiful pittance these days -- even so we are astonished to learn that SUMNER is selling a sizable portion of His empire to meet loan covenants with their SUMNER-owned parent. On ordinary days we would be happy to see this god suffer but of course He will not be the last one, god or otherwise.

P. S. He also had the outfit He calls "CBS" write down $14 billion in "goodwill." He's becoming expert at this. Let's see: $12 billion + $15 billion + $14 billion = $41 billion in six years. That's a lot of nothing Your companies are worth! No wonder we're talking crisis.

Posted 6:04 PM by Gene

After spending nearly half the afternoon of my day off glued to my computer to see if Wall Street could start a new depression I left my warm apartment, passing the Kimmel Mausoleum as I often do. The Orchestra had just let out and lots of geezers were leaving, and four large vans from senior centers/senior communities/nursing homes were waiting. Later on South Street, passing a former bar that has reinvented itself as a "night club" I saw a bunch of guys with lots of impressive noisemaking equipment of the type Sweetwater sells, with lots of sliding controls and ugly-looking vents, and by golly if they didn't come in four vans identical to the ones at the Mausoleum, only they had no windows.

Further down South Street I passed a couple of empty storefronts, whether from bad mortgages or not I'd never know. but I could suspect. On the South Street pedestrian crosswalk over I-95 I looked at all the traffic going nowhere, and in the distance I spied what looked like a hot-air balloon that slowly morphed into a blimp, and soon after I realized Seligism was having its annual Festival for CEOs, and I thought, how many of those swine in the luxury boxes were friends to the people who mowed Lehman and AIG down, and who insisted on celebrating after doing the deed? How many of them would have hired the young geniuses whose work has brought HYER LURNING into further disrepute? How many of them would help try to shake down new stadiums out of taxpayers in the midst of a deep recession? They can always use Dubya's bailouts as an excuse.

Then I thought back to 1980, when the Phillies won their first Series. I remember there was definitely an electricity in the air. I sense none of that now though perhaps I'm just not noticing. I do know that when Lehman went bust I developed a gloom that hasn't quite lifted since, the sort of gloom I last had after 9/11, that didn't fully lift for almost a year; the unspoken fear that these idiot geniuses and craven frauds are bringing on The Depression to End All Depressions, and though thus far the damage still seems limited to where GREED IS GOOD the contagion slowly spreads each time the BIG C screams of PANIC!!!!! We all hope Wall Street's psychotics can control their urge for social experimentation; we further hope The Messiah can do something, anything; but we know how the hacks have already given Him superhuman powers that in the sunlight seemed all too mortal.

One last question: When The Lord Ascends will Dubya leave Washington under an assumed identity?

Posted 4:01 PM by Gene

Well, today has to count as some sort of moral victory for Wall Street. The problem is, how many more moral victories can we take?

Posted 9:22 AM by Gene

Who wants to bet when Dubya opens his mouth the markets intensify their sell-off?

One would be hard pressed to conceive when we have been less served by a president -- perhaps Nixon fumbling through the White House talking to the portraits in the end days, or Harding worried about his friends, or Wilson invalided by his stroke, or Grant plowed under by corruption, or Andrew Johnson fighting conviction, or Buchanan hiding under his desk after South Carolina seceded. And they had excuses.

P. S. at 10:06 p. m. WHICH IS PRECISELY WHAT HAPPENED.

Posted 9:21 AM by Gene

"Quiet, cautious diplomacy" wins the Dynamite Memorial Good Intentions Prize, so we can forget about laughing until next year.

Posted 7:41 PM by Gene

Technology: Algorithms Can Make You Pretty

I think they tried that on Wall Street, thank you.

Posted 7:27 PM by Gene

Well, look at it this way:

Zimbabwe inflation hits 231 million per cent

The Big Wall Street Casino hasn't threatened us with that -- yet.

Posted 7:18 PM by Gene

Hmmm: Has David Gurgle II pulled a PEGGY?

(Via TNR.com's The Plank)

Posted 6:33 PM by Gene

Elsewhere in a rag that differs only from the dying Playboy in that it doesn't run nudes, but has proven just as good at printing half-witted writing (which, happily for this rag, we suspect goes just as much unread):

He may not be Jack Welch, the best-selling chest-thumper who preceded him, but he knows how to lead and how to get results. His pitch is perfect. The day will come when he is viewed as the prototypical corporate leader for the new century. That day is not here yet, but it will come.

We would guess that day is slowly receding over the financial horizon.

But HEARSTIES are nothing without their fingers in the wind, so we get this cutesy-pie last sentence fragment:

Unless the board fires him first.

Did some anonymous hack catch himself making a boo-boo?

GIVE YOURSELF A DUBIOUS ACHIEVEMENT AWARD!

Posted 6:29 PM by Gene

Halle Berry Is the Sexiest Woman Alive, 2008

TRANSLATION: Halle's career is stuck in neutral, but we're HEARSTIES and we'll do anything to push it.

Posted 6:17 PM by Gene

Elsewhere in the Big Double-A Scribble:

Stars Come Out to Celebrate Macy's Anniversary
Retailer Taps 150 Years of Pop-Culture Integration

Okay Natalie, how did Macy's integrate with pop culture in 1858?

Alas, the Big Double-A Scribble can only go back to 1905 -- and a movie called The Kleptomaniac. (Big Double-A must date it from '06.)

Posted 6:15 PM by Gene

Credit Cards Cut Back on TV Ad Spending
Number of Mortgage Commercials Are Cut Nearly in Half

Wait a second, AdAge! We thought you said companies should advertise more in a downturn!

Posted 6:11 PM by Gene

Oops! Looks like a "bidding" war over Wachovia after all!

Is this where the loser wins, or are both bidders losers?

P. S. on 10/11 at 10:08 a.m. We misinterpreted the news, thanks to typical clear news-hack writing; nonetheless we stand by our judgment.

Posted 6:00 PM by Gene

Loath though we are to praise the overrated TINA!!!!! her new news ? site shows promise, regardless of what Stale.com thinks. It is certainly pleasing to the eye and if we could easily find most of its stuff elsewhere their were a few things we couldn't. For all the talk of the Web's supremacy few sites are really designed with the reader first; LALATimes.com and (yes) Cheapie Marketwatch are sticky precisely because most of their contents are easily reachable on the home page, with the Mess not far behind. A good Web site tries to minimize the scrolling. A better Web site, it goes without saying, tries to maximize the good writing.



By the way, are we the only ones to notice TINA!!!!!'s site's logo similarity to



a certain dying Philadelphia tabloid?

Posted 4:58 PM by Gene

For once, a couple of superdupermegagigabloggers post something useful: a link to this most interesting scholarly article by Prof. Larry Bartels of Princeton suggesting in no uncertain terms the public can sometimes be stupid (or as he wisely puts it, "just human") electing politicians. We still have faith in the public but will easily concede there is no accounting for the bell curve.

Posted 12:11 PM by Gene

And speaking of con-SER-va-tives -- and juxtapositions:

VICTOR DAVIS HANSON: Our grandparents turned out to be right: save your money, and don’t borrow what you can’t repay. “Wall Street 101”10/09 12:00 AM

LARRY KUDLOW: Why aren’t the presidential contenders trying to connect to investors? More glaringly, why isn’t McCain? “Will McCain Make the Investor Connection?” 10/08 3:51 PM

Posted 11:52 AM by Gene

There is some debate in the con-SER-va-tive world whether HISTORY'S GREATEST SATIRIC NOVELIST is joining The Lord's church, but anybody who can support God, RUDY!!!!! and RON!!!!! PAUL!!!!!!!!!! in the same election cycle is -- flexible.

Posted 11:34 AM by Gene

And speaking of the Dynamite Memorials we are sorry to hear the snobs have again punished America's literature for being too provincial. To which we'd respond: how many people read your prize winners?

Then again, who get much pleasure out of reading "literature" these days, whatever its source?

P. S. at 6:55 p.m. The new laureate reads his royalty statements.

Posted 11:29 AM by Gene

AMERICA'S GREATEST EX-PRESIDENT is about to bring peace to Cyprus, or so his flacks intimate; but meantime we checked out his rock group The Elders and found Kofi "Food for Oil" Annan and Mary "Durban" Robinson in the band, and its concertizing is bankrolled by the likes of the great cinema crea-TOR Jeff "Rhymes With" Skoll and The United Nations Foundation. Cyprus has been divided long enough, but professional do-gooders have longer given peace a bad name.

Posted 9:16 AM by Gene

Men may have "large-life stories" and still be small.

Perhaps given the too-many stories like these my notion that "COMEDY" CENTRAL will conduct a joint press conference in 2012 will come true after all.

Posted 6:17 PM by Gene

The GOOD news; IBM shares will go BONKERS tomorrow!

The indifferent news: Walgreen finds there are limits to being America's only drugstore chain. We're rooting for ya, CVS!

The BAD news: Some prominent financial firms are selling stock to raise money.

Posted 5:38 PM by Gene

Given time and far more knowledge of politics than we can ever have we could think up a few DUMB things The Messiah's Acolytes can do if they want to wear out His welcome. The first (and already mentioned elsewhere) is to put Dubya's cabinet on trial for its politics. The Dems obviously have a huge appetite for revenge and they intend to sate it. Whether it is worth bringing on The Lord's equivalent of gay rights in the military is another story. Second is gay marriage. This would seem less tenable if its opponents win in California, but there can be no stopping people who are right. Third are various politically correct stratagems like speech codes or racial quotas. These can be done far more stealthily, and for that they could turn into explosive embarrassments. We also yearn to see how gung-ho the Acolytes will be on abortion, and we think it will be very -- until somebody else has a cow. Don't forget the possibility some awful crime will bring on gun-control legislation which can see The Lord having it both ways.

We have mentioned neither international affairs nor the economy as Dubya has spent a lot of money and flipflopped, and think God will do much the same.

Of course He will pick a token Republican for His cabinet, and we will know if He passes the test if it turns out to be another Bill "The Novelist" Cohen. Which is why there MUST be a place for Sen. Hole-in-the-Bagel (probably at Foggy Bottom) -- or Gen. Fogbound. (How about a second stint heading the NSC? Leak! Leak!)

Prediction: If it's Hole he eventually resigns under fire for something related to Iran.

Of course the Lord could surprise and choose mostly people we've never heard of, but remember: they won't have that luxury for long.

One other thing: Could His Acolytes try to force a resignation among the Nine Fingers?

Posted 5:31 PM by Gene

We wonder if Brooksy is turning into a slightly more acidic version of David Gurgle. Don't get us wrong; we too believe SARAH!!!!! is basically an airhead (Brooksy puts it more politely), and we can understand why he likes The Lord; if we were voting for personalities and not on politics He'd win in a landslide, and justly so. Indeed what worries us about The Lord is not Him, but His Acolytes, who in time can be counted to do something STOOPID.

But back to Brooksy. There is a fine line between letting both sides have it and merely being muddled. Too few pundits can navigate it. Brooksy wants to be the honest broker, but we wonder if in time the great perks of being a zillionaire pundit and having all that face time can't dumb him down into a Gurgle muddle. Given he's The Paper of Re-CORD's token conservative the pressures on him must be tremendous. After all, David Gurgle was also a "Republican", albeit of the Mr. Viagra kind, and he was very malleable.

(Via, oh well, The Corner)

Posted 5:17 PM by Gene

Hugh Hewitt's How Sarah Palin Won the Election... And Saved America Does Not As Yet Have a Publisher

Hmmm, I wonder why? Two reasons, perhaps: 1. Publishers have a rooting interest in someone who isn't female; and, more germane, 2. Hugh is a JACKASS.

Posted 2:56 PM by Gene

TRANSLATION: If California, Florida, Texas and Arizona could secede from the Union we wouldn't have a mortgage crisis!

Posted 2:17 PM by Gene

Pray!

Posted 1:00 PM by Gene

NRO makes an astonishing admission about HISTORY'S GREATEST SATIRIC NOVELIST:

Christopher Buckley: Once a Speechwriter, Always a Speechwriter

Posted 12:16 PM by Gene

We always say the press deserves its current business comeuppance, and then we hear PAPEROFRECORDCO is shutting down the International Herald Tribune's Web site, and we're not so sure.

Posted 9:15 AM by Gene

Marty says The Lord may have made a deal with Sen. HEIN-TZZZZZZZZZZZZZ to send him to Foggy Bottom. That would be bad because 1. It shows The Lord is a Chicago hack and 2. It shows other people might try to run His administration.

Well, at least NUKEMAN can admire his hair.

Posted 8:39 AM by Gene

It also appears both these bozos are clueless on the economy. But since when should we expect them to know anything -- even if one of their ilk can speak in "complete sentences"?

Posted 8:35 AM by Gene

I did not attend to the latest mutual press conference, but The Paper of Re-CORD reports both participants were "subdued". They had reasons.

In The Cute Little Pink Paper the knee-jerk Steve (or rather his editors) called it "stifling". What is the point of these bore-a-thons?

Posted 8:24 AM by Gene

In a mutually fatuous applause line The Messiah and Boobs endorsed ST. WARREN for the Treasury. This is a bad idea because 1. His Holiness got His financial acumen from investing in 1965. In how many financial ads have we seen, "Past performance is not a guarantee of future performance"? 2. All His investments would pose a huge conflict-of-interest problem. How would He sequester His assets? 3. Just because a man's a Richie Rich wouldn't make him good at Treasury. Look at the sad last years of Andrew Mellon. 4. His Holiness is 78, and though it is not clear if He is mortal, He is old even for a God. 5. Right now the financial center of gravity is at the Fed, and we can only hope Ben accrued the right lessons from all his Depression studies.

Posted 9:51 PM by Gene

I don't know whether Timothy Noah, who can be a lockstep partisan, was trying to tweak conservatives, but I got a few laughs out of his lines from a resurgent Democratic ruling class. If they seem exaggerated, they're still not far from the truth.

Posted 7:56 PM by Gene

Hyundai's executives have decided: now it's THEIR turn to hector their subordinates by being preening peacocks at the Os-CARS® -- to which Rance's AdAgers add this fervent prayer:

Hyundai's timing may be just right: Despite a rotten economy and lowest-ever ratings last year, Oscar's ratings next year may well be resurrected by a man who won't be able to attend the event at all: Heath Ledger. Warner Bros. will re-release "The Dark Knight" -- already the second-highest-grossing film ever -- in January, a move needed to qualify it for both a Best Picture nomination and, insiders say, a likely Best Supporting Actor nomination for Mr. Ledger, who passed away last spring from an accidental prescription drug overdose.

Nominations in either category could drive up Oscar ratings substantially, said Geri Wang, senior VP-primetime sales at ABC. And in any event, the Academy's planned retrospective montage honoring the late Mr. Ledger will also likely be a draw, even if he or the film doesn't get any nominations.

Please, pretty please, pretty pretty please -- let Hyundai get the maximum from its preening!

Posted 6:03 PM by Gene

Today after having waited patiently for five months I got my BD copy of Sleeping Beauty for the player I'll probably get months from now (along with a BD copy of How the West Was Won -- the one with the Cinerama "smilebox"), and ESPNCORP packaged it in a holograph-redolent reflective slipcase that no matter how you hold reflects back twenty of you -- and I'd rather not have to look at twenty of me on the best days. Oh well, I guess it's all about the marketing -- and the ESP is all marketing. Way to go UB! Now to wait for the players to go below $200, however many eons that takes.

And to get an HD set.

P. S. One really nice touch: ESP added a bonus SD disc. Next on the BD docket: Pinocchio next spring, followed by Snow White in the fall, it says here.

Posted 5:55 PM by Gene

That the Today show has turned Cramer into some percolating sage of financial wisdom during the country's increasingly frightening economic meltdown is grounds for journalistic malpractice charges, anyway. Cramer's unbridled enthusiasm and shoot-from-the-hip style is tailor-made for hyping empty trends and mistaking momentary blips for larger movements. It's as if one of those hyperventilating adrenaline junkies on the stock exchange floor were given his own cable show and space on America's most-watched morning program.

Cramer's squirming today just exemplifies a problem many TV business analysts face every time a big economic bubble bursts. Hobbled by past cheerleading and missed calls, it's tough to take their reporting seriously as conditions deteriorate; if they couldn't catch these problems before they became big news -- and built big audiences riding the same wave that made millions for their CEO pals -- why should anyone trust their analysis now?

AS WE SAID....

(Via Reuters.com)

Posted 5:54 PM by Gene

But Jack, isn't the news biz' whole point to start bogus trends?

(Via the usual Romy)

Posted 5:43 PM by Gene

Congress scolds former AIG executives over crisis

TRANSLATION: Democrats showboated; Republicans kept silent.

Not that the execs needed any help looking bad.

Posted 5:33 PM by Gene

If The Messiah wants to prolong His honeymoon with the hacks what He should do is kick off His Ascension -- er, Inauguration with a national [C]RAP "concert" on the Ellipse and make the main Investiture -- er, Inaugural Ball full of [C]RAP. We would suggest He go one step further: instead of the Marine Corps Band or whoever plays at the inauguration let BRUCE do it. We're sure The Lord's army of Stephanopouloses has already gotten the RIAA to approve the proceedings. We're talking GENIUS, Lord! DO IT!

The whole Inaugural shebang will be so ultra-Hollywood it will really make us remember how good it was -- a long time ago.

Just for the record, SARAH!!!!! would have that sap who sings "AH'M PRAAAAAAYOUD T'BE A CAAAAAAAAAAAAYN!! AMERICAAAAAAAAAAAAYN!!!!!"

I HATE ROTTEN "MUSIC" WHATEVER ITS POLITICS!

Posted 5:32 PM by Gene

China's foreign ministry suggested Tuesday that it hopes Chinese human rights activists will not win this year's Nobel Peace Prize, saying the award should go to the "right people."

Does the Good Intentions Board have guts? Naaaaah.

Posted 3:22 PM by Gene

Well!

Consumers pay down debt for first time in 10 years
Outstanding debt falls by record $7.5 billion in August, Fed says

So John Q. Public shows more sense than the Wall Street psychotics as usual.

Posted 1:34 PM by Gene

This IS Daniel Gross, who has become to Stale.com what Jonny Hairshirt is to Cheapie Marketwatch, and this IS Obama.c -- ZEITGEIST.com, but lately a lot of the people who called Mr. Zucker's failed lecture HILARIOUS!!!!!!!!!! have blamed the poor for the credit debacle. A few more gaseous expulsions like that and people should never take con-SER-va-tives seriously again.

Posted 1:28 PM by Gene

Let's hope this Leon Cooperman is right, for as I've said before, the Big Wall Street Casino gets a vicarious thrill staging panics, and unfortunately the Carnacs have been proven wrong before here.

Posted 1:13 PM by Gene

Here's Mr. Frum, a conservative Republican -- an NRO presence, yet -- who thinks Republicans all but deserve to lose this one. When will the GOP nose-in-the-airs get it in their pea brains that their slavish devotion to the hyperrich has become a fatal flaw in the voting booth?

Posted 1:07 PM by Gene

IMBECILES: The rules for Mickey D's latest IDIOTIC Monopoly® game take up 11,435 WORDS. Copied into MS Word at the default Times New Roman size 12 font they take up 22 PAGES.

Yesterday the Mick hit a four-month low. Why can't it suffer from the same shareholder dismissal as G000,000GLE and STEVEDOM?

Companies like the Mick, and venal incompetents like His Royal Highness the Deposed Sun King Richard, explain why Corporate America deserves a crash.

Posted 10:21 AM by Gene

There'll ALWAYS be an England:

Charles and Camilla will tour
Couple to visit the Far East despite concerns about the credit crisis.

Posted 9:57 AM by Gene

Ask Natalie Portman about her love life, and she'll shut you down. But mention microfinance, and she'll gab for hours. [Home-page blurb]

TRANSLATION: 1. I think I liked it better when ac-TORS weren't policy experts. 2. USAOKAY!!!!! has found a new way to do favors for its friends.

Posted 9:46 AM by Gene

Prof. Gelernter, for whom we have great respect, has suggested ten talking points for Boobs McKeating -- and alas, here is number eight:

8. I picked Sarah Palin because our country needs young leaders who don't just talk; who act.

Unfortunately it appears Boobs chose SARAH!!!!! precisely because she could talk.

Posted 9:43 AM by Gene

The report lists a series of violent incidents that have occurred this year at the Strip's House of Blues:

* Feb. 27: Patron hit in the face at concert.

* March 23: Large crowd fighting in driveway.

* March 28: Several persons involved in fight. Security requests deputies' assistance to prevent fight from escalating.

* April 26: Deputies called to location. Windows open and loud concert music being played into neighborhood.

* May 23: Fighting in top parking lot.

* June 21: Six men trying to fight with security in nearby driveway.

* June 26: Male in and out of consciousness at venue. Fire rescue unit required.

* June 30: About 50 people fighting at the club.

* July 7: About 200 people from concert in front of club and people getting into fights.

* July 15: Female in and out of consciousness at location. Fire rescue unit required.

* Aug. 5: Man had chair thrown at him in club.

* Sept. 4: More than 100 people were involved in fights both inside and outside. Several people were arrested. One woman was hospitalized. Helicopters were dispatched to monitor the area until 1 a.m. The Sunset Strip shut down for several hours.

Sounds like my kind of place! PFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFT!

Posted 9:16 AM by Gene

Now the Feds will buy up commercial debt.

Let's hope they know what they're doing....

Posted 9:07 AM by Gene

And elsewhere in TNR, a land that often demonstrates it is but the (to use that overworked expression) separated-at-birth twin of NRO:

Bruuuuuce! The Bush Years Have Made Obama's Newest Surrogate--And The Head Of The Mighty E Street Band--An Angrier Musician.
by Reverend Jeffrey B. Symynkywicz

OR:

When he came to the First Parish Universalist Church in Stoughton 14 years ago, the Rev. Jeffrey B. Symynkywicz told his congregation he would be talking about “The Boss” a great deal in his sermons.

Church members had no idea that Symynkywicz was talking about musical legend Bruce Springsteen.

Never mind.

Posted 8:54 AM by Gene

Meantime Marty Peretz reminds us the S&P 500 has nearly halved itself from 2000 adjusted for inflation, which suggests a lot of people don't want to buy a lot of stocks, whatever the sexiness of G000,000GLE and STEVEDOM, or whatever GEKKO KUDLOW said about GOLDILOCKS.

Posted 8:44 AM by Gene

Now we are forced to pay attention to Iceland, of all places, because its banks went on a buying binge, and they bought properties in England, and one ran a popular Internet bank there, and the country's financial "assets" are nine times its GDP, and it got caught up in the panic like everyone else, and Russia's extended it a loan to stabilize its currency. A lot of bankers do seem to want to burn money, don't they.

Posted 5:24 PM by Gene

Two more things about the stock market: how far would the markets not have fallen but for the shameful MASSACRE RALLY? We make a big thing of it because its timing was so horrendous and its outcome so obtuse. And now that G000,000GLE and STEVEDOM have lost over half their inflated stock value we can ask what the wizards and their algorithms weren't thinking.

Posted 5:23 PM by Gene

We wonder whether Dubya's been tempted to take the rest of his time in office off, but then the way he's governed we'd say he's taken the last several years off.

Posted 5:18 PM by Gene

Well! That's a little better!

Posted 5:16 PM by Gene

It's worth a try but we suspect this much vaunted Ford innovation probably won't work that well as we can guess how many teenage auto accidents occur at under 80 mph.

Posted 5:12 PM by Gene

Of course The Messiah's non-pastor and his philosophical non-mentor are fair game, especially so as they symbolize all too well the Democratic Party at its worst -- but when PILLHEADS AND PALINS are through they end up throwing the scorn back in their own faces and working the press into a righteous lather of election rigging.

Posted 5:03 PM by Gene

"These are the most difficult times for financial institutions that I have experienced in my 39 years in banking."

That means Ken Lewis of BofA started in '69 and was presumably just a junior exec during the '73 recession, and he probably vaguely remembers that, and he may have glanced off the '81 model too. Not to sugar coat the present mess but we wonder what the real old timers would know, and whether they might find some people guilty of self-fulfilling hyperbole.

Posted 4:56 PM by Gene

Half of mammals are in decline, study finds

Stories like this turn off our brains thanks to Groucho's alleged maxim (with a good dose of Mencken) that "politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly and applying the wrong remedies." Of course that can apply to the Wall Street giveaway as much as to wildlife, but because politics at its root is what's in it for me it colors even the most innocent appeal with a sickly jaundiced yellow. Obviously we hope someone will tend to the world's wildlife, but we also know what it would cost.

Posted 4:51 PM by Gene

You wonder how much stocks would have declined today without what I call public-interest investors -- the bigwigs who make carefully timed purchases in the belief they can stop the deluge. If it wasn't investors it was the not-too-distant cousins of the algorithms that got us into this mess in the first place. Let us hope we do not become too reliant on charity investors and algorithms these next few months.

Posted 1:21 PM by Gene

"I'd rather call it a 'rescue' than a 'bailout,'" she said, later declaring that for Wall Street firms that want to privatize the gain but hand the bill for the risk to the government, "That party is over."

Au contraire, Speaker Babs. That party is just beginning.

Posted 8:39 AM by Gene

If you're doing okay economically why should you let others talk you into believing you're suffering?

But this is what makes recessions so deadly: most of the harm is talk.

Posted 8:36 AM by Gene

AD AGE'S RAG OF THE YEAR!!!!! says "hidden" subscriptions are a great new business model for the recorded...sound industry!

Unfortunately, you can't hide the same old rancid tunes.

Posted 8:34 AM by Gene

Does the world really need another news aggregator?

Good question -- TINA.

On the other hand we made fun of Arianna and look where she's gotten with her free help.

Posted 8:23 AM by Gene

[T]he Corporate Library, a governance research firm, reports that at least 62 CEOs have so far pledged that if they have to cut their fellow managers' pay, they'll be sure to cut their own, too.

Who wants to bet their pay still goes up?

Posted 8:22 AM by Gene

Nineteen trading days left in October, sighhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.

Posted 9:46 PM by Gene

Something else people can't do well these days: emcee game shows.

“All the great TV game show hosts of the ’50s and ’60s — Monty Hall, Gene Rayburn, Bill Cullen, Garry Moore, Bob Eubanks, Tom Kennedy — they all got their starts in radio,” said Fred Wostbrock, co-author of “The Encyclopedia of TV Game Shows.” “They were tremendous communicators. They were skilled ad-libbers.”

We're guessing they all got their start in radio because when they started all there was was radio. Anyone for shock jocks?

Posted 8:22 PM by Gene

Could the credit mess finally bring on the one-nation state Europe's been threatening for a while?

Posted 8:15 PM by Gene

Poor OJ: he's being isolated "for his own safety."

He should have thought of that before he committed...robbery.

Posted 8:13 PM by Gene

Jonny Cohn proposes The Lord go on a "spending binge"!

Oh well, it won't be all that different from our current whatsisname.

Posted 8:00 PM by Gene

Two more bailouts.

And:

The S&P 500, down 25 percent in 2008, still trades for 20.9 times profit from the past four quarters. Only four of 48 developed and emerging nations tracked by MSCI Inc. -- Switzerland, Jordan, Colombia and Morocco -- have a higher price- earnings ratio, according to data compiled by Bloomberg.

I suppose that means Wall Street has a few mind games left to play with us.

Posted 5:04 PM by Gene

If it's Sunday it must be Big Double-A Scribble Time:

1. While we're pleased that The American Society of Willfully Ignorant Advertisers has finally gotten the news that people may not be watching as much network brain rot as they used to, this story cuts both ways -- for, let's face it, declining ad spending does reflect a declining economy. On the other hand, declining network ad spending may also reflect that that The American Society of Willfully Ignorant Advertisers has finally gotten the news about network TV.

2. And the boob screen's most devoted followers are getting a message too: TV, whatever the ad-blurbists say, may not be getting better.

3. P&G takes over Seligism!

Who needs it?

4. Even supermarket retailer Kroger Co. saw same-store sales grow 5% in August. Kroger Chairman-CEO David Dillon said on a Sept. 16 conference call that Kroger's year-over-year product-cost inflation was 4.9%, accounting for almost all that gain.

TRANSLATION: It pays to overcharge!

Posted 5:00 PM by Gene

This sad story reminds us that the credit disaster is more than arcane terms, or number crunching, or finger pointing.

Posted 4:44 PM by Gene

And one way to know the intentions of the two lunkheads at the tops of the tickets: ask them for a few choices for their cabinet.

Of course they won't answer, but they should, if for nothing else than to put us turnips at ease.

Posted 4:40 PM by Gene

Did anyone notice several days ago that THE GOLFING MACHINE said he'll be MIA for a while longer?

Between that and all its sponsors going kerplunk could anyone think of a better outcome for golf, and the CEOs who practice it from the sand traps?

Oh wait, I forgot -- the CEOs will probably earn more as business goes in the tank. Golf stays.

Posted 4:38 PM by Gene

The EDWARD R. MURROW and ERIC SEVAREID OF COMEDY have already shown themselves at a loss of jokewriters' words over The Lord. What if He wins? Is this THE END OF COMEDY AS WE KNOW IT? Pfffffffffffffffft!

Posted 4:36 PM by Gene

Dubai unveils plan for new world's highest skyscraper

TRANSLATION: The credit crunch and the OIL MARKETS say, we'll see about that!

OF COURSE this is from the ASSPress, which has run more press releases for Dubai's Realtors® than any other news organization.

Posted 3:10 PM by Gene

One reason the Twentieth Amendment moved the Presidential swearing-in up about a month-and-a-half was the Depression. Despite the current crisis one could say it long ago served its purpose; with government vastly more complex now a new president needs time to select cabinet members and lots of other officials lower down. Anyone for repealing Section 1 of the Twentieth Amendment?

Posted 2:48 PM by Gene

59% Would Vote to Replace Entire Congress

This is a useless and annoying story, and even the folks at Rasmussen Reports admit to it, as incumbency torpor always kicks in -- and we don't vote for 535 members of Congress on one ballot.

Posted 2:38 PM by Gene

JonnyBoy, be honest for once -- make THIS the year you endorse a presidential candidate!

And what makes this professorial equivalent of a stopped clock worth reading?

P. S.

Barack Obama is not the Messiah....

Why do I think JonnyBoy had a nice little private chuckle while idly typing this?

WPO at an eleven-year low -- DESPITE ST. WARREN, and being an EHDYUKAYSHUNAL company.

Posted 2:34 PM by Gene

I know, I KNOW, it's your business to plug properties -- it's ALWAYS been your business to plug properties -- but why should I get as press-agently excited as you over feature-length music videos?

Posted 2:26 PM by Gene

TRANSLATION: Because news hacks obsessively decline to report the news fairly, and because SARAH!!!!! is a grating airhead with a PILLHEADIAN spirit, the hacks can dance on their desks again.

Posted 2:17 PM by Gene

[C]RAP, grunge (or should I say grungy), third-tier acts of all types, and maybe (keep our fingers crossed) lots and lots of TV tapings: that's the future of Hollywood's (and CHEAP CHANNEL JR.'s) beautifully refurbished Palladium -- NOT Tommy Dorsey and "a skinny 24-year-old crooner named Frank Sinatra."

I HATE this age!

Posted 10:39 AM by Gene

``Next week's hearings are all about rich people getting money,'' Issa, a Waxman critic, said in an interview on Oct. 3. ``Henry Waxman hates rich people.''

And Republicans LOVE them, which is why you and your cohorts may be in the minority for a long, long time.

Posted 10:02 AM by Gene

Elsewhere in The Paper of Re-CORD II:

OPINIONS
Our Town
Leonard Downie Jr.: Politicians run against it. Tycoons sneer at it. But I'll stick up for Washington. [Home-page squib]

You would, Lenny. Can't you go into retirement quietly?

Posted 10:01 AM by Gene

MB2 says Boobs McKeating's better than TR?

What's come over him?

Posted 9:47 AM by Gene

Officials say Taliban mad over alleged US strike

Ooooh, and how mad is that? Does that mean they declare a million fatwas? Does it mean they coax Elvis out of his permanent hiding to issue another video?



Does it mean mad like Yosemite Sam?